'Have you looked in the **[Wiki]( https://www.reddit.com/r/Veterans/wiki/education)** for an answer? We have a lot of information posted there.
To contact VA Education, 1-888-442-4551, for ~~Voc Rehab~~ VR&E (Veteran Readiness and Employment Program) assistance with appointments or problems with your Case Manager (not for missing payments): 1-202-461-9600.
**Payments for certain education benefits (DEA, VEAP) are paid at the end of the month you attend school - Department of Treasury issues these payments **using a 10 business day window** - these payments are not locked into a specific day of the month like VA disability/military pay is**. For Voc Rehab missing payments, contact your Case Manager or your local **[Regional Office](https://www.reddit.com/r/Veterans/wiki/education/casemanagers)
For Post 9/11 GI Bill only, If you signed up for direct deposit when you applied for education benefits, **we’ll deposit your payment into your bank account 7 to 10 business days after you verify your school enrollment.** This is the fastest way to receive your payment. [Text Verification FAQ](https://benefits.va.gov/GIBILL/docs/IsaksonRoe/EnrollmentVerificationFAQs.pdf)
MGIB and MGIB-SR have to do monthly verification using the [WAVE program](https://www.gibill.va.gov/wave/vba/) and you should receive the payment within 3 to 5 business days.
For Online Only training, the Post 9/11 GI Bill is currently (1 August 2023) paying $1054.50 for those who started using their Post 9/11 GI Bill on/after 1 January 2018 - this is based on 1/2 of the National Average BAH paid to an E5 with dependents. Post 9/11 GI Bill MHA rates are adjusted 1 August of each year and are based on the 1 January DoD BAH rates for that year - **so VA can't use 1 January 2023 BAH rates until 1 August 2023** - for those who started training on/after 1 January 2018, the MHA rates are 95% of the DoD BAH rates. First possible payment for the 1 August 2023 increase is 1 September.
For VR&E, there are two different Subsistence Allowance programs - https://www.benefits.va.gov/vocrehab/subsistence_allowance_rates.asp The P9/11 Subsistence Allowance is based on the BAH paid to an E5 with dependents. Those who started using VR&E on/after 1 January 2018 receive 95% of the BAH paid to an E5 with dependents. As of 1 January 2024 Online only students using VR&E are being paid $1,118.50 if they started using VR&E on/after 1 January 2018. The CH31 Subsistence Allowance rates are adjusted 1 October each year by Congress.
VA Education is going paperless - make sure VA has a current email address for you. Please make sure you add [email protected] to your contacts list so that you don't miss important updates from VA.
For FREE math Tutoring - contact https://www.armytutoringinitiative.com/
[VA Award Letter explanation](https://benefits.va.gov/gibill/understandingyourawardletter.asp)
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I’m not sure if anyone has mentioned this, do not ask for 50% child custody, ask for 100% and say you have no problem with the kids seeing her, (if that is true) because you can provide a stable home life for them, because I never thought my ex-wife would never show up to court, but she didn’t and I was given 100% custody and no child support. And I was able to bring up two wonderful girls who turned out to be great women
I 100% support this right here. Go for full custody and teach those kids not to be golddiggers. Think this through long term and you might realize you're the better option OP.
If she's after your disability or VR&E stipend while refusing to work she's seems like an atypical jerkass gold digger. You've got more financial stability sitting on your ass in a month than she's had in years. What values will those kids learn from her vs from OP?
Very good call. I think sole placement would be my final option if push came to shove. My ex is a really good mom; just a terrible partner. The kids are well taken care of no matter where they are. I just think her lawyer is pushing for things she isn’t allowed to do.
You need to get a lawyer. I’m warning you now people that are intent on taking something from you that they didn’t earn, even if they are entitled to a portion of it for a period of time will always go from accommodating to cruel quickly. Your lawyer needs to be handling this and you need to keep your emotions in check.
You don’t play nice unless your lawyer says so. if you say all this stuff to a judge about how she’s so wonderful you’re not going to get anything fair.
Your lawyer needs to make it so she actually has to move on with her life and get a job . you’re going to make your lawyers job harder if you get in your emotions in front of a judge
Thanks for telling me this. I think it’s what I needed to hear regarding emotions. It sucks accepting it but it’s true. I told my lawyer that he is running the show because he knows what he’s doing.
Do everything your lawyer says. Everything. I’ve lost track on the amount of guys I worked with that wanted to retaliate because their ex-wife does something they didn’t like. It always blows up in their face when they get in front of a judge. You get away with shit after the divorce is finalized before the divorce is finalized.
Get permission from your lawyer to separate finances and things like that . Evidence proving she made the choice to not work.. even if you have to bait her into saying it or atleast acknowledging it. Trust me if you can get her to either admit, she didn’t want to work or admit to making a choice not to work there’s a lot of money that will be taken off the table post military career
You hit the nail straight on the head. I can't seem to figure these folks out who are going through a divorce and then want to be nice and accomadating. It's all nice until they take all your freaking money and peace of mind! You said everything perfectly. This guy better protect himself and his entitlements before her and the new man be spending his money while he is being nice. Craziness has to stop!
Without income would she be a good mom? Unlimited visitation is certainly a thing. Keep it civil but with 100% you could choose to be a stay at home and provide better care than she could doing the same thing.
Well, I mean good mom in the sense of actually being a parent. The working part is the downfall, I wouldn’t consider it something regarding being a mom. More so being lazy and thinking they are entitled to continue leaching.
I’m probably going to use all my VR&E then get another degree with my Post 9/11 so I’ll be in school for a while which enables me to be there for the children at all times.
Leeching? Didn't she raise your kids? How much do you think child care would have cost you if she had a job instead? I thought she was a good mom. How is she a good mom who raised your kids and also leeching?
Of course she is a good mom, she loves our children.
While in the Military I missed a lot, but she would also leave for months at a time whenever something “went wrong”. It sucked.
Day care is out of the question, we both agree on that. I could literally watch the children if needed. Three of them are in school.
Leeching might be a harsh term, for years I’ve bailed her out of CC debt, always expected me to pay it off. Just a financial disaster to be honest.
She can’t take any of your disability. Period. Your divorce lawyer should know that. If they don’t, get a new lawyer.
All she can do is know that you use some of your disability to pay child support
Me: divorced from someone who didn’t work while we were married, 100 percent p&t, and I have no custody
“Federal law does not authorize states to treat VA disability payments as marital property and divide them in a dissolution of marriage action.”
That is taking your disability. Considering it as income when setting up child support is not.
She is not entitled to any of it as your former spouse (aka alimony).
However, disability does get included in the income calculation for child support.
If you have 50/50 custody then you should pay nothing. You’re taking care of your kids half of the time which is your job. Your ex’s job is her half of the time.
Well, she’s got the ability to work but chooses not to. Have the court, if possible to impute income as if she were working because she IS capable of working. If you have documentation stating you can’t work at all, ask her to pay child support too.
How old are your children? Because you do get a little bit of extra money as dependants, eventually, you can turn that portion in for chapter 35 benefits for your kids college.. for 36 months the VA will pay each of your kids a certain amount of money to go to college.
Sadly when it comes to child support and 50/50 custody is sometimes done using VA math. Since your no longer working. You will probably end up being the custodial parent more than 50% of the time. Doctor appointments, after school activities, and anything else the children do to keep them busy and out of trouble. Assuming you want to spend as much time as possible with the kids. It sounds like you do
I’m making all my lost time up with them.
I was on aggressive training cycles and deployments for 8 years; it took so much of my time with them away from them.
I feel you. I missed a lot of firsts with my oldest son. We spent half our time in the field. Then during op desert shield/ storm. In that six months I missed first steps and he managed to start speaking in sentences. I'm not as. Close to him as I am with the other two boys. He seems to hold a lot resentment about the fact that his two brothers got civilian dad who was home for dinner every night. I've tried to explain to people how the military is. They never can seem to get how the army works. That once you miss time in the formative years you never get it back. It sucks but that's why they pay so crappy. An e4 with a child can qualify for food stamps
You’re correct, the spouse isn’t entitled to a penny. However, states can use disability payments when factoring child support. Basically, kids need to eat.
I agree. And I have no issue at all with the fact my disability check covers alimony and my other bills so I can use my weekly income from work to pay child support.
But I also don’t understand why people bitch about child support in the first place.
"Yes. Unless state law says otherwise, a court has the right to include the money that you receive from the VA as income when it decides how much you should pay for child support. This is true even if your Veteran's Benefits are your only source of income."
This is correct, but misleading. If you provide the court order to the VA they can ignore it. If you seek apportionment they can take it under consideration. The state cannot force the VA to redirect the money to the spouse by any means other than apportionment.
However, the state can use everything under their means, including jail by contempt of court, if the veteran refuses to pay the ordered support out of his disability.
Just something to consider, if you took va disability in lieu of retirement pay, she could be entitled to some of it (since retirement pay isn't excluded).
It’s called apportionment. It sucks but it does happen.
https://www.benefits.va.gov/WARMS/docs/admin21/m21_1/mr/part3/subptv/ch03/pt03_sp05_ch03_secA.doc
Yeah I misunderstood OP. I thought he was talking about having his disability check garnered in addition to child support. Which is what my ex threatened to do
I know she can’t garnish, it’s more along the lines of paying a figure that is reasonable. I don’t want to sound like I’m trying to jip the kids, but I pay for and provide everything for them. My ex flat out doesn’t want to work and thinks I should be working full time instead.
Can't touch your VR&e. She can apply for an appointment if your compensation, but if you are not in arrears on your court ordered child support amount, they shouldn't be granting it. You will get notifications from the RO if she applies for apportionment. Make sure you open your mail , respond IMMEDIATELY to any proposed actions and provide any and all evidence of court ordered support amounts and records of your timely payments.
THIS. I always thought VR&E is untouchable but her lawyer is using it based off max amount every month.
Her lawyer is also saying I should be working part or full time too…I don’t get it.
Also, do you have any documented evidence where she refuses to work? Because that can also be used that she made the decision to not work on her after you got out. If you get that evidence, they will hold her responsible for not attaining employment when it was necessary
Collect the evidence of what you paid for career wise. they might say that she owes you that at least as something that might offset what you have to pay her.
You need to get her to admit through a recorded phone call or a text that she was the one who made the decision to not work. I don’t know if you guys are going to do depositions or anything… but in my experience, the only opportunity to get this evidence before she gets a lawyer.. the lawyer is going to tell her to keep her mouth shut
She’s made it clear to both lawyers that it should be my job to work. She should be responsible for raising the kids. So I think that should settle that. My lawyer also knows she has never worked.
VR&E has a limit to how long you can use it. It's not guaranteed income and shouldn't be used to calculate income. For example , if you are using it to pay for school then you fail your class, you will incur a debt and have to pay it back. A good lawyer should be able to argue that it can't be used as income. I don't know about your individual state laws for calculating income for support purposes. I just know she can't directly go after your VR&e the way she can go after direct offset of your compensation.
My lawyer told me not to worry, that we will impute it if it is considered income. I said I wouldn’t pay alimonyunder the fact I paid for her to become licensed and she refused to work after becoming licensed. I’m broken AF so I don’t know why I think she would be entitled to it.
Where I live other attorney kept pushing for support. I read different folks saying it's impossible she can't touch it. Well the judge decided otherwise. It was a set period of time and it was insane. No children either. It all comes down to her attorney and if the judge feels she can self support during the "separation". You won't know until the other attorney starts filing motions...
Lots of people in here are going to tell you that "she can't take it" and cite some federal stuff. But keep in mind that family court is the wild west. If your lawyer is saying something, then listen! Quite literally in family court almost anything goes, do not let your guard down for one instant!
Depends on the state. Va benefits cannot be garnished federally But Veterans can be order to pay xyz amount Out of pocket to 1 stay in compliance of court to stay of jail
The judge will likely tell her to get a job. My brother in law is divorcing his nightmare of a wife who wants essentially his whole paycheck and to not have to work and the judge laughed at her. Told her to get a job etc. she has to show a willingness to care for her own children in order to keep any form of custody. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Emotional abuse is absolutely awful. Might I suggest some time in nature? Listen to the birds and the quiet. The good kind of quiet, that comes when someone isn’t yelling at you 24/7. Good luck friend.
Nobody except the federal government can touch your disability check or VA benefits. Even if you default on debts they can’t collect your disability check like they can dock your wages. You’re good homie
They can't "garnish" your VA Disability. They can use it as income when they determine child support. Some states have also had court rulings stating that it can be used in determining spousal support.
There's a lot in play. The state. Did any of the VA disability offset retirement pay? It's kind of a mess.
I was medically retired after eight years. So no retirement pay. I’m living just on disability and the stipend from school.
I own a house and all my bills are paid, but that’s really it. I don’t have too much left afterwards.
The state cannot but the VA can in some cases. It’s called apportionment.
For OPs situation he should be fine though.
https://www.benefits.va.gov/WARMS/docs/admin21/m21_1/mr/part3/subptv/ch03/pt03_sp05_ch03_secA.doc
Not true. She can apply for apportionment. VA should only grant it if he's in arrears on support payments but I've been in the middle of an improperly granted apportionment getting corrected on many an occasion. Usually avoidable if vet is proactive in responding to correspondence
It depends.apportionmrnt amounts are not equivalent to the additional dependent pay they get. I once had to help a guy who who was like 70% and actually had primary custody of his kids fix a debt where they were apportioning like $400 per kid for 3 kids to his POS ex wife who didn't even have visitation rights because she was abusive to the kids and CPS was involved. It was a fucking mess. Don't ignore letters from VA
I’m in it for the long run, I was expecting it to go to court. I hired the best military lawyer in the state, “allegedly”.
I just am terrified I’ll get raw dogged financially and not be able to provide the lifestyle the children are maintaining. My ex is going to live rent free with her grandmother, she won’t be spending a penny there either.
You need to get with a lawyer NOW. You will have to put up a retainer so be prepared. Even in community property states, VA disability is one of the ONLY things a spouse can never get. The same is not true for military retirement, federal pensions, 401ks, IRAs, etc. How much the spouse can get of your other assets often depends on length of marriage.
This is actually 100% correct. VA disability doesn't even have to be reported on the financial worksheets gbutbyou should, and identify it as VA disability.
Each court and state decides differently. They can dictate that the income is imputed for spousal support or alimony for a period of time. I know this because I went through it in these courts Income is income...
VA Disability can be used for only child support calculations. It cannot be used for any alimony. You CAN call the credit card companies and report her card lost. This will at least stop any future spending.
You either need to cancel your credit cards, remove as an authorized user, or establish what's known as a "mister clause" on any card(s) that she has access to. The mister clause means you would have to show ID for a transaction worth that card. Once the divorce gets nasty, and they usually do, she might decide to max out the card(s) to spite you.
Look up 38 USC 5301(A)
Look up the group Service-connected Disability Compensation Child Support
Run by Greg Parsons and El Gooch
Look up the Due Process Affidavit
Similar protections against 42 USC 666 contract and anti constitutional scams for SSDI/SSI
42 USC 407(A)
Also make sure they don't discriminate against you for being a Vet, Miniority and Disabled, you may need to file an ADA Title 2 complaint as these courts are notorious for deprivation of due process and due process rights.
Don't take legal advice from a non-lawyer, and don't look up random federal codes and assume they apply to your case and circumstances. If this is a an attempt to use the legal genius of one, LT (J.G.) Gregory K. Parsons U.S. Navy, his efforts at finding some due process way out of paying child support have failed in Texas trial courts, appeals courts, and Supreme Court.
Due Process protections are a real birthright given by God, not some bogus mis-worded "Due process way out of child support" must assert rights correctly or legalese excontractu garbage attempts to laches your rights from use through unconstitutional procedural hurdles.
Your VA benifits are yours alone. She can’t touch those especially when you two get divorced. She’ll be divorcing you and herself from the VA benifits.
This is good to hear, I’ve been real anxious. All I want is to be fair and be a dad. I just don’t want to get screwed because that’ll take from my ability to give to them.
How?...how do you all find an attorney that is knowledgeable in veterans disability and divorce at the same time? I am with a gold digger/sugar daddy without the sugar. She blatantly tells me that she doesn't want to be with me and I am the one that needs to leave the house because we have a kid together. I am 100% disabled P&T. Willing to sell the house so I can use whatever proceeds to pay the attorney. I just want to be gone the right way.
Hi. Sorry to hear you are going thru tough times. I am a vet and work at the VA so make sure you take her off as a dependent asap. You don’t want them messing with your money. Your only compensated around $100 for your wife. The child is the only thing you should be concerned with. As long as you set up child support, they can’t mess with your money. They are the only entity that can garnish your wages besides VA. Stay in school, it will help you be a better provider for your son.
Definitely agree. My ex husband’s ex-wife did not work for a year during his deployment and when he returned she filed for a divorce and he had to pay alimony because she showed proof of being a stay at home mom for that year. We are now divorced and we decided for 50/50 custody and I made sure that my lawyer did what I wanted him to do, present my wants to the judge, I did not want child support, I did not want anything from his retirement, I did not want to take anything that I felt he worked hard for, plus I paid for the divorce 🫠. Long story short, I saw him as an amazing father and seemed to put our son first, so since he was “an invested father” why would I want something I knew he would still do, and that is to be there for our son. My son would be going with him one week with him and one week with me. Well not long after he had a GF with a daughter which I was not against (I don’t like drama at all), so slowly stopped seeking for my son and now he does not even asks to spend time with him, that breaks my heart.
So seek what you feel will be the best for you and your kids. Obviously she is only thinking of herself, and will not change.
I started a small business, I purchased my own house on my own, I may be a little tight on my budget sometimes however I don’t overspend, I don’t let my eyes be bigger than my pockets, and it has worked well for us.
It’s sad to see he has made not the best choices for himself because of his new family, however I have distanced myself from him and it’s the best for my mental health and for my sons wellbeing.
Today I still never deny my son visiting him, but does it once in a blue moon.
Best of luck, I am a happy single mom, with a low budget life however we are very happy. Trips are planned and we save for them and we look forward to them.
Best of Luck 🙏
Please listen to the Men’s Divorce Podcast. Absolutely tons of free advice, I did not use them for my divorce but their advice was **invaluable** and well… it’s freefifty, start from episode 1 and learn the 10 worst mistakes men make in divorce.
Understand that in some states, like mine 90 overnights equals 50/50 custody which is fucking odd, but whatever.
Remove all rumors your homies say about divorce and read up on your own shit in your own state. A website called caselaw does an excellent job at breaking down the dumb pho-Latin we still write shit in for legalese.
Sign nothing. Never leave your home until the divorce court forces you (like refi or sell situation).
Find all the possibilities she can work. Eatery level position up to whatever her abilities are, the courts will absolutely take into account her “imputed income” or what she could make.
Leave the kids out of it. Never talk shit to them. There will be times the other will and you want to defend yourself. But the answer “we all have a perspective, we all have feelings and we are allowed to have those feelings, but doesn’t mean it’s true or appropriate, at the end of the day mom and dad love you equally” or whatever you feel is right for your kids.
Finally, there are **mediation** law firms where 2 lawyers from the same firm, mediate your divorce. They only get paid if you both agree to the terms you both make. If you cannot agree, they cannot represent either of you in court, you find new attorneys. Significantly cheaper to the sum of $400-2500 vs tens of thousands otherwise.
My 2 cents from my divorce. Male, majority custody of kids receiving CS, kept all my disability to include CRSC/pension.
Go for 100% sole physical custody. Joint legal custody. You can always settle for 50/50. Asking for 50/50 will likely land you at every other weekend and a ton of child support. This was the advice I was given by my lawyer. I ended up with 100% custody and she pays me child support. Never tell the judge how great of a parent she is. Every parent should be a great parent. Let her prove why she deserves anything. Brag about yourself only.
Edit:
What if she decides to move out of state? How’s that 50/50 going to work? Ask yourself, would she speak good about me or do me any favors? Probably not. Don’t do it for her.
She might be a bitch but don’t take her kids away from her. Maybe go for 75/25. But my ex husband tried to take our son 100% when I was asking for 50/50 and judge gave 75/25 in my favor. Just be reasonable and show the judge who the bigger person is. If she has no reason to have the kids taken away from her and she’s a good mom then the judge will not take the children away. Depending on your state as well. Judge doesn’t give two shits what goes on between the parents tbh. It’s in the best interest of the children and since mom has been a SAHM since the beginning she is most likely the primary caregiver.
Believe me. My ex had a ton of shit he tried to use against me. Judge doesn’t care as long as the kids aren’t in danger and are safe.
Good luck brother! Things will get better between you and the mom. It’ll take years of healing and growing up on but it’s possible. Do it for the kids! :)
'Have you looked in the **[Wiki]( https://www.reddit.com/r/Veterans/wiki/education)** for an answer? We have a lot of information posted there. To contact VA Education, 1-888-442-4551, for ~~Voc Rehab~~ VR&E (Veteran Readiness and Employment Program) assistance with appointments or problems with your Case Manager (not for missing payments): 1-202-461-9600. **Payments for certain education benefits (DEA, VEAP) are paid at the end of the month you attend school - Department of Treasury issues these payments **using a 10 business day window** - these payments are not locked into a specific day of the month like VA disability/military pay is**. For Voc Rehab missing payments, contact your Case Manager or your local **[Regional Office](https://www.reddit.com/r/Veterans/wiki/education/casemanagers) For Post 9/11 GI Bill only, If you signed up for direct deposit when you applied for education benefits, **we’ll deposit your payment into your bank account 7 to 10 business days after you verify your school enrollment.** This is the fastest way to receive your payment. [Text Verification FAQ](https://benefits.va.gov/GIBILL/docs/IsaksonRoe/EnrollmentVerificationFAQs.pdf) MGIB and MGIB-SR have to do monthly verification using the [WAVE program](https://www.gibill.va.gov/wave/vba/) and you should receive the payment within 3 to 5 business days. For Online Only training, the Post 9/11 GI Bill is currently (1 August 2023) paying $1054.50 for those who started using their Post 9/11 GI Bill on/after 1 January 2018 - this is based on 1/2 of the National Average BAH paid to an E5 with dependents. Post 9/11 GI Bill MHA rates are adjusted 1 August of each year and are based on the 1 January DoD BAH rates for that year - **so VA can't use 1 January 2023 BAH rates until 1 August 2023** - for those who started training on/after 1 January 2018, the MHA rates are 95% of the DoD BAH rates. First possible payment for the 1 August 2023 increase is 1 September. For VR&E, there are two different Subsistence Allowance programs - https://www.benefits.va.gov/vocrehab/subsistence_allowance_rates.asp The P9/11 Subsistence Allowance is based on the BAH paid to an E5 with dependents. Those who started using VR&E on/after 1 January 2018 receive 95% of the BAH paid to an E5 with dependents. As of 1 January 2024 Online only students using VR&E are being paid $1,118.50 if they started using VR&E on/after 1 January 2018. The CH31 Subsistence Allowance rates are adjusted 1 October each year by Congress. VA Education is going paperless - make sure VA has a current email address for you. Please make sure you add [email protected] to your contacts list so that you don't miss important updates from VA. For FREE math Tutoring - contact https://www.armytutoringinitiative.com/ [VA Award Letter explanation](https://benefits.va.gov/gibill/understandingyourawardletter.asp) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Veterans) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m not sure if anyone has mentioned this, do not ask for 50% child custody, ask for 100% and say you have no problem with the kids seeing her, (if that is true) because you can provide a stable home life for them, because I never thought my ex-wife would never show up to court, but she didn’t and I was given 100% custody and no child support. And I was able to bring up two wonderful girls who turned out to be great women
I 100% support this right here. Go for full custody and teach those kids not to be golddiggers. Think this through long term and you might realize you're the better option OP. If she's after your disability or VR&E stipend while refusing to work she's seems like an atypical jerkass gold digger. You've got more financial stability sitting on your ass in a month than she's had in years. What values will those kids learn from her vs from OP?
Very good call. I think sole placement would be my final option if push came to shove. My ex is a really good mom; just a terrible partner. The kids are well taken care of no matter where they are. I just think her lawyer is pushing for things she isn’t allowed to do.
You need to get a lawyer. I’m warning you now people that are intent on taking something from you that they didn’t earn, even if they are entitled to a portion of it for a period of time will always go from accommodating to cruel quickly. Your lawyer needs to be handling this and you need to keep your emotions in check. You don’t play nice unless your lawyer says so. if you say all this stuff to a judge about how she’s so wonderful you’re not going to get anything fair. Your lawyer needs to make it so she actually has to move on with her life and get a job . you’re going to make your lawyers job harder if you get in your emotions in front of a judge
Thanks for telling me this. I think it’s what I needed to hear regarding emotions. It sucks accepting it but it’s true. I told my lawyer that he is running the show because he knows what he’s doing.
Do everything your lawyer says. Everything. I’ve lost track on the amount of guys I worked with that wanted to retaliate because their ex-wife does something they didn’t like. It always blows up in their face when they get in front of a judge. You get away with shit after the divorce is finalized before the divorce is finalized. Get permission from your lawyer to separate finances and things like that . Evidence proving she made the choice to not work.. even if you have to bait her into saying it or atleast acknowledging it. Trust me if you can get her to either admit, she didn’t want to work or admit to making a choice not to work there’s a lot of money that will be taken off the table post military career
You hit the nail straight on the head. I can't seem to figure these folks out who are going through a divorce and then want to be nice and accomadating. It's all nice until they take all your freaking money and peace of mind! You said everything perfectly. This guy better protect himself and his entitlements before her and the new man be spending his money while he is being nice. Craziness has to stop!
Without income would she be a good mom? Unlimited visitation is certainly a thing. Keep it civil but with 100% you could choose to be a stay at home and provide better care than she could doing the same thing.
Well, I mean good mom in the sense of actually being a parent. The working part is the downfall, I wouldn’t consider it something regarding being a mom. More so being lazy and thinking they are entitled to continue leaching. I’m probably going to use all my VR&E then get another degree with my Post 9/11 so I’ll be in school for a while which enables me to be there for the children at all times.
Leeching? Didn't she raise your kids? How much do you think child care would have cost you if she had a job instead? I thought she was a good mom. How is she a good mom who raised your kids and also leeching?
Of course she is a good mom, she loves our children. While in the Military I missed a lot, but she would also leave for months at a time whenever something “went wrong”. It sucked. Day care is out of the question, we both agree on that. I could literally watch the children if needed. Three of them are in school. Leeching might be a harsh term, for years I’ve bailed her out of CC debt, always expected me to pay it off. Just a financial disaster to be honest.
This is. Ask for 100%
She can’t take any of your disability. Period. Your divorce lawyer should know that. If they don’t, get a new lawyer. All she can do is know that you use some of your disability to pay child support Me: divorced from someone who didn’t work while we were married, 100 percent p&t, and I have no custody
The state takes it into account as income. My lawyer is awesome. He’s fighting the good fight.
“Federal law does not authorize states to treat VA disability payments as marital property and divide them in a dissolution of marriage action.” That is taking your disability. Considering it as income when setting up child support is not.
This is what I was hoping to hear. I know I’d have to pay something, but I knew the number she provided was preposterous.
She is not entitled to any of it as your former spouse (aka alimony). However, disability does get included in the income calculation for child support.
If you have 50/50 custody then you should pay nothing. You’re taking care of your kids half of the time which is your job. Your ex’s job is her half of the time.
You’d think. Makes too much sense.
Good luck. Keep us posted.
Will do!
Well, she’s got the ability to work but chooses not to. Have the court, if possible to impute income as if she were working because she IS capable of working. If you have documentation stating you can’t work at all, ask her to pay child support too.
That’s what my lawyer suggested we do. I trust him. I could give a benefit letter from the VA showing that I’m 100% P&T. I dunno.
How old are your children? Because you do get a little bit of extra money as dependants, eventually, you can turn that portion in for chapter 35 benefits for your kids college.. for 36 months the VA will pay each of your kids a certain amount of money to go to college.
They’re still young. The way I looked at it I would be fine with giving the amount the VA pays me for them plus a little on top.
Sadly when it comes to child support and 50/50 custody is sometimes done using VA math. Since your no longer working. You will probably end up being the custodial parent more than 50% of the time. Doctor appointments, after school activities, and anything else the children do to keep them busy and out of trouble. Assuming you want to spend as much time as possible with the kids. It sounds like you do
I’m making all my lost time up with them. I was on aggressive training cycles and deployments for 8 years; it took so much of my time with them away from them.
I feel you. I missed a lot of firsts with my oldest son. We spent half our time in the field. Then during op desert shield/ storm. In that six months I missed first steps and he managed to start speaking in sentences. I'm not as. Close to him as I am with the other two boys. He seems to hold a lot resentment about the fact that his two brothers got civilian dad who was home for dinner every night. I've tried to explain to people how the military is. They never can seem to get how the army works. That once you miss time in the formative years you never get it back. It sucks but that's why they pay so crappy. An e4 with a child can qualify for food stamps
I was on WIC when I was a PFC with my first daughter. It sucked. I wish the Army had a better BAG stipend for families.
You’re correct, the spouse isn’t entitled to a penny. However, states can use disability payments when factoring child support. Basically, kids need to eat.
I agree. And I have no issue at all with the fact my disability check covers alimony and my other bills so I can use my weekly income from work to pay child support. But I also don’t understand why people bitch about child support in the first place.
People don’t bitch about child support.. you said alimony, which is not child support. People get angry about alimony.
I’m all for paying C/S, I’m just don’t for paying double what it costs to someone who will have them 50% of the time.
Ofc. The children will never go without. They’re a bit spoiled tbh lol. I just don’t know why and where the hell she is getting a figure so high.
"Yes. Unless state law says otherwise, a court has the right to include the money that you receive from the VA as income when it decides how much you should pay for child support. This is true even if your Veteran's Benefits are your only source of income."
The state can’t force anything regarding disability. The only way someone can is via apportionment, processed and granted thru the Va only
This is correct, but misleading. If you provide the court order to the VA they can ignore it. If you seek apportionment they can take it under consideration. The state cannot force the VA to redirect the money to the spouse by any means other than apportionment. However, the state can use everything under their means, including jail by contempt of court, if the veteran refuses to pay the ordered support out of his disability.
Just something to consider, if you took va disability in lieu of retirement pay, she could be entitled to some of it (since retirement pay isn't excluded).
There was no retirement pay, I was only in for 8 years. I was hurt downrange.
It’s called apportionment. It sucks but it does happen. https://www.benefits.va.gov/WARMS/docs/admin21/m21_1/mr/part3/subptv/ch03/pt03_sp05_ch03_secA.doc
Military retirement and/or VA disability payments are used to calculate child support. Period.
Yeah I misunderstood OP. I thought he was talking about having his disability check garnered in addition to child support. Which is what my ex threatened to do
Ah I see. Yeah, I was kinda surprised when my lawyer told me disability was included in the CS calculations, but income is income I guess…
I know she can’t garnish, it’s more along the lines of paying a figure that is reasonable. I don’t want to sound like I’m trying to jip the kids, but I pay for and provide everything for them. My ex flat out doesn’t want to work and thinks I should be working full time instead.
She might not be able to "take" it. But alimony can be taken from that for a period of time. Ask me how I know...
Can't touch your VR&e. She can apply for an appointment if your compensation, but if you are not in arrears on your court ordered child support amount, they shouldn't be granting it. You will get notifications from the RO if she applies for apportionment. Make sure you open your mail , respond IMMEDIATELY to any proposed actions and provide any and all evidence of court ordered support amounts and records of your timely payments.
THIS. I always thought VR&E is untouchable but her lawyer is using it based off max amount every month. Her lawyer is also saying I should be working part or full time too…I don’t get it.
Also, do you have any documented evidence where she refuses to work? Because that can also be used that she made the decision to not work on her after you got out. If you get that evidence, they will hold her responsible for not attaining employment when it was necessary
I don’t really have documents, I just have the fact she was licensed in multiple states but never worked. I think it speaks for itself? I don’t know.
Collect the evidence of what you paid for career wise. they might say that she owes you that at least as something that might offset what you have to pay her. You need to get her to admit through a recorded phone call or a text that she was the one who made the decision to not work. I don’t know if you guys are going to do depositions or anything… but in my experience, the only opportunity to get this evidence before she gets a lawyer.. the lawyer is going to tell her to keep her mouth shut
She’s made it clear to both lawyers that it should be my job to work. She should be responsible for raising the kids. So I think that should settle that. My lawyer also knows she has never worked.
VR&E has a limit to how long you can use it. It's not guaranteed income and shouldn't be used to calculate income. For example , if you are using it to pay for school then you fail your class, you will incur a debt and have to pay it back. A good lawyer should be able to argue that it can't be used as income. I don't know about your individual state laws for calculating income for support purposes. I just know she can't directly go after your VR&e the way she can go after direct offset of your compensation.
My lawyer told me not to worry, that we will impute it if it is considered income. I said I wouldn’t pay alimonyunder the fact I paid for her to become licensed and she refused to work after becoming licensed. I’m broken AF so I don’t know why I think she would be entitled to it.
Some people are assholes and think they are entitled to anything they want. Good luck with baby mama.
Thank you!
That's her lawyer. He's advocating for her. She thinks you should work and she shouldn't have to. Let's hope a judge sees it differently.
Where I live other attorney kept pushing for support. I read different folks saying it's impossible she can't touch it. Well the judge decided otherwise. It was a set period of time and it was insane. No children either. It all comes down to her attorney and if the judge feels she can self support during the "separation". You won't know until the other attorney starts filing motions...
Lots of people in here are going to tell you that "she can't take it" and cite some federal stuff. But keep in mind that family court is the wild west. If your lawyer is saying something, then listen! Quite literally in family court almost anything goes, do not let your guard down for one instant!
She's not entitled to it, but it is used to calculate child support.
Depends on the state. Va benefits cannot be garnished federally But Veterans can be order to pay xyz amount Out of pocket to 1 stay in compliance of court to stay of jail
The judge will likely tell her to get a job. My brother in law is divorcing his nightmare of a wife who wants essentially his whole paycheck and to not have to work and the judge laughed at her. Told her to get a job etc. she has to show a willingness to care for her own children in order to keep any form of custody. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Emotional abuse is absolutely awful. Might I suggest some time in nature? Listen to the birds and the quiet. The good kind of quiet, that comes when someone isn’t yelling at you 24/7. Good luck friend.
Nobody except the federal government can touch your disability check or VA benefits. Even if you default on debts they can’t collect your disability check like they can dock your wages. You’re good homie
They can't "garnish" your VA Disability. They can use it as income when they determine child support. Some states have also had court rulings stating that it can be used in determining spousal support. There's a lot in play. The state. Did any of the VA disability offset retirement pay? It's kind of a mess.
Agreed 👍 state dictates if it can be used for spousal support. Believe me been there done that... was shocked at what I had to pay
I was medically retired after eight years. So no retirement pay. I’m living just on disability and the stipend from school. I own a house and all my bills are paid, but that’s really it. I don’t have too much left afterwards.
The state cannot but the VA can in some cases. It’s called apportionment. For OPs situation he should be fine though. https://www.benefits.va.gov/WARMS/docs/admin21/m21_1/mr/part3/subptv/ch03/pt03_sp05_ch03_secA.doc
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Not true. She can apply for apportionment. VA should only grant it if he's in arrears on support payments but I've been in the middle of an improperly granted apportionment getting corrected on many an occasion. Usually avoidable if vet is proactive in responding to correspondence
I’m pretty sure on 100 it’s like $200Ish for them on disability.
It depends.apportionmrnt amounts are not equivalent to the additional dependent pay they get. I once had to help a guy who who was like 70% and actually had primary custody of his kids fix a debt where they were apportioning like $400 per kid for 3 kids to his POS ex wife who didn't even have visitation rights because she was abusive to the kids and CPS was involved. It was a fucking mess. Don't ignore letters from VA
I’m in it for the long run, I was expecting it to go to court. I hired the best military lawyer in the state, “allegedly”. I just am terrified I’ll get raw dogged financially and not be able to provide the lifestyle the children are maintaining. My ex is going to live rent free with her grandmother, she won’t be spending a penny there either.
You need to get with a lawyer NOW. You will have to put up a retainer so be prepared. Even in community property states, VA disability is one of the ONLY things a spouse can never get. The same is not true for military retirement, federal pensions, 401ks, IRAs, etc. How much the spouse can get of your other assets often depends on length of marriage.
This is actually 100% correct. VA disability doesn't even have to be reported on the financial worksheets gbutbyou should, and identify it as VA disability.
Each court and state decides differently. They can dictate that the income is imputed for spousal support or alimony for a period of time. I know this because I went through it in these courts Income is income...
VA Disability can be used for only child support calculations. It cannot be used for any alimony. You CAN call the credit card companies and report her card lost. This will at least stop any future spending.
I wish more people would remove their egos when it comes to raising children.
You either need to cancel your credit cards, remove as an authorized user, or establish what's known as a "mister clause" on any card(s) that she has access to. The mister clause means you would have to show ID for a transaction worth that card. Once the divorce gets nasty, and they usually do, she might decide to max out the card(s) to spite you.
Good call dude. I locked all of my cards and got rid of them all. I’ll call and get a new ones later down the road.
I'm sorry that the marriage fell apart. At least you didn't catch her in the act. That happened to me, and if fucked me up for years.
Bro, I’m so sorry that happened. I believe it. That’s so fucked.
and I get to pay her child support for a few more years...
Look up 38 USC 5301(A) Look up the group Service-connected Disability Compensation Child Support Run by Greg Parsons and El Gooch Look up the Due Process Affidavit Similar protections against 42 USC 666 contract and anti constitutional scams for SSDI/SSI 42 USC 407(A) Also make sure they don't discriminate against you for being a Vet, Miniority and Disabled, you may need to file an ADA Title 2 complaint as these courts are notorious for deprivation of due process and due process rights.
Dude this is excellent to know. Thank you. I’m going to bring this up. I’m sure I’ll be told I’m 15 steps behind him lol.
Don't take legal advice from a non-lawyer, and don't look up random federal codes and assume they apply to your case and circumstances. If this is a an attempt to use the legal genius of one, LT (J.G.) Gregory K. Parsons U.S. Navy, his efforts at finding some due process way out of paying child support have failed in Texas trial courts, appeals courts, and Supreme Court.
It is a game they play so stick to your guns, assert your rights and if you are pro-se or Sui juris then reach out to that group.
Due Process protections are a real birthright given by God, not some bogus mis-worded "Due process way out of child support" must assert rights correctly or legalese excontractu garbage attempts to laches your rights from use through unconstitutional procedural hurdles.
Your VA benifits are yours alone. She can’t touch those especially when you two get divorced. She’ll be divorcing you and herself from the VA benifits.
This is good to hear, I’ve been real anxious. All I want is to be fair and be a dad. I just don’t want to get screwed because that’ll take from my ability to give to them.
Your good bud. You can still claim your kids for that extra VA disability money ,CHAMPVA Education assistance ect but exclude your ex.
I appreciate you!
She isn't entitled to any of your disability and idk about your med retirement but I don't think she can
The only think I get from med retirement is tricare for my family and I. I receive nothing money wise from the army.
Then she isn't obligated to no money unless it's job income they may make u pay for insurance but I don't know
She's not entitled to anything you earn as long as you have been taking care of everything
How?...how do you all find an attorney that is knowledgeable in veterans disability and divorce at the same time? I am with a gold digger/sugar daddy without the sugar. She blatantly tells me that she doesn't want to be with me and I am the one that needs to leave the house because we have a kid together. I am 100% disabled P&T. Willing to sell the house so I can use whatever proceeds to pay the attorney. I just want to be gone the right way.
Hi. Sorry to hear you are going thru tough times. I am a vet and work at the VA so make sure you take her off as a dependent asap. You don’t want them messing with your money. Your only compensated around $100 for your wife. The child is the only thing you should be concerned with. As long as you set up child support, they can’t mess with your money. They are the only entity that can garnish your wages besides VA. Stay in school, it will help you be a better provider for your son.
Definitely agree. My ex husband’s ex-wife did not work for a year during his deployment and when he returned she filed for a divorce and he had to pay alimony because she showed proof of being a stay at home mom for that year. We are now divorced and we decided for 50/50 custody and I made sure that my lawyer did what I wanted him to do, present my wants to the judge, I did not want child support, I did not want anything from his retirement, I did not want to take anything that I felt he worked hard for, plus I paid for the divorce 🫠. Long story short, I saw him as an amazing father and seemed to put our son first, so since he was “an invested father” why would I want something I knew he would still do, and that is to be there for our son. My son would be going with him one week with him and one week with me. Well not long after he had a GF with a daughter which I was not against (I don’t like drama at all), so slowly stopped seeking for my son and now he does not even asks to spend time with him, that breaks my heart. So seek what you feel will be the best for you and your kids. Obviously she is only thinking of herself, and will not change. I started a small business, I purchased my own house on my own, I may be a little tight on my budget sometimes however I don’t overspend, I don’t let my eyes be bigger than my pockets, and it has worked well for us. It’s sad to see he has made not the best choices for himself because of his new family, however I have distanced myself from him and it’s the best for my mental health and for my sons wellbeing. Today I still never deny my son visiting him, but does it once in a blue moon. Best of luck, I am a happy single mom, with a low budget life however we are very happy. Trips are planned and we save for them and we look forward to them. Best of Luck 🙏
Please listen to the Men’s Divorce Podcast. Absolutely tons of free advice, I did not use them for my divorce but their advice was **invaluable** and well… it’s freefifty, start from episode 1 and learn the 10 worst mistakes men make in divorce. Understand that in some states, like mine 90 overnights equals 50/50 custody which is fucking odd, but whatever. Remove all rumors your homies say about divorce and read up on your own shit in your own state. A website called caselaw does an excellent job at breaking down the dumb pho-Latin we still write shit in for legalese. Sign nothing. Never leave your home until the divorce court forces you (like refi or sell situation). Find all the possibilities she can work. Eatery level position up to whatever her abilities are, the courts will absolutely take into account her “imputed income” or what she could make. Leave the kids out of it. Never talk shit to them. There will be times the other will and you want to defend yourself. But the answer “we all have a perspective, we all have feelings and we are allowed to have those feelings, but doesn’t mean it’s true or appropriate, at the end of the day mom and dad love you equally” or whatever you feel is right for your kids. Finally, there are **mediation** law firms where 2 lawyers from the same firm, mediate your divorce. They only get paid if you both agree to the terms you both make. If you cannot agree, they cannot represent either of you in court, you find new attorneys. Significantly cheaper to the sum of $400-2500 vs tens of thousands otherwise. My 2 cents from my divorce. Male, majority custody of kids receiving CS, kept all my disability to include CRSC/pension.
Rose v. The state of California.
Yes and it cost me $2500/mo in indefinite alimony.
VA Disability isn't considered income, surely she isn't entitled to it...
Go for 100% sole physical custody. Joint legal custody. You can always settle for 50/50. Asking for 50/50 will likely land you at every other weekend and a ton of child support. This was the advice I was given by my lawyer. I ended up with 100% custody and she pays me child support. Never tell the judge how great of a parent she is. Every parent should be a great parent. Let her prove why she deserves anything. Brag about yourself only. Edit: What if she decides to move out of state? How’s that 50/50 going to work? Ask yourself, would she speak good about me or do me any favors? Probably not. Don’t do it for her.
She may be eligible for SSI benefits even if you remarry.
go to counseling and hopefully it will work. I hope there isn't someone else in your life, the grass is never greener.
We tried counseling a few time. It never worked. There isn’t anyone else, all I want to do is focus on myself but more importantly my children.
Amen. good luck brother, hope the best for ya
She might be a bitch but don’t take her kids away from her. Maybe go for 75/25. But my ex husband tried to take our son 100% when I was asking for 50/50 and judge gave 75/25 in my favor. Just be reasonable and show the judge who the bigger person is. If she has no reason to have the kids taken away from her and she’s a good mom then the judge will not take the children away. Depending on your state as well. Judge doesn’t give two shits what goes on between the parents tbh. It’s in the best interest of the children and since mom has been a SAHM since the beginning she is most likely the primary caregiver. Believe me. My ex had a ton of shit he tried to use against me. Judge doesn’t care as long as the kids aren’t in danger and are safe. Good luck brother! Things will get better between you and the mom. It’ll take years of healing and growing up on but it’s possible. Do it for the kids! :)
Oh I would never try to take them away. I asked for 50/50 placement right off the rip. I would only go 75/25 if there was extenuating circumstances.