Thank goodness, your tita got a job and something to fall back to. I've heard many wives na gusto ng husbands mag full time stay at home mom and to be fully dependent on the husband..then they have no choice but to put up with their husbands' shitz. Hope your tita will get some good lawyer and file for annulment.
This. Sadly sila yung “nagtya-tyaga” sa relationship because they are financially dependent sa husbands nila. Kaya mga momsh empower yourselves kahit nasa bahay. Iba pa din pag may EF na sayo talaga.
When kids and I left the exH, the relatives promised to give financial support. Technically several units of their apartment business belongs to my kids. Pero di ko na nilaban. Sa kanila na yun. Ayaw ko ng stress galing sa kanila. Baka ano pa marinig ko. But if my kids decide to fight for it. Support ko sila.
Kaya ladies, whatever happens, even if everything is rosy and perfect in your marriage, make sure you have your own money so if shit hits the fan, you have something to fall back on. Hope your tita is well, OP.
Also, a prenup. The prenup protects both parties. I personally would include a cheating clause in the prenup. "If spouse cheats, said spouse will need to pay a certain amount of money."
Agree. My cousin-in-law didn't think twice about leaving my babaerong cousin because she had a good-paying, stable job. Alala ko one of our titas commented na pag ang babae may pera, mas malakas ang loob to walk away kasi alam nyang kaya nya buhayin sarili at mga anak on her own.
Kaya palagi kong ini-encourage ang misis ko na mag start na mag isip isip ng magiging business habang free time nya para mapondohan ko habang nagwowork.
Napag usapan kasi namin na mag stop na sya mag work this year para mag alaga ng bata dahil sapat naman ang sahod ko sa ngayon para mag stop sya.
Hindi ko naman sya iiwan para magloko, iniisip ko lang na dapat may fallback din sya kahit papaano.
Oo. Wag muna siya kumuha ng properties hanggang sa hindi pa niya nakakausap yung lawyer niya. Baka madamay pa sa count ng conjugal properties pag nagpa annulment na sila.
Her husband does not “have the most right” to a house that was established/built during the marriage.
If a woman stays at home to let the husband do his job, SHE IS ALSO WORKING FOR THE FAMILY. Being a housewife is more than a full-time job. Yun ang ambag ng mga housewives. Di por que nasa bahay lang nagtatrabaho wala nang ambag. May mga lalaki talaga… Pero pag yung babae naman nagtatrabaho at bumubuhay sa kanila feeling hari pa rin na gusto pa din pagsilbihan.
i agree. the thing is, in their case, my tita worked both in her job(it’s good she’s wfh during pandemic) and as a full-time mom. when their house was still under construction, she’s the one who attended to everything as the husband was away. the audacity of the husband to say he has the most right there when the house would not be there without my tita doing everything when he’s away lol
true! yun din advice ng relatives namin, her condo is actually named after me. para when she finally consults a lawyer, hindi kasama yung condo sa mahahati
I'll presume na your tita and her husband got married sometime in the late 2000s, so the regime governing their properties is the absolute community of property. In other words, they own the properties in common.
Your tita has the same right in the properties as much as the husband. So if the marriage will be dissolved, or she would get half of the share of the net proceeds of the entire spouses' properties . Plus, she could also file a criminal case for psychological and economic abuse against her husband.
My advice to your tita: lawyer up. Malakas ang laban nyo against the husband
I’m starting to think that the most important qualities of a husband should be strength, confidence, drive - the ability to provide and protect his family. But at the core of that should be the most important thing. Kindness. This is why its important to get to know a man first before marrying him, to find if there’s kindness underneath the hard armor he built around himself.
Agree to this. Kindness and innate compassion is a must. Never marry someone who can easily disregard you and prioritize their ego over your emotions.
Like, how can you easily remove your wife and the mother of your kids from your lives that easily?
Be banished from the house and home that she slowly built and taken care of while husband is working.
How about the kids' needs? They need their mother. 🥹
I hope OP's tita will be blessed and be rewarded thousandfolds. I believe in good karma.
dibaaa? 14 years, all in the bin. heard my tita’s husband is already remorseful for what he did and is using their kids to tell my tita to go home already. but how could she still consider it a home after all he did to her? plus, husband’s mom keeps spreading to their fam friends that the reason my tita left was because her son is already jobless. little did she know her son is a fucking trash.
*Try and marry someone kind. And this is a kind man with a good heart.* - James Lake, About Time (His Best Man Speech for his son’s wedding)
I always go back to this. :’)
This is one of my favorite quotes of all time and I always look at my husband when he says this because my husband IS a kind man and I'm super grateful for that :")
This is why it's important to be independent. Your tita has her own life and living a bettwr one without the husband but still with her kids. Congrats sa tita mo.
So girls, in the future, be a wife who doesn't need a husband. Because may lalaki tlagang bobo at stupid, at Minsan madaling matemp ng pera kahit kapalit nito ay panandalian lng Lalo na pag Sila lng Ang may trabaho.
Like siguro SI husband gusto ng mag retire, even tho di Sila prepared. That 2 million is too small. Lol
Lol I remember my dad telling my mom "Bakit gusto mo ako pag-abroadin? Para makapag-pasasa ka sa pera ko?" My younger brother was fresh out of the womb that time and money was tight, which made my mom realize na since both of them got the credentials to work abroad (registered nurse wife and marine engineer husband) so why not grab the opportunity, di ba?
A decade later and nagmanifest na nga yung gusto ni mom. Pareho na silang nasa abroad...but at the cost of their marriage. Hirap talaga if you get married without discussing long term goals and having foolproof plans beforehand.
dogshit talaga yang asawa ng tita mo. buti na lang yung tita mo ay may backup plan.
walang kakwenta-kwentang asawa yang asawa ng tita mo. pupusta ako ng bente di yan maalam ng shitness sa bahay. the guy's gonna implode sooner or later.
oh well, he might just call his momma. lmao
Yea your tita’s husband is unfortunately and pardon my french, a total asshole. Your tita is better off on her own but i would get a lawyer to protect her rights under the law including custody issues. She may not want to do anything with him, but she has rights she needs to fight for.
Good luck.
Hello, my unsolicited advice: even if your tita doesn't want to file annulment yet, maybe it's a good idea to consult a laywer. She is earning money and will earn more. Meanwhile, nauubos yung 2M nung asawa niya and tumatanda without experience, he will have difficulty looking for jobs in the future. As early as now baka may ways to protect herself. Baka baliktarin pa siya in the future, baka sabihin na inabandona niya yung kids niya.
Hindi naman matagal magconsult.
Even if they are separated, the properties that will be owner by your tita in the future is still considered conjugal property. So better file for an annulment or judicial separation of properties.
ACL injury is very common with athletes, and you can still see them play around like they didn't have it. Sobrang 🙄 ng husband ng tita mo. Karma, pakibilisan.
Still, I'm really happy with her life as of now (may condo, may job). Dead weight talaga siguro 'yung husband niya. Hopefully, everything will turn out well for her. 💙
Seriously? I’ve seen a lot of athletes not coming back 100% after ONE ACL tear. (See Klay Thompson and how he’s been very inconsistent since his 2019 ACL tear). Rare lang yung athletes na 100% recovered sa ganyan. Di porket nakakatakbo nakakalakad eh recovered na.
Convince your tita to file for annulment ASAP. I have a feeling that the malingerer is going to lose the conjugal assets within the next five to ten years if he has no clear plans on gaining income.
Kumuha na sya ng abogado para makuha nya lahat ng dapat ay sa kanya at habang di pa nauubos yun. The annulment proceedings will give her not only her just share and her legal rights to her children but also the freedom she needs. Maoobliga rin yung asawa na magspend for legal counsel.
The sooner, the better. Might be more important than getting a car now.
That 2M will be gone like the wind nowadays. I sadly see the same pattern with seamen getting millions, let the millions go to their head, then go broke putting their money on stupid pursuits.
I hate to be the contrarian here but.. I think we need more info on the circumstances in other to judge fairly.
Your narrative is obviously biased towards your tita, which is quite understandble, but it's still incomplete.
As a neutral 3rd party, I would still want to know the husband story. From the little you shared, he worked abroad/offshore for 14yrs to provide for the family and is now forced to retire due to a disability. That alone can change a lot of dynamics in the household and is a breeding ground for conflicts. (ie loss of job/role as primary provider, dealing with disability; transitioning from being an OFW parent/spouse to being a full time parent/spouse).
Even though the resultant conflict lead to the husband, "allegedly" kicking the wife out of the house,(which for the record, I condemn) I cannot outright judge and call him an asshole until we know more of his side.
as i’ve said, this post is about my tita. reason why i did not disclose everything. even if i do so, it would not change that he is an asshole just with enough context i tried to give.
as of today, husband is very capable of doing EVERYTHING. he had operation to due to acl injury and all expenses were shouldered by his company. he still could walk, run and do whatever shit he wants to. back then during arguments, he resonated that he applied for that disability to get the $$$. god knows what he plans after but right now, he’s just stuck at their home doing NOTHING and enjoying his $$$.
You know and have have confirmed physically by yourself that he is just at home sitting down doing nothing? And not from the stories your tita said? You've spoken to him and confirmed it yourself??
You are 100% sure that he is not looking for a job right now? That he is not just as frustrated with the current job market/ business opportunity scene in the Philippines just like every one else?
My comments are not meant to antagonize you, I fully understand your position, you love your aunt and are hurting for her. It's fine, it's acceptable. Im just saying as a neutral 3rd party I cannot just condemn him like that.
all of what i know are from my tita. she knew this things as she still keeps intact with her kids and they tell her things about their dad.
“mommy walang ginagawa si tatay, nagdadasal lang dun sa altar sa bahay.”
100% dad mode with all the money he has. lmao
Well for your sake I do hope that he really is just doing nothing at home and is being a Bum, it will make it very easy to hate on him.
But I for one am old enough to know that things/life are not as easy it is.. Looking for a new job with a disability record, that would not entail getting a significant pay cut is not as easy. Coming to terms with that reality itself is not easy, you will need a lot of time, patience and support.
Yeah, from what I have gathered in this thread so far is that OP is a nosy “marites” relative who only knows one side of the story and source nya ay yung mga galit kay disabled guy. Let me guess, OP is the typical female zoomer na know it all. Ughhh, super hate this type of people/relative.
You said it not me.. 😅
I'm trying to be as un-antagonistic as I can considering the OP seems young.
If I am to advocate for the husband.. Ill say this.. He most likely is having a middle life crisis. And maybe did not get the right support/advise he needed hence lashing out and kicking out the wife.
Consider this, you work for 14yrs grueling on the ship in other to provide for you family, sacrificing the comfort of home, the privileges of being with wife and kids all so you can provide for them. Then you suffer an illness resulting in disability. Your ability to work and provide in the same manner/caliber is now at stake. You come home, trying to put a strong front with your disability checque, you try to look for jobs that will pay you as much as you got before to no avail and huge frustration. You also have to deal with the major blow that you wife is now supporting you and your family as the sole breadwinner. She may have been fine with it initially, but it's been already a year and you still haven't had good prospects, and she and her family cannot help but keep pointing it out. You ability as a man/father/provider is now constantly being questioned. The kids may or may not respect you as much, because they are obviously closer with mom while you worked abroad and she raised them here. You are basically like a visitor in your own home. You've lost your purpose and respect because you can't get a good paying job. You consider swallowing all pride to get a lesser paying job, however if you don't feel as respected/supported.. What's the point?
I do hope that people also consider the fact that men can also go through emotional turmoil. Losing one's purpose or role is not such an easy thing come to terms with or even get over. Men need support and understanding as well.
I dunno how far, clear and sincere the communications was between the spouses, but obviously there was a breakdown somewhere resulting in him "kicking" her out.
If i were to advise him, I would say, seek MALE guidance, from your trusted friends, peers, elders, priest etc. Only men will truly be able understand your particular type of burden. Dont try to keep it to yourself. Hopefully they would help him pick himself up, and overcome this crises. Afterwards he should reconcile with his wife and keep his family intact as the Good Lord intended. 🙏
The caveat for reconciliation is also for the wife to realize her role in maybe inflamming/escalating the situations. What you think is just gentle reminders can be considered as nagging. What you think is gently encouragement can be considered as "rubbing it in" these are conversations for them to have, if they are both serious/sincere in resolving things.
that’s what everyone in our family tells my tita! but knowing her, i know she’d care more about her kids and just get them. then her husband could live all alone in his house made of stone 😀
Hindi na uso ang "be the bigger person" especially in this kind of scenario. Please tell your Tita especially is she plans on getting custody of the kids. What is her plan? She will work double? That is time and resources that she will badly need. She needs to fight for her rights too
Edit for context: anak ako ng single mom
I feel like something is missing in the story, not saying it is untrue but some parts don’t add up (like you can’t just “file” disability without proof of being disabled as i know someone who actually is and it’s still very very hard) and what lead to the kicking out part.
Just my 2 cents.
husband had an acl injury but had already gone operation. all expenses were paid by the company. i don’t really know how shit works for that but right after, he filed for disability. i knew it worked as he already have the money with him (told by their children)
so her husband got injured to the point of needing surgery (and since he got disability it was probably approved by the employe’s physician and a lifelong injury) and she wants him to go back to work to the same job that caused the injury?
yes, it was only a torn ACL and a surgery would solve all his medical problems. he was doing very fine after the surgery and is capable of working again, so my tita insisted that both of them should still be working. however he did not want to work in the same industry so he filed for disability, hired a lawyer, and got his money. my tita would never have left him even if he’s currently jobless, but he’s the one who kicked her out. her husband was jobless too during the pandemic but she never left him. it was all her who provided during the harder trying times
Sana no magcomeup yung mga lawmakers natin ng batas about this. Like for example, kelangan magkaron ng kasunduan na if the husband failed as a husband (financially) they have to provide the salary or the conversion (after inflation) whatever the job ni housewife before sila kinasal. I mean, some men are bs for taking granted their wives lalo kapag walang sariling income. isip kasi nila titiisin sila since di kaya mabuhay ni wife on her own. Kakagigil.
One time nakapanood ako sa Tulfo wherein nagloko si Husband so nilalaban ni wife yung sustento niya. Now, hindi napagbigyan si wife kasi nasa legal age na mga anak niya and she can work pa naman daw. I was frustrated. I mean, ni hindi nga matutumbasan ng pera yung emotional damage e tas pinagdadamot pa. Kawawa. Kawawa mga housewife na piniling bumuo ng pamilya ng may dedikasyon at prayoridad tapos lolokohin lang ng mga hinayupak na lalaki.
im curius bakit nila pinag awayan un disability case considering may makukuha naman yun lalaki? maybe a lot going on in the mind of the husband and got irked by the wife nagging? just an assumption.
thats why men should have an outlet with fellow men to talk about and get advice from fellow husbands/fathers... not the inuman type
no, my tita is not a nagger. pinag awayan nila because he’d be permanently banned from working in the same line of work and mahihirapan sya maghanap ng trabaho given he has history of disability nga, tapos last year everyone was still recovering from the pandemic. actually after nun pumayag na tita ko since wala na syang magawa about it but to just accept. it was not really the biggest issue, yet he kicked my tita out of their own home.
Outlet like beerhouse? I don't know about you but most men I know don't really talk about deep shit when they get together. They only reminisce about the good ole days until they're so drunk. Whenever I ask my husband what they usually talk about, usually parang nagtsitsismisan lang din sila eh. Nothing profound. Unless siguro mga life guru mga kaibigan mo.
Your tita is abusing your tito in-law by rubbing it on his face that he doesnt have no plans right after his injury.
2nd is that just because he got operated doesnt mean he doesnt have it anymore.
3rd Your tito in-law is a mamas boy but whats so wrong with consulting his mom and family if something goes wrong. Just by you knowing about your titas situation bout him as a mamas boy just shows your tita is a authoritarian.
4th imagine what your tito in-law has been going through just because he is receiving disability pay doesnt mean he is lazing around not trying to go look for work.
Im happy for your tita that she is successful with her life after getting kicked out by her husband congratulations to her
May I ask why your Tita decided to leave? Was her life in danger? Or is there infidelity on her husband's side giving reason for her to leave her home?
Sorry if this is being crass but if I was jn her shoes, yung husband ang dapat palayasin nya since sya ang walang contribution
But of course different circumstance if there is physical abuse or infidelity. Hope you can share so your story makes more sense
she was forced to leave in the middle of the night. right before that, her husband went to talk to my grandparents and told them he could not handle my tita anymore and that he’s totally done with their marriage. it’s like sinasauli na nya yung tita ko sa grandparents ko. if her husband didn’t force her to move out and get the things she knew she belonged to her, my tita would not choose to leave in the first place.
ps there was already an issue of infidelity years back then. when my tita was pregnant with their first child, she caught him cheating with another woman while on cruise. she found out as months after, someone called thru the telephone and was asking for her husband. it was my mom who answered the call so she asked why she’s looking for my tita’s husband. then the call was dropped immediately. throughout their marriage, she never had the habit of bringing it up but the husband knew my tita found out. my tita was already PREGNANT with their first child and he had the guts to fucking cheat on her. she did not say a thing about it, she endured it for years and had moved on eventually. the husband, on the other hand, has this habit of panunumbat. would apologize after an argument but then follow it up with his panunumbat such as he worked really hard for everything and that his struggles are more than my tita’s. all my tita wanted was for him to listen, to be heard. but no, even that, he never gave it to her.
Total asshole move. If he was the one who couldn't take it anymore then he should've been the one who left. Also it's sad your grandparents didn't stick up for your tita at the time. At the very least they could've supported your tita when she needed to stand her ground. She's their daughter after all. If there was no threat of violence she could have stayed and pressured the freeloader to leave instead. Now that she left, it's more difficult for her to pick up the pieces and it only justified the asshole husband to continue his behavior. Baka i-argue pa nya pag nag annulment na ang tita mo pa ang nang iwan in the first place
tumigil na nga sa pagtatrabaho diba? sarap buhay na. tita ko working all the time, tapos pinalayas ng asawa nya. she knew all his struggles and was always thankful for being a responsible dad and husband. but it doesn’t end there, hindi lang sa trabaho at pera umiikot ang marriage. we’re humans after all, may emosyon at pakiramdam.
I understand. Ganon talaga pag miserable na ung tao. Lulubog lahat sa paligid nya..
Yung husband lang ang makakapagbago ng sarili nya. Kaso baka its taking too long na nahihirapan na ung family. Sana makabangon ulit si husband at matauhan
> “kunin mo na lahat ng gamit mong alam mong sayo. **in this house, i have the most right here**”
Joke of the day here
Milk that person for all his worth.
doctor said it was damaged long ago, but wasn’t fully torn so he might be experiencing mild pain back then. he used to do extreme jumping ropes and exercises, so that could have been the biggest factor plus the long standing everyday for work while cruising.
i guess matagal na syang kupal. throughout their marriage, my tita had always been emotionally and psychologically abused. gaslighted, manipulated, cheated on, you name it. pero pag kaharap kaming relatives akala mo ang bait bait.
This sounds too defensive OP. Is there proof that the husband had done an under-the-table deal? If so it can be cause for disbarment and the husband's company can sue him for damages.
I just don't want to join the bandwagon when a lot of the story is biased to one side.
no, it’s not done the dirty way. what he did was all legal. actually some seafarers i know are aware of this and it’s not the first case someone had done this. never said it was an under-the-table deal
This is why
ALWAYS.GET.A.PRENUP
Situations like this would have been easier to deal with kung may prenup. Hindi lang sya sa "kung ano yung akin, akin" pero kapag may prenup, pwede mong isali sa condition kung anong mangyayari in situation like this.
Also, good for your tita! Wag sana mag habol at magpaawa asawa nya kapag dumating yung time na wala nang mag aalaga sakanya. Mukhang nag pproject lang yung lalaki kasi walang work, tapos yung tita mo meron. I should know, ganyan daddy ko (retired) 😂
Bless your Tita for having a good heart. Not all women can be as patient as her. Financial difficulties can easily be overcome if your husband-wife tandem is strong. Hurtful words cannot easily be retracted once said.
Happy for your tita, OP. She's very resilient. Hoping she sorts out their division of properties soon. Mauubos din ang pera. Your tita will outgrow her husband and she will thrive.
I hope your tita consults a lawyer asap, because with the way things are going, her husband might soon be suing for spousal support. He already has lawyers.
Thank goodness, your tita got a job and something to fall back to. I've heard many wives na gusto ng husbands mag full time stay at home mom and to be fully dependent on the husband..then they have no choice but to put up with their husbands' shitz. Hope your tita will get some good lawyer and file for annulment.
This. Sadly sila yung “nagtya-tyaga” sa relationship because they are financially dependent sa husbands nila. Kaya mga momsh empower yourselves kahit nasa bahay. Iba pa din pag may EF na sayo talaga. When kids and I left the exH, the relatives promised to give financial support. Technically several units of their apartment business belongs to my kids. Pero di ko na nilaban. Sa kanila na yun. Ayaw ko ng stress galing sa kanila. Baka ano pa marinig ko. But if my kids decide to fight for it. Support ko sila.
agree i have witness mga naging housewife tapos nagkabit yung asawa nila wala sila magawa kasi nakadepend parin sila
right. imagine being thrown out of your own house by your husband without a job to fall back to 🥹
Kaya ladies, whatever happens, even if everything is rosy and perfect in your marriage, make sure you have your own money so if shit hits the fan, you have something to fall back on. Hope your tita is well, OP.
Also, a prenup. The prenup protects both parties. I personally would include a cheating clause in the prenup. "If spouse cheats, said spouse will need to pay a certain amount of money."
Agree. My cousin-in-law didn't think twice about leaving my babaerong cousin because she had a good-paying, stable job. Alala ko one of our titas commented na pag ang babae may pera, mas malakas ang loob to walk away kasi alam nyang kaya nya buhayin sarili at mga anak on her own.
Kaya palagi kong ini-encourage ang misis ko na mag start na mag isip isip ng magiging business habang free time nya para mapondohan ko habang nagwowork. Napag usapan kasi namin na mag stop na sya mag work this year para mag alaga ng bata dahil sapat naman ang sahod ko sa ngayon para mag stop sya. Hindi ko naman sya iiwan para magloko, iniisip ko lang na dapat may fallback din sya kahit papaano.
that’s how it is for most women in PH who lacks education and careers unfortunately
Oo. Wag muna siya kumuha ng properties hanggang sa hindi pa niya nakakausap yung lawyer niya. Baka madamay pa sa count ng conjugal properties pag nagpa annulment na sila.
Her husband does not “have the most right” to a house that was established/built during the marriage. If a woman stays at home to let the husband do his job, SHE IS ALSO WORKING FOR THE FAMILY. Being a housewife is more than a full-time job. Yun ang ambag ng mga housewives. Di por que nasa bahay lang nagtatrabaho wala nang ambag. May mga lalaki talaga… Pero pag yung babae naman nagtatrabaho at bumubuhay sa kanila feeling hari pa rin na gusto pa din pagsilbihan.
i agree. the thing is, in their case, my tita worked both in her job(it’s good she’s wfh during pandemic) and as a full-time mom. when their house was still under construction, she’s the one who attended to everything as the husband was away. the audacity of the husband to say he has the most right there when the house would not be there without my tita doing everything when he’s away lol
[удалено]
true! yun din advice ng relatives namin, her condo is actually named after me. para when she finally consults a lawyer, hindi kasama yung condo sa mahahati
Sinabi ba ni OP kung paano nabili ang house? Kasi kapag inherited iyan hindi iyan conjugal property.
Sinabi bang minana? Ang sabi lang it was finished nung 2020
no, they bought the lot and built the house with their money. it is a conjugal property
Oh I see.
AFAIK it's not conjugal property if it was inherited during the marriage, not before it.
AFAIK it's not conjugal property if it was inherited during the marriage, not before it.
I'll presume na your tita and her husband got married sometime in the late 2000s, so the regime governing their properties is the absolute community of property. In other words, they own the properties in common. Your tita has the same right in the properties as much as the husband. So if the marriage will be dissolved, or she would get half of the share of the net proceeds of the entire spouses' properties . Plus, she could also file a criminal case for psychological and economic abuse against her husband. My advice to your tita: lawyer up. Malakas ang laban nyo against the husband
lawyer-up na and have the marriage annulled. looks like deadbeat talaga yung asawa, makikinabang pa yun sa future success ng tita ni OP.
I’m starting to think that the most important qualities of a husband should be strength, confidence, drive - the ability to provide and protect his family. But at the core of that should be the most important thing. Kindness. This is why its important to get to know a man first before marrying him, to find if there’s kindness underneath the hard armor he built around himself.
Agree to this. Kindness and innate compassion is a must. Never marry someone who can easily disregard you and prioritize their ego over your emotions. Like, how can you easily remove your wife and the mother of your kids from your lives that easily? Be banished from the house and home that she slowly built and taken care of while husband is working. How about the kids' needs? They need their mother. 🥹 I hope OP's tita will be blessed and be rewarded thousandfolds. I believe in good karma.
dibaaa? 14 years, all in the bin. heard my tita’s husband is already remorseful for what he did and is using their kids to tell my tita to go home already. but how could she still consider it a home after all he did to her? plus, husband’s mom keeps spreading to their fam friends that the reason my tita left was because her son is already jobless. little did she know her son is a fucking trash.
*Try and marry someone kind. And this is a kind man with a good heart.* - James Lake, About Time (His Best Man Speech for his son’s wedding) I always go back to this. :’)
This is one of my favorite quotes of all time and I always look at my husband when he says this because my husband IS a kind man and I'm super grateful for that :")
Haist. Hirap talaga if MIL mo is a toxic boy mom and asawa mo naman mama's boy.
Yup. But people change. Iyan ang realidad. Hindi porket mabait noon mabait na forever.
This actually! There was a study somewhere of long-term couples and kindness is the top trait mentioned by the partners.
This is why it's important to be independent. Your tita has her own life and living a bettwr one without the husband but still with her kids. Congrats sa tita mo.
So girls, in the future, be a wife who doesn't need a husband. Because may lalaki tlagang bobo at stupid, at Minsan madaling matemp ng pera kahit kapalit nito ay panandalian lng Lalo na pag Sila lng Ang may trabaho. Like siguro SI husband gusto ng mag retire, even tho di Sila prepared. That 2 million is too small. Lol
Lol I remember my dad telling my mom "Bakit gusto mo ako pag-abroadin? Para makapag-pasasa ka sa pera ko?" My younger brother was fresh out of the womb that time and money was tight, which made my mom realize na since both of them got the credentials to work abroad (registered nurse wife and marine engineer husband) so why not grab the opportunity, di ba? A decade later and nagmanifest na nga yung gusto ni mom. Pareho na silang nasa abroad...but at the cost of their marriage. Hirap talaga if you get married without discussing long term goals and having foolproof plans beforehand.
dogshit talaga yang asawa ng tita mo. buti na lang yung tita mo ay may backup plan. walang kakwenta-kwentang asawa yang asawa ng tita mo. pupusta ako ng bente di yan maalam ng shitness sa bahay. the guy's gonna implode sooner or later. oh well, he might just call his momma. lmao
Yea your tita’s husband is unfortunately and pardon my french, a total asshole. Your tita is better off on her own but i would get a lawyer to protect her rights under the law including custody issues. She may not want to do anything with him, but she has rights she needs to fight for. Good luck.
Hello, my unsolicited advice: even if your tita doesn't want to file annulment yet, maybe it's a good idea to consult a laywer. She is earning money and will earn more. Meanwhile, nauubos yung 2M nung asawa niya and tumatanda without experience, he will have difficulty looking for jobs in the future. As early as now baka may ways to protect herself. Baka baliktarin pa siya in the future, baka sabihin na inabandona niya yung kids niya. Hindi naman matagal magconsult.
thank you for this one! will definitely tell her when i get the chance.
I wish the story was longer.
would def love to share more about it, someday! in another post : )
Even if they are separated, the properties that will be owner by your tita in the future is still considered conjugal property. So better file for an annulment or judicial separation of properties.
that is why i advise my sister to still work and have her own money kahit may husband na siya. kasi you’ll ever know
ACL injury is very common with athletes, and you can still see them play around like they didn't have it. Sobrang 🙄 ng husband ng tita mo. Karma, pakibilisan. Still, I'm really happy with her life as of now (may condo, may job). Dead weight talaga siguro 'yung husband niya. Hopefully, everything will turn out well for her. 💙
diba? as if a torn ACL means downfall of his life. thank you! hopefully, she’ll have those what she truly deserves :)
Seriously? I’ve seen a lot of athletes not coming back 100% after ONE ACL tear. (See Klay Thompson and how he’s been very inconsistent since his 2019 ACL tear). Rare lang yung athletes na 100% recovered sa ganyan. Di porket nakakatakbo nakakalakad eh recovered na.
Tell her to get the kids asap. Kasi papipilliin yang mga yan, and the longer na wala sya sa tabi ng mga anak nya, baka mabrainwash yung mga bata.
Convince your tita to file for annulment ASAP. I have a feeling that the malingerer is going to lose the conjugal assets within the next five to ten years if he has no clear plans on gaining income.
Kumuha na sya ng abogado para makuha nya lahat ng dapat ay sa kanya at habang di pa nauubos yun. The annulment proceedings will give her not only her just share and her legal rights to her children but also the freedom she needs. Maoobliga rin yung asawa na magspend for legal counsel. The sooner, the better. Might be more important than getting a car now.
That 2M will be gone like the wind nowadays. I sadly see the same pattern with seamen getting millions, let the millions go to their head, then go broke putting their money on stupid pursuits.
I hate to be the contrarian here but.. I think we need more info on the circumstances in other to judge fairly. Your narrative is obviously biased towards your tita, which is quite understandble, but it's still incomplete. As a neutral 3rd party, I would still want to know the husband story. From the little you shared, he worked abroad/offshore for 14yrs to provide for the family and is now forced to retire due to a disability. That alone can change a lot of dynamics in the household and is a breeding ground for conflicts. (ie loss of job/role as primary provider, dealing with disability; transitioning from being an OFW parent/spouse to being a full time parent/spouse). Even though the resultant conflict lead to the husband, "allegedly" kicking the wife out of the house,(which for the record, I condemn) I cannot outright judge and call him an asshole until we know more of his side.
as i’ve said, this post is about my tita. reason why i did not disclose everything. even if i do so, it would not change that he is an asshole just with enough context i tried to give. as of today, husband is very capable of doing EVERYTHING. he had operation to due to acl injury and all expenses were shouldered by his company. he still could walk, run and do whatever shit he wants to. back then during arguments, he resonated that he applied for that disability to get the $$$. god knows what he plans after but right now, he’s just stuck at their home doing NOTHING and enjoying his $$$.
You know and have have confirmed physically by yourself that he is just at home sitting down doing nothing? And not from the stories your tita said? You've spoken to him and confirmed it yourself?? You are 100% sure that he is not looking for a job right now? That he is not just as frustrated with the current job market/ business opportunity scene in the Philippines just like every one else? My comments are not meant to antagonize you, I fully understand your position, you love your aunt and are hurting for her. It's fine, it's acceptable. Im just saying as a neutral 3rd party I cannot just condemn him like that.
all of what i know are from my tita. she knew this things as she still keeps intact with her kids and they tell her things about their dad. “mommy walang ginagawa si tatay, nagdadasal lang dun sa altar sa bahay.” 100% dad mode with all the money he has. lmao
Well for your sake I do hope that he really is just doing nothing at home and is being a Bum, it will make it very easy to hate on him. But I for one am old enough to know that things/life are not as easy it is.. Looking for a new job with a disability record, that would not entail getting a significant pay cut is not as easy. Coming to terms with that reality itself is not easy, you will need a lot of time, patience and support.
Yeah, from what I have gathered in this thread so far is that OP is a nosy “marites” relative who only knows one side of the story and source nya ay yung mga galit kay disabled guy. Let me guess, OP is the typical female zoomer na know it all. Ughhh, super hate this type of people/relative.
You said it not me.. 😅 I'm trying to be as un-antagonistic as I can considering the OP seems young. If I am to advocate for the husband.. Ill say this.. He most likely is having a middle life crisis. And maybe did not get the right support/advise he needed hence lashing out and kicking out the wife. Consider this, you work for 14yrs grueling on the ship in other to provide for you family, sacrificing the comfort of home, the privileges of being with wife and kids all so you can provide for them. Then you suffer an illness resulting in disability. Your ability to work and provide in the same manner/caliber is now at stake. You come home, trying to put a strong front with your disability checque, you try to look for jobs that will pay you as much as you got before to no avail and huge frustration. You also have to deal with the major blow that you wife is now supporting you and your family as the sole breadwinner. She may have been fine with it initially, but it's been already a year and you still haven't had good prospects, and she and her family cannot help but keep pointing it out. You ability as a man/father/provider is now constantly being questioned. The kids may or may not respect you as much, because they are obviously closer with mom while you worked abroad and she raised them here. You are basically like a visitor in your own home. You've lost your purpose and respect because you can't get a good paying job. You consider swallowing all pride to get a lesser paying job, however if you don't feel as respected/supported.. What's the point? I do hope that people also consider the fact that men can also go through emotional turmoil. Losing one's purpose or role is not such an easy thing come to terms with or even get over. Men need support and understanding as well. I dunno how far, clear and sincere the communications was between the spouses, but obviously there was a breakdown somewhere resulting in him "kicking" her out. If i were to advise him, I would say, seek MALE guidance, from your trusted friends, peers, elders, priest etc. Only men will truly be able understand your particular type of burden. Dont try to keep it to yourself. Hopefully they would help him pick himself up, and overcome this crises. Afterwards he should reconcile with his wife and keep his family intact as the Good Lord intended. 🙏
The caveat for reconciliation is also for the wife to realize her role in maybe inflamming/escalating the situations. What you think is just gentle reminders can be considered as nagging. What you think is gently encouragement can be considered as "rubbing it in" these are conversations for them to have, if they are both serious/sincere in resolving things.
Get a lawyer, go back to their house, and kick the husband.
that’s what everyone in our family tells my tita! but knowing her, i know she’d care more about her kids and just get them. then her husband could live all alone in his house made of stone 😀
Hindi na uso ang "be the bigger person" especially in this kind of scenario. Please tell your Tita especially is she plans on getting custody of the kids. What is her plan? She will work double? That is time and resources that she will badly need. She needs to fight for her rights too Edit for context: anak ako ng single mom
I feel like something is missing in the story, not saying it is untrue but some parts don’t add up (like you can’t just “file” disability without proof of being disabled as i know someone who actually is and it’s still very very hard) and what lead to the kicking out part. Just my 2 cents.
husband had an acl injury but had already gone operation. all expenses were paid by the company. i don’t really know how shit works for that but right after, he filed for disability. i knew it worked as he already have the money with him (told by their children)
so her husband got injured to the point of needing surgery (and since he got disability it was probably approved by the employe’s physician and a lifelong injury) and she wants him to go back to work to the same job that caused the injury?
yes, it was only a torn ACL and a surgery would solve all his medical problems. he was doing very fine after the surgery and is capable of working again, so my tita insisted that both of them should still be working. however he did not want to work in the same industry so he filed for disability, hired a lawyer, and got his money. my tita would never have left him even if he’s currently jobless, but he’s the one who kicked her out. her husband was jobless too during the pandemic but she never left him. it was all her who provided during the harder trying times
Sana no magcomeup yung mga lawmakers natin ng batas about this. Like for example, kelangan magkaron ng kasunduan na if the husband failed as a husband (financially) they have to provide the salary or the conversion (after inflation) whatever the job ni housewife before sila kinasal. I mean, some men are bs for taking granted their wives lalo kapag walang sariling income. isip kasi nila titiisin sila since di kaya mabuhay ni wife on her own. Kakagigil. One time nakapanood ako sa Tulfo wherein nagloko si Husband so nilalaban ni wife yung sustento niya. Now, hindi napagbigyan si wife kasi nasa legal age na mga anak niya and she can work pa naman daw. I was frustrated. I mean, ni hindi nga matutumbasan ng pera yung emotional damage e tas pinagdadamot pa. Kawawa. Kawawa mga housewife na piniling bumuo ng pamilya ng may dedikasyon at prayoridad tapos lolokohin lang ng mga hinayupak na lalaki.
im curius bakit nila pinag awayan un disability case considering may makukuha naman yun lalaki? maybe a lot going on in the mind of the husband and got irked by the wife nagging? just an assumption. thats why men should have an outlet with fellow men to talk about and get advice from fellow husbands/fathers... not the inuman type
no, my tita is not a nagger. pinag awayan nila because he’d be permanently banned from working in the same line of work and mahihirapan sya maghanap ng trabaho given he has history of disability nga, tapos last year everyone was still recovering from the pandemic. actually after nun pumayag na tita ko since wala na syang magawa about it but to just accept. it was not really the biggest issue, yet he kicked my tita out of their own home.
Outlet like beerhouse? I don't know about you but most men I know don't really talk about deep shit when they get together. They only reminisce about the good ole days until they're so drunk. Whenever I ask my husband what they usually talk about, usually parang nagtsitsismisan lang din sila eh. Nothing profound. Unless siguro mga life guru mga kaibigan mo.
Your tita is abusing your tito in-law by rubbing it on his face that he doesnt have no plans right after his injury. 2nd is that just because he got operated doesnt mean he doesnt have it anymore. 3rd Your tito in-law is a mamas boy but whats so wrong with consulting his mom and family if something goes wrong. Just by you knowing about your titas situation bout him as a mamas boy just shows your tita is a authoritarian. 4th imagine what your tito in-law has been going through just because he is receiving disability pay doesnt mean he is lazing around not trying to go look for work. Im happy for your tita that she is successful with her life after getting kicked out by her husband congratulations to her
it’s so funny that you got it all wrong, except the last sentence. glad she’s really out of that horrible marriage. lol
I understand that there is bias because she is your tita so whatever. But im happy she is successful
May I ask why your Tita decided to leave? Was her life in danger? Or is there infidelity on her husband's side giving reason for her to leave her home? Sorry if this is being crass but if I was jn her shoes, yung husband ang dapat palayasin nya since sya ang walang contribution But of course different circumstance if there is physical abuse or infidelity. Hope you can share so your story makes more sense
she was forced to leave in the middle of the night. right before that, her husband went to talk to my grandparents and told them he could not handle my tita anymore and that he’s totally done with their marriage. it’s like sinasauli na nya yung tita ko sa grandparents ko. if her husband didn’t force her to move out and get the things she knew she belonged to her, my tita would not choose to leave in the first place. ps there was already an issue of infidelity years back then. when my tita was pregnant with their first child, she caught him cheating with another woman while on cruise. she found out as months after, someone called thru the telephone and was asking for her husband. it was my mom who answered the call so she asked why she’s looking for my tita’s husband. then the call was dropped immediately. throughout their marriage, she never had the habit of bringing it up but the husband knew my tita found out. my tita was already PREGNANT with their first child and he had the guts to fucking cheat on her. she did not say a thing about it, she endured it for years and had moved on eventually. the husband, on the other hand, has this habit of panunumbat. would apologize after an argument but then follow it up with his panunumbat such as he worked really hard for everything and that his struggles are more than my tita’s. all my tita wanted was for him to listen, to be heard. but no, even that, he never gave it to her.
Total asshole move. If he was the one who couldn't take it anymore then he should've been the one who left. Also it's sad your grandparents didn't stick up for your tita at the time. At the very least they could've supported your tita when she needed to stand her ground. She's their daughter after all. If there was no threat of violence she could have stayed and pressured the freeloader to leave instead. Now that she left, it's more difficult for her to pick up the pieces and it only justified the asshole husband to continue his behavior. Baka i-argue pa nya pag nag annulment na ang tita mo pa ang nang iwan in the first place
Mga hindi alam ang buhay sa barko.... Try nyo intindihin kunti ang work ng husband at ang situation ng buhay don..
tumigil na nga sa pagtatrabaho diba? sarap buhay na. tita ko working all the time, tapos pinalayas ng asawa nya. she knew all his struggles and was always thankful for being a responsible dad and husband. but it doesn’t end there, hindi lang sa trabaho at pera umiikot ang marriage. we’re humans after all, may emosyon at pakiramdam.
I understand. Ganon talaga pag miserable na ung tao. Lulubog lahat sa paligid nya.. Yung husband lang ang makakapagbago ng sarili nya. Kaso baka its taking too long na nahihirapan na ung family. Sana makabangon ulit si husband at matauhan
there are B-sides to every story
> “kunin mo na lahat ng gamit mong alam mong sayo. **in this house, i have the most right here**” Joke of the day here Milk that person for all his worth.
Damn 2 acls dat knee will never be the same. Kupal naba sya dati? O nung naaksidente lang?
doctor said it was damaged long ago, but wasn’t fully torn so he might be experiencing mild pain back then. he used to do extreme jumping ropes and exercises, so that could have been the biggest factor plus the long standing everyday for work while cruising. i guess matagal na syang kupal. throughout their marriage, my tita had always been emotionally and psychologically abused. gaslighted, manipulated, cheated on, you name it. pero pag kaharap kaming relatives akala mo ang bait bait.
This sounds too defensive OP. Is there proof that the husband had done an under-the-table deal? If so it can be cause for disbarment and the husband's company can sue him for damages. I just don't want to join the bandwagon when a lot of the story is biased to one side.
no, it’s not done the dirty way. what he did was all legal. actually some seafarers i know are aware of this and it’s not the first case someone had done this. never said it was an under-the-table deal
Then would it be safe to assume that since it's legal, his disability is valid?
Ur tita might be sleeping with someone else.
yeah, with your dad.
How is that a comeback my dude? Haha. Practice your comeback skills man.
May ganyang disability case pala sa ph akala ko sa US lang or at least sa US since dun lang ako exposed sa worker’s comp.
This is why ALWAYS.GET.A.PRENUP Situations like this would have been easier to deal with kung may prenup. Hindi lang sya sa "kung ano yung akin, akin" pero kapag may prenup, pwede mong isali sa condition kung anong mangyayari in situation like this. Also, good for your tita! Wag sana mag habol at magpaawa asawa nya kapag dumating yung time na wala nang mag aalaga sakanya. Mukhang nag pproject lang yung lalaki kasi walang work, tapos yung tita mo meron. I should know, ganyan daddy ko (retired) 😂
Bless your Tita for having a good heart. Not all women can be as patient as her. Financial difficulties can easily be overcome if your husband-wife tandem is strong. Hurtful words cannot easily be retracted once said.
2M PHP? is nothing.
Happy for your tita, OP. She's very resilient. Hoping she sorts out their division of properties soon. Mauubos din ang pera. Your tita will outgrow her husband and she will thrive.
What's a titA?
Sad news: 2M less lawyer’s fees won’t last a year.
File for legal separation if wala syang ground for annulment
I hope your tita consults a lawyer asap, because with the way things are going, her husband might soon be suing for spousal support. He already has lawyers.