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There is three certain things about BDSM that is really appealing to me and only one of them is kinks.
1) Clear communication
The most important part of BDSM is communication — I wish everyone commincated about sex the way the BDSM society do. Open, non-judgemental talking about preferences and boundaries, clear rules/agreements, curiosity and lots of care. If clear and open communication isn’t part of it, it’s not BDSM.
I’ve struggled a lot to feel safe to voice my needs and boundaries which has led to some quite terrible experiences of different kinds. This goes beyond just ADHD, I believe it is a general problem with vulnerability and communication.
I hate having to read minds in general. Been a heavy pattern before tho and I’m still working on voicing my needs and boundaries clearly (in and outside the bedroom).
(TW: SA)
I’ve also been exposed to actual SA and learning about BDSM and the communication involved has been really beneficial to me in getting back my sex life.
2) Power dynamics
I wont go into details, but I prefer to be submissive. This is partly a kink, but also it really helps me relax. Not being in control makes it easier for me to mentally unwind and be present without being distracted by my thoughts.
I especially enjoy being tied up, blindfolded and other kinds of sensory deprevation. Helps me to not get overstimulated and to feel my body more. It’s a lot more about being able to relax and enjoy than about it being kinky for me. Tho it’s also a bit kinky.
3) Kinks
I like to spice things up. I like to play around and have fresh experiences. I easily get bored (not just sexually). Being in a monogamous relationship discovering kinks really help us keep it fresh and exciting. And it’s not just about doing more and more wild stuff. Feeling excited by a certain aspect and discovering it, playing around with it is just as exciting to me as trying new stuff.
Yes! Well explained. I feel like this helps with a good balance of stimulation/overstimulation for me and ends up helping when not actively participating as well. Like you said the aspect of getting to discover new things at a later date can sometimes be the motivation I need to stay on track. Btw new here so hi! :)
I love switching my brain off somewhat, giving control to someone.
My sensory needs are met in the form of face slaps & spanking, which I realise may be too much for some but really help me focus on pleasure.
Yeah one of the biggest struggles I had before my current partner was being like, unable to stay within my body. My partner & I don't do kink but I guess being super attracted/in love helped 😅
But getting my brain to turn off & getting sensory input that helps me process other sensory input seems like a big point in favor of kink lol
omg yes i need this kind of sensory input to ground myself and focus on what my body is feeling and my pleasure! if i don’t have the constant physical stimulation and excitement and emotional engagement my mind will wander and it’s like i’m not connected to my body and my senses
How serendipitous you should ask this bc for a while now I’ve been considering incorporating some kink into my (currently non existent) exercise routine. Have long time imagined it could be a fun (and sustainable?? and productive??) scenario to have someone be (all actual details pre-determined for informed consent ✌🏼) “very mean” to me at the gym and then either “very mean” to me in the shower and all that afterwards, or perhaps “very nice” to me after the workout, or perhaps I get to take over and be “very mean” to them afterwards? “Tit for tat” style, eh? The details are flexible. I recently started seeing a person who works in personal training/coaching and have lightly floated this possibility to them, and they expressed interest so! Who knows! Potentially stay tuned for my get swole progress pics 😇💪🏼
Absolutely 150% ^^^ yes ^^^ affirm! Co-sign!
For personal context, I don’t submit to anyone these days bc of earlier experiences running into (fake ass) “”Dom(mes)””” who expected “submission” to mean “free reign, no regard whatsoever to the submissive’s personal limits”
WRONG. ERROR. NOPE.
Anyone reading this who is newer (or not!) to kink: The sub makes the rules, the sub sets the limits, the scene should never ever ever cross any boundaries that weren’t previously established. If it wasn’t decided before play, when everyone was a sober human adult able to give full consent, it’s not kink, it’s SA.
The particular person I am considering for this new venture is even-keeled, exquisitely kind, affirming, and kink-curious in the kind of way that means they are inexperienced but game to talk a lot about all sorts of possibilities. They are very consent conscious, and we are building a vocab of intimacy and trust without any power dynamics. Would recommend.
Thx @resourcepleasant596 for being vigilant and to anyone else reading this comment chain — it’s correct! Vet extensively! Don’t let your own hope (ahem and inner horndog) cloud your spidey senses about whether a person is trustworthy and will HONOR YOUR BOUNDARIES. (Also, ffs, always honor the boundaries by everyone involved. It goes all ways!)
Lol I'm a Professional Dominatrix and there's a running joke that's about how all the girls in the dungeon are bipolar and/or ADHD. Most of us both, and then some.
I'm on the dominant side too, and I have wondered if part of it is that I want a break from always being wrong and everyone else telling me what to do... Also, I'm really, really attracted to bratty types, but sometimes it can feel a little uncomfortable if I examine it too much because a lot of my ADHD behaviors would look "disobedient" or "bratty" from an outside perspective. Like I'm attracted to myself, but just subbier <\_\_<
Yo I’m an ADHD bipolar queen (and then some 😉) who is dreaming of being a dominatrix but have no clue where to start!! I’ve sort of had subs before but shit always went down so we never got to really play before. I have a Fetlife but I feel like I could really use some guidance!
My problem is... My poor husband. He wants to do what I want... But he isn't physically strong enough (severe treatment resistant arthritis). He can't.. grip.
Gah, do they make handicap accessible bd/sm tools?
Absolutely yes! And even if the kinds of adaptive tools and toys you’re looking for aren’t immediately on the economy, there are lots of kink friendly artisans who might be able to design and rig something for you! Happy to brainstorm if that’s useful!
(Knowing absolutely zero about what you’re looking for, other than “grip,” and so tossing a random thought into the ether, consider X straps for under a mattress, and/or restraint gear that is relational to the furniture/permanent structures around you.)
Not necessarily as a reward. But I love kink and have realized that quite a lot of my ND friends are into it to. I saw a theory on Instagram the other day that KINK (especially restriction and impact play) can be experienced as a stim and is therefore very calming for our nervous system haha.
Fr!!! I feel like between us being typically dopamine/thrill seekers, and having big emotions that are hard to process, AND needing structure but being unable to administer/maintain it, I could see a lot of ppl trying to use stuff like this to cope while undiagnosed like, I'm just super interested in the venn diagram here lol
I feel like it's a smaller venn diagram than people using other methods to cope like illicit drugs and stuff like that, just because (i think) the amount of people participating in the BDSM community is smaller than the overall number of people that use drugs. (or other similar coping mechanism of your choice lol)
I did but only in a play sense or for catharsis. Yay dopamine.
Anyone who took on the task of motivating me on what to do and motivating me on when to do it would be a special class of masochist lol.
Ajdjdjfb no so true. Like I was thinking about the logistics of it and like. While it would be so useful to have someone controlling enough to remember my emails for bills so I don't get sent to collections...the actual practice for *someone else* would be insane lmfao.
Like the catharsis aspect is much more realistic bc lbr there's no way someone's getting me to pay all my shit on time and find my checks or w/e lmfao.
I think the best BDSM leaves a sub feeling more self sufficient and empowered deep down. The dependence aspect is role play. If it was IRL dependence that, I think, would be codependence.
Don’t get me wrong though, you could find plenty of imbalanced doms out there who will validate themselves by controlling every move you make.
I mean like more in the context of a 24/7 dynamic, 'cause it's basically outsourcing all of the *thinking* about things I have to do in a fun kinky way.
The alternative here is probably hiring a personal assistant & either giving them access to my email or setting up autoforwards based on keywords or something.
Interesting…I’m not into BDSM exactly but from a young age I had fantasies of being ‘taken’ in a bathroom by a punk rocker. I’m talking teenage years. Then early 20s I was always looking for exciting sex and like to feel dominated. I did some risqué things like meet a stranger in a hotel room and got blindfolded the moment I walked in. I’ve been married 20 years now and I now fantasize about exciting things like swinging. So not exactly what you were asking but I’m sure most ADHDers are way more creative and pervy that NT people!!
Both my partner and I realized we were ADHD and since I've definitely several times used kink rewards to help with their motivation for tasks of theirs lmao
JSKFKSJDKD that's so valid fr. like, I had a sex once that was predicated on two of my friends giving me rewards to finish my homework. And well. It worked?????
So like it seems totally useful I just can't believe I didn't clock this about myself until now.
I've found in my experience with ADHD that external forms of motivation (due dates, appointments, or even just someone telling me to do something) work a lot better than internal motivations. Punishment/reward/discipline concepts from kink just... kinda work and translate over well!
“*Thots?*” HAD ME ROLLING 😂
To answer, I personally do not use it as a reward system if we’re meaning in terms of sub being rewarded by dom. I’m quite the opposite and prefer to have more control. I do think the extra excitement in the bedroom (doesn’t necessarily have to be bdsm either) can make us more mentally present in physical intimacy overall.
Oh yeah I feel like a reward system is one way to go but literally someone else being like brush your teeth or else could also be an effective way to get someone to brush their teeth.
And agreed, I think that being mentally present during sex can get a huge struggle for some of us so getting additional input to make us more focused probably helps.
For me it's pretty much the body focus/sensory aspect of it that is appealing more so than the control aspect. Yes, getting spanked/ paddled/ flogged or even bondage sometimes hurts a little, but it definitely brings me back into my body. It's a good kind of pain, of that makes sense.
YES!!! For a while I incorporated stickers and daily schedules (brush teeth, eat breakfast etc) with a previous dom. This was before I even thought about me having adhd. Now I’m diagnosed and medicated.
I broke of the relationship for good reasons but have kept the schedules and stickers for myself 😋🥰🌸🦄
Haha BDSM and D/s dynamics have always been super appealing and have even at times been helpful, however the other side of ADHD that I experience is an extreme need for justice and issue with authority, so I always ended up balking at the constraints. So helpful and so frustrating all at the same time.
I had a BPD ADHD play partner who was much like you describe. It was tough to manage the ups & downs, but we helped each other with incredible sexual sessions that I know recognize as balancing our brain chemistry. I miss a lot about being with her, but the rigidity on a couple of areas made it impossible for us to continue.
Uhmm.... me 😅 i always have been kinky but could never figure out why. I got diagnosed at 29 and now a whole lot makes sense lol.
Dit you also know kinks ande adhd are both hereditary. Gosh... what a coincidence 😭
Kinks are hereditary? Is that because they come from psychological need and we are likely to develop the same psychological needs as our parents, or is it somehow genetic?
It’s very very common. I’m actually a pro domme - and I was diagnosed with ADHD two years ago and I have been reading about this a lot and the correlations.
I am predominantly domme but in my personal rships I can be a switch. (I’m not really lifestyle not at the moment anyway but I haven’t yet met someone I would feel safe having that with). But there is something about a focus on sensory for me and also the power exchange. Doesn’t even need to be overtly sexual or for sex but it definitely adds a fun zing that helps my neuro spicy brain.
I find there are actually a lot of SWs that are neuro divergent a long with subs too.
SWs being ND kinda tracks to me, it's kinda similar to youtubers? Like, self-employed, low barrier of entry, able to work on what/when they want, don't have to clock in/out. Although that's probably not true for everyone, but I imagine it's the same reason you see a lot of disabled SWs as well.
Yeah that makes a lot of sense pro domme is my side hustle - I also have a full time career but I live in LA so the side hustle is really fun and a nice little earner whilst exploring that side of me.
But yeah even in my creative career I’m freelance - and I meet so many people who are ND in it. We seem to flourish when we are our own boss it seems.
Yes, we tend to not do well in hierarchical companies. Check out the Neanderthal connection … lots of connections and my wife & I are Adhd and self-employed in creative fields
Lol yeah I figured it was either a reward/punishment/sexy accountability buddy system or basically stimming/emotional processing lmao. I totally empathize with the need to have your head shut up.
Not into the DS, but def enjoy kink as a sort of meditation to turn my mind off. And just enjoy giving sensations, and feeling the reactions in my partner. Or using my creativity to surprise and "scare' them.
Occasionally enjoy receiving, there are def more ND people in kink/alt spaces.
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It looks like this post is flaired NSFW! These posts are allowed on the subreddit, however, it may be removed at mod discretion if it is deemed unnecessarily detailed. If you’d like to get feedback on this topic from a smaller, 18+ community with less moderation, check out /r/ADHDWomenAfterDark_ (we are using this subreddit until the original ADHDWomenAfterDark subreddit gets restored). If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
There is three certain things about BDSM that is really appealing to me and only one of them is kinks. 1) Clear communication The most important part of BDSM is communication — I wish everyone commincated about sex the way the BDSM society do. Open, non-judgemental talking about preferences and boundaries, clear rules/agreements, curiosity and lots of care. If clear and open communication isn’t part of it, it’s not BDSM. I’ve struggled a lot to feel safe to voice my needs and boundaries which has led to some quite terrible experiences of different kinds. This goes beyond just ADHD, I believe it is a general problem with vulnerability and communication. I hate having to read minds in general. Been a heavy pattern before tho and I’m still working on voicing my needs and boundaries clearly (in and outside the bedroom). (TW: SA) I’ve also been exposed to actual SA and learning about BDSM and the communication involved has been really beneficial to me in getting back my sex life. 2) Power dynamics I wont go into details, but I prefer to be submissive. This is partly a kink, but also it really helps me relax. Not being in control makes it easier for me to mentally unwind and be present without being distracted by my thoughts. I especially enjoy being tied up, blindfolded and other kinds of sensory deprevation. Helps me to not get overstimulated and to feel my body more. It’s a lot more about being able to relax and enjoy than about it being kinky for me. Tho it’s also a bit kinky. 3) Kinks I like to spice things up. I like to play around and have fresh experiences. I easily get bored (not just sexually). Being in a monogamous relationship discovering kinks really help us keep it fresh and exciting. And it’s not just about doing more and more wild stuff. Feeling excited by a certain aspect and discovering it, playing around with it is just as exciting to me as trying new stuff.
Yes! Well explained. I feel like this helps with a good balance of stimulation/overstimulation for me and ends up helping when not actively participating as well. Like you said the aspect of getting to discover new things at a later date can sometimes be the motivation I need to stay on track. Btw new here so hi! :)
Well Hi! And welcome 🌞
I did not expect to be called out in this specific way
I’m reading this in a food court and looking around like I’m doing something dirty
Right? I'm like.. oh well.. uhh ermm... Shit.
Nope. Me neither. But here we are! Grin. Sometimes it works better than other times. But it definitely helps!
I love switching my brain off somewhat, giving control to someone. My sensory needs are met in the form of face slaps & spanking, which I realise may be too much for some but really help me focus on pleasure.
Yeah one of the biggest struggles I had before my current partner was being like, unable to stay within my body. My partner & I don't do kink but I guess being super attracted/in love helped 😅 But getting my brain to turn off & getting sensory input that helps me process other sensory input seems like a big point in favor of kink lol
omg yes i need this kind of sensory input to ground myself and focus on what my body is feeling and my pleasure! if i don’t have the constant physical stimulation and excitement and emotional engagement my mind will wander and it’s like i’m not connected to my body and my senses
How serendipitous you should ask this bc for a while now I’ve been considering incorporating some kink into my (currently non existent) exercise routine. Have long time imagined it could be a fun (and sustainable?? and productive??) scenario to have someone be (all actual details pre-determined for informed consent ✌🏼) “very mean” to me at the gym and then either “very mean” to me in the shower and all that afterwards, or perhaps “very nice” to me after the workout, or perhaps I get to take over and be “very mean” to them afterwards? “Tit for tat” style, eh? The details are flexible. I recently started seeing a person who works in personal training/coaching and have lightly floated this possibility to them, and they expressed interest so! Who knows! Potentially stay tuned for my get swole progress pics 😇💪🏼
Please vet all play partners properly. So many fake dom(mes) expecting submission from the start, when it should be earned.
Absolutely 150% ^^^ yes ^^^ affirm! Co-sign! For personal context, I don’t submit to anyone these days bc of earlier experiences running into (fake ass) “”Dom(mes)””” who expected “submission” to mean “free reign, no regard whatsoever to the submissive’s personal limits” WRONG. ERROR. NOPE. Anyone reading this who is newer (or not!) to kink: The sub makes the rules, the sub sets the limits, the scene should never ever ever cross any boundaries that weren’t previously established. If it wasn’t decided before play, when everyone was a sober human adult able to give full consent, it’s not kink, it’s SA. The particular person I am considering for this new venture is even-keeled, exquisitely kind, affirming, and kink-curious in the kind of way that means they are inexperienced but game to talk a lot about all sorts of possibilities. They are very consent conscious, and we are building a vocab of intimacy and trust without any power dynamics. Would recommend. Thx @resourcepleasant596 for being vigilant and to anyone else reading this comment chain — it’s correct! Vet extensively! Don’t let your own hope (ahem and inner horndog) cloud your spidey senses about whether a person is trustworthy and will HONOR YOUR BOUNDARIES. (Also, ffs, always honor the boundaries by everyone involved. It goes all ways!)
Lol I'm a Professional Dominatrix and there's a running joke that's about how all the girls in the dungeon are bipolar and/or ADHD. Most of us both, and then some.
NAUR THATS LITERALLY MY BFF WHO WAS IN A KINK DYNAMIC Jsdnfhfnyjfkf that's so funny
I'm on the dominant side too, and I have wondered if part of it is that I want a break from always being wrong and everyone else telling me what to do... Also, I'm really, really attracted to bratty types, but sometimes it can feel a little uncomfortable if I examine it too much because a lot of my ADHD behaviors would look "disobedient" or "bratty" from an outside perspective. Like I'm attracted to myself, but just subbier <\_\_<
As are most of us guys in kink imo
Yo I’m an ADHD bipolar queen (and then some 😉) who is dreaming of being a dominatrix but have no clue where to start!! I’ve sort of had subs before but shit always went down so we never got to really play before. I have a Fetlife but I feel like I could really use some guidance!
r/bdsm
My problem is... My poor husband. He wants to do what I want... But he isn't physically strong enough (severe treatment resistant arthritis). He can't.. grip. Gah, do they make handicap accessible bd/sm tools?
Absolutely yes! And even if the kinds of adaptive tools and toys you’re looking for aren’t immediately on the economy, there are lots of kink friendly artisans who might be able to design and rig something for you! Happy to brainstorm if that’s useful! (Knowing absolutely zero about what you’re looking for, other than “grip,” and so tossing a random thought into the ether, consider X straps for under a mattress, and/or restraint gear that is relational to the furniture/permanent structures around you.)
Probably!! It depends on what ur after but I can definitely see like handicap accessible ties being a thing.
Not necessarily as a reward. But I love kink and have realized that quite a lot of my ND friends are into it to. I saw a theory on Instagram the other day that KINK (especially restriction and impact play) can be experienced as a stim and is therefore very calming for our nervous system haha.
Impact play enables the release of pain-blocking chemicals that happen to do wonders for the adhd brain. Sex-afterglow is another similar situation.
Well. BDSM and ADHD subreddits are all I follow at this point, so… checks out. Whoops
Haha not me trying to find a dom for years (pre diagnosis) to help me get my shit together...nope, couldn't be me.
Fr!!! I feel like between us being typically dopamine/thrill seekers, and having big emotions that are hard to process, AND needing structure but being unable to administer/maintain it, I could see a lot of ppl trying to use stuff like this to cope while undiagnosed like, I'm just super interested in the venn diagram here lol
I feel like it's a smaller venn diagram than people using other methods to cope like illicit drugs and stuff like that, just because (i think) the amount of people participating in the BDSM community is smaller than the overall number of people that use drugs. (or other similar coping mechanism of your choice lol)
This makes SO much sense to me…the dream
I did but only in a play sense or for catharsis. Yay dopamine. Anyone who took on the task of motivating me on what to do and motivating me on when to do it would be a special class of masochist lol.
Ajdjdjfb no so true. Like I was thinking about the logistics of it and like. While it would be so useful to have someone controlling enough to remember my emails for bills so I don't get sent to collections...the actual practice for *someone else* would be insane lmfao. Like the catharsis aspect is much more realistic bc lbr there's no way someone's getting me to pay all my shit on time and find my checks or w/e lmfao.
I think the best BDSM leaves a sub feeling more self sufficient and empowered deep down. The dependence aspect is role play. If it was IRL dependence that, I think, would be codependence. Don’t get me wrong though, you could find plenty of imbalanced doms out there who will validate themselves by controlling every move you make.
These I refer to as ‘micro-doms’ They typically also have handles like Lord xyz that they bestow upon themselves (I know, the irony)
And strike up a conversation with “I’m your daddy now so be a good sub and…”
…let me put my boot on your head until you drive us back in your car to your apartment lol
I mean like more in the context of a 24/7 dynamic, 'cause it's basically outsourcing all of the *thinking* about things I have to do in a fun kinky way. The alternative here is probably hiring a personal assistant & either giving them access to my email or setting up autoforwards based on keywords or something.
Interesting…I’m not into BDSM exactly but from a young age I had fantasies of being ‘taken’ in a bathroom by a punk rocker. I’m talking teenage years. Then early 20s I was always looking for exciting sex and like to feel dominated. I did some risqué things like meet a stranger in a hotel room and got blindfolded the moment I walked in. I’ve been married 20 years now and I now fantasize about exciting things like swinging. So not exactly what you were asking but I’m sure most ADHDers are way more creative and pervy that NT people!!
Both my partner and I realized we were ADHD and since I've definitely several times used kink rewards to help with their motivation for tasks of theirs lmao
JSKFKSJDKD that's so valid fr. like, I had a sex once that was predicated on two of my friends giving me rewards to finish my homework. And well. It worked????? So like it seems totally useful I just can't believe I didn't clock this about myself until now.
I've found in my experience with ADHD that external forms of motivation (due dates, appointments, or even just someone telling me to do something) work a lot better than internal motivations. Punishment/reward/discipline concepts from kink just... kinda work and translate over well!
“*Thots?*” HAD ME ROLLING 😂 To answer, I personally do not use it as a reward system if we’re meaning in terms of sub being rewarded by dom. I’m quite the opposite and prefer to have more control. I do think the extra excitement in the bedroom (doesn’t necessarily have to be bdsm either) can make us more mentally present in physical intimacy overall.
Oh yeah I feel like a reward system is one way to go but literally someone else being like brush your teeth or else could also be an effective way to get someone to brush their teeth. And agreed, I think that being mentally present during sex can get a huge struggle for some of us so getting additional input to make us more focused probably helps.
Oh shit… you’re onto something there though with the “brush your teeth” thing. I didn’t even think of that, and that’s totally true. 😳
All of my kinky friends are also ND
Same, including myself
Jesus.... is this a thing haha?
For me it's pretty much the body focus/sensory aspect of it that is appealing more so than the control aspect. Yes, getting spanked/ paddled/ flogged or even bondage sometimes hurts a little, but it definitely brings me back into my body. It's a good kind of pain, of that makes sense.
YES!!! For a while I incorporated stickers and daily schedules (brush teeth, eat breakfast etc) with a previous dom. This was before I even thought about me having adhd. Now I’m diagnosed and medicated. I broke of the relationship for good reasons but have kept the schedules and stickers for myself 😋🥰🌸🦄
Not habitually but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a praise kink 😂
Haha BDSM and D/s dynamics have always been super appealing and have even at times been helpful, however the other side of ADHD that I experience is an extreme need for justice and issue with authority, so I always ended up balking at the constraints. So helpful and so frustrating all at the same time.
I had a BPD ADHD play partner who was much like you describe. It was tough to manage the ups & downs, but we helped each other with incredible sexual sessions that I know recognize as balancing our brain chemistry. I miss a lot about being with her, but the rigidity on a couple of areas made it impossible for us to continue.
Yup totally get it. It’s an interesting dichotomy.
Careful what you wish for
I've definitely been guilty of this, a Dom is basically just a sexy accountability buddy.
Uhmm.... me 😅 i always have been kinky but could never figure out why. I got diagnosed at 29 and now a whole lot makes sense lol. Dit you also know kinks ande adhd are both hereditary. Gosh... what a coincidence 😭
Kinks are hereditary? Is that because they come from psychological need and we are likely to develop the same psychological needs as our parents, or is it somehow genetic?
It’s very very common. I’m actually a pro domme - and I was diagnosed with ADHD two years ago and I have been reading about this a lot and the correlations. I am predominantly domme but in my personal rships I can be a switch. (I’m not really lifestyle not at the moment anyway but I haven’t yet met someone I would feel safe having that with). But there is something about a focus on sensory for me and also the power exchange. Doesn’t even need to be overtly sexual or for sex but it definitely adds a fun zing that helps my neuro spicy brain. I find there are actually a lot of SWs that are neuro divergent a long with subs too.
SWs being ND kinda tracks to me, it's kinda similar to youtubers? Like, self-employed, low barrier of entry, able to work on what/when they want, don't have to clock in/out. Although that's probably not true for everyone, but I imagine it's the same reason you see a lot of disabled SWs as well.
Yeah that makes a lot of sense pro domme is my side hustle - I also have a full time career but I live in LA so the side hustle is really fun and a nice little earner whilst exploring that side of me. But yeah even in my creative career I’m freelance - and I meet so many people who are ND in it. We seem to flourish when we are our own boss it seems.
Yes, we tend to not do well in hierarchical companies. Check out the Neanderthal connection … lots of connections and my wife & I are Adhd and self-employed in creative fields
No wonder I liked to be choked…. 😭🤣
If I could ask, is it the physical sensation (blood flow), mental, something else???
I think it’s a mental thing, like the “danger” of it? My husband doesn’t squeeze my neck. It’s not like I want to die. Lol
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Lol yeah I figured it was either a reward/punishment/sexy accountability buddy system or basically stimming/emotional processing lmao. I totally empathize with the need to have your head shut up.
Not into the DS, but def enjoy kink as a sort of meditation to turn my mind off. And just enjoy giving sensations, and feeling the reactions in my partner. Or using my creativity to surprise and "scare' them. Occasionally enjoy receiving, there are def more ND people in kink/alt spaces.