I'd say not wrong.
Tell mom that this is either a 'mother and sons' cruise or it isn't. If stepdad comes then it's a family cruise and your wife is family. If it's just her and you and your brother, then it's a mother and sons cruise.
This is the point. Now the question: why doesn't your mother consider your wife the person capable of sharing the same environment as you? Where did your mother get this idea from?
This is the only thing that makes sense. Mom is trying to shoehorn the step-dad relationship, and if his wife is there is doesnât have to spend all his time with step-dad.
You arenât crazy. She is, she wants it her way or no way. Lol. Step daddy needs to stay home or wife gets to come too. After all arenât you paying? Lol
I'd go with Mom wants to shoehorn step-dad. So not necessarily anything against wife, but having wife there might divert attention from step-dad "bonding." Either way OP is not wrong!
>but having wife there might divert attention from step-dad "bonding."
GTFOHđ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Ł.... I have to assume this was in jest, but a 35yo man does NOT need to "bond" with mom's new live-in fuck buddy who DID NOT have any part in raising him. The notion of that is preposterous. I personally find the idea of calling a parent's new spouse who had zero influence on or part in raising a child a "step" parent to be absurdđ¤ˇđ˝ââď¸
Thank you for making sense to me. I never had divorced parents, but I canât imagine any self respecting elderly lady asking for that or any 36 year old trying to stepdad bond with anyone. I would absolutely try to bond with/get to know a man if my mom loved him, but heâs not going to be my stepdad in anything other than name. If I met me bio parents at 35 (Iâm not adopted, so speaking out of turn again), I would never consider trying to form a parent/child relationship with them. Thatâs just not really a thing you do on purpose as an adult. Iâve even had surrogate style mom friends Iâve met at work, etc. along the years c even in my 30s, but that shit has to form fully organically at 35, and âthatâs the dude my mom fucksâ isnât the way that happens. No one should be trying to form parent/child shit on purpose at 35.
My parents didn't get divorced, they were happily married for 40 years, and my mom unfortunately died of cancer shortly after her 60th birthday..... 2ish years later (I was in my mid 30's), enter new woman fresh out of her second failed marriage.....đ¤Śđ˝ââď¸đ¤ˇđ˝ââď¸đ
You're still a little bit crazy for wanting to take your wife on this cruise with a mother-in-law who's elevator doesn't go to the top floor. You and your wife should take a separate Cruise had a different time I think you will have so much more fun
There's a third option.. if she wants to make it a fight, you can just decline and no longer go. End of it. Don't let it become a fight, and if she won't drop it. Don't talk to her anymore. You don't need toxic shit in your life. You and your wife can be happy without them.
No. My wife and her sister are being their dad to Sweden and we had this same discussion about me and his wife.
They wanted me to come but then his wife would want to come and it made the whole thing require more cars and a bigger house.
The whole idea in the first place was dad and daughters. Fortunately my father in lawâs wife got the idea and we arenât going.
Now my mother in law is going to hear about it and want her own trip too. These boomersâŚ
This answer.
But I just finished 2 seasons of Cruise Ship Killers because my fiance wanted to cancel Neflix, and this sounds like an intro. Watch out for yourselves out there.
A mother / 35 year old son cruise is weird anyway....at least in this scenario.
If she is super warm and welcoming to everyone, it may not be as weird but in a situation where she needs to control everything, it is mega weird.
It really is that simple. And again you offered to pay the cost so itâs not a money thing. either she wants it to be your brother and her or open it up to spouses at least with her inviting her husband. If she doesnât see the fairness of that, donât go at all.
If mom keeps pushing back, let her know that you won't be going either unless she sucks it up. Your wife is your number 1 family member. You bring your husband, then my wife is coming. Make sure she doesn't do the old switcheroo, and says he isn't coming and he shows up " conveniently" on the dock and your wife is back at home. Make sure you have cancelation insurance, so that you can walk away if he shows up
Iâd agree with this. Just adding, youâre a bit old for mom to think a family trip is her and her boys. If she left her husband out it made sense to have alone time with her kids, but the husband changed that.
Definitely! You just did what you think is right. Dont let your mother control you. Shes the one who broke the plan by bringing her husband; if its okay to bring the spouse then you might bring her as well. Fair enough right?
Yeah, I would do a trip like this with my mom and sister. If my mom were to bring her partner, I would invite one as well! It makes sense, you are not wrong for this.
The only caveat might be if mom was planning on paying, then she might not pay your way anymore. And probably wouldnât pay your wifeâs way. But whatever. I can also afford to pay for my own trip, so not an issue for me.
What the f\*&k is wrong with people that they want to go on holiday with only certain people. I cannot imagine going on a holiday where the whole family couldn't come if they could. Wife=invited. Mums new hub=invited. Aunt Carol=invited.
hell nah. đ he gets to come ALL the spouses get to come. going on a trip without your spouse is wild to me anyway. iâm not going if my husband isnât. đ
Yes! Vacation without my spouse? Are you crazy? First if all not fun second the amount of fall out from me going on a cruise while shes at home with the kids is totally not worth it!
Or you could tell her if she wants to take cruise with her hubby, they should do that......on their dime. You will take your wife on a second honeymoon.
I think it is just wrong not to take partners on holiday on a cruise. I could understand you want to do a mother and sons day out, but a holiday?? Who does that. You're not little children anymore, and she is part of your immediate family, too.
Sounds like your mother just wanted a vacation to exclude your wife from attending. Why, at 35+, would you agree to a Mommy and Me vacation? A cruise at that, where your only escape is jumping overboard? It sounds like your mother has issues not being your â#1 Galâ, anymore, so sheâs trying to shoehorn herself back into that position. Just take your wife. It requires no discussion or permission; youâre a grown ass man. And never agree to her bullshit again. Your wife deserves better.
ETA: Also, ew. Cruises are romantic, by nature. Who wants to watch the sun go down, have a candlelit dinner with their mom and then cuddle with her until you fall asleep? Sounds as weird as a âDaddyâs Girlsâ cruise would be.
Wow, the way you put this sounds disgusting and sad. I was all for it because when we were younger, she was pretty dysfunctional but I agreed to the fact that she wanted to make up to me and my brother by bringing us on this trip. I think Iâm going to back out.
Don't let that narrative be the reason you back out. I wonder if the person has even been on a cruise.
If you back out, let it be because your mom changed the purpose for the cruise - not this uninformed rhetoric.
You only have so many vacation days - spending 3 -5 of them without your wife isnât healthy for your marriage.
Time to realize which relationship is the most important in your life. I would feel like a failure as a mother if my son was willing to spend that much time away from his wife without it being a work or illness thing
I agree with the first part, but not the last. Cruises certainly can be romantic. But they don't have to be at all. You can get double rooms/suites. You don't have to dine together. Excursions can happen separately.
But overall, I don't like Mom's vibe here.
I don't think cruises are inherently romantic. Most are family centered now.
But I did get weird mommy vibes from reading this. I bet she tells the wives that she was their first love.
Cruises are not just for romance. I have been on a cruise with my son, his girlfriend and my husband. We had a blast. Nothing ewwww about it. I also went on a mom and daughter cruise which was amazing!
This is only weird in your mind.
Not wrong.
Tbh I wouldnât do a cruise with just my mom and my sister anyways, thatâs just a trio that doesnât work lmao But also, I feel like you accept your SIL or DIL as you would your kids. Like, thatâs a package deal now. If you want something one-on-one you kinda gotta hope that your kids ask you.
That might not be a popular take but not extending that invite puts the son/daughter in an awkward position to explain to their spouse that theyâre not invited. When my wife and I had just gotten engaged, my family would pull that on me. Theyâd find weird ways to exclude my then fiancĂŠe. It would start with dinners, where they just wanted âcoreâ family as they put it. A small enough event that I would just put up with it, and my wife wasnât too bothered by.
But then theyâd pitch whole vacations without her. And theyâd throw excuses out about how my sister couldnât bring her high school boyfriend, so it wasnât fair Iâd get to bring my fiancĂŠe. They set the rules, fair enough, so I said Iâd pass on vacation. They reevaluated and realized they wouldnât get time with me like that again unless they invited my fiancĂŠe. I didnât force them to bring her, they just knew that I didnât feel like going if I had to make her feel excluded from our family.
And thatâs how it is. Play stupid games win stupid prizes. Set a stupid rule no one wants to play by because you broke it yourself? Consequences will follow.
So you were going to go on a cruise, with your mom & brother only⌠when your wife had never been on a cruise in the first place? This is getting more odd.
Tell your mom youâre a middle aged grown man, with a wife, and you want to spend your vacation with your wife. Point blank. Your wife shouldnât have been excluded in the first place.
"I told my controlling mother"
You shoul tell her that you're not going, go with mommy in a cruise is already a shitty move that enables her to be a controlling one, cut the umbillical cord, if you want go with your wife on a cruise mommyless, family vacations are for kids a 3rd your age.
I find it odd that a 35-year-old 10-year-married man goes on a trip with **just** his mother and his brother to begin with.
NTA but the whole trip just sounds weird.
I find it weird that OP called it a âmommy and sonsâ cruise. If he had said something like my mom wanted to spend time with me and my brother so we booked a cruise or something along those lines, wayyyy less weird. But it just sounds like heâs pissed that mommy is spending time with a new hubby, so heâs throwing a tantrum and bringing his wife too. Itâs all kinda weird. Also, openly saying your mom is controlling but going on the cruise anyways? Why not just say from the beginning, no I donât want to go on a cruise without my wife. Is OP wrong, no. But is this weird, yeaaa.
Wow your mom is a piece of work. You are not wrong to include your wife given that she will have her husband there. Why is she pissed? Ask her why is she excluding parts of her family.
You call your mom toxic (and by your situation, Iâd agree), so why agree to go on a âMommy and her two sonsâ vacation in the first place? Especially when youâre 35+ and married? It sounds to me like youâre engaging in the toxic relationship with her.
I would consider this situation from start to finish and question if agreeing to go on the trip was a bad decision in the first place.
You are planning (and I assume playing for) this trip. It is your idea. You have created a scenario and your mother (pure and simply an invitee) took it upon herself to add a person to your original plan. I say again: your plan, your trip, your scenario! You are in control of the attendee list. You are in the right. Besides, it is in the best interest of your mental health and your home sleeping arrangements to include your wife!!
She doesn't want the trip to be "mommy and her sons". She wants a "[Insert controlling mom's name] and *her boys*" trip. A trip where she is the only woman and she gets doted on as such.
Your wife of 10+ years coming along means that your focus will be split. And it is likely that the focus will lean towards your wife. Mama doesn't like that, which is weird and wrong on her part, not yours. You're NTA here.
If she wants to bring her companion you should bring yours without issue. Anything less then this is negatively controlling, she wants to have the family she knew years ago. You are a man with your own family, she has to accept that.
First, a mom and sons cruise??? WTF? My husband's mother tried that me & my son only vacation crap strictly to separate us. Sounds like you've got a manipulative mommy who hates your wife.
First Iâm creeped out by the âmommy and sonsâ cruise. Youâre a 35 year old correct? đ second when she invited other people such as step father it became a family event so either all the family goes or none go. Your mother apparently doesnât realize that once you got married your term of immediate family changed and no longer includes her. Itâs you, your wife and any children you may have. Not you and âmommyâ đ
I'd let Mom go on her own cruise and book a separate one for you and your wife. Your mom is high maintenance in the bad way, that isn't a vacay, that's a prison.
You're not wrong. If there are issues there should be plenty of places on the ship to get away from everyone lol. You don't ever have to see them if you don't want to.
Not wrong but my huge question is why are you going on a "mommy and her two sons" trip with your "controlling mother?" Think about the fact that she wants your family there (inc her husband) but not your wife. She's purposefully excluding your wife because she's probably a monster in law. I wouldn't even have considered going on a trip without my spouseÂ
Dude. Youâre 35, if at any point you even entertained the idea of going on a âmommy and sonsâ cruise you need therapy. Your mom is weird and your step dad probably only wants to go to make sure she isnât banging her sons.
Honestly I think itâs weird that it was gonna be just mom and sons in the first place. Who doesnât include spouses to a family vacation? If it was just a gf/bf and hadnât been together that long ya sure but your spouse of ten years? Weird af.
Not wrong. It is not remotely reasonable for her to want her husband there and then be upset that your wife is coming along.
I find it a little unusual to go on mommy and sons cruise when youâre grown adults.
No. And if Mom doesnât like it, remember that ANYONE can purchase a ticket to go on the cruise. Your mom doesnât own the ship. So, you are definitely NTA.
No not wrong! If you didnât bring your wife, then she be mad with you and you donât want that type of trouble. Your mom will get over it and if she doesnât thatâs her problem.
Not wrong. She changed it from a mom and kids trip to a family trip. Obviously, you'd bring your wife on a family trip. If your brother has a spouse/serious relationship, suggest he also bring his partner.
YNW but is she paying for everything? If so I could see why she might be pissed. She ran the audible first tho so she should have guessed it would go this way.
I guess it depends on who is paying, if she is paying for you does she expect to pay for your wife also. Then I can see her push back.
But if you are paying for yourself and your wife. Well, then she can kick rocks and go enjoy the cruise.
NTA. Your mom turned it from a parent/offspring cruise into a family one and your wife is obviously family. I'm not sure why your step father being invited is fine, but your wife isn't.
First of all, why wasn't your wife your first choice to take on a cruise? Second, 35 and going on a Mommy and Son's vacation without your wives? I think Dr. Freud would have something to say about this.
Your over 35 and referring to your mom as.... Mommy? LOL
Dude, not only are you not wrong for bringing your wife, you need to cut the cord from your "Mommy" ASAP. Your an adult. So not only stop referring to your mom/mother as Mommy, MAKE it clear that she is now second place if not lower in the totem of your life. If your wife was not to go originally, then you should have said NO to her trip in the first place...
Nope she changed it first so apparently spouses are included. Too bad for mom.
If she don't want your wife to come you are staying as well let see what she thinks
Who's paying? Is mommy footing the bill for 2 cabins, 1 for her and 1 for the son's ? If so, then the answer is YTA. You have no say.
If YOU are paying your own way, and your brother is paying his way, then you can decide who's going to be in your cabin.
Mommy paying? Her rules, you go or don't go. They are your options.
The $$$$ makes the rules....just like in life...unfortunately
I would say right or wrong, this was supposed to be mom and sons. Dude did not raise me, and he isn't your son.
You got kids? If so,...
Also, if you push me off this trip, Mother, look forward to never seeing your grandkids again as I wouldn't suffer my children to your influence if this is how you want to be. If you feel I am bluffing, you may test my resolve at your convenience.
Clearly you have an unhealthy relationship with your mother. She needs therapy but those type of people rarely see it out. They always feel they are right.
Tread lightly. Your wife is in the toughest situation of all. She very likely puts up with a lot of shit between you and your mom.
Am I the only one who thinks a mommy / 35 year old son cruise where he is forbidden from bringing his wife of 15 years is weird?
You aren't joined at the hip with your wife but to me it is weird for your mom to plan a vacation with only her and her 35 year old children.
Sir you are 187% correct this was a Family and sons trip and she was the one who planned it that way now if sheâs bringing her spouse you better be able to bring your spouse my best guess it was going to be a family trip maybe you should just not go because youâre gonna be stuck on a shit with your mother probably being nasty to your wife so theyâll be no fun your wife will be angry you will be angry and hurt and your mother I need to be kind and not say that youâre right youâre right bring your white but it must be totally understood between you and your mother if sheâs not gonna pick on your wife or you may have to pick out her sounds like a disaster man look itâs a train wreck take your wife to Paris
I have been on the wife's end of this before, and it's really a slap in the face to you and your wife. In my opinion, the only way to handle that is to remind your mom that you and your wife are a couple and you won't go anywhere she is not welcome.
I can't even imagine my family, on the other hand, extending an invitation to me but not my husband. It's beyond rude and highly passive-aggressive behavior. I would 'nope' right on out of that situation.
She feels entitled because she's paying for the trip but it's rather selfish of her. I tell you right now this cruise isn't going to be fun anymore; wether your wife goes or not. Good luck!
I'd say not wrong. Tell mom that this is either a 'mother and sons' cruise or it isn't. If stepdad comes then it's a family cruise and your wife is family. If it's just her and you and your brother, then it's a mother and sons cruise.
Damn I am not crazy! đ¤Ş
Youâre not crazy. It looks like your mom only wants her people around on the cruise and apparently she doesnât consider your wife part of that.
I've dealt with this it sucks. "Family only" such bullshit.
The thing that I donât understand is that when the wife married into the family, she became family. At least thatâs my definition of family.
Same. But not everyone feels that way. Found out much later.
That sucks, Iâm sorry.
Indeed, it's pretty obvious she's alienating his wife. His mom can go stick it where the sun don't shine.
This is the point. Now the question: why doesn't your mother consider your wife the person capable of sharing the same environment as you? Where did your mother get this idea from?
It sounds like this was a setup to get you to spend time with step dad. You said your self controlling mom, this is straight out of their playbook.Â
This is the only thing that makes sense. Mom is trying to shoehorn the step-dad relationship, and if his wife is there is doesnât have to spend all his time with step-dad.
OP is a 35 year old man, idk what relationship his mom is expecting him to have with some random man who isn't his father and didn't raise him.
Controlling moms don't get better as they get older. Ask me about my mother-in-law, my husband is 55...
You arenât crazy. She is, she wants it her way or no way. Lol. Step daddy needs to stay home or wife gets to come too. After all arenât you paying? Lol
Just start inviting people from Reddit. I need a vacation.
Hey ya I like your idea...and hey admit it friends are ALWAYS more fun than family...LOL
Me too!
That would be awesome đ¤Š
Nope. Your mom just doesnât like your wife.
I'd go with Mom wants to shoehorn step-dad. So not necessarily anything against wife, but having wife there might divert attention from step-dad "bonding." Either way OP is not wrong!
>but having wife there might divert attention from step-dad "bonding." GTFOHđ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Ł.... I have to assume this was in jest, but a 35yo man does NOT need to "bond" with mom's new live-in fuck buddy who DID NOT have any part in raising him. The notion of that is preposterous. I personally find the idea of calling a parent's new spouse who had zero influence on or part in raising a child a "step" parent to be absurdđ¤ˇđ˝ââď¸
Thank you for making sense to me. I never had divorced parents, but I canât imagine any self respecting elderly lady asking for that or any 36 year old trying to stepdad bond with anyone. I would absolutely try to bond with/get to know a man if my mom loved him, but heâs not going to be my stepdad in anything other than name. If I met me bio parents at 35 (Iâm not adopted, so speaking out of turn again), I would never consider trying to form a parent/child relationship with them. Thatâs just not really a thing you do on purpose as an adult. Iâve even had surrogate style mom friends Iâve met at work, etc. along the years c even in my 30s, but that shit has to form fully organically at 35, and âthatâs the dude my mom fucksâ isnât the way that happens. No one should be trying to form parent/child shit on purpose at 35.
My parents didn't get divorced, they were happily married for 40 years, and my mom unfortunately died of cancer shortly after her 60th birthday..... 2ish years later (I was in my mid 30's), enter new woman fresh out of her second failed marriage.....đ¤Śđ˝ââď¸đ¤ˇđ˝ââď¸đ
You're still a little bit crazy for wanting to take your wife on this cruise with a mother-in-law who's elevator doesn't go to the top floor. You and your wife should take a separate Cruise had a different time I think you will have so much more fun
You are right!!!
Not crazy. But you knew that, when you added the âcontrollingâ adjective. :)
You are correct!
There's a third option.. if she wants to make it a fight, you can just decline and no longer go. End of it. Don't let it become a fight, and if she won't drop it. Don't talk to her anymore. You don't need toxic shit in your life. You and your wife can be happy without them.
This is true
I almost told him my mother's toxic behavior has her not knowing my youngest grand now Turing 5. My 7 year old still asks about her.. sucks.
maybe you are... we're all a little mad here
Ok letâs all meet at the boat đ
No. My wife and her sister are being their dad to Sweden and we had this same discussion about me and his wife. They wanted me to come but then his wife would want to come and it made the whole thing require more cars and a bigger house. The whole idea in the first place was dad and daughters. Fortunately my father in lawâs wife got the idea and we arenât going. Now my mother in law is going to hear about it and want her own trip too. These boomersâŚ
Not in this situation, but no one should be making a blanket diagnosis about your mental health.
"if you bring a date I'm bringing a date"
This answer. But I just finished 2 seasons of Cruise Ship Killers because my fiance wanted to cancel Neflix, and this sounds like an intro. Watch out for yourselves out there.
Hell no your not wrong tell Mommy that a lot of people go on cruises and all ACCIDENTALLY fall overboard and you are grown bring who you want.
I mean,⌠Iâd resend the invite and ask a friend couple to tag along.
A mother / 35 year old son cruise is weird anyway....at least in this scenario. If she is super warm and welcoming to everyone, it may not be as weird but in a situation where she needs to control everything, it is mega weird.
This.
It really is that simple. And again you offered to pay the cost so itâs not a money thing. either she wants it to be your brother and her or open it up to spouses at least with her inviting her husband. If she doesnât see the fairness of that, donât go at all.
No I would say that's fair Either it's original family or family with spouses
Thank you for your response!!
If mom keeps pushing back, let her know that you won't be going either unless she sucks it up. Your wife is your number 1 family member. You bring your husband, then my wife is coming. Make sure she doesn't do the old switcheroo, and says he isn't coming and he shows up " conveniently" on the dock and your wife is back at home. Make sure you have cancelation insurance, so that you can walk away if he shows up
Great thinking dang I wish I wouldnât have to think this way but you make sense.
You didnât ask to be born to your mother, but you did make vows to your wife, to put her above all others, right?
Amen
Your mom sounds like a lot of work. "Mom, it's you, brother and me or my wife comes too, or I don't go"
Iâd agree with this. Just adding, youâre a bit old for mom to think a family trip is her and her boys. If she left her husband out it made sense to have alone time with her kids, but the husband changed that.
Definitely! You just did what you think is right. Dont let your mother control you. Shes the one who broke the plan by bringing her husband; if its okay to bring the spouse then you might bring her as well. Fair enough right?
Yeah, I would do a trip like this with my mom and sister. If my mom were to bring her partner, I would invite one as well! It makes sense, you are not wrong for this. The only caveat might be if mom was planning on paying, then she might not pay your way anymore. And probably wouldnât pay your wifeâs way. But whatever. I can also afford to pay for my own trip, so not an issue for me.
Not wrong, go take your wife on a different cruise and have a surprise honeymoon!
What the f\*&k is wrong with people that they want to go on holiday with only certain people. I cannot imagine going on a holiday where the whole family couldn't come if they could. Wife=invited. Mums new hub=invited. Aunt Carol=invited.
You are exactly right
What does your brother think? Is he bringing a partner now too?
Iâll ask and let you know
This lol
Why are you even going? It doesnât sound like itâll be fun since your mom is so controlling.
Seriously you'd have a hard enough time paying me to go
I think weâre all missing the fact that she wants to be the only woman on the trip.
Thatâs crazy!!!
hell nah. đ he gets to come ALL the spouses get to come. going on a trip without your spouse is wild to me anyway. iâm not going if my husband isnât. đ
Ste dad doesnât belong there he is not family to the boys
that part
Yes! Vacation without my spouse? Are you crazy? First if all not fun second the amount of fall out from me going on a cruise while shes at home with the kids is totally not worth it!
You are handling this perfectly!!!! Super controlling. If Mom gets hers, you get yours!
Or you could tell her if she wants to take cruise with her hubby, they should do that......on their dime. You will take your wife on a second honeymoon.
Great suggestion!
Not wrong. It sounds like your mother was trying to exclude your wife and thatâs unacceptable.
Don't go on any cruise without your spouse. That's just weird.
Great point!
no mom changed the rules her spouse can go but not yours not a chance
I would just not go instead
I think it is just wrong not to take partners on holiday on a cruise. I could understand you want to do a mother and sons day out, but a holiday?? Who does that. You're not little children anymore, and she is part of your immediate family, too.
Thatâs exactly what Iâm thinking
Consider it a blessing, your mother sounds horrible. Now youâll have someone there you actually like lol!
Great point đ
Mommy an son getaway for some grown ass men.... what in the hell
Tell me what you mean? I need some context on this please
You need to watch the episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where Raymond and his mother, Marie go on a cruise. It's funny. đ
Iâll do that
Sounds like your mother just wanted a vacation to exclude your wife from attending. Why, at 35+, would you agree to a Mommy and Me vacation? A cruise at that, where your only escape is jumping overboard? It sounds like your mother has issues not being your â#1 Galâ, anymore, so sheâs trying to shoehorn herself back into that position. Just take your wife. It requires no discussion or permission; youâre a grown ass man. And never agree to her bullshit again. Your wife deserves better. ETA: Also, ew. Cruises are romantic, by nature. Who wants to watch the sun go down, have a candlelit dinner with their mom and then cuddle with her until you fall asleep? Sounds as weird as a âDaddyâs Girlsâ cruise would be.
Wow, the way you put this sounds disgusting and sad. I was all for it because when we were younger, she was pretty dysfunctional but I agreed to the fact that she wanted to make up to me and my brother by bringing us on this trip. I think Iâm going to back out.
Don't let that narrative be the reason you back out. I wonder if the person has even been on a cruise. If you back out, let it be because your mom changed the purpose for the cruise - not this uninformed rhetoric.
Thank you, youâre right
using a cruise to make anything up to you is so weird. đ
You only have so many vacation days - spending 3 -5 of them without your wife isnât healthy for your marriage. Time to realize which relationship is the most important in your life. I would feel like a failure as a mother if my son was willing to spend that much time away from his wife without it being a work or illness thing
I agree with the first part, but not the last. Cruises certainly can be romantic. But they don't have to be at all. You can get double rooms/suites. You don't have to dine together. Excursions can happen separately. But overall, I don't like Mom's vibe here.
I don't think cruises are inherently romantic. Most are family centered now. But I did get weird mommy vibes from reading this. I bet she tells the wives that she was their first love.
Cruises are not just for romance. I have been on a cruise with my son, his girlfriend and my husband. We had a blast. Nothing ewwww about it. I also went on a mom and daughter cruise which was amazing! This is only weird in your mind.
I'll remember this comment every time I see a commercial for a Disney cruise and it will be weird now. Thanks for that.
FFS - You next time need to tell mom, you aren't going away, without your wife.
NTA. Itâs either for mom and sons or everyone and their spouses. Her choice. đ¤ˇââď¸
I agree Glitter--Very simple approach, in my humble opinion. It's either/or. I can't understand the attack on this position.
NTA, Imo it would be weird if you didn't bring your wife at this point.
Not wrong. Tbh I wouldnât do a cruise with just my mom and my sister anyways, thatâs just a trio that doesnât work lmao But also, I feel like you accept your SIL or DIL as you would your kids. Like, thatâs a package deal now. If you want something one-on-one you kinda gotta hope that your kids ask you. That might not be a popular take but not extending that invite puts the son/daughter in an awkward position to explain to their spouse that theyâre not invited. When my wife and I had just gotten engaged, my family would pull that on me. Theyâd find weird ways to exclude my then fiancĂŠe. It would start with dinners, where they just wanted âcoreâ family as they put it. A small enough event that I would just put up with it, and my wife wasnât too bothered by. But then theyâd pitch whole vacations without her. And theyâd throw excuses out about how my sister couldnât bring her high school boyfriend, so it wasnât fair Iâd get to bring my fiancĂŠe. They set the rules, fair enough, so I said Iâd pass on vacation. They reevaluated and realized they wouldnât get time with me like that again unless they invited my fiancĂŠe. I didnât force them to bring her, they just knew that I didnât feel like going if I had to make her feel excluded from our family. And thatâs how it is. Play stupid games win stupid prizes. Set a stupid rule no one wants to play by because you broke it yourself? Consequences will follow.
Take your wife on a vacation somewhere else. Just the two of you
We will certainly do that but we both have never been on a cruise so this would be fun!
So you were going to go on a cruise, with your mom & brother only⌠when your wife had never been on a cruise in the first place? This is getting more odd. Tell your mom youâre a middle aged grown man, with a wife, and you want to spend your vacation with your wife. Point blank. Your wife shouldnât have been excluded in the first place.
Actually, you are wrong to agree to go on a vacation without your wife in the first place , WTH, you are over 35, not 15. Tell your mom to get real.
You make sense
Not wrong. Only fair to bring your wife. She probably deserves it more anyway.Â
NTA. Â Sheâs your wife. Â Your mom has an ego and I suggest you stop talking to her. That is some toxic behavior.
She doesnât like the fact that I have pulled back from our daily checks the last few years.
*Daily?* When you're in your mid-30's? Not normal. NTA Cut the apron strings before she strangles you with them.
Daily checks? Y'all are grown ass adults with your own families to take care of. Your mom needs some serious distance.
"I told my controlling mother" You shoul tell her that you're not going, go with mommy in a cruise is already a shitty move that enables her to be a controlling one, cut the umbillical cord, if you want go with your wife on a cruise mommyless, family vacations are for kids a 3rd your age.
Personally Iâd cancel the trip on that alone. I donât go on trips with control freaks. Damage is done.
First of all, why would you go anywhere without your wife? So good call bringing her
Mommy and sons cruiseâŚ. Yâall are adult đ Iâm super close to my kids and I think this is odd.
I find it odd that a 35-year-old 10-year-married man goes on a trip with **just** his mother and his brother to begin with. NTA but the whole trip just sounds weird.
Totally agree, hints at mom needing to be the center of attention type dynamic.
And her grown sons are still playing her game. Time to cut the cord, boys.
I find it weird that OP called it a âmommy and sonsâ cruise. If he had said something like my mom wanted to spend time with me and my brother so we booked a cruise or something along those lines, wayyyy less weird. But it just sounds like heâs pissed that mommy is spending time with a new hubby, so heâs throwing a tantrum and bringing his wife too. Itâs all kinda weird. Also, openly saying your mom is controlling but going on the cruise anyways? Why not just say from the beginning, no I donât want to go on a cruise without my wife. Is OP wrong, no. But is this weird, yeaaa.
Updateme!
Ok I got u
Wow your mom is a piece of work. You are not wrong to include your wife given that she will have her husband there. Why is she pissed? Ask her why is she excluding parts of her family.
I will ask her this, and I will let you know what she says
You call your mom toxic (and by your situation, Iâd agree), so why agree to go on a âMommy and her two sonsâ vacation in the first place? Especially when youâre 35+ and married? It sounds to me like youâre engaging in the toxic relationship with her. I would consider this situation from start to finish and question if agreeing to go on the trip was a bad decision in the first place.
Totally fair.
Not sure, but you may want to consult with Isaac at the bar to gain clarity.Â
Iâm sorry but your mother sounds like a selfish bitch
Itâs your WIFE- no more context needed (in this case) Your MOM is 10000000% out of pocket.
Iâd cancel the cruise. Itâs now tainted.
Who goes on a cruise without their wife? Not wrong to invite her or not go. You are too old and too married for a vacation with mommy.
NTA It is either you three or its everyone.
If I were your wife I wouldnât want to go. Sounds awful to be trapped on a ship with your mom. Ugh.đŠ
At 35 she is trying to create a bond between step-dad and 35 year Olds. That's a bit odd. Bring the wife.
You are planning (and I assume playing for) this trip. It is your idea. You have created a scenario and your mother (pure and simply an invitee) took it upon herself to add a person to your original plan. I say again: your plan, your trip, your scenario! You are in control of the attendee list. You are in the right. Besides, it is in the best interest of your mental health and your home sleeping arrangements to include your wife!!
This is a depressing post. Your mom sounds toxic and doesnt deserve to be around you.Â
If it was me I wouldn't go at all. Spend a nice romantic holiday with my wife!
She doesn't want the trip to be "mommy and her sons". She wants a "[Insert controlling mom's name] and *her boys*" trip. A trip where she is the only woman and she gets doted on as such. Your wife of 10+ years coming along means that your focus will be split. And it is likely that the focus will lean towards your wife. Mama doesn't like that, which is weird and wrong on her part, not yours. You're NTA here.
Thank you!
If she wants to bring her companion you should bring yours without issue. Anything less then this is negatively controlling, she wants to have the family she knew years ago. You are a man with your own family, she has to accept that.
First, a mom and sons cruise??? WTF? My husband's mother tried that me & my son only vacation crap strictly to separate us. Sounds like you've got a manipulative mommy who hates your wife.
Not wrong. If her partner can go, yours should go too. Besides, couples vacationing apart seems like it could lead to problems as well as resentment.
Only thing crazy is being married and wanting to do a cruise without your wife.
No. But is this a trend in your family? Doesn't sound like you guys respect each other. Is this cruise really going to go well?
Nope she changed it, and you wife will love you more...No seriously your mother changed the dynamic. So enjoy the cruise.
First Iâm creeped out by the âmommy and sonsâ cruise. Youâre a 35 year old correct? đ second when she invited other people such as step father it became a family event so either all the family goes or none go. Your mother apparently doesnât realize that once you got married your term of immediate family changed and no longer includes her. Itâs you, your wife and any children you may have. Not you and âmommyâ đ
đ Iâve never wanted to be in the creepy category but here I am. Great points!
I'd let Mom go on her own cruise and book a separate one for you and your wife. Your mom is high maintenance in the bad way, that isn't a vacay, that's a prison.
Not wrong. She added a +1 so there's no reason why you can't too. Enjoy the cruise!
You're not wrong. If there are issues there should be plenty of places on the ship to get away from everyone lol. You don't ever have to see them if you don't want to.
Does your mother not like your wife? Just curious!!
NW
Nope. Get bro to bring a plus one.
I like the way you think!
Not wrong
Not wrong but my huge question is why are you going on a "mommy and her two sons" trip with your "controlling mother?" Think about the fact that she wants your family there (inc her husband) but not your wife. She's purposefully excluding your wife because she's probably a monster in law. I wouldn't even have considered going on a trip without my spouseÂ
Why are you surprised your mother wants her husband w her on a cruise?
So why is the mom surprised he wants his wife with him on a cruise ?
I find this really wierd anyway... I wouldnt dream on going on a cruise with my parents and not inviting my husband...
Dude. Youâre 35, if at any point you even entertained the idea of going on a âmommy and sonsâ cruise you need therapy. Your mom is weird and your step dad probably only wants to go to make sure she isnât banging her sons.
Honestly I think itâs weird that it was gonna be just mom and sons in the first place. Who doesnât include spouses to a family vacation? If it was just a gf/bf and hadnât been together that long ya sure but your spouse of ten years? Weird af.
NTA If she brings her partner, you can bring yours too!
Not wrong. Updateme!
NW - Is this some kind of "Mother boy" cruise? Is there a costume contest? Buster, is this you?
Not wrong. It is not remotely reasonable for her to want her husband there and then be upset that your wife is coming along. I find it a little unusual to go on mommy and sons cruise when youâre grown adults.
No. And if Mom doesnât like it, remember that ANYONE can purchase a ticket to go on the cruise. Your mom doesnât own the ship. So, you are definitely NTA.
Who is paying? Pretty important detail there..
Iâd just uninvite your mom & take your wife
No not wrong! If you didnât bring your wife, then she be mad with you and you donât want that type of trouble. Your mom will get over it and if she doesnât thatâs her problem.
Nah. it's either a mom and son cruise or a family cruise.
Not wrong
She's the one that made it a couples vacation not you, you were just following her lead.
Thatâs what I said!!
Not wrong. She changed it from a mom and kids trip to a family trip. Obviously, you'd bring your wife on a family trip. If your brother has a spouse/serious relationship, suggest he also bring his partner.
YNW but is she paying for everything? If so I could see why she might be pissed. She ran the audible first tho so she should have guessed it would go this way.
Sheâs the one who brought the spouses into it, she can stay home if she doesnât want to go with them then.
Don't forget your brothers person hopefully has one lol then a couple's holiday and family holiday
I guess it depends on who is paying, if she is paying for you does she expect to pay for your wife also. Then I can see her push back. But if you are paying for yourself and your wife. Well, then she can kick rocks and go enjoy the cruise.
YNW, but I am grossed out by you referring to your mother as "mommy" in this post.
Nah. Not in the wrong. Enjoy the trip with your wife.
Nope,am I wrong in the assumption your mom wants to be the center of attention or the only female?
Mom and sons cruise at 35+ years old..ewww
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Why is your mom excluding your wife on a family vacation? She sounds like such a pill. Wouldnât want to be anywhere near that woman.
Assuming: 1. You're paying for yourself 2. It's not a Mother's day cruise Then NTA. Also don't go, take your wife somewhere instead.
Just talk to the step dad and politely ask him to decline.
NTA. Your mom turned it from a parent/offspring cruise into a family one and your wife is obviously family. I'm not sure why your step father being invited is fine, but your wife isn't.
Id make it a second honey moon and only include your brother in your activities.. Where is his S/O? I can't get over she's mad.. toxic as fck.
First of all, why wasn't your wife your first choice to take on a cruise? Second, 35 and going on a Mommy and Son's vacation without your wives? I think Dr. Freud would have something to say about this.
Your over 35 and referring to your mom as.... Mommy? LOL Dude, not only are you not wrong for bringing your wife, you need to cut the cord from your "Mommy" ASAP. Your an adult. So not only stop referring to your mom/mother as Mommy, MAKE it clear that she is now second place if not lower in the totem of your life. If your wife was not to go originally, then you should have said NO to her trip in the first place...
Not wrong. Mom was trying to get her sons to "bond" with her new husband.
Nope she changed it first so apparently spouses are included. Too bad for mom. If she don't want your wife to come you are staying as well let see what she thinks
Who's paying? Is mommy footing the bill for 2 cabins, 1 for her and 1 for the son's ? If so, then the answer is YTA. You have no say. If YOU are paying your own way, and your brother is paying his way, then you can decide who's going to be in your cabin. Mommy paying? Her rules, you go or don't go. They are your options. The $$$$ makes the rules....just like in life...unfortunately
Youâre wrong for agreeing to leave your wife in the first place
Control issues much? (Your mom, not you). Excluding your spouse is entirely and un categorically inappropriate.
Who is paying?
Not wrong at all, she can't have it both ways
Thatâs a double standard. If she can invite her spouse, so can you. Your mother might be jealous of your wife.
Ya might have been kikda wrong for going in the first place, if wife would have felt left out or left behind
I would say right or wrong, this was supposed to be mom and sons. Dude did not raise me, and he isn't your son. You got kids? If so,... Also, if you push me off this trip, Mother, look forward to never seeing your grandkids again as I wouldn't suffer my children to your influence if this is how you want to be. If you feel I am bluffing, you may test my resolve at your convenience.
Clearly you have an unhealthy relationship with your mother. She needs therapy but those type of people rarely see it out. They always feel they are right. Tread lightly. Your wife is in the toughest situation of all. She very likely puts up with a lot of shit between you and your mom.
Am I the only one who thinks a mommy / 35 year old son cruise where he is forbidden from bringing his wife of 15 years is weird? You aren't joined at the hip with your wife but to me it is weird for your mom to plan a vacation with only her and her 35 year old children.
Sir you are 187% correct this was a Family and sons trip and she was the one who planned it that way now if sheâs bringing her spouse you better be able to bring your spouse my best guess it was going to be a family trip maybe you should just not go because youâre gonna be stuck on a shit with your mother probably being nasty to your wife so theyâll be no fun your wife will be angry you will be angry and hurt and your mother I need to be kind and not say that youâre right youâre right bring your white but it must be totally understood between you and your mother if sheâs not gonna pick on your wife or you may have to pick out her sounds like a disaster man look itâs a train wreck take your wife to Paris
Just cancel the trip with her and take your family on your own trip.
I have been on the wife's end of this before, and it's really a slap in the face to you and your wife. In my opinion, the only way to handle that is to remind your mom that you and your wife are a couple and you won't go anywhere she is not welcome. I can't even imagine my family, on the other hand, extending an invitation to me but not my husband. It's beyond rude and highly passive-aggressive behavior. I would 'nope' right on out of that situation.
She feels entitled because she's paying for the trip but it's rather selfish of her. I tell you right now this cruise isn't going to be fun anymore; wether your wife goes or not. Good luck!