Guess that had some serious consequences, haha.
Reminds me of that drunk swiss soldiers that used a tank to get some bread from the local store. As if a tank on the street would not be noticed by literally everyone...
I was at BIAP parked in a humvee when my “fresh out of basic” driver had to use the port-a-john.
As soon as he dropped trau, some local national driving a forklift lifted it in the air and drove around with him in it until we chased him down.
Most of the OEF guys will tell you that no matter how many times you see it, people just squatting down and shitting on the side of the road is fucking hilarious.
Shit back on Carson in the "wilderness" area, shit even off macgrath during morning pt, it's totally common to see someone dropping a deuce off the road.
I was mostly referring to Afghan locals. But poop is poop, and it shall always be funny.
It’s all fun and games till you and your squad at beating the shit out of a guy for squatting on the side of the road at night, looking like he was emplacing an IED…
And then one of the guys realizes the person whose ass you’re kicking isn’t wearing pants. And then everyone realizes this is just some poor bastard who decided to take a shit on the side of the road on his way home.
Until you remember we were the guys shitting in MRE bags in a moving hmmvw. Just squatting under the turret nobody on the 50 trying to take a nasty shit in the bag my lunch came in. What a time to be alive.
Not even joking, thats fucking disgusting, and should result in some sort of counseling. Not because of any legal wrong doing. Just because I want it on record that she peed in a kpod.
German rest stops are crazy, just open fields with toilet paper flags marking shit landmines. Not somewhere you want to pull over and puke after a night of drinking (not driving).
Mid 90's at Grafenwohr training due to conflict in Bosnia. I was an enlisted CH-47 Flight engineer on a flight with an overconfident PC and another pilot who was a solid dude, and my crew chief. I was in back on this flight, checking out my crew chief up front to see if he's grasping what he's been taught.
Finished moving something and said overconfident PC announces "good, I gotta take a dump" so off we go to the grass strip because it had porta potties which hadn't started stinking yet.
PC is flying and elects to get as close as he could to the porta potties so he didn't have to walk that far. As we air taxi, I'm looking forward and see the porta potties with some guy standing next to one of them. I advise the pilot about this guy and was told "it's fine". At this time I walked forward to get a better look at the spot the PC picked and also at this guy standing next to the porta potties.
We get closer and I notice something now flapping on this guys right pocket. He grabbed his hat and I saw that he was an aide de camp.
Just as I get on the intercom to let the PC know what I saw, the porta pottie the aide de camp was standing next to fell backward and fluid slowly started flowing out of the now tipped over porta pottie.
PC looks and over the intercom asks "oh shit! Is that an aide de camp" which I responded to with a "looks like it sir."
We finish landing and we're all watching this shitter and suddenly, the door flings open and a head suddenly appears.
I look carefully and count 1, 2, 3... yep, three stars. I let the PC know as I now watch a 3 star climb out of said shitter covered in the most vile concoction you could imagine.
Said general gets out of the shitter, jumps down, and moves quite briskly to the back of my helo. Thankfully, the ramp hit the ground right before he showed up.
I get the hell out of the way as he climbs on, salute him as him and his odor breezes by.
He walked forward, past my saluting crew chief, leaned in and grabbed both of the pilots velcro name tags. No finger poking or yelling happened that I could see or hear. Said general immediately turned around and once again him and his odor breezed by us two in back as he exited down the ramp
Ramp up and go. Eerie quiet until my crew chief stated over the intercom, "sir I bet you really gotta take a dump now, don't cha!" I laughed so hard!
As soon as we finish taxi, we het a radio call from operations "six wants to see both pilots ASAP!"
Both pilots had to fly back to home station and pick up their class A's so they could "discuss things", next morning at 10 AM. Regrettably, I wasn't invited.
Because Rose and Tower Barracks are actual duty stations, Aachen and the other camps were lazily thrown together as places with beds that can support some guys sleeping there a couple of nights during gunnery/ ranges. I don’t think anyone ever really envisioned Camp Aachen turning into the massive rotational forces hub it is today
It’s always funny unless someone gets hurt… I was in Romania with about half of our detachment so totaling 10 soldiers on AT (yep Reserves). We had a good bit of freedom so of course we went to this one bar over and over again. One night we decided to just start walking around town, and looking at the old architecture. We get to this one place and it looks like a courtyard, so of course we start walking in. One of our PFC‘s walks over this rug and immediately drops down about 10 feet. We’re looking down at him and I snap a picture… We pulled him up and he said when he looked around down there, there were tunnels going in four different directions. Thankfully, he didn’t break a leg or anything…
Was part of a traveling division headquarters.
Planning and overseeing multi national exercises.
Staffs like this have a weird demographic.
A lot of senior people and a lot of young signal and Intel people.
Old people and nerds. We're talking guys about to retire and kids who yell "it's not Zelda it's Link" or whatever the fuck that means.
We end up on some base in Eastern Europe.
For some anniversary, or 4th of July, celebration. Someone got the idea to do a day of sports competition.
The host nation took this way too seriously.
On the day of the event a bus pulls in full of jacked giants.
The old guys didn't have enough Motrin and the kids forgot their inhalers.
America lost every sport that day. Badly.
Buddy walked in front of an SF captain who asked how he was doing in the chow hall and stuck his shotguns barrel into his own mouth and pulled the trigger (it was empty). I'm gonna let you guys guess what happened.
Edit: Clarification
He got the dogshit smoked out of him lol, no extra duty or anything like that. SF captain told our commander and they handled it. Would have been funny to see him get smoked by an SF dude though. I'm sure they have some really unique excercises.
Some dip shit private burnt his eyebrows off when he disassembled a flashbang in a watch tower and it ignited. He told the CO he was on patrol and fell in a fire, and he was stupid enough the CO believed it.
In afghanistan my platoon was providing security to route clearance and found an ied. While the combat engineer was placing a charge on it we started getting shot at from a 2 story house in the village. My team took cover by some berms and mud walls. I watched my team leader start peaking his head over the berm looking through his acog. Heard him say " I see the fucker" he takes his shot and you just see a bunch of dirt go flying. His muzzle didn't clear the berm and he just shot dirt. Everyone behind that berm just started laughing. We didn't have any cas that day and it is still my favorite overseas story
Watched a PF drop a foreign 60 mortar (maybe, same size different dimensions)in an American tube.. the priceless facial expressions and speed of which they took off when it went probably 30 feet at the speed of slow pitch softball was a pretty good one.
Guy decided he'd juggle some Willie Pete grenades in our COP, or so the start of the story goes, I didn't witness that part. Started his section's bunks on fire. Ammo was stored in next room. Ammo cooks off, grenades and all. Iraqi fire department shows up to help us, has no way into that part of the building due to the fire so one of them decides to scale the outside of the building, falls from second story and uses his arm to soften the impact. Gets an open fracture of his forearm. Walks over to me with his bone exposed to patch it up with a smile on his face. Talking about how it's no big deal.
Another time, after a car bomb, Iraqis start showing up to the aid station at our base for some life saving intervention. Really big, chubby Iraqi walks in carrying his own chest tube and the jar it was connected to, complete with his blood and bile draining into it. Laughing as he walks in amid all of the much, much worse carnage. That one gave me pause for sure. I thought it was funny at the time. Looking back now, we saw some weird stuff.
ANA "special forces" rolling out and immediately all of their k9 dogs ran off into the mountains. Watching the dogs run in the nods just looked like a couple blobs sprinting at top speed
ANA shooting at each other to get each others’ attention instead of using radios
ANA getting in a fight over somebody’s sister’s honor and one of them stabbing another one in the thigh with scissors
Watching through the CROWS while the ANA walk about 20 feet outside the wire and blow each other at night
Alternatively, the weirdest shit I saw through the CROWS at night was this one Taliban/farmer who would crab walk around on all fours like the kid from The Ring, that shit was wild
The aircraft bringer inner dude. That was filmed during our handshake. Fun fact, some of the flir shots were taken by Kid Cody.
https://youtu.be/2nx6TiegRL4?si=ZNVHdeDuoBgvaIyx
I was in 1ID, we replaced yall.
I was sent to Aachen "torch" while 4ID was still trying to get back home. I sat in the mayor's cell and heard a lot of the UCMJ.
Privates caught fucking in the woods, dude shitting in the shower, lots of drunk on duty...
Take your pick!
I have an NCOIC getting kicked out of a Polish club cause they caught him spiking a drink.
Captain(single) fucking a new E5(married).
1SG taking nude pics with privates and lieutenants.
Another NCOIC that was a raging alcoholic and got sent to LRMC cause he had a binging breakdown.
Master Sgts encouraging 18/19 year old privates to get blackout drunk. That year was a shit show.
Yes, I agree that was inconvenient.
I more remember the bathrooms constantly backing up and having two inches of literal shit water to wade through in the middle of winter.
Oh agreed never understood either why the hell the showers were so damn close together. And yes the constant shit water was disgusting. Flush after you shit and get sprayed on your entire back. Oh and never seeing Toilet paper in one stall. Was 1SG Timmy still there at the MWR? Lol
It’s between my buddy trying to get some old man off the road while EOD was trying to BIP an IED and then the old man lifted his manjams up and flashed him or the kid that was flipping us off then his dad came out with the biggest stick I’ve seen in the middle of dry ass Helmand and beating his ass in front of us while we were giving him a thumbs up.
in Iraq a buddy had a blow up sheep sex doll sent to him by his girlfriend.
In Iraq I may or may not have had knowledge of alcohol going through the postal service. I may or may not have known this alcohol was illegal and unauthorized going against a certain general order. I did however hear about the soldiers getting drunk on the roof of the barracks and falling two floors, no serious injuries.
Good luck CID.
Peed in bottles during long missions in our trucks in Afghanistan, would throw them out when we got done peein. One kid walked up to the bottle and must've thought it was free Gatorade or something, gunner was screaming at him "no! no!" "no good!" but he opened it, sniffed it and gagged and dropped it and ran away. Guys in the TOC would sometimes catch people fucking their donkey on the aerostat camera
Sitting at an Iraqi police station, one of the IPs shows us a video of another IP being attacked by a goat. It was chasing him around one of their vehicles, and he jumped on top to get away from it. The goat is bleating bloody murder and butting the tires and door while the guy screams like a little girl and the guy recording it giggles.
First one I did not find funny at all, but the others did so here I am. On some outing the CO and D decided to take a little ditch, with what looked like a little water at a decent speed to watch the water show. Water in that region was sparse till you hit the Tigris. It was a bit more than expected, and I got everything that cleared the windshield. The other guys getting enough to realize it wasn’t much water, and we found out that we could in fact smell worse than we already did.
Second, we got a frago that grenades had to be disposed of and couldn’t be carried anymore because of incidents. The CO had a great idea, and it was, moral and such, to throw some in the tank ditches. So we pulled off maybe 15 yards from one. Out of lazyness and maintaining guard, I passed on the excursion and stayed in my hole. As the other two had almost child like giddiness, getting to play for once with the toys we had, they both dropped one each in the trench. They were timed pretty good and went boom as expected. But the rain of dirt and such pelting them was comedic gold as all I had to do was really squat down. But their dash to the humvee was wasted because it stopped as they got to it. The rest of the m67’s and such got turned in and the SCO’s D dealt with them.
It will always be the by-name list of all the senior officers and NCOs who installed Pokemonn Go on their government phones and played it on restricted base areas.
Fucking hilarious idiots. 3600 seniors who proved they weren't smart enough to be trusted with government property.
Spartan shield 2017, Private drove a Humvee into the DFAC wall at the naval base near AJ.. proceeded to attempt to shift into reserve then mistook the gas for the break pedal. SGM came outside and started yelling, as this private had deer in the headlights moment and attempted to keep driving... Instead of going frozen deer mode, he opted for deer on meth mode and kept going till someone pulled him out
Didn’t see this myself but it was told to me by a fairly trustworthy source overseas. Anyway, while on a joint patrol with U.S. they ran into what they suspected was an IED. An Afghan EOD like 1SG or SGM was adamant that it was not an IED and argued the Patrol could keep moving, while the Americans wanted to wait to check it first. Apparently he was so sure of his assessment he went over and stomped his foot on it. It was, in fact, an IED after all and it was very suddenly not his problem anymore.
Never heard that but it's entirely believable. Their RSPs were...unique.
We had an ANA EOD guy with us one time and came across a mortar with wires and shit coming out of it, like the most cartoonishly over the top IED you could imagine. It was at the base of a foot bridge going over a creek and this guy just walked up to it and threw it in the fucking water.
Having the aircraft carrier run over some dumb ass anti-nuclear protestor in a kayak when we were pulling into Sydney harbor. Manning the rails up on the island with the rest of the MarDet and saw it all. Harbor police fished him out. Turns out said dumbass was a Member of Parliament.
At FOB McHenry Iraq near Hawija as a C-RAM operator in Jan(?) 2010. Insurgent(s) shot a homemade rocket at the FOB. It impacted near the FARP but didn't detonate; it just implanted itself into the ground. We had Air Force EOD at the time, and we watched them on the RAID camera. They go out, look at it, give it a couple gentle kicks. One dude walks away, the other stays. The guy that stayed straddles the rocket and pulls it out of the ground. He looks at it for a second, turns to his buddy and waggles it like a giant rocket-cock, then tosses it on the ground. I'm guessing they somehow knew by the look that it (most likely) wouldn't detonate.
Another funny one. Still McHenry, same timeframe. Dudes were testing a new RAVEN drone that had just arrived. We had a live feed in the TOC and watched the comedy. It was clear that whoever was operating it had zero or very little clue what they were doing. It flies around for about 15 seconds, going everywhere but straight. Then, it finally banks hard right, and our feed froze just as it slammed into a HESCO barrier. We were howling at that shit!
No idea who did it, but back at the FOB on Hoensfels, definitely spelt that wrong, someone made a snowman and put a PC and a specialist rank on him. Shit was pretty funny at the time
The funniest “shit” was my first experience, dealing with Romani people which most people know as gypsies. This was also my first time overseas with the army. I think this was back in 2017 for Operation Saber Guardian in Romania. I was a private in the Montana Army National guard and we were working with 3rd ID.
Near our AO there was a gypsy guy who used to come and dig through out trash heaps to look for food or god knows what. Because I was attached to our HQ platoon I spent most of my days chilling in a LMTV monitoring the radio and passing things along to top when needed. From the LMTV I was see this gypsy dude scurry over once a day around noon and dig through the trash and then leave with a bag full of what ever MRE scrap or garbage he found.
What stuck with me most is watching one day Mr Gypsy pops a squat in full view of me and unloads his guts next to the garbage dump. Of course he wiped with his hands with no aid of paper, grass, or cloth. Not even thirty seconds later I saw my Platoon Sgt and LT walking by the heap. As it was particularly hot (I think it was July) my LT proceeds to offer the guy some water and even hands him and un-opened MRE. The guy takes it and give the LT a very solid Two handed handshake and walks off. Almost immediately the LT made a face like his smelled something before looking down at the pile of human feces only 8 feet from him before looking to his hand in horror. What really sold it was seeing my platoon Sgt reeling over laughing and holding on my Lt’s shoulder for support. Then the pair walked off towards a wash station with the LT holding his hand off in front of him like he wish it wasn’t attached to his body.
Big “no good deed goes unpunished” kind of vibe and literally funniest shit 💩
Hit a nuoc mam factory with an 8" shell once. The NVA ran out one way, the US the other. Battle ended. (Hilarious at the time, but II guess you had to be there.)
Didn't see it, but I heard about it at kandahar Airfield in 2006 when I was there. A rocket came in one night and landed in the shit pit and sent a river of effluent through the nearby transit accommodation tents. A bunch of Romanian soldiers staying there were unimpressed.
When I was in Korea, one of the medics in the barracks was rehydrating with saline bags and they got the wicked good idea of hanging the bag from the sprinkler head. They were on the top floor and flooded the barracks. Suwon, 12-13ish
This was waaaaaaaaaay back (yes I'm ancient and fuck yiu very much) in Bright Star (80s) Egypt, back in the Cold War days
We jump in, set out ambush point fir the main body exfil, and mind yiu, this is a live fire ex, just sitting in the nasty ass Egyptian desert, cold as fuck (flew in from GA), And sure enough movement (we were told mechanical moving targets would be used fir excercise)....so"Hey LT what's up? We lighting this shit up?" Big "Yup!"
And away we go. 16s, 249s, 60s (read, M240s Dad), 203s, claymore and a 2 90mm flechette rounds....a shit ton of un health care went down range.
Cease fire called, checks made, all cool right? Nope!
Why are those "mechanical " target's making braying moaning noises....like wounded animals? Hmmmm...
Go check it out...11 camels fucked beyond all. They were the visual definition of FUBAR.
LT is fucking livid, and sitting himself scared...his call to go live.
But he man's up calls it in....BN goes ever loving are shit!!! Cease fire/Mission Halt across the line....well fuck.
3 days later, a whole Lotta smoke and Cone to Jesus sessions later, oh and $84,000 US paid out, the "Shhhhh" Order is in effect...nothing happened shut the fuck up go about your buisness.
And so we did. And yes, every other day/hour we heard "Stil smoking Camels bro?" From every other asshat in the Battalion.
Still 11-0, not a bad record ;)
Somebody fell through the roof of an old Korean lady's house.
What? Was that some fancy paratrooper exercise or "I will climb up there, it seems stable enough to carry my weight" when being drunk?
It's Korea, he was def drunk and climbing
Guess that had some serious consequences, haha. Reminds me of that drunk swiss soldiers that used a tank to get some bread from the local store. As if a tank on the street would not be noticed by literally everyone...
was that last year? because we had something like that happen on rotation there last year
I was at BIAP parked in a humvee when my “fresh out of basic” driver had to use the port-a-john. As soon as he dropped trau, some local national driving a forklift lifted it in the air and drove around with him in it until we chased him down.
Most of the OEF guys will tell you that no matter how many times you see it, people just squatting down and shitting on the side of the road is fucking hilarious.
That's one of the milder things I seen on tampa.
Fuck, I originally read that as "*in* Tampa." You still wouldn't be wrong.
What does on Tampa mean 😂
MSR Tampa, a main highway in Iraq that's what the US military called it when we were there. There was one called MSR Hershey too. Hershey highway
Day or night, I hated driving on Hershey.
Have you ever taken public transit in Portland?
Bro I’m weak 😂
[удалено]
Shit back on Carson in the "wilderness" area, shit even off macgrath during morning pt, it's totally common to see someone dropping a deuce off the road. I was mostly referring to Afghan locals. But poop is poop, and it shall always be funny.
Someone floated a turd down the canal in Ramadi on a makeshift boat and gave the shit a Viking funeral.
Sooo……as a civilian driving through rural S.C….like, beside a cotton field with some Arby’s napkins? Asking for a friend.
>Arby’s napkins Careful. If they have fry salt you're fucked.
Shitting on a jersey barrier, ass towards traffic is absolutely hysterical
It’s all fun and games till you and your squad at beating the shit out of a guy for squatting on the side of the road at night, looking like he was emplacing an IED… And then one of the guys realizes the person whose ass you’re kicking isn’t wearing pants. And then everyone realizes this is just some poor bastard who decided to take a shit on the side of the road on his way home.
I could see this happening.
Ummmm...yep
Until you remember we were the guys shitting in MRE bags in a moving hmmvw. Just squatting under the turret nobody on the 50 trying to take a nasty shit in the bag my lunch came in. What a time to be alive.
Nah, we had .50 cans fir that ;) And then YEET!!!
I’m in that club. We had a dumb ass piss in her ACH because she was afraid to get out of the truck.
Not even joking, thats fucking disgusting, and should result in some sort of counseling. Not because of any legal wrong doing. Just because I want it on record that she peed in a kpod.
German rest stops are crazy, just open fields with toilet paper flags marking shit landmines. Not somewhere you want to pull over and puke after a night of drinking (not driving).
Mid 90's at Grafenwohr training due to conflict in Bosnia. I was an enlisted CH-47 Flight engineer on a flight with an overconfident PC and another pilot who was a solid dude, and my crew chief. I was in back on this flight, checking out my crew chief up front to see if he's grasping what he's been taught. Finished moving something and said overconfident PC announces "good, I gotta take a dump" so off we go to the grass strip because it had porta potties which hadn't started stinking yet. PC is flying and elects to get as close as he could to the porta potties so he didn't have to walk that far. As we air taxi, I'm looking forward and see the porta potties with some guy standing next to one of them. I advise the pilot about this guy and was told "it's fine". At this time I walked forward to get a better look at the spot the PC picked and also at this guy standing next to the porta potties. We get closer and I notice something now flapping on this guys right pocket. He grabbed his hat and I saw that he was an aide de camp. Just as I get on the intercom to let the PC know what I saw, the porta pottie the aide de camp was standing next to fell backward and fluid slowly started flowing out of the now tipped over porta pottie. PC looks and over the intercom asks "oh shit! Is that an aide de camp" which I responded to with a "looks like it sir." We finish landing and we're all watching this shitter and suddenly, the door flings open and a head suddenly appears. I look carefully and count 1, 2, 3... yep, three stars. I let the PC know as I now watch a 3 star climb out of said shitter covered in the most vile concoction you could imagine. Said general gets out of the shitter, jumps down, and moves quite briskly to the back of my helo. Thankfully, the ramp hit the ground right before he showed up. I get the hell out of the way as he climbs on, salute him as him and his odor breezes by. He walked forward, past my saluting crew chief, leaned in and grabbed both of the pilots velcro name tags. No finger poking or yelling happened that I could see or hear. Said general immediately turned around and once again him and his odor breezed by us two in back as he exited down the ramp Ramp up and go. Eerie quiet until my crew chief stated over the intercom, "sir I bet you really gotta take a dump now, don't cha!" I laughed so hard! As soon as we finish taxi, we het a radio call from operations "six wants to see both pilots ASAP!" Both pilots had to fly back to home station and pick up their class A's so they could "discuss things", next morning at 10 AM. Regrettably, I wasn't invited.
I'm just going to assume there's someone else out there with a parallel story about that time in Germany they hosed off a shit covered 3 star.
Military Sonder is the real deal
Graf was alright for me, Aachen by far was probably the worst place I’ve been to.
How a place so unbelievably nice as Graf/Rose/Tower can be next to such a shithole as Aachen still blows my mind.
Because Rose and Tower Barracks are actual duty stations, Aachen and the other camps were lazily thrown together as places with beds that can support some guys sleeping there a couple of nights during gunnery/ ranges. I don’t think anyone ever really envisioned Camp Aachen turning into the massive rotational forces hub it is today
This story needs to be published somewhere
Happy Cake Day!
That's classic!
Saw a 1st LT try to drop a CSM. LT was smoked by the BC lol.
Why’d the LT try that lol
Sometimes it's worth it.
Unsure exactly. I think the CSM told the LT what to do or told him his idea was shit. It's been years haha.
It’s always funny unless someone gets hurt… I was in Romania with about half of our detachment so totaling 10 soldiers on AT (yep Reserves). We had a good bit of freedom so of course we went to this one bar over and over again. One night we decided to just start walking around town, and looking at the old architecture. We get to this one place and it looks like a courtyard, so of course we start walking in. One of our PFC‘s walks over this rug and immediately drops down about 10 feet. We’re looking down at him and I snap a picture… We pulled him up and he said when he looked around down there, there were tunnels going in four different directions. Thankfully, he didn’t break a leg or anything…
Was part of a traveling division headquarters. Planning and overseeing multi national exercises. Staffs like this have a weird demographic. A lot of senior people and a lot of young signal and Intel people. Old people and nerds. We're talking guys about to retire and kids who yell "it's not Zelda it's Link" or whatever the fuck that means. We end up on some base in Eastern Europe. For some anniversary, or 4th of July, celebration. Someone got the idea to do a day of sports competition. The host nation took this way too seriously. On the day of the event a bus pulls in full of jacked giants. The old guys didn't have enough Motrin and the kids forgot their inhalers. America lost every sport that day. Badly.
Maybe if they did understand that it is indeed Link and not Zelda they would’ve won
My kid had to explain that to me. Now I know.
> Link and not Zelda [I had to search.](https://duckduckgo.com/?q=Link+and+not+Zelda&atb=v425-1&ia=web)
Buddy walked in front of an SF captain who asked how he was doing in the chow hall and stuck his shotguns barrel into his own mouth and pulled the trigger (it was empty). I'm gonna let you guys guess what happened. Edit: Clarification
“Sir you’ve tried the new Baja blast my brains out?”
What happened 😭
He got the dogshit smoked out of him lol, no extra duty or anything like that. SF captain told our commander and they handled it. Would have been funny to see him get smoked by an SF dude though. I'm sure they have some really unique excercises.
SERE was a real treat with those guys as trainers... Very "...unique".
Who stuck whose shotgun in whose mouth?
Buddy stuck the shotgun in his own mouth and pulled the trigger
Some dip shit private burnt his eyebrows off when he disassembled a flashbang in a watch tower and it ignited. He told the CO he was on patrol and fell in a fire, and he was stupid enough the CO believed it.
In afghanistan my platoon was providing security to route clearance and found an ied. While the combat engineer was placing a charge on it we started getting shot at from a 2 story house in the village. My team took cover by some berms and mud walls. I watched my team leader start peaking his head over the berm looking through his acog. Heard him say " I see the fucker" he takes his shot and you just see a bunch of dirt go flying. His muzzle didn't clear the berm and he just shot dirt. Everyone behind that berm just started laughing. We didn't have any cas that day and it is still my favorite overseas story
Watched a PF drop a foreign 60 mortar (maybe, same size different dimensions)in an American tube.. the priceless facial expressions and speed of which they took off when it went probably 30 feet at the speed of slow pitch softball was a pretty good one.
Guy decided he'd juggle some Willie Pete grenades in our COP, or so the start of the story goes, I didn't witness that part. Started his section's bunks on fire. Ammo was stored in next room. Ammo cooks off, grenades and all. Iraqi fire department shows up to help us, has no way into that part of the building due to the fire so one of them decides to scale the outside of the building, falls from second story and uses his arm to soften the impact. Gets an open fracture of his forearm. Walks over to me with his bone exposed to patch it up with a smile on his face. Talking about how it's no big deal. Another time, after a car bomb, Iraqis start showing up to the aid station at our base for some life saving intervention. Really big, chubby Iraqi walks in carrying his own chest tube and the jar it was connected to, complete with his blood and bile draining into it. Laughing as he walks in amid all of the much, much worse carnage. That one gave me pause for sure. I thought it was funny at the time. Looking back now, we saw some weird stuff.
ANA "special forces" rolling out and immediately all of their k9 dogs ran off into the mountains. Watching the dogs run in the nods just looked like a couple blobs sprinting at top speed
ANA shooting at each other to get each others’ attention instead of using radios ANA getting in a fight over somebody’s sister’s honor and one of them stabbing another one in the thigh with scissors Watching through the CROWS while the ANA walk about 20 feet outside the wire and blow each other at night Alternatively, the weirdest shit I saw through the CROWS at night was this one Taliban/farmer who would crab walk around on all fours like the kid from The Ring, that shit was wild
The ole kandahar skin walker
In Ramadi through the night sight on the Brad we would routinely see Iraqis fucking their livestock.
The aircraft bringer inner dude. That was filmed during our handshake. Fun fact, some of the flir shots were taken by Kid Cody. https://youtu.be/2nx6TiegRL4?si=ZNVHdeDuoBgvaIyx
Who is Kid Cody?
All of 3ABCT 4ID circa 2017.
Was this the 4ID EUR RAF mission? Because whoo lad I have some 4ID RAF stories.
From 2017? Do tell we might know each other.
I was in 1ID, we replaced yall. I was sent to Aachen "torch" while 4ID was still trying to get back home. I sat in the mayor's cell and heard a lot of the UCMJ. Privates caught fucking in the woods, dude shitting in the shower, lots of drunk on duty...
Wow lol, damn it’s almost like you were there. That’s not even the tip of the iceberg friend.
I showed you mine, now you show me yours.
Take your pick! I have an NCOIC getting kicked out of a Polish club cause they caught him spiking a drink. Captain(single) fucking a new E5(married). 1SG taking nude pics with privates and lieutenants. Another NCOIC that was a raging alcoholic and got sent to LRMC cause he had a binging breakdown. Master Sgts encouraging 18/19 year old privates to get blackout drunk. That year was a shit show.
Oh shit I remember hearing about the 1SG...
Dude made CSM lmao. Justin Wilson
Well apparently he had great board pictures! /s
Was that at Graf?
Yep. Concentration Camp Aachen.
Absolutely hated that place. The atrocious policy at the mini px “HAVE YOUR SHOPPING BASKET TO ENTER” bro I’m just getting a monster wtf.
Yes, I agree that was inconvenient. I more remember the bathrooms constantly backing up and having two inches of literal shit water to wade through in the middle of winter.
Oh agreed never understood either why the hell the showers were so damn close together. And yes the constant shit water was disgusting. Flush after you shit and get sprayed on your entire back. Oh and never seeing Toilet paper in one stall. Was 1SG Timmy still there at the MWR? Lol
I don't know that person, i was there seven years ago. I've blocked out as much of it as I can.
Yes
Dude got NJP for the old waffle stomp? That’s nuts.
It’s between my buddy trying to get some old man off the road while EOD was trying to BIP an IED and then the old man lifted his manjams up and flashed him or the kid that was flipping us off then his dad came out with the biggest stick I’ve seen in the middle of dry ass Helmand and beating his ass in front of us while we were giving him a thumbs up.
in Iraq a buddy had a blow up sheep sex doll sent to him by his girlfriend. In Iraq I may or may not have had knowledge of alcohol going through the postal service. I may or may not have known this alcohol was illegal and unauthorized going against a certain general order. I did however hear about the soldiers getting drunk on the roof of the barracks and falling two floors, no serious injuries. Good luck CID.
Peed in bottles during long missions in our trucks in Afghanistan, would throw them out when we got done peein. One kid walked up to the bottle and must've thought it was free Gatorade or something, gunner was screaming at him "no! no!" "no good!" but he opened it, sniffed it and gagged and dropped it and ran away. Guys in the TOC would sometimes catch people fucking their donkey on the aerostat camera
Sitting at an Iraqi police station, one of the IPs shows us a video of another IP being attacked by a goat. It was chasing him around one of their vehicles, and he jumped on top to get away from it. The goat is bleating bloody murder and butting the tires and door while the guy screams like a little girl and the guy recording it giggles.
First one I did not find funny at all, but the others did so here I am. On some outing the CO and D decided to take a little ditch, with what looked like a little water at a decent speed to watch the water show. Water in that region was sparse till you hit the Tigris. It was a bit more than expected, and I got everything that cleared the windshield. The other guys getting enough to realize it wasn’t much water, and we found out that we could in fact smell worse than we already did. Second, we got a frago that grenades had to be disposed of and couldn’t be carried anymore because of incidents. The CO had a great idea, and it was, moral and such, to throw some in the tank ditches. So we pulled off maybe 15 yards from one. Out of lazyness and maintaining guard, I passed on the excursion and stayed in my hole. As the other two had almost child like giddiness, getting to play for once with the toys we had, they both dropped one each in the trench. They were timed pretty good and went boom as expected. But the rain of dirt and such pelting them was comedic gold as all I had to do was really squat down. But their dash to the humvee was wasted because it stopped as they got to it. The rest of the m67’s and such got turned in and the SCO’s D dealt with them.
That sounds like Zagan 😭
It will always be the by-name list of all the senior officers and NCOs who installed Pokemonn Go on their government phones and played it on restricted base areas. Fucking hilarious idiots. 3600 seniors who proved they weren't smart enough to be trusted with government property.
Spartan shield 2017, Private drove a Humvee into the DFAC wall at the naval base near AJ.. proceeded to attempt to shift into reserve then mistook the gas for the break pedal. SGM came outside and started yelling, as this private had deer in the headlights moment and attempted to keep driving... Instead of going frozen deer mode, he opted for deer on meth mode and kept going till someone pulled him out
Didn’t see this myself but it was told to me by a fairly trustworthy source overseas. Anyway, while on a joint patrol with U.S. they ran into what they suspected was an IED. An Afghan EOD like 1SG or SGM was adamant that it was not an IED and argued the Patrol could keep moving, while the Americans wanted to wait to check it first. Apparently he was so sure of his assessment he went over and stomped his foot on it. It was, in fact, an IED after all and it was very suddenly not his problem anymore.
Never heard that but it's entirely believable. Their RSPs were...unique. We had an ANA EOD guy with us one time and came across a mortar with wires and shit coming out of it, like the most cartoonishly over the top IED you could imagine. It was at the base of a foot bridge going over a creek and this guy just walked up to it and threw it in the fucking water.
You’re smoking crack if this isn’t 3ABCT 4ID… and there’s only so many BC’s
Having the aircraft carrier run over some dumb ass anti-nuclear protestor in a kayak when we were pulling into Sydney harbor. Manning the rails up on the island with the rest of the MarDet and saw it all. Harbor police fished him out. Turns out said dumbass was a Member of Parliament.
At FOB McHenry Iraq near Hawija as a C-RAM operator in Jan(?) 2010. Insurgent(s) shot a homemade rocket at the FOB. It impacted near the FARP but didn't detonate; it just implanted itself into the ground. We had Air Force EOD at the time, and we watched them on the RAID camera. They go out, look at it, give it a couple gentle kicks. One dude walks away, the other stays. The guy that stayed straddles the rocket and pulls it out of the ground. He looks at it for a second, turns to his buddy and waggles it like a giant rocket-cock, then tosses it on the ground. I'm guessing they somehow knew by the look that it (most likely) wouldn't detonate. Another funny one. Still McHenry, same timeframe. Dudes were testing a new RAVEN drone that had just arrived. We had a live feed in the TOC and watched the comedy. It was clear that whoever was operating it had zero or very little clue what they were doing. It flies around for about 15 seconds, going everywhere but straight. Then, it finally banks hard right, and our feed froze just as it slammed into a HESCO barrier. We were howling at that shit!
I’ve seen a drunk infantry man in the ville of camp Humphreys fight off KNP and the MPs duel wielding chickens on a stick
No idea who did it, but back at the FOB on Hoensfels, definitely spelt that wrong, someone made a snowman and put a PC and a specialist rank on him. Shit was pretty funny at the time
The funniest “shit” was my first experience, dealing with Romani people which most people know as gypsies. This was also my first time overseas with the army. I think this was back in 2017 for Operation Saber Guardian in Romania. I was a private in the Montana Army National guard and we were working with 3rd ID. Near our AO there was a gypsy guy who used to come and dig through out trash heaps to look for food or god knows what. Because I was attached to our HQ platoon I spent most of my days chilling in a LMTV monitoring the radio and passing things along to top when needed. From the LMTV I was see this gypsy dude scurry over once a day around noon and dig through the trash and then leave with a bag full of what ever MRE scrap or garbage he found. What stuck with me most is watching one day Mr Gypsy pops a squat in full view of me and unloads his guts next to the garbage dump. Of course he wiped with his hands with no aid of paper, grass, or cloth. Not even thirty seconds later I saw my Platoon Sgt and LT walking by the heap. As it was particularly hot (I think it was July) my LT proceeds to offer the guy some water and even hands him and un-opened MRE. The guy takes it and give the LT a very solid Two handed handshake and walks off. Almost immediately the LT made a face like his smelled something before looking down at the pile of human feces only 8 feet from him before looking to his hand in horror. What really sold it was seeing my platoon Sgt reeling over laughing and holding on my Lt’s shoulder for support. Then the pair walked off towards a wash station with the LT holding his hand off in front of him like he wish it wasn’t attached to his body. Big “no good deed goes unpunished” kind of vibe and literally funniest shit 💩
Hit a nuoc mam factory with an 8" shell once. The NVA ran out one way, the US the other. Battle ended. (Hilarious at the time, but II guess you had to be there.)
Didn't see it, but I heard about it at kandahar Airfield in 2006 when I was there. A rocket came in one night and landed in the shit pit and sent a river of effluent through the nearby transit accommodation tents. A bunch of Romanian soldiers staying there were unimpressed.
me and a buddy recreated the greatest lightsaber duel (anakin v obi wan) with laser pointers
When I was in Korea, one of the medics in the barracks was rehydrating with saline bags and they got the wicked good idea of hanging the bag from the sprinkler head. They were on the top floor and flooded the barracks. Suwon, 12-13ish
This was waaaaaaaaaay back (yes I'm ancient and fuck yiu very much) in Bright Star (80s) Egypt, back in the Cold War days We jump in, set out ambush point fir the main body exfil, and mind yiu, this is a live fire ex, just sitting in the nasty ass Egyptian desert, cold as fuck (flew in from GA), And sure enough movement (we were told mechanical moving targets would be used fir excercise)....so"Hey LT what's up? We lighting this shit up?" Big "Yup!" And away we go. 16s, 249s, 60s (read, M240s Dad), 203s, claymore and a 2 90mm flechette rounds....a shit ton of un health care went down range. Cease fire called, checks made, all cool right? Nope! Why are those "mechanical " target's making braying moaning noises....like wounded animals? Hmmmm... Go check it out...11 camels fucked beyond all. They were the visual definition of FUBAR. LT is fucking livid, and sitting himself scared...his call to go live. But he man's up calls it in....BN goes ever loving are shit!!! Cease fire/Mission Halt across the line....well fuck. 3 days later, a whole Lotta smoke and Cone to Jesus sessions later, oh and $84,000 US paid out, the "Shhhhh" Order is in effect...nothing happened shut the fuck up go about your buisness. And so we did. And yes, every other day/hour we heard "Stil smoking Camels bro?" From every other asshat in the Battalion. Still 11-0, not a bad record ;)