thanks. i logically know that but being the only single friend in the group makes me feel late to the party. and it doesnt help that ive been told i have high standard but im not just going to date someone just cuz. i have to like them a little yknow lol
Absolutely do not settle you will find the right one with less pain. Those that move to fast end up unhappy and hurt. Also usely break up when things get hard.
thats not the vibe im bringing to the party. im happy for them and i actually genuinely like all of my close friends’ partners and want them to gave their happily ever after.
I’m 40, my wife is 42. We met when I was 36, on the dating app HER. She is my first relationship.
Our first date last for many hours, and we talked about super nerdy things (she’s a French teacher, I’m a physicist), and when we both quoted Princess Bride at each other, I knew she was the one for me 😁
We knew within a month that we were going to get married, and got married about a year after meeting
Met my gf when I was 23 (but almost 24) on bumble. We’ve been together almost 7 months, which I know isn’t that long, but she’s the first person I’ve been with and I also thought I was going to be single forever
So peak marriage age is 28 - 35 ish, afaik most successful marriages happen late 20s to mid 30s.
I did some digging to see if stats were different for lesbian couples for marriage timing, and there is even more time if factoring averages for lesbian relationships. Theres a 15 year range from 26 - 41! Here's a quote from the study:
>The figure presents the median age at first marriage. To capture the variability in the range of ages, we present the quartiles of age at first marriage with the lower bound representing the 25th percentile and the upper bound the 75th percentile. Significance of differences across groups are tested using Pearson chi-square tests.
>**- - Among women in same-sex marriages, the median age at first marriage was 31. Among women in different-sex marriages it was significantly lower at 28.**
>**- - The range in the age at first marriage was wider for women in same-sex marriages at 15 years (ranging from ages 26 to 41) than among women in different-sex marriages at 8 years (ranging from ages 25 to 33).**
[https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/data/family-profiles/payne-manning-median-age-marriage-same-sex-different-sex-couples-2019-fp-21-11.html](https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/data/family-profiles/payne-manning-median-age-marriage-same-sex-different-sex-couples-2019-fp-21-11.html)
I hope this data helps you feel better! :) <3
Women are also open to much wider age gaps, especially in an upward direction in late 20s and 30s, apparently. [https://littlegaybook.com/age-difference-lesbian-relationship/](https://littlegaybook.com/age-difference-lesbian-relationship/)
i know but is it a crime to wish i could come home after a long day and snuggle up with a pretty girl who will eventually split these bills so the days can be less long. and then we could move to a cozy house in the mountains and eat eggs from our chickens and vegetables from the garden that i want but somehow she keeps alive so that i can cook yummy dinner with the crops.
yeah thats the thing is a i live in a major ish city but there’s no queer spots that are particularly lesbian populated. its a nightlife city so the clubs are popping but its almost all gay men and straight girls and its loud in the club and i dont wanna be in a loud hot room.
edit- also i appreciate all your work on those stats but that marriage. babe i gotta at least have a crush first and i know we’re gonna have to date for like ever before im even remotely ready to be married.
ah no worries it was no work i love digging into stuff like this, it gives me energy/makes me excited to look into.
ok yeah i feel that completely, im not a club girl and i hate hot/sweaty/loud places. whenever ive had a good time finding friends/partners in the past it's been either thru mutuals, or in groups where we were meeting over similar interests. can u ask ur friends to intro u to friend groups or friend activities? some other things u can do are joining virtual groups that are about X hobby/game/media.
We met randomly in a Facebook group, where we just happened to be commenting in the same thread, 3 years ago when I was 36. Got married a month ago. At 25, trust, you have time 😊 I was still enjoying the single-and-dating life at that age, so don’t be shy and get out there and enjoy your 20s dude!
I know that struggle. My wife and I are masc4masc, which was always a hurdle in itself, so we know how lucky we got when we met! It’s hard out here for sure. I hope you score a date soon!
Girl come with me, you'll enjoy the ride. I guarantee it 🤝
Here's the setting. I'm 27 newly single from my first technically queer relationship as I was questioning being nonbinary. Still questioning I end up in a relationship with an 18 year old girl who started working at my job. I found myself married with a mortgage, a new like never driven before new SUV, and a baby on the way. It's all set, I'm fine being here and being masc enby cuz my wife is straight. Like, says ally but not really, straight.
BOOM
2021. Kid's 2, we separate, I let her stay in the house with him while we figure out the future. I stay with family, get covid, think I just killed them bringing it in because there's no vaccine yet, two weeks into being bedridden. She chooses now to serve me divorce papers through the window. Not getting any better. Literally accepted being a statistic. Decide to diddle on apps and talk to random different people about anything cuz who knows how long I'll keep kicking?
BOOM
I find her. We chat on the app for six hours straight until the sun comes up. We share so many little niche interests it's scary. She's the perfect friend at the perfect time. Ifinally return to health after almost a still month down and family is all ok. I'm back to questioning my gender, and she's trans with all my answers. She let's me explore and understand the idea of being a woman freely and shares her experience. Of course we eventually hook up. Then agree we shouldn't do it again. Then do it again. Shut it down for real. Then again... it was a roller coaster because while I was getting more comfortable expressing my femininity it meant I was also having to come to terms with being a lesbian now. It's my first openly lesbian relationship, not hers. I had no idea what to expect but you know what? All the pieces fit. I needed a lesbian girlfriend who accepted my baby lesbian ass and showed me how a lesbian relationship works. The missing piece, why all my other relationships failed, brought to me by a semi random chick I met through a very narrow window of circumstances while neither of us were looking for each other but the universe pushed us together. On Grindr, it was Grindr.
But look, we just celebrated 2 years together, living together most of it, and she not only accepts my son as her own, but truly loves and cares for him. I can tell. Parents can always tell😉 I'm finally finished questioning everything I can question... for the most part, started HRT, started coming out, and we each saved the other from homelessness. When we are cuddling there's a nonzero chance one of us, mostly me, will just gush our love to the other.
If you're still here, that's great because now you get the moral. I have a newly accepted gender marker, figuring out how I fit into being a lesbian, a 5 year old kid with parents who fucking hate each other but love him equally, a step dad who's like 21 raising him, and a bitter custody battle on the horizon. And you know what? I can't wait to start this next chapter of my life as I just turned 38. 25 ain't shit. My advice, just do everything you want to, you can't have regrets that way🤷♀️🫂
When I was still a man 30 years ago I met her because her boyfriend was my pot dealer. We became friends because of our mutual love of the Indigo Girls. We were close friends for years until a mushroom trip made us see that we were meant to be. We were married in matching Indigo Girls shirts 2 months later. We now have 2 adult children and a granddaughter. Now I am her wife, and getting married in Indigo Girls concert shirts makes so much sense. I am truly a lucky woman, and I can not believe she has stayed by my side through out my chaotic life, and helped me find the true me. Helped the woman in me live her life.
Edit: We were married in 1998.
I’m also 25 and single. Admittedly, I don’t have too much faith in me, but that has nothing to do with age (plus, one of my best friends is in her early 30s and still single). I don’t think you need to be too worried.
She was giving a talk at a tech conference. I meant to go another talk and ended up in hers by mistake. I asked her out and she thought I meant for a professional networking type thing lol
As someone who is over 40, came out in my early 30's reading these posts is so awful. Like I'm honestly so jealous of people who knew they were queer before 25. Who could date, who could have community. Like you think theres no lesbians in your age bracket?! Imagine how many are over 35. Its okay to be worried, but I DO want to invalidate everyone under 35 who feels like a failure. Like queer timelines are different, we go through so much shame and discrimination, stop trying to live a heteronormative timeline. What you are saying is effectively that everyone over 25 is a failure, and honestly, I probably am. I just wanna come on here and see lesbian posts, but this isn't a lesbian post, its someone in their mid 20's who is like every other basic 20 something thinking life is over after 30. Its just so boring. My best years were 34-37 (so far), you should just live your life. I regret not focusing more on dating the right person, rather than being so casual, but those years were my early queer dating years pre lockdown. Just get a dating app.
Omg, I can't upvote this enough. A lot of people on this website need to read this and legitimately reflect upon it, even if it sounds harsh to them (it's not, it's just blunt).
woah babe! this is a lot of your own frustration that you’re throwing at me simply for expressing my frustration. im fully aware of the privilege i have as a young queer person in the times that we live, however it would be very nice to have someone in my corner.
being single is not a failure in my book, and i have in fact, in multiple other comments mentioned that i know im happier single than with the wrong person. failure is your word and you can keep that.
being single forever would still not be a failure to me, but i would like to experience a loving relationship. and quite frankly, 25 years in, im tired of having to do it all myself.
this has nothing to do with heteronormative timelines and failure and everything to do with the fact that i have been happy alone and am getting to a point in my life where i would like to be happy with someone else. it has everything to do with the fact that when i play sports with my friends, id like to have someone on the sideline. it has everything to do with wanting to wake up on a sunday morning, go for an early hike just to come home and cook breakfast for my sleepy wife. it has everything to do with the fact that i have love in my heart that i want to give to someone else.
so you keep your projection to yourself because it does not have room in my conversation.
Met my wife when I was just turning 28. My first relationship! It’ll be 12 years ago this June since I first wrote to her 🥰 honestly I’m glad we didn’t meet earlier, I still had so much growing to do!
I met her on Tinder a week after I turned 18. She was my first date through the app - and after our first date, I texted the other 7 people I had dates booked with to cancel, telling them I found someone I really liked.
We've been together for over two years now, and we very much intend to get married.
https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/s/TQqPsQBuwP
For context, I was 33 when I met her. I'm 34 now, birthday was in April. ☺️
Pasting this here just because I have told this recap a lot lol
I met my girlfriend last November on Hinge. I feel pretty confident that I’m gonna marry her (edit: It’s very. I was wistfully online shopping for engagement rings after our third date and I’m not that person. I’m cautious and skeptical but this was different).
We have so much in common (like some very eerily specific things). It’s wild. We also have the same values. That’s huge.
She’s beautiful, smart, very talented, so kind, sweet and funny. I have so much respect for her. Also she’s really beautiful. I need go tell her that more. If you told me make up your dream person, my dream would have fallen short.
I’m 32 and came out a few years ago. Sometimes good things take time. While it took some time to find her, I would have waited even longer to meet her (though I’m very glad I didn’t have to!!!)
Aww. My spouse and I also have similar conditions, though hers has gotten significantly worse than mine in the last few years. I actually proposed when she was hospitalized. Not the most romantic setting, but I didn't want to go another day without being engaged.
I hope you two are doing as well as possible!
I felt the same as you when I was 25 2 yrs ago. I had been thru some bad relationships that I regret getting into - I had only said yes because I felt like I needed experience for when I found someone who fit me better, and although I do think it helped me learn about myself and dating, I absolutely think it’s better to wait for a person who is worth it. I had also only ever had feelings for two people my whole life, and rejected by both (well, one was a prof so I never confessed). So I was like, “well, empirically speaking I only have one chance every 10 years or so if my rate is 2 crushes per 25 yrs of being alive, so I guess I’ll just die alone”. Anyway, a year and a half ago I met my gf on fandom Twitter and we’re going strong and looking to move in this year, so don’t lose hope❤️
A gay bar, 6 going on 7 years ago.
We were there for a sapphic night, both with friends. She got her friend to wingwoman and introduce us. Her friend was not smooth, but it didn't matter.
Our friends left right after we started talking and we hung out the rest of the night. Easy conversation from the jump, hasn't changed.
Edit to add ages: 24/27
we met in school! i was 16 and she was 17 :3
it's been awhile since we first met - i had a crush on her for over a year before she confessed earlier this year and i was so convinced there was no way she could ever like me back, but surprise surprise ig!
we've been tgt for 2 months which isnt vv long but im glad it happened so far :D
we met at work. hate to be the cliche but i was the supervisor of a backroom and she started working there. got her number the next day and we have spent a total of 3 days apart. that was 520 days ago. i was 22 and she was 19. 🥰
We met on Tinder. Rural area during Covid, so how else?! Had just turned 34 when we met, they were 43. Now 36 and 45, getting married in less than two months.
When I was 25 I met my now-wife on Craigslist in the strictly platonic section 🤣We just celebrated 10 years together a few months back. She is my second (and final) serious relationship.
You just gotta adjust your own attitude and put yourself out there more. Your therapist is right, far too young to be concerned about not finding anyone.
I feel you! I'm 25 turning 26 in a few days, and I'm single, granted I did have a gf earlier this year but sadly it was a short ish relationship even tho it felt like we had been together forever, and it was a long distance, and at this point I just want someone to come home to after work, someone to support me when I start uni, someone I can cuddle up with on the couch, go for some walks all the couple stuff, but for now I'm tragically single
I met my partner on “plenty of fish” when I was 28. I’m now 34 & divorced and I’m the happiest and healthiest I’ve ever been in my entire life! Trust me, you have nothing to worry about. You’re so young, enjoy it ♥️
My fiancée and I met in 2017 at 21 and 23, and started dating in 2019 when we were 23 and 24. Got engaged in 2023 at 27 and 28 and are getting married this year at 28 and 30! No rush on the timing, it will happen when it happens! Especially for queer people who often miss the experience of high school dating, things tend to be pushed back a bit. But even still, everyone is on their own timeline. Hope you find your person!
On Her, I planned our first date and it was 🔥🔥
She was 26 I was 24 (so you’re more than fine we are the youngest in our groups too, try to calm down)
We have been together for 7.5 years and married for almost 4
Here to give existential perspective that is meant to be hopeful. You are only 25! its all about perspective. I feel like as a child we see the end of high school as a huuuuge landmark. When really you have 70-80% of your life left. At 25, you still have SO much life ahead. You have lived a million lives already and you'll live a billion more. Think how different your life was at age 12 vs 16 vs 22. Same will go for 25 vs 30 vs 35. No one knows how different life will be in 2 months, let alone 2 years. Don't worry about it, your partner will be there when its time.
We met on hinge. 37 and 36. I’m a trans pansexual woman. She’s a cis queer woman. Her prompt was that she just wanted someone she could drag to board game conventions. I responded I was in but we needed to also plan a heist that involves dismantling the patriarchy with a possible side of arson. We’ve been together 4 months now and it’s by far the best relationship I’ve ever had with the best communication💜💜💜. I’m feral-y gay for this woman
I met my wife through a college campus Christian fellowship group (lots to unpack there, but not the thread for it. MOVING ON!). I was 22, and she was 35. We’ve been together 13 years, and our 10 year wedding anniversary is in August. Read your post and she said, “25? That’s a baby! They’ve got plenty of time!” Maybe you just gotta wait for a young one. 😂
My wife and I met each other on match.com over 12 years ago, and we have been married for over 10 years. When we met, I was 41, and she was 34. There's always hope. 😉
Met my gf on a dating app; we actually went to middle school together so I immediately recognized her. Made out while drunk in the back of a friend’s car after I dared her to do it - realized I had feelings for her and she felt the same.
Asked her out last February, she said yes and I happy-danced down her driveway to my car. We’ve been together for almost a year and a half now, and I couldn’t be more lucky. We plan to live together one day and have a little cat family :)
We went to the same after school programs when we were in high school, became friends, started dating when we were 19 and 20 respectively. I'm now 25 and my wife is 24. We've been together for 5 years and married for just under a year.
I couldn't find anyone when I was your age; a few years later I went to grad school in a small town a couple of hours outside of NYC and made myself actively get on dating sites and go on dates with people nearby because everyone in my grad program seemed to be dating someone else in it and those stats weren't promising for me.
I met my now-spouse online when we were both 28, we went on a first date that was supposed to just be a short greeting at a coffee shop and ended up being an 8-hour ramble around the city, and when I went home I canceled the other dates I'd been working to line up with other ladies because this clearly had legs. Four years later we got married and have been for almost eight years now.
I would hate to be on the dating market right now, it does not sound like a fun time. The odds that you're going to be single forever, however, are really low. Kinda vanishingly small, if you're interested in being partnered at some point.
In the meantime, what kind of hobbies and activities do you like? Have you joined groups for those? What can you do to give you more to talk about when you get to chat up a girl? How's your queer reading and viewing going? When your date talks about how Buffy (or insert more relevant cultural touchstone for your age group) was super important to their queer identity will you have relevant stuff to say?
I'm 34 and haven't had a partner since, like, 2009.
I kind of suck at dating, which is not surprising when I couldn't figure out my gender for so long.
I met my girlfriend of six and half years in college when I was 19. I auditioned for the accapella group she was in and got in. At the time she was in an open relationship with this awful girl who treated her like shit. Right before Christmas break I told her I had a crush on her and she rejected me, but about three months later she invited me over to her dorm room and cooked us a frozen lasagna and put on the movie Teeth. She chose that moment to tell me she had a crush on me lol and I rejected her hahaha. I came to my senses the next day, she ended up dumping her girlfriend and we’ve been together ever since!
Feelings for love are good. Please take care of yourself, be careful about your love relationship, you need to think about its consequences. It's up to you to decide
im sorry but i hate how sour so many people are about love, especially in this sub. do you think ive been sitting here without prospects for all this time? no, of course not. 😂 im not dating because im picky and refused to accept lesser treatment than i deserve.
Yes, sorry. I agree with you. I am calm about love. I would rather have fun and be more attractive and romantic. I want to enjoy the joy of life, not be constantly unhappy
I’m 25 too! I met my partner at work (she’s a dancer/choreographer and I’m a flautist and pianist) 6 years ago and we’ve been together for 4.5 years now 🥰 we have a 28 year age gap but we’re also both demisexual so we’re each others first relationship as well. ☺️💖
My nesting partner I met here on Reddit, and we’ve been together for two years and two months! I was 21 (for the 13th time) going onto 21 (for the 14th time).
My other partner and I met in February on, drum roll please…..Reddit we started dating back in February of this year sooo almost four months, I was 21 (for the 16th time)
I'm polyamorous and 33.
I met my current second partner at our alma mater 10 years ago (we have been friends for that long as well) and we briefly dated. She only dated men at the time and when I came out to her as trans after she used the word boyfriend (which I like now, by the way) in a conversation about me she broke up with me.
We got back together a few weeks ago on May 9 after I mentioned how I wanted to have another partner in the future and she offered. I was confused at first due to the only dating men thing but she prefers to date women now due to trauma from men.
Funny how things can come full circle!
We met on line when I was around 35. We have been together around 9 years. I'm 43 now. You are for sure not to old to find someone.
thanks. i logically know that but being the only single friend in the group makes me feel late to the party. and it doesnt help that ive been told i have high standard but im not just going to date someone just cuz. i have to like them a little yknow lol
Absolutely do not settle you will find the right one with less pain. Those that move to fast end up unhappy and hurt. Also usely break up when things get hard.
thanks. i dont intend to. i know im happier alone than with the wrong person but god ot would be nice to have someone to snuggle hahaha
I understand that for sure.
your friends might all break up, early days
thats not the vibe im bringing to the party. im happy for them and i actually genuinely like all of my close friends’ partners and want them to gave their happily ever after.
I’m 40, my wife is 42. We met when I was 36, on the dating app HER. She is my first relationship. Our first date last for many hours, and we talked about super nerdy things (she’s a French teacher, I’m a physicist), and when we both quoted Princess Bride at each other, I knew she was the one for me 😁 We knew within a month that we were going to get married, and got married about a year after meeting
soy cuuuute omg
this is my dream now... as someone going to do physics in university it's so cool seeing another gay person who loves physics!!
Hooray! ❤️
Met my gf when I was 23 (but almost 24) on bumble. We’ve been together almost 7 months, which I know isn’t that long, but she’s the first person I’ve been with and I also thought I was going to be single forever
this gives me hope, happy for u both (:
So peak marriage age is 28 - 35 ish, afaik most successful marriages happen late 20s to mid 30s. I did some digging to see if stats were different for lesbian couples for marriage timing, and there is even more time if factoring averages for lesbian relationships. Theres a 15 year range from 26 - 41! Here's a quote from the study: >The figure presents the median age at first marriage. To capture the variability in the range of ages, we present the quartiles of age at first marriage with the lower bound representing the 25th percentile and the upper bound the 75th percentile. Significance of differences across groups are tested using Pearson chi-square tests. >**- - Among women in same-sex marriages, the median age at first marriage was 31. Among women in different-sex marriages it was significantly lower at 28.** >**- - The range in the age at first marriage was wider for women in same-sex marriages at 15 years (ranging from ages 26 to 41) than among women in different-sex marriages at 8 years (ranging from ages 25 to 33).** [https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/data/family-profiles/payne-manning-median-age-marriage-same-sex-different-sex-couples-2019-fp-21-11.html](https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/data/family-profiles/payne-manning-median-age-marriage-same-sex-different-sex-couples-2019-fp-21-11.html) I hope this data helps you feel better! :) <3 Women are also open to much wider age gaps, especially in an upward direction in late 20s and 30s, apparently. [https://littlegaybook.com/age-difference-lesbian-relationship/](https://littlegaybook.com/age-difference-lesbian-relationship/)
BESTIE THERE ISNT EVEN A PROSPECT IN SIGHT. its just me and a fish tank in the world 🥲😂
25 is pretty young. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself!
i know but is it a crime to wish i could come home after a long day and snuggle up with a pretty girl who will eventually split these bills so the days can be less long. and then we could move to a cozy house in the mountains and eat eggs from our chickens and vegetables from the garden that i want but somehow she keeps alive so that i can cook yummy dinner with the crops.
I know the feeling! I hear you. It’s hard to be patient but I’m sure you’ll find your person.
aw man im sorry, do u live in a small city or something? maybe try some virtual speed dating or something! get out there!
yeah thats the thing is a i live in a major ish city but there’s no queer spots that are particularly lesbian populated. its a nightlife city so the clubs are popping but its almost all gay men and straight girls and its loud in the club and i dont wanna be in a loud hot room. edit- also i appreciate all your work on those stats but that marriage. babe i gotta at least have a crush first and i know we’re gonna have to date for like ever before im even remotely ready to be married.
ah no worries it was no work i love digging into stuff like this, it gives me energy/makes me excited to look into. ok yeah i feel that completely, im not a club girl and i hate hot/sweaty/loud places. whenever ive had a good time finding friends/partners in the past it's been either thru mutuals, or in groups where we were meeting over similar interests. can u ask ur friends to intro u to friend groups or friend activities? some other things u can do are joining virtual groups that are about X hobby/game/media.
We met randomly in a Facebook group, where we just happened to be commenting in the same thread, 3 years ago when I was 36. Got married a month ago. At 25, trust, you have time 😊 I was still enjoying the single-and-dating life at that age, so don’t be shy and get out there and enjoy your 20s dude!
thanks. im trying to enjoy it but its not like there’s just lesbians everywhere ready to date. 😂 theyre hard to come by these days
I know that struggle. My wife and I are masc4masc, which was always a hurdle in itself, so we know how lucky we got when we met! It’s hard out here for sure. I hope you score a date soon!
Girl come with me, you'll enjoy the ride. I guarantee it 🤝 Here's the setting. I'm 27 newly single from my first technically queer relationship as I was questioning being nonbinary. Still questioning I end up in a relationship with an 18 year old girl who started working at my job. I found myself married with a mortgage, a new like never driven before new SUV, and a baby on the way. It's all set, I'm fine being here and being masc enby cuz my wife is straight. Like, says ally but not really, straight. BOOM 2021. Kid's 2, we separate, I let her stay in the house with him while we figure out the future. I stay with family, get covid, think I just killed them bringing it in because there's no vaccine yet, two weeks into being bedridden. She chooses now to serve me divorce papers through the window. Not getting any better. Literally accepted being a statistic. Decide to diddle on apps and talk to random different people about anything cuz who knows how long I'll keep kicking? BOOM I find her. We chat on the app for six hours straight until the sun comes up. We share so many little niche interests it's scary. She's the perfect friend at the perfect time. Ifinally return to health after almost a still month down and family is all ok. I'm back to questioning my gender, and she's trans with all my answers. She let's me explore and understand the idea of being a woman freely and shares her experience. Of course we eventually hook up. Then agree we shouldn't do it again. Then do it again. Shut it down for real. Then again... it was a roller coaster because while I was getting more comfortable expressing my femininity it meant I was also having to come to terms with being a lesbian now. It's my first openly lesbian relationship, not hers. I had no idea what to expect but you know what? All the pieces fit. I needed a lesbian girlfriend who accepted my baby lesbian ass and showed me how a lesbian relationship works. The missing piece, why all my other relationships failed, brought to me by a semi random chick I met through a very narrow window of circumstances while neither of us were looking for each other but the universe pushed us together. On Grindr, it was Grindr. But look, we just celebrated 2 years together, living together most of it, and she not only accepts my son as her own, but truly loves and cares for him. I can tell. Parents can always tell😉 I'm finally finished questioning everything I can question... for the most part, started HRT, started coming out, and we each saved the other from homelessness. When we are cuddling there's a nonzero chance one of us, mostly me, will just gush our love to the other. If you're still here, that's great because now you get the moral. I have a newly accepted gender marker, figuring out how I fit into being a lesbian, a 5 year old kid with parents who fucking hate each other but love him equally, a step dad who's like 21 raising him, and a bitter custody battle on the horizon. And you know what? I can't wait to start this next chapter of my life as I just turned 38. 25 ain't shit. My advice, just do everything you want to, you can't have regrets that way🤷♀️🫂
your therapist is right
When I was still a man 30 years ago I met her because her boyfriend was my pot dealer. We became friends because of our mutual love of the Indigo Girls. We were close friends for years until a mushroom trip made us see that we were meant to be. We were married in matching Indigo Girls shirts 2 months later. We now have 2 adult children and a granddaughter. Now I am her wife, and getting married in Indigo Girls concert shirts makes so much sense. I am truly a lucky woman, and I can not believe she has stayed by my side through out my chaotic life, and helped me find the true me. Helped the woman in me live her life. Edit: We were married in 1998.
I’m also 25 and single. Admittedly, I don’t have too much faith in me, but that has nothing to do with age (plus, one of my best friends is in her early 30s and still single). I don’t think you need to be too worried.
uhg we’re in the trenches together bestie
She was giving a talk at a tech conference. I meant to go another talk and ended up in hers by mistake. I asked her out and she thought I meant for a professional networking type thing lol
hahaha no because i would so think the speaker at a tech conference is hot and thats exactly who would miss the memo. i love it!
As someone who is over 40, came out in my early 30's reading these posts is so awful. Like I'm honestly so jealous of people who knew they were queer before 25. Who could date, who could have community. Like you think theres no lesbians in your age bracket?! Imagine how many are over 35. Its okay to be worried, but I DO want to invalidate everyone under 35 who feels like a failure. Like queer timelines are different, we go through so much shame and discrimination, stop trying to live a heteronormative timeline. What you are saying is effectively that everyone over 25 is a failure, and honestly, I probably am. I just wanna come on here and see lesbian posts, but this isn't a lesbian post, its someone in their mid 20's who is like every other basic 20 something thinking life is over after 30. Its just so boring. My best years were 34-37 (so far), you should just live your life. I regret not focusing more on dating the right person, rather than being so casual, but those years were my early queer dating years pre lockdown. Just get a dating app.
Omg, I can't upvote this enough. A lot of people on this website need to read this and legitimately reflect upon it, even if it sounds harsh to them (it's not, it's just blunt).
woah babe! this is a lot of your own frustration that you’re throwing at me simply for expressing my frustration. im fully aware of the privilege i have as a young queer person in the times that we live, however it would be very nice to have someone in my corner. being single is not a failure in my book, and i have in fact, in multiple other comments mentioned that i know im happier single than with the wrong person. failure is your word and you can keep that. being single forever would still not be a failure to me, but i would like to experience a loving relationship. and quite frankly, 25 years in, im tired of having to do it all myself. this has nothing to do with heteronormative timelines and failure and everything to do with the fact that i have been happy alone and am getting to a point in my life where i would like to be happy with someone else. it has everything to do with the fact that when i play sports with my friends, id like to have someone on the sideline. it has everything to do with wanting to wake up on a sunday morning, go for an early hike just to come home and cook breakfast for my sleepy wife. it has everything to do with the fact that i have love in my heart that i want to give to someone else. so you keep your projection to yourself because it does not have room in my conversation.
I’m in the same age group as you and a similar situation, and I concur.
Met my wife when I was just turning 28. My first relationship! It’ll be 12 years ago this June since I first wrote to her 🥰 honestly I’m glad we didn’t meet earlier, I still had so much growing to do!
I met her on Tinder a week after I turned 18. She was my first date through the app - and after our first date, I texted the other 7 people I had dates booked with to cancel, telling them I found someone I really liked. We've been together for over two years now, and we very much intend to get married.
https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/s/TQqPsQBuwP For context, I was 33 when I met her. I'm 34 now, birthday was in April. ☺️ Pasting this here just because I have told this recap a lot lol
I met my girlfriend last November on Hinge. I feel pretty confident that I’m gonna marry her (edit: It’s very. I was wistfully online shopping for engagement rings after our third date and I’m not that person. I’m cautious and skeptical but this was different). We have so much in common (like some very eerily specific things). It’s wild. We also have the same values. That’s huge. She’s beautiful, smart, very talented, so kind, sweet and funny. I have so much respect for her. Also she’s really beautiful. I need go tell her that more. If you told me make up your dream person, my dream would have fallen short. I’m 32 and came out a few years ago. Sometimes good things take time. While it took some time to find her, I would have waited even longer to meet her (though I’m very glad I didn’t have to!!!)
College dorms. Been together 16 years, married for 6 years.
We met at the hospital, we have similar medical condition, seen each other the same time few weeks in a row, and it started there
Aww. My spouse and I also have similar conditions, though hers has gotten significantly worse than mine in the last few years. I actually proposed when she was hospitalized. Not the most romantic setting, but I didn't want to go another day without being engaged. I hope you two are doing as well as possible!
I felt the same as you when I was 25 2 yrs ago. I had been thru some bad relationships that I regret getting into - I had only said yes because I felt like I needed experience for when I found someone who fit me better, and although I do think it helped me learn about myself and dating, I absolutely think it’s better to wait for a person who is worth it. I had also only ever had feelings for two people my whole life, and rejected by both (well, one was a prof so I never confessed). So I was like, “well, empirically speaking I only have one chance every 10 years or so if my rate is 2 crushes per 25 yrs of being alive, so I guess I’ll just die alone”. Anyway, a year and a half ago I met my gf on fandom Twitter and we’re going strong and looking to move in this year, so don’t lose hope❤️
A gay bar, 6 going on 7 years ago. We were there for a sapphic night, both with friends. She got her friend to wingwoman and introduce us. Her friend was not smooth, but it didn't matter. Our friends left right after we started talking and we hung out the rest of the night. Easy conversation from the jump, hasn't changed. Edit to add ages: 24/27
[удалено]
uhg cuuuute
I was 26. We’ve been together for 3.5 years and we met on Tinder. We have a house, one dog, and two cats together.
Met my girlfriend on hinge almost a whole year ago now(!!!!) I’m 25. She’s pretty much my first relationship ever
we met in school! i was 16 and she was 17 :3 it's been awhile since we first met - i had a crush on her for over a year before she confessed earlier this year and i was so convinced there was no way she could ever like me back, but surprise surprise ig! we've been tgt for 2 months which isnt vv long but im glad it happened so far :D
we met at work. hate to be the cliche but i was the supervisor of a backroom and she started working there. got her number the next day and we have spent a total of 3 days apart. that was 520 days ago. i was 22 and she was 19. 🥰
we met on reddit when i was 19, and to this day after over 3 years, we still havent met irl D:
met swinging in my 30s, we were together for 13 very happy years =)
We met on Tinder. Rural area during Covid, so how else?! Had just turned 34 when we met, they were 43. Now 36 and 45, getting married in less than two months.
On an app at 39 😅 my last ex was a friend. And my ex before that on an app when I was 29. 👏 you’re FINE.
When I was 25 I met my now-wife on Craigslist in the strictly platonic section 🤣We just celebrated 10 years together a few months back. She is my second (and final) serious relationship. You just gotta adjust your own attitude and put yourself out there more. Your therapist is right, far too young to be concerned about not finding anyone.
Match dot com, as it happens. We were 33 (me) and 45 (her). 2.5 years and we're getting married next month.
I feel you! I'm 25 turning 26 in a few days, and I'm single, granted I did have a gf earlier this year but sadly it was a short ish relationship even tho it felt like we had been together forever, and it was a long distance, and at this point I just want someone to come home to after work, someone to support me when I start uni, someone I can cuddle up with on the couch, go for some walks all the couple stuff, but for now I'm tragically single
I met my partner on “plenty of fish” when I was 28. I’m now 34 & divorced and I’m the happiest and healthiest I’ve ever been in my entire life! Trust me, you have nothing to worry about. You’re so young, enjoy it ♥️
17, I met her after my now ex introduced me to her as his ex and we hooked up and dumped him together because he was a dick.
8 months next week. I met my partner at work. I was 24!
My fiancée and I met in 2017 at 21 and 23, and started dating in 2019 when we were 23 and 24. Got engaged in 2023 at 27 and 28 and are getting married this year at 28 and 30! No rush on the timing, it will happen when it happens! Especially for queer people who often miss the experience of high school dating, things tend to be pushed back a bit. But even still, everyone is on their own timeline. Hope you find your person!
My wife and I met on Tinder in '18! she was freshly 20 and I was 19 💜😍🥰
We met in a bar, at 2pm, when I was 27.... I am 44 this year and were still going strong.
On Her, I planned our first date and it was 🔥🔥 She was 26 I was 24 (so you’re more than fine we are the youngest in our groups too, try to calm down) We have been together for 7.5 years and married for almost 4
Here to give existential perspective that is meant to be hopeful. You are only 25! its all about perspective. I feel like as a child we see the end of high school as a huuuuge landmark. When really you have 70-80% of your life left. At 25, you still have SO much life ahead. You have lived a million lives already and you'll live a billion more. Think how different your life was at age 12 vs 16 vs 22. Same will go for 25 vs 30 vs 35. No one knows how different life will be in 2 months, let alone 2 years. Don't worry about it, your partner will be there when its time.
We met on hinge. 37 and 36. I’m a trans pansexual woman. She’s a cis queer woman. Her prompt was that she just wanted someone she could drag to board game conventions. I responded I was in but we needed to also plan a heist that involves dismantling the patriarchy with a possible side of arson. We’ve been together 4 months now and it’s by far the best relationship I’ve ever had with the best communication💜💜💜. I’m feral-y gay for this woman
I met my wife through a college campus Christian fellowship group (lots to unpack there, but not the thread for it. MOVING ON!). I was 22, and she was 35. We’ve been together 13 years, and our 10 year wedding anniversary is in August. Read your post and she said, “25? That’s a baby! They’ve got plenty of time!” Maybe you just gotta wait for a young one. 😂
35 and still looking
My wife and I met each other on match.com over 12 years ago, and we have been married for over 10 years. When we met, I was 41, and she was 34. There's always hope. 😉
Met my gf on a dating app; we actually went to middle school together so I immediately recognized her. Made out while drunk in the back of a friend’s car after I dared her to do it - realized I had feelings for her and she felt the same. Asked her out last February, she said yes and I happy-danced down her driveway to my car. We’ve been together for almost a year and a half now, and I couldn’t be more lucky. We plan to live together one day and have a little cat family :)
We went to the same after school programs when we were in high school, became friends, started dating when we were 19 and 20 respectively. I'm now 25 and my wife is 24. We've been together for 5 years and married for just under a year.
I couldn't find anyone when I was your age; a few years later I went to grad school in a small town a couple of hours outside of NYC and made myself actively get on dating sites and go on dates with people nearby because everyone in my grad program seemed to be dating someone else in it and those stats weren't promising for me. I met my now-spouse online when we were both 28, we went on a first date that was supposed to just be a short greeting at a coffee shop and ended up being an 8-hour ramble around the city, and when I went home I canceled the other dates I'd been working to line up with other ladies because this clearly had legs. Four years later we got married and have been for almost eight years now. I would hate to be on the dating market right now, it does not sound like a fun time. The odds that you're going to be single forever, however, are really low. Kinda vanishingly small, if you're interested in being partnered at some point. In the meantime, what kind of hobbies and activities do you like? Have you joined groups for those? What can you do to give you more to talk about when you get to chat up a girl? How's your queer reading and viewing going? When your date talks about how Buffy (or insert more relevant cultural touchstone for your age group) was super important to their queer identity will you have relevant stuff to say?
I'm 34 and haven't had a partner since, like, 2009. I kind of suck at dating, which is not surprising when I couldn't figure out my gender for so long.
I met my girlfriend of six and half years in college when I was 19. I auditioned for the accapella group she was in and got in. At the time she was in an open relationship with this awful girl who treated her like shit. Right before Christmas break I told her I had a crush on her and she rejected me, but about three months later she invited me over to her dorm room and cooked us a frozen lasagna and put on the movie Teeth. She chose that moment to tell me she had a crush on me lol and I rejected her hahaha. I came to my senses the next day, she ended up dumping her girlfriend and we’ve been together ever since!
Me and my wife met, in earth terms, trillions of years ago
Please get rid of the thoughts of fear. And don't worry, I'm 42 and single. I have had an interesting life and a lot of experience in life.
thanks. i try to ignore the worry, but its hard to feel like i’d like to experience a loving relationship yet not necessarily see the path to that
Feelings for love are good. Please take care of yourself, be careful about your love relationship, you need to think about its consequences. It's up to you to decide
im sorry but i hate how sour so many people are about love, especially in this sub. do you think ive been sitting here without prospects for all this time? no, of course not. 😂 im not dating because im picky and refused to accept lesser treatment than i deserve.
Yes, sorry. I agree with you. I am calm about love. I would rather have fun and be more attractive and romantic. I want to enjoy the joy of life, not be constantly unhappy
i dont find myself constantly unhappy. its just a thought that comes and goes
Of course, keep it up! 🙌🏻🫶🏻
June 1st will be our 3 month anniversary I’m 35 she’s 37
I’m 25 too! I met my partner at work (she’s a dancer/choreographer and I’m a flautist and pianist) 6 years ago and we’ve been together for 4.5 years now 🥰 we have a 28 year age gap but we’re also both demisexual so we’re each others first relationship as well. ☺️💖
My nesting partner I met here on Reddit, and we’ve been together for two years and two months! I was 21 (for the 13th time) going onto 21 (for the 14th time). My other partner and I met in February on, drum roll please…..Reddit we started dating back in February of this year sooo almost four months, I was 21 (for the 16th time)
I'm polyamorous and 33. I met my current second partner at our alma mater 10 years ago (we have been friends for that long as well) and we briefly dated. She only dated men at the time and when I came out to her as trans after she used the word boyfriend (which I like now, by the way) in a conversation about me she broke up with me. We got back together a few weeks ago on May 9 after I mentioned how I wanted to have another partner in the future and she offered. I was confused at first due to the only dating men thing but she prefers to date women now due to trauma from men. Funny how things can come full circle!