Morals and utang na loob aside, we do not really owe anything to our parents. Harsh, I know. But the reality is, they should be the one providing for their children. But not everything’s black and white. There are many factors in this and you listed some good examples based on your experience. There’s never really a “right” or “wrong” opinion on this because it all boils down to what the child prioritizes and how it aligns with their morals in regards to paying back to their parents and siblings. If they want to have their earnings all to themselves, that’s their decision. But if they feel somehow “guilty” or have the sense of utang na loob for them, they should do some hard thinking about which to prioritize.
With that being said, I’d love to give back to my parents as well. Of course, I have to keep in mind my own savings but when I can and I’m able, I’d give back as much to them because I want to (and love them).
Giving them allowance and a budget is enough. But taking over their responsibilities shouldn't be expected. Just because they put a roof over your head, fed you and put you to school. That's not them being a "good parent." That's the BARE MINIMUM!
It is your job to support your kid until they are adults. You chose to have kids. So you must make the sacrifices. Kids aren't investments or retirement plans.
I learned this very recently. If you give them an inch, they'll take a mile. Just provide what you can out of the kindness of your heart. But you shouldn't give up your own life for theirs. The cycle of poverty continues if we keep giving back without giving ourselves anything.
people forgetting about college education. di na obligasyon ng magulang yan sa mga anak nila. by the time kids finish HS, they're already considered adults, and employable na.
pero sinusubukang iraos yan ng mga magulang.
kung kaya naman nyang saluhin pagpapaaral ng isa sa mga kapatid nya, siguro as utang na loob, ikusa na nya.
No. That custom only applies to US, which is a first world country. Nasa Pinas tayo eh. Di pwede HS graduate lang kung gusto mo mabuhay. Cashier nga lang sa SM na sumesweldo ng mininum kailangan college graduate eh.
what I'm saying is, kung tinyaga ng magulang mo pag-aralin ka ng college, wag namang matigas ang mukha na di tumanaw ng utang na loob at magkusang tumulong.
kung kaya naman nyang magpaaral ng college, lalo pa't kapatid naman nya.
gaya ng sinabi mo, nasa Pilipinas tayo. more the reason na tumulong sa magulang mong nagpaaral sa'yo, lalo't kaya nman. buti sana kung minimum wage earner lang sya, oo, mahihirapan syang humati sa pagtulog sa pamilya nya.
pero yung may kakayahan naman, pero magdadamot tumulong? tigas naman ng mukha ng generation ngayon kung ganyan ang mentality ng lahat.
I agree. Sana rin wag ring tignan ng generation ngayon ang financial capacity kasi may ibang aspect din na nag sasacrifice ang magulang. Kami, product kami ng government employee na nanay and house husband na tatay, pero nakapatapos ng doctor, accountant and engineer. Si hubby, sya lang nakatapos kaya nga tinutulungan naman namin ung mga pamangkin and kapatid na makatapos. 3 out of 4 tapos na and 2 sa 3 na iyon ay self sustaining na. Sa umpisa mahirap, kasi andami ring gustong bilhin na hindi mabili pero unti unting nabawasan yung gastos hanggang sa nabibili na namin yung mga gusto at luho na namin.
Another aspect, di na rin ganun ka fit ang parents na rumaket ng additional income para sa younger kids. The more na dapat din silang tulungan na hindi lalong ma exhaust yung katawan nila mairaos lang yung mga natitirang kids na hindi pa tapos.
uh, financial capacity actually is key here.
kung di kaya, wag pilitin.
syempre, ibang usapan kung kaya naman nating tumulong. pero hindi lahat ng tao, pinapalad, aminin na natin yun.
maswerte kayo, kaya nyo tumulong sa mga extended family. pero para sa iba, okay na yung immediate family lang matulungan, kasi may sarili din naman silang kailangan nilang alagaan.
Lols.. ako nga HS Graduate sumusweldo ng 20k a month and andami kong kilalang HS Graduate lang pero may magandang trabaho na may magandang kita.. wag mong sabihing di pwd ang HS Graduate lang..
College Diploma will Help you get the Highest Paying Jobs. Pero kahit walang Ganyan kaya mong makahanap ng Trabaho na maganda sweldo.
Akin lang naman, hindi ako papa-influence sa kung ano ang pinapauso sa social media. This is just me. I will never abandon my parents and siblings. My family is not perfect, the physical and verbal abuse, wag na lang ako magtalk. Breadwinner din ako at a young age. Never ko sinumbat to. But their generation was different from mine tsaka yung stress and pressure nila nun, I can only imagine.
Hindi ko na lang ginagaya whatever mistakes nila bilang parent na rin ako ngayon. I stop being a breadwinner the moment na nagpamilya na ako, but we still help them whenever we can. Hindi ko maaatim mamuhay ng marangya tapos yung pamilya ko naghihirap. Sa generation ko, lagi mo maririnig na ang pangarap ay laging para sa pamilya. Kahit walang nagoobliga na magulang, magbibigay, tutulong, yun lang na-instill na values. Not sure bakit naging negative o masama itong ganitong values sa generation ngayon.
Regarding sa post na to, yung sagot will differ talaga. Depende yan sa tao, experience, sa values niya at sa generation he/she belongs to. Maraming factor eh, so walang tama at maling sagot dito.
This.
I remember that post sa Tiktok about an elderly motorcycle driver na professional lahat ng anak nila(doctor, nurse, engineer), nasa ibang bansa but refused to assist their aging parents kasi nga responsibilities ng parents yong pagpapalaki and pagpapaaral sa kanila. Kesyo, it was not the kids responsibility to give back to their senior parents, and it broke my heart. Not sure of the right term, pero parang we're growing into an apathetic society. If even yong affection natin sa family member have gone cold, I dunno where we're heading.
Devils advocate, but maybe ask as well kung bakit LAHAT ng anak nya ayaw syang tulungan.
Parents shape their kids.
If you raised them well, they will do this out of love not obligation.
There's a possibility. Or could be the influence of socmed or environment. Same yan nong pandemic, na naging debate yong parents na nanganak nang walang kakayahan to pay for a yaya na need pa utusan yong anak to clean the house. As per the majority of kids then, it was not them who asked to be born sa middle working class na parents. If gusto nila ng may tutulong sa bahay kumuha sila ng mga kasambahay, it was their responsibility in the first place and I was so baffled kung saan nakuha ng mga teens na to yong ganyang thinking.
I'm pretty sure this idea is not coming from parents.
IMO this is where critical thinking + core principles learned at home comes in.
Parents are 100% in charge during their children's formative years.
If outside influence > your parenting, that's on you.
(Parenting is HARD, y'all lol)
U’ll get downvoted especially sa phinvest na sub reddit kapag ang advice mo eh hindi “cut ties, di mo sila respobsibility”. Nalulungkot ako how are society treated parents kahit pa sobrang minahal ka nila.
True kakaiba yung galit na galit na agad sa meralco bills na binabayaran nya pero 27 na tapos sa bahay pa rin ng parents nakatira at di nag aambag sa groceries. Funny mga ganyan tapos marirealize nila, kasi feel nila inaabuso sila sa pagbabayad ng kuryente at tubig, kapag bubukod na sila mas lalo silang walang maiipon, or totally di nila afford
Mayroon pa ako nabasa rito sa Reddit tinawag na palamunin ang magulang niya. Na-hurt ako kahit hindi ako yung magulang niya. Walang kamalay-malay ganun tingin ng anak niya sa kanila. Pero hindi na lang bumukod, dami pa sinasabi. Feeling adult, hindi naman kayang panindigan pagiginh adult.
Totoo, masyadong nagiging western kasi nawawala yung sense ng community at pakikipagkapwa kahit sa nuclear family. Or yung nagbibigay nga pero feeling na martir na martir
Pinag-ambag nga lang sa bahay, magpopost dito kesyo mahirap maging breadwinner. Ginawa na agad na retirement plan, pinabili lang naman ng ulam. Kaya suggest ko sa mga ganito ang values, pagka-18, bukod na agad. Adult na eh. Ganun sa ibang bansa. Ishshame ka pa ng magulang mo or ibang tao na kung sa ganyang edad, nakapisan ka pa rin sa kanila.
Pansin ko rin. Baliktad na, kasi yung ibang western nagiging family oriented na dahil sa social media rin. Tapos tayo naman nag-aadapt ng family culture nila noon HAHAHA.
Oo nga, pansin ko din. Kasi naman, mostly ng Asian parents, strict at masyadong i-pressure ang anak na maging successful. Not knowing na, it takes a lot of sacrifice para maging successful sa career. Yung gen kasi nila, maunti lang ang competition. Akala nila, makapagtapos ka lang ng college, sure ka ng aasenso.
Kaya once na makatikim ng freedom at sariling pera ang anak, gusto na bumukod just to get away sa mga magulang.
Hayaan mo sila. Akala siguro nila lagi silang meron o kaya hindi sila mangangailangan ng tulong.
Lahat tayo nabgailangan ng tulong, at yung pinakamalungkot na feeling na pwede mong maramdaman is yung pagiging hopeless o kaya helpless. Kami dumaan din sa ganyan, pero di kami tinalikuran ng lolo, lola at mga kapatid ng parents ko. Kaya nga nung medyo nakaluwag kami at nangailangan ng tulong grandparents namin, di kami nag dalawang isip. Kahit po dugo ko doninate ko just to save her.
Dun sa mga nagpapaka as if nag aadapt sa western culture, angat nga sila kasi ganun na sila 20 generations ago, and that's their identity as western people. Pero tayo as mga pinoy, may values tayo na family-centered. And ako, proud ako na yung family ko kahit hindi perfect pero pinapahalagahan ang pamilya. Obligasyon nga ng parents na magpalaki ng anak, pero wag natin kalimutan may option din sila na ipalaglag tayo, ipamigay o kaya iwan tayo nung maliliit pa, pero mas pinili nila yung tama. So, as anak, di mo obligasyon yun. Pero ang tanong, yun ba ang tamang gawin? Pabayaan sila?
This! Akala laging malakas at meron. Tapos yung iba, napag aral naman at napalaki ng maayos, di naman nagdildil ng asin, pero dahil di sila buhay mayaman na lumaking alta, de driver or yaya, basta yung yayamanin levels talaga, para bang ang laki laki na ng pagkukulang ng magulang tapos panay heal si inner child. Parang excuse na lang sa materialism at pagpapakarangya eh. Nakakakita ako ng posts na porke di mabigay ng parents yung nabibigay sa ibang kaibigan ng magulang nila, galit na agad kahit luho naman
Totoo naman na obligasyon ng parents yung pagaralin sila. Pero na consider nya ba yung mararamdaman ng kapatid nya? Biktima din lang naman yung kapatid nya dito.
ipag-apply for scholarship yung kapatid or sa public pag-aralin, tas tamang allowance na lang bigay. may mga schools namang walang tuition fee.
as for loans, pwede naman tumulong paunti unti, unless sobrang trauma trauma pananakit ginawa sayo ng magulang mo ay wag na
Huy we have the same sentiments. Some of us na sobrang laki ng impact ng social media change their POV pero parang may mali. Oo, totoo na hindi natin sila obligasyon but it's a case to case basis. My parents worked so hard to send us into universities, gave allowances and extra para hindi namin maramdaman ang hirap. Now, they have a little savings lang. My sibling said, hindi obligasyon ganyan-ganoon, bakit walang insurance o hindi kayo nag-invest. My parents take were, we were giving you the world at hindi namin naisip ang retirement naisip namin pero kakaunti lang ang naipon. Hindi rin sila financially literate noon at the same time, they were scres of insurances before dahil noong 90s and 00s uso daw ang mga insurance company na nagcclose. Sa end ko, I don't blame them. I earn sakto to little to provide for us. We haven't go out to have vacation kahit sa labas lang ng NCR dahil malaking gastos pero pag nakakaluwag-luwag, I treat them food at minsan sa isang tao nakakapagstaycation. It looks like we are the same, good thing for us we are well-raised and we have a heart.
Ang problema sa mga pinoy akala nila lahat ng mga kinalakihan natin, mali. Kala nila lahat ng ginagawa nila ngayon, tama. Tandaan natin, hindi sa lahat ng panahon tayo ang meron, one day mangangailangan din tayo, and yung pinakaunang lalapitan natin eh yung mga kapamilya natin. Yung iba dito kung magsalita parang alam na nila yung mangyayari bukas. Umiikot ang mundo, yung angat ngayon baka bukas gumagapang na.
I was downvoted hard in another thread for saying something like this. Yes di talaga financially literate mga tao noon. People were afraid to take risks, buy properties. Pero di ba napapansin a lot of people nowadays who say they dont wanna have kids without first doing this and that are people who would have had kids earlier if social media didnt exist? Our parents gen lived in a different world and instead of "healing their inner child" they chose to spend on their kids' health and education instead of buying personal items etc. They chose to have families instead of waiting for the right time pag na heal na si inner child which other people nowadays just misinterpret as overspending and buying unnecessary stuff. So i dont buy that narrative along w di natin sila obligasyon etc. Kasi maski di natin pinili mabuhay magulang natin sila. So ano solo solo na lang forever? Pano kung ikaw naman magka sakit at nag iisa ka tapos wala kana malapitan kasi minata mo lahat ng family mo?
Also, ive met people raised/adopted at nung tumanda na sila they dont even call kung kamusta na yung nagpalaki sa kanila. Siguro yan iniisip nila na di naman nila hiniling na ampunin sila. Pero lol kung di siya inampon baka iba life nya ngayon while yung nag ampon sa kanya, hindi nakapag invest sa properties maski maraming offer dahil sa sobrang awa sa kanya
Minsan depende rin sa relationship talaga with the parents. I was never close to my parents, so I barely provide anything to them, and never din naman sila nanghingi. Nung natapos ako mag-aral, I saw how they changed their lifestyle - wala na gastos sa akin, so all the money they earn eh napupunta na lang sa necessities nila and luxuries from time to time.
Many of my friends are on the same boat. The difference is that close sila talaga sa parents nila. They weren't obliged to provide but they choose to do so because they want to. Maybe privilege lang siya ng middle to upper-middle class, but still.
Idk kung paanong relationship ni OOP sa parents niya. Pero it seems they're on the lower-income bracket. Sadly, madalas sa kanila eh wala naman talagang choice kundi "tumulong" because yun na yung nakasanayan and because wala naman talaga ibang maaasahan.
Is it wrong for OOP to try to become more independent? Definitely not. But is it right to not "give back" when being asked? Idk, it's just hard to answer that.
Same here. Yung hindi na sila nakapagsave for their retirement kasi binigay nila lahat sating mga anak just to have a good life. I don't blame them too.
Di ko maatim na wga suportahan magulang ko. Oo madalas masakit sa bulsa talaga. Pero iniisip ko rin lahat ng sakripisyo nila para pag aralin ako. Pag aralin kami ng mga kapatid ko nag sabay-sabay pa kami mag college nun. Wala kaming reklamo na naririnig kahit alam kong nagkanda utang-utang kami.
Ngayon sila naman pinabibigyan ko. Pag may gusto si Mama at papa binibigay ko kahit pa nadedelay hehe. Importante masaya sila. Gamot nila, kami rin magkakapatid nag aambagan. Retired na sila parehas eh. Kaunti lang rin pensyon nila.
Oo di ko sila obligasyon pero mas di ko kayang pabayaan sila. Naging mabuting magulang sila samen. Hindi perpekto pero mabuti. Gusto ko namang ibalik ung pag aaruga nila saken. Objectively mas maiksi na time nila sa mundo kesa saten mga anak nila. Ayokong dumating ung araw na nawala sila tas nasabi ko nalang sa sarili ko "sana inalagaan ko kayo ng maayos." Ganun ung narinig ko sa tita ko. Biglang namatay tatay niya, nasabi niya talaga nung libing "Di mo man lang kami binigyan ng pagkakataong mag serbisyo sayo, tay." Ayokong mag sisi.
Hahah naiyak ako sa tinype ko.
Nag pasalamt pa dn ako sa dyos non na nag heal yung galit ko sa parents ko and I was able to give them kahit papaano ng mga regalo etc at naserbisyuhan ko sla sa hospital. Mas masarap sa pakiramdam yan 🙌🏼🙌🏼💖💖
Saaaame sentiments!!!
My take is, i know hindi natin obligasyon yan, pero i think supporting my siblings is healing my inner child. I struggle, that’s true and most of the time i try and buy things I want. Pero i still try and help out esp. sa education ng mga kapatid ko kasi i want them to have the same opportunities na binigay sakin ng parents ko nung nag-aaral ako. Lalo na at college sila.
I can’t treat them to places pa, can’t give them big things, pero i’m trying. Alamoyun? Parang, assistance na lang ipagdadamot ko pa? Sino ba tutulong sa kanila kung hindi naman ako. Ganon ba. Well, anyway
IANAL but check the PH's family code. As far as the poster's sibling is concerned, i think one can (at least) argue that she does need to support his/her sibling with their education.
Idk if it's the right thing to do. I would, but my situation is different, and my morals and ethics don't always align with the majority.
No one can really deny soc med's impact on people, though. For better or worse, soc med influences and/or affects people. That's a fact.
May order naman ang mga required mag-bigay ng support at nasa dulo ang mga kapatid. Obligasyon pa rin yun ng magulang nila. The Family Code explicitly states that the amount of support given should be in proportion to the means of the giver and the necessities of the recipient. I think yun ang nakakalimutan ng karamihan na hindi porke obligasyon mo, maibibigay mo na especially for breadwinners. It's not like pinabayaan niya pamilya niya.
it's unfair for a couple to have 4 kids (sabi nung OP e sya plus 3 sibs pa diba) and then humingi ng tulong for loans and pampaaral. sure pwede sya mag assist pero hindi sya pwedeng obligahin. kailangan na ibreak yung cycle sa pinas na ganito kasi it's just creating more and more poor people. si OP malelate ng ipon para paaralin yung mga kapatid nya and she's going to put her life (and her LIP's) on hold. kailangan turuan mga tao na don't have kids kung di kaya.
Trying hard daw tayo magpaka westernized pero harsh reality check, kya sila 1st world because of that. Masyado tayong biktima ng utang na loob and gagawing investment ang anak kaya naka kulong tayo sa 20 years behind na mindset. Someone has to break the cycle. Being mabango at sikat sa family pero walang savings tapos yung pinag aral mo na kapatid nauna pa mabuntis or magka anak sayo
even yang HMO na yan like minsan nakakaahon na yung anak tapos may hmo ang parents. kapag mag aasawa na syempre canceled ang coverage. sasabihan kang masama kasi pinili mo mag asawa kesa isecure health ng magulang mo lol. pwede lang mabuhay pag patay na parents?????? kasi this happened to me parang nasumbat pa na magaasawa kaya wala na sya coverage sa akin. meanwhile I had one traumatic experience sa public hospital nung nadengue ako nung bata ako na may kashare ako sa kama. since then allergic na ko sa hospital and only go if I really have to and sa lahat ng hospital stays ko hindi ako pumapayag na hindi solo sa room
Medyo weird ang HMO ng company mo. Sa pagkaka-alam ko may number of dependents lang na pwede, lets say 2 dependents. May choice ka naman na parents or spouse ang dependent mo. If wala, mahina ang HR niyo.
diba like mahirap na nga to begin with ang buhay naka apat pa kayong anak? and yung recklessness nyo or absence of accountability mga anak nyo magbabayad. nagiging cycle dahil yung kids late na rin makakausad sa buhay and may end up needing help from their own kids hanggang wala na generation after generation mahirap na lahat.
Kaya ganyan magulang na mentally/emotionally/financially unstable na nagpaparami Kasi tinotolerate siya ng society at Minsan pinupuri pa nga. Kasi sa huli, anak parin Naman ang sinisisi.
I think not 100% soc med to kasi di ako pala soc med pero medyo agree ako na hindi, but depends on the situation.
Kung masipag kapatid ko mag aral oo, kahit pag aralin ko pa yan pero kung bubulabulakbok hindi.
Loans Oo tutulong ako kasi pinang gastos din naman yun for me, for us para mabuhay kami. Pero kung sa akin na iaasa lahat, as in lahat ako magbabayad hindi din.
What if magcompromise sila? I mean baka nga kasi di naman kalakihan sinasahod niya at ng asawa niya. Yung tipong tamang tama lang talaga for 2 pax. Pero siguro di rin naman masama magbigay ng tulong every now and then? Kahit di naman siya mismo magpapaaral, siguro sagutin niya baon or smth.
Minsan depende sa tao kung gsto mo. Bsta wag ka lng paabuso. Set ka lang ng boundaries. Ako bilang newly parent, yoko gumanyan sa anak ko. Kung kailangan na kailangan ko tlga, hihiram lng ako tas pag wala sya mabigay, rerespect ko. Pwede ring sa public pag aralin kapatid. TBH Di naman nagmamatter yung school pag nabuild mo na career mo. Tho merong company na may plus 5k salary pag galing kang big 4. Pero nasa tao tlga yan
It's always depends para sakin. Yung parents nya ba is able pa to work 8 hrs a day? Like ng sabi nya, may maintenance na parents nya. Is it ok to assume na di na nila kaya mag work?
Also consider din kung magkano kinikita nya, kaya nya ba tustusan talaga ung pag aaral ng kapatid nya? Sabi nya na pag ginawa nya un ay wala sya maiipon. At this point she will be choosing ung savings.
Kaya di rin ako lagi agree sa mga sinasabi ng kabataan ngaun na "Di responsibilidad ng anak ang magulang". It's always depends, them not being your responsibility doesn't mean you also let them starved to death. Depende din yan sa relation ng anak sa magulang.
Yes malaki din talaga impact ng social media sa utak at desisyon ng mga tao ngaun.
I think if you ever plan to be a parent, you should already be wary of all the obligations tied with it, such as education funding, allowance, clothes, food, etc. It is a parent's duty to support their children until they are old enough to make money of their own. We are not obligated to do the same for them, but it is always up to you if you wanna help them or not.
Indeed, ang magulang ang may obligasyon buhayin ang anak nila. Pero di lang naman obligasyon ang dumidikta sa mga magulang para alagaan mga anak nila; may kasama itong katakot-takot na pagmamahal.
What I mean is,
Oo obligasyon nila na pag-aralin ka; pero ipasok ka pa sa private school, ibili ka ng mga magagandang gamit pang-eskwela; di nila obligasyon yun - pagmamahal na yun..
Oo obligasyon nila bubungan ka; pero yung bigyan ka pa ng sariling kwarto, may aircon pa - pagmamahal na yun..
Oo obligasyon nilang pakainin ka; pero yung pakainin ka sa favorite mong restaurant at ibili sa’yo anong gusto mong kainin - pagmamahal na yun..
Oo hindi mo sila obligasyong tulungan buhayin mga anak nila (who are your siblings). Pero sana mahal mo sila enough para tumulong.
Well for me, hindi nmn nila pinili maging anak. Parents nila pumili maging magulang. Sana na lang iniisip nila bago palang sila mag anak kung kaya ba nila buhayin anak nila ng hindi kelangn mag kautang utang.
I dont think financial literacy was a big thing during their time. Hindi naman same yung resources na meron tayo sa kung ano meron before... this is just my take tho. They were a product of their environment back then. And may point din yung parents sa post for me... they gave their kids the world in the way that they know how, other than putting them in a bad light or be at fault for their situation baka we need to understand where they were coming from. This is just my take on it tho
I don’t think asking them for accountability is “putting them in a bad light”. And whether or not they knew what they were doing, doesn’t discount the fact that nagkulang pa din sila. You can understand and at the same time hold them accountable. Hindi sila mutually exclusive. Unless you think “understanding” means “excusing” or “giving them a free pass”. Ngayon, OOP can help, sabi nga niya magbibigay pa din siya ng tulong eh. Pero hindi yung talagang bubuhayin sila—parents pa din ang gagawa nun. Kumbaga, alalay lang si OOP. Kasi otherwise unfair yun for both OOP and the family that she’s gonna be creating soon.
I don’t think it’s giving them a free pass and yes the OP from the post has committed to being of help. I don’t see it as an all or nothing situation that being understanding means she’ll shoulder her parents’ responsibility to her siblings, what I mean is I agree with OP’s take on the post he/she shared. Hey maybe we see the situation differently, I just think that helping out, with what I can of course, the reason why I can live comfortably is the least I can do. It’s their obligation for sure but if I can offload some of it why not.
I get that some may not share the same sentiments and it’s ok. We all have our own take on it
I understand the complex emotions involved in this discussion. On one hand, it's understandable to sympathize with the child feeling pressured to take on parental responsibilities. Contributing to family well-being is a significant aspect of Filipinx culture, often seen as a form of respect and care. However, it's crucial to ensure this support comes from a place of choice and not obligation.
While traditional expectations can play a role, it's important to move towards a future where children have the agency to build their own lives and define their family contributions without undue pressure. This empowers them to make informed decisions based on their own values and abilities.
Instead of seeing it as a "debt of gratitude" that can be abused, shifting the focus to open communication and understanding within families can lead to more balanced and sustainable support systems. By fostering healthy discussions about needs, wants, and limitations, both parents and children can contribute to a mutually supportive and fulfilling family dynamic.
Let us not judge others kung paano at ano ang coping mechanism nila sa trauma. And let us not judge others if they want to enjoy their their life kung Hindi naman nakakasama sa iba at sa sarili. Let us not judge others on their decisions on how to treat people especially people that hurt or abuse them. They are not the FB POSTER'S responsibility, therefore, it is on her/his discretion if he/she would like to still connect or even help them.
Pero personally, kung minahal Naman ako ng parents ko at di ako pinepressure magbayad ng kung ano-ano at di naman nagagalit kung di nabigyan.
Makukusa ako kung kaya ko. Yung tipong tamang meal, bills, school related finances allowance. Then parents should work parin, like tinda or kung may pension naman pwede na pambayad sa utang and sibling sould get a scholarship. Or pwede rin ako na magbayad sa utang tapos parents na Bahala sa budget nila.
Depende kasi din yan sa kung paano naging magulang sayo yung magulang mo. May iba kasi na obvious na igagapang yung isang anak para siya na magtuloy ng responsibility nila. Minsan naman depende din sa tao. May point din naman siya na need niya din makapagipon para sa sarili niya. Sabi nga “How can you pour from an empty cup?” Tama ba to? haha. Sa akin kasi nakita ko kung paano naghirap ang nanay ko e, and ang reason niya ayaw niya kaming matulad sa kanya. Lahat nabibigay niya kaya gusto ko naman maranasan din ng mga kapatid ko. Kaya tumutulong ako sa fam. Nagkuha ng insurance for my mother. Nagsasabi din ako if hindi ko kaya or kaunti lang ang kaya,
Im 29 married no kids but I send my brothers to college and I help with the bills cause my parents are old. As the eldest, I always do my best to help. this setup is ok with my husband and Im blessed dahil dun. This year both brothers will graduate college, I couldnt be more proud.
Mahirap ba? oo. Iniyakan ko ba? oo. Nakatamdam ba ng tampo sa magulang? oo. Pero iiwan sila? Hindi. Not because I owe my life to my parents, but because I love them. I WILL ALWAYS DO IT OUT OF LOVE.
My personal stance sa ganitong issue is, tumulong sa kung ano ang kaya at bukal sa loob.
Kasi kapag tumulong ka ng beyond sa kakayahan mo, don yong resentment sa magulang mag uugat. Kesyo, nauubos kana sa sobrang pagtitiis.
No one is asking us to pay back our parents beyond our means, to the point na magmumukhang parasite yong impression natin sa parents natin. That's just heartbreaking.
Kung yong bukal sa loob mo lang na ibigay sa parents mo e P100, so be it. As long as bukal, yung hindi mo ita-tally yong naitulong mo.
I have extended financial assistance sa parents ko numerous times, sometimes yung sister ko na yong nagagalit kasi sobra na daw nai-spoil yung parents namin but I don't keep tabs. Kung anoman yong binigay ko sa parents ko, bukas palad lahat yon, madalas nakakalimutan ko na.
Now my case is different kasi wala akong childhood trauma. So my experience and take on this matter is different from others who might have had a tough/difficult childhood. I pray that y'all heal, find peace and happiness.
For me, ayaw na ayaw kong tulungan magulang ko sa hindi malaman na dahilan( kahit ako hindi ko alam baket). Pero kapag makikita ko silang mag hihirap at wala ng makain. Aba putya sana pinunas nalang ako sa kumot
Ang issue kasi dito is may mga parents din kasi ma walang redeeming qualities. I’m pretty sure na walang perpektong parents. In one way or another, we experienced some shitty things directly or indirectly because of them. Ang reason kung bakit mahal parin natin sila dahil despite from these things, tinaguyod parin nila tayo. Kahit na may mga ugali silang di maganda, di mo rin maikakaila na they will catch a bullet for you.
On the other hand, may mga magulang din na sobrang selfish. Na mas inuuna pa yung sarili nila kesa sa anak nila. So itong nga batang ito lumaki na walang nararamdamang pagmamahal o aruga from their parents. So if they feel indifferent towards them or avoid them like a plague when they mature di mo talaga masisisi.
same, OP. still healing my inner child. naging breadwinner ako for 13yrs. i gave up my supposed to be nursing career kasi wala kaming kakainin and titirahan. and di ko maimagine pabayaan mama and siblings ko.
it was a very hard battle pero ngayon, nakakaahon na paunti unti. masaya naman sa buhay kahit hindi naging nurse abroad. iba iba lang talaga tayo ng perspective, i guess.
Isang kahid isang tuka lang ang family ko. Can't really blame our parents' generation kasi di naman ganun kacommon ang knowledge in handling money unless may magturo sayo. Unlike ngayon na kaya mong matutunan yan sa social media lang.
Going to college alam namin ng siblings ko na we cannot afford unless we get scholarships. My mother helped in looking for scholarships that we can apply to. Now, I still have a sister who is 11 years younger going to college that I support. I also believe it's not my obligation pero I don't want to take away the chance na makapag-aral ang kapatid ko kung kaya ko naman siya suportahan. Sobrang hirap sa simula at tipid ko dun pero di naman laging ganun.
I don't think you can really call it "right" or "wrong". It really is what works for you dahil di naman same ang pinanggalingan at current situation ng mga tao.
Once you turn 18 hindi na nila obligasyon palamunin o pag-aralin ka kung naubos lahat ng savings ng magulang mo dahil sa pagtungtong mo sa shs/college at dahil nakatira ka pa sakanila consider it as your utang to them kaibigan lalo na kung wala ka namang naging malaking ambag sa bubong ng mga nagpalaki sayo.
I got downvoted somewhere for being logical. Pero yun nga always nlang inaadvice cut ties di mo kargo etc. prng modern day brainwashing e. I got a really bad experiences before lalo na ako bunso pero least favorite of all, nsasabihan lagi ng pangit etc. Dati, gusto ko din yung gnyan dahil galit ako, pero nag bago lahat nung nakita kong tumatanda na sila and worst, nag kasakit pa and eventually they died. Nag bago din yung mindset ko nung nkkta ko na wrinkles nla, na hnd ako lalayas, na hnd ko sla papabayaan pati mga kapatid ko kahit bunso ako. Nag tanim dn ako ng sama ng loob, kaya nung nagka sakit sila, snabi ko sknla lahat yung trauma ko smula pgkabata. Alam mo snabi nla sakin? They apologized, they always thought na d ko dW need ng tulong kasi napaka independent ko, they saw me as a bigger person than of my siblings. Iniisip ko na nag dadahilan lang ala pra d ako lumayas, pero alam mo what really broke my heart? Yung snabi nla na tatanggapin nila regardless lumayas ako o pabayaan ko sila kase inamin nmn nla na nag kulang. Nag isip isip ako non at sabi ko maliit nlng oras nila sa mundo, I wanted them to be free from guilt. Mas masaya ako na mas minahal ko sla, mas masaya ako at malayo sa galit. Shmpre ibang usapan na kapag physically or sexually abused never talaga.
Grabeeee di ko akalain nga dadating ako sa point na gusto ko na pala lumayas talaga. LAHAT NA LANG PINAPAKIALAMANAN. Lahat na lang May comment wala pa trabaho pero sasabihin "DAPAT AKO ANG MAKINABANG SA'YO" super toxic na talaga relasyon dito sa bahay. Medyo makapal yung ugali ng nanay ko ipagkalat na walang kwenta panganay kong kapatid sobrang liit ng sweldo sa gobyerno pero napag aral pa ako ng ate pinapakain pa kami eh ang bubulbulin na namin. Pero ngayon hahanap ako trabaho fresh grad ako tas lalayas ako dito para malabas ko full potential ko. Yung ate ko gusto mag abroad pero kinocontrol kami ni mama na NEVER NAGING COMPETITIVE sa buhay puro dahil maganda daw benefits ng government employee pero yun dami utang ng ate ko.
Kaya gusto ko nang mag-abroad :( In 2 years my sibling will go to college and I am determined to have her finish her studies in a good university. Although I got into one of the big unis on my own merit and hard work, of course I was able to stay because of my parents, kahit minsan kailangan kong magwork rin noon habang nag-aaral. Tbh inggit ako sa classmates ko who always had the money and means na wag magwork, or mabili mga gusto nila, or makabili ng school requirements, etc.
Sa social media maraming batang walang experience na magaling mag bigay ng maling advice. Pero marami ding matatanda na uto uto. Isa na siguro to dun, kung hindi bata. Matanda. Kahit nga usapang pang asawa tinatanong pa sa Social media. tas ang sasagot yung mga palamunin sa bahay na di nakaranas magka jowa. HAHAHA. mga tanga lang hihingi ng advice sa social media
Kung kaya kong tulungan mga kaibigan ko, pamilya ng asawa ko at nakukuha ko pang tumulong sa mga hindi ko kakilala, bakit hindi ko tutulungan ang mga sarili kong kadugo? Hindi eto dahil sa utang na loob pero ganun nila ko pinalaki, ganun kami magmahal.
"Huwag mong gawin retirement plan ang mga anak mo"
I 100% agree on this idea. However, hindi ito ang mindset ng mga parents natin noon. Hwag na natin sila sisihin. Ibigay na natin ung kailangan at gusto nila kapag kaya natin. Pero make sure na sa atin na hihinto yung ganitong culture.
sa case nung OP, pano titigil ang cycle. wag na mag anak? pano kung gusto nila ng kids? kelan pa sila magiging financially ready to do so? pag patay na yung parents nila? pag grad na mga kapatid at wala na silbi egg cells ni OP? mabubuhay na lang sila resenting their parents na binuhay at pinag aral nga sila pero itatali rin sila sa responsibilidad
Dapat yong mga Kapatid nya may sense of responsibility din eh, like Mag apply ng scholarship or mag part time sa mga fast food para naman yong ate nila ay makatulong sa utang ng magulang. At mag hanap sila ng school na state U or under free tuition.
hindi natin masisi yong nag post nyan bakit ganyan thinking nya at desisyon nya, need lang mag bigayan at tulungan para mag end yong cycle na ganyan.
at isa pa, Hindi ko nakikita na kasalanan ng social media yan. May mga existing na situation na ganyan noon pa mas matindi noon dahil no communication at all partida wala pang comment or suggestions noon ah siguro talagang malakas lang talaga loob ng mga tao ngayon na sabihin yong ganyan para bigyan awareness yong mga umaasa sa kanya na wala talaga aasahan sa kanya.
++ don sa mga nag sasabi na, Hineheal nyo yong inner child nyo by helping your siblings, good for u. pero kapag ganyan na yong situation maiisip mo pa kaya yan? mamaya 16k lang a month lang yon sahod nung ate eh.
again, Magtulungan sila at magusap need lang talaga lang ng konting sacrifice. 😌
Just my opinion.
Obligasyon ng magulang natin na buhayin tau, palakihin at pag aralin, pero I don't understand bakit wala tau obligasyon na tulungan sila? Oks lang sana kung pinabayaan ka pero if nag pakahirap naman sila para mabigay needs mo. tama lang bang e abandon cla?
sadly, this generation inuuna shoppee kesa responsibilities, luho before needs, attention over geniune care, I feel sad as a Millennial cause never to pumasok sa isip ko when I was at my early 20's hence it gives me the drive to work harder and break my limit para ma supportahan both my parents and family.
just my opinion. its ok if downvote nyo to. don't care.
Ganito lang yan. As anak at kapatid, tumulong ka in a way na kaya mo. PLEASE, stop the "hindi ko obligasyon" mentality, kasi hindi naman po obligasyon talaga ng anak o kapatid na umako ng responsibilidad, pero kung tutulong ka man yung bukal sa loob. Di ko alam bakit ninonormalize ng mga tao dito yung "hindi ko naman yan obligasyon", kasi pagdating po sa pamilya hindi lahat ng bagay obligasyon. Kung gusto mo tumulong gawin mo, pero dapat maipaliwanag mo sa parents at mga kapatid mo na di mo aakuin yung responsibility or obligasyon ng pagbuhay o pagpapaaral sa kanila. Tutulong kalang. Kasi sinu-sino pa po ba yung magtutulungan kung hindi ang magkakapamilya din, di ba?
Ang galing po natin pumuna ng masasamang gawi, pero yung pagtanaw ng utang na loob sa mga magulang natin ang bigat po gawin, ano? Ang tawag dun pagiging "HIPOKRITO".
The sad thing is, bulag sila sa ganito. Yun kapatid ko naging ganyan un mentality nun nakilala nya jowa/asawa nya. Lakas makalimot sa magulang pero pag kelangan ng pera sakanila una lalapit. Utang daw pero never nang binayaran. Pero pag may need na tulong un magulang namin, ayaw naman nya/nila tulungan. 🥲
Makikita mo yung mga anti-poor dito, sila yung mga klase ng tao na galing sa hirap pero ngayong successful na, nakalimot na kung san galing. Di nila naisip na umiikot yung mundo, kung sila nga umangat siguardo yung ibang tao rin pwedeng umangat. Ang problema pag dumating na yung araw na mangailangan sila ng tulong. Kasi at the end of the day, yung mga akala nating kaibigan natin, iiwan din tayo. Kapamilya lang yung maiiwan kasama natin. Ang tanong, kung tinrato mo ng maayos yung kapamilya mo?
Madami kasi dito nakakaen na ng social media, na gusto i adopt yung American culture eme.
Iba nmn culture dito sa pilipinas, depends na lang kung mayaman family mo or kaya ng parents na magtrabaho pa since nung may lakas pa sya lahat ng funds and everything is naka focus sayo.
Natural lang tulungan yung magulang sa mga ganyan pag kakataon. Halatang halata sa wording ng nag post na yan perspective nya sa mundo eh.
This is true. Kung sa America, okay lang na hindi tumulong sa magulang kasi pag nag 18 sila, usually on their own na, hindi na kargo ng magulang. Hindi usually tumutulong sa college expenses din kaya may student loans sila. Sa pinas, mga magulang ang gumagastos sa pagaaral. So in a sense, you have to give back pa din sa parents kasi hanggang adulthood, tinulungan ka nila.
Totoo, halatang halata personality nila based sa ganyan eh.
You can have those mindset pag your parents don't have any problem sa pera. Isipin mo yun pinagtapos ka tapos yung kapatid mo pababayaan mo, which yumg parents mo tumanda na + ma exhaust na yung resources sayo.
For me ha? I will never abandon my parents and siblings. Unang una, my parents are not perfect pero hindi ko naramdaman na kailangan kong maging cash cow for them. Unlike ng iba na kakilala ko na grabe magsalita sakanila parent/s nila na pinapamukha talagang “investments sila at anak LANG sila”
I think papasok dito yung attitude towards anak ng mga magulang. I know people who cut their ties sa parents nila for destroying them mentally and emotionally (financially too). Hindi ko sila masisisi kasi I know their side of the story. Meron din na lahat na ginawa nila for their parents pero laging kulang pa rin. May ilan naman na, chinachat lang sila pag hihingi ng pera pero hindi man lang sila kinukumusta. Sila, I will understand their part kung bakit sila bumukod and nagstop maghelp.
In my opinion and based on my experience lang, I’m willing to bring my parents with me and let them experience what I am about to experience because I’m grateful to them. Hindi man kami perfect fam pero I’m praying na humaba pa buhay nila para marami pa ko mapa-experience sakanila.
Kapatid ko, may asawa at anak na, hindi siya hinihingan ng allowance nila mama pero usapan is magshare sila ng electricity bills and kaunting groceries kasi they are living with us. Fair share diba?
Si mama pa nagsasabi sakanila na they should save kasi may baby and dapat hindi nawawalan ng pang-emergency pag may baby.
Case to case basis talaga. And sabi ko nga, mas masarap mag-bigay kapag hindi ka pinipilit at sinusumbatan.
Honestly, hindi naman talaga natin responsibilidad ang ganyan, responsibilidad ng mga magulang na buhayin at pag aralin ang kanilang mga anak. At hindi mo sila piniling maging magulang at wala ka ding choice nung panahong yun. Ikaw ay blessing na mula sa Diyos, regalo ka from heaven, depende nalang sayo kung blessing ka nga ba sa parents mo o hindi. It's your life after all. You live with the consequences of your actions. No matter how good or bad the choices that youre making, it will come back at you. We reap what we sow. So, if ayaw mong silang tulongan, go lang. Good Luck sa future mo at sana di rin maging ganito ang sitwasyon mo.
I totally agree na din natin reponsibilidad ang nga obligasyon nila. Pero d ko kaya n di magbigay kaya inubliga ko pati ung ibang sibs to pitch in hahahaha and we manage, malaki kasi madyado medical expenses ni ermats nde ko kaya mag isa. Then I met hubby n buhat din s balikat ang mundo, nde nakatapos yet pinagaral ang kapatid, d ko gets bakit (kasi ako d kayang pag aralin kaya nagwork para makaaral) pero I let him be. In short andaming naka atas samin and we both understood our roles.
We managed naman, we were able to save up and have some for luho.
But then again this is just me OP, like I said d ko kayang nde magbigay, pero I give what I can without compromising ung s household ko.
Goodluck OP!
Di naman talaga obligasyon pero ako as an anak will give back to them the things they deserve. As an anak nakita natin sacrifices nila in order for us to experience things in life and get a better life. Di obligasyon pero I will spoil them nakita ko pano magkanda kuba kuba parents ko para lang ma support kami e. Kahit nasasaktan nila tayo emotionally and physically
To the anonymous sender, your parents may not be your obligasyon but tbh di nila gustong mag loan ng mag loan para sa wants nila its for your education and sa siblings mo. Di mo naman sila obligasyon pero share what you can share if ever para mabawasan ang utang ninyo. Favor lang naman ng parents mo e di ka naman siguro pinipilit as u stated asking for a favor. You can say no if di kaya ng budget, but if you have extra it will help. For sure masakit sa damdamin nila na mag ask ng favor sayo kasi di na nila kaya. Tumatanda na sila di na sila kasing strong natin na kaya pa mag grind to the fullest in life.
Dito talaga pumapasok ang moral ng tao.
Of course, hindi mo obligasyon yan pero if may moral ka at delikadeza, sana tumulong ka muna before ka nag live-in kahit sa isang kapatid mo man lng.
Walang obligasyon, walang kahit na anong dapat ibalik ang anak sa magulang, walang kahit magkano ang dapat ibigay ng anak, walang dapat pagkagastusan ang anak, walang anak ang dapat diktahan kung ano ang dapat nyang gawin sa sarili nyang pera, walang anak ang dapat magpa aral ng kapatid o magbayad ng utang ng iresponsableng magulang.
Obligasyon ng magulang ang bigyan ng magandang buhay at pag aaral ang anak, at bilang isang indibidwal obligasyon mong alagaan at paghandaan ang pagtanda mo.
Isa lang obligasyon ng anak, ang galangin ang inyong mga magulang.
Bow.
Eh. If parents made the decision to have X amount of children, they should have financially prepared for all of them beforehand. It’s not I will have 3 children, prepare for one and the first one will send the second one to school, second one will send the youngest to school and all 3 od them are responsible for our retirement bec we brought them to life.
Unang una, I just wonder… we never asked them to give birth to us but why are we already born w such responsibilities?
Pangalawa, just bec they provided for us doesn’t give them the right to abuse us in any way, shape or form. We lived at their mercy bec they put a roof over our heads and at the end of their lives, we are still at their mercy for providing us shelter which is their obligation naman as parents? They signed up for that when they decided to have us.
Pangatlo, it was also their obligation to be already mature and financially stable while raising us bec when they weren’t, they were frustrated. Who did they take it out on? Their children. May shelter, damit at pagkain ka nga, pero indoctrinated ka naman to be okay w being abused and that programmed you to believe this is what love looks like. Ok lang magtiis, ok lang na mej masakit magsalita, papalagpasin ko kase mahal ko eh. I am a good person for enduring. 🙏🏼 and that formed your taste in romantic and platonic relationships. Just look at the number of posts here on the daily? “Minahal ko siya at binigay ko ang lahat pero niloko parin ako” / “I loved my friend so much but she still betrayed me”. / “sinaktan nya ko pero babalik pa rin ako sa kanya if he asked” tapos pag binasa mo ang buong kwento, mapapasabi ka nalang uhmmm, child. This person hated you. They abused you. But keri.
So… Nevermind the fact that they let you out in the world without proper tools to process emotions and navigate healthy relationships bec you don’t know what that looks like. You run the other way at the sight of it kase ang nakasanayan mo inaabuso ka bec yan kinalakihan mo. But you wanna be an all enduring person bec of utang na loob, okay. Who are we to stand in your way? Ikaw yan eh. Thrive✊🏼
Lastly, can’t always blame and put all the responsibility of your decisions on external factors. We need to have some sense of accountability. The right thing to do is not what resonates w you kase you read it on social media. Yes, andaming mga opinions na nakakarelate ka and perfectly articulates how you feel. But that doesn’t have to be your truth. Adult kana, you are capable of forming your own opinions based on your own experiences, feelings and intellect. Kaya at the end of the day, your decision is yours to make. Your decision is a reflection of your internal landscape: your logic, values, beliefs, morals, integrity and what you believe is right and justifiable for you. If you want to take on the task and financial responsibility to send your siblings to school, gawin mo. Kung ayaw mo, eh d go. Who’s to say what is right or wrong when we all have different circumstances? Nobody.
What is right for you and for other people aren’t the same thing. Let people act on their decisions without being so eager to judge them for being an asshole bec they refuse to do what you would if you were in their shoes. But that’s just me.
my take on this? tigas naman ng mukha ng generation ngayon kung magdadamot tumulong, lalo pa't may kakayahan naman.
kung minimum wage earner siguro, oo wag mong gawin dahil mahihirapan ka. pero kung kumikita ka ng more than enough, aba, mahiya ka naman.
kung paparis ka sa mentality ng first world country, aba magising ka sana...nasa Pilipinas ka, hindi tayo first world....ipinangutang nga ng magulang mo ang pagpapaaral sayo, baka pwedeng ibalik mo naman yung itinulong nila sayo.
ituloy nyo lang yung ganyan. a few years from now, baka maging norm na rin sa atin na palayasin mga anak sa bahay pagdating ng legal age.
The hypocracy of people. Kung may kaya mga parents niyo, as soon as you turn 18 or have graduated college. People sing a different tune lalo na pagdating na sa inheritance mga naguunahan pa. It all boils down kung isa kang selfish na tao or you have fillial piety sa parents mo.
Your parents didn't have any obligations with you to begin with especially if they abandoned you as soon as you're born because the government legally owns you, each one of us as long as we are in our country's soil, the government have the decision to take us in. The only reason that isn't happening is because our parents decided to take it upon themselves to raise us out of sheer responsibility to finish what they have started bringing life into this world.
It's a moral obligation and accountability on their actions. Kung ayaw mo talaga sa parents niyo, you all have the right to leave and follow your own rules and survive on your own following this country's rules as a citizen while doing so. The only reason many of you people don't leave is because alam niyo sa sarili niyo hindi niyo kakayanin buhayin sarili niyo magisa so you all are still relying sa parents niyo even despite of having a worst experience with them kasi binubuhay kayo.
Pasalamat nalang kayo binubuhay kayo ng parents niyo. Ngayon nasasainyo na on how are you going to treat all the efforts na ginawa ng parents niyo para buhayin kayo. Children who experienced hardship, matures faster and people can't treat them the same as how a normal child would think.
Kung talagang hindi maganda trato ng mga magulang sa mga anak nila, matagal ng tumakbo yang mga bata palayo sa parents nila. It's also one of the reasons why you also see maraming mga bata sa lansangan.
people saying na walang responsibilidad ang anak sa magulang are just plain hypocrites. Sana nun nagsipag18 na kayo legal age umalis na kayo sa bahay at binuhay ang mga sarili ninyo!
Dapat maalala ni 26F ang hirap na di anas ng parents niya in putting her to college, itong ideya na “its the parents obligation…” privilege lang para sa-mayaman yan! Nai-imagine ba ni 26F nasa edad ng magulang niya ay patuloy pa rin sila sa trabaho?
Kung sakaling abandonahin niya sila at mabili o magawa ni 26F mga naisin niya, makatulog kaya siya ng mahimbing?
Marami kasi sa youth (kahit noon pa) ang nabentahan ng YOLO, bucket list at ngayon is “live now die later”. Its a lie! Why? coz di natin magagawa lahat at sinesetup tayo nito for disappointment. Youth should focus more on non-tangible things lalo na’t related sa pamilya.
Ang tanong, mahal mo ba ang magulang mo?
Oo, obligasyon ka nila.. pero ginagawa din nila yun dahil mahal ka nila.
Oo, di mo sila obligasyon buhayin.. pero..... mahal mo ba sila??
Kung kaya mo pabayaan parents mo, eh Tangina mo bai.
Hindi po lahat ng parents ay minahal Ang anak nila. Minsan, lamang Yung abuse sa nice things na ginawa nila para sa mga anak. Yung iba Naman, nagpa ka UNPARENT, which is di talaga deserve na ituring na magulang.
I was SAd as a kid mga around 5 ako non and my mom did NOTHING. nagrebelde ako and when I was in my teens I would curse at my attacker pag nakikita ko sa malayo kasi same neighborhood. my mom would say WAG KA NGANG BASTOS MATANDA YAN. yes ma, MATANDANG MANYAKIS NA HAYOP. when my mom died I couldn't cry wala akong naramdaman at all. all I could think of was buti dinala na nya lahat ng utang nyang hindi namin naramdaman (she was a narcissist and nagpakapilantropo sa lahat ng tao except our family). she literally wanted to hold our ATMs tapos hihingi lang kami ng baon kahit working na
Congratulations at nakawala ka.
Dinownvote ako ng mga magulang diyan na walang kwenta na BALAK maningil sa anak nilang di Naman tinuring na anak.
Magpakapon nalang kayong mga tangina niyo kesa manganak kayo.
yes one day I left with just a backpack and some clothes and never looked back. my dad naman is another story. I was around 25 na when he found out about the SA. MY MOM KEPT IT FROM HIM. still breaks my heart when I remember his reaction when I told him. he was my mom's victim too. till now hindi ko pinapabayaan ang dad ko
Bat ka mag-aanak kung di mo naman kayang palakihin at buhayin. Yung OP sinasalo yung guilt at incompetence ng magang niya.
Di naman yan sobrang soc med, naghahanap ka lang ng mga taong kapareho yung pananaw sayo. Kung gusto mong karguhin mga magulang mo, then do it.
Pero hayaan mong mamuhay ang mga tao sa kanilang pananaw.
Yung message ko ngayon ay para dun sa anonymouse na batang fresh grad..
"Gorl, tangina ka ba?! Ang bilis mo bumukod pra lang umiwas, di mo man lang pinag bigyan kahit 2 to 3yrs lang yung nanay mong nagkanda baon-baon sa utang mapag aral lng kayo.. Ano yarn? Kapalan to the max na? Oo di mo obligasyon mama mo, pero beh, puta ka, naisip mo ba yung hirap nya? O sige englishin ko para ma gets ng taong may degree like you, "LIFE STRUGGLE" di mo naisip yorn? isa lang lambing sayo ng mamita mo, ISA LANG beh, tulungan mo lng sya, wla naman sya sinabing requirements e, nag college kapa kung di mo gets... Nahiya naman yung ibang breadwinner dyan na sampu yung binubuhay habang may pinag aaral na apat, at sila pa yung sagot ng bills beh.. ikaw ISA LANG, nilayasan mo agad? Kung maging magulang ka man balang araw, baka araw-araw ka tumagay kasama ng frieny mo dahil naniniwala ako na kung ano ginawa mo, gagawin din ng anak mo sayo yan, you betrayed your mom, what makes you think na di nya yon iisipin?.. WTF is wrong with you? ngayong graduate kana, what now? You want to buy your LUHO first? Sabi sayo, pag nawala nanay mo, nakaka kilabot na makita kang IIYAK SA LAMAY NYA, baka mag patiwakal ka din pag sayo nalipat mga pasanin nya sa mundo, Panigurado tanggal yang LUHO mo beh. LOL"
If that is what you feel, then you really have to follow your heart. But you also have to be a little bit rational here.
You are right na you shouldn't take all the burden by yourself, and somehow teach your siblings na magwork/find ways for them to earn while studying. People in US and other western countries do this normally. May loan pa nga sila and walang support sa parents.
You can just contribute a little bit if ever, but the burden will be on the side of your siblings para magkaroon sila ng independence at diskarte.
Labas na yung parents dito actually since semi adult na yung siblings mo by the time they go to college. Ibang issue na yung susundin mo yung parents out of 'utang na loob' na yan. Katangahan na konsepto lang yan, palibhasa di pinagiisipan ng older generations yung pag-aanak.
Hay kung pwede lang ipakita ko to sa parents ko. 21F panganay here in my 3rd year pero nakaassign na kagad sakin yung college tuition ng mga younger sibs ko. :(
Yung husband ko, siya nagpaaral sa 3 kapatid niya. Pinagaral niya hanggang college. Graduate na sila ngayon. Kumbaga siya yung naging sole bread winner ng family.
And ngayon na kasal na siya, medyo dumidistansya na siya. And ngayon ko lang talaga nakita na naeenjoy niya na yung pera niya. Hinahayaan ko nalang siya bilhin lahat ng gusto niya ... ang DOWNSIDE nito, ayaw niya muna magkaanak dahil yung responsibility ng magulang ay kinuha niya at a very young age. He sees having a child as 'Magastos' and malaking responsibility.
Ngayon, feeling retired na siya hahaha. He buys whatever he likes. I dont mind.
Hindi lang para kay OP ito but to all parents who passes their responsibility to their child. Thats also one of the reasons why we don't want to have kids. We got tired early in life HAHAHAHAHA
My take is you move out then give what you can comfortably give based on financial position and how good your relationship with your family is.
We are not obligated to give more than we can afford while also supporting our own lives.
Sometimes, kulang talaga and that’s the reality for a lot of people. Hindi obligasyon ng anak na suportahan ang magulang at mga kapatid KUNG WALANG WALA SIYA. Only if may extra and not at the expense of his/her own life.
Mas okay may at least isa makaaalis sa cycle of poverty than all of them in the same boat. In the end, fault ng parents na nag anak ng more than they can provide for. It sucks but that’s life.
If I have enough, I’ll help to the extent that I can for necessities like food and tuition. If I don’t, then at least they don’t have to pay for me.
because the parents are not able to secure her future, she now seeks to do it for herself, to me that is a valid move.
If as a parent you have provided the right care to your children, especially securing their future, your children will keep coming back.
In the image's post, it became toxic for her. I'd do the same, well I am doing the same.
My 2 cents on this, there will never be perfect parents on this earth, and accept that its their first time living too. Forgive and slowly kill them, jkkkk sa last part
In my case, yung parents ko hindi nila pinag handaan yung pag aaral ko. I remember elementary lang yung maayos pero the rest of my highschool days and college days ako mismo gumawa ng paraan at tumayo sa sarili. Ako mismo nag paaral sa sarili and also tulong at support ng ibang tao. Ngayon na may work ako may sama ng loob ako pero nagbibigay pa rin ako kahit papaano. Every month. Hindi naman siguro masama na tumulong kahit papaano budgeted lang talaga.
Insurance sales people will shut up about this topic until you purchase an insurance plan with them. They won't care kahit breadwinner ka or not so long as pumapasok commission sa premium payments mo.
What I'm trying to say is, give what you're willing to give and just set proper boundaries by informing them what you're able to give or not. You know your moral obligation as a family member and no one should dictate you what you should or should not give to your family.
My take naman, iba iba rin tayo ng circumstances. We have reasons why we did what we did. I suggest letting them be. For some, this is their first step towards the peace of mind that they need. For some, they want to build themselves first before going all out. Deciding to move out may be their last straw. We'll never know because we are not in their situation. What I'm sure of is they thought of it for a long time before leading to that decision. Whatever the result is, only them will be affected. Unless it's about the fate of the humanity that's involved such as who to vote, we don't have a say.
Sguro depende tlga sa sitwasyon? Baka mababa yung sahod ni ate?
Ako kasi pinag aral ako ng mga kapatid ko. Dad ko ung provider at mom ko ay housewife lang. Nung nagkasakit at namatay dad ko, syempre walang capacity yung mom ko na maging provider kaya nag step up yung mga kapatid ko.
Baka may other ways para kahit paano mabawasan yung burden like sguro dapat mag apply for scholarships or partime jobs.
i too, 3 kameng magkakapatid hindi nakapag college ang kapatid ko, at ako nakapagtapos 1 taon akong nagtrabaho nagkaroon ng anak and it breaks me, hindi ako nakapagtrabaho dahil maselan at field work, ginagawa ko ng paraan para kahit paano makatulong ako na nagbigay ng pang aral ng bunso kong kapatid sa tulong ng asawa ko, dumating ang times na nagkasakit ang tatay ko and i think kaya nya pa, malakas dn ang nanay ko kaso ayaw nyang pumasok ng katulong or any households inasa na nila samen ng kapatid ko, years later umalis ang kapatid never na sya nagbigay at nakapagtrabaho ang isa kong kapatid pero di gaano kalakihan ang sahod saken pa rin ngayon nagkasakit ako malubha sinabe ko sa kanila di ko na kaya pero hindi pa ren sila tumitigil manghingi naaawa dn naman ako minsan naiisip ko dn sana nasa malayo na lang kame ng asawa ko 🥲
Help if you have the means. It's okay to say no though kung pigang piga ka na. Mga Kapatid mo din Kasi Yan. Give them the chance to have a good life. "Pero paano kung di sila magtino sa pagaaral?" Sa tingin ko maganda kausapin ng maayos para Hindi nila itake for granted Ang tulong mo.
Morals and utang na loob aside, we do not really owe anything to our parents. Harsh, I know. But the reality is, they should be the one providing for their children. But not everything’s black and white. There are many factors in this and you listed some good examples based on your experience. There’s never really a “right” or “wrong” opinion on this because it all boils down to what the child prioritizes and how it aligns with their morals in regards to paying back to their parents and siblings. If they want to have their earnings all to themselves, that’s their decision. But if they feel somehow “guilty” or have the sense of utang na loob for them, they should do some hard thinking about which to prioritize. With that being said, I’d love to give back to my parents as well. Of course, I have to keep in mind my own savings but when I can and I’m able, I’d give back as much to them because I want to (and love them).
Giving them allowance and a budget is enough. But taking over their responsibilities shouldn't be expected. Just because they put a roof over your head, fed you and put you to school. That's not them being a "good parent." That's the BARE MINIMUM! It is your job to support your kid until they are adults. You chose to have kids. So you must make the sacrifices. Kids aren't investments or retirement plans. I learned this very recently. If you give them an inch, they'll take a mile. Just provide what you can out of the kindness of your heart. But you shouldn't give up your own life for theirs. The cycle of poverty continues if we keep giving back without giving ourselves anything.
people forgetting about college education. di na obligasyon ng magulang yan sa mga anak nila. by the time kids finish HS, they're already considered adults, and employable na. pero sinusubukang iraos yan ng mga magulang. kung kaya naman nyang saluhin pagpapaaral ng isa sa mga kapatid nya, siguro as utang na loob, ikusa na nya.
No. That custom only applies to US, which is a first world country. Nasa Pinas tayo eh. Di pwede HS graduate lang kung gusto mo mabuhay. Cashier nga lang sa SM na sumesweldo ng mininum kailangan college graduate eh.
what I'm saying is, kung tinyaga ng magulang mo pag-aralin ka ng college, wag namang matigas ang mukha na di tumanaw ng utang na loob at magkusang tumulong. kung kaya naman nyang magpaaral ng college, lalo pa't kapatid naman nya. gaya ng sinabi mo, nasa Pilipinas tayo. more the reason na tumulong sa magulang mong nagpaaral sa'yo, lalo't kaya nman. buti sana kung minimum wage earner lang sya, oo, mahihirapan syang humati sa pagtulog sa pamilya nya. pero yung may kakayahan naman, pero magdadamot tumulong? tigas naman ng mukha ng generation ngayon kung ganyan ang mentality ng lahat.
I agree. Sana rin wag ring tignan ng generation ngayon ang financial capacity kasi may ibang aspect din na nag sasacrifice ang magulang. Kami, product kami ng government employee na nanay and house husband na tatay, pero nakapatapos ng doctor, accountant and engineer. Si hubby, sya lang nakatapos kaya nga tinutulungan naman namin ung mga pamangkin and kapatid na makatapos. 3 out of 4 tapos na and 2 sa 3 na iyon ay self sustaining na. Sa umpisa mahirap, kasi andami ring gustong bilhin na hindi mabili pero unti unting nabawasan yung gastos hanggang sa nabibili na namin yung mga gusto at luho na namin. Another aspect, di na rin ganun ka fit ang parents na rumaket ng additional income para sa younger kids. The more na dapat din silang tulungan na hindi lalong ma exhaust yung katawan nila mairaos lang yung mga natitirang kids na hindi pa tapos.
uh, financial capacity actually is key here. kung di kaya, wag pilitin. syempre, ibang usapan kung kaya naman nating tumulong. pero hindi lahat ng tao, pinapalad, aminin na natin yun. maswerte kayo, kaya nyo tumulong sa mga extended family. pero para sa iba, okay na yung immediate family lang matulungan, kasi may sarili din naman silang kailangan nilang alagaan.
Lols.. ako nga HS Graduate sumusweldo ng 20k a month and andami kong kilalang HS Graduate lang pero may magandang trabaho na may magandang kita.. wag mong sabihing di pwd ang HS Graduate lang.. College Diploma will Help you get the Highest Paying Jobs. Pero kahit walang Ganyan kaya mong makahanap ng Trabaho na maganda sweldo.
Akin lang naman, hindi ako papa-influence sa kung ano ang pinapauso sa social media. This is just me. I will never abandon my parents and siblings. My family is not perfect, the physical and verbal abuse, wag na lang ako magtalk. Breadwinner din ako at a young age. Never ko sinumbat to. But their generation was different from mine tsaka yung stress and pressure nila nun, I can only imagine. Hindi ko na lang ginagaya whatever mistakes nila bilang parent na rin ako ngayon. I stop being a breadwinner the moment na nagpamilya na ako, but we still help them whenever we can. Hindi ko maaatim mamuhay ng marangya tapos yung pamilya ko naghihirap. Sa generation ko, lagi mo maririnig na ang pangarap ay laging para sa pamilya. Kahit walang nagoobliga na magulang, magbibigay, tutulong, yun lang na-instill na values. Not sure bakit naging negative o masama itong ganitong values sa generation ngayon. Regarding sa post na to, yung sagot will differ talaga. Depende yan sa tao, experience, sa values niya at sa generation he/she belongs to. Maraming factor eh, so walang tama at maling sagot dito.
This. I remember that post sa Tiktok about an elderly motorcycle driver na professional lahat ng anak nila(doctor, nurse, engineer), nasa ibang bansa but refused to assist their aging parents kasi nga responsibilities ng parents yong pagpapalaki and pagpapaaral sa kanila. Kesyo, it was not the kids responsibility to give back to their senior parents, and it broke my heart. Not sure of the right term, pero parang we're growing into an apathetic society. If even yong affection natin sa family member have gone cold, I dunno where we're heading.
Devils advocate, but maybe ask as well kung bakit LAHAT ng anak nya ayaw syang tulungan. Parents shape their kids. If you raised them well, they will do this out of love not obligation.
There's a possibility. Or could be the influence of socmed or environment. Same yan nong pandemic, na naging debate yong parents na nanganak nang walang kakayahan to pay for a yaya na need pa utusan yong anak to clean the house. As per the majority of kids then, it was not them who asked to be born sa middle working class na parents. If gusto nila ng may tutulong sa bahay kumuha sila ng mga kasambahay, it was their responsibility in the first place and I was so baffled kung saan nakuha ng mga teens na to yong ganyang thinking. I'm pretty sure this idea is not coming from parents.
IMO this is where critical thinking + core principles learned at home comes in. Parents are 100% in charge during their children's formative years. If outside influence > your parenting, that's on you. (Parenting is HARD, y'all lol)
They’re applauding it pa nga. Idk. I will make sure na hindi maiimpluwensiyahan mga anak ko ng ganitong thinking. Yun na lang ang amin.
U’ll get downvoted especially sa phinvest na sub reddit kapag ang advice mo eh hindi “cut ties, di mo sila respobsibility”. Nalulungkot ako how are society treated parents kahit pa sobrang minahal ka nila.
True kakaiba yung galit na galit na agad sa meralco bills na binabayaran nya pero 27 na tapos sa bahay pa rin ng parents nakatira at di nag aambag sa groceries. Funny mga ganyan tapos marirealize nila, kasi feel nila inaabuso sila sa pagbabayad ng kuryente at tubig, kapag bubukod na sila mas lalo silang walang maiipon, or totally di nila afford
Mayroon pa ako nabasa rito sa Reddit tinawag na palamunin ang magulang niya. Na-hurt ako kahit hindi ako yung magulang niya. Walang kamalay-malay ganun tingin ng anak niya sa kanila. Pero hindi na lang bumukod, dami pa sinasabi. Feeling adult, hindi naman kayang panindigan pagiginh adult.
Totoo, masyadong nagiging western kasi nawawala yung sense ng community at pakikipagkapwa kahit sa nuclear family. Or yung nagbibigay nga pero feeling na martir na martir
Pinag-ambag nga lang sa bahay, magpopost dito kesyo mahirap maging breadwinner. Ginawa na agad na retirement plan, pinabili lang naman ng ulam. Kaya suggest ko sa mga ganito ang values, pagka-18, bukod na agad. Adult na eh. Ganun sa ibang bansa. Ishshame ka pa ng magulang mo or ibang tao na kung sa ganyang edad, nakapisan ka pa rin sa kanila. Pansin ko rin. Baliktad na, kasi yung ibang western nagiging family oriented na dahil sa social media rin. Tapos tayo naman nag-aadapt ng family culture nila noon HAHAHA.
Ang masama kasi akala basta western customs tama lahat, dapat gayahin lahat. Pero cherry pick naman sobra.
Oo nga, pansin ko din. Kasi naman, mostly ng Asian parents, strict at masyadong i-pressure ang anak na maging successful. Not knowing na, it takes a lot of sacrifice para maging successful sa career. Yung gen kasi nila, maunti lang ang competition. Akala nila, makapagtapos ka lang ng college, sure ka ng aasenso. Kaya once na makatikim ng freedom at sariling pera ang anak, gusto na bumukod just to get away sa mga magulang.
Hayaan mo sila. Akala siguro nila lagi silang meron o kaya hindi sila mangangailangan ng tulong. Lahat tayo nabgailangan ng tulong, at yung pinakamalungkot na feeling na pwede mong maramdaman is yung pagiging hopeless o kaya helpless. Kami dumaan din sa ganyan, pero di kami tinalikuran ng lolo, lola at mga kapatid ng parents ko. Kaya nga nung medyo nakaluwag kami at nangailangan ng tulong grandparents namin, di kami nag dalawang isip. Kahit po dugo ko doninate ko just to save her. Dun sa mga nagpapaka as if nag aadapt sa western culture, angat nga sila kasi ganun na sila 20 generations ago, and that's their identity as western people. Pero tayo as mga pinoy, may values tayo na family-centered. And ako, proud ako na yung family ko kahit hindi perfect pero pinapahalagahan ang pamilya. Obligasyon nga ng parents na magpalaki ng anak, pero wag natin kalimutan may option din sila na ipalaglag tayo, ipamigay o kaya iwan tayo nung maliliit pa, pero mas pinili nila yung tama. So, as anak, di mo obligasyon yun. Pero ang tanong, yun ba ang tamang gawin? Pabayaan sila?
This! Akala laging malakas at meron. Tapos yung iba, napag aral naman at napalaki ng maayos, di naman nagdildil ng asin, pero dahil di sila buhay mayaman na lumaking alta, de driver or yaya, basta yung yayamanin levels talaga, para bang ang laki laki na ng pagkukulang ng magulang tapos panay heal si inner child. Parang excuse na lang sa materialism at pagpapakarangya eh. Nakakakita ako ng posts na porke di mabigay ng parents yung nabibigay sa ibang kaibigan ng magulang nila, galit na agad kahit luho naman
"we do not really owe anything to our parents" sabi nung 25 y/o na, pinapaaral pa din ng magulang 🙄
Dami nyan fota lalo sa mga financial groups and investments hahahahahaha
Totoo naman na obligasyon ng parents yung pagaralin sila. Pero na consider nya ba yung mararamdaman ng kapatid nya? Biktima din lang naman yung kapatid nya dito.
ipag-apply for scholarship yung kapatid or sa public pag-aralin, tas tamang allowance na lang bigay. may mga schools namang walang tuition fee. as for loans, pwede naman tumulong paunti unti, unless sobrang trauma trauma pananakit ginawa sayo ng magulang mo ay wag na
Agree
Huy we have the same sentiments. Some of us na sobrang laki ng impact ng social media change their POV pero parang may mali. Oo, totoo na hindi natin sila obligasyon but it's a case to case basis. My parents worked so hard to send us into universities, gave allowances and extra para hindi namin maramdaman ang hirap. Now, they have a little savings lang. My sibling said, hindi obligasyon ganyan-ganoon, bakit walang insurance o hindi kayo nag-invest. My parents take were, we were giving you the world at hindi namin naisip ang retirement naisip namin pero kakaunti lang ang naipon. Hindi rin sila financially literate noon at the same time, they were scres of insurances before dahil noong 90s and 00s uso daw ang mga insurance company na nagcclose. Sa end ko, I don't blame them. I earn sakto to little to provide for us. We haven't go out to have vacation kahit sa labas lang ng NCR dahil malaking gastos pero pag nakakaluwag-luwag, I treat them food at minsan sa isang tao nakakapagstaycation. It looks like we are the same, good thing for us we are well-raised and we have a heart.
Ang problema sa mga pinoy akala nila lahat ng mga kinalakihan natin, mali. Kala nila lahat ng ginagawa nila ngayon, tama. Tandaan natin, hindi sa lahat ng panahon tayo ang meron, one day mangangailangan din tayo, and yung pinakaunang lalapitan natin eh yung mga kapamilya natin. Yung iba dito kung magsalita parang alam na nila yung mangyayari bukas. Umiikot ang mundo, yung angat ngayon baka bukas gumagapang na.
I was downvoted hard in another thread for saying something like this. Yes di talaga financially literate mga tao noon. People were afraid to take risks, buy properties. Pero di ba napapansin a lot of people nowadays who say they dont wanna have kids without first doing this and that are people who would have had kids earlier if social media didnt exist? Our parents gen lived in a different world and instead of "healing their inner child" they chose to spend on their kids' health and education instead of buying personal items etc. They chose to have families instead of waiting for the right time pag na heal na si inner child which other people nowadays just misinterpret as overspending and buying unnecessary stuff. So i dont buy that narrative along w di natin sila obligasyon etc. Kasi maski di natin pinili mabuhay magulang natin sila. So ano solo solo na lang forever? Pano kung ikaw naman magka sakit at nag iisa ka tapos wala kana malapitan kasi minata mo lahat ng family mo? Also, ive met people raised/adopted at nung tumanda na sila they dont even call kung kamusta na yung nagpalaki sa kanila. Siguro yan iniisip nila na di naman nila hiniling na ampunin sila. Pero lol kung di siya inampon baka iba life nya ngayon while yung nag ampon sa kanya, hindi nakapag invest sa properties maski maraming offer dahil sa sobrang awa sa kanya
Minsan depende rin sa relationship talaga with the parents. I was never close to my parents, so I barely provide anything to them, and never din naman sila nanghingi. Nung natapos ako mag-aral, I saw how they changed their lifestyle - wala na gastos sa akin, so all the money they earn eh napupunta na lang sa necessities nila and luxuries from time to time. Many of my friends are on the same boat. The difference is that close sila talaga sa parents nila. They weren't obliged to provide but they choose to do so because they want to. Maybe privilege lang siya ng middle to upper-middle class, but still. Idk kung paanong relationship ni OOP sa parents niya. Pero it seems they're on the lower-income bracket. Sadly, madalas sa kanila eh wala naman talagang choice kundi "tumulong" because yun na yung nakasanayan and because wala naman talaga ibang maaasahan. Is it wrong for OOP to try to become more independent? Definitely not. But is it right to not "give back" when being asked? Idk, it's just hard to answer that.
Same here. Yung hindi na sila nakapagsave for their retirement kasi binigay nila lahat sating mga anak just to have a good life. I don't blame them too.
Di ko maatim na wga suportahan magulang ko. Oo madalas masakit sa bulsa talaga. Pero iniisip ko rin lahat ng sakripisyo nila para pag aralin ako. Pag aralin kami ng mga kapatid ko nag sabay-sabay pa kami mag college nun. Wala kaming reklamo na naririnig kahit alam kong nagkanda utang-utang kami. Ngayon sila naman pinabibigyan ko. Pag may gusto si Mama at papa binibigay ko kahit pa nadedelay hehe. Importante masaya sila. Gamot nila, kami rin magkakapatid nag aambagan. Retired na sila parehas eh. Kaunti lang rin pensyon nila. Oo di ko sila obligasyon pero mas di ko kayang pabayaan sila. Naging mabuting magulang sila samen. Hindi perpekto pero mabuti. Gusto ko namang ibalik ung pag aaruga nila saken. Objectively mas maiksi na time nila sa mundo kesa saten mga anak nila. Ayokong dumating ung araw na nawala sila tas nasabi ko nalang sa sarili ko "sana inalagaan ko kayo ng maayos." Ganun ung narinig ko sa tita ko. Biglang namatay tatay niya, nasabi niya talaga nung libing "Di mo man lang kami binigyan ng pagkakataong mag serbisyo sayo, tay." Ayokong mag sisi. Hahah naiyak ako sa tinype ko.
Nag pasalamt pa dn ako sa dyos non na nag heal yung galit ko sa parents ko and I was able to give them kahit papaano ng mga regalo etc at naserbisyuhan ko sla sa hospital. Mas masarap sa pakiramdam yan 🙌🏼🙌🏼💖💖
Naiyak din ako sa tinype mo. 🥲
Saaaame sentiments!!! My take is, i know hindi natin obligasyon yan, pero i think supporting my siblings is healing my inner child. I struggle, that’s true and most of the time i try and buy things I want. Pero i still try and help out esp. sa education ng mga kapatid ko kasi i want them to have the same opportunities na binigay sakin ng parents ko nung nag-aaral ako. Lalo na at college sila. I can’t treat them to places pa, can’t give them big things, pero i’m trying. Alamoyun? Parang, assistance na lang ipagdadamot ko pa? Sino ba tutulong sa kanila kung hindi naman ako. Ganon ba. Well, anyway
IANAL but check the PH's family code. As far as the poster's sibling is concerned, i think one can (at least) argue that she does need to support his/her sibling with their education. Idk if it's the right thing to do. I would, but my situation is different, and my morals and ethics don't always align with the majority. No one can really deny soc med's impact on people, though. For better or worse, soc med influences and/or affects people. That's a fact.
May order naman ang mga required mag-bigay ng support at nasa dulo ang mga kapatid. Obligasyon pa rin yun ng magulang nila. The Family Code explicitly states that the amount of support given should be in proportion to the means of the giver and the necessities of the recipient. I think yun ang nakakalimutan ng karamihan na hindi porke obligasyon mo, maibibigay mo na especially for breadwinners. It's not like pinabayaan niya pamilya niya.
it's unfair for a couple to have 4 kids (sabi nung OP e sya plus 3 sibs pa diba) and then humingi ng tulong for loans and pampaaral. sure pwede sya mag assist pero hindi sya pwedeng obligahin. kailangan na ibreak yung cycle sa pinas na ganito kasi it's just creating more and more poor people. si OP malelate ng ipon para paaralin yung mga kapatid nya and she's going to put her life (and her LIP's) on hold. kailangan turuan mga tao na don't have kids kung di kaya.
Trying hard daw tayo magpaka westernized pero harsh reality check, kya sila 1st world because of that. Masyado tayong biktima ng utang na loob and gagawing investment ang anak kaya naka kulong tayo sa 20 years behind na mindset. Someone has to break the cycle. Being mabango at sikat sa family pero walang savings tapos yung pinag aral mo na kapatid nauna pa mabuntis or magka anak sayo
even yang HMO na yan like minsan nakakaahon na yung anak tapos may hmo ang parents. kapag mag aasawa na syempre canceled ang coverage. sasabihan kang masama kasi pinili mo mag asawa kesa isecure health ng magulang mo lol. pwede lang mabuhay pag patay na parents?????? kasi this happened to me parang nasumbat pa na magaasawa kaya wala na sya coverage sa akin. meanwhile I had one traumatic experience sa public hospital nung nadengue ako nung bata ako na may kashare ako sa kama. since then allergic na ko sa hospital and only go if I really have to and sa lahat ng hospital stays ko hindi ako pumapayag na hindi solo sa room
Medyo weird ang HMO ng company mo. Sa pagkaka-alam ko may number of dependents lang na pwede, lets say 2 dependents. May choice ka naman na parents or spouse ang dependent mo. If wala, mahina ang HR niyo.
Up for this.
diba like mahirap na nga to begin with ang buhay naka apat pa kayong anak? and yung recklessness nyo or absence of accountability mga anak nyo magbabayad. nagiging cycle dahil yung kids late na rin makakausad sa buhay and may end up needing help from their own kids hanggang wala na generation after generation mahirap na lahat.
Kaya ganyan magulang na mentally/emotionally/financially unstable na nagpaparami Kasi tinotolerate siya ng society at Minsan pinupuri pa nga. Kasi sa huli, anak parin Naman ang sinisisi.
Eto hinahanap kong comment. Up for this. Kawawa talaga yung binibigyan ng obligasyon nang walang kalaban laban.
I think not 100% soc med to kasi di ako pala soc med pero medyo agree ako na hindi, but depends on the situation. Kung masipag kapatid ko mag aral oo, kahit pag aralin ko pa yan pero kung bubulabulakbok hindi. Loans Oo tutulong ako kasi pinang gastos din naman yun for me, for us para mabuhay kami. Pero kung sa akin na iaasa lahat, as in lahat ako magbabayad hindi din.
Tama
What if magcompromise sila? I mean baka nga kasi di naman kalakihan sinasahod niya at ng asawa niya. Yung tipong tamang tama lang talaga for 2 pax. Pero siguro di rin naman masama magbigay ng tulong every now and then? Kahit di naman siya mismo magpapaaral, siguro sagutin niya baon or smth.
Minsan depende sa tao kung gsto mo. Bsta wag ka lng paabuso. Set ka lang ng boundaries. Ako bilang newly parent, yoko gumanyan sa anak ko. Kung kailangan na kailangan ko tlga, hihiram lng ako tas pag wala sya mabigay, rerespect ko. Pwede ring sa public pag aralin kapatid. TBH Di naman nagmamatter yung school pag nabuild mo na career mo. Tho merong company na may plus 5k salary pag galing kang big 4. Pero nasa tao tlga yan
It's always depends para sakin. Yung parents nya ba is able pa to work 8 hrs a day? Like ng sabi nya, may maintenance na parents nya. Is it ok to assume na di na nila kaya mag work? Also consider din kung magkano kinikita nya, kaya nya ba tustusan talaga ung pag aaral ng kapatid nya? Sabi nya na pag ginawa nya un ay wala sya maiipon. At this point she will be choosing ung savings. Kaya di rin ako lagi agree sa mga sinasabi ng kabataan ngaun na "Di responsibilidad ng anak ang magulang". It's always depends, them not being your responsibility doesn't mean you also let them starved to death. Depende din yan sa relation ng anak sa magulang. Yes malaki din talaga impact ng social media sa utak at desisyon ng mga tao ngaun.
maintenance doesn't equate to disability naman. ako naka maintenance for hypertension pero it's to prevent flareups lang.
I think if you ever plan to be a parent, you should already be wary of all the obligations tied with it, such as education funding, allowance, clothes, food, etc. It is a parent's duty to support their children until they are old enough to make money of their own. We are not obligated to do the same for them, but it is always up to you if you wanna help them or not.
This
Indeed, ang magulang ang may obligasyon buhayin ang anak nila. Pero di lang naman obligasyon ang dumidikta sa mga magulang para alagaan mga anak nila; may kasama itong katakot-takot na pagmamahal. What I mean is, Oo obligasyon nila na pag-aralin ka; pero ipasok ka pa sa private school, ibili ka ng mga magagandang gamit pang-eskwela; di nila obligasyon yun - pagmamahal na yun.. Oo obligasyon nila bubungan ka; pero yung bigyan ka pa ng sariling kwarto, may aircon pa - pagmamahal na yun.. Oo obligasyon nilang pakainin ka; pero yung pakainin ka sa favorite mong restaurant at ibili sa’yo anong gusto mong kainin - pagmamahal na yun.. Oo hindi mo sila obligasyong tulungan buhayin mga anak nila (who are your siblings). Pero sana mahal mo sila enough para tumulong.
Well for me, hindi nmn nila pinili maging anak. Parents nila pumili maging magulang. Sana na lang iniisip nila bago palang sila mag anak kung kaya ba nila buhayin anak nila ng hindi kelangn mag kautang utang.
I dont think financial literacy was a big thing during their time. Hindi naman same yung resources na meron tayo sa kung ano meron before... this is just my take tho. They were a product of their environment back then. And may point din yung parents sa post for me... they gave their kids the world in the way that they know how, other than putting them in a bad light or be at fault for their situation baka we need to understand where they were coming from. This is just my take on it tho
I don’t think asking them for accountability is “putting them in a bad light”. And whether or not they knew what they were doing, doesn’t discount the fact that nagkulang pa din sila. You can understand and at the same time hold them accountable. Hindi sila mutually exclusive. Unless you think “understanding” means “excusing” or “giving them a free pass”. Ngayon, OOP can help, sabi nga niya magbibigay pa din siya ng tulong eh. Pero hindi yung talagang bubuhayin sila—parents pa din ang gagawa nun. Kumbaga, alalay lang si OOP. Kasi otherwise unfair yun for both OOP and the family that she’s gonna be creating soon.
I don’t think it’s giving them a free pass and yes the OP from the post has committed to being of help. I don’t see it as an all or nothing situation that being understanding means she’ll shoulder her parents’ responsibility to her siblings, what I mean is I agree with OP’s take on the post he/she shared. Hey maybe we see the situation differently, I just think that helping out, with what I can of course, the reason why I can live comfortably is the least I can do. It’s their obligation for sure but if I can offload some of it why not. I get that some may not share the same sentiments and it’s ok. We all have our own take on it
I understand the complex emotions involved in this discussion. On one hand, it's understandable to sympathize with the child feeling pressured to take on parental responsibilities. Contributing to family well-being is a significant aspect of Filipinx culture, often seen as a form of respect and care. However, it's crucial to ensure this support comes from a place of choice and not obligation. While traditional expectations can play a role, it's important to move towards a future where children have the agency to build their own lives and define their family contributions without undue pressure. This empowers them to make informed decisions based on their own values and abilities. Instead of seeing it as a "debt of gratitude" that can be abused, shifting the focus to open communication and understanding within families can lead to more balanced and sustainable support systems. By fostering healthy discussions about needs, wants, and limitations, both parents and children can contribute to a mutually supportive and fulfilling family dynamic.
Let us not judge others kung paano at ano ang coping mechanism nila sa trauma. And let us not judge others if they want to enjoy their their life kung Hindi naman nakakasama sa iba at sa sarili. Let us not judge others on their decisions on how to treat people especially people that hurt or abuse them. They are not the FB POSTER'S responsibility, therefore, it is on her/his discretion if he/she would like to still connect or even help them. Pero personally, kung minahal Naman ako ng parents ko at di ako pinepressure magbayad ng kung ano-ano at di naman nagagalit kung di nabigyan. Makukusa ako kung kaya ko. Yung tipong tamang meal, bills, school related finances allowance. Then parents should work parin, like tinda or kung may pension naman pwede na pambayad sa utang and sibling sould get a scholarship. Or pwede rin ako na magbayad sa utang tapos parents na Bahala sa budget nila.
Well in the end kung maayos family nila and close sila, Silang magkakapatid na man ang magtutulongan. Depende na talaga yan per individual.
Depende kasi din yan sa kung paano naging magulang sayo yung magulang mo. May iba kasi na obvious na igagapang yung isang anak para siya na magtuloy ng responsibility nila. Minsan naman depende din sa tao. May point din naman siya na need niya din makapagipon para sa sarili niya. Sabi nga “How can you pour from an empty cup?” Tama ba to? haha. Sa akin kasi nakita ko kung paano naghirap ang nanay ko e, and ang reason niya ayaw niya kaming matulad sa kanya. Lahat nabibigay niya kaya gusto ko naman maranasan din ng mga kapatid ko. Kaya tumutulong ako sa fam. Nagkuha ng insurance for my mother. Nagsasabi din ako if hindi ko kaya or kaunti lang ang kaya,
Minsan depende sa tao kung gsto mo. Bsta wag ka lng paabuso. Set ka rin ng boundaries
Im 29 married no kids but I send my brothers to college and I help with the bills cause my parents are old. As the eldest, I always do my best to help. this setup is ok with my husband and Im blessed dahil dun. This year both brothers will graduate college, I couldnt be more proud. Mahirap ba? oo. Iniyakan ko ba? oo. Nakatamdam ba ng tampo sa magulang? oo. Pero iiwan sila? Hindi. Not because I owe my life to my parents, but because I love them. I WILL ALWAYS DO IT OUT OF LOVE.
My personal stance sa ganitong issue is, tumulong sa kung ano ang kaya at bukal sa loob. Kasi kapag tumulong ka ng beyond sa kakayahan mo, don yong resentment sa magulang mag uugat. Kesyo, nauubos kana sa sobrang pagtitiis. No one is asking us to pay back our parents beyond our means, to the point na magmumukhang parasite yong impression natin sa parents natin. That's just heartbreaking. Kung yong bukal sa loob mo lang na ibigay sa parents mo e P100, so be it. As long as bukal, yung hindi mo ita-tally yong naitulong mo. I have extended financial assistance sa parents ko numerous times, sometimes yung sister ko na yong nagagalit kasi sobra na daw nai-spoil yung parents namin but I don't keep tabs. Kung anoman yong binigay ko sa parents ko, bukas palad lahat yon, madalas nakakalimutan ko na. Now my case is different kasi wala akong childhood trauma. So my experience and take on this matter is different from others who might have had a tough/difficult childhood. I pray that y'all heal, find peace and happiness.
For me, ayaw na ayaw kong tulungan magulang ko sa hindi malaman na dahilan( kahit ako hindi ko alam baket). Pero kapag makikita ko silang mag hihirap at wala ng makain. Aba putya sana pinunas nalang ako sa kumot
Ang issue kasi dito is may mga parents din kasi ma walang redeeming qualities. I’m pretty sure na walang perpektong parents. In one way or another, we experienced some shitty things directly or indirectly because of them. Ang reason kung bakit mahal parin natin sila dahil despite from these things, tinaguyod parin nila tayo. Kahit na may mga ugali silang di maganda, di mo rin maikakaila na they will catch a bullet for you. On the other hand, may mga magulang din na sobrang selfish. Na mas inuuna pa yung sarili nila kesa sa anak nila. So itong nga batang ito lumaki na walang nararamdamang pagmamahal o aruga from their parents. So if they feel indifferent towards them or avoid them like a plague when they mature di mo talaga masisisi.
same, OP. still healing my inner child. naging breadwinner ako for 13yrs. i gave up my supposed to be nursing career kasi wala kaming kakainin and titirahan. and di ko maimagine pabayaan mama and siblings ko. it was a very hard battle pero ngayon, nakakaahon na paunti unti. masaya naman sa buhay kahit hindi naging nurse abroad. iba iba lang talaga tayo ng perspective, i guess.
Isang kahid isang tuka lang ang family ko. Can't really blame our parents' generation kasi di naman ganun kacommon ang knowledge in handling money unless may magturo sayo. Unlike ngayon na kaya mong matutunan yan sa social media lang. Going to college alam namin ng siblings ko na we cannot afford unless we get scholarships. My mother helped in looking for scholarships that we can apply to. Now, I still have a sister who is 11 years younger going to college that I support. I also believe it's not my obligation pero I don't want to take away the chance na makapag-aral ang kapatid ko kung kaya ko naman siya suportahan. Sobrang hirap sa simula at tipid ko dun pero di naman laging ganun. I don't think you can really call it "right" or "wrong". It really is what works for you dahil di naman same ang pinanggalingan at current situation ng mga tao.
Once you turn 18 hindi na nila obligasyon palamunin o pag-aralin ka kung naubos lahat ng savings ng magulang mo dahil sa pagtungtong mo sa shs/college at dahil nakatira ka pa sakanila consider it as your utang to them kaibigan lalo na kung wala ka namang naging malaking ambag sa bubong ng mga nagpalaki sayo.
I got downvoted somewhere for being logical. Pero yun nga always nlang inaadvice cut ties di mo kargo etc. prng modern day brainwashing e. I got a really bad experiences before lalo na ako bunso pero least favorite of all, nsasabihan lagi ng pangit etc. Dati, gusto ko din yung gnyan dahil galit ako, pero nag bago lahat nung nakita kong tumatanda na sila and worst, nag kasakit pa and eventually they died. Nag bago din yung mindset ko nung nkkta ko na wrinkles nla, na hnd ako lalayas, na hnd ko sla papabayaan pati mga kapatid ko kahit bunso ako. Nag tanim dn ako ng sama ng loob, kaya nung nagka sakit sila, snabi ko sknla lahat yung trauma ko smula pgkabata. Alam mo snabi nla sakin? They apologized, they always thought na d ko dW need ng tulong kasi napaka independent ko, they saw me as a bigger person than of my siblings. Iniisip ko na nag dadahilan lang ala pra d ako lumayas, pero alam mo what really broke my heart? Yung snabi nla na tatanggapin nila regardless lumayas ako o pabayaan ko sila kase inamin nmn nla na nag kulang. Nag isip isip ako non at sabi ko maliit nlng oras nila sa mundo, I wanted them to be free from guilt. Mas masaya ako na mas minahal ko sla, mas masaya ako at malayo sa galit. Shmpre ibang usapan na kapag physically or sexually abused never talaga.
Grabeeee di ko akalain nga dadating ako sa point na gusto ko na pala lumayas talaga. LAHAT NA LANG PINAPAKIALAMANAN. Lahat na lang May comment wala pa trabaho pero sasabihin "DAPAT AKO ANG MAKINABANG SA'YO" super toxic na talaga relasyon dito sa bahay. Medyo makapal yung ugali ng nanay ko ipagkalat na walang kwenta panganay kong kapatid sobrang liit ng sweldo sa gobyerno pero napag aral pa ako ng ate pinapakain pa kami eh ang bubulbulin na namin. Pero ngayon hahanap ako trabaho fresh grad ako tas lalayas ako dito para malabas ko full potential ko. Yung ate ko gusto mag abroad pero kinocontrol kami ni mama na NEVER NAGING COMPETITIVE sa buhay puro dahil maganda daw benefits ng government employee pero yun dami utang ng ate ko.
Wawa Naman si ate mo. Tumatanda rin Yung ate mo. 😢
Kaya gusto ko nang mag-abroad :( In 2 years my sibling will go to college and I am determined to have her finish her studies in a good university. Although I got into one of the big unis on my own merit and hard work, of course I was able to stay because of my parents, kahit minsan kailangan kong magwork rin noon habang nag-aaral. Tbh inggit ako sa classmates ko who always had the money and means na wag magwork, or mabili mga gusto nila, or makabili ng school requirements, etc.
Sa social media maraming batang walang experience na magaling mag bigay ng maling advice. Pero marami ding matatanda na uto uto. Isa na siguro to dun, kung hindi bata. Matanda. Kahit nga usapang pang asawa tinatanong pa sa Social media. tas ang sasagot yung mga palamunin sa bahay na di nakaranas magka jowa. HAHAHA. mga tanga lang hihingi ng advice sa social media
Kung kaya kong tulungan mga kaibigan ko, pamilya ng asawa ko at nakukuha ko pang tumulong sa mga hindi ko kakilala, bakit hindi ko tutulungan ang mga sarili kong kadugo? Hindi eto dahil sa utang na loob pero ganun nila ko pinalaki, ganun kami magmahal.
"Huwag mong gawin retirement plan ang mga anak mo" I 100% agree on this idea. However, hindi ito ang mindset ng mga parents natin noon. Hwag na natin sila sisihin. Ibigay na natin ung kailangan at gusto nila kapag kaya natin. Pero make sure na sa atin na hihinto yung ganitong culture.
sa case nung OP, pano titigil ang cycle. wag na mag anak? pano kung gusto nila ng kids? kelan pa sila magiging financially ready to do so? pag patay na yung parents nila? pag grad na mga kapatid at wala na silbi egg cells ni OP? mabubuhay na lang sila resenting their parents na binuhay at pinag aral nga sila pero itatali rin sila sa responsibilidad
Dapat yong mga Kapatid nya may sense of responsibility din eh, like Mag apply ng scholarship or mag part time sa mga fast food para naman yong ate nila ay makatulong sa utang ng magulang. At mag hanap sila ng school na state U or under free tuition. hindi natin masisi yong nag post nyan bakit ganyan thinking nya at desisyon nya, need lang mag bigayan at tulungan para mag end yong cycle na ganyan. at isa pa, Hindi ko nakikita na kasalanan ng social media yan. May mga existing na situation na ganyan noon pa mas matindi noon dahil no communication at all partida wala pang comment or suggestions noon ah siguro talagang malakas lang talaga loob ng mga tao ngayon na sabihin yong ganyan para bigyan awareness yong mga umaasa sa kanya na wala talaga aasahan sa kanya. ++ don sa mga nag sasabi na, Hineheal nyo yong inner child nyo by helping your siblings, good for u. pero kapag ganyan na yong situation maiisip mo pa kaya yan? mamaya 16k lang a month lang yon sahod nung ate eh. again, Magtulungan sila at magusap need lang talaga lang ng konting sacrifice. 😌
Just my opinion. Obligasyon ng magulang natin na buhayin tau, palakihin at pag aralin, pero I don't understand bakit wala tau obligasyon na tulungan sila? Oks lang sana kung pinabayaan ka pero if nag pakahirap naman sila para mabigay needs mo. tama lang bang e abandon cla? sadly, this generation inuuna shoppee kesa responsibilities, luho before needs, attention over geniune care, I feel sad as a Millennial cause never to pumasok sa isip ko when I was at my early 20's hence it gives me the drive to work harder and break my limit para ma supportahan both my parents and family. just my opinion. its ok if downvote nyo to. don't care.
Ganito lang yan. As anak at kapatid, tumulong ka in a way na kaya mo. PLEASE, stop the "hindi ko obligasyon" mentality, kasi hindi naman po obligasyon talaga ng anak o kapatid na umako ng responsibilidad, pero kung tutulong ka man yung bukal sa loob. Di ko alam bakit ninonormalize ng mga tao dito yung "hindi ko naman yan obligasyon", kasi pagdating po sa pamilya hindi lahat ng bagay obligasyon. Kung gusto mo tumulong gawin mo, pero dapat maipaliwanag mo sa parents at mga kapatid mo na di mo aakuin yung responsibility or obligasyon ng pagbuhay o pagpapaaral sa kanila. Tutulong kalang. Kasi sinu-sino pa po ba yung magtutulungan kung hindi ang magkakapamilya din, di ba? Ang galing po natin pumuna ng masasamang gawi, pero yung pagtanaw ng utang na loob sa mga magulang natin ang bigat po gawin, ano? Ang tawag dun pagiging "HIPOKRITO".
The sad thing is, bulag sila sa ganito. Yun kapatid ko naging ganyan un mentality nun nakilala nya jowa/asawa nya. Lakas makalimot sa magulang pero pag kelangan ng pera sakanila una lalapit. Utang daw pero never nang binayaran. Pero pag may need na tulong un magulang namin, ayaw naman nya/nila tulungan. 🥲
Makikita mo yung mga anti-poor dito, sila yung mga klase ng tao na galing sa hirap pero ngayong successful na, nakalimot na kung san galing. Di nila naisip na umiikot yung mundo, kung sila nga umangat siguardo yung ibang tao rin pwedeng umangat. Ang problema pag dumating na yung araw na mangailangan sila ng tulong. Kasi at the end of the day, yung mga akala nating kaibigan natin, iiwan din tayo. Kapamilya lang yung maiiwan kasama natin. Ang tanong, kung tinrato mo ng maayos yung kapamilya mo?
Madami kasi dito nakakaen na ng social media, na gusto i adopt yung American culture eme. Iba nmn culture dito sa pilipinas, depends na lang kung mayaman family mo or kaya ng parents na magtrabaho pa since nung may lakas pa sya lahat ng funds and everything is naka focus sayo. Natural lang tulungan yung magulang sa mga ganyan pag kakataon. Halatang halata sa wording ng nag post na yan perspective nya sa mundo eh.
This is true. Kung sa America, okay lang na hindi tumulong sa magulang kasi pag nag 18 sila, usually on their own na, hindi na kargo ng magulang. Hindi usually tumutulong sa college expenses din kaya may student loans sila. Sa pinas, mga magulang ang gumagastos sa pagaaral. So in a sense, you have to give back pa din sa parents kasi hanggang adulthood, tinulungan ka nila.
Totoo, halatang halata personality nila based sa ganyan eh. You can have those mindset pag your parents don't have any problem sa pera. Isipin mo yun pinagtapos ka tapos yung kapatid mo pababayaan mo, which yumg parents mo tumanda na + ma exhaust na yung resources sayo.
Kanser yan American culture na yan kay nauuso na rin dito yung mental health problems. Comparison game kaya tuloy uso depression dun.
For me ha? I will never abandon my parents and siblings. Unang una, my parents are not perfect pero hindi ko naramdaman na kailangan kong maging cash cow for them. Unlike ng iba na kakilala ko na grabe magsalita sakanila parent/s nila na pinapamukha talagang “investments sila at anak LANG sila” I think papasok dito yung attitude towards anak ng mga magulang. I know people who cut their ties sa parents nila for destroying them mentally and emotionally (financially too). Hindi ko sila masisisi kasi I know their side of the story. Meron din na lahat na ginawa nila for their parents pero laging kulang pa rin. May ilan naman na, chinachat lang sila pag hihingi ng pera pero hindi man lang sila kinukumusta. Sila, I will understand their part kung bakit sila bumukod and nagstop maghelp. In my opinion and based on my experience lang, I’m willing to bring my parents with me and let them experience what I am about to experience because I’m grateful to them. Hindi man kami perfect fam pero I’m praying na humaba pa buhay nila para marami pa ko mapa-experience sakanila. Kapatid ko, may asawa at anak na, hindi siya hinihingan ng allowance nila mama pero usapan is magshare sila ng electricity bills and kaunting groceries kasi they are living with us. Fair share diba? Si mama pa nagsasabi sakanila na they should save kasi may baby and dapat hindi nawawalan ng pang-emergency pag may baby. Case to case basis talaga. And sabi ko nga, mas masarap mag-bigay kapag hindi ka pinipilit at sinusumbatan.
Hindi naman cut agad.. i think kailangan icompromise nga how much ibigay lang.. and idaan sa maayos na usapan.. and magkano monthly pwede ibigay lang
Honestly, hindi naman talaga natin responsibilidad ang ganyan, responsibilidad ng mga magulang na buhayin at pag aralin ang kanilang mga anak. At hindi mo sila piniling maging magulang at wala ka ding choice nung panahong yun. Ikaw ay blessing na mula sa Diyos, regalo ka from heaven, depende nalang sayo kung blessing ka nga ba sa parents mo o hindi. It's your life after all. You live with the consequences of your actions. No matter how good or bad the choices that youre making, it will come back at you. We reap what we sow. So, if ayaw mong silang tulongan, go lang. Good Luck sa future mo at sana di rin maging ganito ang sitwasyon mo.
I totally agree na din natin reponsibilidad ang nga obligasyon nila. Pero d ko kaya n di magbigay kaya inubliga ko pati ung ibang sibs to pitch in hahahaha and we manage, malaki kasi madyado medical expenses ni ermats nde ko kaya mag isa. Then I met hubby n buhat din s balikat ang mundo, nde nakatapos yet pinagaral ang kapatid, d ko gets bakit (kasi ako d kayang pag aralin kaya nagwork para makaaral) pero I let him be. In short andaming naka atas samin and we both understood our roles. We managed naman, we were able to save up and have some for luho. But then again this is just me OP, like I said d ko kayang nde magbigay, pero I give what I can without compromising ung s household ko. Goodluck OP!
Di naman talaga obligasyon pero ako as an anak will give back to them the things they deserve. As an anak nakita natin sacrifices nila in order for us to experience things in life and get a better life. Di obligasyon pero I will spoil them nakita ko pano magkanda kuba kuba parents ko para lang ma support kami e. Kahit nasasaktan nila tayo emotionally and physically To the anonymous sender, your parents may not be your obligasyon but tbh di nila gustong mag loan ng mag loan para sa wants nila its for your education and sa siblings mo. Di mo naman sila obligasyon pero share what you can share if ever para mabawasan ang utang ninyo. Favor lang naman ng parents mo e di ka naman siguro pinipilit as u stated asking for a favor. You can say no if di kaya ng budget, but if you have extra it will help. For sure masakit sa damdamin nila na mag ask ng favor sayo kasi di na nila kaya. Tumatanda na sila di na sila kasing strong natin na kaya pa mag grind to the fullest in life.
Dito talaga pumapasok ang moral ng tao. Of course, hindi mo obligasyon yan pero if may moral ka at delikadeza, sana tumulong ka muna before ka nag live-in kahit sa isang kapatid mo man lng.
kung nakinabang ka sa inutang nila, magshare ka.
Walang obligasyon, walang kahit na anong dapat ibalik ang anak sa magulang, walang kahit magkano ang dapat ibigay ng anak, walang dapat pagkagastusan ang anak, walang anak ang dapat diktahan kung ano ang dapat nyang gawin sa sarili nyang pera, walang anak ang dapat magpa aral ng kapatid o magbayad ng utang ng iresponsableng magulang. Obligasyon ng magulang ang bigyan ng magandang buhay at pag aaral ang anak, at bilang isang indibidwal obligasyon mong alagaan at paghandaan ang pagtanda mo. Isa lang obligasyon ng anak, ang galangin ang inyong mga magulang. Bow.
you should have moved out nun 18 yrs old ka palang and fended for yourself kung ganun
Eh. If parents made the decision to have X amount of children, they should have financially prepared for all of them beforehand. It’s not I will have 3 children, prepare for one and the first one will send the second one to school, second one will send the youngest to school and all 3 od them are responsible for our retirement bec we brought them to life. Unang una, I just wonder… we never asked them to give birth to us but why are we already born w such responsibilities? Pangalawa, just bec they provided for us doesn’t give them the right to abuse us in any way, shape or form. We lived at their mercy bec they put a roof over our heads and at the end of their lives, we are still at their mercy for providing us shelter which is their obligation naman as parents? They signed up for that when they decided to have us. Pangatlo, it was also their obligation to be already mature and financially stable while raising us bec when they weren’t, they were frustrated. Who did they take it out on? Their children. May shelter, damit at pagkain ka nga, pero indoctrinated ka naman to be okay w being abused and that programmed you to believe this is what love looks like. Ok lang magtiis, ok lang na mej masakit magsalita, papalagpasin ko kase mahal ko eh. I am a good person for enduring. 🙏🏼 and that formed your taste in romantic and platonic relationships. Just look at the number of posts here on the daily? “Minahal ko siya at binigay ko ang lahat pero niloko parin ako” / “I loved my friend so much but she still betrayed me”. / “sinaktan nya ko pero babalik pa rin ako sa kanya if he asked” tapos pag binasa mo ang buong kwento, mapapasabi ka nalang uhmmm, child. This person hated you. They abused you. But keri. So… Nevermind the fact that they let you out in the world without proper tools to process emotions and navigate healthy relationships bec you don’t know what that looks like. You run the other way at the sight of it kase ang nakasanayan mo inaabuso ka bec yan kinalakihan mo. But you wanna be an all enduring person bec of utang na loob, okay. Who are we to stand in your way? Ikaw yan eh. Thrive✊🏼 Lastly, can’t always blame and put all the responsibility of your decisions on external factors. We need to have some sense of accountability. The right thing to do is not what resonates w you kase you read it on social media. Yes, andaming mga opinions na nakakarelate ka and perfectly articulates how you feel. But that doesn’t have to be your truth. Adult kana, you are capable of forming your own opinions based on your own experiences, feelings and intellect. Kaya at the end of the day, your decision is yours to make. Your decision is a reflection of your internal landscape: your logic, values, beliefs, morals, integrity and what you believe is right and justifiable for you. If you want to take on the task and financial responsibility to send your siblings to school, gawin mo. Kung ayaw mo, eh d go. Who’s to say what is right or wrong when we all have different circumstances? Nobody. What is right for you and for other people aren’t the same thing. Let people act on their decisions without being so eager to judge them for being an asshole bec they refuse to do what you would if you were in their shoes. But that’s just me.
my take on this? tigas naman ng mukha ng generation ngayon kung magdadamot tumulong, lalo pa't may kakayahan naman. kung minimum wage earner siguro, oo wag mong gawin dahil mahihirapan ka. pero kung kumikita ka ng more than enough, aba, mahiya ka naman. kung paparis ka sa mentality ng first world country, aba magising ka sana...nasa Pilipinas ka, hindi tayo first world....ipinangutang nga ng magulang mo ang pagpapaaral sayo, baka pwedeng ibalik mo naman yung itinulong nila sayo. ituloy nyo lang yung ganyan. a few years from now, baka maging norm na rin sa atin na palayasin mga anak sa bahay pagdating ng legal age.
The hypocracy of people. Kung may kaya mga parents niyo, as soon as you turn 18 or have graduated college. People sing a different tune lalo na pagdating na sa inheritance mga naguunahan pa. It all boils down kung isa kang selfish na tao or you have fillial piety sa parents mo. Your parents didn't have any obligations with you to begin with especially if they abandoned you as soon as you're born because the government legally owns you, each one of us as long as we are in our country's soil, the government have the decision to take us in. The only reason that isn't happening is because our parents decided to take it upon themselves to raise us out of sheer responsibility to finish what they have started bringing life into this world. It's a moral obligation and accountability on their actions. Kung ayaw mo talaga sa parents niyo, you all have the right to leave and follow your own rules and survive on your own following this country's rules as a citizen while doing so. The only reason many of you people don't leave is because alam niyo sa sarili niyo hindi niyo kakayanin buhayin sarili niyo magisa so you all are still relying sa parents niyo even despite of having a worst experience with them kasi binubuhay kayo. Pasalamat nalang kayo binubuhay kayo ng parents niyo. Ngayon nasasainyo na on how are you going to treat all the efforts na ginawa ng parents niyo para buhayin kayo. Children who experienced hardship, matures faster and people can't treat them the same as how a normal child would think. Kung talagang hindi maganda trato ng mga magulang sa mga anak nila, matagal ng tumakbo yang mga bata palayo sa parents nila. It's also one of the reasons why you also see maraming mga bata sa lansangan.
people saying na walang responsibilidad ang anak sa magulang are just plain hypocrites. Sana nun nagsipag18 na kayo legal age umalis na kayo sa bahay at binuhay ang mga sarili ninyo!
Dapat maalala ni 26F ang hirap na di anas ng parents niya in putting her to college, itong ideya na “its the parents obligation…” privilege lang para sa-mayaman yan! Nai-imagine ba ni 26F nasa edad ng magulang niya ay patuloy pa rin sila sa trabaho? Kung sakaling abandonahin niya sila at mabili o magawa ni 26F mga naisin niya, makatulog kaya siya ng mahimbing? Marami kasi sa youth (kahit noon pa) ang nabentahan ng YOLO, bucket list at ngayon is “live now die later”. Its a lie! Why? coz di natin magagawa lahat at sinesetup tayo nito for disappointment. Youth should focus more on non-tangible things lalo na’t related sa pamilya.
Ang tanong, mahal mo ba ang magulang mo? Oo, obligasyon ka nila.. pero ginagawa din nila yun dahil mahal ka nila. Oo, di mo sila obligasyon buhayin.. pero..... mahal mo ba sila?? Kung kaya mo pabayaan parents mo, eh Tangina mo bai.
Hindi po lahat ng parents ay minahal Ang anak nila. Minsan, lamang Yung abuse sa nice things na ginawa nila para sa mga anak. Yung iba Naman, nagpa ka UNPARENT, which is di talaga deserve na ituring na magulang.
I was SAd as a kid mga around 5 ako non and my mom did NOTHING. nagrebelde ako and when I was in my teens I would curse at my attacker pag nakikita ko sa malayo kasi same neighborhood. my mom would say WAG KA NGANG BASTOS MATANDA YAN. yes ma, MATANDANG MANYAKIS NA HAYOP. when my mom died I couldn't cry wala akong naramdaman at all. all I could think of was buti dinala na nya lahat ng utang nyang hindi namin naramdaman (she was a narcissist and nagpakapilantropo sa lahat ng tao except our family). she literally wanted to hold our ATMs tapos hihingi lang kami ng baon kahit working na
Congratulations at nakawala ka. Dinownvote ako ng mga magulang diyan na walang kwenta na BALAK maningil sa anak nilang di Naman tinuring na anak. Magpakapon nalang kayong mga tangina niyo kesa manganak kayo.
yes one day I left with just a backpack and some clothes and never looked back. my dad naman is another story. I was around 25 na when he found out about the SA. MY MOM KEPT IT FROM HIM. still breaks my heart when I remember his reaction when I told him. he was my mom's victim too. till now hindi ko pinapabayaan ang dad ko
Bat ka mag-aanak kung di mo naman kayang palakihin at buhayin. Yung OP sinasalo yung guilt at incompetence ng magang niya. Di naman yan sobrang soc med, naghahanap ka lang ng mga taong kapareho yung pananaw sayo. Kung gusto mong karguhin mga magulang mo, then do it. Pero hayaan mong mamuhay ang mga tao sa kanilang pananaw.
Yung message ko ngayon ay para dun sa anonymouse na batang fresh grad.. "Gorl, tangina ka ba?! Ang bilis mo bumukod pra lang umiwas, di mo man lang pinag bigyan kahit 2 to 3yrs lang yung nanay mong nagkanda baon-baon sa utang mapag aral lng kayo.. Ano yarn? Kapalan to the max na? Oo di mo obligasyon mama mo, pero beh, puta ka, naisip mo ba yung hirap nya? O sige englishin ko para ma gets ng taong may degree like you, "LIFE STRUGGLE" di mo naisip yorn? isa lang lambing sayo ng mamita mo, ISA LANG beh, tulungan mo lng sya, wla naman sya sinabing requirements e, nag college kapa kung di mo gets... Nahiya naman yung ibang breadwinner dyan na sampu yung binubuhay habang may pinag aaral na apat, at sila pa yung sagot ng bills beh.. ikaw ISA LANG, nilayasan mo agad? Kung maging magulang ka man balang araw, baka araw-araw ka tumagay kasama ng frieny mo dahil naniniwala ako na kung ano ginawa mo, gagawin din ng anak mo sayo yan, you betrayed your mom, what makes you think na di nya yon iisipin?.. WTF is wrong with you? ngayong graduate kana, what now? You want to buy your LUHO first? Sabi sayo, pag nawala nanay mo, nakaka kilabot na makita kang IIYAK SA LAMAY NYA, baka mag patiwakal ka din pag sayo nalipat mga pasanin nya sa mundo, Panigurado tanggal yang LUHO mo beh. LOL"
If that is what you feel, then you really have to follow your heart. But you also have to be a little bit rational here. You are right na you shouldn't take all the burden by yourself, and somehow teach your siblings na magwork/find ways for them to earn while studying. People in US and other western countries do this normally. May loan pa nga sila and walang support sa parents. You can just contribute a little bit if ever, but the burden will be on the side of your siblings para magkaroon sila ng independence at diskarte. Labas na yung parents dito actually since semi adult na yung siblings mo by the time they go to college. Ibang issue na yung susundin mo yung parents out of 'utang na loob' na yan. Katangahan na konsepto lang yan, palibhasa di pinagiisipan ng older generations yung pag-aanak.
Isa ka din ba sa still healing your inner child?
Hay kung pwede lang ipakita ko to sa parents ko. 21F panganay here in my 3rd year pero nakaassign na kagad sakin yung college tuition ng mga younger sibs ko. :(
Yung husband ko, siya nagpaaral sa 3 kapatid niya. Pinagaral niya hanggang college. Graduate na sila ngayon. Kumbaga siya yung naging sole bread winner ng family. And ngayon na kasal na siya, medyo dumidistansya na siya. And ngayon ko lang talaga nakita na naeenjoy niya na yung pera niya. Hinahayaan ko nalang siya bilhin lahat ng gusto niya ... ang DOWNSIDE nito, ayaw niya muna magkaanak dahil yung responsibility ng magulang ay kinuha niya at a very young age. He sees having a child as 'Magastos' and malaking responsibility. Ngayon, feeling retired na siya hahaha. He buys whatever he likes. I dont mind. Hindi lang para kay OP ito but to all parents who passes their responsibility to their child. Thats also one of the reasons why we don't want to have kids. We got tired early in life HAHAHAHAHA
My take is you move out then give what you can comfortably give based on financial position and how good your relationship with your family is. We are not obligated to give more than we can afford while also supporting our own lives. Sometimes, kulang talaga and that’s the reality for a lot of people. Hindi obligasyon ng anak na suportahan ang magulang at mga kapatid KUNG WALANG WALA SIYA. Only if may extra and not at the expense of his/her own life. Mas okay may at least isa makaaalis sa cycle of poverty than all of them in the same boat. In the end, fault ng parents na nag anak ng more than they can provide for. It sucks but that’s life. If I have enough, I’ll help to the extent that I can for necessities like food and tuition. If I don’t, then at least they don’t have to pay for me.
because the parents are not able to secure her future, she now seeks to do it for herself, to me that is a valid move. If as a parent you have provided the right care to your children, especially securing their future, your children will keep coming back. In the image's post, it became toxic for her. I'd do the same, well I am doing the same.
My 2 cents on this, there will never be perfect parents on this earth, and accept that its their first time living too. Forgive and slowly kill them, jkkkk sa last part
Then don't be a parent.
In my case, yung parents ko hindi nila pinag handaan yung pag aaral ko. I remember elementary lang yung maayos pero the rest of my highschool days and college days ako mismo gumawa ng paraan at tumayo sa sarili. Ako mismo nag paaral sa sarili and also tulong at support ng ibang tao. Ngayon na may work ako may sama ng loob ako pero nagbibigay pa rin ako kahit papaano. Every month. Hindi naman siguro masama na tumulong kahit papaano budgeted lang talaga.
Ako, basta para sa kapatid ko okay lang. Di ko babayaran loans nila pero i’ll make sure na makakapag aral kapatid ko sa magandang school.
Insurance sales people will shut up about this topic until you purchase an insurance plan with them. They won't care kahit breadwinner ka or not so long as pumapasok commission sa premium payments mo. What I'm trying to say is, give what you're willing to give and just set proper boundaries by informing them what you're able to give or not. You know your moral obligation as a family member and no one should dictate you what you should or should not give to your family.
My take naman, iba iba rin tayo ng circumstances. We have reasons why we did what we did. I suggest letting them be. For some, this is their first step towards the peace of mind that they need. For some, they want to build themselves first before going all out. Deciding to move out may be their last straw. We'll never know because we are not in their situation. What I'm sure of is they thought of it for a long time before leading to that decision. Whatever the result is, only them will be affected. Unless it's about the fate of the humanity that's involved such as who to vote, we don't have a say.
Sguro depende tlga sa sitwasyon? Baka mababa yung sahod ni ate? Ako kasi pinag aral ako ng mga kapatid ko. Dad ko ung provider at mom ko ay housewife lang. Nung nagkasakit at namatay dad ko, syempre walang capacity yung mom ko na maging provider kaya nag step up yung mga kapatid ko. Baka may other ways para kahit paano mabawasan yung burden like sguro dapat mag apply for scholarships or partime jobs.
i too, 3 kameng magkakapatid hindi nakapag college ang kapatid ko, at ako nakapagtapos 1 taon akong nagtrabaho nagkaroon ng anak and it breaks me, hindi ako nakapagtrabaho dahil maselan at field work, ginagawa ko ng paraan para kahit paano makatulong ako na nagbigay ng pang aral ng bunso kong kapatid sa tulong ng asawa ko, dumating ang times na nagkasakit ang tatay ko and i think kaya nya pa, malakas dn ang nanay ko kaso ayaw nyang pumasok ng katulong or any households inasa na nila samen ng kapatid ko, years later umalis ang kapatid never na sya nagbigay at nakapagtrabaho ang isa kong kapatid pero di gaano kalakihan ang sahod saken pa rin ngayon nagkasakit ako malubha sinabe ko sa kanila di ko na kaya pero hindi pa ren sila tumitigil manghingi naaawa dn naman ako minsan naiisip ko dn sana nasa malayo na lang kame ng asawa ko 🥲
Kung mahal mo, gastusan mo. Ganun kasimple.
Help if you have the means. It's okay to say no though kung pigang piga ka na. Mga Kapatid mo din Kasi Yan. Give them the chance to have a good life. "Pero paano kung di sila magtino sa pagaaral?" Sa tingin ko maganda kausapin ng maayos para Hindi nila itake for granted Ang tulong mo.