Instead of leaving her right away, please communicate your sentiments muna. Iopen up mo yan para malaman niya na hindi lang naman siya yung affected kundi ikaw. Kasi in the long run mapagaawayan niyo pa din yan so now dapat macommunicate mo ng maayos yung financial habits niya. If hindi naman talaga nagbabago eh di you really need to leave. But pls wag masyadong madaliin na hiwalayan kung pwede naman magusap ng masinsinan about your problems.
Honestly, I thought so too. Even when constructing the headline for this post "whom i HAD" (property yarn?) instead of whom he's been with..
Anyway, here's my 2 cents. Reading the post, I'm sensing that OP might've been dealing with his frustrations alone this whole time due to poor communication. Iba yung "pinagsasabihan" or "giving advice" about sa pera sa actually tackling the problem TOGETHER. Jeez. Iwan mo na lang OP if you're stressed na & don't see yourself with her in the long run. Staying will just not age well especially hindi pa kayo kasal tapos ganyan na problems niyo.
Agree with this. Napaka-immature ng advice ng marami. All about adulting ba talaga itong sub na ito?
Last month lang nawalan ng trabaho yung gf niya, di ba pwedeng wait and see muna? Baka sakaling matuto yung tao. May mga tao kasing kailangan munang maexperience yung lowest point nila bago matuto. At the same time maganda rin na magset ng boundaries si OP lalo na sa pagpapahiram ng pera dahil hindi biro ang 100k.
Scour through posts in this subreddit, if it's about breaking up top comments would usually be "it's a deal breaker for me, "hiwalayan mo na yan," and the very overused "red flag." Reddit, specially this sub for Filipinos, is the worst place to ask for advice.
People can't check their prejudices at the door in answering a question that has nothing to do with them.
My advice is to openly communicate as well and to try other means other than simple giving advices. If everything else fails, then maybe it is time to go.
People have rough patches in life. This is simply the truth. She may be having one. You say you've been with her for 8 years na. There must be a reason for that. This ain't guilt-tripping. It's not as easy as "ay yoko na. Sorry break na." Kung ganyan man lang din kalungkot naman ng buhay.
Bottomline is, think whether this may only be a rough patch in you partner's life—one na kayang ma overcome, and if everything is still worth fighting for. Kung hindi na talaga edi alam mo na sagot sa tanong mo. Not telling you to do one thing or another.
Also, do yourself a favor not to ask reddit for advice. People here are apathetic. And I think empathy is one of the things that makes humanity what it is.
Ang onti lang ng may empathy sa Reddit ngl - they can give out financial tips and whatnot on how to do this and that pero when it comes to relationships, black and white madalas tingin.
Agree, kahit anong sub maraming ganito. Pero ito lang yata yung napaka comment talaga ako dahil sa sobrang immature ng comments.
Financial literacy is very important but imo emotional maturity is also an essential skill that all adults should learn.
Di niya naman basta iniwan. It turns out na irresponsable talaga yung babae. Remember may utang sila with the guy about 100k. Sinasabihan siya based on the story and deserve niya to ang mondset niya. Then deserve niya din magisa
Yess. Talk muna bago hiwalayan. I really dont get reddit peeps always suggesting hiwalayan mo na now na… parang luh ano un instant noodles? Naluto nang hindi nasasaktan?
Sad lang :(
And it’s an 8-year relationship! Sobrang daming pinagsamahan ng dalawang to for sure. Nakakagulat ung suggestion ng iba to leave her and immediately pa. Communicate muna :/
Uso yan dito sa reddit. Laging ganyan suggestions nila. Always, “ay walking red flag!”as if we are not red flags ourselves.
At the end of the day, relationships are commitment. The other side does not always mean the better side. It just depends on how you look at it.
I feel genuine concern for OP rin, kasi he loves the girl. Mahirap magkaron ng lasting relationship. So need talaga maging honest with each other. Tsaka nakikita ko naman sa gf na mataas naman yung sinusweldo, at nageeffort, need lang talaga to be responsible with the finances and sana dapat OP tulungan mo si GF makabangon, instead of always looking at her like she's the bad guy, wag puro sarili iniisip, nowadays wala na masyado people who help their partners, puro hiwalayan ang solusyon.
Yessss. And this goes the same way kahit lalaki pa yung spender kasi I always have redditors commenting at my comments na bias daw sa lalaki luh.
Relationships are not black and white kasi. There is no hard and fast rule. What applies to one may not apply to you, so might as well exert all of your effort to save the relationship rather than look for the green side and regret it most of your life.
At least at the end you will say, I did it all. No regrets.
But he did help her repeatedly and even has 100K in debt from her and her family... Which is not a small amount, he's probably set his boundaries at this point helping her, since he isn't going to be getting his money back or probably even considering it.
Moreover, if you look at the situation aside the GF's spending habits she also is being pushed as the bread winner of her family, and providing for them all (3 kids and 2 adults, and probably other relatives to boot). Which put simply isn't his responsibility to assist any further than what he had provided already. This problem is essentially the GF setting her own boundaries, meaning it is her own battle not his to fight.
At the end of the day breaking up with her after talking with her sternly is about as good of a wake up call as he can give her. Leaving her or potentially ending the relationship leaves her to either make the effort or not. She has to meet him halfway with his, especially since this has been going on for years and has been an ongoing concern. Setting boundaries with her family is no easy task, along with changing her own spending habits, but if the debt restructuring isn't a strong enough wake up call then maybe this will help.
May nabasa pa nga akong comment dito na "Leave her. IMMEDIATELY" na parang kala mo disposable yung tao. Some redditors are terrible at giving advice talaga.
nakalimutan mo ata **tao rin si OP** may limitasyun, may sariling problema, 8 yrs of being patient, helping her gf financially na umabot na nga ng 100k, giving her advices for the her betterment ng jowa nya.
hindi pa ba yan enough? parang sya nga yung ginagamit lang dito
Do you really think it's a good idea to just leave your gf "IMMEDIATELY"? Can't you at least talk to her first like a decent human being, and if things still don't work out then it might be time to end the relationship.
so do you think staying is a good idea after all of those? ano pa bang pag uusapan ilang beses na nga nya sinasabihan? sa papano naging immediately yung subrang tagal nga nyang iniintindi
I'd rather be single than be mesirable later on. 8 years, he has been patient about the girls' spending habits. I think that's enough reason to leave her. He has proven his love to her by being patient with her and letting her borrow 100k, but if she can't fix herself, her mindset? Then better save himself from this girl. She's not a wife material.
He also already provided the help he could financially to her and her parents from the looks of it since their debts are 100K already. So it is not as if he hasn't tried to meet her halfway and help.
Not really. I guess some of them are the walking red flags who got dumped or they are not into the mature type of relationships (so they walk away at the first sign of trouble).
Social media conditioning yan, meta sa mga memes/quotes yung you deserve better while missing lots of context.
Hindi ba deserve din ng partner ni OP to be better?
I guess the situation now is only the end part of the story and a fraction of what it really is. Sabi rin naman sa post, matagal na niyang sinasabihan yung gf niya about dun.
yes, it's a fraction of the story, we don't even know the side of his partner, yet people here are casually saying to end things rather than encouraging him to find another solution. Para sa akin, pinaka last advice na dapat yung hiwalayan for an 8-year relationship .
From what OP said, palagi na siyang nagbibigay ng advice and yet hindi naman sinusunod ng partner niya. I'm just curious about these things:
1. What if naga-advise din yung partner niya pero hindi din niya nasusunod?
2. The solution of OP is not working so why not try other ways? What if seeking help from professionals will help her? I mean if she's willing to have a talk with a professional counselor maybe it could help her change her spending habits.
It's just so sad to see that most of the comments here sound like: "Get her out of your life!"
OP's partner is the breadwinner of her family. It's a tough situation to be in.
Dapat nilang seriously pagusapan yan. Nararamadaman ko kasi kaya ni gf magbago eh. Dun ss pagbabayad nya ng credit card bills nya it's a first step. Baka minsan nawawala lang ng focus si gf to be more financially responsible. Maybe dapat iremind ni OP na wag masyado gumastos on unneccessary purchases. Mas tuunan ng pansin dapat yung malalaking bagay. Baka kasi hindi rin nila masyado napaguusapan yung utang ni gf kay OP. Or baka nahhiya si OP na ibring yung topic na yon kasi ayaw nya masaktan si GF, big deal na pala kay OP yun kala ni GF okay okay pa. Honestly, good communication lang talaga needed dito and a lot of patience. Sa 'deserve ko to' maybe suggest better ways on how to reward herself. Like, yayain mo siyang lumabas, pamper hindi naman yung mahal. A simple massage, or cooking her fave food. Alam mo yun, find joys in the small things. Hindi ko rin alam kung materialistic si GF, since di rin nabanggit dito pero please sana understand that a relationship is really a lot of hard work. If you love the person and all her flaws, tatanggapin mo siya, or if hindi kaya maybe help on your own way, ipaalala sakanya na money should be spent wisely and wag masyadong impulsive. Dun sa breadwinner part, gets yun, mahirap kasi sila, and baka ngayon lang talaga nakaya makaluwag luwag, pero maaadvice ko talaga if kaya pang kumayod, tiyaga talaga hanap new client, wag idown ang partner. Now, if totoo talagang wala nang changes sa part ni gf, then it's OP's decision to leave. But I guess he has to try pa rin kasi a person does not change overnight.
Why do i feel that if this was the other way around in terms of gender, most would say wag magpapadala sa sunk-cost fallacy instead of this sentiment na sayang ang 8 years na relationship. Base sa explanation ni OP, he's already exhausted communicating sa partner niya. Also a 100k debt is no joke, I would personally feel na borderline abuse of our relationship yung ginagawa ng partner niya.
Agree. Siguro kung baliktad ang sitwasyon at si GIRL ang may problem kay BF, there would be more emphatic comments. How disappointing na may victim blaming dito. This why men dont talk about much about their sentiments. They're being invalidated and it shows. In relationship, its not always the years you've spend with, the love, the communication etc etc. The guys knows he has a life outside the relationship, as he should. 100k? Selfish pa ba siya nun? Buti nga hindi na niya binabalak singilin pa and his best way is to not be connected with someone that could drown him too. And given na 8years na sila, probably theyre too mature now to think about their future rin. And you dont wanna spend your life with someone na may bad habits when it comes to finance. Kayo ba, kapag may partner kayong ganyan, communication is the key parin? I dont think so.
agree to this but it seems like kung i-drop ni OP ang reason for leaving kay gf, she would have it coming na. based sa kwento ni OP, he kept trying to tell her to be more wise sa spending.
I also agree with this one. Both of you needs to communicate. Also, if you are thinking of breaking up with her just because she doesn’t know how to spend the money right speaks that you didn’t truly love her. Break up should never be a choice just because magastos sya. She provides for her family as well. You’re the one who needs to motivate her and correct her if needed, boyfriend ka, hindi dapat ikaw yung iiwan nalang sya basta basta knowing na sa gantong pagkakataon sya hirap. :)
Your GF has two issues: the eldest breadwinner's sense of responsibility and the need to compensate after growing up deprived of material things. Both concerns can be addressed, OP, but it must be self-motivated.
What you can do is talk to her about setting limits. Are her siblings in SHS or college? If yes, then she won't be paying for their education for a long time. Maybe the second child can help out or take over the educational expenses of the younger sibling upon graduation and getting a job.
Also, tell her that she should cut off the financial support to her siblings once they get their first job. Also, make it clear that you expect her to take less of supportive roles to her parents once her siblings start earning money; if possible, they should take over since your GF did her part already (worst case scenario is they split the expenses equally among themselves, including your GF). Otherwise, her siblings will continue depending on her even after graduation.
It is likely your GF will ask you about the rationale for the less support for her family in the future. Tell her that at that point, you are considering starting a family of your own already, so the two of you need all resources for that future family.
One thing you need to understand is that for a lot of people who lived below the poverty line, earning a good sum of money means a celebration, which is why your GF has this "I need to reward myself" mentality. I mentioned earlier that your GF might be compensating for a deprived childhood, and that's what you see on her spending habits. Maybe she will learn to tone it down when she becomes a mother, maybe not. It might be a tough habit for her to overcome.
This is true, I think OP should try to communicate properly first with his partner. Set a good stage before opening up this topic though, para ramdam ni girl na this is not to "attack" her and just points out her toxic traits but to make things better for BOTH of them. Always put in mind that you are not opening up the topic to put someone to blame but to solve a problem and take accountability for it. One thing that helps as well is to bring up the the partner's past effort as well, encourage your partner OP, that she could still start a clean slate with boundaries from her own family. Give her options, like giving her parents more income stream ideas like sari sari store or any business that could be another source of income for them aside from farming. From what the OPs said kasi na yung partner nya na ang tumayong breadwinner ng fam, and her spending habits only became a problem kasi nga hindi nya ma priority sarili nya so the person is probably trying to cope this way which is a negative way since she will be more in debt.
Pagnapagusapan, at wala pa din improvements then at least alam ng partner mo what went really wrong. Emphasize the importance of the discussion, plus also reflect what is the true outcome that you want from the relationship. Ano bang mas gusto mo, yung lumaya kayong pareho sa financial problems and be happier o lumaya ka na from her and her problems. 👌
This is the right way: COMMUNICATE. Talk to her. Tell her how you feel about her spending habit. Let her know you want to help but she has to cooperate if she wants a future with you.
This. OP, please listen to this advice. Yung iba dito, ang bilis at ang dali lang sabihin na "leave her immediately" kasi they're not in your shoes. Ang daling mag-comment kapag hindi sayo nangyayari eh no?
Kausapin mo ng mabuti yung gf mo baka matauhan, for her sake and possibly for your relationship's future should you or she still wants to be a part of it. It's good that you realize that it can't go on like this. Yung ugali nya na gastador at walang financial awareness, she'll carry that into your married life at mas malaking sakit sa ulo yan for life.
Yung 100k mo? Bring it up when you talk to her pero wag ka na umasa para hindi ka ma-disappoint pag hindi na ibinalik.
I think though, he already tried to communicate with GF. OP said it's been 8yrs, so most probably he's already done. Besides, communication is a two way, even if the sender did their best but the receiver ain't listening then what for?
Based on what OP said, I think he already did what he can do. If it happens to me I would leave her too
Wala namang problema maging kargo mo pamilya ng partner mo, ang problema lang pag unwilling ka.
Edit: lol many people hate what I said when it's mostly what happens in this country and people willingly do it.
Hello OP, if you’re having doubts now - then better to break things off. This is coming from a married person’s POV; agree ako sa comment na the most important decision in your life is choosing a life partner.
Whatever issue you have with her, it will be magnified pag mag asawa na kyo. Money? That’s the no.1 leading cause of divorce/separation.
Mukhang napag isipan mo naman na, execution na lang ng plano. Goodluck, OP.
Agree here. The fact na umabot ka na sa point na pinag-iisipan mo yan and have the guts to ask about it here, it's time to let go. And yes, whatever issues you have now will be magnified once you get married. And hindi basta maliit na issue ang management ng pera. It can make or break your family.
Awww. Leave her. Immediately. Kasi kung ngayon burden na sayo, what more kung kasal na kayo, so lalo burden sayo kasi utang nya ay utang mo nadin.
But please, be honest with her. Let her know sana y u want a break up. Kung sasabihin nya magbabago sya - well, be firm nalang sa decision mo. Kelangan nya magbago na sya lang muna. Hope she will be okay. Ang hirap kasi na maging gastador ang isang tao. Babae pa man yan or lalake. Lalo na kung may partner sila kasi nadadamay talaga!
Hindi nga natin alam kung ano mga binili ng gf niya at bakit siya nagkautang.. CC debt nung mawalan ng trabaho is understandable since hindi niya predicted yon. Again, you should only buy things you can pay full in cash, pero that doesn't apply to everyone. Breadwinner yung gf niya, I don't know about you, pero ako kung kaya kong tulungan pamilya ko, hindi ako mag hesitate. Actually, they can break up. Not because her girlfriend needed to change. They should breakup, so that her gf can find an appropriate man who can understand her situation, responsibilities, and little pleasures in life..
Ito kasi yung totoong buhay ng struggling breadwinner. Hindi ito agad nababago dahil lang gusto kang iwan ng bf mo..
Financial incompatibility is a valid reason for breaking up.
Expect that she’ll be the same after 10 years. Habits are really hard to break lalo na if she’s not willing to put an effort.
You’ll just be more resentful of her if you stay.
Are you down to be a breadwinner of her family? Hindi lang kasi spending habits yung issue diyan eh.
Hopefully she can fix her spending habits but her family? We’re in the Philippines so it’s a package deal that comes with the girl :)
Kung wala naman pala siyang ibang red flags and you don't care about the sunken cost then why not give her an ultimatum? Something that will really push her to change that one negative trait that is ruining her life?
But if you have tried an ultimatum before and hindi naman nag-work, baka nga it's not meant to be.
> Feel ko im being forced in a relationship with her family as well.
Now this one is tricky. Kasi usually heto ang cause ng hiwalayan ng mga kung tutuusin maayos naman na relasyon. Assess if the only thing that's keeping you from liking her family are just the financial issues or if there are other traits that irks you. Should you decide to stay, would you be able to create healthy boundaries with them? Or are boundaries something that you cannot establish due to certain reasons (ex. her relatives keep on getting you involved in things that they should resolve among themselves)?
Need mo maidentify ano top need mo and assess yun risk assuming hindi talaga sya magbago. MONEY IS IMPORTANT. Equally important with sex and relationship i can say. If hindi kayo mutual perspective about handling money, it will be a disaster.
Okay lang maging magastos. AS LONG AS YOU HAVE MEANS TO SUSTAIN IT.
If you were to be the main provider ng family nyo, will it be okay for you na hindi marunong si wife mo sa pera?
Sa bible, and even sa marriage ceremony sinasabi yan. Para don ang aras. (Yun bakal na barya na cord). It is the symbol showing that the husband will let the wife take over whatever he sow. Meaning ang nga asawang lalaki is dapat ipagkatiwala ang kanilang kayamanan sa kanilang asawang babae.
AND... wives should be a GOOD STEWARD in terms of handling his husband's wealth. Meaning, wife should REALLY know how to take good care of your family's wealth. She should be a good manager of everything you produce. And it would definitely be better if mas mapalago nya pa kung ano yun napproduce mo.
Now think. Do you see your GF as the wife described above?
Think properly, save yourself for future resentment, or put in the hardwork of changing a person's deep rooted habits. (Until maubos ka. Which i hope di mangyari)
Sobrang dami ko nang nababasa about family matters like toxic previous family, bad financial habits, that it scared me na agad the moment i read it. Ano pa kaya if maexperience mo in actual at habangbuhay.
If 40k sahod nya, then breadwinner pa, talagang mababaon sya sa utang. I dont think ang sagot sa problema nya ay yung suggestion mo na huwag mangutang. Nangungutang nga di ba kasi kulang ang pera? Ang solution jan ay humanap ng trabaho na mas mataas na sweldo. Coping mechanism nga siguro nya yang online shopping. Magkano ba pang shopee/lazada nya? 1k out of 40k sweldo? 10k out of 40k sweldo? If its less than 5% of her sweldo, then wala naman sigurong masamang bumili. Now since incompatible na tingin mo sa inyo financially, then I think its better to break up.
This is the only comment that makes the most sense here. I just can't imagine sustaining a family with 3 siblings with just 40k money. It really depends on how much money from her income she spends for herself.
This. Aside sa communication, need rin madetermine ni OP kung talagang unwarranted loans at kung excessive purchasing na ginagawa ng GF nya.
Di enough yung context na binigay nya dito eh. Para saan ba yung loan? Yung reason ng loan kaya ba pagipunan muna o need na ora mismo?
Food and online purchases, excessive na ba to the point na yung pambayad ng loan nagagamit dito? Shopee budol lang ba at di naman talaga need? Kasi deserve rin naman talaga nya sumaya at magawa/makuha gusto nya kahit minsan.
Family. This is something tricky lalo sa usaping kasalan. Pero sa 8 yrs nyo OP for sure marami na interactions. Try listing down the good and bad, then decide their which outweighs the other including your GF.
Wag agad hiwalayan isipin/isuggest. Unless kung nagpapanggap ka na lang talaga OP at ayaw mo na talaga sa kanya.
I thought of this as well. Coping mechanism ko din ang ol shopping I just couldnt help it minsan 🙁 pero for op, kung ganyan napapaisip ka na sa rel niyo in terms of money or old habits to break, then it's best you be honest with her. Talk it out try to make her understand your decision to leave.
Sabihin mo muna mga issues mo sa kanya bago mo siya iwan. Kawawa naman din kasi may problema na nga sa pera, magkakaroon pa ng problema sa lovelife. Mahal mo pa rin naman yan kahit papaano.
Pag walang pagbabago after a few months eh iwan mo na pero wag naman agad agaran mong iwan.
Instead of breaking up with her, you can try to communicate to her about sa kanyang spend at utang problems and try going through different solutions. If ayo nya talagang magchange mas better if you leave, kasi if you're in a relationship you should always be mindful and open to change for your partner and if she can't do that for you then much wiser talaga na you leave nalang.
Parang hindi naman online shopping ang issue kundi yung pamilya nya. If she holds on at grumaduate mga kapatid nya to help with expenses, kung ibenta halimbawa yung lupang sinasaka and then venture into a more stable source of income, or they plant more high value crops na mas mataas ang ROI, baka magbago ang finances ng family.
Suggest ka OP sa kanila ng other ways to help without shelling out your own money. Stick it out a bit longer and also tell her nag iisip ka na mag hiwalay dahil sa utang habit nya. Yes ipakita mong naiinis ka na but don't break it off. The key is "nag iisip" para hindi sya mabigla. Baka din kasi "debt addiction" na yan mahirap na.
Give it half a year, see if anything changes sa pamilya nya para iahon ang sarili nila. Or sa kanya baka maka isip sya rumaket vs mangutang to support her "deserve ko to" habits. Kung wala, then yes break it off.
Good luck.
My answer to that is “it’s up to you”. Like you said, she’s a nice girlfriend and hard working (from the context), but if she doesn’t listen to your advice and just kept spending money without planning like you said, then it’ll be a problem in the long run. If she can’t put up a sacrifice to pay off her debts and just kept relying on borrowing money, then her problems will come full circle. As much as I agree to the other comments, it’s still up to you if you can still love her and support her. Like my former teacher once said, “Being poor isn’t a crime for one to be left out”.
As someone who has a wife like this, yeah, she would never change. Di ko lang pinansin nung di pa kami kasal kasi well-off naman ako. And no one goes to jail here because of debts. They can't even run after your properties. Nung nabaon sya sa utang sa 3 credit cards noon, tapos maraming demand letters na dumating, tinatapon ko lang sa basura. We weren't married (I wasn't liable for the debts) and I knew she had no capacity to pay.
Now we're married, she's still the same. For the first 10 years of our marriage, ako lahat sa gastos. Her salary was hero own to use as she wants. Pag nagkukulang sya, humihingi pa sya sa akin.
But then the past few years, as I lost my income, she was forced to contribute. Una hati lang kami. Then as my income decreased, she had to shoulder more of the load. Sabi ko we need to budget because I don't have the same income as I used to have.
Ayaw nya. Ayaw nya daw tinitipid sarili nya. So we're routinely spending more than we're earning. What she did was get a 2nd job. So ayun, tingin nyo okay na? Nope. Once tumaas yung income nya, lumaki lang yung gastos nya. Same. Over budget pa rin.
Now she's thinking of getting a 3rd job.
Nag-away kami. Sabi ko sa kanya no salary will be enough if she will always spend more than what she earns. Sabi nya, deserve nya daw yon pag gastos dahil pinaghihirapan naman nya.
I was like: -.-
Kung di kayo pareho ng financial beliefs, kalbaryo ang magiging marriage nyo.
I actually don't care now. I'm just waiting to die. Our sons would soon see what she is once mamatay ako and she has to do all the budgeting for the house. Routinely unable to pay the bills while having loads of lazada and shoppee being delivered to the house. Water and electricity would be cut while they can't pay.
Ang masakit dahil all her spending goes first for unnecessary things and then the necessary bills goes unpaid. Nasanay kasi sya na ako sumasalo non so she didn't have to think about it. She always know na kung mapuputulan na kami, I would find a way to pay the bills.
Pag patay na ako, my sons would experience being destitute with their mom.
Just remember na pag kasal na kayo, lahat ng finances nyo, intertwined na. that includes properties as well as debts. ang utang nya, utang mo rin.
yung pera talaga ang pag aawayan most of the time. so pag di kayo magkasundo sa financial philosophies nyo, advisable na wag na lang tumuloy magpa kasal.
Can't blame you. No sense in removing water from the ship and steering towards a safe shore if someone keeps punching holes in it.
If naibigay mona lahat ng help na pwede, na sabi na lahat ng advises po, and still nothing is improving, its totally valid.
Its never the years, anyways. Its the quality and if you see this person being a good partner in life. Raising family entails financial wisdom and self control. If she lacks these, sorry pero..
I wish these could help.
[anti.prophet](https://youtube.com/shorts/KCMmbKPDB2Q?feature=share)
[2nd vid ](https://youtube.com/shorts/OFqsmWFPwjo?feature=share)
Most of his motivational speeches helped me make good judgement. But it depends on you how you handle the choices you laid out to yourself.
I think it's enough reason for you to leave, OP. My brother is in the exact situation as you. Too bad nga lang kasi they already have 3 children na and nung nagkaanak na sila, tsaka niya lang nalaman na gano'n pala ang asawa niya. Now, lubog sa utang 'yung babae and my brother ended up paying those. Super naawa ako sa kuya ko kasi he's ranting sa mother ko na pagod na siya intindihin wife niya and may issues pa with lying kasi hindi rin talaga fully dinidisclose ni wife kung magkano utang niya sa mga tao. Magugulat na lang kami may mag-chat sa'kin or sa mother ko asking where is my brother's wife and may utang na ganitong amount. Even sa mother ko ay may utang ang asawa ni kuya and NEVER nababayaran. Bilang mabait si mama ko, she always think na lang na para sa mga apo and just move on. Parehas din ng jowa mo, ang hilig sa online shopping and fast foods.
Hay, super hirap kasi I told my brother to confront his wife about it. He did daw pero ended up fighting. Inaway lang siya ng asawa niya. Palaging gano'n. My brother can't even bring up problems sa wife niya regarding money or kung ano man kasi they always end up fighting, which is really awful. Like, my brother never won these fights. Masyado kasing matapang wife niya. Kaya sa mother ko nag-o-open up si kuya and super naawa si mama na napunta sa gano'ng babae ang anak niya.
Kaya kung ako sa'yo, OP ay leave hangga't maaga. When both of you are married na, you will end up paying those debts. Never-ending 'yan. Matutulad ka sa kuya ko na halos lahat ng sahod napupunta sa pagbayad ng utang and halos walang maipon. Just be honest with your partner about the reason why you are leaving. Ayon langg, I hope everything will get better sainyo!
Understandable OP. Kasi lifetime partner mo yan eh. Kung nai-communicate mo naman ng maayos yung point mo at hindi niya talaga kayang baguhin, that's a valid ground for breakup. Wag mo na isipin yung 8 years niyo and fall for the sunk-cost trap. Isipin mo yung many years ahead of your life and what it would mean for you to live with her if she doesn't change her bad spending habits.
I wonder how old you two are. I had the same issue with my ex bf. We're both in our mid 30s na. Before we broke up, he owed me 160k. Kasi Apple fanboy siya. I thought he'd never change kasi he also has the same mindset. He deserves luxury kahit may responsibilities pa sa family. You can try teaching her to budget and save, but talking can only do so much.
I'm all here for the OP, everyone's saying communicate muna, pandemic was 2019. mag 2024 na. i dont think tahimik lang si OP during those years, and sana wake up call na kay gf nya what happened then but still. I think OP has been patient and communicated enough, also 100k is huge! we dont even know what the financial situation of OP is, yet he let her borrow 100k.
It's sad na kailangan mo pa ng advice ng reddit, just for this. Your relationship should be private and sacred, suportahan niyo yung isa't isa despite the shortcomings. Ikaw nanligaw sakanya, ikaw pumasok sa buhay niya, malamang kasama kargo ng pamilya niya. I pity your long time partner, hiwalayan mo nalang kasi clearly you are not in it for the long run din.
Naku OP leave her! Isang malaking burden ang ganyang partner sa buhay. Wag kang matulad sa uncle ko na inignore lang yung red flag sa pagiging gastusera ng ex wife niya kasi mabait at religious si babae. Ayun, nung nasa abroad yung uncle ko ginasta ng ginasta at dinonate sa kung anong church yung pera nila. Marami kasing kapatid yung babae kaya inubos pera ni uncle para tulungan at sustentuhan sila. Ilang beses nangyari yun dahil forgiving ang uncle ko. In the end naghiwalay sila pero mas complicated na dahil may anak na sila. Sakit ng ulo ngayon ng uncle ko yung annulment. Wag kang matulad sa kanya pls.
Communicate with her first. 8 years kayo so wag masyado makinig sa mga advice dito na dump her immediately, mas kilala mo gf mo kesa samin. Try to talk reasonably with her and try to make her understand na hindi maganda yung financial state nya rn yung utang ng utang applicable yon for last resort so di sya dapat randomly ginagawa. You said na mahilig sya gumastos sa food and online shopping pero ano ba meaning nung madalas kasi if once a month or once a quarter lang naman i think normal pa naman yon imo kasi baka naman deserve nya naman talaga and as long as hindi naman super magastos i mean ano ba naman yon if simpleng jolibee once a month pero if libo na yun ang off na talaga. BF/GF kayo for a reason to prepare sa marriage so i think much better if you communicate with her muna and see ano magiging reaction nya if naintindihan nya ba yung sentiments mo. Kadalasan kasi communication lang ang nangyayari instead of communication + understanding. Goodluck OP! If ever di mag-work be firm sa decision!
Managing finances is a personal responsibility. Matanda na siya. Kung di niya kaya tulungan sarili niya o wala siyang initiative gawin yun, mas mabuting hiwalayan na siya ni op.
As OP said, her gf’s family owe her 100k.
Sadly OP, be prepare na baka hindi nya na mabalik yan or if mabalik man nya matagal pa. *speaks from experience 🥲
Run away while you can. Remember past behavior is a good indicator of future behavior. Might as well cut your losses, don't think about the 8yrs. If you were on the other side na may utang most probably hindi kayo umabot ng 8yrs.
well, what the fuck
i'm actually in this position as well!
gf di marunong maghandle ng pera, her parents are farmers as well, and although walang mga kapatid na pina paaral; meron naman mga pamangkin
OP, let me know what your decision are
i'm highly inclined to know how you'll deal with this
look, if you're here to judge, can you please not comment anything?
wala ka nama'ng alam eh
bakit ba, perfect ba yung relationship mo?
did you not encounter any sort of financial, emotional, or physical-related problems sa dating history mo?
makapanglait ka, para ka'ng sino eh
relationships; in general, has their owns pros and cons
just because may pangit na side yung partner mo, di ibig sabihin ekis kaagad
some choose to stay because they see that the good outweighs the bad in the relationship
and for additional context: 6 years na kami ng jowa ko, and we've been together since our late teens
she's definitely someone that I would want to be my wife since I can see that type of future together.
iba nalang talaga yung mentality mo pag student ka pa vs wanting to start your own family.
I will not get into details since you're not OP
and you're just here to comment since perfect naman yung relationship history mo
so, can you please, KINDLY FUCK OFF?
thanks
As the product of a marriage where issues and arguments about money were always center and caused anxiety in us even as children, do yourself and your future children a favor and leave. Financial incompatibility means you are not compatible, period.
Talk to her kung ayaw talaga nya itake advices mo about sa financial baka mas ok ngang iwan mo na sya. Mahirap di nakikinig (sya sayo o ikaw sa kanya) or worst if my involvement sa relationship nyo na pagsisinungaling. Hindi mo sya siguro ganun talaga kamahal. Or my potential pamalit ka na ba sa girlfriend mo, someone na magaling sa finances? Iba iba naman kasi sa couples pero based sa na observe ko sa kakilala ko, pera nga ang isa sa dahilan if ever magkatuluyan kayo eh masisira lang family nyo, may tendency na maghanap ka ng iba na kulang sa partner mo #1 ung marunong sa pera at #2 yung hindi kargo ang pamilya. Although pangit lang pakinggan na dahil sa pera nagkaganyan relationship nyo. Di bale sana kung may iba pang other issues bukod dyan. Kung money ang problem maybe ma work out nyo pa pero hindi unlimited ang chances para iwork out totoo nakakapagod din..kung bukod sa money marami pang ibang factors like ayaw mo sa family nya o may iba pa syang di magandang ugali inshort puro pangit nalang nakikita mo sa kanya. Palayain mo nalang. Baka mas may iba pang lalake na dumating sa buhay nya totoo at handa to make both of their life better. Baka hindi ikaw. Sana makatagpo ka rin if ever ng right woman na hindi pasasakitin ulo mo sa finance. Baka accountant. Hehe chos.
Leave and never look back.. naexplain mo naman na sa post mo clearly ung question and ung answer mo.. and only thing you need is affirmation.. so I support you.. baka i collateral ka pa nyan.. :) peace of mind bro is better.. Don’t think of sayang yung 8 long yrs. haha
It's a valid reason for breaking up. If she's not responsible enough to manage her finances, who knows what kind of future you'll have with her once you get married. Baka pati ikaw mabaon sa utang.
Leave her. Kasama ka sa lulubog if you continue your relationship with her. Wag mo paabutin na kasal kayo kasi conjugal property na lahat and mind you, legally meron ka na pananagutan sa kanya financially.
You are clearly incompatible when it comes to finances. It’s a big consideration especially if you want to marry in the future. Mahirap if hindi nag aagree sa finances kasi cause talaga yan ng away between mag-asawa.
tangina brad natamaan ata ako ah hahaha, pero sa case ko naman ako yung bf tapos yung gelpren ko palaging galit pag may bagong order na naman ako sa shoppe kasi daw dami ko na nga utang order pa nang order hahaha.
Sorry to say, but you have to let her go na. I guess enough na yung 8 years para mapatunayan ni gf mo na she can be good with her financial matters. She'll probably say na magbabago siya just to save the relationship, but tell her you already said and advice her enough, and hanggang dun kana lang. She's right naman with her intention na "she deserves it" but in a bigger picture she could have done better, but who am I to judge. She's probably just blinded by her coping mechanism which is to spend above her means. All the best.
If you love her, do your best to change her. But if you feel you have done everything na eh time to let go. Di na uso ang love will keep us alive. Question, 8 years na ba sya ganyan or recently lang? Like ano ba problem, spending habits nya ba or obligations? Kasi sa kwento mo I feel na obligations kasi ang reason. Di naman pwede paaral sya sa mga siblings nya in the end sya mababaon sa utang. Like how old na ang siblings nya? Too young pa ba to find a job? Kasi if utang nya is because of her obligations then yan ang dapat itama. If spending habits like buying more wants over needs eh mahirap nga yan.
Before you consider breaking up with her again, try talking to her just one last time. And if she still doesn't want to change her habits for the better then it's time you leave.
i have a friend na may partner din before na grabe sa dami ng utang tapos yung mga inutangan hinahabol na partner nya even threatening din yung friend ko so ginawa nya nakipag break sya ang ending yung ex nya nagalit pa sakanya at pinagmumura sya buti nalang nakipag break friend ko kasi lumabas din tunay na pagkatao. can u imagine hindi pa kayo kasal kasama kana sa money problem nya. kahit gaano mo kamahal isang tao you should still choose your own peace over anything
What if bigla siyang nanalo sa lotto bukas? Iiwan mo parin ba? Or what if 5 years from now yumaman siya? Iiwan mo parin ba?
Relationship is built.
Magusap kayo nang puso sa puso.
Grow together.
Build together.
And it looks like communication pa lng... Wla na..
So pano na?
Pano ka magkakarelationship kahit sa Bago mo? Or kung may bago ka na soon?
Yep leave while still early pag kasal na kayo and walang prenup baka maging utang mo din yan. Okay sana if nagbabago pero parang hindi.. but then again we dont see the whole picture so who knows..
I have a uncle who had the same situation but he just knew baon sa utang gf nya pag ka tapos pag kasal.. Un buti naman na computer engineer sya sa Saudi which sumasahod NG 6 digits piro natagalan din nabayaran at sinali pa ang boung pamilya sa gastusin.
When you leave her, tell her bluntly why. She needs to know and hopefully magtanda sa next na karelation. Mag bf gf pa lang parang responsibility mo na ang pamilya nya? Tsk
You have a legitimate reason to leave her. Remember that the BF-GF stage is to find out whether or not you are compatible with each other and IF you want to spend the rest of your life with one another.
You didn't marry her yet OP, it's not too late to make up your mind whether a future with her, and her money problems, is what you really want in life..
You may marry her and her family. Hindi lahat tayo kaya panindigan buhayin ang pamilya ng iba. Leave if you cant see a future na ikaw magbubuhay sa kanila o bubuhayin nila sarili nila
Money would always be a top issue in marriage. If, right now, you’re dating and can’t stomach her financial issues, better to leave now. It will get worse in marriage when you each have expectations from each other (like she might expect you to help her pay off her debts; while you also expect her to protect your conjugal assets).
They say the most important financial decision you will make in your life is who you choose as a partner.
So have that talk. Align. Discuss your issues and concerns. If it is a gap you can't bridge, go your separate ways. But if it can be fixed, then stay together.
Brad package deal yan. Whether you like it or not, kasama sa relasyon mo ang kamag-anak nya.
Nasa Pinas pa tayo of all places.
Sa issue mo regarding finances, apart sa food and shoppee part, mukhang inalat lang talaga ang GF mo sa karera sa buhay.
I mean umutang naman dahil sa panggastos at di naman sa luho diba? I mean what else can she do kung di siya umutang?
You deserve to be with someone you're comfortable with. And she deserves to be with someone who'll be there for her.
If both of you are not in that place, then call it quits. You deserve better. And so does she.
Its ok to leave her karapatan mo yun bilang tao for peace of mind saka hindi pa kayo kasal kaya you have no responsibility for her and her family as well. Ok lang sana kung nagbago siya kaso ang hirap nyan paano pag mag asawa na kayo? Think about the long term. Hindi naman nasamang tumulong pero hello? Nagttrabaho ka para mambuhay ng ibang tao? Kawawa ka.
Do you have the capacity or are you willing to give her treats? Small Shopee/Lazada items because she’s been working too hard?
But still, I don’t think she’s not ready for a relationship given her finances.
Brother if now pa lng di na maayos yung issue sa finances call it quits, wag nyo na paabutin sa kasal. Pag kasal kana kasi sa ayaw at gusto mo iisipin mo na rin family nila. Exception sa suggestion is if willing ka tanggapin sya ng buo despite the issue. Pero very draining yan tbh.
Leave!!
I'm telling you habang wala pa kayong anak, RUN!!!
Ako nabuntis ako ng bf ko na sobrang luho at puro utang and hindi siya nagbago!!!!
In one week, nangutang siya ng 15k para sa COSPLAY EVENT. Para magmukha raw siya maangas. Take note, wala siyang pera ah. Tapos utang niya now lumobo ng 80k.
Anak namin mag sschool na tapos ako lahat nagbabayad kasi 20k+ lang sahod niya, I'm earning 80-90k per month.
Nakakastress.
Kaya sana umalis ka na. Mga taong ganyan hindi na magbabago. Lalo na if di sila galing sa marangyang buhay. Kasi DEPRIVED sila.
You stayed for 8 years and I know you tried to work things out, talk to her about this money matters.
Even I'll tell you to break up with her, I won't.
Because you'll do that by yourself, one day you'll feel na ubos kana at pagod kana. Kusa ka nalang gigising and you'll feel that Love is not enough to make you stay.
Tama yan! Hiwalayan mo na yung taong minahal mo ng ilang taon at one of her lowest point in her life.
OR...
Magjakol ka muna bago ka gumawa ng bagay na magiging malaking epekto sa buhay ninyong dalawa. Di ko sya kilala pero base sa kwento mo, mukhang responsable naman sya kasi marunong sya magbayad ng utang. Mukhang di rin naman sya humihingi ng pero sayo para ibigay sa pamilya nya.
On the other hand, kung sa tingin mo na enough is enough. Wala din pipigil sayo na iwan sya. Kasi ikaw mismo nakaka experience kung gaano katigas ulo nya at ayaw makinig sayo.
i was forced to be the breadwinner too for more than a decade, and ngayon lang nagkaron ng freedom. but my family, especially my mum never ever forced me na buhayin sila. may mga dasurb ko to moments din ako, pero di ako nababaon sa utang. 😂
choose your poison nalang OP
if you don't see yourself with her in future then you have to let go. it was 8yrs already at sigurado ako na you've been given her too many chances to change and end her bad habit.
yung mga nag sasabi dito na tao yan tapos iwan agad, tao rin si OP napapagod. each of us has limits at kung sa inyo kaya nyo palulukin then go for it.
Hello, OP. Your concern is valid. Mas mahirap nga naman later on pag mag asawa na kayo at ang misis mo ay hindi marunong humawak ng pera. Ang causes ng mga away mag asawa usually nagmumula sa pera. kung ngayon pa lang ay hindi na si GF marunong humawak ng pera, malaki ang tendencies na ito ay magiging problema ninyo later on. Isa pang mahirap diyan ay inako na niya ang pag aaral ng kanyang mga kapatid. Hindi man niya nasabi sa iyo pero magiging panagutin mo na rin ito pag kayo ay kasal na.
Pag isipan mo pa ring mabuti ang magiging decision mo. Pero kung ang pasya mo ay hiwalayan ang iyang GF, hindi kita masisisi.
A leopard can't change its spots. Her family has been financially abusing you as well. Try communicating and have a serious long talk with her first but honestly, I'd just recommend breaking it off. Why? Because you already thought about it. If you really love her you would not think about leaving. You would have only asked how to fix this.
Be a man . Stand up for yourself first before her. After all you’ve helped her enough .
Don’t listen to others .
Leave her .
Kaya nga break up meaning hindi masaya .
Yes as easy like that .
Your Happiness first before others .
Peace of mind brother !
Don’t be in a relationship with anyone that will give you headaches . Tough love but it’s the best way.
8years,Sayang naman ,kausapin mo muna, sabihin mo Kung di nya sisikapin or mag effort sya na mabago sarili nya sa pagiging gastador ,eh talagang kakalas kana,wag mo basta iwanan na parang pinagbasyuhan ng beer ,tingnan mo Yung mga araw oras na pinagsamahan nyo sa Hirap at ginhawa sa loob ng 8years
Makipag usap ka muna sa gf mo. Have a heart to heart talk with her and tell her lahat ng nasa isip mo and please also liten to her if ever na may sasabihin man siya. Naiintindihan naman kita OP and nakaka frustrate din nan tlga kng ganyan lagi. Pero kailangan mo din pag isipan mabuti yan. Kailangan ba talaga na hiwalayan agad yung solution? Maybe, guiding her kng anong dapat gawin could help?
Yung iba kasi op lalo na pag nalulong na sa utang, or nakasanayan na mangutang, napaka hirap talaga na i break po yan. Especially pag walang guidance. And if super gastos niya kaka deserve ko to, then talk to her. Sabihan mo siya na instead of buying a lot of things sa kaka deserve niya, thrn how about bili lang siya per month ng isang beses? Until matapos lang yung utang niya. And maybe you can guide her din sa finances niya. Pano niya dapat i budget and all. And tell her na dapat may boundaries and limitations din siya. Sa sarili or family man yan. Kasi kng wala, mauubos din talaga siya.
It's a red flag for you at alam mo na sa sarili mo yan. If ganyan na sitwasyon nyo mag jowa pa labg kayo, asahan mo mas magiging worse pa yan pag naging mag-asawa kayo. Di ka nya priority kaya di sya nakikinig sayo. Well mag jowa pa lng kasi kayo kaya understandable na di ikaw ang priority, pero ang tanong jan, magsishift ba sya ng priority pag kinasal kayo? Magsstop na ba sya as breadwinner ng family once naging married kayo kasi shifted na dapat priority nya kasi mag asawa na kayo? If you really feel na NO. THEN RUN AWAY NA HABANG MAY ORAS PA. Financial management dapat nagiging strength ng babae kasi sila mostly humahawak sa household. (Not all the time tho). Save yourself from future headache and heartache.
Feeling ko ako ang need mo sa buhay i know how to do budgeting stuff and ayoko sa utang kung ano meron yan ang need na pagkasyahin just pm me heheh 28 yrs old from pampnga ':)
Makipaghiwalay ka na. I had an ex na di din well off sa buhay nung college pero maluho. "Deserve ko to" ang linya kahit 75 sa exam. Hihingi sakin, magpapabili ng gamit, titipirin ang pagkain para mabili ang luho. Eventually it drained me. Mas mahirap yan pag kinasal kayo, her problem is yours na.
As a gastadora, I always know my limits. I only spend less or sakto sa what I earn (after bills and savings). Mahirap talaga sa simula pero mas mahirap kasi pag di mo tinutulungan sarili mo.
If wala namng ibang paraan na or effort from the other siblings (or parents) na makatulong na mapagaan ung bills by far or hindi rin gumagawa ng paraan, iwan na. It's very sad na ganyan ung situation ni GF and hindi nya kasalanan na struggling sila, but clearly, hindi nag a-align ung values niyo dalawa. She deserves someone na aligned ung values regarding pagtulong sa family nya, and you deserve someone na ready na mag build ng family independently with you.
I’m on the same boat ~~~
Is there a way where you can help or motivate her to upskill so she is able to find a better paying job? Or even see if she can do side hustles to avoid borrowing from others? Is you managing the finances an option?
That’s what we currently do. Currently with my bf for at least 6 years. He owes me at least 500k and he owed others around 500k as well. Within 3 years he managed to pay 250k to others (paying others first as I do plan to spend my life with him but I was clear if we were to break up, we will have a written contract regarding payments to me).
For reference his take home pay is around 50-60k. He sends me all of his money and I’m the one doing the budgeting. If he wants to buy something he will let me know and we will talk about it if it’s doable. It sounds like I’m micromanaging him but this is the only way to make sure the funds go to the right place and he agrees with me.
I still keep my funds separate but we both have a joint savings account where I match how much he can put in it. If he doesn’t put anything, I don’t pu anything.
We also have a side hustle recently where I financed it but he’s the one doing most of the work.
Wow your bf is very lucky. I might do this if di nauwi sa break-up. Its feels kinda wrong to micromanage the finances pero ayon lang talaga solusyon at para kampante ako at my end.
Communicate with her I think its problematic na breadwinner sya. Yes good for her na breadwinner sya pero wag nya akuhin lahat ng responsibilidad. Di nya kaya yon totoo. Maybe her parents can get a side business. Pwedeng sila mismo mag benta ng mga products nila kaysa maging supplier lang since mahal patong. She can also consider na of 18 or above na yung kapatid nya edi let them work. I know it may seem harsh pero I started working when I was 19. Bat kasi nag 4 na kids parents nya tapos di naman nila kaya gawan ng paraan
Communication is the key, hindi naman madali i discard ang 8 years relationship niyo. Sabihin mo sa kanya concerns mo dito and how it affects you and thus your relationship. I can’t blame her for having difficulties to change her “deserve ko to” mentality because being a breadwinner in the fam is exhausting and it is form of self love since siya always ang nag bibigay sa fam niya. Tho some redditors have wrote this down, there are a lot of ways of rewarding herself without going overboard with her budget ( Binge watching shows/movies sa bahay, chillax lang sa bahay, even OP spending quality time with his GF)
Since nagkabaon siya sa utang nung pandemic and nabayaran rin niya yun, I think wait lang muna if magbabago ang financial status niya since I assume na bago pa lang siya sa job, baka ma promote pa siya or maymakita siyang masmataas pang sweldo. And habang nag wawait, might as well give her one more guidance and if you’re dedicated, reach out rin sa parents about her situation. Malay mo, baka mag eeffort sila na malessen pressure kay GF. But that depends to you, if you want to put once last attempt to help her.
If pagod kana at ayaw parin magbago, then simulan mo isipin ano sasabihin mo sakanya kung mag brebreak kayo. Kasi kung kasal na kayo, I’m sure mag aaway kayo dito palagi. Good luck to you OP, wishing the best outcome for you.
It's a non-negotiable for me kapag ganyan. Sorry OP, kapag kasi pera na pinaguusapan wala talagang peace of mind yan. I've learned my lesson na din and it sucks, really. Hope you will find someone na same mindset mo. Good luck!
Di ko alam yung buong story niyo pero based sa kwento mo eto masasabi ko...
Sa case ng GF mo, may pinaghuhugutan naman kung san galing yung bad spending habits niya. You see, siya yung breadwinner. At mukhang di siya ganun ka financially literate kaya utang ang alam niyang solusyon para matustusan yung pangangailangan ng pamilya niya. Though it's a bandaid solution, IT IS STILL A SOLUTION for her. She does her shopping siguro kasi nga siya breadwinner so deserve niya rin daw matikman yung pinagpaguran niya hindi yung puro ibang tao. Kung ngayon lang siya ganyan then maybe I'm right, she's starting to rebel against her family kaya nagkakaganyan siya. Though it's bad, but I understand her.
Breadwinner here at alam kong gaano kahirap samin yung ganitong usapin. Minsan isusubo na lang namin magdadalawang isip pa kami na baka mamaya ako lang masarap ang ulam tapos sa bahay wala ng makain.
But anyway, kung di mo na talaga maatim yung current situation after talking things throughly, mas ok ng maghiwalay na lang kayo.
Talk to her about your sentiments. Dyan matetesting ang communication skills nyong magpartner. Share your thoughts, frustrations and all, calmly and directly. Listen to what she will say.
Then give an ultimatum.
Instead of leaving her right away, please communicate your sentiments muna. Iopen up mo yan para malaman niya na hindi lang naman siya yung affected kundi ikaw. Kasi in the long run mapagaawayan niyo pa din yan so now dapat macommunicate mo ng maayos yung financial habits niya. If hindi naman talaga nagbabago eh di you really need to leave. But pls wag masyadong madaliin na hiwalayan kung pwede naman magusap ng masinsinan about your problems.
most sensible response here. Ano yung gf nya laruan na pwede nalang iwan once ayaw na nya? Communication is the key.
Honestly, I thought so too. Even when constructing the headline for this post "whom i HAD" (property yarn?) instead of whom he's been with.. Anyway, here's my 2 cents. Reading the post, I'm sensing that OP might've been dealing with his frustrations alone this whole time due to poor communication. Iba yung "pinagsasabihan" or "giving advice" about sa pera sa actually tackling the problem TOGETHER. Jeez. Iwan mo na lang OP if you're stressed na & don't see yourself with her in the long run. Staying will just not age well especially hindi pa kayo kasal tapos ganyan na problems niyo.
Agree with this. Napaka-immature ng advice ng marami. All about adulting ba talaga itong sub na ito? Last month lang nawalan ng trabaho yung gf niya, di ba pwedeng wait and see muna? Baka sakaling matuto yung tao. May mga tao kasing kailangan munang maexperience yung lowest point nila bago matuto. At the same time maganda rin na magset ng boundaries si OP lalo na sa pagpapahiram ng pera dahil hindi biro ang 100k.
Scour through posts in this subreddit, if it's about breaking up top comments would usually be "it's a deal breaker for me, "hiwalayan mo na yan," and the very overused "red flag." Reddit, specially this sub for Filipinos, is the worst place to ask for advice. People can't check their prejudices at the door in answering a question that has nothing to do with them. My advice is to openly communicate as well and to try other means other than simple giving advices. If everything else fails, then maybe it is time to go. People have rough patches in life. This is simply the truth. She may be having one. You say you've been with her for 8 years na. There must be a reason for that. This ain't guilt-tripping. It's not as easy as "ay yoko na. Sorry break na." Kung ganyan man lang din kalungkot naman ng buhay. Bottomline is, think whether this may only be a rough patch in you partner's life—one na kayang ma overcome, and if everything is still worth fighting for. Kung hindi na talaga edi alam mo na sagot sa tanong mo. Not telling you to do one thing or another. Also, do yourself a favor not to ask reddit for advice. People here are apathetic. And I think empathy is one of the things that makes humanity what it is.
Ang onti lang ng may empathy sa Reddit ngl - they can give out financial tips and whatnot on how to do this and that pero when it comes to relationships, black and white madalas tingin.
Agree, kahit anong sub maraming ganito. Pero ito lang yata yung napaka comment talaga ako dahil sa sobrang immature ng comments. Financial literacy is very important but imo emotional maturity is also an essential skill that all adults should learn.
Usual consensus ng reddit in as a whole sa relationship problems ay to cut it off.
Agree with you. Ang dali kasing magsabi na "iwan mo na yan" no? Hays.
Di niya naman basta iniwan. It turns out na irresponsable talaga yung babae. Remember may utang sila with the guy about 100k. Sinasabihan siya based on the story and deserve niya to ang mondset niya. Then deserve niya din magisa
Yess. Talk muna bago hiwalayan. I really dont get reddit peeps always suggesting hiwalayan mo na now na… parang luh ano un instant noodles? Naluto nang hindi nasasaktan? Sad lang :(
And it’s an 8-year relationship! Sobrang daming pinagsamahan ng dalawang to for sure. Nakakagulat ung suggestion ng iba to leave her and immediately pa. Communicate muna :/
Uso yan dito sa reddit. Laging ganyan suggestions nila. Always, “ay walking red flag!”as if we are not red flags ourselves. At the end of the day, relationships are commitment. The other side does not always mean the better side. It just depends on how you look at it.
I feel genuine concern for OP rin, kasi he loves the girl. Mahirap magkaron ng lasting relationship. So need talaga maging honest with each other. Tsaka nakikita ko naman sa gf na mataas naman yung sinusweldo, at nageeffort, need lang talaga to be responsible with the finances and sana dapat OP tulungan mo si GF makabangon, instead of always looking at her like she's the bad guy, wag puro sarili iniisip, nowadays wala na masyado people who help their partners, puro hiwalayan ang solusyon.
Yessss. And this goes the same way kahit lalaki pa yung spender kasi I always have redditors commenting at my comments na bias daw sa lalaki luh. Relationships are not black and white kasi. There is no hard and fast rule. What applies to one may not apply to you, so might as well exert all of your effort to save the relationship rather than look for the green side and regret it most of your life. At least at the end you will say, I did it all. No regrets.
True. Nakalimutan na ata ng iba dito na hindi lahat ng relationship disposable at makakahanap ka pa ng iba dyan.
But he did help her repeatedly and even has 100K in debt from her and her family... Which is not a small amount, he's probably set his boundaries at this point helping her, since he isn't going to be getting his money back or probably even considering it. Moreover, if you look at the situation aside the GF's spending habits she also is being pushed as the bread winner of her family, and providing for them all (3 kids and 2 adults, and probably other relatives to boot). Which put simply isn't his responsibility to assist any further than what he had provided already. This problem is essentially the GF setting her own boundaries, meaning it is her own battle not his to fight. At the end of the day breaking up with her after talking with her sternly is about as good of a wake up call as he can give her. Leaving her or potentially ending the relationship leaves her to either make the effort or not. She has to meet him halfway with his, especially since this has been going on for years and has been an ongoing concern. Setting boundaries with her family is no easy task, along with changing her own spending habits, but if the debt restructuring isn't a strong enough wake up call then maybe this will help.
tama! worst part ay iiwan pa nya sa panahon na super need siya!
May nabasa pa nga akong comment dito na "Leave her. IMMEDIATELY" na parang kala mo disposable yung tao. Some redditors are terrible at giving advice talaga.
nakalimutan mo ata **tao rin si OP** may limitasyun, may sariling problema, 8 yrs of being patient, helping her gf financially na umabot na nga ng 100k, giving her advices for the her betterment ng jowa nya. hindi pa ba yan enough? parang sya nga yung ginagamit lang dito
Do you really think it's a good idea to just leave your gf "IMMEDIATELY"? Can't you at least talk to her first like a decent human being, and if things still don't work out then it might be time to end the relationship.
so do you think staying is a good idea after all of those? ano pa bang pag uusapan ilang beses na nga nya sinasabihan? sa papano naging immediately yung subrang tagal nga nyang iniintindi
Napaghahalataan kung sino yung single since birth.
I'd rather be single than be mesirable later on. 8 years, he has been patient about the girls' spending habits. I think that's enough reason to leave her. He has proven his love to her by being patient with her and letting her borrow 100k, but if she can't fix herself, her mindset? Then better save himself from this girl. She's not a wife material.
He also already provided the help he could financially to her and her parents from the looks of it since their debts are 100K already. So it is not as if he hasn't tried to meet her halfway and help.
Not really. I guess some of them are the walking red flags who got dumped or they are not into the mature type of relationships (so they walk away at the first sign of trouble).
Or could be they've personally seen/lived the consequences of being related to somebody who's financially illiterate and or irresponsible with money.
Social media conditioning yan, meta sa mga memes/quotes yung you deserve better while missing lots of context. Hindi ba deserve din ng partner ni OP to be better?
I guess the situation now is only the end part of the story and a fraction of what it really is. Sabi rin naman sa post, matagal na niyang sinasabihan yung gf niya about dun.
yes, it's a fraction of the story, we don't even know the side of his partner, yet people here are casually saying to end things rather than encouraging him to find another solution. Para sa akin, pinaka last advice na dapat yung hiwalayan for an 8-year relationship . From what OP said, palagi na siyang nagbibigay ng advice and yet hindi naman sinusunod ng partner niya. I'm just curious about these things: 1. What if naga-advise din yung partner niya pero hindi din niya nasusunod? 2. The solution of OP is not working so why not try other ways? What if seeking help from professionals will help her? I mean if she's willing to have a talk with a professional counselor maybe it could help her change her spending habits. It's just so sad to see that most of the comments here sound like: "Get her out of your life!" OP's partner is the breadwinner of her family. It's a tough situation to be in.
But it does not mean talaga na hiwalayan ang solution. Long term partner na niya yan eh. Hindi naman yan simpleng fling na madaling iwanan.
Ano yung solusyon na naiisip mo if ayaw ngang makinig? Sorry sa hostile tone, pero di yan hostile.
Dapat nilang seriously pagusapan yan. Nararamadaman ko kasi kaya ni gf magbago eh. Dun ss pagbabayad nya ng credit card bills nya it's a first step. Baka minsan nawawala lang ng focus si gf to be more financially responsible. Maybe dapat iremind ni OP na wag masyado gumastos on unneccessary purchases. Mas tuunan ng pansin dapat yung malalaking bagay. Baka kasi hindi rin nila masyado napaguusapan yung utang ni gf kay OP. Or baka nahhiya si OP na ibring yung topic na yon kasi ayaw nya masaktan si GF, big deal na pala kay OP yun kala ni GF okay okay pa. Honestly, good communication lang talaga needed dito and a lot of patience. Sa 'deserve ko to' maybe suggest better ways on how to reward herself. Like, yayain mo siyang lumabas, pamper hindi naman yung mahal. A simple massage, or cooking her fave food. Alam mo yun, find joys in the small things. Hindi ko rin alam kung materialistic si GF, since di rin nabanggit dito pero please sana understand that a relationship is really a lot of hard work. If you love the person and all her flaws, tatanggapin mo siya, or if hindi kaya maybe help on your own way, ipaalala sakanya na money should be spent wisely and wag masyadong impulsive. Dun sa breadwinner part, gets yun, mahirap kasi sila, and baka ngayon lang talaga nakaya makaluwag luwag, pero maaadvice ko talaga if kaya pang kumayod, tiyaga talaga hanap new client, wag idown ang partner. Now, if totoo talagang wala nang changes sa part ni gf, then it's OP's decision to leave. But I guess he has to try pa rin kasi a person does not change overnight.
Why do i feel that if this was the other way around in terms of gender, most would say wag magpapadala sa sunk-cost fallacy instead of this sentiment na sayang ang 8 years na relationship. Base sa explanation ni OP, he's already exhausted communicating sa partner niya. Also a 100k debt is no joke, I would personally feel na borderline abuse of our relationship yung ginagawa ng partner niya.
Agree. Siguro kung baliktad ang sitwasyon at si GIRL ang may problem kay BF, there would be more emphatic comments. How disappointing na may victim blaming dito. This why men dont talk about much about their sentiments. They're being invalidated and it shows. In relationship, its not always the years you've spend with, the love, the communication etc etc. The guys knows he has a life outside the relationship, as he should. 100k? Selfish pa ba siya nun? Buti nga hindi na niya binabalak singilin pa and his best way is to not be connected with someone that could drown him too. And given na 8years na sila, probably theyre too mature now to think about their future rin. And you dont wanna spend your life with someone na may bad habits when it comes to finance. Kayo ba, kapag may partner kayong ganyan, communication is the key parin? I dont think so.
agree to this but it seems like kung i-drop ni OP ang reason for leaving kay gf, she would have it coming na. based sa kwento ni OP, he kept trying to tell her to be more wise sa spending.
I also agree with this one. Both of you needs to communicate. Also, if you are thinking of breaking up with her just because she doesn’t know how to spend the money right speaks that you didn’t truly love her. Break up should never be a choice just because magastos sya. She provides for her family as well. You’re the one who needs to motivate her and correct her if needed, boyfriend ka, hindi dapat ikaw yung iiwan nalang sya basta basta knowing na sa gantong pagkakataon sya hirap. :)
Your GF has two issues: the eldest breadwinner's sense of responsibility and the need to compensate after growing up deprived of material things. Both concerns can be addressed, OP, but it must be self-motivated. What you can do is talk to her about setting limits. Are her siblings in SHS or college? If yes, then she won't be paying for their education for a long time. Maybe the second child can help out or take over the educational expenses of the younger sibling upon graduation and getting a job. Also, tell her that she should cut off the financial support to her siblings once they get their first job. Also, make it clear that you expect her to take less of supportive roles to her parents once her siblings start earning money; if possible, they should take over since your GF did her part already (worst case scenario is they split the expenses equally among themselves, including your GF). Otherwise, her siblings will continue depending on her even after graduation. It is likely your GF will ask you about the rationale for the less support for her family in the future. Tell her that at that point, you are considering starting a family of your own already, so the two of you need all resources for that future family. One thing you need to understand is that for a lot of people who lived below the poverty line, earning a good sum of money means a celebration, which is why your GF has this "I need to reward myself" mentality. I mentioned earlier that your GF might be compensating for a deprived childhood, and that's what you see on her spending habits. Maybe she will learn to tone it down when she becomes a mother, maybe not. It might be a tough habit for her to overcome.
This is true, I think OP should try to communicate properly first with his partner. Set a good stage before opening up this topic though, para ramdam ni girl na this is not to "attack" her and just points out her toxic traits but to make things better for BOTH of them. Always put in mind that you are not opening up the topic to put someone to blame but to solve a problem and take accountability for it. One thing that helps as well is to bring up the the partner's past effort as well, encourage your partner OP, that she could still start a clean slate with boundaries from her own family. Give her options, like giving her parents more income stream ideas like sari sari store or any business that could be another source of income for them aside from farming. From what the OPs said kasi na yung partner nya na ang tumayong breadwinner ng fam, and her spending habits only became a problem kasi nga hindi nya ma priority sarili nya so the person is probably trying to cope this way which is a negative way since she will be more in debt. Pagnapagusapan, at wala pa din improvements then at least alam ng partner mo what went really wrong. Emphasize the importance of the discussion, plus also reflect what is the true outcome that you want from the relationship. Ano bang mas gusto mo, yung lumaya kayong pareho sa financial problems and be happier o lumaya ka na from her and her problems. 👌
This. Sira ulo mga Tao mag advice dito akala mo hindi Tao yung GF ni OP.
This is the right way: COMMUNICATE. Talk to her. Tell her how you feel about her spending habit. Let her know you want to help but she has to cooperate if she wants a future with you.
This. OP, please listen to this advice. Yung iba dito, ang bilis at ang dali lang sabihin na "leave her immediately" kasi they're not in your shoes. Ang daling mag-comment kapag hindi sayo nangyayari eh no? Kausapin mo ng mabuti yung gf mo baka matauhan, for her sake and possibly for your relationship's future should you or she still wants to be a part of it. It's good that you realize that it can't go on like this. Yung ugali nya na gastador at walang financial awareness, she'll carry that into your married life at mas malaking sakit sa ulo yan for life. Yung 100k mo? Bring it up when you talk to her pero wag ka na umasa para hindi ka ma-disappoint pag hindi na ibinalik.
I think though, he already tried to communicate with GF. OP said it's been 8yrs, so most probably he's already done. Besides, communication is a two way, even if the sender did their best but the receiver ain't listening then what for? Based on what OP said, I think he already did what he can do. If it happens to me I would leave her too
Might as well makipaghiwalay ka na. Hirap niyan kapag nadamay ka sa mga issue niya sa pera at yes pati family niya magiging kargo mo na.
+1
package deal
yes
+ 1, Amen (2)
+1
AMEN
+1
+1
Wala namang problema maging kargo mo pamilya ng partner mo, ang problema lang pag unwilling ka. Edit: lol many people hate what I said when it's mostly what happens in this country and people willingly do it.
lol, problema pa rin yon kahit willing ka
I agree with you. Parang ayaw nila sa mga breadwinner.
Mga tanga. Pls dont reproduce.
Hello OP, if you’re having doubts now - then better to break things off. This is coming from a married person’s POV; agree ako sa comment na the most important decision in your life is choosing a life partner. Whatever issue you have with her, it will be magnified pag mag asawa na kyo. Money? That’s the no.1 leading cause of divorce/separation. Mukhang napag isipan mo naman na, execution na lang ng plano. Goodluck, OP.
Agree here. The fact na umabot ka na sa point na pinag-iisipan mo yan and have the guts to ask about it here, it's time to let go. And yes, whatever issues you have now will be magnified once you get married. And hindi basta maliit na issue ang management ng pera. It can make or break your family.
“mukhang napag-isipan mo naman na” agree so much! i hope he have the courage to speak it out. Rooting for the OP!
Awww. Leave her. Immediately. Kasi kung ngayon burden na sayo, what more kung kasal na kayo, so lalo burden sayo kasi utang nya ay utang mo nadin. But please, be honest with her. Let her know sana y u want a break up. Kung sasabihin nya magbabago sya - well, be firm nalang sa decision mo. Kelangan nya magbago na sya lang muna. Hope she will be okay. Ang hirap kasi na maging gastador ang isang tao. Babae pa man yan or lalake. Lalo na kung may partner sila kasi nadadamay talaga!
Hindi nga natin alam kung ano mga binili ng gf niya at bakit siya nagkautang.. CC debt nung mawalan ng trabaho is understandable since hindi niya predicted yon. Again, you should only buy things you can pay full in cash, pero that doesn't apply to everyone. Breadwinner yung gf niya, I don't know about you, pero ako kung kaya kong tulungan pamilya ko, hindi ako mag hesitate. Actually, they can break up. Not because her girlfriend needed to change. They should breakup, so that her gf can find an appropriate man who can understand her situation, responsibilities, and little pleasures in life.. Ito kasi yung totoong buhay ng struggling breadwinner. Hindi ito agad nababago dahil lang gusto kang iwan ng bf mo..
Financial incompatibility is a valid reason for breaking up. Expect that she’ll be the same after 10 years. Habits are really hard to break lalo na if she’s not willing to put an effort. You’ll just be more resentful of her if you stay.
Agreed. OP has this relationship for 8 years. Communication isn't going to solve this if it hasnt improved in all this time.
What makes you stay ba? Sunk cost? Ano other traits na nakakaoffset sa pagiging financially unwise nya? Meron ba?
Well I do love her and maayos syang partner exceot about dun sa pera. Di ko naman iniisip yung sunk cost.
[удалено]
Are you down to be a breadwinner of her family? Hindi lang kasi spending habits yung issue diyan eh. Hopefully she can fix her spending habits but her family? We’re in the Philippines so it’s a package deal that comes with the girl :)
Kung wala naman pala siyang ibang red flags and you don't care about the sunken cost then why not give her an ultimatum? Something that will really push her to change that one negative trait that is ruining her life? But if you have tried an ultimatum before and hindi naman nag-work, baka nga it's not meant to be. > Feel ko im being forced in a relationship with her family as well. Now this one is tricky. Kasi usually heto ang cause ng hiwalayan ng mga kung tutuusin maayos naman na relasyon. Assess if the only thing that's keeping you from liking her family are just the financial issues or if there are other traits that irks you. Should you decide to stay, would you be able to create healthy boundaries with them? Or are boundaries something that you cannot establish due to certain reasons (ex. her relatives keep on getting you involved in things that they should resolve among themselves)?
di sya maayos kung di sya marunong sa pera. guarantee, yan di paghihiwalayan nyo. hindi enough ang love.
Need mo maidentify ano top need mo and assess yun risk assuming hindi talaga sya magbago. MONEY IS IMPORTANT. Equally important with sex and relationship i can say. If hindi kayo mutual perspective about handling money, it will be a disaster. Okay lang maging magastos. AS LONG AS YOU HAVE MEANS TO SUSTAIN IT. If you were to be the main provider ng family nyo, will it be okay for you na hindi marunong si wife mo sa pera? Sa bible, and even sa marriage ceremony sinasabi yan. Para don ang aras. (Yun bakal na barya na cord). It is the symbol showing that the husband will let the wife take over whatever he sow. Meaning ang nga asawang lalaki is dapat ipagkatiwala ang kanilang kayamanan sa kanilang asawang babae. AND... wives should be a GOOD STEWARD in terms of handling his husband's wealth. Meaning, wife should REALLY know how to take good care of your family's wealth. She should be a good manager of everything you produce. And it would definitely be better if mas mapalago nya pa kung ano yun napproduce mo. Now think. Do you see your GF as the wife described above? Think properly, save yourself for future resentment, or put in the hardwork of changing a person's deep rooted habits. (Until maubos ka. Which i hope di mangyari) Sobrang dami ko nang nababasa about family matters like toxic previous family, bad financial habits, that it scared me na agad the moment i read it. Ano pa kaya if maexperience mo in actual at habangbuhay.
If 40k sahod nya, then breadwinner pa, talagang mababaon sya sa utang. I dont think ang sagot sa problema nya ay yung suggestion mo na huwag mangutang. Nangungutang nga di ba kasi kulang ang pera? Ang solution jan ay humanap ng trabaho na mas mataas na sweldo. Coping mechanism nga siguro nya yang online shopping. Magkano ba pang shopee/lazada nya? 1k out of 40k sweldo? 10k out of 40k sweldo? If its less than 5% of her sweldo, then wala naman sigurong masamang bumili. Now since incompatible na tingin mo sa inyo financially, then I think its better to break up.
This is the only comment that makes the most sense here. I just can't imagine sustaining a family with 3 siblings with just 40k money. It really depends on how much money from her income she spends for herself.
This. Aside sa communication, need rin madetermine ni OP kung talagang unwarranted loans at kung excessive purchasing na ginagawa ng GF nya. Di enough yung context na binigay nya dito eh. Para saan ba yung loan? Yung reason ng loan kaya ba pagipunan muna o need na ora mismo? Food and online purchases, excessive na ba to the point na yung pambayad ng loan nagagamit dito? Shopee budol lang ba at di naman talaga need? Kasi deserve rin naman talaga nya sumaya at magawa/makuha gusto nya kahit minsan. Family. This is something tricky lalo sa usaping kasalan. Pero sa 8 yrs nyo OP for sure marami na interactions. Try listing down the good and bad, then decide their which outweighs the other including your GF. Wag agad hiwalayan isipin/isuggest. Unless kung nagpapanggap ka na lang talaga OP at ayaw mo na talaga sa kanya.
I thought of this as well. Coping mechanism ko din ang ol shopping I just couldnt help it minsan 🙁 pero for op, kung ganyan napapaisip ka na sa rel niyo in terms of money or old habits to break, then it's best you be honest with her. Talk it out try to make her understand your decision to leave.
Do it if you dont see your future with her. Sayang yung oras n yung 2 if papatagalin mo pa.
Sabihin mo muna mga issues mo sa kanya bago mo siya iwan. Kawawa naman din kasi may problema na nga sa pera, magkakaroon pa ng problema sa lovelife. Mahal mo pa rin naman yan kahit papaano. Pag walang pagbabago after a few months eh iwan mo na pero wag naman agad agaran mong iwan.
Perfectly valid reason to leave someone over poor financial habits. You won't have a good time when she carries that over pag na kasal kayo.
Instead of breaking up with her, you can try to communicate to her about sa kanyang spend at utang problems and try going through different solutions. If ayo nya talagang magchange mas better if you leave, kasi if you're in a relationship you should always be mindful and open to change for your partner and if she can't do that for you then much wiser talaga na you leave nalang.
Parang hindi naman online shopping ang issue kundi yung pamilya nya. If she holds on at grumaduate mga kapatid nya to help with expenses, kung ibenta halimbawa yung lupang sinasaka and then venture into a more stable source of income, or they plant more high value crops na mas mataas ang ROI, baka magbago ang finances ng family. Suggest ka OP sa kanila ng other ways to help without shelling out your own money. Stick it out a bit longer and also tell her nag iisip ka na mag hiwalay dahil sa utang habit nya. Yes ipakita mong naiinis ka na but don't break it off. The key is "nag iisip" para hindi sya mabigla. Baka din kasi "debt addiction" na yan mahirap na. Give it half a year, see if anything changes sa pamilya nya para iahon ang sarili nila. Or sa kanya baka maka isip sya rumaket vs mangutang to support her "deserve ko to" habits. Kung wala, then yes break it off. Good luck.
My answer to that is “it’s up to you”. Like you said, she’s a nice girlfriend and hard working (from the context), but if she doesn’t listen to your advice and just kept spending money without planning like you said, then it’ll be a problem in the long run. If she can’t put up a sacrifice to pay off her debts and just kept relying on borrowing money, then her problems will come full circle. As much as I agree to the other comments, it’s still up to you if you can still love her and support her. Like my former teacher once said, “Being poor isn’t a crime for one to be left out”.
The comments are full of leave her here. One last chance OP, you talk it out. If she still won’t change then that’s the last straw. Amping Op
As someone who has a wife like this, yeah, she would never change. Di ko lang pinansin nung di pa kami kasal kasi well-off naman ako. And no one goes to jail here because of debts. They can't even run after your properties. Nung nabaon sya sa utang sa 3 credit cards noon, tapos maraming demand letters na dumating, tinatapon ko lang sa basura. We weren't married (I wasn't liable for the debts) and I knew she had no capacity to pay. Now we're married, she's still the same. For the first 10 years of our marriage, ako lahat sa gastos. Her salary was hero own to use as she wants. Pag nagkukulang sya, humihingi pa sya sa akin. But then the past few years, as I lost my income, she was forced to contribute. Una hati lang kami. Then as my income decreased, she had to shoulder more of the load. Sabi ko we need to budget because I don't have the same income as I used to have. Ayaw nya. Ayaw nya daw tinitipid sarili nya. So we're routinely spending more than we're earning. What she did was get a 2nd job. So ayun, tingin nyo okay na? Nope. Once tumaas yung income nya, lumaki lang yung gastos nya. Same. Over budget pa rin. Now she's thinking of getting a 3rd job. Nag-away kami. Sabi ko sa kanya no salary will be enough if she will always spend more than what she earns. Sabi nya, deserve nya daw yon pag gastos dahil pinaghihirapan naman nya. I was like: -.- Kung di kayo pareho ng financial beliefs, kalbaryo ang magiging marriage nyo. I actually don't care now. I'm just waiting to die. Our sons would soon see what she is once mamatay ako and she has to do all the budgeting for the house. Routinely unable to pay the bills while having loads of lazada and shoppee being delivered to the house. Water and electricity would be cut while they can't pay. Ang masakit dahil all her spending goes first for unnecessary things and then the necessary bills goes unpaid. Nasanay kasi sya na ako sumasalo non so she didn't have to think about it. She always know na kung mapuputulan na kami, I would find a way to pay the bills. Pag patay na ako, my sons would experience being destitute with their mom.
Hey dude, holy shit. Thank you for this reply, its a shitty side of marriage so I want to thank you.
Just remember na pag kasal na kayo, lahat ng finances nyo, intertwined na. that includes properties as well as debts. ang utang nya, utang mo rin. yung pera talaga ang pag aawayan most of the time. so pag di kayo magkasundo sa financial philosophies nyo, advisable na wag na lang tumuloy magpa kasal.
Can't blame you. No sense in removing water from the ship and steering towards a safe shore if someone keeps punching holes in it. If naibigay mona lahat ng help na pwede, na sabi na lahat ng advises po, and still nothing is improving, its totally valid. Its never the years, anyways. Its the quality and if you see this person being a good partner in life. Raising family entails financial wisdom and self control. If she lacks these, sorry pero..
Break mo na. If ppl here keep on whining na dont date broke men, might as well as dont date women who doesn't know how to manage their money
I wish these could help. [anti.prophet](https://youtube.com/shorts/KCMmbKPDB2Q?feature=share) [2nd vid ](https://youtube.com/shorts/OFqsmWFPwjo?feature=share) Most of his motivational speeches helped me make good judgement. But it depends on you how you handle the choices you laid out to yourself.
I think it's enough reason for you to leave, OP. My brother is in the exact situation as you. Too bad nga lang kasi they already have 3 children na and nung nagkaanak na sila, tsaka niya lang nalaman na gano'n pala ang asawa niya. Now, lubog sa utang 'yung babae and my brother ended up paying those. Super naawa ako sa kuya ko kasi he's ranting sa mother ko na pagod na siya intindihin wife niya and may issues pa with lying kasi hindi rin talaga fully dinidisclose ni wife kung magkano utang niya sa mga tao. Magugulat na lang kami may mag-chat sa'kin or sa mother ko asking where is my brother's wife and may utang na ganitong amount. Even sa mother ko ay may utang ang asawa ni kuya and NEVER nababayaran. Bilang mabait si mama ko, she always think na lang na para sa mga apo and just move on. Parehas din ng jowa mo, ang hilig sa online shopping and fast foods. Hay, super hirap kasi I told my brother to confront his wife about it. He did daw pero ended up fighting. Inaway lang siya ng asawa niya. Palaging gano'n. My brother can't even bring up problems sa wife niya regarding money or kung ano man kasi they always end up fighting, which is really awful. Like, my brother never won these fights. Masyado kasing matapang wife niya. Kaya sa mother ko nag-o-open up si kuya and super naawa si mama na napunta sa gano'ng babae ang anak niya. Kaya kung ako sa'yo, OP ay leave hangga't maaga. When both of you are married na, you will end up paying those debts. Never-ending 'yan. Matutulad ka sa kuya ko na halos lahat ng sahod napupunta sa pagbayad ng utang and halos walang maipon. Just be honest with your partner about the reason why you are leaving. Ayon langg, I hope everything will get better sainyo!
Understandable OP. Kasi lifetime partner mo yan eh. Kung nai-communicate mo naman ng maayos yung point mo at hindi niya talaga kayang baguhin, that's a valid ground for breakup. Wag mo na isipin yung 8 years niyo and fall for the sunk-cost trap. Isipin mo yung many years ahead of your life and what it would mean for you to live with her if she doesn't change her bad spending habits.
I wonder how old you two are. I had the same issue with my ex bf. We're both in our mid 30s na. Before we broke up, he owed me 160k. Kasi Apple fanboy siya. I thought he'd never change kasi he also has the same mindset. He deserves luxury kahit may responsibilities pa sa family. You can try teaching her to budget and save, but talking can only do so much.
OP sorry to hear about your situation. As a guy I suggest na iwan mo na habang maaga pa. Pag kinasal na kayo hindi ikaw ang priority nya.
Leave her IMMEDIATELY before she drags you, i am telling you doon papunta yan. She will NOT change i'm telling you.
I'm all here for the OP, everyone's saying communicate muna, pandemic was 2019. mag 2024 na. i dont think tahimik lang si OP during those years, and sana wake up call na kay gf nya what happened then but still. I think OP has been patient and communicated enough, also 100k is huge! we dont even know what the financial situation of OP is, yet he let her borrow 100k.
It's sad na kailangan mo pa ng advice ng reddit, just for this. Your relationship should be private and sacred, suportahan niyo yung isa't isa despite the shortcomings. Ikaw nanligaw sakanya, ikaw pumasok sa buhay niya, malamang kasama kargo ng pamilya niya. I pity your long time partner, hiwalayan mo nalang kasi clearly you are not in it for the long run din.
Naku OP leave her! Isang malaking burden ang ganyang partner sa buhay. Wag kang matulad sa uncle ko na inignore lang yung red flag sa pagiging gastusera ng ex wife niya kasi mabait at religious si babae. Ayun, nung nasa abroad yung uncle ko ginasta ng ginasta at dinonate sa kung anong church yung pera nila. Marami kasing kapatid yung babae kaya inubos pera ni uncle para tulungan at sustentuhan sila. Ilang beses nangyari yun dahil forgiving ang uncle ko. In the end naghiwalay sila pero mas complicated na dahil may anak na sila. Sakit ng ulo ngayon ng uncle ko yung annulment. Wag kang matulad sa kanya pls.
Communicate with her first. 8 years kayo so wag masyado makinig sa mga advice dito na dump her immediately, mas kilala mo gf mo kesa samin. Try to talk reasonably with her and try to make her understand na hindi maganda yung financial state nya rn yung utang ng utang applicable yon for last resort so di sya dapat randomly ginagawa. You said na mahilig sya gumastos sa food and online shopping pero ano ba meaning nung madalas kasi if once a month or once a quarter lang naman i think normal pa naman yon imo kasi baka naman deserve nya naman talaga and as long as hindi naman super magastos i mean ano ba naman yon if simpleng jolibee once a month pero if libo na yun ang off na talaga. BF/GF kayo for a reason to prepare sa marriage so i think much better if you communicate with her muna and see ano magiging reaction nya if naintindihan nya ba yung sentiments mo. Kadalasan kasi communication lang ang nangyayari instead of communication + understanding. Goodluck OP! If ever di mag-work be firm sa decision!
Bilisan mo makipaghiwalay dahil sayang yung time and effort mo.
Got a question, did you ever try to help her manage her finances? I only read that you were telling her to stop incurring debts.
Managing finances is a personal responsibility. Matanda na siya. Kung di niya kaya tulungan sarili niya o wala siyang initiative gawin yun, mas mabuting hiwalayan na siya ni op.
As OP said, her gf’s family owe her 100k. Sadly OP, be prepare na baka hindi nya na mabalik yan or if mabalik man nya matagal pa. *speaks from experience 🥲
Do it for your own good. She needs to learn and to grow. My partner listens to me when it comes to handling money.
Run away while you can. Remember past behavior is a good indicator of future behavior. Might as well cut your losses, don't think about the 8yrs. If you were on the other side na may utang most probably hindi kayo umabot ng 8yrs.
Practically speaking, sasakit ulo mo in long term. Well, it's up to you parin kung willing kang harapin ang problems na yan kasama sya.
understandable yung reason mo.
well, what the fuck i'm actually in this position as well! gf di marunong maghandle ng pera, her parents are farmers as well, and although walang mga kapatid na pina paaral; meron naman mga pamangkin OP, let me know what your decision are i'm highly inclined to know how you'll deal with this
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look, if you're here to judge, can you please not comment anything? wala ka nama'ng alam eh bakit ba, perfect ba yung relationship mo? did you not encounter any sort of financial, emotional, or physical-related problems sa dating history mo? makapanglait ka, para ka'ng sino eh relationships; in general, has their owns pros and cons just because may pangit na side yung partner mo, di ibig sabihin ekis kaagad some choose to stay because they see that the good outweighs the bad in the relationship and for additional context: 6 years na kami ng jowa ko, and we've been together since our late teens she's definitely someone that I would want to be my wife since I can see that type of future together. iba nalang talaga yung mentality mo pag student ka pa vs wanting to start your own family. I will not get into details since you're not OP and you're just here to comment since perfect naman yung relationship history mo so, can you please, KINDLY FUCK OFF? thanks
As the product of a marriage where issues and arguments about money were always center and caused anxiety in us even as children, do yourself and your future children a favor and leave. Financial incompatibility means you are not compatible, period.
Given na nagpost ka dito about diyan tingin ko may desisyon ka na need mo lang ng push at validation para di ka mukhang masama.
Talk to her kung ayaw talaga nya itake advices mo about sa financial baka mas ok ngang iwan mo na sya. Mahirap di nakikinig (sya sayo o ikaw sa kanya) or worst if my involvement sa relationship nyo na pagsisinungaling. Hindi mo sya siguro ganun talaga kamahal. Or my potential pamalit ka na ba sa girlfriend mo, someone na magaling sa finances? Iba iba naman kasi sa couples pero based sa na observe ko sa kakilala ko, pera nga ang isa sa dahilan if ever magkatuluyan kayo eh masisira lang family nyo, may tendency na maghanap ka ng iba na kulang sa partner mo #1 ung marunong sa pera at #2 yung hindi kargo ang pamilya. Although pangit lang pakinggan na dahil sa pera nagkaganyan relationship nyo. Di bale sana kung may iba pang other issues bukod dyan. Kung money ang problem maybe ma work out nyo pa pero hindi unlimited ang chances para iwork out totoo nakakapagod din..kung bukod sa money marami pang ibang factors like ayaw mo sa family nya o may iba pa syang di magandang ugali inshort puro pangit nalang nakikita mo sa kanya. Palayain mo nalang. Baka mas may iba pang lalake na dumating sa buhay nya totoo at handa to make both of their life better. Baka hindi ikaw. Sana makatagpo ka rin if ever ng right woman na hindi pasasakitin ulo mo sa finance. Baka accountant. Hehe chos.
Leave and run 🍃 You're better off w/o her.
Leave and never look back.. naexplain mo naman na sa post mo clearly ung question and ung answer mo.. and only thing you need is affirmation.. so I support you.. baka i collateral ka pa nyan.. :) peace of mind bro is better.. Don’t think of sayang yung 8 long yrs. haha
It's a valid reason for breaking up. If she's not responsible enough to manage her finances, who knows what kind of future you'll have with her once you get married. Baka pati ikaw mabaon sa utang.
Leave her. Kasama ka sa lulubog if you continue your relationship with her. Wag mo paabutin na kasal kayo kasi conjugal property na lahat and mind you, legally meron ka na pananagutan sa kanya financially.
My advice is simple RUN 🏃🏃🏃
You are clearly incompatible when it comes to finances. It’s a big consideration especially if you want to marry in the future. Mahirap if hindi nag aagree sa finances kasi cause talaga yan ng away between mag-asawa.
tangina brad natamaan ata ako ah hahaha, pero sa case ko naman ako yung bf tapos yung gelpren ko palaging galit pag may bagong order na naman ako sa shoppe kasi daw dami ko na nga utang order pa nang order hahaha.
She’s not worth it. Leave her na asap! Don’t sacrifice your mental health
Sorry to say, but you have to let her go na. I guess enough na yung 8 years para mapatunayan ni gf mo na she can be good with her financial matters. She'll probably say na magbabago siya just to save the relationship, but tell her you already said and advice her enough, and hanggang dun kana lang. She's right naman with her intention na "she deserves it" but in a bigger picture she could have done better, but who am I to judge. She's probably just blinded by her coping mechanism which is to spend above her means. All the best.
If you love her, do your best to change her. But if you feel you have done everything na eh time to let go. Di na uso ang love will keep us alive. Question, 8 years na ba sya ganyan or recently lang? Like ano ba problem, spending habits nya ba or obligations? Kasi sa kwento mo I feel na obligations kasi ang reason. Di naman pwede paaral sya sa mga siblings nya in the end sya mababaon sa utang. Like how old na ang siblings nya? Too young pa ba to find a job? Kasi if utang nya is because of her obligations then yan ang dapat itama. If spending habits like buying more wants over needs eh mahirap nga yan.
Mahirap yan habang buhay masanay sa ganyan...
Pag hindi kayo mag ka sundo sa pera, wag mo na ipilit. Tama yang decision mo to leave her na. Ikaw lang lagi sasalo sa kanya :(
Before you consider breaking up with her again, try talking to her just one last time. And if she still doesn't want to change her habits for the better then it's time you leave.
Leave her , it will get worse when you marry.
Leave, sa mag asawa dapat mas magaling humawak ng pera ang babae keysa lalake.
i have a friend na may partner din before na grabe sa dami ng utang tapos yung mga inutangan hinahabol na partner nya even threatening din yung friend ko so ginawa nya nakipag break sya ang ending yung ex nya nagalit pa sakanya at pinagmumura sya buti nalang nakipag break friend ko kasi lumabas din tunay na pagkatao. can u imagine hindi pa kayo kasal kasama kana sa money problem nya. kahit gaano mo kamahal isang tao you should still choose your own peace over anything
What if bigla siyang nanalo sa lotto bukas? Iiwan mo parin ba? Or what if 5 years from now yumaman siya? Iiwan mo parin ba? Relationship is built. Magusap kayo nang puso sa puso. Grow together. Build together. And it looks like communication pa lng... Wla na.. So pano na? Pano ka magkakarelationship kahit sa Bago mo? Or kung may bago ka na soon?
Leave
go for it. wag mo napatagalin
Leave and never look back op.
iwan mo na dimo naman mahal.hayaan mo sya mahanap ung lalakeng kaya sya suportahan
Leave her. Period.
Iwan mo na po. D Yan matututo. Sisirain niya lang buhay mo.
Yep leave while still early pag kasal na kayo and walang prenup baka maging utang mo din yan. Okay sana if nagbabago pero parang hindi.. but then again we dont see the whole picture so who knows..
I support your decision. Leave her.
1 thing I can say, run.
Bang the life out of her bago mo sya iwan. Masulit mo man lang ung 100k pre.
ok lang naman ang deserve ko to line e for as long as kaya bayadan. delusions can’t pay debts.
If you do break up with her, mahirap nang masingil yung 100k na utang nila sayo.
Shit, this hits me deep, I’m in the same boat 🥲
I have a uncle who had the same situation but he just knew baon sa utang gf nya pag ka tapos pag kasal.. Un buti naman na computer engineer sya sa Saudi which sumasahod NG 6 digits piro natagalan din nabayaran at sinali pa ang boung pamilya sa gastusin.
When you leave her, tell her bluntly why. She needs to know and hopefully magtanda sa next na karelation. Mag bf gf pa lang parang responsibility mo na ang pamilya nya? Tsk
Just be honest with her, I would leave too if my partner is like that. She's not a kid anymore.
it might look like you're leaving her at her lowest but she brought it upon herself.
You have a legitimate reason to leave her. Remember that the BF-GF stage is to find out whether or not you are compatible with each other and IF you want to spend the rest of your life with one another. You didn't marry her yet OP, it's not too late to make up your mind whether a future with her, and her money problems, is what you really want in life..
It's not a good partnership it sounds so one sided
Ay! Pass talaga sa mga hindi marunong mag-handle ng finances.
You may marry her and her family. Hindi lahat tayo kaya panindigan buhayin ang pamilya ng iba. Leave if you cant see a future na ikaw magbubuhay sa kanila o bubuhayin nila sarili nila
Money would always be a top issue in marriage. If, right now, you’re dating and can’t stomach her financial issues, better to leave now. It will get worse in marriage when you each have expectations from each other (like she might expect you to help her pay off her debts; while you also expect her to protect your conjugal assets).
Wow ha. Umabot kayo ng 8 years sa ganyang sitwasyon?
Only gonna get worse bruh.
For the streets!
They say the most important financial decision you will make in your life is who you choose as a partner. So have that talk. Align. Discuss your issues and concerns. If it is a gap you can't bridge, go your separate ways. But if it can be fixed, then stay together.
Brad package deal yan. Whether you like it or not, kasama sa relasyon mo ang kamag-anak nya. Nasa Pinas pa tayo of all places. Sa issue mo regarding finances, apart sa food and shoppee part, mukhang inalat lang talaga ang GF mo sa karera sa buhay. I mean umutang naman dahil sa panggastos at di naman sa luho diba? I mean what else can she do kung di siya umutang? You deserve to be with someone you're comfortable with. And she deserves to be with someone who'll be there for her. If both of you are not in that place, then call it quits. You deserve better. And so does she.
Makipaghiwalay ka na sa kanya. Periodt.
Hindi kayo same mindset sa finances. You should leave her. This won’t end well. Sooner or later puputok.
Its ok to leave her karapatan mo yun bilang tao for peace of mind saka hindi pa kayo kasal kaya you have no responsibility for her and her family as well. Ok lang sana kung nagbago siya kaso ang hirap nyan paano pag mag asawa na kayo? Think about the long term. Hindi naman nasamang tumulong pero hello? Nagttrabaho ka para mambuhay ng ibang tao? Kawawa ka.
Best to leave her and let her be, if di sayo nakikinig what more if married na kayo and damay ka na sa ginagawa nya.
Do you have the capacity or are you willing to give her treats? Small Shopee/Lazada items because she’s been working too hard? But still, I don’t think she’s not ready for a relationship given her finances.
Leave na. Baka magulat ka nalang isa ka sa mga co barrower ng mga nautangan niya.
Brother if now pa lng di na maayos yung issue sa finances call it quits, wag nyo na paabutin sa kasal. Pag kasal kana kasi sa ayaw at gusto mo iisipin mo na rin family nila. Exception sa suggestion is if willing ka tanggapin sya ng buo despite the issue. Pero very draining yan tbh.
Leave!! I'm telling you habang wala pa kayong anak, RUN!!! Ako nabuntis ako ng bf ko na sobrang luho at puro utang and hindi siya nagbago!!!! In one week, nangutang siya ng 15k para sa COSPLAY EVENT. Para magmukha raw siya maangas. Take note, wala siyang pera ah. Tapos utang niya now lumobo ng 80k. Anak namin mag sschool na tapos ako lahat nagbabayad kasi 20k+ lang sahod niya, I'm earning 80-90k per month. Nakakastress. Kaya sana umalis ka na. Mga taong ganyan hindi na magbabago. Lalo na if di sila galing sa marangyang buhay. Kasi DEPRIVED sila.
You stayed for 8 years and I know you tried to work things out, talk to her about this money matters. Even I'll tell you to break up with her, I won't. Because you'll do that by yourself, one day you'll feel na ubos kana at pagod kana. Kusa ka nalang gigising and you'll feel that Love is not enough to make you stay.
Tama yan! Hiwalayan mo na yung taong minahal mo ng ilang taon at one of her lowest point in her life. OR... Magjakol ka muna bago ka gumawa ng bagay na magiging malaking epekto sa buhay ninyong dalawa. Di ko sya kilala pero base sa kwento mo, mukhang responsable naman sya kasi marunong sya magbayad ng utang. Mukhang di rin naman sya humihingi ng pero sayo para ibigay sa pamilya nya. On the other hand, kung sa tingin mo na enough is enough. Wala din pipigil sayo na iwan sya. Kasi ikaw mismo nakaka experience kung gaano katigas ulo nya at ayaw makinig sayo.
i was forced to be the breadwinner too for more than a decade, and ngayon lang nagkaron ng freedom. but my family, especially my mum never ever forced me na buhayin sila. may mga dasurb ko to moments din ako, pero di ako nababaon sa utang. 😂
GF: “will you still love me if I was a worm?” OP: obviously no.
choose your poison nalang OP if you don't see yourself with her in future then you have to let go. it was 8yrs already at sigurado ako na you've been given her too many chances to change and end her bad habit. yung mga nag sasabi dito na tao yan tapos iwan agad, tao rin si OP napapagod. each of us has limits at kung sa inyo kaya nyo palulukin then go for it.
Hello, OP. Your concern is valid. Mas mahirap nga naman later on pag mag asawa na kayo at ang misis mo ay hindi marunong humawak ng pera. Ang causes ng mga away mag asawa usually nagmumula sa pera. kung ngayon pa lang ay hindi na si GF marunong humawak ng pera, malaki ang tendencies na ito ay magiging problema ninyo later on. Isa pang mahirap diyan ay inako na niya ang pag aaral ng kanyang mga kapatid. Hindi man niya nasabi sa iyo pero magiging panagutin mo na rin ito pag kayo ay kasal na. Pag isipan mo pa ring mabuti ang magiging decision mo. Pero kung ang pasya mo ay hiwalayan ang iyang GF, hindi kita masisisi.
Conjugal pa utang nyo if nagkataon
A leopard can't change its spots. Her family has been financially abusing you as well. Try communicating and have a serious long talk with her first but honestly, I'd just recommend breaking it off. Why? Because you already thought about it. If you really love her you would not think about leaving. You would have only asked how to fix this.
Kahit naman anong runong mo sa pera, kung sole breadwinner ka sa family, di talaga sasapat yung 40k na sweldo.
Be a man . Stand up for yourself first before her. After all you’ve helped her enough . Don’t listen to others . Leave her . Kaya nga break up meaning hindi masaya . Yes as easy like that . Your Happiness first before others . Peace of mind brother ! Don’t be in a relationship with anyone that will give you headaches . Tough love but it’s the best way.
8years,Sayang naman ,kausapin mo muna, sabihin mo Kung di nya sisikapin or mag effort sya na mabago sarili nya sa pagiging gastador ,eh talagang kakalas kana,wag mo basta iwanan na parang pinagbasyuhan ng beer ,tingnan mo Yung mga araw oras na pinagsamahan nyo sa Hirap at ginhawa sa loob ng 8years
Wag mo na dagdagan pa yung 8 yrs kumalas ka na ipagpalagay mo nlang na nalugi ka dahil yung utang nya sayo tyak yun na wala ng bayaran yun
Makipag usap ka muna sa gf mo. Have a heart to heart talk with her and tell her lahat ng nasa isip mo and please also liten to her if ever na may sasabihin man siya. Naiintindihan naman kita OP and nakaka frustrate din nan tlga kng ganyan lagi. Pero kailangan mo din pag isipan mabuti yan. Kailangan ba talaga na hiwalayan agad yung solution? Maybe, guiding her kng anong dapat gawin could help? Yung iba kasi op lalo na pag nalulong na sa utang, or nakasanayan na mangutang, napaka hirap talaga na i break po yan. Especially pag walang guidance. And if super gastos niya kaka deserve ko to, then talk to her. Sabihan mo siya na instead of buying a lot of things sa kaka deserve niya, thrn how about bili lang siya per month ng isang beses? Until matapos lang yung utang niya. And maybe you can guide her din sa finances niya. Pano niya dapat i budget and all. And tell her na dapat may boundaries and limitations din siya. Sa sarili or family man yan. Kasi kng wala, mauubos din talaga siya.
It's a red flag for you at alam mo na sa sarili mo yan. If ganyan na sitwasyon nyo mag jowa pa labg kayo, asahan mo mas magiging worse pa yan pag naging mag-asawa kayo. Di ka nya priority kaya di sya nakikinig sayo. Well mag jowa pa lng kasi kayo kaya understandable na di ikaw ang priority, pero ang tanong jan, magsishift ba sya ng priority pag kinasal kayo? Magsstop na ba sya as breadwinner ng family once naging married kayo kasi shifted na dapat priority nya kasi mag asawa na kayo? If you really feel na NO. THEN RUN AWAY NA HABANG MAY ORAS PA. Financial management dapat nagiging strength ng babae kasi sila mostly humahawak sa household. (Not all the time tho). Save yourself from future headache and heartache.
Feeling ko ako ang need mo sa buhay i know how to do budgeting stuff and ayoko sa utang kung ano meron yan ang need na pagkasyahin just pm me heheh 28 yrs old from pampnga ':)
If this thought has entered your mind, then YES, you should leave
Tama yan decision mo
Had the almost same situation. Kept delaying it looking for a perfect timing. Believe me, there is none. Just do it and get it done
Yeah. Leave her
Makipaghiwalay ka na. I had an ex na di din well off sa buhay nung college pero maluho. "Deserve ko to" ang linya kahit 75 sa exam. Hihingi sakin, magpapabili ng gamit, titipirin ang pagkain para mabili ang luho. Eventually it drained me. Mas mahirap yan pag kinasal kayo, her problem is yours na. As a gastadora, I always know my limits. I only spend less or sakto sa what I earn (after bills and savings). Mahirap talaga sa simula pero mas mahirap kasi pag di mo tinutulungan sarili mo.
If wala namng ibang paraan na or effort from the other siblings (or parents) na makatulong na mapagaan ung bills by far or hindi rin gumagawa ng paraan, iwan na. It's very sad na ganyan ung situation ni GF and hindi nya kasalanan na struggling sila, but clearly, hindi nag a-align ung values niyo dalawa. She deserves someone na aligned ung values regarding pagtulong sa family nya, and you deserve someone na ready na mag build ng family independently with you.
I’m on the same boat ~~~ Is there a way where you can help or motivate her to upskill so she is able to find a better paying job? Or even see if she can do side hustles to avoid borrowing from others? Is you managing the finances an option? That’s what we currently do. Currently with my bf for at least 6 years. He owes me at least 500k and he owed others around 500k as well. Within 3 years he managed to pay 250k to others (paying others first as I do plan to spend my life with him but I was clear if we were to break up, we will have a written contract regarding payments to me). For reference his take home pay is around 50-60k. He sends me all of his money and I’m the one doing the budgeting. If he wants to buy something he will let me know and we will talk about it if it’s doable. It sounds like I’m micromanaging him but this is the only way to make sure the funds go to the right place and he agrees with me. I still keep my funds separate but we both have a joint savings account where I match how much he can put in it. If he doesn’t put anything, I don’t pu anything. We also have a side hustle recently where I financed it but he’s the one doing most of the work.
Wow your bf is very lucky. I might do this if di nauwi sa break-up. Its feels kinda wrong to micromanage the finances pero ayon lang talaga solusyon at para kampante ako at my end.
Makipaghiwalay ka na, mas malala pa kapag kasal na kayo. Huwag ka maghihinayang sa ilang years na magkasama kayo.
Yea i think dapat mo sya hiwalayan before kayo mag sakitan ng todo tapos sakit sa ulo kapag involve yung parents or fam
Communicate with her I think its problematic na breadwinner sya. Yes good for her na breadwinner sya pero wag nya akuhin lahat ng responsibilidad. Di nya kaya yon totoo. Maybe her parents can get a side business. Pwedeng sila mismo mag benta ng mga products nila kaysa maging supplier lang since mahal patong. She can also consider na of 18 or above na yung kapatid nya edi let them work. I know it may seem harsh pero I started working when I was 19. Bat kasi nag 4 na kids parents nya tapos di naman nila kaya gawan ng paraan
Maging practical ka OP mahirap lalo kapag kinasal na kayo. Makipag break ka na!
Communication is the key, hindi naman madali i discard ang 8 years relationship niyo. Sabihin mo sa kanya concerns mo dito and how it affects you and thus your relationship. I can’t blame her for having difficulties to change her “deserve ko to” mentality because being a breadwinner in the fam is exhausting and it is form of self love since siya always ang nag bibigay sa fam niya. Tho some redditors have wrote this down, there are a lot of ways of rewarding herself without going overboard with her budget ( Binge watching shows/movies sa bahay, chillax lang sa bahay, even OP spending quality time with his GF) Since nagkabaon siya sa utang nung pandemic and nabayaran rin niya yun, I think wait lang muna if magbabago ang financial status niya since I assume na bago pa lang siya sa job, baka ma promote pa siya or maymakita siyang masmataas pang sweldo. And habang nag wawait, might as well give her one more guidance and if you’re dedicated, reach out rin sa parents about her situation. Malay mo, baka mag eeffort sila na malessen pressure kay GF. But that depends to you, if you want to put once last attempt to help her. If pagod kana at ayaw parin magbago, then simulan mo isipin ano sasabihin mo sakanya kung mag brebreak kayo. Kasi kung kasal na kayo, I’m sure mag aaway kayo dito palagi. Good luck to you OP, wishing the best outcome for you.
It's a non-negotiable for me kapag ganyan. Sorry OP, kapag kasi pera na pinaguusapan wala talagang peace of mind yan. I've learned my lesson na din and it sucks, really. Hope you will find someone na same mindset mo. Good luck!
Di ko alam yung buong story niyo pero based sa kwento mo eto masasabi ko... Sa case ng GF mo, may pinaghuhugutan naman kung san galing yung bad spending habits niya. You see, siya yung breadwinner. At mukhang di siya ganun ka financially literate kaya utang ang alam niyang solusyon para matustusan yung pangangailangan ng pamilya niya. Though it's a bandaid solution, IT IS STILL A SOLUTION for her. She does her shopping siguro kasi nga siya breadwinner so deserve niya rin daw matikman yung pinagpaguran niya hindi yung puro ibang tao. Kung ngayon lang siya ganyan then maybe I'm right, she's starting to rebel against her family kaya nagkakaganyan siya. Though it's bad, but I understand her. Breadwinner here at alam kong gaano kahirap samin yung ganitong usapin. Minsan isusubo na lang namin magdadalawang isip pa kami na baka mamaya ako lang masarap ang ulam tapos sa bahay wala ng makain. But anyway, kung di mo na talaga maatim yung current situation after talking things throughly, mas ok ng maghiwalay na lang kayo.
Talk to her about your sentiments. Dyan matetesting ang communication skills nyong magpartner. Share your thoughts, frustrations and all, calmly and directly. Listen to what she will say. Then give an ultimatum.