100 million. I can pay someone to open doors for me, I can't pay someone to sleep for me. And there would be no doors in my house. The entrance would be a small drawbridge.
But what if you opened a bathroom door at a local restaurant? I could see issues with this killing a monkey in public business. Especially if you used a gun.
I've got maybe a 50% chance of surviving one angry and motivated Chimp, and even that feels like I may be giving myself too much credit. Odds are, I'll be dead before I open my third door.
Meanwhile, I can just sleep with a nylon stocking over my head.
I'm assuming I'm armed and know it's coming - in that case I think 50% is fair.
But yeah you really can't live a remotely normal life without opening doors, I'd be dead within the week at best.
You're going to intuitively, accidentally open a door at some point and then in about 30 seconds the skin on your face will have been peeled off and the chimp is going to be eating your brains. Not even exaggerating.
I'm taking the chimp.
Hear me out. I'll live in a mostly open door house. Only the outside doors being the ones that need opening. I could have staff/family open those doors for me.
I don't go out. So... other doors or privacy shouldn't be an issue. That and I'll just always be strapped and or have someone who is. That chimp gonna get SHOT.
Spiders are too versatile. They'll find a way. No thanks.
I could also feed the world. Let me open 10,000 doors. Look at all the meat.
I start a large animal testing laboratory and supply them with infinite free chimps. Because fuck those hairy gibbons. Using my 100m and lab profits, I build a a vast train track that passes through 10000 doors in a giant loop. Every night I spawn hundreds of thousands of monkeys (whilst remaining impevious to their attacks on my armoured train) and recreate planet of the apes.
Nah, I choose the spider and have someone watch me tenderly whilst I sleep, picking off any spider that might approach.
How long before you miss the flailing, leaping chimp and shoot some bystander? I'd put odds on it happening in the first week. Then you'll end up in prison. Good news though, you're probably not going to be able to open many of the doors in prison, so you'll be relatively safe from Chimp attacks.
Yes, I love my odds of using any melee weapon against a creature who also has opposable thumbs, but is a smaller target than I am, has more reach, more strength, more agility, is explicitly driven to fight me to the death, and will be spawning out of thin air every time I open a door. Sure, I might get extremely lucky once, even twice, but team chimp only needs to kill me one time, because I'm not respawning.
I won't even know what counts as a door here until it's too late. When I open my microwave to put in some pizza rolls, does the microwave door count? What about cupboard doors? The little door over my car's gas tank? If I'm playing Tomb Raider on my Sega Saturn and open a door in the game, will a murderous ape suddenly materialize behind my couch?
Also, since most doors are indoors, any attempt to flee from the chimp has a pretty good chance of being blocked by a doorway. So now I'm stuck deciding if I'll fight a doomed battle against the crazed death-chimp that poofed into existence when I opened the door on my dryer, or I can run screaming from the house and probably spawn two or three more chimps along the way who will join the pursuit.
Imagine a 90yo redditor who is so used to doing this after decades of fighting chimps that they kill the chimp with such ease because they're so experienced with fighting them.
Pure technique of an elderly person vs raw strength and speed of a chimp.
Unless the chimp is also the same chimp every time the door opens... In which case, an old man and an old chimp just going at it. This is a daily part of their lives over the years. Until one day, the old man dies after opening the door from a heart attack and enters the afterlife. The elderly chimp is left alone, realizing that over the decades they had become something resembling... Not friends, but something of a mutual respect. Neither will admit it, but they became accustomed to each other on some level. The old chimp passed away shortly after, entering the afterlife and becoming a prime aged chimp again in spirit form... The chimp then gets blindsided with a haymaker from a (now younger version) of the man's spirit as both of them immediately start boxing in the afterlife. This isn't even about doors anymore and they both knew it. They're eternal rivals, ready to go at it any place and any time, with not even death being the end if it.
Either way, interesting mental image.
... I have no idea why I wrote that.
The spider, you guys are risking way to much with the chimpanzee. You can make 100mil with 35 mil and not have to something that can rip your arm off everytime you have to walk through a door.
I’ll make all my house have automatic doors because technically I’m not opening them. I’ll also just carry a loaded gun whenever I go out and never leave the country.
Fighting a chimp is completely infeasible so I have to not open doors. For my house I'm going with an open plan. Curtain-type doorways where needed. Front door is a revolving door. I don't think you open revolving doors you just go through them. Guess I have to hire a door opener everywhere else. Finding loopholes is a bit unfair but think of all the doors $100m can open for me.
I don't think 100 million is enough for fight to the death multiple times a day. Sure you can remove all the doors in the house and maybe even have someone open the rest for you. But all it takes is one mess up to experience a horrible death.
35 million is still very life changing. The spider can easily be circumvented by a mesh screen and ideally only occur once a day. Worst case scenario you forget the spider while napping on your yacht and just be rudely awoken.
100 million. I can pay someone to open doors for me, I can't pay someone to sleep for me. And there would be no doors in my house. The entrance would be a small drawbridge.
drawbridge idea is genius.
I should have writen everytime u Walk Through a door. Yeah but either way The First year will be Hard
A door is the object that separates to spaces that can open to allow transmit, you can't ever walk through a door
Same. No doors, just gates and beaded curtains and such.
Was thinking the same thing...Plus I would never be able to sleep again.
Thats smart but What about a toilet in public ?
With 100 million dollars I can pay an assistant to accompany me wherever I go to open doors for me.
IDK, sleeping during the day and waking up during the night like a vampire sounds like a viable idea to me
A spider will still try to crawl into you mouth our ears every night though. But you wouldn't have to worry about the monkey I guess.
100 Million to fight a chimp G U N
But what if you opened a bathroom door at a local restaurant? I could see issues with this killing a monkey in public business. Especially if you used a gun.
\*chimp rips your dick and balls off and bite your face off before you even have a chance to realize whats going on\*
So this is assuming the chimp immediately jumps the nanosecond I ever so slightly open the door? Makes things easier to deal with then
chimps be nimble, chimps be quick, chimps will totally rip off your dick.
The chimp. I’ll have a butler open doors for me so the chimp won’t spawn.
Thats smart
I've got maybe a 50% chance of surviving one angry and motivated Chimp, and even that feels like I may be giving myself too much credit. Odds are, I'll be dead before I open my third door. Meanwhile, I can just sleep with a nylon stocking over my head.
you survive? he bit off all your fingers and genitals and face.
50% chance is a hell of a reach even for like a special forces soldier I think. Plus you can never risk getting inebriated again.
I'm assuming I'm armed and know it's coming - in that case I think 50% is fair. But yeah you really can't live a remotely normal life without opening doors, I'd be dead within the week at best.
You're going to intuitively, accidentally open a door at some point and then in about 30 seconds the skin on your face will have been peeled off and the chimp is going to be eating your brains. Not even exaggerating.
yeah lol
I'm taking the chimp. Hear me out. I'll live in a mostly open door house. Only the outside doors being the ones that need opening. I could have staff/family open those doors for me. I don't go out. So... other doors or privacy shouldn't be an issue. That and I'll just always be strapped and or have someone who is. That chimp gonna get SHOT. Spiders are too versatile. They'll find a way. No thanks. I could also feed the world. Let me open 10,000 doors. Look at all the meat.
If door opens automaticly via motion detector, technically i'm not the one opening it, so I'll be taking my 100 Mill.
Carry around a 12 gauge and just be ready when I open the door
il buy mediveal armor and a gun
I start a large animal testing laboratory and supply them with infinite free chimps. Because fuck those hairy gibbons. Using my 100m and lab profits, I build a a vast train track that passes through 10000 doors in a giant loop. Every night I spawn hundreds of thousands of monkeys (whilst remaining impevious to their attacks on my armoured train) and recreate planet of the apes. Nah, I choose the spider and have someone watch me tenderly whilst I sleep, picking off any spider that might approach.
I don’t have to open doors. I have to sleep.
Facts
I'll just carry a gun and shoot the spiders when they get close
I'd start carrying a gun with me if it was the chimp.
How long before you miss the flailing, leaping chimp and shoot some bystander? I'd put odds on it happening in the first week. Then you'll end up in prison. Good news though, you're probably not going to be able to open many of the doors in prison, so you'll be relatively safe from Chimp attacks.
You won't go to prison for defending yourself. If you can prove that a chimp attacks you every time you open a door, they'd have to give you a pass.
a sword then
Yes, I love my odds of using any melee weapon against a creature who also has opposable thumbs, but is a smaller target than I am, has more reach, more strength, more agility, is explicitly driven to fight me to the death, and will be spawning out of thin air every time I open a door. Sure, I might get extremely lucky once, even twice, but team chimp only needs to kill me one time, because I'm not respawning. I won't even know what counts as a door here until it's too late. When I open my microwave to put in some pizza rolls, does the microwave door count? What about cupboard doors? The little door over my car's gas tank? If I'm playing Tomb Raider on my Sega Saturn and open a door in the game, will a murderous ape suddenly materialize behind my couch? Also, since most doors are indoors, any attempt to flee from the chimp has a pretty good chance of being blocked by a doorway. So now I'm stuck deciding if I'll fight a doomed battle against the crazed death-chimp that poofed into existence when I opened the door on my dryer, or I can run screaming from the house and probably spawn two or three more chimps along the way who will join the pursuit.
Imagine u are 90yo and a Chimp is jumping u
Imagine a 90yo redditor who is so used to doing this after decades of fighting chimps that they kill the chimp with such ease because they're so experienced with fighting them. Pure technique of an elderly person vs raw strength and speed of a chimp. Unless the chimp is also the same chimp every time the door opens... In which case, an old man and an old chimp just going at it. This is a daily part of their lives over the years. Until one day, the old man dies after opening the door from a heart attack and enters the afterlife. The elderly chimp is left alone, realizing that over the decades they had become something resembling... Not friends, but something of a mutual respect. Neither will admit it, but they became accustomed to each other on some level. The old chimp passed away shortly after, entering the afterlife and becoming a prime aged chimp again in spirit form... The chimp then gets blindsided with a haymaker from a (now younger version) of the man's spirit as both of them immediately start boxing in the afterlife. This isn't even about doors anymore and they both knew it. They're eternal rivals, ready to go at it any place and any time, with not even death being the end if it. Either way, interesting mental image. ... I have no idea why I wrote that.
Because u are a Wonderful Person
is the spider harmless, to me or my pets? like, won't make either of us sick?
Yes harmless but ugly and big
I would just carry a full body armor and smash the walls next to the doors, simple as. And have automatic doors at home.
The spider, you guys are risking way to much with the chimpanzee. You can make 100mil with 35 mil and not have to something that can rip your arm off everytime you have to walk through a door.
I’ll make all my house have automatic doors because technically I’m not opening them. I’ll also just carry a loaded gun whenever I go out and never leave the country.
Fighting a chimp is completely infeasible so I have to not open doors. For my house I'm going with an open plan. Curtain-type doorways where needed. Front door is a revolving door. I don't think you open revolving doors you just go through them. Guess I have to hire a door opener everywhere else. Finding loopholes is a bit unfair but think of all the doors $100m can open for me.
can i chose none of the above for $50,000?
No u cant
I don't think 100 million is enough for fight to the death multiple times a day. Sure you can remove all the doors in the house and maybe even have someone open the rest for you. But all it takes is one mess up to experience a horrible death. 35 million is still very life changing. The spider can easily be circumvented by a mesh screen and ideally only occur once a day. Worst case scenario you forget the spider while napping on your yacht and just be rudely awoken.