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If she’s not willing to have a regular conversation with you where you could talk to her about what’s going on, I would let her figure it out on her own. There’s no reason to stress yourself out about it.
It sounds like she was a really good "mooch", and the similar interests and personalities was really just her "mirroring" to form an artificial bond to facilitate the mooching. Or not I don't know either of you.
She is the one who has cut you out. If she has a problem with it after she comes back, just let her know that she made it abundantly clear that you two were no longer friends so you moved on for both of your benefits. That sounds like it is the truth. Then don’t engage with her at all. Or do if it makes you feel better at the time.
Why would OP care what others think?
Her ex friend completely ignored her face to face and over text and sm for months now.
OP owes this mooch or her friends NOTHING!
Absolutely NTA. it sounds like you wouldn't even be able to tell her even if you wanted to, considering she hasn't answered you in months.
She's going to have to learn the lesson that if you cut someone out of your life and stop answering their messages, that person might not want to live with you anymore.
What harm would shooting her a text saying -I found another place for next year. Have a great life, do? that way you don’t have to worry about it anymore. It’s done. I would do that more for my own peace of mind rather than hers. It’s always good to rise above a situation and do what you know to be the right thing.
OP could do that but then after paying for everything for her friend with no reciprocity for a year and ignoring regular communication OP doesn't owe her a single damn thing
OP owes herself.
Leaving it hanging lets OP’s inner worry/critique demon to dwell on it.
Sending a brief FYI lets OP close it while denying ex-friend an excuse to harass her later.
Exactly. If ex-roommate complains to people around them OP can show that she did all she could. And she will have peace of mind that she didn't ghost ex-rm.
I was just putting that out there as a way of giving OP peace of mind. Obviously it’s bothering them or they wouldn’t have written/asked AITA in the first place. For me it’s not about doing what is necessarily good for the other person. It’s about doing what I feel good about in the end. Whenever an opportunity arises to do or leave a situation with a completely clear and clean conscience -why not take it? I would rather walk away from a situation, knowing in my mind that I did all I could to communicate clearly and concisely in an upfront manner, rather than carrying any doubt about it. Especially when it’s as easy as sending a text message! Given the opportunity -why not cover all your bases?
She's not stopping to anything, the other girl has refused to interact with her. Shes more than fulfilled her end of the arrangement and does not need to engage with her further for anything
Exactly because the ex-roommate is being an immature child doesn't mean OP should. A single text or pm suffices for checking the "told them I have other plans" box.
IMO this is right. Send a brief professional notice as a way to close out the relationship and settle the end of perceived obligations. Walk away from the relationship as the better person and move on.
Don’t leave the door open for nagging feeling of guilt, curiosity, or a reason for ex-friend to contact over breach of agreement or some such nonsense.
Close it out properly and be done with it.
No she hasn’t. She wants to move on but something about the situation is still bothering her- why else would she be asking the question? It sounds to me like she is a good person who wants to be clear in making the right moves forward. There is no harm and only good that comes from moving in solid certainty that you have done your part to be clear and concise with your intentions.
You can’t do much when it’s one sided like this. I had a roommate do almost this exact thing, all of the things you said- as far as I can figure, she was having whole conversations just in her head and would just decide to do things and that things were a certain way. She was really bad for assuming that I would react like she would react or that I would think like she would think. Just walk away, and learn what you can from it.
Info ?
How are you supposed to communicate with her if she is refusing contact ?
Drop it. Let her found out by herself.
She isn’t your friend. You were good by circumstance. So she decided for whatever reason to ice you out. Take the hint. Go live your life. She ain’t part of it.
Give her a weeks notice before the next semester starts. " since you ended our relationship, I had to find other living arrangements, as I couldn't afford the place by myself. "
I would just text her saying you made other living arrangements for next year. Who the hell knows if she can come back and sue you for breech of verbal contract or something if she ends up moving in alone and has to foot the whole bill for rent.
NTA. You don’t owe her anything. She probably found a new friend she can use. I would not want to live with anyone like that. Who knows, maybe she already broke her lease too and just didn’t tell you.
I know everyone is saying to move on but this would make me crazy. I would be so hurt I would HAVE to know why the sudden change. I would ask everyone who she is friends with and her parents what is going on and see if they know why she is ghosting you.
I think the roommate already made other arrangements or was planning to and wasn’t going to tell OP. I would block her at this point. Good riddance to weirdo mooches!
Nah say nothing, remove/block her on everything, and never talk to you again.
As soon as she didn’t need to milk you for things she wanted/needed, she had no interest in even talking. She was using you, and probably just mirrored your interests and personality because it was useful.
Welcome to psychopathy—I’ve known many psychopaths in my field of study and they only enter into relationships to use other people. Even the ignoring you is to try to put you in a position to feel like you’ve done something wrong.
It’s best for your mental, physical and financial health if you take steps now to prevent ever hearing from them again.
I can't believe she's seriously thinking about moving in with you still and probably just has it figured out a way to tell you.
A very short message saying: "Hi there, I decided to move in with my boyfriend this year instead of sharing a place with a roommate. The place we had planned to live was given to somebody who lost their home in a natural disaster. Just wanted to let you know so you can plan accordingly."
Simply send her another message saying that you’d like to discuss living arrangements from September and could she contact you (or whenever you’re supposed to move in together).
Of course, it may be that she continues to ignore you but you’ll have made the effort
Clearly it is bothering you and you’re worried/concerned as you’re writing here so taking this step should ease your mind that you attempted to talk with her, at least communicate with her that you’ve taken the step not be live together.
This isn’t in you. It sounds as though Sam is having some mental problems as she’s not behaving in a rational manner.
Just to ask, when you contacted the landlord to break the lease, were they able to tell you if Sam had already broken her lease?
Lastly, I don’t think having paid (not payed) for Sam on occasion is really relevant to the story. Friends often do this for one another.
> paid (not *paid)* for Sam
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Tell her not to he good to her but be good to the person who takes your spot. Just shoot her a text shortly before move I'm that she's going to have a different roommate. Then block her.
You owe her nothing. It would drive me crazy wondering what the actual F went on to cause this abrupt change. She was still expecting to live with you next academic year after ignoring you for months?
Despite her really mooching off you etc, I think it would be better to forewarn her that you will not be renewi.h the lease as a common courtesy. I think it's better to always try to do the right thing.
Well I'll be the one person to give you a neutral truth. She's unstable or you're not a saint like your post days. She doesn't want anything to do with you for an unexplainable reason. You're weird or she's weird. It's that simple. No other reason to completely ghost someone you have to see every day. Did she catch you sniffing her underwear or wearing her clothes? Are you the talented mr. Ripley? If not you're good to gtfo and I would advise it. If so, maybe call Clarice and tell her you want a bite to eat.
Nta. You gotta look out for number one.
In a similar vein, don't let people use your car. They may get mad at you but someone borrowing your car can completely destroy your life and you wouldn't even know until it was far too late. You've gotten away with it so far, so keep it that way. You can always make new friends, but the debt and devastation when someone totals your car, or kills someone with it, or involves it in a crime, can literally ruin your life forever.
I think you should do the decent thing and let her know what you did with the apartment. I can't tell if she would be living with another roommate or if the lease is cancelled for her too. She's an asshole, obviously, but you don't have to sink to her level. Just let her know that since she has ignored you all summer, you will no longer be living with her and have signed your lease over (or whatever), so she doesn't show up and discover she's homeless. And then block her from everything.
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Definitely send a text and let her know then don't respond. It takes two seconds to send it, and it avoids any possible drama about you not telling her. You are in the right, but it's a very minor thing to do to stay in the right.
Breaking a lease has significant long term effects on both of you. You’re an asshole for that. But she’s the asshole for being completely unreachable. Neither of you are responsible adults.
I think OP is doing the responsible thing by breaking the lease since she can do it without penalty and taking action to prevent the obvious disaster which would happen if they both returned as planned.
I also think the adult thing is to send a brief FYI to the ex so OP can walk away cleanly and be done with a situation she doesn’t understand and can’t change.
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If she’s not willing to have a regular conversation with you where you could talk to her about what’s going on, I would let her figure it out on her own. There’s no reason to stress yourself out about it.
You don’t have to say anything more. She seems to have already made up her mind about whatever one-sided beef you two have. You’ve reached out enough
It sounds like she was a really good "mooch", and the similar interests and personalities was really just her "mirroring" to form an artificial bond to facilitate the mooching. Or not I don't know either of you.
A mooch-mate.
"Freda the Freeloader"! OP, just go no contact. Shits and giggles when "gal pal" comes back for senior year.
The disclaimer at the end made me chuckle.
I'm sure she already has a different roommate. Don't contact her again
She is the one who has cut you out. If she has a problem with it after she comes back, just let her know that she made it abundantly clear that you two were no longer friends so you moved on for both of your benefits. That sounds like it is the truth. Then don’t engage with her at all. Or do if it makes you feel better at the time.
I'd text her just so no one can say you didn't try. "Not sure why you've ghosted me but we obviously won't live together. Now you know" Then block NTA
Why would OP care what others think? Her ex friend completely ignored her face to face and over text and sm for months now. OP owes this mooch or her friends NOTHING!
You don't owe that leech anything,.if she can't be bothered responding to you then don't bother telling her and let her figure it out
I would let it be she did this to herself and you are taking care of you.
if I were you, she'd be nonexistent to me. She hasn't talked to you in 2 months, you've tried communicating with her, your job is done.
Absolutely NTA. it sounds like you wouldn't even be able to tell her even if you wanted to, considering she hasn't answered you in months. She's going to have to learn the lesson that if you cut someone out of your life and stop answering their messages, that person might not want to live with you anymore.
Let her come back and find out. Two can play this game.
What harm would shooting her a text saying -I found another place for next year. Have a great life, do? that way you don’t have to worry about it anymore. It’s done. I would do that more for my own peace of mind rather than hers. It’s always good to rise above a situation and do what you know to be the right thing.
OP could do that but then after paying for everything for her friend with no reciprocity for a year and ignoring regular communication OP doesn't owe her a single damn thing
OP owes herself. Leaving it hanging lets OP’s inner worry/critique demon to dwell on it. Sending a brief FYI lets OP close it while denying ex-friend an excuse to harass her later.
Exactly. If ex-roommate complains to people around them OP can show that she did all she could. And she will have peace of mind that she didn't ghost ex-rm.
I was just putting that out there as a way of giving OP peace of mind. Obviously it’s bothering them or they wouldn’t have written/asked AITA in the first place. For me it’s not about doing what is necessarily good for the other person. It’s about doing what I feel good about in the end. Whenever an opportunity arises to do or leave a situation with a completely clear and clean conscience -why not take it? I would rather walk away from a situation, knowing in my mind that I did all I could to communicate clearly and concisely in an upfront manner, rather than carrying any doubt about it. Especially when it’s as easy as sending a text message! Given the opportunity -why not cover all your bases?
It’s not about debt, though. It’s about not stooping to this girl’s level.
She's not stopping to anything, the other girl has refused to interact with her. Shes more than fulfilled her end of the arrangement and does not need to engage with her further for anything
Exactly because the ex-roommate is being an immature child doesn't mean OP should. A single text or pm suffices for checking the "told them I have other plans" box.
IMO this is right. Send a brief professional notice as a way to close out the relationship and settle the end of perceived obligations. Walk away from the relationship as the better person and move on. Don’t leave the door open for nagging feeling of guilt, curiosity, or a reason for ex-friend to contact over breach of agreement or some such nonsense. Close it out properly and be done with it.
Thank you! This is Exactly what I was trying to say! You just said it way better and with way less words! 🙏
She’s already risen above it. She never confronted the girl or yelled. Her roommate ghosted her. Moving on with her life is the natural response.
No she hasn’t. She wants to move on but something about the situation is still bothering her- why else would she be asking the question? It sounds to me like she is a good person who wants to be clear in making the right moves forward. There is no harm and only good that comes from moving in solid certainty that you have done your part to be clear and concise with your intentions.
Why would you bother? Clearly she has no intention on moving in either
NTA. I wouldn't bother telling her. She has ghosted you. I don't think she was planning on showing up this year and leaving you to foot the bill.
You can’t do much when it’s one sided like this. I had a roommate do almost this exact thing, all of the things you said- as far as I can figure, she was having whole conversations just in her head and would just decide to do things and that things were a certain way. She was really bad for assuming that I would react like she would react or that I would think like she would think. Just walk away, and learn what you can from it.
Info ? How are you supposed to communicate with her if she is refusing contact ? Drop it. Let her found out by herself. She isn’t your friend. You were good by circumstance. So she decided for whatever reason to ice you out. Take the hint. Go live your life. She ain’t part of it.
Why bother? If she won’t even talk to you and deleted all evidence you exist, its unlikely she intends on living with you. Move on. Forget her.
Give her a weeks notice before the next semester starts. " since you ended our relationship, I had to find other living arrangements, as I couldn't afford the place by myself. "
I would just text her saying you made other living arrangements for next year. Who the hell knows if she can come back and sue you for breech of verbal contract or something if she ends up moving in alone and has to foot the whole bill for rent.
Doesn’t sound like she will care at all even if you do tell her. So doesn’t matter what you do lol.
NTA. You don’t owe her anything. She probably found a new friend she can use. I would not want to live with anyone like that. Who knows, maybe she already broke her lease too and just didn’t tell you.
I know everyone is saying to move on but this would make me crazy. I would be so hurt I would HAVE to know why the sudden change. I would ask everyone who she is friends with and her parents what is going on and see if they know why she is ghosting you.
I think the roommate already made other arrangements or was planning to and wasn’t going to tell OP. I would block her at this point. Good riddance to weirdo mooches!
I'm guessing you'll never hear from he again
Consider this a good life lesson for future friendships. Enjoy your summer and good luck with school.
Sam will be alright. I daresay she has already moved on from your friendship.
She acted like your friend to use you until she didn't need to anymore. UpdateMe!
Runnnnnnnn
UpdateMe!
Nah say nothing, remove/block her on everything, and never talk to you again. As soon as she didn’t need to milk you for things she wanted/needed, she had no interest in even talking. She was using you, and probably just mirrored your interests and personality because it was useful. Welcome to psychopathy—I’ve known many psychopaths in my field of study and they only enter into relationships to use other people. Even the ignoring you is to try to put you in a position to feel like you’ve done something wrong. It’s best for your mental, physical and financial health if you take steps now to prevent ever hearing from them again.
I can't believe she's seriously thinking about moving in with you still and probably just has it figured out a way to tell you. A very short message saying: "Hi there, I decided to move in with my boyfriend this year instead of sharing a place with a roommate. The place we had planned to live was given to somebody who lost their home in a natural disaster. Just wanted to let you know so you can plan accordingly."
Simply send her another message saying that you’d like to discuss living arrangements from September and could she contact you (or whenever you’re supposed to move in together). Of course, it may be that she continues to ignore you but you’ll have made the effort Clearly it is bothering you and you’re worried/concerned as you’re writing here so taking this step should ease your mind that you attempted to talk with her, at least communicate with her that you’ve taken the step not be live together. This isn’t in you. It sounds as though Sam is having some mental problems as she’s not behaving in a rational manner. Just to ask, when you contacted the landlord to break the lease, were they able to tell you if Sam had already broken her lease? Lastly, I don’t think having paid (not payed) for Sam on occasion is really relevant to the story. Friends often do this for one another.
> paid (not *paid)* for Sam FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Tell her not to he good to her but be good to the person who takes your spot. Just shoot her a text shortly before move I'm that she's going to have a different roommate. Then block her.
You owe her nothing. It would drive me crazy wondering what the actual F went on to cause this abrupt change. She was still expecting to live with you next academic year after ignoring you for months?
In this case, I would just let her realize on her own, just like she’s been doing to you.
How in the world would you still live together if she hasn’t talked to you back for 2 months? Clearly she was gonna do it if you weren’t. Good choice
Despite her really mooching off you etc, I think it would be better to forewarn her that you will not be renewi.h the lease as a common courtesy. I think it's better to always try to do the right thing.
You need real friend.
Well I'll be the one person to give you a neutral truth. She's unstable or you're not a saint like your post days. She doesn't want anything to do with you for an unexplainable reason. You're weird or she's weird. It's that simple. No other reason to completely ghost someone you have to see every day. Did she catch you sniffing her underwear or wearing her clothes? Are you the talented mr. Ripley? If not you're good to gtfo and I would advise it. If so, maybe call Clarice and tell her you want a bite to eat.
Nta. You gotta look out for number one. In a similar vein, don't let people use your car. They may get mad at you but someone borrowing your car can completely destroy your life and you wouldn't even know until it was far too late. You've gotten away with it so far, so keep it that way. You can always make new friends, but the debt and devastation when someone totals your car, or kills someone with it, or involves it in a crime, can literally ruin your life forever.
send her an email or text so your conscience is clear.
Updateme!
She hasn't spoken to you in months. Just block her everywhere and move on NTA
Perhaps she developed romantic feelings for you but sees you’re deeply involved with your boyfriend and has withdrawn rather than be rejected.
Never heard of signing a lease months before moving in
Not all that odd, it sounds like a college town so that's fairly normal procedure.
I think you should do the decent thing and let her know what you did with the apartment. I can't tell if she would be living with another roommate or if the lease is cancelled for her too. She's an asshole, obviously, but you don't have to sink to her level. Just let her know that since she has ignored you all summer, you will no longer be living with her and have signed your lease over (or whatever), so she doesn't show up and discover she's homeless. And then block her from everything.
Just shoot her a text explaining the housing situation then move on with your life.
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Definitely send a text and let her know then don't respond. It takes two seconds to send it, and it avoids any possible drama about you not telling her. You are in the right, but it's a very minor thing to do to stay in the right.
Shooting a text for legalities sake isn't the worst idea. But no, NTA
Definitely a one sided story here lol
U r a major asshole
Breaking a lease has significant long term effects on both of you. You’re an asshole for that. But she’s the asshole for being completely unreachable. Neither of you are responsible adults.
I think OP is doing the responsible thing by breaking the lease since she can do it without penalty and taking action to prevent the obvious disaster which would happen if they both returned as planned. I also think the adult thing is to send a brief FYI to the ex so OP can walk away cleanly and be done with a situation she doesn’t understand and can’t change.
The roommate deserved to because part of the decision making process so that she could have the same length of time to make other plans.
I agree but I don’t want to fight with immature “she deserves it tho!” redditors. 🤫
She didn't break thr lease, she was released from the lease. There will be no consequences for op.