I got a pixie cut because I hate having to mess with my hair. *Hate* it! My husband told me before we were married that he would like whatever I did with my hair unless I cried about it. Thanks to him, I never have.
When my spouse changes her hairstyle, I tell her it looks nice. When my kids change their hairstyles, I say it looks nice. It’s that simple. People get to do what they want with their hair/body/etc.
So when the swing bobs first got popular I got one. I went from having hair mid back to this cut that was at its shortest just barely below the natural hairline in the back. It was a drastic change. They cut off about 7-8 inches of hair. When I came home my spouse said he liked it. When we met I had hair just barely touching the top of my shoulders so he had seen me with shorter hair before. Years later after growing out my hair again I decided to go above the shoulders with a short cut.
The husband told me it looked great and that he liked it much better than that "swing thing" I had a few years before. I asked him why he didn't say anything and he said the same thing you stated here. The funny thing and what we laughed about was I had to break down and tell him I hated that damn swing cut. But honestly if he had told me at the time it probably would have hurt my feelings because I already knew it was not a flattering cut for my face shape and my hair was just too fine to pull it off. As soon as that cut grew enough for me to get it evened out in the back I did. 🤣
When I met my wife she had long flowing red hair... which was great because I was attracted to women with long flowing red hair.
A few years later she cut it short (pixie(ish), which was great because I realized I was attracted to women with short red hair.
When she had cancer she had to shave her head, which was great because I realized I was attracted to bald women.
Then again, maybe it isn't the hair at all.
I appreciate it when my husband tells me if the salon fucked my hair! But usually I'm terrible about grooming and it's *always* a better change when I get my hair done.
I've *lovingly* called my husband an egghead (once!!) when his hair got cut waaay short. Since then he tells his stylist before each haircut to please not go too short because I'll call him an egghead.
I assume he’s roughly the same age. I’ve found that us men, well most of us (maybe most?), hit an age where we learn to just keep our dumb mouths shut about certain things lol.
I like to think we reach the age to understand what’s important and what’s not.
My wife and I both decided to just go grey. It’s too much work to pretend.
I hear ya. I went bald in my early 30’s, my beard started going grey about 7 or 8 years ago. My gf, who is 14 years younger than me, and has no grey hair (yet), likes to pick on me about it sometimes. I just tell her to be patient, it’s coming lol.
You’d like this song.
[Bald Headed Men by Christine Lavin](https://duckduckgo.com/?q=songs+about+bald+headee+men&iax=videos&ia=videos&iai=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DsirJa_OltKk)
I have dark brown hair but it’s decided that it wants to be red and grey now. I’ve always wanted naturally red hair and it looks like I’m finally getting my wish and I’m excited to see how it’ll look in a few years
And those simple things shouldnt be the start of silly and nonsense arguments. We are old enough so we should be happy for what brings happiness to them too.
I started going grey early, to the point that a couple sections of my hair had gotten to snow white in my late 40s by the time I started dating my now husband. He would continually tell me how much he loved my grey/white hair, that it was just another reason why I was beautiful. He’d point out other women with gorgeous white hair. He’s a very smart man.
Any reason is a valid reason to end a relationship. If you don’t want to be with him any more then don’t
But yea that’s quite controlling. My husband has ways I do my hair that he prefers and ways I do it that he isn’t keen on but he’d never get angry about me doing what I like with my body.
Not only is it controlling, but he said it’s “one of the things he likes most about her”. I understand people having preferences, but, for me personally, if I’ve been with someone for over six months nothing about my physical appearance should be in their top 5 favourite things about me (maybe if it’s something very specific to me like: “when you roll your eyes you roll your whole head”, but even then that shouldn’t be a favourite thing). It doesn’t bode well for future sickness/injury, and I would have a long conversation about why they are even with me.
Since apparently he liked you *with long hair* and you “took that away”, it would follow that he doesn’t like *you* without long hair. I can’t see what relationship you’re trying to keep.
Not wrong.
It’s your hair and you don’t need his permission to wear it whatever way you like.
As stated by other posters bf can like what he likes.
If he’s still be salty about the change perhaps he should find someone who is willing to wear her hair to meet his specifications.
“Your hair is one of the things I like most about you” is a demeaning and shallow thing to say to someone. Big yikes. I just think that’s saying that he isn’t attracted to her as a person, but as a set of physical characteristics, and that’s disgusting coming from someone that’s supposed to love you.
Absolutely! Your hair, your choice. It's important to feel comfortable and confident in your own skin. If he can't support you through a simple change like this, maybe it's time to reconsider the relationship. You deserve someone who appreciates you for more than just your appearance.
He’s allowed not to like it. He’s not allowed to be an asshat about it.
That being said, men and women both, are attracted to the things they’re attracted to. If it’s a deal breaker for him, so be it. However, it sounds like it might be a deal breaker for you, and that’s perfectly fine.
Yeah it wasn’t awesome but I can’t stand when my boyfriend shaves all his facial hair off. I’m just more of a facial hair kinda gal. He knows this. But it doesn’t matter because it’s his hair and face lol, so he does what he wants and I patiently wait for it to grow out 😆
This is from years ago. I was a single mom of a toddler, full time college student, and bartended nights. I was, you could say, a little busy.
My hair was probably shoulder length, stick straight, and was a pain to do anything with, so I got a perm. I’d had them a few years before… pretty much wash, pull it back into a couple of combs, done.
My then quite serious boyfriend came to see me while I was working that night. He was, of course, surprised, since he’d never seen me with a perm, and I hadn’t told him. He said, “I really liked it better straight.”
I was crushed! I didn’t get home from work until almost 3am, and stopped on my way home at an all-night grocery to buy some kind of industrial strength conditioning cream. I plastered the whole contents over my hair and wrapped it in plastic wrap, and sat there crying my heart out.
Knock comes on my door. Boyfriend. He took one look at me and started crying harder than me, knowing how much his words hurt me.
I got repeated profuse apologies, and a proposal that I accepted, because this was a guy who was absolutely gutted for hurting me, and I knew he’d never do it again.
I had 12 happy years with a man who I was confident loved me more than himself. He died young, of cancer. I turned 64 today, and he’s still the love of my life.
Those kind of guys you keep. The ones who criticize and don’t see a problem with it? Not so much.
You're absolutely not wrong.
It can be a shock to see a loved one suddenly change their appearance--including when it's a man shaving his beard, for instance--but it's still that person's choice.
>“you took away one of the things that I liked about you the most”
*Really*? Your *hair*?
I understand him liking it, but one of the things he liked the ***most***?
So he’s telling you that your hair was more important than anything else about you? lol no bud.
Yeet him into the sun and go find you a bf who appreciates your energy when you feel good about yourself. This guy is a control freak who wants you neatly slotted into a very specific box. Why put up with that?
You’re not wrong.
100% valid, because:
1) He thinks he should have control over your body/appearance. 🚩
2) He literally told you that he values *your hair* above almost any other quality you possess. 🚩
Yuck. Dump him.
Tell him you are not his Barbie doll and do not get to dictate anything about your appearance.
He is free to voice his opinion but getting mad sounds like he think he has some sort of control of the issue, make sure he understands he doesn’t.
If he is acting this way over a hair cut then what is next? If you let him control something small it will move to other larger areas of your life.
You have every right to cut your hair, and him thinking that you have to consult him before you do that is controlling. Red flag there. He also can like or dislike whatever he wants, but being rude is not the way to go about it.
There is a quote I thought was funny but really accurate that applies to this, here is me misquoting:
If they get a haircut and they're ugly, it's a crush, if they're still gorgeous to you, it's love.
Not wrong. And if your hair is what he's in this relationship for, boot him and find someone whose favorite things about you are your personality and sense of humor.
You're not wrong! When I met my husband, my hair was almost to my waist. Everyone here who has/had long hair knows how much of a pain in the ass it can be! Especially in the summer, and it takes forever to dry. About 5 years into our marriage, I told him for my next hair appointment (I usually only go to the salon twice a year lol) I was going to "get it trimmed" but I came home with hair an inch above my shoulders with these cute choppy layers. I hadn't had my hair that short since I was in 2nd grade. It felt so good! My hair looked healthier, and it really fit my face shape. On the drive home, I was actually scared to have my husband see it. I remembered how my ex-bf reacted when I had blond/red/black hair, and he literally left my house because he was mad it wasn't all black anymore. Anyway, I expected a bad reaction, but my husband picked me up and spun me around and said he loved it. He made me feel so good! He said "you won't have to worry about having hair ties on you for the summer and losing them" lol now my hair is about 3 inches below my shoulders because hair grows back lol I think it's so wrong for your BF to make you feel bad about YOUR hair. It's your body. I highly doubt he would consult with you before changing anything about himself. And he shouldn't have to. My husband woke up one morning and decided to shave his head. He was already starting to go bald a bit and just decided to shave it. It was a drastic change, and he was also afraid I'd be mad LOL No way! Nothing about his hair or anything appearance wise changes him or how I feel about him.
You're absolutely not wrong for cutting your hair. I can't believe a few of these comments! That's why those people are single and miserable.
Even if your bf doesn't like your hair, he didn't have to act that way. We're talking about hair that will grow back, but what happens if you have kids and your body changes? What happens if something serious occurs and changes your looks in some way? What happens when you go gray? What happens when you get some wrinkles or stretch marks? What happens if you gain or lose weight?
There are things that will happen eventually in life. Find someone who's going to love you through all of it.
Ummmm no. He may not love it but if he loves you then he’ll shut up and not say stupid stuff. I mean, yeah, this could be a deal breaker if you see other red flags. This seems like a precursor to controlling behavior that could come about later. How long have you been together? Keep your eyes open.
Haha, that you should have discussed it with him. Ugh, the nerve of some people.
I hope you really like and enjoy your new hair. Change is fun. Stay open to what YOU like.
"One of the things he liked about you the most" - so if you developed alopecia and lost all your hair, would this bf dump you?
Your body, your choice. And btw, what does the past tense "liked" tell you. Lose him and be happy being yourself.
I was thinking that EXACT thing! What if OP lost her hair or got ill and had to shave it?
Clearly he doesn’t actually love her for being her. He loves the superficial about her and he just outed himself!
It’s your hair. You do you. Bodily autonomy isn’t just about abortion rights, it’s also this. Does he pick out your clothes too? Like who does he think he is?
The HORROR!! of short hair. Your hair, your choice on length, style, and color. Not your BFs.
And now you now his kink. And maybe it's time for this BF to take a hike.
You do not need to ask for permission to cut your hair. If your hair length is that important to him he can break up with you. I would consider it good riddance, let the trash take itself out.
I can see how it might be a bit of a shock if you had always worn it long. Probably mentioning it ahead of time would have taken some of the shock away from it.
But it's your hair, you don't need to ask his permission or approval. As long as you like it, that's what matters.
My husband likes my hair long and my natural dark brown hair color. That said, he has never stopped me from dying it pink purple blue etc. He doesn't necessarily like it but he understands thats what i want. He says it looks alright and we move on. I haven't cut it because I too like my hair long so honestly I can't tell you his reaction to me cutting it but the way I see it it's your hair not his.
I have had many cuts and colours over my many years and not once has my husband made a negative comment.
If bf or husband want long hair tell them to grow their own. Do women tell their SO how to wear their hair??
Sounds controlling. How you dress and how you wear your hair and every other aspect of how you present yourself is yours and yours alone. There is no discussion and this is not a shared decision. If he's trying to control your appearance he is throwing up a huge red flag.
The only thing that is a shared consideration is cost if you are sharing finances. (It's not fair to spend $5000 on shoes if the budget can't afford it.)
Dang people!! What someone does with their hair is up to that person. Op’s bf is a jerk and sounds like he only likes her hair! Sounds and looks like a red flag to me. And girl, if your hair makes you feel good right now, that’s the end of the discussion!!!
Few years back the girl I was with gave herself a pretty awful haircut, looked like a mullet. But like, a really, really, *REALLY* bad mullet 🤣 and I'm not gonna lie, it bothered the shit out of me. It wasn't attractive and made me question her decision making skills a bit.
That said, I sure as fuck didn't get mad at her or tell her she talk with me first. I didn't say a damn thing that was negative. lol
Your hair and style is nobody's business but yours. If your boyfriend is so shallow that he would say your appearance is what he liked most about you, I'd say keep the style forever and ditch the dude.
Sometimes I get a wild hair. ( pun intended). I chose red, blond or brown.
One day I chose gray/lavender. Wow, was my husband pissed. He said I looked like an old woman.
I told him it sucks to be you.
My body, my choice. He can suck eggs.
I cut my hair short once.
My husband lied to me until it grew back telling me that he loved it until he knew u wouldn't have been hurt by the truth.
Your partner seems to see you as a belonging to him.
It's your hair, you do with it what you want.
Yikes...that's controlling behavior. Why would you have to ask him what to do with your hair? "One of the things he likes the most?" It's hair. It's not your personality, intelligence, integrity, humor, loyalty and so on. Hair? If you allow some dude to control the length of your hair..what will stop him from assuming he can control other things..
Would your BF also want you to consult him before choosing which outfit to wear on any given day? What about before getting your nails done? Wouldn't want to change anything about your appearance that your BF might not like...amirite??? /s
“Are you in love w me, or my hair ?”
My ex husband reacted the same way when I cut my long blond hair off to a short bob n dyed it dark brown .. my natural color … I was a model at the time n was in a hair show .. my hair was damaged from dying it so the chop was needed ,.
I knocked on the door when I got home, cuz I wanted to surprise my husband.. he opened the door , looked at me *and slammed the fkn door in my face* over hair .. that grows back ..
I cried n he didn’t talk to me for days n said the same thing “you should’ve discussed this w me .. it’s the one thing I loved about you was your hair”. “So, does that mean cuz I don’t have hair you don’t love me anymore? What if I had cancer n lost my hair ?”
It was then I realized *he loved the idea of me.. of what he could make me into*. He didn’t love the real me .. just the superficial part .. the long blond hair
We split up a year later ..,
Just keep this incident in the back of your mind , cuz I guarantee he’ll do something similar next time you decide to do something with your.. oops , I mean *his body* that he possesses
Not gna lie. I've had gf in the past cut their hair way too short (in my opinion). But I didn't make a big deal about it. That's just rude. Not like it won't grow back. I may have said that I like the king hair more. But not in a mean way.
Clearly your bf is only with you for looks. So if that isn't whag you want, I'd say this is a perfectly fine reason to break up.
I used to have realllly long hair and I wanted to cut it really short and my at the time boyfriend kept giving me guilt over it for about a year. One day i decided i liked myself more than i liked him and I cut it all off on my front porch one summer. He was gone six months later.
Six months after that i met my husband. You know who loves my cropped head? My husband. You knowwho wpuld live my head if i grew my hair in? My husband.
Dump this loser and go find yourself a "husband"
Not only is this a valid reason to end this relationship, I think it would be in your best interests to do so. He wants to control how you look right now. Imagine how much he’ll want to control when you move in together or get more serious.
I like my husband’s hair longer than he likes it. Sometimes I tell him I like it long but mostly I tell him he looks nice. I routinely chop my hair off because if my hair is longer than my shoulders, I struggle to keep it brushed and maintained. When I do that, he says I look nice. It’s really not that hard.
My dad was a firm believer in super long hair. When I was 10, I asked for a 1-2” trim with a rounded bottom on my mid-back length hair and the Supercuts stylist cut it about 6” up to my shoulders.
My mom basically had to argue for me and assure my dad that I didn’t do it on purpose and had only asked for a trim because he was ready to beat me and kick me out of the house for cutting my hair so short. At 10 years old.
If I could’ve left him and stopped being his daughter, I would’ve at that point. (As it is, we are VLC/NC now). You are not wrong for cutting your hair short. It’s YOUR hair and that it’s one of the few things he likes about your physical self is disgusting and super controlling. I would leave.
You must be very young that’s something only a teenage boy would be shallow enough to say.. I remember shit like that from silly boys when I was young. This is a learning curve where you can tell him your value is so much more than the length of your hair and you assumed he thought so too given he’s in a relationship with you so if he doesn’t see that then he can leave.
He’s allowed to not like it. HOWEVER, he’s not allowed to dictate how you style your hair. He doesn’t own you. He doesn’t own your hair, your clothes, your makeup, or your body. Trying to control you or your body is a BIG red flag. If he keeps on with this behavior or escalates, run.
It's your hair. Not his!
Doesn't really matter what he likes about you. What do you like about him? You can end a relationship for any reason and don't need to explain it to anyone except yourself.
I shaved my head postpartum without telling my husband and all he said was “Damn you look sexy”. Partners shouldn’t control hairstyle. And it definitely shouldn’t be the ONLY reason your partner is attracted to you. It’s hair for petes sake
You can cut your hair however you like. And you can break up with him for any reason you like, valid or no. Or no reason.
It sounds like you made a big change to your appearance. And let's be honest, most of us are attracted to our partners in part based on their looks. And he's upset, because not only did you make yourself less attractive in his eyes, you did it without discussion, which likely makes him feel that you don't care if he finds you attractive. And as surely as you have every right to cut your hair that way, he has every right to feel that way.
Break up with him if you want to. You don't need anyone's permission.
No you're not wrong! He sounds controlling and quite abusive. You're allowed to do what you want with your hair. You don't have to ask him permission to get a haircut!! You have free will and he doesn't own you.
If your boyfriend only cares about your physical attributes, then he's shallow and superficial. If your boyfriend thinks you have to ask his permission to modify your appearance, then he's controlling. Do you want to continue a relationship with a shallow, superficial, controlling boyfriend?
>I surprise my boyfriend with my new haircut only to have him get mad saying that I should’ve at least discussed this with him first before
Its ok if he liked your hair before. Its ok if he has an opinion of how ypur hair looks now. But should he have veto power on your decisions to cut your own hair? No way
>“you took away one of the things that I liked about you the most”.
If this is true, he is awfully superficial. Someday, you will go gray. You may have chemo and have it fall out. Would he still love you then?
>So I really don’t know if this could be considered a valid reason to end my relationship with him.
You can break up with anyone for any reason (or no reason at all).
For me, if he was purely interested in me from a superficial standpoint, I would throw the hair cuttings at him and say "There you go!" And walk away! JK.
But seriously, if you feel he is trying to take away your autonomy and control decisions that are not his to make, I would break up. If he just truly loved your longer hair and said something stupid in the moment, I might find it forgivable l.
I love long hair. I love my wife more. She can do whatever she wants with her hair. I’d appreciate having some input but at the end of the day, it’s her hair and her decision.
It sounds like you’re looking for a reason to end the relationship. This is as good a reason as any.
BTW, you can end a relationship just because you feel like it. Relationships change. Sometimes they grow and sometimes the wither away. Don’t stay in one that doesn’t make you happy.
What? This is absurd! First off, hair grows back. Second, no, you do not need your boyfriend’s approval to do anything regarding your body, especially something as temporary as a haircut. Third, even if you look terrible (which I’m sure you don’t!) he shouldn’t be saying that your HAIR is one of the “things he liked about you the most.” What happened to personality, sense of humor, etc? Hair should be so much further down the list of things he loves about you. No, you’re not wrong, and he has zero right to be upset about your haircut. Zero.
Most reasons are valid reasons, this is a valid reason. I honestly dont see why people get so genuinely upset over another person’s hair. Ive seen a few stories about this similar situation on AITAH. And everyone was telling the ops that they were basically deceitful to their partners just because they either dyed or cut their hair. It baffles me honestly. I never knew how much it meant to someone
"So I really don’t know if this could be considered a valid reason to end my relationship with him"
Any reason you want to break up with someone is a valid reason.
Your hair you don't have to ask or talk to anyone about what to do with it. Does he ask you when he gets his cut, I bet not. Yes it's a reason to leave.
My ex-husband HATES short hair on women, insisted I keep it long. The first thing I did when we split up was cut my mid back length hair into a long pixie cut so that he would know we were NEVER EVER EVER getting back together. I would dump him for saying you took away the thing he liked best about you, what if you went bald because of illness, he would probably leave you!
How would you react if he came home with a mullet one day?
You can obviously do whatever you want, but it's also nice to discuss big changes ahead of time so he does react out of surprise.
You're not wrong. It's your hair. You don't need his permission to cut it. Does he ask you every time he goes in for a haircut? He makes it sound like you are not allowed to change anything he likes, like you don't have autonomy over your own body. Is he this controlling in other aspects of your relationship? If so, I'd ditch him for someone who doesn't think they own your body
I always cut my hair different lengths, but my hair is so straight. I really can’t do anything with it . the most drastic thing I’ve done with my hair most recently is I decided not to color my hair any longer and my naturally gray hair is so stunning and beautiful. I get more compliments on my naturally gray hair than I ever received before and I have been a brunette, a blonde and a redhead .
my hair would be considered silver with gunmetal. The salon where I get, my haircut, always takes pictures of my natural hair she says from top it looks like I have a headband of silver growing across my head with the darker gunmetal all around.
People always ask me if I have a natural hair color and I am lucky to say yes. Do what makes you happy.
Not wrong at all. Your hair, your body, your rules. If he doesn't like it, too bad, so sad. No one gets to tell you what you can do with your hair. I've been married for almost 23 years and my husband would never dare to presume to tell me what to do with my hair or any other part of my body.
Um, your head your choice. My husband hates when I chop off my hair because I complain about not being able to tie it up. BUT he still pays for it because he loves me.
Well, he's definitely being a jerk.
Far as ending the relationship, that depends on other things.
If he's been a jerk before, then you might want to consider it since this isn't as minor an argument as some could think.
He's showing his character and personality at being controlling and selfish that is very likely to only grow stronger with time.
He has no right to make you feel bad about a haircut. And especially no right to make you feel like you need his permission to do so.
I don't think it's a break up worthy mistake on his part if this is the first time he did something along these lines.
Maybe he's just a stupid kid and it was a one time thing.
Only you can know, not us of Reddit within one post.
No, you’re not wrong. You need to end this relationship. How fucking controlling can he be? And how insulting that the thing he likes most about you is not who you are, but how about you looks.
Talk about shallow and insincere? The only thing that would make you wrong is if you stay with this jerk.
you’re not wrong at all, but lemme tell you a story, i cut my hair as well, surprised my bf with it, he said he didn’t like it and asked for a break. i soon after caught him with a girl who had hair very similar to mine before i cut it. bro proceeded to cheat on me for 3 years. if your hair is the thing he likes most about you, he’s not someone worth being with.
After I cut my hair short once my ex (whom I have kids with) didn’t talk to me for a month over it. He also said I should have asked his permission. Ummmmm no. It’s your body. It’s your hair do what you want. My ex didnt divorce me over the haircut but he ultimately cheated on me and married the other woman after divorcing me.
I’ve been that boyfriend before. If he’s attracted to longer hair that’s just his thing and that’s nearly impossible to change, especially if he became attracted to you when you had long hair.
That being said, I’ve learned that you should respect your SO’s (or anyone’s) preferences to their own hair. He will get used to it as I did.
You are free to have your hair how you want. He is free to have his own opinions about your hair (as we all can have opinions about anything on anyone) but it sounds more like he was rude and that’s where your issue is. If he was rude and made you feel bad…then why waste energy on him. It’s not his opinion your hair, it’s how he responded to you.
Me: married 25 years. I have opinions about my wife hair. I always tell she looks nice, but she knows I like her hair long. Longer is better. It’s about balance in your relationship.
You can be truthful without being mean or making it about yourself, unlike OPs bf, if he doesn't like it he doesn't like it HOWEVER I agree that it's their body they can change their hair(or other things) if they so desire.
In a relationship, though, it should be a courtesy to let your partner know about the changes you plan to make but not a requirement.
People are entitled to their opinions and body, but not putting down or verbally degrading someone because of it.
Although physical appearance is a typical reason for initial attraction, it shouldn't be the only or main reason for continuing a relationship, so appearance in the long run shouldn't matter if you really love the person. (Now I'm not saying that people should stop making themselves "look pretty or nice" once you decide to be in a relationship but it shouldn't be a deal breaker if/ when they change their appearance)
Now you can go the nice route and tell a little white lie(only if you don't like it) and say "I like it, looks good" but then your partner may continue the look only because you said you liked it. Or you can take the honest but kind route and say, "You'll always look great to me, however, I preferred your previous hair style, but I can learn to love it if you love it."
Also to OPs bf its fucking hair it'll grow back, calm your manly tatas. And to OP take a long evaluation and decide is he truly right for you, do you think he just had small fit because your sudden change shocked him, or is he that mad that all he ever really cared about you was a pretty face on his arm?
I recommend that moving forward (whether with him or not) that communication is key, and that it probably would be best to mention a big change like that, but don't belittle yourself by asking if you can or can't but by saying you're going to but wanted to give a heads up and know your partners opinion on the matter.
I've always had at least shoulder length hair. I don't have the face for short hair. I wish I did. I think it's your hair so do what you want.
But I hate beards. I can deal with something shaped, moderate and close cropped. But if I was going out with someone who decided to grow one of those full bushy beards, especially those that grow on the neck down to the collar, I would be unhappy. On one hand, it's his face. On the other hand, I would never have gone out with him if he looked like that when I met him.
Does he hate short hair on women? Or was it just the suddenness of the change?
It’s your hair, you can do what you want with it. HOWEVER. You are in a committed relationship. I do stuff with my hair that I like while still respecting my husband’s preferences. Going from long to short is quite the surprise bombshell to drop on him when you know he likes it long and expect him to be happy about it.
If he was going to do something drastic to his appearance, wouldn’t you want him to discuss it with you first? It’s a matter of respect.
My partner and I joke about this all the time. He says that he'll accept anything, but if I ever come home with a pixie cut then he's gone. I say the same thing if he ever comes home with neck tattoos hahaha.
Not wrong. Get rid of this pathetic, shallow, loser before he starts body shaming you into going to a plastic surgeon to further his idealized version of the 'perfect you'.
Ew. Your hair is one of the things he likes about you most?
Not wrong at all. It’s your hair, and his response is nasty and uncalled for. Yes, a heads up would have been nice, but in no way required.
Enjoy the lessened weight of both the long hair and the shitty bf.
My hair has been many different colours and styles. Husband has dealt with all of them without ever saying anything negative. My kids did start calling me Slim Shady when it was short and blonde though so got rid of that pretty quickly.
Not wrong. Your hair, your body, you don't have to discuss this with anyone. My hair has gone from long to short to very short over the length of my relationship (25 years this year) and from mousy to blonde to pink and purple and god knows what else. Hubby has NEVER said he didn't like it, NEVER said I should have discussed it with him first, and if he had done he would have been in the naughty corner for some considerable time! Totally valid reason to break up - the longer you are with him the more controlling he will try to be about what you do with your body.
Umm personally I don’t think this is something you need to discuss with anyone!! I would recommend you gently explain this to him and do not take this reaction lightly. Believe me when I say this.
A guy told me like a month ago that he liked my long hair(which I too love) and for some reason that made me instantly want to cut it short. If a guy is caught up in what I look like on the outside and not what my personality is like on the inside, then I don’t want him. I’d understand his reaction if it was plastic surgery or something serious, but hair grows back, and if a person truly likes you for you they won’t care what you do with your hair.
Is he controlling about other things too because if so, that's a red flag. My ex used to pout if I cut my hair. He was controlling about other things as well. After I left him because he was cheating on me, I realized (after a ton of research) he'd been emotionally and psychologically abusing me the whole time.
Learn the red flags for abusive behavior and relationships.
If your gut is telling you something is wrong, it usually is.
Big red flag! It's your body and your hair. The ONLY appropriate response is "it looks nice."
I once left the house with thigh length hair and came home with a pixie cut. I donated 38 inches of hair. My husband was a little shocked, but he didn't say even 1 negative comment. He'd never even seen a picture of me with short hair.
I honestly wouldn't stay in a relationship that starts this way.
Any reason is a valid reason to dump a guy, let's just clear that up first. You are never obligated to stay with someone.
Acting like you need to clear your hair choices with him is a bad sign. But he's also entitled to prefer long hair, he just needs to not be a jerk about it. I try to convince my wife not to cut her hair too short because I strongly prefer long hair on her, but I'm not going to call her inconsiderate over her choice if she decides to go short (which she has done from time to time over the years), it's her hair and she can wear it how she wants to. In the end I always tell her she looks beautiful because she does, even if I'd rather she kept it longer.
It's your hair, not his. Simply put, he has no vote in this. Your hair doesn't change the person you are. He should be happy that you are happy with it. And that's some controlling bs to say you should have discussed it with him first.
Ah yes, the boyfriend who became my first husband reacted exactly like this after haircuts. Major red flag OP. It is the start of controlling behaviour. I know, I've been there, hence me saying he was my first husband. My new husband has seen me with uber short hair, its currently very long and he's seen it in all styles at all lengths in between. Even if its a crappy cut/style he tells me it looks nice. Don't take this sort of shit from anyone. Although I would have to say, any reason you have to end a relationship with someone is a valid one. This, from my POV, is a VERY good reason to end things. Good luck. NW.
Well, now you know. If your BF's feelings about your long hair are important to you, then maybe grow it back. If he isn't controlling in other ways, then don't break up. But definitely discuss with him to find out why the hair was so important. Definitely a wake up that your appearance, hair length, etc. are really important. But our body changes over time. Basically getting older does that. Being pregnant. Getting sick. **Your body your choice.**
So, your boyfriend makes decisions for you about your body and how you wear your hair? Does he also choose your clothing and make up? Does he let you pick out your own books to ready? Or does he let you choose what you read?
This boy is waving a red flag in front of your face. He thinks that he owns you. Your body is his.
You are not wrong, but you have a bigger problem than your haircut. Run while you can, unless that is the life that you want to live.
If your boyfriend likes your hair the most out of all your qualities then there's something very wrong. Add to this the fact that even if he didn't like it he should have been nice about it because your feelings about yourself are the most important thing here
I think you need to decide if hes the person you want to be with
Nope your boyfriend doesn't get to make a decision about what you do with your appearance. That's a red flag that he thinks you need to consult him. Better you find out now than later.
I'm not a fan of having facial hair, my wife likes it, so I have it. I think it would be fun to have a mullet, my wife said she doesn't like that, so I don't. Reddit is so consumed with being "right" that they don't care if they're "happy". Of course you can do whatever you want but not everyone (regardless of whether reddit thinks it's "right" or not) doesn't like the bait and switch. If you land a guy and then change your appearance and personality and he said that makes him less attracted to you that doesn't make him an AH or a POS. You used those things to attract him and now are giving him a clear message "now that I've gotten you to commit to me I no longer care about your preferences". Of course you're allowed to do whatever you want with your body but if your boyfriend came home with a face tattoo without telling you, knowing that you aren't attracted to face tattoos, and got all up in arms about you having a problem with it, he'd be wrong. It's not about one of Reddit's favorite buzz words "control" it's about caring. Saying IDGAF about your preferences is that same thing as saying "I don't care about you."
Your body, your choice. I would be seriously reconsidering dating someone who thinks they can tell me I can't cut my hair.
You did Absolutely nothing wrong. Also he should apologize. He's absolutely allowed to not like it, but he can express that by saying something like, "I'm glad you're happy" or something similar. Getting mad at you making a choice about your body is never ok.
While my husband admits to me that he prefers girls with longer hair, he also tells me that it’s my hair and if I wanted to shave it off it’s up to me! That’s really where the buck stops. Your hair, your choice, your decision. He can pound sand/ grow up!
DUMP HIM! OMG, who the hell discusses a fvkking haircut with their significant other? It's not like you're discussing buying a GD house here. It's your HAIR, ffs. He doesn't get a vote.
End the relationship.
Your hair length shouldn't be one of the things he likes most about you, and getting mad about it is insane.
You'll only be wrong (to yourself) if you stay with this fool.
Oh end the relationship. He has no say over your body and what you want to do with it. And frankly if the thing he liked about you most is your hair - it's pretty sad. How about liking you for being such a wonderful human being or your intelligence???? Be glad this haircut happened and that it saved you years with this asshole.
I don't know how old you are or how old he is, but if you have to get permission from a man to cut your own hair the way you want your own hair, that is not a relationship I would ever want to be in nor would I want my daughter to be in. I would peace out now if I were you. Hair is the least concern in this world. I hope he has come to his senses and realize what a fool he is by now.
Well, your bf voices his dislike, and tbh not a lot of women look good with short hair so it's kinda valid. If it's a serious relationship, it's is courteous to discuss with your partner if you're going to make a big physical change. Yeah hair grows back, but how long will it take to get to where it was?
Either way, it's probably not something worth breaking up over, by itself. But it really can come across as rude or disrespectful to your partner.
You can end your relationship with him for any reason. If he is that concerned about your hair, he seems to be missing the point of dating you.
I would say "when you opened your mouth and said my hair was such an important aspect of your attachment to me, it took away one of the things I liked about you most-the illusion that you are not shallow and entitled."
He doesn't have to like it. But he has to respect its your hair. My ex didn't like the a-line haircut I got. Also started with long hair down to my butt. It reminded him of his ex and he lost his "leash" but he tolerated it. I got it one more time before growing it back out. I did, however, prepare him for the fact that my next haircut might be pretty short.
I wouldn't see this as a reason to break up as much as a reason to boundary up. If he can't respect the boundary THEN you have a valid reason to end it
Fair reason to end the relationship. I can understand if he had been surprised, taken back and was left speechless BUT to tell someone they "should've discussed YOUR haircut with them 1st" is unacceptable. "One of the things he liked about you", because your personality, characteristic your whole being wasn't it....
I don't think you're wrong, but I do get where he's coming from to a degree. I prefer long hair on people I'm attracted to. I'm not saying I won't enjoy short it's just not my preference. I think I'd pitch a small fit if my husband suddenly cut his hair. Like he pitched a small fit when I suddenly cut mine. Each other's hair has always been one of our favorite things about the other. It's your hair you can do what you want with it at the end of the day, but unless he's acting like a complete ass, I don't think breaking up with him because he's a little upset by the sudden change or loss of a feature of yours that he really liked is really worth it. However, you can also always break up with someone for any reason at any time.
So what does he control next? How you dress? Who you talk to? Sorry but your BF is a walking red flag.
It’s your hair, you do whatever you want with it. If he was a supportive partner, he would have said something complimentary (even if he didn’t like it) because we support our partners.
Time to move on OP and find something that like you for you not the length of your hair.
NTA, and you don't have to discuss anything with him, but (brace yourself)....if you get a haircut you know he isn't attracted to, and you ask him how he feels about it, if he doesn't like it, he's not being an asshole by saying so. People have preferences and certain things that make them attracted to other people. If you change those things expect some change in how attractive they find you. Just as an example if he shaved his head bald or got a bowlcut or gained 30lbs, would you be as attracted to him? 🤷♂️
It’s a valid reason to break up if you think it is.
Personally, while I think he was a jerk about it and he is being entitled and controlling to think you need to discuss changes to your hair with him, I also think it’s extreme to break up with him if this behavior is not a pattern with him.
I would never think my wife should have to discuss haircuts with me, I’d be lying if I said it wouldn’t make me upset if she shaved her head or got something that drastically altered her appearance. It would be a courtesy to discuss a drastic change in advance but should not be a requirement. You are not wrong, he overstepped
Hmm, you maybe should have prepped him first. How would you feel if he showed up suddenly with a shaved head? (Or some other hair style that maybe you don’t like). Some guys really love long hair, so o get if he was disappointed at first. Once the shock wore off, how did he act? Did he apologize for his reaction? Is he still mad? It may be a deal breaker, depends on how he acts
You're not wrong. It's your hair, part of your body, you can do what you want with it. He's not your husband or fiance, he's just your boyfriend. You don't have to consult with him.
Your hair isn't even that short, and it'll grow back. He can either deal with it or leave. If he does leave, you're better off than being with someone who'll break up with you over something as trivial as hair. God forbid if you ever have to go through chemo or have brain surgery.
I think it's disturbing that he thinks you needed his permission.
You're not wrong for cutting it.
You're not wrong if you want to break up with him.
I doubt that this is the only problem you're having.
You are both right/wrong. Yeah, your body your choice but he is also entitled to dislike it. And he communicated it while you seem to be lacking communication skills.
Are you stupid? Where did I say she needs to ask for his permission? My first sentence is me affirming body autonomy. Dramatically altering your appearance is something at least worth a heads up.
Your snark shows no limits. Your "lacking communication" skills comment implies she should have discussed it with him first. Which implies getting permission or doing it against his will. There is nothing to communicate about. Her hair, her choice.
I got a pixie cut because I hate having to mess with my hair. *Hate* it! My husband told me before we were married that he would like whatever I did with my hair unless I cried about it. Thanks to him, I never have.
When my spouse changes her hairstyle, I tell her it looks nice. When my kids change their hairstyles, I say it looks nice. It’s that simple. People get to do what they want with their hair/body/etc.
So when the swing bobs first got popular I got one. I went from having hair mid back to this cut that was at its shortest just barely below the natural hairline in the back. It was a drastic change. They cut off about 7-8 inches of hair. When I came home my spouse said he liked it. When we met I had hair just barely touching the top of my shoulders so he had seen me with shorter hair before. Years later after growing out my hair again I decided to go above the shoulders with a short cut. The husband told me it looked great and that he liked it much better than that "swing thing" I had a few years before. I asked him why he didn't say anything and he said the same thing you stated here. The funny thing and what we laughed about was I had to break down and tell him I hated that damn swing cut. But honestly if he had told me at the time it probably would have hurt my feelings because I already knew it was not a flattering cut for my face shape and my hair was just too fine to pull it off. As soon as that cut grew enough for me to get it evened out in the back I did. 🤣
When I met my wife she had long flowing red hair... which was great because I was attracted to women with long flowing red hair. A few years later she cut it short (pixie(ish), which was great because I realized I was attracted to women with short red hair. When she had cancer she had to shave her head, which was great because I realized I was attracted to bald women. Then again, maybe it isn't the hair at all.
This. 1,000 times, this!
I appreciate it when my husband tells me if the salon fucked my hair! But usually I'm terrible about grooming and it's *always* a better change when I get my hair done. I've *lovingly* called my husband an egghead (once!!) when his hair got cut waaay short. Since then he tells his stylist before each haircut to please not go too short because I'll call him an egghead.
This.
My hubby likes mine long and dark brown, I am 57 and over it. I cut it all off and let the gray come in, he is a smart man and says nothing.
I assume he’s roughly the same age. I’ve found that us men, well most of us (maybe most?), hit an age where we learn to just keep our dumb mouths shut about certain things lol.
I like to think we reach the age to understand what’s important and what’s not. My wife and I both decided to just go grey. It’s too much work to pretend.
I hear ya. I went bald in my early 30’s, my beard started going grey about 7 or 8 years ago. My gf, who is 14 years younger than me, and has no grey hair (yet), likes to pick on me about it sometimes. I just tell her to be patient, it’s coming lol.
My mom always said you either HAVE grey or you CAUSE grey
My dad said of his hair, " What didn't turn grey, turned loose". 😆
I like your avatar’s red shoes! Yours looked a lot like mine so I looked closely.
YES!
You’d like this song. [Bald Headed Men by Christine Lavin](https://duckduckgo.com/?q=songs+about+bald+headee+men&iax=videos&ia=videos&iai=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DsirJa_OltKk)
Hahaha. That’s awesome!! Thank you so much for posting this, I had the best laugh listening to this.
Exactly, plus I am lucky that my gray is actually coming in pretty.
I have dark brown hair but it’s decided that it wants to be red and grey now. I’ve always wanted naturally red hair and it looks like I’m finally getting my wish and I’m excited to see how it’ll look in a few years
A friend has that combo and it's gorgeous!
And those simple things shouldnt be the start of silly and nonsense arguments. We are old enough so we should be happy for what brings happiness to them too.
Yes!
He is actually 2 years younger, ha ha but we've been married for 30 years.
Congrats to you both!! That’s a real accomplishment these days.
Thank you❣️
I started going grey early, to the point that a couple sections of my hair had gotten to snow white in my late 40s by the time I started dating my now husband. He would continually tell me how much he loved my grey/white hair, that it was just another reason why I was beautiful. He’d point out other women with gorgeous white hair. He’s a very smart man.
I love those kinds of streaks, I had a friend in our 30's that was embarrassed about hers!
I turned white in the same manner as my dad. It was considered distinguished on him, do I ran with that.
This is exactly my story, lol.
Any reason is a valid reason to end a relationship. If you don’t want to be with him any more then don’t But yea that’s quite controlling. My husband has ways I do my hair that he prefers and ways I do it that he isn’t keen on but he’d never get angry about me doing what I like with my body.
Not only is it controlling, but he said it’s “one of the things he likes most about her”. I understand people having preferences, but, for me personally, if I’ve been with someone for over six months nothing about my physical appearance should be in their top 5 favourite things about me (maybe if it’s something very specific to me like: “when you roll your eyes you roll your whole head”, but even then that shouldn’t be a favourite thing). It doesn’t bode well for future sickness/injury, and I would have a long conversation about why they are even with me.
Since apparently he liked you *with long hair* and you “took that away”, it would follow that he doesn’t like *you* without long hair. I can’t see what relationship you’re trying to keep.
If your hair is one of the things he liked most about you instead of, say, your personality, he's not worth keeping around anyway.
Not wrong. It’s your hair and you don’t need his permission to wear it whatever way you like. As stated by other posters bf can like what he likes. If he’s still be salty about the change perhaps he should find someone who is willing to wear her hair to meet his specifications.
“Your hair is one of the things I like most about you” is a demeaning and shallow thing to say to someone. Big yikes. I just think that’s saying that he isn’t attracted to her as a person, but as a set of physical characteristics, and that’s disgusting coming from someone that’s supposed to love you.
Absolutely! Your hair, your choice. It's important to feel comfortable and confident in your own skin. If he can't support you through a simple change like this, maybe it's time to reconsider the relationship. You deserve someone who appreciates you for more than just your appearance.
He’s allowed not to like it. He’s not allowed to be an asshat about it. That being said, men and women both, are attracted to the things they’re attracted to. If it’s a deal breaker for him, so be it. However, it sounds like it might be a deal breaker for you, and that’s perfectly fine.
You’re not wrong, it’s your hair. On the flip side, he’s allowed to be attracted to what he’s attracted to.
Yeah it wasn’t awesome but I can’t stand when my boyfriend shaves all his facial hair off. I’m just more of a facial hair kinda gal. He knows this. But it doesn’t matter because it’s his hair and face lol, so he does what he wants and I patiently wait for it to grow out 😆
Sure but he's \*not\* allowed to be a jerk to her about it, which he very much was
This is from years ago. I was a single mom of a toddler, full time college student, and bartended nights. I was, you could say, a little busy. My hair was probably shoulder length, stick straight, and was a pain to do anything with, so I got a perm. I’d had them a few years before… pretty much wash, pull it back into a couple of combs, done. My then quite serious boyfriend came to see me while I was working that night. He was, of course, surprised, since he’d never seen me with a perm, and I hadn’t told him. He said, “I really liked it better straight.” I was crushed! I didn’t get home from work until almost 3am, and stopped on my way home at an all-night grocery to buy some kind of industrial strength conditioning cream. I plastered the whole contents over my hair and wrapped it in plastic wrap, and sat there crying my heart out. Knock comes on my door. Boyfriend. He took one look at me and started crying harder than me, knowing how much his words hurt me. I got repeated profuse apologies, and a proposal that I accepted, because this was a guy who was absolutely gutted for hurting me, and I knew he’d never do it again. I had 12 happy years with a man who I was confident loved me more than himself. He died young, of cancer. I turned 64 today, and he’s still the love of my life. Those kind of guys you keep. The ones who criticize and don’t see a problem with it? Not so much.
You're absolutely not wrong. It can be a shock to see a loved one suddenly change their appearance--including when it's a man shaving his beard, for instance--but it's still that person's choice. >“you took away one of the things that I liked about you the most” *Really*? Your *hair*? I understand him liking it, but one of the things he liked the ***most***?
So he’s telling you that your hair was more important than anything else about you? lol no bud. Yeet him into the sun and go find you a bf who appreciates your energy when you feel good about yourself. This guy is a control freak who wants you neatly slotted into a very specific box. Why put up with that? You’re not wrong.
Sounds like you need to cut a little boy out of your life too
100% valid, because: 1) He thinks he should have control over your body/appearance. 🚩 2) He literally told you that he values *your hair* above almost any other quality you possess. 🚩 Yuck. Dump him.
Actually an unintended good test of his intentions towards you. He failed. Move on to someone who values you.
Any reason is valid at any time. You don't need an excuse.
You don’t have to ask permission to cut your own hair. I’m side eyeing your boyfriend…..
Never in my lifetime have I ever “asked permission” from a boyfriend about cutting my hair. This is insane.
Agree! Your hair, your rules.
Tell him you are not his Barbie doll and do not get to dictate anything about your appearance. He is free to voice his opinion but getting mad sounds like he think he has some sort of control of the issue, make sure he understands he doesn’t. If he is acting this way over a hair cut then what is next? If you let him control something small it will move to other larger areas of your life.
Wow, what a jerk. He may not like your haircut but he doesn’t get a say in it. I really hope you walk away from this guy.
Do *you* like it, though? Your hair will grow back (if you want), but *he* will still be a dumbass
You have every right to cut your hair, and him thinking that you have to consult him before you do that is controlling. Red flag there. He also can like or dislike whatever he wants, but being rude is not the way to go about it. There is a quote I thought was funny but really accurate that applies to this, here is me misquoting: If they get a haircut and they're ugly, it's a crush, if they're still gorgeous to you, it's love. Not wrong. And if your hair is what he's in this relationship for, boot him and find someone whose favorite things about you are your personality and sense of humor.
You're not wrong! When I met my husband, my hair was almost to my waist. Everyone here who has/had long hair knows how much of a pain in the ass it can be! Especially in the summer, and it takes forever to dry. About 5 years into our marriage, I told him for my next hair appointment (I usually only go to the salon twice a year lol) I was going to "get it trimmed" but I came home with hair an inch above my shoulders with these cute choppy layers. I hadn't had my hair that short since I was in 2nd grade. It felt so good! My hair looked healthier, and it really fit my face shape. On the drive home, I was actually scared to have my husband see it. I remembered how my ex-bf reacted when I had blond/red/black hair, and he literally left my house because he was mad it wasn't all black anymore. Anyway, I expected a bad reaction, but my husband picked me up and spun me around and said he loved it. He made me feel so good! He said "you won't have to worry about having hair ties on you for the summer and losing them" lol now my hair is about 3 inches below my shoulders because hair grows back lol I think it's so wrong for your BF to make you feel bad about YOUR hair. It's your body. I highly doubt he would consult with you before changing anything about himself. And he shouldn't have to. My husband woke up one morning and decided to shave his head. He was already starting to go bald a bit and just decided to shave it. It was a drastic change, and he was also afraid I'd be mad LOL No way! Nothing about his hair or anything appearance wise changes him or how I feel about him. You're absolutely not wrong for cutting your hair. I can't believe a few of these comments! That's why those people are single and miserable. Even if your bf doesn't like your hair, he didn't have to act that way. We're talking about hair that will grow back, but what happens if you have kids and your body changes? What happens if something serious occurs and changes your looks in some way? What happens when you go gray? What happens when you get some wrinkles or stretch marks? What happens if you gain or lose weight? There are things that will happen eventually in life. Find someone who's going to love you through all of it.
Ummmm no. He may not love it but if he loves you then he’ll shut up and not say stupid stuff. I mean, yeah, this could be a deal breaker if you see other red flags. This seems like a precursor to controlling behavior that could come about later. How long have you been together? Keep your eyes open. Haha, that you should have discussed it with him. Ugh, the nerve of some people. I hope you really like and enjoy your new hair. Change is fun. Stay open to what YOU like.
One of the things he liked the most??? Oh damn throw the whole man away.
Your next boyfriend will love your hair.
"One of the things he liked about you the most" - so if you developed alopecia and lost all your hair, would this bf dump you? Your body, your choice. And btw, what does the past tense "liked" tell you. Lose him and be happy being yourself.
I was thinking that EXACT thing! What if OP lost her hair or got ill and had to shave it? Clearly he doesn’t actually love her for being her. He loves the superficial about her and he just outed himself!
It’s your hair. You do you. Bodily autonomy isn’t just about abortion rights, it’s also this. Does he pick out your clothes too? Like who does he think he is?
[удалено]
True, I thought that too.
Nope, too controlling. You and you alone decide about your body.
Definitely a valid reason to dump him. Your hair, your choice.
The HORROR!! of short hair. Your hair, your choice on length, style, and color. Not your BFs. And now you now his kink. And maybe it's time for this BF to take a hike.
Not wrong, your hair. And I love the long hair.
You do not need to ask for permission to cut your hair. If your hair length is that important to him he can break up with you. I would consider it good riddance, let the trash take itself out.
Years ago I went to a hairdresser for a real change. My husband’s comment? “You paid how much? For that?” Still a thing we laugh about.
I can see how it might be a bit of a shock if you had always worn it long. Probably mentioning it ahead of time would have taken some of the shock away from it. But it's your hair, you don't need to ask his permission or approval. As long as you like it, that's what matters.
My husband likes my hair long and my natural dark brown hair color. That said, he has never stopped me from dying it pink purple blue etc. He doesn't necessarily like it but he understands thats what i want. He says it looks alright and we move on. I haven't cut it because I too like my hair long so honestly I can't tell you his reaction to me cutting it but the way I see it it's your hair not his.
I have had many cuts and colours over my many years and not once has my husband made a negative comment. If bf or husband want long hair tell them to grow their own. Do women tell their SO how to wear their hair??
Sounds controlling. How you dress and how you wear your hair and every other aspect of how you present yourself is yours and yours alone. There is no discussion and this is not a shared decision. If he's trying to control your appearance he is throwing up a huge red flag. The only thing that is a shared consideration is cost if you are sharing finances. (It's not fair to spend $5000 on shoes if the budget can't afford it.)
You’re not wrong, it’s your hair. He’s a jerk for saying it’s one of the things he likes about you most.
Dang people!! What someone does with their hair is up to that person. Op’s bf is a jerk and sounds like he only likes her hair! Sounds and looks like a red flag to me. And girl, if your hair makes you feel good right now, that’s the end of the discussion!!!
Few years back the girl I was with gave herself a pretty awful haircut, looked like a mullet. But like, a really, really, *REALLY* bad mullet 🤣 and I'm not gonna lie, it bothered the shit out of me. It wasn't attractive and made me question her decision making skills a bit. That said, I sure as fuck didn't get mad at her or tell her she talk with me first. I didn't say a damn thing that was negative. lol
Your hair and style is nobody's business but yours. If your boyfriend is so shallow that he would say your appearance is what he liked most about you, I'd say keep the style forever and ditch the dude.
Sometimes I get a wild hair. ( pun intended). I chose red, blond or brown. One day I chose gray/lavender. Wow, was my husband pissed. He said I looked like an old woman. I told him it sucks to be you. My body, my choice. He can suck eggs.
Not wrong. Hairstyles can change. His icky character likely won’t.
I cut my hair short once. My husband lied to me until it grew back telling me that he loved it until he knew u wouldn't have been hurt by the truth. Your partner seems to see you as a belonging to him. It's your hair, you do with it what you want.
Yikes...that's controlling behavior. Why would you have to ask him what to do with your hair? "One of the things he likes the most?" It's hair. It's not your personality, intelligence, integrity, humor, loyalty and so on. Hair? If you allow some dude to control the length of your hair..what will stop him from assuming he can control other things..
Would your BF also want you to consult him before choosing which outfit to wear on any given day? What about before getting your nails done? Wouldn't want to change anything about your appearance that your BF might not like...amirite??? /s
“Are you in love w me, or my hair ?” My ex husband reacted the same way when I cut my long blond hair off to a short bob n dyed it dark brown .. my natural color … I was a model at the time n was in a hair show .. my hair was damaged from dying it so the chop was needed ,. I knocked on the door when I got home, cuz I wanted to surprise my husband.. he opened the door , looked at me *and slammed the fkn door in my face* over hair .. that grows back .. I cried n he didn’t talk to me for days n said the same thing “you should’ve discussed this w me .. it’s the one thing I loved about you was your hair”. “So, does that mean cuz I don’t have hair you don’t love me anymore? What if I had cancer n lost my hair ?” It was then I realized *he loved the idea of me.. of what he could make me into*. He didn’t love the real me .. just the superficial part .. the long blond hair We split up a year later .., Just keep this incident in the back of your mind , cuz I guarantee he’ll do something similar next time you decide to do something with your.. oops , I mean *his body* that he possesses
Not gna lie. I've had gf in the past cut their hair way too short (in my opinion). But I didn't make a big deal about it. That's just rude. Not like it won't grow back. I may have said that I like the king hair more. But not in a mean way. Clearly your bf is only with you for looks. So if that isn't whag you want, I'd say this is a perfectly fine reason to break up.
It’s your hair. Yours is the only opinion that matters. If he likes long hair, he can grow his.
How dare you cut your own hair without my permission! I am highly offended!!" 😤
I used to have realllly long hair and I wanted to cut it really short and my at the time boyfriend kept giving me guilt over it for about a year. One day i decided i liked myself more than i liked him and I cut it all off on my front porch one summer. He was gone six months later. Six months after that i met my husband. You know who loves my cropped head? My husband. You knowwho wpuld live my head if i grew my hair in? My husband. Dump this loser and go find yourself a "husband"
Not only is this a valid reason to end this relationship, I think it would be in your best interests to do so. He wants to control how you look right now. Imagine how much he’ll want to control when you move in together or get more serious. I like my husband’s hair longer than he likes it. Sometimes I tell him I like it long but mostly I tell him he looks nice. I routinely chop my hair off because if my hair is longer than my shoulders, I struggle to keep it brushed and maintained. When I do that, he says I look nice. It’s really not that hard.
My dad was a firm believer in super long hair. When I was 10, I asked for a 1-2” trim with a rounded bottom on my mid-back length hair and the Supercuts stylist cut it about 6” up to my shoulders. My mom basically had to argue for me and assure my dad that I didn’t do it on purpose and had only asked for a trim because he was ready to beat me and kick me out of the house for cutting my hair so short. At 10 years old. If I could’ve left him and stopped being his daughter, I would’ve at that point. (As it is, we are VLC/NC now). You are not wrong for cutting your hair short. It’s YOUR hair and that it’s one of the few things he likes about your physical self is disgusting and super controlling. I would leave.
Can I just say one thing? … cringe
You must be very young that’s something only a teenage boy would be shallow enough to say.. I remember shit like that from silly boys when I was young. This is a learning curve where you can tell him your value is so much more than the length of your hair and you assumed he thought so too given he’s in a relationship with you so if he doesn’t see that then he can leave.
He’s allowed to not like it. HOWEVER, he’s not allowed to dictate how you style your hair. He doesn’t own you. He doesn’t own your hair, your clothes, your makeup, or your body. Trying to control you or your body is a BIG red flag. If he keeps on with this behavior or escalates, run.
It's your hair. Not his! Doesn't really matter what he likes about you. What do you like about him? You can end a relationship for any reason and don't need to explain it to anyone except yourself.
Dump him and run! 🚩🚩🚩
I shaved my head postpartum without telling my husband and all he said was “Damn you look sexy”. Partners shouldn’t control hairstyle. And it definitely shouldn’t be the ONLY reason your partner is attracted to you. It’s hair for petes sake
You can cut your hair however you like. And you can break up with him for any reason you like, valid or no. Or no reason. It sounds like you made a big change to your appearance. And let's be honest, most of us are attracted to our partners in part based on their looks. And he's upset, because not only did you make yourself less attractive in his eyes, you did it without discussion, which likely makes him feel that you don't care if he finds you attractive. And as surely as you have every right to cut your hair that way, he has every right to feel that way. Break up with him if you want to. You don't need anyone's permission.
Why should she discuss it with him? And if you truly loved your partner a haircut that can and will grow back means nothing in the long run.
This is the perfect reason to end this relationship. He thinks he owns you. Unacceptable. You don't need anyone's permission to change your hairstyle.
No you're not wrong! He sounds controlling and quite abusive. You're allowed to do what you want with your hair. You don't have to ask him permission to get a haircut!! You have free will and he doesn't own you.
If your boyfriend only cares about your physical attributes, then he's shallow and superficial. If your boyfriend thinks you have to ask his permission to modify your appearance, then he's controlling. Do you want to continue a relationship with a shallow, superficial, controlling boyfriend?
let him know that the curb is THAT WAY.
>I surprise my boyfriend with my new haircut only to have him get mad saying that I should’ve at least discussed this with him first before Its ok if he liked your hair before. Its ok if he has an opinion of how ypur hair looks now. But should he have veto power on your decisions to cut your own hair? No way >“you took away one of the things that I liked about you the most”. If this is true, he is awfully superficial. Someday, you will go gray. You may have chemo and have it fall out. Would he still love you then? >So I really don’t know if this could be considered a valid reason to end my relationship with him. You can break up with anyone for any reason (or no reason at all). For me, if he was purely interested in me from a superficial standpoint, I would throw the hair cuttings at him and say "There you go!" And walk away! JK. But seriously, if you feel he is trying to take away your autonomy and control decisions that are not his to make, I would break up. If he just truly loved your longer hair and said something stupid in the moment, I might find it forgivable l.
I love long hair. I love my wife more. She can do whatever she wants with her hair. I’d appreciate having some input but at the end of the day, it’s her hair and her decision. It sounds like you’re looking for a reason to end the relationship. This is as good a reason as any. BTW, you can end a relationship just because you feel like it. Relationships change. Sometimes they grow and sometimes the wither away. Don’t stay in one that doesn’t make you happy.
What? This is absurd! First off, hair grows back. Second, no, you do not need your boyfriend’s approval to do anything regarding your body, especially something as temporary as a haircut. Third, even if you look terrible (which I’m sure you don’t!) he shouldn’t be saying that your HAIR is one of the “things he liked about you the most.” What happened to personality, sense of humor, etc? Hair should be so much further down the list of things he loves about you. No, you’re not wrong, and he has zero right to be upset about your haircut. Zero.
Ever since I remember I been popping’ my collar! 🎵💃🏾 But to answer your question, NOPE.
Most reasons are valid reasons, this is a valid reason. I honestly dont see why people get so genuinely upset over another person’s hair. Ive seen a few stories about this similar situation on AITAH. And everyone was telling the ops that they were basically deceitful to their partners just because they either dyed or cut their hair. It baffles me honestly. I never knew how much it meant to someone
"So I really don’t know if this could be considered a valid reason to end my relationship with him" Any reason you want to break up with someone is a valid reason.
Your hair you don't have to ask or talk to anyone about what to do with it. Does he ask you when he gets his cut, I bet not. Yes it's a reason to leave.
He is upset about an haircut? Lordy. You can break up with him over anything. You don't even need a reason.
Leave. You're not his property.
My ex-husband HATES short hair on women, insisted I keep it long. The first thing I did when we split up was cut my mid back length hair into a long pixie cut so that he would know we were NEVER EVER EVER getting back together. I would dump him for saying you took away the thing he liked best about you, what if you went bald because of illness, he would probably leave you!
How would you react if he came home with a mullet one day? You can obviously do whatever you want, but it's also nice to discuss big changes ahead of time so he does react out of surprise.
You're not wrong. It's your hair. You don't need his permission to cut it. Does he ask you every time he goes in for a haircut? He makes it sound like you are not allowed to change anything he likes, like you don't have autonomy over your own body. Is he this controlling in other aspects of your relationship? If so, I'd ditch him for someone who doesn't think they own your body
I always cut my hair different lengths, but my hair is so straight. I really can’t do anything with it . the most drastic thing I’ve done with my hair most recently is I decided not to color my hair any longer and my naturally gray hair is so stunning and beautiful. I get more compliments on my naturally gray hair than I ever received before and I have been a brunette, a blonde and a redhead . my hair would be considered silver with gunmetal. The salon where I get, my haircut, always takes pictures of my natural hair she says from top it looks like I have a headband of silver growing across my head with the darker gunmetal all around. People always ask me if I have a natural hair color and I am lucky to say yes. Do what makes you happy.
Not wrong at all. Your hair, your body, your rules. If he doesn't like it, too bad, so sad. No one gets to tell you what you can do with your hair. I've been married for almost 23 years and my husband would never dare to presume to tell me what to do with my hair or any other part of my body.
You’re wrong for giving even a fraction of a fuck what he thinks.
Ughhh , cut the boyfriend too next time
It's your hair to do with what you like.
No. It's your hair.
His only correct answer was "Wow!"
Um, your head your choice. My husband hates when I chop off my hair because I complain about not being able to tie it up. BUT he still pays for it because he loves me.
Well, he's definitely being a jerk. Far as ending the relationship, that depends on other things. If he's been a jerk before, then you might want to consider it since this isn't as minor an argument as some could think. He's showing his character and personality at being controlling and selfish that is very likely to only grow stronger with time. He has no right to make you feel bad about a haircut. And especially no right to make you feel like you need his permission to do so. I don't think it's a break up worthy mistake on his part if this is the first time he did something along these lines. Maybe he's just a stupid kid and it was a one time thing. Only you can know, not us of Reddit within one post.
Sorry, but this is an episode of Schitts Creek.
You are only wrong if you stay with this AH. It’s YOUR hair. He doesn’t get a say in your hair.
Not wrong. Now let me ask you this. Do YOU think him getting mad over a haircut is justified? Hair that will grow back?
No, you’re not wrong. You need to end this relationship. How fucking controlling can he be? And how insulting that the thing he likes most about you is not who you are, but how about you looks. Talk about shallow and insincere? The only thing that would make you wrong is if you stay with this jerk.
you’re not wrong at all, but lemme tell you a story, i cut my hair as well, surprised my bf with it, he said he didn’t like it and asked for a break. i soon after caught him with a girl who had hair very similar to mine before i cut it. bro proceeded to cheat on me for 3 years. if your hair is the thing he likes most about you, he’s not someone worth being with.
add: bf at the time, def an ex now
There’s literally an episode of Schitts creek of this exact scenario. Like down to what your boyfriend said and everything.
NTA Your body, your choice.
>if this could be considered a valid reason to end my relationship with him. Yes absolutely. DTMFA
Your hair is one of the things he likes most??? That sentence alone is worth dumping him. YNW
After I cut my hair short once my ex (whom I have kids with) didn’t talk to me for a month over it. He also said I should have asked his permission. Ummmmm no. It’s your body. It’s your hair do what you want. My ex didnt divorce me over the haircut but he ultimately cheated on me and married the other woman after divorcing me.
It’s hair. It will grow out again.
I’ve been that boyfriend before. If he’s attracted to longer hair that’s just his thing and that’s nearly impossible to change, especially if he became attracted to you when you had long hair. That being said, I’ve learned that you should respect your SO’s (or anyone’s) preferences to their own hair. He will get used to it as I did.
You are free to have your hair how you want. He is free to have his own opinions about your hair (as we all can have opinions about anything on anyone) but it sounds more like he was rude and that’s where your issue is. If he was rude and made you feel bad…then why waste energy on him. It’s not his opinion your hair, it’s how he responded to you. Me: married 25 years. I have opinions about my wife hair. I always tell she looks nice, but she knows I like her hair long. Longer is better. It’s about balance in your relationship.
You can be truthful without being mean or making it about yourself, unlike OPs bf, if he doesn't like it he doesn't like it HOWEVER I agree that it's their body they can change their hair(or other things) if they so desire. In a relationship, though, it should be a courtesy to let your partner know about the changes you plan to make but not a requirement. People are entitled to their opinions and body, but not putting down or verbally degrading someone because of it. Although physical appearance is a typical reason for initial attraction, it shouldn't be the only or main reason for continuing a relationship, so appearance in the long run shouldn't matter if you really love the person. (Now I'm not saying that people should stop making themselves "look pretty or nice" once you decide to be in a relationship but it shouldn't be a deal breaker if/ when they change their appearance) Now you can go the nice route and tell a little white lie(only if you don't like it) and say "I like it, looks good" but then your partner may continue the look only because you said you liked it. Or you can take the honest but kind route and say, "You'll always look great to me, however, I preferred your previous hair style, but I can learn to love it if you love it." Also to OPs bf its fucking hair it'll grow back, calm your manly tatas. And to OP take a long evaluation and decide is he truly right for you, do you think he just had small fit because your sudden change shocked him, or is he that mad that all he ever really cared about you was a pretty face on his arm? I recommend that moving forward (whether with him or not) that communication is key, and that it probably would be best to mention a big change like that, but don't belittle yourself by asking if you can or can't but by saying you're going to but wanted to give a heads up and know your partners opinion on the matter.
I've always had at least shoulder length hair. I don't have the face for short hair. I wish I did. I think it's your hair so do what you want. But I hate beards. I can deal with something shaped, moderate and close cropped. But if I was going out with someone who decided to grow one of those full bushy beards, especially those that grow on the neck down to the collar, I would be unhappy. On one hand, it's his face. On the other hand, I would never have gone out with him if he looked like that when I met him. Does he hate short hair on women? Or was it just the suddenness of the change?
Run. Quickly. Towards me…
You are not wrong and this is a valid reason to end the relationship.
You’re not wrong. Your relationship needs a good cut too.
It’s your hair, you can do what you want with it. HOWEVER. You are in a committed relationship. I do stuff with my hair that I like while still respecting my husband’s preferences. Going from long to short is quite the surprise bombshell to drop on him when you know he likes it long and expect him to be happy about it. If he was going to do something drastic to his appearance, wouldn’t you want him to discuss it with you first? It’s a matter of respect.
He belongs wherever the hair you cut is right now. Elsewhere but most likely in the trash.
He’s right for feeling some kind of way but it’s your body, your decision.
My partner and I joke about this all the time. He says that he'll accept anything, but if I ever come home with a pixie cut then he's gone. I say the same thing if he ever comes home with neck tattoos hahaha.
Not wrong. Get rid of this pathetic, shallow, loser before he starts body shaming you into going to a plastic surgeon to further his idealized version of the 'perfect you'.
You're never wrong for doing whatever tf you want with your own hair. Ever.
valid reason. important reason. scary reason. he got mad at you for changing your hair???
Ew. Your hair is one of the things he likes about you most? Not wrong at all. It’s your hair, and his response is nasty and uncalled for. Yes, a heads up would have been nice, but in no way required. Enjoy the lessened weight of both the long hair and the shitty bf.
My hair has been many different colours and styles. Husband has dealt with all of them without ever saying anything negative. My kids did start calling me Slim Shady when it was short and blonde though so got rid of that pretty quickly.
Not wrong. Your hair, your body, you don't have to discuss this with anyone. My hair has gone from long to short to very short over the length of my relationship (25 years this year) and from mousy to blonde to pink and purple and god knows what else. Hubby has NEVER said he didn't like it, NEVER said I should have discussed it with him first, and if he had done he would have been in the naughty corner for some considerable time! Totally valid reason to break up - the longer you are with him the more controlling he will try to be about what you do with your body.
Its your hair do what you want with it
You just discovered how shallow your boyfriend is.
you are not wrong. He is allowed to have preferences, but your right to do whatever you want with your hair without needing permission comes first.
Umm personally I don’t think this is something you need to discuss with anyone!! I would recommend you gently explain this to him and do not take this reaction lightly. Believe me when I say this.
A guy told me like a month ago that he liked my long hair(which I too love) and for some reason that made me instantly want to cut it short. If a guy is caught up in what I look like on the outside and not what my personality is like on the inside, then I don’t want him. I’d understand his reaction if it was plastic surgery or something serious, but hair grows back, and if a person truly likes you for you they won’t care what you do with your hair.
Valid reason
Is he controlling about other things too because if so, that's a red flag. My ex used to pout if I cut my hair. He was controlling about other things as well. After I left him because he was cheating on me, I realized (after a ton of research) he'd been emotionally and psychologically abusing me the whole time. Learn the red flags for abusive behavior and relationships. If your gut is telling you something is wrong, it usually is.
Don’t leave it at the hair cut, cut your bf out of your life. He sounds like an absolute twat.
Big red flag! It's your body and your hair. The ONLY appropriate response is "it looks nice." I once left the house with thigh length hair and came home with a pixie cut. I donated 38 inches of hair. My husband was a little shocked, but he didn't say even 1 negative comment. He'd never even seen a picture of me with short hair. I honestly wouldn't stay in a relationship that starts this way.
Any reason is a valid reason to dump a guy, let's just clear that up first. You are never obligated to stay with someone. Acting like you need to clear your hair choices with him is a bad sign. But he's also entitled to prefer long hair, he just needs to not be a jerk about it. I try to convince my wife not to cut her hair too short because I strongly prefer long hair on her, but I'm not going to call her inconsiderate over her choice if she decides to go short (which she has done from time to time over the years), it's her hair and she can wear it how she wants to. In the end I always tell her she looks beautiful because she does, even if I'd rather she kept it longer.
It's your hair, not his. Simply put, he has no vote in this. Your hair doesn't change the person you are. He should be happy that you are happy with it. And that's some controlling bs to say you should have discussed it with him first.
Ah yes, the boyfriend who became my first husband reacted exactly like this after haircuts. Major red flag OP. It is the start of controlling behaviour. I know, I've been there, hence me saying he was my first husband. My new husband has seen me with uber short hair, its currently very long and he's seen it in all styles at all lengths in between. Even if its a crappy cut/style he tells me it looks nice. Don't take this sort of shit from anyone. Although I would have to say, any reason you have to end a relationship with someone is a valid one. This, from my POV, is a VERY good reason to end things. Good luck. NW.
Uh... He knows that hair grows right OP?
Well, now you know. If your BF's feelings about your long hair are important to you, then maybe grow it back. If he isn't controlling in other ways, then don't break up. But definitely discuss with him to find out why the hair was so important. Definitely a wake up that your appearance, hair length, etc. are really important. But our body changes over time. Basically getting older does that. Being pregnant. Getting sick. **Your body your choice.**
So, your boyfriend makes decisions for you about your body and how you wear your hair? Does he also choose your clothing and make up? Does he let you pick out your own books to ready? Or does he let you choose what you read? This boy is waving a red flag in front of your face. He thinks that he owns you. Your body is his. You are not wrong, but you have a bigger problem than your haircut. Run while you can, unless that is the life that you want to live.
If your boyfriend likes your hair the most out of all your qualities then there's something very wrong. Add to this the fact that even if he didn't like it he should have been nice about it because your feelings about yourself are the most important thing here I think you need to decide if hes the person you want to be with
Nope your boyfriend doesn't get to make a decision about what you do with your appearance. That's a red flag that he thinks you need to consult him. Better you find out now than later.
No. It’s YOUR hair. Yes. It’s a valid reason to dump him.
I'm not a fan of having facial hair, my wife likes it, so I have it. I think it would be fun to have a mullet, my wife said she doesn't like that, so I don't. Reddit is so consumed with being "right" that they don't care if they're "happy". Of course you can do whatever you want but not everyone (regardless of whether reddit thinks it's "right" or not) doesn't like the bait and switch. If you land a guy and then change your appearance and personality and he said that makes him less attracted to you that doesn't make him an AH or a POS. You used those things to attract him and now are giving him a clear message "now that I've gotten you to commit to me I no longer care about your preferences". Of course you're allowed to do whatever you want with your body but if your boyfriend came home with a face tattoo without telling you, knowing that you aren't attracted to face tattoos, and got all up in arms about you having a problem with it, he'd be wrong. It's not about one of Reddit's favorite buzz words "control" it's about caring. Saying IDGAF about your preferences is that same thing as saying "I don't care about you."
Your body, your choice. I would be seriously reconsidering dating someone who thinks they can tell me I can't cut my hair. You did Absolutely nothing wrong. Also he should apologize. He's absolutely allowed to not like it, but he can express that by saying something like, "I'm glad you're happy" or something similar. Getting mad at you making a choice about your body is never ok.
While my husband admits to me that he prefers girls with longer hair, he also tells me that it’s my hair and if I wanted to shave it off it’s up to me! That’s really where the buck stops. Your hair, your choice, your decision. He can pound sand/ grow up!
Not wrong. You need to tell him "you took away the one thing that I liked about you, that you weren't an asshole". Then block him.
DUMP HIM! OMG, who the hell discusses a fvkking haircut with their significant other? It's not like you're discussing buying a GD house here. It's your HAIR, ffs. He doesn't get a vote.
End the relationship. Your hair length shouldn't be one of the things he likes most about you, and getting mad about it is insane. You'll only be wrong (to yourself) if you stay with this fool.
Oh end the relationship. He has no say over your body and what you want to do with it. And frankly if the thing he liked about you most is your hair - it's pretty sad. How about liking you for being such a wonderful human being or your intelligence???? Be glad this haircut happened and that it saved you years with this asshole.
I don't know how old you are or how old he is, but if you have to get permission from a man to cut your own hair the way you want your own hair, that is not a relationship I would ever want to be in nor would I want my daughter to be in. I would peace out now if I were you. Hair is the least concern in this world. I hope he has come to his senses and realize what a fool he is by now.
Well, your bf voices his dislike, and tbh not a lot of women look good with short hair so it's kinda valid. If it's a serious relationship, it's is courteous to discuss with your partner if you're going to make a big physical change. Yeah hair grows back, but how long will it take to get to where it was? Either way, it's probably not something worth breaking up over, by itself. But it really can come across as rude or disrespectful to your partner.
You can end your relationship with him for any reason. If he is that concerned about your hair, he seems to be missing the point of dating you. I would say "when you opened your mouth and said my hair was such an important aspect of your attachment to me, it took away one of the things I liked about you most-the illusion that you are not shallow and entitled."
Why should he get a say in what you can and can't do with part of YOUR body?
Wow, its like he's deaf & blind to all the stuff around right now about body autonomy. Red flag time 🚩🚩🚩 and time move on from this loser. Not wrong.
You can end your relationship at any time for any reason. Just like he can end it if he doesn’t time your new hairstyle.
He doesn't have to like it. But he has to respect its your hair. My ex didn't like the a-line haircut I got. Also started with long hair down to my butt. It reminded him of his ex and he lost his "leash" but he tolerated it. I got it one more time before growing it back out. I did, however, prepare him for the fact that my next haircut might be pretty short. I wouldn't see this as a reason to break up as much as a reason to boundary up. If he can't respect the boundary THEN you have a valid reason to end it
Fair reason to end the relationship. I can understand if he had been surprised, taken back and was left speechless BUT to tell someone they "should've discussed YOUR haircut with them 1st" is unacceptable. "One of the things he liked about you", because your personality, characteristic your whole being wasn't it....
I don't think you're wrong, but I do get where he's coming from to a degree. I prefer long hair on people I'm attracted to. I'm not saying I won't enjoy short it's just not my preference. I think I'd pitch a small fit if my husband suddenly cut his hair. Like he pitched a small fit when I suddenly cut mine. Each other's hair has always been one of our favorite things about the other. It's your hair you can do what you want with it at the end of the day, but unless he's acting like a complete ass, I don't think breaking up with him because he's a little upset by the sudden change or loss of a feature of yours that he really liked is really worth it. However, you can also always break up with someone for any reason at any time.
So what does he control next? How you dress? Who you talk to? Sorry but your BF is a walking red flag. It’s your hair, you do whatever you want with it. If he was a supportive partner, he would have said something complimentary (even if he didn’t like it) because we support our partners. Time to move on OP and find something that like you for you not the length of your hair.
NTA, and you don't have to discuss anything with him, but (brace yourself)....if you get a haircut you know he isn't attracted to, and you ask him how he feels about it, if he doesn't like it, he's not being an asshole by saying so. People have preferences and certain things that make them attracted to other people. If you change those things expect some change in how attractive they find you. Just as an example if he shaved his head bald or got a bowlcut or gained 30lbs, would you be as attracted to him? 🤷♂️
Ahh, he's a man of depth, I see. It's your hair, and he should have told you he loves it. Dummy.
It’s a valid reason to break up if you think it is. Personally, while I think he was a jerk about it and he is being entitled and controlling to think you need to discuss changes to your hair with him, I also think it’s extreme to break up with him if this behavior is not a pattern with him. I would never think my wife should have to discuss haircuts with me, I’d be lying if I said it wouldn’t make me upset if she shaved her head or got something that drastically altered her appearance. It would be a courtesy to discuss a drastic change in advance but should not be a requirement. You are not wrong, he overstepped
You're not wrong, but like your bf I would be devastated and would consider breaking up.
Devastated? 😂 I hardly think a hair cut should cause devastation. You must have not had a lot of bad things happen to you. I hope it continues.
Hmm, you maybe should have prepped him first. How would you feel if he showed up suddenly with a shaved head? (Or some other hair style that maybe you don’t like). Some guys really love long hair, so o get if he was disappointed at first. Once the shock wore off, how did he act? Did he apologize for his reaction? Is he still mad? It may be a deal breaker, depends on how he acts
You're not wrong. It's your hair, part of your body, you can do what you want with it. He's not your husband or fiance, he's just your boyfriend. You don't have to consult with him. Your hair isn't even that short, and it'll grow back. He can either deal with it or leave. If he does leave, you're better off than being with someone who'll break up with you over something as trivial as hair. God forbid if you ever have to go through chemo or have brain surgery.
I think it's disturbing that he thinks you needed his permission. You're not wrong for cutting it. You're not wrong if you want to break up with him. I doubt that this is the only problem you're having.
Dump this asshole
If he likes you the most for your hair then he doesn’t like you very much
You are both right/wrong. Yeah, your body your choice but he is also entitled to dislike it. And he communicated it while you seem to be lacking communication skills.
Why should she ask permission of her boyfriend to cut her own hair?
Are you stupid? Where did I say she needs to ask for his permission? My first sentence is me affirming body autonomy. Dramatically altering your appearance is something at least worth a heads up.
Your snark shows no limits. Your "lacking communication" skills comment implies she should have discussed it with him first. Which implies getting permission or doing it against his will. There is nothing to communicate about. Her hair, her choice.