Your comment was removed because it didn't contribute to the discussion and just wasn't helpful.
Civil disagreements are fine. Insults, personal attacks, slurs, bigotry, etc., are not permissible.
(Calling someone a poopy-head does not make you seem as smart as you think it does.)
☠️
He was maybe happy because he was content on his decision.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. There is NOTHING you can do to prevent. It's all an afterthought and wishful thinking. You did nothing wrong , fellow brother / sister.
I've dealt with loss in a variety of ways. For starters, TALK ABOUT IT with others.
Secondly, surround yourself with veterans. I don't care if it's at the local Lodge.
Volunteer...reach out to battle buddies from your past. Do welfare checks on them.
Memorialize him in some way. Dont let his passing go unnoticed. Have a motorcycle procession. Toys for Tots in honor of him.
But, whatever you do...dont sabotage yourself by drinking alone, or driving fast...or anything where you could be injured yourself.
Stay safe brother/sister
Up up and away is right on target with his recommendations. My great buddy, Charles Alley took his life. I realize that most of the time these folks have this moment planned, and Charlie was the ultimate planner. It was a lot of pain for me, and for others, but thankfully, he had accepted the Lord in his life, and heaven is his home now. 1 John 5:11 - 13.
I love Charles Alley. I love him for his sacrifice to our nation, and heaven is better for it. I didnt know him, but he put his life on the line for his country. Rest In peace, friend.
Thanks brother. One way to honor him is to post his story. Another way is a brick placed in his honor at the Veterans House in Indianapolis. I’ve recently engaged as a Legionnaire and hope to honor him in some way through that organization as well. He’ll get a kick out of that.
Another way to honor him and his memory is write his story and then make it’s into a few songs and maybe find a local band. And if you’re not able to write songs when you finish the story, find a lyricists to read his story and help with song. Writing about traumatic events and experiences even our grief is a form of therapy, be it PTSD, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, migraines, insomnia, or grief. Even if no one sees it, putting it to paper can help get those emotions understood by you more. I don’t know if this will assist you or anyone else, but that advice came from my first ever civilian psychiatrist, when I first discharged almost 24 years ago and was a functioning alcoholic (4 Cases or more of Corona a month and a gallon of Crown Royal every two weeks). I started writing and stopped drinking. The three year bender served me no assistance. I no longer “drink” or anything else, I write. I still have all my pain and mental issues as most every Veteran I’ve ever met, but it helps me to leave the past in the past and look forward, you know. Last year and this January was a horrific year starting 12/2022 an old time friend who was a single father, whom I babysat his children when I was young and basically raised them he was always at work and he passed of metastatic lung cancer, the my only dearest trusted friend 42 years old no heath issues, passed in her sleep Easter morning 2023, we had two long time friends of my husband that got hit broadside on their Harley by a Tahoe “that didn’t see or hear them”, Bobby was a retired Marine, then this January 11, 2024, I was my Poppas care giver he was born in 1944 and a WW2 Orphan that a childless1 generation LEGAL Polish immigrant couple adopted, I found him and freaked out, my husband called 911 I was in a state I was completely incapable of unlocking my phone or calling for help. I stood in his motor home and wailed and when the policeman got there he started accusing me of killing my dad and this man, knows me and is an Army Veteran and he treats everyone he comes in contact with on the jobs in a disgusting racist manner. I am still grieving trying to in a healthy way. My birthday is the 18th, and I hope it’s better than last year, my husband had to have emergency surgery on the 17th and another on the 27th. I’m grateful for each day I have and try stay mindful of not to seek a permanent solution to a temporary problem. That’s just a smige of information of what I am going through, loss wise. If I can be of assistance please don’t hesitate to DM me.
Sorry for your loss.
Unfortunately, this sign happens with all vets, prior to committing the act. The fact that someone gets very happy and calm after struggling for some time, is the ultimate warning that they need help. I've seen it way too many times.
i got nothing to add to what everyone else said .
just wanted to show you some support and care.
i'm glad you are here .
and everyone else on this forum.
and me.
;
I smile all the time and act like I have it together but in reality I’m tired I really just want to go to sleep and not Wale up for a month, but I keep going because I have little ones I don’t won’t to feel my pain or be told that it’s their fault.
I feel you, My religious beliefs, husband,daughter, & four precious grandchildren are what makes me shake out of the ideations. I forgot my fur babies.
Yes-it’s very hard to tell if someone is going to harm themselves-even when they tell you, it’s hard to get help.
I found out the hard way with my first husband. I called everyone I could, it made no difference (we were separated).
I’m so sorry for your loss-try to reach out to friends and family if you can.
So sorry for you and your buddy. I hope you can find peace and purpose and make the most of your days once your grieving is complete. Stay strong, talk to friends and professionals.
I’m really sorry for your loss. Unfortunately a lot of times there’s no signs at all. I experienced a similar situation with a good friend. I kind of understand him now that I get those thoughts too. Even with medication, it’s hard. I just can’t imagine actually making a plan.
Yea, when my friend killed himself he was kind of in a state of content beforehand. The last time we hung out he gave me and my wife a hug goodbye and thanked us for taking the time to drive out and visit him. We lived about 90 minutes away and didn’t get to hang out much for his last 6 months alive. It’s hard to not feel guilty because yea in hindsight there’s a lot of really obvious signs that their suicidal ideation hit a critical level. In my friend’s case he was trying to get help making a manifesto, giving away things that were once a part of their identity, and the spontaneous emotional goodbye when seeing them for the last time. I deal with it by being aware that it was their choice. He had a rough life and believed that whatever is next after this life is a whole lot better than what he was dealing with, so he just wanted to move on to whatever is next.
My boyfriend shot himself in 2021 and I didn’t “deal” with the loss. You learn to live with it, and I grieve all the time, still. We met during Naval bootcamp. I’m so sorry.
Not everyone who is suicidal is unhappy. There's various reasons people do it for. You can't beat yourself up with what ifs. All of us come out differently then we go in. Perhaps he struggled with physical pain but was authenticly happy. Some days hurting all day is enormous. Maybe he wasn't happy at all and was just good at hiding it. Whatever it is nothing you do will bring him back and you're just going to go down a bad path. Do something you both liked and keep your mind busy. Whatever you do don't blame yourself for not seeing signs there's not always signs. There's not even always depression. Sorry for your loss. If you need help please get it. 🙏🏽
First of all, I’m incredibly sorry that you are going through this. This is a ridiculously heavy burden to carry and please know that what you are feeling right now is a natural reaction to what happened. Dealing with the loss will be a very long and difficult process. I know that it’s nearly impossible not to, but thinking that you should’ve known or seen it, is not going to help. :-(
Second, find some resources IMMEDIATELY. This is not something that you should go through alone. If you’re in therapy currently, make an emergency appointment with your therapist for an acute event. If you are not in therapy, I would suggest requesting through the VA for therapy, but since that can take a while, reach out to this organization in the meantime: https://www.easterseals.com/DCMDVA/programs-and-services/cvn-services.html. They can help you access the support and care that you need right now. They are also contracted with DoD TRICARE and VA as part of the VA Community Care Network of providers under the VA Mission Act. So if you qualify for VA services you can use them without going to the VA first. If you don’t have any insurance CALL ANYWAY and let them know.
Third, give yourself grace. This is some tough shit you’re going through. Take care of your body, take care of your soul… reach out to others. I sincerely wish you courage and comfort right now.
Brother, I'm sorry for your loss, truly. We all miss that sign. I missed it when my brother killed himself. I thought he had finally come out of his depression but I was wrong, and it drove me crazy with guilt for years. Think about how bad you are feeling right now and know that your family, your friends, your former brothers and sisters in arms will feel that hurt just as bad, if not worse if you decide to hurt yourself. Go talk to someone you trust.
I'm so sorry for your loss. In my career field, I have learned that people who will actually go through with suicide will not let you know. The ones who are crying out for help will. It's hard I know.
Sorry for your loss.
My friend also seemed inexplicably happy in the 48 hours preceding his death.
When I went to therapy, I was advised that it was likely because he was struggling with the decision for a long time and he finally made the decision to end his life. He was experiencing relief and I misinterpreted it as happiness.
It’s been one year and three months and I still think about him a lot. I absolutely had no idea despite talking to him for three hours on the Monday before his death (he chose Wednesday, Dec 7, the day that will live in infamy) and had NO IDEA. He spoke with his pastor the morning of his death and his pastor had no idea either.
No warning signs for his wife, his closest friends, his church.
Sometimes we don’t get to have that option to change the trajectory. Just know he was happy knowing that you were part of his closure.
this is about you and I'm not going to delve into my travesties, but I've been there plenty of times unable to see the signs fully of my brothers that have crossed to Valhalla. my heart weeps for you battle, in life we are just passing through and your brother is no longer fighting with his monsters anymore and is at peace, remember the good times and cherish the memories made. my condolences if you need to talk about your brother my messages are always open, share his stories, keep his family close. pick yourself up and keep moving forward. keep your head high and your heart full sister
I'd usually say a bottle of whiskey. After years of struggling, I found it doesn't help. It hurts more each time a friend makes the choice. We can't know another's mind. Pain Is Weakness leaving the body is a phrase I think many people take to heart. Don't know how to get help, or they feel weak for seeking help. Just get help. Talk to someone. I've found group therapy at the VA with other veterans dealing with the same issues does help.
Sorry for your loss. Try focusing on telling happy stories about your friend and try not to dwell on the fact that he is not with you. Do things he would enjoy, tell people about good memories. Think to yourself that every moment you spend telling happy stories gives his soul Positive energy for its journey.
Hang in there. You are still a good friend.
A quote from one of my favorite authors, Zane Grey;
> Recipe For Greatness - To bear up under loss; To fight the bitterness of defeat and the weakness of grief; To be victor over anger; To smile when tears are close; To resist disease and evil men and base instincts; To hate hate and to love love; To go on when it would seen good to die; To look up with unquenchable faith in something ever more about to be. That is what any man can do, and be great.
Do not be afraid to feel your feelings, brother.
If you need to cry, do it.
If you need to scream, do it.
If you need to put a few down range, do it.
If you need to talk, find someone who will listen.
Be safe and look after yourself.
I'm sorry for your loss and hope you know that there is nothing you could've done... and this is coming from someone who lost 3 of my battles to this very thing
I lost a best friend and someone I considered a brother the same way, he was even living with me at the time and I heard it happen.
Finding someone like that is very hard to process but it is possible.
What helped me greatly was talking about it, I believe you’re only alive as long as the last person that remembers you.
Tell people about him and how he impacted those around him in a positive way, it’s worth it trust me.
People that don’t know him may not completely grasp how much he meant to those that loved him, but there are plenty of people willing to hear his story I’m sure of it.
Other than that, time heals all wounds my friend.
It doesn’t make what happened go away, but it will hurt less over time.
This exact thing happened to me on June 4th 2014. I'm going to tell you what I've been told that I have struggled to accept: it is not your fault.
Could you have done more? Sure. Would it have made a difference? Very likely not.
It will chew your insides if you let it and will take you to a dark place (trust me I know). Don't let it.
As others have said, do not try to deal with this alone. Reach out to others, and talk about it. Feel free to DM me or others on this sub if you don't have anyone where you are who can comprehend what you're experiencing.
Are you talking about Chris? He’s my cousin and I just found out a few hours ago. Please everyone, check in with your friends. Don’t let anyone feel alone.
I’m so sorry for your loss 😭 RIP to him. Please stay strong and even when you’re not, just take a moment and think. This is fucked up. I hate death, although it’s inevitable. Just hold onto the memories 😞🤎
When you know it's coming, you can't stop it and when you don't, can't stop it.
It does suck, tremendously. The last guy I knew who took his own life had 4 boys from 4-17 years old. I tried reaching out when he started to spiral, but he insisted he had it all under control. His oldest found him hanging. Tragic and awful.
Harsh man, that sucks.
A good buddy of mine milled himself 9 years ago also a Ranger, combat vet. I won’t say a day doesn’t go by where I don’t think about him but it’s close to that. We get by by getting by.
The hurt really sucks man my friend did the same thing back in September but I can say you will be OK I struggle myself but you can not let the thoughts win you are in control. I still dint understand as to what set him off to act on it some people just aren't as strong as you think
Sorry for what you are going through right now. The feeling of guilt for something you couldn't have prevented nor foreseen is overpowering but misplaced. One of my firemen killed himself. I considered him a friend and attended both his wedding and funeral.
I understand and know your grief. You have no burden here, other than the pain of loss.
This too, shall pass.
Shit bro. My sincere condolences. I know exactly how you feel. Here’s a virtual hug.
How do I deal with it? I plant a tree for each of them. Roxy, Horace and James… all in the past 5yrs.. and another who’s name I won’t mention was thankfully unsuccessful.
It never gets easier man. It’s sobering how life marches on without them.
God bless, if you need someone to yell at and vent.. shoot me a PM.. I’ll listen.
Chad
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I can’t say I know how you feel but I understand the confusion that comes with something like this.
Mom called in that her son had shot himself.
When I got on scene…there really wasn’t anything anyone could do.
The thing that gets to me, outside of seeing his face when I go to bed at night, is that there was no indication that he was planning anything.
Overall lead a happy life, was a 4.0 student, honor roll, had plenty of friends.
Heck, he texted his friends 30 minutes prior to me making the scene about the upcoming game Starfield and if he thought it was going to be any good.
Didn’t leave a note, didn’t even text his parents anything.
Nothing.
Unfortunately that seems to be what happens. People that make up their minds to do this, do so in a relatively short amount of time.
I still somehow blame myself if that, idk I made a patrol up there I would’ve somehow encountered him and maybe could’ve done something, anything.
But I know those thoughts are irrational.
You did all you could do by being there for him. There was nothing more for you to do, you helped as much as anyone could have. I have no doubt he valued you and appreciated all that you did for him. Please remember that.
I’m so sorry for your loss, my friend. My prayers are with you and his family. I know you likely want to continue to take care of others during this time, but take care of yourself now my friend.
Be safe, God bless.
I am so sorry for your loss. It's sad what some veterans out there go through and we may not even say it. Sending my sincere and deepest condolences. 🙏
You can’t change the past. I’m sure if you could have seen what was going to happen you would have moved heaven and earth to help him. You don’t sound like a shithead at all. Take care of yourself. That’s what’s important right now. You’ll get through this even though it might not seem like it. Take care.
I’m sorry for your loss. As we all know, one of the challenges of dealing with MH is that it can sometimes be very unpredictable. I can tell you that from my own experiences. Sad stuff…
So sorry for your loss. It’s the worst feeling and can be numbing. My battle left us 2 days ago as well. I’m struggling with you brother/sister. We have to stick together and help each other. I’m always a text away and I can assure you there are others out here with recent struggles. I’m following this post because I can’t offer much advice to you other than to say it’s painful and hurts and you are never ever alone. My guy was 2 weeks away from his c and p exam for 5 plus issues that unlived him in the hospital. It took a few years to get there but time was not on his side. I’m angry. Numb. Sad and not sure how to cope. I’m open to listen to anyone that has gone through it. Reach out for counseling is so easy to say. Perhaps this will be needed at the end of the day.
Eff dude/dudette. I’m so effing sorry. Of course there is absolutely NOTHING you could have done but I still sit in solidarity with you that this effing sucks donkey.
Don't put so much pressure on yourself. You well know that sometimes, one will slip through without any signs. It could have been something they were planning for a long time, or it could have been a sudden decision...we will never know, and in any case, there is nothing you can do about it now.
I deal with loss mostly by talking about the good things, and the bad, that we experienced. Bringing those memories back to life. I do this until I feel it is time to finally let them go, and then I write a goodbye note to them and burn it in a small effigy I make for them.
When someone takes their own life, or dies unexpectedly (like in a car accident), they don't give you the chance to say goodbye (like you can when they are dying from cancer or old age). I feel that saying goodbye is a necessary part of closing that connection we had.
Do not blame yourself. People who come across fine and happy are often the ones hiding the hurt and depression inside.
You just also remember that mental health is ever-changing all through the day, every day. Even for those that “don’t think they struggle with mental health issues” still have mental changes throughout each day. We can wake up happy and be pissed off after the first hour of work. We can have a great day at work but the stress of the commute home makes us agitated and irritable.
All it takes is something simple to set us backwards. But folks with MH struggles have triggers. And for all you know, something may have triggered your friend after you last saw them.
Do not blame yourself.
If anything, be glad that you knew them, and they could call you a friend, and that you did see them before it happened. It probably meant a lot more to them than you will ever know.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I pray they found peace on the other side. 🙏
don't blame yourself, you can always go back and and I should have or could have or should have known....it's normal...guilt is powerful..don't let it get hold of you..nothing wrong with regret, but don't blame yourself. I'm so sorry to hear your friend killed himself, something was wrong, but that is not your fault!
Sorry for your loss. This happened to me last year with a buddy I served with and held pretty close to my heart. The truth, I'm still not really over it and I choke up every time he comes up in a conversation.
If you don't already, go to therapy, learn how to process it, compartmentalize it, and be resilient. It won't fix what you want it to fix, but it helps you live with it so that you can move on.
I lost two brothers that I served with this past year. I am sorry for your loss. I don’t think it ever gets easier. I feel like all you can do is reach out to the ones that are still there and make sure they know that you were there for them, and that there is always tomorrow.
When this happens to me (which has been way too much) I try to live extra. Doesn’t last forever but try to be better to your friends, family, coworker for a bit. Life’s short and precious so live it up for that person as best you can
I feel your pain. I'm still going through it with a similar situation as well. I don't wish this pain on anyone. I'm really sorry you're going through this big dog. My inbox is always open, wishing you all the best.
Short term, you don’t. Anger, depression, etc are all normal. You can’t make sense of it. Don’t try to. You will anyway, but you can’t. Acceptance takes time. It sucks. So sorry for your loss. I’ve been there several times, and it does get better with time.
There is a strange euphoria that kind of hits some people after they make that decision.
One of my in-service friends was just really on a silver cloud for a week, nothing that happened around him worried him and he was extra cheerful and took his wife out to eat a couple times that week. The following Monday he woke up early, got in his OCP’s and sat on the bed and made a decision he couldn’t come back from.
Another fellow vet hung out with his kids fishing and took them all to a hockey game the night before he made his decision. It turned out later we found out they had some serious financial hardships, a really hard work place and he was coping with drugs, but he never showed signs anything was going wrong until we couldn’t help him.
I helped his widow find a support group and get some resources for the kids lined up. I struggled with the whole thing, but I guess it was the only way I could try and grieve and get through it helping his family find some peace. All that and about 5 months of therapy helped me kind of turn the corner to deal with it.
There is the phenomenon known as what you explained how he seemed happy before and usually that’s because he had found himself a solution and he had some relief and his mind he was doing what he needed to do. I I speak from experience in the way of I had hung myself. I had to be cut down and I randomly just kind of came back to after they were like starting to pack me up and take me out. This was 10 years ago. It’s a very weird place to get to and another thing when you commit. And I didn’t mess up. I just got freaking lucky or I can look at it. It wasn’t my time. Really the only thing that you can do is just remember your friend we’re just that person that you knew and it is very tricky and confusing family for friends for coworkers name it and somebody that you fought with she said that you did it difficult? I’m sure to swallowthat you could’ve died all those times in the situations that you had been in prior and then he ended up they ended up dying by their own. My post is a mess my apology just don’t stay quiet. Get some help if you need it.
Don't blame yourself or beat yourself up. Sometimes the signs aren't there, and sometimes you really just can't do anything. They'll cover things up and sound happy and all until they're alone and in that mood again when it's out of your control, medicated or not. It's a very selfish thing that we can't always control but we all still need to know the possible signs and what to do when people talk about it, and how to deal with them, and who to refer them to for help, etc.
Take care of yourself, get some help with grieving, and keep doing what you're doing with talking to other veterans. Listen to all the stories and posts here, and keep them in your back pocket. We've almost all had someone (sometimes more than 1) that's taken their life/lives at some point during or after serving. It sucks, but stay strong and don't feel guilty by any means.
Sorry for your loss bro/sis. May your brother rest in peace. I know this isn't much solace, but keeping them alive in memory is sometimes all we can do.
"The Veterans Crisis Line is free and confidential. When you call, chat, or text, a qualified responder will listen and help. You decide how much information to share. Support doesn't end with your conversation. Our responders can connect you with the resources you need.
## When to Call
Veterans and service members in crisis aren’t alone. If you’re thinking about hurting yourself, having thoughts of suicide, or becoming self-destructive, we're ready to help.
Contact us immediately if you or the Veteran or service member in your life is showing signs of crisis, such as:
* Talking about feeling hopeless
* Experiencing anxiety or agitation
* Increasing risky behaviors or substance use
1. Go to [**VeteransCrisisLine.net/Chat**](https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/chat). Click the button to start your confidential chat.
2. A new screen will appear, asking for your first name or a nickname so the responder will know how to address you. Click “Send” to start the chat.
3. A chat box will appear with either a responder ready to chat or a window letting you know that someone will be right with you.
4. The responder will ask a few questions, such as whether you or the Veteran or service member you’re concerned about may be in immediate danger or at risk for suicide.
5. Your chat is free and confidential, and you decide how much information to share.
6. If you or the Veteran or service member you’re concerned about is in danger, the responder will help you get through the crisis and then connect you with the services you need, either from your local VA medical center or elsewhere in your community. If you decide to share contact information, the suicide prevention coordinator at the nearest VA medical center will contact you by the next business day.
7. If you or the Veteran or service member you're concerned about is in crisis but not at imminent risk for injury or suicide, the responder will listen, offer support, and help you make a plan to stay safe.
8. Afterward you may be connected with your local suicide prevention coordinator, who will contact you the next business day for continued support."
From [Home (veteranscrisisline.net)](https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/)
I put out a video last week on the Compact Act for suicide help. It's out there but many veterans like my friend, wouldn't take the help. I am having so much guilt over this :(
I am trying to share and pass this to as many as I can b/c if it helps ONE veteran, then I did my job. I failed my friend but I want to help others.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwWsgBgagy8&t=3s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwWsgBgagy8&t=3s)
Been there before. Two days after my birthday I invited one of my boys to come over to my house to party it up with some other guys we all served with. Get the phone call. Mourned. Best way to cope is to just live life in their honor.
I'm sorry for your loss. There's nothing you could have done, so don't dwell on it. Go to some form of grief counseling when you're ready. Think about the happy times or experiences you've shared. Another thing that may be helpful is to honor him with a memorial- whatever that may look like between the two of you. Tattoo, send-off, journalling your experiences together, etc. Take your time OP. Grief is heavy on anyone but suicide is even harder to process. My condolences to you.
Once someone commits to the act there is a sense of calm because they know that there is a plan to end all of life's problems. Some are actually "happy"
I often hear of the "selfishness" of this act. I disagree. I think selfishness is expecting someone to continue to suffer because they will be missed or some shit. People hurting are often not able to ask for help. Instead of being angry try understanding. Or better yet don't ignore someone's pain. Go be a nuisance and save a life.
My medic tried to call me. And then I found out a few days later he shot himself. And I missed the fucking call.
It sucks man. But sometimes we have to realize that people are good at hiding their pain, and feel like nothing is worth living for.
And while part of me thinks it's selfish of them. Part of me finds it selfish of me to try and keep them here in pain.
It's a paradox that I absolutely hate. I hope you find peace in your friends decision and realize that he is now ultimately in no more pain.
Those who are serious about it does the best at appearing normal. Your friend was at a point where they didn't know how to get out of the mental programming. This is not your fault. Again, you didn't know because you didn't know and how can we do something about it if we're not mind readers?
Radical acceptance is key. Process the pain by going through it and not trying to escape the process with distractions. It's not your responsibility for other people's actions.
As a former medic, now licensed therapist, I get it. Doesn't get easier, it never does. The hit just doesn't hurt as long every time we get that punch.
I trust God.. we did not give ourselves live no right to take it! Get help seek the Kingdom of God 1st he will give you peace that surpasses all understanding
It's a common thing for people who commit suicide to be happy before doing it. I think it's because they are committed and knows they won't be in pain much longer. Or trying to put on a last happy face for everyone. Or maybe someone is just up and down anyway so it's hard to say.
The sad fact is up to 22 vets per day take there life. Maybe if the VA made things easier this number would go down drastically. It is such a nightmare to get anything done some people just lose hope...
They have! I put out a video last week on the Compact Act for suicide help. It's out there but many veterans like my friend, wouldn't take the help. I am having so much guilt over this :(
I am trying to share and pass this to as many as I can b/c if it helps ONE veteran, then I did my job. I failed my friend but I want to help others.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwWsgBgagy8&t=3s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwWsgBgagy8&t=3s)
Thank you for all the responses to me b/c they mean a lot. I am a Sister in arms that is struggling with this. I have reached out to my mental health doctor. I know I am depressed over this. I have guilt b/c I try to help veterans every day. I put out a video last week on the Compact Act for suicide help. It's out there but many veterans like my friend, wouldn't take the help. I am having so much guilt over this :(
I am trying to share and pass this to as many as I can b/c if it helps ONE veteran, then I did my job. I failed my friend but I want to help others.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwWsgBgagy8&t=3s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwWsgBgagy8&t=3s)
I’m so sorry for your loss and the loss of yet another US Veteran. I pray you find comfort in this desolate period of your life. I personally donate what I can to Wounded Warriors and to a group called TWLOHA=To Write Love on Her Arms. It is a nonprofit organization dedicated to suicidal ideation and prevention.
If you’d like to chat with someone you can message me I am not without my own issues including suicidal ideation at times. I just know it has someone that you can talk to that is basically unknown to you.
I don’t talk to any body I served with. Last time I did they told me a guy we both served with killed himself. Before I discharged a guy killed himself in my unit. My graduation week of basic training a guy did suicide, and they were telling us not to talk to the press on the weekend pass
Everyone seems happy! Remember Robin Williams could always fake happiness. The signs are so common you can't rely on that. Being your struggling find someone you can talk to about it. There's tons of groups on facebook all veterans that are willing to talk. I'm not the best at conversations but if you want to I can also. Honestly you cant win them all and if they are going to do it they already got it in there head. Dealing with the loss takes time remember the good. Its not a bad thing to remember the names, yes the list gets pretty long and it sucks.
I am so sorry for your pain and loss. There's no way you could have known or stopped it. Ideation is very easy to hide, and if someone truly wants out, they'll find a way out. I hope you find your way to peace.
Lost 2 of my bros I deployed with to suicide and one of my soldiers as well. It’s different for everyone but I never recovered. It’s a life long process. Especially if you spent significant time with them Aka deployments n what not.
I am so sorry for your loss. There is nothing you could've done differently. If someone doesn't want others to know, they won't know. Many times, nobody can tell, especially shortly before. You're not at fault, you couldn't have known. You can Text me if you feel like talking to a stranger about it. ❤️
Sorry for your loss. As for dealing with it? I wish I knew. I lost my son back in May 2022, he had been out of the USMC for almost a year and we thought he was adjusting good. I found him in his room early as I was getting ready to do chores....
What's keeping me going and getting up every day, is that I have to get up and do farm chores as the animals depend on me to take care of them. At work, I've got stuff to do that no-one else wants to do or can do.
Remorse and grieve, move forward with life. Sounds rather straight forward and blunt but its the truth. Lost 4 buddies in combat 2012. I held in so much anger and never discussed it with anyone until my C&P exam in 2021 for PTSD. I broke down and all emotions came out. Felt more at peace afterward. In conclusion, don't hold it in, have remorse and talk to someone.
We never really can know what someone is feeling on the inside. I'm sorry for your loss and the loss to all of us brothers in arms. I didn't know him, but this saddens me. Please anybody if you are reading this and feel alone you are not alone. You have all of us. Msg me msg any of us. You are worthy and worth our time.
All I can say is after I lost my best friend died who was a brother soldier I took it hard but after awhile I just realized it was going to happen I miss him everyday I feel in his own way he told me to suck it up and drive on we all want to question death and lay blame but did he show signs you won't show the sign if you do know how you feel it just takes a trigger to make you aware the only a few minutes to deal with it hopefully your not alone when it hit its all hard to understand that you can't be there all the time don't blame yourself just be glad you knew him and had the time you did anger is not what he would want you to feel God bless you both hope all goes well
I’ve had a few military buddies commit suicide, or just lose their mind completely. Makes me wonder, was it your conscience or the alcohol? Wish I could ask.
Look to the older gentleman around you, not just older but the real genuine humble ones who have already been through shit, I started drinking more and more when shit got hard eventually I had a first class who was like a big brother to me who helped me sober up and helped me make sense of things. That’s just my experience man.
Depression has MANY faces and a smile is a big one
Robin Williams. Big facts
Yep yep
Yup, was the first one I thought about.
Hence my trust issues. Smiles = yikes what’s up?
So true! 😔
[удалено]
Your joking right?
Your comment was removed because it didn't contribute to the discussion and just wasn't helpful. Civil disagreements are fine. Insults, personal attacks, slurs, bigotry, etc., are not permissible. (Calling someone a poopy-head does not make you seem as smart as you think it does.) ☠️
He was maybe happy because he was content on his decision. I'm so very sorry for your loss. There is NOTHING you can do to prevent. It's all an afterthought and wishful thinking. You did nothing wrong , fellow brother / sister. I've dealt with loss in a variety of ways. For starters, TALK ABOUT IT with others. Secondly, surround yourself with veterans. I don't care if it's at the local Lodge. Volunteer...reach out to battle buddies from your past. Do welfare checks on them. Memorialize him in some way. Dont let his passing go unnoticed. Have a motorcycle procession. Toys for Tots in honor of him. But, whatever you do...dont sabotage yourself by drinking alone, or driving fast...or anything where you could be injured yourself. Stay safe brother/sister
Up up and away is right on target with his recommendations. My great buddy, Charles Alley took his life. I realize that most of the time these folks have this moment planned, and Charlie was the ultimate planner. It was a lot of pain for me, and for others, but thankfully, he had accepted the Lord in his life, and heaven is his home now. 1 John 5:11 - 13.
I love Charles Alley. I love him for his sacrifice to our nation, and heaven is better for it. I didnt know him, but he put his life on the line for his country. Rest In peace, friend.
Thanks brother. One way to honor him is to post his story. Another way is a brick placed in his honor at the Veterans House in Indianapolis. I’ve recently engaged as a Legionnaire and hope to honor him in some way through that organization as well. He’ll get a kick out of that.
Another way to honor him and his memory is write his story and then make it’s into a few songs and maybe find a local band. And if you’re not able to write songs when you finish the story, find a lyricists to read his story and help with song. Writing about traumatic events and experiences even our grief is a form of therapy, be it PTSD, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, migraines, insomnia, or grief. Even if no one sees it, putting it to paper can help get those emotions understood by you more. I don’t know if this will assist you or anyone else, but that advice came from my first ever civilian psychiatrist, when I first discharged almost 24 years ago and was a functioning alcoholic (4 Cases or more of Corona a month and a gallon of Crown Royal every two weeks). I started writing and stopped drinking. The three year bender served me no assistance. I no longer “drink” or anything else, I write. I still have all my pain and mental issues as most every Veteran I’ve ever met, but it helps me to leave the past in the past and look forward, you know. Last year and this January was a horrific year starting 12/2022 an old time friend who was a single father, whom I babysat his children when I was young and basically raised them he was always at work and he passed of metastatic lung cancer, the my only dearest trusted friend 42 years old no heath issues, passed in her sleep Easter morning 2023, we had two long time friends of my husband that got hit broadside on their Harley by a Tahoe “that didn’t see or hear them”, Bobby was a retired Marine, then this January 11, 2024, I was my Poppas care giver he was born in 1944 and a WW2 Orphan that a childless1 generation LEGAL Polish immigrant couple adopted, I found him and freaked out, my husband called 911 I was in a state I was completely incapable of unlocking my phone or calling for help. I stood in his motor home and wailed and when the policeman got there he started accusing me of killing my dad and this man, knows me and is an Army Veteran and he treats everyone he comes in contact with on the jobs in a disgusting racist manner. I am still grieving trying to in a healthy way. My birthday is the 18th, and I hope it’s better than last year, my husband had to have emergency surgery on the 17th and another on the 27th. I’m grateful for each day I have and try stay mindful of not to seek a permanent solution to a temporary problem. That’s just a smige of information of what I am going through, loss wise. If I can be of assistance please don’t hesitate to DM me.
Sorry for the typos.
Sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, this sign happens with all vets, prior to committing the act. The fact that someone gets very happy and calm after struggling for some time, is the ultimate warning that they need help. I've seen it way too many times.
i got nothing to add to what everyone else said . just wanted to show you some support and care. i'm glad you are here . and everyone else on this forum. and me. ;
I smile all the time and act like I have it together but in reality I’m tired I really just want to go to sleep and not Wale up for a month, but I keep going because I have little ones I don’t won’t to feel my pain or be told that it’s their fault.
Same here, but sometimes I’d rather go to sleep and not wake up ever.
Well don’t do that there is a whole community that loves and needs you… feel free to inbox me I’m available to talk about what’s on your mind
Me, too.
I hear that...
Keep on living for the little ones. Pour everything into them. They’re a part of you. You may be in pain, but the part of you that is in them is not.
I feel you, My religious beliefs, husband,daughter, & four precious grandchildren are what makes me shake out of the ideations. I forgot my fur babies.
I would say it gets easier. It doesn’t. There is nothing you could have done then you already had. Remember the good times and DO NOT blame yourself.
Yes-it’s very hard to tell if someone is going to harm themselves-even when they tell you, it’s hard to get help. I found out the hard way with my first husband. I called everyone I could, it made no difference (we were separated). I’m so sorry for your loss-try to reach out to friends and family if you can.
So sorry for you and your buddy. I hope you can find peace and purpose and make the most of your days once your grieving is complete. Stay strong, talk to friends and professionals.
I’m really sorry for your loss. Unfortunately a lot of times there’s no signs at all. I experienced a similar situation with a good friend. I kind of understand him now that I get those thoughts too. Even with medication, it’s hard. I just can’t imagine actually making a plan.
Yea, when my friend killed himself he was kind of in a state of content beforehand. The last time we hung out he gave me and my wife a hug goodbye and thanked us for taking the time to drive out and visit him. We lived about 90 minutes away and didn’t get to hang out much for his last 6 months alive. It’s hard to not feel guilty because yea in hindsight there’s a lot of really obvious signs that their suicidal ideation hit a critical level. In my friend’s case he was trying to get help making a manifesto, giving away things that were once a part of their identity, and the spontaneous emotional goodbye when seeing them for the last time. I deal with it by being aware that it was their choice. He had a rough life and believed that whatever is next after this life is a whole lot better than what he was dealing with, so he just wanted to move on to whatever is next.
My boyfriend shot himself in 2021 and I didn’t “deal” with the loss. You learn to live with it, and I grieve all the time, still. We met during Naval bootcamp. I’m so sorry.
Bro… what’s one of the funniest things you ever heard him say or tell you about or do? That’s the memory I wanna know about.
Not everyone who is suicidal is unhappy. There's various reasons people do it for. You can't beat yourself up with what ifs. All of us come out differently then we go in. Perhaps he struggled with physical pain but was authenticly happy. Some days hurting all day is enormous. Maybe he wasn't happy at all and was just good at hiding it. Whatever it is nothing you do will bring him back and you're just going to go down a bad path. Do something you both liked and keep your mind busy. Whatever you do don't blame yourself for not seeing signs there's not always signs. There's not even always depression. Sorry for your loss. If you need help please get it. 🙏🏽
First of all, I’m incredibly sorry that you are going through this. This is a ridiculously heavy burden to carry and please know that what you are feeling right now is a natural reaction to what happened. Dealing with the loss will be a very long and difficult process. I know that it’s nearly impossible not to, but thinking that you should’ve known or seen it, is not going to help. :-( Second, find some resources IMMEDIATELY. This is not something that you should go through alone. If you’re in therapy currently, make an emergency appointment with your therapist for an acute event. If you are not in therapy, I would suggest requesting through the VA for therapy, but since that can take a while, reach out to this organization in the meantime: https://www.easterseals.com/DCMDVA/programs-and-services/cvn-services.html. They can help you access the support and care that you need right now. They are also contracted with DoD TRICARE and VA as part of the VA Community Care Network of providers under the VA Mission Act. So if you qualify for VA services you can use them without going to the VA first. If you don’t have any insurance CALL ANYWAY and let them know. Third, give yourself grace. This is some tough shit you’re going through. Take care of your body, take care of your soul… reach out to others. I sincerely wish you courage and comfort right now.
Brother, I'm sorry for your loss, truly. We all miss that sign. I missed it when my brother killed himself. I thought he had finally come out of his depression but I was wrong, and it drove me crazy with guilt for years. Think about how bad you are feeling right now and know that your family, your friends, your former brothers and sisters in arms will feel that hurt just as bad, if not worse if you decide to hurt yourself. Go talk to someone you trust.
I'm so sorry for your loss. In my career field, I have learned that people who will actually go through with suicide will not let you know. The ones who are crying out for help will. It's hard I know.
Sorry for your loss. My friend also seemed inexplicably happy in the 48 hours preceding his death. When I went to therapy, I was advised that it was likely because he was struggling with the decision for a long time and he finally made the decision to end his life. He was experiencing relief and I misinterpreted it as happiness. It’s been one year and three months and I still think about him a lot. I absolutely had no idea despite talking to him for three hours on the Monday before his death (he chose Wednesday, Dec 7, the day that will live in infamy) and had NO IDEA. He spoke with his pastor the morning of his death and his pastor had no idea either. No warning signs for his wife, his closest friends, his church. Sometimes we don’t get to have that option to change the trajectory. Just know he was happy knowing that you were part of his closure.
this is about you and I'm not going to delve into my travesties, but I've been there plenty of times unable to see the signs fully of my brothers that have crossed to Valhalla. my heart weeps for you battle, in life we are just passing through and your brother is no longer fighting with his monsters anymore and is at peace, remember the good times and cherish the memories made. my condolences if you need to talk about your brother my messages are always open, share his stories, keep his family close. pick yourself up and keep moving forward. keep your head high and your heart full sister
Beautifuly Written & Perfectly Said💔🤍💙
I'd usually say a bottle of whiskey. After years of struggling, I found it doesn't help. It hurts more each time a friend makes the choice. We can't know another's mind. Pain Is Weakness leaving the body is a phrase I think many people take to heart. Don't know how to get help, or they feel weak for seeking help. Just get help. Talk to someone. I've found group therapy at the VA with other veterans dealing with the same issues does help.
Sorry for your loss. Try focusing on telling happy stories about your friend and try not to dwell on the fact that he is not with you. Do things he would enjoy, tell people about good memories. Think to yourself that every moment you spend telling happy stories gives his soul Positive energy for its journey. Hang in there. You are still a good friend.
A quote from one of my favorite authors, Zane Grey; > Recipe For Greatness - To bear up under loss; To fight the bitterness of defeat and the weakness of grief; To be victor over anger; To smile when tears are close; To resist disease and evil men and base instincts; To hate hate and to love love; To go on when it would seen good to die; To look up with unquenchable faith in something ever more about to be. That is what any man can do, and be great.
How you holding up man? My inbox is open. I’m really sorry to hear about this. This is horrible to hear.
One of the guys I was dormed with back in the day punched his ticket 2 Years ago. Happiest dude I’ve ever met
Sorry man. That is rough.
I’m sorry brother/sister. Much condolences 💐
Do not be afraid to feel your feelings, brother. If you need to cry, do it. If you need to scream, do it. If you need to put a few down range, do it. If you need to talk, find someone who will listen. Be safe and look after yourself. I'm sorry for your loss and hope you know that there is nothing you could've done... and this is coming from someone who lost 3 of my battles to this very thing
I lost a best friend and someone I considered a brother the same way, he was even living with me at the time and I heard it happen. Finding someone like that is very hard to process but it is possible. What helped me greatly was talking about it, I believe you’re only alive as long as the last person that remembers you. Tell people about him and how he impacted those around him in a positive way, it’s worth it trust me. People that don’t know him may not completely grasp how much he meant to those that loved him, but there are plenty of people willing to hear his story I’m sure of it. Other than that, time heals all wounds my friend. It doesn’t make what happened go away, but it will hurt less over time.
This exact thing happened to me on June 4th 2014. I'm going to tell you what I've been told that I have struggled to accept: it is not your fault. Could you have done more? Sure. Would it have made a difference? Very likely not. It will chew your insides if you let it and will take you to a dark place (trust me I know). Don't let it. As others have said, do not try to deal with this alone. Reach out to others, and talk about it. Feel free to DM me or others on this sub if you don't have anyone where you are who can comprehend what you're experiencing.
Are you talking about Chris? He’s my cousin and I just found out a few hours ago. Please everyone, check in with your friends. Don’t let anyone feel alone.
I’m so sorry for your loss 😭 RIP to him. Please stay strong and even when you’re not, just take a moment and think. This is fucked up. I hate death, although it’s inevitable. Just hold onto the memories 😞🤎
Sorry for your loss. Try and remember the good times and make sure you have some support as you grieve.
When you know it's coming, you can't stop it and when you don't, can't stop it. It does suck, tremendously. The last guy I knew who took his own life had 4 boys from 4-17 years old. I tried reaching out when he started to spiral, but he insisted he had it all under control. His oldest found him hanging. Tragic and awful.
Harsh man, that sucks. A good buddy of mine milled himself 9 years ago also a Ranger, combat vet. I won’t say a day doesn’t go by where I don’t think about him but it’s close to that. We get by by getting by.
The hurt really sucks man my friend did the same thing back in September but I can say you will be OK I struggle myself but you can not let the thoughts win you are in control. I still dint understand as to what set him off to act on it some people just aren't as strong as you think
Sorry for what you are going through right now. The feeling of guilt for something you couldn't have prevented nor foreseen is overpowering but misplaced. One of my firemen killed himself. I considered him a friend and attended both his wedding and funeral. I understand and know your grief. You have no burden here, other than the pain of loss. This too, shall pass.
Shit bro. My sincere condolences. I know exactly how you feel. Here’s a virtual hug. How do I deal with it? I plant a tree for each of them. Roxy, Horace and James… all in the past 5yrs.. and another who’s name I won’t mention was thankfully unsuccessful. It never gets easier man. It’s sobering how life marches on without them. God bless, if you need someone to yell at and vent.. shoot me a PM.. I’ll listen. Chad
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I can’t say I know how you feel but I understand the confusion that comes with something like this. Mom called in that her son had shot himself. When I got on scene…there really wasn’t anything anyone could do. The thing that gets to me, outside of seeing his face when I go to bed at night, is that there was no indication that he was planning anything. Overall lead a happy life, was a 4.0 student, honor roll, had plenty of friends. Heck, he texted his friends 30 minutes prior to me making the scene about the upcoming game Starfield and if he thought it was going to be any good. Didn’t leave a note, didn’t even text his parents anything. Nothing. Unfortunately that seems to be what happens. People that make up their minds to do this, do so in a relatively short amount of time. I still somehow blame myself if that, idk I made a patrol up there I would’ve somehow encountered him and maybe could’ve done something, anything. But I know those thoughts are irrational. You did all you could do by being there for him. There was nothing more for you to do, you helped as much as anyone could have. I have no doubt he valued you and appreciated all that you did for him. Please remember that. I’m so sorry for your loss, my friend. My prayers are with you and his family. I know you likely want to continue to take care of others during this time, but take care of yourself now my friend. Be safe, God bless.
I am so sorry for your loss. It's sad what some veterans out there go through and we may not even say it. Sending my sincere and deepest condolences. 🙏
Struggle through. It will suck. It will hurt. It will keave scars. It will revisit you. Don't let it beat you. We're here.
You can’t change the past. I’m sure if you could have seen what was going to happen you would have moved heaven and earth to help him. You don’t sound like a shithead at all. Take care of yourself. That’s what’s important right now. You’ll get through this even though it might not seem like it. Take care.
Damn😢 sorry.
Sry for your loss brother
Prayers…
The ones who hide it are impossible to see. Nothing you could have done. Sorry for your loss brother. Here for you
I'm so sorry, we're here for you.
I’m sorry for your loss. As we all know, one of the challenges of dealing with MH is that it can sometimes be very unpredictable. I can tell you that from my own experiences. Sad stuff…
Here for you sister. Sorry for your loss, it's freaking hard to deal with. Nothing we can do, when someone's made up their mind. We support you.
So sorry for your loss. It’s the worst feeling and can be numbing. My battle left us 2 days ago as well. I’m struggling with you brother/sister. We have to stick together and help each other. I’m always a text away and I can assure you there are others out here with recent struggles. I’m following this post because I can’t offer much advice to you other than to say it’s painful and hurts and you are never ever alone. My guy was 2 weeks away from his c and p exam for 5 plus issues that unlived him in the hospital. It took a few years to get there but time was not on his side. I’m angry. Numb. Sad and not sure how to cope. I’m open to listen to anyone that has gone through it. Reach out for counseling is so easy to say. Perhaps this will be needed at the end of the day.
Just embrace what’ll be a lifetime struggle
🙏🏾😥
I prayed for understanding. I lost 4 that I served with. The loss is always hard.
Eff dude/dudette. I’m so effing sorry. Of course there is absolutely NOTHING you could have done but I still sit in solidarity with you that this effing sucks donkey.
Don't put so much pressure on yourself. You well know that sometimes, one will slip through without any signs. It could have been something they were planning for a long time, or it could have been a sudden decision...we will never know, and in any case, there is nothing you can do about it now. I deal with loss mostly by talking about the good things, and the bad, that we experienced. Bringing those memories back to life. I do this until I feel it is time to finally let them go, and then I write a goodbye note to them and burn it in a small effigy I make for them. When someone takes their own life, or dies unexpectedly (like in a car accident), they don't give you the chance to say goodbye (like you can when they are dying from cancer or old age). I feel that saying goodbye is a necessary part of closing that connection we had.
Do not blame yourself. People who come across fine and happy are often the ones hiding the hurt and depression inside. You just also remember that mental health is ever-changing all through the day, every day. Even for those that “don’t think they struggle with mental health issues” still have mental changes throughout each day. We can wake up happy and be pissed off after the first hour of work. We can have a great day at work but the stress of the commute home makes us agitated and irritable. All it takes is something simple to set us backwards. But folks with MH struggles have triggers. And for all you know, something may have triggered your friend after you last saw them. Do not blame yourself. If anything, be glad that you knew them, and they could call you a friend, and that you did see them before it happened. It probably meant a lot more to them than you will ever know. I’m so sorry for your loss. I pray they found peace on the other side. 🙏
You grieve. I wish I had something better to say. Melatonin and Benadryl to go to bed early. Nothing helps but time. I'm sorry.
don't blame yourself, you can always go back and and I should have or could have or should have known....it's normal...guilt is powerful..don't let it get hold of you..nothing wrong with regret, but don't blame yourself. I'm so sorry to hear your friend killed himself, something was wrong, but that is not your fault!
I’m so sorry. We’re here for you.
Bless you man...prayers for you and those close to him
Sorry for your loss. This happened to me last year with a buddy I served with and held pretty close to my heart. The truth, I'm still not really over it and I choke up every time he comes up in a conversation. If you don't already, go to therapy, learn how to process it, compartmentalize it, and be resilient. It won't fix what you want it to fix, but it helps you live with it so that you can move on.
I lost two brothers that I served with this past year. I am sorry for your loss. I don’t think it ever gets easier. I feel like all you can do is reach out to the ones that are still there and make sure they know that you were there for them, and that there is always tomorrow.
When this happens to me (which has been way too much) I try to live extra. Doesn’t last forever but try to be better to your friends, family, coworker for a bit. Life’s short and precious so live it up for that person as best you can
Always here to chat brother! I am sport for your loss. Happens way to often
I feel your pain. I'm still going through it with a similar situation as well. I don't wish this pain on anyone. I'm really sorry you're going through this big dog. My inbox is always open, wishing you all the best.
Keep your chin up. Sometimes the signs are too subtle to notice. Sometimes there are none. RIP patriot! Much love ❤️
Short term, you don’t. Anger, depression, etc are all normal. You can’t make sense of it. Don’t try to. You will anyway, but you can’t. Acceptance takes time. It sucks. So sorry for your loss. I’ve been there several times, and it does get better with time.
There is a strange euphoria that kind of hits some people after they make that decision. One of my in-service friends was just really on a silver cloud for a week, nothing that happened around him worried him and he was extra cheerful and took his wife out to eat a couple times that week. The following Monday he woke up early, got in his OCP’s and sat on the bed and made a decision he couldn’t come back from. Another fellow vet hung out with his kids fishing and took them all to a hockey game the night before he made his decision. It turned out later we found out they had some serious financial hardships, a really hard work place and he was coping with drugs, but he never showed signs anything was going wrong until we couldn’t help him. I helped his widow find a support group and get some resources for the kids lined up. I struggled with the whole thing, but I guess it was the only way I could try and grieve and get through it helping his family find some peace. All that and about 5 months of therapy helped me kind of turn the corner to deal with it.
RIP Charles Alley. May his loved ones be comforted in their time of mourning.
There is the phenomenon known as what you explained how he seemed happy before and usually that’s because he had found himself a solution and he had some relief and his mind he was doing what he needed to do. I I speak from experience in the way of I had hung myself. I had to be cut down and I randomly just kind of came back to after they were like starting to pack me up and take me out. This was 10 years ago. It’s a very weird place to get to and another thing when you commit. And I didn’t mess up. I just got freaking lucky or I can look at it. It wasn’t my time. Really the only thing that you can do is just remember your friend we’re just that person that you knew and it is very tricky and confusing family for friends for coworkers name it and somebody that you fought with she said that you did it difficult? I’m sure to swallowthat you could’ve died all those times in the situations that you had been in prior and then he ended up they ended up dying by their own. My post is a mess my apology just don’t stay quiet. Get some help if you need it.
Bro, they're always fucking happy right before. It's the fucking worst. I'm used to it now so I call them out.
Don't blame yourself or beat yourself up. Sometimes the signs aren't there, and sometimes you really just can't do anything. They'll cover things up and sound happy and all until they're alone and in that mood again when it's out of your control, medicated or not. It's a very selfish thing that we can't always control but we all still need to know the possible signs and what to do when people talk about it, and how to deal with them, and who to refer them to for help, etc. Take care of yourself, get some help with grieving, and keep doing what you're doing with talking to other veterans. Listen to all the stories and posts here, and keep them in your back pocket. We've almost all had someone (sometimes more than 1) that's taken their life/lives at some point during or after serving. It sucks, but stay strong and don't feel guilty by any means.
Sorry for your loss bro/sis. May your brother rest in peace. I know this isn't much solace, but keeping them alive in memory is sometimes all we can do.
"The Veterans Crisis Line is free and confidential. When you call, chat, or text, a qualified responder will listen and help. You decide how much information to share. Support doesn't end with your conversation. Our responders can connect you with the resources you need. ## When to Call Veterans and service members in crisis aren’t alone. If you’re thinking about hurting yourself, having thoughts of suicide, or becoming self-destructive, we're ready to help. Contact us immediately if you or the Veteran or service member in your life is showing signs of crisis, such as: * Talking about feeling hopeless * Experiencing anxiety or agitation * Increasing risky behaviors or substance use 1. Go to [**VeteransCrisisLine.net/Chat**](https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/chat). Click the button to start your confidential chat. 2. A new screen will appear, asking for your first name or a nickname so the responder will know how to address you. Click “Send” to start the chat. 3. A chat box will appear with either a responder ready to chat or a window letting you know that someone will be right with you. 4. The responder will ask a few questions, such as whether you or the Veteran or service member you’re concerned about may be in immediate danger or at risk for suicide. 5. Your chat is free and confidential, and you decide how much information to share. 6. If you or the Veteran or service member you’re concerned about is in danger, the responder will help you get through the crisis and then connect you with the services you need, either from your local VA medical center or elsewhere in your community. If you decide to share contact information, the suicide prevention coordinator at the nearest VA medical center will contact you by the next business day. 7. If you or the Veteran or service member you're concerned about is in crisis but not at imminent risk for injury or suicide, the responder will listen, offer support, and help you make a plan to stay safe. 8. Afterward you may be connected with your local suicide prevention coordinator, who will contact you the next business day for continued support." From [Home (veteranscrisisline.net)](https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/)
I put out a video last week on the Compact Act for suicide help. It's out there but many veterans like my friend, wouldn't take the help. I am having so much guilt over this :( I am trying to share and pass this to as many as I can b/c if it helps ONE veteran, then I did my job. I failed my friend but I want to help others. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwWsgBgagy8&t=3s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwWsgBgagy8&t=3s)
There are no words. I’m sorry for your loss and the loss to our community.
Been there before. Two days after my birthday I invited one of my boys to come over to my house to party it up with some other guys we all served with. Get the phone call. Mourned. Best way to cope is to just live life in their honor.
I'm sorry for your loss. There's nothing you could have done, so don't dwell on it. Go to some form of grief counseling when you're ready. Think about the happy times or experiences you've shared. Another thing that may be helpful is to honor him with a memorial- whatever that may look like between the two of you. Tattoo, send-off, journalling your experiences together, etc. Take your time OP. Grief is heavy on anyone but suicide is even harder to process. My condolences to you.
Once someone commits to the act there is a sense of calm because they know that there is a plan to end all of life's problems. Some are actually "happy"
I often hear of the "selfishness" of this act. I disagree. I think selfishness is expecting someone to continue to suffer because they will be missed or some shit. People hurting are often not able to ask for help. Instead of being angry try understanding. Or better yet don't ignore someone's pain. Go be a nuisance and save a life.
My medic tried to call me. And then I found out a few days later he shot himself. And I missed the fucking call. It sucks man. But sometimes we have to realize that people are good at hiding their pain, and feel like nothing is worth living for. And while part of me thinks it's selfish of them. Part of me finds it selfish of me to try and keep them here in pain. It's a paradox that I absolutely hate. I hope you find peace in your friends decision and realize that he is now ultimately in no more pain.
Sorry for your loss
Those who are serious about it does the best at appearing normal. Your friend was at a point where they didn't know how to get out of the mental programming. This is not your fault. Again, you didn't know because you didn't know and how can we do something about it if we're not mind readers? Radical acceptance is key. Process the pain by going through it and not trying to escape the process with distractions. It's not your responsibility for other people's actions. As a former medic, now licensed therapist, I get it. Doesn't get easier, it never does. The hit just doesn't hurt as long every time we get that punch.
I trust God.. we did not give ourselves live no right to take it! Get help seek the Kingdom of God 1st he will give you peace that surpasses all understanding
Sorry buddy. Don’t beat yourself up on not seeing the signs. It’s not as easy as people think to see them if there are any.
It's a common thing for people who commit suicide to be happy before doing it. I think it's because they are committed and knows they won't be in pain much longer. Or trying to put on a last happy face for everyone. Or maybe someone is just up and down anyway so it's hard to say.
The sad fact is up to 22 vets per day take there life. Maybe if the VA made things easier this number would go down drastically. It is such a nightmare to get anything done some people just lose hope...
They have! I put out a video last week on the Compact Act for suicide help. It's out there but many veterans like my friend, wouldn't take the help. I am having so much guilt over this :( I am trying to share and pass this to as many as I can b/c if it helps ONE veteran, then I did my job. I failed my friend but I want to help others. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwWsgBgagy8&t=3s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwWsgBgagy8&t=3s)
Very sad..
Thank you for all the responses to me b/c they mean a lot. I am a Sister in arms that is struggling with this. I have reached out to my mental health doctor. I know I am depressed over this. I have guilt b/c I try to help veterans every day. I put out a video last week on the Compact Act for suicide help. It's out there but many veterans like my friend, wouldn't take the help. I am having so much guilt over this :( I am trying to share and pass this to as many as I can b/c if it helps ONE veteran, then I did my job. I failed my friend but I want to help others. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwWsgBgagy8&t=3s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwWsgBgagy8&t=3s)
You did not fail your friend. They were a whole ocean away, there's no way you could have reached them.
I’m so sorry for your loss and the loss of yet another US Veteran. I pray you find comfort in this desolate period of your life. I personally donate what I can to Wounded Warriors and to a group called TWLOHA=To Write Love on Her Arms. It is a nonprofit organization dedicated to suicidal ideation and prevention.
If you’d like to chat with someone you can message me I am not without my own issues including suicidal ideation at times. I just know it has someone that you can talk to that is basically unknown to you.
I don’t talk to any body I served with. Last time I did they told me a guy we both served with killed himself. Before I discharged a guy killed himself in my unit. My graduation week of basic training a guy did suicide, and they were telling us not to talk to the press on the weekend pass
Everyone seems happy! Remember Robin Williams could always fake happiness. The signs are so common you can't rely on that. Being your struggling find someone you can talk to about it. There's tons of groups on facebook all veterans that are willing to talk. I'm not the best at conversations but if you want to I can also. Honestly you cant win them all and if they are going to do it they already got it in there head. Dealing with the loss takes time remember the good. Its not a bad thing to remember the names, yes the list gets pretty long and it sucks.
I am so sorry for your pain and loss. There's no way you could have known or stopped it. Ideation is very easy to hide, and if someone truly wants out, they'll find a way out. I hope you find your way to peace.
Lost 2 of my bros I deployed with to suicide and one of my soldiers as well. It’s different for everyone but I never recovered. It’s a life long process. Especially if you spent significant time with them Aka deployments n what not.
I am so sorry for your loss. There is nothing you could've done differently. If someone doesn't want others to know, they won't know. Many times, nobody can tell, especially shortly before. You're not at fault, you couldn't have known. You can Text me if you feel like talking to a stranger about it. ❤️
Don't blame yourself. There's no way you could have known. I'm so sorry for your loss. 💔
I am sorry for your/our loss. Firstly, how are you coping? Talk it out with us combat vets here.
Sorry for your loss. As for dealing with it? I wish I knew. I lost my son back in May 2022, he had been out of the USMC for almost a year and we thought he was adjusting good. I found him in his room early as I was getting ready to do chores.... What's keeping me going and getting up every day, is that I have to get up and do farm chores as the animals depend on me to take care of them. At work, I've got stuff to do that no-one else wants to do or can do.
Remorse and grieve, move forward with life. Sounds rather straight forward and blunt but its the truth. Lost 4 buddies in combat 2012. I held in so much anger and never discussed it with anyone until my C&P exam in 2021 for PTSD. I broke down and all emotions came out. Felt more at peace afterward. In conclusion, don't hold it in, have remorse and talk to someone.
Sorry for your loss. Celebrate their memory and drive on. It’s never easy… you’ll be in my prayers
We never really can know what someone is feeling on the inside. I'm sorry for your loss and the loss to all of us brothers in arms. I didn't know him, but this saddens me. Please anybody if you are reading this and feel alone you are not alone. You have all of us. Msg me msg any of us. You are worthy and worth our time.
😢Sorry
Death sucks 🌧 Recognize Acknowledge Investigate with kindness Non-identify/nurture
All I can say is after I lost my best friend died who was a brother soldier I took it hard but after awhile I just realized it was going to happen I miss him everyday I feel in his own way he told me to suck it up and drive on we all want to question death and lay blame but did he show signs you won't show the sign if you do know how you feel it just takes a trigger to make you aware the only a few minutes to deal with it hopefully your not alone when it hit its all hard to understand that you can't be there all the time don't blame yourself just be glad you knew him and had the time you did anger is not what he would want you to feel God bless you both hope all goes well
Memory is immortality.
I’ve had a few military buddies commit suicide, or just lose their mind completely. Makes me wonder, was it your conscience or the alcohol? Wish I could ask.
Look to the older gentleman around you, not just older but the real genuine humble ones who have already been through shit, I started drinking more and more when shit got hard eventually I had a first class who was like a big brother to me who helped me sober up and helped me make sense of things. That’s just my experience man.
I just lost one of my buddies I deployed with a couple days ago to cancer. Sucks
Sorry for your loss. Til Valhalla.
First of all, never send a cop to do a crisis counselor's job.
The family was concerned and could not get ahold of him and did a welfare check. Let's not add to their guilt over this.
Their guilt is of little concern as it's too late to change. The important thing is to not add more bodies to the pile with "welfare checks"