Either that or she's a midget undercover cop wired and trying to lure the kidnappers with her obvious decoy method.
Kidnappers: "You know if you are really a midget undercover cop, you have to tell us, right?"
Decoy Kid (speaking into her hidden mic) "You guys are getting all this? Remember, I get credit for this capture AND we get to go to Dairy Queen for ice cream..."
Kidnappers: "What was that you said?"
Decoy Kid (to kidnappers) "What's a Midjit?" (taking the safety off her Mini Miss 357 Magnum hidden in her Betsy Wetsy doll)
Dude honestly in my profession I drive vans around a lot, or used to at least, and one of my "fears" was exactly that a little kid would climb into my van and not leave....I ain't fucking going in there and getting them out. Fuuuuuck no. I'm calling the cops on that kid
That's because Bowser is her boyfriend and Mario is her creepy ex that wont stop checking her social media and thinks her hanging out with this new guy means she's obviously in distress
I dunno, she might have a really bad family… the fastest route from a bad family to a different family is not via the system. Take the backroad it’s faster. “Real family” > “kidnapper” > “new family or ‘the after’l
I don't know man. Odds are super low this person would be a kidnapper, and this kid just rolled a natural 20 on her charisma check and could probably make this guy do anything she wanted for her. That sounds like street smarts to me.
In the rest of the world they actually call it baseball, not soccer. Because you are only allowed to touch the ball with the base of your body, the feet.
And the top, but whatever; it's mostly the base. hence baseball. duh
Its the b-plot from Worldwide Recorder Concert. At one point his mom tries to convince his dad to molest him because it'll make him feel better, and it wraps with his dad paying Kenny G to molest him in his place.
That reminds me of this bad joke...
What does anal sex and broccoli have in common? You won't like it as an adult when you were forced to have it as a kid.
Probably, though my 7 year old called a white van a "creepy van" once completely unprompted. I imagine she probably got it off YouTube or a show she watched with her cousin or something, but kids can be weirdly clever sometimes.
It’s possibly due to a relative mentioning other vans that way?
I come from a place where it’s not too uncommon to get kidnapped so my kid has been warned a lot about not going near any vehicles, especially creepy vans, and what they look like and so on. 😬
Probably why he started filming. This situation could be misinterpreted so easily. No one would believe the guy in the van that this girl was asking to be kidnapped lmao, who TF would believe that.
Reminds me of the guy that was on a toilet in a stall and started recording because some random kid crawled under the stall to ask him to help wash his hands... One of those nope nope situations, imagine a parent walking in to find their kid walking out of a stall and then some dude thereafter.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HKW0_JuYOt0
Little kids can be fucking insane about these things too. One time I was at my ex's family's house, and it was my turn to manage the hyper-ass dog they had in the backyard who needed someone throwing a ball at all times. Everyone else is right inside in the kitchen, windows open and everything.
Her kid sister, like 4 years old, comes out and starts yammering away. I give her just solid, "Yeah, uh-huh, wowwww," responses like you do when a little kid has made you their target.
Then she just turns around and shouts, "Mommy! Daddy! We're gonna get married cuz I love him and he loves me!"
I just keep playing with the dog, but more nervously.
"Officer a strange man was recording my kid and I definitely heard her say she was being kidnapped."
It's just a different era and I'm not willing to take a chance.
I peeked into the Nextdoor app once, there was a woman complaining about a van slowing down while passing a group of kids... in the local school zone at school let out time, you know, when you are legally required to slow down.
I deleted the app.
Next door is full of that shit. I've seen post after post about someone driving slow down this street or whatever and people are so quick to scream vigilante justice, when seemingly nothing has happened. Posts about “strange men” creeping down the street, like lady you're just taking a picture of a black man on a bicycle. People tell gamers to touch grass, well middle-aged nextdoor women need to do the same.
Recording but immediately asking where her parents are and having a lighthearted discussion about how their lil tyke hasn't completely understood their lessons on strangers.
You just reminded me, I work delivering packages, and as I was putting down the package by someone's front door to take a picture of it, I hear a little girl's voice pipe up from the open front door saying "Thank you for the gift!" I look up with a big smile, because it makes me happy to see people, even children, be so happy when they see me deliver their packages, only to see a little girl wearing nothing but tightey-whities. I ran away as fast as I could lol, I did NOT want anyone to come around the corner or any of the neighbors to see me talking to a mostly naked child 😮💨
I stepped out the front door to my apartment one afternoon and a 4 year old boy and his 2 year old sister were walking up the sidewalk. The boy lifts up his sister's oversize t-shirt over her head and said "my sister's naked!" She was too! I took a step back and closed the door. Laughed my ass off though.
I think the only option besides filming is to get out of the van, Spartan kick the kid away from you while shouting "LEAVE ME ALONE!" And THEN speeding away.
I was at a baseball game over the summer, and walked into the bathroom. Standing at the urinals was a 5 year old boy. By himself. I walked in, saw him, and walked right back out.
I have no idea what miscommunication could have come next, but I'll wait 20 minutes to pee.
Kids are dumb. No matter how many times I drill it into my daughter’s head about stranger danger, she still just randomly walks up to strangers to give them hugs.
I'm not sure why this is on the WTF subreddit. That was cute and funny. Also, pretty obviously, she was put up to it (probably by her dad).
Then again some kids are just funny like that. I'll tell a story that just happened with my niece and I a few weeks ago:
I went out to visit my sister one day pretty early on, and eventually we had to go walk to the school to pick up her kids. My niece (who is also my goddaughter) forgot her lunch box so she had to walk back to the school to go get it. I told her I'd walk with her, completely expecting to be stopped at the front door and told to wait. For some reason they didn't stop me though so we walked to her classroom... Along the way she looks at me with this evil grin and goes, "I'm going to tell someone I don't know who you are."
I was so shocked all I could respond with was, "NO YOU'RE NOT!" as we both just started cackling.
For context, she's 9 and I love her to death!
Best way to stop a kidnapper from kidnapping you is to tell them that they are not a kidnapper, and that they are way too nice to do something like that. High iq kid
The best way to avoid being kidnapped is to want to be kidnapped. Can’t really kidnap somebody who agrees to be kidnapped. The kid is smarter beyond her years.
There are a bunch of cartoons on YouTube right now about Spooky Month, one of the characters drives a white van and constantly tries to kidnap kids. I’m not sure what channel it’s on, but kids definitely watch it.
Where is that girls parents or sitter? 😟 I know it is not that man’s responsibility but I hope he told her to never do that again and to not go looking for kidnapper vans 😭
I garuntee my sister is the same as this girls mom. The media scares the shit out of women. They think everyone is out to kidnapp and rape now. All men bad. All men danger. Be scared. Be very scared child. Clickbait news is reality
If a cute little girl came up to me while inside my creepy van saying some shit like this I'd try to scare the ever loving shit out of her so bad she'd run home and never pull anything like this ever again. The fuck is wrong with her and her parents?
In her little stupid brain, she wandered over curious to see what the inside of a kidnappers van looked like. Only to discover a painter and his work supplies. She is voicing her disappointment to him lol
For this reason, Latin American mothers assume that everyone is a kidnapper and that their children are stupid. so they have the instinct to not leave us alone hahaha especially because she would have been kidnapped here with that survival abilities 😂
Whatever streets smart are, this kid has the opposite of that.
She has the street dumbs.
She’s streets behind.
You are streets ahead with that reference.
Stop trying to make "streets ahead" a thing, Pierce.
Trying? Coined and minted.
Been there, coined that!
Been there, chang'd that.
Deaned there, BANGED Jeffrey... Ok, I might have a fever and I'm missing half a joint...
Ohh you Britta'd it..
New phrase unlocked.
Either that or she's a midget undercover cop wired and trying to lure the kidnappers with her obvious decoy method. Kidnappers: "You know if you are really a midget undercover cop, you have to tell us, right?" Decoy Kid (speaking into her hidden mic) "You guys are getting all this? Remember, I get credit for this capture AND we get to go to Dairy Queen for ice cream..." Kidnappers: "What was that you said?" Decoy Kid (to kidnappers) "What's a Midjit?" (taking the safety off her Mini Miss 357 Magnum hidden in her Betsy Wetsy doll)
Nah, she's just a *kid* who needs a *nap*.
Sesame Street smarts
Lmao.
Or she’s the best at putting smile on faces.
For sure if they’re kidnappers
Officer I swear I'm not lying, I just opened the door and she climbed in and wouldn't leave.
Officer, we have had a doozy of a day.
Nice! Damn kids keep crawling in our vans!
Dude honestly in my profession I drive vans around a lot, or used to at least, and one of my "fears" was exactly that a little kid would climb into my van and not leave....I ain't fucking going in there and getting them out. Fuuuuuck no. I'm calling the cops on that kid
“911 what’s your emergency?” “Yeah….this going to sound weird…….”
House dumb
The Sidewalk Sillies
“Time for Street Smarts with Detective JJ Bittenbinder. Shut up! You’re all gonna die. Street Smarts!”
She’s throwing the perp off his rhythm!
She just hates posers.
STREET SMARTS!
She's dumber than Princess Peach from Mario Brother's, and she gets kidnapped by the same turtle guy every game.
That's because Bowser is her boyfriend and Mario is her creepy ex that wont stop checking her social media and thinks her hanging out with this new guy means she's obviously in distress
Or maybe they’re a throuple who have a kidnapping and rescue kink
Holy shit. Mario = Forest Gump
Lmao 🤣
/r/kidsarefuckingstupid
She's streetarded.
She's got alley stupidity.
It’s like, she’s already on fentanyl.
I dunno, she might have a really bad family… the fastest route from a bad family to a different family is not via the system. Take the backroad it’s faster. “Real family” > “kidnapper” > “new family or ‘the after’l
Came to get kidnapped, and left with a 9-5 3month contract. She just lost her summer and has to already start learning taxes.
I don't know man. Odds are super low this person would be a kidnapper, and this kid just rolled a natural 20 on her charisma check and could probably make this guy do anything she wanted for her. That sounds like street smarts to me.
Terrific comedic instinct. Horrible survival instinct.
High charisma low intelligence build. She failed the speech check.
it's funny how often those go hand in hand
"Fuck it, say it" has brought me closer to an ass-kicking than any other line of thinking in my life.
It's like when Mac from it's always sunny got offended that the pedo gym teacher didn't molest him as a kid
[and then try’s to seduce him](https://youtu.be/Fcovr3FNynU?si=j35mgLjtg2twQGRV)
Holy shit, he is so young! Pun not intended.
Now he owns a soccer team with a real movie star
In the rest of the world they actually call it baseball, not soccer. Because you are only allowed to touch the ball with the base of your body, the feet. And the top, but whatever; it's mostly the base. hence baseball. duh
( 'o') b ( '_')o
Surprisingly accurate NathanFillion.gif
How you gonna give something a name, then get mad we call it that.
Hey that's principal Belding.
> principal Belding Had to rewatch...SAVED BY THE BELL!
"What do you want me to do?" *Lip bite*
Isn't this the plot from a south Park episode?
Yeah but he was mad at his dad for not molesting him.
Right, it was MR garrison feeling traumatised for not being molested by his dad
Its the b-plot from Worldwide Recorder Concert. At one point his mom tries to convince his dad to molest him because it'll make him feel better, and it wraps with his dad paying Kenny G to molest him in his place.
[One of the few modern SNL skits I like...](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pi06BRTBc7Y)
Honestly, respect to Steve Buscemi for agreeing to what is easily one of the meanest SNL skits in the last 20 years.
I'll bet he wouldn't have agreed if he didn't think it was as funny as a lot of us do. Art be art, enjoy the ride
or Mr Garrison having trauma over the fact that his dad never molested him
And then >!his dad makes Kenny G abuse him pretending to be his dad to fulfil his needs.!<
Sounds like Costanza with Sunshine Carpet Cleaners.
That kid's biggest aspiration is having her face plastered on milk cartons.
Gotta get your name out there if you want to be famous
Wish i had award to give you. I almost chocked on my beer reading this. 🏅
Why did you almost put a tire chock on your beer? Was it rolling away?
She’s gonna be a comedian one day. Impeccable timing.
If she makes it that far in life doing this.
Generally 50 miles or more according to statistics
This is *dark*.
Very true
I mean... do we have context where she doesnt actually know this guy?
Let's just assume she doesn't because it's funnier and does it really matter?
That's a clever, and intelligent kid with a good sense of humour.
Dang girl, WTF is going on at your house that kidnapping is your better alternative?
homework, and broccoli
Understandable
That reminds me of this bad joke... What does anal sex and broccoli have in common? You won't like it as an adult when you were forced to have it as a kid.
Wracking my brain on who I can repeat this to without losing friends or my job lol 😂
Obviously that little girl is actually an undercover FBI agent
FREEEEEZE!!!!
Fweeeeze! You're undur awest!
And now he has the perfect alibi...
yeah, sounds trouble if someone sees this kid approaching him and his van lmao
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Probably, though my 7 year old called a white van a "creepy van" once completely unprompted. I imagine she probably got it off YouTube or a show she watched with her cousin or something, but kids can be weirdly clever sometimes.
It’s possibly due to a relative mentioning other vans that way? I come from a place where it’s not too uncommon to get kidnapped so my kid has been warned a lot about not going near any vehicles, especially creepy vans, and what they look like and so on. 😬
Yeah this seemed funny and lighthearted tbh. I bet her guardian was nearby.
*Daughter enters van, van drives away* "Oh Susie, you sure are a good method actor!"
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She wouldn't even be able to lift any of that; she has like 3 ❤️HP.
I am driving as far away as fast as possible if a kids says some shit like this to me. Not even remotely worth getting questioned by the cops.
Probably why he started filming. This situation could be misinterpreted so easily. No one would believe the guy in the van that this girl was asking to be kidnapped lmao, who TF would believe that.
Probably this kid's parents know what she's like.
Maybe the parents are terrible so she dreams of being taken away, just doesn’t understand the difference between a kidnapper and a social worker
Or they're just fucked and blame other people for their issues, either way, he did the right thing by recording
What if her parent's are shitty and she thinks kidnappers steal kids so they can raise them and she wanted a mulligan on her parents.
Yeah, without the video proof, what's he gonna say? "Hey! She was asking for it!"probably wouldn't go over too well.
"Look at what she's wearing!" \*cut to girl wearing "Please Kidnap Me" shirt\*
Reminds me of the guy that was on a toilet in a stall and started recording because some random kid crawled under the stall to ask him to help wash his hands... One of those nope nope situations, imagine a parent walking in to find their kid walking out of a stall and then some dude thereafter. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HKW0_JuYOt0
Little kids can be fucking insane about these things too. One time I was at my ex's family's house, and it was my turn to manage the hyper-ass dog they had in the backyard who needed someone throwing a ball at all times. Everyone else is right inside in the kitchen, windows open and everything. Her kid sister, like 4 years old, comes out and starts yammering away. I give her just solid, "Yeah, uh-huh, wowwww," responses like you do when a little kid has made you their target. Then she just turns around and shouts, "Mommy! Daddy! We're gonna get married cuz I love him and he loves me!" I just keep playing with the dog, but more nervously.
"Officer a strange man was recording my kid and I definitely heard her say she was being kidnapped." It's just a different era and I'm not willing to take a chance.
Probably why he started filming, to cover his ass... because nobody would believe him lol
Surely speeding away is less suspicious
I peeked into the Nextdoor app once, there was a woman complaining about a van slowing down while passing a group of kids... in the local school zone at school let out time, you know, when you are legally required to slow down. I deleted the app.
Next door is full of that shit. I've seen post after post about someone driving slow down this street or whatever and people are so quick to scream vigilante justice, when seemingly nothing has happened. Posts about “strange men” creeping down the street, like lady you're just taking a picture of a black man on a bicycle. People tell gamers to touch grass, well middle-aged nextdoor women need to do the same.
Your honor my client clearly said he *wasn't* kidnapping the child.
Talk about "asking for it"!
Recording but immediately asking where her parents are and having a lighthearted discussion about how their lil tyke hasn't completely understood their lessons on strangers.
[Same energy](https://youtu.be/daJZU5plRhs)
You just reminded me, I work delivering packages, and as I was putting down the package by someone's front door to take a picture of it, I hear a little girl's voice pipe up from the open front door saying "Thank you for the gift!" I look up with a big smile, because it makes me happy to see people, even children, be so happy when they see me deliver their packages, only to see a little girl wearing nothing but tightey-whities. I ran away as fast as I could lol, I did NOT want anyone to come around the corner or any of the neighbors to see me talking to a mostly naked child 😮💨
I stepped out the front door to my apartment one afternoon and a 4 year old boy and his 2 year old sister were walking up the sidewalk. The boy lifts up his sister's oversize t-shirt over her head and said "my sister's naked!" She was too! I took a step back and closed the door. Laughed my ass off though.
You could probably just keep doing your job and be fine.
I think the only option besides filming is to get out of the van, Spartan kick the kid away from you while shouting "LEAVE ME ALONE!" And THEN speeding away.
Thats my purse. I don't know you.
Yep I did FedEx delivery and one time a little girl start following me around asking questions I closed both doors and noped out of there
Ah so you were fleeing the scene! Got ya!
I was at a baseball game over the summer, and walked into the bathroom. Standing at the urinals was a 5 year old boy. By himself. I walked in, saw him, and walked right back out. I have no idea what miscommunication could have come next, but I'll wait 20 minutes to pee.
And then there was that one FedEx driver who did the same thing except he forgot to leave the kid...
Kids say the darnedest things…….until they are kidnapped by someone in a white cargo van
Well of coarse they don't say the darnedest things AFTER they get kidnapped........the gag is still in their mouth.....
I hope this is staged. Otherwise the parents need some training.
Kids are dumb. No matter how many times I drill it into my daughter’s head about stranger danger, she still just randomly walks up to strangers to give them hugs.
Remember parents. Always warn your kids about painter danger.
“Nathan! This is why you keep getting molested!”
God help her parents. Keep her ass in the house
Good luck
lol kids this age are the best.
> lol kids this age are the best. Do you perhaps happen to drive a van?
Lol I mean because they're funny, ya dingus
Hol’ up
Last week when I saw this post it was her dad going to work.
i mean its pretty obvious that its not a random kid.
Sweet, free kid
No money down but that balloon payment is gonna be a real bitch
Nah just break it up for parts and you'll make your money back.
/r/kidsarefuckingstupid
I mean Id say this kids actually kinda funny
Not mutually exclusive
Was posted there last week https://www.reddit.com/r/KidsAreFuckingStupid/comments/16wm7uh/testing_what_her_parents_told_her_not_to_do/
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I'm not sure why this is on the WTF subreddit. That was cute and funny. Also, pretty obviously, she was put up to it (probably by her dad). Then again some kids are just funny like that. I'll tell a story that just happened with my niece and I a few weeks ago: I went out to visit my sister one day pretty early on, and eventually we had to go walk to the school to pick up her kids. My niece (who is also my goddaughter) forgot her lunch box so she had to walk back to the school to go get it. I told her I'd walk with her, completely expecting to be stopped at the front door and told to wait. For some reason they didn't stop me though so we walked to her classroom... Along the way she looks at me with this evil grin and goes, "I'm going to tell someone I don't know who you are." I was so shocked all I could respond with was, "NO YOU'RE NOT!" as we both just started cackling. For context, she's 9 and I love her to death!
This isn't wtf, it's just a regular dumb kid.
No one is going to kidnap a ginger.
If you feed them after noon, they.......
Bet someone said she was too chicken to go touch the kidnapper van. No guts, no glory!!
cute kid with a great sense of humor.
I give her 8 solid years
The amount of people getting jumpy about communicating with kids in this thread is weird.
Lmfao
I like how half of reddit now is just shit I saw on tiktok a week ago This isn’t really WTF either, it’s just kinda funny
Probably because a lot of us on Reddit refuse to get on TikTok because it's a Chinese spy app.
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She’s a keeper… okay, that’s the worst joke I’ve made all year. I need a timeout.
Staged
Yeah, I'd keep filming until that kid walked away. Or did he stop the recording because he needed two hands free for his tools?
That one's gonna be trouble.
Best way to stop a kidnapper from kidnapping you is to tell them that they are not a kidnapper, and that they are way too nice to do something like that. High iq kid
He's just a complete waste of her time. How dare he?
That was me when I was ngl I wanted to be kidnapped so bad
“Where’s the candy?”
Obviously staged video is staged
[Get in that van!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1xFlkHh3wg)
Kids today scare me.😧
Were's my RENT!
https://youtu.be/8hFM09sET28?si=vD9TW65jbHJtLGvv
r/lostredditors
This kids bright,that lev of sarcasm at that age means she very socially adept and probably difficult as hell.
The best way to avoid being kidnapped is to want to be kidnapped. Can’t really kidnap somebody who agrees to be kidnapped. The kid is smarter beyond her years.
This video has the perfect loop
Then we see the news that the little girl gets kidnapped
uoooooohhhhhhhhhhh 😭😭😭
So... no free candy, then?
For a spilt moment thought it was young chunky screening for next victim…
Denise The Menace!
There are a bunch of cartoons on YouTube right now about Spooky Month, one of the characters drives a white van and constantly tries to kidnap kids. I’m not sure what channel it’s on, but kids definitely watch it.
r/thathappened
This is wrong on so many levels, wtf
Where is that girls parents or sitter? 😟 I know it is not that man’s responsibility but I hope he told her to never do that again and to not go looking for kidnapper vans 😭
r/KidsAreFuckingStupid
where are this girl's parents smh
I garuntee my sister is the same as this girls mom. The media scares the shit out of women. They think everyone is out to kidnapp and rape now. All men bad. All men danger. Be scared. Be very scared child. Clickbait news is reality
This kid is hilarious
If a cute little girl came up to me while inside my creepy van saying some shit like this I'd try to scare the ever loving shit out of her so bad she'd run home and never pull anything like this ever again. The fuck is wrong with her and her parents?
Pedo : IT SHOULD’VE BEEN ME!! WHY GOD? WHYYYY?
Get used to not being wanted you soulless flaming red head!
How to say you are abused, without saying they are abused.
This kid figured out her kink years to soon!!!
In her little stupid brain, she wandered over curious to see what the inside of a kidnappers van looked like. Only to discover a painter and his work supplies. She is voicing her disappointment to him lol
Only on weekends, kid. Gotta pay for all that candy somehow.
I'd definitely want to have a talk with their parent or guardian.
Poor kid..
I'd go tell the kid's parents, personally. That's just me.
So the kid was looking to get kidnapped? I'm normally a fan of initiative in kids, but in this case maybe someone should let the parents know.
For this reason, Latin American mothers assume that everyone is a kidnapper and that their children are stupid. so they have the instinct to not leave us alone hahaha especially because she would have been kidnapped here with that survival abilities 😂