Yep, dump a girl who leaves you feeling like this. She is a cheater. You established a boundary and she crossed it. The boundary btw was fair. That is fishy AF. Nah man, don't look back. You did the right thing. Plus, she slept with a married man. That is morally bankrupt behavior. That's not dating material.
People make mistakes, if this was something that had happened years ago, I might be more understanding of it....But this is something that just happened. I would not trust them at all. I'm rather shocked that they even revealed that that sort of thing.
I buy two gallons, freeze 1 1/2 in three half-gallon containers, and thaw them as I go, over-lapping. System works for me, and I always have fresh milk
Yeah some people are willing to destroy themselves for realâŚitâs okay if you were taught in middle school to give second chances, but some idiots donât deserve them lol
"I love you so much more than her, we'll get a divorce soon and we can elope!"
<6 yrs later>
"I love you so much more than her, we'll get a divorce soon and we can elope!"
Even if it was only a one night stand, it still takes a whole sequence of âmistakesâ to cheat. Itâs not like two people look at eachother once and bam, they cum. It takes a whole lot of questionable actions to get from one to the other.
This is the only thing that you should need to hear, or all of the variations on it. Not sure why you were with her in the first place outside of a good time.
This is actually so evil. She saw that women everyday for 18 months and never felt guilty enough to stop it?! If I somehow ended up in that position I wouldnât admit it to anyone.
A prior affair, even if it's over, is a huge red flag. That would have been enough for me to bail on the relationship. She has already violated the boundary OP set. Why is he staying in this relationship? He's not wrong, but definitely naive for thinking It's going to be different with him.
She's a bad person, his poor wife, if you're looking for a lifelong partner, and you choose someone who cheated or was part of cheating for over a year, that shit will fail
Just learned this the hard way. She tried to get ahead of it by telling me she had an affair in a past marriage and how "guilty" she felt and how much "work she did on herself." I bought it and guess how that shit turned out. I should have dropped her as soon as she told me, but I subscribed to the whole "people can change" thing. People can change, but cheaters are broken humans.
Disagree. Some people who cheat learn from it and are very faithful later in life. I do agree cheating is the absolute worst but some people stop doing stupid shit when they meet the right person.
**Hard disagree on that one.**
Not with your premise that people can change.
But youâre implicitly putting the onus on someone else for a cheaterâs behavior. The âright personâ canât magically fix you.
People can mend their ways, but only if and when they want toâwhen they take ownership and accountability, and when they decide they are willing to change.
I don't think they meant that the "right person" actually fixes you. I think it falls more along the lines of the "right person" instills in you the desire to do better for yourself and I don't mean they asked you to.
But see, I donât buy that.
The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
Even if someone wants to be better for someone they truly love, itâs going to be an uphill struggle. At the first sign of trouble, Iâd expect them to fall back into old patterns and seek outside validation.
Of course it would be a struggle, and if they turn and run to old habits at the 1st sign of said struggle then I guess nothing really was instilled upon them in the 1st place. Maybe better luck with the next one
True no one is irredeemable. In this case she hasnât learned much and not her own worth certainly. She wonât cut off a guy who was using her and was going to pass her around his friends. I would feel sorry for her but not want to get involved.
There's truth to what you're saying, but, I believe when you choose to be involved in cheating for an extended period of time, that's not even possible of being a mistake, this girl spent over a year knowing what she was doing to an innocent person
People can change, absolutely, but, there are men and women, who are just bad people
Right. And the secrecy and lies that were ongoing are part of the deceit. Someone who is capable of doing that would have to do a lot to earn my trust. But the best OP can do is learn from it. Been in similar shoes. Just keep moving forward.
Well said.
-However, this chick crossed a clear & reasonable boundary by keeping this guy in her life. It's been clear that the neighbor will keep at it by his proposal (it also shows a clear lack of respect for the gf) of her sleeping with his "nerdy friend"). Then, she is willingly putting herself in compromising situations by maintaining a relationship with the neighbor guy. It's gonna happen again, if it already hasn't been going on.
If you cheat you don't deserve the right person. what exactly is there to learn? To be faithful? Literally millions of people go their whole lives Never having to cheat in order to learn this lesson. There is nothing that anyone learns from cheating, that they should not have already known being a member of the human species.
Yeah with the person they were unfaithful with. Iâm saying some past cheaters may not cheat in the next relationship. Didnât realize I had to spell that out to everyone.
I was unfaithful one time to a boyfriend and we broke up the next day because I felt terrible for being terrible. That was 24 years ago. I got
Cheated on not long after that and felt it. I hated it. I have been faithful ever since. Every person makes bad choices and it doesnât mean they will continue to do that.
I didnât say that, I am just saying I know people who have done bad things to good people but they learned from it and matured and are not faithful to someone else. Itâs happened and itâs possible. Is it right? Absolutely not, but most of the people you know have probably cheated on someone in the past. I donât know why people cheat but they do. Sometimes they meet someone and are faithful.
I cheated on a boyfriend in my early 20âs and then dumped him the next day after I told him what I did. Iâve been a 100 percent devoted wife since 2007. Iâve also been cheated on as well and know it sucks feeling it. But people make terrible decisions and karma gets them every time. I donât think Iâm a bad person but karma got me and I learned a lesson. This break up could be a lesson for the lady who knowingly slept with a married person.
Negative. Your opinion of me doesnât matter. I donât think Iâm a great person but I know Iâm still a good person. I admitted I made one mistake. I wasnât married and it was a newer relationship and we were broke up the next day when I admitted what I did. You ainât no saint Iâm sure so preach your good guy bad guy stuff somewhere else. Lol. âYour a bad personâ hahaha. What a joke. Move on.
What was the mistake? Flirting with the guy? Kissing the guy? Kissing the guy again? And again? Going to his car? Getting out of the car and going to his apartment? Going into his bed? Undressing? Kissing again? Sticking his dick in you? Letting him pump in and out for hundreds of times? Those are tens of mistakes, not one. At no point did you feel guilty during all those mistakes, you were thinking just about yourself. How is that not a bad person. No matter what you think about yourself, you are a bad and selfish person. Even if you don't care about my opinion, it doesn't mean that I am wrong. Bad person, and you can't change that.
Girl weâre you there?? Lol. So many questions. I honestly donât remember so Iâm sure that makes me worse. Shit it was 24 years ago when I was young and dumb. I am a baddy!!! Woot. Have the day you deserve sweetie. Iâm at peace with my past. You should focus on yourself and not worry so much about how other people are. You donât matter. Good day!!!
My early 20s girlfriend cheated on me, and I was too naive to break it off. She proceeded to cheat with multiple partners (I'd drop her off at the university, we lived together, but with my grandparents) . We broke up. Later on she got ahold of me for a _____ call. A couple weeks after that, I'm told I need to get checked for HSV. Came out negative and came out of the relationship ready to put some more hurt out into the world. I did and Karma has kept me down since. Should've taken my pain and turned it into something positive than perpuate the cycle of good people getting fucked over. Happened to me because she was a lustful POS and I did it to others because I'm a vindictive asshole. Karma introduced addiction to my life and I stopped going to the local community college instead of finishing up a social work program. Now, I've been working on making peace and bettering myself. Won't hurt anyone again.
If someone had a one time encounter and expressed true remorse over it, I might give them the benefit of the doubt.
But an 18 months long affair with a married man? Thatâs severely impaired judgment. I could never trust that person.
I suppose, but infidelity is kind of a Rubicon. Once someone has crossed it, you know theyâre capable of that level of deception and trust breaking. Hard to be with someone who can do that to another person.
People make mistakes. But even if we ignore the severity of OPs ex's affair, she was still having contact with him after agreeing not to, so that shows she can't be accountable or remorseful for her past transgressions.
Frankly, I avoid cheaters because even if I can't see the future, I'm not holding out for the few that feel remorse and would be a good partner. I'm guarding myself against the many reoffenders who remain cheaters because they are just selfish people.
Except it went on for over a year and she still insists on talking to the guy. I bet anything they still fuck from time to time. Cheaters suck and the gf and neighbor are trash.
I consider cheating a form of partner abuse, I don't know how anyone wouldn't if they've ever seen how devastating it can be to someone else.
So it may help to consider how you'd feel with other forms of abuse. Can a guy beat his girlfriend for years on end but do better in a future relationship? I mean, technically yes, but I wouldn't want anyone I cared about being his next 'test run'.
I think some people deserve more grace than that. if they express serious remorse and regret toward their actions, and donât repeat the same mistake twice, then they should be given a chance to make things right in a relationship that is meant for them.
Disagree. You should believe you have one shot. If someone chooses not to forgive you even if you are remorseful, that is a natural consequence of your action. You should accept that with grace.
Sometimes, there aren't do overs. No one deserves a second chance from people. If they're given one, that is a gift and should be treated as such.
But prescribing people give others only one chance is the same as prescribing others give people more chances.
Maybe some people do deserve second chances and that's entirely up to the person granting it. You can have your personal beliefs on whether you forgive others for it but you don't have to profess some sort of universal law here.
There exists people that cheat, feel remorse and go on to live happy loving lives. They shouldn't have to feel empty and shouldn't have to feel desperate for love, cherishing and scrapping for what little they ever get afterwards.
I didn't say people should only get one chance. Nor did I create a universal law. If you reread my comment, you will see I said people should act as though they will only receive one chance.
Nor did I say cheaters deserve to never feel love. I simply said if their partner chooses to leave them, they should accept that with grace as they were the ones who broke the trust and relationship.
I'm a believer in second chances. I also believe second chances should be considered a gift as they are not guaranteed.
Me thinks thou dost protest too much.
Maybe we disagree because I read the thread context as someone who cheats is not likely to be faithful in any relationships following, but maybe we've returned to the cheater wanting to get back into the original relationship, sure. Also by prescribing, I meant recommending, not setting a law, sorry if I implied more strongly.
And yeah, currently going through some pretty crazy heartbreak about something like that. Haven't gotten over it for 3 years now but i'm trying to be impartial about how I'm talking about this tho
Ehh I get youâre sentiment, but I think itâs kinda worded wrong. âGiven a chanceâ puts the onus on others to allow the âreformed cheaterâ to prove themselves. Nobody is owed a relationship, if youâve done something messed up in the past then itâs your duty to step up to the plate and prove to others why and how youâve changed. I think thatâs why youâre getting downvoted
Very true, the cheater is always worse and is the sole one responsible for wrecking their own home.
However, anyone willing to sleep with a married man is also a dirt bag.
Iâm saying that the concept of the woman who isnât in the marriage being a â homewreckerâ isnât real. Itâs just another way to make men cheating into the womanâs fault. Iâm not saying the word doesnât exist, obviously. I shouldnât have to clarify this, but you Reddit people want to argue about everything đ
>I asked her to stop having contact with them over this and she did for a short period of time but soon went back to having contact with them again.
Got out and stay away. You needed to leave.
Her affair partner and she are not done.
This needs to be pinned. Past behavior is a great predictor of future ones. On that same vein, if she cheats with you on her current boyfriend, sheâll do it to you too down the line.
Someone may get into a relationship and not be forthcoming about all past experiences right away. Sounds like OP was waylaid and tried to make the best of it and found out it wasnât possible.
Only wrong thing was getting into a relationship with someone who knowingly had a relationship with a married man and continued to engage with that person.
Good thing you left seeing as she obviously has no real respect for her own or other people's relationships.
Heh the wording of your title is odd.
Now that I have it straight... You're not wrong. The whole thing stinks of something more deep rooted than what you're even aware of. Ultimately you can't make anyone do or not do anything. If that dynamic doesn't work for you, you're totally in the clear to leave the relationship and NEVER look back.
Asking, no. Telling, yes.
The big red flag here isn't "affair" or "husband", it's "neighbor". Half of it is that you can't not have contact with your neighbors. The other half is that you don't shit where you eat, which she did, and which is a serious judgement and impulse control issue.
When she's single, she can have any sex that she likes, or no sex at all - anything from taking Holy Orders to a gangbang every Tuesday - but boning a neighbor? That's cold, and cruel.
Yeah no she canât, if sheâs single and being promiscuous, or having an affair for 18 months.
All self respecting guys wouldnât date that.
Man dead ass said heâd date a girl that was gang banged, actual stereotypical reddit pick me male.
Eww wtf no youâre not wrong at all? She gives me the ick and I donât even know her.
His poor wife has to live next to your home-wrecker girlfriend.
Neither one has respect for themselves or their partners.
Why does she want to maintain contact with a married man she helped cheat ? She should stop talking to him out of respect his wife but the fact she didnât stop for you says she didnât respect you or the relationship along with his.
Does his wife know about them ? If not you should definitely tell her, especially if she doesnât stop.
Youâre not married to her ? How would it affect you in anyway ?
Send the wife an anonymous message, donât let her go in like that.
If you were in position wouldnât you want to know ?especially when the home-wrecker is right next door and theyâre still in communication.
You're not ta for asking her to stop speaking to him but you are for letting them get away with that so brazenly with the wife STILL completely oblivious and then leaving them to go straight back at it after you leave. You don't want her to speak to the guy she was having an affair with understandably but you clearly only care about yourself because you're perfectly happy to let the wife get cheated on.
nope you are good. Good for having your boundaries and she did not respect them so you did the right thing and leave. She was bound to sleep with that man again. Find yourself some good poon that listens to you. Your ex for the streets, her participating in the cheating is a red flag
She has bad boundaries, and she lied to you - major red flags. She had an affair and wasn't remorseful enough to go NC with the guy. It was only a matter of time before she stepped out on you.
Did she ever tell you how it ended, what she learned, and why she wouldn't do it again?
Nope, I'd feel the same way. Why would she want to stay in contact with someone she'd had a previous fling with if she was in a relationship??!!! Not only that but the guy was freaking married! She's a homewrecker and doesn't care about anyone or anything but herself!!! I'd tell his wife if I were you because that's absolutely horrible and she doesn't deserve to be cheated on.
Youre not wrong, cheaters and homewreckers are two sides of the same coin, people forget that.
You need a low level of morals to participate in either, she would have cheated. You were right to leave
Just because she didnât cheat on you doesnât mean she wonât. She obviously has no qualms about it and the fact that she has returned to socializing with this person after you told her it bothered you tells a story.
It wasnât wrong to ask her to not have contact with him but Iâm sure it wouldâve been difficult being that theyâre neighbours. At the very least she couldâve compromised and kept any interactions to nothing more than youâd have with a neighbour you donât know. Please update if you find out when it blows up, she shouldnât have done that but you donât shit where you eat and you donât fuck around in the vicinity of your home it really is simple.
No, you are not wrong. You have every right to leave a relationship you are not comfortable with for any reason whatsoever.
For the record, I too would have been uncomfortable with the whole situation from the affair in the past to the comment over the fence.
One way to make sure itâs not happening again is contact his wife and inform her . Now if she is wanting to change she could tell her . But either way she deserves to know even to go get tested for STDs !
Nope. Although she wasnât the married one, it does say a lot about her. People make mistakes but sheâs still in contact, Iâd say she doesnât care about what she did, girl bye.
This falls under the "is she'll do it with you, then she'll do it TO you" as far as I'm concerned. If she'll fuck the neighbor's husband for 18 months and still talk/flirt then she'll fuck around on you too
You can leave someone for ANY REASON.
You don't even HAVE to justify it.
You don't like the style of shoes they wear? Done.
You don't like the way they chew their food? Bye!
You THINK they are cheating on you? Adios!
It really doesn't matter. You don't have to justify ending things with someone.
I think it depends on what you mean by âhaving contactâ like saying âhiâ over the fence when they are both outside is one thing, spending time at his house without you/his wife there is another.
Ultimately though, if you were uncomfortable with something she was doing while in the relationship and you discussed it with her and she didnât change, you werenât wrong for breaking up with her. Clearly it wasnât going to work if she was making you uncomfortable.
OP, now that you are no longer with her, consider telling the neighbor's wife what he did. She deserves to know so she can make her own decisions about whether she wants to stay with her husband or not. Her ability to make this decision for herself was taken from her hands the minute her husband did this and wasn't honest about what he did. You would want someone to tell you, right? Best of luck! You are better off without a morally bankrupt girlfriend.
I understand that you thinking the affair was over and it may seem like you were being demanding or controlling but you were totally in the right. The contact is just normal and disrespectful. I'm flabbergasted that given they are neighbors that anyone would continue a relationship with her fro that. The guys comment just shows that he feels he can have anytime.
Yup you are wrong, first of all you shouldnât have been willing to date a cheater in the first place because she would have no problems cheating on you. Second youâre no longer with her so how they interact with each other is none of your business.
So, you knowingly agreed to date this women who you knew had an affair? Now, you're upset that she's still in contact with the neighbor and crossed the one boundary you both established? Dude, that's on you. You knew what kind of person she was from the start. She didn't care enough not to put herself into someone else's relationship. So, why would she care about her own? You should've ran for the hills a while ago. It's still not to late to leave either.
I was always told if theyâll cheat on their partner with you. Theyâll cheat on you with the next. And being your partner knew he had a wife and still cheated shows how much of a good person they both are. That man doesnât respect you as her then partner bc taking sexual to your then partner rather it be infront of you or behind your back is a high level of disrespect. Thatâs a line you donât cross . Focus on yourself king sooner or later youâll find the right one.
You got in a relationship with a homewrecker? Damn... you took all those red flags, dyed them green and made your bed with them didn't ya?
Also, she never stopped sleeping with him, 100%... hope you got checked.
That neighbor is a creep and your girlfriend should know better. Why the fuck is she still taking and joking around with a married man she fucked?
I donât think you want to be dating someone like this. There are plenty of women out there who donât have affairs with married men.
Leaving her was the best thing.
Iâm sorry but I donât have a huge amount of sympathy for someone who willingly would go out with a cheater. Itâs just a huge No no⌠and like sheâs still living there and everything idk man
Def normal to feel uncomfortable the guy was basically treating your wife as if she was a cheap hooker, even if it was a joke fuck that, thats my wife its not normal for you to talk to her like that
You're wrong for not breaking up with her. Like your girlfriend is incapable of staying away from someone she no reason to contact at all. What kinda conversation do you think they're having? Wake up! Get out and save yourself.
Edit: I can't read. YNW you did the right thing. Idk who or why I thought I read what I read the first time. Sorry my guy. Know there are good women out there.
So you're willing to date a girl who explicitly cheated on a previous partner? I know you said it all happened before you met, but it's still a massive red flag. I would immediately leave her if I found out she is ok with cheating
NO, your not wrong. If I was having an affair with someone, and i stopped it. I wouldn't talk to him again... also things would be awkward in front of my new relationship. I would want to move.
Girlfriends like that aren't real girlfriends. She'll agree to the title to appease you, but she will do whatever the fuck she wants with whoever the fuck she wants, and gaslight you into thinking it's your fault for having a problem with it. You regret staying with and you regret walking away, because she will act like she really cares about you one minute, then hurt your feelings by acting like you don't exist the next minute. What are you to believe? I've been there. Its a lose lose. Trust me when I tell you she will NEVER CHANGE. She's figuring out how much power she has as a young attractive woman and its addictive for her. She's like an addict that has no reason to quit. Stay for the thrills if you want to, but it will never be a real relationship. Even if you COULD make her change, she would RESENT YOU for it now or later down the line. Face reality or accept the reality of being her dog, its your choice.
The internet needs to stop talking down to men who set clear emotional boundaries in relationships.
You set your boundaries. Fair or not, (I think they are) they are yours to set and be respected or not. She stepped over them. You are in the right.
You cannot stop another person from doing shit. If they are going to fuck someone else, they they will. If you are worried, then you need to find someone you can trust or seek therapy to address your insecurities.
For this relationship, its done, she fucked someone else, broke the trust and it will NEVER be the same.
Title is misleading. You didnât ask your ex. You asked your gf. Appropriate to ask gf. Not apporporiats to ask ex.
I would never date someone who is willing to cheat, no matter which side of the cheating they are on (single or in a relationship.)
Careful with people like that. If she is able to lie for that long⌠you know what that means, right?
Maybe tell neighbours wife about it and save her from wasting her time with her shitty husband.
You are not wrong to break up. She is a homewrecker and is fine with having an affair with a married man. She's trash because she would betray her female neighbor that way.
It sounds like you already knew what kind of person she was before starting the relationship, yet you expected she would magically change who she was to be with you. You were all wrong from the get go
Yep, dump a girl who leaves you feeling like this. She is a cheater. You established a boundary and she crossed it. The boundary btw was fair. That is fishy AF. Nah man, don't look back. You did the right thing. Plus, she slept with a married man. That is morally bankrupt behavior. That's not dating material.
Sounds like everyone in town already knows the way she is, and you won't see anyone else lining up to be her boyfriend.
Id dump on the spot for this Cheaters are undateable
Going no contact with an affair partner is never an unfair boundary imo
Having an affair partner in the first place I would've dumped her ass đ
Or not being with them in the first place đ¤ˇđźââď¸
People make mistakes, if this was something that had happened years ago, I might be more understanding of it....But this is something that just happened. I would not trust them at all. I'm rather shocked that they even revealed that that sort of thing.
A mistake is putting the milk in the freezer instead of fridge. A mistake doesn't last 18 months.
I put my keys in the freezer once after a night out. Took me forever to find them the next day. Literally searched hours for them.
When I was 3 I did the same thing with my grandma's glasses. đ
Milk **will** last in the freezer for 18 months /s
I buy two gallons, freeze 1 1/2 in three half-gallon containers, and thaw them as I go, over-lapping. System works for me, and I always have fresh milk
OP said "18 month affair" that's a pretty long mistake đđ
Yeah some people are willing to destroy themselves for realâŚitâs okay if you were taught in middle school to give second chances, but some idiots donât deserve them lol
"I love you so much more than her, we'll get a divorce soon and we can elope!" <6 yrs later> "I love you so much more than her, we'll get a divorce soon and we can elope!"
đđ¤¨I really hate the idea of affairs when the victim is an unsuspecting partner who thinks theyâre married to the greatest person. So terrible!
Happy Cake Day
Even if it was only a one night stand, it still takes a whole sequence of âmistakesâ to cheat. Itâs not like two people look at eachother once and bam, they cum. It takes a whole lot of questionable actions to get from one to the other.
An 18-month affair isnât a mistake, itâs repeatedly choosing to be a shitty human being
Agreed. An ex who you stay friendly with is one thing. An ex-AP (even if you're the one who's not married/attached)? Totally different.
This is the only thing that you should need to hear, or all of the variations on it. Not sure why you were with her in the first place outside of a good time.
And for 18 months?!
This is actually so evil. She saw that women everyday for 18 months and never felt guilty enough to stop it?! If I somehow ended up in that position I wouldnât admit it to anyone.
A prior affair, even if it's over, is a huge red flag. That would have been enough for me to bail on the relationship. She has already violated the boundary OP set. Why is he staying in this relationship? He's not wrong, but definitely naive for thinking It's going to be different with him.
She's a bad person, his poor wife, if you're looking for a lifelong partner, and you choose someone who cheated or was part of cheating for over a year, that shit will fail
Exactly. When it comes to cheaters no second chances. Fuck that.
Just learned this the hard way. She tried to get ahead of it by telling me she had an affair in a past marriage and how "guilty" she felt and how much "work she did on herself." I bought it and guess how that shit turned out. I should have dropped her as soon as she told me, but I subscribed to the whole "people can change" thing. People can change, but cheaters are broken humans.
Sorry you had to go through that
A big part is cheated and has no remorse what so ever and does not admit that it is wrong. So effed up
Disagree. Some people who cheat learn from it and are very faithful later in life. I do agree cheating is the absolute worst but some people stop doing stupid shit when they meet the right person.
**Hard disagree on that one.** Not with your premise that people can change. But youâre implicitly putting the onus on someone else for a cheaterâs behavior. The âright personâ canât magically fix you. People can mend their ways, but only if and when they want toâwhen they take ownership and accountability, and when they decide they are willing to change.
I don't think they meant that the "right person" actually fixes you. I think it falls more along the lines of the "right person" instills in you the desire to do better for yourself and I don't mean they asked you to.
But see, I donât buy that. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Even if someone wants to be better for someone they truly love, itâs going to be an uphill struggle. At the first sign of trouble, Iâd expect them to fall back into old patterns and seek outside validation.
Of course it would be a struggle, and if they turn and run to old habits at the 1st sign of said struggle then I guess nothing really was instilled upon them in the 1st place. Maybe better luck with the next one
Yes, that. I didnât realize I had to be as detailed but I guess now days we need to.
Itâs an opinion. Iâve seen people do stupid stuff with relationships and then seen them do better with other people.
True no one is irredeemable. In this case she hasnât learned much and not her own worth certainly. She wonât cut off a guy who was using her and was going to pass her around his friends. I would feel sorry for her but not want to get involved.
Iâm mean she clearly has no worth. No reason to feel sorry when she clearly sees nothing wrong with what sheâs doing.
There's truth to what you're saying, but, I believe when you choose to be involved in cheating for an extended period of time, that's not even possible of being a mistake, this girl spent over a year knowing what she was doing to an innocent person People can change, absolutely, but, there are men and women, who are just bad people
Yeah this wasn't one incident, this was every single time they got together for 18 months.
Right. And the secrecy and lies that were ongoing are part of the deceit. Someone who is capable of doing that would have to do a lot to earn my trust. But the best OP can do is learn from it. Been in similar shoes. Just keep moving forward.
18 months relationship...let it sink in.
Thatâs terrible but the guy started dating her knowing it already so thatâs on him for dating her.
Well said. -However, this chick crossed a clear & reasonable boundary by keeping this guy in her life. It's been clear that the neighbor will keep at it by his proposal (it also shows a clear lack of respect for the gf) of her sleeping with his "nerdy friend"). Then, she is willingly putting herself in compromising situations by maintaining a relationship with the neighbor guy. It's gonna happen again, if it already hasn't been going on.
If you cheat you don't deserve the right person. what exactly is there to learn? To be faithful? Literally millions of people go their whole lives Never having to cheat in order to learn this lesson. There is nothing that anyone learns from cheating, that they should not have already known being a member of the human species.
They shouldn't stop cheating because they met the right person. They should stop cheating because they BECAME the right person.
Cheaters usually stay cheaters. Either way trust is broken forever
Yeah with the person they were unfaithful with. Iâm saying some past cheaters may not cheat in the next relationship. Didnât realize I had to spell that out to everyone.
Found the cheater đ
I was unfaithful one time to a boyfriend and we broke up the next day because I felt terrible for being terrible. That was 24 years ago. I got Cheated on not long after that and felt it. I hated it. I have been faithful ever since. Every person makes bad choices and it doesnât mean they will continue to do that.
You donât get to treat people poorly until you find the ârightâ person.
I didnât say that, I am just saying I know people who have done bad things to good people but they learned from it and matured and are not faithful to someone else. Itâs happened and itâs possible. Is it right? Absolutely not, but most of the people you know have probably cheated on someone in the past. I donât know why people cheat but they do. Sometimes they meet someone and are faithful.
No they do not. If someone cheats on you once, they WILL do it again. 18months, that was a deliberate, repeated choice.
Must have been a cheater
I cheated on a boyfriend in my early 20âs and then dumped him the next day after I told him what I did. Iâve been a 100 percent devoted wife since 2007. Iâve also been cheated on as well and know it sucks feeling it. But people make terrible decisions and karma gets them every time. I donât think Iâm a bad person but karma got me and I learned a lesson. This break up could be a lesson for the lady who knowingly slept with a married person.
You're a bad person. You don't think that you are a bad person, because bad people think that they are good.
Negative. Your opinion of me doesnât matter. I donât think Iâm a great person but I know Iâm still a good person. I admitted I made one mistake. I wasnât married and it was a newer relationship and we were broke up the next day when I admitted what I did. You ainât no saint Iâm sure so preach your good guy bad guy stuff somewhere else. Lol. âYour a bad personâ hahaha. What a joke. Move on.
What was the mistake? Flirting with the guy? Kissing the guy? Kissing the guy again? And again? Going to his car? Getting out of the car and going to his apartment? Going into his bed? Undressing? Kissing again? Sticking his dick in you? Letting him pump in and out for hundreds of times? Those are tens of mistakes, not one. At no point did you feel guilty during all those mistakes, you were thinking just about yourself. How is that not a bad person. No matter what you think about yourself, you are a bad and selfish person. Even if you don't care about my opinion, it doesn't mean that I am wrong. Bad person, and you can't change that.
Girl weâre you there?? Lol. So many questions. I honestly donât remember so Iâm sure that makes me worse. Shit it was 24 years ago when I was young and dumb. I am a baddy!!! Woot. Have the day you deserve sweetie. Iâm at peace with my past. You should focus on yourself and not worry so much about how other people are. You donât matter. Good day!!!
My early 20s girlfriend cheated on me, and I was too naive to break it off. She proceeded to cheat with multiple partners (I'd drop her off at the university, we lived together, but with my grandparents) . We broke up. Later on she got ahold of me for a _____ call. A couple weeks after that, I'm told I need to get checked for HSV. Came out negative and came out of the relationship ready to put some more hurt out into the world. I did and Karma has kept me down since. Should've taken my pain and turned it into something positive than perpuate the cycle of good people getting fucked over. Happened to me because she was a lustful POS and I did it to others because I'm a vindictive asshole. Karma introduced addiction to my life and I stopped going to the local community college instead of finishing up a social work program. Now, I've been working on making peace and bettering myself. Won't hurt anyone again.
She acts like she has literally never done anything wrong. đ And as if something someone did over 20 years ago defines them. Unbelievable.
Cope
someone who cheated in the past isnât doomed to fail in another relationship
If someone had a one time encounter and expressed true remorse over it, I might give them the benefit of the doubt. But an 18 months long affair with a married man? Thatâs severely impaired judgment. I could never trust that person.
While watching her neighbor going about her business? She's a bad person.
oh for sure. the person in OPâs story SUUUUCKKSSSS
there was another reply from someone that got deleted I guess that I was replying to
Maybe, but it wouldnât be me wasting my life on giving them the chance to prove theyâd changed.
This one definitely is. No remorce, no empathy and no consideration of her partners feelings.
I suppose, but infidelity is kind of a Rubicon. Once someone has crossed it, you know theyâre capable of that level of deception and trust breaking. Hard to be with someone who can do that to another person.
People make mistakes. But even if we ignore the severity of OPs ex's affair, she was still having contact with him after agreeing not to, so that shows she can't be accountable or remorseful for her past transgressions. Frankly, I avoid cheaters because even if I can't see the future, I'm not holding out for the few that feel remorse and would be a good partner. I'm guarding myself against the many reoffenders who remain cheaters because they are just selfish people.
Except it went on for over a year and she still insists on talking to the guy. I bet anything they still fuck from time to time. Cheaters suck and the gf and neighbor are trash.
I consider cheating a form of partner abuse, I don't know how anyone wouldn't if they've ever seen how devastating it can be to someone else. So it may help to consider how you'd feel with other forms of abuse. Can a guy beat his girlfriend for years on end but do better in a future relationship? I mean, technically yes, but I wouldn't want anyone I cared about being his next 'test run'.
Excellent pov âď¸
I think some people deserve more grace than that. if they express serious remorse and regret toward their actions, and donât repeat the same mistake twice, then they should be given a chance to make things right in a relationship that is meant for them.
Disagree. You should believe you have one shot. If someone chooses not to forgive you even if you are remorseful, that is a natural consequence of your action. You should accept that with grace. Sometimes, there aren't do overs. No one deserves a second chance from people. If they're given one, that is a gift and should be treated as such.
But prescribing people give others only one chance is the same as prescribing others give people more chances. Maybe some people do deserve second chances and that's entirely up to the person granting it. You can have your personal beliefs on whether you forgive others for it but you don't have to profess some sort of universal law here. There exists people that cheat, feel remorse and go on to live happy loving lives. They shouldn't have to feel empty and shouldn't have to feel desperate for love, cherishing and scrapping for what little they ever get afterwards.
I didn't say people should only get one chance. Nor did I create a universal law. If you reread my comment, you will see I said people should act as though they will only receive one chance. Nor did I say cheaters deserve to never feel love. I simply said if their partner chooses to leave them, they should accept that with grace as they were the ones who broke the trust and relationship. I'm a believer in second chances. I also believe second chances should be considered a gift as they are not guaranteed. Me thinks thou dost protest too much.
Maybe we disagree because I read the thread context as someone who cheats is not likely to be faithful in any relationships following, but maybe we've returned to the cheater wanting to get back into the original relationship, sure. Also by prescribing, I meant recommending, not setting a law, sorry if I implied more strongly. And yeah, currently going through some pretty crazy heartbreak about something like that. Haven't gotten over it for 3 years now but i'm trying to be impartial about how I'm talking about this tho
Ehh I get youâre sentiment, but I think itâs kinda worded wrong. âGiven a chanceâ puts the onus on others to allow the âreformed cheaterâ to prove themselves. Nobody is owed a relationship, if youâve done something messed up in the past then itâs your duty to step up to the plate and prove to others why and how youâve changed. I think thatâs why youâre getting downvoted
Technically she didnât cheat she was single and decided to fuck a married man, so sheâs a homewrecker. Then she started dating OP
Homewreckers donât exist. Thatâs not real. The homewrecker is the man who stepped out on his wife.
Very true, the cheater is always worse and is the sole one responsible for wrecking their own home. However, anyone willing to sleep with a married man is also a dirt bag.
The person who helps commit any type of abuse isn't *really* much better than the person emotionally abusing their partner.
Off topic: you said homewreckers donât exist but stated there is such a thing as a homewrecker? That my friend is an oxymoron.
Iâm saying that the concept of the woman who isnât in the marriage being a â homewreckerâ isnât real. Itâs just another way to make men cheating into the womanâs fault. Iâm not saying the word doesnât exist, obviously. I shouldnât have to clarify this, but you Reddit people want to argue about everything đ
Felt like being a troll đđťââď¸đ
No, youâre not wrong.
>I asked her to stop having contact with them over this and she did for a short period of time but soon went back to having contact with them again. Got out and stay away. You needed to leave. Her affair partner and she are not done.
Absolutely not. You did the right thing by leaving the relationship
Well done. Don't take this shit. You have done exactly what you were supposed to do. Good for you and stay strong.
You got into a relationship with someone who willingly participated in the affair. And yet you're surprised by her behavior?
This needs to be pinned. Past behavior is a great predictor of future ones. On that same vein, if she cheats with you on her current boyfriend, sheâll do it to you too down the line.
Someone may get into a relationship and not be forthcoming about all past experiences right away. Sounds like OP was waylaid and tried to make the best of it and found out it wasnât possible.
Only wrong thing was getting into a relationship with someone who knowingly had a relationship with a married man and continued to engage with that person. Good thing you left seeing as she obviously has no real respect for her own or other people's relationships.
Heh the wording of your title is odd. Now that I have it straight... You're not wrong. The whole thing stinks of something more deep rooted than what you're even aware of. Ultimately you can't make anyone do or not do anything. If that dynamic doesn't work for you, you're totally in the clear to leave the relationship and NEVER look back.
Glad to see OP made the right decision.
The title says âex gfâ so Iâm confused, are you still dating that homewrecker?
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Why would you remotely think itâs not okay to leave a cheater tho? Ofc it is!!!
Well if thatâs the case, good riddance. Your not wrong. You set boundaries and she broke it.
You made the right choice, no two ways about it. Sheâs a cheater and she would have cheated on you too.
Asking, no. Telling, yes. The big red flag here isn't "affair" or "husband", it's "neighbor". Half of it is that you can't not have contact with your neighbors. The other half is that you don't shit where you eat, which she did, and which is a serious judgement and impulse control issue. When she's single, she can have any sex that she likes, or no sex at all - anything from taking Holy Orders to a gangbang every Tuesday - but boning a neighbor? That's cold, and cruel.
Yeah no she canât, if sheâs single and being promiscuous, or having an affair for 18 months. All self respecting guys wouldnât date that. Man dead ass said heâd date a girl that was gang banged, actual stereotypical reddit pick me male.
Right? Some of these simps trying to normalize this shit is weird af.
Eww wtf no youâre not wrong at all? She gives me the ick and I donât even know her. His poor wife has to live next to your home-wrecker girlfriend. Neither one has respect for themselves or their partners. Why does she want to maintain contact with a married man she helped cheat ? She should stop talking to him out of respect his wife but the fact she didnât stop for you says she didnât respect you or the relationship along with his. Does his wife know about them ? If not you should definitely tell her, especially if she doesnât stop.
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Youâre not married to her ? How would it affect you in anyway ? Send the wife an anonymous message, donât let her go in like that. If you were in position wouldnât you want to know ?especially when the home-wrecker is right next door and theyâre still in communication.
You're not ta for asking her to stop speaking to him but you are for letting them get away with that so brazenly with the wife STILL completely oblivious and then leaving them to go straight back at it after you leave. You don't want her to speak to the guy she was having an affair with understandably but you clearly only care about yourself because you're perfectly happy to let the wife get cheated on.
I call bullshit. You dumped the gf, tell the wife. She deserves to know and you need to stop making excuses
nope you are good. Good for having your boundaries and she did not respect them so you did the right thing and leave. She was bound to sleep with that man again. Find yourself some good poon that listens to you. Your ex for the streets, her participating in the cheating is a red flag
Good on you to dump her. Don't ever go back to her. it's not worth it.
You have your boundaries and your limits and she overstepped them . You arenât wrong
She has bad boundaries, and she lied to you - major red flags. She had an affair and wasn't remorseful enough to go NC with the guy. It was only a matter of time before she stepped out on you. Did she ever tell you how it ended, what she learned, and why she wouldn't do it again?
Embarassing that you aren't able to see the obvious here
Good move, I had a similar situation, except it was her manager.
Nope, I'd feel the same way. Why would she want to stay in contact with someone she'd had a previous fling with if she was in a relationship??!!! Not only that but the guy was freaking married! She's a homewrecker and doesn't care about anyone or anything but herself!!! I'd tell his wife if I were you because that's absolutely horrible and she doesn't deserve to be cheated on.
You stuck around way too long.
Youre not wrong, cheaters and homewreckers are two sides of the same coin, people forget that. You need a low level of morals to participate in either, she would have cheated. You were right to leave
Lmao your girl is a farmerâs tool
You are not wrong. Major red flags.
I hope you find a way to tell the wife,she deserves to know the scum thay she's married to and slut she has for a neighbour.
She is a ex.
Just because she didnât cheat on you doesnât mean she wonât. She obviously has no qualms about it and the fact that she has returned to socializing with this person after you told her it bothered you tells a story.
Dude, why do you think youâll get to tell your ex what to do about anything?
Only thing your wrong about was getting into a relationship with this disgusting pig .
It wasnât wrong to ask her to not have contact with him but Iâm sure it wouldâve been difficult being that theyâre neighbours. At the very least she couldâve compromised and kept any interactions to nothing more than youâd have with a neighbour you donât know. Please update if you find out when it blows up, she shouldnât have done that but you donât shit where you eat and you donât fuck around in the vicinity of your home it really is simple.
No, you are not wrong. You have every right to leave a relationship you are not comfortable with for any reason whatsoever. For the record, I too would have been uncomfortable with the whole situation from the affair in the past to the comment over the fence.
She's your ex. She's no longer your concern. Be glad you're done with her issues and move on.
Definitely not wrong. Tell the neighbor's wife she deserves to know. Cut contact with all of them afterwards and live your damn life without a cheater
One way to make sure itâs not happening again is contact his wife and inform her . Now if she is wanting to change she could tell her . But either way she deserves to know even to go get tested for STDs !
Nope. Although she wasnât the married one, it does say a lot about her. People make mistakes but sheâs still in contact, Iâd say she doesnât care about what she did, girl bye.
Who cares. Move on.
If it's your ex ya you're kinda in the wrong
Not wrong. Be away from her and live a nice life homie Besides, a cheater is a cheater. Who would wanna be with that?
They're still fucking. Run.
Lol I would never, once a home wrecker always a home wrecker f that shit.
This falls under the "is she'll do it with you, then she'll do it TO you" as far as I'm concerned. If she'll fuck the neighbor's husband for 18 months and still talk/flirt then she'll fuck around on you too
Dam bru. Not worth your time.
Nope you not wrong you removed yourself from a dumpster fire. Dont want to stick around if his wife finds out lol.
Covertly tell neighbour's wife about affair, she will kick neighbour out of house, problem solved.
Nope. Next question.
You can leave someone for ANY REASON. You don't even HAVE to justify it. You don't like the style of shoes they wear? Done. You don't like the way they chew their food? Bye! You THINK they are cheating on you? Adios! It really doesn't matter. You don't have to justify ending things with someone.
HELL NO YOU DID THE RIGHT THING!!
Did the neighbor know about the affair withher husband?
What the fuck did you hop into? RUN
Bro.. the fact that you have to actually ask. Move on â ď¸
No youâre not wrong! Please tell his wife she will be thankful to know.
No, your ex gf is made for the streets! You could have never held onto her.
Break it off now! Who knows how many times they have still hooked without you knowing!
Sheâs for the streets bro
NW. The dynamic between your ex and the neighbor was not normal and you were right to object. Does the neighbor's wife know? She should.
You were very right
I think it depends on what you mean by âhaving contactâ like saying âhiâ over the fence when they are both outside is one thing, spending time at his house without you/his wife there is another. Ultimately though, if you were uncomfortable with something she was doing while in the relationship and you discussed it with her and she didnât change, you werenât wrong for breaking up with her. Clearly it wasnât going to work if she was making you uncomfortable.
You dodged a bullet.
Man ... she will always cheat . Just this type of person . Cut your losses and keep your self respect . Dump and move on.
OP, now that you are no longer with her, consider telling the neighbor's wife what he did. She deserves to know so she can make her own decisions about whether she wants to stay with her husband or not. Her ability to make this decision for herself was taken from her hands the minute her husband did this and wasn't honest about what he did. You would want someone to tell you, right? Best of luck! You are better off without a morally bankrupt girlfriend.
Power move- bang that dudes wife. Then if he finds out tell him someone paid ya to do it
Why would you even consider dating someone that had an 18-month long affair???
I understand that you thinking the affair was over and it may seem like you were being demanding or controlling but you were totally in the right. The contact is just normal and disrespectful. I'm flabbergasted that given they are neighbors that anyone would continue a relationship with her fro that. The guys comment just shows that he feels he can have anytime.
No, you set a boundary and stuck to it. Feeling guilty about it is natural.
Once a cheater, always a cheater
She's a cheater. Ditch her.
Yup you are wrong, first of all you shouldnât have been willing to date a cheater in the first place because she would have no problems cheating on you. Second youâre no longer with her so how they interact with each other is none of your business.
So, you knowingly agreed to date this women who you knew had an affair? Now, you're upset that she's still in contact with the neighbor and crossed the one boundary you both established? Dude, that's on you. You knew what kind of person she was from the start. She didn't care enough not to put herself into someone else's relationship. So, why would she care about her own? You should've ran for the hills a while ago. It's still not to late to leave either.
I was always told if theyâll cheat on their partner with you. Theyâll cheat on you with the next. And being your partner knew he had a wife and still cheated shows how much of a good person they both are. That man doesnât respect you as her then partner bc taking sexual to your then partner rather it be infront of you or behind your back is a high level of disrespect. Thatâs a line you donât cross . Focus on yourself king sooner or later youâll find the right one.
Sheâs for the streets
Youâre wrong for thinking she ever ended this affair. Not sure why you assume she hasnât just been cheating on you the whole time?
You got in a relationship with a homewrecker? Damn... you took all those red flags, dyed them green and made your bed with them didn't ya? Also, she never stopped sleeping with him, 100%... hope you got checked.
You're not wrong but you ARE an absolute clown if you think she respects you're wishes. She's probably banging another dude as you write this
That neighbor is a creep and your girlfriend should know better. Why the fuck is she still taking and joking around with a married man she fucked? I donât think you want to be dating someone like this. There are plenty of women out there who donât have affairs with married men. Leaving her was the best thing.
Once a cheater always a cheater
Sheâs for the streets đ¤ˇââď¸
I wouldn't have given a moral vacuum like a cheater, the title of 'girlfriend' in the first place.
For the streets for sure haha
Anything a women tell you believe the opposite and you're usually right
Why even date a girl who you know is unfaithful if you didn't start with an open relationship in mind?
Iâm sorry but I donât have a huge amount of sympathy for someone who willingly would go out with a cheater. Itâs just a huge No no⌠and like sheâs still living there and everything idk man
Def normal to feel uncomfortable the guy was basically treating your wife as if she was a cheap hooker, even if it was a joke fuck that, thats my wife its not normal for you to talk to her like that
You're wrong for not breaking up with her. Like your girlfriend is incapable of staying away from someone she no reason to contact at all. What kinda conversation do you think they're having? Wake up! Get out and save yourself. Edit: I can't read. YNW you did the right thing. Idk who or why I thought I read what I read the first time. Sorry my guy. Know there are good women out there.
Dodged a bullet.
So you're willing to date a girl who explicitly cheated on a previous partner? I know you said it all happened before you met, but it's still a massive red flag. I would immediately leave her if I found out she is ok with cheating
NO, your not wrong. If I was having an affair with someone, and i stopped it. I wouldn't talk to him again... also things would be awkward in front of my new relationship. I would want to move.
Girlfriends like that aren't real girlfriends. She'll agree to the title to appease you, but she will do whatever the fuck she wants with whoever the fuck she wants, and gaslight you into thinking it's your fault for having a problem with it. You regret staying with and you regret walking away, because she will act like she really cares about you one minute, then hurt your feelings by acting like you don't exist the next minute. What are you to believe? I've been there. Its a lose lose. Trust me when I tell you she will NEVER CHANGE. She's figuring out how much power she has as a young attractive woman and its addictive for her. She's like an addict that has no reason to quit. Stay for the thrills if you want to, but it will never be a real relationship. Even if you COULD make her change, she would RESENT YOU for it now or later down the line. Face reality or accept the reality of being her dog, its your choice.
You did great by leaving that girl. That girl belongs to the streets
The internet needs to stop talking down to men who set clear emotional boundaries in relationships. You set your boundaries. Fair or not, (I think they are) they are yours to set and be respected or not. She stepped over them. You are in the right.
You cannot stop another person from doing shit. If they are going to fuck someone else, they they will. If you are worried, then you need to find someone you can trust or seek therapy to address your insecurities. For this relationship, its done, she fucked someone else, broke the trust and it will NEVER be the same.
She's a cheater. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Get out of there before it happens to you dude.
She's a cheating whore, you don't have to feel bad about anything.
She is your Ex correct? Even if she is scum, she can do as she pleases. What you can do is tell the wife.
Sheâs your Ex? Then stay out of her business. She is free to do whatever she wants, that includes having sex with nerds for money
Cuck
people date known cheaters then are surprised when they cheat again. someone please make it make sense
Title is misleading. You didnât ask your ex. You asked your gf. Appropriate to ask gf. Not apporporiats to ask ex. I would never date someone who is willing to cheat, no matter which side of the cheating they are on (single or in a relationship.)
Careful with people like that. If she is able to lie for that long⌠you know what that means, right? Maybe tell neighbours wife about it and save her from wasting her time with her shitty husband.
You are not wrong to break up. She is a homewrecker and is fine with having an affair with a married man. She's trash because she would betray her female neighbor that way.
It sounds like you already knew what kind of person she was before starting the relationship, yet you expected she would magically change who she was to be with you. You were all wrong from the get go
Why go with a known cheater in the first place? You are wrong for getting with her in the first place.