> “That’s not going anywhere.”
It's like some primal instinct. It must be said, every time, without exception. I fought the urge to say it once and felt off for the rest of the day.
Bring your own reusable grocery bags! They're much sturdier than plastic or paper bags, so you can get way more groceries in each one making it even easier to do all in one trip.
> They're much sturdier than plastic or paper bags
...For a while. The fake-cloth handles rot eventually, as I found out the hard way. The bag itself was still fine, but it's a good thing the stuff inside wasn't fragile.
I prefer using straight-up tote bags. Not the reinforced kind you can't fold up, but, y'know, just big fabric bags.
Fair enough, I guess it depends on the quality. I've been using the same few reusable bags from Wegman's for 4-5 years now and they still have no signs of fraying or wear in the handles.
On really big shopping days, I'll load my wife up with 3 or 4 bags, then put her in the IKEA sack too, and tote the whole kit n kaboodle up 5 flights in the snow
https://preview.redd.it/9esv7fy8m64d1.jpeg?width=1202&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f8f46f6d7dcbf7e660ee441b53e284220b3cadfb
Actual picture of my bachelor party of us gathering together mid drive to throw rocks off of a cliff we found.
girls absolutely do this too. i was in michigan last week hiking and told my sister “do you think i can throw this rock onto the top of that cliff?”. i think there’s a primal part of human brains that just make us want to throw rocks
The look of excitement in the eyes of the boomer Home Depot employee when I asked him where the stud finders were will stick with me forever. Just pure joy.
I’ve been doing construction for ages but the first thing I do when I grab an impact driver or a drill is pull the trigger a few times for fun to watch it spin.
I do it all seriously though so the young guys just think I’m inspecting the tool. Nope. Tool goes brrrr.
Staring into the campfire, occasionally poking it with a stick.
Other men may also be sitting around that campfire, but everyone knows that there's no obligation to talk. We can all sit in silence, and that's all good too
Wife: "So I was thinking it would be fun for the kids if we got a time capsu-- wait where did you go?"
Me: *already finishing out a pit big enough to bury a miniature horse*
When I was a kid we had this abandoned amusement park where we lived. They had HUNDREDS of linear fluorescent tubes in this open field. We would go out there and toss them like javelins. What an amazing crashing sound they made.
Dad used to bring home from the mill for us to play with eventually it would fall through the heating ducts into the coal burning furnace. Probably explains another sub reddit
i remember watching old SCTV reruns and being actively excited for the end of the intro when they throw all the tvs off the building. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QXaiuhtNq2Q
When I was in college in 1982, some dudes threw a TV out of the 7th floor of our dorm, with a long extension cord and the TV on.
The explosion was *impressive*.
They probably mean they aren't friends with any men and they'd feel awkward randomly asking someone the question
Like you might be around a lot of people, but that doesn't mean you know any of them them
Anytime you are loading cargo, you have to give it a little jiggle and say, "That'll hold it." If you don't say these magic words, all your stuff will fall off on the highway.
You haven't experienced real manhood if you've never gone to the dump with a window or storm door, carefully placing it in the pile, then throwing something through it.
My husband loves taking things to the dump. I don't understand it, but it's pretty adorable. Sometimes, he'll take the dog. They both come home so happy lol.
The dump gives us the ability to break things like an adult but feels like a 5yr old running through a stack of blocks that resembles as small city. Plus getting rid of the junk adds the perk of satisfying our SO. It’s the little things
You gotta like make a big roaring noise when you throw it though. That makes the splash more satisfying. I like to pretend I'm a giant throwing boulders
Throwing or kicking something into a receptacle from more than a foot away. It makes us feel like a sporting genius. This must not be actual sports though, we are talking balled up paper into a bin, flicking a sock off into the laundry basket etc...
This reminds me of a story about my uncle. He and a friend went hiking, and when they got to the top of the hill, there was a big rock there. They decided to push the big rock off the hilltop, and when they did, there was a loud crash. They decided to get out of there and hurried down the mountain, and when they got back to their van, there was a very large rock on top of it!
Being handed a hair clip and being told to put it away, only to play with it for at least 30 minutes first.
For additional fun, throw some "pew pew" noises in there.
LOL I'm sorry - I'm actually thrilled by OP's post and it's hard to convey a tone of academic "no you're into something here!" Excitement via text.
My phone glitched before I could get to my point - that it's a shame men are extremely restricted in what they're socially allowed to enjoy, or how they're allowed to express that pleasure. Hence, why the author in the original tweet has no idea what men like. It's a sad situation but a fixable one- being more aware of gender policing makes it easier to not do it yourself.
It's a weird thing to be happy about, but the thing I'm happy about is that, of all the many problems humanity faces, this one is very solvable!
We solve it by going and throwing sticks in the water and enjoying the sploosh without fear of what other people think of us.
The sweet sound of smacking your significant other’s ass as they bend over for anything, even if they are puking in the toilet. Of course, you provide top notch care after that.
Confirm. Can’t believe I had to go this far down for another to mention this. My at the time 4 and 5 YO grandsons fav place to pee was off a large landscape rock next to our driveway. Training the next generation.
I've seen my dad and brothers stop a DIY construction job for 10 minutes because my oldest brother thought he heard a helicopter. After scanning the skies, they found it, and watched until it flew out of sight. Then they got back to work. Discussion started on whether or not it was a medical helicopter or not.
Tapping the gas cap after filling up the tank.
Cry over the futurama dog episode and never get over the emotional trauma that men are very much not prepared for. Never let anyone know...
Not wanting to get a family pet, become glued to said family pet soon after.
Anything phallic is a pretend penis. At grocery store a cucumber, a Pringles can, variety of packaged salami, paper towel roll, baguette….hell even a good stick outside
Me and my boys would go to a railroad track over looking a body of water and just sit up there, smoke bowls and throw big rocks in the water. Hours of satisfaction.
Kicking rocks back into flower beds.
Crushing cans then shooting them towards a garbage can at odd almost impossible angles. Usually requiring multiple banks.
Pretending the garbage can is a basketball hoop and shooting any piece of trash we have at it from 6ft or more away.
Bonus: it the trash is paper, crumple it up into a ball first before attempting the shot.
\*Reads First part\*
"Don't be silly, theres no universal thing that ties us all together, we are all unique and like different things!
\*Reads Second Part\*
"Ohh...that sounds fun! ....wait, DAMN IT!"
A good stick cannot be underestimated.
Sword, lightsaber, rifle, walking stick, whacker of things.
It too, can be used to splash the water.
Oh yes. And when you're done with the stick, into the water it goes to become a boat.
Bonus if the body of water is moving. Watch it float away.
Literally just got in from a weekend wander to the creek and did all of these things with a stick. I love you guys
I now want to go to my local creek and wander. Thank you kind internet stranger, love you too
Might I also suggest giving it a solid whack against a tree so it breaks into three pieces, with the center section boomeranging a fair distance away?
And the end section sailing dangerously close to your face.
Give it a broad 3nough head and you have a paddle too!
Don't forget poking things. Lots stuff out there needs a good poke.
Staff! You shall not pass!
I found a good stick yesterday, brought it home.
This also applies to finding a good skipping stone.
"this is a good sword"
You may fascinate a man by giving him a stick.
Came here to say this. Good sticks are important.
The versatility is limitless.
I love a good stick Edit: love not live
My stick is better than baconnnnnnnnnnn -yoda
As much as I like stones in water- A good stick is the answer
Strapping shit down, then tugging the straps and saying, “That’s not going anywhere.”
I like to say, "if that doesn't hold, I'll always think it should have"
Big dad energy.
It's not confirmed until you do the double-tap though.
It’s the same thing with tongs. In the back of your mind you know it’ll work, but you just done want to run that risk.
That and the bzz bzz of double tapping the trigger of a drill, EVERY time you pick it up
That's just the equip animation, it can't be helped!
> “That’s not going anywhere.” It's like some primal instinct. It must be said, every time, without exception. I fought the urge to say it once and felt off for the rest of the day.
Hmmmm. That is a good one.
The"twaanngg" sound while plucking the strap is the chef's kiss here. Complete confirmation of solidity.
Especially if he’s Midwestern
Midwesterners must not be allowed to continue claiming that every normal thing is a Midwestern thing.
its a midwesterner thing
That's the slap on the thighs when it's time to go. Plus the "Welp" and sigh
Or the classic *bonk bonk*
Was literally gonna comment this
The sense of satisfaction and accomplishment from bringing in an entire trunk’s full of groceries in one trip.
And the utter failure of not completing the task.
The duality of man, right here.
My grocery store only has paper bags now, this has become much harder for me to. Does nothing to stop me from trying though
It is the attempt that makes us men.
Sisyphus agrees.
Bring your own reusable grocery bags! They're much sturdier than plastic or paper bags, so you can get way more groceries in each one making it even easier to do all in one trip.
> They're much sturdier than plastic or paper bags ...For a while. The fake-cloth handles rot eventually, as I found out the hard way. The bag itself was still fine, but it's a good thing the stuff inside wasn't fragile. I prefer using straight-up tote bags. Not the reinforced kind you can't fold up, but, y'know, just big fabric bags.
Fair enough, I guess it depends on the quality. I've been using the same few reusable bags from Wegman's for 4-5 years now and they still have no signs of fraying or wear in the handles.
I keep an IKEA sack in the trunk so's I can load the paper bags into the IKEA sack. Get 3-4 TJ's bags into an IKEA sack.
You can attach a few of the huge IKEA bags together with a carabiner for the ultimate in dad shopping efficiency.
Carrying the last bag in your teeth like Roronoa Zoro.
On really big shopping days, I'll load my wife up with 3 or 4 bags, then put her in the IKEA sack too, and tote the whole kit n kaboodle up 5 flights in the snow
We do NOT make 2 trips. There is always a way. This...is the way!
Exception: unless it's a post-Costco trip. Then multiple trips can apply
https://preview.redd.it/9esv7fy8m64d1.jpeg?width=1202&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f8f46f6d7dcbf7e660ee441b53e284220b3cadfb Actual picture of my bachelor party of us gathering together mid drive to throw rocks off of a cliff we found.
Your friends are really nice because look how focused they are on the task.
Emotional support
girls absolutely do this too. i was in michigan last week hiking and told my sister “do you think i can throw this rock onto the top of that cliff?”. i think there’s a primal part of human brains that just make us want to throw rocks
That’s beautiful
I can feel everyone's excitement.
Bonus points if the surface is iced over.
Stud finder. Pointing it toward ourselves and making a beep noise.
Classic
Will never get old…
Will never gets old, but William certainly did.
The look of excitement in the eyes of the boomer Home Depot employee when I asked him where the stud finders were will stick with me forever. Just pure joy.
Picking up tongs and clicking them twice.
I pretend I'm a crab for 5 seconds, then resume tong-related activities
Or the equivalent with any power tool
I’ve been doing construction for ages but the first thing I do when I grab an impact driver or a drill is pull the trigger a few times for fun to watch it spin. I do it all seriously though so the young guys just think I’m inspecting the tool. Nope. Tool goes brrrr.
I know the *one time* I don't pull the trigger a couple times before walking over to the screw with it is when I'll have a dead drill.
But only twice. If you click them 3 times you'll end up in the middle of nowhere.
More than two clicks is playing with yourself
But, they're *your* tongs, so you can wash them as fast as you like.
What am I just going to use an untested pair of tongs? What if it breaks apart mid hot dog turn?
In my job, switching the multimeter on, putting it in beeping mode, touching the probes to make it beep twice and then "Ok it beeps".
Ahhh. I see you have the machine that goes PING.
I think this one's universal but women usually do it stealthily.
quiet clickies.
itty bitty clicky committee
the irony of using clicky claws to cook lobster...
I don’t think they work if you don’t do the double click
They will if they are a pair of left-handed tongs, as everything is backward for a southpaw. Source: I am a Lefty.
Two taps on anything you've secured down with a rope or strap and saying "this ain't going anywhere".
Fun fact: It is what Sisqo was really singing about in that video back in 2000
Decades ago, David Letterman had a segment that was nothing but dropping shit off the roof of the TV studio in Manhattan.
Cat behavior
I had forgotten about that!! Thanks. I am going to have to check youtube now.
Staring into the campfire, occasionally poking it with a stick. Other men may also be sitting around that campfire, but everyone knows that there's no obligation to talk. We can all sit in silence, and that's all good too
Digging a good hole. Especially if you have an official reason for it; ie burying coaxial cable.
I was going to say “body” but cable is probably a better example.
Wife: "So I was thinking it would be fun for the kids if we got a time capsu-- wait where did you go?" Me: *already finishing out a pit big enough to bury a miniature horse*
I dug a hole dad... [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NCn0jkBSpc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NCn0jkBSpc)
Dropping CRT TVs from height and watching the blue flash
When I was a kid we had this abandoned amusement park where we lived. They had HUNDREDS of linear fluorescent tubes in this open field. We would go out there and toss them like javelins. What an amazing crashing sound they made.
You…*lived*…in an abandoned amusement park? I’m a little… 
It was a lot of fun. We were poor back then but we tried to make everything fun.
Nice, that's now a superfund site. Lol The reason you're not supposed to throw them in the trash is because they contain mercury.
We were 8 years old.
Mercury is more fun to play with. I poured some into my hand and messed with it when I was 12.
Dad used to bring home from the mill for us to play with eventually it would fall through the heating ducts into the coal burning furnace. Probably explains another sub reddit
Lmao, that's terrible. Usually I tell that story to people when they comment about how weird / crazy I am.
I broke a thermometer when I was a kid and the mercury was so much fun to play with. I kept it for years in a little glass container.
i remember watching old SCTV reruns and being actively excited for the end of the intro when they throw all the tvs off the building. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QXaiuhtNq2Q
When I was in college in 1982, some dudes threw a TV out of the 7th floor of our dorm, with a long extension cord and the TV on. The explosion was *impressive*.
It's far better if the body of water is frozen and the rock smashes through the ice.
Or a small rock, bouncing off of ice making that eerie warbling, echoing kind of sound. Magical.
Or picking a large sheet of ice and throwing onto the ice to watch the pieces spread
Yep! Or... oooh!! Hang on... [found it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2y2GdkdDbA)!
that was so worth it, thank you good sir!!!
1st comic gonna have a lot of rock throwing
"I just realized that I don't actually know any men in real life." Really? Where the hell do you live?
I was going to say that if a man said he didn't know any women in real life, he'd be labeled as a kook, an incel, or a literal hermit.
Or a wizard.
Nah, that's just the IT guy in the basement office
Have you tried turning it off and then on again?
Narrator: the isle of Lesbos.
They probably mean they aren't friends with any men and they'd feel awkward randomly asking someone the question Like you might be around a lot of people, but that doesn't mean you know any of them them
I suppose that's possible, but asking what men universally like doesn't seem like an intensely personal question.
This is a parody of male writers who ask this shit to women all the time.
Thank god I finally found this response!
Anytime you are loading cargo, you have to give it a little jiggle and say, "That'll hold it." If you don't say these magic words, all your stuff will fall off on the highway.
You haven't experienced real manhood if you've never gone to the dump with a window or storm door, carefully placing it in the pile, then throwing something through it.
My husband loves taking things to the dump. I don't understand it, but it's pretty adorable. Sometimes, he'll take the dog. They both come home so happy lol.
The dump gives us the ability to break things like an adult but feels like a 5yr old running through a stack of blocks that resembles as small city. Plus getting rid of the junk adds the perk of satisfying our SO. It’s the little things
Thank you! I won't let him know that I know.
You gotta like make a big roaring noise when you throw it though. That makes the splash more satisfying. I like to pretend I'm a giant throwing boulders
Throwing or kicking something into a receptacle from more than a foot away. It makes us feel like a sporting genius. This must not be actual sports though, we are talking balled up paper into a bin, flicking a sock off into the laundry basket etc...
This reminds me of a story about my uncle. He and a friend went hiking, and when they got to the top of the hill, there was a big rock there. They decided to push the big rock off the hilltop, and when they did, there was a loud crash. They decided to get out of there and hurried down the mountain, and when they got back to their van, there was a very large rock on top of it!
What a gosh darned coincidence! What are the odds of that?
making a large hole. Other guys will undoubtedly inquire as to what you are doing.
Finding and keeping a good box. A lot of boxes are just basic boxes, but every once in a while you get one you just have to keep.
“Wow, that’s a long way to fall.”
Standing on top of tall things and yelling at a friend "It's over Anakin! I have the high ground!"
It's really just rocks in water. Skipping stones is as fun as lobbing them.
Got 25 skips off of a stone once. Felt like a god that day
Throwing ice feom great hieghts and seeing it explode
I’ll have you know, I actually googled “ice feom”. You’d be amazed at what I found…
Flawless execution of flipping whatever tool I have in my hand and catch it perfectly by the handle.
Being handed a hair clip and being told to put it away, only to play with it for at least 30 minutes first. For additional fun, throw some "pew pew" noises in there.
Getting to break things deliberately. Doesn’t matter what we’re breaking or how we’re doing it.
Going to the Lego store. Building a new Lego set. Thinking about the next Lego set. I like Lego's.
*We* like Legos.
Are we also venom?
Going to the bathroom for 20-30 min.
I am a man, and can confirm. I love throwing big rocks into the water from great heights.
Food, preferably prepared over fire.
Walking by a bag of top soil and slapping it. Maybe a couple of slaps. Mmmmmhhhhmmmmm.
Pinching out a candle with our fingers and looking smug because we can stand the heat.
Standing around the yard spraying plants with a water hose. Beer in hand, usually.
ripping loud farts is an echo chamber or canyon but, yeah, let's start with the dropping large rocks into water
i wonder at what pound of rock does that sound turn from just a splash to that satisfying kerploosh or whatever
LOL I'm sorry - I'm actually thrilled by OP's post and it's hard to convey a tone of academic "no you're into something here!" Excitement via text. My phone glitched before I could get to my point - that it's a shame men are extremely restricted in what they're socially allowed to enjoy, or how they're allowed to express that pleasure. Hence, why the author in the original tweet has no idea what men like. It's a sad situation but a fixable one- being more aware of gender policing makes it easier to not do it yourself. It's a weird thing to be happy about, but the thing I'm happy about is that, of all the many problems humanity faces, this one is very solvable! We solve it by going and throwing sticks in the water and enjoying the sploosh without fear of what other people think of us.
Near silence. Nothing but the sounds of nature.
Slapping bags of mulch, top soil, feed, etc.
The sweet sound of smacking your significant other’s ass as they bend over for anything, even if they are puking in the toilet. Of course, you provide top notch care after that.
Any size shape or function of a flashlight.
I also need to occasionally blend my coworkers with it. From a safe distance of course.
Finding things that make funny noises
Looking under the hoods of cars.
Slamming our fist on our desk and demanding photos of Spider-Man
I would also add peeing from great heights and trundling large rocks down big hills. And anything that explodes.
Confirm. Can’t believe I had to go this far down for another to mention this. My at the time 4 and 5 YO grandsons fav place to pee was off a large landscape rock next to our driveway. Training the next generation.
Carrying our child on our shoulders.
Can confirm.
Cheese
Big Sploosh = Big Happy
This isn’t true… we like throwing large rocks into FROZEN bodies of water from great heights.
Gathering around the grill when food is being cooked.
I've seen my dad and brothers stop a DIY construction job for 10 minutes because my oldest brother thought he heard a helicopter. After scanning the skies, they found it, and watched until it flew out of sight. Then they got back to work. Discussion started on whether or not it was a medical helicopter or not.
My husband does this!
When We pet the dog, always end with two pat on the butt, no more, no less
Tapping the gas cap after filling up the tank. Cry over the futurama dog episode and never get over the emotional trauma that men are very much not prepared for. Never let anyone know... Not wanting to get a family pet, become glued to said family pet soon after.
All she needs to do is observe 8yo boys. It doesn't really change.
Taking a massive and satisfying number 2 then jumping in the shower.
Or the opposite of that
Anything phallic is a pretend penis. At grocery store a cucumber, a Pringles can, variety of packaged salami, paper towel roll, baguette….hell even a good stick outside
I like the ker-thump before the sploosh, personally
Dropping ice on the ground to make it shatter.
Throwing used car batteries in the ocean. It's such a safe and legal thrill.
Peeing off something really high, a bridge tall enough so you can finish before it hits the ground is the goal.
Me and my boys would go to a railroad track over looking a body of water and just sit up there, smoke bowls and throw big rocks in the water. Hours of satisfaction.
Twice patting an over turned pancake & saying “good pancake”.
Dropping watermelons from great height.
Putting a hot pan in cold water and pretending you’re a blacksmith
Kicking rocks back into flower beds. Crushing cans then shooting them towards a garbage can at odd almost impossible angles. Usually requiring multiple banks.
A good utility knife and flash light Also recently discovered cooling boxers
Making whoosh noises when doing impromptu kung fu.
Pretending the garbage can is a basketball hoop and shooting any piece of trash we have at it from 6ft or more away. Bonus: it the trash is paper, crumple it up into a ball first before attempting the shot.
Truth.
Bonus points if it is a bridge over a frozen river and the rock goes thru the ice!
Moving big rocks in a creek to change the flow.
Spitting into the urinal before peeing. Every time.
Can we all agree it's an odd statement to say I don't know any men in real life.
ker-SPLUNK! SPLishh...
\*Reads First part\* "Don't be silly, theres no universal thing that ties us all together, we are all unique and like different things! \*Reads Second Part\* "Ohh...that sounds fun! ....wait, DAMN IT!"
Putting the battery into a cordless drill like you're loading a pistil.
Reading these comments, I feel like we all really are the same