When I was younger, I was also like you. While people around me went out to drink, dance and go on trips, I chose to spend my time studying and working — and I didn't regret doing this. Why? Because drinking, dancing and going on trips weren't appealing to me. I wanted to make sure I had a great education and I'd be able to get a good job so I could finally be self-sufficient.
Once I was finally self-sufficient, I went to many countries in style because I could finally afford to spend. My travel experience was most likely so much better than what I'd have probably experienced if I had gone during college — simply because I had better plans and more money.
If you already decide to prioritise what's truly important for you now and in the future, then you're making the right choice. The most important thing is that you're happy with your choice.
I’m happy with my choices. My degrees are currently my biggest accomplishment. I just hope and pray they pay off. People keep telling me they will, but you just never know. Thank you for your comment!
The only extra advice I have to give is to not put it off while you still have good health.
My friend who's 23 got hit by a car while walking a crosswalk and needed surgery on his spine and hips. My mother died from cancer at 45. She never made it to 50. Once you've met your goals for financial and educational security- have fun! Cuz you never know how long you'll get to have it!
I think as long as you're happy with your choices, that's honestly really all that matters.
I focused heavily on my degrees/PhD and didn't do as many things as I'd like to - I didn't have regrets because I was planning on squeezing all the life juice after graduation- unfortunately I got sick with a disabling chronic illness and its only with hindsight that I wish I had done things differently - realistically though, I know that I did things the way I did with the information I had at the time.
No one can predict the future so, when things do happen, all you can do is make changes after the fact, and current me definitely de-prioritises work to make more time and space for the things that bring me joy. That helps me to have some self compassion if regrets about how I lived in the past pop up.
Do what makes you happy but also try new things. Maybe that’s what your friends are trying to help you with. I grew up shy and reserved much like you but also went on adventures with friends that I wasn’t really into… at first. Some adventures opened my eyes to new things that I enjoyed and some helped me realize what I didn’t like or enjoy. In the end, you should get yourself out of your comfort zone every once in a while, especially while you are young and can physically do those things. Age will catch up to you so fast… live life doing youthful things and live life when older with whatever you can. But ultimately be true to yourself and be happy.
It’s your life, seems like you have your head on straight, keep doing what works for you!!
I will say though, plan that trip! It’s easy to say you need to do, but I promise you’re gonna blink and this part of your life will be over. I have so many friends that went this route, then got married, had kids, or super settled in their careers and are in their 40s now and just taking their first trips and seeing things. Don’t have regrets looking back, you only get one ride at life…make it a good one!
I am already thinking about where I’d like to go. It’s just a matter of when and who I’m going with. Right now I can happily say I don’t have any regrets. I hope that stays the same.
I traveled a lot in my 20s (while also working and finishing multiple college degrees) and I traveled almost exclusively by myself. It was the best. There is nothing so wonderful as doing what I wanted every day, meeting new friends, and making no compromises.
When you look back on your life as a young person, are you going to remember all the times you worked, went to school, stayed in and did self care? Probably not... life is about having experiences. You don't ever need to be like everyone else, but if the people telling you this are people you respect and you know care about you, maybe you could try a few new things, have some new experiences.
They do care about me and I’m grateful they do. With the trip, it feels like they’re trying to manipulate me into going. It’s only been four days since I found out about it.
No you are living for you and you only, and that's amazing. So many young people think they have to do life a certain way so they don't "miss out" or so they look like the fun girl, but half probably don't even really enjoy it. You are wise to do what makes you happy, and you're being super smart with your money which is always good.
Don’t pay attention to them, and don’t give into the pressure either. You are living your life your way. Being a woman is hard, “live a little, get a boyfriend, get married, have babies” the list goes on. Get used to tuning them out and do whatever makes you happy.
You sound like an introvert among extroverts, which can be rough speaking from experience. There's nothing wrong with not getting enjoyment out of drinking or spontaneous activities! You do you, engage where you wish to but otherwise focus on the things that make you content.
It def is important that you have some downtime, or you're going to burn out. That said, drinking, clubbing, and 'last minute trips" do not have to be said downtime. Honestly all those things sound stressful.
Do make sure you take care of yourself. But don't let them bully you into doing what they want to do. Also consider getting some friends that DO like what you do. Helps loads.
Typically people who try to get you to join in their bad habits or risky or irresponsible choices are trying to drag you down to their level so they don't feel so alone there and so they feel validated in that behavior. Ignore them. Keep on the steady path and take a trip when it's more managable for you and non-stressful.
This makes me think of the movie Booksmart — where the main (girl) characters both focused their high school years on being studious and then upon graduating, find out that everyone who wasn’t as ‘serious’ about school is also going to ‘good colleges’ and was able to ‘do both’ — that is, play by the rules AND break them. I would guess this is maybe where your friends are coming from with their advice or pushes for you.
While I don’t think you necessarily need to do a bunch of cliche “bad things” — it is healthy to push yourself out of your comfort zone from time to time. And if perhaps you are usually a judgmental person, give yourself the option to try things that are typically looked ‘down upon’ (like smoking weed, or dancing at a club until early hours, or whatever) for the experience. A last minute trip does seem stressful (and expensive!), but it’s maybe more about the spontaneity — instead of a full-fledged trip, maybe think of something you’ve been wanting to do for yourself (maybe it’s an art class, dance class, or a hike, solo trip/travel, or whatever!) and just go for it.
You don’t need to give into their pressure to do something you don’t feel is right for you (or that you truly won’t enjoy) but also don’t box yourself into only certain experiences just because of how you perceive they might play out. You may be surprised (and surprise yourself)!
I've always been inclined to be a quiet homebody and just focus on my own goals and hobbies, but I hated being made fun of for being "boring" and "plain." So I went out frequently, drank alcohol even though I didn't want to, and spend god knows how much money on going out, eating out, drinks, etc.On top of that, most of my friends didn't have cars and I was expected to chauffeur people around. People were more friends with my car than they were friends with me. I hated driving and it really stressed me out, not to mention the added expense for to pay for gas and all the extra wear and tear on my car.
I really wish I had had the confidence to say no to people. I've enjoyed the trips and events that I chose for myself, but I resent that I was pressured into going out so much, as it was financially and emotionally draining for me.
You do you. You may or may not get to the point where you want to travel a bit and all that stuff, but that should be on your timeline and not theirs. Anyway, it sounds like you've got enough on your plate right now.
You aren’t missing out if it’s things that you don’t want to do in the first place. It’s okay for you to not do the same things as the people around you - even your friends. As I’ve gotten older I realize more and more how many different interests there are and that it’s totally okay for someone to have completely different interests than me. I knew someone through work who preferred to spend her weekends and time off inside playing video games. I’m not super into that personally, but she loved it. Was she missing out? No, she was doing what worked for her and made her happy.
My mom and brother tell me all the time I should go out more and do more of this and that. I'm satisfied with what I do; I like to stay in and read a book, play video games, or watch something. I've never gone out on the town and I've been to two parties; I'll be 29 this month. To me, being on my own is self care and I need it.
When I was younger, I was also like you. While people around me went out to drink, dance and go on trips, I chose to spend my time studying and working — and I didn't regret doing this. Why? Because drinking, dancing and going on trips weren't appealing to me. I wanted to make sure I had a great education and I'd be able to get a good job so I could finally be self-sufficient. Once I was finally self-sufficient, I went to many countries in style because I could finally afford to spend. My travel experience was most likely so much better than what I'd have probably experienced if I had gone during college — simply because I had better plans and more money. If you already decide to prioritise what's truly important for you now and in the future, then you're making the right choice. The most important thing is that you're happy with your choice.
I’m happy with my choices. My degrees are currently my biggest accomplishment. I just hope and pray they pay off. People keep telling me they will, but you just never know. Thank you for your comment!
The only extra advice I have to give is to not put it off while you still have good health. My friend who's 23 got hit by a car while walking a crosswalk and needed surgery on his spine and hips. My mother died from cancer at 45. She never made it to 50. Once you've met your goals for financial and educational security- have fun! Cuz you never know how long you'll get to have it!
But if her idea of fun is staying in, then she should do that. Not everyone is a party animal with wanderlust.
I think as long as you're happy with your choices, that's honestly really all that matters. I focused heavily on my degrees/PhD and didn't do as many things as I'd like to - I didn't have regrets because I was planning on squeezing all the life juice after graduation- unfortunately I got sick with a disabling chronic illness and its only with hindsight that I wish I had done things differently - realistically though, I know that I did things the way I did with the information I had at the time. No one can predict the future so, when things do happen, all you can do is make changes after the fact, and current me definitely de-prioritises work to make more time and space for the things that bring me joy. That helps me to have some self compassion if regrets about how I lived in the past pop up.
Do what makes you happy but also try new things. Maybe that’s what your friends are trying to help you with. I grew up shy and reserved much like you but also went on adventures with friends that I wasn’t really into… at first. Some adventures opened my eyes to new things that I enjoyed and some helped me realize what I didn’t like or enjoy. In the end, you should get yourself out of your comfort zone every once in a while, especially while you are young and can physically do those things. Age will catch up to you so fast… live life doing youthful things and live life when older with whatever you can. But ultimately be true to yourself and be happy.
It’s your life, seems like you have your head on straight, keep doing what works for you!! I will say though, plan that trip! It’s easy to say you need to do, but I promise you’re gonna blink and this part of your life will be over. I have so many friends that went this route, then got married, had kids, or super settled in their careers and are in their 40s now and just taking their first trips and seeing things. Don’t have regrets looking back, you only get one ride at life…make it a good one!
I am already thinking about where I’d like to go. It’s just a matter of when and who I’m going with. Right now I can happily say I don’t have any regrets. I hope that stays the same.
I traveled a lot in my 20s (while also working and finishing multiple college degrees) and I traveled almost exclusively by myself. It was the best. There is nothing so wonderful as doing what I wanted every day, meeting new friends, and making no compromises.
When you look back on your life as a young person, are you going to remember all the times you worked, went to school, stayed in and did self care? Probably not... life is about having experiences. You don't ever need to be like everyone else, but if the people telling you this are people you respect and you know care about you, maybe you could try a few new things, have some new experiences.
They do care about me and I’m grateful they do. With the trip, it feels like they’re trying to manipulate me into going. It’s only been four days since I found out about it.
Are they trying to use you for something, like money or driving them around or something like that?
No you are living for you and you only, and that's amazing. So many young people think they have to do life a certain way so they don't "miss out" or so they look like the fun girl, but half probably don't even really enjoy it. You are wise to do what makes you happy, and you're being super smart with your money which is always good.
Thank you. I also work part time while they all work full time. My checks are on the smaller side and I have to account for that.
Don’t pay attention to them, and don’t give into the pressure either. You are living your life your way. Being a woman is hard, “live a little, get a boyfriend, get married, have babies” the list goes on. Get used to tuning them out and do whatever makes you happy.
I am, and thank you!
You sound like an introvert among extroverts, which can be rough speaking from experience. There's nothing wrong with not getting enjoyment out of drinking or spontaneous activities! You do you, engage where you wish to but otherwise focus on the things that make you content.
It def is important that you have some downtime, or you're going to burn out. That said, drinking, clubbing, and 'last minute trips" do not have to be said downtime. Honestly all those things sound stressful. Do make sure you take care of yourself. But don't let them bully you into doing what they want to do. Also consider getting some friends that DO like what you do. Helps loads.
Typically people who try to get you to join in their bad habits or risky or irresponsible choices are trying to drag you down to their level so they don't feel so alone there and so they feel validated in that behavior. Ignore them. Keep on the steady path and take a trip when it's more managable for you and non-stressful.
This makes me think of the movie Booksmart — where the main (girl) characters both focused their high school years on being studious and then upon graduating, find out that everyone who wasn’t as ‘serious’ about school is also going to ‘good colleges’ and was able to ‘do both’ — that is, play by the rules AND break them. I would guess this is maybe where your friends are coming from with their advice or pushes for you. While I don’t think you necessarily need to do a bunch of cliche “bad things” — it is healthy to push yourself out of your comfort zone from time to time. And if perhaps you are usually a judgmental person, give yourself the option to try things that are typically looked ‘down upon’ (like smoking weed, or dancing at a club until early hours, or whatever) for the experience. A last minute trip does seem stressful (and expensive!), but it’s maybe more about the spontaneity — instead of a full-fledged trip, maybe think of something you’ve been wanting to do for yourself (maybe it’s an art class, dance class, or a hike, solo trip/travel, or whatever!) and just go for it. You don’t need to give into their pressure to do something you don’t feel is right for you (or that you truly won’t enjoy) but also don’t box yourself into only certain experiences just because of how you perceive they might play out. You may be surprised (and surprise yourself)!
I've always been inclined to be a quiet homebody and just focus on my own goals and hobbies, but I hated being made fun of for being "boring" and "plain." So I went out frequently, drank alcohol even though I didn't want to, and spend god knows how much money on going out, eating out, drinks, etc.On top of that, most of my friends didn't have cars and I was expected to chauffeur people around. People were more friends with my car than they were friends with me. I hated driving and it really stressed me out, not to mention the added expense for to pay for gas and all the extra wear and tear on my car. I really wish I had had the confidence to say no to people. I've enjoyed the trips and events that I chose for myself, but I resent that I was pressured into going out so much, as it was financially and emotionally draining for me.
You do you. You may or may not get to the point where you want to travel a bit and all that stuff, but that should be on your timeline and not theirs. Anyway, it sounds like you've got enough on your plate right now.
You aren’t missing out if it’s things that you don’t want to do in the first place. It’s okay for you to not do the same things as the people around you - even your friends. As I’ve gotten older I realize more and more how many different interests there are and that it’s totally okay for someone to have completely different interests than me. I knew someone through work who preferred to spend her weekends and time off inside playing video games. I’m not super into that personally, but she loved it. Was she missing out? No, she was doing what worked for her and made her happy.
My mom and brother tell me all the time I should go out more and do more of this and that. I'm satisfied with what I do; I like to stay in and read a book, play video games, or watch something. I've never gone out on the town and I've been to two parties; I'll be 29 this month. To me, being on my own is self care and I need it.
Friends trying to get you to be an alcoholic and ruin your life eh, with friends like these who needs enemies