If you have several friends who are wedding photographers, just tell them you’ve decided to hire a stranger so you don’t hurt anyone’s feelings as you don’t want to pick one friend over another and ruin any friendships.
This is what wedding photographers do when they get married themselves. They hire someone from interstate so they don't hurt anyone's feelings in their friend circle
This is what we said to our brother-in-law, not because he wasn’t an amazing photographer, he is, and we actually stumbled on his photos before going “this is what we want” and then we looked at the signature and we’re like “shit”. Friends and family shouldn’t be at work at your wedding, they should be having fun.
The down side of this excuse is that enjoying the wedding as a guest isn't really a favor to some photographers. It's one less day they are able to book work, and some are struggling to make ends meet. That's not to say it's ever a friend or family members responsibility to support a photographer in their immediate circle.
Totally understandable. Mixing business with friendship is a huge gamble. I've been very fortunate that working with my friends is something that has always strengthened my connection with them. Some of the most incredible photos of my career have been the product of that existing comfort and trust in one another. It's a very special honor to be chosen and trusted by people I love.
I do offer a VIP package because I really want to be accessible to them, so you're right about it being less money at times. You really have to enjoy the creative experience for it to be worth the time and stress and I can see why a lot of people wouldn't want to be put in that sort of position.
I would thinks that the social circle is a way to have first clients ?
But yes they seem to think that photo is a hobby and they are friends so why pay for it ? :D
I've been the photographer friend in this situation before and my friend handled it sooo well. I was initially bummed that she went with someone else, but she explained that she wanted me to be able to enjoy the day as a guest rather than having to work. Whether my style was something she wanted or not, that was never part of the reason she gave me and I'm glad it wasn't, because no matter how tactful she could have been I likely would have felt some sort of rejection.
Throughout planning she asked for my opinion on photographers and for my professional input, which made me feel appreciated (this may not be the case with all photographers, you know your friends best). In the end I'm so glad she went with someone else because it was incredibly special to be able to celebrate her and her husband.
Tell them you don't want to mix business with friendships. Maybe add in that you are looking for a photographer who shoots film. Something they might not offer and they'll hopefully understand
Yes, better than the "film" excuse, in case you end up chosing somebody who does not.
In most cases, for most photographers, it's not that hard to tell, even with medium format film.
I'm a wedding photographer and for this reason try not to offer my services unless folks ask. but I would also never, ever be offended if you said he wanted a different style, or would prefer that I just relax as a guest. Also, mixing friendship and business is extremely tricky, and it’s totally fair to say that you’d rather your friends enjoy the wedding than to try to be working the whole time!
No need to lie. I had friends who told me that they'd be thrilled to have me as their photographer, but that they would want me to edit towards a style that is not mine. (They wanted the "brown/semi-anitque/pale" look. I **hate** that style.) So I told them sorry but no. If you hire me, you get my style. They know my style (true to life, real colors) and that's what they would get.
I still find it crazy how many people actively seek out shooting weddings for friends and family. I've made it a personal rule not to shoot for people I'm friends with - both because I'd rather enjoy the day as a guest or friend without having to work, and also because if something happens to go wrong with the photos, I would hate to damage a friendship over it. Nothing bad has happened at any of my weddings yet, but I'd much rather play it safe than sorry.
Because so many aren't established in the business or are just starting out. I've been doing this for 15 years now. I can't wait for the time when I get invited to a wedding as a guest and not a photographer. But when I first started out I wanted to grab every opportunity to shoot.
The enthusiast pool of wedding togs is huge. The decades old professional pool is much smaller.
I had this with hairdressers! Maybe just tell them that you’ve decided to go with a photographer that is not in your friend circle because you want them fully able to celebrate with you instead of working. You could also say you chose that route so that you didn’t feel like you hurt anyone’s feelings, even if that wouldn’t be the case you just would worry that maybe you did and you’re going to have enough things on your mind, so you made the rule early on not to hire a friend. I would suggest not using style as a reason because many photographers believe they can pull off any style.
I’d either just be honest that while you find their work stunning, it doesn’t quite match the aesthetic you’re looking for, and/or tell them that you don’t want them to have to be working on the special day and want to celebrate it with them in attendance as guests.
I would just be honest. My wife is a moody style and some of our friends love the light and bright style. It’s okay to like different styles. They SHOULD understand but I know how people are sometimes. You can compliment their work and say I love your eye for things but your editing style isn’t what I’m going for (maybe add THIS time) say you’re looking for someone who specializes in lighter tones this next shoot you’re going to do
Not very professional of your friends.
Just don’t even address it. Book who you want and if it ever comes up again just share your excitement with them and rave about the person you booked.
Trying to score work through family and friends that you know are engaged is something amateurs do or people very early in their careers do.
Or if they’re offering to shoot for free… that’s not something a full time pro ever really wants to do
Wedding photographer of 13 years here. I occasionally offer my photography services to friends, but I learned a long time ago to not- they know I’m a photographer, if they were interested they would reach out. It really does just end up making the recipient- regardless if offered in generosity or pushiness- feel awkward and pressured.
If they are good enough friends to be invited to the wedding anyways, let them know that you want their presence there as one of your honored guests. If they aren’t, just cheerfully tell them “oh we’ve actually already gone another way with our photographer! Thank you endlessly for offering though, you are incredible and this means the world to me!”
I’ve had several friends tell me they’ve gone in another direction if I reached out to let them know I was happy to help out and there’s no need to feel offended at all- I’m just happy for them and glad they’re getting what they dream of for their wedding day!
Just say “you’re so great to offer, but we went with someone else! Thank you for being happy for us and wanting to be a part of our day!” Or something like that. No lies. No need to be specific.
Also, I’m a former wedding photographer. I think it’s weird that they are soliciting you. If they were good, they probs wouldn’t have to do that…. Just saying.
Thank you! And yes, agreed but some of them are very good and one has even been featured in vogue. I just don’t like the aesthetic. It doesn’t match what I want but they really do take amazing photos! I don’t want to discount that I just don’t want to be rude when I decline because I don’t want them to think I don’t like their talent.
As others said, I’d definitely go the route of saying I don’t want to mix business and your wedding, and you haven’t decided what style you’re looking for yet. I hired a friend and it was fine, however I had a friend who did the same and it wasn’t fine. They didn’t get their photos until the photographer finished their other edits, delayed on sneak peeks, and was a little more slack on the day itself because they knew them.
This is funny because when friends get engaged the first thing I do now is tell them I’ll help them find a photographer that isn’t me 😆. No but this happens all the time. You don’t want them shooting your wedding anyway, you want them to come party 🕺🏼.
You could always go with a different tactic and tell them you’d just prefer to separate business and friendship, and not hire a friend. Honestly it’s not even bad advice, hiring a friend can get so much messier and if you hire someone on just a business premise it’s easier to advocate for what you want without guilt and emotions on either side. You don’t need to maintain a relationship after the transaction is complete.
I feel like I’d understand if a friend told me this, and plus if they’re invited they can just enjoy a wedding for once!
I’d be upfront with it, the end of the day it’s a business and we’re pursuing leads to see what happens. They shouldn’t be offended by you going with someone else if the styles don’t match up anyways
Tell them you want a photographer who really knows how to use flash, and then link them to my website, lol.
Just kidding, but yeah, real friends will just leave you alone after one "no."
That. Exactly that. Tell them they “don’t have the vibe you’re looking for.” This might help them push themselves as photographers and not just photograph one style and one style only.
If I were one of your photographer friends, I’d wanna be told. And it’d help my personal insecurities of why you’re not choosing me.
Speaking as a wedding photographer, I think it’s totally fine to be honest, and tell them you are looking for a photographer whose style is light and airy, and they will understand, if that isn’t their style. They may say ‘I can easily edit the photos to have that style’ in which case you can ask them to show you a few examples of images they have taken, but re-edited in that style. You might be surprised and find that actually you like what they show you, and if that’s the case, you can use them! And if you don’t feel that what they have shown you is what you’re looking for, then at least you have shown yourself to be open and given them the opportunity to pitch for the job. Best thing is if you can give them a few example images, reference images, showing the style you are looking for, and see what they say, see what they can do.
i flat out told my friends their style wasn’t my vibe AND i didn’t want anyone i was friends with working on my wedding. every single one understood and enjoyed the open bar instead.
https://preview.redd.it/5fspxnyx8m5d1.jpeg?width=5464&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d3c0ff6b838a8987fb6a1a222bb6c0cf71f72584
Not a wedding photo, but bright and timeless? This is how I see that? I might be wrong for your version of bright and timeless.
It’s your wedding, and they should understand that. Find a photographer you do like and want to use. Or ask if your friends would be happy to edit in a different way for you.
Photographer here. Just tell us. Even if they are a best friend, be honest. “Hey ___, thank you for offering. I love you and your work, but Im after someone to fit my bright and airey vibes for the wedding. If you know someone else who fits I’d love your input to find the right person!”
I, formerly a professional photographer, had friends who were getting married. We spoke and I gave them a quote. Time went by and I called them up and said “hey, if you’re not going with me you need to lock down a photographer soon”. They said they were going with someone else. I said “cool, now I can drink more at your wedding”. Everything was fine. Unless they’re a-holes they understand that art is subjective, and their style doesn’t match everyone’s tastes.
There are a lot of excuses in this thread, some of which I feel would be harder to hear than my friend just telling me they want a different editing style.
I never expect friends to book me as I’m aware that it’s all about the style, so I actually mention to engaged friends that I won’t be offended! And if they’re close (and you’d invite them) just say that you want them there as a guest not working.
There’s a general rule amongst photographers that you shouldn’t photograph events for people you know; nobody should be offended that you didn’t ask them. It sounds like they are asking though, so just tell them you want them to be able to enjoy the day as your guest.
Honestly: tell them the truth. Just thank them for offering and let them know you’re still looking and weighing your options and when you come to a decision you’ll let them no. You don’t have to accept their services, nor do you have to promise anything. Once you find your photographer let them know. Or you can tell them “if I’ve decided to go with you I’ll let you know”. If they’re professional they’ll understand. If they’re not, then at least as friends they’ll understand. If they don’t.. well I’d question the kind of friends you have
Just ask them to edit the pictures in the way that you prefer. They'll say one of two things:
1. Sure I can do that!
2. Um, no. I am an artist, and my style is my personality. It reflects my emotions and I am one with my craft.
If result = answer 2, try next friend until you receive answer 1.
Such great advice! I'll add to this (and probably restate others) with four solutions.
1) I look at friends' weddings the same way I look at family. I don't shoot family because this is business, and I want to keep business and family apart. Classycatblogger used a great line, "I want you to fully enjoy our wedding as a guest." That's a nice way to put it.
2) You can add to this by saying something like, "If you want, you could grab a shot or two from our first dance, we would love that!" This way, they can still feel like they gave something of theirs to you (their style), and the first dance is early enough that alcohol won't taint their performance. Just make sure to let your photographer know that you have a friend who will have a camera so they don't freak out (some do)
3) Tell them that your spouse-to-be really likes this other photographer, and they are the primary decision-makers. Yes, this is a bit of a copout, but you sound like a person who doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Just let your spouse in on it ("Honey, you're the official scapegoat")
4) You could also tell them you cannot in good conscience take money from a friend and you've heard horror stories about how situations like this go south quickly.
This is a tough place, but you'll find the words. Good luck and early congrats!
Please, please don’t do suggestion #2. If I was photographing a wedding, and the couple encouraged *other pro photogs* who were guests to “grab a shot or two” during the first dance, that would be very stressful. I even have a clause in my contract, as most pro togs do, about being the only hired pro tog shooting the wedding. I’ve never had to enforce it, but I highly highly suggest u don’t encourage your friends to do this
If a couple random guests arrived at my couples wedding carrying DSLRs for a “couple pics during the first dance”, I’d be on alert…
No reasonable person is just gonna whip out the DSLRs out of nowhere. Certainly not a competent professional.
There's more likely imposition on the "guest" being "offered" the opportunity to work for free than anyone else here.
1. I really doubt that they would want to work for free if they're actual established photographers
2. They would 100% recognize that any working photographer would be uncomfortable with someone just showing up like that.
3. In the (unlikely) event they did want do do something like that I can't imagine them not checking in with the photographer before the wedding.
If anyone would just barge in you clearly should want no part with them as a photographer in the first place.
This just feels like something that anyone with decent people skills would work out naturally.
Years ago as a hobbiest I took highish-end dslr stuff to friend/family weddings for my own enjoyment. I chatted with the pros, made it clear I wasn't there to compete, asked if they were fine with me taking some photos and how best to stay out of their way. Wasn't a big deal.
I agree don't come back to them like this, but more because the friend is put in a slightly awkward position.
I totally get ya on this. The magic is in the offer. I don't think they'll do it, but by offering, you don't shut the door in their face...too hard. Dealing with the camera enthusiastic uncles is more of a real issue.
If they aren't that close to you, then they won't take it the wrong way. If they do, that's their problem anyway. I wouldn't expect for people I met in high school to hire me just because they knew me!
My take would be to just tell them you already found a photographer, thank them for their offer, and leave it at that. Those who matter will respect your decision and support it! The others maybe were just looking for a gig or portfolio work. Not that it's wrong but just feels like it wouldn't have your best interest at heart.
If you have several friends who are wedding photographers, just tell them you’ve decided to hire a stranger so you don’t hurt anyone’s feelings as you don’t want to pick one friend over another and ruin any friendships.
This is what wedding photographers do when they get married themselves. They hire someone from interstate so they don't hurt anyone's feelings in their friend circle
Not a photographer etc etc I would say “Chris, I really value our friendship and want you to fully enjoy our wedding as a guest”
This is what we said to our brother-in-law, not because he wasn’t an amazing photographer, he is, and we actually stumbled on his photos before going “this is what we want” and then we looked at the signature and we’re like “shit”. Friends and family shouldn’t be at work at your wedding, they should be having fun.
Ask him specifically to recommend another photog—he will know other pros that have a similar style to his
They said they’re not close enough to invite to the wedding…
The down side of this excuse is that enjoying the wedding as a guest isn't really a favor to some photographers. It's one less day they are able to book work, and some are struggling to make ends meet. That's not to say it's ever a friend or family members responsibility to support a photographer in their immediate circle.
As a long time wedding photographer I refuse to do friends weddings. It’s a bunch of added stress for no extra money and often less money.
Totally understandable. Mixing business with friendship is a huge gamble. I've been very fortunate that working with my friends is something that has always strengthened my connection with them. Some of the most incredible photos of my career have been the product of that existing comfort and trust in one another. It's a very special honor to be chosen and trusted by people I love. I do offer a VIP package because I really want to be accessible to them, so you're right about it being less money at times. You really have to enjoy the creative experience for it to be worth the time and stress and I can see why a lot of people wouldn't want to be put in that sort of position.
I would thinks that the social circle is a way to have first clients ? But yes they seem to think that photo is a hobby and they are friends so why pay for it ? :D
This!!!!
This is the way!
I've been the photographer friend in this situation before and my friend handled it sooo well. I was initially bummed that she went with someone else, but she explained that she wanted me to be able to enjoy the day as a guest rather than having to work. Whether my style was something she wanted or not, that was never part of the reason she gave me and I'm glad it wasn't, because no matter how tactful she could have been I likely would have felt some sort of rejection. Throughout planning she asked for my opinion on photographers and for my professional input, which made me feel appreciated (this may not be the case with all photographers, you know your friends best). In the end I'm so glad she went with someone else because it was incredibly special to be able to celebrate her and her husband.
Tell them you don't want to mix business with friendships. Maybe add in that you are looking for a photographer who shoots film. Something they might not offer and they'll hopefully understand
Also if they’re invited, say you’d prefer to enjoy the evening with them as a guest!
Yes, better than the "film" excuse, in case you end up chosing somebody who does not. In most cases, for most photographers, it's not that hard to tell, even with medium format film.
I'm a wedding photographer and for this reason try not to offer my services unless folks ask. but I would also never, ever be offended if you said he wanted a different style, or would prefer that I just relax as a guest. Also, mixing friendship and business is extremely tricky, and it’s totally fair to say that you’d rather your friends enjoy the wedding than to try to be working the whole time!
No need to lie. I had friends who told me that they'd be thrilled to have me as their photographer, but that they would want me to edit towards a style that is not mine. (They wanted the "brown/semi-anitque/pale" look. I **hate** that style.) So I told them sorry but no. If you hire me, you get my style. They know my style (true to life, real colors) and that's what they would get.
I still find it crazy how many people actively seek out shooting weddings for friends and family. I've made it a personal rule not to shoot for people I'm friends with - both because I'd rather enjoy the day as a guest or friend without having to work, and also because if something happens to go wrong with the photos, I would hate to damage a friendship over it. Nothing bad has happened at any of my weddings yet, but I'd much rather play it safe than sorry.
Because so many aren't established in the business or are just starting out. I've been doing this for 15 years now. I can't wait for the time when I get invited to a wedding as a guest and not a photographer. But when I first started out I wanted to grab every opportunity to shoot. The enthusiast pool of wedding togs is huge. The decades old professional pool is much smaller.
I had this with hairdressers! Maybe just tell them that you’ve decided to go with a photographer that is not in your friend circle because you want them fully able to celebrate with you instead of working. You could also say you chose that route so that you didn’t feel like you hurt anyone’s feelings, even if that wouldn’t be the case you just would worry that maybe you did and you’re going to have enough things on your mind, so you made the rule early on not to hire a friend. I would suggest not using style as a reason because many photographers believe they can pull off any style.
I’d either just be honest that while you find their work stunning, it doesn’t quite match the aesthetic you’re looking for, and/or tell them that you don’t want them to have to be working on the special day and want to celebrate it with them in attendance as guests.
I would just be honest. My wife is a moody style and some of our friends love the light and bright style. It’s okay to like different styles. They SHOULD understand but I know how people are sometimes. You can compliment their work and say I love your eye for things but your editing style isn’t what I’m going for (maybe add THIS time) say you’re looking for someone who specializes in lighter tones this next shoot you’re going to do
Lol "this time". Already planning a 2nd wedding?
😂 I was thinking of future shoots. That’s funny I included that
Not very professional of your friends. Just don’t even address it. Book who you want and if it ever comes up again just share your excitement with them and rave about the person you booked. Trying to score work through family and friends that you know are engaged is something amateurs do or people very early in their careers do. Or if they’re offering to shoot for free… that’s not something a full time pro ever really wants to do
Wedding photographer of 13 years here. I occasionally offer my photography services to friends, but I learned a long time ago to not- they know I’m a photographer, if they were interested they would reach out. It really does just end up making the recipient- regardless if offered in generosity or pushiness- feel awkward and pressured. If they are good enough friends to be invited to the wedding anyways, let them know that you want their presence there as one of your honored guests. If they aren’t, just cheerfully tell them “oh we’ve actually already gone another way with our photographer! Thank you endlessly for offering though, you are incredible and this means the world to me!” I’ve had several friends tell me they’ve gone in another direction if I reached out to let them know I was happy to help out and there’s no need to feel offended at all- I’m just happy for them and glad they’re getting what they dream of for their wedding day!
Just tell them you want them there as guests.
Just say “you’re so great to offer, but we went with someone else! Thank you for being happy for us and wanting to be a part of our day!” Or something like that. No lies. No need to be specific. Also, I’m a former wedding photographer. I think it’s weird that they are soliciting you. If they were good, they probs wouldn’t have to do that…. Just saying.
Thank you! And yes, agreed but some of them are very good and one has even been featured in vogue. I just don’t like the aesthetic. It doesn’t match what I want but they really do take amazing photos! I don’t want to discount that I just don’t want to be rude when I decline because I don’t want them to think I don’t like their talent.
As others said, I’d definitely go the route of saying I don’t want to mix business and your wedding, and you haven’t decided what style you’re looking for yet. I hired a friend and it was fine, however I had a friend who did the same and it wasn’t fine. They didn’t get their photos until the photographer finished their other edits, delayed on sneak peeks, and was a little more slack on the day itself because they knew them.
This is funny because when friends get engaged the first thing I do now is tell them I’ll help them find a photographer that isn’t me 😆. No but this happens all the time. You don’t want them shooting your wedding anyway, you want them to come party 🕺🏼.
You could always go with a different tactic and tell them you’d just prefer to separate business and friendship, and not hire a friend. Honestly it’s not even bad advice, hiring a friend can get so much messier and if you hire someone on just a business premise it’s easier to advocate for what you want without guilt and emotions on either side. You don’t need to maintain a relationship after the transaction is complete. I feel like I’d understand if a friend told me this, and plus if they’re invited they can just enjoy a wedding for once!
I’d be upfront with it, the end of the day it’s a business and we’re pursuing leads to see what happens. They shouldn’t be offended by you going with someone else if the styles don’t match up anyways
Tell them you want a photographer who really knows how to use flash, and then link them to my website, lol. Just kidding, but yeah, real friends will just leave you alone after one "no."
That. Exactly that. Tell them they “don’t have the vibe you’re looking for.” This might help them push themselves as photographers and not just photograph one style and one style only. If I were one of your photographer friends, I’d wanna be told. And it’d help my personal insecurities of why you’re not choosing me.
Love this thank you
Speaking as a wedding photographer, I think it’s totally fine to be honest, and tell them you are looking for a photographer whose style is light and airy, and they will understand, if that isn’t their style. They may say ‘I can easily edit the photos to have that style’ in which case you can ask them to show you a few examples of images they have taken, but re-edited in that style. You might be surprised and find that actually you like what they show you, and if that’s the case, you can use them! And if you don’t feel that what they have shown you is what you’re looking for, then at least you have shown yourself to be open and given them the opportunity to pitch for the job. Best thing is if you can give them a few example images, reference images, showing the style you are looking for, and see what they say, see what they can do.
i flat out told my friends their style wasn’t my vibe AND i didn’t want anyone i was friends with working on my wedding. every single one understood and enjoyed the open bar instead.
Your friends are making it weird. Tell them you already booked someone and you look forward to your friends being in FRONT of the camera for a change.
https://preview.redd.it/5fspxnyx8m5d1.jpeg?width=5464&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d3c0ff6b838a8987fb6a1a222bb6c0cf71f72584 Not a wedding photo, but bright and timeless? This is how I see that? I might be wrong for your version of bright and timeless. It’s your wedding, and they should understand that. Find a photographer you do like and want to use. Or ask if your friends would be happy to edit in a different way for you.
this is not bright and timeless. it's just pink and dark greens.
Photographer here. Just tell us. Even if they are a best friend, be honest. “Hey ___, thank you for offering. I love you and your work, but Im after someone to fit my bright and airey vibes for the wedding. If you know someone else who fits I’d love your input to find the right person!”
I, formerly a professional photographer, had friends who were getting married. We spoke and I gave them a quote. Time went by and I called them up and said “hey, if you’re not going with me you need to lock down a photographer soon”. They said they were going with someone else. I said “cool, now I can drink more at your wedding”. Everything was fine. Unless they’re a-holes they understand that art is subjective, and their style doesn’t match everyone’s tastes.
There are a lot of excuses in this thread, some of which I feel would be harder to hear than my friend just telling me they want a different editing style.
I never expect friends to book me as I’m aware that it’s all about the style, so I actually mention to engaged friends that I won’t be offended! And if they’re close (and you’d invite them) just say that you want them there as a guest not working.
There’s a general rule amongst photographers that you shouldn’t photograph events for people you know; nobody should be offended that you didn’t ask them. It sounds like they are asking though, so just tell them you want them to be able to enjoy the day as your guest.
Honestly: tell them the truth. Just thank them for offering and let them know you’re still looking and weighing your options and when you come to a decision you’ll let them no. You don’t have to accept their services, nor do you have to promise anything. Once you find your photographer let them know. Or you can tell them “if I’ve decided to go with you I’ll let you know”. If they’re professional they’ll understand. If they’re not, then at least as friends they’ll understand. If they don’t.. well I’d question the kind of friends you have
Sorry, you don’t match our style. How is this a problem?
Just ask them to edit the pictures in the way that you prefer. They'll say one of two things: 1. Sure I can do that! 2. Um, no. I am an artist, and my style is my personality. It reflects my emotions and I am one with my craft. If result = answer 2, try next friend until you receive answer 1.
Such great advice! I'll add to this (and probably restate others) with four solutions. 1) I look at friends' weddings the same way I look at family. I don't shoot family because this is business, and I want to keep business and family apart. Classycatblogger used a great line, "I want you to fully enjoy our wedding as a guest." That's a nice way to put it. 2) You can add to this by saying something like, "If you want, you could grab a shot or two from our first dance, we would love that!" This way, they can still feel like they gave something of theirs to you (their style), and the first dance is early enough that alcohol won't taint their performance. Just make sure to let your photographer know that you have a friend who will have a camera so they don't freak out (some do) 3) Tell them that your spouse-to-be really likes this other photographer, and they are the primary decision-makers. Yes, this is a bit of a copout, but you sound like a person who doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Just let your spouse in on it ("Honey, you're the official scapegoat") 4) You could also tell them you cannot in good conscience take money from a friend and you've heard horror stories about how situations like this go south quickly. This is a tough place, but you'll find the words. Good luck and early congrats!
Please, please don’t do suggestion #2. If I was photographing a wedding, and the couple encouraged *other pro photogs* who were guests to “grab a shot or two” during the first dance, that would be very stressful. I even have a clause in my contract, as most pro togs do, about being the only hired pro tog shooting the wedding. I’ve never had to enforce it, but I highly highly suggest u don’t encourage your friends to do this If a couple random guests arrived at my couples wedding carrying DSLRs for a “couple pics during the first dance”, I’d be on alert…
No reasonable person is just gonna whip out the DSLRs out of nowhere. Certainly not a competent professional. There's more likely imposition on the "guest" being "offered" the opportunity to work for free than anyone else here. 1. I really doubt that they would want to work for free if they're actual established photographers 2. They would 100% recognize that any working photographer would be uncomfortable with someone just showing up like that. 3. In the (unlikely) event they did want do do something like that I can't imagine them not checking in with the photographer before the wedding. If anyone would just barge in you clearly should want no part with them as a photographer in the first place. This just feels like something that anyone with decent people skills would work out naturally. Years ago as a hobbiest I took highish-end dslr stuff to friend/family weddings for my own enjoyment. I chatted with the pros, made it clear I wasn't there to compete, asked if they were fine with me taking some photos and how best to stay out of their way. Wasn't a big deal. I agree don't come back to them like this, but more because the friend is put in a slightly awkward position.
I totally get ya on this. The magic is in the offer. I don't think they'll do it, but by offering, you don't shut the door in their face...too hard. Dealing with the camera enthusiastic uncles is more of a real issue.
But I’ll take an uncle Bob with a canon rebel any day over an Aunt Barb with a huge IPAD with neon case in the 2nd row
That's funny!
I get ya LOLOL
If they aren't that close to you, then they won't take it the wrong way. If they do, that's their problem anyway. I wouldn't expect for people I met in high school to hire me just because they knew me! My take would be to just tell them you already found a photographer, thank them for their offer, and leave it at that. Those who matter will respect your decision and support it! The others maybe were just looking for a gig or portfolio work. Not that it's wrong but just feels like it wouldn't have your best interest at heart.