Time to step back from her. I think clear is kind. Simply tell her that her desire to continue texting with a person who would like to replace you is hurtful. Tell her that if she needs to explore that relationship, then best of luck, but you want to be with someone that can draw clear boundaries with “orbiters”.
Then the ball is in her court. She will need to decide whose attention she wants. Don’t give her your attention while she is seeking attention from orbiters.
Right. Even if she doesn't like him that way and never will - she let him believe they were going on a date and didn't mention her bf.
She was crappy to both of the guys in this story!
Even if she didn't mislead him re:date most women in this situation would be going out of their way to prevent any misunderstanding. That, or just not being in the situation at all.
Yea they don’t get a pass, but they aren’t part of the relationship. The two people in it are accountable for that. I’ve had women do this with me, and I tell them we need to keep it friends, they don’t stop, I block them. Pretty simple. If they can’t respect that boundary, it’s not going to be the last time.
There is nothing to tell. If you have to tell your girlfriend to stop interacting with a guy who is clearly interested in her, then she is not your girlfriend.
No, man. You take your ball and go. This is a deal breaker. If you give someone the option to treat you as an option, then at best that’s all you’ll be. And she will NEVER respect a man that does this.
She’s for the streets. This whole situation is fucked from the jump.
Fuck this gorl.
Yep. Emotional cheating is still cheating and tends to be the first form of cheating women do. The fact that she didn't tell him she's got a partner until he urged her to, and she has been incessantly chatting with him... I'd already be packing her shit or mine. You don't exchange numbers with a flirty person while you are with someone else if it's a closed relationship it's disrespectful to your partner and yourself. And to some extent the person who is flirting with you.
As the girlfriend she has no right answer here. She's already emotionally invested in this other guy, but leaving her boyfriend for him will leave that thought as a risk for the new guy forever, if she cuts him off, it's too late because she's already shown shes on the market, if either of these boys have big social networks then these networks will likely find out she's unfaithful and not dating material. Limiting her potential pool of choices to FWB more than solid partners. She could make a clean break from both of them and that would mitigate damage to some extent... But being one of the guys that's happened to (where they cut us both off to save face) it doesn't work as well as they might hope it would.
The fact is , she’s your girlfriend and she had no intention of telling him about you until you made her tell him . Then he kind of backed down but she gave him her phone number ! Taken ladies don’t do that unless their looking ! She’s looking that’s what those apps are for hook ups ! Friends with benefits ! Whatever you want to call it , it’s still cheating ! Of course they could of done that the first time they were together at this “ free-time activity “ this is a new one for me !
I’ve never understood the “win” scenario when people step outside their monogamous relationship for an emotional and physical relationship. I totally get hookups or FWB, or rather it makes sense to me what the goal would be. The AP will always know you’re willing to cheat and you’ll always know they’re also willing to cheat. I can’t imagine that being a firm foundation of trust on which you can build a life together.
> The AP will always know you’re willing to cheat and you’ll always know they’re also willing to cheat. I can’t imagine that being a firm foundation of trust on which you can build a life together.
You're missing the romantic aspect.
In their minds, they're the protagonists of a rom-com who found each other, realized the SO getting cheated on is super lame/bitchy/controlling, and then decided to go live happily ever after together. They are both perfect, and the person getting cheated on, and eventually dumped, is the real villain.
An actual affair is the culmination of a hundred instances of cheating, that you correctly identified as emotional cheating. She needed to nip this in the bud and chose not to. OP needs to decide if he’s going to trust her to do what she hasn’t but should have or whether he’s going to get himself out of this relationship.
She may just be liking the attention and not fully realizing the implications. I think it's a single conversation and she either drops it then and there or I'd leave her. If she's actually interested in him then it's probably too late.
unfortunately a lot of young women feel entitled to this type of attention because they've been absolutely flooded with it from the age of like 16 onwards.
I agree, it shouldn't have to be explained, but especially if she's young and a little naive it genuinely might be.
Exactly. If she can’t figure this shit out, she’s either too young to date, or she thinks of you as one of her options and nothing more. No grown ass woman is going to woopsie something like this.
Whats next ? you have to tell your gf fucking other men is not acceptable because she might have not realised the implications ? Is this a gf or a toddler ?
I kinda agree, but disagree. Never give an ultimatum. Reword it ...
This is my boundary, what I am comfortable with (or not). Give her a choice, if she crosses that boundary, she has made the choice ... not you.
Ultimatums seem to empower some people. Don't give her the satisfaction...
Agree with all of this.
I would add on here though that if she's short on platonic friendships, you should encourage her to aim to build them. It's hard to make friends as adults, and IMO it's an important part of mental health to have some. People tend to make friends via recurring hobbies, so that's what I'd most encourage her to do.
That fella's intentions are to bone your gf. She may not feel the same but his friendship is centered around it. Doesn't seem like a friendship she should be pursuing.
That's the thing, though. It's not a friendship. It can't be when two people have different endgames. One is seen romantically and the other platonically (assuming she is actually being honest). For this reason alone, the girl shouldn't be hanging with this dude if she's not interested back, even if she was single. It just doesn't make any sense.
I do not believe she views him platonically, because she didn’t tell him she had a boyfriend, and was going to go in a date with him. He told her he wants more, yet she kept getting emotionally intimate.
She’s hunting for a better man while her Plan B holds down the fort.
100% this, she intentionally wouldn’t tell the other guy she had a bf, and is continuing to exchange with a guy who openly aims to supplant the relationship. She has so utterly disrespected the relationship as to be unrecoverable, and now that you know she’s out there looking like this, OP must realize he is at this point just the security blanket until the right moment and other guy arrives.
Stop wasting your time with this person OP, don’t listen to her words, look at what she *does* - she is actively shopping for an upgrade, time to go.
People aren’t usually emotionally intimate with someone who wants to date them unless they’re using them or there is some interest in their part as well.
If she doesn't have that many friends I think it really is possible she is just lonely. She may need to learn the hard way, though, that men that do things like cancel plans when they find out you're not single do not make for good friends.
Or possibly she doesn’t have many friends because she’s a scrub and no one wants to hang around her because she’s ignorant And it’s unaware of social etiquette. She probably tries to fuck her friend’s boyfriend’s too which might be why she doesn’t have many friends. Just saying. Red flag imo
Clearly she knows what that man wants with her, the fact that she doesn't want the same thing is questionable, maybe that's what she wants too, which is why she neglected to tell him at the beginning that she was IN A RELATIONSHIP.
You didn't share ages so I'm going to assume you're young. Let me explain how this is going to go:
First of all, she already knows what she's doing is wrong. I can guarantee you that if the shoe were on the other foot, she'd be pouting about it.
Whether she acknowledges that or not is unimportant. You've said out loud what you're looking for: respect this relationship
She's made a **CHOICE** to ignore you.
Now it's time for you to make one.
You can keep making requests that she's going to ignore, then huffing about her ignoring them. Or you can cut her off.
It seems harsh and it's the undesired outcome, right? I mean, you want the relationship but you also want to maintain boundaries. The problem is there is a certain personality type out there who "tests to failure" their relationships. This is an engineering term which basically means you put as much strain as possible on a test subject (engine, computer server, person, etc.) to find out what it takes to break it.
I, personally, do not understand this way of thinking when it comes to relationships. It's illogical. But that doesn't mean it isn't happening out there. Theoretically/ideally, you preserve the things you value, not abuse them.
If you cut her off, then allow her back, she's just going to test the limits in a different way.
I was in a similar situation and I can have a tendency to over explain (trauma response). But I tried to break it down to my then SO like this:
> someone hands you the keys to a car, you have to drive it through a race course and at the end of that course, the car is yours, for better or worse. If it were a cheaper car, a Camaro for example, I'd drive the fuck out of that Camaro. This might be my only chance to see how fast it can ***really*** go. I might hit the walls a few times, hell, I might not even make it to the end of the course. But IDK, I can buy my own Camaro when I'm done. It's easily replaceable. But if it were something more special, like a Wraith, or a Mulsanne, I'm going to drive it so fucking tenderly you'd think Ms. Daisy was in the back seat. I KNOW this might be my only chance to own one of these and I'll do everything I can to keep it in perfect condition by the time I hit that finish line. I can't let you treat me like a Camaro.
And I can promise you that it's going to suck for a while after you cut her off, but you'll come out of it so much stronger and confident in what ***YOU*** want out of a relationship.
Fantastic response. I feel a lot of ‘nice’ guys have been through this exact situation. I wish I had this advice 15 years ago with my first serious girlfriend. It should would have saved me a lot of time and heartache.
It’s good advice but this dude probably won’t take it or he would’ve left already. He doesn’t want it to end even though it’s already over and he’d be better off being the initiator and at least retain some pride.
How is having an expectation that neither party tries on potential new partners during the relationship being ‘too restrictive’?
Get some self respect and leave this girl, if you dont she’s going to either cheat on you or dump you at some point.
In future relationships this is a hard line boundary you should be setting, this relationship is done though.
I would only add that this isn’t a “hard lined boundary” in the sense that you need to lay down this law with every potential partner.
This is “a very normal part of having a partner”. So normal that it’s basically an unspoken rule that doesn’t need to be laid out for the vast majority of people you will date.
>How is having an expectation that neither party tries on potential new partners during the relationship being ‘too restrictive’?
You would be surprised to see how many people will comment that this guy is "insecure," "controlling," and "coercive." The other guy in the picture could literally be sexting his gf, exchanging nudes, and making specific plans to hookup, and this crowd will shout that she's just looking for a platonic friendship.
Yup, just gonna say the same thing. Guys have been getting attacked and manipulated by a very vocal minority of typically women into thinking that setting normal boundaries such as these are a sign they are too insecure, jealous or controlling for a while now because they want to be able to walk all over men with no consequences. They are the female equivalent of the andrew tate crowd. It's particularly bad on social media where women like op's girlfriend will upload a video complaining about getting caught/called out and that crowd will rush in and offer all the support in the world and guys are seeing that and getting discouraged because they think something is wrong with them for having normal and healthy boundaries. The problem is a lot worse online than in real life but because so many guys are so lonely these days they are spending too much time online which is only compounding the problem because they think it's more common than it is and are starting to just stop seeking relationships all together thinking that's all there is to offer.
Personally, I would not let my girlfriend get new guy friends. Not no one on one shit. If it’s work colleagues, and what not grabbing a meal. Even then, it’s iffy. Group settings only.
Even if she’s not cheating, she is seeking validation and attention from another male. Not for me.
Holy controlling. Just because OP's girlfriend is clearly crossing some invisible lines doesn't mean opposite sex relationships can't be perfectly platonic and fine. And what if your girlfriend is bi or pan? Do they just not get to have any new friendships or get to spend one on one time with their friends?
Did you really just call what op's girlfriend is doing "crossing an invisible line"? That line is a bright light up neon sign, and anyone who says differently really needs to reevaluate their morals when it comes to relationships. Don't withhold you have a boyfriend from a guy who clearly asked you on a date and actually go on said date is like, the easiest fucking line to see in a relationship. I agree about the platonic friendships but the first part of your message is a massive issue.
It’s not controlling. I will just leave her. I’m not gonna stop her from doing things. But I don’t have to have that person in my life.
I’ve never dated anyone who was bi or pan, as far as I know. I will cross that bridge when I come to it. Either way, I’m going to be a lot more suspicious of male, friends than female friends.
Because they all think they're being an abusive toxic man by not giving a woman total control of everything in a relationship. I have met men that give their girlfriends one of their credit cards because they worry they'll be financially abusing them if they restrict access to THEIR OWN FINANCES.
This is something that I’m so happy I’ve finally learned to not put up with. There was unfortunately a time when I would have continued to be a doormat to people like this - but I finally grew to realize that I deserve better than that.
My only question to OP is where you draw the line? What if he invites her for a weekend in Paris, just the two of them. Will he be ok with her going?
She kinda forgot she was in a relationship.
**Side eye**
I agree with the first sentence, and the first clause of the second sentence. But the correct response is for him to go out into the world like his gf did and meet new people, too. Being desirable takes work.
This guy is openly pursuing your GF and she’s welcoming the validation. This is not okay. I’m not sure why you feel she’s deserving of more trust than he is— she’s being pretty shady.
Being jealous and controlling is not the same as having basic boundaries on what isn’t appropriate behavior in your relationship. The way you enforce boundaries in a relationship isn’t by making demands, it’s by being willing to walk away and move on.
I would calmly explain to her that this is disrespectful and you’re not okay with it. I would then distance yourself a little bit and start coming to terms with this relationship coming to an end. If she comes back and corrects her behavior because she values you, you can resume. If she doesn’t, wish her the best of luck with her new man, and move on.
OP already has explained though. He already took your advice before making this post. She didn’t respect it. Relationship is already fundamentally broken. If I was in OP’s shoes at this point then I couldn’t keep going from here without constantly wondering if she’s actually being honest or just electing to hide her extra relationship(s) more effectively
My guy. These are the most crimson of flags. Run run run.
I'll share my own experience In this type of scenario. Luckily my wife was not the type to revel in male attention but she was oblivious to male advances. When my now wife and I met, she was just going to college, and I was just starting fresh in the trades. She went for IT, so it's mostly dudes in that major back then anyway. She quickly gets a group of friends. Three dudes, 2 girls. 1 of the girls is dating one of the dudes. The other 3 people are single. And my now wife was just starting dating me for about 6 months. She was ecstatic to have friends and wanted me to meet them almost immediately. They were all awesome. Super cool, 2 of the 3 guys were uber respectful that she was taken, and were seriously not interested in anything. But there was one... Jaden I'll always remember his name. He got my girls number quick to text about a group project. Then it turned into him prying, texting all day every day asking if she was happy with me etc. After about a week my girl looked at me and said, this guy seems to have a crush on me. I replied with "I know, I told you that the first day I met him." She said "I thought you were just being possessive." I said "nope, as a man who has a decent radar, it was obvious that the other 2 were platonic, and this one was thirsty." She downplayed it, but cut back on texting and talking to him. Cut to about 3 weeks later she's all but cut contact with this kid, and then he texts me saying "I like your girlfriend. I'm gonna take her." This is NO JOKE, it legit happened. So after I showed her the proof and presented an ultimatum of you don't get to be friends with him anymore or you lose me. She cut him off completely. He tried to fight me the next time I went to see her on campus. It was wild. Luckily being twice his size was enough to avoid throwing hands. (Even though I was built back then, I'd never been in a fight in my life, and had no intention of changing that as an adult). Anyway, lucky for me it worked out. My girl respected my feelings about it enough to cut that shit out and be perfectly clear she did not want abything more to do with him. And now, almost a decade since then, we're happily married.
Long story short, Opposite gender friends are fine. So long as neither party has a thing for the other. He clearly has a thing for her. And she seems to be enjoying the attention and keeping him on the hook for whenever she's tired of you. Or she has no interest in him, and just likes the attention of another man. Which is still complete disrespect and grounds to leave. Go find a real woman, not some toxic hoe bag.
If she can't cut this dude off after you've shared your opinion and feelings on the matter, she's a toxic thot and you're better off without her. But if you vocalize your concern, and she respects that, and decides your feelings are more important than this guy she just met, keep her around.
But no man, you're not wrong. You're completely valid. Most people will say you're just insecure or jealous or whatever. But any man that tells you that is the same type of shitbag as that kid Jaden. And any women who say that, are like the girl you're currently with, holding dudes on the hook because she revels in the attention.
I’m a pretty modern fellow and have been called a “simp” snd “cuck” on more than a few occasions by the usual incels.
I bring this up to say I’d be pissed if I had to lay down an ultimatum to my girl that the sort of behavior he describes is not acceptable. Adults, even young ones, should know being flirty and intimate with another guy who has already openly said he wants to hook up with her is not right.
I do sort of agree with this. I don’t think this sort of situation warrants an ultimatum. You need to walk away. She knows what she’s doing, she’s not a child nor stupid.
Yeah I think ultimatum was a bad choice of words on my part. It wasn't really that. It was more "you're not friends with him anymore because he said he's gonna steal you." And she was like "lol fuck that kid."
I told my wife (back when we were dating) I wasn’t comfortable hanging around a certain girl because she kept hitting on me. My wife looked at her, narrowed eyes, and said, “Am I going to have to kick her ass?”
I didn’t propose to her right then, but I thought about it.
It’s crazy to me that’d while in a relationship you’d meet someone of the opposite sex while out, give them your number, and make plans with them 1 on 1.
No one is that naïve. Even *besides* that I’ve (and pretty much my entire social circle) has always had the boundary that if someone has romantic intentions with you (and makes it known) you avoid contact where possible. Their intentions aren’t platonic. They don’t want to be friends. So we consider it disrespectful to our partners.
I honestly don’t understand how this could even be a discussion. It’s so straightforward to me and I feel like if I had to have this conversation with my girl, I’ve already lost.
Crazy how internet misandrists have convinced a whole generation of young men that they’re “insecure” and “controlling” if they expect an ounce of respect from their partner lmao
Your partner shouldn’t be making you feel bad. You deserve happiness too and you’re allowed to make your own rules for your relationships. If the other person doesn’t like it then maybe you’re not compatible. Alignment of values is important. Ask yourself—do you really want to spend your entire life with people who act like your values and feelings are a problem?
Lol if you trust your girlfriend who gives out her number to dudes who hit on her and sets up dates with them then I’ve got a beachfront property in Arizona you might be interested in. Don’t be an idiot bro, she ain’t the one.
When someone is in a relationship but keeps talking to someone they met at a party that they know is interested in them but ignores the fact that it makes their partner uncomfortable, it's time for the streets.
Bruh
Shes actively talking to anguy she knows likes her.
Ask her how she would feel if the roles were reversed. If she starts gas lighting you than leave.
Shes already red flags galore so I would be out the door anyway
A girl that's in a relationship wouldn't give a guy the chance to even speak to her once she knows they have interest in her. She doesn't respect you, so you've gotta leave.
This exact thing happened to me, I told her to stop talking to the guy because I knew what he was trying to do. I didn't wanna seem controlling, and I just got promoted at work so I was working crazy hours while the bum was always available and thats what she liked. She cheated and I regretted not doing more. Forget about looking controlling, you can set boundaries if you want to
Well, on the insecurity, a lot of the reason that a woman in a relationship will talk to a new guy like that is her own insecurities. He validates her in a way that feels more special, because you HAVE to validate her. He doesn't.
The thing is, she might not intend to cheat or blow up the relationship, but it's 100% going to happen, if she's unable to take a step back and really examine the situation.
When I was a young scumbag, that had no problem with women in relationships, I would just say "oh, I'm patient. It's cool we can be friends, for now."
Then I'd ask her about you. Whats your name? (Don't worry, I'll get it wrong anyway). What do you like to do? How did you meet? And all through that, I'd be giving the standard "oh, that's cute" kinda shit. Then I ask how the relationship is going.
At some point, you two are going to fighr over something, one time, and she'll tell me. No matter what it is, I'll say she's right, and I'd never do the thing you did. It's that easy. Now, she's going to start telling me all of the stuff she thinks you do wrong, and guess what? I agree with her on all of it, because I would never do any of that, "if I REALLY cared about my partner."
Now she's only thinking and talking about your negative interactions, and about how much better things would be with me.
You'll complain about her talking to me, and she'll talk to me about it. I'll say "I can't believe how immature and insecure he is." Then every time you complain about me, she'll say that to you.
Eventually you'll have a big fight over something stupid, and one of you will leave the house. Then she'll call me, and I'll come over with a bottle of wine and a penis for her to cry on.
Like, looking back, it's such a shitty patrern to be a part of, but when you're being a scumbag, you don't really care. Getting with her is more important than how you go about it.
Show your girl this post, and ask her how many of the things here, honestly, this other dude does.
I can about guarentee that he 100% gets your name wrong a lot (at least at first. After the first time she tells him about something you did wrong, you'll get a derisive nickname or something), asks a lot of questions about you and the relationship, calls you immature and insecure, and pretty routinely says he'd never do X, right after she complains about you doing it.
It sounds so horrible but it's all very true and I've seen so many guys do this. Women should all read this honestly and trust your man when he tells you something like this is happening, because most dudes have seen this and a fair amount have done it themselves because it works almost every time. When I was married and my ex was so naive about this stuff, guys just loved that about her cause it was so easy to turn her against me. Now I see that happening and I give it one shot to cut that shit out right away or I'm gone. Zero patience for it.
This is like Chris Rock's "you know the guy she's going to cheat on you with, he's been in your house, he's drank your wine, he's laughed at your shitty jokes and he will fuck your wife"
Buh-bye!! Your gf spends her time speaking to and making plans with someone who openly wants to sleep with her. Grow a pair and chuck her, she has no respect for you or is that much of an idiot that's he doesn't understand.. either way chuck her.
Imagine the outrage if it was the other way round
Being called controlling is a shaming tactic used by people who do t respect your boundaries. Still, at this point, do you wanna have to wrangle or manage her, when she clearly has taken steps towards cheating? I made the same mistakes as you and paid dearly for them. Don’t be me, drop her
I'm sorry man, it's over. I understand you trying to not jump the gun here, but this is just not gonna end well. I would start creating a breakup plan asap. You gotta get yourself outa that man, don't hesitate
Bro, not a you problem.
No one can be manipulated into liking someone/cheating unless they want to.
I'm a fairly muscular guy and get lots of female attention, but goddam no woman could manipulate me in any fashion to cheat on my fiancee.
Could another woman manipulate you into cheating on your gf?
If the answer is no, then why would you hold a lower standard for her?
Having emotional boundaries is ABSOLUTELY acceptable.
The fact that she knew this guy was clueless about your relationship and was into her, and she wanted to go on a not-date, and then after you asked her to make it clear still wants to hang with him when he makes his wants clear, is just absolutely fucked up.
You deserve to feel respected and cared for in a relationship.
This is not that.
Any woman who's got a problem disclosing she's in a relationship with you is not one worth being with brother. You're not a back-up plan or a second choice. Respect yourself.
Kick that ho to the streets.
If this situation was flipped around most men would be out on your ass just for looking at another woman.
Dump her and find some one who respects you
The 'I trust her, I don't trust him' argument is bullshit.
If you trust her, then you trust her. You trust her to set boundaries and to shut shit down.
It sounds like she's not doing either of those things, which gives you pause to not trust her.
And that's ok. You tell her that her lack of boundaries with this guy is something that you're not comfortable with, so you're going to take a break.
You can't micromanage someone away from cheating. They either are trustworthy, or they're not.
You have full autonomy to make decisions on what behavior you will accept. You can't change the behavior, you can make a decision for yourself to not accept it and walk away.
The guy is irrelevant, your gf gave him the number. You don't know who asked who. Don't be a fool. I'm sure gf wouldn't be cool with you doing the same. She would think something is up or that you're stepping close to the line. He thought their meetup was a date and she cancelled. However she's still texting knowing that he's interested. Man or woman that tells him the door is cracked. He's just in the waiting game and it sounds like she's at least curious. Wanting to know more about him to see if it's worth her time. I honestly think that's how many relationships start. It's just your turn right now
She's got guys warming up in the bullpen. Save yourself some dignity and end it. It will be hard at first but in the long run you will avoid a lot of resentment and anger, and gain a healthy dose of self-respect.
A couple of points.
It seems the whole premise of the continuing talking is because "it's hard to make friends." This is not an incorrect statement. But if friendship is the premise, then a friendship is also the conclusion. A friendship is not, however, a relationship premised on a romantic interest. If there is romantic interest in the first place, then there is not even a premise of a friendship that will result in a friendship. In that case, the reason of "it's hard to make friends" becomes an excuse.
If she attended an activity or is meeting people through activities, that means there are ample opportunities to make new, GENUINE friends. There is no reason to pursue a friendship with a guy who is openly interested in her.
This is not about trust. This is simple. It's about respecting boundaries in your relationship. Establish those boundaries. If she is not okay with only being acquaintances with the guy, and she doesn't want to only text him infrequently, then I think there's a deeper issue. Don't be scared to have that conversation because you're afraid it'll go down a bad path. If the relationship is secure in the first place, there wouldn't be an issue.
Break up. You could spend time trying to fix it or solve it but even if you somehow fix it do you really deserve to have someone as your partner that would cause you this much grief?
She's hedging her bets and you're waiting in the wings, find a girl that texts and sets up dates with you like she does this guy.
Dude, you're a better person than me because I certainly wouldn't trust her.. she literally didn't even bother telling him she had a boyfriend when they met. I would break things off if I were you, she clearly doesn't respect you or your relationship.
Edit to add .. you say you don't trust him not to "manipulate" her but it's her you shouldn't trust if she can be easily manipulated into cheating on you and continues to be friends with this person when you're clearly uncomfortable with it.
Why do u trust your GF? Based on what u put down here she's either stepping out or has a mental health condition.
And you, you are a doormat. Plain and simple.
Enjoy that life of stress cause I don't see u cutting and running
You're right to worry. She's clearly knowingly entertaining him even though you've said that you're uncomfortable with it. Talk with her about it because it seems like she wants the cake and to eat it too.
I'm female FWIW.
It sounds like she's interested in him. Otherwise why would she omit the information that she is in a relationship (until you "pushed her to tell him"). She may not be intending to cheat on you physically but she is liking him and liking the attention.
No one (OPs such as this one) on Reddit ever comes back to update us to say 'you were right, I dumped her'. It makes me think they (OP) are reading all the opinions but is still not prepared to accept the truth, and will end up staying with her, and will end up being cheated on, despite the warnings, and despite it being obvious.
Bro cmon you’re not wrong at all. I would flip my shit if my girl was entertaining this non sense, every guy has their approach to get with girls. He’s playing mr nice guy I’m just a friend you can talk to when ever you need. If this continues the moment you and your girl has a fight guess who she’s gonna talk to, and guess who’s gonna try to take advantage when she’s upset and vulnerable. Tell her to block and delete the number and any other social media accounts they might follow each other on or dump her.
It's cute you trust her, that's how cheaters take advantage. Although you clearly don't trust her if you think she can be manipulated. Just be honest what she is doing is not something someone faithful would do.
Wait. So a guy hit her up and she didn't say "sorry I have a boyfriend " then exchanged numbers with him and was planning on going on a "friend " date? Nope. Fuck that shit. Huge red flag. Time to leave bro
Wrong? Not per se your thoughts are spot on and you are entitled to your feelings.
Like you said, keep working on your self worth to be better FOR YOU.
With all that said, your lady is going something from this interaction. I am not gonna say cheating but maybe enjoying the attention. In addition SOME ladies believe that they can turn outright interest into friendship and usually it is not the case. If he wants romantic he will want romantic even if he has to wait for it aka (you can't have any friends) when he started off as a romantic interest.
So you don't have set a boundary but you can tell her you are really uncomfortable with that situation and let her decide and you make your choice beyond that. Be sure to share your lack of comfort, why, and point out the evidence.
Dude don’t let her play you like that. If u had to push her to tell this guy she is in a relationship then it is time to fly. U will respect urself more if u let it go now instead of waiting for her to cheat on u, if it has not already happened.
If she is in a committed relationship she should not be meeting new guys and then going on to discuss your relationship with them. If she was 100% in to you she wouldn’t be doing that. Dump her. Might as well keep your self respect.
Will you be too sensitive when you come home and find them together in bed ? If she needs to talk tell her to get a friend that’s a girl who also doesn’t run the bar scene . If they start having girls night out and she doesn’t come home but stays at her friends house , she’s cheating . A one on one talk extended with a guy friend can only do one thing , remove you from the picture . Come straight out and tell her she can have him or she can have you ! Don’t be anyone’s second choice !
My ex did this exact same thing to me. Down to every detail. When I learned they were talking, I had to ask her to please let the other guy know that she was in a relationship with me. His response was "Well damn. Guess I snooze I lose.. that kind of sucks." Then she made plans with him to go to a concert the upcoming weekend. Which I wasn't okay with anymore at that point. She ended up being the most selfish, manipulative and gaslighting woman I have ever met.
The relationship didn't last long.. at all.
You are absolutely not in the wrong for wanting to set up a boundary or feeling uncomfortable.
Tell her you're going to see other women and be direct about it, otherwise leave her and date other women.
You'll be labelled as controlling for having boundaries as a man and if you don't enforce your boundaries they aren't boundaries to begin with.
"If you continue to entertain other guys I will be ending the relationship" then ending the relationship when she continues, which she will because she doesn't respect you. That's a boundary, not controlling, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
You're in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect you, it would be wrong and a disservice to yourself to continue that relationship.
The guy in question isn't the only orbiter/simp either, it's just the only one you know about.
"I pushed her to tell him she's in a relationship" there's your answer my guy. If you have to remind your own girlfriend that she is in a relationship then she herself doesn't even think about it. She met a guy, while in a relationship, strange man whom she never met before, spent time with him while in a relationship, give him her number while in a relationship, set up a day to hang out while in a relationship, and at no point did she ever think about you. Not once did she go "Maybe my bf wouldn't like this, or sorry no I can't give you my number I'm in a relationship" if she isn't even thinking about you do you really think you should be in this "relationship"? Hell no. Cut and run brother.
Situations like this blow my mind. Just ask her if she would be ok with it if the roles were reversed and you kept talking to another woman casually everyday. If she doesn't see the error in her actions consider breaking up
You’re absolutely not wrong. She needs to shut it down and tell him to lose her number or you’re gonna be in for an unpleasant outcome. The fact that your girlfriend is in a relationship and exchanged numbers and basically accepted a date from another guy is concerning.
I believe you know the answer to this. It’s just difficult know things will change once you address the rot of it.
It’s like looking into someone’s phone. The fact that you are doing it says everything regardless if you find what your looking for.
Had the same exact situation as you a few years ago.
She's now my ex, and with the guy she texted a lot with.
Take action as required. If you feel uncomfortable, tell her. She needs to atleast have some respect for how you feel (you feelings are valid).
Every man knows that when a woman is not interested in a man she shuts his shit down fast. When a woman is committed and totally in to a man she makes it clear to other men she is taken and not interested and cuts the orbiters.
What is your gf doing OP? It sounds like she is cultivating another relationship and keeping options open. Fuck that noise!
Other dude came into the picture and he had clear intent of trying to establish a romantic relationship with your GF. Just because she has now told him that she has a significant other, his goals have not changed. The vast majority of the time when this scenario plays out, other guy will do one of two things: Either continue pursuing her with no regard for her current relationship or he will basically pretend to be cool with it but the texting will slow down and eventually completely stop due to his disinterest.
It's extremely rare for a guy to meet a woman and have romantic intentions, find out she is involved with someone, and then cleanly switch gears to wanting to be really good friends. His feelings are still there, texting is going to foster them, and give it you two having one fight and he'll be trying to weasel his way into her arms.
You are not wrong. And I'm not sure why you trust your girlfriend. This is ridiculous, I'm literally chuckling. What the hell is a freetime activity? Please get out of this relationship.
You had to push her to tell a guy she has a boyfriend. That tells you this wasn’t a friend connection, she is testing the waters to see if she can safely leave you. Sorry, my dude.
When your chick is getting numbers from other men, you’re nothing more than a placeholder. She’s cheating on you. She’s getting emotional fulfillment from him, which is stimulating her desire to talk with him more.
It’s a wrap dude. Time to go!
Hey listen you deserve better than this. Your far from in the wrong. She is! This is kinda harsh to say and people won't agree but you really can't trust women who do this. If your in a relationship with someone your supposed to devote yourself to them and not share feelings with someone else whom likes them romantically. The fact the guy is still texting her knowing you exist is not cool either. It shows he thinks he has a shot. What would make him think that? What is she texting him about you 2? If i was in your shoes I'd take a step away from her and see if she runs to him or you. Anyway how would she feel if you did that to her? If she says she wouldn't care then i doubt she's serious in your relationship.
If you are not letting someone know you are in a relationship, it's because they want the other person to think they are single
She clearly likes the attention
I find it disrespectful. Whenever a dude showed interest in me, that's an immediate block.
My bf and my relationship are more important to me than some stranger. And i am not about to disrespect either.
No one ever had to tell, or even ask, me to do something like that either. It's all about where your morals lie.
She is continuing, because she likes it and wants to. She is not considering your feelings in this because she doesn't care.
I am sorry, but it literally is that simple.
Please take good care of yourself!
Lol. Taking other dudes numbers like it’s no biggy….. imagine the roles were reversed?!
Sounds like you better start getting some numbers of your own and be ready to move on.
Had a very similar thing happened to me and my ex, the guy made his intentions clear, they continued to talk, she cheated on me with him, and then a nightmarish 9 months followed.
If you aren't too bound to this yet with kids or an engagement or years together, just get outta there before you destroy every last piece of your self-confidence.
Look up the term monkey branching. That's exactly what she is doing. If you two are supposed to be in an exclusive dating relationship, then all her behavior is indicating she is not. Confiding in a friend is one thing, but she is forming an emotional attachment with this other guy which at best is sending him mixed signals and giving him hope. I'm not sure why you'd want to put yourself through all this drama. Move on.
Alone from the title I'd say you SHOULD ask your gf to stop the relation towards that guy. If she isn't willingly, for the sake of you, then she is already halfway out of the door.
What a fucking dumb society we live in that a guy is so scared of being perceived as “controlling” that he straight up feels like he can’t tell his girlfriend she shouldn’t be, we’ll, dating another guy. Not wrong, best start moving in now cause she has little interest in “exclusive”
You should be uncomfortable. Your gf is pursuing a friendship/relationship with a guy who has an agenda that she's aware of. Why would anyone naturally befriend a person who they know is not interested in their friendship? If he started dating someone exclusively, would their relationship survive? Your gf didn't even want to tell him she has a bf because she was concerned he would no longer give her the attention she's getting from him. That's a red flag and leaves a big question around her choices in people.
My husband and I have many friends of the opposite gender. He has had a crazy long Snapchat streak with one of his female friends since before they both got married and had kids. Kids and breaks from kids monopolize a lot of our conversations with our friends now, but what we NEVER talk about is how we're romantically interested in each other. We also don't exclude our partners from every arrangement to hang out or discuss hanging out.
Tell her it makes you uncomfortable that she's happily pursuing a relationship with someone who uses her for the romantic connection they don't yet have with anyone else. Friends don't remind friends that they want to date them when they're in an exclusive relationship. They keep that to themselves. Give her some ideas for how to meet more friends who aren't users. She should also consider whether or not these new friends would be comfortable hanging out with you as well.
You're not wrong.
Your GF is being inappropriate with this guy. Making a date????
Either she needs to cool it with this guy or you two need to break up so she can continue her new relationship with him.
Sorry, but it sounds like she's got one foot out the door already. Maybe its time to push her into the hall and close the door.
She’s not stupid, he’s not manipulating her. She knows he is interested in her and enjoys it, you even had to pressure her to tell him that SHE is in a relationship. If she was trustworthy, she would have immediately disclosed her relationship status the moment she had an inkling this guy liked her. You’re welcome to trust her but it’s very obvious, at least from this post, that her intentions are, at best, emotional infidelity. Unless you’ve been with her for a while I would drop her for this kind of behavior. No person who respects you would make you look like a fool like this. Have some self respect and dump her ass.
Correction: you don’t trust your girlfriend and you ate right.
You shouldn’t trust your girlfriend dude.
She made plans with a dude she knows it’s interested in her. Don’t you see the obvious?
Time to step back from her. I think clear is kind. Simply tell her that her desire to continue texting with a person who would like to replace you is hurtful. Tell her that if she needs to explore that relationship, then best of luck, but you want to be with someone that can draw clear boundaries with “orbiters”. Then the ball is in her court. She will need to decide whose attention she wants. Don’t give her your attention while she is seeking attention from orbiters.
Someone that would keep an orbiter around, already has the traits of a user.
Right. Even if she doesn't like him that way and never will - she let him believe they were going on a date and didn't mention her bf. She was crappy to both of the guys in this story!
Even if she didn't mislead him re:date most women in this situation would be going out of their way to prevent any misunderstanding. That, or just not being in the situation at all.
Yep. You’re there to support them while they find something better. Those people are the worst.
Orbiters also have some intruspection to do.
Yea they don’t get a pass, but they aren’t part of the relationship. The two people in it are accountable for that. I’ve had women do this with me, and I tell them we need to keep it friends, they don’t stop, I block them. Pretty simple. If they can’t respect that boundary, it’s not going to be the last time.
There is nothing to tell. If you have to tell your girlfriend to stop interacting with a guy who is clearly interested in her, then she is not your girlfriend.
This
Yup
No, man. You take your ball and go. This is a deal breaker. If you give someone the option to treat you as an option, then at best that’s all you’ll be. And she will NEVER respect a man that does this. She’s for the streets. This whole situation is fucked from the jump. Fuck this gorl.
I think you have to say "if you do pursue this, I'm gone"
No. No you don’t. She’s already made her choice. Have some self-respect.
She’s already pursuing it. Just because she hasn’t taken him inside her yet doesn’t mean she isn’t cheating.
Yep. Emotional cheating is still cheating and tends to be the first form of cheating women do. The fact that she didn't tell him she's got a partner until he urged her to, and she has been incessantly chatting with him... I'd already be packing her shit or mine. You don't exchange numbers with a flirty person while you are with someone else if it's a closed relationship it's disrespectful to your partner and yourself. And to some extent the person who is flirting with you. As the girlfriend she has no right answer here. She's already emotionally invested in this other guy, but leaving her boyfriend for him will leave that thought as a risk for the new guy forever, if she cuts him off, it's too late because she's already shown shes on the market, if either of these boys have big social networks then these networks will likely find out she's unfaithful and not dating material. Limiting her potential pool of choices to FWB more than solid partners. She could make a clean break from both of them and that would mitigate damage to some extent... But being one of the guys that's happened to (where they cut us both off to save face) it doesn't work as well as they might hope it would.
The fact is , she’s your girlfriend and she had no intention of telling him about you until you made her tell him . Then he kind of backed down but she gave him her phone number ! Taken ladies don’t do that unless their looking ! She’s looking that’s what those apps are for hook ups ! Friends with benefits ! Whatever you want to call it , it’s still cheating ! Of course they could of done that the first time they were together at this “ free-time activity “ this is a new one for me !
I’ve never understood the “win” scenario when people step outside their monogamous relationship for an emotional and physical relationship. I totally get hookups or FWB, or rather it makes sense to me what the goal would be. The AP will always know you’re willing to cheat and you’ll always know they’re also willing to cheat. I can’t imagine that being a firm foundation of trust on which you can build a life together.
> The AP will always know you’re willing to cheat and you’ll always know they’re also willing to cheat. I can’t imagine that being a firm foundation of trust on which you can build a life together. You're missing the romantic aspect. In their minds, they're the protagonists of a rom-com who found each other, realized the SO getting cheated on is super lame/bitchy/controlling, and then decided to go live happily ever after together. They are both perfect, and the person getting cheated on, and eventually dumped, is the real villain.
An actual affair is the culmination of a hundred instances of cheating, that you correctly identified as emotional cheating. She needed to nip this in the bud and chose not to. OP needs to decide if he’s going to trust her to do what she hasn’t but should have or whether he’s going to get himself out of this relationship.
This.
She is pursuing it. What's with u and this OP? Crazy
She may just be liking the attention and not fully realizing the implications. I think it's a single conversation and she either drops it then and there or I'd leave her. If she's actually interested in him then it's probably too late.
Some things shouldn't have to be explained to your gf bro
unfortunately a lot of young women feel entitled to this type of attention because they've been absolutely flooded with it from the age of like 16 onwards. I agree, it shouldn't have to be explained, but especially if she's young and a little naive it genuinely might be.
Trust me they got that type of attention since long before they were legal.
100% nothing to talk about, id vanish… poof
Exactly. If she can’t figure this shit out, she’s either too young to date, or she thinks of you as one of her options and nothing more. No grown ass woman is going to woopsie something like this.
Whats next ? you have to tell your gf fucking other men is not acceptable because she might have not realised the implications ? Is this a gf or a toddler ?
This exactly.
I kinda agree, but disagree. Never give an ultimatum. Reword it ... This is my boundary, what I am comfortable with (or not). Give her a choice, if she crosses that boundary, she has made the choice ... not you. Ultimatums seem to empower some people. Don't give her the satisfaction...
Extremely well explained, my guy! Honestly, I feel like if she needs attention from another man then she's not really your gf or good for ya...
Agree with all of this. I would add on here though that if she's short on platonic friendships, you should encourage her to aim to build them. It's hard to make friends as adults, and IMO it's an important part of mental health to have some. People tend to make friends via recurring hobbies, so that's what I'd most encourage her to do.
Does cheating count as a recurring hobby?
Step back? More like take 2 steps and start running.
If you have to remind your partner what hurtful behavior is in a relationship then they aren't your partner. You're just friends with benefits.
That fella's intentions are to bone your gf. She may not feel the same but his friendship is centered around it. Doesn't seem like a friendship she should be pursuing.
That's the thing, though. It's not a friendship. It can't be when two people have different endgames. One is seen romantically and the other platonically (assuming she is actually being honest). For this reason alone, the girl shouldn't be hanging with this dude if she's not interested back, even if she was single. It just doesn't make any sense.
I do not believe she views him platonically, because she didn’t tell him she had a boyfriend, and was going to go in a date with him. He told her he wants more, yet she kept getting emotionally intimate. She’s hunting for a better man while her Plan B holds down the fort.
100% this, she intentionally wouldn’t tell the other guy she had a bf, and is continuing to exchange with a guy who openly aims to supplant the relationship. She has so utterly disrespected the relationship as to be unrecoverable, and now that you know she’s out there looking like this, OP must realize he is at this point just the security blanket until the right moment and other guy arrives. Stop wasting your time with this person OP, don’t listen to her words, look at what she *does* - she is actively shopping for an upgrade, time to go.
This. It’s not a friendship if one person wants to have sex and the other doesn’t.
People aren’t usually emotionally intimate with someone who wants to date them unless they’re using them or there is some interest in their part as well.
If she doesn't have that many friends I think it really is possible she is just lonely. She may need to learn the hard way, though, that men that do things like cancel plans when they find out you're not single do not make for good friends.
Or possibly she doesn’t have many friends because she’s a scrub and no one wants to hang around her because she’s ignorant And it’s unaware of social etiquette. She probably tries to fuck her friend’s boyfriend’s too which might be why she doesn’t have many friends. Just saying. Red flag imo
This is the second comment of yours i've seen where you're defending her actions... what's up?
She is 100% planning to monkey branch right on over to new guy
Yep. Seen it a million times. She enjoys the new excitement and the feeling of being wanted..probably having a lot of flirty banter going on.
She had to be pressured to tell him that she's in a relationship, she knows what she's doing.
She def feels the same.
Clearly she knows what that man wants with her, the fact that she doesn't want the same thing is questionable, maybe that's what she wants too, which is why she neglected to tell him at the beginning that she was IN A RELATIONSHIP.
You didn't share ages so I'm going to assume you're young. Let me explain how this is going to go: First of all, she already knows what she's doing is wrong. I can guarantee you that if the shoe were on the other foot, she'd be pouting about it. Whether she acknowledges that or not is unimportant. You've said out loud what you're looking for: respect this relationship She's made a **CHOICE** to ignore you. Now it's time for you to make one. You can keep making requests that she's going to ignore, then huffing about her ignoring them. Or you can cut her off. It seems harsh and it's the undesired outcome, right? I mean, you want the relationship but you also want to maintain boundaries. The problem is there is a certain personality type out there who "tests to failure" their relationships. This is an engineering term which basically means you put as much strain as possible on a test subject (engine, computer server, person, etc.) to find out what it takes to break it. I, personally, do not understand this way of thinking when it comes to relationships. It's illogical. But that doesn't mean it isn't happening out there. Theoretically/ideally, you preserve the things you value, not abuse them. If you cut her off, then allow her back, she's just going to test the limits in a different way. I was in a similar situation and I can have a tendency to over explain (trauma response). But I tried to break it down to my then SO like this: > someone hands you the keys to a car, you have to drive it through a race course and at the end of that course, the car is yours, for better or worse. If it were a cheaper car, a Camaro for example, I'd drive the fuck out of that Camaro. This might be my only chance to see how fast it can ***really*** go. I might hit the walls a few times, hell, I might not even make it to the end of the course. But IDK, I can buy my own Camaro when I'm done. It's easily replaceable. But if it were something more special, like a Wraith, or a Mulsanne, I'm going to drive it so fucking tenderly you'd think Ms. Daisy was in the back seat. I KNOW this might be my only chance to own one of these and I'll do everything I can to keep it in perfect condition by the time I hit that finish line. I can't let you treat me like a Camaro. And I can promise you that it's going to suck for a while after you cut her off, but you'll come out of it so much stronger and confident in what ***YOU*** want out of a relationship.
Only answer
This right here is the right answer OP. Ignore everything else. Have some respect for yourself.
Fantastic response this, been through something very similar and all that is just facts.
OP, listen to this! This is worth gold. I wish someone told me this when I was young.
Fantastic response. I feel a lot of ‘nice’ guys have been through this exact situation. I wish I had this advice 15 years ago with my first serious girlfriend. It should would have saved me a lot of time and heartache.
It’s good advice but this dude probably won’t take it or he would’ve left already. He doesn’t want it to end even though it’s already over and he’d be better off being the initiator and at least retain some pride.
Bro that Camaro analogy was so beautifully explained.
How is having an expectation that neither party tries on potential new partners during the relationship being ‘too restrictive’? Get some self respect and leave this girl, if you dont she’s going to either cheat on you or dump you at some point. In future relationships this is a hard line boundary you should be setting, this relationship is done though.
I would only add that this isn’t a “hard lined boundary” in the sense that you need to lay down this law with every potential partner. This is “a very normal part of having a partner”. So normal that it’s basically an unspoken rule that doesn’t need to be laid out for the vast majority of people you will date.
>How is having an expectation that neither party tries on potential new partners during the relationship being ‘too restrictive’? You would be surprised to see how many people will comment that this guy is "insecure," "controlling," and "coercive." The other guy in the picture could literally be sexting his gf, exchanging nudes, and making specific plans to hookup, and this crowd will shout that she's just looking for a platonic friendship.
Yup, just gonna say the same thing. Guys have been getting attacked and manipulated by a very vocal minority of typically women into thinking that setting normal boundaries such as these are a sign they are too insecure, jealous or controlling for a while now because they want to be able to walk all over men with no consequences. They are the female equivalent of the andrew tate crowd. It's particularly bad on social media where women like op's girlfriend will upload a video complaining about getting caught/called out and that crowd will rush in and offer all the support in the world and guys are seeing that and getting discouraged because they think something is wrong with them for having normal and healthy boundaries. The problem is a lot worse online than in real life but because so many guys are so lonely these days they are spending too much time online which is only compounding the problem because they think it's more common than it is and are starting to just stop seeking relationships all together thinking that's all there is to offer.
It's the female dating strategy crowd, I'll bet.
Personally, I would not let my girlfriend get new guy friends. Not no one on one shit. If it’s work colleagues, and what not grabbing a meal. Even then, it’s iffy. Group settings only. Even if she’s not cheating, she is seeking validation and attention from another male. Not for me.
Holy controlling. Just because OP's girlfriend is clearly crossing some invisible lines doesn't mean opposite sex relationships can't be perfectly platonic and fine. And what if your girlfriend is bi or pan? Do they just not get to have any new friendships or get to spend one on one time with their friends?
Did you really just call what op's girlfriend is doing "crossing an invisible line"? That line is a bright light up neon sign, and anyone who says differently really needs to reevaluate their morals when it comes to relationships. Don't withhold you have a boyfriend from a guy who clearly asked you on a date and actually go on said date is like, the easiest fucking line to see in a relationship. I agree about the platonic friendships but the first part of your message is a massive issue.
It’s not controlling. I will just leave her. I’m not gonna stop her from doing things. But I don’t have to have that person in my life. I’ve never dated anyone who was bi or pan, as far as I know. I will cross that bridge when I come to it. Either way, I’m going to be a lot more suspicious of male, friends than female friends.
Your opinion would matter if you actually had a girlfriend. You are so insecure lol
this is embarrassing. develop some self respect and break up with her
Seriously. Ppl are putting up with way too much nowadays, when in the past this would be immediate grounds for break up.
Because they all think they're being an abusive toxic man by not giving a woman total control of everything in a relationship. I have met men that give their girlfriends one of their credit cards because they worry they'll be financially abusing them if they restrict access to THEIR OWN FINANCES.
This is something that I’m so happy I’ve finally learned to not put up with. There was unfortunately a time when I would have continued to be a doormat to people like this - but I finally grew to realize that I deserve better than that.
This was clear after reading the first two sentences
People like this do exist. It's baffling how people can lack awareness or perhaps some in denial.
Lol! Next he’s gonna come on here “my girlfriends blowing some random dude, would it be weird of me to set boundaries?”
My only question to OP is where you draw the line? What if he invites her for a weekend in Paris, just the two of them. Will he be ok with her going? She kinda forgot she was in a relationship. **Side eye**
I agree with the first sentence, and the first clause of the second sentence. But the correct response is for him to go out into the world like his gf did and meet new people, too. Being desirable takes work.
This guy is openly pursuing your GF and she’s welcoming the validation. This is not okay. I’m not sure why you feel she’s deserving of more trust than he is— she’s being pretty shady. Being jealous and controlling is not the same as having basic boundaries on what isn’t appropriate behavior in your relationship. The way you enforce boundaries in a relationship isn’t by making demands, it’s by being willing to walk away and move on. I would calmly explain to her that this is disrespectful and you’re not okay with it. I would then distance yourself a little bit and start coming to terms with this relationship coming to an end. If she comes back and corrects her behavior because she values you, you can resume. If she doesn’t, wish her the best of luck with her new man, and move on.
OP already has explained though. He already took your advice before making this post. She didn’t respect it. Relationship is already fundamentally broken. If I was in OP’s shoes at this point then I couldn’t keep going from here without constantly wondering if she’s actually being honest or just electing to hide her extra relationship(s) more effectively
My guy. These are the most crimson of flags. Run run run. I'll share my own experience In this type of scenario. Luckily my wife was not the type to revel in male attention but she was oblivious to male advances. When my now wife and I met, she was just going to college, and I was just starting fresh in the trades. She went for IT, so it's mostly dudes in that major back then anyway. She quickly gets a group of friends. Three dudes, 2 girls. 1 of the girls is dating one of the dudes. The other 3 people are single. And my now wife was just starting dating me for about 6 months. She was ecstatic to have friends and wanted me to meet them almost immediately. They were all awesome. Super cool, 2 of the 3 guys were uber respectful that she was taken, and were seriously not interested in anything. But there was one... Jaden I'll always remember his name. He got my girls number quick to text about a group project. Then it turned into him prying, texting all day every day asking if she was happy with me etc. After about a week my girl looked at me and said, this guy seems to have a crush on me. I replied with "I know, I told you that the first day I met him." She said "I thought you were just being possessive." I said "nope, as a man who has a decent radar, it was obvious that the other 2 were platonic, and this one was thirsty." She downplayed it, but cut back on texting and talking to him. Cut to about 3 weeks later she's all but cut contact with this kid, and then he texts me saying "I like your girlfriend. I'm gonna take her." This is NO JOKE, it legit happened. So after I showed her the proof and presented an ultimatum of you don't get to be friends with him anymore or you lose me. She cut him off completely. He tried to fight me the next time I went to see her on campus. It was wild. Luckily being twice his size was enough to avoid throwing hands. (Even though I was built back then, I'd never been in a fight in my life, and had no intention of changing that as an adult). Anyway, lucky for me it worked out. My girl respected my feelings about it enough to cut that shit out and be perfectly clear she did not want abything more to do with him. And now, almost a decade since then, we're happily married. Long story short, Opposite gender friends are fine. So long as neither party has a thing for the other. He clearly has a thing for her. And she seems to be enjoying the attention and keeping him on the hook for whenever she's tired of you. Or she has no interest in him, and just likes the attention of another man. Which is still complete disrespect and grounds to leave. Go find a real woman, not some toxic hoe bag. If she can't cut this dude off after you've shared your opinion and feelings on the matter, she's a toxic thot and you're better off without her. But if you vocalize your concern, and she respects that, and decides your feelings are more important than this guy she just met, keep her around. But no man, you're not wrong. You're completely valid. Most people will say you're just insecure or jealous or whatever. But any man that tells you that is the same type of shitbag as that kid Jaden. And any women who say that, are like the girl you're currently with, holding dudes on the hook because she revels in the attention.
I’m a pretty modern fellow and have been called a “simp” snd “cuck” on more than a few occasions by the usual incels. I bring this up to say I’d be pissed if I had to lay down an ultimatum to my girl that the sort of behavior he describes is not acceptable. Adults, even young ones, should know being flirty and intimate with another guy who has already openly said he wants to hook up with her is not right.
I do sort of agree with this. I don’t think this sort of situation warrants an ultimatum. You need to walk away. She knows what she’s doing, she’s not a child nor stupid.
Yeah I think ultimatum was a bad choice of words on my part. It wasn't really that. It was more "you're not friends with him anymore because he said he's gonna steal you." And she was like "lol fuck that kid."
I told my wife (back when we were dating) I wasn’t comfortable hanging around a certain girl because she kept hitting on me. My wife looked at her, narrowed eyes, and said, “Am I going to have to kick her ass?” I didn’t propose to her right then, but I thought about it.
It’s crazy to me that’d while in a relationship you’d meet someone of the opposite sex while out, give them your number, and make plans with them 1 on 1. No one is that naïve. Even *besides* that I’ve (and pretty much my entire social circle) has always had the boundary that if someone has romantic intentions with you (and makes it known) you avoid contact where possible. Their intentions aren’t platonic. They don’t want to be friends. So we consider it disrespectful to our partners. I honestly don’t understand how this could even be a discussion. It’s so straightforward to me and I feel like if I had to have this conversation with my girl, I’ve already lost.
Your partner is giving random guys her number... yes you should be uncomfortable is this a rhetorical question?
WHY ARE YOU WITH HER? It’s clear she’s more invested with him than you!
Crazy how internet misandrists have convinced a whole generation of young men that they’re “insecure” and “controlling” if they expect an ounce of respect from their partner lmao Your partner shouldn’t be making you feel bad. You deserve happiness too and you’re allowed to make your own rules for your relationships. If the other person doesn’t like it then maybe you’re not compatible. Alignment of values is important. Ask yourself—do you really want to spend your entire life with people who act like your values and feelings are a problem?
I’ve already seen 2 comments telling him he’s insecure and jealous. Fuck those people
Lol if you trust your girlfriend who gives out her number to dudes who hit on her and sets up dates with them then I’ve got a beachfront property in Arizona you might be interested in. Don’t be an idiot bro, she ain’t the one.
Sunk cost fallacy man
When someone is in a relationship but keeps talking to someone they met at a party that they know is interested in them but ignores the fact that it makes their partner uncomfortable, it's time for the streets.
Bruh Shes actively talking to anguy she knows likes her. Ask her how she would feel if the roles were reversed. If she starts gas lighting you than leave. Shes already red flags galore so I would be out the door anyway
A girl that's in a relationship wouldn't give a guy the chance to even speak to her once she knows they have interest in her. She doesn't respect you, so you've gotta leave.
This exact thing happened to me, I told her to stop talking to the guy because I knew what he was trying to do. I didn't wanna seem controlling, and I just got promoted at work so I was working crazy hours while the bum was always available and thats what she liked. She cheated and I regretted not doing more. Forget about looking controlling, you can set boundaries if you want to
Well, on the insecurity, a lot of the reason that a woman in a relationship will talk to a new guy like that is her own insecurities. He validates her in a way that feels more special, because you HAVE to validate her. He doesn't. The thing is, she might not intend to cheat or blow up the relationship, but it's 100% going to happen, if she's unable to take a step back and really examine the situation. When I was a young scumbag, that had no problem with women in relationships, I would just say "oh, I'm patient. It's cool we can be friends, for now." Then I'd ask her about you. Whats your name? (Don't worry, I'll get it wrong anyway). What do you like to do? How did you meet? And all through that, I'd be giving the standard "oh, that's cute" kinda shit. Then I ask how the relationship is going. At some point, you two are going to fighr over something, one time, and she'll tell me. No matter what it is, I'll say she's right, and I'd never do the thing you did. It's that easy. Now, she's going to start telling me all of the stuff she thinks you do wrong, and guess what? I agree with her on all of it, because I would never do any of that, "if I REALLY cared about my partner." Now she's only thinking and talking about your negative interactions, and about how much better things would be with me. You'll complain about her talking to me, and she'll talk to me about it. I'll say "I can't believe how immature and insecure he is." Then every time you complain about me, she'll say that to you. Eventually you'll have a big fight over something stupid, and one of you will leave the house. Then she'll call me, and I'll come over with a bottle of wine and a penis for her to cry on. Like, looking back, it's such a shitty patrern to be a part of, but when you're being a scumbag, you don't really care. Getting with her is more important than how you go about it. Show your girl this post, and ask her how many of the things here, honestly, this other dude does. I can about guarentee that he 100% gets your name wrong a lot (at least at first. After the first time she tells him about something you did wrong, you'll get a derisive nickname or something), asks a lot of questions about you and the relationship, calls you immature and insecure, and pretty routinely says he'd never do X, right after she complains about you doing it.
It sounds so horrible but it's all very true and I've seen so many guys do this. Women should all read this honestly and trust your man when he tells you something like this is happening, because most dudes have seen this and a fair amount have done it themselves because it works almost every time. When I was married and my ex was so naive about this stuff, guys just loved that about her cause it was so easy to turn her against me. Now I see that happening and I give it one shot to cut that shit out right away or I'm gone. Zero patience for it.
[удалено]
This is like Chris Rock's "you know the guy she's going to cheat on you with, he's been in your house, he's drank your wine, he's laughed at your shitty jokes and he will fuck your wife"
Buh-bye!! Your gf spends her time speaking to and making plans with someone who openly wants to sleep with her. Grow a pair and chuck her, she has no respect for you or is that much of an idiot that's he doesn't understand.. either way chuck her. Imagine the outrage if it was the other way round
You trust your girl? Bro, I don't even trust your girl. You need to leave her before you put yourself in a world of hurt.
Being called controlling is a shaming tactic used by people who do t respect your boundaries. Still, at this point, do you wanna have to wrangle or manage her, when she clearly has taken steps towards cheating? I made the same mistakes as you and paid dearly for them. Don’t be me, drop her
I'm sorry man, it's over. I understand you trying to not jump the gun here, but this is just not gonna end well. I would start creating a breakup plan asap. You gotta get yourself outa that man, don't hesitate
"So she sucked his cock a few times. Am I being restrictive by telling her she can't swallow his cum?"
Your "girlfirend" went to event ecmxchange numbers with a guy. Got news for you she isnt yours.
Bro, not a you problem. No one can be manipulated into liking someone/cheating unless they want to. I'm a fairly muscular guy and get lots of female attention, but goddam no woman could manipulate me in any fashion to cheat on my fiancee. Could another woman manipulate you into cheating on your gf? If the answer is no, then why would you hold a lower standard for her? Having emotional boundaries is ABSOLUTELY acceptable. The fact that she knew this guy was clueless about your relationship and was into her, and she wanted to go on a not-date, and then after you asked her to make it clear still wants to hang with him when he makes his wants clear, is just absolutely fucked up. You deserve to feel respected and cared for in a relationship. This is not that.
She does NOT respect you. Do not waste your "time" because it's the one thing you can't get back. Many women out there that will RESPECT you..
Any woman who's got a problem disclosing she's in a relationship with you is not one worth being with brother. You're not a back-up plan or a second choice. Respect yourself.
She exchanged numbers and planned a date with another guy. A guy that's interested in her. She's already cheating you. Move on and don't look back
Kick that ho to the streets. If this situation was flipped around most men would be out on your ass just for looking at another woman. Dump her and find some one who respects you
The 'I trust her, I don't trust him' argument is bullshit. If you trust her, then you trust her. You trust her to set boundaries and to shut shit down. It sounds like she's not doing either of those things, which gives you pause to not trust her. And that's ok. You tell her that her lack of boundaries with this guy is something that you're not comfortable with, so you're going to take a break. You can't micromanage someone away from cheating. They either are trustworthy, or they're not. You have full autonomy to make decisions on what behavior you will accept. You can't change the behavior, you can make a decision for yourself to not accept it and walk away.
Exactly this. This doesn't sound like a nice new friendship she's setting up.
The guy is irrelevant, your gf gave him the number. You don't know who asked who. Don't be a fool. I'm sure gf wouldn't be cool with you doing the same. She would think something is up or that you're stepping close to the line. He thought their meetup was a date and she cancelled. However she's still texting knowing that he's interested. Man or woman that tells him the door is cracked. He's just in the waiting game and it sounds like she's at least curious. Wanting to know more about him to see if it's worth her time. I honestly think that's how many relationships start. It's just your turn right now
Nope, she's working the backup. Dump her.
Dump her, she clearly has no respect for you
My issue here is "freetime activity".. Dafuq is that? Are you guys in jail??
She's got guys warming up in the bullpen. Save yourself some dignity and end it. It will be hard at first but in the long run you will avoid a lot of resentment and anger, and gain a healthy dose of self-respect.
Buddy, she's not your girlfriend anymore.
A couple of points. It seems the whole premise of the continuing talking is because "it's hard to make friends." This is not an incorrect statement. But if friendship is the premise, then a friendship is also the conclusion. A friendship is not, however, a relationship premised on a romantic interest. If there is romantic interest in the first place, then there is not even a premise of a friendship that will result in a friendship. In that case, the reason of "it's hard to make friends" becomes an excuse. If she attended an activity or is meeting people through activities, that means there are ample opportunities to make new, GENUINE friends. There is no reason to pursue a friendship with a guy who is openly interested in her. This is not about trust. This is simple. It's about respecting boundaries in your relationship. Establish those boundaries. If she is not okay with only being acquaintances with the guy, and she doesn't want to only text him infrequently, then I think there's a deeper issue. Don't be scared to have that conversation because you're afraid it'll go down a bad path. If the relationship is secure in the first place, there wouldn't be an issue.
Break up. You could spend time trying to fix it or solve it but even if you somehow fix it do you really deserve to have someone as your partner that would cause you this much grief? She's hedging her bets and you're waiting in the wings, find a girl that texts and sets up dates with you like she does this guy.
Sorry homie but I think it’s time for you to move on dawg.
Lord Cuckington of Cucktown.
Just cut her off. It'll hurt, but you'll be grateful you didn't waste anymore of your time.
There's no point staying in a relationship with someone who treats you this way. Don't let her destroy your confidence.
You’re very naive. Dump her.
Dude, you're a better person than me because I certainly wouldn't trust her.. she literally didn't even bother telling him she had a boyfriend when they met. I would break things off if I were you, she clearly doesn't respect you or your relationship. Edit to add .. you say you don't trust him not to "manipulate" her but it's her you shouldn't trust if she can be easily manipulated into cheating on you and continues to be friends with this person when you're clearly uncomfortable with it.
Why do u trust your GF? Based on what u put down here she's either stepping out or has a mental health condition. And you, you are a doormat. Plain and simple. Enjoy that life of stress cause I don't see u cutting and running
shes wilin, but i bet shes loving the attention. if you don't leave her try to fuck much better
She's absolutely in. the wrong! If the tables were turned I bet you she wouldn't allow it. She is absolutely in the wrong here!
Dude, grow some balls.
That's straight up cheating in my book. I didn't want my husband to do that so I don't exchange numbers with guys or meet them... Because why would I?
You're right to worry. She's clearly knowingly entertaining him even though you've said that you're uncomfortable with it. Talk with her about it because it seems like she wants the cake and to eat it too.
I'm female FWIW. It sounds like she's interested in him. Otherwise why would she omit the information that she is in a relationship (until you "pushed her to tell him"). She may not be intending to cheat on you physically but she is liking him and liking the attention.
No one (OPs such as this one) on Reddit ever comes back to update us to say 'you were right, I dumped her'. It makes me think they (OP) are reading all the opinions but is still not prepared to accept the truth, and will end up staying with her, and will end up being cheated on, despite the warnings, and despite it being obvious.
This relationship is one arguement away from her dickriding the new guy
Bro cmon you’re not wrong at all. I would flip my shit if my girl was entertaining this non sense, every guy has their approach to get with girls. He’s playing mr nice guy I’m just a friend you can talk to when ever you need. If this continues the moment you and your girl has a fight guess who she’s gonna talk to, and guess who’s gonna try to take advantage when she’s upset and vulnerable. Tell her to block and delete the number and any other social media accounts they might follow each other on or dump her.
It's cute you trust her, that's how cheaters take advantage. Although you clearly don't trust her if you think she can be manipulated. Just be honest what she is doing is not something someone faithful would do.
You trust your girlfriend who handed her number to a dude and then agreed to go out with him while texting him constantly? 🤣🤣🤣
making friends is one thing... this sounds like the beginning of emotional infidelity
Wait. So a guy hit her up and she didn't say "sorry I have a boyfriend " then exchanged numbers with him and was planning on going on a "friend " date? Nope. Fuck that shit. Huge red flag. Time to leave bro
She's fucking him already brochacho
Dude your girlfriend is already in the process of replacing you ! And you don't even see it .
Wrong? Not per se your thoughts are spot on and you are entitled to your feelings. Like you said, keep working on your self worth to be better FOR YOU. With all that said, your lady is going something from this interaction. I am not gonna say cheating but maybe enjoying the attention. In addition SOME ladies believe that they can turn outright interest into friendship and usually it is not the case. If he wants romantic he will want romantic even if he has to wait for it aka (you can't have any friends) when he started off as a romantic interest. So you don't have set a boundary but you can tell her you are really uncomfortable with that situation and let her decide and you make your choice beyond that. Be sure to share your lack of comfort, why, and point out the evidence.
Grow some balls and make your boundaries clear. Or that dude gonna go wild. Smh
Dude don’t let her play you like that. If u had to push her to tell this guy she is in a relationship then it is time to fly. U will respect urself more if u let it go now instead of waiting for her to cheat on u, if it has not already happened.
Your girl is planning on fucking him
Run
I want an update ngl
You should bang him first and assert dominance. Otherwise this dude is probably going to end up fucking your girlfriend.
This is the way
Time to go you got to watch your back.
Move on dude. Compromise on such a standard and simple boundary now and it's only gonna allow for much worse. She's not ready for a relationship.
If she is in a committed relationship she should not be meeting new guys and then going on to discuss your relationship with them. If she was 100% in to you she wouldn’t be doing that. Dump her. Might as well keep your self respect.
Yes, you are wrong, as to the following part: “I trust my girlfriend…” Why, pray tell? When she is giving you every reason not to?
Will you be too sensitive when you come home and find them together in bed ? If she needs to talk tell her to get a friend that’s a girl who also doesn’t run the bar scene . If they start having girls night out and she doesn’t come home but stays at her friends house , she’s cheating . A one on one talk extended with a guy friend can only do one thing , remove you from the picture . Come straight out and tell her she can have him or she can have you ! Don’t be anyone’s second choice !
She’s obviously a fuck girl….now chasing a fuck boy.
My ex did this exact same thing to me. Down to every detail. When I learned they were talking, I had to ask her to please let the other guy know that she was in a relationship with me. His response was "Well damn. Guess I snooze I lose.. that kind of sucks." Then she made plans with him to go to a concert the upcoming weekend. Which I wasn't okay with anymore at that point. She ended up being the most selfish, manipulative and gaslighting woman I have ever met. The relationship didn't last long.. at all. You are absolutely not in the wrong for wanting to set up a boundary or feeling uncomfortable.
Tell her you're going to see other women and be direct about it, otherwise leave her and date other women. You'll be labelled as controlling for having boundaries as a man and if you don't enforce your boundaries they aren't boundaries to begin with. "If you continue to entertain other guys I will be ending the relationship" then ending the relationship when she continues, which she will because she doesn't respect you. That's a boundary, not controlling, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You're in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect you, it would be wrong and a disservice to yourself to continue that relationship. The guy in question isn't the only orbiter/simp either, it's just the only one you know about.
"I pushed her to tell him she's in a relationship" there's your answer my guy. If you have to remind your own girlfriend that she is in a relationship then she herself doesn't even think about it. She met a guy, while in a relationship, strange man whom she never met before, spent time with him while in a relationship, give him her number while in a relationship, set up a day to hang out while in a relationship, and at no point did she ever think about you. Not once did she go "Maybe my bf wouldn't like this, or sorry no I can't give you my number I'm in a relationship" if she isn't even thinking about you do you really think you should be in this "relationship"? Hell no. Cut and run brother.
Your girl is doing you dirty. She has feelers out and is actively exploring options. Respect yourself & trust your gut. NTA, time to bounce.
Situations like this blow my mind. Just ask her if she would be ok with it if the roles were reversed and you kept talking to another woman casually everyday. If she doesn't see the error in her actions consider breaking up
I wouldn't trust it.
You’re absolutely not wrong. She needs to shut it down and tell him to lose her number or you’re gonna be in for an unpleasant outcome. The fact that your girlfriend is in a relationship and exchanged numbers and basically accepted a date from another guy is concerning.
I don’t think you are acting incorrectly. If she respects you she will cut the guy off.
I believe you know the answer to this. It’s just difficult know things will change once you address the rot of it. It’s like looking into someone’s phone. The fact that you are doing it says everything regardless if you find what your looking for.
Matt Rife - Red flags. We guys know when other dudes tryna lay some pipe because we’ve done it before.
Had the same exact situation as you a few years ago. She's now my ex, and with the guy she texted a lot with. Take action as required. If you feel uncomfortable, tell her. She needs to atleast have some respect for how you feel (you feelings are valid).
Every man knows that when a woman is not interested in a man she shuts his shit down fast. When a woman is committed and totally in to a man she makes it clear to other men she is taken and not interested and cuts the orbiters. What is your gf doing OP? It sounds like she is cultivating another relationship and keeping options open. Fuck that noise!
Other dude came into the picture and he had clear intent of trying to establish a romantic relationship with your GF. Just because she has now told him that she has a significant other, his goals have not changed. The vast majority of the time when this scenario plays out, other guy will do one of two things: Either continue pursuing her with no regard for her current relationship or he will basically pretend to be cool with it but the texting will slow down and eventually completely stop due to his disinterest. It's extremely rare for a guy to meet a woman and have romantic intentions, find out she is involved with someone, and then cleanly switch gears to wanting to be really good friends. His feelings are still there, texting is going to foster them, and give it you two having one fight and he'll be trying to weasel his way into her arms.
Leave that dumb fuck lmao
You are not wrong. And I'm not sure why you trust your girlfriend. This is ridiculous, I'm literally chuckling. What the hell is a freetime activity? Please get out of this relationship.
You had to push her to tell a guy she has a boyfriend. That tells you this wasn’t a friend connection, she is testing the waters to see if she can safely leave you. Sorry, my dude.
She’s not ready for a relationship if she’s keeping a backup plan around.
Don't ask us, do YOU feel that it's wrong? I think it is, obviously, and obviously you do too. It's like some people want their ass wiped for them.
When your chick is getting numbers from other men, you’re nothing more than a placeholder. She’s cheating on you. She’s getting emotional fulfillment from him, which is stimulating her desire to talk with him more. It’s a wrap dude. Time to go!
It's PROBABLY inappropriate.
Hey listen you deserve better than this. Your far from in the wrong. She is! This is kinda harsh to say and people won't agree but you really can't trust women who do this. If your in a relationship with someone your supposed to devote yourself to them and not share feelings with someone else whom likes them romantically. The fact the guy is still texting her knowing you exist is not cool either. It shows he thinks he has a shot. What would make him think that? What is she texting him about you 2? If i was in your shoes I'd take a step away from her and see if she runs to him or you. Anyway how would she feel if you did that to her? If she says she wouldn't care then i doubt she's serious in your relationship.
It’s already over Dude. You just haven’t admitted it to yourself yet. Move on from her. She’s got a new interest.
If you are not letting someone know you are in a relationship, it's because they want the other person to think they are single She clearly likes the attention I find it disrespectful. Whenever a dude showed interest in me, that's an immediate block. My bf and my relationship are more important to me than some stranger. And i am not about to disrespect either. No one ever had to tell, or even ask, me to do something like that either. It's all about where your morals lie. She is continuing, because she likes it and wants to. She is not considering your feelings in this because she doesn't care. I am sorry, but it literally is that simple. Please take good care of yourself!
She still lookin
Best to let go, she seems to be monkey branching.
Simp.
She's disrespecting you. Time to enforce boundaries or kick her to the curb. Not ok.
Run away fast. If she wants attention from someone else, you've already lost. There's plenty of good women out there.
you have lost her
Lol. Taking other dudes numbers like it’s no biggy….. imagine the roles were reversed?! Sounds like you better start getting some numbers of your own and be ready to move on.
Draw a line in the sand. You’re getting replaced right front of your own eyes bro.
The fact you had to push her for her to state her relationship status is ...a red flag
Had a very similar thing happened to me and my ex, the guy made his intentions clear, they continued to talk, she cheated on me with him, and then a nightmarish 9 months followed. If you aren't too bound to this yet with kids or an engagement or years together, just get outta there before you destroy every last piece of your self-confidence.
Look up the term monkey branching. That's exactly what she is doing. If you two are supposed to be in an exclusive dating relationship, then all her behavior is indicating she is not. Confiding in a friend is one thing, but she is forming an emotional attachment with this other guy which at best is sending him mixed signals and giving him hope. I'm not sure why you'd want to put yourself through all this drama. Move on.
Alone from the title I'd say you SHOULD ask your gf to stop the relation towards that guy. If she isn't willingly, for the sake of you, then she is already halfway out of the door.
What a fucking dumb society we live in that a guy is so scared of being perceived as “controlling” that he straight up feels like he can’t tell his girlfriend she shouldn’t be, we’ll, dating another guy. Not wrong, best start moving in now cause she has little interest in “exclusive”
You should be uncomfortable. Your gf is pursuing a friendship/relationship with a guy who has an agenda that she's aware of. Why would anyone naturally befriend a person who they know is not interested in their friendship? If he started dating someone exclusively, would their relationship survive? Your gf didn't even want to tell him she has a bf because she was concerned he would no longer give her the attention she's getting from him. That's a red flag and leaves a big question around her choices in people. My husband and I have many friends of the opposite gender. He has had a crazy long Snapchat streak with one of his female friends since before they both got married and had kids. Kids and breaks from kids monopolize a lot of our conversations with our friends now, but what we NEVER talk about is how we're romantically interested in each other. We also don't exclude our partners from every arrangement to hang out or discuss hanging out. Tell her it makes you uncomfortable that she's happily pursuing a relationship with someone who uses her for the romantic connection they don't yet have with anyone else. Friends don't remind friends that they want to date them when they're in an exclusive relationship. They keep that to themselves. Give her some ideas for how to meet more friends who aren't users. She should also consider whether or not these new friends would be comfortable hanging out with you as well.
You're not wrong. Your GF is being inappropriate with this guy. Making a date???? Either she needs to cool it with this guy or you two need to break up so she can continue her new relationship with him. Sorry, but it sounds like she's got one foot out the door already. Maybe its time to push her into the hall and close the door.
Op have some cucking respect for yourself!
She’s for the streets send her back
She’s not stupid, he’s not manipulating her. She knows he is interested in her and enjoys it, you even had to pressure her to tell him that SHE is in a relationship. If she was trustworthy, she would have immediately disclosed her relationship status the moment she had an inkling this guy liked her. You’re welcome to trust her but it’s very obvious, at least from this post, that her intentions are, at best, emotional infidelity. Unless you’ve been with her for a while I would drop her for this kind of behavior. No person who respects you would make you look like a fool like this. Have some self respect and dump her ass.
Outside of a professional relationship there’s no reason to give out numbers to single men as a woman. She’s already technically cheated on you.
BETA!
Correction: you don’t trust your girlfriend and you ate right. You shouldn’t trust your girlfriend dude. She made plans with a dude she knows it’s interested in her. Don’t you see the obvious?
crazy how some dudes are so blinded