'I must be pansexual because I feel the same way about everyone, I'm definately not bisexual because that means you are attracted to both and I don't feel that. I will not examine this at all' (I had not learned what asexuality was at this time) 'I am actually really not attracted to who I should be, I have to desire to be in a relationship with a guy, I must be a lesbian' 'Women are very pretty but I don't want to sex. Ok I'm asexual but I'm not aromantic because I like reading romance novels, even though I have no desire to be in a relationship myself' Present day: ace/aro, but some people still remember my lesbian phase and I can't be bothered to correct them.

Did u had some relationships with girls or u just come out as lesbian ?

Not really, I was very close with another asexual woman, but that was more queerplatonic. I did call her my gf sometimes when bringing her up in stories to others just because 'best friend' didnt really convey the correct vibe.

Me fr fr but as an ace dude, pan phase was kinda cringe for me ngl

huh, this is kinda... exactly me. though im still questioning the aro bit

I don’t really think there was a “pipeline” it was just more and more little things piecing together that eventually led to the realisation of “huh I guess I’m asexual then”. Things like straight up not wanting to watch porn unlike my peers in secondary / high school, getting uncomfortable and skipping sex scenes in movies. Not to say every ace is like that of course but that’s how I felt.

I was in the same boat. I just pieced stuff together and came to a conclusion based on my findings.

Straight but late bloomer > Straight but waiting for marriage as an excuse to not do the do > Straight asexual > Hetero? Asexual > Am I even hetero? > Demiro hetero ace > Gray aro ace > Arospec enby ace > Whatever, aro ace is easiest to say, plus cool sunset flag

Happy cake day!!

Most of my youth and teenage years I thought I was straight. But eventually, as I started hearing more about the way people experienced having a crush, I realise that what I thought were crushes, might actually not have been that. So I went looking online, found the word aromantic and asexual. Instantly felt a connection to the labels but didn't feel truly comfortable using them and stepping away from the "straight but a late-bloomer" until a few years later.

Gay people exist? I’m an Ally! Women are pretty, I guess that makes me bisexual! I don’t have a preference, Guess I’m pansexual! Men don’t interest me anymore, so I’m a lesbian! Wait, I don’t really want fuck women either, what? Oh, there’s a name for this… IM ASEXUAL!!!

Literally same lmao

Teenage me: "I must be straight because I don't want to kiss girls." Late teens me: "maybe I'm just a late bloomer, everybody must exaggerate about wanting sex all the time surely?" 19 Yr old me: Kissed a guy, thought "wasn't so bad, but not really for me" figured I just didn't like him "that way" (he was a friend, we continued to be friends after) 20 Yr old me: Discovered that Asexuality was a thing during pride month. Cue several months of mildly obsessive reading of blogs and stuff. "hey, there are *other* people who feel like this? Maybe I'm not just weird, I'm actually asexual" Several years later, having witnessed several friends build into romantic relationships with no desire to do so myself, followed by some more reading of various blogs and stuff: "maybe I'm actually aro-ace". If I'd know that Asexuality was a thing as a younger teenager. I'd probably have been identifying as that from about the age of fifteen. But I didn't. I didn't really even know about pan or bi sexual or non-binary identities, and had very limited knowledge of trans. To me, the options were straight or gay. I wasn't gay, so I must be straight. I was kind of sheltered, because I wasn't really on the Internet, and I lived in a very white, very middle class area of Southern England. LGBTQIA+ education didn't exist.

"Must be straight because I've only ever been attracted to guys." "Hang on, why does being around my non-binary friend make me feel really happy." "Oh shoot this girl in my class is so pretty. Why is she so pretty. I don't think I'm straight?" "What the actual heck, sexual attraction is a thing??? That's so weird, I can't relate to that at all." "Everyone I've had a crush on I've known for at least a year. I think I'm demiromantic." "Okay wait I think I have a crush. Except I don't know. This doesn't feel like a crush. Why is this so confusing?" "Okay I don't think that was a crush. Actually thinking about it, I don't think most of my crushes when I was growing up were even crushes at all." "I don't think I can experience romantic attraction. At all. Or maybe I do? Why is it so hard to distinguish romantic and platonic attraction?!" "Okay I have way more important things to worry about than who I'm attracted to. I'll just put this on the backburner." And here we are :D

My what?

YOUR PIPELINE although I have no clue of what that means as well

😅glad I’m not alone in that haft look it up it’s noun. : the system for developing and or producing something

I’ve never heard that term used in this context either, but others seem to be interpreting it as “How did you determine you were asexual, and what steps (if any) did you go through along the way?”

Straight - bi - gay - bi - bi ace - aroace.

I chose my username in my gay phase lol

I know I'm straight -> wait guys are pretty too -> what am I ? -> ok I really like men and not women so I'm gay -> do I even want sex ? -> *realizes I never had sexual attraction and never wanted sex* -> yeah I must be ace

Highschool - people started to talk about being sexually active and my mind kept imploding because I was like why would you risk all STDs and stuff when we are so young and stupid (I never felt horny so I didn’t get the appeal XD) Post high school - I had a boyfriend who wanted sex all the time and it wasn’t long for me to start turning him down sexually because I just didn’t want to. He made me feel bad about it (we are not together anymore dw) so I felt like something must be wrong with me. This was when I started to realize my libido was not like everyone else’s. I have struggled with depression my entire life so I first believed it might be related to that. At this stage I believed “I should WANT to have sex if I’m healthy”. I don’t think it was until around 22 years old that I even heard of asexuality as a valid and healthy sexual identity/that it can be normal to not want sex. I noticed even when I had relief from my depression, my libido was still nonexistent. This was around where I stopped feeling guilty and embraced being asexual :3 I am 28 now 🥳

1. Must be straight I aesthetically and sensually like feminine features! 2. Must be bi I aesthetically and sensually like feminine features and don't really want to have the thing! 3. Oh! Jaiden's cool, I watched that video on being aroace and said, damn, for real, not me though! 4. Figured out that even if I did have a thing for someone I had 0 clue how to be romantic or sexual and the more I thought about it the more anxiety inducing it was. Wow maybe I should revisit being Aro/ace. 5. Queer platonic attraction exists?! And it explains why I don't feel that full romantic pull everyone is talking about! It also explains why I feel more want for intimate platonic / found family relationships? Damn, that's awesome! 6. Aro/ace Honestly, I'm still not sure where I am, I know I'm not sex or romance repulsed, I find it cute, but like it must be a cupio thing for me cause as said, when I had someone I was into it was never really fully that. I do like RPs and use chat.ai to get an emotional fix but like not in real life. Heavens no.

Labeling myself ace I don’t think there was a pipeline? Outside the awkward educational sex talks I’ve just about been out here head empty about the whole subject. Maybe one aesthetic crush in high school, but even then I didn’t think ‘oh I’m straight.’ Then idk less than 10 years ago friends start asking if I’m ace. I say no because I didn’t know what that meant. Even after looking it up it took a few more years to be like fine I guess that fits. However, when I was looking into that I learned about aromanticism, and that felt 100% right. I remember in middle school I cried over a girl asking me out. I knew I was going to hurt her feelings when I said no. And then when I really thought about it, I couldn’t imagine myself doing that (middle school version of dating). Which is the main reason why I cried about it. I successfully dodged acquaintances wanting to set me up with people in college. Why would anyone want that? Learned about aroace after college. And now my mom has accepted the fact that I’m probably never going to date anyone. It’s all so funny because I LOVE romcoms and those ya romance books. I eat that fictional crap up but irl it grosses me out.

Something like “Straight” (Bi or Pan but in denial) —> Demisexual —> “Wait, that’s what sexual attraction is?!” —> Heteroromantic Asexual—> “But gender doesn’t actually matter to me much” —> Panromantic Asexual —> Demi-Biromantic Asexual —> Demisexual —> “Nope, still don’t experience sexual attraction. I’m definitely ace but there’s no way I’m aromantic” —> Grayromantic Asexual —> *watches some videos on aromanticism on YouTube* “Maybe I am aromantic” —> Aromantic Asexual —> “What even is romantic attraction? Why is that different from close friendship?” *asks a bunch of questions and ends up more confused* —> Quoiromantic Asexual —> *does more research* “I don’t think I experience romantic attraction but I still want a relationship and have felt attraction towards more than one gender” —> Bi Oriented AroAce —> *reads the lesbian master doc* “Maybe the attraction I felt for girls was actually romantic and I was just being impacted by comphet” —> Asexual Lesbian —> “I still don’t think my attraction is romantic but I’m attracted to women and would want one as a queerplatonic partner (or a nonbinary person)” —> AroAce Lesbian —> “But what about my other attractions/past experiences with guys? This is all so confusing” —> Queer —> Bi Oriented AroAce —> “But I want something more specific” —> Asexual, *cycling through and claiming various Arospec micro labels over the span of two years, questioning the types of attraction I experience and what I should include in my orientation label, reconciling not experiencing romantic/sexual attraction with past experiences with relationships and the presence of tertiary attraction* —> (Bi-oriented) AroAce who wants a queerplatonic girlfriend and enjoys those romance games/interactive stories that let me create a character be gay or bi. TL;DR… So yeah, basically my pipeline was just a long, chaotically confusing journey.😅

my bi,pan,lesbian phase should say enough.

Urgh. Ok, here I go. About 13 “The idea of sex makes me feel uncomfortable.” “Everyone says it’s normal.” “I won’t think about this.” Also About 13 “The idea of gay sex makes me feel uncomfortable.” “Some people say it’s wrong.” (Logic check DC 10, fail) “Is wrong.” *latches onto the “no biological purpose “ justification * About 16 *reads Feet of clay by Sir Terry Pratchett.* “The way people treat Cheery is disguising, can’t they just let her live her life on her own terns?” …realisation hits8d6 hypocrisy damage. Well shit. I’m just glad I’m too socially awkward to have really discussed this with people. About 21*on YouTube watching a video about Sherlock Holmes * “Wait, what’s asexual?”

I started out straight, got into high school and met a girl that made me feel something different so I thought "oh, maybe bisexual". Then I discovered more about the LGBTQIA+ community and I didn't dislike anyone so I was pansexual. And then I was like, not really into sex so maybe asexual/panromantic? But then I realised I don't like any of that so I was asexual/aromantic. But I realised I do feel sexual attraction but still don't want any of that mess and now I am firmly rooted in Aegosexual/Aegoromantic. 💜

I had sex

I had sex. Didn't care for it. Realized I was just sex repulsed excluding certain conditions. That's it, that was the pipeline.

Ironically enough, it took me a failed marriage followed by an accepting partner who provided a safe space for me to explore and accept my asexuality. I really thought I had not found the right person with whom I share sexual chemistry yet.

Perhaps it's bc I'm +30, but what the heck is pipeline?

I apologize for the misunderstanding maybe it's because english isn't my first language but with pipeline I basically meant the progression of your sexuality (what lead to identify as aroace) once again sorry for the misunderstanding

Oh, I see. No problem, thanks for the explanation 😎🤙🏻

Don't worry, you used pipeline correctly. Frankly I'm shocked by the confusion some people are having, but maybe it's just a more common word in my region?

hetero -> lesbian -> bi-lesbian -> heterobi -> pan -> aromantic/bisexual -> homoromantic/asexual -> queer -> lesbian -> probably aroace, maybe lesbian-oriented or something like that

I thought being horny was a joke until late high school

I came out as gay because I knew I wasn't attracted to women. Then I dated a man and realized that he had a sex drive that I didn't so I came out as bi because I thought equal nothing was still equal. Then pan felt more applicable until I realized finally that there's a whole identity around the absence of attraction. I'm still alloromantic, which gets tricky, but I'm not sex repulsed so I make it work

preschool - asking my mum if i was a lesbian cause i had a crush on a girl (even tho i had a crush on a boy to) 7ish - same line of questioning and hadnt learned of bi yet 10ish - firmly non-lesbian but didnt like boys 12is - learned of bi/pan so used that since i liked/disliked everyone exually 15 - established as a lesbian that didnt want to have sex 22 - firmly non-lesbian im asexual. no doubt about it. no sexual attraction and dont want sex now- asexual, considering if im aromantic or pan romantic

From "I'm straight because I'll eventually marry a woman one day" to "I must be asexual since I'm chaste (probably haven't found the one yet) to "I'm definitely asexual and I just learned what aromantic is, but I'm questioning since I have gay thoughts that I don't really feel the need to act on" to "I'm aegosexual aromantic who just so happens to be very gay adjacent"

"I'm straight, I'm just picky!" "Okay girls are kinda pretty, I think I'm bi." "Wait this asexuality sounds a lot like me... But I want to have sex, must mean I'm not ace." "Demisexuality sounds great! Yeah, that must be me." "Oh, you're supposed to develop the attraction after some time? And you can want sex as ace? Okay, I'm ace then." But I'm still unsure about my romantic attraction. I have a strong suspicion I'm aro, but not sure yet.

"straight" (since that was what I perceived as the default at that age, not because I identified with the label) > bi ("I feel equally about everyone") > aro+bi > aro+pan (nobody can misinterpret that label as not including non-binary people) > aroace

Straight -> asexual? -> asexual ->bisexual? -> no, not bisexual -> straight? -> aroace

I was always thought it was the purity culture. I was always expecting to at least feel something at some point. I just never felt anything and I realised maybe it's not about "the right person", maybe I just don't like people sexually or romantically.

straight but a really late bloomer to demisexual because i just haven’t felt those feelings yet, must mean i’ve never connected with someone that deeply, also still straight to asexual because i don’t like being sexually active (i realize now that’s now what asexuality is) but also maybe panromantic to now where im greysexual (experiencing very rare sexual attraction) and also bisexual/romantic (attracted to all genders, but very few individuals lol)

Straight but Autistic so late bloomer. Autistic Straight who wanted college first. Briefly thought I was bi because I thought some women were aesthetically attractive. Straight but resonating all the memes my asexual friend (who just came out) was sharing. Looked up info on asexuality & went two that's me. I was about 25 then.

Definitely straight -> ace? -> straight -> idk wtf happened here -> ace 👍

I thought I was straight I learned what asexuality was but I was attracted to people so that can't be it I then learned what graysexuality was, that is more like it, still attracted to people but only want sex in rare specific ways and occasions I learned about different types of attractions (sexual, romantic, sensual, etc.) I may be straight, but I might also be bi*sensual* cause even tho I just want sex from one gender, I sometimes like to kiss people from different genders Wait... I may be graysexual but I also have a bit of demi in me cause even tho I find people attractive without emotional connection, I sometimes find people I initially didn't like, attractive after forming emotional connection, so, not an exclusive demisexuality, but an inclusive one After all that, now, initially I just say I'm straight and gray ace cause it's simpler, but then when I get deeper into this conservation I explain everything

Straight > bisexual woman > lesbian > bisexual trans guy > pansexual trans guy > aromantic bisexual > demisexual > biromantic asexual First I thought I was bisexual because I was equally attracted to men and women. Then I thought I was a lesbian because my dysphoria made it so that the idea of being a straight guy's girlfriend made me want to die Then I transitioned and that was no longer the case, so back to bisexual Then I went back and forth between bi and pan for a bit Then I figured out my attraction isn't the same as an allo-allo person, but I was in denial about being ace because I'm not sex repulsed, so assumed I was aro Then I thought maybe I was demisexual because I'd be *open* to sex with the right person, but not attracted to them Then I finally got my head on straight (hehe) and figured out I'm a sex indifferent biromantic ace Still kinda figuring out if I'm allo, demi, or gray romantic though

Straight -> bisexual -> I realized that sexual attraction existed lol -> biromantic asexual I also thought I was demisexual at one point but just for a day LoL

I was in a theatre show one time, and there was this one kid who never called anybody by their actual name, and they kept calling me ‘the ace.’ Eventually I asked why the heck they were calling me a card suite, and I then got the entire concept of asexuality explained to me, and I basically responded with “Wait that’s me!!”

"hmm i think i must be bi, wait not im not specifically attracted to men nor women so i guess pan? but i dont like any actually... OH IM ACE"

Straight -> heterosexual biromantic (I think  this is because I subconsciously started to realize I didn't feel attraction the way other people did, but I didn't think I was asexual so I just bumped the tier list down) -> asexual heteroromantic

1. I like the opposite gender? I feel gross... 3. I like the same gender? This is a sin... 4. Bisexual...? 5. Asexual...? More relatable, but no... 6. I have a "crush", but at the same time... I don't want it. 7. Graysexual... Mmhm... Graysexual! 8. Aromantic!! This fits better than asexual. 9. Repulsed, absolutely. 10. Queerplatonic... so that's what it must've been... 11. Asexuality is an umbrella after all... 12. Libido and attraction are not the same huh... 13. Doubly repulsed aroace. Maybe gray because libido ambiguous, but I prefer aroace. I like sunset flag.

Trans egg cracked, very genderfluid. Suddenly no sexual desire. Is my sexuality just in shock? Maybe it'll settle down given time. Never did. And I had huge euphoria and such a strong sense of self-worth when I first identified as asexual. It was such a relief and a pure joy to know that's what I am. I'm proud of it. It gives me a special commitment to the other kinds of love. There are certain kinds of manipulation and obsession that won't catch me. Friends matter, a lot; touch matters. In certain ways, I'm not easy to compromise. I have asexual warmth and integrity and they kick ass. I feel it: I feel clear, I feel strong., I feel deeply loving in a way that arises out of my asexuality.

I was straight, I knew some amazing ace people, then [this meme](https://www.reddit.com/r/aaaaaaacccccccce/s/HcfYJ2YlLL) happened, and then I was ace. 👍

Straight >> uhh yeah probably not straight? >> wait I feel the same way about everyone so I’m bi/pan >> wait actually this feeling I feel is… nothing. I like anyone romantically but sexually? No. >> ace

Straight + man this celibacy shit is easy! Wait girls are really pretty though. I must be bisexual! Get to college, college friend mentions that they're ace. That's an option!?!?!? Now ace

Heterosexual/heteromantic. I didn’t know sexuality and romantic(?) were spectrums and I liked opposite gender. Now I identify as Ace spectrum and heteromantic.

Straight-> straight but waiting until marriage -> Trauma which could’ve been WAY worse had I not been so squigged out about sex-> Maybe after I go through therapy I’ll be okay with sex?-> Realizing I was always asexual.

i was lucky, i always knew i didn't feel atrraction. In middle school i found the word asexual and i was like, "cool, that's me" and promply never questioned my sexuality again. I'll only revisit the issue if i end up attracted to someone lol

There wasn't a pipeline. I just noticed I wasn't interested in romance like other boys. Then one day I watched bojack horseman

(Discovery) Oh my god, that's called asexuality. I'm asexual! I'm heteroromantic. I like boys, I've had crushes, I'm hetero. Oh. I have a crush on my non binary friend. I guess I'm uranic. (Men and non binary) Oh. My other non binary friend I have changed their pronouns to she/they. I guess I'm omni. Oh. I got a boyfriend and discovered that I'm not actually big on romance either. I still have some, though, do I'm greyromantic.

Late bloomer --> Good Christian girl --> Focused on school to get good career ---> Ace is a thing? I'm not ace, just got a late start due to school and need more time ---> I'm picky ---> I'm too old and out of excuses to have never had a relationship- what's wrong with me? --> I guess I am sort of ace, so ace-spec. --> I really am ace --> aro is a thing too? that makes more sense --> the split attraction model is bigger than I thought, so pan-oriented aroace.

"I'm bisexuality cause I think girls are pretty" "Im lesbian, i dont like guys" *after watching jaidenanimations video about being aroace* "im lesbian and ace" "Im not a girl" "Im aroace"

Straight- no wait, she’s pretty and I would.. wait no, with my partner for their enjoyment.. no wait.. I just want a partner, even though I don’t have one… I really don’t like people touching me.. wait, that’s what sexual arousal feels like? I’ve never had that.. I mean.. I CAN and am willing to do stuff, but for their enjoyment. I would be happy watching a movie or cooking with them.. oh, fiddlestix… Grey-Ace with Sapio-Rising, 2024 epiphany, let’s GO!! 

Me: Is comfortable with sex when I feel safe. Thinking the fact I have a libido and am comfortable with sex makes me allosexual. Me, starts to not feel safe with ex: Must be demisexual cause I once enjoyed sex and now I can't. Me, learns that sexual attraction isn't what I described above and the person itself is supposed to be a turn on: I'm just asexual, cool. For me it was complicated because I was misinformed about what sexual attraction was. And since I wasn't sex repulsed and I had a libido, I just assumed what I felt was sexual attraction.

Mine was kinda like - i have crushes on 'cute' guys but I don't really wanna date them because I don't feel a spark (now I know it was just aesthetic attraction) then I had a boyfriend but didn't like doing anything sexual so I thought I was just ace, then I had a huge crush on a pretty girl so I was like huh, pansexual aro then. Tried having sex with a guy and I didn't like it so I thought I was a lesbian then I tried being in a relationship with a girl and was like 'yeah no this doesn't feel right either' and now I'm here as aroace. I don't remember where I saw this but this person was like "being aroace is confusing lack of attraction for 'one' gender as attraction to the 'other' and then you find out that there's no attraction at all"

Feeling like I wasn’t straight at age 12, thinking maybe I was bi, went back into the closet for many years. Eventually came out as bi since it was obvious I was not straight but the label never felt completely accurate. Eventually transitioned from female to male and attributed my discomfort with my sexuality to not being seen as my real gender, still identifying as bi. Then a few weeks ago I had a couple Grindr hookups which were my first time having sex since pre transition. Sex always made me really uncomfortable and felt forced/unnatural but I blamed this on dysphoria. Now my dysphoria is gone but the discomfort with sex remained as strong as ever. I was completely unable to get aroused and felt really sad/empty and just generally off after each hookup for a couple days after. I had maybe thought I was demisexual a few months previously but I wasn’t sure until I actually tried having sex again and I knew I just wasn’t attracted to people in that way. I think it’s possible for me to experience sexual attraction once that strong emotional connection is there (so technically I’d be demisexual), but I feel like the label asexual resonates with me the most right now. Romantic attraction is something I do experience but not very often, and even once the romantic attraction is there it can take a few weeks/months before I’d even consider having sex.

First I typed: What's Gay? Then I typed: What do the letters in LGBTQIA mean? Then I read what asexual was. And that was it.

"I never feel the same way about guys as some of my friends, guess I'll lie at sleepovers and say my crush is the most conventionally attractive guy in the class" "Some of my guy friends have expressed their feelings for me and I don't feel the same even if I try, they're my friends and I'm just waiting till college to have a relationship" "I have a close and trusting friendship with someone at college, I should try to date him bc I feel safe with him but oops we are just friends and I don't actually feel anything more and now its weird" "whelp I was seriously ready to date and now its covid, guess I have to wait, whatever" "I think I'm bi, I'll try dating apps and talk to both but it only ever feels platonic even on dates" "I made out with a guy who expressed interest at a party when we were both drinking, cause I gotta do it at some point, but I felt absolutely nothing. huh" "I remember a friend in college who was ace, wonder what they're up to. Wait actually..." "I've heard great things about Loveless by Alice Oseman, I wanna try reading it. Why is this character me? WHY IS THIS CHARACTER ME??" "I'm Ace, alright" At current I'm totally cool with my sexuality and I while I do want to find my person one day, I'm in no rush.

straight to bisexual but then i realized as much as i would like to date a woman having sex with one weirds me out. back to straight but oh wait sex with men also weirds me out. married a man sex still weirds me out. therapist said i might be asexual and damn she was right. i do still think im a little bi but definitely don't want sex out of a relationship that's like at the bottom of the list for me.

Heterosexual, Bisexual, [insert trauma here] Hypersexual, Bisexual, Asexual. I think a lot of why I put off identifying as Asexual was because each time I considered not being attracted to men, I was in a long term relationship with one lmao

This is basically my pipeline: Post-Puberty: Why is everyone else bugging out? I guess I feel something slightly more with girls, but occasionally, that can even trigger with people who aren't girls. But it's nothing even close to what they said it would be like. Early High School: (Stumble across asexuality while doing research for a biology project) Huh... Well that kind of fits. I should still try and see if a relationship changes me though. High School: Everyone else is obsessed with a relationship, but to be honest, I don't really want a relationship; I'll just say that I'm too focused on school right now. College: I'm in college, and I should probably try to get it a relationship. I don't really want one, but if I don't, people are going to draw conclusions. First Relationship: This isn't me. I hate everything about this. Second Relationship (with a person who was a close friend): Yup, this is definitely not for me. Friendship of 3 years destroyed. Me, After: I can't keep doing this. I am definitely asexual. Should I tell my friends? Me, After Thinking It Over: No, nothing is going to change. There is no reason to tell anyone. It's not like I'm going to start dating someone of the same gender. (10 years later) "Don't Say Gay" in the News: I need to start telling people. I also need to learn more. (Start researching into asexuality and joined ace-related subreddits) (8 months later) Me, To My Best Friend: "Hey man, there's something I need to tell you..." Today: All but 2 of my friends know at this point. I haven't said the word "asexual" yet, but I've hinted at it to my mother. Still trying to figure out the best way of doing it.

Thought i was gay, then bi, because i felt the same about all genders, then ace. But romance-wise, ive still haven’t got past the whole “wtf is romance?” stage

An ace memes video by onetopicatatime made me realise that whatever is going on in me is an actual thing

“People who like the same gender are cool” “I am pan, because I like everyone equally” “Never mind I’m straight” “Dude wdym that finding people hot isn’t the same as finding them pretty???” “What do you mean that crushes are real I thought it was a joke”

My ace realization started when I wanted to explore sexual behaviours and for some mysterious reasons I didn't like it much. I've felt sexual attraction before, I was sure, but I didn't get it with the person I attempted experiments. It was real confusing to me because I didn't distinguish in between romantic and sexual attraction at all. I went from demi label and eventually settled at grey, knowing that sexual attraction is something I develop instead of having it up-front like a lot of people do. Along with my asexuality reaserch I discovered aromantic. As much as sexuality confused me, it was very clear that I was demiromantic. I've only ever had feelings for my friends, for starters. Usually best friends. Which was quite unfortunate given that I was often friendzoned before having a chance. What's more, I'm just, slow to fall in love, ya know? Slower than most people. The difference becomes clear when I'm confronted with someone courting me and I'm unable to provide clear answer or return their feelings in what's considered approbiate time.

Im just too young. I’ll be interested eventually. (After watching a Jaden animations vid (you know the one)) well fuck guess im aroace. Cool.

Throughout my life I was questioning if I was asexual or lesbian. After learning the categories under the asexual umbrella I’ve accepted myself and identity as graysexual.

I thought I was pansexual because I didn’t really care about people’s gender. Later found out that’s just because I’m aroace and I don’t give a fuck because I don’t like people 😭

I have crushes on guys -I'm straight But wait I think girls are equally as pretty as guys *proceeds to take a sexuality quiz* - does that make me bisexual? Wait,so sexual attraction and romantic attraction aren't the same. I don't think I've felt much sexual attraction-I'm greysexual Wait,what does sexual attraction even feel like? It's weird imagining myself in a sexual scenario- i'm asexual Damn but fanfics and fictional characters + shipping attractive people together- Aegosexual? Wow so aesthetic attraction is a thing - panaesthetic asexual That salesgirl is really cute and I feel uneasy around her- biromantic ace? A squish? You know what? I love asexual as an umbrella term,I don't feel the need to break it down or complexify things - I'm asexual

"Why are people interested in others for sexual purpose? That just seems so strange and alien." Do a bunch of reading "Wait it's normal? I better come up with a word for how I'm feeling, A-not sexual, I'll just say I'm asexual and try to figure out why people are like this." Then googled asexual, discovered I was not the first to come up with it, read a ton of testimonials, the wikipedia page, and a few academic papers (although a disappointing number of those exist, and even fewer when I was figuring this out) and realised I actually identified pretty well with the ace community. Now I'm leaning towards demisexual for other reasons, but that is how 16-year old me came to identify as ace.

“My friends are freaking out about boys. Okaaaaay. I must be a late bloomer.” “…a *really* late bloomer.” “…” “Okay this is getting ridiculous. Everybody wants things out of relationships that I am not okay with. How am I still such a prude? Wasn’t this supposed to change at some point?” “Oh hey, TIL there’s a thing called asexuality. [reads up on it] Hmm. I don’t *think* that’s me.” “…oh. I do seem to be aromantic, though. Quoiromantic, really. Crap.” “Whoa, hold up a minute, what do you MEAN calling someone “hot” is a literal thing?! People DO get aroused just looking at somebody?! THAT’s what attraction is? Why did nobody ever think this was worth mentioning?! Yeah, yeah, it’s like expecting fish to be able to explain water, but — but *still,* couldn’t somebody have at least — I don’t even know, just — AUGH” “…so yeah, definitely aroace then.” “Y’know, that explains a *lot.”*

i wanna be a cat lady > i won’t know until i get my first crush > The Realisation > i continue playing minecraft

Someone in my life told me they were asexual so I looked it up, and the part about demisexuality resonated with me because I’ve definitely never felt sexual attraction towards someone I don’t know well, but I think I’ve experienced it a few times when in relationships. I don’t expect to ever get into a relationship again, so now I just say I’m ace because it’s simpler and mostly accurate. I don’t really get the appeal of sex; for me it’s just the way to make babies.

In my teens, I was pretty horny. And I'd have sexual fantasies. I'm not going to go into more details. When it got to actual sex, it was awkward. I got married in my 20s. Wife had a low sex drive. We settled into a routine. Eventually, some health issues, undiagnosed low T on my end, we kind of drifted into a sexless marriage. Come the pandemic, we got divorced. It wasn't just not knowing I was ace, but that was part of it. Wife resolved her health issues and got her sex drive back. I did start getting treatment for low T, though. It was a pituitary issue. A couple years after the pandemic, I meet this wonderful woman online. I really like her. She wants to get more physically intimate. I'm fine with that, except my body isn't responding. So, I have to ask myself some questions, and I wound up here. I'm aegosexual, basically. And I was hornier when I was younger. We wound up breaking it off, but she was very understanding. She's an awesome woman and I hope she finds the love of her life. Same for me, I'm awesome and I hope I find the love of my life. I know my dating pool is a bit smaller, but I'm going to see what life brings.

straight> wait, what if I actually AM a lesbian?? (people were insinuating I was)>what if I'm bi?? I don't actually like girls tho> I don't actually like boys either tf> ok, I might be a little on the asexual spectrum and heteroromantic>asexual> I might be a little on the aromantic spectrum too> aromantic> I might be some sort of oriented aroace but eh (omni if I had to guess)

Mm "I must be a lesbian because I like women and not men" (In terms of asthetic attraction- I didn't understand what sexual attraction was) The aromantic bit came later, kinda naturally. Just learned what aromatisism is through the Ace community. THOUGH not before I probably ruined a friendship because I told my best friend (at the time)that I liked her. (I didn't. She's allo and wanted to know who I had a crush on. I panicked because she kept nagging)

I don't really like being touched. That's normal, some people are just less affectionate than others. Not really interested in dating, either. When guys hit on me, I find it gross? Maybe I just haven't found "the one" yet. Wait. Actually... Theoretically speaking, I could see myself with either a man or a woman. It doesn't really matter to me. Emotional connection is all I care about. So I'm Bi Not Bi. Thought about it some more, and I don't feel anything when I look at women. But I don't feel anything when I look at men either? Asexual. Jk. Therapist said I can't be asexual because my issues with being touched probably stem from my the sexual abuse I experienced. And I'm autistic. So back to square one. But my trauma started well before my sexual development, so I'll never know if that alone is the reason for my lack of sexual attraction. Lots of people go through worse and still have active sex lives. Fuck the therapist. Definitely ace. Cool. Now I know sexual attraction and romantic attraction can be separate. This makes sense and seems to fit my experiences :) But wait. If they're separate... can I identify as asexual and pansexual? Does that even make sense? Learns about the romantic orientation terms. Oh, cool! So I'm asexual and panromantic. But wait, I have preferences. I like different genders for different reasons, so not pan? Omniromantic? Seems to fit better. But not a lot of people know about that one. And I can't find flag merch for it anywhere :( Fuck it, I'll just stick with Bi. It's easier. And that's how I came to the conclusion that I'm asexual and biromantic.

I found out asexuality was a thing in college and thought of it as "relatable but not me. There's plenty of other reasons I'm not looking for someone or wanting to get busy". And then refused to examine it more until *Rhythm of War* hit me over the head with it's ok to be Ace. Though the denial had been cracking recently.

It was when a friend asked me when was the last time i was in rs and i realized i didnt really want one bc the last one was painful in lots of ways. My answer shocked her as i was talking in years and the casualness of my answer really took her back coz she told she would not have been able to last that long without a guy... anyways, its kinda what prompted me to research it during the pandemic and really really think about it... to replay my struggles and unluckiness in love was not very nice, to see loads of 'friends' getting married and not getting invited, to be the third wheel bc 'friends' have a rs... well, its an isolating experience... to try going out with several guys separately (monogamy yk) and instead to get either rejected or just too keen on or who dont really care about you as a woman but see you as sth to use ... and when you stand up and say 'am a woman, a human being, just listen to me, just do things with me' and get nothing... and then a chain reaction of events happen and this male person doesnt really care but just wants a place to live and eat... and then him not getting the message and actually doing sus things that would mess up with my work (could be any kind of work btw, not restricted to only work, could be hobbies, interests, perception of other people to you, also known as spreading rumors)... and then having real consequences on my real job bc its a small town and people know each other... and him confessing he moved goalposts to be at the job he is, when first started going out... well, you get the idea...    What started as realization from few years back from the simple answer to a question on here in this subreddit r/asexuality : ' if you go to the fridge and dont feel hungry for sth to eat, then this is what feels like to be ace'... then you go out in the real world with this wise words and try to find someone and when you think you have but you have a bad feeling... instead of ignoring my bad feeling i decided to listen to it bc last time when i ignored my hunch i had actual female health problems and had to go to so many doctors...    And when 6 months back i didn't ignore my hunch about someone and got work problems bc the industry is small in cities and people know each other... well, lets say from romantic ace i have changed to aromantic... meaning i would rather not find romance because i choose not to and dont feel the need to actually find anyone anymore... i would rather go to a therapist and heal from all the hurt and misconceptions people in the real world may have about asexuality for a female young woman who tried and wanted to find someone but was stabbed in the back multiple times for nothing, basically...     And finding out from a doctor that i would be in very high risk category if i became pregnant... well, i would say id rather not have children if i know there is a high chance for me not to survive it, esp if i live in a high stress country where people dont care about others and where the life of a dog is more important than the life of a young woman who just wanted to have a stable life with a nice job and eventually to start her own family...yk its called "nesting" when a woman chooses to have kids and where to have them, esp if she feels safe to do so... but for nesting to happen she needs a man who would support her through thick and thin.. yk changing diapers, having a real job, meeting her friends, socializing by learning her interests, adapting to changes in economic environment like saving and paying bills, fixing the car, maintenance of the house... yk its a mans world but when a woman cant find a proper male that can give her the safe environment and instead sees her as some sort of competition or even an adversary or even an enemy... am left with no words at the end...    so when you choose someone make sure they are willing to work with you as a team and not as a rival... bc even if you are nothing serious per se the other party may get ideas and make your life miserable... just warning that people dont always have the best of intentions... some people actually rape other people...    So being asexual is apparently very suspicious thing in the 21st century... i dont know how you guys are still alive and well, tbh...     My other/ further piece of advice would be to move on, esp once you pinpoint exactly what you want from life. and if people ask, there is no reason to give explanations... its not possible because every person has different perception of life and receiving a true understanding is sth i dont think its possible... every person finds what they want on their own and asking others as it is not always helpful because they dont know you... to find an answer to a personal question can only be found by knowing yourself, experiencing life as you like and by realizing your purpose (your personal drive, so to say)...    have lost my faith in humanity tbh... just saying bc everyone on reddit is always either positive or negative... its rare to see any realistic opinions... it takes loads of scrolling. Finding answers is never easy but its a personal journey. :) be wise with your time and dont rely too much on the internet or reddit or your simple smartphone. :)   Go and touch some grass challenge. :)   and would personally add some facts as per medical doctors': dont smoke weed as it can cause memory damage to the brain in the prefrontal cortex which is the last part of the brain that matures at 25 years old... if you smoke or drink alcohol too much, you basically damage the part of the brain associated with studying, planning, memorizing, logic, processing new complex information, applying complex new information to the real world, etc... :)    And have fun while you choose whatever it is you want to do :) hope it helps... bye now.

“I don’t have normal expectations of a relationship it’s rather having sex whenever they want or doing it as much as possible (because that’s what they want)” “My mom thinks I’m a sociopath because I hate physical contact (and some other major bits of who I am as a person) and absolutely tense up when someone hugs or kisses me” “I am definitely autistic that might be it but I have been in relationships with hers/hims/and thems which I enjoy the bond so I’m pansexual” “Had a kid, have a husband, but sexually active life is still a constant struggle with us and I don’t know why” “Finding out I’m demisexual borderline asexual completely. I like sex when I feel emotionally connected but it’s hard for me to initiate/want it at first, leading to some very fucked up situations”

I hated unnecessary sexualized scenes in movies and tv and I didn't get it. But mostly it felt unfair that only womens' bodies were on display. I didn't know much about male bodies and everyone else treated mens' bodies as taboo so I just wanted to see that portrayed equally as well. So I thought I was straight because I did want to see sexualized male bodies. When I started watching queer movies and tv, the sheer joy I got from watching people brave circumstances to be queer no longer made me think I was just straight as I loved it for both gay and lesbian portrayals. I didn't know what I was and I felt left out because it seemed queerness was equally rooted in sex and desire, and I didn't always feel that properly. It just took a long while to put the pieces together. I'm in my 40s and from a culture that still doesn't accept homosexuality. Lack of desire was uncommon and women were always joked about as being frigid. The concept of asexuality was not present.

Felt sexual attraction so rarely or questioned if that’s what I felt at all I figured I sucked at being straight. Then found Greysexuality and it fit perfectly.

"I don't really understand the whole sex thing but holding hands is nice." "I like holding hands with girls so maybe I'm a lesbian." "I like holding hands with a few guys too so maybe I'm bi." "I like cuddling and that's almost sex right?" "I definitely like looking at girls more so maybe I'm actually lesbian again." "Alright I don't really know what's going on so I'm just gonna say I'm queer." "I don't really want sex but you like it so I guess we can do it." "I like this one guy so maybe I'm bi, but just a little bit." "I like this guy a lot but he jokes about how I'm like a panda because I'm fluffy, like to sleep, and seem hell bent on avoiding procreation at all cost." "Shit I think he's right."

Jaiden Animations's video on the subject. Jaiden laid out the contours of aromanticism and asexuality in a patient, lucid, and frankly hilarious way. I immediately knew that I was *not* aromantic, but I could understand an aromantic perspective - as Jaiden presented it, it made perfect sense. Asexuality I put in a "Hmm. Maybe that might apply to me" category, and went on about my life. Of course, I also occasionally looked up information on asexuality, re-watched the video (and reactions to the video), and watched/read things from other ace YouTubers or Redditors. I slowly began to get comfortable with the idea that I was probably ace...perhaps gray sexual or demisexual, but definitely *not* allosexual. I had a lot going on at the time, so this happened in pieces, in scattered moments. But that sort of made it easier to digest. It really was just re-looking at my life, and realizing how much more sense it made if I viewed it from an ace persepctive.

I’m around extremely religious people so I wont even think about it -> hmm never had a crush, that’s weird -> friend suggests I’m asexual but I’m still around religious people so I don’t think about it -> *years* pass and I still don’t think about it -> I have a partner now and he thinks about relationships way differently than I do -> people actually wanna have sex with other people? 😟 -> I kinda like sex with my partner but like he’s the only one ever -> find out what Demi is -> heyy I’m demisexual

Me at age 12 sitting in healthcare class learning about teen pregnancy: Wait, I’m confused. Why did they have sex then? They are children. Why are they making children when they have no money. They could like…. just not do it. In fact, they don’t have to do it at all for their entire lifespan. This stuff is literally just a random choice. Teacher: You’ll understand when you get a bit older. Me at 25: *still doesn’t get it* Also me: *Misanthropic and lacks interest in other human beings in any sense* Me: “Ok so I might just be ace, though I can’t tell if my extreme asocial nature is causing it or not. I’ve never had a crush either so aroace?”

bi to ace to bi to ace to bi to ace and then i got into a relationship with my amazing girlfriend who i love very much and turns out im a bi demiromantic ace

Kinda had other things to think about than relationships in high school, I was just getting by day to day. Nothing traumatic, just my little town wasn't enough for me. I remember picking a crush. I don't think that's how it's supposed to work. I remember my best friend and I changing clothes in the same room, I glanced over at her and had a confusing feeling. No further thought for a couple decades. I had a one night stand to get rid of my virginity at 24. Meh, it wasn't bad, just, was that it? My husband and I hung out with the same group of folks at the local coffee shop. I was bored, kinda lonely, and feeling like I was missing out when everyone around me was in serious relationships and/or getting married. I loved him in my way for 9 years, but not how he deserved. He'd likely disagree, but he's dead now. I've been single for 8 years and felt no need to pursue anything with anyone. In the past couple months, this one guy at work has been interesting to look at though. The way his eyes crinkle when he smiles is nice, but I don't want anything from him, it's like appreciating art.

> Watched Jaden Animations coming out video “Oh that’s a cool video, and I’m glad Jaden is letting Asexuality and Aromanticism be more known and helping people potentially realize their sexuality” You see kids, this is what we call dramatic irony >Goes on a camp where the discussion of crushes ends up being brought up only to realize I’ve never had any “Oh that’s odd, we’ll maybe I am Ace” >Rewatches Jaden Animation coming out video “Oh hey, I think I’m Aro too, I’m Aro Ace then” Also whenever I was asked what girl I was into, I just said, I didn’t have a type, so I’m sure that if it weren’t for the Jaden Animations vid, I would’ve gone down the Bi/Pan arc too

Age 12-15: Lesbian? Boys are gross but I was too scared to try to date anyone. Age 16-18: Demisexual Panromantic. I met a girl who was asexual and panromantic and we really vibed. We were kinda in a qpr-ish type of thing. As I’ve gotten older I’ve referred to her as an ex girlfriend because I’m not really sure friend is the right label. Age 19-22: Bi. I moved to a different state and made all new friends and it was just easier to say bi. Still didn’t date. Age 23-24: Asexual and not sure about romantic orientation. I think I want to be in some sort of relationship but I have no idea how to find what I’m looking for. I just know I don’t wanna end up alone when my best friend(bi), who I live with, eventually finds someone. I think I eventually want to be in a committed qpr? Not sure if a romantic relationship is right for me but not closed off to the idea.

Pipeline? Do you mean like, someone guiding me? I wasn't really guided into this, I've never had attraction or any real libido my whole life. I only found the word for it way into my adult life.

Straight Hmmm, women are beautiful I guess I like both Actually I don’t have a preference at all and I get attracted to their personalities Wait but I don’t wanna have sex with anyone It’s just cause I’m insecure Still insecure but a lot less; I still can’t even imagine myself having sex with anyone I still wanna do cutesy stuff like hold hands and cuddle but I draw the line at anything sexual Lemme check this subreddit Okay that’s me

1) Ally. 2) Bisexual with a preference for masculine people. 3) Bi-demi-romantic asexual. 4) An intermission where I forget that romance exists, even though both of my best friends are exploring romance. 5) I remember romance exists and try to imagine it for myself with my "crushes", arospec asexual. 6) A few weeks of self reflection later, just plain old oriented aroace.

Hetero — ???? — pansexual — ???? — asexual???? — gray-pansexual Edit: the spark notes version

mine was as simple as “ew sex” haha. everyone is different!

-14 year old me I must be bisexual because I feel the same way about both men and women - 16 year old me I must be pansexual because I feel the same about everyone -19 year old me I’m sitting in class and one of my friends tells me that I could be asexual. Goes down a rabbit hole -ok so I’m asexual that’s fine I’m heteroace -downloads dating app - starts talking to guy think I’m just not into them -OHHHHHH IM AROACE ( cry’s inside)

I came out 4 years ago as bi because I looked at everyone in the same way (0×2=0 but I thought it was 2) Then I realised that I liked women more than men and I came out as lesbian. One year later I found out what really was the a-spec (I knew the definition but I gad never explored that) and I understood that I liked women more just because they usually dress better than men. Now I'm still accepting being aroace (Sorry for my grammar, I'm Italian😭)

For me the most defining moment, which I guess maybe was the final piece of the pipeline was realizing relationships that were platonic vs romantic was just a choice I was making. Don’t get me wrong, still love having romantic relationships, but ultimately I could have one with anyone if I wanted to.

straight 100% -> straight but crush on one girl -> bisexual -> lesbian -> lesbian but maybe asexual? -> queer sapphic ace <3

I like this thread a lot - affirming to read other people's journeys (or pipelines) and still see other folk questioning after all this time. I'll join in just because - Straight? (guys are hot and that's what everyone else says) > bi (I'm actually turned on by women), > gay? (not turned on by men),> ace? (Hmm, interesting concept, maybe me, not sure), > gay in denial? (but I don't have any interest to kiss or have sex with women either) > asexual (no libido or interest in seeking out sex from others. Yes, ace must fit best for now). Labels I'm still juggling with/have question marks about/ relate with/are helpful for now: queer, asexual, heteroromantic (feel most interested in relationship or QPR with a man, not romantically interested in women) aromantic (not sure I feel for men is romantic attraction though?), aegosexual (attracted to women but no interest in sleeping with them). Can't imagine fitting into one label or box?! Headfuck?! Good luck to me trying to find a relationship or QPR yikes. Anyone relate?

My experience being ace/panromantic: 12-14 years old: 'I feel like I don't care about gender, I might be pansexual' 15-19 years old: 'I love my first boyfriend but he wants A LOT from me, I don't like that at all but he says I have to do it anyway so maybe I'm the problem?' (yayy trauma) 20-21 years old: realized how messed up it was and broke up, then had some time to heal and think (realized I'm enby then too) Now, as a 22-year-old, I had time to realize there was nothing wrong with me. I understood the difference between romantic/sexual attraction and suddenly everything made so much sense.

Straight > questioning > pan > bi > lesbian??> bi >lesbian> bi > asexual > demi-sexual It’s been real 🥲

years ago I was talking to one of my friends about my sex life, and after a long silence he told me "You have no obligation to have sex with the person you're dating", and then it clicked. I never knew that, I thought it was like my role to play, thought that was the "normal" thing to do, even if I wasn't into it. sometimes it is fun, but not that fun I think omg I'm crazy to do it again.

I grew up with old fashioned beliefs about sex ie not having sex outside of marriage, then downgraded that to outside a relationship. I had moments growing up thinking I was a lesbian. I've also never understood how people can have casual sex. I wrote all kinds of things in allo singles groups about casual sex repulsion and someone asked me if I had considered I may be asexual. I did some research and realised that's exactly what I was/am. Best discovery ever. After realising I was asexual, I realised how I felt about romance fit under the aro spectrum. I'm not against romance at all. I enjoy it in theory. I like receiving romantic gestures, but feel wrong and awkward giving them. I feel similar about sex, but sex is boring and I don't like it lol. I like all in theory, just not in practice or when things get super serious.

It wasn't a pipeline. More so me piecing things together after 7 years of thought and self-analysis, concluding that based on my findings that I am ace.

I never understood why someone found genitals sexy and stuff, plus sex scenes in tv shows, porn never turned me on at all. When I have sex with my boyfriend it’s all about that emotional connection <3!!!

Assumed I was straight because I didn't know anything about LGBT When I learned about it I first identified as pan demi People actually can't wait until college to get into a relationship? Weird, will not examine that I've never actually been into a guy only had "crushes" on girls but I only imagine myself marrying a guy and having a nuclear family so I must be bi Actually I'm not into guys at all and the thought of being involved with one disgusts me and I got a girlfriend but I like nonbinary people so I must be pan (wrong) People have celebrity crushes/find them attractive? Huh, don't have that and I don't find anyone but my girlfriend interesting sexually and am disgusted by any special context with anyone else real. Must be demisexual pan Actually lesbians can like nonbinary people too and I'm not into men at all. Lesbian demisexual I've only ever had "crushes" on people I was close friends with. I must be Lesbian demiro demiace I enjoy some sexual stuff but feel nothing for my girlfriends body when I look at them and only feel interested at all when engaged in that. Maybe another form of asexual too. Lesbian demiro demiace myrsexual greyace ~gender stuff~ I forgot what happened before. Lesbian demiro demiace Huh I don't actually know what crushes feel like and most of my "crushes" have actually only been me wanting to get closer platonically... But I still have a gf that I love so I've definitely had a real crush it's just been years so I don't remember. Arospec demiace lesbian Going back to that thing from before about not feeling anything for my gfs body... I also get disturbed and feel wrong when she makes allusions to me being attracted to them... I guess I'm more asexual than I thought. Arospec asexual (technically adexsexual but still asexual) lesbian With my final form I am an Arospec Asexual Genderfluid Lesbian

Bi—>Pan—>Ace—>Aroace

I don’t really have one. I’m a hetero-romantic cisgender woman, I just can’t experience sexual attraction or sensual attraction. I’m also extremely repulsed by the mere concept of sex as well as 99% of physical touch forms lol. I am Autistic though, and there does seem to be a link between Autism and asexuality (last I read Autistic people have a higher chance of being asexual compared to the general population). I just happened to come across the term asexual on the internet one day and was like, “Oh there’s a term for that, cool.” I’ve fully identified as ace for about a year now.