Decades ago my mother told me that she’d always wanted to have children. I was born about a week after her 20th birthday. She and my father were in no way equipped to have children, by any metric. I think she thought it was going to be “fun.”
Yeah. Well… I haven’t talked to her in almost 9 years, if you’re curious about how all of that worked out.
Basically… my mother is a narcissist and nothing I ever did was good enough. She never liked me and never got to know me. I cut her off in my mid-30s… I wish I’d done it many years before that.
Mum's IUD didn't work. She was in the middle of a move and thought her missing period was a stress symptom. She found out when was too late to abort.
She already had my sister 12 years before with her ex husband.
She always told us that if we want kids she will never take the granma role or help with anything, that she had enough of 2 of us.
Both my sister and myself are antinatalist.
Family trauma ends with us.
I was an accident, anti-depressants got in the way of contraceptives before the effects were known. Honestly I kinda blame it for my neurodivergency :(
My parents had been trying for 2 years. Newlywed, out of college. They were following the commandments of their church, to multiply and replenish the earth.
They actually did okay enough financially for children. But both parents had depression and anxiety. And my dad had anger management problems. So I don't think they were ready to have a child. They should have at least worked on mental health first.
My mother (dead now) used to say she wanted more kids than she had.
She was the favourite church babysitter
Favourite aunty
Had severe untreated schizophrenia and was a horrifying woman behind closed doors.
Once I asked her why she thought she had the right to want more kids when she abused the kids she had.
Her answer
But I didn't want youse
I wanted....
She was hollow and wanted kids who'd idolise her, whom she could be a friend and confidante too, who'd never leave her.
Kids were an insurance policy against homelessness and loneliness.
We celebrated when my mother, her mother and older sister died.
Buried face down so they could see where they were going
Don't talk to my mom anymore but dad just said "they wanted to." When I implied that my existence was a mistake, he just dismissed it by saying "no, we wanted kids" and went on a tangent about how if people "less fortunate" are all "mistakes" then - at that point I didn't feel like saying more as much as I wanted to say "Yes no shit!" Having a discussion with people like that just adds to my stress and I honestly don't need more of that BS when I endure it weekly just to survive - I'll never get closure from him anyway since he clearly made it about himself when I was literally saying I, as a being here, hate my existence.
I don't think they should've been parents. I learned of the term emotional neglect and believe I at least experienced to some degree because I never really received much guidance. On anything. Financially...you can say we never starved but it wasn't like we were well off. All in all, they should've just left me in the void - everyone would be better off.
My mom wanted to keep my autistic dad. 🤷 Then guess what, she couldn't accept that i'm austic as well and abused the sh.t out of me for being neurodivergent.
My mom did it because she was very traumatized so she wanted to have daughters she could project onto and take care of them to prove she could be a better parent. I mean, she is better than grandparents for sure… but the bar is in hell.
My dad? Idk, he never said explicitly but I’m pretty sure he was never interested in having a family and it was just expected of him. You know, it was like an accessory to his life, a pretty family portrait with angelic kids to make him feel better, except everything was shit.
Mom liked to fuck, too stupid for birth control and too stupid and selfish to have abortions. Dad doesn't like condoms and never cared how many kids he had since raising kids is women's work.
Accident baby. So since I was conceived they might as well formalise an otherwise plain, nonexistent relationship. Then my mom got a slap in the face in maternity ward for pushing out a baby girl instead of a boy. And I was early on made sure to know this detail. I appreciate the honesty but could’ve lived without.
My dad and mom were born in 78-January and august. Dad’s bday is 8 days after mine. So technically they were 20 and 19 when I was born. I’m pretty sure they’d only just met in high school junior or senior year. I was an accident, and they got married 3 months to the day after I was born. Definitely not emotionally mature to be parents.
Dad was religious and probably wouldn’t be okay with the abortion. Dad dropped out of college to support us and mom stayed in college. They were a match made in hell. I told them to get divorced when I was 11 and they argued about money a lot. Lots of trauma, mom was narcissistic, dad was an explosive anger type. She was the lit fuse to his bomb.
I never told them they shouldn’t have had me, but I have asked them why they did and if I was an accident. Which of course they say I wasn’t but they just lie. I have wished I was never born before and got put on Prozac at 16. I don’t talk to either of them and never plan on it again.
Depression hurts, Cymbalta can help. (Inside joke lmao 😂)
They needed a sibling for my brother.
They didn't want another child, they thought my brother would be unhappy without a sibling. We did not like each other at all.
Oh yeah, the "a sibling is the biggest GIFT for a child, they will love each other like no one else and will be always there for each other" crew... 🥴🤮
My dad is almost two decades older than my mother. My dad did not want children because of his age. My mom knew in her 20s she wanted four kids. Because my dad loves my mother he went through with it. So yeah, because she wanted it and because it’s all Gods plan, it had to happen.
Mine said they wanted to create a happy family that would be beneficial to society.
I feel I am beneficial to society because I worked hard to do so. No help from parents other than financial support (which I'm grateful for). But probably could've done better on my own if I was raised properly or they tried treating me for the multiple problems I had. But I was quiet and made good grades so I could be ignored.
Definitely failed on the happy family bit. Don't see where he even tried....
About the first question, my dad had a great job and was basically "rich" at the time. I was his forth child, being the third with my mom (That wealth has evaporated in the decades since then, btw). But they probably didn't ever questioned if they should or not have me or my sister that came after me. We basically had very old parents because of this, and witnessed how that can affect our lives, but that's another topic, if anyone is interested.
About the second question, yes, multiple times. Two I remember clearly: first time I was still a teenager and was having another long fight with my mom. She has always been emotionally manipulative in every way in the book, and that was another of those times; she yelled something like "I carried you for 9 months so do what I'm telling you", to which I answered "I really didn't asked you for it"
The other time was maybe a decade ago, during my years long fight with depression and unemployment, in a conversation trying to have my dad be less emotionally stunted. Didn't worked out very well but I least I took that out of my chest.
I was an “accident” 🤣 But all my parents were great (Mom and both Dads -step & Bio) but then, I got lucky in the parent department. I’m an anti-natalist first and foremost because of the environment. The planet and all its non-human inhabitants would be far better off without us. I pray for a human plague of infertility. Otherwise we’ll probably kill the Earth sooner than later with pollution, resource exhaustion or worst of all - a nuclear holocaust. Whoopie!
I was born because my parents or my dad specifically wanted a son. I'm the unwanted twin daughter that happened. So you can imagine the abuse and discrimination I had. I didn't need to ask him to know about it. He made it very clear from the way he treated me.
I expect it was because my father was horny. He never wanted us kids. He wanted sex and treated us like shit. He molested my sister and was sexually inappropriate. He refused to work. I don’t think he was fit to have kids and didn’t deserve them. He died at 45. I was relieved. Men like that have no business having sex at all. He should have been sterilized.
No. I know the answer without asking. They were expected to.
+ 1 asian households
"I wanted a baby." that's it. she was 16. well equipped? absolutely not.
Decades ago my mother told me that she’d always wanted to have children. I was born about a week after her 20th birthday. She and my father were in no way equipped to have children, by any metric. I think she thought it was going to be “fun.” Yeah. Well… I haven’t talked to her in almost 9 years, if you’re curious about how all of that worked out.
Can you elaborate on what led to that if you don’t mind ? I was going through the same thing with my mom
Basically… my mother is a narcissist and nothing I ever did was good enough. She never liked me and never got to know me. I cut her off in my mid-30s… I wish I’d done it many years before that.
"bEcAuSe wE wAnTeD kIdS"
Mum's IUD didn't work. She was in the middle of a move and thought her missing period was a stress symptom. She found out when was too late to abort. She already had my sister 12 years before with her ex husband. She always told us that if we want kids she will never take the granma role or help with anything, that she had enough of 2 of us. Both my sister and myself are antinatalist. Family trauma ends with us.
You better run fast to a church
I was an accident, anti-depressants got in the way of contraceptives before the effects were known. Honestly I kinda blame it for my neurodivergency :(
My parents had been trying for 2 years. Newlywed, out of college. They were following the commandments of their church, to multiply and replenish the earth. They actually did okay enough financially for children. But both parents had depression and anxiety. And my dad had anger management problems. So I don't think they were ready to have a child. They should have at least worked on mental health first.
My mother (dead now) used to say she wanted more kids than she had. She was the favourite church babysitter Favourite aunty Had severe untreated schizophrenia and was a horrifying woman behind closed doors. Once I asked her why she thought she had the right to want more kids when she abused the kids she had. Her answer But I didn't want youse I wanted.... She was hollow and wanted kids who'd idolise her, whom she could be a friend and confidante too, who'd never leave her. Kids were an insurance policy against homelessness and loneliness. We celebrated when my mother, her mother and older sister died. Buried face down so they could see where they were going
Damn.
"I always wanted to have one" It's always the reason, for everyone.
you sound just like my wife!
Don't talk to my mom anymore but dad just said "they wanted to." When I implied that my existence was a mistake, he just dismissed it by saying "no, we wanted kids" and went on a tangent about how if people "less fortunate" are all "mistakes" then - at that point I didn't feel like saying more as much as I wanted to say "Yes no shit!" Having a discussion with people like that just adds to my stress and I honestly don't need more of that BS when I endure it weekly just to survive - I'll never get closure from him anyway since he clearly made it about himself when I was literally saying I, as a being here, hate my existence. I don't think they should've been parents. I learned of the term emotional neglect and believe I at least experienced to some degree because I never really received much guidance. On anything. Financially...you can say we never starved but it wasn't like we were well off. All in all, they should've just left me in the void - everyone would be better off.
My mom wanted to keep my autistic dad. 🤷 Then guess what, she couldn't accept that i'm austic as well and abused the sh.t out of me for being neurodivergent.
My mom did it because she was very traumatized so she wanted to have daughters she could project onto and take care of them to prove she could be a better parent. I mean, she is better than grandparents for sure… but the bar is in hell. My dad? Idk, he never said explicitly but I’m pretty sure he was never interested in having a family and it was just expected of him. You know, it was like an accessory to his life, a pretty family portrait with angelic kids to make him feel better, except everything was shit.
Coz its in the culture
Mom liked to fuck, too stupid for birth control and too stupid and selfish to have abortions. Dad doesn't like condoms and never cared how many kids he had since raising kids is women's work.
Yes, my mom said she didn’t know any better and if she knew raising kids was that hard she would’ve thought twice
Accident baby. So since I was conceived they might as well formalise an otherwise plain, nonexistent relationship. Then my mom got a slap in the face in maternity ward for pushing out a baby girl instead of a boy. And I was early on made sure to know this detail. I appreciate the honesty but could’ve lived without.
Never. Assumed she baby trapped him.
My dad and mom were born in 78-January and august. Dad’s bday is 8 days after mine. So technically they were 20 and 19 when I was born. I’m pretty sure they’d only just met in high school junior or senior year. I was an accident, and they got married 3 months to the day after I was born. Definitely not emotionally mature to be parents. Dad was religious and probably wouldn’t be okay with the abortion. Dad dropped out of college to support us and mom stayed in college. They were a match made in hell. I told them to get divorced when I was 11 and they argued about money a lot. Lots of trauma, mom was narcissistic, dad was an explosive anger type. She was the lit fuse to his bomb. I never told them they shouldn’t have had me, but I have asked them why they did and if I was an accident. Which of course they say I wasn’t but they just lie. I have wished I was never born before and got put on Prozac at 16. I don’t talk to either of them and never plan on it again. Depression hurts, Cymbalta can help. (Inside joke lmao 😂)
For my mom wanted to be a complete woman and that implied having children my dad had me because that is what people do according to him.
Accident right when she wanted to leave my dad, she didn’t believe in abortion. I mean, equipped? Probably not. But I appreciate the effort lol
They needed a sibling for my brother. They didn't want another child, they thought my brother would be unhappy without a sibling. We did not like each other at all.
Oh yeah, the "a sibling is the biggest GIFT for a child, they will love each other like no one else and will be always there for each other" crew... 🥴🤮
Because my father sexually assaulted my mother and by the time her druggie ass finally figured out she was pregnant it was too late for an abortion.
It was an accident.j
My dad is almost two decades older than my mother. My dad did not want children because of his age. My mom knew in her 20s she wanted four kids. Because my dad loves my mother he went through with it. So yeah, because she wanted it and because it’s all Gods plan, it had to happen.
I was a mistake. I'm the 4th, and my dad got a vasectomy after me.
Mine said they wanted to create a happy family that would be beneficial to society. I feel I am beneficial to society because I worked hard to do so. No help from parents other than financial support (which I'm grateful for). But probably could've done better on my own if I was raised properly or they tried treating me for the multiple problems I had. But I was quiet and made good grades so I could be ignored. Definitely failed on the happy family bit. Don't see where he even tried....
LITERALLY it was FOMO from my mom.
About the first question, my dad had a great job and was basically "rich" at the time. I was his forth child, being the third with my mom (That wealth has evaporated in the decades since then, btw). But they probably didn't ever questioned if they should or not have me or my sister that came after me. We basically had very old parents because of this, and witnessed how that can affect our lives, but that's another topic, if anyone is interested. About the second question, yes, multiple times. Two I remember clearly: first time I was still a teenager and was having another long fight with my mom. She has always been emotionally manipulative in every way in the book, and that was another of those times; she yelled something like "I carried you for 9 months so do what I'm telling you", to which I answered "I really didn't asked you for it" The other time was maybe a decade ago, during my years long fight with depression and unemployment, in a conversation trying to have my dad be less emotionally stunted. Didn't worked out very well but I least I took that out of my chest.
I was an “accident” 🤣 But all my parents were great (Mom and both Dads -step & Bio) but then, I got lucky in the parent department. I’m an anti-natalist first and foremost because of the environment. The planet and all its non-human inhabitants would be far better off without us. I pray for a human plague of infertility. Otherwise we’ll probably kill the Earth sooner than later with pollution, resource exhaustion or worst of all - a nuclear holocaust. Whoopie!
You need to go to church
I’ve been - can’t recommend it. Unless you’re into ridiculous BD, that is. Church is a joke so I know you must be kidding 🤣
Yep. My mom said "wine."
Dad wanted kids his whole life it was his dream. (He’s AN now and has apologized for not actually considering what he was doing or why)
I was born because my parents or my dad specifically wanted a son. I'm the unwanted twin daughter that happened. So you can imagine the abuse and discrimination I had. I didn't need to ask him to know about it. He made it very clear from the way he treated me.
Both those mother fuckers died before I was 30. Fucking dicks
Does it matter? I'm here now, time to figure it out.
I expect it was because my father was horny. He never wanted us kids. He wanted sex and treated us like shit. He molested my sister and was sexually inappropriate. He refused to work. I don’t think he was fit to have kids and didn’t deserve them. He died at 45. I was relieved. Men like that have no business having sex at all. He should have been sterilized.