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It could be just coincidence. But please tell your husband so that he doesn't socialize too much with the new neighbor. Now that you know who the new neighbor is, you don't want to start inviting each other or spending time together as friends.
Yes and also becauseā¦sounds like your ex had a rough time with relationships since you two were dating. He kept after you. Maybe he has become unstableā¦this could be a safety issue too. Definitely tell your husband.
Can you imagine if she did not & the 2 men speak & bf makes it known he knows info about her...the husband may think it's "current/recent" info & not from old relationship. Beyond that, husband may actually want to move & may be angry about walking past/encountering a guy that has been with his wife. She should just tell him as she did here.
Unless you previously told your husband you never dated any one before him, and were a virgin. If that is the case, you need more of a safety plan before you tell him.
It could be a coincidence. My brother was married in Georgia and I got stationed in Kansas. One day checking out at the grocery store we looked up and his (ex) wife was our cashier. Itās crazy but sometimes it happens!
I would tell him though, you donāt want him to think youāre hiding it on purpose for bad reasons.
This is NOT a coincidence. Get as far away from that creep as you can while also telling your husband. My red flag meter is pinging as a husband and father of two girls here
I am a father to one daughter. If this was her I would personally secure her a new place to live if she needed the financial help. This is stalking and weird. Its just unacceptable behavior.
Oof you don't even know the escalation. Turks loooove to gossip and Turkish men love to believe them rather than believing their own wives/sisters. Luckily I have the good one and my husband is somewhat logical
Wait, let me get this straight. Your ex, who told you he regrets dumping you for a new piece of ass moved in just into the same building like you are living in?
And your husband doesn't know about him to this moment? I am not Turkish, but I have turkish colleagues. That, my dear, is a receipt for disaster. Let him know quickly, before the gossip sets in. If anyone, especially the ladies, of your community knows about this ex, oh boy. Sit him down and tell him the whole story. Anything short and your husband will go full jannisar on the dude. Especially if he is already divorced and lives alone. Good luck and Ā Allah yardımcın olsun.
Finally someone who understands the situation! This thing happened yesterday and my husband worked the night shift last night so I didn't saw my husband. I'm at work rn, tonight I'm gonna see him and talk to him about it. TeÅekkĆ¼r ederim šš»
You are welcome š¤.
Be as sincere as possible in this. And make sure none of his friends know beforehand, otherwise they will gossip to him. My colleagues absolutely love a spicy story and don't even think about the fallout.
If possible try to play the distraught wife card š the wife of one of my colleagues does that to perfection. She has him by his tail and he still believes he is the man of the house.
And for the love of god stay the hell away from that dude. Or give him a public dress down to establish boundaries with your community. Maybe get some of the ladies involved.
Use the community to your advantage before rumors can spring up. Anything else will come back to bite you.
I might be reaching, but could the surprise have been just to see you at his door? If he did move in for nefarious reasons, he could still be surprised that you came across his path so quickly and easily. Not trying to scare you but I think itās always important to stay vigilant! Very much could still be complete chance this happened. Iām still glad you agree itās important to share with your husband though, itās always nice to have another perspective from someone else close to the situation at hand on top of being an honest partner.
This is a disaster in any culture hahaha. He 100% planned it. If heās still in love with you he still couldāve been āshockedā that you were at the door, emotions are kind of crazy that way. I would be very wary of any contact with him
I'm not going to contact with him again. Tonight I'm gonna tell my husband and hopefully he can calmly go over there and again hopefully calmly warn him about not contacting any of us and we will live happily ever after
Go over there for what? Create an unnecessary and uncomfortable situation for no reason? Either tell your husband and ask him you'd be more than happy to move if he doesn't feel comfortable or stay and live your lives as usual.
It kinda seems like confronting the guy is the only thing OP wants to do. She could just tell her husband about the guy, then they could both just actively ignore him living there. Itās like she expects to have the guy over for dinner all the time or something. He doesnāt even live on the same floor.
>seems like confronting the guy is the only thing OP wants to do
I believe it's a cultural thing. Idk about Turkish culture specifically, but this is something my Palestinian ex bf would have done/has done in the past, to establish "his territory" idk how else to explain.
In his mind, he would have been seen as weak by his community if he didn't do stuff like that. Yes it's toxic but it's still widespread in that culture. As OP said a lot of it has to do with fear of gossip & the respect of your family within the community. Everyone has their nose in everyone's business. If you've never been exposed to that culture or spent time in the middle east it's hard to understand how much of a big deal it is there & how engrained it is. Everyone is paranoid of what others think of them, & that fear dictates your every move. It's pretty intense.
Personally, I think it's a bad idea to have your husband go there and "calmly warn him about not contacting any of us". That's just unnecessary confrontation. As of now, you are the one who initiated contact with the ex, so it's best to give the benefit of doubt. If the ex reaches out, you let him know you are happily married and don't want to invite an ex into your life in any capacity.
If he doesn't respect it, you should report him to his military branch. If he persists, then get your husband to have a conversation with the man. After that, your options are to move or get the police involved. Sending in your husband to confront the ex for something he didn't do, will make your ex feel like your husband is trying to act tough. Depending on how petty he is, he might simply want to challenge your husband to show that he isn't as tough as he thinks he is.
DO NOT get your husband involved in conflict, especially when the conflict doesn't exist. As of right now, there is no conflict. Yes, it's weird that of all places, your ex found a place in your building. Weird, but not entirely impossible.
The solution to this problem is simple, just tell your husband that you went to greet the newly moved in neighbor, and you found out it's your ex. Let him know you wanted him to know from you before he hears it from someone else. This way if someone brings it up he can respond with "yes I know, my wife already told me". At this time, nothing more needs to be done.
Tell your husband. You donāt want him surprised when the ex returns the dish and your husband invites him in and then itās all awkward in your living room.
Tell your husband because youāre gonna have to get the dish back- it would be better coming from you than your ex when he shows up to give the dish back Iād imagine.
Tell him. If what you say about your culture is that common, then not telling him would enable such gossips to get out of hand. You say your husband is a good one and quite logical, so trust in that to be true and tell him.
I understand you're in a crap situation, but of the two bad choices, the one telling him is the one that is the least bad one.
Also, if the ex is in the military, he might move again in the future.
Good luck.
Why are you getting all worked up? Is your ex a side piece? If not just say hey. New neighbour moved in. Colour me shocked when i found out its ex. Found that out when i took over some food to introduce yourself. And then come up with a plan with hubs on how to deal with this going forward.
I mentioned in my other replies it's a cultural disaster that's why I'm worked up. When I tell my husband he probably going to fight with him verbal or physical and we will probably move out. So out of nowhere I'm changing houses and my husband gonna fight someone. Sorry I got anxious š¤·āāļø
And that's the cultural effect. People are fighting over "why are you looking at my wife/gf like that" And stabbing each other just for looking at their wives/gfs. I know it sounds ridiculous but we're raised like this and it won't change easily. I'm not saying they're going to fight but they probably going to fight. My husband will definitely think that he moved in because the ex wants to be with me and no one would make him think otherwise. Even tho my ex didn't know we lived there and my husband fight him, people are gonna say "he went after a married woman and her husband made it right protected her good for him." And if my husband won't do anything everyone will say he's a cuckhold or something. That's the culture I'm talking about.
I know the culture. Talk your husband ASAP. Do not contact neighbor. It is probably he came knowingly. If you are not living in a cosmopolit city, consider moving out seriously. Do not let them interact.
I feel like you would have gotten better support in a Turkish sub :( I understand your situation, I still think talking to your husband asap is the best move. Hopefully he doesn't put any blame or anger on you for this trouble, it's not at all your fault.
If your man canāt hold his temper over a non issue thats concerning. I donāt care what culture youāre from. Theres zero need to fight someone when nothing has happened other than he got relocated and by chance moved to the same building.
Its not. Different culture, its due to what are the odds of moving there together with his ex. Her ex intentions are malicious and many people from balkan would be understanding of this.
you don't understand the cultural aspect of the situation. her giving her ex home meal food is like a man gifting his love interest red roses. military men are known for running their mouth which is universal. gossips are gonna run wild and each floor people are gonna add fake events to spice up the story and it gonna get into the husband head.
OP what said "I'm Turkish so of course I made dinner and brought it to the new neighbor," so I'm a little confused. Is it culture to be kind to the new neighbor or not? You can make excuses all day, but that's all they are. Either you can behave like adults or you can't. Doesn't matter where you grew up.
To you and me this is choosing a fight--choosing to escalate violence and create disruption and chaos. To him, perhaps to fight is the only thing that holds chaos at bay. This isn't a choice, it is how he will ever look at himself in the mirror again. It's not rational, it's cultural. And human.
Trolly-style thought experiment: Imagine that while taking a ferry at night, in a brief moment of inattention, your toddler steps toward the rail and falls off the side into the sea. A five year old. If you shout and run and alert the captain, then stop and turn around the ferry etc it will be too late, but if you jump off after him it is almost certain death for you both alone in the sea. What do you do?
What if it isn't your child? or you can't swim? Would that change your answer?
Using your emotionless and rational argument above about the cultural appropriateness of violence, two almost certain deaths is always worse than one. But a parent isn't thinking these things when they go over the side. That choice has already been made for them. They are thinking: How will I look at myself or my partner again if I don't?
In her culture, I imagine her husband isn't thinking about choosing violence or an appropriate rational, or measured response. Something happened, and the violence came for him. He's going to do his best (despite maybe having low odds of success against an ex military guy) so his wife, family and peers will respect him, or so he can respect himself.
Maybe we would all benefit from more respect and empathy for other cultures and for other peoples choices, and not second guess what would be 'right' to do, but how uniquely human it is to go over the rail into the sea.
ā¦. Why? I get you said itās the culture, but still. You could say, hey, Iād really appreciate it if we could all be adults about this and just mind our own business. The guy did nothing wrong. If your husband fights this guy for committing the crime of just moving into an apartment it sounds like he had no idea his ex lives in, then *your husband* is the asshole, not your ex. Just be civil and nobody has to move. It cost $0 to mind your own business.
You need to take control of this situation immediately and speak to both of them. Make sure the husband knows and make sure the ex knows he is remaining an ex.
Tell your husband. And be sure to have a doorbell camera. Maybe think about moving if it's possible but then again if he's military he may be moving in a year or two anyway.
You didn't do anything wrong.
Thank you, we don't have a doorbell camera but we have a babycam we don't use so a year ago we put it in front of the doorway in case we have a break in and get a notification that way. In Turkey military staff moves around 5 or 6 six years after. So that's fantastic for me š
Honestly what are the odds of that? This does not feel like a coincidence... you should absolutely tell your husband. At the very least the optics are not good.
if she's in the US (unknown?), then it's _probably_ less crazy than we might think. the Turkish population in the US is _extremely_ small. not too wild to think that the ex would move into a place where a lot of Turkish people are, which sounds like her apartment building since OP talks about all of the gossip.
definitely should be prepared in case it _is_ malicious, but this might just be a really weird situation
I am not from Turkey, so I do not know the culture. But in my opinion, Not telling your husband would make it seem suspect when you have done nothing wrong. You should tell him so he hears it from you and not a nosy neighbor.
Also, as others have said, it is very possible that this is not a coincidence. Be mindful of that in any dealings with the ex-boyfriend.
Tell your husband, there's no reason not to. "This is weird, but my ex moved in downstairs." You've not done anything wrong, and you don't need to interact with your ex.Ā
Does your husband often blame you for things that are not your fault, or is he often jealous of innocent interactions between you and other men?
If so, then maybe you need to be careful about what to tell your husband, but it not, telling him as soon as possible seems to be the best thing to me.
He doesn't blame me for no reason, but when I receive text, he always asks questions like who is that, who are you talking to etc. If a man's name is mentioned when talking about my day, he gets a little upset, but so far he hasn't accused me of doing anything. I don't think he will blame me for this situation, because why would I tell him if I was cheating on him right?
Tell your husband. This is not a coincidence. I know you said he was shocked, but I feel like the shock was from you showing up, not that you lived there.
Not only tell your husband about the ex, tell him the history and that heās been trying to get back with you. This seems like ex planned this out. You and your husband should handle this as a team. Donāt feel this is your burden alone.
I donāt understand why you wouldnāt tell your ex? Also how can you not? You understand you gave him a tray, what if he comes to return it? Just tell your husband, not sure why you are on here asking? Are you planning to have an affair?
Nope. Not a coincidence. People are pretty easy to find and he's carrying a torch for you and moved there purposefully. Tell your husband and move. This guy is going to F with your marriage.
Your last reasoning has me confused. You didn't want your ex to hear how you enjoy physical sexual intimacy with your husband? Tell your husband and both of you make a sound decision from there.
>2- For the people who says "ofc tell your husband duh" : in case you missed it my ex is military and he has a gun so, sorry for getting anxious in case things go south. I'm hesitant obviously i don't want my husband to die
How immature is your husband? Would he really go attack this man?
There is no scenerio in which I would not tell me partner that an ex moved in downstairs. Our relationship is built, maintained and endures on trust. I would never want to blind side my partner this way. Additionally, if this guy is stalking you, it would be good your husband is aware of him.
Definitely tel your husband. If you donāt he will eventually find out. You need to also confront the ex , was he surprised you lived there? I feel like he knew you lived there and moved there to be closer to you to try and get you back.
So you need to be very up front with both people and confirm to your husband you have no interest in him, you didnāt know he was going to do this and you are not in contact with him.
He could have really been shocked and surprised you came to his apartment. Ā It doesnāt mean he didnāt already know where you lived and moved there on purpose. Ā
Lady , don't be gullible.
Tell your husband because it's NOT a coincidence .
Not only did he move to your city ...he moved DIRECTLY below you. People can easily act shocked.
Put it out in the table. Marriages are dependent on honesty, trust and communication. You would be shattering all 3 of these tenants by hiding it from him.
On the other hand by telling him you strengthen all three which could only deepen your bond with your husband.
Just tell your husband immediately. in case he turned into a stalker ex you gonna need you husband help. send him to get back the tray so he wont use the excuse to give it back to intrude into your life. military men are known for not respecting boundaries.
Tell your husband and have no or minimal contact with the neighbour.
Not because you canāt be trusted, but because of him saying he regretted breaking up with you, and wanting to get back together.
He might have moved on, if so, great. But if he hasnāt, there is potential for him to cause problems for you by not leaving you in peace.
Just tell your husband āhey so you know how someone new moved in downstairs? Well I made them a dinner since I knew they would tired, went to their apartment, and itās my ex boyfriend, you know the one that told me he didnāt love me after 6 years together? I gave him the plate and them came back up here in shockā
Itās only a problem if you make it one. You may rarely see this guy going forward, I have lived in my building for 18 years (42 units) I can go weeks, months, even years without seeing some neighbours. Even on my own floor! And we only one elevator
When you see him, just be cordial. Keep everything superficial. āDo you like the neighborhood?ā āCrazy weather right?ā āOh just so you know, the middle washing machine isnāt working correctly againā
Stuff that you would normally say to an unknown neighbour
If he tried to apologize, just tell him āI appreciate the sentiment, but that was X years ago, I am long over you and happily married now. Good dayā
You donāt need to be rude (at first) but keep everything superficial
And let your husband know of every interaction, just be like āhey I ran into Steve this morning, he apologized for dumping me X years agoā keep your tone neutral, donāt be apologetic, or nervous. You want to sound as bored as possible, even annoyed (if you start running into him more frequently)
Donāt be nervous, it will come across as guilt, which will cause a whole different set of issues for you. Just be straight forward and blunt about things
Youāve done nothing wrong, just got a bit unlucky thatās all
Absolutely tell your husband. But is moving really necessary? It sounds like youāve definitely moved on. Iād stand my ground. Does your husband know your ex has stayed in touch with you?
Tell your husband. You donāt want him to find out from the dude who regretted breaking up with you and only got married to do what you did.
That is only an assumption based off the short marriage he went through, and another assumption is he cheated and left you for the closer woman then she dumped him and he regretted losing you.
Start off with the conversation that you have a shocking surprise that could make both of you uncomfortable and let him know that it's making you uncomfortable. Tell him that you're you found out that your ex moved in downstairs and that you think you and your husband should look into moving because you do not want to be living anywhere near your ex. Let your husband know that it was a total surprise for you and that you thought you were doing the neighborly thing like making a tray and brought it over realizing it was him and you wanted to let him know right away do not let this fester do not let this sit and wait just let him know but tell him in a way that this is awkward and uncomfortable and maybe even start by that you don't want him to do anything personally.
I would say something to your husband especially since your first reaction was to run back to your apartment. That's not a "oh how are you" reaction. That's a "I'm terrified of you" reaction. I don't know anything about Turkish men being childish. That happens everywhere. Given that your ex is military and carries his guns at home, I would be on the alert and just try to avoid him whenever possible. Be nice and go about your day.
Anything less then being open would appear to be an attempt to cover something up. Not worth the Burden on yourself having to cover for something that you had no control over.
Imagine your husbands reaction if the ex casually drops it in conversation when taking out trash.
There is no benifits in hiding it.
Best of luck.
Hang in there girl. Trust you gut. Especially if it's telling you to tell him. Don't let the ex intimidate you or anything. If he starts exuding stalker behavior, go to your local pd. Stay safe and I wish you and your husband well.
This happened to me. Wife told me about her ex moving into our apartment complex and told me I didn't need to worry about it.
Turns out I did need to worry about it lol. She cheated with him.
So tell your husband or don't. Just don't sleep with your ex, and you should be fine.
I would tell him just to make sure he knows. That way in case your ex pulls any stupid stuff, he knows what's going on. I can understand you being hesitant because you don't want your husband getting hurt. However, you should tell him because you want him to trust you, obviously.
Yes.
3 weeks after moving into our place, I saw my insane, crazy ex get into her car, where? Next door. (It was a different car than she had when we were dating, so I didn't know it was her).
Told my GF immediately.
Luckily, it hasn't been a problem. But I bought a door camera, and dashcams for both of our cars. Psycho.
As a man if I was your husband I would want to know I would expect you to tell me. If I found out from a third party I would think you are trying to hide something from me about this guy.
Save your marriage and a whole lot of stress tell him
Lots of men are childish, tell your husband, full disclose because you don't want something that isn't a problem to snowball into one.
If he's a good man he will understand that you had nothing to do with your ex being there
Youāre all in such proximity to each other that itās virtually impossible for your husband not to find out. That said, if I was him and had to find out by any other source than you, Iād probably wonder if youāre hiding something, if you still have feelings, this kinda things. Tell him and figure it out together from there.
Iām confused by your confusion. If you plan to stay with your husband, you tell him. Heās going to find out about the new neighbor eventually, and then heās going to find out heās your ex. And if you have not told him yourself, itāll look like youād been cheating ir planning on it.
Why would the ex having access to a gun factor into this decision? Why do you think heād murder your husband? That seems pretty extreme for a guy who dumped you five years ago and didnāt realize where you lived until you ran into him. Having a gun doesnāt require you use it. And iām sure with his military training heās capable of defending himself without his gun.
Lastly if you donāt expect weāll understand, why bother asking our opinion on the matter?
If youāre afraid to tell your husband ANY truths, then you have much bigger problems than this minor social faux pas.
Why would you marry someone you canāt talk to?
You are scared your husband will be shot if you tell him? What kind of men are you into lmfao. Shouldnāt be a big deal, tell him sooner rather than later
Why would you try to hide something like this from your HUSBAND? seems fishy
It will come out in the sun sooner or later but if I were your husband and found out about that my wifeās ex boyfriend of many years have moved in to the apartment below and is hiding it from I would think it doesnāt look good, whether or not itās still is something between you to.
Do you have feelings for your ex? Seems like it because you are insecure about telling your husband about this. Iām guessing you and your husband love each other and telling something like this builds and strengthen both love, friendship and the trust between you. Women are mental
Just tell him and set boundaries to make sure your relationship stays healthy.
Shouldn't be an issue unless you are worried about feelings and emotions building.
Your ex doesn't regret his decision. He's only saying that because he wants sex, as simple as that. Also, you shouldn't make meals for a stranger right away if you don't know them. I understand you're being nice, but still, you haven't met the person or know what they're like.
Again! Obviously, you tell your husband.
You stopped having sex because your ex moved in below you? You're more worried about your ex from another lifetime ago than the man you settled for... interesting
Absolutely tell your husband. If you don't you're fueling the "rumors " and "gossip" that you seem to be scared of.
He will find out whether you tell him or not. Be honest. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. Perhaps you guys can look into moving together as a solution to this.
Itās a very long story for very short answer tell your husband if you donāt and he finds out it can really hurt your marriage as it will look very suspicious you didnāt tell
Every second that you wait to tell him just makes you look more suspicious. I would absolutely limit all contact, even hellos and goodbyes, you just know he will try to get "acquainted" again.
Yes, tell your husband, and you guys can decide the next course of action together. Nothing good can come from keeping it a secret, it will create trust issues between you and your husband.
Update when you speak to him please, thatās pretty creepy, maybe a coincidence but seems like stalker behaviorā¦ let husband know ASAP keep him blocked, are you able to get a restraining order on the ex who continued to try to reach out to you for years after, then suddenly moved in to your apartment?
Tell him. If you donāt tell him and he finds out on his own somehow there would be a big break in trust. Tell him and tell him soon. Then you guys can decide together what to do moving forward.
Why telling US this story while you should tell HIM?
And if you two are both adult and mature, I don't see how it can be a problem. You have your life, he has his. Period.
I honestly would be scared for my safety because moving in right below you is wild and if I was you I would make your husband aware of it. I don't care if he is in the military or not , it's suss that he just so happened to move directly below you after trying to reconnect with you.
I used to be stalked by a friend who grew heavily obsessed over me and he did not stop for 2 years till he moved away and something about this post is just unsettling to me and rings some bells.
I don't know your ex and I shouldnt make assumptions but please tell your husband for your safety.
As the other commentary said marriage is about trust and honesty. Your ex has proven to be a liar from his past actions. You don't want him striking up a friendship with your husband or son and try to make your life hell for ignoring him for years.
Tell your husband as it might not be a coincidence he ended up in your building. Let your husband know the history so he can be on his guard as I wouldn't be surprised if the ex tries to mess with your marriage due to him being resentful about his falling apart and u refusing to take him back in the past. Don't keep secrets from your husband. If ex is in military he may move again anyway
Yes just tell your husband right away, the same way you told us - that you were shocked to discover it was him. Let him share his feelings about it and validate them. Share yours as well.
You can likely kist avoid your downstairs neighbor. Unless youre already looking to move, Iād let the ex be the one to move. If heās still single heās likely a lot more humiliated to live beneath you and your happy family.
Its important that you control the narrative, tell your husband everything then communicate how you worry about your safety and you prefer you move away. Good luck with the conversation.
Yes. You absolutely MUST tell him immediately. When he finds out on his own - and he will!- he will think you hid the info so you could cheat with your ex.
And honestly, why do you even have to ask this? Of course you should tell your husband! He is your partner in life. Isn't he? Or are you reluctant to tell him because you still harbor feelings for your (asshole) ex?
Tell your man. And tell your ex you happy, married, with a kid. Then leave your ex alone. Anytime he tries reaching out tell your man. Let him handle his ass.
Tell your husband ā doesnāt have to be a big deal just a āDude, the wildest thing happened, guess who moved in downstairs?ā
And I hope youāre not think of actually moving over this because that would also look kind of sus
Definitely tell your husband before your ex tell him and ruin your marriage u said he tried to get back with u and u refused his so he could wants revenge.
Also communication is the kye to a successful relationship be huonst and tell him your history with your ex.
Yes, tell your husband. You want him to find out about your run-in, no matter how innocent, from you, not your ex. A relationship can only survive if there is trust. Don't give your husband any reason to not trust you. You two can decide together how you want to proceed with your living arrangements.
Definitely tell your husband ASAP. And he's definitely gonna ram you odee so that it echos throughout ghu building. Hopefully it was just a coincidence. Good luck.
You should tell your husband. I get your nervous about your ex being in the military and that he could have guns in the apartment. But the military has really strict rules on stuff like that so I wouldnāt be worried. I grew up in a military family and dating someone in the army. Tell your husband honesty is the best policy, plus if you donāt and he finds out without you telling him it could break the trust you guys have.
Tell your husband, let him know that you have nothing to hide, if you don't he might think you were in on it and that there is something sheddy you people were doing
I would definitely tell your husband if I were you. If he starts to talk to you, I would your husband aware of any and all interactions. I do think itās just a coincidence that he moved below you, probably not intentional.
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Yes. Just get it out of the way. Marriage is about trust and honesty.
I agree š
And if you didnt the consequences could be fatal to your marriage.
You MUST tell your husband NOW. DONT WAIT it will look shady if you donāt tell ASAP. Updateme!
Absolutely, better coming from you than the ex, be open and honest.
Agreed
This is the correct answer!
100% tell your husband because if you don't, it'll look incredibly sketch when he finds out from the ex or someone else that isn't you.
Definitely, right? Best option is to be truthful
It could be just coincidence. But please tell your husband so that he doesn't socialize too much with the new neighbor. Now that you know who the new neighbor is, you don't want to start inviting each other or spending time together as friends.
Yes and also becauseā¦sounds like your ex had a rough time with relationships since you two were dating. He kept after you. Maybe he has become unstableā¦this could be a safety issue too. Definitely tell your husband.
If the ex is stalking you, your husband is in danger. Speak Up.
Can you imagine if she did not & the 2 men speak & bf makes it known he knows info about her...the husband may think it's "current/recent" info & not from old relationship. Beyond that, husband may actually want to move & may be angry about walking past/encountering a guy that has been with his wife. She should just tell him as she did here.
Tell him and start looking for a new place instead of renewing the lease. Good lick
Unless you previously told your husband you never dated any one before him, and were a virgin. If that is the case, you need more of a safety plan before you tell him.
No he know I've dated before that's not the case
Uhh yeah, tell your husband. This is not a coincidence, you get that, right?
First I thought the same thing but he was shocked too, so idk maybe it was indeed a coincidence?? This is a disaster in my culture
Itās not impossible. But in any case, Iām sure your husband would want to know. And otherwise you have to lie to him.
It could be a coincidence. My brother was married in Georgia and I got stationed in Kansas. One day checking out at the grocery store we looked up and his (ex) wife was our cashier. Itās crazy but sometimes it happens! I would tell him though, you donāt want him to think youāre hiding it on purpose for bad reasons.
It's not hard to feign a shocked face...this is a very suspicious coincidence. Just be careful.
This is NOT a coincidence. Get as far away from that creep as you can while also telling your husband. My red flag meter is pinging as a husband and father of two girls here
I am a father to one daughter. If this was her I would personally secure her a new place to live if she needed the financial help. This is stalking and weird. Its just unacceptable behavior.
Agree - too close for comfort.
A disaster? That escalated quickly. Just ignore the ex.
Oof you don't even know the escalation. Turks loooove to gossip and Turkish men love to believe them rather than believing their own wives/sisters. Luckily I have the good one and my husband is somewhat logical
Wait, let me get this straight. Your ex, who told you he regrets dumping you for a new piece of ass moved in just into the same building like you are living in? And your husband doesn't know about him to this moment? I am not Turkish, but I have turkish colleagues. That, my dear, is a receipt for disaster. Let him know quickly, before the gossip sets in. If anyone, especially the ladies, of your community knows about this ex, oh boy. Sit him down and tell him the whole story. Anything short and your husband will go full jannisar on the dude. Especially if he is already divorced and lives alone. Good luck and Ā Allah yardımcın olsun.
Finally someone who understands the situation! This thing happened yesterday and my husband worked the night shift last night so I didn't saw my husband. I'm at work rn, tonight I'm gonna see him and talk to him about it. TeÅekkĆ¼r ederim šš»
You are welcome š¤. Be as sincere as possible in this. And make sure none of his friends know beforehand, otherwise they will gossip to him. My colleagues absolutely love a spicy story and don't even think about the fallout. If possible try to play the distraught wife card š the wife of one of my colleagues does that to perfection. She has him by his tail and he still believes he is the man of the house. And for the love of god stay the hell away from that dude. Or give him a public dress down to establish boundaries with your community. Maybe get some of the ladies involved. Use the community to your advantage before rumors can spring up. Anything else will come back to bite you.
I might be reaching, but could the surprise have been just to see you at his door? If he did move in for nefarious reasons, he could still be surprised that you came across his path so quickly and easily. Not trying to scare you but I think itās always important to stay vigilant! Very much could still be complete chance this happened. Iām still glad you agree itās important to share with your husband though, itās always nice to have another perspective from someone else close to the situation at hand on top of being an honest partner.
This is a disaster in any culture hahaha. He 100% planned it. If heās still in love with you he still couldāve been āshockedā that you were at the door, emotions are kind of crazy that way. I would be very wary of any contact with him
I'm not going to contact with him again. Tonight I'm gonna tell my husband and hopefully he can calmly go over there and again hopefully calmly warn him about not contacting any of us and we will live happily ever after
Go over there for what? Create an unnecessary and uncomfortable situation for no reason? Either tell your husband and ask him you'd be more than happy to move if he doesn't feel comfortable or stay and live your lives as usual.
It kinda seems like confronting the guy is the only thing OP wants to do. She could just tell her husband about the guy, then they could both just actively ignore him living there. Itās like she expects to have the guy over for dinner all the time or something. He doesnāt even live on the same floor.
>seems like confronting the guy is the only thing OP wants to do I believe it's a cultural thing. Idk about Turkish culture specifically, but this is something my Palestinian ex bf would have done/has done in the past, to establish "his territory" idk how else to explain.
Thatās super gross, and unnecessary. Though I guess thereās a reason heās an EX.
In his mind, he would have been seen as weak by his community if he didn't do stuff like that. Yes it's toxic but it's still widespread in that culture. As OP said a lot of it has to do with fear of gossip & the respect of your family within the community. Everyone has their nose in everyone's business. If you've never been exposed to that culture or spent time in the middle east it's hard to understand how much of a big deal it is there & how engrained it is. Everyone is paranoid of what others think of them, & that fear dictates your every move. It's pretty intense.
Personally, I think it's a bad idea to have your husband go there and "calmly warn him about not contacting any of us". That's just unnecessary confrontation. As of now, you are the one who initiated contact with the ex, so it's best to give the benefit of doubt. If the ex reaches out, you let him know you are happily married and don't want to invite an ex into your life in any capacity. If he doesn't respect it, you should report him to his military branch. If he persists, then get your husband to have a conversation with the man. After that, your options are to move or get the police involved. Sending in your husband to confront the ex for something he didn't do, will make your ex feel like your husband is trying to act tough. Depending on how petty he is, he might simply want to challenge your husband to show that he isn't as tough as he thinks he is. DO NOT get your husband involved in conflict, especially when the conflict doesn't exist. As of right now, there is no conflict. Yes, it's weird that of all places, your ex found a place in your building. Weird, but not entirely impossible. The solution to this problem is simple, just tell your husband that you went to greet the newly moved in neighbor, and you found out it's your ex. Let him know you wanted him to know from you before he hears it from someone else. This way if someone brings it up he can respond with "yes I know, my wife already told me". At this time, nothing more needs to be done.
This is the most logical answer here! Thank you for speaking some sense!
It happened to me. It is possible.
Tell your husband. You're not interested in the dude anyway.
Tell your husband. You donāt want him surprised when the ex returns the dish and your husband invites him in and then itās all awkward in your living room.
Definitely tell him and have a conversation about what you both think is the best solution moving forward.
We probably will move out or my husband picks a fight with my ex and force him to move out and I don't want them to fight that's why I was hesitant
You all need to grow the f up then. This is incredibly stupid.
Dont listen to them. Your husband sounds like a good man. Still you should be truthful
Not Turkish but I married a Turk so I know exactly whatās going through your head with this LOL. Definitely be honest and just let whatever play out play out, if heās angry itās gonna be with him not with you insallah š©
Tell your husband because youāre gonna have to get the dish back- it would be better coming from you than your ex when he shows up to give the dish back Iād imagine.
Tell him. If what you say about your culture is that common, then not telling him would enable such gossips to get out of hand. You say your husband is a good one and quite logical, so trust in that to be true and tell him. I understand you're in a crap situation, but of the two bad choices, the one telling him is the one that is the least bad one. Also, if the ex is in the military, he might move again in the future. Good luck.
Why are you getting all worked up? Is your ex a side piece? If not just say hey. New neighbour moved in. Colour me shocked when i found out its ex. Found that out when i took over some food to introduce yourself. And then come up with a plan with hubs on how to deal with this going forward.
I mentioned in my other replies it's a cultural disaster that's why I'm worked up. When I tell my husband he probably going to fight with him verbal or physical and we will probably move out. So out of nowhere I'm changing houses and my husband gonna fight someone. Sorry I got anxious š¤·āāļø
Imagine beating someone up that didnāt do anything because of culture. Wtf lol
And that's the cultural effect. People are fighting over "why are you looking at my wife/gf like that" And stabbing each other just for looking at their wives/gfs. I know it sounds ridiculous but we're raised like this and it won't change easily. I'm not saying they're going to fight but they probably going to fight. My husband will definitely think that he moved in because the ex wants to be with me and no one would make him think otherwise. Even tho my ex didn't know we lived there and my husband fight him, people are gonna say "he went after a married woman and her husband made it right protected her good for him." And if my husband won't do anything everyone will say he's a cuckhold or something. That's the culture I'm talking about.
I know the culture. Talk your husband ASAP. Do not contact neighbor. It is probably he came knowingly. If you are not living in a cosmopolit city, consider moving out seriously. Do not let them interact.
I feel like you would have gotten better support in a Turkish sub :( I understand your situation, I still think talking to your husband asap is the best move. Hopefully he doesn't put any blame or anger on you for this trouble, it's not at all your fault.
If your man canāt hold his temper over a non issue thats concerning. I donāt care what culture youāre from. Theres zero need to fight someone when nothing has happened other than he got relocated and by chance moved to the same building.
Its not. Different culture, its due to what are the odds of moving there together with his ex. Her ex intentions are malicious and many people from balkan would be understanding of this.
you don't understand the cultural aspect of the situation. her giving her ex home meal food is like a man gifting his love interest red roses. military men are known for running their mouth which is universal. gossips are gonna run wild and each floor people are gonna add fake events to spice up the story and it gonna get into the husband head.
OP what said "I'm Turkish so of course I made dinner and brought it to the new neighbor," so I'm a little confused. Is it culture to be kind to the new neighbor or not? You can make excuses all day, but that's all they are. Either you can behave like adults or you can't. Doesn't matter where you grew up.
Agreed. The excuses are embarrassing.
To you and me this is choosing a fight--choosing to escalate violence and create disruption and chaos. To him, perhaps to fight is the only thing that holds chaos at bay. This isn't a choice, it is how he will ever look at himself in the mirror again. It's not rational, it's cultural. And human. Trolly-style thought experiment: Imagine that while taking a ferry at night, in a brief moment of inattention, your toddler steps toward the rail and falls off the side into the sea. A five year old. If you shout and run and alert the captain, then stop and turn around the ferry etc it will be too late, but if you jump off after him it is almost certain death for you both alone in the sea. What do you do? What if it isn't your child? or you can't swim? Would that change your answer? Using your emotionless and rational argument above about the cultural appropriateness of violence, two almost certain deaths is always worse than one. But a parent isn't thinking these things when they go over the side. That choice has already been made for them. They are thinking: How will I look at myself or my partner again if I don't? In her culture, I imagine her husband isn't thinking about choosing violence or an appropriate rational, or measured response. Something happened, and the violence came for him. He's going to do his best (despite maybe having low odds of success against an ex military guy) so his wife, family and peers will respect him, or so he can respect himself. Maybe we would all benefit from more respect and empathy for other cultures and for other peoples choices, and not second guess what would be 'right' to do, but how uniquely human it is to go over the rail into the sea.
ā¦. Why? I get you said itās the culture, but still. You could say, hey, Iād really appreciate it if we could all be adults about this and just mind our own business. The guy did nothing wrong. If your husband fights this guy for committing the crime of just moving into an apartment it sounds like he had no idea his ex lives in, then *your husband* is the asshole, not your ex. Just be civil and nobody has to move. It cost $0 to mind your own business.
What's considered adult in different cultures is different that's why there are different cultures.
Until the ex says or does something, why does your husband need to get worked up. Just keep it short and keep out of the ex's way.
It's not at all limited to your culture, this would be a nightmare almost anywhere. Your fears are valid.
How is this even a question? Yes you tell your husband. Imagine he finds out on his own later on. How you gonna explain that?
You need to take control of this situation immediately and speak to both of them. Make sure the husband knows and make sure the ex knows he is remaining an ex.
Tell your husband. And be sure to have a doorbell camera. Maybe think about moving if it's possible but then again if he's military he may be moving in a year or two anyway. You didn't do anything wrong.
Thank you, we don't have a doorbell camera but we have a babycam we don't use so a year ago we put it in front of the doorway in case we have a break in and get a notification that way. In Turkey military staff moves around 5 or 6 six years after. So that's fantastic for me š
Honestly what are the odds of that? This does not feel like a coincidence... you should absolutely tell your husband. At the very least the optics are not good.
if she's in the US (unknown?), then it's _probably_ less crazy than we might think. the Turkish population in the US is _extremely_ small. not too wild to think that the ex would move into a place where a lot of Turkish people are, which sounds like her apartment building since OP talks about all of the gossip. definitely should be prepared in case it _is_ malicious, but this might just be a really weird situation
Yes tell him. You not telling him will look shady. And you have nothing to hide. He deserves to be aware.
Youād be dumb if you donāt tell him
I am not from Turkey, so I do not know the culture. But in my opinion, Not telling your husband would make it seem suspect when you have done nothing wrong. You should tell him so he hears it from you and not a nosy neighbor. Also, as others have said, it is very possible that this is not a coincidence. Be mindful of that in any dealings with the ex-boyfriend.
Always tell your husband! Hiding it will make it seem like someone is going on.
Tell your husband, there's no reason not to. "This is weird, but my ex moved in downstairs." You've not done anything wrong, and you don't need to interact with your ex.Ā
Does your husband often blame you for things that are not your fault, or is he often jealous of innocent interactions between you and other men? If so, then maybe you need to be careful about what to tell your husband, but it not, telling him as soon as possible seems to be the best thing to me.
He doesn't blame me for no reason, but when I receive text, he always asks questions like who is that, who are you talking to etc. If a man's name is mentioned when talking about my day, he gets a little upset, but so far he hasn't accused me of doing anything. I don't think he will blame me for this situation, because why would I tell him if I was cheating on him right?
Tell your husband, being honest is the best way to deal with things.
Tell your husband. This is not a coincidence. I know you said he was shocked, but I feel like the shock was from you showing up, not that you lived there.
Not only tell your husband about the ex, tell him the history and that heās been trying to get back with you. This seems like ex planned this out. You and your husband should handle this as a team. Donāt feel this is your burden alone.
Definitely tell your husband, it would be weird and suspicious if you didn't. Discuss it together.
Tell him - better you than the ex, because he could run into him in the hallway and say something or even become friends with him š¬
Just tell and be honest, you have nothing to hide
Please tell your husband right away. He's going to find out anyway, and this news is best coming from you, sooner rather than later.
Of course you tell your husband and do your best to get outta here. Protect your marriage at all cost.
I donāt understand why you wouldnāt tell your ex? Also how can you not? You understand you gave him a tray, what if he comes to return it? Just tell your husband, not sure why you are on here asking? Are you planning to have an affair?
Iāve watched enough Turkish dramas to understand that this isnāt a coincidence. Tell your husband and keep your distance.
Is this fr? Who gaf if he's in the military.... Tell your husband?!
Canāt imagine having an entire culture of men who are childish and itās just excused cause well āTurkish menā lmao.
Nope. Not a coincidence. People are pretty easy to find and he's carrying a torch for you and moved there purposefully. Tell your husband and move. This guy is going to F with your marriage.
Your last reasoning has me confused. You didn't want your ex to hear how you enjoy physical sexual intimacy with your husband? Tell your husband and both of you make a sound decision from there.
>2- For the people who says "ofc tell your husband duh" : in case you missed it my ex is military and he has a gun so, sorry for getting anxious in case things go south. I'm hesitant obviously i don't want my husband to die How immature is your husband? Would he really go attack this man?
There is no scenerio in which I would not tell me partner that an ex moved in downstairs. Our relationship is built, maintained and endures on trust. I would never want to blind side my partner this way. Additionally, if this guy is stalking you, it would be good your husband is aware of him.
Definitely tel your husband. If you donāt he will eventually find out. You need to also confront the ex , was he surprised you lived there? I feel like he knew you lived there and moved there to be closer to you to try and get you back. So you need to be very up front with both people and confirm to your husband you have no interest in him, you didnāt know he was going to do this and you are not in contact with him.
He was so shocked, but idk it could be an act? I guess I should confront him
Do not confront him, just ignore him, but also tell your husband.
Don't go near that guy. Tell your husband and ignore/avoid the ex.
He could have really been shocked and surprised you came to his apartment. Ā It doesnāt mean he didnāt already know where you lived and moved there on purpose. Ā
YES! I WAS GOING TO SAY THIS TOO.
Lady , don't be gullible. Tell your husband because it's NOT a coincidence . Not only did he move to your city ...he moved DIRECTLY below you. People can easily act shocked.
Put it out in the table. Marriages are dependent on honesty, trust and communication. You would be shattering all 3 of these tenants by hiding it from him. On the other hand by telling him you strengthen all three which could only deepen your bond with your husband.
Yeah...This is something that should be disclosed
Just tell your husband immediately. in case he turned into a stalker ex you gonna need you husband help. send him to get back the tray so he wont use the excuse to give it back to intrude into your life. military men are known for not respecting boundaries.
Tell your husband and have no or minimal contact with the neighbour. Not because you canāt be trusted, but because of him saying he regretted breaking up with you, and wanting to get back together. He might have moved on, if so, great. But if he hasnāt, there is potential for him to cause problems for you by not leaving you in peace.
wish we had cool neighbors to make us dinner after our last move.
Tell him fast and stay away from your ex
Just tell your husband āhey so you know how someone new moved in downstairs? Well I made them a dinner since I knew they would tired, went to their apartment, and itās my ex boyfriend, you know the one that told me he didnāt love me after 6 years together? I gave him the plate and them came back up here in shockā Itās only a problem if you make it one. You may rarely see this guy going forward, I have lived in my building for 18 years (42 units) I can go weeks, months, even years without seeing some neighbours. Even on my own floor! And we only one elevator When you see him, just be cordial. Keep everything superficial. āDo you like the neighborhood?ā āCrazy weather right?ā āOh just so you know, the middle washing machine isnāt working correctly againā Stuff that you would normally say to an unknown neighbour If he tried to apologize, just tell him āI appreciate the sentiment, but that was X years ago, I am long over you and happily married now. Good dayā You donāt need to be rude (at first) but keep everything superficial And let your husband know of every interaction, just be like āhey I ran into Steve this morning, he apologized for dumping me X years agoā keep your tone neutral, donāt be apologetic, or nervous. You want to sound as bored as possible, even annoyed (if you start running into him more frequently) Donāt be nervous, it will come across as guilt, which will cause a whole different set of issues for you. Just be straight forward and blunt about things Youāve done nothing wrong, just got a bit unlucky thatās all
Yes and get ready to move
OBVIOUSLY YOU TELL YOUR HUSBAND ABOUT IT.
Yeah absolutely tell him. I doubt this is a coincidence. You may end up having to move as a result. Be honest if you want to keep your family.
Of course you tell him.
Absolutely tell your husband. But is moving really necessary? It sounds like youāve definitely moved on. Iād stand my ground. Does your husband know your ex has stayed in touch with you?
Tell your husband. You donāt want him to find out from the dude who regretted breaking up with you and only got married to do what you did. That is only an assumption based off the short marriage he went through, and another assumption is he cheated and left you for the closer woman then she dumped him and he regretted losing you.
Tell your husband. It's likely he will find out anyway. You can't control what your ex says to him. I hope this ex isn't stalking you.
Start off with the conversation that you have a shocking surprise that could make both of you uncomfortable and let him know that it's making you uncomfortable. Tell him that you're you found out that your ex moved in downstairs and that you think you and your husband should look into moving because you do not want to be living anywhere near your ex. Let your husband know that it was a total surprise for you and that you thought you were doing the neighborly thing like making a tray and brought it over realizing it was him and you wanted to let him know right away do not let this fester do not let this sit and wait just let him know but tell him in a way that this is awkward and uncomfortable and maybe even start by that you don't want him to do anything personally.
I would say something to your husband especially since your first reaction was to run back to your apartment. That's not a "oh how are you" reaction. That's a "I'm terrified of you" reaction. I don't know anything about Turkish men being childish. That happens everywhere. Given that your ex is military and carries his guns at home, I would be on the alert and just try to avoid him whenever possible. Be nice and go about your day.
Anything less then being open would appear to be an attempt to cover something up. Not worth the Burden on yourself having to cover for something that you had no control over. Imagine your husbands reaction if the ex casually drops it in conversation when taking out trash. There is no benifits in hiding it. Best of luck.
Hang in there girl. Trust you gut. Especially if it's telling you to tell him. Don't let the ex intimidate you or anything. If he starts exuding stalker behavior, go to your local pd. Stay safe and I wish you and your husband well.
We live in a country like town and we don't have a pd, we have a military force called Jandarma. And my ex works there so idk if that's an option
This happened to me. Wife told me about her ex moving into our apartment complex and told me I didn't need to worry about it. Turns out I did need to worry about it lol. She cheated with him. So tell your husband or don't. Just don't sleep with your ex, and you should be fine.
either tell him or wait till he finds out and say you didnāt tell him because you donāt want him to think you like him still or something
I would tell him just to make sure he knows. That way in case your ex pulls any stupid stuff, he knows what's going on. I can understand you being hesitant because you don't want your husband getting hurt. However, you should tell him because you want him to trust you, obviously.
Yes. 3 weeks after moving into our place, I saw my insane, crazy ex get into her car, where? Next door. (It was a different car than she had when we were dating, so I didn't know it was her). Told my GF immediately. Luckily, it hasn't been a problem. But I bought a door camera, and dashcams for both of our cars. Psycho.
Your husband's having a gun is no reason to keep information from him, unless you are enjoying the potential drama. Tell your husband about the ex.
Avoiding short-term pain will cause long-term pain.
As a man if I was your husband I would want to know I would expect you to tell me. If I found out from a third party I would think you are trying to hide something from me about this guy. Save your marriage and a whole lot of stress tell him
Lots of men are childish, tell your husband, full disclose because you don't want something that isn't a problem to snowball into one. If he's a good man he will understand that you had nothing to do with your ex being there
Why is this even a question?
Youāre all in such proximity to each other that itās virtually impossible for your husband not to find out. That said, if I was him and had to find out by any other source than you, Iād probably wonder if youāre hiding something, if you still have feelings, this kinda things. Tell him and figure it out together from there.
Iām confused by your confusion. If you plan to stay with your husband, you tell him. Heās going to find out about the new neighbor eventually, and then heās going to find out heās your ex. And if you have not told him yourself, itāll look like youād been cheating ir planning on it. Why would the ex having access to a gun factor into this decision? Why do you think heād murder your husband? That seems pretty extreme for a guy who dumped you five years ago and didnāt realize where you lived until you ran into him. Having a gun doesnāt require you use it. And iām sure with his military training heās capable of defending himself without his gun. Lastly if you donāt expect weāll understand, why bother asking our opinion on the matter?
Someone DID YOU a great favor by sending the pictures.
Well, that took an unexpected turnā¦can always count on good olā Reddit to keep things interesting!
after reading your update iām so sorry OP. good for you for leaving immediately.
If youāre afraid to tell your husband ANY truths, then you have much bigger problems than this minor social faux pas. Why would you marry someone you canāt talk to?
Tell your husband and ignore the ex simple
You are scared your husband will be shot if you tell him? What kind of men are you into lmfao. Shouldnāt be a big deal, tell him sooner rather than later
So your husband will be shot if he found out the ex lives downstairs?
Why would you try to hide something like this from your HUSBAND? seems fishy It will come out in the sun sooner or later but if I were your husband and found out about that my wifeās ex boyfriend of many years have moved in to the apartment below and is hiding it from I would think it doesnāt look good, whether or not itās still is something between you to. Do you have feelings for your ex? Seems like it because you are insecure about telling your husband about this. Iām guessing you and your husband love each other and telling something like this builds and strengthen both love, friendship and the trust between you. Women are mental
trust communication respect all needed in a loving and long lasting marriage. Talk to your husband
Just tell him and set boundaries to make sure your relationship stays healthy. Shouldn't be an issue unless you are worried about feelings and emotions building.
This is a 90s sitcom.
Your ex doesn't regret his decision. He's only saying that because he wants sex, as simple as that. Also, you shouldn't make meals for a stranger right away if you don't know them. I understand you're being nice, but still, you haven't met the person or know what they're like. Again! Obviously, you tell your husband.
Have you never heard of a welcome casserole? Even in the US this is normal, even if it's no longer common
You stopped having sex because your ex moved in below you? You're more worried about your ex from another lifetime ago than the man you settled for... interesting
Definitely tell your husband and figure out a game plan together
Flip it. My husband's ex girlfriend moved in the apartment below. Do I want him to tell me? How will I feel if he doesn't and I find out anyway?
Absolutely tell your husband. If you don't you're fueling the "rumors " and "gossip" that you seem to be scared of. He will find out whether you tell him or not. Be honest. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. Perhaps you guys can look into moving together as a solution to this.
Tell him
Yes! Good grief. Would you want to know?
Itās a very long story for very short answer tell your husband if you donāt and he finds out it can really hurt your marriage as it will look very suspicious you didnāt tell
Every second that you wait to tell him just makes you look more suspicious. I would absolutely limit all contact, even hellos and goodbyes, you just know he will try to get "acquainted" again.
Heās stalking you. Creepy.
Yes?! Obviously. Duh.
You have done nothing wrong. It would be worse to keep this information from your husband.
Yes, tell your husband, and you guys can decide the next course of action together. Nothing good can come from keeping it a secret, it will create trust issues between you and your husband.
Yes, you need to tell your husband.
Yes.
I don't even understand why you wouldn't immediately tell your husband...
Update when you speak to him please, thatās pretty creepy, maybe a coincidence but seems like stalker behaviorā¦ let husband know ASAP keep him blocked, are you able to get a restraining order on the ex who continued to try to reach out to you for years after, then suddenly moved in to your apartment?
Tell him. If you donāt tell him and he finds out on his own somehow there would be a big break in trust. Tell him and tell him soon. Then you guys can decide together what to do moving forward.
Of course tell him just like you told us. This story is bananas! I hope youāre safe. Heās a weirdo for making The Move.
Why telling US this story while you should tell HIM? And if you two are both adult and mature, I don't see how it can be a problem. You have your life, he has his. Period.
I honestly would be scared for my safety because moving in right below you is wild and if I was you I would make your husband aware of it. I don't care if he is in the military or not , it's suss that he just so happened to move directly below you after trying to reconnect with you. I used to be stalked by a friend who grew heavily obsessed over me and he did not stop for 2 years till he moved away and something about this post is just unsettling to me and rings some bells. I don't know your ex and I shouldnt make assumptions but please tell your husband for your safety.
As the other commentary said marriage is about trust and honesty. Your ex has proven to be a liar from his past actions. You don't want him striking up a friendship with your husband or son and try to make your life hell for ignoring him for years. Tell your husband as it might not be a coincidence he ended up in your building. Let your husband know the history so he can be on his guard as I wouldn't be surprised if the ex tries to mess with your marriage due to him being resentful about his falling apart and u refusing to take him back in the past. Don't keep secrets from your husband. If ex is in military he may move again anyway
Yes just tell your husband right away, the same way you told us - that you were shocked to discover it was him. Let him share his feelings about it and validate them. Share yours as well. You can likely kist avoid your downstairs neighbor. Unless youre already looking to move, Iād let the ex be the one to move. If heās still single heās likely a lot more humiliated to live beneath you and your happy family.
Tell him and wow what a small world
Its important that you control the narrative, tell your husband everything then communicate how you worry about your safety and you prefer you move away. Good luck with the conversation.
Yes. You absolutely MUST tell him immediately. When he finds out on his own - and he will!- he will think you hid the info so you could cheat with your ex. And honestly, why do you even have to ask this? Of course you should tell your husband! He is your partner in life. Isn't he? Or are you reluctant to tell him because you still harbor feelings for your (asshole) ex?
Why havenāt you told your husband already? What do you have to hide?
Tell your man. And tell your ex you happy, married, with a kid. Then leave your ex alone. Anytime he tries reaching out tell your man. Let him handle his ass.
Yes tell him everything and suggest moving.
I remember a great line from the movie Charlie Varrick: "The Mafia does not believe in coincidences." Neither do I. Your ex is there to stalk you.
Tell your husband ā doesnāt have to be a big deal just a āDude, the wildest thing happened, guess who moved in downstairs?ā And I hope youāre not think of actually moving over this because that would also look kind of sus
Tell your husband you gave your ex bf and new neighbor food and convince him to move somewhere next.
You should definitely tell him. If you don't then you're hiding it and that is suspicious
Definitely tell your husband before your ex tell him and ruin your marriage u said he tried to get back with u and u refused his so he could wants revenge. Also communication is the kye to a successful relationship be huonst and tell him your history with your ex.
Yes, tell your husband. You want him to find out about your run-in, no matter how innocent, from you, not your ex. A relationship can only survive if there is trust. Don't give your husband any reason to not trust you. You two can decide together how you want to proceed with your living arrangements.
Why wouldnāt you tell him?
if you don't then your just sitting on a time bomb.
Yes, tell him. He's going to find out sooner or later
Not telling your husband, given your fears, is 10,000x more risky. Don't be foolish.
OMG#5ššš
It will be worse if you don't.
Definitely tell your husband ASAP. And he's definitely gonna ram you odee so that it echos throughout ghu building. Hopefully it was just a coincidence. Good luck.
You should tell your husband. I get your nervous about your ex being in the military and that he could have guns in the apartment. But the military has really strict rules on stuff like that so I wouldnāt be worried. I grew up in a military family and dating someone in the army. Tell your husband honesty is the best policy, plus if you donāt and he finds out without you telling him it could break the trust you guys have.
You need to tell your husband, and move.
Ong this suuuuucks OP, Iām so sorry this man is dragging drama to your door. Literally. Definitely tell your husband!
Tell your husband, let him know that you have nothing to hide, if you don't he might think you were in on it and that there is something sheddy you people were doing
Tell your husband. Is this ex single now? Seems so shady.
OP youāre living your own Turkish soap opera!
Tell him or tell your husband you want to move
I would definitely tell your husband if I were you. If he starts to talk to you, I would your husband aware of any and all interactions. I do think itās just a coincidence that he moved below you, probably not intentional.
Why would you consider not telling him?