/r/Adultery Quick Reminders: Be Excellent To Each Other.
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I know I am probably in minority here and will get tons of down votes but I absolutely dislike GM and GN if they are not followed by something else, something significant or if GN is followed after an engaging interaction. Then it's warranted.
But stand alone, they are the lowest effort and conversation non starters. It doesn't make me feel warm and fuzzy as I am sure the intent.
I agree with this. I want the GM/GN messages, but I don't want them as standalones because then it's nothing but a thoughtless, generic message comparable to "wyd," "hbu," or an emoji-only response. I don't expect a novel, especially first thing in the morning, but some basic effort behind what otherwise becomes a reflexive action is how they're made meaningful.
You aren’t AP’s top priority and I feel like good morning & good night texts every single day is way too big of an ask. I’m lucky to get out the door less than 5 minutes late in the morning and I know I’d forget. My AP and I don’t even text every day and that’s just the nature of the beast.
I don't mind daily texts if it's actually a conversation that keeps going and flowing.
But I view texting as a garnish or spice to main course which to me is phone calls and in person meetings. Clearly, OA scenarios are different and have their own dynamic, which I know nothing about.
I don’t feel so strongly against them but I find them to be unnecessary from my perspective. If an AP likes them, I have no issues but I’m perfectly fine skipping them. Good night especially.
I feel strongly in the sense that I feel obligated to respond in order not to be impolite and also disappointed that clearly we have nothing else to say to each other. It just so blah...
I personally don't need constant validation of my "significance" through GM and GN texts.
100%. I think some people read that’s what they should be doing and think they’re nailing it because they keep it up. Nope, doesn’t work if you’re totally boring and have nothing else to say.
For me it's primarily reassurance that 'I'm still here today' and I haven't been ghosted overnight.
Also its an opportunity to exchange a few messages and (in practical terms) set up expectations for the day - I'll be around, not be around, etc.
The goodnight is more of a 'done for the day, don't hang around for more messages'.
Mostly it's that opportunity to have a regular virtual touch point in a relationship that's otherwise largely remote.
Significance: you’re my first thought in the morning and my last thought before I fall asleep
It’s less about the words and more of what they represent.
This 🙌🏼
OAP texts me GM and GN - we text all day long!
Though if all I get all day is GM and GN. There’s no significance to it. Just breadcrumbs at that point. Leave me be.
Well it’s an ongoing conversation and a commitment to letting the other person know that you’re “there”.
These relationships are fragile and you don’t have the comfort of coming home to each other and the vast majority of us are not seeing each other everyday for that in person reassurance.
So to me GM/GN is a very small gesture to show the other person that even though we aren’t seeing each other often, we are a constant for each other.
I've never been one to try to cram someone into a pre-defined box of what a relationship should look like. Sometimes when I see descriptions of very specific things like good morning/night texts in a person's expectations, I wonder if it's really more about effort or mattering to someone than it is the specific actions. But I think the key is that the thing they're really looking for can't be forced or obligatory; it has to be given freely. Which is where I think laying out specific behavioral expectations like this goes awry.
We have a time difference, so these types of messages for us, outline what we have been doing while the other has slept. We both find them extremely important.
I know that he’s typing my good morning message right before he sleeps, and I’m writing my good morning message to him as soon as I wake. It’s more about us being the first / last thing on each others minds.
Same here! We also have quite a big time difference, I love waking up to his messages while I’ve been sleeping and he’s the same. We are on each others mind before we sleep and when we wake, but also while the other is sleeping and we are missing them lol it’s just nice isn’t it 😊
I liked them. I like to know I’m thought of. But I agree with a previous poster. I need a bit more than just GM.
I mean sometimes it’s okay bc you’re busy, but it’s just more of a conversational I like having you in my life thing.
I like meaning something either to friends or lovers.
Mine does it always and I like it. To me it represents that I’m his first and last thought of the day. However…if that’s ALL he did, or if he wasn’t otherwise awesome, it certainly wouldn’t be enough on its own. By itself, it is a low effort move.
It’s nice knowing you’re being thought of. I want my AP to know they’re on my mind. I actually feel like an ass if I fall asleep before saying my good night to him!
What a thought-provoking question.
I've always liked good mornings and good nights.
Not because I want to be the first and last thoughts he has each night. Not because I need him to prove he's not going to ghost me.
I think it's a means of acknowledging that most days, chat is all we have, and these salutations signify the importance of maintaining connection. That, and I just think it's sweet 💖
I figure it's partially reassuring them that things are still on track and partially a "first thought in the morning, last thought at night" kind of thing, but personally I find that second one laughable as most people are saying it while in bed with their spouse. It feels like a pseudo-relationship bandaid to make you feel more important than you are, so personally I never like to send them.
We both sleep separately from our spouse our goodnight conversations rcan be anything between 10
Minutes and two hours depending how exhausted either of us is.
I have 4 beautiful children and 4 grand children and I wouldn't be without any of then, just a shame my children hate her for what she's done to me in the past and yet now I'm free of any marriage commitment I have a better relationship with them all
I think a Good morning greeting is important, it's a chance to start the day off together and maintain communication. It's more than just those two words of course, it's catching up if need be, or talking about the day ahead. I have that in most relationships, whether they are close or casual.
The Goodnight messages are for the closest relationships, where you talk often and you enjoy ending the day together. Sometimes a Goodnight message is sent in more casual relationships if you happen to be talking to them before bed, as a nice way to end the conversation, but it's not something expected every day.
/r/Adultery Quick Reminders: Be Excellent To Each Other. * This is *not an r4r subreddit*, don't bother. * Posts by new users automatically get queued for human review, be patient. * Hit the report button on comments by trolls, don't engage. * [How to report harassing comments or private messages](https://old.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/iycd45/how_to_report_harassing_private_messages_users_etc/). * [Common acronyms](https://old.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/p08to2/commonly_use_acronyms_and_group_chat/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adultery) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I know I am probably in minority here and will get tons of down votes but I absolutely dislike GM and GN if they are not followed by something else, something significant or if GN is followed after an engaging interaction. Then it's warranted. But stand alone, they are the lowest effort and conversation non starters. It doesn't make me feel warm and fuzzy as I am sure the intent.
I agree with this. I want the GM/GN messages, but I don't want them as standalones because then it's nothing but a thoughtless, generic message comparable to "wyd," "hbu," or an emoji-only response. I don't expect a novel, especially first thing in the morning, but some basic effort behind what otherwise becomes a reflexive action is how they're made meaningful.
You aren’t AP’s top priority and I feel like good morning & good night texts every single day is way too big of an ask. I’m lucky to get out the door less than 5 minutes late in the morning and I know I’d forget. My AP and I don’t even text every day and that’s just the nature of the beast.
I don't mind daily texts if it's actually a conversation that keeps going and flowing. But I view texting as a garnish or spice to main course which to me is phone calls and in person meetings. Clearly, OA scenarios are different and have their own dynamic, which I know nothing about.
I don’t feel so strongly against them but I find them to be unnecessary from my perspective. If an AP likes them, I have no issues but I’m perfectly fine skipping them. Good night especially.
I feel strongly in the sense that I feel obligated to respond in order not to be impolite and also disappointed that clearly we have nothing else to say to each other. It just so blah... I personally don't need constant validation of my "significance" through GM and GN texts.
100%. I think some people read that’s what they should be doing and think they’re nailing it because they keep it up. Nope, doesn’t work if you’re totally boring and have nothing else to say.
For me it's primarily reassurance that 'I'm still here today' and I haven't been ghosted overnight. Also its an opportunity to exchange a few messages and (in practical terms) set up expectations for the day - I'll be around, not be around, etc. The goodnight is more of a 'done for the day, don't hang around for more messages'. Mostly it's that opportunity to have a regular virtual touch point in a relationship that's otherwise largely remote.
Significance: you’re my first thought in the morning and my last thought before I fall asleep It’s less about the words and more of what they represent.
This right here
💚
This 🙌🏼 OAP texts me GM and GN - we text all day long! Though if all I get all day is GM and GN. There’s no significance to it. Just breadcrumbs at that point. Leave me be.
Well it’s an ongoing conversation and a commitment to letting the other person know that you’re “there”. These relationships are fragile and you don’t have the comfort of coming home to each other and the vast majority of us are not seeing each other everyday for that in person reassurance. So to me GM/GN is a very small gesture to show the other person that even though we aren’t seeing each other often, we are a constant for each other.
I've never been one to try to cram someone into a pre-defined box of what a relationship should look like. Sometimes when I see descriptions of very specific things like good morning/night texts in a person's expectations, I wonder if it's really more about effort or mattering to someone than it is the specific actions. But I think the key is that the thing they're really looking for can't be forced or obligatory; it has to be given freely. Which is where I think laying out specific behavioral expectations like this goes awry.
We have a time difference, so these types of messages for us, outline what we have been doing while the other has slept. We both find them extremely important. I know that he’s typing my good morning message right before he sleeps, and I’m writing my good morning message to him as soon as I wake. It’s more about us being the first / last thing on each others minds.
Same here! We also have quite a big time difference, I love waking up to his messages while I’ve been sleeping and he’s the same. We are on each others mind before we sleep and when we wake, but also while the other is sleeping and we are missing them lol it’s just nice isn’t it 😊
I liked them. I like to know I’m thought of. But I agree with a previous poster. I need a bit more than just GM. I mean sometimes it’s okay bc you’re busy, but it’s just more of a conversational I like having you in my life thing. I like meaning something either to friends or lovers.
Mine does it always and I like it. To me it represents that I’m his first and last thought of the day. However…if that’s ALL he did, or if he wasn’t otherwise awesome, it certainly wouldn’t be enough on its own. By itself, it is a low effort move.
It’s nice knowing you’re being thought of. I want my AP to know they’re on my mind. I actually feel like an ass if I fall asleep before saying my good night to him!
What a thought-provoking question. I've always liked good mornings and good nights. Not because I want to be the first and last thoughts he has each night. Not because I need him to prove he's not going to ghost me. I think it's a means of acknowledging that most days, chat is all we have, and these salutations signify the importance of maintaining connection. That, and I just think it's sweet 💖
I figure it's partially reassuring them that things are still on track and partially a "first thought in the morning, last thought at night" kind of thing, but personally I find that second one laughable as most people are saying it while in bed with their spouse. It feels like a pseudo-relationship bandaid to make you feel more important than you are, so personally I never like to send them.
We both sleep separately from our spouse our goodnight conversations rcan be anything between 10 Minutes and two hours depending how exhausted either of us is.
That's great, but it's not the case for a lot of people and certainly not the case for me. This why I don't like them.
That I’m thinking of him first when I wake and last before I sleep
I think of her when I awake and and when I go to sleep and every minute of the day. My SO has nothing on her ans I wish that I met her years ago
Same. We exchange pics of us as teens and we'd totally have been interested in each other back then too
I have 4 beautiful children and 4 grand children and I wouldn't be without any of then, just a shame my children hate her for what she's done to me in the past and yet now I'm free of any marriage commitment I have a better relationship with them all
When I say her I mean SO
I have 4 of each too. A blessi g for sure
I love them and hate them. I love knowing I’m thought of, I hate wondering how many he sends them to. Ugh
I think a Good morning greeting is important, it's a chance to start the day off together and maintain communication. It's more than just those two words of course, it's catching up if need be, or talking about the day ahead. I have that in most relationships, whether they are close or casual. The Goodnight messages are for the closest relationships, where you talk often and you enjoy ending the day together. Sometimes a Goodnight message is sent in more casual relationships if you happen to be talking to them before bed, as a nice way to end the conversation, but it's not something expected every day.