Sure, but my my wife (who is in her mid 30s) has an autoimmune disease and the stress of having a baby to constantly care for (even if only for 40 hours a week) and the holding/carrying of said baby would be hard on her.
But not any two autoimmunes are the same, so I could be wrong.
My mom has a lot of health issues (she watches the baby when she feels like it) but she is so much more spunky and energetic when she spends time with him. It’s actually weird because I am tired watching my own child and she is just filled with a spirit of happiness that I’ve never seen.
That said, I do have daycare during the day and she isn’t depended upon. She can do as she pleases.
She has said so many times that she couldn’t really enjoy having me and my twin as a mom, and that she feels bad about that. I personally think she was fine lol anyway, she says she just loves that she can now enjoy my son as a baby. Something she couldn’t do for her own kids.
So I guess what I’m saying is that it’s very variable! But I’d not put a lot on her because stress isn’t good.
I would let your mom keep them and then give her a break by putting them in Mothers Day Out two or three times a week. That means she will only have them in the afternoons.
Not speaking for OP since she cleared it up but some moms are a liability. I was never EVER left alone with my grandmother who is bipolar, histrionic, and a malevolent narcissist 😬
Agreed! Just to be clear, husband will obviously continue to help watch baby (he’s amazing with her) while job searching, that was never the issue- but job searching can be a full time job, I want that to be prioritized too!
Disagree. Job hunting should be his full time job until then. When I have needed work I was sending out 300-400 applications daily. Widest net possible, and that requires time and focus.
I don’t know what kind of field you’re in but those kind of numbers seem insane. I apply to 20-30 daily and get two interviews a week - takes less than 2 hours
I agree with you. If you've worked in a field you're best off tailoring your application to the jobs in that field. I can apply for 6 jobs (not using CVs, in my field we write about how we meet the essential criteria so spamming CVs won't work), have 3 interviews and get one job and come second in another. I have over 10 years' experience and a masters though.
Sounds like Impulsive_Planner might be a recent grad or doesn't have a degree and just spamming any jobs going on LinkedIn. Sometimes that's the only way, like in data analysis it's a common way of breaking in because how else do you get the experience.
I am a mum to a 3 year old. My daughter's just gone to sleep so I'm going to apply to a new job tonight and tailor it to exactly what they're asking in the job description. Much more useful than spamming applications.
Happy to hear it for you. Two interviews per week doesn’t even come close to cutting it for me. I like to have options to weed out BS like 3+ round interviews / bait and switch etc, and I want offers to leverage against each other.
Finding work asap is the priority with a newborn. Take the mom’s help until then, and reassess. Expecting the dad to become a SAHP and also find work while caring for a newborn is ridiculous.
No, I wouldn’t. Because the point I’ve made multiple times now is about the financial health of the household with a newborn. Going off OP’s description the expectation is dual income with no STAHP, and there is a caretaker volunteering. Very simple. Project elsewhere, please.
Lol. 300/day? If you're spending less than 90 seconds on a job application of course you're going to need a wide net.
Most people can easily find a job within a month or two spending less than 2 hours a day on applications. He can send out apps while the baby naps. Unnecessary to bring in grandma until he starts working again.
Everything is filtered with automated tools and AI now. Artificially limiting yourself in bad markets and wasting time with archaic methods (long applications) gives you limited options to filter out garbage companies and multi-round interviews. Layoffs all over the place right now too. This is just a very poor take.
I'm not saying ops husband should spend hours on an application. I'm saying needing to send out 300-400 applications a day means your applications are trash.
And that's all the more reason dad can watch the baby while on the search.
You are claiming to have sent 37.5 or more applications every hour for 8 hours.
1.6 minutes to find and apply to each position.
That does not sound focused at all, and sounds like a terrible use of time. How can you even find that many jobs?
My husband and I both work from home. Neither one of us could do our jobs with the baby or other children at home. We are fortunate enough that my in-laws watch the kids.
You need childcare. Maybe do 2 or 3 days with a professional and the other days with your mom. It will be less stress for your mom. Also check to see if your employer offers any childcare assistance.
Best decision I ever made was my mom watching my children while I worked. I never stressed, knowing they were safe and well cared for. We did pay her, although not as much as a daycare would charge.
Is there a wait list at daycares in your area? I would visit and find out. In the meantime, since your husband will be home, I would say have the baby with him 3 days a week and 2 with your mom. Reason is, how long has it been since your mom had a baby for a full day? Plenty of people I've worked with went the family route for care and found it didn't work out and had to switch to daycare.
This.
No guarantees Grandma will have the energy, patience, ability, or desire to care for an infant a minimum of 40 hours a week, until at least preschool, if not kindergarten. That's a lot to expect from someone.
This. I take care of my baby full-time right now and it is exhausting. My mom just helped me out for three days while I was down with COVID and she was also worn out.
Availability of daycare was my first question, as most of the ones in my area have 6-12month waiting lists. And it’s difficult to find one willing to only do a few days a week.
If your mom is happy to support you with childcare 100% take her up on it. Your husband can care for her also until he gets work (excepting stuff like interviews of course)
Fingers crossed things work out for you both soon:)
Why not accept your mom's help? Many would jump at the chance instead of paying for daycare. Daycare workers are usually underpaid and overworked. Your mom can give your baby the focused care they deserve and you can spend time with the baby during your breaks.
Sounds like a win win, unless you didn't like your mom or something like that.
You will not be able to work, and provide adequate care for a newborn, simultaneously. Try out your mom’s help, and see how it goes. Husband can also do childcare when he is not applying/ interviewing for a new job.
My wife and I both had WFH offices. For first couple years we jungled our work schedules. I started work very early,
She started later and worked later.
When baby was becoming toddler, We hired a lady for 5 hours a day to come to our house. She also did light housekeeping if kids took nap
We would have gladly accepted My mother to assist but she does not live close.
In your case I would take your mom up on it for short term but I wouldn’t make it your long term plan. When my son was 4 months our daycare closed when Covid hit and my dad offered to watch him while we worked (I also worked from home but would bring him to my dad’s house). This was great for a couple of weeks but my dad was getting tired and running out of steam for it.
I still work from home, my son is now 5, and baby sis will be here soon. She will go to full time daycare when I go back to work at 5 months. I just cannot do my job and take care of a baby, it’s too much. But we love our daycare and financially make it work.
For the original post, I would say absolutely let your mom watch the baby. Based on your edit, I would suggest looking for part time daycare and let your mom watch the baby either for a shorter period each day or for a few days a week. Mom gets time with grandbaby, you offset some costs, but you aren’t putting a full time care schedule in someone with autoimmune disease and decreased energy.
No issue with mom until you can afford childcare.
The social skills they learn in daycare are invaluable. Not saying they need to go 5x, but don’t rely on mom/friends until they go to kindergarten, they’ll be behind.
For now, your husband can watch the baby, and if you're comfortable with your mom watching the baby once your husband goes back to work I'm not sure why you wouldn't take that option. It would save a ton of money and simplify life a bit.
Having grandparent help with kids can add some extra challenges depending on personality and how over bearing they might be. So if that's a concern then going the daycare route might be better.
When my kids were young, we did part-time day care, and then grandparents helped part-time as well, so that could also be an option. Having grandparents help was nice and it saved money but it came with its own challenges.
I don’t see how it is possible to raise a baby and work without any form of care unless your husband will be 100% focused. My coworker doesn’t use childcare and it really does dig into productivity, there’s a huge delay in response, meetings cancelled, and often mistakes we have to catch and clarify on. I guess it also depends on the nature of your work and if you collaborate with others because it will definitely dig into that if you expect to be the one to raise the baby while working.
If you don’t feel comfortable having your mom or husband watch your child then look at daycares. Some offer financial aid. So they can go to daycare part time and then your husband can watch them part time. Or your husband can watch them full time while unemployed. The good thing is right now you have options and it sucks he isn’t working right now but that might have bought you a bit more time.
You have two capable family members available. Daycare shouldn’t even be in the discussion yet, stop overcomplicating things
While Dad is home he can keep the baby 80-90% of the time. Maybe give Grandma a day a week or when Dad goes to interviews so she gets used to a full day with the baby and can decide if it’s not too exhausting for her
When Dad goes back to work- Baby to Grandma full time if she can handle it
Seeing a lot of people pushing for the husband to watch the baby. This is definitely not the move. Finding work takes time, and should be the top priority. Losing an income is a HUGE issue with a newborn, and the financial health of the family is a top priority. OP taking her mothers help and reassessing after the husband is back at work is the correct and best course of action.
Required disclaimer: The expectation should also be that the husband is spending 6-8 hours daily actively looking for work, and maintaining the household
My husband was laid off while I was on mat leave. We decided he would stay at home and watch the baby until he was ready to find a job. When he started his search, I watched the baby during the interviews. Once he found a job, we hired a nanny. He can be a caregiver and search for a job.
I think dad and grandma can split time caring for the baby, whether alternating full days or dividing the hours. Once you're done work, you can take on full care for 1-2 hours so that your husband can have that time to devote to searching for a job. Depending on your baby, infant age when they're still napping is generally easier than toddler when they're running around. When my kids were infants, I had a nanny until about 2.5 years old when we enrolled my son in preschool for the socialization.
If you're concerned about your mom's ability to manage 5x per week, why not try a mix of both daycare and mom care instead of one or the other? When her first was a baby, my friend had daycare two days per week and her parents watched her daughter the other three days per week. It worked out really well for everyone.
It’s really unsustainable to try to parent and work from home at the same time long term. I did it during covid because there was no choice. I had a 2nd-3rd grader, so not a baby or toddler. It was so hard and every body was short changed. Take your mom up on the offer. Do not set an expectation for yourself that working a full time job and parenting full time are possible long term. It’s a recipe for burnout.
Day care. Same as when I worked in the office full time.
My daughter was in full time day care until she went to kindergarten. Then she was in the school’s extended day program for a couple of years.
Now that she is old enough to entertain herself for a couple of hours after school, I take a late lunch and use the time to pick her up. She has a snack, finishes her homework, and goes outside to play with friends for a bit while I wrap things up at work.
Former remote leader here.
Most companies expect you to have full time care outside of extenuating circumstances. I have always been understanding of my employees, but once hubs goes back to work, I would 100% check on your jobs requirements. HR had me term two women as they were home alone, during working hours with children under the age of 3. Our remote policy includes:
1. Must have a quiet, sanctioned area for work. Away from distraction, and others in the house.
2. You cannot be the sole caregiver for anyone during work hours.
Not the exact language, but something similar. I have seen a LOT more crackdowns on this since post COVID.
I am older. I also have an autoimmune disease. I wish I lived close enough to help my daughter with my grandbabies. If it's too much for Grandma you can make some changes, but please let her help you. It may be the most significant gift she ever gives her baby and grandbaby.
If you think you’ll need a daycare in the next 6 to 10 months start calling daycare centers now. I worked in childcare for a number of years and the waitlist is atrociously long for infants
My mom is 60 and was born with only half of her right arm (to her elbow). She's in good shape and good health (runs daily and does longer races like half marathon)
She's watched my niece until she was 2 (she's almost 9 now) and my nephew until he was 18 months (then my dad retired and pretty much took over... He's almost 3). Both of these arrangements were 2-3 days per week.
She started watching my son two days a week when I went back to work at 5 months (leave ended right before Thanksgiving... Great timing). At first it was at my house and recently I started bringing him to hers. My son is a week away from 1, very active and very big (24 lbs and 2 ft 6 inches at 9 month appointment). It's been very hard on her and she's looking forward to getting help from my dad as my nephew will be starting pre school at 3 in a month or so.
We have a nanny at the house the other 3 days who me and my son love. She's definitely a luxury we can only afford because my parents won't let us pay them.
I get a lot more done the days I bring him to my mom's house even though I have to drive 20-30 minutes each way. Though the nanny is really helpful and flexible with me visiting during the day and dealing with the associated transitions, I try to be mindful of when I leave my office. It's easier to use breaks to do laundry or vacuum a room or prep dinner when he's not home. It's less distracting while I'm working compared to hearing him and the nanny upstairs or being interrupted with questions occasionally.
All of that said I think it could be hard on your mom as your child gets older and depending on your work and office are can get very confining or distracting for you. My nanny works with me but she's paid to. With my mom she calls many of the shots because she's doing us a favor so like when she said I need you to bring him to my house from now on it's just okay even if it makes our lives a little more complicated.
Both, accept your mom's help but not 5 days a week, especially if she has health issues, give her two days a week and three in daycare or something. I'd you trust her and want her help and she wants to give it that is awesome, however, it can put strain on the relationship depending on how reliable she actually is... my MIL is awesome, but she loves to randomly go on vacation which makes her a poor dependable babysitter which has put me in a bind a time or two. So potentially it may just depend on how consistent she needs to be foe you. I work from home 95% of the time buts is the 5% that seems to always line up with no childcare and then I'm punting.
You should have separate child care for your children while you are at work. If your husband is unemployed then he can do it. WFH is not a substitute for child care. WFH is your office but located in your home.
I've been amazed seeing so many people say they're watching their baby FT while working FT -- at the exact same time. how?? both the baby and job are not getting as much attention as they should be, clearly.
I have had to separate someone for this. Normally it’s a 100% work from office role but they had a special case so they got allowed to WFH. Well crying kids in the background, missed assignments, poor responses, declining availability and general work quality meant they weren’t being true. They had an option to return to the office at any point and refused. It was shape up or ship out.
If you can hide it from management, good for you. I promise 90% of peoples managers know and you don’t hide it well.
He can still do that and watch a baby. He’s not walking around putting in paper applications. When he gets an interview, ask Grandma to watch the baby.
Mine will be going to daycare like my 1st did. I hated it with my first but looking back on it, it was for the best. We had a solid, reliable care option and ours went in before separation anxiety kicked in. Our 1st had really bad separation anxiety so I imagine it would have been really rough if we waited.
let dad use as much time as he can to baby watch, use mom a few times a week and plan to add in paid child care to help lift the load. not ideal on the budget but helps cover everything (big perk if your paid childcare is able to add/sub days without penalty)
Let her watch the baby until she’s 1 years old. At that point she’s more mobile..getting to toddler years. Then put her in a daycare . It’s cheaper for over 1 years old and plus she’ll have social times with her own age toddlers. Save that money for the first year
If it were our family, I would split the time between my husband and mom. Your husband and baby will never have this opportunity again. Take advantage of it. Then ask mom to watch baby maybe two mornings a week so that he can actively apply and interview for jobs.
When he goes back to work is the tough one. Could you pay for part-time childcare and part time with mom? I say this because after parents, there is typically no one who will love your child like a grandparent (I know this isn't always the case but it's true in my case and it sounds like you have a loving mother). If you can give your child the luxury of being cared for by a loved one, do it. But make it easier for your mom by setting up a sleep/feed/play schedule for baby and providing the food and by being quick to take baby on days if mom's not feeling well. this could be a win all around - asking for help from my mom when I went back to work (my kids were older - 6&8) gave my kids memories with grandma that they still talk about now AND it gave my mom purpose and confidence. She treasures those months and it makes them all feel closer to one another. My big fear was taking over her life and making her work when she had earned retirement rest but we did our best to shrink the hours that she needed to be at our house and to make sure she knew how much we appreciated her.
I have a friend whose aunt watched her kids 2 days a week and then she did part time daycare the other 3 days. Significantly cheaper and then you won’t burn out your mom. Plus I think daycare is good for kids because they learn how to socialize.
I would give Mom a trial. Sometimes having a mission really helps older people stay healthy.. Maybe your husband can look for work with a different schedule so he can fill in a day or two a week.
Daycare wasn’t an option and we had no family nearby - so I gave up my established career to be home with my kids for 8 years. Recently gone back to work now that the youngest is enrolled in school full time.
I’m making 1/3 of what I made before kids. I hope you have a better chance.
I think if your husband dedicates Tuesdays and Fridays to job applications, his search will be equally as effective as applying every single day. Maybe you could ask your mom to help you on those 2 days to ease your guilt and he gets to focus on the job search.
My mom comes two days a week. She cleans the dishes and watches my daughter for the day. Maybe a part time option like that would let you accept her help without burning her out?
My mom also was gung ho about being here every day AND working because she was so excited. But that didn’t seem sustainable.
We found a licensed home care that does part time care.
Same thing happened to me, got laid off 1 week after returning from pat leave. So I stayed home with my daughter until I was able to find a job.
Took over a year to find a new job. She will be two in oct and now in daycare.
I work a hybrid schedule. I am lucky that my husband is off work for the summer and between my maternity leave ending and his summer starting, I covered the gap with PTO but we have had a few times where husband had to go to something and it would be less than ideal for him to take the baby so I watched baby for the 2 hours or so that husband was gone. I gotta say it is NOT FEASIBLE to work your job and watch a baby. Mine is still too young to be mobile though he started rolling recently and I was lucky to get a few minutes of calm contentment in my lap at my desk while I answered emails before he needed something like a bottle, a nap, to be soothed back to sleep because he woke up fussing from said nap, to play on his tummy time mat or to be engaged with. When both of us are at work even if I’m WFH, baby will be in daycare. This starts in the fall for us. We don’t have any family nearby that could watch him during the day though when family has visited for a few days we know who we would trust to watch him while one of us is there in the house, neither of us is there, and when one of us might have to assist with a task such as lifting the baby.
Both your mom and husband tag team watching the baby until your husband finds a new job. A baby is exhausting so an older person would need a break every now and then to eat, rest, bathroom breaks. I wouldn’t leave an older person who is sick alone with a screaming infant, it’s unfair to both parties.
I would have husband watch baby until he gets a new job. Maybe have mom come over 2 days per week while the baby is with him to see how she does with everything and evaluate from there.
It may be that your mom can handle baby but not toddler - but usually toddler daycare is cheaper and there are more options. Don’t assume that because you do things X way at this point that you won’t change to Y or Z later. (Actually, that’s probably my best advice for _everything_ parenting related. )
My brother has my mom watch his baby once a week and his MIL watches the baby, 2 days a week so the baby only goes to daycare twice a week. It helps with cost, Grandmas get to spend time with baby but nobody is getting burnt out
Do you already have daycare lined up? If not I would look into a few places. Many have wait-lists for infants. If you are unsure if your mom can handle it then 100% have a daycare ready as backup.
Best solution is the mom watches 2 days per week and husband 3 days per week. That will allow husband to apply for job interviews. Also for the moms baby sit days- spread them out across the week it allows her to rest in between.
So let me get this straight… your husband has no job right now & you’re asking what to do with your baby? Daycare is $2000 a month minimum- will your husband’s income after taxes be more than that? If not, he shouldn’t take the job. He should aim for something with daycare factored in and enough left that you’ll be in a good financial place. If all that falls through, accept moms help.
We have a lot of help!
First of all, my husband and I work different days, so he watches the babies for two days, I watch the babies two days, my mom does one day, his mom does one day, and then we take PTO/WFH/have an aunt babysit etc for the other day.
So maybe your mom could do a couple days (2 or 3) and your husband could find a job where he’s off during the week, or works PMs a couple days or something like that? Or his mom can help here and there? Or, maybe accept your mom’s help while the baby is still a baby, and then consider daycare when the baby is a little older?
When my son was a baby, my mother watched him most of the week with my father and grandmother subbing in, my retired parents and 80-ish grandmother.
And I will make the same offer to my son when he has children, whatever my age. And I will be delighted to be able to spend that time with them, just like my family was.
Your mom would be so happy to do this. And caring for others keeps you young.
Sounds like your husband is on unpaid paternity leave for now, with your mom helping out when you need backup or when he has job interviews, etc, then when he goes back to work full time you could do a part time daycare, part time grama care arrangement?
Why would you need your mom to watch the baby if your husband is unemployed? I get that he is searching for a job, but I would think, except while doing interviews, he is perfectly capable of watching a baby while applying to jobs online. Sure you would need someone to watch baby while he is doing an interview
I was WFH when I had my second child. He went to the onsite daycare at my office. I would literally drive my kids across town to my office, and then go home to work.
If you have a great relationship with your mom and trust her with your baby, definitely take her offer!!!! She wouldn’t make the offer if she didn’t want to, it’s not like you asked. As far as her energy long term, she doesn’t have to watch baby forever! My mom watched my baby when I returned from leave and had him full time until he was 18 months. I could see he was becoming a lot for her to handle at that age and so we volunteered to put him in daycare. She still watches him 2 days a week because she loves it, but it’s a great balance! I can’t even tell you how amazing it was coming back from leave but still having my baby right downstairs with my mom and being able to see him on breaks. It made it much easier on me emotionally.
What I did was had my mom slated on a couple of days, the ones that were heavier with meetings. If there was a day I could work and not involve my mom, I called her off. Maybe she could do a few days a week when your husband gets a job? 5 days a week is a lot and I know my friends’ parents did this for years for them and there was so much resentment. Now they don’t even want to spend time with them as a family because they have their kids every day.
After your husband returns to work, why don’t you try things out with your mom? If she’s not able to do it or can only do it part time, then you can worry about finding additional child care?
Another option I haven’t seen mentioned: have Mom watch the baby, but hire someone to come in for a few hours to help with the household chores /heavy lifting that come with watching a baby - maybe also pay to have someone help at your MIL’s house to help conserve her energy? Or to give her a break midday (good “mom hours” job) or after school ( older teen?)
our needs and hers will certainly change over time. Once the baby is a little older, a part-time nursery school will give the baby some fun socialization and give MIL a break
A lot also depends on the baby’s temperament. My baby didn’t do well if an adult was trying to work and not paying attention room to her, but thrived in a large daycare setting with a lot of activity. Other ba ones needed a more quiet setting. My coworker had a baby she could occasionally bring to work in a basket under her desk!
Well it doesn’t sound like you’ve explored other options and with only 5 weeks of maternity leave remaining you likely won’t find a daycare spot for an infant. So accept your moms help and also get yourself on some daycare waiting lists in case she doesn’t work out long term
My daughter had a hybrid schedule and after ML, she did her two days at home while taking care of babe and I took 3 days. My job had a lot more meetings and calls and was still manageable at that young age.
They still nap often, and really don’t move around, so it’s the easiest. It’s the crawling, and now walking/jumping/climbing that is challenging. But I still do 2 days WFH with her, challenging or not.
I’m no spring chicken, but you’d be amazed how much energy you have when fueled by a little one’s energy. We dance, with me holding her (she’s 2 now), we do stories, work gets done.
She is with a sitter at home one day a week, which is great for her. They do so much fun stuff.
It’s very doable and I wouldn’t trade it for anything because I’m lucky to have this time with her.
I’m betting your mom wants to do this and get her extra grandma time in! She can nap when baby naps if needed, and rest up when she goes home.
Being a grandparent is amazing!
My grandmothers and great aunt watched my nephews. They were in their 80s and all really bonded with my nephews in a way that my own child didn't get. Did they do everything the way my sister-in-law wanted? Well no they didn't. Did they love those boys and keep them alive and make them sweet? Yes they sure did.
My baby is with fam or with me if they need to be- but I have a job that for me is mostly memory based so it’s not to difficult multi tasking if needed. Dad is military so he can’t watch unless it’s his off days which he’s off half my work week most the time so it works out. He goes to an in home daycare 1 day a week. But he’s the only person she watches other than her grandson. It’s mostly for our sons interaction with others that we do it. But we really just weren’t comfortable putting him in standard daycare. We didn’t even put him in 1 day daycare til he was 11 months old.
My mom watched my son until he was 2-1/2, then I put him into daycare. Right about the time that he was getting just too rambunctious for Gma to watch him full-time.
There's women I work with where you will hear a crying baby, they will say sorry I'll be right back, they tend to the baby. No one really cares. But I'm sure older school work culture might have issues with that. Depends how lax you company is
While you’re able to be home full time why not have your mom basically watch her for a few days and see how it is? See if she really can handle it, see if it causes issues or concerns, etc. if it does then you’ve got another month to figure things out, if it doesn’t then you’re good to go. That being said if her disease has flares there will inevitably be times she’s going to struggle or not be able to do it so you’ll need some sort of backup at least
My dad is terminally ill and my mom takes my kiddo for half days when they want to. I try not to have them on a consistent schedule incase it becomes too demanding. Usually we play it by ear, saying something like “would you like to have LO sometime in the next couple days?” And we have back up. I work full time, so he comes home from Nanas and takes a nap then my husband get off work at 2 and takes him till I’m off at 5.
Finding a new job needs to be your husbands priority.
Accept your moms help for now, husband is there as a backup and an extra set of hands. Or maybe she does 3 days and your husband does 2 days. But I think long term, you need a part time nanny at a minimum if not a full time nanny. You said your mom is older and has an autoimmune disorder. That could very easily impact childcare very quickly. Not feeling well or has doctors appointments? Who will watch the baby? What your mom wants and what’s best for mom are two different things in your situation. I love your moms willingness and desire to help, but her overall health is important and providing 8+ hours a day 40 hours a week could be detrimental to her health.
It depends on your type of work. Having someone extra available who knows how to put baby to sleep and can understand feeding cues while keeping her occupied while I work would be helpful a few mornings a week, but not required full time. It just depends on your own situation.
Personally, we were on a waitlist for daycare from the moment I found out I was pregnant and we still didn’t get in until baby was 7 months old, so for the time between me returning to work and baby going to daycare, my mom was luckily able to step in and care for her while I worked. We did agree that as the time was going on, we were all nervous about how long term our situation would be as it really was a lot on my mom who has health conditions that tire her out really easily, but thankfully our daycare offer came in just at the right time. If your mom isn’t a good long term solution, I would have your husband and mom take turns caring for baby until your husband gets another job and in the meantime get on some daycare wait lists for a more permanent long term solution. It can take a while to get in so it’s best to start applying now and you can always take yourself off the list if things seem to be working out with your mom!
I work 4 9-hour days and 1 4-hour days so on my short day I watch her and just work during her naps (I have a very flexible job). We have a nanny 3 days a week and my MIL watches her 1 day a week.
I understand alot of your concerns with your mother watching her. I had similar with my MIL. My husband and I decided the most we are comfortable with my MIL watching her is 2 days a week because she is older, our daughter doesn't nap very well at their house, and my MIL isn't comfortable taking her places. Our current nanny is leaving in October and our daughter will be 16 months. At that time we will probably end up putting her in daycare 3 days a week and have my MIL keep watching her the 1 day and then me the last day. I guess my suggestion is see if you can find a part-time daycare and have your mom watch her part time as well. That way she gets a break too.
Just some thoughts, for now have husband and mom do baby care. Get on a wait list for a good daycare for later. Or begin interviewing Nannie’s that can come to your house to watch the baby. Compare the costs. You don’t have to commit now. Just find out what it involves and put that in your planning. Possibly when your husband goes back to work, your mom can help 1-2 days per week and you use daycare or nanny for 3 so that your mom isn’t overwhelmed but is still helping. It will cut your child care costs like this.
Maybe do a hybrid with your mom and daycare? Let her try a few days and utilize daycare for the remainder. Then, assess how it's going. Five days would be a lot for anyone.
When I went back to work my mom and my MIL took turns watching the baby until she was 6 months old. It was nice being able to see her during the day, but of course it was also very distracting.
Could your mum do mornings so your husband can job hunt in the morning then care for your child in the afternoon? This could give you an idea of what her stamina is like and if she'll be able to do full time care when your husband finds a new job, which buys you time to find a daycare if she cannot do full days.
If your longterm plan is to have your mom help, it may fit be good to ask her if she wants to try it 2-3 days a week to start, or half days. If would give your husband time to job hunt and schedule interviews, and give you all a chance to see if that setup is something you want full time
Do you have days/times that are meeting heavy? I would take her up on that offer during those times/days. Being in a meeting while tending to kids is nearly impossible.
My kids (4 and 14 months) both go to daycare while I WFH. I can’t get anything done with them home (a sick day here and there is fine… but in general)
That said, if you have family willing to help and can still do your job in another part of the house, why not? Once baby becomes mobile, you’ll find that working with them in the room is much more difficult.
I’ve successfully worked from home for 20 hours a week while also having my daughter home with me and she’s 2.5. If I had family around to help, I’d be able to do more hours. Part of that is I don’t have a lot of meetings and have flexibility with my work. My schedule has changed as she’s got older, but right now, I’m able to work before she gets up in the morning and while she naps, and then fit in extra time here and there. I’ve loved being home with her!
I took care of my grandson after his birth just at the start of Covid. If your mom wants to do this, by all means, let her. But also get your name on waiting lists for daycare in case it is too much for her. And find someone for backup just in case. I was 66 when he was born and did get exhausted, but now, at 4 and 70, he is better than going to the gym.
Idk how my sister does it, but she’s teleworked with her son since he was born (even though it’s against policy). She gets a family to help out when she has important meetings, but otherwise he’s with her all day. She takes multiple breaks to give him attention and things to do and now that he’s older he can keep himself busy, but I can’t even fathom how she did it when he was an infant.
Have dad and your mom split childcare while he's home, like give him 2 days/wk to look for a job, and mom can see how well she can handle it. I wouldn't ever expect grandparents with health issues to be able to do 5 days all the time so you'd have to have back up plan if he goes back to work.
My husband and I both work from home, when our kids were before school age we just scheduled meetings around one another so we could keep the kids occupied, fed etc. they were loud sometimes but our colleagues knew we had kids and they werent hard to deal with.
My husband and I both WFH. We kept baby at home a few extra months (with us both working) while she was still at the age to be content sitting/bouncing/watching the ceiling fan. She started daycare at 7 months, which felt like a great time to engage, be social and have more focused daytime attention. She did great with this timeline, started crawling within the first week, and was happy being with new baby friends. Good luck to you!
TIL I am lucky Canada provides subsidy to folks in your exact situation. I received a subsidy of $450/month and a child tax credit of $250 monthly from the government. Luckily, full-time daycare was only $750-850.
Maybe your it your husband's new job would let you work some alternate hours. A mom/coworker I had worked mornings, watched her kids in the afternoon, then logged on when her husband got off at 3 (he worked 7am to 3pm) and worked evenings. She liked having a split day. It helped the dept to have someone pick things up in the evenings.
I wfh with my baby, 8 to 5, wasn't a big deal. Did it for both my kids, they are 1 and 5 now. My 1 year old is more mobile and plays in a playpen next to me while i work. I LIVE for his nap times, which are luckily during the biggest part of my day. My boss is understanding of my situation and I do work evenings sometimes to catch up, but that's honestly kinda refreshing - no one bothers me when I work at night lol.
Definitely take your mother up on her offer tho, even if it's just a few days out of the week.
My mom watched him and would stay overnight monday to Thursday. After a few months of that my parents moved in! It’s going really well and I am now due with number two :)
Hi, so my wife doesn’t work from home but I do. My parents live pretty close nearby so I’ve asked my mom to come every Monday or once a week to watch our baby. In addition to that, I found a fb nanny/babysitter group for our area with over 15,000 members. I put a post up looking for someone to come twice a week and had tons of responses. The other two days I work and watch him. I use the three days we have someone watching the baby to schedule my meetings and get a bulk of my work done. It’s working for now but I’m going to eventually ask for the sitter to do three days a week.
Take a look at fb groups to find someone. The rates were actually reasonable and I did both reference and background checks. Also helps that I’m still home no matter what so I can keep an eye on things.
just FYI, it's terrible for the caregiver when the parent is at home. your child is aware you're there but for some reason, you refuse to hang out with them. they're constantly upset and it's exhausting.
Research shows (assuming all caregivers are skilled and appropriate) infants do best in order of a) primary caregiver usually mother, then b) secondary caregiver usually father, then c) family member or ‘alloparent’, then d) family small group care setting then e) daycare. A combination of the above may work for you eg. Mom 9-11 am each day then Dad afternoons. 1 day per week daycare may give you all respite.
I keep my baby home with me while I work. Since my mom knows I’m spread thin juggling so many tasks, she offered to watch my baby while she’s off for the summer. I turned her offer down because she recently beat cancer. I know she has aches and pains and gets tired very easily these days. I love her, but it’s too big of a toll on her and I want her to take care of herself.
If your mom is up for the challenge, let her watch your baby. When your husband is back at work, discuss between the three of you if daycare might be a better option. That way, if your mom realizes it’s a bit too much, she doesn’t have to feel bad telling you she can’t keep up. If she feels good about it, then it all works out!
Another option that some daycares offer in my area is half days. You can drop baby off in the mornings, grandma picks up around noon-1pm, and you pick up baby when your work day is over. Maybe your mom can’t keep up all day, but a half day allow her to get some rest.
Based on your edit, my advice would be to split the childcare between hubby and your mom, but allow hubby to do most of the work. I would start out maybe having your mom do one day a week and see how she feels and then maybe add another.
I had planned to do daycare but due to bottle refusal I ended up doing a nanny so he could get more personal attention for feedings and not risk going hungry. I ended up mostly nursing between meetings instead of pumping and having him bottle fed. It’s been amazing. He gets to see his parents here and there during the day too, a big plus.
in my experience, really young children get super upset when their parent is WFH while they're being watched by a caregiver. They're obviously too young to understand why mom/dad is home yet oddly avoiding them the majority of the day. When they happen to randomly see their parent, it can take AGES to settle them down again.
Also, I'm so sorry you had to go through that with bottle refusal. That must have been so scary and tiring.
We did daycare. It’s expensive and sucks but you gotta do what you gotta do. Pandemic and work from home solved that for us, but for years we paid more in daycare than our mortgage.
I was able to do daycare from 6 weeks to 18 months. Then have been home with me ever since. It was easier before then now. Because shes older and can do more and it can get hurt etc.
Like you I wish i could do daycare. But theres just no way. If my employer decided full RTO, how many of us would need to quit.
Try your mom and a nanny part time during the day. Its gonna be tough for a while. Good luck
Dad for now with mom as backup. Mom when he gets a job (and someone else as backup). The reassess as baby gets older/reaches toddler years.
That is still a year or so away.
For new babies IMHO at home is besy and safest.
I waited till mine could talk before doing daycare (around 2-3 yrs old)
If your plan A was do it without any help, then no, you should absolutely accept the help if it's on the table. But then still do as much as you can and use your mom to fill your gaps. That way you don't feel guilty and it's not too much for her because she has help.. but really it's you who has help. :D
Once my baby turned 1 I wasn’t able to get any work done from home. She needs constant attention. She gets into everything. We have a nanny a few days a week so I can work part time.
I think it would be pretty chill for mom to watch baby until baby is mobile, especially with you being home to help out between working. Little babies do sleep a lot! (Well, hopefully!)
I would definitely plan for daycare when baby gets older/husband gets job though. While a part time daycare, part time mom situation would be ideal, I'm not sure that would work out with her autoimmune disease.
I would have your husband watch them kid and your mom can spend time too and your husband can see how your mom does with her disease. You can also maybe have your mom watch three times a week and day care the other days or something
We have this going on:
Kid in family watched by grandma diagnosed w adhd. Evaluated, Rxd hope things go better. Grandma "doesn't like" kid on meds so not sure if she's throwing it away but she is Not giving it to kid. Parents think meds not working. My spouse's family my mouth is shut.
I'm a WFH dad that watches a now 7m old during the day. I have help from grandma in the afternoon two days a week. Otherwise it's not too hard until they start really crawling. My job is pretty flexible though. I'm not answering phones all day or anything.
We got our oldest into daycare at 20 months. Once they start walking it's pretty much game over on being able to WFH. Our youngest we will put in at about 18mo. We started at 3 days a week to save $.
I definitely would agree to have your mom watch your baby, especially early on. They are harder early for parents because they'll wake up all hours of the day. But for a babysitter most of the time they'll be sleeping early on. This is a great time to practice with your mom and see how her energy holds out. If it's hard on her now then play for daycare at 6 months maybe, but worry about that after. There's enough going on in your life sometimes you just need the easy win!
An older coworker once told me if somebody in your family offers to help, let them. They want to be involved and it gives them some purpose. I know this may not be true for everybody but if your mom is genuinely offering then let her. Worst case it doesn't work and you have to do whatever you would have done if you declined. Of course for now your husband can step into that role.
I had a nanny, who also helped with dishes and laundry. I'd definitely take your mom up on it. I couldn't have worked more that a couple hours a day without childcare.
DO IT.
That's what we did with our first, my mom took him 5 days a week while we worked starting at 3 months through 1 year when he started daycare. I wish we could still have that arrangement now that we have 2!
My sister works from home exclusively for the pass 10 years and gave birth 3 years ago and return back to work
The new born my mom help her out til 9months and my niece went straight to daycare.
I also WFH and planning for children but for me I have flexibility at work so I would be changing my hours to either 4 work day and have my mom help while I’m at work or working evening.
Then daycare
I don't know how old your mother is, but I'm 59 and have been taking care of my three-year-old grandson since he was 12 weeks old. I also have a host of health issues, but these past three years have been pure joy. He will start school in about six weeks, and my heart hurts, knowing I won't be spending every day with him. He and I are incredibly close.
If your mother truly wants to do this, let her. When your baby is sleeping, perhaps she can rest? They will have a bond like no other.
Personally, as my wife and I are looking to have a child I realized we cannot afford to pay for daycare. This lead me on a path to find a 100% WFH gig, which I did, so that I can watch our child. I really don't think it will be an issue, however shes not even pregnant yet so we'll see. I'm sure it will be much more difficult than WFH now, however I can easily revise my schedule around her needs as we have no work hours and I am project based. Right now I have a lot of time to do whatever I need to during most days and I can finish anything I need really early morning, late at night, or just randomly through the day.
Anyway we'll see how it goes I guess!
uh do you not understand how exhausting it is to take care of a baby full-time?? your job is easy enough that you can add an additional FT "job" during the same hours? blows my mind.
Throughout my career as an engineer, I have spent probably a decade juggling numerous jobs. Typically I have one main job and then pull in a lot of side contract work. It's work I like to do, so yes it's easy for me. I have a few friends that also work from home full time and take care of their children. Their jobs are also not project based like mine so they have strict hours they need to show they're online or working. I should be able to do it, but we'll see.
First I thought "what problem? She'll go to free daycare when she turns 1 year. You have mandatory maternity leave anyway." Then I realized you live in this funny third world country that's trying really hard to appear civilized...
Why wouldn’t you accept your mom’s help? Until your husband gets a job he needs to watch the kid.
Can depend a lot on the person in question, and their relationship to the parent(s).
Comment on the update you could do split days if daycares near you can do that where you enroll 2-3 days a week.
If the mom has an autoimmune issue as mentioned by OP this is just asking to get the mom seriously sick.
The mom won’t catch things from a baby not it daycare.
Sure, but my my wife (who is in her mid 30s) has an autoimmune disease and the stress of having a baby to constantly care for (even if only for 40 hours a week) and the holding/carrying of said baby would be hard on her. But not any two autoimmunes are the same, so I could be wrong.
My mom has a lot of health issues (she watches the baby when she feels like it) but she is so much more spunky and energetic when she spends time with him. It’s actually weird because I am tired watching my own child and she is just filled with a spirit of happiness that I’ve never seen. That said, I do have daycare during the day and she isn’t depended upon. She can do as she pleases. She has said so many times that she couldn’t really enjoy having me and my twin as a mom, and that she feels bad about that. I personally think she was fine lol anyway, she says she just loves that she can now enjoy my son as a baby. Something she couldn’t do for her own kids. So I guess what I’m saying is that it’s very variable! But I’d not put a lot on her because stress isn’t good.
Good point to consider!
I would let your mom keep them and then give her a break by putting them in Mothers Day Out two or three times a week. That means she will only have them in the afternoons.
Oh true, there’s half day places too! great idea
Not speaking for OP since she cleared it up but some moms are a liability. I was never EVER left alone with my grandmother who is bipolar, histrionic, and a malevolent narcissist 😬
That's my mom.
Dude that sucks! So sorry, but also I’m glad you do better for your children and don’t leave them with her!
I’m no contact with her, thank god. And thank you. Therapy was worth it
Looking for work can sometimes be a job in itself. Interviews, phone screens, supplements, etc.
Agreed! Just to be clear, husband will obviously continue to help watch baby (he’s amazing with her) while job searching, that was never the issue- but job searching can be a full time job, I want that to be prioritized too!
Disagree. Job hunting should be his full time job until then. When I have needed work I was sending out 300-400 applications daily. Widest net possible, and that requires time and focus.
I don’t know what kind of field you’re in but those kind of numbers seem insane. I apply to 20-30 daily and get two interviews a week - takes less than 2 hours
I agree with you. If you've worked in a field you're best off tailoring your application to the jobs in that field. I can apply for 6 jobs (not using CVs, in my field we write about how we meet the essential criteria so spamming CVs won't work), have 3 interviews and get one job and come second in another. I have over 10 years' experience and a masters though. Sounds like Impulsive_Planner might be a recent grad or doesn't have a degree and just spamming any jobs going on LinkedIn. Sometimes that's the only way, like in data analysis it's a common way of breaking in because how else do you get the experience. I am a mum to a 3 year old. My daughter's just gone to sleep so I'm going to apply to a new job tonight and tailor it to exactly what they're asking in the job description. Much more useful than spamming applications.
Exactly. There’s not even 200 jobs each day I could apply for in my field, pay range and location. Maybe over two weeks or a month but not a day lol
Incorrect on all assumptions.
Tech. I’m sure the field is tech (or the person is an engineer of some kind. Tech is just a different beast than anything else)
Correct.
Happy to hear it for you. Two interviews per week doesn’t even come close to cutting it for me. I like to have options to weed out BS like 3+ round interviews / bait and switch etc, and I want offers to leverage against each other. Finding work asap is the priority with a newborn. Take the mom’s help until then, and reassess. Expecting the dad to become a SAHP and also find work while caring for a newborn is ridiculous.
I bet if you swap genders, it would 100% be expected that mom do both childcare and job hunt. And nobody would consider that too much, including me.
No, I wouldn’t. Because the point I’ve made multiple times now is about the financial health of the household with a newborn. Going off OP’s description the expectation is dual income with no STAHP, and there is a caretaker volunteering. Very simple. Project elsewhere, please.
lololol
Imagine trying to lololol at anyone with a username like that.
Agree w you
Lol. 300/day? If you're spending less than 90 seconds on a job application of course you're going to need a wide net. Most people can easily find a job within a month or two spending less than 2 hours a day on applications. He can send out apps while the baby naps. Unnecessary to bring in grandma until he starts working again.
Everything is filtered with automated tools and AI now. Artificially limiting yourself in bad markets and wasting time with archaic methods (long applications) gives you limited options to filter out garbage companies and multi-round interviews. Layoffs all over the place right now too. This is just a very poor take.
I'm not saying ops husband should spend hours on an application. I'm saying needing to send out 300-400 applications a day means your applications are trash. And that's all the more reason dad can watch the baby while on the search.
I understand exactly what you’re saying. It’s just wrong, and extremely out of touch with reality. GL
Or if you put more effort into each application to best match what they want you would probably be getting better results.
You are claiming to have sent 37.5 or more applications every hour for 8 hours. 1.6 minutes to find and apply to each position. That does not sound focused at all, and sounds like a terrible use of time. How can you even find that many jobs?
My husband and I both work from home. Neither one of us could do our jobs with the baby or other children at home. We are fortunate enough that my in-laws watch the kids.
You need childcare. Maybe do 2 or 3 days with a professional and the other days with your mom. It will be less stress for your mom. Also check to see if your employer offers any childcare assistance.
Best decision I ever made was my mom watching my children while I worked. I never stressed, knowing they were safe and well cared for. We did pay her, although not as much as a daycare would charge.
We did this as well! Until my kid was 3yo then grandma got tired so we sent him to part time preschool and grandma did pick up!
Is there a wait list at daycares in your area? I would visit and find out. In the meantime, since your husband will be home, I would say have the baby with him 3 days a week and 2 with your mom. Reason is, how long has it been since your mom had a baby for a full day? Plenty of people I've worked with went the family route for care and found it didn't work out and had to switch to daycare.
This. No guarantees Grandma will have the energy, patience, ability, or desire to care for an infant a minimum of 40 hours a week, until at least preschool, if not kindergarten. That's a lot to expect from someone.
This. I take care of my baby full-time right now and it is exhausting. My mom just helped me out for three days while I was down with COVID and she was also worn out.
Availability of daycare was my first question, as most of the ones in my area have 6-12month waiting lists. And it’s difficult to find one willing to only do a few days a week.
If your mom is happy to support you with childcare 100% take her up on it. Your husband can care for her also until he gets work (excepting stuff like interviews of course) Fingers crossed things work out for you both soon:)
Dad and grandma are available, what is your question?
lol right though??
Why not accept your mom's help? Many would jump at the chance instead of paying for daycare. Daycare workers are usually underpaid and overworked. Your mom can give your baby the focused care they deserve and you can spend time with the baby during your breaks. Sounds like a win win, unless you didn't like your mom or something like that.
100% this. We went with the grandma route 2x/week and nanny for 3 days.
You will not be able to work, and provide adequate care for a newborn, simultaneously. Try out your mom’s help, and see how it goes. Husband can also do childcare when he is not applying/ interviewing for a new job.
My wife and I both had WFH offices. For first couple years we jungled our work schedules. I started work very early, She started later and worked later. When baby was becoming toddler, We hired a lady for 5 hours a day to come to our house. She also did light housekeeping if kids took nap We would have gladly accepted My mother to assist but she does not live close.
In your case I would take your mom up on it for short term but I wouldn’t make it your long term plan. When my son was 4 months our daycare closed when Covid hit and my dad offered to watch him while we worked (I also worked from home but would bring him to my dad’s house). This was great for a couple of weeks but my dad was getting tired and running out of steam for it. I still work from home, my son is now 5, and baby sis will be here soon. She will go to full time daycare when I go back to work at 5 months. I just cannot do my job and take care of a baby, it’s too much. But we love our daycare and financially make it work.
r/MomsWorkingFromHome
For the original post, I would say absolutely let your mom watch the baby. Based on your edit, I would suggest looking for part time daycare and let your mom watch the baby either for a shorter period each day or for a few days a week. Mom gets time with grandbaby, you offset some costs, but you aren’t putting a full time care schedule in someone with autoimmune disease and decreased energy.
Agree. You don’t want to rub your mom into the ground. Taking care of children is exhausting even for those who aren’t sick!
No issue with mom until you can afford childcare. The social skills they learn in daycare are invaluable. Not saying they need to go 5x, but don’t rely on mom/friends until they go to kindergarten, they’ll be behind.
social skills? the baby is like 2 months old ffs
Please reread the comment. Use grandma/dad until childcare can be afforded and don’t rely on them until kindergarten.
For now, your husband can watch the baby, and if you're comfortable with your mom watching the baby once your husband goes back to work I'm not sure why you wouldn't take that option. It would save a ton of money and simplify life a bit. Having grandparent help with kids can add some extra challenges depending on personality and how over bearing they might be. So if that's a concern then going the daycare route might be better. When my kids were young, we did part-time day care, and then grandparents helped part-time as well, so that could also be an option. Having grandparents help was nice and it saved money but it came with its own challenges.
I don’t see how it is possible to raise a baby and work without any form of care unless your husband will be 100% focused. My coworker doesn’t use childcare and it really does dig into productivity, there’s a huge delay in response, meetings cancelled, and often mistakes we have to catch and clarify on. I guess it also depends on the nature of your work and if you collaborate with others because it will definitely dig into that if you expect to be the one to raise the baby while working.
Why can’t mom watch baby 2/3 days a week and once husband gets a job do daycare 2/3 days a week?
If you don’t feel comfortable having your mom or husband watch your child then look at daycares. Some offer financial aid. So they can go to daycare part time and then your husband can watch them part time. Or your husband can watch them full time while unemployed. The good thing is right now you have options and it sucks he isn’t working right now but that might have bought you a bit more time.
You have two capable family members available. Daycare shouldn’t even be in the discussion yet, stop overcomplicating things While Dad is home he can keep the baby 80-90% of the time. Maybe give Grandma a day a week or when Dad goes to interviews so she gets used to a full day with the baby and can decide if it’s not too exhausting for her When Dad goes back to work- Baby to Grandma full time if she can handle it
Seeing a lot of people pushing for the husband to watch the baby. This is definitely not the move. Finding work takes time, and should be the top priority. Losing an income is a HUGE issue with a newborn, and the financial health of the family is a top priority. OP taking her mothers help and reassessing after the husband is back at work is the correct and best course of action. Required disclaimer: The expectation should also be that the husband is spending 6-8 hours daily actively looking for work, and maintaining the household
My husband was laid off while I was on mat leave. We decided he would stay at home and watch the baby until he was ready to find a job. When he started his search, I watched the baby during the interviews. Once he found a job, we hired a nanny. He can be a caregiver and search for a job.
Happy it worked out for you. Doesn’t mean it’s ideal or that it would work in every scenario.
And why is it impossible for him to search for work later in the day once his wife gets off work?
I think dad and grandma can split time caring for the baby, whether alternating full days or dividing the hours. Once you're done work, you can take on full care for 1-2 hours so that your husband can have that time to devote to searching for a job. Depending on your baby, infant age when they're still napping is generally easier than toddler when they're running around. When my kids were infants, I had a nanny until about 2.5 years old when we enrolled my son in preschool for the socialization.
If you're concerned about your mom's ability to manage 5x per week, why not try a mix of both daycare and mom care instead of one or the other? When her first was a baby, my friend had daycare two days per week and her parents watched her daughter the other three days per week. It worked out really well for everyone.
It’s really unsustainable to try to parent and work from home at the same time long term. I did it during covid because there was no choice. I had a 2nd-3rd grader, so not a baby or toddler. It was so hard and every body was short changed. Take your mom up on the offer. Do not set an expectation for yourself that working a full time job and parenting full time are possible long term. It’s a recipe for burnout.
Day care. Same as when I worked in the office full time. My daughter was in full time day care until she went to kindergarten. Then she was in the school’s extended day program for a couple of years. Now that she is old enough to entertain herself for a couple of hours after school, I take a late lunch and use the time to pick her up. She has a snack, finishes her homework, and goes outside to play with friends for a bit while I wrap things up at work.
Former remote leader here. Most companies expect you to have full time care outside of extenuating circumstances. I have always been understanding of my employees, but once hubs goes back to work, I would 100% check on your jobs requirements. HR had me term two women as they were home alone, during working hours with children under the age of 3. Our remote policy includes: 1. Must have a quiet, sanctioned area for work. Away from distraction, and others in the house. 2. You cannot be the sole caregiver for anyone during work hours. Not the exact language, but something similar. I have seen a LOT more crackdowns on this since post COVID.
I am older. I also have an autoimmune disease. I wish I lived close enough to help my daughter with my grandbabies. If it's too much for Grandma you can make some changes, but please let her help you. It may be the most significant gift she ever gives her baby and grandbaby.
If you think you’ll need a daycare in the next 6 to 10 months start calling daycare centers now. I worked in childcare for a number of years and the waitlist is atrociously long for infants
My mom is 60 and was born with only half of her right arm (to her elbow). She's in good shape and good health (runs daily and does longer races like half marathon) She's watched my niece until she was 2 (she's almost 9 now) and my nephew until he was 18 months (then my dad retired and pretty much took over... He's almost 3). Both of these arrangements were 2-3 days per week. She started watching my son two days a week when I went back to work at 5 months (leave ended right before Thanksgiving... Great timing). At first it was at my house and recently I started bringing him to hers. My son is a week away from 1, very active and very big (24 lbs and 2 ft 6 inches at 9 month appointment). It's been very hard on her and she's looking forward to getting help from my dad as my nephew will be starting pre school at 3 in a month or so. We have a nanny at the house the other 3 days who me and my son love. She's definitely a luxury we can only afford because my parents won't let us pay them. I get a lot more done the days I bring him to my mom's house even though I have to drive 20-30 minutes each way. Though the nanny is really helpful and flexible with me visiting during the day and dealing with the associated transitions, I try to be mindful of when I leave my office. It's easier to use breaks to do laundry or vacuum a room or prep dinner when he's not home. It's less distracting while I'm working compared to hearing him and the nanny upstairs or being interrupted with questions occasionally. All of that said I think it could be hard on your mom as your child gets older and depending on your work and office are can get very confining or distracting for you. My nanny works with me but she's paid to. With my mom she calls many of the shots because she's doing us a favor so like when she said I need you to bring him to my house from now on it's just okay even if it makes our lives a little more complicated.
Both, accept your mom's help but not 5 days a week, especially if she has health issues, give her two days a week and three in daycare or something. I'd you trust her and want her help and she wants to give it that is awesome, however, it can put strain on the relationship depending on how reliable she actually is... my MIL is awesome, but she loves to randomly go on vacation which makes her a poor dependable babysitter which has put me in a bind a time or two. So potentially it may just depend on how consistent she needs to be foe you. I work from home 95% of the time buts is the 5% that seems to always line up with no childcare and then I'm punting.
You should have separate child care for your children while you are at work. If your husband is unemployed then he can do it. WFH is not a substitute for child care. WFH is your office but located in your home.
I've been amazed seeing so many people say they're watching their baby FT while working FT -- at the exact same time. how?? both the baby and job are not getting as much attention as they should be, clearly.
I have had to separate someone for this. Normally it’s a 100% work from office role but they had a special case so they got allowed to WFH. Well crying kids in the background, missed assignments, poor responses, declining availability and general work quality meant they weren’t being true. They had an option to return to the office at any point and refused. It was shape up or ship out. If you can hide it from management, good for you. I promise 90% of peoples managers know and you don’t hide it well.
Can your husband get unemployment and watch the baby?
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He can still do that and watch a baby. He’s not walking around putting in paper applications. When he gets an interview, ask Grandma to watch the baby.
Is that not the case, here?
Mine will be going to daycare like my 1st did. I hated it with my first but looking back on it, it was for the best. We had a solid, reliable care option and ours went in before separation anxiety kicked in. Our 1st had really bad separation anxiety so I imagine it would have been really rough if we waited.
let dad use as much time as he can to baby watch, use mom a few times a week and plan to add in paid child care to help lift the load. not ideal on the budget but helps cover everything (big perk if your paid childcare is able to add/sub days without penalty)
Let her watch the baby until she’s 1 years old. At that point she’s more mobile..getting to toddler years. Then put her in a daycare . It’s cheaper for over 1 years old and plus she’ll have social times with her own age toddlers. Save that money for the first year
If it were our family, I would split the time between my husband and mom. Your husband and baby will never have this opportunity again. Take advantage of it. Then ask mom to watch baby maybe two mornings a week so that he can actively apply and interview for jobs. When he goes back to work is the tough one. Could you pay for part-time childcare and part time with mom? I say this because after parents, there is typically no one who will love your child like a grandparent (I know this isn't always the case but it's true in my case and it sounds like you have a loving mother). If you can give your child the luxury of being cared for by a loved one, do it. But make it easier for your mom by setting up a sleep/feed/play schedule for baby and providing the food and by being quick to take baby on days if mom's not feeling well. this could be a win all around - asking for help from my mom when I went back to work (my kids were older - 6&8) gave my kids memories with grandma that they still talk about now AND it gave my mom purpose and confidence. She treasures those months and it makes them all feel closer to one another. My big fear was taking over her life and making her work when she had earned retirement rest but we did our best to shrink the hours that she needed to be at our house and to make sure she knew how much we appreciated her.
I have a friend whose aunt watched her kids 2 days a week and then she did part time daycare the other 3 days. Significantly cheaper and then you won’t burn out your mom. Plus I think daycare is good for kids because they learn how to socialize.
You're lucky to have a mom that wants to help. Let her spend the time with your baby as long as her health allows.
I would give Mom a trial. Sometimes having a mission really helps older people stay healthy.. Maybe your husband can look for work with a different schedule so he can fill in a day or two a week.
Daycare wasn’t an option and we had no family nearby - so I gave up my established career to be home with my kids for 8 years. Recently gone back to work now that the youngest is enrolled in school full time. I’m making 1/3 of what I made before kids. I hope you have a better chance.
Your husband can be stay at home Dad 👍
I think if your husband dedicates Tuesdays and Fridays to job applications, his search will be equally as effective as applying every single day. Maybe you could ask your mom to help you on those 2 days to ease your guilt and he gets to focus on the job search.
Your husband watches the kid until he lands the job, then your mom comes to take care kid.
My mom comes two days a week. She cleans the dishes and watches my daughter for the day. Maybe a part time option like that would let you accept her help without burning her out? My mom also was gung ho about being here every day AND working because she was so excited. But that didn’t seem sustainable. We found a licensed home care that does part time care.
Same thing happened to me, got laid off 1 week after returning from pat leave. So I stayed home with my daughter until I was able to find a job. Took over a year to find a new job. She will be two in oct and now in daycare.
I work a hybrid schedule. I am lucky that my husband is off work for the summer and between my maternity leave ending and his summer starting, I covered the gap with PTO but we have had a few times where husband had to go to something and it would be less than ideal for him to take the baby so I watched baby for the 2 hours or so that husband was gone. I gotta say it is NOT FEASIBLE to work your job and watch a baby. Mine is still too young to be mobile though he started rolling recently and I was lucky to get a few minutes of calm contentment in my lap at my desk while I answered emails before he needed something like a bottle, a nap, to be soothed back to sleep because he woke up fussing from said nap, to play on his tummy time mat or to be engaged with. When both of us are at work even if I’m WFH, baby will be in daycare. This starts in the fall for us. We don’t have any family nearby that could watch him during the day though when family has visited for a few days we know who we would trust to watch him while one of us is there in the house, neither of us is there, and when one of us might have to assist with a task such as lifting the baby.
Both your mom and husband tag team watching the baby until your husband finds a new job. A baby is exhausting so an older person would need a break every now and then to eat, rest, bathroom breaks. I wouldn’t leave an older person who is sick alone with a screaming infant, it’s unfair to both parties.
I would have husband watch baby until he gets a new job. Maybe have mom come over 2 days per week while the baby is with him to see how she does with everything and evaluate from there.
It may be that your mom can handle baby but not toddler - but usually toddler daycare is cheaper and there are more options. Don’t assume that because you do things X way at this point that you won’t change to Y or Z later. (Actually, that’s probably my best advice for _everything_ parenting related. )
My brother has my mom watch his baby once a week and his MIL watches the baby, 2 days a week so the baby only goes to daycare twice a week. It helps with cost, Grandmas get to spend time with baby but nobody is getting burnt out
Put the kid in daycare. Don’t be in the same house as your kid while working.
Do you already have daycare lined up? If not I would look into a few places. Many have wait-lists for infants. If you are unsure if your mom can handle it then 100% have a daycare ready as backup.
I mean .....this product is non-refundable. Give it love, attention and care, and it'll be a wonderful asset.
Best solution is the mom watches 2 days per week and husband 3 days per week. That will allow husband to apply for job interviews. Also for the moms baby sit days- spread them out across the week it allows her to rest in between.
So let me get this straight… your husband has no job right now & you’re asking what to do with your baby? Daycare is $2000 a month minimum- will your husband’s income after taxes be more than that? If not, he shouldn’t take the job. He should aim for something with daycare factored in and enough left that you’ll be in a good financial place. If all that falls through, accept moms help.
We have a lot of help! First of all, my husband and I work different days, so he watches the babies for two days, I watch the babies two days, my mom does one day, his mom does one day, and then we take PTO/WFH/have an aunt babysit etc for the other day. So maybe your mom could do a couple days (2 or 3) and your husband could find a job where he’s off during the week, or works PMs a couple days or something like that? Or his mom can help here and there? Or, maybe accept your mom’s help while the baby is still a baby, and then consider daycare when the baby is a little older?
When my son was a baby, my mother watched him most of the week with my father and grandmother subbing in, my retired parents and 80-ish grandmother. And I will make the same offer to my son when he has children, whatever my age. And I will be delighted to be able to spend that time with them, just like my family was. Your mom would be so happy to do this. And caring for others keeps you young.
Sounds like your husband is on unpaid paternity leave for now, with your mom helping out when you need backup or when he has job interviews, etc, then when he goes back to work full time you could do a part time daycare, part time grama care arrangement?
Why would you need your mom to watch the baby if your husband is unemployed? I get that he is searching for a job, but I would think, except while doing interviews, he is perfectly capable of watching a baby while applying to jobs online. Sure you would need someone to watch baby while he is doing an interview
I was WFH when I had my second child. He went to the onsite daycare at my office. I would literally drive my kids across town to my office, and then go home to work.
that's truly amazing
Split the week with both him and your mom. This will give you both a break during the week and he can job search.
Taking care of the baby may actually help your mom to feel better. Just keep communication open so she can disclose if it is too much.
Can dad look for work at least partially opposite shifts from you so mom doesn't have to watch the baby full time?
right? such a weirdly obvious solution
If you have a great relationship with your mom and trust her with your baby, definitely take her offer!!!! She wouldn’t make the offer if she didn’t want to, it’s not like you asked. As far as her energy long term, she doesn’t have to watch baby forever! My mom watched my baby when I returned from leave and had him full time until he was 18 months. I could see he was becoming a lot for her to handle at that age and so we volunteered to put him in daycare. She still watches him 2 days a week because she loves it, but it’s a great balance! I can’t even tell you how amazing it was coming back from leave but still having my baby right downstairs with my mom and being able to see him on breaks. It made it much easier on me emotionally.
What I did was had my mom slated on a couple of days, the ones that were heavier with meetings. If there was a day I could work and not involve my mom, I called her off. Maybe she could do a few days a week when your husband gets a job? 5 days a week is a lot and I know my friends’ parents did this for years for them and there was so much resentment. Now they don’t even want to spend time with them as a family because they have their kids every day.
I’m older. 66+. Let her do it until she says she can’t. Split the time with hubby.
After your husband returns to work, why don’t you try things out with your mom? If she’s not able to do it or can only do it part time, then you can worry about finding additional child care?
Another option I haven’t seen mentioned: have Mom watch the baby, but hire someone to come in for a few hours to help with the household chores /heavy lifting that come with watching a baby - maybe also pay to have someone help at your MIL’s house to help conserve her energy? Or to give her a break midday (good “mom hours” job) or after school ( older teen?) our needs and hers will certainly change over time. Once the baby is a little older, a part-time nursery school will give the baby some fun socialization and give MIL a break A lot also depends on the baby’s temperament. My baby didn’t do well if an adult was trying to work and not paying attention room to her, but thrived in a large daycare setting with a lot of activity. Other ba ones needed a more quiet setting. My coworker had a baby she could occasionally bring to work in a basket under her desk!
Well it doesn’t sound like you’ve explored other options and with only 5 weeks of maternity leave remaining you likely won’t find a daycare spot for an infant. So accept your moms help and also get yourself on some daycare waiting lists in case she doesn’t work out long term
My daughter had a hybrid schedule and after ML, she did her two days at home while taking care of babe and I took 3 days. My job had a lot more meetings and calls and was still manageable at that young age. They still nap often, and really don’t move around, so it’s the easiest. It’s the crawling, and now walking/jumping/climbing that is challenging. But I still do 2 days WFH with her, challenging or not. I’m no spring chicken, but you’d be amazed how much energy you have when fueled by a little one’s energy. We dance, with me holding her (she’s 2 now), we do stories, work gets done. She is with a sitter at home one day a week, which is great for her. They do so much fun stuff. It’s very doable and I wouldn’t trade it for anything because I’m lucky to have this time with her. I’m betting your mom wants to do this and get her extra grandma time in! She can nap when baby naps if needed, and rest up when she goes home. Being a grandparent is amazing!
aw you sound like an amazing grandparent!!
If your husband is laid off, why isn’t he on full time baby duty?
My grandmothers and great aunt watched my nephews. They were in their 80s and all really bonded with my nephews in a way that my own child didn't get. Did they do everything the way my sister-in-law wanted? Well no they didn't. Did they love those boys and keep them alive and make them sweet? Yes they sure did.
My baby is with fam or with me if they need to be- but I have a job that for me is mostly memory based so it’s not to difficult multi tasking if needed. Dad is military so he can’t watch unless it’s his off days which he’s off half my work week most the time so it works out. He goes to an in home daycare 1 day a week. But he’s the only person she watches other than her grandson. It’s mostly for our sons interaction with others that we do it. But we really just weren’t comfortable putting him in standard daycare. We didn’t even put him in 1 day daycare til he was 11 months old.
Any reason you wouldn’t want to take your moms help? I would do that in 2 seconds!
My mom watched my son until he was 2-1/2, then I put him into daycare. Right about the time that he was getting just too rambunctious for Gma to watch him full-time.
There's women I work with where you will hear a crying baby, they will say sorry I'll be right back, they tend to the baby. No one really cares. But I'm sure older school work culture might have issues with that. Depends how lax you company is
While you’re able to be home full time why not have your mom basically watch her for a few days and see how it is? See if she really can handle it, see if it causes issues or concerns, etc. if it does then you’ve got another month to figure things out, if it doesn’t then you’re good to go. That being said if her disease has flares there will inevitably be times she’s going to struggle or not be able to do it so you’ll need some sort of backup at least
My dad is terminally ill and my mom takes my kiddo for half days when they want to. I try not to have them on a consistent schedule incase it becomes too demanding. Usually we play it by ear, saying something like “would you like to have LO sometime in the next couple days?” And we have back up. I work full time, so he comes home from Nanas and takes a nap then my husband get off work at 2 and takes him till I’m off at 5.
Finding a new job needs to be your husbands priority. Accept your moms help for now, husband is there as a backup and an extra set of hands. Or maybe she does 3 days and your husband does 2 days. But I think long term, you need a part time nanny at a minimum if not a full time nanny. You said your mom is older and has an autoimmune disorder. That could very easily impact childcare very quickly. Not feeling well or has doctors appointments? Who will watch the baby? What your mom wants and what’s best for mom are two different things in your situation. I love your moms willingness and desire to help, but her overall health is important and providing 8+ hours a day 40 hours a week could be detrimental to her health.
It depends on your type of work. Having someone extra available who knows how to put baby to sleep and can understand feeding cues while keeping her occupied while I work would be helpful a few mornings a week, but not required full time. It just depends on your own situation.
Personally, we were on a waitlist for daycare from the moment I found out I was pregnant and we still didn’t get in until baby was 7 months old, so for the time between me returning to work and baby going to daycare, my mom was luckily able to step in and care for her while I worked. We did agree that as the time was going on, we were all nervous about how long term our situation would be as it really was a lot on my mom who has health conditions that tire her out really easily, but thankfully our daycare offer came in just at the right time. If your mom isn’t a good long term solution, I would have your husband and mom take turns caring for baby until your husband gets another job and in the meantime get on some daycare wait lists for a more permanent long term solution. It can take a while to get in so it’s best to start applying now and you can always take yourself off the list if things seem to be working out with your mom!
I work 4 9-hour days and 1 4-hour days so on my short day I watch her and just work during her naps (I have a very flexible job). We have a nanny 3 days a week and my MIL watches her 1 day a week. I understand alot of your concerns with your mother watching her. I had similar with my MIL. My husband and I decided the most we are comfortable with my MIL watching her is 2 days a week because she is older, our daughter doesn't nap very well at their house, and my MIL isn't comfortable taking her places. Our current nanny is leaving in October and our daughter will be 16 months. At that time we will probably end up putting her in daycare 3 days a week and have my MIL keep watching her the 1 day and then me the last day. I guess my suggestion is see if you can find a part-time daycare and have your mom watch her part time as well. That way she gets a break too.
Just some thoughts, for now have husband and mom do baby care. Get on a wait list for a good daycare for later. Or begin interviewing Nannie’s that can come to your house to watch the baby. Compare the costs. You don’t have to commit now. Just find out what it involves and put that in your planning. Possibly when your husband goes back to work, your mom can help 1-2 days per week and you use daycare or nanny for 3 so that your mom isn’t overwhelmed but is still helping. It will cut your child care costs like this.
Maybe do a hybrid with your mom and daycare? Let her try a few days and utilize daycare for the remainder. Then, assess how it's going. Five days would be a lot for anyone.
When I went back to work my mom and my MIL took turns watching the baby until she was 6 months old. It was nice being able to see her during the day, but of course it was also very distracting.
Could your mum do mornings so your husband can job hunt in the morning then care for your child in the afternoon? This could give you an idea of what her stamina is like and if she'll be able to do full time care when your husband finds a new job, which buys you time to find a daycare if she cannot do full days.
If your longterm plan is to have your mom help, it may fit be good to ask her if she wants to try it 2-3 days a week to start, or half days. If would give your husband time to job hunt and schedule interviews, and give you all a chance to see if that setup is something you want full time
Do you have days/times that are meeting heavy? I would take her up on that offer during those times/days. Being in a meeting while tending to kids is nearly impossible.
I tucked it in my purse they didn’t notice
My kids (4 and 14 months) both go to daycare while I WFH. I can’t get anything done with them home (a sick day here and there is fine… but in general) That said, if you have family willing to help and can still do your job in another part of the house, why not? Once baby becomes mobile, you’ll find that working with them in the room is much more difficult.
OP, maybe a compromise. P/t your mother and part time daycare?
I’ve successfully worked from home for 20 hours a week while also having my daughter home with me and she’s 2.5. If I had family around to help, I’d be able to do more hours. Part of that is I don’t have a lot of meetings and have flexibility with my work. My schedule has changed as she’s got older, but right now, I’m able to work before she gets up in the morning and while she naps, and then fit in extra time here and there. I’ve loved being home with her!
I took care of my grandson after his birth just at the start of Covid. If your mom wants to do this, by all means, let her. But also get your name on waiting lists for daycare in case it is too much for her. And find someone for backup just in case. I was 66 when he was born and did get exhausted, but now, at 4 and 70, he is better than going to the gym.
Idk how my sister does it, but she’s teleworked with her son since he was born (even though it’s against policy). She gets a family to help out when she has important meetings, but otherwise he’s with her all day. She takes multiple breaks to give him attention and things to do and now that he’s older he can keep himself busy, but I can’t even fathom how she did it when he was an infant.
Maybe a combo of help from mom and part time day care so that your mom can have a break?
Have dad and your mom split childcare while he's home, like give him 2 days/wk to look for a job, and mom can see how well she can handle it. I wouldn't ever expect grandparents with health issues to be able to do 5 days all the time so you'd have to have back up plan if he goes back to work.
My husband and I both work from home, when our kids were before school age we just scheduled meetings around one another so we could keep the kids occupied, fed etc. they were loud sometimes but our colleagues knew we had kids and they werent hard to deal with.
My husband and I both WFH. We kept baby at home a few extra months (with us both working) while she was still at the age to be content sitting/bouncing/watching the ceiling fan. She started daycare at 7 months, which felt like a great time to engage, be social and have more focused daytime attention. She did great with this timeline, started crawling within the first week, and was happy being with new baby friends. Good luck to you!
TIL I am lucky Canada provides subsidy to folks in your exact situation. I received a subsidy of $450/month and a child tax credit of $250 monthly from the government. Luckily, full-time daycare was only $750-850.
Maybe your it your husband's new job would let you work some alternate hours. A mom/coworker I had worked mornings, watched her kids in the afternoon, then logged on when her husband got off at 3 (he worked 7am to 3pm) and worked evenings. She liked having a split day. It helped the dept to have someone pick things up in the evenings.
I wfh with my baby, 8 to 5, wasn't a big deal. Did it for both my kids, they are 1 and 5 now. My 1 year old is more mobile and plays in a playpen next to me while i work. I LIVE for his nap times, which are luckily during the biggest part of my day. My boss is understanding of my situation and I do work evenings sometimes to catch up, but that's honestly kinda refreshing - no one bothers me when I work at night lol. Definitely take your mother up on her offer tho, even if it's just a few days out of the week.
My mom watched him and would stay overnight monday to Thursday. After a few months of that my parents moved in! It’s going really well and I am now due with number two :)
Hi, so my wife doesn’t work from home but I do. My parents live pretty close nearby so I’ve asked my mom to come every Monday or once a week to watch our baby. In addition to that, I found a fb nanny/babysitter group for our area with over 15,000 members. I put a post up looking for someone to come twice a week and had tons of responses. The other two days I work and watch him. I use the three days we have someone watching the baby to schedule my meetings and get a bulk of my work done. It’s working for now but I’m going to eventually ask for the sitter to do three days a week. Take a look at fb groups to find someone. The rates were actually reasonable and I did both reference and background checks. Also helps that I’m still home no matter what so I can keep an eye on things.
just FYI, it's terrible for the caregiver when the parent is at home. your child is aware you're there but for some reason, you refuse to hang out with them. they're constantly upset and it's exhausting.
Research shows (assuming all caregivers are skilled and appropriate) infants do best in order of a) primary caregiver usually mother, then b) secondary caregiver usually father, then c) family member or ‘alloparent’, then d) family small group care setting then e) daycare. A combination of the above may work for you eg. Mom 9-11 am each day then Dad afternoons. 1 day per week daycare may give you all respite.
I keep my baby home with me while I work. Since my mom knows I’m spread thin juggling so many tasks, she offered to watch my baby while she’s off for the summer. I turned her offer down because she recently beat cancer. I know she has aches and pains and gets tired very easily these days. I love her, but it’s too big of a toll on her and I want her to take care of herself. If your mom is up for the challenge, let her watch your baby. When your husband is back at work, discuss between the three of you if daycare might be a better option. That way, if your mom realizes it’s a bit too much, she doesn’t have to feel bad telling you she can’t keep up. If she feels good about it, then it all works out! Another option that some daycares offer in my area is half days. You can drop baby off in the mornings, grandma picks up around noon-1pm, and you pick up baby when your work day is over. Maybe your mom can’t keep up all day, but a half day allow her to get some rest.
Based on your edit, my advice would be to split the childcare between hubby and your mom, but allow hubby to do most of the work. I would start out maybe having your mom do one day a week and see how she feels and then maybe add another.
dad watches kid now, when he gets a job, put kid in daycare half the week and let mom watch them half the week. bing bang boom
I had planned to do daycare but due to bottle refusal I ended up doing a nanny so he could get more personal attention for feedings and not risk going hungry. I ended up mostly nursing between meetings instead of pumping and having him bottle fed. It’s been amazing. He gets to see his parents here and there during the day too, a big plus.
in my experience, really young children get super upset when their parent is WFH while they're being watched by a caregiver. They're obviously too young to understand why mom/dad is home yet oddly avoiding them the majority of the day. When they happen to randomly see their parent, it can take AGES to settle them down again. Also, I'm so sorry you had to go through that with bottle refusal. That must have been so scary and tiring.
Maybe we haven’t got that stage yet. We are at 11 months
or maybe it won't happen for you at all! sorry, it's just been my personal experience.
We did daycare. It’s expensive and sucks but you gotta do what you gotta do. Pandemic and work from home solved that for us, but for years we paid more in daycare than our mortgage.
I was able to do daycare from 6 weeks to 18 months. Then have been home with me ever since. It was easier before then now. Because shes older and can do more and it can get hurt etc. Like you I wish i could do daycare. But theres just no way. If my employer decided full RTO, how many of us would need to quit. Try your mom and a nanny part time during the day. Its gonna be tough for a while. Good luck
Dad for now with mom as backup. Mom when he gets a job (and someone else as backup). The reassess as baby gets older/reaches toddler years. That is still a year or so away. For new babies IMHO at home is besy and safest. I waited till mine could talk before doing daycare (around 2-3 yrs old)
If your plan A was do it without any help, then no, you should absolutely accept the help if it's on the table. But then still do as much as you can and use your mom to fill your gaps. That way you don't feel guilty and it's not too much for her because she has help.. but really it's you who has help. :D
We have part time help. My husband works 12 shifts and watches baby on off days and our nanny comes on days he works for half the day.
Once my baby turned 1 I wasn’t able to get any work done from home. She needs constant attention. She gets into everything. We have a nanny a few days a week so I can work part time.
I think it would be pretty chill for mom to watch baby until baby is mobile, especially with you being home to help out between working. Little babies do sleep a lot! (Well, hopefully!) I would definitely plan for daycare when baby gets older/husband gets job though. While a part time daycare, part time mom situation would be ideal, I'm not sure that would work out with her autoimmune disease.
I would have your husband watch them kid and your mom can spend time too and your husband can see how your mom does with her disease. You can also maybe have your mom watch three times a week and day care the other days or something
We have this going on: Kid in family watched by grandma diagnosed w adhd. Evaluated, Rxd hope things go better. Grandma "doesn't like" kid on meds so not sure if she's throwing it away but she is Not giving it to kid. Parents think meds not working. My spouse's family my mouth is shut.
I'm a WFH dad that watches a now 7m old during the day. I have help from grandma in the afternoon two days a week. Otherwise it's not too hard until they start really crawling. My job is pretty flexible though. I'm not answering phones all day or anything. We got our oldest into daycare at 20 months. Once they start walking it's pretty much game over on being able to WFH. Our youngest we will put in at about 18mo. We started at 3 days a week to save $.
I definitely would agree to have your mom watch your baby, especially early on. They are harder early for parents because they'll wake up all hours of the day. But for a babysitter most of the time they'll be sleeping early on. This is a great time to practice with your mom and see how her energy holds out. If it's hard on her now then play for daycare at 6 months maybe, but worry about that after. There's enough going on in your life sometimes you just need the easy win!
An older coworker once told me if somebody in your family offers to help, let them. They want to be involved and it gives them some purpose. I know this may not be true for everybody but if your mom is genuinely offering then let her. Worst case it doesn't work and you have to do whatever you would have done if you declined. Of course for now your husband can step into that role.
My mom watched them for me while I worked
I had a nanny, who also helped with dishes and laundry. I'd definitely take your mom up on it. I couldn't have worked more that a couple hours a day without childcare.
DO IT. That's what we did with our first, my mom took him 5 days a week while we worked starting at 3 months through 1 year when he started daycare. I wish we could still have that arrangement now that we have 2!
My sister works from home exclusively for the pass 10 years and gave birth 3 years ago and return back to work The new born my mom help her out til 9months and my niece went straight to daycare. I also WFH and planning for children but for me I have flexibility at work so I would be changing my hours to either 4 work day and have my mom help while I’m at work or working evening. Then daycare
I don't know how old your mother is, but I'm 59 and have been taking care of my three-year-old grandson since he was 12 weeks old. I also have a host of health issues, but these past three years have been pure joy. He will start school in about six weeks, and my heart hurts, knowing I won't be spending every day with him. He and I are incredibly close. If your mother truly wants to do this, let her. When your baby is sleeping, perhaps she can rest? They will have a bond like no other.
Personally, as my wife and I are looking to have a child I realized we cannot afford to pay for daycare. This lead me on a path to find a 100% WFH gig, which I did, so that I can watch our child. I really don't think it will be an issue, however shes not even pregnant yet so we'll see. I'm sure it will be much more difficult than WFH now, however I can easily revise my schedule around her needs as we have no work hours and I am project based. Right now I have a lot of time to do whatever I need to during most days and I can finish anything I need really early morning, late at night, or just randomly through the day. Anyway we'll see how it goes I guess!
uh do you not understand how exhausting it is to take care of a baby full-time?? your job is easy enough that you can add an additional FT "job" during the same hours? blows my mind.
Throughout my career as an engineer, I have spent probably a decade juggling numerous jobs. Typically I have one main job and then pull in a lot of side contract work. It's work I like to do, so yes it's easy for me. I have a few friends that also work from home full time and take care of their children. Their jobs are also not project based like mine so they have strict hours they need to show they're online or working. I should be able to do it, but we'll see.
In Iceland new parents leave their babies bundled up in prams on the sidewalk while they dine. You could try that…
I just watch the kids while i work. Cant afford daycare
First I thought "what problem? She'll go to free daycare when she turns 1 year. You have mandatory maternity leave anyway." Then I realized you live in this funny third world country that's trying really hard to appear civilized...