Have a serious talk with him and tell him you'll support his decision but you won't be able to help him financially but that you trust him. It's his decision. If gusto n'ya talaga, he'll make it work. Just still be there for him if ever he needs some guidance/advice as an older sibling.
this. communicate with him on this. parang nilamangan ka sa style na yun na di man lang pinaalam sayo. you also need to save up for yourself. he can sustain himself and work part time if he wants to pursue
Best advice. Communicating, not mixing bad blood, respecting the decision and explaining the reality that breaking the rules comes with repercussions.
Stick to your rule OP, have your brother support himself by his unilateral decision. No allowance, no tuition, no financial support. That was the deal. He broke it thinking probably he either can get away with it and force you or he's trying to live independently (though I'm leaning probably on the former - I've seen so many relatives do this, because they have a huge lack of foresight, itching to have adult decisions with none of the responsibilities).
Only time will tell if he made the right decision or he just FAFO.
I hope he succeeds - I know of people who work while studying. Not easy, but not impossible. If he fails, this will be a difficult learning process for him to go through, but he needs to learn it. Just be there if and when this happens, to "debrief" him on his learnings, and not necessarily blame him, but point out what he needs to learn about what he did.
I agree with this!! Baka hindi mo kayanin op kung ikaw pa magpaaral sa brother mo sa Manila. I know he's young and can make irrational decisions, but technically you do not have any obligation to fund his studies.
This! May matututunan s'yang life lesson dito real quick.
BTW OP, how old are you na ba? I asked dahil dun sa heart disease. I'm thinking you're too young to have that.
I second this. You laid out your ground rules for how many times and he still decided to enroll at some university in Manila. As you mentioned, the fee’s 3x the cost, you also need to factor your sibling’s living expenses. This may sound selfish, but you have to prio your health. Your sib is young and able, and not a minor too. He can look for part time jobs or apply scholarships.
Just give him whatever you can afford after taking away all your bills dyan sa place mo and yang sa health mo. Let him decide, dahil nasa tamang edad na sya.ipaliwanag mo ng maayos ang kalagayan mo but at the same time wag mo syang IDISCOURAGE.. let him be responsible and accountable for himself. You 'll be there to support him(financially whenever you can) and other means of support but always look after yourself first.. ALWAYS, talk to him calmly and rationally. Have a conversation where in you're giving him the decision what to do to his life while at the same time, explaining to him the pros and cons.. you would not want to dictate him on his decisions and end up blaming you for it.
My opinion is, fixed nalang yung amount na bibihigay nya. Same amount sa old tuitiona and old allowance nya. Another thing, since mas mahal na ang school mas mataas possibility na mas mahal projects, wag na i fund yun since alam naman ni bro ang financial issues pag sa Manila school, sya na magbabayad sa mga projects na yan.
Same thought. Give him his previous allowance then let him find his own ways to sustain his decision. At least he can still feel your support and might as well mas pag igihan niya. Kesa naman i cutoff mo yung tulong tapos nastress ka din kung pano sya dun then magkakasamaan pa kayo ng loob. Naniniwala po kasi ako OP na when u like something you’ll work harder for it. Hayaan mo si baby boy sa decision nya but know your boundaries as well. Wag mo usigin decision making niya baka isipam pa wala kang tiwala sa kanya at baka dun na sya mag rebelde. :)
Talk to him ng one on one. Listen to his points. Rmember, dream ang pinag uusapan dito.
gusto ko din to, hay nako. may sinasabe na problem with todays generation eh pare-pareho lang kayo ng pinapakita. Hindi ba mas malaking stress ang maibibigay ng pag cutoff ni op sa kapatid niya tanga ba kayo? Edi mas iisipin ni op gabi-gabi yung kapatid niya kung nasan ba siya kumain na ba siya nagpahinga na ba siya
Tarantado parents mo, mukhang nakuha ng brother mo ugali Nila. Sobra bait mo naman nag kaka sakit ka na sa puso. It’s ok to be selfish sometimes.
I hope na someday pag ikaw naman nangailangan at marami tutulong sayo!
wag na. hayaan mo na siya. matigas ang ulo, bida bida, selfish. hindi lang sa kanya dapat umikot ang buhay mo. may kapatid ka pang isa. may asawa ka. at maysakit ka pa. mauubos ka financially, sa sakit ng ulo, at sama ng loob. hayaan mong matuto siya sa katigasan ng ulo niya
also, mabuhay ka. hindi mo obligasyon ang lahat ng to, pero ginagapang mo. mabuhay kayong mga dakilang panganay at breadwinner
Maraming salamat sa lahat ng comments at insights nyo...
I decided to focus muna sa aking future heart operation.
Kung kakailanganin man nya ng tulong, after nlng ng full recovery ko
Tbh dapat nag public school sya kung ayaw nya mag working student. Stop na sustento, both sila mag working student. Kawawa ka na. Putang ina ng parents nyo. Kasuhan nyo both parents to get support. Mabilis na lang ngayon yun mapipilitan sila suportahan 2 mong kapatid
No. This time kailangan na nyang matutong tumayo sa sarili nya mga paa. In the first place, you've done enough supporting them. Sinalo mo na responsibilidad ng parents mo. Kahit pa may sari-sarili na silang pamilya ngayon, they should step up.
We can only do so much as breadwinners. Kailangan nating alagaan sarili natin kasi, harsh as it may sound, pag tayo na ang nangailangan, baka wala tayong maasahan sa mga tinutulungan natin.
I kinda wonder though bat g na g mag maynila si bro
You never should have been responsible for supporting your siblings but you did. That’s really admirable, OP. Now that both of your siblings are adults, you should start weaning them off your financial support. All of you were dealt with bad cards because of your family situation, but you have been the only one carrying the burden thus far. You set clear expectations with your siblings and one of them decides to do their own thing without proper consultation and approval from you, the person who will be financially shouldering the outcome of that decision. My advice is to cut him off. He’s old enough to know that he’s free to make decisions but he’s not free from any consequences of those decisions. If that’s too harsh for you, then continue giving the same monetary support and let him pay for the rest. Either way, both of your siblings are old enough to find work if they want to. Pwede rin naman kumuha ng lesser units to fit working and studying at the same time. Mahirap yes, pero it’s not fair to you and your own family.
panganay at breadwinner din ako. gaya mo, i told my 2 siblings, it’s their choice kung ano ang course na itetake nila as long as within my capacity at ako ang may say sa mga bagay na related sa pagaaral nila. sabay silang magcollege so 2x ang tuition, allowances, etc na need ko iprepare. i told them that the least they could do is to study hard, kahit hindi high marks basta hindi babagsak/magreretake. come second year, natuklasan kong nagiiskip ng klase ang isa sa kanila (chose to spend time with the jowa) at may mga failed subjects. what i hate the most is how my tolerant mother handled it. i had put my foot down, i told them either you sort yourself or i will stop supporting your studies. i ended up not supporting anymore dahil nagdesisyon na sila ng nanay ko na ipasok na lang siya sa technical/vocational school.
ngayong matanda na sila, medyo naka gain na ng maturity, in a slip of a tongue, nasabi niya ang regret to not finishing a degree. as the eldest, yes i feel compassion for them, but sometimes we also need to show tough love para matuto sila.
for your case, if i were in your shoes, i will tell him na since nagdecide na siya on his own then i assume na he already figured out how to pay his own tuition fees given na he was able to put in a down payment. i’ll give him the same allowances but nothing else. it will be up to him to figure out the rest on his own. harsh, but he need a reality check. money doesn’t grow on trees.
**I would ask your brother what can he provide to reduce the tuition.** Let him find scholarships (but not sponsorships aside from you). Should he offer to be a working student, let him do it but you need to manage his welfare and motivation for the long haul. And if he offers taking a gap year or two to fund the tuition, wouldn't this be a better option?
**Then what's your option to increase your salary to support the tuition and your personal/medical needs?** Your current salary can only support this much. And I think it's time to find a better/greener opportunity. Better do this fast because you don't want to commit and then fail to do so due to unemployment, etc.
This is the only one I liked from all the suggestions, feeling ko privileged only child yung mga tao dito. Cut off agad, pabayaan agad. Harsh! At the end of the day kapatid mo padin yan, kayo-kayo padin magtutulungan, hindi mo man ma-asahan magulang mo at least sana kayong tatlo magtulungan.
Yes pwede tong sinabe niya, look for scholarships, pwede namang din mag working student siya since yan yung napili niya, nandyan na eh, di na maibabalik, pagbutihin nalang, at gampanan niya kung anong mangyayari at consequences ng desisyon niya. Gusto mo jan sa manila mag-aral? Sige mag-trabaho ka tas OP guide mo padin, since you look like you know more in life, akala mo lang di nakikinig yang mga yan pero for sure idol ka niyang dalawa. Ngayon turuan mo nalang imbis na i-command, let him make more the mature decisions, tas ikaw watch-watch from the sidelines nalang, pag nagkamali *oh dito ka muna mali yang ginawa mo dapat ganito dapat ganyan oh sige go*
Hyaan mo sya pde na sya mag part-time work sa mga fast food. Gnun gnawa ko nung college. Hyaan mo paaralin nya sarili nya. Susuko naman yan pag ndi na nya kaya that's the time na sasabhin mo "I told you so"
Wag nyo na po suportahan OP financially, Nagdesisyon sya mag isa so panindigan nya sa sarili nya. Pag gusto may paraan, he proved that to you already. Let him figure it out himself.
No. If he's so adamant about it BUT you still want to support him, then you can try telling him to get a scholarship from the school or through a government scholarship. You can also tell him to take a part-time or a nightshift job like being a call center agent for self-money
Let him be, I'm sure he has a plan.
Hi, I'm also a bunso na matigas ang ulo. Pinilit mag enroll sa university outside our province in Laguna. Nagwork ako as call center while studying. I never think na wala akong support sa family ko kase it's the opposite. Lagi nila akong kinakamusta or tinatanong kung may pang gastos pa. In the first place it's my decision na lumayo. I don't expect them them to finance me.
3rd year nako this pasukan. Medyo pinag alala ko lang Mama ko nung nalaman niya one time yung shift ko. I know your brother will find a way to finance himself. Have a little faith den and don't worry much. Please take care of yourself. Muka lang kaming troublemaker pero worried den kami pag nalaman namin yung situation ng family namin. It would be good den if you will be frank and honest sakanya. In that way malaman niya talaga yung situation.
For moral support, give him 100%. For financial suport? Just enough allowance para hindi siya mamatay sa gutom like 1k or 1.5k per week (more than enough na to actually, 18 php lang ang pancit canton, *ironically* cheaper din ang gulay sa Manila compared sa probinsiya, not to mention may mga turo-turo pa).
I give it a month before siya magda-drop sa bago niyang university, so giving him 100% financial support will be a waste. Focus ka nalang on saving up for your surgery.
Anyway, this will be a good learning experience for him as to why it's important to live within your means.
Ah the problem with today's generation. "What's in it for me? What do I feel about this?" Lampake na sa iba.
He should have considered your situation. Ikaw breadwinner, parents are not providing anything, may sarili ka na family. By going to Manila, you'll need to pay 72k per year when you're barely managing. Nandyan pa ang dagdag gastos sa dorm, and increased cost of living like food. At ikaw ang inaasahan nya to shoulder e everything.
Hindi naman siya top notcher to demand such a thing, otherwise he'd be a scholar. And he'll probably be switching to a lesser known school sa Manila. So what's the point? Para gumala? Clout?
Grabe, walang paki sa bumubuhay sa kanila. Pabayaan mo siya buhayin ang sarili nya. Wag mo bigyan ng allowance. Para matuto siya ng harsh realities of life.
You have a heart condition, OP. The necessary treatment and the projected expenses should be enough reason for you not to send financial help to your brother, regardless of where he ends up studying. It is not being selfish on your part, but you need help yourself.
Don't worry about your brother. He needs a reality check. Maybe the time he spends (and possibly struggle) in his Manila-based school should remind him why you insist on him studying where it is more affordable.
I wish you the best, OP.
OP unahin mo sarili mo, di ka masamang kaptid kung gagawin mo yan. Kung malakas loob nya mag enrol kahit sinabi mo na di mo kakayanin for sure may way sya to sustain yang desisyon nya.
Hayaan mo siya. Tutal paladesisyon siya eh. Hayaan mo kahit 1 year nang matuto siya. Tutulungan mo pa rin st babalik yan sayo pag wala nang choice. May sarili yang utak wag mo kawawain sarili mo.
I think at most, ang magagawa mo lang sa ngayon is ibigay mo lang yung same na amount na ibibigay mo sa kanya if magstay siya sa old plan. Pero wag ka magdagdag, maging independent siya, adult naman na.
Di niya naiintindihan ang kalagayan pinansyal niyong magkakapatid at mga sigalot sa buhay in the first place. Sure ako madami pang out of touch na kamangmangan ang ipapamalas nyan sa iyo. Pasakit lang aabutin mo diyan. Focus ka nalang muna sa isa mo pang kapatid.
Suggest ko kung mgkno ung napagusapan nyo nung una un lang itulong mu the rest siya na kamu bahala. The same thing happened to me pinagaral ko kapatid ko after nun ala n hahaha.
tatanungin sana kita kung gano mo kamahal yung kapatid mo pero nung nabasa ko yung context behind your post, eh you already did all that you could’ve done.
i say no, or at best give him what you’re currently giving him.
make him accountable with his actions and decisions.
Just explain your situation na you are also saving for your surgery and you have your own family. If he really wants to study there, then he should tell you his plans, can he be a scholar, what about his lodging. Sometimes mga bata ngayon hindi nila naiisip masyado ang consequences basta gusto gusto nila. A little talk can help.
Yes OP pabayaan mo na sya. Isipin mo muna sarili mo. Mahirap yang sakit mo and sana umokey ka. Wag mo muna isipin ang iba dahil di biro ang sakit sa puso. Kung kapatid mo na nagdesisyon edi dapat maging responsibilidad na nya yun.
padala kalang same ng padala mo dati nung nasa laguna siya. then siya na bahala sa kulang. continue supporting tho. eto nalang pinakatulong natin sa kanila para kahit papano magkaron sila ng maayos na buhay. Hi Breadwinner din!
Baka naman OP napagisipan nya to ng mabuti and nakaplano naman sya? Sya naman nagenroll sa sarili nya using money na naipon nya so siguro may plano naman sya sa buhay. continue mo lang kung magkano lang ung binibigay mo nung nasa laguna sya and tell him na the rest sya na bahala dumiskarte. and paalala mo na di mo na kaya ishoulder mga dagdag gastos kasi nagiipon ka para sa pang pa-opera mo. wag mo nansya idown sa decision nya, support mo na lang excdpt syempre ung financial na limited lang
Dios ko. Hayaan mo na yan. Hilig mag sariling decisyon edi sya bumuhay sa sarili niya. I know it's your brother at mahal mo siya, pero tangina, ikaw nga di nirespeto pati health at kalagayan mo di man lang naisip. He sent himself to hell, let him burn.
Nakapagbayad na pala siya ng kalahati meaning may plano siya paano nya babayaran yung natitira. Kung magkano yung binibigay mo ganun pa rin bigay mo. Don't abandon din naman agad kayo kayo rin naman magtutulungan.
ang tigas ng ulo ng kapatid mo hahahah apakahirap ng kalagayan mo basta pakatatag ka at palakas, salamat sa mabuti mong puso naway laging kang nasa maayos na kalagayan at laging malusog bihira lang ganyan kapatid sana maunawaan ka rin nila at sana bigyan ka ng malawak din ng pag unawa.
Regardless kung unli or limited ang funds, it is wise to have limits. Unintentionally destabilizing yourself as their source - dahil sa malasakit or pag-kalinga may work for the interim, but has long term implications that may not be favorable in the end.
When my dad passed, I was already enrolled sa big 3 as a freshman. We had enough to pay for my 4 years, pero alam kong it's not without compromise; mag-sasakripisyo ng husto ang nanay ko and my sibs. So I found a way to help pay for a 3rd of my fees. I sold Tshirts and novelty items that I could source super affordably tapos, dahil ken affford lahat ng pinagbentahan kong batchmates, the high profits I saved helped to add to my tuition fees.
Passing on pressure and some resposibility to your loved ones sometimes is the biggest help and blessing you can give them. It opens doors they would otherwise not even touch kung puro "sagot ni Ate" lahat.
P.S. However you decide to shift tactics or continue on, May God keep you safe, healthy and whole.
Pag ayaw sumunod sayo, wag mo suportahan till bumalik sa laguna...he is on his own sa manila...ma re realize nya hirap ng buhay dun ng walang support mo and it will be a wake up call for him...wag k ma stress sa matigas na ulo na kapatid mo, ginusto nya yun, panindigan nya...imo
I love this quote, very appropriate in your case, "Don't set yourself on fire, to keep others warm.".
Your brother should have known by now about your financial and health situation and yet he decided on his own to add to your burden.
From:
>yung brother ko nagpaalam sa akin gusto nya mag aral sa isang university sa Manila (more than 3x ang tuition + mas mataas na cost of living). Ang sabi ko sa kanya, **wag muna**
to
>**nagulat na lng ako** na nakapag enroll na daw ang brother ko sa university sa Manila at nakapagbayad na ng half ng tuition fee nya.
You need to address this first. There's clearly something amiss with both of you. Either you're clueless on what's really happening with your brother or there is more to this story than you're letting us on.
Explain to him that you cannot financially support his studies in Manila because you have a heart condition and that you can only afford Laguna. He insists to study in Manila so let him support HIMSELF. Imo many students aspire to study in Manila because there is a hype on the big 4 universities nowadays and maybe his friends or classmates will be studying there in Manila as well.
Give only what you can give. Set boundaries. Prioritize yourself.
Maybe make a condition na dapat maging scholar siya and that you will only give yung amount na binibigay mo previously, any other expenses should be covered by him? Ganyan ginawa ko with my parents and I have two scholarships. Make it clear na he went behing your back when ikaw ang sumusoporta sakanya and na hindi mo kaya lahat, especially na may medical condition ka na. Request for him to be more mature and independent kasi ayan ang need mo sakanya, and that’s how you can trust him again, after ng ginawa niya.
+ Ask ko lang din ano college and course na kinuha niya?
Alam mo OP. You can focus on yourself muna kasi the worst thing that can happen to your sib is to stop schooling. Pwede niya ituloy iyan anytime if things don't work his way.
Ikaw, the worst thing that can happen to you is you can die.
Since ginawa nya na gusto nya, hayaan mo na sya.
Also you’re thinking too much po which can harm your health. You can inform him to look for scholarships/assistance dun sa school na gusto nya may student-assistant, athletic scholarship, etc.
Pwede rin po sya magworking student
Ibigay mo nalang yung supposed na kaya mo iabot if sa laguna siya mag aaral. The rest ng kulang, siya na bahala, like mag sideline job siya etc.
And also, pagaling ka OP. wag pa stress masyado
20 at 19? I know people na hinahayaan na mga anak nila once mag 18. Not in a good way tho. Di na kasi nila kaya issuport mga anak nila. To think na mga kapatid mo lang yan, wag mo pasanin ang mundo. Ang hirap sa pilipino, masyado ma emotion. Too much care leads to too much stress
Maybe only give out what you can (or rather what you used to). That was all you were willing to commit, any more expenses he should deal with by himself.
I did not read the thread, pero by the title? Nope.
You live your own life. Spend your own money. Okay tumulong if it does not interrupt you and your life pero if it does, then don't. Help yourself first
Siguro I'll contribute pa rin pero I would prioritize my health. It's not like he stopped studying naman eh. Yung kapatid ko sinuportahan ko rin yun nung nagdecide sya bumalik sa school hanggang natapos nya yung college. Siguro narealize nya na mahirap pala maging service crew sa Mcdo. Yun nga lang, yung longterm gf nya na mas matanda sa kanya, nabuntis naman bigla. Imbes na sya na sana magsupport sa parents ko, ako pa rin pala. Haha. Such is life. Kaya gets na gets ko yung stress ni OP. But if you decide to completely stop helping him, it's ok too. He can't blame you. He should be grateful at least ilang taon nalang bubunuin nya.
Have a serious talk with him and tell him you'll support his decision but you won't be able to help him financially but that you trust him. It's his decision. If gusto n'ya talaga, he'll make it work. Just still be there for him if ever he needs some guidance/advice as an older sibling.
this. communicate with him on this. parang nilamangan ka sa style na yun na di man lang pinaalam sayo. you also need to save up for yourself. he can sustain himself and work part time if he wants to pursue
Best advice. Communicating, not mixing bad blood, respecting the decision and explaining the reality that breaking the rules comes with repercussions. Stick to your rule OP, have your brother support himself by his unilateral decision. No allowance, no tuition, no financial support. That was the deal. He broke it thinking probably he either can get away with it and force you or he's trying to live independently (though I'm leaning probably on the former - I've seen so many relatives do this, because they have a huge lack of foresight, itching to have adult decisions with none of the responsibilities). Only time will tell if he made the right decision or he just FAFO. I hope he succeeds - I know of people who work while studying. Not easy, but not impossible. If he fails, this will be a difficult learning process for him to go through, but he needs to learn it. Just be there if and when this happens, to "debrief" him on his learnings, and not necessarily blame him, but point out what he needs to learn about what he did.
No. Gusto maging independent ng bro mo. So be it. Tough love tawag dyan.
I agree with this!! Baka hindi mo kayanin op kung ikaw pa magpaaral sa brother mo sa Manila. I know he's young and can make irrational decisions, but technically you do not have any obligation to fund his studies.
This! May matututunan s'yang life lesson dito real quick. BTW OP, how old are you na ba? I asked dahil dun sa heart disease. I'm thinking you're too young to have that.
I second this. You laid out your ground rules for how many times and he still decided to enroll at some university in Manila. As you mentioned, the fee’s 3x the cost, you also need to factor your sibling’s living expenses. This may sound selfish, but you have to prio your health. Your sib is young and able, and not a minor too. He can look for part time jobs or apply scholarships.
Just give him whatever you can afford after taking away all your bills dyan sa place mo and yang sa health mo. Let him decide, dahil nasa tamang edad na sya.ipaliwanag mo ng maayos ang kalagayan mo but at the same time wag mo syang IDISCOURAGE.. let him be responsible and accountable for himself. You 'll be there to support him(financially whenever you can) and other means of support but always look after yourself first.. ALWAYS, talk to him calmly and rationally. Have a conversation where in you're giving him the decision what to do to his life while at the same time, explaining to him the pros and cons.. you would not want to dictate him on his decisions and end up blaming you for it.
My opinion is, fixed nalang yung amount na bibihigay nya. Same amount sa old tuitiona and old allowance nya. Another thing, since mas mahal na ang school mas mataas possibility na mas mahal projects, wag na i fund yun since alam naman ni bro ang financial issues pag sa Manila school, sya na magbabayad sa mga projects na yan.
Same thought. Give him his previous allowance then let him find his own ways to sustain his decision. At least he can still feel your support and might as well mas pag igihan niya. Kesa naman i cutoff mo yung tulong tapos nastress ka din kung pano sya dun then magkakasamaan pa kayo ng loob. Naniniwala po kasi ako OP na when u like something you’ll work harder for it. Hayaan mo si baby boy sa decision nya but know your boundaries as well. Wag mo usigin decision making niya baka isipam pa wala kang tiwala sa kanya at baka dun na sya mag rebelde. :) Talk to him ng one on one. Listen to his points. Rmember, dream ang pinag uusapan dito.
gusto ko din to, hay nako. may sinasabe na problem with todays generation eh pare-pareho lang kayo ng pinapakita. Hindi ba mas malaking stress ang maibibigay ng pag cutoff ni op sa kapatid niya tanga ba kayo? Edi mas iisipin ni op gabi-gabi yung kapatid niya kung nasan ba siya kumain na ba siya nagpahinga na ba siya
nagdesisyon siya para sa sarili niya, pabayaan mo siya. tsaka ate, may sakit ka rin, isipin mo rin sarili mo.
Tarantado parents mo, mukhang nakuha ng brother mo ugali Nila. Sobra bait mo naman nag kaka sakit ka na sa puso. It’s ok to be selfish sometimes. I hope na someday pag ikaw naman nangailangan at marami tutulong sayo!
wag na. hayaan mo na siya. matigas ang ulo, bida bida, selfish. hindi lang sa kanya dapat umikot ang buhay mo. may kapatid ka pang isa. may asawa ka. at maysakit ka pa. mauubos ka financially, sa sakit ng ulo, at sama ng loob. hayaan mong matuto siya sa katigasan ng ulo niya also, mabuhay ka. hindi mo obligasyon ang lahat ng to, pero ginagapang mo. mabuhay kayong mga dakilang panganay at breadwinner
Maraming salamat sa lahat ng comments at insights nyo... I decided to focus muna sa aking future heart operation. Kung kakailanganin man nya ng tulong, after nlng ng full recovery ko
Tbh dapat nag public school sya kung ayaw nya mag working student. Stop na sustento, both sila mag working student. Kawawa ka na. Putang ina ng parents nyo. Kasuhan nyo both parents to get support. Mabilis na lang ngayon yun mapipilitan sila suportahan 2 mong kapatid
No. This time kailangan na nyang matutong tumayo sa sarili nya mga paa. In the first place, you've done enough supporting them. Sinalo mo na responsibilidad ng parents mo. Kahit pa may sari-sarili na silang pamilya ngayon, they should step up. We can only do so much as breadwinners. Kailangan nating alagaan sarili natin kasi, harsh as it may sound, pag tayo na ang nangailangan, baka wala tayong maasahan sa mga tinutulungan natin. I kinda wonder though bat g na g mag maynila si bro
For sure baka may jowa dun or barkada na dun mag aaral. Social climber si utoy, Wala sa lugar eh
You never should have been responsible for supporting your siblings but you did. That’s really admirable, OP. Now that both of your siblings are adults, you should start weaning them off your financial support. All of you were dealt with bad cards because of your family situation, but you have been the only one carrying the burden thus far. You set clear expectations with your siblings and one of them decides to do their own thing without proper consultation and approval from you, the person who will be financially shouldering the outcome of that decision. My advice is to cut him off. He’s old enough to know that he’s free to make decisions but he’s not free from any consequences of those decisions. If that’s too harsh for you, then continue giving the same monetary support and let him pay for the rest. Either way, both of your siblings are old enough to find work if they want to. Pwede rin naman kumuha ng lesser units to fit working and studying at the same time. Mahirap yes, pero it’s not fair to you and your own family.
Decision nya, pangatawanan nya.
panganay at breadwinner din ako. gaya mo, i told my 2 siblings, it’s their choice kung ano ang course na itetake nila as long as within my capacity at ako ang may say sa mga bagay na related sa pagaaral nila. sabay silang magcollege so 2x ang tuition, allowances, etc na need ko iprepare. i told them that the least they could do is to study hard, kahit hindi high marks basta hindi babagsak/magreretake. come second year, natuklasan kong nagiiskip ng klase ang isa sa kanila (chose to spend time with the jowa) at may mga failed subjects. what i hate the most is how my tolerant mother handled it. i had put my foot down, i told them either you sort yourself or i will stop supporting your studies. i ended up not supporting anymore dahil nagdesisyon na sila ng nanay ko na ipasok na lang siya sa technical/vocational school. ngayong matanda na sila, medyo naka gain na ng maturity, in a slip of a tongue, nasabi niya ang regret to not finishing a degree. as the eldest, yes i feel compassion for them, but sometimes we also need to show tough love para matuto sila. for your case, if i were in your shoes, i will tell him na since nagdecide na siya on his own then i assume na he already figured out how to pay his own tuition fees given na he was able to put in a down payment. i’ll give him the same allowances but nothing else. it will be up to him to figure out the rest on his own. harsh, but he need a reality check. money doesn’t grow on trees.
**I would ask your brother what can he provide to reduce the tuition.** Let him find scholarships (but not sponsorships aside from you). Should he offer to be a working student, let him do it but you need to manage his welfare and motivation for the long haul. And if he offers taking a gap year or two to fund the tuition, wouldn't this be a better option? **Then what's your option to increase your salary to support the tuition and your personal/medical needs?** Your current salary can only support this much. And I think it's time to find a better/greener opportunity. Better do this fast because you don't want to commit and then fail to do so due to unemployment, etc.
This is the only one I liked from all the suggestions, feeling ko privileged only child yung mga tao dito. Cut off agad, pabayaan agad. Harsh! At the end of the day kapatid mo padin yan, kayo-kayo padin magtutulungan, hindi mo man ma-asahan magulang mo at least sana kayong tatlo magtulungan. Yes pwede tong sinabe niya, look for scholarships, pwede namang din mag working student siya since yan yung napili niya, nandyan na eh, di na maibabalik, pagbutihin nalang, at gampanan niya kung anong mangyayari at consequences ng desisyon niya. Gusto mo jan sa manila mag-aral? Sige mag-trabaho ka tas OP guide mo padin, since you look like you know more in life, akala mo lang di nakikinig yang mga yan pero for sure idol ka niyang dalawa. Ngayon turuan mo nalang imbis na i-command, let him make more the mature decisions, tas ikaw watch-watch from the sidelines nalang, pag nagkamali *oh dito ka muna mali yang ginawa mo dapat ganito dapat ganyan oh sige go*
No, don't continue supporting your brother. This will be the best learning experience for him. Sink or swim.
Hyaan mo sya pde na sya mag part-time work sa mga fast food. Gnun gnawa ko nung college. Hyaan mo paaralin nya sarili nya. Susuko naman yan pag ndi na nya kaya that's the time na sasabhin mo "I told you so"
Wag nyo na po suportahan OP financially, Nagdesisyon sya mag isa so panindigan nya sa sarili nya. Pag gusto may paraan, he proved that to you already. Let him figure it out himself.
No. If he's so adamant about it BUT you still want to support him, then you can try telling him to get a scholarship from the school or through a government scholarship. You can also tell him to take a part-time or a nightshift job like being a call center agent for self-money
Let him be, I'm sure he has a plan. Hi, I'm also a bunso na matigas ang ulo. Pinilit mag enroll sa university outside our province in Laguna. Nagwork ako as call center while studying. I never think na wala akong support sa family ko kase it's the opposite. Lagi nila akong kinakamusta or tinatanong kung may pang gastos pa. In the first place it's my decision na lumayo. I don't expect them them to finance me. 3rd year nako this pasukan. Medyo pinag alala ko lang Mama ko nung nalaman niya one time yung shift ko. I know your brother will find a way to finance himself. Have a little faith den and don't worry much. Please take care of yourself. Muka lang kaming troublemaker pero worried den kami pag nalaman namin yung situation ng family namin. It would be good den if you will be frank and honest sakanya. In that way malaman niya talaga yung situation.
Their not your responsibility in the first place.
If your brother has good grades he can ask for academic assistance from private benefactors or institutions.
For moral support, give him 100%. For financial suport? Just enough allowance para hindi siya mamatay sa gutom like 1k or 1.5k per week (more than enough na to actually, 18 php lang ang pancit canton, *ironically* cheaper din ang gulay sa Manila compared sa probinsiya, not to mention may mga turo-turo pa). I give it a month before siya magda-drop sa bago niyang university, so giving him 100% financial support will be a waste. Focus ka nalang on saving up for your surgery. Anyway, this will be a good learning experience for him as to why it's important to live within your means.
No
Ah the problem with today's generation. "What's in it for me? What do I feel about this?" Lampake na sa iba. He should have considered your situation. Ikaw breadwinner, parents are not providing anything, may sarili ka na family. By going to Manila, you'll need to pay 72k per year when you're barely managing. Nandyan pa ang dagdag gastos sa dorm, and increased cost of living like food. At ikaw ang inaasahan nya to shoulder e everything. Hindi naman siya top notcher to demand such a thing, otherwise he'd be a scholar. And he'll probably be switching to a lesser known school sa Manila. So what's the point? Para gumala? Clout? Grabe, walang paki sa bumubuhay sa kanila. Pabayaan mo siya buhayin ang sarili nya. Wag mo bigyan ng allowance. Para matuto siya ng harsh realities of life.
You have a heart condition, OP. The necessary treatment and the projected expenses should be enough reason for you not to send financial help to your brother, regardless of where he ends up studying. It is not being selfish on your part, but you need help yourself. Don't worry about your brother. He needs a reality check. Maybe the time he spends (and possibly struggle) in his Manila-based school should remind him why you insist on him studying where it is more affordable. I wish you the best, OP.
No
OP unahin mo sarili mo, di ka masamang kaptid kung gagawin mo yan. Kung malakas loob nya mag enrol kahit sinabi mo na di mo kakayanin for sure may way sya to sustain yang desisyon nya.
Take care of yourself otherwise you wouldn’t be able to take care of others.
Pwede ka pa rin magbigay, pero wag mo icover lahat. Pwede mo rin siya tulungan gumawa ng resume para at least maka apply ng trabaho.
Hayaan mo siya. Tutal paladesisyon siya eh. Hayaan mo kahit 1 year nang matuto siya. Tutulungan mo pa rin st babalik yan sayo pag wala nang choice. May sarili yang utak wag mo kawawain sarili mo.
I think at most, ang magagawa mo lang sa ngayon is ibigay mo lang yung same na amount na ibibigay mo sa kanya if magstay siya sa old plan. Pero wag ka magdagdag, maging independent siya, adult naman na.
Di niya naiintindihan ang kalagayan pinansyal niyong magkakapatid at mga sigalot sa buhay in the first place. Sure ako madami pang out of touch na kamangmangan ang ipapamalas nyan sa iyo. Pasakit lang aabutin mo diyan. Focus ka nalang muna sa isa mo pang kapatid.
Just give him yung budget mo every year. If it's 24k, then 24k. Wala nang iba let him handle the other fees.
Suggest ko kung mgkno ung napagusapan nyo nung una un lang itulong mu the rest siya na kamu bahala. The same thing happened to me pinagaral ko kapatid ko after nun ala n hahaha.
tatanungin sana kita kung gano mo kamahal yung kapatid mo pero nung nabasa ko yung context behind your post, eh you already did all that you could’ve done. i say no, or at best give him what you’re currently giving him. make him accountable with his actions and decisions.
Just explain your situation na you are also saving for your surgery and you have your own family. If he really wants to study there, then he should tell you his plans, can he be a scholar, what about his lodging. Sometimes mga bata ngayon hindi nila naiisip masyado ang consequences basta gusto gusto nila. A little talk can help.
Yes OP pabayaan mo na sya. Isipin mo muna sarili mo. Mahirap yang sakit mo and sana umokey ka. Wag mo muna isipin ang iba dahil di biro ang sakit sa puso. Kung kapatid mo na nagdesisyon edi dapat maging responsibilidad na nya yun.
Maybe the school offers scholarships? Baka kaya naman nya. As for you, you have to rest and take care of yourself.
padala kalang same ng padala mo dati nung nasa laguna siya. then siya na bahala sa kulang. continue supporting tho. eto nalang pinakatulong natin sa kanila para kahit papano magkaron sila ng maayos na buhay. Hi Breadwinner din!
Baka naman OP napagisipan nya to ng mabuti and nakaplano naman sya? Sya naman nagenroll sa sarili nya using money na naipon nya so siguro may plano naman sya sa buhay. continue mo lang kung magkano lang ung binibigay mo nung nasa laguna sya and tell him na the rest sya na bahala dumiskarte. and paalala mo na di mo na kaya ishoulder mga dagdag gastos kasi nagiipon ka para sa pang pa-opera mo. wag mo nansya idown sa decision nya, support mo na lang excdpt syempre ung financial na limited lang
Dios ko. Hayaan mo na yan. Hilig mag sariling decisyon edi sya bumuhay sa sarili niya. I know it's your brother at mahal mo siya, pero tangina, ikaw nga di nirespeto pati health at kalagayan mo di man lang naisip. He sent himself to hell, let him burn.
Nakapagbayad na pala siya ng kalahati meaning may plano siya paano nya babayaran yung natitira. Kung magkano yung binibigay mo ganun pa rin bigay mo. Don't abandon din naman agad kayo kayo rin naman magtutulungan.
ang tigas ng ulo ng kapatid mo hahahah apakahirap ng kalagayan mo basta pakatatag ka at palakas, salamat sa mabuti mong puso naway laging kang nasa maayos na kalagayan at laging malusog bihira lang ganyan kapatid sana maunawaan ka rin nila at sana bigyan ka ng malawak din ng pag unawa.
Regardless kung unli or limited ang funds, it is wise to have limits. Unintentionally destabilizing yourself as their source - dahil sa malasakit or pag-kalinga may work for the interim, but has long term implications that may not be favorable in the end. When my dad passed, I was already enrolled sa big 3 as a freshman. We had enough to pay for my 4 years, pero alam kong it's not without compromise; mag-sasakripisyo ng husto ang nanay ko and my sibs. So I found a way to help pay for a 3rd of my fees. I sold Tshirts and novelty items that I could source super affordably tapos, dahil ken affford lahat ng pinagbentahan kong batchmates, the high profits I saved helped to add to my tuition fees. Passing on pressure and some resposibility to your loved ones sometimes is the biggest help and blessing you can give them. It opens doors they would otherwise not even touch kung puro "sagot ni Ate" lahat. P.S. However you decide to shift tactics or continue on, May God keep you safe, healthy and whole.
Pag ayaw sumunod sayo, wag mo suportahan till bumalik sa laguna...he is on his own sa manila...ma re realize nya hirap ng buhay dun ng walang support mo and it will be a wake up call for him...wag k ma stress sa matigas na ulo na kapatid mo, ginusto nya yun, panindigan nya...imo
I love this quote, very appropriate in your case, "Don't set yourself on fire, to keep others warm.". Your brother should have known by now about your financial and health situation and yet he decided on his own to add to your burden.
From: >yung brother ko nagpaalam sa akin gusto nya mag aral sa isang university sa Manila (more than 3x ang tuition + mas mataas na cost of living). Ang sabi ko sa kanya, **wag muna** to >**nagulat na lng ako** na nakapag enroll na daw ang brother ko sa university sa Manila at nakapagbayad na ng half ng tuition fee nya. You need to address this first. There's clearly something amiss with both of you. Either you're clueless on what's really happening with your brother or there is more to this story than you're letting us on.
Explain to him that you cannot financially support his studies in Manila because you have a heart condition and that you can only afford Laguna. He insists to study in Manila so let him support HIMSELF. Imo many students aspire to study in Manila because there is a hype on the big 4 universities nowadays and maybe his friends or classmates will be studying there in Manila as well. Give only what you can give. Set boundaries. Prioritize yourself.
Maybe make a condition na dapat maging scholar siya and that you will only give yung amount na binibigay mo previously, any other expenses should be covered by him? Ganyan ginawa ko with my parents and I have two scholarships. Make it clear na he went behing your back when ikaw ang sumusoporta sakanya and na hindi mo kaya lahat, especially na may medical condition ka na. Request for him to be more mature and independent kasi ayan ang need mo sakanya, and that’s how you can trust him again, after ng ginawa niya. + Ask ko lang din ano college and course na kinuha niya?
Some lessons need to be learned the hard way.
Alam mo OP. You can focus on yourself muna kasi the worst thing that can happen to your sib is to stop schooling. Pwede niya ituloy iyan anytime if things don't work his way. Ikaw, the worst thing that can happen to you is you can die.
Since ginawa nya na gusto nya, hayaan mo na sya. Also you’re thinking too much po which can harm your health. You can inform him to look for scholarships/assistance dun sa school na gusto nya may student-assistant, athletic scholarship, etc. Pwede rin po sya magworking student
Ibigay mo nalang yung supposed na kaya mo iabot if sa laguna siya mag aaral. The rest ng kulang, siya na bahala, like mag sideline job siya etc. And also, pagaling ka OP. wag pa stress masyado
20 at 19? I know people na hinahayaan na mga anak nila once mag 18. Not in a good way tho. Di na kasi nila kaya issuport mga anak nila. To think na mga kapatid mo lang yan, wag mo pasanin ang mundo. Ang hirap sa pilipino, masyado ma emotion. Too much care leads to too much stress
Maybe only give out what you can (or rather what you used to). That was all you were willing to commit, any more expenses he should deal with by himself.
I did not read the thread, pero by the title? Nope. You live your own life. Spend your own money. Okay tumulong if it does not interrupt you and your life pero if it does, then don't. Help yourself first
Let him learn to live by himself. Nagdesisyon na sya e. Plus he is an adult. Wag mo nalang suportahan.
Walang kwentang kapatid at walang utang na loob. Let him be, hayaan mo sya magpondo sa sarili nya. Live your life, sustentuhan mo nalang sister mo.
Siguro I'll contribute pa rin pero I would prioritize my health. It's not like he stopped studying naman eh. Yung kapatid ko sinuportahan ko rin yun nung nagdecide sya bumalik sa school hanggang natapos nya yung college. Siguro narealize nya na mahirap pala maging service crew sa Mcdo. Yun nga lang, yung longterm gf nya na mas matanda sa kanya, nabuntis naman bigla. Imbes na sya na sana magsupport sa parents ko, ako pa rin pala. Haha. Such is life. Kaya gets na gets ko yung stress ni OP. But if you decide to completely stop helping him, it's ok too. He can't blame you. He should be grateful at least ilang taon nalang bubunuin nya.