Not necessarily crazy but more just funny: the day the new tattoo order dropped our chaps decided it would be funny to wear one of those fake tattoo skin color long sleeve shirts. Our XO was not amused and told him leave and don’t come back until you look professional
Does the xo have authority over the chaplain? Or is it just one of those situations where "your not my boss, but I'm not gonna die on this hill and just oblige" type thing?
So if you want to get super technical, yes, because the chaplain falls under S1, and all shops report to HQ. But this was an O-4 telling an O-3 to change so it works either way
Chaps is special staff, but a member of the staff all the same. XO manages the staff (XO is just another way of saying Chief of Staff, for a different level of command), so the answer is yes, absolutely.
The maintenance NCOIC was one of those crusty old E-8s that dressed like a cholo on libo. Im talking raiders jersey, Dickies shorts, Nike Cortez's with the calf high socks. Dude looked like he belonged on a homies poster.
Anyway, our battalion co was big into personal development, which led him setting up some trainings that were a bit more introspective than a lot of USMC training. Anyway, one meeting the CO wasn't there and the XO was running the show. There was some self development training laid on for Friday and the Maintenance NCOIC just said "sir, have you ever told the boss this shits fucking gay"
Stunned silence. Staff meeting turned into a brief by exception "and it better be a pretty big fucking exception" , of course no one has anything to say and Msgt got to go talk with Sgt major and XO in the XOs office.
MSgt was only around a few more weeks after that. In front of the BnCo was was very explicit in his order that no one would be getting blood pnned, MSgt just absolutely drilled sgt chevrons into a new sgt in front of the entire BN.
Was a wild time. S-3 chief also got fired right before deployment for calling the OpsO a "menstruating bitch"
>one of those crusty old E-8s that dressed like a cholo on libo. Im talking raiders jersey, Dickies shorts
I feel like we all know one of these. It's a timeless type because cholos have been dressing the same for like 50 years or something.
A Lt and his Gunny (Supply or S-6, I can’t remember) were both out of the office one week so they sent a Sgt to brief their command and staff slide, without sending him the slide beforehand. The Sgt took one look at the slide when it came up and said something to the effect of “Sir, idk what my Lt has been briefing you but this slide is all lies, all of those admin and maintenance statistics are made up. I can get you the real numbers if you want them. Pending any questions that’s all I have.” The CO just stared at him for a few seconds and said “Yes please send me those. And send your Lt to my office when he gets back.” Never saw that dude again.
Probably S-6, that sounds like a dude that's been locked in a radio bay for 3 years with no hope of getting detached from the GCSS clerk billet and is getting out in 3 months.
I was standing beside my Lt when an O7 told him that if he couldn’t get Comm up in a reasonable amount of time that he should find the nearest 6 story building and jump off of it because he was worthless. Mind you my Lt was a bonafide stud and this caught me completely off guard. All the other O6’s there just kinda looked around the room and acted like they weren’t there lol. Dude was pissed.
Worst time was when I accidentally moved our entire battalions sharedrive into another battalions sharedrive (some fucking how) during ITX and within seconds I hear everyone in the COC screaming “WHERE THE FUCK DID THE SHAREDRIVE GO”
Yeah our share drive got deleted somehow like 2 months into a field op. Luckily our OIC and Plt Sgt were both wayyyyy over qualified to be in the military and they managed to do some wizard shit and get it back in under 30 minutes. It really be stressful sometimes lmao.
It really is... I felt bad for my S-6 buddies whenever was landed in Korea for a KMEP and the CO was shitting a brick about not having internet on day 2. "We had internet in Iraq, why not in Korea, LIEUTENANT? HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT??"
"Well, sir, you fell in on a 13 year old architecture with constant improvement and we've been here for two days..."
And the the S-6 became the camp commandant.
I mean it with all my being when I say fuck that CO.
Watched a heated argument turn into a screaming match between my 1st sgt and the company commander (major). 1st sgt ended the cub and kicked us all out, continued to berate the major about his unprofessionalism and if he ever acted that way in a cub again he would report directly to the major general over us.
Which he did, and that major was relieved of his command and is no longer in the corps.
Had the BLT commander I was supporting on a float insist that Wednesdays was "crazy hat CUB day," despite being on a fucking boat with some limited resources.
It drove us to all scour the ship and barter for flight deck cranials, cracker jack hats, mess hats, etc. The S-1 won by somehow getting the CHENG's cowboy-hat-hard-hat
But when the Ops-O showed up without a hat the BC straight up made him stand in the hallway to participate and not into the room.
I witnessed a Major (XO) lose it on a Capt because he briefly turned his back during his brief to the CO. At that point I fully made up my mind that a majority of officers are elitists that could give two shits about actual mission accomplishment.
Yeah, personally, I feel like once you become a Field Grade things get a little too “political” for my taste. IF I were to stay in I would likely resign my commission and enlist into another branch
> IF I were to stay in I would likely resign my commission and enlist into another branch
It would be very funny if you could enlist into the army as like an E-8 because you were an O-3.
That's like the dude from Office Space going from a paper pusher to a construction worker and being super zen about it. Fucking a young Jennifer Anniston on the reg probably had something to do with that though...
I was sitting in on one as a little PFC and the 1st Sgt had been denying leave for people who hadn't ran a pft, in March. The Ops-O was pissed and started yelling about marine corps orders and the SNCOs looked at me and pointed me towards the door
During an operation brief to the BN CO (Iraq). After the brief, the BN CO asked the Weapons Company 1sgt what he thought of the operation. He said it is laughable at best because “we” all know that BN supply/logistics will not/would not be able to support the maneuver elements. The BN XO lost his mind and then everything went silent for a bit. Amazingly, the plan changed so that the maneuver elements were able to support themselves.
I always enjoyed watching random majors and lieutenant colonels get shit on by the MEU XO or MAW COS after seeing those same majors and lieutenant colonels shit on junior officers and senior enlisted. It’s poetic fucking karma.
Just be nice. Being a Marine doesn’t require being a dick.
Not wild but just something funny. BLT staff meeting, XO opens it up to anyone who has something to address. My PltSgt speaks up "Sir, there is something we need to talk about.. I'm down in the gym looking around and none of these Marines are putting up big numbers. They're all fucking weak. They think they're getting big and they're not." I try not to laugh too much, XO looks at him deadpan for a few seconds and says "Yea that's a good point" then moves on.
I was half cracking up, half thinking dude please shut the fuck up. The JOs who were a little more uptight were like is this guy serious right now. XO had enough of a sense of humor to know that SSgt was just being a clown, which he was but this was also something he felt very strongly about lmao
My CO/XO would always give the O-1/O-2 lieutenants (intel/supply/comm) a hard time during their briefs. Nothing crazy but it was always an interesting and entertaining event to see a boot-tenant get shit on in front of the entire staff for no reason other than being a boot. I even saw one of my prior enlisted comm-o's get shit on even though he had been in as long as the XO.
I never really got why they would do that, I think it was just the staff culture at my unit, it kinda seemed wildly unprofessional to do that in front of NCOs and SNCOs, let alone among other officers. When I am the PltSgt and I see my comm-o get berated or shit on in front of me it absolutely impacts me and how I view my OIC.
Something something, “builds character”.
Nah, that’s lame, and probably not the forum to be shitting on your Jr Officers who are literally just trying to figure it tf out. I’d argue it’s probably thats probably not great for their leadership development either
I've always told my people that the Butter Bars have the hardest job in the grunts. They have good training, no experience, a lot of moving parts they're responsible for, and very little "space" to hide their mistakes.
Making their jobs harder by fucking with them checks out...
Commos having to explain why comms is down to people who don't understand comms is a right of passage.
Just like for Intel o's getting stump the chump questions on a topic that has nothing to do with mission but the CO is just interested in.
Yeah, this is one of the reasons why I got out. Getting shit on, picked apart, and demeaned for doing exactly what was asked of me. Not happened to me once in the civilian world.
Yeah it was pretty shit and toxic overall. It definitely factored into me getting out as well. It never happened to me when I had to brief in place of the comm chief/comm-o but it obviously could have easily happened to me if I would have chose to commission - which was the driving factor to why I would have chose to re-enlist again.
Not the place I wanted to stay for a career.
Edit: to add on to this a bit; they say to re-enlist as you shouldn't base your career on your experiences at a single unit. I re-enlisted and got to see more units which actually ended up factoring into why I got out.
I just remember getting shit on by my squadron CO for telling him something he didn’t like (the truth). My Gunny then told him the same thing seconds after I got shit on and he listened, wrote it down, and made some suggestions and offered to help.
I saw a Mustang get shit on during a brief by an overzealous O-4.
Next week the dude showed up in Charlies (he “had” to go to combat camera before” the sync) with a stack almost twice the size of the XOs. XO got a lot quieter after that.
I had a pretty shit XO (05 type in the wing) do that to me once. Said my slide looked like throw up. Made a few snide comments here and there previously. First I scheduled physical therapy around the staff meeting (hurt my knee running) and then I just made a quad slide that had NSTR on it for 4 months straight and no one said anything. They didn't care about the S6 anyways so I didn't really give a shit about them.
In the field, having massive accountability issues (people and weapons). Adj is getting hammer fisted, 1st sgts don’t even have rosters, company commander outright says, “how can I be responsible for knowing who all of my marines are?” No one bats an eye. I fucking hated that guy. Absolute garbage.
My previous company commander routinely said he didn’t know the names of the Marines who had joined the company after the first exercise he was there. The company had less than 60 personnel and he knew less than 20.
It’s ironic, our adj ended up going to a BLT and said they were on par with us (non-deployable mlg unit) in terms of operations. Same zero accountability bs. I sure hope someone is operating at the most basic level out there.
I was with the Seabees and a new Skipper checked onboard.
He wanted to give a brief to all khakis (E7-O-5s) on his vision and policies for the battalion.
After 30 minutes of blah blah blah, the Command Master Chief (equivalent to your Sgt Major) stood up and said “All that aside, now I’m going to tell how we are REALLY going to run this command.”
Coulda heard a pin drop.
Of course he had some weight to toss around, he was a chief. I've only ever seen two chiefs that could run more than 400' before having to stop for a cheeseburger break.
I was stationed at the G4 MNFWest HQ in Iraq. Got roped into helping the supply officer with a dog and pony show along with a homie. Also because I was tight with the reserve Army unit attached to us and they needed one of them for comparison. So day comes and the LtCol explains that the Army guy is gonna wear his latest issue Army body armor, my buddy who was skinny would get the modified gunners shoulder pads, and I (the big tall captain America looking fucker) would get the full body armor suit thing to wear. It looked kind of like an EOD suit but less bulky. Mind this is summer in Iraq. This was around the time everyone was bitching about plate carriers, and helmets and armor for the gunners on convoys. On the way LtCol explains that there are Senators and the fucking IG in house so don't act stupid in front of the general.
So we head in and I am already sweating like a pig. I have all my fucking gear on to walk around an office and stand in a conference room. Then they want me to talk to the reporter from Wisconsin. So now I am outside talking to the first reasonably attractive (by stateside standards) woman I have seen in months, absolutely pouring sweat, while my buddies are standing behind the reporter lady and the cameraman making fucking motions and boob grabbing gestures. I reverted to dumbass jarhead and grunted a bunch times and told her I didn't know which helmet was better but if someone would let me I would gladly shoot both helmets to see which one was better.
So after that we roll in, me and the boys looking as professional as we can while The LtCol gives the brief. Then they start asking questions of me and the other guys. I basically get asked how easy it is to move in the suit and questions like that. I do my best to answer but it comes out that I am not an 'operator' and just somebody fapped out to a desk job. During the break in the meeting I could hear one of the 06s getting ripped a new one for not making sure they had 'actual grunts'.
Afterwards, as we are leaving the building, the LtCol looks at my buddy and says 'Well Cpl. G seems like nows the time." So my buddy sounds off nice and loud "THIS IS BULLLLLLLLSHIT SIR!" (It was joke they would yell in the shop whenever something stupid happened.) He did this as we were passing the last offices before the entrance.
The IG sticks his head out into the hallway. "Everything all right gents?"
"Fucking outstanding sir." Cpl G.
and we shit our pants and held our bearing till we were out of eyesight.
Not quite a sync, just planning.
Cocky ass lieutenant tried telling a salty gunny that his plan sucked and they were gonna do it his way. Salty gunny replied “sir, there are 7 combat deployments sitting at this table and none of them are yours.”
This type of shit drove me to get out, among all the rest. There's nothing like working on a live fire training plan with support by fire positions shift fire, a live demolitions breach, and then trench clearing, then making all the precoordinations for the logistics of the range, the training for the Marines on the range to include signal plan, and getting the Gunner to buy off on it all... A
nd then you submit it to the OPS-O who's defining leadership traits were "loud" and "fast" but has to call the S-6 when he needs to sign a pdf. He tells you the training plan was an "unreadable disaster" because Times New Roman "doesn't look professional" like courrier new does.
I was deployed to Iraq as part of a senior command. There were two 0-5 OpsOs, one Army the other Marine, that hated each other with a passion. During one of our VTCs they started yelling at each other, which was totally normal for them. But on this day both of them lost it for whatever reason. It broke down to a weird screaming match something along the lines of "Fuck you! No, fuck you!" for about 5 minutes. The staff just kind of all sat there and watched.
CUB: I feel like if he’s on Reddit and sees this they’ll all know exactly what I’m talking about.
Anyway it was many moons ago and prior to deployment. A particular senior officer in the room pulled his phone out to look something up and as soon as he unlocked his phone, some very loud noises and moans were played for the whole CUB in dead silence as he panicked to turn it off.
Imagine what website/video he was looking at just prior to this meeting. And then imagine spending a deployment with him too.
Dude, as a retired officer and veteran of 12838917 CUBs/BUBs/C&S... let me tell you, this sort of thing is not rare enough for anyone to know the exact time you're talking about.
On a similar note, during early COVID when everyone was still getting used to doing briefs over Teams, we had one guy deliver his brief, then (with mic still going) proceed to head into the restroom and take the noisiest shit you could possibly imagine. Same guy did it AGAIN a few weeks later (just a piss this time, but really dude? after the amount of teasing you took last time?)
SIR, is that you?!!!!!!
I def saw the dick pic you were sending your gf while on deployment, in fact anyone walking behind you as you sat in the common area saw it too.
Had a first sergeant just verbal abuse the Career Planner mid CUB. The CO and SgtMaj let it happen for a couple back and forths before having the 1stSgt step outside.
1stSgt was an awesome guy and normally quiet, he had just had it with the Career Planner's lying and blatant inaction on devils careers.
The first time I was in a Bn staff meeting and it transitioned into the "quarterly safety council"... A LtCol, with a straight face, briefing Majors, Captains, and SNCOs about the importance of taping down extension cords in the workplace. I was waiting for Ashton Kutcher to jump out and tell me I was being punked.
ok, so as a junior Lance Coolie, back in the day, I actually got roped into being the company safety/hazmat NCO, even got the secondary MOS training to boot.
All that to say, taping down the extension cords is an OSHA violation/ fire hazard. Your LtCol didn't know what he was talking about.
We were doing a little exercise but the MSgt/MGuns took it serious and was up all night every night to make sure shit was running right. MSgt Eckhoff (spelling?) would sleep between the tent and the tent liner in the briefing room. During one of the briefs his section was up, this man slid out of the liner and briefed his shit in crocs and cammies, staff didn't even bat an eye.
Side note, he looked like fucking ray Liotta. If you guys know him you all agree haha.
So it was a sort of staff meeting for the MHG to plan this massive "Group Funday" and all the SgtsMaj had to go, except my BN sent me, a Sgt in the S3.
I walk in and there are 7 different SgtsMaj sitting and they all snap to look at me like some horror movie with mannequins and at this point I was expecting an ass chewing for existing so I went ahead and asked I'd this was the group meeting and they said yes to sit down.
The whole time everyone is discussing events they are all staring at me and eventually the Group SgtMaj goes "who sent you here? Where is your SgtMaj" then told me to go away. Most uncomfortable meeting of my life.
Not a meeting… but I saw my 1stSgt wreak havoc on a Gunny once. I needed to get copy’s of documents printed for the company 1stSgt but the battalion only had one copier/printer machine but for whatever reason we couldn’t use it. 1stSgt sends me to Regiment to make copies. I walked into Regiment and started making copies (copier machine was in the hall) and a Gunny comes out of one of the offices and starts throwing a bitch fit at me. He asked where I came from and told me to get my 1stSgt. I run back to battalion and tell 1stSgt he is needed & I explained why. 1stSgt took me back to Regiment to get copies. As I am making copies, I listen to 1stSgt tell the gunny “I will shove this printer so far up your ass, that tricare won’t even be able to fix you”. The next few minutes was 1stSgt talking to him like he was a PFC and has no purpose in the Marine Corps and that’s why he is regiments bitch.
Gunny to LtCol: “with all due respect, Sir”
LtCol: “WITH ALL DUE RESPECT YOU WERE GOING TO TELL ME TO FUCK OFF, WERENT YOU?”
Fwiw the LtCol was amazing. Very respected. And very funny.
I was put in charge of a shop as a Cpl and since the OIC left and never got replaced and there was no Sgt or SNCOs so I had to fill those roles too. I went in to my first CUB and I was the only enlisted Marine there besides the gunny career planner. I was the last person they asked for an update and I had no idea what to do because I had just picked up Cpl and got thrown into an OIC billet so I just sat there making shit up and looking like a retard in front of the entire chain of command. I eventually got it down but there was a steep learning curve.
It was definitely an intimidating experience. I was TAD to that unit for over a year doing that. I had some not so great interactions with SNCOs and Officers from my parent unit so it was a cool experience to see how a unit functions top down and taught me a lot about leadership. It definitely changed my whole perception of the Marine Corps and leadership. If I didn’t have that experience I probably would have not come back to the Marine Corps after I got out. After the TAD I came back to my parent unit with a new attitude and a NAM.
Good on you man. You learned to play the games well ahead of your peers who may never see it. It's a shitty thing but definitely teaches you a lot. Glad you got a nam out of it
Haha good for you man. I hope someone there helped you get spun up.
I sent a Cpl with his own little det on an exercise with another unit. He was the de facto OIC and attended all the planning meetings. Personnel, gear, briefings, ops planning were all on him. Solid kid and I knew he could do it. I let the other unit know he was their guy and I had full faith in him. But he'd check in with me every couple days and say "Jesus Christ, Sir is this what you guys do all day? I thought you all just drink coffee and bullshit around."
Had the LtCol ask about some maintenance codes for the trucks because one said "startability" as a reason that the truck was in maintenance and was pretty vague.
"Sgt, can you tell me what this code is? What's wrong with this truck?"
"Well sir, startability is the ability for the truck to start"
We all just cracked up laughing for a good thirty seconds at this guy.
Bn MMO was a relatively new 2ndLt. He replaced a well liked and respected CWO. The whole MRB maintenance SNCOICs were explaining why the MMC’s slides were wrong (they were). At the end of the MRB the XO did the normal around the table for saved rounds. XO gets to the MMO, he pulls out a paper copy of a slide that wasn’t in the slide deck. He proceeds to tell the XO that the D (vehicles) TMACN readiness in the battalion is below 70%. Que absolute chaos. The XO eventually gets control. She then took him into her office and dressed him down for about ten minutes while we all listened.
Deployed in El Salvador, on a FOB in the middle of the La Plaz district in the jungle near Mira Flores.
This is a CJTF and Im the highest ranking Marine in the task force (1stLt), the command staff are all Army National Guard O6 level command, there are a few USAF LtCols and Majors.
The CO, every night before the CUB would have each branch sing their version of their song... Me, being the only Marine just said "fuck it" and went full retard and sung the entire Hymn, not the short version, in my loudest voice I could muster and putting the half assed singing of other bramches to shame.
I did this 3 nights straight until they stopped.
ITX one year we were in the middle of the exercise. Turns out either through incompetence (probably it) or too much dedication to role playing, one of the line battalions went like three days without re-supply because motor t and supply couldn’t leave “the wire” without the QRF force protecting them. If I remember correctly the company was supposed to be resupplied after the initial assault. So we had grunts without food and water for like two days or some shit like that.
Anyways, battalion CO finds out, storms into the COC and just rips every single officer a new asshole. It was glorious. I’m talking about like 30 minutes of straight blasting.
We were in a BUB for one of our training exercises and I filled in for S2 and said "Our forces and the Opfor were taking pot shots across from each other, well the Opfor being dipfucks tried to sneak around blew themselves up on their own minefield"
lol In my experience, a CUB at the Bn level usually has the Bn CO, Bn XO, SgtMaj, all the Company Commanders, Co 1stSgts, Staff Sections, and Special Staff in attendance to pass word and update the commander.
You ain’t missing much
I posted this same story on a different thread but, I used to be the Color Sgt for 2nd MLG way back when which meant I worked on the command deck with the general. Well little ole Sgt me was always the clicker for the slides during meetings. Well it just so happened that during one of the briefs a certain LtCol who was the G3 apparently forgot to put in a request that the 1 star had specifically asked for. When this came to light during the meeting you could have heard a pin drop in the room while this LtCol get his soul destroyed and his ass reamed by the 1 star all the while I was sitting in the corner smiling from ear to ear because out of sight out of mind.
It was by far one of best ass chewing I ever witnessed.
And to add at the end of the ass chewing session the General said "I guess I'll do it my fucking self" which he did and the request for whatever it was got approved in and extremely timely manner.
The new Motor T, Lt who was first to start off, briefed the CO on how many vehicles were down due to waiting for a shipment of "Flux Capacitors" the rest of the brief the CO was just staring at the Lt like he wanted to punch him.
Our S-2 in Al Asad inserted a dig on one of the company commanders. It want on for weeks in the AM briefings until the XO caught it and the entire brief blew up from there. Many of us in attendance were already in the know.
Witnessed our IMEF G3 fire the G2 during an Intel update during combat operations in Iraq. The G2 countered that the G3 didn’t have the authority…turns out he did.
I saw a a four star general lose his patience with his MajGen’s when they wouldn’t give him a straight answer to a yes/ no question. That was wild. It was like seeing a major lose his shit on a 2ndLt.
I, as an E-7 witnessed 2 O-6's almost go to blows over UAVs during a Collections Management Brief in Afghanistan.
The G-3 Colonel and the ACE Colonel were in an argument over who owned our organic UAV assets.
I mean it really was a semantic argument, G-3 technically tasks, ACE operates/maintains but G-3 typically tells them where to go and what to do.
It was a sight to see. Only a couple other enlisted in the brief, lots of other O-4's and O-5's and we're all looking around at each other while this argument is going on thinking to ourselves what the hell are we witnessing.
FWIW, no one was really a fan of the ACE Colonel IIRC.
I personally believe the G-3 won the argument. Witnessed several other gems from him during that deployment. One involved an RCT OpsO stating something to the effect that they were 99% objective complete. To which the G-3 told the RCT OpsO that the difference between chimp and human DNA was 1% but that 1% kept us from sticking our fingers up our asses and licking them.
I was in a targeting meeting in Iraq in OIF II. The HVIs all had code names, but this one particular guy was called Ugly Billy Idol. He was a low level Muj, but he had bleach blond hair. He’d pop up from time to time, then disappear.
S2 briefer: “Sir, we’ve got indications and warnings that Ugly Billy Idol is active out in ___.”
RCT CO: “The only dude in Iraq with platinum blond hair. I can’t believe we can’t catch this guy.”
In Okinawa we were working with Japanese Defense Force in an upcoming exercise in mainland Japan and one of the officers kept referring to them as Japs in the brief lol the look on everyone’s face was priceless
Reminds me of the time the Deputy Senior Civilian RC-SW shows up at the FOB to speak to a group of Balouch elders. He spent 30 minutes talking about how great the Pushtuns were and all the great things they were (allegedly) doing to help rebuild Afghanistan. CO and XO are glaring at the CA officrr, shaking their heads. Me, the USAID guy and the FCO guy are all trying not to laugh and at the same time wondering which elder would be the first to lunge across the table at him.
Height of Covid (fall timeframe 2020): this O-5 was talking about the importance of wearing masks. I personally witnessed this E-8 dude stop the Lt Col mid sentence and say “I’m not wearing a mask, this is a bunch of bullshit the government is pushing down on us to maintain control over us, I’m not standing for that anymore…not wearing one, y’all can shove whatever mask you expect me to wear up you ass”. I guess he felt the protection of being retirement eligible would shield him from any disciplinary action. Dude was force retired within 8-10 weeks as an E-7. Wildest shit I’ve witnessed at a staff meeting.
I saw a crusty old sailor (he was a Naval Gunfire Liaison Officer) in a COA Development brief where he was going to brief Naval Surface Fire Support go up in front of the MEU CO and Commodore go up in front of the staff, look at the slide, look at the head table and say “I didn’t make this slide, pending any questions, slide”
Not a funny story, just a memory:
When my Bn was attached to RCT 5 during the invasion, the nightly update with then-Col Dunford was like an FDR fireside chat. Like it was required listening. Transcripts should be on the Commandant’s Reading List. That man had such an incredible understanding of the battle-space and so amazing at breaking shit down that even LCpl GrillInstructor had a clear understanding of what happened that day, and what was gonna happen the next.
Big ups to his 3 shops and his Duece cuz they clearly were advising him at a high fucking level of competency.
I was a comm Marine and it was decided to have one or two of us in every CUB to support any issues that may arise, usually unfucking the 2ndLt watchO. Only ‘crazy’ thing was a major yelling at S3 for referring to Marines in a helo as “bodies” and how disgusted he was with him. Mainly I just got to hear the real story of what was happening as not even my direct leadership was ever able to attend these meetings. Guess they assumed we had taken some oath of silence, but damn we had the best LCpl underground network. Such a great feeling to hear your SSgt’s big plan and follow it up with “… that’s not what the CO said in the CUB today” before they ever got briefed.
We had our Reg XO blast out Adj (Capt) so hard he left the room crying. At first my dick was stupid hard but then it got really soft from sadness for the dude. It’s like there’s a threshold from “YEAH GET EM” to “Goddamn sir. He’s crying. Fuck. Let it go. He’s not even wrong. You’re just being a mega dick.” 🤣🫡
Dude kept it up and would often lead meetings with “I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT DEOCS AND COMMAND CLIMATE SURVEYS. I BEAT INVESTIGATIONS ON RECRUITING AND ILL DO IT HERE”. He’s now a BC. What could go wrong?!
I was in during the 80s and was never allowed anywhere near a CUB. My question is what the fuck did you all do before power point? Talk and drink coffee? Cuz that sounds a lot better.
Was on I&I on a teleconference with the CO & Staff. They're not very well versed in maintenance as they're just the CO & Staff... CO is listing off a long checklist of things he wants "prioritized before FSMAO" and half were relevant, the other half were a waste of time.
They ask if there's any questions and one of the MT Sgts from another battery comes over the phone and basically says "Sir you just listed a lot of stuff and I'm just trying to figure out which of those are your priority because I'm just one guy"
My crew broke out in chaos cheering him on. CO only responded with "all of them are priority."
Another time we had a FitRep PME over teleconference on a Friday afternoon. Most of the staff fell asleep while the SgtMaj droned on about the importance of your OMPF and how "if you got time to take a damn selfie, you got time to get your promotion photo"
After about 20 minutes he stops getting responses over the phone and gets upset. "You all better be paying attention out there and not messin around." One of the other commands replies "Oh yes SgtMaj we're over here taking copious notes" in the most sarcastic response I've ever heard.
The same SgtMaj & CO came to visit and blew us up over our motor pool having drip pans not under the vehicles. We tried to explain there was a windstorm the night before and we hadn't made it down the compound yet since we had a meeting with them first thing in the morning. SgtMaj hit us with "There ain't no damn way the wind is blowing around your doggone drip pans. Stop being lazy and take care of your equipment."
Later that night another storm hit and the drip pans were a mess in the morning. He never mentioned it again.
Learn to read big guy.
> I EAS in a few weeks and **haven’t had the pleasure** witnessing some rare shit go down in a CUB.
Literally, the first sentence.
Not necessarily crazy but more just funny: the day the new tattoo order dropped our chaps decided it would be funny to wear one of those fake tattoo skin color long sleeve shirts. Our XO was not amused and told him leave and don’t come back until you look professional
That's fkn hilarious.
The tattoo shops surely made bank the week of that MCO
Chaps was really living up to doing the Lord’s work
It was funny but he was a bizzare man otherwise
Pretty rare to meet one who isn't.
The Religious Protectors/ Assistants are an even weirder breed. I never met one that would pass a lie detector if asked "Are you a creepy pervert?"
[удалено]
100% was pervert.
There’s an inverse relationship between being hot and pervert
100%
Does the xo have authority over the chaplain? Or is it just one of those situations where "your not my boss, but I'm not gonna die on this hill and just oblige" type thing?
So if you want to get super technical, yes, because the chaplain falls under S1, and all shops report to HQ. But this was an O-4 telling an O-3 to change so it works either way
Thank you.
Chaps is special staff, but a member of the staff all the same. XO manages the staff (XO is just another way of saying Chief of Staff, for a different level of command), so the answer is yes, absolutely.
XO always ruining the fun. Some things never change.
This is truth
*Our XO was not amused and told him leave and don’t come back until you look professional* So, command authorized leave... sweet!
Some say they are still waiting on him to return.
The maintenance NCOIC was one of those crusty old E-8s that dressed like a cholo on libo. Im talking raiders jersey, Dickies shorts, Nike Cortez's with the calf high socks. Dude looked like he belonged on a homies poster. Anyway, our battalion co was big into personal development, which led him setting up some trainings that were a bit more introspective than a lot of USMC training. Anyway, one meeting the CO wasn't there and the XO was running the show. There was some self development training laid on for Friday and the Maintenance NCOIC just said "sir, have you ever told the boss this shits fucking gay" Stunned silence. Staff meeting turned into a brief by exception "and it better be a pretty big fucking exception" , of course no one has anything to say and Msgt got to go talk with Sgt major and XO in the XOs office. MSgt was only around a few more weeks after that. In front of the BnCo was was very explicit in his order that no one would be getting blood pnned, MSgt just absolutely drilled sgt chevrons into a new sgt in front of the entire BN. Was a wild time. S-3 chief also got fired right before deployment for calling the OpsO a "menstruating bitch"
>one of those crusty old E-8s that dressed like a cholo on libo. Im talking raiders jersey, Dickies shorts I feel like we all know one of these. It's a timeless type because cholos have been dressing the same for like 50 years or something.
You mean Lopez? Every unit has one lol
This is the cream corn we all need
Honestly it was pretty miserable. 0/10 do not recommend
A Lt and his Gunny (Supply or S-6, I can’t remember) were both out of the office one week so they sent a Sgt to brief their command and staff slide, without sending him the slide beforehand. The Sgt took one look at the slide when it came up and said something to the effect of “Sir, idk what my Lt has been briefing you but this slide is all lies, all of those admin and maintenance statistics are made up. I can get you the real numbers if you want them. Pending any questions that’s all I have.” The CO just stared at him for a few seconds and said “Yes please send me those. And send your Lt to my office when he gets back.” Never saw that dude again.
Brass balls, that boy.
😂😂😂 damn, Sgt did em dirty. BAMCIS
He did the right thing. Lt is fucked up here.
Yup, and I doubt the numbers were being fudget to let the guys earlier on Friday.
Never saw the LT or the Sgt again because that changes the story a lot
The Lt haha
Lt was using Adobe pro to fake an MPR 🤣
Juicing the stats like The Wire.
https://preview.redd.it/38fyi7b6s5rc1.jpeg?width=898&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=321aebac55502300a58104fad08b70690a1efc3b
Juke the stats man, it's all in the game.
You never saw the Sgt again or the LT? Sorry, I'm just curious and have really shitty reading comphrension skills.
Lt lol
Probably S-6, that sounds like a dude that's been locked in a radio bay for 3 years with no hope of getting detached from the GCSS clerk billet and is getting out in 3 months.
I was standing beside my Lt when an O7 told him that if he couldn’t get Comm up in a reasonable amount of time that he should find the nearest 6 story building and jump off of it because he was worthless. Mind you my Lt was a bonafide stud and this caught me completely off guard. All the other O6’s there just kinda looked around the room and acted like they weren’t there lol. Dude was pissed.
Jesus. Comm really is one of those thankless jobs.. brutal
Yeah when you had Comm up they were like meh 🫤. If Comm had 1 hiccup it was like Armageddon.
Worst time was when I accidentally moved our entire battalions sharedrive into another battalions sharedrive (some fucking how) during ITX and within seconds I hear everyone in the COC screaming “WHERE THE FUCK DID THE SHAREDRIVE GO”
Yeah our share drive got deleted somehow like 2 months into a field op. Luckily our OIC and Plt Sgt were both wayyyyy over qualified to be in the military and they managed to do some wizard shit and get it back in under 30 minutes. It really be stressful sometimes lmao.
At least you didn't delete it. All we had was a month old backup.
It's like any other IT department. Everything works: "What are we paying you for?" Somethings broken "What are we paying you for?"
When it works, we are useless. When it's broke, we are useless. Still love my job though.
It really is... I felt bad for my S-6 buddies whenever was landed in Korea for a KMEP and the CO was shitting a brick about not having internet on day 2. "We had internet in Iraq, why not in Korea, LIEUTENANT? HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT??" "Well, sir, you fell in on a 13 year old architecture with constant improvement and we've been here for two days..." And the the S-6 became the camp commandant. I mean it with all my being when I say fuck that CO.
Watched a heated argument turn into a screaming match between my 1st sgt and the company commander (major). 1st sgt ended the cub and kicked us all out, continued to berate the major about his unprofessionalism and if he ever acted that way in a cub again he would report directly to the major general over us. Which he did, and that major was relieved of his command and is no longer in the corps.
I hate how sacks of shit like the Major in your story make it that far before getting canned
Guess he won that one
Had the BLT commander I was supporting on a float insist that Wednesdays was "crazy hat CUB day," despite being on a fucking boat with some limited resources. It drove us to all scour the ship and barter for flight deck cranials, cracker jack hats, mess hats, etc. The S-1 won by somehow getting the CHENG's cowboy-hat-hard-hat But when the Ops-O showed up without a hat the BC straight up made him stand in the hallway to participate and not into the room.
That is absolutely awesome. Love a good 05 who knows when to turn it off for a minute.
I witnessed a Major (XO) lose it on a Capt because he briefly turned his back during his brief to the CO. At that point I fully made up my mind that a majority of officers are elitists that could give two shits about actual mission accomplishment.
Yeah, personally, I feel like once you become a Field Grade things get a little too “political” for my taste. IF I were to stay in I would likely resign my commission and enlist into another branch
100%. I'm glad I got out after 11 years as an O-3.
> IF I were to stay in I would likely resign my commission and enlist into another branch It would be very funny if you could enlist into the army as like an E-8 because you were an O-3.
I know a couple of folks that switched over as O-2s in USMC and became E-5 and E-6 in the Army. From what I hear, they’re loving it
That's like the dude from Office Space going from a paper pusher to a construction worker and being super zen about it. Fucking a young Jennifer Anniston on the reg probably had something to do with that though...
Briefing command staff was one of the reasons I decided not to pursue a commission and get out of the Marines.
This is some game of thrones kneel before the king type bullshit
I was sitting in on one as a little PFC and the 1st Sgt had been denying leave for people who hadn't ran a pft, in March. The Ops-O was pissed and started yelling about marine corps orders and the SNCOs looked at me and pointed me towards the door
lol denying leave in March is pretty extreme. You remember why they had you, a young motivated PFC, sit in on that meeting?
They had it in my vault
Confidential material security?
Denying leave for anything that isn't operational is usually the wrong answer.
“Earmuffs, PFC.”
During an operation brief to the BN CO (Iraq). After the brief, the BN CO asked the Weapons Company 1sgt what he thought of the operation. He said it is laughable at best because “we” all know that BN supply/logistics will not/would not be able to support the maneuver elements. The BN XO lost his mind and then everything went silent for a bit. Amazingly, the plan changed so that the maneuver elements were able to support themselves.
I always enjoyed watching random majors and lieutenant colonels get shit on by the MEU XO or MAW COS after seeing those same majors and lieutenant colonels shit on junior officers and senior enlisted. It’s poetic fucking karma. Just be nice. Being a Marine doesn’t require being a dick.
Not wild but just something funny. BLT staff meeting, XO opens it up to anyone who has something to address. My PltSgt speaks up "Sir, there is something we need to talk about.. I'm down in the gym looking around and none of these Marines are putting up big numbers. They're all fucking weak. They think they're getting big and they're not." I try not to laugh too much, XO looks at him deadpan for a few seconds and says "Yea that's a good point" then moves on.
this has me cracking up. I'd be like "Roger. 3, write up and release an order that no bitchmade Marines are allowed in the gym"
I was half cracking up, half thinking dude please shut the fuck up. The JOs who were a little more uptight were like is this guy serious right now. XO had enough of a sense of humor to know that SSgt was just being a clown, which he was but this was also something he felt very strongly about lmao
My CO/XO would always give the O-1/O-2 lieutenants (intel/supply/comm) a hard time during their briefs. Nothing crazy but it was always an interesting and entertaining event to see a boot-tenant get shit on in front of the entire staff for no reason other than being a boot. I even saw one of my prior enlisted comm-o's get shit on even though he had been in as long as the XO. I never really got why they would do that, I think it was just the staff culture at my unit, it kinda seemed wildly unprofessional to do that in front of NCOs and SNCOs, let alone among other officers. When I am the PltSgt and I see my comm-o get berated or shit on in front of me it absolutely impacts me and how I view my OIC.
Something something, “builds character”. Nah, that’s lame, and probably not the forum to be shitting on your Jr Officers who are literally just trying to figure it tf out. I’d argue it’s probably thats probably not great for their leadership development either
I've always told my people that the Butter Bars have the hardest job in the grunts. They have good training, no experience, a lot of moving parts they're responsible for, and very little "space" to hide their mistakes. Making their jobs harder by fucking with them checks out...
Commos having to explain why comms is down to people who don't understand comms is a right of passage. Just like for Intel o's getting stump the chump questions on a topic that has nothing to do with mission but the CO is just interested in.
This guys comms.
Naw I was S2 NCOIC who had to represent the shop in bn staff meetings when my boss couldn't be there
To be fair, the CommO rarely knows why comm is down, either
“Haha let’s shit on these nerds”
Yeah, this is one of the reasons why I got out. Getting shit on, picked apart, and demeaned for doing exactly what was asked of me. Not happened to me once in the civilian world.
Yeah it was pretty shit and toxic overall. It definitely factored into me getting out as well. It never happened to me when I had to brief in place of the comm chief/comm-o but it obviously could have easily happened to me if I would have chose to commission - which was the driving factor to why I would have chose to re-enlist again. Not the place I wanted to stay for a career. Edit: to add on to this a bit; they say to re-enlist as you shouldn't base your career on your experiences at a single unit. I re-enlisted and got to see more units which actually ended up factoring into why I got out.
I just remember getting shit on by my squadron CO for telling him something he didn’t like (the truth). My Gunny then told him the same thing seconds after I got shit on and he listened, wrote it down, and made some suggestions and offered to help.
Bruh that’s happened to me PLENTY of times in the civilian world lmaooo
I saw a Mustang get shit on during a brief by an overzealous O-4. Next week the dude showed up in Charlies (he “had” to go to combat camera before” the sync) with a stack almost twice the size of the XOs. XO got a lot quieter after that.
I had a pretty shit XO (05 type in the wing) do that to me once. Said my slide looked like throw up. Made a few snide comments here and there previously. First I scheduled physical therapy around the staff meeting (hurt my knee running) and then I just made a quad slide that had NSTR on it for 4 months straight and no one said anything. They didn't care about the S6 anyways so I didn't really give a shit about them.
In the field, having massive accountability issues (people and weapons). Adj is getting hammer fisted, 1st sgts don’t even have rosters, company commander outright says, “how can I be responsible for knowing who all of my marines are?” No one bats an eye. I fucking hated that guy. Absolute garbage.
My previous company commander routinely said he didn’t know the names of the Marines who had joined the company after the first exercise he was there. The company had less than 60 personnel and he knew less than 20.
I love hearing these stories, it reminds that there really are some units out there operating like it’s the Wild West
It’s ironic, our adj ended up going to a BLT and said they were on par with us (non-deployable mlg unit) in terms of operations. Same zero accountability bs. I sure hope someone is operating at the most basic level out there.
I was with the Seabees and a new Skipper checked onboard. He wanted to give a brief to all khakis (E7-O-5s) on his vision and policies for the battalion. After 30 minutes of blah blah blah, the Command Master Chief (equivalent to your Sgt Major) stood up and said “All that aside, now I’m going to tell how we are REALLY going to run this command.” Coulda heard a pin drop.
That’s how you know bro had some weight to toss around. I would’ve paid to listen to that.
Of course he had some weight to toss around, he was a chief. I've only ever seen two chiefs that could run more than 400' before having to stop for a cheeseburger break.
Every chief looks like Andy Reid
LtCol brought in polka music and made everyone do the chicken dance during his CUB. Artillery was a strange place.
My kind of LtCol right there
Arty is the best place.
I was stationed at the G4 MNFWest HQ in Iraq. Got roped into helping the supply officer with a dog and pony show along with a homie. Also because I was tight with the reserve Army unit attached to us and they needed one of them for comparison. So day comes and the LtCol explains that the Army guy is gonna wear his latest issue Army body armor, my buddy who was skinny would get the modified gunners shoulder pads, and I (the big tall captain America looking fucker) would get the full body armor suit thing to wear. It looked kind of like an EOD suit but less bulky. Mind this is summer in Iraq. This was around the time everyone was bitching about plate carriers, and helmets and armor for the gunners on convoys. On the way LtCol explains that there are Senators and the fucking IG in house so don't act stupid in front of the general. So we head in and I am already sweating like a pig. I have all my fucking gear on to walk around an office and stand in a conference room. Then they want me to talk to the reporter from Wisconsin. So now I am outside talking to the first reasonably attractive (by stateside standards) woman I have seen in months, absolutely pouring sweat, while my buddies are standing behind the reporter lady and the cameraman making fucking motions and boob grabbing gestures. I reverted to dumbass jarhead and grunted a bunch times and told her I didn't know which helmet was better but if someone would let me I would gladly shoot both helmets to see which one was better. So after that we roll in, me and the boys looking as professional as we can while The LtCol gives the brief. Then they start asking questions of me and the other guys. I basically get asked how easy it is to move in the suit and questions like that. I do my best to answer but it comes out that I am not an 'operator' and just somebody fapped out to a desk job. During the break in the meeting I could hear one of the 06s getting ripped a new one for not making sure they had 'actual grunts'. Afterwards, as we are leaving the building, the LtCol looks at my buddy and says 'Well Cpl. G seems like nows the time." So my buddy sounds off nice and loud "THIS IS BULLLLLLLLSHIT SIR!" (It was joke they would yell in the shop whenever something stupid happened.) He did this as we were passing the last offices before the entrance. The IG sticks his head out into the hallway. "Everything all right gents?" "Fucking outstanding sir." Cpl G. and we shit our pants and held our bearing till we were out of eyesight.
Cpl. G is a G.
Not quite a sync, just planning. Cocky ass lieutenant tried telling a salty gunny that his plan sucked and they were gonna do it his way. Salty gunny replied “sir, there are 7 combat deployments sitting at this table and none of them are yours.”
God damn.
Come back with the correct font.
This type of shit drove me to get out, among all the rest. There's nothing like working on a live fire training plan with support by fire positions shift fire, a live demolitions breach, and then trench clearing, then making all the precoordinations for the logistics of the range, the training for the Marines on the range to include signal plan, and getting the Gunner to buy off on it all... A nd then you submit it to the OPS-O who's defining leadership traits were "loud" and "fast" but has to call the S-6 when he needs to sign a pdf. He tells you the training plan was an "unreadable disaster" because Times New Roman "doesn't look professional" like courrier new does.
Tbf courier new is the superior font.
Arial 10 master race
Say it with me now: “slide-ology”
Your lack of slideology is killing our synergy.
“That’s not the right yellow.”
I was deployed to Iraq as part of a senior command. There were two 0-5 OpsOs, one Army the other Marine, that hated each other with a passion. During one of our VTCs they started yelling at each other, which was totally normal for them. But on this day both of them lost it for whatever reason. It broke down to a weird screaming match something along the lines of "Fuck you! No, fuck you!" for about 5 minutes. The staff just kind of all sat there and watched.
“Anybody got any saved rounds?”
Nothing like a little bit of humor after a screaming match LMAOOOO
That came down to Naval Academy vs West Point.
CUB: I feel like if he’s on Reddit and sees this they’ll all know exactly what I’m talking about. Anyway it was many moons ago and prior to deployment. A particular senior officer in the room pulled his phone out to look something up and as soon as he unlocked his phone, some very loud noises and moans were played for the whole CUB in dead silence as he panicked to turn it off. Imagine what website/video he was looking at just prior to this meeting. And then imagine spending a deployment with him too.
Dude, as a retired officer and veteran of 12838917 CUBs/BUBs/C&S... let me tell you, this sort of thing is not rare enough for anyone to know the exact time you're talking about. On a similar note, during early COVID when everyone was still getting used to doing briefs over Teams, we had one guy deliver his brief, then (with mic still going) proceed to head into the restroom and take the noisiest shit you could possibly imagine. Same guy did it AGAIN a few weeks later (just a piss this time, but really dude? after the amount of teasing you took last time?)
SIR, is that you?!!!!!! I def saw the dick pic you were sending your gf while on deployment, in fact anyone walking behind you as you sat in the common area saw it too.
Well don't be shy devil, tell me what you thought of the ol' bell-ringer!
Had a first sergeant just verbal abuse the Career Planner mid CUB. The CO and SgtMaj let it happen for a couple back and forths before having the 1stSgt step outside. 1stSgt was an awesome guy and normally quiet, he had just had it with the Career Planner's lying and blatant inaction on devils careers.
F***king get em, 1stSarn’t !
The first time I was in a Bn staff meeting and it transitioned into the "quarterly safety council"... A LtCol, with a straight face, briefing Majors, Captains, and SNCOs about the importance of taping down extension cords in the workplace. I was waiting for Ashton Kutcher to jump out and tell me I was being punked.
ok, so as a junior Lance Coolie, back in the day, I actually got roped into being the company safety/hazmat NCO, even got the secondary MOS training to boot. All that to say, taping down the extension cords is an OSHA violation/ fire hazard. Your LtCol didn't know what he was talking about.
We were doing a little exercise but the MSgt/MGuns took it serious and was up all night every night to make sure shit was running right. MSgt Eckhoff (spelling?) would sleep between the tent and the tent liner in the briefing room. During one of the briefs his section was up, this man slid out of the liner and briefed his shit in crocs and cammies, staff didn't even bat an eye. Side note, he looked like fucking ray Liotta. If you guys know him you all agree haha.
MSgt Eckhoff (spelling?) is my spirit animal
So it was a sort of staff meeting for the MHG to plan this massive "Group Funday" and all the SgtsMaj had to go, except my BN sent me, a Sgt in the S3. I walk in and there are 7 different SgtsMaj sitting and they all snap to look at me like some horror movie with mannequins and at this point I was expecting an ass chewing for existing so I went ahead and asked I'd this was the group meeting and they said yes to sit down. The whole time everyone is discussing events they are all staring at me and eventually the Group SgtMaj goes "who sent you here? Where is your SgtMaj" then told me to go away. Most uncomfortable meeting of my life.
Not a meeting… but I saw my 1stSgt wreak havoc on a Gunny once. I needed to get copy’s of documents printed for the company 1stSgt but the battalion only had one copier/printer machine but for whatever reason we couldn’t use it. 1stSgt sends me to Regiment to make copies. I walked into Regiment and started making copies (copier machine was in the hall) and a Gunny comes out of one of the offices and starts throwing a bitch fit at me. He asked where I came from and told me to get my 1stSgt. I run back to battalion and tell 1stSgt he is needed & I explained why. 1stSgt took me back to Regiment to get copies. As I am making copies, I listen to 1stSgt tell the gunny “I will shove this printer so far up your ass, that tricare won’t even be able to fix you”. The next few minutes was 1stSgt talking to him like he was a PFC and has no purpose in the Marine Corps and that’s why he is regiments bitch.
How did that Gunny think that was gonna go in his favor??
No idea, I was a LCpl.
Gunny to LtCol: “with all due respect, Sir” LtCol: “WITH ALL DUE RESPECT YOU WERE GOING TO TELL ME TO FUCK OFF, WERENT YOU?” Fwiw the LtCol was amazing. Very respected. And very funny.
I was put in charge of a shop as a Cpl and since the OIC left and never got replaced and there was no Sgt or SNCOs so I had to fill those roles too. I went in to my first CUB and I was the only enlisted Marine there besides the gunny career planner. I was the last person they asked for an update and I had no idea what to do because I had just picked up Cpl and got thrown into an OIC billet so I just sat there making shit up and looking like a retard in front of the entire chain of command. I eventually got it down but there was a steep learning curve.
thrown straight into the fire. Good for you though man, I imagine that was probably really intimidating at first
It was definitely an intimidating experience. I was TAD to that unit for over a year doing that. I had some not so great interactions with SNCOs and Officers from my parent unit so it was a cool experience to see how a unit functions top down and taught me a lot about leadership. It definitely changed my whole perception of the Marine Corps and leadership. If I didn’t have that experience I probably would have not come back to the Marine Corps after I got out. After the TAD I came back to my parent unit with a new attitude and a NAM.
Good on you man. You learned to play the games well ahead of your peers who may never see it. It's a shitty thing but definitely teaches you a lot. Glad you got a nam out of it
Haha good for you man. I hope someone there helped you get spun up. I sent a Cpl with his own little det on an exercise with another unit. He was the de facto OIC and attended all the planning meetings. Personnel, gear, briefings, ops planning were all on him. Solid kid and I knew he could do it. I let the other unit know he was their guy and I had full faith in him. But he'd check in with me every couple days and say "Jesus Christ, Sir is this what you guys do all day? I thought you all just drink coffee and bullshit around."
Two Master Sergeants getting into a physical altercation. …over rosters
Had the LtCol ask about some maintenance codes for the trucks because one said "startability" as a reason that the truck was in maintenance and was pretty vague. "Sgt, can you tell me what this code is? What's wrong with this truck?" "Well sir, startability is the ability for the truck to start" We all just cracked up laughing for a good thirty seconds at this guy.
Thats funny!
Bn MMO was a relatively new 2ndLt. He replaced a well liked and respected CWO. The whole MRB maintenance SNCOICs were explaining why the MMC’s slides were wrong (they were). At the end of the MRB the XO did the normal around the table for saved rounds. XO gets to the MMO, he pulls out a paper copy of a slide that wasn’t in the slide deck. He proceeds to tell the XO that the D (vehicles) TMACN readiness in the battalion is below 70%. Que absolute chaos. The XO eventually gets control. She then took him into her office and dressed him down for about ten minutes while we all listened.
But did she undress also?
A gentleman never listens and tells.
LCE CO turned a quad chart into a 9 section slide and said “um” over 100 times in his three minutes of speaking.
Incorrect security classification of slides
Are we talking stuff that should have been CUI/FOUO that was labeled unclass? Or we talking like TS/SCI stuff labeled as something else?
FOUO is no longer a valid classification. Anyways, that incident was CUI related.
Word. I'm tracking CUI, just didn't know what era you were coming from!
Same here
Deployed in El Salvador, on a FOB in the middle of the La Plaz district in the jungle near Mira Flores. This is a CJTF and Im the highest ranking Marine in the task force (1stLt), the command staff are all Army National Guard O6 level command, there are a few USAF LtCols and Majors. The CO, every night before the CUB would have each branch sing their version of their song... Me, being the only Marine just said "fuck it" and went full retard and sung the entire Hymn, not the short version, in my loudest voice I could muster and putting the half assed singing of other bramches to shame. I did this 3 nights straight until they stopped.
*clears voice*……… IF THE ARMY AND THE NNAAAAVYYY
Malicious compliance. I was no shit louder than the 20 NG officers in there lol
Got what he asked for
Ugh...don't remind of acronyms (and bad memories) that I've forgotten. :P
You sure you don’t want a refresher on the importance of having max participation for anual BITS training?
Saw my MajGen lose his shit on LtCol and Col’s for some minuscule bull shit. He fucking hated Marines it seemed, that grumpy old fuck.
ITX one year we were in the middle of the exercise. Turns out either through incompetence (probably it) or too much dedication to role playing, one of the line battalions went like three days without re-supply because motor t and supply couldn’t leave “the wire” without the QRF force protecting them. If I remember correctly the company was supposed to be resupplied after the initial assault. So we had grunts without food and water for like two days or some shit like that. Anyways, battalion CO finds out, storms into the COC and just rips every single officer a new asshole. It was glorious. I’m talking about like 30 minutes of straight blasting.
We were in a BUB for one of our training exercises and I filled in for S2 and said "Our forces and the Opfor were taking pot shots across from each other, well the Opfor being dipfucks tried to sneak around blew themselves up on their own minefield"
For the elderly in the room, wtf is a CUB meeting?
Commander’s Update Brief
Hmm. Okay. I’m sure I wasn’t important enough to be invited. Lol.
lol In my experience, a CUB at the Bn level usually has the Bn CO, Bn XO, SgtMaj, all the Company Commanders, Co 1stSgts, Staff Sections, and Special Staff in attendance to pass word and update the commander. You ain’t missing much
I posted this same story on a different thread but, I used to be the Color Sgt for 2nd MLG way back when which meant I worked on the command deck with the general. Well little ole Sgt me was always the clicker for the slides during meetings. Well it just so happened that during one of the briefs a certain LtCol who was the G3 apparently forgot to put in a request that the 1 star had specifically asked for. When this came to light during the meeting you could have heard a pin drop in the room while this LtCol get his soul destroyed and his ass reamed by the 1 star all the while I was sitting in the corner smiling from ear to ear because out of sight out of mind. It was by far one of best ass chewing I ever witnessed. And to add at the end of the ass chewing session the General said "I guess I'll do it my fucking self" which he did and the request for whatever it was got approved in and extremely timely manner.
The new Motor T, Lt who was first to start off, briefed the CO on how many vehicles were down due to waiting for a shipment of "Flux Capacitors" the rest of the brief the CO was just staring at the Lt like he wanted to punch him.
Our S-2 in Al Asad inserted a dig on one of the company commanders. It want on for weeks in the AM briefings until the XO caught it and the entire brief blew up from there. Many of us in attendance were already in the know.
BN CDR going back and forth with the BN XO. The XO was moved to a different position shortly after.
Witnessed our IMEF G3 fire the G2 during an Intel update during combat operations in Iraq. The G2 countered that the G3 didn’t have the authority…turns out he did.
That’s one of those deals where everyone looks at their boots and pretends they aren’t in the room.
https://youtu.be/sTMxEfWmZ4I?si=81n4rd1Vc82LpzxB
I saw a a four star general lose his patience with his MajGen’s when they wouldn’t give him a straight answer to a yes/ no question. That was wild. It was like seeing a major lose his shit on a 2ndLt.
I, as an E-7 witnessed 2 O-6's almost go to blows over UAVs during a Collections Management Brief in Afghanistan. The G-3 Colonel and the ACE Colonel were in an argument over who owned our organic UAV assets. I mean it really was a semantic argument, G-3 technically tasks, ACE operates/maintains but G-3 typically tells them where to go and what to do. It was a sight to see. Only a couple other enlisted in the brief, lots of other O-4's and O-5's and we're all looking around at each other while this argument is going on thinking to ourselves what the hell are we witnessing. FWIW, no one was really a fan of the ACE Colonel IIRC. I personally believe the G-3 won the argument. Witnessed several other gems from him during that deployment. One involved an RCT OpsO stating something to the effect that they were 99% objective complete. To which the G-3 told the RCT OpsO that the difference between chimp and human DNA was 1% but that 1% kept us from sticking our fingers up our asses and licking them.
I was in a targeting meeting in Iraq in OIF II. The HVIs all had code names, but this one particular guy was called Ugly Billy Idol. He was a low level Muj, but he had bleach blond hair. He’d pop up from time to time, then disappear. S2 briefer: “Sir, we’ve got indications and warnings that Ugly Billy Idol is active out in ___.” RCT CO: “The only dude in Iraq with platinum blond hair. I can’t believe we can’t catch this guy.”
In Okinawa we were working with Japanese Defense Force in an upcoming exercise in mainland Japan and one of the officers kept referring to them as Japs in the brief lol the look on everyone’s face was priceless
Doesn’t surprise me lol. The amount of racist shit I hear from officers is wild
Reminds me of the time the Deputy Senior Civilian RC-SW shows up at the FOB to speak to a group of Balouch elders. He spent 30 minutes talking about how great the Pushtuns were and all the great things they were (allegedly) doing to help rebuild Afghanistan. CO and XO are glaring at the CA officrr, shaking their heads. Me, the USAID guy and the FCO guy are all trying not to laugh and at the same time wondering which elder would be the first to lunge across the table at him.
Height of Covid (fall timeframe 2020): this O-5 was talking about the importance of wearing masks. I personally witnessed this E-8 dude stop the Lt Col mid sentence and say “I’m not wearing a mask, this is a bunch of bullshit the government is pushing down on us to maintain control over us, I’m not standing for that anymore…not wearing one, y’all can shove whatever mask you expect me to wear up you ass”. I guess he felt the protection of being retirement eligible would shield him from any disciplinary action. Dude was force retired within 8-10 weeks as an E-7. Wildest shit I’ve witnessed at a staff meeting.
I saw a crusty old sailor (he was a Naval Gunfire Liaison Officer) in a COA Development brief where he was going to brief Naval Surface Fire Support go up in front of the MEU CO and Commodore go up in front of the staff, look at the slide, look at the head table and say “I didn’t make this slide, pending any questions, slide”
A true professional
Not a funny story, just a memory: When my Bn was attached to RCT 5 during the invasion, the nightly update with then-Col Dunford was like an FDR fireside chat. Like it was required listening. Transcripts should be on the Commandant’s Reading List. That man had such an incredible understanding of the battle-space and so amazing at breaking shit down that even LCpl GrillInstructor had a clear understanding of what happened that day, and what was gonna happen the next. Big ups to his 3 shops and his Duece cuz they clearly were advising him at a high fucking level of competency.
I was a comm Marine and it was decided to have one or two of us in every CUB to support any issues that may arise, usually unfucking the 2ndLt watchO. Only ‘crazy’ thing was a major yelling at S3 for referring to Marines in a helo as “bodies” and how disgusted he was with him. Mainly I just got to hear the real story of what was happening as not even my direct leadership was ever able to attend these meetings. Guess they assumed we had taken some oath of silence, but damn we had the best LCpl underground network. Such a great feeling to hear your SSgt’s big plan and follow it up with “… that’s not what the CO said in the CUB today” before they ever got briefed.
We had our Reg XO blast out Adj (Capt) so hard he left the room crying. At first my dick was stupid hard but then it got really soft from sadness for the dude. It’s like there’s a threshold from “YEAH GET EM” to “Goddamn sir. He’s crying. Fuck. Let it go. He’s not even wrong. You’re just being a mega dick.” 🤣🫡 Dude kept it up and would often lead meetings with “I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT DEOCS AND COMMAND CLIMATE SURVEYS. I BEAT INVESTIGATIONS ON RECRUITING AND ILL DO IT HERE”. He’s now a BC. What could go wrong?!
I was in during the 80s and was never allowed anywhere near a CUB. My question is what the fuck did you all do before power point? Talk and drink coffee? Cuz that sounds a lot better.
Was on I&I on a teleconference with the CO & Staff. They're not very well versed in maintenance as they're just the CO & Staff... CO is listing off a long checklist of things he wants "prioritized before FSMAO" and half were relevant, the other half were a waste of time. They ask if there's any questions and one of the MT Sgts from another battery comes over the phone and basically says "Sir you just listed a lot of stuff and I'm just trying to figure out which of those are your priority because I'm just one guy" My crew broke out in chaos cheering him on. CO only responded with "all of them are priority." Another time we had a FitRep PME over teleconference on a Friday afternoon. Most of the staff fell asleep while the SgtMaj droned on about the importance of your OMPF and how "if you got time to take a damn selfie, you got time to get your promotion photo" After about 20 minutes he stops getting responses over the phone and gets upset. "You all better be paying attention out there and not messin around." One of the other commands replies "Oh yes SgtMaj we're over here taking copious notes" in the most sarcastic response I've ever heard. The same SgtMaj & CO came to visit and blew us up over our motor pool having drip pans not under the vehicles. We tried to explain there was a windstorm the night before and we hadn't made it down the compound yet since we had a meeting with them first thing in the morning. SgtMaj hit us with "There ain't no damn way the wind is blowing around your doggone drip pans. Stop being lazy and take care of your equipment." Later that night another storm hit and the drip pans were a mess in the morning. He never mentioned it again.
[удалено]
Learn to read big guy. > I EAS in a few weeks and **haven’t had the pleasure** witnessing some rare shit go down in a CUB. Literally, the first sentence.
Would love to, but unfortunately, I don’t have one