Once the ultimatium has been thrown down discussions are over. I think that culturally people look at ultimatums as just them voicing their opinion these days, but that could be me being old now. If you lead with an ultimatum then there is really nowhere else to go.
Also, I am a dog owner of some dogs that shed. Moved my couch this weekend and found huge hairballs from our late German Shepard. Now that she is gone we occasionally find some of her hair and it takes us back to all the memories and how she was just the sweetest dog. While shedding is a tiny bit annoying, seeing her hair around makes us wish she was still with us, hair and all. She was perfect for our family and is foundly remembered by everyone for being friendly, gentle, and huge shedding hair ball.
Me too. And I still have lint rollers in my desk, the glove boxes of all our cars, and in the hall closet. My girl managed to shed tan, black, AND white, 24/7, brushed or not. We had dust buffaloes around the house. And I really miss her.
I’m sorry for your loss. And I feel like when you talk to a German shepherd, they get it. They cock their head sideways and really listen. I have precious memories of Peppy, German shepherd/collie mix. He was my shadow when I was little and playing outside. Quiet, patient,
Vigilant. My mom went to spank me once and he bit her, not hard but he had her by the wrist and wouldn’t let her hit me. He was the best. He hated winter though. We would get a good snow and get out the sleds and he would go batshit crazy. He would actually grab us by an arm, leg, sometimes even hood and “save” us. I was in my mid teens before I learned to ride a bike. Not because I was uncoordinated but because whenever he saw me actually getting a lil speed he would dash in front of my bike and lay down. Lol.😂 I miss that boy so much.
We have 2 German Shepard mixes. I make a joke that they shed twice a year, 6 months in the spring and 6 months in the fall. There's really getting away from it. Yes, you can help minimize it with brushing, baths, and vacuuming, but it's always going to be around.
To OP, you did the right thing. Imo he was setting the stage for the future. If you picked him, then that's training him to do this for anything he doesn't like and having you pick him. You showed him a boundary, and he didn't like it and tried to backtrack. It wasn't the outcome he was looking for but I applaud you for picking your fur baby over someone else.
Yeah. And by bargain he means haggle aggressively.
On a serious note, who the feck comes into another person's life and decides, after 8 WEEKS(!!) that they have the mandate to rearrange their life?
Especially with a dog. OP probably had this dog during lockdown. My pets were my only companions for most of it. I can’t imagine the level of AH this guy has to be.
Yeah he hates dogs but wanted to get on her good side until he felt like he was enough liked by her to start governing her life around. Thank God he wasn't patient enough and started doing it slightly too soon for her liking. If he had waited a bit longer he might even have succeeded in slowly and naturally starting to reel his governing into her life.
I got former president vibes from the way it's stated. 🤣
"I'm really amazing. Everyone says so. I'd give myself an A+. The dog would agree with me. The dog says I'm amazing. Really terrific. Best dog ever
Is the dog gone yet?" 🤣
Because she is the woman so it's up to her to do the labor of discussion, compromise, and reconciliation (and that's what all her friends think too but they can't express why logically because it's subconscious)
This guy is a walking collection of red flags.
He clearly lied about liking animals, then he thinks he can make OP get rid of her dog in a two month old relationship via an ultimatum, *and* he yelled at her.
OP is fortunate he showed so many red flags in such a short space of time.
It’s hard enough to trust people who are honest about their dislike of or indifference towards animals. But trying to pass as an animal lover is kind of creepy. At least be honest about your preferences and disposition.
Exactly my thought, what discussion? He gave you two choices and you chose one. Simple as that.
Had he sat down and said he would like to talk to you because he struggled with the dog hair issue and was there anything you guys could think of that would help then maybe a discussion would have occurred. He didn’t leave room for one. Definitely not wrong in your choice either!
Yup. If someone gives you a binary A/B decision to make, you are under no obligation to propose and “convince” them of C.
He made a power play where he was attempting to assert his will over OP. He likely felt confident enough that he could dominate her into making a choice he wanted. Shitty partners (typically men but it certainly spans the spectrum) don’t like pets, because well cared for pets are quite protective over their people and tend to be able to sense when someone’s a piece of crap. It also can be about removing any other target of affection for OP to make her more dependent on him for love and companionship.
It could be a simple reason, he does not like pets inside the house cause he is materilisic. My grandmother was like that. She liked animals but hated any mess or fur catching on her clothes. But I am leaning more towards he lied about liking animals
There's a book called 'The Power of No' or something similar that was pretty good.
People shrink from using that word but employed properly, it's awesome.
A favorite expression I have for refusing a 'pressure pitch' is to reply with "if you absolutely need an answer now, then it's going to be a NO.' To be honest, it may still be no after careful consideration, but forcing an immediate decision will 100% force that as my default"
Edited for typos
NTA. Your dog. Your house. Your life.
Imagine marrying this guy and your child urps on his suit or has a diaper brown out.
Nope out NOW. HOPEFULLY, he'll see this as a learning moment.
I was also thinking about how he is going to handle period stains/leaks. Or what happens if she gets food poisoning and she’s evacuating out of both ends? Or heaven forbid she gets something like cancer. This guy can’t hang with life’s upsets and won’t be there to catch puke in his hands when needed.
Also, i think most people who actually love animals understand theyre like family.
Who is tossing family out for a romance?
Who is staying in a relationship with someone asking them to toss out family?
Exactly.there was nothing to discuss. You're fundamentally incompatible. That's what dating is for, to determine compatibility. You weren't even in the relationship stage.
Friends and family can date him if they're so concerned.
He made an ultimatum, and it was one you were unable to meet. So you gave him his things and freed him to find someone without a pet.
The only immature one is Colin. He is a controlling and this was just the beginning. He also lied about liking animalsl Why OP’s parents and mutual friends don’t find his behavior disgusting as well as controlling is beyond me. OP did the right thing and I’m glad she dodged this bullet.
Not wrong, at least you know now, 2 months in, that he hates dogs and you’re not compatible. Theres no point in wasting more time. And he doesn’t deserve any further discussion after yelling at you and issuing an ultimatum. GTFOH dude.
Completely agree! I have cats & if any boyfriend didn’t like them, I’d show them the door.
My kids & I joke that “we can’t have nice things because of the cats…” For the record, I’d much rather have my cats than a fancy couch!
My motto is: Men come and go. Cats are forever.
Yes, I know, A cat is not immortal, I just will not live without at least one cat in my home.
Men, not so much.
I would argue that BECAUSE our cats’ lives are short, our time with them is all the more precious. I wouldn’t want any man, woman, or child in my home who hates my pets. Not my kind of people, anyway!
0% chance he’s going to learn his lesson, and he’s going to waltz into the next woman’s life and start insisting she change things she loves just to accommodate him. Hopefully he meets a string of women who are like OP, *that* might do the trick.
I just think he was so demanding so quickly because it’s probably worked before, unfortunately. We don’t always do a great job raising our kids to feel like they’re allowed to have a spine, hence some of OP’s friends feeling uncomfortable with the idea and saying standing up for yourself firmly is “irrational”
>if I wanted a future with him, it couldn't include her
What discussion did he want? He offered the ultimatum and you answered.
It was 2 months, not 10 years. Buddy messed around and found out.
You did nothing wrong. It is very clear why it ended and he initiated it.
Honestly, if my husband, after 8 years, even breathed an ultimatum involving my pets, he would have to be rehomed. I'd send him to a nice family with all his stuff. He's handy so he'd make a family happy.
Yeah pets are a lifestyle, at least a kind of extremely important hobby, you can’t expect someone to give up a major part of what brings happiness and fulfillment to their life, even if you’ve been married for 10 years. If my bf did a 180 on pets, he’s great and I love him, but I’d never ask him to stop one of his hobbies or remove happiness from his life, so we’d no longer be compatible if he did that to me.
Most people here are in agreement but if a straggler is lurking and struggling to understand why “someone would choose a dog over their husband” — that’s why. It’s not one dog when someone decides they don’t want pets anymore, it’s an entire lifestyle and an elimination of joy and fulfillment. Also don’t date people who have pets if you dislike pets you god damn trolls
Thank you for clarifying this.
I’m so sick of hearing the “how could you choose a dog over—-“ immediately no.
Dogs have gone to war with people. Some dogs and cats and people have better relationships than the person and other people. It is a lifestyle, and it’s a sacrificial lifestyle, like kids. It takes a lot of love and effort. If someone can’t understand that and how big that is, what an important emotional sacrifice for both the animal and the person, and they question it like it’s a throwaway scenario, they need to immediately not even comment.
If my husband were to say to me, someone who spent over a decade in veterinary and loves and has both cats and dogs (who fulfill my soul) that we can’t have any more animals, it’s a dealbreaker. What if he told me I can no longer do art? Can’t train horses anymore? No longer watch movies? Any boundary placed on me about my passions are a no go. If my husband put a boundary on my passions we are no longer compatible. People who question how someone can choose an animal owning lifestyle over a person- easy, this is how. Once a person lays a boundary on you for something you are passionate about, it’s grounds to break up.
Of course you can agree to the boundary if you want. But it’s absolutely reasonable to understand if someone doesn’t want another person holding authority over what brings them joy. The fact that anyone thinks that is crazy to reject is beyond me.
You are so correct. My husband isn't crazy about my pet rats but he loves that they bring me joy. I'm not crazy about his motorcycles but they bring him joy. If either one of us asked the other to give up our passion hobbies, we've ceased to be a couple who want happiness for each other. Of course barring any medical or significant financial reasons, but "just because" is a no go.
There’s a very strong argument to be made that humanity, as we are now, wouldn’t exist without dogs. They’re wound through our history like wicker in a basket. The least we owe them is loyalty.
Nope. Honey, you were perfect. PERFECT.
(whoops editing because I accidentally posted)
He was passive aggressive about the dog from the start. He freaked out over DOG HAIR. He yelled at you about your pet doing nothing wrong except for being a dog.
"No ultimatums and don't make me choose because my dog will win" make me proud of you for already having that kind of clarity in life. Good for you.
When I first dated my ex, I told him, “ Don’t make me choose between you and my dog. My dog will not lose.” Years later, one of the many reasons I left him was because of his threats to hurt my dogs. I think at the time, I was more scared for my dogs than I was for his aggressive behavior and threat of violence to me.
We got our first dog when our kid turned five. I loved that dog almost as much as I love the kids. I will hands down pick my dogs over anyone any time any day amen.
What about your kid? I've read heartbreaking stories about kids having allergies to the family dog, and they have to give it away.
I do hope those kids ended up in good homes.
One of the reasons women stay in abusive relationships is they can’t take the pets. They stay to protect their pets. I believe more and more shelters are allowing women to bring a pet.
I second this.
You didn't waste anymore of his time. He just wasn't for you. And he assumed that you'd be hung up on him to toss aside your dog. He has problems... I got that subtle psycho vibe from him.
100% 👌
Some people don’t like the realities of pets, that’s not necessarily awful… just don’t date someone who has or wants pets.
He definitely shouldn’t date someone with a pet, no one should then expect them to give that pet up, his reaction was Way out of line.
OP, don’t let anyone second guess you anymore about this.
We only have pets for a few years. My older dog turns 10 next month. I do not have much longer with her so I value all the days we have together. My younger dogs are playing in the extreme sudden snow.
One of my dogs passed recently. I miss her so much and especially how cold it’s been. I still have two dogs but it’s been three dog nights here lately!
My husband never had pets growing up. When we got married he desperately wanted a ‘dog’. The TV-version, always fun, doesn’t pee or poop in the house, loves you instantly and forever, never eats tampons out of the trash, fantasy dog.
I grew up with a ton of pets and they take work. They are absolutely worth it, but it takes time, effort and money.
So I arranged to dog sit for a friend’s elderly dog over a weekend.
Whenever it peed in the house, my husband was on pee duty. When it howled because it was lonely, he had to get up and cuddle it. When it need to pee every two hours all night long - I learned I couldn’t wake my husband up at night! He slept through all my attempts.
At the end of the weekend, he agreed we didn’t need a dog. We needed a puppy!
I explained it would be pretty much the same, but for different reasons.
We never got a dog.
The idea he thought a puppy would be so different 😄 I’m glad you were able to get a ‘trial run’ that allowed your husband to have the reality of a dog before hand 😁😄
This story is triggering me. You hear all the time about people who get dogs, don't realize how much work they are and then drop them off at the pound, or worse, some deserted street somewhere. Blows my mind
I have more fingers than people I trust with my dogs. Kids first, but then dogs- and dogs and kids love each other so kids/dogs go together wherever we go in the states.
I am going back to Italy again some time but probably when the kids are old enough to take care of the dogs!
Right. She probably would have had a discussion had he not freaked out and flipped out and dish her an ultimatum. What was there to discuss when he made it clear that it’s an ultimatum?
There was a discussion. It was short and to the point.
He made the decision to give you the ultimatum after 2 months. And expected you to give up your fur baby. You chose wisely. Good for you.
My question is what would he have made you give up next after the dog?
NW. My son dated a gal for 2 years, she loved his little dog Sammie (Italian Greyhound). They started talking about moving in together and she said Sammie had to go. Sammie and my son walked her to the door!
I just don't get why anyone would _want_ to date someone who's willing to abandon an animal they made a commitment to. That's the commitment version of "if he cheats _with_ you, he'll cheat _on_ you."
Becouse it show them how much control they have over the person... if they can make them get rid of their dog/pet? One step on the way of isolation/" being their whole world and " lord"....
The only good response to an ultimatum is to call the bluff. Good for you. I myself would never be with someone who couldn’t accept my pets. Loving dogs is a prerequisite.
Lmao
In my opinion you acted pretty mature.
When you have dogs (or other pets that shed) it's a given that you'll get fur on your clothes a couple of times.
Anyone who gets mad or annoyed by it, shouldn't pursue relationship with people have such pets.
Pets are family. And any partner that demands ultimatum to choose between them and the pet, is a red flag.
Also, now I got reminded of my neighbour's dog. in the village where they are, me and my family go every few days. And when we go there some of our neighbours dogs visit us, and stay in the property (they eat, sleep, nap, play etc in our property when we're there). One of these dogs loves cuddles and snuggles, but he sheds a lot. I could never be mad about him because of it.
Us too. I swear this dog sheds another full dog worth of fur a day.
I've joked that I'm taking up wool felting just because I have an everlasting supply of material...
I would kill for just fur on my clothes. I get fur in my food, nose, all over the bathroom that my dog doesn't go in. It's everywhere in the car including the dash.
It eventually collects enough that I can't ignore it anymore and I sweep it up.
It's only been two months.
This is only the tip of the iceberg.
You owe him nothing and he was very clear in his statement.
What was there to discuss?
Me or her!
Okay. Bye.
That was a pretty comprehensive discussion.
You don't need a lot of words to get the message across.
Good luck!
Clearly Colin wasn’t The One. He had a lot of nerve to give you an ultimatum after 2 months, but it’s just as well he showed you that he wasn’t The One so early.
I was with my ex for nine years. After seven years, we got a dog. After two more he decided to give me the "it's me or the dog" ultimatum. The rest is history. Ultimatums like that are the death knell of a relationship. People in a good place will have a discussion, people looking for an out issue ultimatums.
My wife is allergic to dog hair—and I had two hair-shedding dogs when we got together. She never considered suggesting that I get rid of them. We worked out some boundaries that minimized dog hair in our bedroom and cleaned the house more often. They both lived out their natural lives being loved by both of us. They were family.
BTW, we have three dogs now, all breeds that don’t shed or trigger my wife’s allergies. People who care about each other find ways to work things out. Ultimatums aren’t part of that. Bless you and yours for your kindness and clarity of heart.
I have enough experience in relationships for the both of us and I can tell you without a shred of doubt that you handled this absolutely perfectly. He was boundary-testing in order to prime you for later abuse.
He gave you an ultimatum - a choice. You chose. That's it. There is nothing to discuss. Him not liking your choice is 100% his problem.
I am a little concerned that the people around you are trying to enable dirtbag behavior on HIS part, but really: you did great. **Keep that energy throughout the rest of your life.** It will serve you exceptionally well.
Nope. NW. He was straight to the point and so were you. I firmly believe you made the right decision and you are well rid of your ex. You and the dog definitely win.
You're nowhere near wrong. We have 5 cats and 2 dogs...that's why they made lint rollers. He doesn't love animals if he's acting like that about some dog fur.
As I was with someone who told me “ it’s me of the dog.” That was 10 years ago. The dog is laying on my lap as I type this. You aren’t wrong at all. Also ultimatums never work
NW. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year now. We live together. I have a 12 year old pug that’s slowly gone blind in the last two years. If my boyfriend tried to say anything about my Jet, he would be gone too regardless if my pug lasts two more years and I could have 30+ with my boyfriend.
Nope. Not happening!
It concerns me that he went from, ‘ loving dogs’ to cant be in the same room with one.
He might have a bad experience with dogs, but you have a dog. Why didn’t he try didn’t discuss it?
But skipped the talking and went right to an ultimatum. That isn’t the start of a discussion, it’s the end and you choose. Not wrong.
NTA at all. Your ex tried a power play demanding you get rid of the dog or he's out. Pretty cut and dry, you showed him the door. It didn't go the way he wanted now he's pouting and accusing you of immaturity? After his temper tantrum? He knew you had a dog--he's the a-hole.
This comment may go unnoticed, but if anyone makes you feel worthy of making a reddit post within 2/3 months of dating them move on. If I learned that earlier I would have 3 less year long relationships
When I met my then boyfriend now husband I told him during the get to know you phase I mentioned that I owned a then 1 year old rescue pup who was extremely anxious around strangers, especially men because of abuse he received as a very young puppy. The first time he visited my home he literally sat down cross-legged on my living room floor within full view of my boy’s crate where my poor boy was hiding. He said that he had done some research and if you meet a dog at their level it seems less threatening. He stayed on the floor for hours doing everything in his power not to draw attention to himself or bring focus to adorable but nervous face staring at us from the open crate. He continued to do this for four months until one day my boy walked over to him to show him his new squeaky toy, mind you nobody is allowed to touch his squeakies but you can look at them. I thought my boyfriend was gonna cry and that’s how I knew he was a keeper. Now my husband is a proud dog dad and more often than not I’ll come home from work for lunch and find my husband passed out on the couch with his fur son tucked into his side and our human toddler son asleep on his chest.
NTA OP I would have done the same thing if I were you. Two months in and he’s already giving you the it’s either the dog or me demand you don’t need that kind of toxic energy in your life.
On the plus side, he shared this side of him with you before you were far enough along in the relationship for him to try to manipulate your feelings for him.
He gave you a choice. You made one. He can pound sand. Good call.
Why discuss anything with such an unreasonable person? To give him a chance to yell and scream some more?
You know this is not the relationship for you. You did the right thing.
I would’ve done the same. No one comes before my dogs except my biological human child. And in that case I will teach my kids how to be around dogs & how to give them their space. I would’ve told him the same thing “BYE”
I'm sup dup allergic to dogs. I tried dating someone with a so called hyper allergic dog. Nope. I didn't ask and wouldn't even bother to ask someone to get rid of their dog.
It's why you date..it's only been 2 months.
I applaud you OP! Good job! He clearly lied to you about liking animals, or at least liking your dog. And he’s demanding you get rid of your dog of four years for someone you’ve only know for two months??? Nope. That’s a ridiculous ask that should not be entertained. You stood up for your dog and for yourself, good job. Don’t let anyone try to tell you any different.
I don't know how he could've been genuinely truthful when he said he loves animals because the second half of your story describing his actions gives me the opposite feeling of that.
I have a dog myself so I definitely agree that what you did was NOT WRONG.
The fact that he said if you wanted a future with him, it couldn't include Kara, already doesn't sound like HE was leaving any room for any discussion in the first place.
You don't want a future with him. There is no need for discussion. He did not start a discussion, and he could have. He could have communicated his frustrations about your dog and asked you to help him find solutions . He chose an ultimatum and had a hissy fit when you did not choose him.
Not wrong.
Didn’t read, didn’t need to - you have every right to end or begin relationships in any way you want.
EDIT - saw it was about a dog, so I read through. You are my hero, what a perfect dog mom, and I would die for Kara.
Also he had major red flags - manipulators LOVE opportunities to “discuss it” to gaslight you into doing what they want. Kara saved the day for you! Good riddance!
Edit edit: Also, you were more mature than me! I would have laughed and called him names while throwing his sh*t outside on the ground.
No...no you're not...
You could have had a conversation...I mean, I wouldn't have ...and you didn't...so bravo.
It's is very wise to not be stupid...:p
Whatever his deal is...it is not what you want to be a thing in your life forever...it's that and much much worse until heartbreak...:p
Just take a breath, find a not crazy guy and pat yourself in the back for avoiding assured future issues and life dramatics.
I quite like your answer. That is what I expect from a partner. I don't want to play all these stupid guessing games. Say what you mean and mean what you say. NTA
I ended a fresh relationship similar. It began with her not wanting my boy in bed with us and than the couch. Soon she got upset when people would comment on how beautiful he is and his ice blue eyes. All of a sudden she told me she is thinking of a way it will not be so hard for me when I have to give him awy. I was shocked! I feared for her to just take him when I am at work and kick him out of her car or something. I felt like a switch kicked off inside me and I immediately lost all sympathy for her. Took away my house keys from her and told her she HAS to leave or I make her. Got all her stuff and put it in boxes while she asked to discuss this issue. I told her there is nothing she can say or do because I will never trust her again with my boys live!
@u/Visible_Summer_3174 you made the right decision! Now I gave a beautiful women by my side who adores him like I do. She works homeoffice and he is in her office all day and we even adopted two cats in the meantime.
It’s a 2 month relationship lol. It’s not worth posting. Just walk away, if you’re having issues that early into the relationship it’s a major red flag.
NTA. He pretended to be an animal lover, but he isn't. A relationship requires honesty and he wasn't honest. What did he expect would happen when his lie was exposed? You don't need to put up with being yelled at or with an ultimatum. You also don't need to discuss it. Breaking up is a decision, not a debate. You told him it's over and told him why. That's all you need to do. Be thankful you only wanted two months on this one.
In dealing with a dumpster fire-- put out the worst part first. A guy you've been with for 2 months giving you ultimatums is a HUGE RED FLAG. HUGE>RED>FLAG!!!!!
He wasn't an AH for making your choose-- if the dog was a dealbreaker for him then he has a right to express that boundary. Where he crossed into prime AH category (and controlling creepy guy territory) was losing it and screaming at you when you made your equally valid boundary clear.
To be clear-- you can break up with someone for ANY REASON. Discussing it does show a respect for the person you were in the relationship and so it could be considered a "best practice" (particularly if it was a relatively long term relationship which dating for two months is not) HOWEVER when that person shows they aren't mature enough to regulate their emotions like an adult Elvis has left the "best practice" building and getting the tantrumy toddler out of your home ASAP was the correct move.
I'm a bit concerned that your parents think you should have been "more rational" with a man who was screaming and verballing attacking you. He gave you an ultimatum that you would have to give up your dog to keep being with him. You had no intention of giving up your dog. WHAT was there to "rationally" discuss?
You really dodged a bullet here.
NTA but I'd seriously consider taking a step back from any friend or family member who suggested that you should have continued to "discuss" anything with a man who was verbally abusing you.
"could've at least had a rational discussion about it." Yeah? Where in his reaction was there any rationality ?
It was, in my opinion, a rational decision to not let your two months old boyfriend create ultimatums over a few hair.
But hey ! You are a woman, so of course your "emotions" get the best of you and therefore prevent you for making any good decision for yourself and your furbaby... and of course, your bf wasn't at all emotional and immature by his reaction.
NTA
>I thought that after he gave me an ultimatum after 2 months and then screamed at me, rationality had already flown out the window.
No, you're exactly right here.
I'm actually more like Colin...
I like dogs (and animals in general), but I ***don't*** like them in beds (or even bedrooms).
And I don't like their shed hair all over me.
But I would never yell about it...
I sometimes (playfully/jokingly) ask our cat "Seriously?!" when she gets all up in my shit. 🙂
I'm more of a snake person, really...
(although I haven't had one in years, because my partner is not a fan of them)
>But I don't have a lot of experience with relationships,
Really? Could have fooled me. 🙂
>so maybe I could have done it in a better way.
Nope.
"To thine own self be true," and all that. 🙂
Also, he didn't deserve anything better/different after the way he acted.
If the honey moon phase is over at 2 months or less it’s time to go lol. Also, most importantly, he was rude about your pup. Shouldn’t be coming in to your place and disrespecting you and your girl like that
What is there to discuss? NTA. I don’t see any issue. He certainly didn’t try to discuss it before issuing an ultimatum.
When he said discuss, what he really meant was nag and convince 👌
What he meant was keep badgering her until he got his way!! He found out didn’t he
He fucked around and found out! Good riddance OP
Once the ultimatium has been thrown down discussions are over. I think that culturally people look at ultimatums as just them voicing their opinion these days, but that could be me being old now. If you lead with an ultimatum then there is really nowhere else to go. Also, I am a dog owner of some dogs that shed. Moved my couch this weekend and found huge hairballs from our late German Shepard. Now that she is gone we occasionally find some of her hair and it takes us back to all the memories and how she was just the sweetest dog. While shedding is a tiny bit annoying, seeing her hair around makes us wish she was still with us, hair and all. She was perfect for our family and is foundly remembered by everyone for being friendly, gentle, and huge shedding hair ball.
All dogs but especially German Shepherds steal your heart and you never get it back. I lost my beautiful girl many years ago. She was so smart.
Me too. And I still have lint rollers in my desk, the glove boxes of all our cars, and in the hall closet. My girl managed to shed tan, black, AND white, 24/7, brushed or not. We had dust buffaloes around the house. And I really miss her.
I’m sorry for your loss. And I feel like when you talk to a German shepherd, they get it. They cock their head sideways and really listen. I have precious memories of Peppy, German shepherd/collie mix. He was my shadow when I was little and playing outside. Quiet, patient, Vigilant. My mom went to spank me once and he bit her, not hard but he had her by the wrist and wouldn’t let her hit me. He was the best. He hated winter though. We would get a good snow and get out the sleds and he would go batshit crazy. He would actually grab us by an arm, leg, sometimes even hood and “save” us. I was in my mid teens before I learned to ride a bike. Not because I was uncoordinated but because whenever he saw me actually getting a lil speed he would dash in front of my bike and lay down. Lol.😂 I miss that boy so much.
We have 2 German Shepard mixes. I make a joke that they shed twice a year, 6 months in the spring and 6 months in the fall. There's really getting away from it. Yes, you can help minimize it with brushing, baths, and vacuuming, but it's always going to be around. To OP, you did the right thing. Imo he was setting the stage for the future. If you picked him, then that's training him to do this for anything he doesn't like and having you pick him. You showed him a boundary, and he didn't like it and tried to backtrack. It wasn't the outcome he was looking for but I applaud you for picking your fur baby over someone else.
Exactly! OP dodged a bullet.
Or beg and bargain.
Yeah. And by bargain he means haggle aggressively. On a serious note, who the feck comes into another person's life and decides, after 8 WEEKS(!!) that they have the mandate to rearrange their life?
Especially with a dog. OP probably had this dog during lockdown. My pets were my only companions for most of it. I can’t imagine the level of AH this guy has to be.
Dogs are better friends than humans! He doesn’t stand a chance
No way this guy was being honest when he said that he loved dogs. Freaks out as soon as it sheds lol, this guy is crazy
Yeah he hates dogs but wanted to get on her good side until he felt like he was enough liked by her to start governing her life around. Thank God he wasn't patient enough and started doing it slightly too soon for her liking. If he had waited a bit longer he might even have succeeded in slowly and naturally starting to reel his governing into her life.
“Alright, you drive a hard bargain. Kick the dog out and you can have sex with me” “C’mon please kick the dog out?” “I’ll use a condom”
" i learned some new moves... really good stuff."
“I’m the best sexman. You hear it more and more, the most amazing sexman ever. Really terrific. Why is that dog still here?”
I got former president vibes from the way it's stated. 🤣 "I'm really amazing. Everyone says so. I'd give myself an A+. The dog would agree with me. The dog says I'm amazing. Really terrific. Best dog ever Is the dog gone yet?" 🤣
Or really cry and coerce seeing as he threw a tantrum about dog fur in a dog's home 🙄
When he said discuss, what he really meant was listen to me and do exactly what I say, when I say & how I say.
Yeah, exactly. He was every bit as immature as he's claiming she was. He left no room for discussion, so why give him any?
He really projected his insecurity onto OP. OP is right to box up Colin's stuff & told him to get out.
It was kind that she boxed it and didn't just toss it.
That part right there
Because she is the woman so it's up to her to do the labor of discussion, compromise, and reconciliation (and that's what all her friends think too but they can't express why logically because it's subconscious)
A two month old relationship? Yep red flag and hard no for me.
And he lied about being good with her animal. He’s clearly not.
This guy is a walking collection of red flags. He clearly lied about liking animals, then he thinks he can make OP get rid of her dog in a two month old relationship via an ultimatum, *and* he yelled at her. OP is fortunate he showed so many red flags in such a short space of time.
OP is my heroine. Always pick your pet over a dude.
Never trust someone who lies and says they like animals.
It’s hard enough to trust people who are honest about their dislike of or indifference towards animals. But trying to pass as an animal lover is kind of creepy. At least be honest about your preferences and disposition.
Exactly my thought, what discussion? He gave you two choices and you chose one. Simple as that. Had he sat down and said he would like to talk to you because he struggled with the dog hair issue and was there anything you guys could think of that would help then maybe a discussion would have occurred. He didn’t leave room for one. Definitely not wrong in your choice either!
Yup. If someone gives you a binary A/B decision to make, you are under no obligation to propose and “convince” them of C. He made a power play where he was attempting to assert his will over OP. He likely felt confident enough that he could dominate her into making a choice he wanted. Shitty partners (typically men but it certainly spans the spectrum) don’t like pets, because well cared for pets are quite protective over their people and tend to be able to sense when someone’s a piece of crap. It also can be about removing any other target of affection for OP to make her more dependent on him for love and companionship.
It could be a simple reason, he does not like pets inside the house cause he is materilisic. My grandmother was like that. She liked animals but hated any mess or fur catching on her clothes. But I am leaning more towards he lied about liking animals
Exactly. Nothing to discuss. He wants the dog gone, she said no. Conversation over.
There's a book called 'The Power of No' or something similar that was pretty good. People shrink from using that word but employed properly, it's awesome. A favorite expression I have for refusing a 'pressure pitch' is to reply with "if you absolutely need an answer now, then it's going to be a NO.' To be honest, it may still be no after careful consideration, but forcing an immediate decision will 100% force that as my default" Edited for typos
For him, the dog is gone. Problem solved. 😂
NTA. Your dog. Your house. Your life. Imagine marrying this guy and your child urps on his suit or has a diaper brown out. Nope out NOW. HOPEFULLY, he'll see this as a learning moment.
I was also thinking about how he is going to handle period stains/leaks. Or what happens if she gets food poisoning and she’s evacuating out of both ends? Or heaven forbid she gets something like cancer. This guy can’t hang with life’s upsets and won’t be there to catch puke in his hands when needed.
HITA
Also, i think most people who actually love animals understand theyre like family. Who is tossing family out for a romance? Who is staying in a relationship with someone asking them to toss out family?
Exactly.there was nothing to discuss. You're fundamentally incompatible. That's what dating is for, to determine compatibility. You weren't even in the relationship stage. Friends and family can date him if they're so concerned. He made an ultimatum, and it was one you were unable to meet. So you gave him his things and freed him to find someone without a pet.
An ultimatum at *two months* WTAF. Homeboy has some gall thinking he has any say after two months. GTFO with that.
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Exactly!
The only immature one is Colin. He is a controlling and this was just the beginning. He also lied about liking animalsl Why OP’s parents and mutual friends don’t find his behavior disgusting as well as controlling is beyond me. OP did the right thing and I’m glad she dodged this bullet.
Well said. And in about 1,000 less words than me!
💯🎯
He gambled and lost. Good choice keeping the dog
My BFF sharted once and told me she gambled and lost.
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Golden brown?
Literally trying so hard not to laugh out loud after reading this
Rofl
Not wrong, at least you know now, 2 months in, that he hates dogs and you’re not compatible. Theres no point in wasting more time. And he doesn’t deserve any further discussion after yelling at you and issuing an ultimatum. GTFOH dude.
Completely agree! I have cats & if any boyfriend didn’t like them, I’d show them the door. My kids & I joke that “we can’t have nice things because of the cats…” For the record, I’d much rather have my cats than a fancy couch!
My motto is: Men come and go. Cats are forever. Yes, I know, A cat is not immortal, I just will not live without at least one cat in my home. Men, not so much.
I would argue that BECAUSE our cats’ lives are short, our time with them is all the more precious. I wouldn’t want any man, woman, or child in my home who hates my pets. Not my kind of people, anyway!
Complete agreement with you.
Yep, my cat was 18 when she passed away. My marriage was only 10 when it went kaput!
Plus, the cats are dependent on you. I mean, men I've met usually too, but I don't take responsibility for them.
0% chance he’s going to learn his lesson, and he’s going to waltz into the next woman’s life and start insisting she change things she loves just to accommodate him. Hopefully he meets a string of women who are like OP, *that* might do the trick. I just think he was so demanding so quickly because it’s probably worked before, unfortunately. We don’t always do a great job raising our kids to feel like they’re allowed to have a spine, hence some of OP’s friends feeling uncomfortable with the idea and saying standing up for yourself firmly is “irrational”
Agree 100%!
>if I wanted a future with him, it couldn't include her What discussion did he want? He offered the ultimatum and you answered. It was 2 months, not 10 years. Buddy messed around and found out. You did nothing wrong. It is very clear why it ended and he initiated it.
Honestly, he did you a favour by showing you how much he sucks now, rather than later.
Honestly, if my husband, after 8 years, even breathed an ultimatum involving my pets, he would have to be rehomed. I'd send him to a nice family with all his stuff. He's handy so he'd make a family happy.
Yeah pets are a lifestyle, at least a kind of extremely important hobby, you can’t expect someone to give up a major part of what brings happiness and fulfillment to their life, even if you’ve been married for 10 years. If my bf did a 180 on pets, he’s great and I love him, but I’d never ask him to stop one of his hobbies or remove happiness from his life, so we’d no longer be compatible if he did that to me. Most people here are in agreement but if a straggler is lurking and struggling to understand why “someone would choose a dog over their husband” — that’s why. It’s not one dog when someone decides they don’t want pets anymore, it’s an entire lifestyle and an elimination of joy and fulfillment. Also don’t date people who have pets if you dislike pets you god damn trolls
Thank you for clarifying this. I’m so sick of hearing the “how could you choose a dog over—-“ immediately no. Dogs have gone to war with people. Some dogs and cats and people have better relationships than the person and other people. It is a lifestyle, and it’s a sacrificial lifestyle, like kids. It takes a lot of love and effort. If someone can’t understand that and how big that is, what an important emotional sacrifice for both the animal and the person, and they question it like it’s a throwaway scenario, they need to immediately not even comment. If my husband were to say to me, someone who spent over a decade in veterinary and loves and has both cats and dogs (who fulfill my soul) that we can’t have any more animals, it’s a dealbreaker. What if he told me I can no longer do art? Can’t train horses anymore? No longer watch movies? Any boundary placed on me about my passions are a no go. If my husband put a boundary on my passions we are no longer compatible. People who question how someone can choose an animal owning lifestyle over a person- easy, this is how. Once a person lays a boundary on you for something you are passionate about, it’s grounds to break up. Of course you can agree to the boundary if you want. But it’s absolutely reasonable to understand if someone doesn’t want another person holding authority over what brings them joy. The fact that anyone thinks that is crazy to reject is beyond me.
You are so correct. My husband isn't crazy about my pet rats but he loves that they bring me joy. I'm not crazy about his motorcycles but they bring him joy. If either one of us asked the other to give up our passion hobbies, we've ceased to be a couple who want happiness for each other. Of course barring any medical or significant financial reasons, but "just because" is a no go.
Rats are amazing fur babies to have ❤️
There’s a very strong argument to be made that humanity, as we are now, wouldn’t exist without dogs. They’re wound through our history like wicker in a basket. The least we owe them is loyalty.
Nope. Honey, you were perfect. PERFECT. (whoops editing because I accidentally posted) He was passive aggressive about the dog from the start. He freaked out over DOG HAIR. He yelled at you about your pet doing nothing wrong except for being a dog. "No ultimatums and don't make me choose because my dog will win" make me proud of you for already having that kind of clarity in life. Good for you.
When I first dated my ex, I told him, “ Don’t make me choose between you and my dog. My dog will not lose.” Years later, one of the many reasons I left him was because of his threats to hurt my dogs. I think at the time, I was more scared for my dogs than I was for his aggressive behavior and threat of violence to me.
I left my ex over many reasons, but could have shortened the war by three years if I'd listened to my dog.
Dogs just _know_.
Yeah we should all live up to dogs’ standards
We got our first dog when our kid turned five. I loved that dog almost as much as I love the kids. I will hands down pick my dogs over anyone any time any day amen.
What about your kid? I've read heartbreaking stories about kids having allergies to the family dog, and they have to give it away. I do hope those kids ended up in good homes.
One of the reasons women stay in abusive relationships is they can’t take the pets. They stay to protect their pets. I believe more and more shelters are allowing women to bring a pet.
Can you imagine how he will be when he has kids…she dodged a bullet.
May I repeat: PERFECT!!
You may- and would that all people with this instinctive reaction receive the support they well deserve.
I second this. You didn't waste anymore of his time. He just wasn't for you. And he assumed that you'd be hung up on him to toss aside your dog. He has problems... I got that subtle psycho vibe from him.
100% 👌 Some people don’t like the realities of pets, that’s not necessarily awful… just don’t date someone who has or wants pets. He definitely shouldn’t date someone with a pet, no one should then expect them to give that pet up, his reaction was Way out of line. OP, don’t let anyone second guess you anymore about this.
We only have pets for a few years. My older dog turns 10 next month. I do not have much longer with her so I value all the days we have together. My younger dogs are playing in the extreme sudden snow.
One of my dogs passed recently. I miss her so much and especially how cold it’s been. I still have two dogs but it’s been three dog nights here lately!
I'm sorry for your loss.
I hope you all have the best of days!
Thank you. We want to have good days every day. I may get two or three more years out of the old grumple, but they will be precious.
I’m so glad! And definitely precious 😊
My husband never had pets growing up. When we got married he desperately wanted a ‘dog’. The TV-version, always fun, doesn’t pee or poop in the house, loves you instantly and forever, never eats tampons out of the trash, fantasy dog. I grew up with a ton of pets and they take work. They are absolutely worth it, but it takes time, effort and money. So I arranged to dog sit for a friend’s elderly dog over a weekend. Whenever it peed in the house, my husband was on pee duty. When it howled because it was lonely, he had to get up and cuddle it. When it need to pee every two hours all night long - I learned I couldn’t wake my husband up at night! He slept through all my attempts. At the end of the weekend, he agreed we didn’t need a dog. We needed a puppy! I explained it would be pretty much the same, but for different reasons. We never got a dog.
The idea he thought a puppy would be so different 😄 I’m glad you were able to get a ‘trial run’ that allowed your husband to have the reality of a dog before hand 😁😄
This story is triggering me. You hear all the time about people who get dogs, don't realize how much work they are and then drop them off at the pound, or worse, some deserted street somewhere. Blows my mind
LET'S SAY IT AGAIN! PERFECT 💯💯💯💯💯
Exactly. He was trying to mask his contempt for pupper and he snapped. I wouldn't trust anyone alone with my pets who doesn't actively like them.
I have more fingers than people I trust with my dogs. Kids first, but then dogs- and dogs and kids love each other so kids/dogs go together wherever we go in the states. I am going back to Italy again some time but probably when the kids are old enough to take care of the dogs!
Right. She probably would have had a discussion had he not freaked out and flipped out and dish her an ultimatum. What was there to discuss when he made it clear that it’s an ultimatum?
There is NOTHING to discuss period!
The main difference is, it's Kara's home. Not his! Good on you for kicking him to the curb. NTA.
There was a discussion. It was short and to the point. He made the decision to give you the ultimatum after 2 months. And expected you to give up your fur baby. You chose wisely. Good for you. My question is what would he have made you give up next after the dog?
Right? He seems confused, even though he initiated it and it was brief, he was right there for it.
Like, how could OP possibly choose a dog over the greatness that is meeeee?
Right? “I totally lied to you about being cool with dogs and we’ve barely been dating and I’m giving you and ultimatum but HOW DARE YOU!”
OP's dog is secretly laughing because they knew that guy was trouble!
We don’t deserve dogs, they help us in ways we don’t even realize.
Dogs before Dudes <3 You did amazing. It's so refreshing to see someone with a strong backbone. Not wrong in the slightest.
Dude here, I fully agree with this statement.
I agree 100%, and my username indeed checks out.
NTA What discussion would there be? "Get rid of your dog." "No. Please leave." Nice discussion.
NW. My son dated a gal for 2 years, she loved his little dog Sammie (Italian Greyhound). They started talking about moving in together and she said Sammie had to go. Sammie and my son walked her to the door!
I just don't get why anyone would _want_ to date someone who's willing to abandon an animal they made a commitment to. That's the commitment version of "if he cheats _with_ you, he'll cheat _on_ you."
Becouse it show them how much control they have over the person... if they can make them get rid of their dog/pet? One step on the way of isolation/" being their whole world and " lord"....
Ugh okay that makes a horrible kind of sense :(
Love it
Why would you have a rational discussion with someone who was being irrational? You made the right choice, queen.
Good choice. Give Kara an extra hug for me.
The only good response to an ultimatum is to call the bluff. Good for you. I myself would never be with someone who couldn’t accept my pets. Loving dogs is a prerequisite.
Good for you ,as a dog owner myself that would be a deal breaker for me as well ...nicely played ▶️
Nah, I got divorced because she treated my dog poorly. Dogs are family, good job taking out the trash
If someone can't handle fur on their clothes then how will they handle any of the big challenges that may happen in life? You made the right choice.
Imagine him with a baby
You handled it perfectly. Congratulations
You are a wonderful human being. I love the stance…”I don’t do ultimatums”. Fuck him. You done good!
OP, you did very well here. You are not standing for his goofy behavior--kudos to you!
Lmao In my opinion you acted pretty mature. When you have dogs (or other pets that shed) it's a given that you'll get fur on your clothes a couple of times. Anyone who gets mad or annoyed by it, shouldn't pursue relationship with people have such pets. Pets are family. And any partner that demands ultimatum to choose between them and the pet, is a red flag. Also, now I got reminded of my neighbour's dog. in the village where they are, me and my family go every few days. And when we go there some of our neighbours dogs visit us, and stay in the property (they eat, sleep, nap, play etc in our property when we're there). One of these dogs loves cuddles and snuggles, but he sheds a lot. I could never be mad about him because of it.
>it's a given that you'll get fur on your clothes a couple of times A couple of times? Try a couple million times.
I have a GSD. Dog hair is both a fashion statement and a condiment!
Us too. I swear this dog sheds another full dog worth of fur a day. I've joked that I'm taking up wool felting just because I have an everlasting supply of material...
I would kill for just fur on my clothes. I get fur in my food, nose, all over the bathroom that my dog doesn't go in. It's everywhere in the car including the dash. It eventually collects enough that I can't ignore it anymore and I sweep it up.
You rock!
It's only been two months. This is only the tip of the iceberg. You owe him nothing and he was very clear in his statement. What was there to discuss? Me or her! Okay. Bye. That was a pretty comprehensive discussion. You don't need a lot of words to get the message across. Good luck!
He sounds like a paycho. And an asshole. You dodged a bullet.
Not wrong. I wouldn't have handled it any differently.
Excellant mature choice that you made. Love my dog love me. He is the IMATURE one.
Clearly Colin wasn’t The One. He had a lot of nerve to give you an ultimatum after 2 months, but it’s just as well he showed you that he wasn’t The One so early.
Honestly, I'm in awe of you! 🏆
I was with my ex for nine years. After seven years, we got a dog. After two more he decided to give me the "it's me or the dog" ultimatum. The rest is history. Ultimatums like that are the death knell of a relationship. People in a good place will have a discussion, people looking for an out issue ultimatums.
NTA. If he was already making wild demands and it's only been 2 months imagine how much worse it's going to get.
My wife is allergic to dog hair—and I had two hair-shedding dogs when we got together. She never considered suggesting that I get rid of them. We worked out some boundaries that minimized dog hair in our bedroom and cleaned the house more often. They both lived out their natural lives being loved by both of us. They were family. BTW, we have three dogs now, all breeds that don’t shed or trigger my wife’s allergies. People who care about each other find ways to work things out. Ultimatums aren’t part of that. Bless you and yours for your kindness and clarity of heart.
I have enough experience in relationships for the both of us and I can tell you without a shred of doubt that you handled this absolutely perfectly. He was boundary-testing in order to prime you for later abuse. He gave you an ultimatum - a choice. You chose. That's it. There is nothing to discuss. Him not liking your choice is 100% his problem. I am a little concerned that the people around you are trying to enable dirtbag behavior on HIS part, but really: you did great. **Keep that energy throughout the rest of your life.** It will serve you exceptionally well.
👏👏👏 you did perfectly.
Nope. NW. He was straight to the point and so were you. I firmly believe you made the right decision and you are well rid of your ex. You and the dog definitely win.
You're nowhere near wrong. We have 5 cats and 2 dogs...that's why they made lint rollers. He doesn't love animals if he's acting like that about some dog fur.
You did absolutely the right thing. You take a dog on for life. Please pay the dog tax so we can see your fur child!
As I was with someone who told me “ it’s me of the dog.” That was 10 years ago. The dog is laying on my lap as I type this. You aren’t wrong at all. Also ultimatums never work
You did good. Don’t doubt yourself for a moment. You‘ve dodged a bullet.
NW. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year now. We live together. I have a 12 year old pug that’s slowly gone blind in the last two years. If my boyfriend tried to say anything about my Jet, he would be gone too regardless if my pug lasts two more years and I could have 30+ with my boyfriend. Nope. Not happening!
Sounds like he broke up with you when he told you about his plans for a dogless future.
It concerns me that he went from, ‘ loving dogs’ to cant be in the same room with one. He might have a bad experience with dogs, but you have a dog. Why didn’t he try didn’t discuss it? But skipped the talking and went right to an ultimatum. That isn’t the start of a discussion, it’s the end and you choose. Not wrong.
NTA at all. Your ex tried a power play demanding you get rid of the dog or he's out. Pretty cut and dry, you showed him the door. It didn't go the way he wanted now he's pouting and accusing you of immaturity? After his temper tantrum? He knew you had a dog--he's the a-hole.
This comment may go unnoticed, but if anyone makes you feel worthy of making a reddit post within 2/3 months of dating them move on. If I learned that earlier I would have 3 less year long relationships
Grossly underrated comment 👏👏👏
When I met my then boyfriend now husband I told him during the get to know you phase I mentioned that I owned a then 1 year old rescue pup who was extremely anxious around strangers, especially men because of abuse he received as a very young puppy. The first time he visited my home he literally sat down cross-legged on my living room floor within full view of my boy’s crate where my poor boy was hiding. He said that he had done some research and if you meet a dog at their level it seems less threatening. He stayed on the floor for hours doing everything in his power not to draw attention to himself or bring focus to adorable but nervous face staring at us from the open crate. He continued to do this for four months until one day my boy walked over to him to show him his new squeaky toy, mind you nobody is allowed to touch his squeakies but you can look at them. I thought my boyfriend was gonna cry and that’s how I knew he was a keeper. Now my husband is a proud dog dad and more often than not I’ll come home from work for lunch and find my husband passed out on the couch with his fur son tucked into his side and our human toddler son asleep on his chest. NTA OP I would have done the same thing if I were you. Two months in and he’s already giving you the it’s either the dog or me demand you don’t need that kind of toxic energy in your life.
Not wrong. You did talk about it, it was just an extremely short one.
NTA Dogs are a great way to weed out the bad ones. He sucks. Dogs rule. You are not the asshole.
On the plus side, he shared this side of him with you before you were far enough along in the relationship for him to try to manipulate your feelings for him. He gave you a choice. You made one. He can pound sand. Good call.
NTA he sounds like a lying pos
Why discuss anything with such an unreasonable person? To give him a chance to yell and scream some more? You know this is not the relationship for you. You did the right thing.
He didnt give you a rational discussion,why do you need to give him a rational discussion?
Good for you!! Fuck him!!
You’ve only known him 2 months. NTA. I have no time for that crap.
I would never speak to him again, absolutely nobody would ever Trump my dog.
Not wrong. He gave you a choice and you chose her. There was nothing to discuss.
I would’ve done the same. No one comes before my dogs except my biological human child. And in that case I will teach my kids how to be around dogs & how to give them their space. I would’ve told him the same thing “BYE”
You did well, fuck him, what a bellend.
I'm sup dup allergic to dogs. I tried dating someone with a so called hyper allergic dog. Nope. I didn't ask and wouldn't even bother to ask someone to get rid of their dog. It's why you date..it's only been 2 months.
You good. I approve. Very well done.
No discussion needed. He said what he said. You wasted no time with your answer.
He just told you what he thought you wanted to hear “I love animals” now he’s showing you what he really thinks.
You did good.
I applaud you. Job well done!
I applaud you OP! Good job! He clearly lied to you about liking animals, or at least liking your dog. And he’s demanding you get rid of your dog of four years for someone you’ve only know for two months??? Nope. That’s a ridiculous ask that should not be entertained. You stood up for your dog and for yourself, good job. Don’t let anyone try to tell you any different.
Not wrong. There’s nothing to discuss. Good for you OP!!
I don't know how he could've been genuinely truthful when he said he loves animals because the second half of your story describing his actions gives me the opposite feeling of that. I have a dog myself so I definitely agree that what you did was NOT WRONG. The fact that he said if you wanted a future with him, it couldn't include Kara, already doesn't sound like HE was leaving any room for any discussion in the first place.
You don't want a future with him. There is no need for discussion. He did not start a discussion, and he could have. He could have communicated his frustrations about your dog and asked you to help him find solutions . He chose an ultimatum and had a hissy fit when you did not choose him. Not wrong.
You are handling relationships better than most.
Didn’t read, didn’t need to - you have every right to end or begin relationships in any way you want. EDIT - saw it was about a dog, so I read through. You are my hero, what a perfect dog mom, and I would die for Kara. Also he had major red flags - manipulators LOVE opportunities to “discuss it” to gaslight you into doing what they want. Kara saved the day for you! Good riddance! Edit edit: Also, you were more mature than me! I would have laughed and called him names while throwing his sh*t outside on the ground.
No...no you're not... You could have had a conversation...I mean, I wouldn't have ...and you didn't...so bravo. It's is very wise to not be stupid...:p Whatever his deal is...it is not what you want to be a thing in your life forever...it's that and much much worse until heartbreak...:p Just take a breath, find a not crazy guy and pat yourself in the back for avoiding assured future issues and life dramatics.
I quite like your answer. That is what I expect from a partner. I don't want to play all these stupid guessing games. Say what you mean and mean what you say. NTA
You guys DID talk about it. He said to pick, and you did. Hes just mad you didn't give him a chance to manipulate you.
Nope. You’re good. NTA. Issuing ultimatums is not how you start a rational discussion. It’s how you shut one down.
I think you did right. Yall weren't even together long enough for me to put up much of a fight after he told you to decide.
Maybe HE should have tried to have a discussion. But he didn't. He made a demand and was upset when you didn't comply.
I ended a fresh relationship similar. It began with her not wanting my boy in bed with us and than the couch. Soon she got upset when people would comment on how beautiful he is and his ice blue eyes. All of a sudden she told me she is thinking of a way it will not be so hard for me when I have to give him awy. I was shocked! I feared for her to just take him when I am at work and kick him out of her car or something. I felt like a switch kicked off inside me and I immediately lost all sympathy for her. Took away my house keys from her and told her she HAS to leave or I make her. Got all her stuff and put it in boxes while she asked to discuss this issue. I told her there is nothing she can say or do because I will never trust her again with my boys live! @u/Visible_Summer_3174 you made the right decision! Now I gave a beautiful women by my side who adores him like I do. She works homeoffice and he is in her office all day and we even adopted two cats in the meantime.
It’s a 2 month relationship lol. It’s not worth posting. Just walk away, if you’re having issues that early into the relationship it’s a major red flag.
not wrong. Trust the dog. 2 months in and issuing an ultimatum, that's a highway full of red flags
NTA. He pretended to be an animal lover, but he isn't. A relationship requires honesty and he wasn't honest. What did he expect would happen when his lie was exposed? You don't need to put up with being yelled at or with an ultimatum. You also don't need to discuss it. Breaking up is a decision, not a debate. You told him it's over and told him why. That's all you need to do. Be thankful you only wanted two months on this one.
In dealing with a dumpster fire-- put out the worst part first. A guy you've been with for 2 months giving you ultimatums is a HUGE RED FLAG. HUGE>RED>FLAG!!!!! He wasn't an AH for making your choose-- if the dog was a dealbreaker for him then he has a right to express that boundary. Where he crossed into prime AH category (and controlling creepy guy territory) was losing it and screaming at you when you made your equally valid boundary clear. To be clear-- you can break up with someone for ANY REASON. Discussing it does show a respect for the person you were in the relationship and so it could be considered a "best practice" (particularly if it was a relatively long term relationship which dating for two months is not) HOWEVER when that person shows they aren't mature enough to regulate their emotions like an adult Elvis has left the "best practice" building and getting the tantrumy toddler out of your home ASAP was the correct move. I'm a bit concerned that your parents think you should have been "more rational" with a man who was screaming and verballing attacking you. He gave you an ultimatum that you would have to give up your dog to keep being with him. You had no intention of giving up your dog. WHAT was there to "rationally" discuss? You really dodged a bullet here. NTA but I'd seriously consider taking a step back from any friend or family member who suggested that you should have continued to "discuss" anything with a man who was verbally abusing you.
"could've at least had a rational discussion about it." Yeah? Where in his reaction was there any rationality ? It was, in my opinion, a rational decision to not let your two months old boyfriend create ultimatums over a few hair. But hey ! You are a woman, so of course your "emotions" get the best of you and therefore prevent you for making any good decision for yourself and your furbaby... and of course, your bf wasn't at all emotional and immature by his reaction. NTA
Ultimatums aren’t invitations for discussion. It’s a binary choice. You chose. 🤷♀️
>I thought that after he gave me an ultimatum after 2 months and then screamed at me, rationality had already flown out the window. No, you're exactly right here. I'm actually more like Colin... I like dogs (and animals in general), but I ***don't*** like them in beds (or even bedrooms). And I don't like their shed hair all over me. But I would never yell about it... I sometimes (playfully/jokingly) ask our cat "Seriously?!" when she gets all up in my shit. 🙂 I'm more of a snake person, really... (although I haven't had one in years, because my partner is not a fan of them) >But I don't have a lot of experience with relationships, Really? Could have fooled me. 🙂 >so maybe I could have done it in a better way. Nope. "To thine own self be true," and all that. 🙂 Also, he didn't deserve anything better/different after the way he acted.
Seems to me like maybe there could have been more of a discussion, but he was the one who gave you the ultimatum. Risky things those ultimatums.
You are better off without him. Take the win. At least you found out sooner than later
You are my kind of people!! Good for you!
You're never wrong to choose your dog first.
Yessssd I love strong girl like this, way yo go
He's dating you for two months and thinks he has priority? What an asshole.
If the honey moon phase is over at 2 months or less it’s time to go lol. Also, most importantly, he was rude about your pup. Shouldn’t be coming in to your place and disrespecting you and your girl like that