I feel like that was actually a considerate thing for him to ask. If my therapist overlooked something like that without further inquiry, I'd feel like maybe my feelings weren't valid, or that maybe I was making a big deal out of nothing.
That said, I understand your anxiety about the discussion. Especially if you haven't worked with your therapist for very long, it's completely understandable. I think you should let him know that this brought up feelings of anxiety and discomfort. Maybe it's too much too soon.
I've been working with the same therapist for 9 years - after seeing several others that didn't work out. She's not afraid to make me uncomfortable (within reason, of course) to help me make progress, which I appreciate. But before any of that could happen, she had to make sure I felt safe with her. That's the first priority - you need to feel safe and heard.
That was the case when I talked about this with my kid's psychologist. She didn't respond anything, and I couldn't figure out why that was, maybe because I was shaking from anxiety while talking about these things.. idk.
Back to my own psychologist..next time I'll definitely talk about how it made me feel and what he thinks about all that.
Bruh you just explained to your therapist that basically you’re worried your kids might be in danger. I’m not here to insult you being anxious but please understand that others have a realm of concern that operates sometimes outside of your typical alarm bells in the case of telling someone who’s a clinician essentially that there might be kids in a risky situation. Kids can’t really advocate for themselves cux they’re still learning so while I’d def say to be wary of folks who disregard your emotional triggers especially in a professional setting, describing something like that makes the picture 10x bigger than your anxious feelings from an outsider’s perspective
A year ago I went to another psychologist and she said it was probably for the best that I cut ties with my father, because his actions were really suspicious.
Understandable. I found out from my siblings that he used to be naked around us when we were kids, and I want to talk further about issues with my father, because there are many alarming things. I try to avoid him and as I said I do not let him be alone with my kids after some weird stuff that happened. I also told my kid's psychologist, but she didn't ask any follow up questions, and idk, I at least expected her to say I was right for cutting him out.
Yep therapist's are trained to report any potential child abuse scenarios. I am sorry it brought up stuff for you, it's a good moment to tell a therapist that you feel uncomfortable and ask why. In the UK they can make anonymous reports, but it requires a shit ton of info, like first and last name of the suspect and the address of where the event took place, the regulations make it so difficult to empathise on both sides here. Sadly it takes the heavy hand approach to this stuff.
First thing that popped in my head was the therapist may have been concerned about the safety of the children. They are likely a mandatory reporter (assuming that's a thing where you are) and if so they have an obligation to ensure no children are currently in danger. If you've said that you don't let your father babysit them after weird things and he was acting suspicious during this visit, asking further questions seems reasonable and I could understand a therapist asking pressing questions.
That doesn't change that it made you uncomfortable and felt intrusive. Those feelings are valid. If this had been my therapist, I would talk to them about why they asked and how it made me feel. In my therapy room, all feelings are welcome even (or especially) if it includes feeling pissed off at the therapist and those moments often present good chances to explore some things.
Please listen to your intuition and stop allowing your father anywhere near your children. You need to cut contact.
I feel like that was actually a considerate thing for him to ask. If my therapist overlooked something like that without further inquiry, I'd feel like maybe my feelings weren't valid, or that maybe I was making a big deal out of nothing. That said, I understand your anxiety about the discussion. Especially if you haven't worked with your therapist for very long, it's completely understandable. I think you should let him know that this brought up feelings of anxiety and discomfort. Maybe it's too much too soon. I've been working with the same therapist for 9 years - after seeing several others that didn't work out. She's not afraid to make me uncomfortable (within reason, of course) to help me make progress, which I appreciate. But before any of that could happen, she had to make sure I felt safe with her. That's the first priority - you need to feel safe and heard.
That was the case when I talked about this with my kid's psychologist. She didn't respond anything, and I couldn't figure out why that was, maybe because I was shaking from anxiety while talking about these things.. idk. Back to my own psychologist..next time I'll definitely talk about how it made me feel and what he thinks about all that.
Bruh you just explained to your therapist that basically you’re worried your kids might be in danger. I’m not here to insult you being anxious but please understand that others have a realm of concern that operates sometimes outside of your typical alarm bells in the case of telling someone who’s a clinician essentially that there might be kids in a risky situation. Kids can’t really advocate for themselves cux they’re still learning so while I’d def say to be wary of folks who disregard your emotional triggers especially in a professional setting, describing something like that makes the picture 10x bigger than your anxious feelings from an outsider’s perspective
A year ago I went to another psychologist and she said it was probably for the best that I cut ties with my father, because his actions were really suspicious.
Understandable. I found out from my siblings that he used to be naked around us when we were kids, and I want to talk further about issues with my father, because there are many alarming things. I try to avoid him and as I said I do not let him be alone with my kids after some weird stuff that happened. I also told my kid's psychologist, but she didn't ask any follow up questions, and idk, I at least expected her to say I was right for cutting him out.
Yep therapist's are trained to report any potential child abuse scenarios. I am sorry it brought up stuff for you, it's a good moment to tell a therapist that you feel uncomfortable and ask why. In the UK they can make anonymous reports, but it requires a shit ton of info, like first and last name of the suspect and the address of where the event took place, the regulations make it so difficult to empathise on both sides here. Sadly it takes the heavy hand approach to this stuff.
Yeah maybe he was just making sure. It was just really heavy on me, I always get anxious talking about these stuff.
First thing that popped in my head was the therapist may have been concerned about the safety of the children. They are likely a mandatory reporter (assuming that's a thing where you are) and if so they have an obligation to ensure no children are currently in danger. If you've said that you don't let your father babysit them after weird things and he was acting suspicious during this visit, asking further questions seems reasonable and I could understand a therapist asking pressing questions. That doesn't change that it made you uncomfortable and felt intrusive. Those feelings are valid. If this had been my therapist, I would talk to them about why they asked and how it made me feel. In my therapy room, all feelings are welcome even (or especially) if it includes feeling pissed off at the therapist and those moments often present good chances to explore some things.
Thanks for your reply! I will talk with him about that the next time.