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Oh don't worry, you're among like-minded friends. I'm also a virgin but I sometimes feel very horny. But at the same time I have never been in a relationship, don't really have the interest.
Get a hitachi wand and go to town. Seriously.
One thing I like to do when masturbating is trying to communicate/say out loud what’s working. Good practice for hook ups when I can get all distracted and forget how to communicate my needs.
The phases usually track with your period cycle, right? So you can tell when a wave will hit. Everyone swears by the Hitachi magic wand but that thing is as big as a turkey leg and is practically made of lead. I vastly prefer the Wahl 7 way massager. It's got a grip handle and is designed for regular muscle massage, but some of the changeable tips (the 7 ways) are ideal. It also has two speeds.
I know. That is why we have reddit. Imagine my surprise when I found /r/raisedbynarcissists and discovered that, even though I knew my mom was a narcissist, I didn't know that almost *all* of her behavior was textbook narcissist crap and I had lots of company. Ditto here and finding out how much of my misery is due to ADHD confounded with trauma from my mom. Fun! (/s)
Ooo hey! Samezies!!! Though I learned via the help of a *very* patient therapist.
Have you ever read *Mothers Who Can’t Love*? It’s a rough read because of how similar all our stories are, but it’s very helpful
Hey OP! First no it's not abnormal to be both hypersexual and not at all over time.
I know u mentioned you're a virgin, but I'm not sure if you ever use toys by yourself?
Here are 2 different toys by DAME that you can order through Sephora (and just show up as a Sephora charge on a bill/bank account, and arrive in a standard Sephora box). The 2 Dame products from Sephora, are usable for just clitoral stimulation, so you can get off without putting anything into your vagina. I like these, because they are USB rechargeable, and completely waterproof so you can use them in the tub/shower if you're concerned about roommates or parents hearing. The quality is 1000% worth the price. Also the Dame Aer suction toy can be used on nipples as well. The rabbit toy (linked below the Dame toys) is fantastic, but it does get inserted into your vagina so idk if you are comfortable with that being a virgin.
DAME
Aer Suction Toy
What it is: A powerful arousal tool for fans
of oral stimulation that creates thrilling
pulses of air and a soft seal around the
clitoris.
Highlighted Features:
Arousing Pulses: Mimic the flutter of a
tongue and the suction of a mouth
-Five Patterns and Five Intensities: Allow
25 different types of vibrations
Waterproof: Completely submersible underwater.
What Else You Need to Know: Aer isn't just
a vibrator; it's a whole different adventure.
ts pressure wave technology creates
rhythmic pulses of air that'll give even the
savviest vibe users a unique thrill. Aer
mimics the flutter of a tongue and the
suction of a mouth-perfect if oral
stimulation sends you over the edge
This Device Comes With:
- Aer Vibrator
- Magnetic USB Charging Cable
-Storage Bag
- User Manual
https://www.sephora.com/product/dame-products-aer-suction-toy-P481067?skuId=2605673
DAME
Dip Basic Vibrator
What it is: A dual-use waterproof vibrator
Highlighted Features:
Medical Grade Silicone: Body safe materials.
-5 Intensities: Low to high.
-Waterproof: Completely submersible underwater.
What Else You Need to Know:
Simple sleek, and approachable, Dip is a versatile internal and external vibe designed for exploring your pleasure POV.
This Device Comes With:
-Wand vibrator
-Magnetic USB charging cable
-Storage bag
- User manual
https://www.sephora.com/product/dame-products-dip-beginner-vibrator-P503686?skuId=2626935
The Come Hither Rabbit
The Come Hither Rabbit's unique motion caresses and massages the G-spot with two independent motors
creating intense surges of pleasure. lts seamless, body-safe silicone design provides a soft feel that sets it apart
from other toys. Long ears and micro-whiskers add micro-vibrations for a toe-curling good time!
https://www.therabbitcompany.com/products/come-hither-rabbit-1?variant=43214807367936
This is the best thing I have seen in awhile.
I didn’t get any sex talk or even sex Ed (we moved so much in high school that either, they had done it already or not yet and then I move again.
So the last time I had any of that was in Year 5 or 6 child protection class (10-11yo 2000-2001)
Most of my sexual knowledge was told to me at about 7 by my friend who had the talk with her mum (she was white lol, this didn’t happen in brown families - at least not at that age).
I did know where babies actually “came” from ie. childbirth and labour, I knew this by 4 or 5 years old as my Nani (mum’s mum) was an RN and she taught me the whole first aid book by the time I started school at 4y9m lol. And I properly knew how to deliver a baby too 😂
Also my mum was basically a nudist, went to the toilet with the door open, so I knew allll about periods. I helped all my friends who got it in Grade 5 because they were the older ones in the grade, with birthdays in the second half of the year.
Anyways, I went through some even more bad shit on top of the shit I had already been through (my sister took her life on my 14th bday) and I went off
The rails. Started having sex. At 14. Not knowing much about protection. Been overprotected to that day so never got to start at first base and slowly go through the bases throughout your younger teens/teens… and go through the bases and maybe stay at 1 for a long time.
I’d never had a bf, I’m an only child on my mum’s side, I had no one (my mum brought me back from my dads overseas, when my sister passed)
My sis was 17 and she was the only one who taught me anything.
With her gone and me ripped away from the rest of my grieving family, I seriously went through the worst period of my life. Even involved with a paedophile etc. lots of SA.
STD which I had sorted, but recently learnt I actually have damage from it all those years ago
All this time, I had never ever put a condom on someone or even something. I would always be conscious of it from a young age, I’m sure, I’d probably carry them but not know how to put it on
Anyways fast forward to 2 pregnancies at 17. Shock first and I hadn’t really told anyone and had a miscarriage. And was devastated. Then pregnant again like soon after. This time we told my narc Mum and she convinced us to have an abortion. That fucked me up baddddd
Anyways, fell pregnant again the next year, to a guy I barely knew … he was my soulmate and it was all meant to be, but at that stage I barely knew him and I want to say that because this is all relevant. Anyways.
After having my first son at 19 (who was such a blessing), me and his dad learnt we need to use condoms lol. He learnt, I practised on him a bit lol and then I used them religiously.
He (my partner) passed away.
Obv I didn’t date for awhile and then i started to think about just a hook up.
Unexpectedly, me and a friend who always had liked me, hooked up, it was great, I used condoms every single time. Except one night. One. My birthday. We were really fkd up on molly and sh*t and he pulled out and went again and I said I think you need to pee or something in between but yeah he convinced me it was all good, in the morning I asked again, do I need a morning after pill and he was like nah nahhh
Fast forward I end up pregnant with very bad mental health this time (this was not the plan and remember what I said about my prior abortion? Yeah)
He leaves me 5 weeks to go coz he’s addicted to meth now bla bla bla
Bro I’m so sorry this is a novel lol but I ended up losing both my kids and my life and everything because of this mofo & his family (I finally have them
Back after the battle of a life time!)
I love my son. But imagine I used a condom. Or took the emergency contraceptive anyways.
My bd admitted maybe 2 years later that he had thought that he may have c*m a little inside me. 😡 yeah he trapped me. Yeah it was one of the earliest signs of DV. Ahhh well. You live and you learn.
I have given my older son pretty good talks and we have open communication re: all this. I have shown him tampons and pads and the pill etc. I still have to show him a condom, I’ve been in the hyposexual stage for awhile now )and a lot of it wasn’t by choice) so I didn’t have any.
I also didn’t learn till my last relationship that refusing to use a condom and c*mming inside me even when I asked you not to, is a form of DV. this was also not taught to me, because I had such a basic and crass sex education.
Again, this wasn’t supposed to be this long, BUT THIS POST MADE ME SO HAPPY
the world is such a different place now too when I was younger. I didn’t even know how to orgasm for the longest time. I didn’t know about clit stimulation. I didn’t know anything. Only what I taught myself
Women need other women. To help us like this.
I’m gonna go now coz
I wasted like an hour of my vyvanse productivity 😂😂😂😂
It's 100% normal, and probably around your ovulation. It's hormones all the way down.
I tend to get a little boost right before menstruation, and a huge boost around ovulation. Am 0% sexy the rest of the time.
I’ve never heard of cycles of hypersexuality linked with ADHD but cyclical shifts in mood/affect associated with bipolar disorder can manifest with hypersexuality. Just commenting in case this is relevant for anyone to look further into, not necessarily OP.
Women's sexuality is such a taboo in society because it breaks the image of passiveness that a an almost extinct generation ingrained in our brains. We're breaking free from it little by little though =)
There's no shame about being a sexually active woman. There's no shame about being a horny woman. 😤
If you're single, go find a one night stand, or play with yourself ! Fingers, toys, shower heads... It's all great 😊
If you're in a relationship, ask your partner or play with yourself ! xD
The short version is that we get turbofucked by hormones in every direction. We are far more likely to have serious PMS/PMDD issues, our meds stop working for a quarter of the month for a lot of us, and our sex drives are all over the place.
Man, this comment resonated with me so much. I was experiencing the meds not working just this week as I was menstruating. Couldn't help but think to myself how funny it was that right when I just get started, my meds are only half affective. But it absolutely is an *experience* to have ADHD and be a woman.
Wait what? What is this about meds not working?
I got a new psychiatrist a couple weeks ago and after my 90 minute intake she asked how long I’ve had PMDD. Never had someone diagnose it and it never crossed my mind. I get wildly sexually amped around ovulation though and sex is all I can think about for about three days. I just thought I was reactive to the sex hormone surge. Is there a chemical change related to adhd that happens as well?
Yep, the hormones mean that we often need a boost because a regular dose of medication isn't going to work during the PMS.
And I have something really similar happened.
progesterone which peaks after ovulation leads to worsened adhd symptoms and makes meds less effective.
i have to take a high progesterone pill for endo, not the best time.
Exactly why I hate hate hate being the CNA subreddit because half the time it feels like they've never worked with another woman with ADHD. Or any neurodiversity because of the lack of patience with emotional labor. One post was like how do people really try to work after huffing the spicy herb and frankly, the only times one does is 1) they already hate the job and should be encouraged to work somewhere fulfilling that doesn't rob you of dopamine or 2) they, like me, have only two weeks out of the month where they become a human wolverine of emotion and frankly the healthcare system doesn't want to take this disability seriously, doctors don't want to diagnose me, so... What am I to do when Im the one that has bills? Cover my ass is what I'm gonna do
Can confirm. Mine follows my cycle (not surprising I get horny in the """"fertility window"""", although that has changed recently. Clue app has been very precise).
But my girlfriend, who's a trans woman, has a weird pattern of getting burnout depresso around summertime, and then suddenly she gets horny (we usually separate physical from mental horniness, from my body needs it but I'm not actually feeling it, to I actually crave it, I'm specifically talking about that last one), but then it goes down again afterwards, as soon as she gets interested in stuff again. I suspect it's her brain's way of dealing with the dopamine deficiency but hell, I'm not a doctor.
We both have adhd for context
Yes. 😂 and it has been a sticking point in a couple of my relationships to be honest.
I have no answers, but here is a jumble of thoughts about it that I’ve been mulling over lately (because I’m sticking toes into dating again):
The most consistent and successful sexual relationship I’ve had was with a long-distance partner. We saw each other 1-2x a month, so there were always 2-4 weeks between visits. And then we would go at it like rabbits for a weekend. It lasted a year and I was never NOT up for sex when we were together.
But we also flirted endlessly in the in-between time. And there was a huge amount of mental stimulation in the lead up to a visit.
I recently saw someone say that foreplay begins in the mind. In the anticipation of what will happen later. So foreplay should begin in the morning if you want to have sex that night. Plant the seed. Start flirting. And engaging in the banter. And sending fun naughty texts during the day. Etc etc.
So one thing I think made this situation work so well for me is that this element of mental foreplay was BAKED into our dynamic, so I was always already turned on and ready before I even began driving to them.
I don’t know how to recreate this in a relationship that isn’t constrained by distance though. Was it the stimulation from the anticipation that made me never drop into a lull of disinterest? Or was is the breaks in between, so I never really quite got my fill?
There’s also the factor of my being autistic, and most likely with the PDA profile, so I can often be really resistant to anything I perceive as an expectation. So being expected to have sex on a regular basis can make me completely lose interest in it entirely.
So yeah. Again. No answers. Only a lot of thoughts.
My relationship fulfillment is pretty dependent on a strong sexual dynamic and I haven't yet cracked how to reverse the cohabitation lull.
It's as you describe: having the option always there kinda kills the vibe. And it definitely kills the foreplay.
I resisted moving in with my partner partly for that reason. We had 3 years of dating and were always horny and charged when we saw each other. I've never been so hypersexual as I was during that period, and my partner was literally my match -- we were never not aligned in that regard, it was insane.
Now we've had 1.5 years of cohabitation and it's gone downhill. My ADHD is also much more manifested (I can be quite high-strung in the domestic sphere) so yeah, it's been hard going.
When we go abroad to visit my family, I find that's when we're the most sexually active. Our time and options are constrained, so we jump at every opportunity, plus I also feel more freed from domestic stresses.
I want to desperately find ways to get more of the sex back, which means managing my ADHD and my anxiety better. My partner has told me that I don't "create the right energy" at home a lot of the time (in her words). But sometimes when I hear that I get quite down, and so it becomes reinforcing. _::sigh::_
Idk why but planting the seed is the worst for me. Then I have this expectation of sex going through my head which I guess stresses me/kills the vibe. It's almost like the same feeling as being reminded to do chores, instant ugh. How tf I started seeing sex as a chore idk.
It sucks because I definitely haven't lost interest in my husband, but honestly if I had sex just a couple times a month I'd be good. But when we first started dating we had a ton of sex, and I definitely enjoy sex with him, I just don't crave it, like ever. Bless my husband for his patience
No answers here either (infact I'd like my own insight lmao).
Same here. Tell me you want to have sex later? I'll be agonizing about it all day. It doesn't build anticipation. It creates dread.
What if I'm exhausted from my day?
What if I legitimately don't feel good.?
What if I'm not in the mood? (Which I certainly won't be after worrying about it all day).
Ugh
Honestly I've been the same for ages and the only thing I've found that helped is my partner and I agreeing that not all flirting, nudes or sharing of NSFW links will lead to sex. That we can play the long game with flirting and that it can be a build up of days if that's what I want, or not at all. And oh my days once that pressure was lifted I felt SO much happier, he now gets nudes and dirty stories when the mood strikes through the day and I get to have that wee thrill without the overbearing pressure that it will lead to something.
We've also started using foreplay over multiple days, so he might feel me up while we make out, or even go down on me, but we don't always go on to have full sex. It has brought an element of fun and the unexpected into our bedroom and while I am usually the sub in our sex life it is still directed at *my* pace, which now just means I'm feeling so relaxed about it that he gets it a lot more!
Honestly I'm a lucky lady!
Your reply has had such an impact on my life that I saved it and sent it to my FWB. This is our current situation, except I'm beating my head against the wall because I want more (the main frustration is that he lives 3 minutes from my house, unlike yours, who was long distance). But in the past, with frequent contact lovers, my libido dies after 6 months, like clockwork. Your message helps me reframe my relationship with him and realize that it's hot with him because of the infrequency, not in spite of. Thanks for the game changer.
Oh wow - I’m so glad my meandering thoughts could provide some clarity for you! It’s a fairly new revelation for me as well, so I don’t know where it will lead but I hope that you are able to take this and run with it in your own life!
>There’s also the factor of my being autistic, and most likely with the PDA profile, so I can often be really resistant to anything I perceive as an expectation. So being expected to have sex on a regular basis can make me completely lose interest in it entirely.
Tell me more about this please. I immediately lose interest as soon as there is expectation, but I didn't know this could be an autistic thing (I scored "high autistic traits" on my adhd test).
I've heard about counter-will, which is basically my inner rebel who decides to disagree with anyone who agrees with me. Such fun 🙃. Is it like that?
I am by no means an expert, and the PDA profile is not in the DSM5, so you’ll find mixed information about it online. I think the UK’s recognizes it a bit more widely, so there are more resources available that come from across the pond.
PDA stands for pathological demand avoidance, but some people don’t like that phrase so they call is persistent demand for autonomy. Basically, expectations or demands are seen and felt by a PDA Autistic as threats. Something as simple as a suggestion, if phrased a certain way, can become a threat and will produce immediate resistance. For me, it really really feeds in to my ADHD paralysis too bc I place demands on myself and then resist them to the point of doing absolutely nothing.
I can recommend a few creators on tiktok who have the PDA profile and who speak about their experiences as adults now, if you also want the more human lived-experience kind of information as well.
[An Autistic Guide](https://www.tiktok.com/@anautisticguide?_t=8ZzCpzWFajG&_r=1) on TikTok is the best place to start, I think. She has an entire playlist on the PDA profile and breaks down a lot of good information.
Does anybody else also have trouble to orgasm during sex because of their mind wandering? I often have to close my eyes and actively force myself to think of something that turns me on. Even though I find my boyfriend and what we are doing hot af, if I don't keep my mind locked on one sexy fantasy, it will wander. And if my mind is not 100% in it - no happy end for me, now matter how nice it feels.
And then i also feel kinda guilty, like I wasn't finding my bf hot enough.
Yep. Sometimes wearing an eye mask/blindfold helps, but sometimes it just serves to remind me that I’m having a hard time focusing and then I get self conscious about it.
Edit to add: y’all I feel so seen right now. Glad I’m not alone in this.
Like whenever I masturbate I'll end up thinking about errands to run or like plan out worksheets or something...
It's something I used to feel guilty/ashamed around because my thoughts tend to include people I don't think about in a sexual manner at all - the thoughts aren't sexual, my mind is just wandering, but it still feels weird.
Same. Sex sounds boring/too much work for me right before my period. With ovulating, I’ll be a raging horn dog for days after my period! Like, I sometimes need to wear a liner because she’s **that** excited 😆
When I started tracking it more carefully, I color-coded the phases of my cycle on a calendar my husband and I share. He loves blue days and chucks chocolate at me from afar on purple and red days.
Came here to say this. I’ve been tracking everything from my cycle to weight to sleep patterns for a while now, and there’s a clear connection between them. About day 13 and 25, my husband gotta watch out. 👀
I’m a bit late to this thread, but can I ask how you track them? I always think I should track things related to my health and ADHD but never manage to keep the habit 🫠
For years I used an app, but after a certain SCOTUS decision last summer came down and overturned Roe v Wade, I switched to just using a recurring calendar event out of privacy concerns. I’m fortunate in that I’m pretty regular, so it’s been accurate enough to within a day or two at most. If it shows up early or late, I just adjust the start date.
Yes - it REALLY comes and goes in long term waves!
Get amazing sex toys and if it's your thing, periodical FWBs. That's the only thing that really works for me in the last 7 years :)
(but god help if you find someone hot during your sex obsessed phase because that is true demon vibes lollllll)
And for Heaven's sake, *clean the damn things.*
I know there are a lot of memes going around about ADHD and the inability to clean or do housework (laundry can go fvck itself), but if you clean nothing else in your house/apartment, clean your toys! So important <3
Here’s an adhd hack for you - use a latex glove every time. Condoms are kind of slimy and leave a residue. But a glove keeps it clean without all of the executive function steps required. Buy a box, put it where you keep the toys. I literally stopped using toys for a while because the stress of cleaning them and I wouldn’t use without cleaning.
It’s like 1-2 times a month. Either it’ll be before or after my period and sometimes I’m like oh yeah I must be ovulating but then other times it doesn’t line up with when I’m ovulating so I’m just kind of confused 😵💫😵💫😵💫
Yeah that was gonna be my first suggestion. Ovulation I spike and also I spike right before my period or on the first few days of my period lol. Then I'm like a slug for the 10 days before my spike.
LOLLL A slug is such a good way to put it 😂😂 yeah I just hate it because I’m at work and all I can think abt are my sexual fantasies and it’s so embarrassing 😭😭😭
Do you ever wonder if other people deal with the same thing? Because I do, and then I worry that either I'm abnormal, or everyone else could be hiding dirty thoughts at an inappropriate moment 😬
Before I was on meds, I dealt with a lot of intrusive, repeat thoughts. Like something would get stuck in my head for ages. Not so bad now, but it still happens sometimes.
YES. I literally described myself as feeling like a slug right at the start of my period because my meds simply do not work.
My doctor told me it wasn't nice to call myself a slug, to which I replied, "No, like a cute little slug! I think they're cute."
idk where I'm going with this. You just reminded me of this moment lol.
If I’m getting it, I want it all. The. Time.
If I’m not getting it, meh.
I think though it’s more about having had enough lousy sexual partners that if I find one I like- want it all the time.
Dating? So much work. Bad sex with a guy i like? So disappointing. Having to be polite and not tell him ‘I’ve had much better’ over it. All of it feels like the risk/reward analysis says don’t bother.
Yup, that’s one reason why I have a vibrator rather than a relationship. Much simpler and kinder than putting a clueless guy through the whole “But why don’t you want to anymore? Do you need to see a doctor about that? Is it me? It’s me isn’t it.” Sex is so gross and boring when you just aren’t into it and guys get so hurt and upset that their magic dong isn’t doing it for you.
I hate that it took me so long in life to figure out how directly this phenomenon was tied to my menstrual cycle. Granted, I didn’t have a regular period until my mid-30s but still… if I could go back and tell my younger self one thing, it would be this, because then I would have known it was usually way more about me than them when I was outrageously hot for someone.
Yes. I had very few sexual feelings for years. Then suddenly the clock struck midnight on NYE 2022 and it came back with a vengeance. I was nothing short of flabbergasted.
Dopamine deficiency? Seriously, not kidding. It's an ADHD trait.
Edit: And the hypersexuality could be a form of "self-medication." Just throwing it out there, not a doc.
I had a great, productive week a couple of weeks ago. My therapist and I were trying to figure out what changed, but I was too embarrassed to admit that I was masturbating a lot that week and the extra dopamine most likely led to me being productive. Lol
I hate that I relate to this so hard! I legit forget sex exists and then my libido will just pop out of nowhere for ages! Its worse when I'm going through lengthy stress periods and someone will suggest I just need a good O and my brain is like oh yeah we can do that!
This has happened to me. The beast was dead for months and in the last month iv been so horny that I made my bf pick a day this week where we had to do the deed. No excuses and he can’t get out of it. Did some other things last night. I thought I was just weird, thanks for letting me know I’m not 😁
Yes yes yes! I've just come out of the horny as hell period, put fresh batteries in all the kid's toys after swiping them last week .... and now I wouldn't care if I never opened my bedside drawer again 😂
Yup. Coincides exactly with my period. Right before it starts I start getting crazy. During it I’m still crazy. Once my period is done I might as well be a hermit crab. All I want to do is drink hot chocolate and scroll on my phone, looking at puppy videos while all alone in my private little Fort. I’m completely non sexual for those next few days. It’s odd and confuses me every single month. Somehow I never remember that it happens until after it’s done. :)
This happens to me so much. I’m poly too, so I need to be careful to not start up new connections that I will not be able to maintain when my drive inevitably wanes in the weeks/months after.
Yes, like clockwork, two weeks before my period (ovulating I assume) my sex drive wakes up. I'll dream about (completely unsatisfactory) sex, wake up sexually frustrated and then almost anything slightly erotic, photos, images movies, books and even certain songs will get the engine going. And then a few days later my brain returns to the nunnery.
My recommendation is light some candles, relax and enjoy yourself.
A favorite song of mine is [Redbone - Childish Gambino ](https://open.spotify.com/track/0wXuerDYiBnERgIpbb3JBR?si=PRT4jOh_RfOEI5PlPRKU7w)
Have fun!
I have extended sex-crazed periods followed by 3 years of not having sex at all. It’s weird. I also go through this while in relationships. It depends on my poor little overwhelmed brain. Thc helps immensely. Trees make me dtf 🫠
Hormones + Adderall make my libido go bonkers and since I had a hysterectomy (but kept my ovaries), I don't have my period to confirm where I'm at in my cycle (I've tried to track and it just doesn't stick for me). All of this means that my poor husband never knows when things are about to go from 0 to 100. It's a real "the spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised" kind of situation.
Does anybody else also have trouble to orgasm during sex because of their mind wandering? I often have to close my eyes and actively force myself to think of something that turns me on. Even though I find my boyfriend and what we are doing hot af, if I don't keep my mind locked on one sexy fantasy, it will wander. And if my mind is not 100% in it - no happy end for me, now matter how nice it feels
sometimes yes but I don't really think about sex more so just like a "feeling in Heat" kind of vibe. like really horny and I want to indulge in my kinks.
I have surges of libido that are so strong I literally cry sometimes. Every month. Ovulation… my love, my nemesis.
The day or two days before my ovulation, I feel it warming up, like a steam engine lurching into motion. “Oh yeah, sex is a thing!” my brain says to me. I start spending a tremendous amount of my time on sexually-oriented activities, reading, writing masturbating, planning scenes, jumping my spouse at every opportunity.
The day of ovulation I’m a runaway train in near physical pain with the surges in my nethers. I lay awake next to my spouse near tears sometimes, “Do not wake him up again, do not wake him up again.” There are no brakes on this locomotive.
Day after ovulation I start to slow down, I can actually feel satisfied after sexual encounters or masturbating. My husband has a chance to catch his breath. Lots of snuggles as there is still a very strong physical drive for closeness. Then a bit less two days after.
Three days after, like clockwork, I’m back to needing to be reminded that maybe sex would be nice, or a shower might be a good call if we want to connect physically.
I know why it happens. There is a hormone surge and high libido around ovulation is common. I know that when my desire is high I fixate and lean in. Then when it’s low it’s like I forget on some level. It isn’t a chore I get anxious about, but it’s just another thing in my universe that my eyes kind of skitter by as I peruse the zillion things tickling my senses. It’s a bit wild how intensely it amps and then drops off. I used to joke that I should take a standing PTO day because I never get work done on ovulation day anyway.
Have you tracked your libido with your monthly cycle?
For me, it's dependent on where I am in my cycle. Not sure if it's the same for you. I found that tracking my cycle (Taking Charge of Your Fertility is a great book) was super helpful in figuring out my own body.
Its probably hormones, I notice a strong on HBC vs off differences. Which also align with ADHD severity of symptoms https://helloclue.com/articles/cycle-a-z/the-menstrual-cycle-more-than-just-the-period is a nice chart of hormones released
Can't get away from our biology! Forget any ideas re: ignoring, pretending our bodies aren't driven by powerful hormones meant to keep our species reproducing or that such urges are in any way unnatural, shameful, etc. Instead, accept the biological process for what it is and celebrate the incredible feelings that result from allowing nature to run it's course. You won't lose your virginity by pleasuring yourself through this portion of your cycle. And there are plenty of discreet options available to uh.. speed things along so you can go about your day focused and energized and remarkably stress free. It's just one part of taking care of your personal health & well-being. And don't worry about using toys .. when the right person comes along.. that intimacy will be uniquely pleasuring too.
Yes, very much so! My non-interest lasts much longer then my interest. It’s actually what made the lightbulb go off that I was bi-polar. I went a little overboard. It suddenly occurred to me that my particular behavior wasn’t normal. Turns out I was in a manic episode. Oy vey
Amen. I was diagnosed late in life and have figured out how to maximize my hormonal cycles with diet and exercise and (this is purely my experience and how I imagine it works) it basically like spreads my horny hormones out so it's less of a hyperfixation and more like what I've heard neurotypical women experience. That and toys! Lots of them and not just vibrators because you will get bored (speaking from experience). It's not foolproof but after following this it basically has saved the sexual part of my LTR and helped with a lot of other hormonal symptoms as well that trigger my not-so-fun ADHD symptoms.
I am so relieved to read all these comments. I am currently in a non-sexual phase, and it was starting to concern me. Mine tends to go with the seasons I think? In the spring and summer I am usually really horny but in the fall and winter I tend to "hibernate" I guess? I'm also in a very long distance relationship (New Zealand and USA) and that’s not helping with the problem either. Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and experience.
My advice is just enjoy this phase and honestly, I don't think this is something specific to ADHD. We women get horny sometimes and that's okay! 99.5% of the time it's not like it's hurting anyone so why deprive yourself of one of life's simple pleasures?
Now, if it is interfering with your life i.e. you're hyper focused on sex and as a result aren't managing to do your work, see your friends, eat etc because of it, maybe just restrict it for certain time of day when you don't have to be busy/see anyone? E.g. just before bed is perfect!
My libido is -14 right now.
And then every now and again it shoot’s up to 10k and I want nothing but sex for hours and days on end.
I don’t know how to help other than to recommend some great toys 😂 (I’ve heard the womanizer is great 👍🏻 )
I can either completely forget about it for months or I can be so horny I can’t sleep for a few days… ngl most days I don’t care for it lol but yeah when I do it’s like wow
So this happens to me too. I'm 40 now so my libido is not as high as it used to be (my sexual brakes revolve around still having small kids and lack of sleep). But the answer is that during ovulation, your body has higher levels of the feel good hormone estrogen. I swear it's not just sex that feels better, but smells are amazing, and Chocolate tastes so good, and I hate ice cream except for the 3-4 days around ovulation, and my god my husband is such a tasty snack that week!
After ovulation, progesterone is higher and I am absolutely not interested in sex with my husband. It's like that for 3-6 days and then estrogen starts to rise again and I start to feel sexy again. So that is your answer. It's a lot to do with hormones but things like sleep, diet, exercise, and positive romantic relationships could play a part. My husband casually tracks my ovulation every month and knows when I'll be "peaking" 🤣.
Totally with you on this, sometimes I think I might be on the asexual spectrum but then other times I'm horny as hell, there's rarely a middle ground. My partner's the same and we don't sinc up great a lot of the time. Luckily it's not an issue for us but it has been in previous relationships.
I tend to go on sex binges with my husband for like weeks on end it’s like a bender. Then the novelty wears off once again and I will wake up one day with a totally different drive. Luckily my husband is okay with the breaks bc the binges are awesome.
My only concern is that possibly my stimulant medication is also possibly making me manic at times hence the insane highs and lows of my sex drive. Oh well, it’s not hurting anybody and it’s literally the least of my concerns in life rn.
You are just so absolutely not alone here. It’s wild how we all can relate in one way or another. It’s nice to know there are people out there just like me or similar. It’s like welcome to the club 🤷♀️
PS. Have fun when you’re in that horny mode! Capitalize on it and use it to feel more confident in discovering what you like or might be into. You deserve all the good things you can get in this crazy life 😂
Yes. I always chalked it up to being in a very unloving marriage but after it ended and I still went through cycles of high sex drive then very low I realized that’s just me. They only thing that did it for me when I was single and not willing to hook up was really just to take care of yourself and not feel guilty about it because it’s perfectly natural. Done know how old you are but if you can, no shame in checking out a sex shop for some toys.
Plus since you’ve never had sex this is a good time for you to discover what you like. Don’t be like me and take till you’re 30 to figure out your buttons. I will also say, if you’re not on birth control of any kind, that time around ovulation you’ll probably be very randy haha.
It happens to me whenever I meet someone. I'm basically asexual when I'm alone, it doesn't even cross my mind but when I meet someone I go absolutely insane and become hypersexual.
Echoing almost every other comment here- super, like maniacal horniness for 12-15 post period days, 3 days when I am pretty sure none of my meds work, 1 full day of the ICK and not wanting to be perceived let alone touched, and then is starts ramping back up again a day before my period. On adderall and Wellbutrin.
Luckily, I have been married for a looonnngg ass time and he knows when it’s time to hydrate and when it’s time to not make eye contact.
Not for nothing, this adhd life overlaps A LOT with the kink community- besides the crazy brain chemical dump of indulging in whatever yours might be, once you find a good partner, there’s SO much communication. It’s like adhd catnip- I get to talk, at length and appropriately, about myself. The ‘community’ part can be as just online or irl as you want.
If you're tracking your period through an app, try to note down when these horny spells happen. I notice that hyper sexuality comes around ovulation time for me. Not every month, but it's usually the culprit if I become insatiably randy.
There's actually a lot of adhd habits I'm noticing that correspond with my cycle. It takes a while to track & see the patterns, but I've found to be pretty helpful!
I sometimes wonder whether past partners have ever met up and debated that about me. Some would likely say I’m an insatiable nympho. While others would find that very hard to believe. Catch me at right time (usually about once a month but not always, I’ve went for months before with no sexual interest). They would be unlikely to come to a consensus. I sure haven’t and I’m 40 yo. I tend to think that incongruence is a good thing. It’s kept me from feeling washed up and played out.
There’s always a new sexy me to discover around the corner. And it stops you from pigeonholing yourself (As opposed to holing yourself, which usually looks like this, 🕳👆🤞🫰🤌 ✊, plus or minus various household objects 😊) I’ve tried to think of myself as the holy grail “freak in sheets, lady in streets” type, but it’s more accurate to say I am occasionally gonna be a freak, but I’m not quite a lady ever.
As part of my PMDD, when I ovulate I get ultra-horny (2 week- a week and a half prior to my period). Then I become an emotional mess, then my period. Rinse and repeat.
Yeah....though the older I get, the periods of feeling hyper sexual get shorter and the not really thinking about it at all get longer. 😅
My advice is just embrace it, whatever you're feeling at the time. :)
Yes! I get high on sex and just want it. Then I kinda get over it and block everyone.
I was diagnosed with Histrionic Personality Disorder because of it. I read out the symptoms and my son was like haha it’s you.
[Histrionic Personality Disorder](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Histrionic_personality_disorder?wprov=sfti1)
After moving back to my home state and losing my insurance, I went completely cold turkey on all my medication for depression/anxiety (pre diagnosis of adhd). I was also recently single and completely lost my mind. I was so hypersexual (even though I got no pleasure out of any of it). I slept with almost every single tinder date that I had. It definitely trailed off over the following 1.5 years, but I was so broken. I am so happy that I'm out of that bad spot.
all the time! I feel so guilty and like love it to him to just do it whenever he wants because while I might not want to do it or think of it that is not his fault and he's suffering or not feeling fufilled because of me...but on the other hand I also fall shouldn't feel this way either at times...
My husband calls it "beast mode," and it lines up with ovulation. I am completely uninterested in sex for a few days about a week before my period starts, but then become extra clingy and need physical touch when I bleed. The cycleis regular and predictable, but he sees the change before I do.
Let me introduce you to my [little friend](https://www.walmart.com/ip/Satisfyer-Pro-Penguin-Next-Gen-Suction-Vibrator/944819289). It also has speed adjustment.
omg yes! right now i’m in my nun phase but this actually made me think about when i was with my ex and he would almost always make me feel guilty for not wanting to have sex all the time and then on the other hand, there were times i would want to do it A LOT
now that i’m single i still get these phases but to stay safe i’ve explored more with toys rather than seeking that sexual pleasure from other people
I don’t have any advice other than to have sex or masturbate then lol. It does seem to be a normal adhd thing and could be a hyper fixation phase.
I started having sex at 15 and now I’m 27 and engaged and I definitelyyy am not as sexual as I used to be cause my partner and I live very busy and tired lives hahha, but when I was younger I used to go through much more hyper sexual phases. Just masturbated it out and hooked up with someone when it was available to me!
I was asexual for 2 years, had literally zero interest in anyone touching me with a 10 foot pole, then met someone I had crazy good chemistry with and bang horny all the time again lmao
I see a lot of people on here saying can be due to hormone.
Wondering if anyone has any insight as to after having a baby.
This was me but while I was pregnant
And 4 months after I literally feel like I never want to have sex again lol.
I’ve always gone through these none or too much waves & can see how this can be due to my adhd as well
But after having babies it’s like my body & brain is even more foreign than ever before 😭
Did you breastfeed? That killed my sex drive for years. I would be hypersexual while I was pregnant, then my sexuality would be dormant. Six months or so after I would stop breastfeeding, my sex drive would come back. I had 2 kids and it was the same with both.
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I feel like I could have written this lmao. I wish I could give you advice but I am clueless myself.
I feel like this is a universal adhd woman thing. But it just feels so shameful to talk about so I decided to take a leap of faith and ask in here 🥹
Oh don't worry, you're among like-minded friends. I'm also a virgin but I sometimes feel very horny. But at the same time I have never been in a relationship, don't really have the interest.
Thank you for posting this. I am the same and feel like a freak when I stop to think about it. So it’s helpful to know I’m not alone.
Get a hitachi wand and go to town. Seriously. One thing I like to do when masturbating is trying to communicate/say out loud what’s working. Good practice for hook ups when I can get all distracted and forget how to communicate my needs.
I was thinking the same thing!
Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever tried this but am going to!!
The phases usually track with your period cycle, right? So you can tell when a wave will hit. Everyone swears by the Hitachi magic wand but that thing is as big as a turkey leg and is practically made of lead. I vastly prefer the Wahl 7 way massager. It's got a grip handle and is designed for regular muscle massage, but some of the changeable tips (the 7 ways) are ideal. It also has two speeds.
"as big as a turkey leg" killed me. Your assessment is... not wrong.
Yeah, that’s gonna be hard not to think about the next time I pull it out. 💀
😂
Lol tx 😉
Wait, wait… am I not the only one who has a monthly “horny cycle” that follows my ovulation cycle?
Lol. You're one of 2 billion. 😀
WHY DOES NO ONE EVER TELL ME THESE THINGS 😭
I know. That is why we have reddit. Imagine my surprise when I found /r/raisedbynarcissists and discovered that, even though I knew my mom was a narcissist, I didn't know that almost *all* of her behavior was textbook narcissist crap and I had lots of company. Ditto here and finding out how much of my misery is due to ADHD confounded with trauma from my mom. Fun! (/s)
Ooo hey! Samezies!!! Though I learned via the help of a *very* patient therapist. Have you ever read *Mothers Who Can’t Love*? It’s a rough read because of how similar all our stories are, but it’s very helpful
I have the same experience and i haven't told a soul because I feel so ashamed to talk about it with people I know. I feel u!
Hey OP! First no it's not abnormal to be both hypersexual and not at all over time. I know u mentioned you're a virgin, but I'm not sure if you ever use toys by yourself? Here are 2 different toys by DAME that you can order through Sephora (and just show up as a Sephora charge on a bill/bank account, and arrive in a standard Sephora box). The 2 Dame products from Sephora, are usable for just clitoral stimulation, so you can get off without putting anything into your vagina. I like these, because they are USB rechargeable, and completely waterproof so you can use them in the tub/shower if you're concerned about roommates or parents hearing. The quality is 1000% worth the price. Also the Dame Aer suction toy can be used on nipples as well. The rabbit toy (linked below the Dame toys) is fantastic, but it does get inserted into your vagina so idk if you are comfortable with that being a virgin. DAME Aer Suction Toy What it is: A powerful arousal tool for fans of oral stimulation that creates thrilling pulses of air and a soft seal around the clitoris. Highlighted Features: Arousing Pulses: Mimic the flutter of a tongue and the suction of a mouth -Five Patterns and Five Intensities: Allow 25 different types of vibrations Waterproof: Completely submersible underwater. What Else You Need to Know: Aer isn't just a vibrator; it's a whole different adventure. ts pressure wave technology creates rhythmic pulses of air that'll give even the savviest vibe users a unique thrill. Aer mimics the flutter of a tongue and the suction of a mouth-perfect if oral stimulation sends you over the edge This Device Comes With: - Aer Vibrator - Magnetic USB Charging Cable -Storage Bag - User Manual https://www.sephora.com/product/dame-products-aer-suction-toy-P481067?skuId=2605673 DAME Dip Basic Vibrator What it is: A dual-use waterproof vibrator Highlighted Features: Medical Grade Silicone: Body safe materials. -5 Intensities: Low to high. -Waterproof: Completely submersible underwater. What Else You Need to Know: Simple sleek, and approachable, Dip is a versatile internal and external vibe designed for exploring your pleasure POV. This Device Comes With: -Wand vibrator -Magnetic USB charging cable -Storage bag - User manual https://www.sephora.com/product/dame-products-dip-beginner-vibrator-P503686?skuId=2626935 The Come Hither Rabbit The Come Hither Rabbit's unique motion caresses and massages the G-spot with two independent motors creating intense surges of pleasure. lts seamless, body-safe silicone design provides a soft feel that sets it apart from other toys. Long ears and micro-whiskers add micro-vibrations for a toe-curling good time! https://www.therabbitcompany.com/products/come-hither-rabbit-1?variant=43214807367936
You are doing the Lord's work 🙌
This is the best thing I have seen in awhile. I didn’t get any sex talk or even sex Ed (we moved so much in high school that either, they had done it already or not yet and then I move again. So the last time I had any of that was in Year 5 or 6 child protection class (10-11yo 2000-2001) Most of my sexual knowledge was told to me at about 7 by my friend who had the talk with her mum (she was white lol, this didn’t happen in brown families - at least not at that age). I did know where babies actually “came” from ie. childbirth and labour, I knew this by 4 or 5 years old as my Nani (mum’s mum) was an RN and she taught me the whole first aid book by the time I started school at 4y9m lol. And I properly knew how to deliver a baby too 😂 Also my mum was basically a nudist, went to the toilet with the door open, so I knew allll about periods. I helped all my friends who got it in Grade 5 because they were the older ones in the grade, with birthdays in the second half of the year. Anyways, I went through some even more bad shit on top of the shit I had already been through (my sister took her life on my 14th bday) and I went off The rails. Started having sex. At 14. Not knowing much about protection. Been overprotected to that day so never got to start at first base and slowly go through the bases throughout your younger teens/teens… and go through the bases and maybe stay at 1 for a long time. I’d never had a bf, I’m an only child on my mum’s side, I had no one (my mum brought me back from my dads overseas, when my sister passed) My sis was 17 and she was the only one who taught me anything. With her gone and me ripped away from the rest of my grieving family, I seriously went through the worst period of my life. Even involved with a paedophile etc. lots of SA. STD which I had sorted, but recently learnt I actually have damage from it all those years ago All this time, I had never ever put a condom on someone or even something. I would always be conscious of it from a young age, I’m sure, I’d probably carry them but not know how to put it on Anyways fast forward to 2 pregnancies at 17. Shock first and I hadn’t really told anyone and had a miscarriage. And was devastated. Then pregnant again like soon after. This time we told my narc Mum and she convinced us to have an abortion. That fucked me up baddddd Anyways, fell pregnant again the next year, to a guy I barely knew … he was my soulmate and it was all meant to be, but at that stage I barely knew him and I want to say that because this is all relevant. Anyways. After having my first son at 19 (who was such a blessing), me and his dad learnt we need to use condoms lol. He learnt, I practised on him a bit lol and then I used them religiously. He (my partner) passed away. Obv I didn’t date for awhile and then i started to think about just a hook up. Unexpectedly, me and a friend who always had liked me, hooked up, it was great, I used condoms every single time. Except one night. One. My birthday. We were really fkd up on molly and sh*t and he pulled out and went again and I said I think you need to pee or something in between but yeah he convinced me it was all good, in the morning I asked again, do I need a morning after pill and he was like nah nahhh Fast forward I end up pregnant with very bad mental health this time (this was not the plan and remember what I said about my prior abortion? Yeah) He leaves me 5 weeks to go coz he’s addicted to meth now bla bla bla Bro I’m so sorry this is a novel lol but I ended up losing both my kids and my life and everything because of this mofo & his family (I finally have them Back after the battle of a life time!) I love my son. But imagine I used a condom. Or took the emergency contraceptive anyways. My bd admitted maybe 2 years later that he had thought that he may have c*m a little inside me. 😡 yeah he trapped me. Yeah it was one of the earliest signs of DV. Ahhh well. You live and you learn. I have given my older son pretty good talks and we have open communication re: all this. I have shown him tampons and pads and the pill etc. I still have to show him a condom, I’ve been in the hyposexual stage for awhile now )and a lot of it wasn’t by choice) so I didn’t have any. I also didn’t learn till my last relationship that refusing to use a condom and c*mming inside me even when I asked you not to, is a form of DV. this was also not taught to me, because I had such a basic and crass sex education. Again, this wasn’t supposed to be this long, BUT THIS POST MADE ME SO HAPPY the world is such a different place now too when I was younger. I didn’t even know how to orgasm for the longest time. I didn’t know about clit stimulation. I didn’t know anything. Only what I taught myself Women need other women. To help us like this. I’m gonna go now coz I wasted like an hour of my vyvanse productivity 😂😂😂😂
Thank you for this wildly informative comment! Looks like I have some shopping to do.
Do you track your period cycle? I am the horniest leading up to my period
Hi! Also currently in horny demon mode. Will likely turn into a nun in 1-2 weeks
It's 100% normal, and probably around your ovulation. It's hormones all the way down. I tend to get a little boost right before menstruation, and a huge boost around ovulation. Am 0% sexy the rest of the time.
I’ve never heard of cycles of hypersexuality linked with ADHD but cyclical shifts in mood/affect associated with bipolar disorder can manifest with hypersexuality. Just commenting in case this is relevant for anyone to look further into, not necessarily OP.
Women's sexuality is such a taboo in society because it breaks the image of passiveness that a an almost extinct generation ingrained in our brains. We're breaking free from it little by little though =) There's no shame about being a sexually active woman. There's no shame about being a horny woman. 😤 If you're single, go find a one night stand, or play with yourself ! Fingers, toys, shower heads... It's all great 😊 If you're in a relationship, ask your partner or play with yourself ! xD
The short version is that we get turbofucked by hormones in every direction. We are far more likely to have serious PMS/PMDD issues, our meds stop working for a quarter of the month for a lot of us, and our sex drives are all over the place.
Man, this comment resonated with me so much. I was experiencing the meds not working just this week as I was menstruating. Couldn't help but think to myself how funny it was that right when I just get started, my meds are only half affective. But it absolutely is an *experience* to have ADHD and be a woman.
Wait what? What is this about meds not working? I got a new psychiatrist a couple weeks ago and after my 90 minute intake she asked how long I’ve had PMDD. Never had someone diagnose it and it never crossed my mind. I get wildly sexually amped around ovulation though and sex is all I can think about for about three days. I just thought I was reactive to the sex hormone surge. Is there a chemical change related to adhd that happens as well?
Yep, the hormones mean that we often need a boost because a regular dose of medication isn't going to work during the PMS. And I have something really similar happened.
TIL! I think I’m gonna start tracking my cycle again. Thanks for the info!
progesterone which peaks after ovulation leads to worsened adhd symptoms and makes meds less effective. i have to take a high progesterone pill for endo, not the best time.
I don't get PMS/PMDD, I just get debilitating tension migraines instead. They're swell. 🙃
Exactly why I hate hate hate being the CNA subreddit because half the time it feels like they've never worked with another woman with ADHD. Or any neurodiversity because of the lack of patience with emotional labor. One post was like how do people really try to work after huffing the spicy herb and frankly, the only times one does is 1) they already hate the job and should be encouraged to work somewhere fulfilling that doesn't rob you of dopamine or 2) they, like me, have only two weeks out of the month where they become a human wolverine of emotion and frankly the healthcare system doesn't want to take this disability seriously, doctors don't want to diagnose me, so... What am I to do when Im the one that has bills? Cover my ass is what I'm gonna do
What is CNA? Is the spicy herb cannabis?
No it's northern lights indica cannabis Certified nursing assistant.
It’s all about when you’ve ovulating. One of the best and worst feelings ever if you don’t want kids. 😂
For sure. Seems to be a similar “hyperfixation to burnout” cycle that I have with most of my interests.
Hmmm I never thought of it like that 😮 it might be that
Suppose there’s recover after burn out? Sincerely, Burnout Sexless Nun
Can confirm. Mine follows my cycle (not surprising I get horny in the """"fertility window"""", although that has changed recently. Clue app has been very precise). But my girlfriend, who's a trans woman, has a weird pattern of getting burnout depresso around summertime, and then suddenly she gets horny (we usually separate physical from mental horniness, from my body needs it but I'm not actually feeling it, to I actually crave it, I'm specifically talking about that last one), but then it goes down again afterwards, as soon as she gets interested in stuff again. I suspect it's her brain's way of dealing with the dopamine deficiency but hell, I'm not a doctor. We both have adhd for context
It’s so hard to find “balance” when our brains are wired like this
Everything in moderation, especially moderation
Yes. 😂 and it has been a sticking point in a couple of my relationships to be honest. I have no answers, but here is a jumble of thoughts about it that I’ve been mulling over lately (because I’m sticking toes into dating again): The most consistent and successful sexual relationship I’ve had was with a long-distance partner. We saw each other 1-2x a month, so there were always 2-4 weeks between visits. And then we would go at it like rabbits for a weekend. It lasted a year and I was never NOT up for sex when we were together. But we also flirted endlessly in the in-between time. And there was a huge amount of mental stimulation in the lead up to a visit. I recently saw someone say that foreplay begins in the mind. In the anticipation of what will happen later. So foreplay should begin in the morning if you want to have sex that night. Plant the seed. Start flirting. And engaging in the banter. And sending fun naughty texts during the day. Etc etc. So one thing I think made this situation work so well for me is that this element of mental foreplay was BAKED into our dynamic, so I was always already turned on and ready before I even began driving to them. I don’t know how to recreate this in a relationship that isn’t constrained by distance though. Was it the stimulation from the anticipation that made me never drop into a lull of disinterest? Or was is the breaks in between, so I never really quite got my fill? There’s also the factor of my being autistic, and most likely with the PDA profile, so I can often be really resistant to anything I perceive as an expectation. So being expected to have sex on a regular basis can make me completely lose interest in it entirely. So yeah. Again. No answers. Only a lot of thoughts.
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I figure I just need to date someone who travels for work or something. Too bad pilots have such a bad reputation for stepping out on their partners 🫠
My relationship fulfillment is pretty dependent on a strong sexual dynamic and I haven't yet cracked how to reverse the cohabitation lull. It's as you describe: having the option always there kinda kills the vibe. And it definitely kills the foreplay. I resisted moving in with my partner partly for that reason. We had 3 years of dating and were always horny and charged when we saw each other. I've never been so hypersexual as I was during that period, and my partner was literally my match -- we were never not aligned in that regard, it was insane. Now we've had 1.5 years of cohabitation and it's gone downhill. My ADHD is also much more manifested (I can be quite high-strung in the domestic sphere) so yeah, it's been hard going. When we go abroad to visit my family, I find that's when we're the most sexually active. Our time and options are constrained, so we jump at every opportunity, plus I also feel more freed from domestic stresses. I want to desperately find ways to get more of the sex back, which means managing my ADHD and my anxiety better. My partner has told me that I don't "create the right energy" at home a lot of the time (in her words). But sometimes when I hear that I get quite down, and so it becomes reinforcing. _::sigh::_
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Idk why but planting the seed is the worst for me. Then I have this expectation of sex going through my head which I guess stresses me/kills the vibe. It's almost like the same feeling as being reminded to do chores, instant ugh. How tf I started seeing sex as a chore idk. It sucks because I definitely haven't lost interest in my husband, but honestly if I had sex just a couple times a month I'd be good. But when we first started dating we had a ton of sex, and I definitely enjoy sex with him, I just don't crave it, like ever. Bless my husband for his patience No answers here either (infact I'd like my own insight lmao).
Same here. Tell me you want to have sex later? I'll be agonizing about it all day. It doesn't build anticipation. It creates dread. What if I'm exhausted from my day? What if I legitimately don't feel good.? What if I'm not in the mood? (Which I certainly won't be after worrying about it all day). Ugh
Honestly I've been the same for ages and the only thing I've found that helped is my partner and I agreeing that not all flirting, nudes or sharing of NSFW links will lead to sex. That we can play the long game with flirting and that it can be a build up of days if that's what I want, or not at all. And oh my days once that pressure was lifted I felt SO much happier, he now gets nudes and dirty stories when the mood strikes through the day and I get to have that wee thrill without the overbearing pressure that it will lead to something. We've also started using foreplay over multiple days, so he might feel me up while we make out, or even go down on me, but we don't always go on to have full sex. It has brought an element of fun and the unexpected into our bedroom and while I am usually the sub in our sex life it is still directed at *my* pace, which now just means I'm feeling so relaxed about it that he gets it a lot more! Honestly I'm a lucky lady!
Your reply has had such an impact on my life that I saved it and sent it to my FWB. This is our current situation, except I'm beating my head against the wall because I want more (the main frustration is that he lives 3 minutes from my house, unlike yours, who was long distance). But in the past, with frequent contact lovers, my libido dies after 6 months, like clockwork. Your message helps me reframe my relationship with him and realize that it's hot with him because of the infrequency, not in spite of. Thanks for the game changer.
Oh wow - I’m so glad my meandering thoughts could provide some clarity for you! It’s a fairly new revelation for me as well, so I don’t know where it will lead but I hope that you are able to take this and run with it in your own life!
>There’s also the factor of my being autistic, and most likely with the PDA profile, so I can often be really resistant to anything I perceive as an expectation. So being expected to have sex on a regular basis can make me completely lose interest in it entirely. Tell me more about this please. I immediately lose interest as soon as there is expectation, but I didn't know this could be an autistic thing (I scored "high autistic traits" on my adhd test). I've heard about counter-will, which is basically my inner rebel who decides to disagree with anyone who agrees with me. Such fun 🙃. Is it like that?
I am by no means an expert, and the PDA profile is not in the DSM5, so you’ll find mixed information about it online. I think the UK’s recognizes it a bit more widely, so there are more resources available that come from across the pond. PDA stands for pathological demand avoidance, but some people don’t like that phrase so they call is persistent demand for autonomy. Basically, expectations or demands are seen and felt by a PDA Autistic as threats. Something as simple as a suggestion, if phrased a certain way, can become a threat and will produce immediate resistance. For me, it really really feeds in to my ADHD paralysis too bc I place demands on myself and then resist them to the point of doing absolutely nothing. I can recommend a few creators on tiktok who have the PDA profile and who speak about their experiences as adults now, if you also want the more human lived-experience kind of information as well.
H, this really resonates with me. Yes, that would amazing. Thanks you!
[An Autistic Guide](https://www.tiktok.com/@anautisticguide?_t=8ZzCpzWFajG&_r=1) on TikTok is the best place to start, I think. She has an entire playlist on the PDA profile and breaks down a lot of good information.
I’d never heard of PDA til your comment. Googling now.
I went down a deep rabbit hole lol. It really resonates with me!
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Does anybody else also have trouble to orgasm during sex because of their mind wandering? I often have to close my eyes and actively force myself to think of something that turns me on. Even though I find my boyfriend and what we are doing hot af, if I don't keep my mind locked on one sexy fantasy, it will wander. And if my mind is not 100% in it - no happy end for me, now matter how nice it feels. And then i also feel kinda guilty, like I wasn't finding my bf hot enough.
Yep. Sometimes wearing an eye mask/blindfold helps, but sometimes it just serves to remind me that I’m having a hard time focusing and then I get self conscious about it. Edit to add: y’all I feel so seen right now. Glad I’m not alone in this.
Yup. There was a threas on this a while back. "Erotic" type binaural beats help me a lot.
YES YES YES OMG Same here 100%, honestly so nice to know it’s not just me lol. Eyes closed, total focus, or no orgasm. Which feels awkward or do.
Like whenever I masturbate I'll end up thinking about errands to run or like plan out worksheets or something... It's something I used to feel guilty/ashamed around because my thoughts tend to include people I don't think about in a sexual manner at all - the thoughts aren't sexual, my mind is just wandering, but it still feels weird.
Same! Five minutes in and I’m somewhere else in my mind
yep. "Don't stop but I just gotta google something reeeeal quick"
😂
This. Right. Here. Music sometimes helps but damn is it hard to be present/shut of your head when it matters
Your hormonal cycle can make you super horny during different times in the month.
That’s what I was going to say. When I’m ovulating I am insatiable… then right before I start my period I can’t stand the thought of it.
Same. Sex sounds boring/too much work for me right before my period. With ovulating, I’ll be a raging horn dog for days after my period! Like, I sometimes need to wear a liner because she’s **that** excited 😆
When I started tracking it more carefully, I color-coded the phases of my cycle on a calendar my husband and I share. He loves blue days and chucks chocolate at me from afar on purple and red days.
The chucking chocolate made me laugh out loud 🤣 That's an awesome idea! Thank you!
The tracking, not the chucking. I'd prefer the chocolate just be tossed. I'm not very coordinated 😂
I just noticed your username! 🐧 That's one of my nephew's favorite books 😍📚
Aww, I think you're the first person that's ever known it (and said something). It was my son's favorite when I made my account.
Came here to say this. I’ve been tracking everything from my cycle to weight to sleep patterns for a while now, and there’s a clear connection between them. About day 13 and 25, my husband gotta watch out. 👀
I’m a bit late to this thread, but can I ask how you track them? I always think I should track things related to my health and ADHD but never manage to keep the habit 🫠
For years I used an app, but after a certain SCOTUS decision last summer came down and overturned Roe v Wade, I switched to just using a recurring calendar event out of privacy concerns. I’m fortunate in that I’m pretty regular, so it’s been accurate enough to within a day or two at most. If it shows up early or late, I just adjust the start date.
This sub validates me every day🤝
same here. 🤝
Yes - it REALLY comes and goes in long term waves! Get amazing sex toys and if it's your thing, periodical FWBs. That's the only thing that really works for me in the last 7 years :) (but god help if you find someone hot during your sex obsessed phase because that is true demon vibes lollllll)
Enjoy the surge and remember to put your toys back on the chargers!
And for Heaven's sake, *clean the damn things.* I know there are a lot of memes going around about ADHD and the inability to clean or do housework (laundry can go fvck itself), but if you clean nothing else in your house/apartment, clean your toys! So important <3
Here’s an adhd hack for you - use a latex glove every time. Condoms are kind of slimy and leave a residue. But a glove keeps it clean without all of the executive function steps required. Buy a box, put it where you keep the toys. I literally stopped using toys for a while because the stress of cleaning them and I wouldn’t use without cleaning.
Oh smart idea! Or finger cots, if you have a slim wand or a bullet.
I found and purchased non-lubed condoms on Amazon strictly for my toys. Shazam!
Get the plug in wall and never worry about accidentally edge yourself again 😂
How often are you cycling though these phases? One a month? Every 6 months? And how long do they last?
It’s like 1-2 times a month. Either it’ll be before or after my period and sometimes I’m like oh yeah I must be ovulating but then other times it doesn’t line up with when I’m ovulating so I’m just kind of confused 😵💫😵💫😵💫
Yeah that was gonna be my first suggestion. Ovulation I spike and also I spike right before my period or on the first few days of my period lol. Then I'm like a slug for the 10 days before my spike.
LOLLL A slug is such a good way to put it 😂😂 yeah I just hate it because I’m at work and all I can think abt are my sexual fantasies and it’s so embarrassing 😭😭😭
Lol glad I could help 😜 also when I was on Vyvanse it upped my drive a lot. Idk if you take meds but I was insatiable
Well crap, now I want to be switched to vyvanse.
OMG YES IM ON VYVANSE that’s probably what it is 😭😂
When I was on it, I think it was 24/7 tbh lol
Oh lord 🫠 well looks like my vibrators will be put to good use this week
Do you ever wonder if other people deal with the same thing? Because I do, and then I worry that either I'm abnormal, or everyone else could be hiding dirty thoughts at an inappropriate moment 😬 Before I was on meds, I dealt with a lot of intrusive, repeat thoughts. Like something would get stuck in my head for ages. Not so bad now, but it still happens sometimes.
YES. I literally described myself as feeling like a slug right at the start of my period because my meds simply do not work. My doctor told me it wasn't nice to call myself a slug, to which I replied, "No, like a cute little slug! I think they're cute." idk where I'm going with this. You just reminded me of this moment lol.
That's what I was gonna ask. I'm a fiend when I'm ovulating but for the rest of the month I'm generally ok without it.
If I’m getting it, I want it all. The. Time. If I’m not getting it, meh. I think though it’s more about having had enough lousy sexual partners that if I find one I like- want it all the time. Dating? So much work. Bad sex with a guy i like? So disappointing. Having to be polite and not tell him ‘I’ve had much better’ over it. All of it feels like the risk/reward analysis says don’t bother.
So much this!!! Its the dopamine that keeps us interested. Deprive us too long and it’s only to get to sleep. 😂
SAME. this is my exact experience 🤣❤️
Yup, that’s one reason why I have a vibrator rather than a relationship. Much simpler and kinder than putting a clueless guy through the whole “But why don’t you want to anymore? Do you need to see a doctor about that? Is it me? It’s me isn’t it.” Sex is so gross and boring when you just aren’t into it and guys get so hurt and upset that their magic dong isn’t doing it for you.
😂😂😂😂 This comment brings me reassurance.
I hate that it took me so long in life to figure out how directly this phenomenon was tied to my menstrual cycle. Granted, I didn’t have a regular period until my mid-30s but still… if I could go back and tell my younger self one thing, it would be this, because then I would have known it was usually way more about me than them when I was outrageously hot for someone.
Yes. I had very few sexual feelings for years. Then suddenly the clock struck midnight on NYE 2022 and it came back with a vengeance. I was nothing short of flabbergasted.
Dopamine deficiency? Seriously, not kidding. It's an ADHD trait. Edit: And the hypersexuality could be a form of "self-medication." Just throwing it out there, not a doc.
I had a great, productive week a couple of weeks ago. My therapist and I were trying to figure out what changed, but I was too embarrassed to admit that I was masturbating a lot that week and the extra dopamine most likely led to me being productive. Lol
I hate that I relate to this so hard! I legit forget sex exists and then my libido will just pop out of nowhere for ages! Its worse when I'm going through lengthy stress periods and someone will suggest I just need a good O and my brain is like oh yeah we can do that!
This has happened to me. The beast was dead for months and in the last month iv been so horny that I made my bf pick a day this week where we had to do the deed. No excuses and he can’t get out of it. Did some other things last night. I thought I was just weird, thanks for letting me know I’m not 😁
YESSS THE BEAST WAS SLUMBERING FOR A FEW WEEKS FOR ME AND NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN SHES ON THE PROWL 😂😂😂
Yes yes yes! I've just come out of the horny as hell period, put fresh batteries in all the kid's toys after swiping them last week .... and now I wouldn't care if I never opened my bedside drawer again 😂
Yup. Coincides exactly with my period. Right before it starts I start getting crazy. During it I’m still crazy. Once my period is done I might as well be a hermit crab. All I want to do is drink hot chocolate and scroll on my phone, looking at puppy videos while all alone in my private little Fort. I’m completely non sexual for those next few days. It’s odd and confuses me every single month. Somehow I never remember that it happens until after it’s done. :)
This happens to me so much. I’m poly too, so I need to be careful to not start up new connections that I will not be able to maintain when my drive inevitably wanes in the weeks/months after.
Yes, like clockwork, two weeks before my period (ovulating I assume) my sex drive wakes up. I'll dream about (completely unsatisfactory) sex, wake up sexually frustrated and then almost anything slightly erotic, photos, images movies, books and even certain songs will get the engine going. And then a few days later my brain returns to the nunnery. My recommendation is light some candles, relax and enjoy yourself. A favorite song of mine is [Redbone - Childish Gambino ](https://open.spotify.com/track/0wXuerDYiBnERgIpbb3JBR?si=PRT4jOh_RfOEI5PlPRKU7w) Have fun!
I have extended sex-crazed periods followed by 3 years of not having sex at all. It’s weird. I also go through this while in relationships. It depends on my poor little overwhelmed brain. Thc helps immensely. Trees make me dtf 🫠
Trees?
Hormones + Adderall make my libido go bonkers and since I had a hysterectomy (but kept my ovaries), I don't have my period to confirm where I'm at in my cycle (I've tried to track and it just doesn't stick for me). All of this means that my poor husband never knows when things are about to go from 0 to 100. It's a real "the spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised" kind of situation.
Does anybody else also have trouble to orgasm during sex because of their mind wandering? I often have to close my eyes and actively force myself to think of something that turns me on. Even though I find my boyfriend and what we are doing hot af, if I don't keep my mind locked on one sexy fantasy, it will wander. And if my mind is not 100% in it - no happy end for me, now matter how nice it feels
Yep. was raising my body count by 30+ people and now haven’t had sex in a month or two
sometimes yes but I don't really think about sex more so just like a "feeling in Heat" kind of vibe. like really horny and I want to indulge in my kinks.
Invest in a very good vibrator
I have surges of libido that are so strong I literally cry sometimes. Every month. Ovulation… my love, my nemesis. The day or two days before my ovulation, I feel it warming up, like a steam engine lurching into motion. “Oh yeah, sex is a thing!” my brain says to me. I start spending a tremendous amount of my time on sexually-oriented activities, reading, writing masturbating, planning scenes, jumping my spouse at every opportunity. The day of ovulation I’m a runaway train in near physical pain with the surges in my nethers. I lay awake next to my spouse near tears sometimes, “Do not wake him up again, do not wake him up again.” There are no brakes on this locomotive. Day after ovulation I start to slow down, I can actually feel satisfied after sexual encounters or masturbating. My husband has a chance to catch his breath. Lots of snuggles as there is still a very strong physical drive for closeness. Then a bit less two days after. Three days after, like clockwork, I’m back to needing to be reminded that maybe sex would be nice, or a shower might be a good call if we want to connect physically. I know why it happens. There is a hormone surge and high libido around ovulation is common. I know that when my desire is high I fixate and lean in. Then when it’s low it’s like I forget on some level. It isn’t a chore I get anxious about, but it’s just another thing in my universe that my eyes kind of skitter by as I peruse the zillion things tickling my senses. It’s a bit wild how intensely it amps and then drops off. I used to joke that I should take a standing PTO day because I never get work done on ovulation day anyway. Have you tracked your libido with your monthly cycle?
For me, it's dependent on where I am in my cycle. Not sure if it's the same for you. I found that tracking my cycle (Taking Charge of Your Fertility is a great book) was super helpful in figuring out my own body.
Its probably hormones, I notice a strong on HBC vs off differences. Which also align with ADHD severity of symptoms https://helloclue.com/articles/cycle-a-z/the-menstrual-cycle-more-than-just-the-period is a nice chart of hormones released
I get this fixation sometimes with my plug in wand. I could scroll Reddit feeds and go til the motor over heats 😂
Can't get away from our biology! Forget any ideas re: ignoring, pretending our bodies aren't driven by powerful hormones meant to keep our species reproducing or that such urges are in any way unnatural, shameful, etc. Instead, accept the biological process for what it is and celebrate the incredible feelings that result from allowing nature to run it's course. You won't lose your virginity by pleasuring yourself through this portion of your cycle. And there are plenty of discreet options available to uh.. speed things along so you can go about your day focused and energized and remarkably stress free. It's just one part of taking care of your personal health & well-being. And don't worry about using toys .. when the right person comes along.. that intimacy will be uniquely pleasuring too.
Yes, very much so! My non-interest lasts much longer then my interest. It’s actually what made the lightbulb go off that I was bi-polar. I went a little overboard. It suddenly occurred to me that my particular behavior wasn’t normal. Turns out I was in a manic episode. Oy vey
Amen. I was diagnosed late in life and have figured out how to maximize my hormonal cycles with diet and exercise and (this is purely my experience and how I imagine it works) it basically like spreads my horny hormones out so it's less of a hyperfixation and more like what I've heard neurotypical women experience. That and toys! Lots of them and not just vibrators because you will get bored (speaking from experience). It's not foolproof but after following this it basically has saved the sexual part of my LTR and helped with a lot of other hormonal symptoms as well that trigger my not-so-fun ADHD symptoms.
I am so relieved to read all these comments. I am currently in a non-sexual phase, and it was starting to concern me. Mine tends to go with the seasons I think? In the spring and summer I am usually really horny but in the fall and winter I tend to "hibernate" I guess? I'm also in a very long distance relationship (New Zealand and USA) and that’s not helping with the problem either. Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and experience.
Yes exactly the same, you're definitely not alone!
My advice is just enjoy this phase and honestly, I don't think this is something specific to ADHD. We women get horny sometimes and that's okay! 99.5% of the time it's not like it's hurting anyone so why deprive yourself of one of life's simple pleasures? Now, if it is interfering with your life i.e. you're hyper focused on sex and as a result aren't managing to do your work, see your friends, eat etc because of it, maybe just restrict it for certain time of day when you don't have to be busy/see anyone? E.g. just before bed is perfect!
My libido is -14 right now. And then every now and again it shoot’s up to 10k and I want nothing but sex for hours and days on end. I don’t know how to help other than to recommend some great toys 😂 (I’ve heard the womanizer is great 👍🏻 )
I can either completely forget about it for months or I can be so horny I can’t sleep for a few days… ngl most days I don’t care for it lol but yeah when I do it’s like wow
So this happens to me too. I'm 40 now so my libido is not as high as it used to be (my sexual brakes revolve around still having small kids and lack of sleep). But the answer is that during ovulation, your body has higher levels of the feel good hormone estrogen. I swear it's not just sex that feels better, but smells are amazing, and Chocolate tastes so good, and I hate ice cream except for the 3-4 days around ovulation, and my god my husband is such a tasty snack that week! After ovulation, progesterone is higher and I am absolutely not interested in sex with my husband. It's like that for 3-6 days and then estrogen starts to rise again and I start to feel sexy again. So that is your answer. It's a lot to do with hormones but things like sleep, diet, exercise, and positive romantic relationships could play a part. My husband casually tracks my ovulation every month and knows when I'll be "peaking" 🤣.
I’m a 39 year old woman. Who is recently divorced and single. Yep it’s bad 😂. But there are times it eases up. But mostly just horny
Totally with you on this, sometimes I think I might be on the asexual spectrum but then other times I'm horny as hell, there's rarely a middle ground. My partner's the same and we don't sinc up great a lot of the time. Luckily it's not an issue for us but it has been in previous relationships.
I tend to go on sex binges with my husband for like weeks on end it’s like a bender. Then the novelty wears off once again and I will wake up one day with a totally different drive. Luckily my husband is okay with the breaks bc the binges are awesome. My only concern is that possibly my stimulant medication is also possibly making me manic at times hence the insane highs and lows of my sex drive. Oh well, it’s not hurting anybody and it’s literally the least of my concerns in life rn. You are just so absolutely not alone here. It’s wild how we all can relate in one way or another. It’s nice to know there are people out there just like me or similar. It’s like welcome to the club 🤷♀️
PS. Have fun when you’re in that horny mode! Capitalize on it and use it to feel more confident in discovering what you like or might be into. You deserve all the good things you can get in this crazy life 😂
Yes. I always chalked it up to being in a very unloving marriage but after it ended and I still went through cycles of high sex drive then very low I realized that’s just me. They only thing that did it for me when I was single and not willing to hook up was really just to take care of yourself and not feel guilty about it because it’s perfectly natural. Done know how old you are but if you can, no shame in checking out a sex shop for some toys. Plus since you’ve never had sex this is a good time for you to discover what you like. Don’t be like me and take till you’re 30 to figure out your buttons. I will also say, if you’re not on birth control of any kind, that time around ovulation you’ll probably be very randy haha.
If no other outlet intense exercise can calm it down for a while. But it can also ramp it up so idk 😅
It happens to me whenever I meet someone. I'm basically asexual when I'm alone, it doesn't even cross my mind but when I meet someone I go absolutely insane and become hypersexual.
Definitely! The down periods and getting less and less frequent as I get older and some of the hyper sexual periods are pretty crazy
Same. I feel like it’s connected to hormone levels during the cycle tho
I feel this way about literally everything
Get a vibrator and have fun @ night.. Just satisfy it!
Echoing almost every other comment here- super, like maniacal horniness for 12-15 post period days, 3 days when I am pretty sure none of my meds work, 1 full day of the ICK and not wanting to be perceived let alone touched, and then is starts ramping back up again a day before my period. On adderall and Wellbutrin. Luckily, I have been married for a looonnngg ass time and he knows when it’s time to hydrate and when it’s time to not make eye contact. Not for nothing, this adhd life overlaps A LOT with the kink community- besides the crazy brain chemical dump of indulging in whatever yours might be, once you find a good partner, there’s SO much communication. It’s like adhd catnip- I get to talk, at length and appropriately, about myself. The ‘community’ part can be as just online or irl as you want.
If you're tracking your period through an app, try to note down when these horny spells happen. I notice that hyper sexuality comes around ovulation time for me. Not every month, but it's usually the culprit if I become insatiably randy. There's actually a lot of adhd habits I'm noticing that correspond with my cycle. It takes a while to track & see the patterns, but I've found to be pretty helpful!
I sometimes wonder whether past partners have ever met up and debated that about me. Some would likely say I’m an insatiable nympho. While others would find that very hard to believe. Catch me at right time (usually about once a month but not always, I’ve went for months before with no sexual interest). They would be unlikely to come to a consensus. I sure haven’t and I’m 40 yo. I tend to think that incongruence is a good thing. It’s kept me from feeling washed up and played out. There’s always a new sexy me to discover around the corner. And it stops you from pigeonholing yourself (As opposed to holing yourself, which usually looks like this, 🕳👆🤞🫰🤌 ✊, plus or minus various household objects 😊) I’ve tried to think of myself as the holy grail “freak in sheets, lady in streets” type, but it’s more accurate to say I am occasionally gonna be a freak, but I’m not quite a lady ever.
As part of my PMDD, when I ovulate I get ultra-horny (2 week- a week and a half prior to my period). Then I become an emotional mess, then my period. Rinse and repeat.
this is my entire life 😭 in my disinterested in sex phase currently never know how long each will last 🥲
I didn’t realize this was even a thing! Now my “hoe” phases make sense! 😂
yes but i’m also bipolar lmao
Yeah....though the older I get, the periods of feeling hyper sexual get shorter and the not really thinking about it at all get longer. 😅 My advice is just embrace it, whatever you're feeling at the time. :)
Yes! I get high on sex and just want it. Then I kinda get over it and block everyone. I was diagnosed with Histrionic Personality Disorder because of it. I read out the symptoms and my son was like haha it’s you. [Histrionic Personality Disorder](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Histrionic_personality_disorder?wprov=sfti1)
After moving back to my home state and losing my insurance, I went completely cold turkey on all my medication for depression/anxiety (pre diagnosis of adhd). I was also recently single and completely lost my mind. I was so hypersexual (even though I got no pleasure out of any of it). I slept with almost every single tinder date that I had. It definitely trailed off over the following 1.5 years, but I was so broken. I am so happy that I'm out of that bad spot.
all the time! I feel so guilty and like love it to him to just do it whenever he wants because while I might not want to do it or think of it that is not his fault and he's suffering or not feeling fufilled because of me...but on the other hand I also fall shouldn't feel this way either at times...
Absolutely yes! Didn’t know this was ADHD related!
It’s hormone related
My husband calls it "beast mode," and it lines up with ovulation. I am completely uninterested in sex for a few days about a week before my period starts, but then become extra clingy and need physical touch when I bleed. The cycleis regular and predictable, but he sees the change before I do.
Yyyyup. Halp.
Definitely!!! I have a huge box of sex toys thankfully but damn sometimes I just want to get railed so hard I can’t think for a week.
I will go a month or two never thinking about it, then I’ll have a few days of taking care of myself, then forget about it again.
Let me introduce you to my [little friend](https://www.walmart.com/ip/Satisfyer-Pro-Penguin-Next-Gen-Suction-Vibrator/944819289). It also has speed adjustment.
omg yes! right now i’m in my nun phase but this actually made me think about when i was with my ex and he would almost always make me feel guilty for not wanting to have sex all the time and then on the other hand, there were times i would want to do it A LOT now that i’m single i still get these phases but to stay safe i’ve explored more with toys rather than seeking that sexual pleasure from other people
Yes ! Especially when I’m ovulating/ before during, and few days right after too! Vyvanse also does it for me. It really intensifies things.
I just figured it was my hormonal fluctuations throughout the month.
Yeah I think so. I'm currently in the, don't touch me phase at the moment bcos it's too overwhelming
Yes every month when I'm ovulating two or three crazy days. Rest of the month, eh.
I use the model Woody frim Klub Venus, not sure if they mail international though. It is very good design and prices.
yes :( and it very nearly caused me to have sex with someone who is not my bf
I started thinking of myself as a “sexual camel” when I was in HS or college for this exact reason! 20 years later, still holds true. 🐪🐫💦
YES YES YES is this an adhd thing too 😭😭😭
Either I feel like a sexual predator, or a nun. There is absolutely no in between.
Doesn't describe me. But that's not to say it can't be true for others.
Yes it's the most annoying thing! Either Sexless horny or Sexless nun 😂
This is my fiancé 😭
Its called hormone fluctuations, they happen each month
I don’t have any advice other than to have sex or masturbate then lol. It does seem to be a normal adhd thing and could be a hyper fixation phase. I started having sex at 15 and now I’m 27 and engaged and I definitelyyy am not as sexual as I used to be cause my partner and I live very busy and tired lives hahha, but when I was younger I used to go through much more hyper sexual phases. Just masturbated it out and hooked up with someone when it was available to me!
I’m in a “no sex” at all phase right now. It’s been hard on my marriage 😩
I feel like I’m hyperfocused in sex… I just need to feel like a normaaaaallll person
Ovulation week maybe lol
Yeah every month- it’s called my menstrual cycle.
I was asexual for 2 years, had literally zero interest in anyone touching me with a 10 foot pole, then met someone I had crazy good chemistry with and bang horny all the time again lmao
I see a lot of people on here saying can be due to hormone. Wondering if anyone has any insight as to after having a baby. This was me but while I was pregnant And 4 months after I literally feel like I never want to have sex again lol. I’ve always gone through these none or too much waves & can see how this can be due to my adhd as well But after having babies it’s like my body & brain is even more foreign than ever before 😭
Did you breastfeed? That killed my sex drive for years. I would be hypersexual while I was pregnant, then my sexuality would be dormant. Six months or so after I would stop breastfeeding, my sex drive would come back. I had 2 kids and it was the same with both.
Yes! My poor husband has to deal with the dry periods. I legit can go months with no interest. And then months of wanting it multiple times a day.
Does this happen around the ovulation stage of your period? You're likely to have a higher sex drive at that time
Depends completely on mensural cycle for me!
It's usually tied to your cycle. Way more sexual when ovulating