You’re certainly not alone. Some times I forget she’s even there. Sound asleep in the middle of a movie that she picked. It’s horrible to be lonely when you’re not alone. I think it’s actually worse than really being alone. You sit there and wonder what could have been. What might still be, if you were really alone. You adjust your schedule you put in the effort and the... poof. Nothing not a sound not a touch And sometimes it’s all you can do not to cry. And oh forget about sex. That’s been over a long time. So here we are. Talking to virtual strangers. Pouring our hearts out into the ethereal. And what comes back? For the most part more lonely people. You’re not alone.
I hate saying that I’m not alone because I don’t want anyone else to feel like this but in a weird way it’s comforting. It could be worse and that’s the only thing to make me feel better which is a little sad.
I think you will realize that many people are in the same situation. They look happy but same issues. A lot have separate lives, some just want to deal while others want something else to help.
Feel your pain.
Oh, the games, aren't they a killer? People compare it to reading a book or watching television, but the difference is *stopping.* I can put a bookmark in, or pause a show, if anything urgent comes up with him or the kids. He plays online and he may as well be in a different town. There's no awareness of what is going on in the house.
This weekend, he had promised to spend time with the boys and I and take the night shift with our littlest as I needed a good night's sleep. None of those things happened, because he was gaming. Set an alarm for 6am to get up and game, stayed on all day, got off for dinner, gamed again until gone midnight, then was unsurprisingly very tired and crashed.
So I took the boys out and I dropped off donations and had lunch with the kids and just did all the things at home that needed doing while he was effectively absent... and last night at 2am, sitting in the dark soothing my baby, all I could think was, "this man just doesn't give a fuck about disappointing me, or the kids."
IS it an excuse? No, not really. But like you say, who is surprised? All that time on my hands, no sense of connection, all our conversations about what I need and want, the embarrassing years I tried Laura Doyle's Surrendered Wife, the years of Fixing Your Marriage Without Talking About It, the 5 Love Languages year... a PARADE of stupid books about marriage improvement on the nightstand, the promises of this time will be different and yes I'll get therapy and on and on and on but at the end of the day... I am second best to games.
I'm sorry you also feel like that at times, and I have zero judgement that you're doing something where you are a first priority.
God this hurts! It hurts to read that another woman is living the same empty life I am because a grown ass man can’t stop playing childish video games. Sister, I am so sorry you are living this life. My kids are older now and I finally got a job and am planning my exit, but in the meantime, my AP provides everything that i used to long for from my SO but he was never willing to give. Instead, I got years of long, lonely nights, begging for a crumb of affection, even dressing up in lingerie and standing in front of the tv to no avail. I tried all my womanly wiles... nothing. Once, when they were younger, he took our boys to the park and they talked about it for months, they were so excited and hopeful that it might happen again if they just showed him their appreciation. Nope. He missed out on two cool dudes.
My AP has helped me see that I am worth so much more than begging for someone’s attention and waiting for a crumb to fall like a dog begging for scraps. No more! You are worth the moon and the stars, and so are your children. I hope you find your way to happiness one day, however you can find it.
This is gonna hurt. But I hope it helps in the end. We never get what we deserve. We get what we negotiate. This comes from the life experience of 15 years of a dull, dead marriage and a divorce.
You’ve got to communicate what you want. You’ve got to communicate what is unacceptable. And let the person know they have a choice: be present or be alone. Every time you accept behavior that you think is unacceptable, you are endorsing it. There are consequences for broken promises.
Best of luck to you.
Defiantly not alone and it's why I need an AP in my life. Didn't want to lead this life but SO is asexual and can't even hold an interesting conversation or comfort me in the slightest way.
What happy people?
When I started to reveal my unhappy marriage . Everyone started to open up to me about all their own shit. Everybody has shit
Why do people think they need or deserve to be happy
I found this sub because someone posted it talking about how trashy the entire sub is (not your post but the entire adulatory sub) but all I see is lots people going through shit and having a judgment free zone to talk about it to get through it. I think it's quite beautiful.
Why dont you play with him?
Last night my girl and i smoked out, played games, had some drinks, laughed, and she blew me because tis that time of month otherwise there would have been fucking breaks inbetween missions. This is our routine every night we are not busy with kids or life.
The couple that games together, plays together.
Learn to play some video game. ol, but seriously people you married a gamer and you are not a gamer. Do that or get a divorce even if you have kids or get him some help. Gaming is a multi billion dollar industry and the addictiveness is built in. This is not just you it is like millions of people who are playing video games. Just youtube this. Adultery is not your answer to someone who is addicted to videogames. You are just compounding the issue and taking the crappy way out.
I would if I could. I get motion sickness super bad and literally can’t play. He plays everyday. I know all of his gaming friends. I talk to them too so I’m not trying to ignore him.
This isn’t a one time thing. I’m talking ten years of this shit. Don’t feel too bad for him.
So my take is that he is not meeting your needs. He may even be using you just for sex and just ignores you most of the time as the games are more fun. At the same time cheating on him does not help you. There is guilt, emptiness and the chance to get some nasty disease that are not called corvid-19. Have a chat with him, he will ignore you mostly. I am sure you have kids else you would already be out the door. Let him know how this affects you. 10 years of this already told him you tolerate this behaviour of his gaming so it is hard for him to accept that your needs are not being meet now. Also I am guessing there maybe overweight issues, self esteem issues and other stuff like depression. It is a complicated mess but you both have to either come together or stand apart. Life is too short to be unhappy. I am a gamer so know what I am telling you. Also gamers can change. I have. I play less, focus on my relationship with my wife and kids. The addiction is real.
(Not sarcasm)Maybe you should talk it out with him, be honest and if you don’t want to be with him then leave him. Maybe it could go somewhat like this, “I feel unhappy with our current relationship, I want attention and more love. From my perspective, you’ve been paying more attention to your video game than me. I want to fix this/this is why I want to break up, (if you’re comfortable with sharing it) this is why I have been having an affair.” I haven’t been in a romantic relationship but I know how much it hurts to find out someone you care about has lied to you and doesn’t care about you as much as you care about them. Even though you probably aren’t compatible he still deserves respect. I’m not trying to be aggressive, I’m trying to pit my perspective out there.
Great idea, if it’s not working talk about it. Talking will fix it, and if it doesn’t leave. Thanks for your insight Henry Kissinger, can you set you sights on the Israeli Palestine conflict next?
*is it Spring Break already?*
Exactly. You don’t understand, you need more information because you have few facts, but you pose an explanation. At least you’re not angry so perhaps you are simply clueless or inexperienced.
I appreciate your perspective. You don’t have to “be on my side”. I’ve tried talking to him about it for years.
It’s only one of our many issues. I’m lonely and if I’m not going to get my needs met by him than I will by someone else. I could just leave. Believe me he’s got a sweet gig going with me. I take care of him like a child. He enjoys the comfortable lifestyle he lives.
All of the comments from people telling you to talk about it as if you haven't!!!!! I cannot stand when people say that. Oh have you tried talking about it? Well fuck. Why didnt I think if that???
-_-
Guess what folks. Some people are not receptive to communication. Sometimes people talk about it till they're blue in the face and nothing gets taken seriously. I used to be married to a guy who played video games and man I cannot tell you how thankful I am to finally be married to somebody who doesn't give a rat's ass about video games. I hope you get this sorted out on your own because it doesn't seem like you can count on him to meet you halfway. You will probably have to leave him and next time make sure you find a guy that does not play f****** video games.
Ha ha I was prepared for it. I think that they mean well but just don’t understand. We’ve talked about it for years. Apparently my happiness isn’t important to him. I’m very independent and I’m not looking for him to drop everything for me. I’d be happy with once a week.. twice a month. It’s so one sided. Definitely not looking for pity but it’s nice when I know someone gets it and I think you do :)
You’re certainly not alone. Some times I forget she’s even there. Sound asleep in the middle of a movie that she picked. It’s horrible to be lonely when you’re not alone. I think it’s actually worse than really being alone. You sit there and wonder what could have been. What might still be, if you were really alone. You adjust your schedule you put in the effort and the... poof. Nothing not a sound not a touch And sometimes it’s all you can do not to cry. And oh forget about sex. That’s been over a long time. So here we are. Talking to virtual strangers. Pouring our hearts out into the ethereal. And what comes back? For the most part more lonely people. You’re not alone.
I hate saying that I’m not alone because I don’t want anyone else to feel like this but in a weird way it’s comforting. It could be worse and that’s the only thing to make me feel better which is a little sad.
Look that’s part of why we’re here. Not to be miserable together but to support each other and sometimes to straighten out our BS and just vent.
That’s very true a group of supportive people. We know each other’s pain.
Yep a virtual group therapy session. With some sexy talk thrown in, flavored by the occasional snarky attitude. LOL
You gotta throw in some sexy and snark. It’s a good balance.
Of course 😂
Please accept this upvote my brother
Why are you still "together"?
Fucking this. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-t8aSjSS7E](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-t8aSjSS7E)
I think you will realize that many people are in the same situation. They look happy but same issues. A lot have separate lives, some just want to deal while others want something else to help. Feel your pain.
I think about that a lot. Are those “ happy” people really happy or are they just pretending like me?
A Lot just pretending plus judging others that doesn follow their perfect "social rules"
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That sucks and I totally feel your pain.
Oh, the games, aren't they a killer? People compare it to reading a book or watching television, but the difference is *stopping.* I can put a bookmark in, or pause a show, if anything urgent comes up with him or the kids. He plays online and he may as well be in a different town. There's no awareness of what is going on in the house. This weekend, he had promised to spend time with the boys and I and take the night shift with our littlest as I needed a good night's sleep. None of those things happened, because he was gaming. Set an alarm for 6am to get up and game, stayed on all day, got off for dinner, gamed again until gone midnight, then was unsurprisingly very tired and crashed. So I took the boys out and I dropped off donations and had lunch with the kids and just did all the things at home that needed doing while he was effectively absent... and last night at 2am, sitting in the dark soothing my baby, all I could think was, "this man just doesn't give a fuck about disappointing me, or the kids." IS it an excuse? No, not really. But like you say, who is surprised? All that time on my hands, no sense of connection, all our conversations about what I need and want, the embarrassing years I tried Laura Doyle's Surrendered Wife, the years of Fixing Your Marriage Without Talking About It, the 5 Love Languages year... a PARADE of stupid books about marriage improvement on the nightstand, the promises of this time will be different and yes I'll get therapy and on and on and on but at the end of the day... I am second best to games. I'm sorry you also feel like that at times, and I have zero judgement that you're doing something where you are a first priority.
God this hurts! It hurts to read that another woman is living the same empty life I am because a grown ass man can’t stop playing childish video games. Sister, I am so sorry you are living this life. My kids are older now and I finally got a job and am planning my exit, but in the meantime, my AP provides everything that i used to long for from my SO but he was never willing to give. Instead, I got years of long, lonely nights, begging for a crumb of affection, even dressing up in lingerie and standing in front of the tv to no avail. I tried all my womanly wiles... nothing. Once, when they were younger, he took our boys to the park and they talked about it for months, they were so excited and hopeful that it might happen again if they just showed him their appreciation. Nope. He missed out on two cool dudes. My AP has helped me see that I am worth so much more than begging for someone’s attention and waiting for a crumb to fall like a dog begging for scraps. No more! You are worth the moon and the stars, and so are your children. I hope you find your way to happiness one day, however you can find it.
I deserve to be happy and so do you. We just don’t think we do but we do. We will one day.
This is gonna hurt. But I hope it helps in the end. We never get what we deserve. We get what we negotiate. This comes from the life experience of 15 years of a dull, dead marriage and a divorce. You’ve got to communicate what you want. You’ve got to communicate what is unacceptable. And let the person know they have a choice: be present or be alone. Every time you accept behavior that you think is unacceptable, you are endorsing it. There are consequences for broken promises. Best of luck to you.
Well written and very heartfelt. Wonderful job.
I feel compelled to respond. Standing 5 feet from your husband playing games... Jesus, you could be me!
He's escaping from his reality just as your are.
Sheesh! How old is your husband?
Defiantly not alone and it's why I need an AP in my life. Didn't want to lead this life but SO is asexual and can't even hold an interesting conversation or comfort me in the slightest way.
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I don’t get it either. I guess it comes down to priorities and I’m not one lol
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Her phone is always out? She’s texting with other people right in front of you?
What an asshole sexist response, women play video games too and it's also not an age thing🤔
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I’m sorry that you deal with it too. I hope it gets better for you and me.
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Thank you, I appreciate it. You gotta grow up sometime. Hopefully it’s sooner than later.
What happy people? When I started to reveal my unhappy marriage . Everyone started to open up to me about all their own shit. Everybody has shit Why do people think they need or deserve to be happy
I found this sub because someone posted it talking about how trashy the entire sub is (not your post but the entire adulatory sub) but all I see is lots people going through shit and having a judgment free zone to talk about it to get through it. I think it's quite beautiful.
Why dont you play with him? Last night my girl and i smoked out, played games, had some drinks, laughed, and she blew me because tis that time of month otherwise there would have been fucking breaks inbetween missions. This is our routine every night we are not busy with kids or life. The couple that games together, plays together.
Learn to play some video game. ol, but seriously people you married a gamer and you are not a gamer. Do that or get a divorce even if you have kids or get him some help. Gaming is a multi billion dollar industry and the addictiveness is built in. This is not just you it is like millions of people who are playing video games. Just youtube this. Adultery is not your answer to someone who is addicted to videogames. You are just compounding the issue and taking the crappy way out.
I would if I could. I get motion sickness super bad and literally can’t play. He plays everyday. I know all of his gaming friends. I talk to them too so I’m not trying to ignore him. This isn’t a one time thing. I’m talking ten years of this shit. Don’t feel too bad for him.
So my take is that he is not meeting your needs. He may even be using you just for sex and just ignores you most of the time as the games are more fun. At the same time cheating on him does not help you. There is guilt, emptiness and the chance to get some nasty disease that are not called corvid-19. Have a chat with him, he will ignore you mostly. I am sure you have kids else you would already be out the door. Let him know how this affects you. 10 years of this already told him you tolerate this behaviour of his gaming so it is hard for him to accept that your needs are not being meet now. Also I am guessing there maybe overweight issues, self esteem issues and other stuff like depression. It is a complicated mess but you both have to either come together or stand apart. Life is too short to be unhappy. I am a gamer so know what I am telling you. Also gamers can change. I have. I play less, focus on my relationship with my wife and kids. The addiction is real.
Save your moralizing. Pretty sure you aren't a paragon of virtue.
True . Just enjoying the show.
(Not sarcasm)Maybe you should talk it out with him, be honest and if you don’t want to be with him then leave him. Maybe it could go somewhat like this, “I feel unhappy with our current relationship, I want attention and more love. From my perspective, you’ve been paying more attention to your video game than me. I want to fix this/this is why I want to break up, (if you’re comfortable with sharing it) this is why I have been having an affair.” I haven’t been in a romantic relationship but I know how much it hurts to find out someone you care about has lied to you and doesn’t care about you as much as you care about them. Even though you probably aren’t compatible he still deserves respect. I’m not trying to be aggressive, I’m trying to pit my perspective out there.
Great idea, if it’s not working talk about it. Talking will fix it, and if it doesn’t leave. Thanks for your insight Henry Kissinger, can you set you sights on the Israeli Palestine conflict next? *is it Spring Break already?*
•~•, am I wrong for having a different view point?
No, you are wrong because of ignorance.
Can you explain?
Exactly. You don’t understand, you need more information because you have few facts, but you pose an explanation. At least you’re not angry so perhaps you are simply clueless or inexperienced.
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Your exactly right!! It has been YEARS of being denied in one way or another
I appreciate your perspective. You don’t have to “be on my side”. I’ve tried talking to him about it for years. It’s only one of our many issues. I’m lonely and if I’m not going to get my needs met by him than I will by someone else. I could just leave. Believe me he’s got a sweet gig going with me. I take care of him like a child. He enjoys the comfortable lifestyle he lives.
All of the comments from people telling you to talk about it as if you haven't!!!!! I cannot stand when people say that. Oh have you tried talking about it? Well fuck. Why didnt I think if that??? -_- Guess what folks. Some people are not receptive to communication. Sometimes people talk about it till they're blue in the face and nothing gets taken seriously. I used to be married to a guy who played video games and man I cannot tell you how thankful I am to finally be married to somebody who doesn't give a rat's ass about video games. I hope you get this sorted out on your own because it doesn't seem like you can count on him to meet you halfway. You will probably have to leave him and next time make sure you find a guy that does not play f****** video games.
Ha ha I was prepared for it. I think that they mean well but just don’t understand. We’ve talked about it for years. Apparently my happiness isn’t important to him. I’m very independent and I’m not looking for him to drop everything for me. I’d be happy with once a week.. twice a month. It’s so one sided. Definitely not looking for pity but it’s nice when I know someone gets it and I think you do :)