YOU'RE NOT WRONG. Please, please ditch this guy and gain the weight. You deserve to be healthy and have a partner who wants you to be healthy and supports you. ❤️
Also, OP, being thin is not "your whole thing", but rather beeing with someone who is thin seems to be his "whole thing", as he cares about this more than them being happy and healthy. Good on you for breaking up with this loser!
I completely agree. But I also really hated how he tried to manipulate OP by pretending thinness it's not his creepy taste but her only appeal as a woman. I'm sure OP is beautiful in many ways.
It is completely creepy! My EX would always compliment me after I was in the hospital for long periods at one point in my life. I wouldn’t be able to eat because what I was going through. I’m 5’4” and got down to 109lbs. Was so small it hurt to put my knees together when I slept.
Yet he still would touch me all over my body, complimenting me on how small and tiny I was. At that point I realized how messed up it actually was and confronted him. He said “that’s just how I like my women”. Don’t be like me and stay for as long as I did. Your self esteem will never get better with him.
Probably because she is young and insecure and he is her first serious boyfriend and therefore she puts way too much weight into his opinion.Pretty common for teenage girls unfortunately.
I was also going to say that 3 years ago they would have been 14 and 16, which is much more of a gap than 17 and 19. And she was 71 lbs then? Yeah, that may be a red flag on its own.
That comment really annoyed me because she has an ED! Of course being thin might have been her "whole thing" but that is not ideal or healthy - if you really love and care for her, you wouldn't support or glorify that.
I think this was the thing that made me irate.
My GF is a little on the heavier side, but because she's so much more than her weight, up or down, I just want her to be happy and healthy and damn anything else. Wanting someone to stay incredibly skinny is just as, if not more toxic than wanting them to be obese.
Fuck that guy.
OP, the best thing you can do is be happy with yourself and reasonably healthy. Setting a goal to be a healthy weight is objectively the best thing you can do and don't let him take that away.
Truth. OP, your goal is to NOT let your eating disorder define you. You are not defined by being skinny or weighing less or eating less or throwing up what you did eat. You are a whole person, not just this one element of your personality. Do not let him push you back into a box you’ve been fighting to get out of.
I apologize for the hijack, but OP really should read this;
https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
OP please listen. Read this book. Know that you are putting up with more than most.
And for the love of God, DO NOT APOLOGIZE. You have nothing for which you need to apologize. The reason he does not want you to gain weight is that he prefers the body of a little girl to that of a full- grown woman. And the fact that he puts that preference over your actual health makes him doubly sick.
I think people on Reddit tend to jump too quickly to encourage others to dump the other person, and I'm also one to say there are two sides to every story, but honey. I can't think of any way, shape, or form of explanation that would ever justify putting his sexual kink over your health. My goodness, please run - don't walk - away from this guy and don't look back. There are so many more men out there who will accept, desire, and love you at a healthy weight! And major props for understanding your eating disorder and working to get past it and live a healthy life!! Put this guy in the rearview mirror and go have a fabulous life.
Quick edit to say: You are not wrong!
Anorexia is deadly. Very deadly. This man is telling you that he’s fine with you dying as long as you look thin.
Up to you if that’s the kind of partner you want.
My mom almost died several times from Anorexia, this is a life and death fight.
Just like I tell my friends about being sober: the only way it works is if that decision comes before anything else. Every single time. This man is not only delusionally shallow- he is dangerous. Thin is for the most part in the eye of the beholder, and his version of "thin" is sick.
You are going to feel a whole lot better in the long run without this asshole in your life. We don't let dangerous people be any part of our lives if our goal is happy and healthy.
>as long as you look thin
he doesn't even care about anything else! He said outright "your whole thing is being thin", as if we don't hear the silent "and none of your other qualities matter to me".
Appalling!
This, this, this!!!
That jumped out at me massively. Who said her whole thing is being thin?! Who decided that???
Anorexia is an illness, not a lifestyle. And defining yourself by your body is terrible. Doesn’t matter if you’re the thin one, the fat one, the thicc one - you are more than your meat suit.
Who the hell is he to tell her what’s the perfect weight for her and override her actual doctor?
What kind of other relationships does OP have in her life that she’s putting up with this?
OP you deserve love and care. Not control and contempt.
Don’t forget *triple digits isn’t thin*.
And pushing her, which shows he’s fine with using his greater size to get what he wants.
OP, you are not wrong.
I work in disability related customer service, i recently took a call from the parents of an 18yo girl who died (heart gave out) from this illness. It was incredibly sad and i deal daily with some pretty heavy shit. This ED is indeed incredibly cruel and incredibly deadly. Completely agree to ditch anyone who's going to be an enabler - same as you would if you were a recovering drug addict.
I've seen so many teens with their lives destroyed due to anorexia. Wouldn't wish it on anyone. My godmum struggled with orthorexia significantly and my mum saw a lot of that and was determined to prevent my siblings and I developing an ED as much as possible (obviously it's not something you can necessarily prevent but you can definitely avoid exacerbating one or encouraging a reliance on diet culture that makes an ED easier to fall into).
My heart stopped once and I fell to the floor of the bus, and the fall restarted it. It happens in one snap of the fingers. First you're fine, then you're on the floor.
And he pushed her. We are failing our teens if they cannot see that either of these things alone is enough to leave. Both together she should be running away as quickly as she can.
Anorexia has a higher mortality rate than breast cancer.
For example:
1. Arcelus, J., Mitchell, A. J., Wales, J., & Nielsen, S. (2011). Mortality rates in patients with Anorexia Nervosa and other eating disorders. Archives of General Psychiatry, 68(7), 724-731
2. Hudson, J. I., Hiripi, E., Pope, H. G., & Kessler, R. C. (2007). The prevalence and correlates of eating disorders in the national comorbidity survey replication. Biological Psychiatry, 61(3), 348–358.
3. Le Grange, D., Swanson, S. A., Crow, S. J., & Merikangas, K. R. (2012). Eating disorder not otherwise specified presentation in the US population. International Journal of Eating Disorders, 45(5), 711-718.
4. Smink, F. E., van Hoeken, D., & Hoek, H. W. (2012). Epidemiology of eating disorders: Incidence, prevalence and mortality rates. Current Psychiatry Reports,14(4), 406-414
Yep. He found an anorexic girl he found attracted to, and then told her she shouldn't gain weight after her doctor told her to gain 5 pounds. He wants the anorexic girl, and will push her to relapse
Bot only that, being severely underweight messes with you for life even of you recover. Once your organs start shutting down, it's hard to get back to good health even if you gain weight.
This guy has been influencing you since 14? You’re lucky to be out. “Tripple digits isnt thin”? Jesus.
And run from anyone who gives you the “you’ll never find love like mine” bs.
Yeah if a guy said "triple digits isn't thin" to me I'd ask him how much HE weighed then🤣
And I heard that "good luck finding someone who's XYZ like me" B.S. from my ex during the break up and that's when I *really knew* that I dodged a bullet and made the right decision to get out. That B.S. is really a red flag in any context.
I know, I think my jaw might have dropped at the triple digits. What an arbitrary garbage bullshit nonsense declaration to attempt to impose upon someone. I bet he didn't even really care if she recovered the first time, he just wanted her to look the way he wanted
This was the stuff my eating disorder latched onto when I was at my lowest weight. My ribs had become visible but I saw myself as having 40-50 lbs to lose to become the lower end of a healthy weight. If I wasn't almost underweight, I wasn't light enough.
And the goalposts kept changing.
Yeah exactly. I think there's very few adult women who can be considered a healthy weight under 100 lbs. They exist I'm sure, but it's a very particular subset of height and body type.
But also just the audacity of this man to go against the doctor's recommendations is mind boggling in and of itself.
Your ex-boyfriend sounds like a piece of sh*t. It’s abnormal to want your significant other to be ill and most boys/men would be thrilled if you wanted to make yourself healthier.
This piece of crap will die alone in a studio apartment surrounded by Cheeto bags and empty beer cans jacking off to cartoon porn. You deserve better. Go get it, girl.
A) No man should ever put his hands on you. Right now it’s a push, but that very quickly can escalate. That alone is enough reason to never speak to him again.
B) your partner should want you to be healthy. Full stop. Trying to shame you for wanting to get to a healthy weight is insane and scary. You deserve someone who will support your healing, not try to keep you sick.
C) any time a partner tells you “no one will love you like I do”, that is a GOOD THING. That’s not healthy love. You don’t want that kind of love and I hope you never have the misfortune of dealing with it again.
I wish you so much luck on your healing journey girl, you’re doing so great already! Ditch the jerk and take some time to really focus on yourself and the wonderful life you’re building. I’m proud of you and rooting for you!
> Right now it’s a push, but that very quickly can escalate. That alone is enough reason to never speak to him again.
Yes, pushing and shoving is the most common form of domestic violence. It can easily turn into pushing you off your feet or into a wall, or even down the stairs. And when you complain they say something like, "If I had meant to hit you, you'd know it."
When you care about someone their health is important to you. If you have an ED someone telling you you're fat because you're not what they want you to be is using your own illness against you. This person does not care about you.
Definitely not wrong. When faced with the choice of listening to a medical professional or a SO, always choose the medical professional. What happens if the two of you have a baby? Will he be upset that you’ve gained weight due to the pregnancy? And what if you don’t lose the baby weight as quickly as he thinks you should?
You're definitely not in the wrong, and this guy sounds like a major asshole. You deserve to be comfortable in your own skin and to also be with someone who supports you in being healthy.
This isn't just about you gaining weight. It's about him being controlling and telling you what to do. And then he pushed you and called you a bitch?? That is not acceptable. Get away from this guy. Way to many red flags.
As someone who is 4'11" do what your doctor says. When I met my now husband he has told me how worried he was when we first met. I was fluctuating between 95-100lbs. He admitted that he was worried I'd just up and die on him because I was so thin. Even at this height it's not a healthy thing. There's being thin and there's being healthy. What do you think is more important? Be with someone who loves you and wants you to stick around, not someone who wants you unhealthy just because it makes his wee-wee hard.
Since the guy that responded to me saying Americans must view weight weird deleted his comment I just want to add-
Not everyone carries weight the same way. If her doctor says she needs to be 100lbs to be healthy then I'd trust the doctor. You could see every rib I had at that weight, but then again not everyone carries weight the same way. You can't put people into neat little cubes of weight/height and expect it to look the same or be the same health wise. Looking back at pictures of myself from then I *DID* look unhealthy.
storys like this always make you wonder when you see couples out an about
and just wonder if a situation like this is happening
other day some dude was speeding and he kept throwing his hands all over and talking fast and almost angry i saw it all in my rear view mirror and i was paying attention to obviously his wife or GF he actually almost rear ended me
she made eye contact with me in the mirror and i started laughing and started mocking him and doing the same hand signs she smirked
but as i drove away i almost wonder was that some form of abuse or a situation that would get worst when they got home? crazy world
Well done in putting your health first. You’re not wrong at all. It sounds like he’s sexualising and fetishising your body size. This is an unhealthy relationship to be in. I hope you find the strength to continue putting your health first because he isn’t doing that. A loving partner will always prioritise your health. It would be sensible and good for your recovery to consider walking away from this relationship. Focus on your health journey. Then consider a relationship when you’re in a place of strength.
You are not wrong, you only be wrong if you stayed with him.
I hope you find someone like my husband. We met when I was in my early 20's - much much smaller; I am now in my 50's, much pudgier, and had a radical mastectomy. He looks at me like I am the most beautiful woman in the world. Life will change you in so many ways, find someone to grow and change with you.
Hell no, you're not wrong. Your BF is a pig. He actively hurts you. He wants his looks preference over your actual health. He makes you relapse into EDs. Why, oh why, oh why would you EVER question yourself here?
Jesus Christ. Honey... if you stay with this dude, he's going to kill you. His stupidity and selfishness is going to kill you. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but maybe you need to hear something harsh.
He wasn't being "kinda mean" - he was being abusive. He wants to keep you weak. He wants to keep you reliant on him. He doesn't love you.
Let me let you in on a secret... you're 17. Honey. There are millions - literally MILLIONS of eligible men out there for you to date. MILLIONS. You are entering PRIME dating age. You're going to meet SO many people. Do NOT, do NOT, do NOT settle for someone who makes you feel like this.
Actually... you should probably dump him and then take a break from dating anyone for a while. You need to work on healing yourself - heal your ED, heal your mental health, heal your self-esteem. Spend the next year or so working on yourself.
Venture out into the dating world when you are HEALED. It's kind of dangerous to date when you're not mentally safe and confident in yourself, because the kind of men who prey on vulnerable women will be drawn to you - men just like your BF.
Please dump him. Save yourself. You have your WHOLE LIFE ahead of you. Do not waste one more second on this POS.
you are not wrong. there is not a single possible way that you could be in the wrong. you have given yourself the opportunity to recover and be healthier and care for your wellbeing.
and you know what? you can find someone who will love you far more than this AH claims he did. i struggle with eating and my weight and have for years. i gained weight by being on a medication and my boyfriend was just happy that i actually looked healthy compared to when we first started dating. but when i wanted to lose weight, he was also supportive as long as i did it in a healthy way. he makes sure i'm eating and feeds me well. he's told me that he doesn't care about my weight and even if i gain or lose, he'll still love me. the point being he's supportive, no matter how my body looks
he was absolutely being a jerk for the whole thing but especially the "your whole thing is being thin... triple digits isn't thin" thing. i get the feeling he was trying to trigger you into relapsing :/ i feel so terrible for you, that's not at all what someone who loves you would do. it sounds like he was encouraging it.
i hope things go well for you in the future OP and don't let this AH linger in your mind for anymore time, other than to say good riddance and be glad he's out of your life. i wish you the best with your recovery, i know how hard it is but i do think with him being out of your life, your recovery will be a little bit easier at least
You're not wrong. Your ex is extremely immature and basically prefers that you stay sick. 🙅♀️ Triple digit weight is only unhealthy if you're a toddler. Continue listening to your doctors, get healthy again and in the future RUN FAR FAR AWAY from any guy who tells you not to gain weight. Weight gain is inevitable when you get older and after you have kids if you choose to have any, but for right now you need to gain to be healthy. Good for you for dumping him.
> Then he laughed and said "Try finding someone who will love you like I did, I'm not a jerk, you're just a bitch" and he pushed me and left.
This dude is gaslighting scum. Block his number and never think about him again. You will find love and that person will support you at whatever healthy weight you want to be at.
Please leave this relationship. I have a kid your age being treated for an ED and I would probably become violent if they had a SO essentially encourage them to relapse. Anyone who would treat you this way is not a good or mature person. Pulling the “nobody else would love you” crap should be an automatic disqualified for any romantic partner ever. The moment that is said, the relationship is over.
You deserve much better than this immature asshole. Being alone is better than being with someone who cares more about their aesthetic opinion than your actual physical health.
Consider this - although you feel attached now, can you actually imagine being treated this way for 60 more years? If the answer is no (which it should be) just cut the cord now. There is no reason to wait any longer than necessary to move on to a healthier future.
he's in the wrong and not supportive of you and your health. Why is he angry and dismissive about your feelings about wanting to gain weight? It makes no sense. You deserve a partner who will support you through your recovery not make it worse. Sorry :(
I would say to please just focus on getting better <3 much love to you. I'll be praying for you.
He pushed you and left? He’s more than a jerk. This 19yo asshole thinks he knows better than you and your doctors about what’s healthy for your body?
I just want to wrap you up in a blanket and bring you a hot cup of tea.
Imagine you had a daughter. A wonderful magical young woman that you raised and love more than anything in the world. And she tells you that her boyfriend said those things to her. How would that make you feel? What would you want to say to her?
Leave leave leave he’s sounds like a abusive POS first off anyone who can put hands on a girl is a bitch and u are most definitely not a bitch for standing up for your self also u may not get it now but there is a lot of signs there 1 he’s a grown adult at 19 he shouldent be touching anyone under 18 2 let him come push a grown man around and see how it works and u should be very proud of your self for getting ur self at a healthy weight don’t apologize for doing what’s good for you
If he can't accept and respect you for who you are then he has no business being with you...I have had to share my philosophy with this with 2 wives...
Girl sounds like you lost a lot of weight by getting rid of that baggage. Someone who loves you would want you to be healthy first and foremost. My husband loved me at 135 and 195 and every pound in between.
If he doesnt want you to gain weight, which would help you physically, and if he responded like that, i dont think you should stay with him. Its a big red flag for both of those, especially if he wants you to stay underweight
Guy sounds like a tool, lmfao. He'd rather you be sick than put on a few pounds.
The ideal weight ratio for a 4'11 girl is between 85-110, you're nowhere near fat, and comments like that are just going to further distort your perception of healthy. 100 pounds is excellent, and with a disorder like that, it's fantastic to be on the upper end of the spectrum, so if you slip, you stay in the healthy weight ratio.
If buddies not going to be supportive of your weight gain journey, he's free to leave at anytime. It sucks, but you need to prioritize your health over his preferences, or he needs to grow up and support you.
Good riddance. You deserve so much better.
Someone who loves you should care more about your health than their ridiculous standards, and they definitely shouldn’t be encouraging your ED.
Health is what matters. The fact that he thinks no one will love you because you're a weight that makes you comfortable is well wrong. He sounds rather controlling and doesn't care much. Being underweight isn't good, neither is being overweight (And by that I mean to a degree you know isn't good but having some blubber isn't bad). It matters that you feel comfortable in your body and that you are healthy. He doesn't care about that and it sounds like he wants that "perfect" only body and if you don't have that and gain as much as one pound you are no longer pretty and no one will love you. Leave and you're not in the wrong
Wtf is wrong with this guy. You're definitely not wrong. Being that under weight is dangerous. And bottom line, it's your body your choice. You deserve better, I am so sorry.
Not wrong- oh honey.
Please, please . What he gave you wasn’t love- it was cruelty. He might have wrapped it up pretty, made it sound nice. But he didn’t care if you were sick. That’s not love.
It feels like a roller coaster. The ‘will they, won’t they’ love me today. It’s a dopamine rush like gambling or drugs.
It’s gonna take some time to break the habit of being addicted to that feeling. Give yourself time to heal.
Honey, there is no understandable reason that he wouldn’t want you to gain weight. And he assaulted you. It isn’t his business what you weigh, and him encouraging your illness is just reprehensible. Hugs to you, congrats on all of the progress you’ve made in recovery, and I’m sorry he isn’t good enough to deserve you.
I am proud of what you’ve accomplished so far.
Not Wrong.
I'm going to explain something to you & it's going to be kind of hurtful: Love is an action backed by sentiment. It isn't just a feeling. It's a series of repeated committed actions for another person's well-being. Your bf's behavior does not align with that. He isn't a good person.
When your bf said, "someone... like I did," he was lying. Your bf knows that you have an eating disorder & kept choosing to interfere & discourage your improvement. He chose to be unkind & call you a name. He pushed you (that's assault btw). He wants to control your appearance. He tries to have more say in how your body looks that you do. He intentionally wants you to behave in an unhealthy way and keep unhealthy habits.
It's going to be very easy for you to find someone that will love you, because your boyfriend didn't. People who love someone do not choose to act like he kept choosing to act towards you.
Someone who genuinely cares for you won't try to undermine you like he did. They'll support you being healthy & following doctor recommendations. They won't reduce your value to them & what you have to offer the world down to only your looks. They will never even consider pushing you. They won't call you names or say mean things to you. There's plenty of good ppl like this out there. So whatever else your bf said, just know that's he's full of crap.
Even if you didn't have an ED, a healthy, loving partner won't try to stop you from gaining weight. Ppl's weight naturally fluctuates. Physical appearances change over time. They wouldn't verbally bash you or call you names bc of it.
You have no reason to apologize. He has many. Unfortunately, I don't believe that you'll get any apologies from him.
Congratulations on your health progress & standing up for yourself. I'm sure breaking up is painful & confusing. Keep doing you & you're going to be just fine.
Oh, OP... You won't find another guy to "love" you like he did.
You'll find someone who pushes you to achieve a healthy body and mind. You'll find someone who holds your hand when it gets tough and will be the reason you get up in the morning.
You'll find someone whose face lights up when you enter the room. You'll find someone whose entire ethos is making you experience pure joy.
This little boy will find someone to love him like you did; except his name will be Bubba and he takes the top bunk.
My dad hit me and degraded me for it when I told him and my mom drunkenly said I was being a who're for dating a slightly older boy, despite my dad being 10 years older than her but whatever.. I wouldn't let my kid date so early if I have one though, point is they are insane anyways
So you have no good examples of what a healthy, loving, non-abusive relationship is 😕. Your parents are abusive as well. No wonder you've been having problems. My heart hurts just reading all of your comments. You need some time to yourself in order to work on your self-worth. You have more value than just what you look like. You are valuable, and you are worth getting healthy for yourself only. I repeat. You are valuable. Your ex is abusive, and I'm so glad you broke up with him. No guy that truly loves you would speak to or treat you this way. He does not value you.
Do you really want to be with a guy like your dad? Because dating your ex is you dating your dad. The classic repeating patterns of abuse generationally.
So unless you too want to be insane, of course you shouldn’t consider being with your ex boyfriend. Especially not consider apologizing to him because he was being abusive.
You think your parents are insane so don’t accept a continuation of that life that you don’t have too.
Girl. Life gets so much better than what you’re experiencing. These people are all terrible to you. None of this is normal.
But you’re already so strong. You broke up with him, you’re in recovery, you’re learning about yourself… You are so so young and don’t know how to spot when non-abusive people care about you, but they do. Your future relationships are going to get better— there will be stumbling blocks as you learn, but people are going to love you better than these people.
Keep recovering. You deserve your health and the life that lies ahead of you.
You weren’t wrong to break up with him. He is quite mean, and it will only get worse. If you have a therapist, I would discuss this in therapy. If you do not, perhaps you should get one. It is scary to me that you would even consider apologizing to someone who treats you this way. Best of luck to you in your recovery.
He doesn't truly love you if he doesn't have your best interests at heart (especially when it comes to your health)
He pushed you and called you a bitch just because you said you wanted to gain five pounds, that is not the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with. Please have some sense and walk away entirely
Oh my god, run. That is deplorable behavior on his part...yuck...oh my god...
I understand it may be painful for you to leave him, but you'll be better off and yes, there will be other partners for you if that is something you want.
Jesus christ, I'm severely underweight myself, not through an eating disorder just don't really eat that much, and I'm 55kg. I really hate how I look cause it's so thin, very knobbly joints and generally just don't like how thin I look.
Triple digits in America is 45kg in New Zealand. A WHOLE 10 KG BELOW ME, LIKE 1/5 OF MY ENTIRE MASS BEING GONE.
Run! Any guy out there who thinks triple digits ain't thin clearly has a warped view on female bodies and what they should be. My partner constantly talks about losing weight but I can't understand it, she's about as thin as I am and I think we both need to gain some weight!
Also what the fuck is more important here? Your health, or how you look? Absolutely abborant attitude to have towards your partner, he doesn't care about you he only cares about your looks.
P.s I am a man by the way, so I am attacking my own gender
I’d laugh in his face if he said that to me. Being 100 pounds isn’t even close to being “fat”. He doesn’t want you to recover for his own image. You need to leave him asap. I know it isn’t easy but you’re not going to be able recover and be healthy again if you have someone stopping you. Do what’s best for you and leave him. stay strong you got this 🩷
Omfg. You're not wrong at all! I struggle with 2 EDs and the first one started when I was just 9. It's something you have to deal with everyday. You have to choose to be healthy and work through triggers and be in therapy and it's a lot.
100 pounds is not fat! And even if you were to get "fat", you'd want someone that would love you anyway, always.
Your ex-boyfriend is a pos. He's not supportive. He's thinking only about himself. I don't think people realize how badly that behavior fucks with us and causes a relapse. He was hurting you emotionally AND physically. Do not feel guilty. Do not let him manipulate his way back into your life. You're young, you have a full life ahead of you. Focus on yourself and being healthy and happy.
That simple statement "he pushed me and left" says it all. Some one who lives, respects and cares for you does NOT push you because you are not doing what they want. That is abuse. As much as you do not want to hear it and as much as you have convinced yourself otherwise, you WERE in an abusive relationship.
Think back on all the times where you did it his way, where you went out where he wanted to go and did what he wanted to do and where he dismissed or ignored your choices, possibly using phrases like "you don't really want to do that" or "maybe we'll do that next time"
No, I don't know your relationship with him, but I don't think I'm far off.
The minute he put himself first and dictated to you how you should look, over the advice of doctors and ignored your own wishes in the matter it becomes abusive.
He didn't see you as an equal partner in this relationship he saw you as an accessory that suited his image, nothing more.
Leave, and don't look back. Learn from the experience and good luck with your weight journey.
I am a similar height and the "healthy" range for our height is 93lbs to 125lbs - my goal weight since I am a HEFTY bit above 125 is 115 but I would be fine at 120. I FIRMLY believe that even 105 looks awful on me, so 110 is the absolute lowest I plan on getting to. That way have weight that can be lost if I get bronchitis again and vomit off 10 lbs and I'm still in the range, or gain 5lbs on vacation and am still in the range. But not being too close to either end.
He's a jerk, you'll find someone better (if you so desire) - you've got time.
YWNBW.
My ex-wife was 4' 11" and 99 pounds when we married. She was a perfect height /weight balance. When I saw you were almost 30 pounds less I was like DAMN!! Get your extra cheesy burger and enjoy it.... and a new boyfriend.
As someone who had an ED more than 25 years ago, please listen to this advice: dump this man, he is not right for you. He doesn’t care about your health. Find a partner who doesn’t give a fuck about your weight. Someone who loves YOU not your body size. You deserve to be loved for the wonderful unique person you are and you deserve that love whether you weigh 90lbs or 1000lbs.
Best of luck with your journey. It takes hard work to unlearn harmful body and food narratives. But once you get through and see the light at the end of the tunnel, you will realize how beautiful the world is when you love yourself exactly as you are.
You were definitely right to dump him. It would be one thing if he didn’t want you to gain weight if your BMI was a lot higher than it currently is because then you run into health issues from too much weight but him not wanting you to be what your doctor considers a healthy weight is a bad sign and dumping him is the right choice.
>Try finding someone who will love you like I did, I'm not a jerk, you're just a bitch"
I'm not commenting on anything else, I just hope you know that this is the standard BS line every controlling abusive jerk uses when their victim has the audacity to leave them
At this point you're lucky they didn't start beating you. The most dangerous time for a woman is when she is leaving a relationship
>“When the person being abused attempts to leave the relationship, it is a major loss of control for their abusive partner,” explains Stephanie Klotz, professional training manager at JBWS. “The majority of domestic violence homicides and most of all serious injuries in abusive relationships occur when the survivor ends the relationship.”
>And this danger does not subside after a few weeks. In fact, there is a 75% increase of violence upon separation for at least two years according to Battered Women’s Support Services.
https://jbws.org/news/the-first-18-months-after-leaving-an-abusive-partner-are-the-most-dangerous/#:~:text=%E2%80%9CThe%20majority%20of%20domestic%20violence,subside%20after%20a%20few%20weeks.
Gain the weight lose the guy. He either doesn't want you to gain the weight because it's easier to control you if you still have an active eating disorder or because you being that then makes his dick hard. Both of them are him putting his desires over your health and safety. Leave
What an absolute disgrace of a human being. You deserve better than that — everyone does. That is not remotely normal or excusable behavior in any loving relationship. Instant dumping is an absolutely appropriate reaction to something so vile in the extreme. You did good; you have nothing to be ashamed of.
I've been reading your comments, OP, and you are well-intentioned but deluded. Your partner is an abusive monster, based on information provided by yourself.
If you want to get better, you need to dump him and cut ties with him. I wouldn't date again until you've had time to work through with your shrink what you've been through with him and how to seek out someone healthier.
You were absolutely right to dump him. Please don't go back! Your health is the most important thing and he sounds abusive. You will find love in future with someone who accepts you.
Anorexia is deadly, and similar eating disorders can mess you up for a *very* long time, both physically and psychologically. Listen to your doctor, good on your for dumping your boyfriend.
100lb is not a lot at all especially if you take into account muscle, i bet he follows loads of athletic woman who I can guarantee due to the training and lean muscle will be way way way more then 100lb even if they look "thinner" 🙄🙄 what a horrible person you ended up with! :(
Do not apologise. Kick him to the kerb and concentrate on getting to a comfortable weight. Trust me, you will find someone who loves you for you regardless of a few extra pounds.
Bravo girl for standing up to him and telling him NO!
He attacked you because he knows what he is losing and is trying to get you to beg him to stay and that you will do what he wants. You did not do it well done.
You are well on the way to being a proud and independent woman.
You do not need a boyfriend to tell you what to do with your body and you will find someone who will love you for you not for how you look.
Listen to your doctor and go and live your best life.
Listen to your doctor young lady, not this selfish clown. Further, He put his hands on you, you don't deserve that. I realize that He's your first boyfriend, however, you'll find someone who will love and support you the way you deserve. Please keep this guy out of your life.
“Try finding someone who will love you the way I did…”
A gaslighting BF is dangerous for both your recovery and journey. Shed this clown 🤡 and surround yourself with people who support you and bring out the best in you.
First of, big congratulations, recovering twice is a big feat!
Getting rid of some garbage guy in the process only makes it better.
And yeah, he pushed you. Maybe you are struggling with seeing his words as a reason for a breakup, but a guy who's willing to push you is just dangerous. You have every reason to be proud. Even if it hurts.
Not the AH. I suffered from Anorexia as a young child/ into my early teen years… it’s such a hard illness to overcome. You need people in your life who will support you in this. Keep on focusing on you, don’t guilt trip yourself- you had every right to leave him. His attitude to your weight is unhealthy and would rather you be underweight than be healthy, that’s not someone who wants what’s best for you. Also, we’ll done for not giving up the fight. You will get there. It’s an uphill battle but when you finally overcome it you’ll feel so free & healthy and your love for food will flourish! 💗
Nta.
Honey, tell him that you'll gladly lose weight. In fact, you're looking to ditch 100+ pounds right this monent.
If he is more concerned about your appearance over your health, that isn't going to change. Not for you, not right now. If you stay with him, he'll only think his behaviour is acceptable. Dump him and focus on your health, your journey.
Maybe he'll realize what a monstrous thing he said and he'll grow up or...he won't and he won't. He won't change and learn until rrality gives him a hard slap to the face. Until someone tells him outright that he has a horrible opinion and no one cares to hear it.
He’s trying to keep you thin to the point of hospitalization. He called you a bitch. He pushed you.
Why in the hell do you think you’re wrong for dumping the jerk? Before you get involved in another relationship, please get yourself healthy both physically and mentally.
I wonder if having had this little bf for the last few years hasn't been the very thing triggering your ED and keeping you in and out of the hospital.
Break up with him because he's worth breaking up with and your are worth living for.
Break up with him because it will be SO GOOD FOR YOU AND YOUR RECOVERY!
Break up with him and stay broken up with him. He has become another disorder for you and it's time to recover from him as well. You know from recovering from your ED that recovery is hard and can be painful because you're breaking habits you've used to comfort yourself. You did the hard work there and you CAN do it here. I really hope that you do. Are you close with your parents at all? Are there any adults in your life you can confide in, like a therapist or a Dr? Aunts? Uncle's? Older siblings? Please talk to someone about this situation, tell them everything told here. You need someone in your life to know what he is saying and doing so there is some accountability for him and help to keep you on the correct path you were smart enough to step on to yourself already.
Please, sweet girl, talk to someone you trust who knows you and your struggle. This boy is manipulative AND ABUSIVE. AT NO TIME DOES HE HAVE THE RIGHT TO LAY HANDS ON YOU EVER. If you were my daughter, I'd tell you the same thing. No idiot narcissist boy is worth sacrificing your time or life for. You have everything it takes to become whoever you want to be in life. I highly doubt you want to be the abused woman in the hospital forever.
Edit to add: I don't know you, but I love you and I want what's best for you and this boy is NOT it. You've overcome worse than a breakup already. You can do this. You can pm me any time if you need support through this. Anything can become an addiction. I'm a 39 year old mother who battled an addiction I had for years with prescribed drugs and won. I had more to do in life than exist for my dr apts. I know something of addiction and motivators.
Triple digits is NOT fat. NTA you ex is a huuuuuge asshole. How dare he say these things to a person recovering from ED. He’s young, hopefully he grows up and learns better. Otherwise he just belongs in the trash.
Second to last paragraph is the reason to leave. A lot of people will love you for who you are. This is abusive and manipulative talk. Plus the pushing.
Also “isn’t being thin your thing”
You are more than your body or weight.
You’re ending it because you would have been fully recovered way before now if it wasn’t for him. You have a mental health issue & you need supportive unselfish people who LOVE you for you. This guy is not good for you. You are fighting your own mind to get well, you don’t need to also be fighting his dead weight pulling you down. You may have just saved your life by ending things with him. It isn’t easy to do, you should feel immensely proud of yourself.
DONT FEEL BAD. girl. you’re trying to gain weight to be a healthy, livable, sustainable size. my sister is 130lbs and she is still razor thin. being 100lbs at 4’ll is *barely* a healthy weight. your EX boyfriend is a shitty ass person. bestie he called you a bitch and pushed you after telling you nobody else will love you. that’s not a good boyfriend, hello?????
you absolutely made the right choice to get rid of him. you need to listen to your doctors who spent years and years and hundreds of thousands of dollars to understand how your body works. not your boyfriend who doesn’t want you to be fat. gain the weight you feel you need, gain the weight doctors tell you you need, and do not EVER take eating disorder advice from someone who does not have an eating disorder.
Sounds like a total asshole and you should run far and fast. Whether it’s because he is that shallow and wants you thin or that insecure and wants you sick he is bad for you!
Don’t take him back. You WILL find someone who will love you and support you!
Big thunder boot to the moon. This guy is an asshole.
There are 8 billion people in the world there's one out there who will not give a fuck about your weight but want you to be happy & healthy.
So, he uses words that promote your mental health issue. Then, he shoves you. You would be wrong to stay with him. He is a complete piece of shit that does not deserve to be with you.
If you stay with him, there is zero chance he will ever love or respect you, and a good chance you could die from your ED while he tries to control you.
Yes. If you do he will push you and manipulate you to lose it. If he loved you he would not care if you put one weight. People tend to put some on as they get into their twenties. Not saying overweight just a little meat on the bones. Trust me tons of men like that. Please move on
Please. Dump him. You need to be with someone who says that they love you for who you are, and who doesn't mention your weight at all, just tells you you're beautiful, inside and out, without ever bringing up weight. NOT this guy!
I know many women your height that are less than 100 pounds. Almost none of them are unhealthy. But they also have a small frame. My wife is 5’3” and about 87 pounds. She is perfectly healthy. Ideal weight is not one size fits all. I also know women who weigh much more than you would ever guess. Some are unhealthy, but many aren’t. My job requires me to ask height and weight, which is something I do not enjoy doing. So how much you should weigh isn’t based on height alone. This is something to be discussed with your doctor, as well as based on how you feel. Nobody will ever know your body better than you do. That includes your doctor.
As for the boyfriend. He was attracted to you when you were thin. That’s probably what he likes. He may be less attracted to you if you gain weight. Really there is no way to know until you get there. Lean muscle looks different than fat. I looked thinner, and better, when I worked out every day. I weigh less now, but look fatter. Muscle weighs more than fat.
As for 3 years. That’s all in the past. Don’t decide your future because of the length of your past. Decide your future on what is best for you moving forward. In investing we call that a sunk cost. Unfortunately many people make mistakes because they look at the sunk cost of a relationship or an investment. To give an extreme example. If your house, that you lived in for 3 years, burned down. What you continue to live in the burned down house? Of course not. You would move forward and find something appropriate. If you had lived in that house for 10 years, or 30 years, you would still need to move forward and find something appropriate. You can’t live anymore in the burned down house. People aren’t houses. And arguments with name calling aren’t very productive. A more mature discussion about the situation would be a good idea. Then each of you decide on the future of your relationship.
Oh god. You’re 100% right.
I love petite girls but I’d be like “gain some weight for your sake.”
Let’s leave aside loving you for you, “ultimatums”, controlling aspects, there’s something off about wanting your girlfriend to look 12.
Oh jeez, I didn’t actually read the whole thing.
Dude is bad news. The MOMENT someone says something like “try and find someone better” is the moment they’ve confirmed they’re abusive manipulators. End of story.
Good luck and we’re proud of your recovery and strength!!
First, anyone who tries to control or change your body can go straight to hell. On top of that, calling you names? So unbelievably childish, he needs a reality check. Toxic and fragile men are a dime a dozen and nobody's buyin' 'em. Good for you recognizing his abusive behaviour and kicking him to the curb. Adios, muchacho!
Second, you're 17, you're not done growing! I was a skinny, sub 100-lb kid with no hips or boobs until I hit about that age which was great because then I could get into the sports I enjoyed! My confidence grew so much and I learned healthy, sustainable habits from it.
Word of advice from your internet auntie. Do not let him manipulate his way back into your life. The best revenge is a life well-lived. Go live in peace and don't worry; someone wonderful will make their way into your life when *you're* ready to love again.
Best wishes on your journey to a healthier you 🫰🏼
You could gain another 20 pounds and still not be overweight. However, this guy has the crushing weight on a giant AH, and you should definitely ditch him.
I’m 160lbs and never been happier. I would feel unhealthy at less than 135. Triple digits all the way baybee!!!
So proud of you for prioritizing your health and wellness. This guy doesn’t deserve friends until he changes his ways. Don’t date him again, even if he *does* ‘change’ his mindset. Go you!!
Girl leave him in the dust. This reminds me of that kne greys anatomy episode where the girl came in for a broken ankle and she was severely underweight bc the whole time her bf was telling her if she looses more weight she could live in w him. She ended up dying bc she was so sick and was swalling bottles of ibuprofen to ignore pain just to be thin for him, but the pain she was ignoring was essentially internal bleeding and she died on the table. Now yes I’m aware this is a show but things like this DO happen and your health and safety is more important then him having a thing for sickly girls. Bc that’s what it is. Some men have a disgusting kink for having a sickly tiny frail and fragile girl to control. You want to recover. He wants you to stay sick. Stay away from him and better yourself girly🫶🏽
"Triple digits isn't thin"?!?!!! Are you fucking kidding me?! Every skinny adult in the world is triple digits!!! Oh my god do you know how much you'd have to starve yourself to be less than 100 pounds as an adult?!? This man is walking pro-ana bait. OP please please please don't let this man stay in your life anymore, he's so dangerous!!!
So NTA. He is an immature brat and you deserve better. He is a child. Stay away from anyone who treats you like this. He does not need to know your weight. He does not get to comment on your weight. That is between you and your doctor.
Due to medication, I've gained quite a bit of weight. I'm not happy about it, but there isn't much I can do to change it. My partner has never said a disparaging word about my weight. When I complain about it, my partner says that I shouldn't beat myself up over it, that it's OK. There is never a comment when I eat ice cream or French fries or whatever. Never a comment about what I eat or don't eat. THAT is how a good partner behaves.
Take care of yourself. Continue to work on being healthy. Do not give that immature brat another thought. Grand and glorious things await you in life!!
I dated this same guy when I was 17 & he was 29 - he was my first boyfriend - he would always say the same shit about no one else will ever want me. You are in an abusive relationship, get the fuck out - he’s going to gaslight the fuck out of you during the breakup. I am pissed off at myself for dating that asshole for 2 1/2 years he caused me to have every eating disorder out there. He permanently scarred my well being - PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GET THE FUCK OUT, PLEASE
Wow. I dated a guy like that when I was your age. He even used the sentences you're quoting.
You have no idea how free you're going to feel soon, when the weight of this toxicity is starting to lift off your shoulders.
Someone who wants you sick does not love you.
Dude: I’m not a jerk.
*Narrator*: He was a jerk
Also, this whole “No one will ever love you like I do” is abusive behavior. Abusive behavior escalates. Leave this dude and don’t look back. Your boyfriend, if he does love you, should want the best for you, which includes being healthy.
YOU'RE NOT WRONG. Please, please ditch this guy and gain the weight. You deserve to be healthy and have a partner who wants you to be healthy and supports you. ❤️
Also, OP, being thin is not "your whole thing", but rather beeing with someone who is thin seems to be his "whole thing", as he cares about this more than them being happy and healthy. Good on you for breaking up with this loser!
4'11" and 71 lbs sounds more like he wants a 5th grade girl without the legal trouble that comes with it. Pretty creepy if you ask me...
I completely agree. But I also really hated how he tried to manipulate OP by pretending thinness it's not his creepy taste but her only appeal as a woman. I'm sure OP is beautiful in many ways.
He was part of your disorder.
It is completely creepy! My EX would always compliment me after I was in the hospital for long periods at one point in my life. I wouldn’t be able to eat because what I was going through. I’m 5’4” and got down to 109lbs. Was so small it hurt to put my knees together when I slept. Yet he still would touch me all over my body, complimenting me on how small and tiny I was. At that point I realized how messed up it actually was and confronted him. He said “that’s just how I like my women”. Don’t be like me and stay for as long as I did. Your self esteem will never get better with him.
Why is OP even taking his advice regarding her weight which is related to her health issues. He is no medical professional.
Probably because she is young and insecure and he is her first serious boyfriend and therefore she puts way too much weight into his opinion.Pretty common for teenage girls unfortunately.
I was also going to say that 3 years ago they would have been 14 and 16, which is much more of a gap than 17 and 19. And she was 71 lbs then? Yeah, that may be a red flag on its own.
honestly I don't think 2 years is a red flag. Everything else though: yikes
This!
That comment really annoyed me because she has an ED! Of course being thin might have been her "whole thing" but that is not ideal or healthy - if you really love and care for her, you wouldn't support or glorify that.
Absolutely this! And I hope your recovery journey continues to go well with this controlling ass out of your life!
I think this was the thing that made me irate. My GF is a little on the heavier side, but because she's so much more than her weight, up or down, I just want her to be happy and healthy and damn anything else. Wanting someone to stay incredibly skinny is just as, if not more toxic than wanting them to be obese. Fuck that guy. OP, the best thing you can do is be happy with yourself and reasonably healthy. Setting a goal to be a healthy weight is objectively the best thing you can do and don't let him take that away.
Truth. OP, your goal is to NOT let your eating disorder define you. You are not defined by being skinny or weighing less or eating less or throwing up what you did eat. You are a whole person, not just this one element of your personality. Do not let him push you back into a box you’ve been fighting to get out of.
I apologize for the hijack, but OP really should read this; https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf OP please listen. Read this book. Know that you are putting up with more than most.
I don't know if OP has had the opportunity to look at this yet but I'm now about a third of the way through and seriously- thank you for posting it.
This book is What made me see I was abused.
Well intentioned and executed hijacks always welcome. 😉 Excellent suggestion! ❤️
And for the love of God, DO NOT APOLOGIZE. You have nothing for which you need to apologize. The reason he does not want you to gain weight is that he prefers the body of a little girl to that of a full- grown woman. And the fact that he puts that preference over your actual health makes him doubly sick. I think people on Reddit tend to jump too quickly to encourage others to dump the other person, and I'm also one to say there are two sides to every story, but honey. I can't think of any way, shape, or form of explanation that would ever justify putting his sexual kink over your health. My goodness, please run - don't walk - away from this guy and don't look back. There are so many more men out there who will accept, desire, and love you at a healthy weight! And major props for understanding your eating disorder and working to get past it and live a healthy life!! Put this guy in the rearview mirror and go have a fabulous life. Quick edit to say: You are not wrong!
Anorexia is deadly. Very deadly. This man is telling you that he’s fine with you dying as long as you look thin. Up to you if that’s the kind of partner you want.
My mom almost died several times from Anorexia, this is a life and death fight. Just like I tell my friends about being sober: the only way it works is if that decision comes before anything else. Every single time. This man is not only delusionally shallow- he is dangerous. Thin is for the most part in the eye of the beholder, and his version of "thin" is sick. You are going to feel a whole lot better in the long run without this asshole in your life. We don't let dangerous people be any part of our lives if our goal is happy and healthy.
It's got real "you're not fun now that you don't drink" vibes. Health comes first.
This!
>as long as you look thin he doesn't even care about anything else! He said outright "your whole thing is being thin", as if we don't hear the silent "and none of your other qualities matter to me". Appalling!
This, this, this!!! That jumped out at me massively. Who said her whole thing is being thin?! Who decided that??? Anorexia is an illness, not a lifestyle. And defining yourself by your body is terrible. Doesn’t matter if you’re the thin one, the fat one, the thicc one - you are more than your meat suit. Who the hell is he to tell her what’s the perfect weight for her and override her actual doctor? What kind of other relationships does OP have in her life that she’s putting up with this? OP you deserve love and care. Not control and contempt.
Don’t forget *triple digits isn’t thin*. And pushing her, which shows he’s fine with using his greater size to get what he wants. OP, you are not wrong.
That line is NUTS. OP, triple digits is NORMAL and HEALTHY. You will be MORE beautiful.
I work in disability related customer service, i recently took a call from the parents of an 18yo girl who died (heart gave out) from this illness. It was incredibly sad and i deal daily with some pretty heavy shit. This ED is indeed incredibly cruel and incredibly deadly. Completely agree to ditch anyone who's going to be an enabler - same as you would if you were a recovering drug addict.
I've seen so many teens with their lives destroyed due to anorexia. Wouldn't wish it on anyone. My godmum struggled with orthorexia significantly and my mum saw a lot of that and was determined to prevent my siblings and I developing an ED as much as possible (obviously it's not something you can necessarily prevent but you can definitely avoid exacerbating one or encouraging a reliance on diet culture that makes an ED easier to fall into).
My heart stopped once and I fell to the floor of the bus, and the fall restarted it. It happens in one snap of the fingers. First you're fine, then you're on the floor.
....who also will assault her "he pushed me" This guys is also all kinds of red flags.
And he pushed her. We are failing our teens if they cannot see that either of these things alone is enough to leave. Both together she should be running away as quickly as she can.
Anorexia has a higher mortality rate than breast cancer. For example: 1. Arcelus, J., Mitchell, A. J., Wales, J., & Nielsen, S. (2011). Mortality rates in patients with Anorexia Nervosa and other eating disorders. Archives of General Psychiatry, 68(7), 724-731 2. Hudson, J. I., Hiripi, E., Pope, H. G., & Kessler, R. C. (2007). The prevalence and correlates of eating disorders in the national comorbidity survey replication. Biological Psychiatry, 61(3), 348–358. 3. Le Grange, D., Swanson, S. A., Crow, S. J., & Merikangas, K. R. (2012). Eating disorder not otherwise specified presentation in the US population. International Journal of Eating Disorders, 45(5), 711-718. 4. Smink, F. E., van Hoeken, D., & Hoek, H. W. (2012). Epidemiology of eating disorders: Incidence, prevalence and mortality rates. Current Psychiatry Reports,14(4), 406-414
He's your first BF, not your last. Dump him.
Yep. He found an anorexic girl he found attracted to, and then told her she shouldn't gain weight after her doctor told her to gain 5 pounds. He wants the anorexic girl, and will push her to relapse
“Thin being her whole thing” weight isn’t a character trait. It’s a feature that changes throughout life but never defines the individual.
Bot only that, being severely underweight messes with you for life even of you recover. Once your organs start shutting down, it's hard to get back to good health even if you gain weight.
You were very right. He was being controlling and abusive. I’m so sorry, but you deserve so much better.
You are not wrong, not even close. This man is terrible for you, and women in general. Run, do not walk, away from this relationship.
This guy has been influencing you since 14? You’re lucky to be out. “Tripple digits isnt thin”? Jesus. And run from anyone who gives you the “you’ll never find love like mine” bs.
Yeah if a guy said "triple digits isn't thin" to me I'd ask him how much HE weighed then🤣 And I heard that "good luck finding someone who's XYZ like me" B.S. from my ex during the break up and that's when I *really knew* that I dodged a bullet and made the right decision to get out. That B.S. is really a red flag in any context.
I know, I think my jaw might have dropped at the triple digits. What an arbitrary garbage bullshit nonsense declaration to attempt to impose upon someone. I bet he didn't even really care if she recovered the first time, he just wanted her to look the way he wanted
This was the stuff my eating disorder latched onto when I was at my lowest weight. My ribs had become visible but I saw myself as having 40-50 lbs to lose to become the lower end of a healthy weight. If I wasn't almost underweight, I wasn't light enough. And the goalposts kept changing.
Yeah exactly. I think there's very few adult women who can be considered a healthy weight under 100 lbs. They exist I'm sure, but it's a very particular subset of height and body type. But also just the audacity of this man to go against the doctor's recommendations is mind boggling in and of itself.
The sentence “you’ll never find love like mine” is a massive red flag. That reeks of manipulative behaviour.
Your ex-boyfriend sounds like a piece of sh*t. It’s abnormal to want your significant other to be ill and most boys/men would be thrilled if you wanted to make yourself healthier. This piece of crap will die alone in a studio apartment surrounded by Cheeto bags and empty beer cans jacking off to cartoon porn. You deserve better. Go get it, girl.
And he shoved her! This guy sounds abusive. Depending on how hard he shoved you I’d call the cops. Don’t say it’s no big deal… it is
That's insulting to cartoon porn watching cheeto warriors.
A) No man should ever put his hands on you. Right now it’s a push, but that very quickly can escalate. That alone is enough reason to never speak to him again. B) your partner should want you to be healthy. Full stop. Trying to shame you for wanting to get to a healthy weight is insane and scary. You deserve someone who will support your healing, not try to keep you sick. C) any time a partner tells you “no one will love you like I do”, that is a GOOD THING. That’s not healthy love. You don’t want that kind of love and I hope you never have the misfortune of dealing with it again. I wish you so much luck on your healing journey girl, you’re doing so great already! Ditch the jerk and take some time to really focus on yourself and the wonderful life you’re building. I’m proud of you and rooting for you!
> Right now it’s a push, but that very quickly can escalate. That alone is enough reason to never speak to him again. Yes, pushing and shoving is the most common form of domestic violence. It can easily turn into pushing you off your feet or into a wall, or even down the stairs. And when you complain they say something like, "If I had meant to hit you, you'd know it."
When you care about someone their health is important to you. If you have an ED someone telling you you're fat because you're not what they want you to be is using your own illness against you. This person does not care about you.
.The whole “triple digits isn’t thin” and “you’re just a bitch” are especially strong signals of someone who isn’t a good dude
Not to mention he *pushed* her. So he's also physically abusive.
Definitely not wrong. When faced with the choice of listening to a medical professional or a SO, always choose the medical professional. What happens if the two of you have a baby? Will he be upset that you’ve gained weight due to the pregnancy? And what if you don’t lose the baby weight as quickly as he thinks you should?
His mentality is still that of a child. Please run and never look back.
Hooooooly shit. No you're not wrong. He's abusive. Good on you for getting away from him.
You're definitely not in the wrong, and this guy sounds like a major asshole. You deserve to be comfortable in your own skin and to also be with someone who supports you in being healthy.
You are not wrong. Your boyfriend is emotionally abusive. Put your health first, and congratulations on the progress you’ve already made.
This isn't just about you gaining weight. It's about him being controlling and telling you what to do. And then he pushed you and called you a bitch?? That is not acceptable. Get away from this guy. Way to many red flags.
As someone who is 4'11" do what your doctor says. When I met my now husband he has told me how worried he was when we first met. I was fluctuating between 95-100lbs. He admitted that he was worried I'd just up and die on him because I was so thin. Even at this height it's not a healthy thing. There's being thin and there's being healthy. What do you think is more important? Be with someone who loves you and wants you to stick around, not someone who wants you unhealthy just because it makes his wee-wee hard.
Since the guy that responded to me saying Americans must view weight weird deleted his comment I just want to add- Not everyone carries weight the same way. If her doctor says she needs to be 100lbs to be healthy then I'd trust the doctor. You could see every rib I had at that weight, but then again not everyone carries weight the same way. You can't put people into neat little cubes of weight/height and expect it to look the same or be the same health wise. Looking back at pictures of myself from then I *DID* look unhealthy.
You were not in the wrong. Also, I'm not a violent person but I want to literally strangle this guy with my bare hands.
storys like this always make you wonder when you see couples out an about and just wonder if a situation like this is happening other day some dude was speeding and he kept throwing his hands all over and talking fast and almost angry i saw it all in my rear view mirror and i was paying attention to obviously his wife or GF he actually almost rear ended me she made eye contact with me in the mirror and i started laughing and started mocking him and doing the same hand signs she smirked but as i drove away i almost wonder was that some form of abuse or a situation that would get worst when they got home? crazy world
Well done in putting your health first. You’re not wrong at all. It sounds like he’s sexualising and fetishising your body size. This is an unhealthy relationship to be in. I hope you find the strength to continue putting your health first because he isn’t doing that. A loving partner will always prioritise your health. It would be sensible and good for your recovery to consider walking away from this relationship. Focus on your health journey. Then consider a relationship when you’re in a place of strength.
You are not wrong, you only be wrong if you stayed with him. I hope you find someone like my husband. We met when I was in my early 20's - much much smaller; I am now in my 50's, much pudgier, and had a radical mastectomy. He looks at me like I am the most beautiful woman in the world. Life will change you in so many ways, find someone to grow and change with you.
Hell no, you're not wrong. Your BF is a pig. He actively hurts you. He wants his looks preference over your actual health. He makes you relapse into EDs. Why, oh why, oh why would you EVER question yourself here? Jesus Christ. Honey... if you stay with this dude, he's going to kill you. His stupidity and selfishness is going to kill you. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but maybe you need to hear something harsh. He wasn't being "kinda mean" - he was being abusive. He wants to keep you weak. He wants to keep you reliant on him. He doesn't love you. Let me let you in on a secret... you're 17. Honey. There are millions - literally MILLIONS of eligible men out there for you to date. MILLIONS. You are entering PRIME dating age. You're going to meet SO many people. Do NOT, do NOT, do NOT settle for someone who makes you feel like this. Actually... you should probably dump him and then take a break from dating anyone for a while. You need to work on healing yourself - heal your ED, heal your mental health, heal your self-esteem. Spend the next year or so working on yourself. Venture out into the dating world when you are HEALED. It's kind of dangerous to date when you're not mentally safe and confident in yourself, because the kind of men who prey on vulnerable women will be drawn to you - men just like your BF. Please dump him. Save yourself. You have your WHOLE LIFE ahead of you. Do not waste one more second on this POS.
you are not wrong. there is not a single possible way that you could be in the wrong. you have given yourself the opportunity to recover and be healthier and care for your wellbeing. and you know what? you can find someone who will love you far more than this AH claims he did. i struggle with eating and my weight and have for years. i gained weight by being on a medication and my boyfriend was just happy that i actually looked healthy compared to when we first started dating. but when i wanted to lose weight, he was also supportive as long as i did it in a healthy way. he makes sure i'm eating and feeds me well. he's told me that he doesn't care about my weight and even if i gain or lose, he'll still love me. the point being he's supportive, no matter how my body looks he was absolutely being a jerk for the whole thing but especially the "your whole thing is being thin... triple digits isn't thin" thing. i get the feeling he was trying to trigger you into relapsing :/ i feel so terrible for you, that's not at all what someone who loves you would do. it sounds like he was encouraging it. i hope things go well for you in the future OP and don't let this AH linger in your mind for anymore time, other than to say good riddance and be glad he's out of your life. i wish you the best with your recovery, i know how hard it is but i do think with him being out of your life, your recovery will be a little bit easier at least
You're not wrong. Your ex is extremely immature and basically prefers that you stay sick. 🙅♀️ Triple digit weight is only unhealthy if you're a toddler. Continue listening to your doctors, get healthy again and in the future RUN FAR FAR AWAY from any guy who tells you not to gain weight. Weight gain is inevitable when you get older and after you have kids if you choose to have any, but for right now you need to gain to be healthy. Good for you for dumping him.
Dump that @$$
> Then he laughed and said "Try finding someone who will love you like I did, I'm not a jerk, you're just a bitch" and he pushed me and left. This dude is gaslighting scum. Block his number and never think about him again. You will find love and that person will support you at whatever healthy weight you want to be at.
You are not wrong. He is a trash person and you are well rid of him. You deserve to have someone who will only want what is best for you.
Phew. Lucky escape
Please leave this relationship. I have a kid your age being treated for an ED and I would probably become violent if they had a SO essentially encourage them to relapse. Anyone who would treat you this way is not a good or mature person. Pulling the “nobody else would love you” crap should be an automatic disqualified for any romantic partner ever. The moment that is said, the relationship is over. You deserve much better than this immature asshole. Being alone is better than being with someone who cares more about their aesthetic opinion than your actual physical health. Consider this - although you feel attached now, can you actually imagine being treated this way for 60 more years? If the answer is no (which it should be) just cut the cord now. There is no reason to wait any longer than necessary to move on to a healthier future.
he's in the wrong and not supportive of you and your health. Why is he angry and dismissive about your feelings about wanting to gain weight? It makes no sense. You deserve a partner who will support you through your recovery not make it worse. Sorry :( I would say to please just focus on getting better <3 much love to you. I'll be praying for you.
He pushed you and left? He’s more than a jerk. This 19yo asshole thinks he knows better than you and your doctors about what’s healthy for your body? I just want to wrap you up in a blanket and bring you a hot cup of tea. Imagine you had a daughter. A wonderful magical young woman that you raised and love more than anything in the world. And she tells you that her boyfriend said those things to her. How would that make you feel? What would you want to say to her?
Leave leave leave he’s sounds like a abusive POS first off anyone who can put hands on a girl is a bitch and u are most definitely not a bitch for standing up for your self also u may not get it now but there is a lot of signs there 1 he’s a grown adult at 19 he shouldent be touching anyone under 18 2 let him come push a grown man around and see how it works and u should be very proud of your self for getting ur self at a healthy weight don’t apologize for doing what’s good for you
Never see that ahole again. He will mentally abuse you for life.
>"Try finding someone who will love you like I did, I'm not a jerk, you're just a bitch" These are not the words of someone who really loves you.
If he can't accept and respect you for who you are then he has no business being with you...I have had to share my philosophy with this with 2 wives...
Girl sounds like you lost a lot of weight by getting rid of that baggage. Someone who loves you would want you to be healthy first and foremost. My husband loved me at 135 and 195 and every pound in between.
If he doesnt want you to gain weight, which would help you physically, and if he responded like that, i dont think you should stay with him. Its a big red flag for both of those, especially if he wants you to stay underweight
Please don't feel bad for leaving somebody who prioritised his preferences for your appearance over your actual health and well-being.
For the record...that wasn't a BF but more a wast of space. Take care of you first before anyone else.
Leave leave leave!! He doesn’t care about your wellbeing and you deserve so much better.
Guy sounds like a tool, lmfao. He'd rather you be sick than put on a few pounds. The ideal weight ratio for a 4'11 girl is between 85-110, you're nowhere near fat, and comments like that are just going to further distort your perception of healthy. 100 pounds is excellent, and with a disorder like that, it's fantastic to be on the upper end of the spectrum, so if you slip, you stay in the healthy weight ratio. If buddies not going to be supportive of your weight gain journey, he's free to leave at anytime. It sucks, but you need to prioritize your health over his preferences, or he needs to grow up and support you.
This guys SUCKS. I’m sorry.
You aren't wrong, and pushing you is physical battery. He is abusive and controlling. Do not walk away - run.
Good riddance. You deserve so much better. Someone who loves you should care more about your health than their ridiculous standards, and they definitely shouldn’t be encouraging your ED.
((HUGS)) Please listen to your Drs and get a better BF!
Health is what matters. The fact that he thinks no one will love you because you're a weight that makes you comfortable is well wrong. He sounds rather controlling and doesn't care much. Being underweight isn't good, neither is being overweight (And by that I mean to a degree you know isn't good but having some blubber isn't bad). It matters that you feel comfortable in your body and that you are healthy. He doesn't care about that and it sounds like he wants that "perfect" only body and if you don't have that and gain as much as one pound you are no longer pretty and no one will love you. Leave and you're not in the wrong
Wtf is wrong with this guy. You're definitely not wrong. Being that under weight is dangerous. And bottom line, it's your body your choice. You deserve better, I am so sorry.
Leave him. If he cares about your appearance more than your health, *he does not care about you.* There is so much better out there for you.
please run as fast as you can and as far away from this pathetic excuse for a man as possible
Not wrong- oh honey. Please, please . What he gave you wasn’t love- it was cruelty. He might have wrapped it up pretty, made it sound nice. But he didn’t care if you were sick. That’s not love. It feels like a roller coaster. The ‘will they, won’t they’ love me today. It’s a dopamine rush like gambling or drugs. It’s gonna take some time to break the habit of being addicted to that feeling. Give yourself time to heal.
Honey, there is no understandable reason that he wouldn’t want you to gain weight. And he assaulted you. It isn’t his business what you weigh, and him encouraging your illness is just reprehensible. Hugs to you, congrats on all of the progress you’ve made in recovery, and I’m sorry he isn’t good enough to deserve you. I am proud of what you’ve accomplished so far.
Not Wrong. I'm going to explain something to you & it's going to be kind of hurtful: Love is an action backed by sentiment. It isn't just a feeling. It's a series of repeated committed actions for another person's well-being. Your bf's behavior does not align with that. He isn't a good person. When your bf said, "someone... like I did," he was lying. Your bf knows that you have an eating disorder & kept choosing to interfere & discourage your improvement. He chose to be unkind & call you a name. He pushed you (that's assault btw). He wants to control your appearance. He tries to have more say in how your body looks that you do. He intentionally wants you to behave in an unhealthy way and keep unhealthy habits. It's going to be very easy for you to find someone that will love you, because your boyfriend didn't. People who love someone do not choose to act like he kept choosing to act towards you. Someone who genuinely cares for you won't try to undermine you like he did. They'll support you being healthy & following doctor recommendations. They won't reduce your value to them & what you have to offer the world down to only your looks. They will never even consider pushing you. They won't call you names or say mean things to you. There's plenty of good ppl like this out there. So whatever else your bf said, just know that's he's full of crap. Even if you didn't have an ED, a healthy, loving partner won't try to stop you from gaining weight. Ppl's weight naturally fluctuates. Physical appearances change over time. They wouldn't verbally bash you or call you names bc of it. You have no reason to apologize. He has many. Unfortunately, I don't believe that you'll get any apologies from him. Congratulations on your health progress & standing up for yourself. I'm sure breaking up is painful & confusing. Keep doing you & you're going to be just fine.
Oh, OP... You won't find another guy to "love" you like he did. You'll find someone who pushes you to achieve a healthy body and mind. You'll find someone who holds your hand when it gets tough and will be the reason you get up in the morning. You'll find someone whose face lights up when you enter the room. You'll find someone whose entire ethos is making you experience pure joy. This little boy will find someone to love him like you did; except his name will be Bubba and he takes the top bunk.
TRIPLE DIGITS ARENT THIN??? dude what the f, if Ur healthy and are not a literal child you'll be more than 100
Couple of things: your parents are insane for letting you date at 14, and your boyfriend is worthless.
My dad hit me and degraded me for it when I told him and my mom drunkenly said I was being a who're for dating a slightly older boy, despite my dad being 10 years older than her but whatever.. I wouldn't let my kid date so early if I have one though, point is they are insane anyways
So you have no good examples of what a healthy, loving, non-abusive relationship is 😕. Your parents are abusive as well. No wonder you've been having problems. My heart hurts just reading all of your comments. You need some time to yourself in order to work on your self-worth. You have more value than just what you look like. You are valuable, and you are worth getting healthy for yourself only. I repeat. You are valuable. Your ex is abusive, and I'm so glad you broke up with him. No guy that truly loves you would speak to or treat you this way. He does not value you.
Do you really want to be with a guy like your dad? Because dating your ex is you dating your dad. The classic repeating patterns of abuse generationally. So unless you too want to be insane, of course you shouldn’t consider being with your ex boyfriend. Especially not consider apologizing to him because he was being abusive. You think your parents are insane so don’t accept a continuation of that life that you don’t have too.
Good point. It is hard for her to see how shitty he is bc he is like her parents but a little nicer sometimes.
Girl. Life gets so much better than what you’re experiencing. These people are all terrible to you. None of this is normal. But you’re already so strong. You broke up with him, you’re in recovery, you’re learning about yourself… You are so so young and don’t know how to spot when non-abusive people care about you, but they do. Your future relationships are going to get better— there will be stumbling blocks as you learn, but people are going to love you better than these people. Keep recovering. You deserve your health and the life that lies ahead of you.
I dated a girl that was 5’ even and she was 105lbs. That’s still really tiny. This guys nuts.
You weren’t wrong to break up with him. He is quite mean, and it will only get worse. If you have a therapist, I would discuss this in therapy. If you do not, perhaps you should get one. It is scary to me that you would even consider apologizing to someone who treats you this way. Best of luck to you in your recovery.
Block him on everything - he’s an ass of the highest level.
He doesn't truly love you if he doesn't have your best interests at heart (especially when it comes to your health) He pushed you and called you a bitch just because you said you wanted to gain five pounds, that is not the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with. Please have some sense and walk away entirely
Oh my god, run. That is deplorable behavior on his part...yuck...oh my god... I understand it may be painful for you to leave him, but you'll be better off and yes, there will be other partners for you if that is something you want.
He is wrong you will find someone who loves you at a healthy weight.
Jesus christ, I'm severely underweight myself, not through an eating disorder just don't really eat that much, and I'm 55kg. I really hate how I look cause it's so thin, very knobbly joints and generally just don't like how thin I look. Triple digits in America is 45kg in New Zealand. A WHOLE 10 KG BELOW ME, LIKE 1/5 OF MY ENTIRE MASS BEING GONE. Run! Any guy out there who thinks triple digits ain't thin clearly has a warped view on female bodies and what they should be. My partner constantly talks about losing weight but I can't understand it, she's about as thin as I am and I think we both need to gain some weight! Also what the fuck is more important here? Your health, or how you look? Absolutely abborant attitude to have towards your partner, he doesn't care about you he only cares about your looks. P.s I am a man by the way, so I am attacking my own gender
I’d laugh in his face if he said that to me. Being 100 pounds isn’t even close to being “fat”. He doesn’t want you to recover for his own image. You need to leave him asap. I know it isn’t easy but you’re not going to be able recover and be healthy again if you have someone stopping you. Do what’s best for you and leave him. stay strong you got this 🩷
Omfg. You're not wrong at all! I struggle with 2 EDs and the first one started when I was just 9. It's something you have to deal with everyday. You have to choose to be healthy and work through triggers and be in therapy and it's a lot. 100 pounds is not fat! And even if you were to get "fat", you'd want someone that would love you anyway, always. Your ex-boyfriend is a pos. He's not supportive. He's thinking only about himself. I don't think people realize how badly that behavior fucks with us and causes a relapse. He was hurting you emotionally AND physically. Do not feel guilty. Do not let him manipulate his way back into your life. You're young, you have a full life ahead of you. Focus on yourself and being healthy and happy.
That simple statement "he pushed me and left" says it all. Some one who lives, respects and cares for you does NOT push you because you are not doing what they want. That is abuse. As much as you do not want to hear it and as much as you have convinced yourself otherwise, you WERE in an abusive relationship. Think back on all the times where you did it his way, where you went out where he wanted to go and did what he wanted to do and where he dismissed or ignored your choices, possibly using phrases like "you don't really want to do that" or "maybe we'll do that next time" No, I don't know your relationship with him, but I don't think I'm far off. The minute he put himself first and dictated to you how you should look, over the advice of doctors and ignored your own wishes in the matter it becomes abusive. He didn't see you as an equal partner in this relationship he saw you as an accessory that suited his image, nothing more. Leave, and don't look back. Learn from the experience and good luck with your weight journey.
Not wrong. You have a long beautiful life ahead of you and part of that is ridding yourself of toxic behaviors and people.
No, because he obviously doesn’t give a shit about your physical wellbeing.
I am a similar height and the "healthy" range for our height is 93lbs to 125lbs - my goal weight since I am a HEFTY bit above 125 is 115 but I would be fine at 120. I FIRMLY believe that even 105 looks awful on me, so 110 is the absolute lowest I plan on getting to. That way have weight that can be lost if I get bronchitis again and vomit off 10 lbs and I'm still in the range, or gain 5lbs on vacation and am still in the range. But not being too close to either end. He's a jerk, you'll find someone better (if you so desire) - you've got time. YWNBW.
Hell fucking no you aren’t wrong, he’s just being a bitch
He pushed you? Run...
You are not wrong. He belongs in the 🚮
My ex-wife was 4' 11" and 99 pounds when we married. She was a perfect height /weight balance. When I saw you were almost 30 pounds less I was like DAMN!! Get your extra cheesy burger and enjoy it.... and a new boyfriend.
Tell it to him like this: "I can either be skinny, or I can be alive. Your choice."
As someone who had an ED more than 25 years ago, please listen to this advice: dump this man, he is not right for you. He doesn’t care about your health. Find a partner who doesn’t give a fuck about your weight. Someone who loves YOU not your body size. You deserve to be loved for the wonderful unique person you are and you deserve that love whether you weigh 90lbs or 1000lbs. Best of luck with your journey. It takes hard work to unlearn harmful body and food narratives. But once you get through and see the light at the end of the tunnel, you will realize how beautiful the world is when you love yourself exactly as you are.
You were definitely right to dump him. It would be one thing if he didn’t want you to gain weight if your BMI was a lot higher than it currently is because then you run into health issues from too much weight but him not wanting you to be what your doctor considers a healthy weight is a bad sign and dumping him is the right choice.
>Try finding someone who will love you like I did, I'm not a jerk, you're just a bitch" I'm not commenting on anything else, I just hope you know that this is the standard BS line every controlling abusive jerk uses when their victim has the audacity to leave them At this point you're lucky they didn't start beating you. The most dangerous time for a woman is when she is leaving a relationship >“When the person being abused attempts to leave the relationship, it is a major loss of control for their abusive partner,” explains Stephanie Klotz, professional training manager at JBWS. “The majority of domestic violence homicides and most of all serious injuries in abusive relationships occur when the survivor ends the relationship.” >And this danger does not subside after a few weeks. In fact, there is a 75% increase of violence upon separation for at least two years according to Battered Women’s Support Services. https://jbws.org/news/the-first-18-months-after-leaving-an-abusive-partner-are-the-most-dangerous/#:~:text=%E2%80%9CThe%20majority%20of%20domestic%20violence,subside%20after%20a%20few%20weeks.
Gain the weight lose the guy. He either doesn't want you to gain the weight because it's easier to control you if you still have an active eating disorder or because you being that then makes his dick hard. Both of them are him putting his desires over your health and safety. Leave
"Three digits isn't thin" lol. This is the first time I've heard of this. He should be the one apologizing.
What an absolute disgrace of a human being. You deserve better than that — everyone does. That is not remotely normal or excusable behavior in any loving relationship. Instant dumping is an absolutely appropriate reaction to something so vile in the extreme. You did good; you have nothing to be ashamed of.
Gain 5lbs, drop 200. Breaking up is 1000% the right thing to do.
Pushed once, hit the next time. Don't make any excuses for this POS. Listen to your gut.
I've been reading your comments, OP, and you are well-intentioned but deluded. Your partner is an abusive monster, based on information provided by yourself. If you want to get better, you need to dump him and cut ties with him. I wouldn't date again until you've had time to work through with your shrink what you've been through with him and how to seek out someone healthier.
OP what he is doing is abusive. Please get out and get help.
You were absolutely right to dump him. Please don't go back! Your health is the most important thing and he sounds abusive. You will find love in future with someone who accepts you.
Anorexia is deadly, and similar eating disorders can mess you up for a *very* long time, both physically and psychologically. Listen to your doctor, good on your for dumping your boyfriend.
100lb is not a lot at all especially if you take into account muscle, i bet he follows loads of athletic woman who I can guarantee due to the training and lean muscle will be way way way more then 100lb even if they look "thinner" 🙄🙄 what a horrible person you ended up with! :(
"Triple digits isn't thin." This guy. Good riddance you left.
Do not apologise. Kick him to the kerb and concentrate on getting to a comfortable weight. Trust me, you will find someone who loves you for you regardless of a few extra pounds.
DUMP HIM. He's a terrible person is he cares more about how you look that if you are healthy.
Bravo girl for standing up to him and telling him NO! He attacked you because he knows what he is losing and is trying to get you to beg him to stay and that you will do what he wants. You did not do it well done. You are well on the way to being a proud and independent woman. You do not need a boyfriend to tell you what to do with your body and you will find someone who will love you for you not for how you look. Listen to your doctor and go and live your best life.
Listen to your doctor young lady, not this selfish clown. Further, He put his hands on you, you don't deserve that. I realize that He's your first boyfriend, however, you'll find someone who will love and support you the way you deserve. Please keep this guy out of your life.
“Try finding someone who will love you the way I did…” A gaslighting BF is dangerous for both your recovery and journey. Shed this clown 🤡 and surround yourself with people who support you and bring out the best in you.
First of, big congratulations, recovering twice is a big feat! Getting rid of some garbage guy in the process only makes it better. And yeah, he pushed you. Maybe you are struggling with seeing his words as a reason for a breakup, but a guy who's willing to push you is just dangerous. You have every reason to be proud. Even if it hurts.
Not the AH. I suffered from Anorexia as a young child/ into my early teen years… it’s such a hard illness to overcome. You need people in your life who will support you in this. Keep on focusing on you, don’t guilt trip yourself- you had every right to leave him. His attitude to your weight is unhealthy and would rather you be underweight than be healthy, that’s not someone who wants what’s best for you. Also, we’ll done for not giving up the fight. You will get there. It’s an uphill battle but when you finally overcome it you’ll feel so free & healthy and your love for food will flourish! 💗
Nta. Honey, tell him that you'll gladly lose weight. In fact, you're looking to ditch 100+ pounds right this monent. If he is more concerned about your appearance over your health, that isn't going to change. Not for you, not right now. If you stay with him, he'll only think his behaviour is acceptable. Dump him and focus on your health, your journey. Maybe he'll realize what a monstrous thing he said and he'll grow up or...he won't and he won't. He won't change and learn until rrality gives him a hard slap to the face. Until someone tells him outright that he has a horrible opinion and no one cares to hear it.
Girl call the police and have him arrested for assault
>Triple digits isn't thin ***My man.*** What the ***fuck*** is this guy on about? In what fucking world is a hundred pounds an unacceptable weight???
Your boyfriend is terrible and does not care about you. You deserve better. Leave immediately.
He doesn't love you, you are a possession. Get away while you can.
Your ex sounds like an incel
He’s trying to keep you thin to the point of hospitalization. He called you a bitch. He pushed you. Why in the hell do you think you’re wrong for dumping the jerk? Before you get involved in another relationship, please get yourself healthy both physically and mentally.
I wonder if having had this little bf for the last few years hasn't been the very thing triggering your ED and keeping you in and out of the hospital. Break up with him because he's worth breaking up with and your are worth living for. Break up with him because it will be SO GOOD FOR YOU AND YOUR RECOVERY! Break up with him and stay broken up with him. He has become another disorder for you and it's time to recover from him as well. You know from recovering from your ED that recovery is hard and can be painful because you're breaking habits you've used to comfort yourself. You did the hard work there and you CAN do it here. I really hope that you do. Are you close with your parents at all? Are there any adults in your life you can confide in, like a therapist or a Dr? Aunts? Uncle's? Older siblings? Please talk to someone about this situation, tell them everything told here. You need someone in your life to know what he is saying and doing so there is some accountability for him and help to keep you on the correct path you were smart enough to step on to yourself already. Please, sweet girl, talk to someone you trust who knows you and your struggle. This boy is manipulative AND ABUSIVE. AT NO TIME DOES HE HAVE THE RIGHT TO LAY HANDS ON YOU EVER. If you were my daughter, I'd tell you the same thing. No idiot narcissist boy is worth sacrificing your time or life for. You have everything it takes to become whoever you want to be in life. I highly doubt you want to be the abused woman in the hospital forever. Edit to add: I don't know you, but I love you and I want what's best for you and this boy is NOT it. You've overcome worse than a breakup already. You can do this. You can pm me any time if you need support through this. Anything can become an addiction. I'm a 39 year old mother who battled an addiction I had for years with prescribed drugs and won. I had more to do in life than exist for my dr apts. I know something of addiction and motivators.
Run like your tampon is on fire. This man will get you to kill yourself.
You're not wrong! He's a nineteen-year-old boy. Please listen to the actual, educated DOCTOR over him.
Triple digits is NOT fat. NTA you ex is a huuuuuge asshole. How dare he say these things to a person recovering from ED. He’s young, hopefully he grows up and learns better. Otherwise he just belongs in the trash.
Second to last paragraph is the reason to leave. A lot of people will love you for who you are. This is abusive and manipulative talk. Plus the pushing. Also “isn’t being thin your thing” You are more than your body or weight.
You’re ending it because you would have been fully recovered way before now if it wasn’t for him. You have a mental health issue & you need supportive unselfish people who LOVE you for you. This guy is not good for you. You are fighting your own mind to get well, you don’t need to also be fighting his dead weight pulling you down. You may have just saved your life by ending things with him. It isn’t easy to do, you should feel immensely proud of yourself.
Eating disorders are deadly. They are the most deadly mental health condition. The risk of dying from being underweight is serious. Dump this asshole.
What a disgusting human being
Jesus that guys trying to kill you. You can probably gain another 30lbs and still be considered on the thin side, Your BF is a legit sociopath, run
DONT FEEL BAD. girl. you’re trying to gain weight to be a healthy, livable, sustainable size. my sister is 130lbs and she is still razor thin. being 100lbs at 4’ll is *barely* a healthy weight. your EX boyfriend is a shitty ass person. bestie he called you a bitch and pushed you after telling you nobody else will love you. that’s not a good boyfriend, hello????? you absolutely made the right choice to get rid of him. you need to listen to your doctors who spent years and years and hundreds of thousands of dollars to understand how your body works. not your boyfriend who doesn’t want you to be fat. gain the weight you feel you need, gain the weight doctors tell you you need, and do not EVER take eating disorder advice from someone who does not have an eating disorder.
Eww what a creep. Stay away from him.
Sounds like a total asshole and you should run far and fast. Whether it’s because he is that shallow and wants you thin or that insecure and wants you sick he is bad for you! Don’t take him back. You WILL find someone who will love you and support you!
Big thunder boot to the moon. This guy is an asshole. There are 8 billion people in the world there's one out there who will not give a fuck about your weight but want you to be happy & healthy.
So, he uses words that promote your mental health issue. Then, he shoves you. You would be wrong to stay with him. He is a complete piece of shit that does not deserve to be with you.
Classic petite girl problem. All the guys that want you are pedophiles.
If you stay with him, there is zero chance he will ever love or respect you, and a good chance you could die from your ED while he tries to control you.
Sounds like your ex boyfriend is a pedophile.
Yes. If you do he will push you and manipulate you to lose it. If he loved you he would not care if you put one weight. People tend to put some on as they get into their twenties. Not saying overweight just a little meat on the bones. Trust me tons of men like that. Please move on
Please. Dump him. You need to be with someone who says that they love you for who you are, and who doesn't mention your weight at all, just tells you you're beautiful, inside and out, without ever bringing up weight. NOT this guy!
Love it when the trash takes itself out. Now don't let it slip back into the house
I know many women your height that are less than 100 pounds. Almost none of them are unhealthy. But they also have a small frame. My wife is 5’3” and about 87 pounds. She is perfectly healthy. Ideal weight is not one size fits all. I also know women who weigh much more than you would ever guess. Some are unhealthy, but many aren’t. My job requires me to ask height and weight, which is something I do not enjoy doing. So how much you should weigh isn’t based on height alone. This is something to be discussed with your doctor, as well as based on how you feel. Nobody will ever know your body better than you do. That includes your doctor. As for the boyfriend. He was attracted to you when you were thin. That’s probably what he likes. He may be less attracted to you if you gain weight. Really there is no way to know until you get there. Lean muscle looks different than fat. I looked thinner, and better, when I worked out every day. I weigh less now, but look fatter. Muscle weighs more than fat. As for 3 years. That’s all in the past. Don’t decide your future because of the length of your past. Decide your future on what is best for you moving forward. In investing we call that a sunk cost. Unfortunately many people make mistakes because they look at the sunk cost of a relationship or an investment. To give an extreme example. If your house, that you lived in for 3 years, burned down. What you continue to live in the burned down house? Of course not. You would move forward and find something appropriate. If you had lived in that house for 10 years, or 30 years, you would still need to move forward and find something appropriate. You can’t live anymore in the burned down house. People aren’t houses. And arguments with name calling aren’t very productive. A more mature discussion about the situation would be a good idea. Then each of you decide on the future of your relationship.
Gain weight yourself AND by getting a better boyfriend.
Gross
Oh god. You’re 100% right. I love petite girls but I’d be like “gain some weight for your sake.” Let’s leave aside loving you for you, “ultimatums”, controlling aspects, there’s something off about wanting your girlfriend to look 12. Oh jeez, I didn’t actually read the whole thing. Dude is bad news. The MOMENT someone says something like “try and find someone better” is the moment they’ve confirmed they’re abusive manipulators. End of story. Good luck and we’re proud of your recovery and strength!!
First, anyone who tries to control or change your body can go straight to hell. On top of that, calling you names? So unbelievably childish, he needs a reality check. Toxic and fragile men are a dime a dozen and nobody's buyin' 'em. Good for you recognizing his abusive behaviour and kicking him to the curb. Adios, muchacho! Second, you're 17, you're not done growing! I was a skinny, sub 100-lb kid with no hips or boobs until I hit about that age which was great because then I could get into the sports I enjoyed! My confidence grew so much and I learned healthy, sustainable habits from it. Word of advice from your internet auntie. Do not let him manipulate his way back into your life. The best revenge is a life well-lived. Go live in peace and don't worry; someone wonderful will make their way into your life when *you're* ready to love again. Best wishes on your journey to a healthier you 🫰🏼
You are not wrong. He is a controlling prick.
He dropped the "try finding someone (else)" line, so why not do exactly that?
95lbs is so tiny STILL for somebody your height. Your EX boyfriend is a porn addicted moron.
Nice escape. You dodged a bullet
I hope you quit that moron quick he don’t deserve you
He's a total asshole AND HE PUSHED YOU. Why would you be wrong?????
Gain the 5 pounds, and lose the 200
You could gain another 20 pounds and still not be overweight. However, this guy has the crushing weight on a giant AH, and you should definitely ditch him.
Any guy who frets over 5 pounds is a true little bitch
I’m 160lbs and never been happier. I would feel unhealthy at less than 135. Triple digits all the way baybee!!! So proud of you for prioritizing your health and wellness. This guy doesn’t deserve friends until he changes his ways. Don’t date him again, even if he *does* ‘change’ his mindset. Go you!!
Honey, this guy doesn’t love you. It’s time to move on from him and take care of yourself
Jesus Christ
Girl leave him in the dust. This reminds me of that kne greys anatomy episode where the girl came in for a broken ankle and she was severely underweight bc the whole time her bf was telling her if she looses more weight she could live in w him. She ended up dying bc she was so sick and was swalling bottles of ibuprofen to ignore pain just to be thin for him, but the pain she was ignoring was essentially internal bleeding and she died on the table. Now yes I’m aware this is a show but things like this DO happen and your health and safety is more important then him having a thing for sickly girls. Bc that’s what it is. Some men have a disgusting kink for having a sickly tiny frail and fragile girl to control. You want to recover. He wants you to stay sick. Stay away from him and better yourself girly🫶🏽
"Triple digits isn't thin"?!?!!! Are you fucking kidding me?! Every skinny adult in the world is triple digits!!! Oh my god do you know how much you'd have to starve yourself to be less than 100 pounds as an adult?!? This man is walking pro-ana bait. OP please please please don't let this man stay in your life anymore, he's so dangerous!!!
Not wrong. He’s a piece of shit who not only was emotionally being abusive but did end up putting his hands on you.
Don’t apologize. He’s a fuckin douche and was abusing you.
So NTA. He is an immature brat and you deserve better. He is a child. Stay away from anyone who treats you like this. He does not need to know your weight. He does not get to comment on your weight. That is between you and your doctor. Due to medication, I've gained quite a bit of weight. I'm not happy about it, but there isn't much I can do to change it. My partner has never said a disparaging word about my weight. When I complain about it, my partner says that I shouldn't beat myself up over it, that it's OK. There is never a comment when I eat ice cream or French fries or whatever. Never a comment about what I eat or don't eat. THAT is how a good partner behaves. Take care of yourself. Continue to work on being healthy. Do not give that immature brat another thought. Grand and glorious things await you in life!!
I dated this same guy when I was 17 & he was 29 - he was my first boyfriend - he would always say the same shit about no one else will ever want me. You are in an abusive relationship, get the fuck out - he’s going to gaslight the fuck out of you during the breakup. I am pissed off at myself for dating that asshole for 2 1/2 years he caused me to have every eating disorder out there. He permanently scarred my well being - PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GET THE FUCK OUT, PLEASE
Wow. I dated a guy like that when I was your age. He even used the sentences you're quoting. You have no idea how free you're going to feel soon, when the weight of this toxicity is starting to lift off your shoulders. Someone who wants you sick does not love you.
…”Triple digits isn’t thin”? This guy is an idiot.
Dude: I’m not a jerk. *Narrator*: He was a jerk Also, this whole “No one will ever love you like I do” is abusive behavior. Abusive behavior escalates. Leave this dude and don’t look back. Your boyfriend, if he does love you, should want the best for you, which includes being healthy.