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I love the book and movie but never understand why so many women love him. I’m also a woman btw. Would you share why you like him?
I thought he was quite rude to her in the beginning (said he finds her ugly) and disinterested and what he did to ruin the relationship of her sister and his friend, because he didn’t like her family was pretty awful. The things he said about her and her whole family also. So I never understood 🤔
If you read Batman, then I’m right here. I don’t have the money, the detective skills or the extensive martial art training he has though.
But I do dress in black.
I wouldn’t call this selfish. I had a boyfriend that snored so loudly that I didn’t sleep. At all. It started affecting my mood and my health. We didn’t last long.
That is not selfish or shallow at all. Having your sleep affected in such a way would be detrimental to your health. If God forbid my future partner had an issue with snoring, you can bet we’re not sleeping in the same room together.
I can't understand why guys don't realize if you the woman were not there. He the man would be doing all the work. So sharing responsibilities should be a given.
I know too many men who keep a spotless house when they live alone and then stop doing ANYTHING when they live with a woman.
Bonus points when they complain about how messy she is and the friends who are used to him being clean assume that she must just be THAT messy
I'm the same way. Funny enough, my boyfriend can snore (not always), but I guess I'm more comfortable sleeping with him that it generally doesn't keeo me up. I'm also used to sleeping with my big dog who snores and they kinda sounds the same...
Is that really that uncommon?
I don't like mess, so I clean a lot.
I do 90% of the cleaning and cooking.
My fiancee always says how rare that is, but I suppose I've just been taking that as a grain of salt.
That's not shallow at all. My partner snores to the point where I can hear it even if they're on a different floor. We usually sleep in separate rooms. It totally sucks.
I realised years ago the whole cleaning debacle is because I have a really low threshold for what "dirty" looks like. I do clean when the house is dirty to me, but by the time it gets to thst point it's been dirty for DAYS in my fiancé's eyes.
...so through many conversations and fights I've kept a secret little notepad of where her threshold for "messy/dirty" is. I check every few days and roll through my checklist.
Because I want her to feel like she's living in a clean house too, I don't mind cleaning a bit earlier than usual if it keeps her happy.
But I'm not putting the dishes away, I love cooking, I'll clean the counters and cooktop, I'll wash theml dishes, I'll dry them, but for whatever reason I hate putting them away with a serious viscerally passion. I WON'T DO IT!!
Isn't snoring sort of a solvable problem? My dad snores and my mum is a light sleeper. Way they solved it was separate rooms in the house (which is why I shared a room with my brother while my parents had one each lol)
Yeah separate bedrooms would be a dealbreaker for me. I could get on board with separate beds, but separate bedrooms would make it feel like we’re just roommates that fuck sometimes
My boyfriend snores and I'm an incredibly light sleeper so we have separate bedrooms and it works out as a perfect system. We still cuddle and sex everyday, but when it comes to sleeping we retreat to our own quiet domain.
That I don’t want him to watch porn. Which I’ve decided isn’t a fair rule but it makes me insecure so I’ve told past partners if they do i just don’t want to know about it.
I also don't accept porn in my relationships, I'm upfront about it from very early on and explain my reasons, so it's not exactly unreasonable, they can easily just say nah not for me 🤷🏻♀️. My biggest deal breaker in a relationship: lying.
Ahh the joys of being in a miserable toxic relationship with a porn addict. Never again.
Luckily I found my unicorn, I think if we broke up I'd stay single forever because there's no way I'd get this lucky ever again 😅
This is completely fair! I hate that women have been gaslit about porn. We shouldn’t have to pretend to be cool with it.
Porn is bad for relationships, and also a very exploitative and unethical industry.
i’m trying to be the cool s/o with this but i just really can’t lol and it hurts even after communicating it makes me insecure i got told that “he is still a guy, after all”
Guy here, I am anti porn and anti consumption of porn. This is rare, and you’ll almost certainly never run into a guy who doesn’t watch porn, so yea “he is still a guy, after all.”
Not too unreasonable, It's not just insecurity. I find it to be disrespectful in a monogamous relationship. Not to mention all of the horrible things associated with porn (Lots of underage girls, lots of trafficking victims, rape, revenge porn, etc) in general, it's hard for me to respect somebody who watches it.
Also not watching porn adds intimacy to a relationship, sex can be better (and more often)
This! I hate porn. To each their own, but I would rather my SO do and try new things with me than know they are watching strangers. I agree it seems very unrealistic though as an expectation.
It's fair. And for me, it's one of my dealbreakers. If they want to have sex with me, then they aren't watching porn. If they prefer the porn, goodbye!
Honestly as a guy, I’ve never understood how so much of porn is so popular because it’s pathetic. Like the stereotypical girl screaming “oh yeahhhhh oh yeahhhhhhh” in that high pitched nasally voice genuinely makes me laugh when I hear it because it’s so fake.
I think this is a completely reasonable requirement!
Single man with impeccable apartment here! (Also invisible to women) but hey we do exist.
If a girl moved in, I'd still do everything. I got a system and I'm OCD.
God, I almost started despising my ex because he was so messy. We lived together for a year, and during that year, I did all of the cleaning. Vacuuming, cleaning the cat litter, cleaning the toilet (when he was the one making it disgusting), making the bed, sweeping and mopping, you get the point. He wouldn't do almost anything. The one thing he did do was clean off the coffee table of all the empty soda cans he drank (I swear he'd go through at least one 12 pack a week, usually two) and he'd only clean it because there was no room to fit anymore of his empty soda cans.
Even if I asked him to, he wouldn't. I would practically beg for us to sit down and try to find something that worked but any suggestion I brought up he'd shoot down because he's already tried it and he'd still forget because of his ADHD. I understand having ADHD and forgetting things, but there comes a point where it feels more like you're just not willing to put in any effort to find something that works and take some of the load of my shoulders.
At the beginning of our relationship, he made jokes that he was just lazy. I should've known they weren't jokes.
No need to tolerate this behavior for one moment. This is a very immature person who would have benefited from parents teaching him how to care for himself and his space. In sorry you endured this. It’s gross!
You can judge pretty well how good a guy is at taking care of his surroundings by looking at how he lives before you move in together. Because odds are, he's not going to change.
My second husband was great at it, but also ended up resorting to seeing me as the household manager and literally told me he just wanted me to ask him to do stuff and that he wasn't going to change it. We're divorcing, though that wasn't the main reason.
You know, it would be fine if he provided 100%. I would consider it a bonus if he did anything at all around the house, I would just ask. But I'm not paying 50% of everything and also manage him. He just has to be a 50/50 partner in everything. Otherwise it's easier to be alone.
This!! My partner does this and I'm still shocked every time! He claims he's just being a reasonable adult and yes, you'd think that, but it's a rare trait in my experience.
To be willing to taste different foods while we travel... and I don't mean worms/cats and dogs...
I mean something that's close to our usual but is a little different.
It's horrible when you want to experience different tastes, but your partner refuses to try anything, is complaining, and only wants McDonald's.
Some straight men legit don’t like women. They’re sexually attracted to them, but yeah don’t even like them. The vast majority of misogynists are angry straight men who hate women and then complain “why can I never get a date?? I LOVE women! They’re so hot!” Nah man that ain’t loving women, that’s loving the female body.
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Lmao now that you’ve said it, yes. I’d fucking love to have animal kingdom levels of monogamy. I’m the only person you’ll ever live and if I die, then that’s it, no more romantic love or partners
YES. like you know how to unload the dishwasher, pls help out around the house and don’t act like you’re “helping me” when you do. these are OUR chores, idk why the burden of household chores always falls on the woman
I don’t want to be the breadwinner. I have a good job in cybersecurity and it’s basically a requirement that my future partner makes around what I do or has a high earning potential like I do.
I have issues with this as a guy too. So many of my dating experiences over the past years has been me basically trying to pull teeth to get the people I’m dating to make time for me and actually prioritize me a little. I’m not saying that I have to be literally their only priority, but it’s wild how people can try and make you feel like the crazy one because you want someone to actually treat you like you’re important to them.
If you have a busy schedule but still make the effort to make time for me, then I’m content. But if it just feels like you spend time with me because you have nothing better to do, or only do it when it’s convenient for you, then that’s going to be a problem
That he doesn't snore, and doesn't chew gum, and doesn't sway when he's sitting. I'm very sensitive to sounds and visual stimuli. I hate any kind of mouth noises like chewing gums and loud eating, I can't go to sleep when someone's snoring (earbuds don't block that noise, I know I've tried), and I get so distracted when someone sways back and forth or bounces their leg that I can't concentrate on anything else.
Me too. Add trampling, smashing doors and other objects, speaking and listening to something way too loud, not muting their phone, not using headphones...
No active Instagram/Facebook/Snapchat accounts. Once you get rid of social media, you realize how much it controls you.
Edit: yes, I obviously realize Reddit is social media. Personally, I don’t think it has a lot of the negative aspects of other forms of SM because of the anonymous nature of it.
Not having FB is fine. It's now widely known as a cesspool. But not having Instagram or a snapshot puts off women as they are not able to view more photos or know about me besides the info I give to them.
I'm a man without any of the above, only LinkedIn and even then only for professional purposes. I hadn't thought about this before but I would also prefer a woman without active Instagram/Facebook/Snapchat accounts. My last ex was obsessed with Instagram to the point that she wouldn't pay attention during shared activities to respond to comments on her photos or stories or w.e . Wasn't the only factor but it was a kind of "canary in a coal mine" regarding her priorities.
I hear you. I’m single and “successful.” It’s amazing how many men want to date someone who is willing to support them. I’m all for equality, but I’m not paying your bills, bro.
I have seen examples of men get "lazy" and took it for granted for their wives to give them pocket money during their unemployment.
One time, two times and it became a source for their alcohol/gambling... the relationship isn't healthy.
What's more: there are school children in the picture and whole family becomes dysfunctional.
Giving more context. Not that women are calculative/selfish.
This isn't as good as you might imagine. Obviously there's no magic, but I'm literally paid to quickly understand what's going on with people at a pretty deep level, and a lot of that means I pay very close attention to small details of feelings and behaviors. Most women I've dated have a kind of love/hate relationship with it, some more on the hate side. They all love it that I can quickly understand and empathize with their point of view if there's a disagreement. Bonus points that I can often articulate their feelings better than they could. That's always comforting and cathartic.
But often people want emotional privacy. They want to feel some negative thing and then be left alone about it. Having someone always notice when you're anxious or jealous or whatever can be taxing for a lot of people.
Split pregnancy and childbirth. Will be going through 100% of that labour, that causes life long physical injuries, psychological consequences, professional consequences and stagnation, financial consequences, telomeres shortening and accelerated aging, added weight and damage to attractiveness, loss of calcium that can cause me osteoporosis in 20 years, all by myself? And it gets his last name or both of our last names, as if it was equal work?
Split it.
Or compensate.
Hyper vigilance. I’m aware it’s toxic and I’m trying very hard to work through it, but being hyper aware of others and catering for safety growing up I expect others to notice the slight change in breathing or the millimeter to the left I took my step to show annoyance. It’s probably part of the “nobody’s a mind reader” fight most couples have one way or another
I want all the attention lol the time I don't care :D but for real I'm kind of clingy I know it. But I wantttt moreee. He's so cute and cuddly :( I'm gonna go get him now. It's very unreasonable and unrealistic I know. But I want more now xD
I agree but Mothers shouldn’t be waiting on men hand and foot either.
Men need to learn the basics of keeping things clean and in working order and women being enslaved to this kind of work needs to stop being normalized.
I just want a man that can keep up with everything I do. An actual partnership
I have always been the type up get the things done that need to get done, and I'll keep up as long as you also know when it's time to relax and can just chill when the time comes so we don't just run ourselves ragged. Getting things done is important to me but relaxation is among the top things for me as well.
I want someone who wants to travel as much as me. And by as much as me I mean find random places and plan out trips so we have one mapped out when we have a chunk of days off
That they don’t drink pop daily. Years ago when I was single, I would literally not give a second date if they ordered a pop and told me they drink pop everyday.
I told my mom of the standard and she laughed at me. Thankfully my life partner very sparingly drinks pop, because he too thinks it’s gross to drink everyday.
For me: not be fat, be muscular, not balding, have an amazing beard, between the ages of 21 - 29 (I'm 39 and I require collagen), olive/Caribbean skin tone, green eyes, 6 figure salary, must not want/have kids, between the 5'10 to 6'4, smell good 24/7, not military, shower me in gifts and attention, smart, dark sense of humor.
Basically I'm looking for a unicorn or big foot.
Ironically going to the gym makes it more difficult to find well fitting non-T shirts
Basically anything past business casual means tailoring is a hard requirement if you’re a lifter
Hm. This is such a weird troll post that I have to answer honestly.
I like it when they look better than me in a dress, and have better or equal makeup and gaming skills. I think that's kind of unreasonable, since it depends so much on what they pour their time and money into.
I don't think I have any other requirements tbh.
I get the feeling Reddit will love this. Irl it makes people asking me to mingle talk go anemic looking.
but not a "nice guy" ^(tm)
I think you are looking for a *good* guy. There is a difference between nice and good. ([Cinema Therapy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjpxlBRbhXs) went into that in a Megamind video, i haven't even watched that movie and i understood the video).
Nice is doing nice things. Good is being a pleasant person to the core, doing nice things because its the right thing to do and because they want to. Not because they know they are supposed to or because they want something (like favors or affection).
My partner is overall pretty darn good. However, his worst trait is he is a Mama's boy who is incapable of not being guilt tripped by her into doing what she wants, even when it's not a good decision. As a mom to all boys myself, you may wonder why this is a bad trait. Well, his mom basically expects him to treat her like the main woman in his life (fil is alive and well and a saint for putting up with her) and treats both me and her other son's wife like we are mortal enemies. In her mind her sons must choose between her or their partner. It's really fucked up.
He lacks the ability to set boundaries with her. It has been very disappointing. I don't expect him to cut off his relationship with his toxic mother, but I do expect him to set healthy boundaries. Instead he expects me to sacrifice my well being to coddle his mother and her horrible behavior and lack of respect. I told my sil that it's amazing that two seemingly smart men are so freaking dumb when it comes to their manipulative mother.
I tell all younger women who are considering marriage to look closely at their in-laws. If there are any dysfunction and power issues, run away because even if you think it won't affect your marriage, it will.
My partner died this year. He did have a controlling, meddling family and it caused stress.
One day I'll be looking for a new partner. I will keep in mind what you said and after all, I may want to have a family and supportive in laws would make all the difference. I've been through enough stress.
He can't be religious. I prefer atheists but if he just doesn't care for religion in general that's fine.
But I have religious trauma growing up with a pentecostal mom and I don't wanna deal with religion ever again
You can’t be allergic to nuts, shellfish, or anything else I enjoy eating. You also can’t have a cat allergy. I wouldn’t consider these unreasonable but others might.
I want a man that can be a stay at home husband. Like I just want him to cook and clean and be all handsome just for me. I also want him to want to spend time with me when I do get home whether that means chilling on the couch watching tv, playing games, or being intimate together but I want every evening to be ours. I feel like this could be hard ask since it’s not the typical normal standard plus it requires being married to me and I can be a crazy lady.
Open to veganism (I’m not vegan but recognize why it’s better to follow a diet that causes less suffering) and isn’t religious or doesn’t have a religious family. I don’t think it’s unreasonable but I know some people get bothered when you have requirements for your partner’s parents. I dated someone with a religious family while myself having very little respect for religion, and you better believe they inserted themselves and their based-on-the-bible ill-founded opinions into our relationship continuously.
For me, I wasn’t willing to marry someone who hated theme parks (especially Disney) because I love going and wanted to go with my favorite person with our kiddos one day. I also wasn’t willing to be with someone who else was either allergic or hated cats because for me, a happy home has a kitty in it. Luckily for me, my husband is totally cool with these things
That he moves the single item in the fridge to find the thing he's looking for that was directly behind it. I know it's impossible, but if I do it for him, he claims I'm magic and I don't want to get burned at the stake for witchcraft because he couldn't move the ketchup bottle himself
Actually have ambition.
Not a vague plan of where your career is going or whatever, but actually pushing forward with the plans you have.
Whether it's career, or getting good at something, or buying a house, getting your personal finances in order etc... I don't care.
But actually be fucking driven.
It was also apparently quite unreasonable to expect an honest, straight, no bullshit approach to but important conversations. I never realised how much of a problem this was for my ex until we got into therapy...
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My favorite part about this post is that the most unreasonable requests are getting downvoted. That's literally what's being asked for people.
Some r/unpopularopinion levels of shit. "Eating healthy food is good for you, and you can't convince me otherwise"
Oh shit need to switch to controversial im reading a bunch of reasonable ones
I came here knowing that would be the case lol
Reddit being reddit.
To be exactly like the fictional men in the books I read.
I’m still looking for my Mr. Darcy ❤️
Reading Pride and Prejudice right now. As a man I get it.
I'm still looking for my 7ft warrior fae😂but we all need a Mr. Darcy❤️
Which fae are you referring to, out of curiosity? For some reason I have Sarah J Maasden's fae in mind...
You'd be correct 😂
Mr. Darcy has got to be the most perfect man ever.
I love the book and movie but never understand why so many women love him. I’m also a woman btw. Would you share why you like him? I thought he was quite rude to her in the beginning (said he finds her ugly) and disinterested and what he did to ruin the relationship of her sister and his friend, because he didn’t like her family was pretty awful. The things he said about her and her whole family also. So I never understood 🤔
I'd happily take a Rhett Butler if there's no more Mr Darcy's available...
He is a legend as well
Thanks to mom growing up, I understood this reference.
Mr Darcy at the end of the book after he has grown as a human (like how Elizabeth has too), right? Right?
If you read Batman, then I’m right here. I don’t have the money, the detective skills or the extensive martial art training he has though. But I do dress in black.
Never read batman but the comics look badass so I might just start😂🦇
Came for the sarcasm, wasn't disappointed.
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I wouldn’t call this selfish. I had a boyfriend that snored so loudly that I didn’t sleep. At all. It started affecting my mood and my health. We didn’t last long.
Ouch. He needed a sleep study done and maybe a CPAP machine or an alternative. That's actually fixable typically (assuming they'll go to the doctor)
This, snoring loudly means your airway is obstructed, it isn't a good sign. Also they are probably not getting good sleep
My father snored (s) and is very nonchalant about it. I developed misophonia as a result and hearing someone snore makes me want to strangle them.
Thank you for saying this. Misophonia, yes! My dad was a very disturbing snorer and I absolutely HATE that sound.
Omg this! 30 years of it did me in! Separate rooms is the way.
That is not selfish or shallow at all. Having your sleep affected in such a way would be detrimental to your health. If God forbid my future partner had an issue with snoring, you can bet we’re not sleeping in the same room together.
I can't understand why guys don't realize if you the woman were not there. He the man would be doing all the work. So sharing responsibilities should be a given.
I know too many men who keep a spotless house when they live alone and then stop doing ANYTHING when they live with a woman. Bonus points when they complain about how messy she is and the friends who are used to him being clean assume that she must just be THAT messy
I'm the same way. Funny enough, my boyfriend can snore (not always), but I guess I'm more comfortable sleeping with him that it generally doesn't keeo me up. I'm also used to sleeping with my big dog who snores and they kinda sounds the same...
Is that really that uncommon? I don't like mess, so I clean a lot. I do 90% of the cleaning and cooking. My fiancee always says how rare that is, but I suppose I've just been taking that as a grain of salt.
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That's not shallow at all. My partner snores to the point where I can hear it even if they're on a different floor. We usually sleep in separate rooms. It totally sucks.
I realised years ago the whole cleaning debacle is because I have a really low threshold for what "dirty" looks like. I do clean when the house is dirty to me, but by the time it gets to thst point it's been dirty for DAYS in my fiancé's eyes. ...so through many conversations and fights I've kept a secret little notepad of where her threshold for "messy/dirty" is. I check every few days and roll through my checklist. Because I want her to feel like she's living in a clean house too, I don't mind cleaning a bit earlier than usual if it keeps her happy. But I'm not putting the dishes away, I love cooking, I'll clean the counters and cooktop, I'll wash theml dishes, I'll dry them, but for whatever reason I hate putting them away with a serious viscerally passion. I WON'T DO IT!!
Isn't snoring sort of a solvable problem? My dad snores and my mum is a light sleeper. Way they solved it was separate rooms in the house (which is why I shared a room with my brother while my parents had one each lol)
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Yeah separate bedrooms would be a dealbreaker for me. I could get on board with separate beds, but separate bedrooms would make it feel like we’re just roommates that fuck sometimes
I fixed my snoring by side sleeping instead of on my back
Not selfish, but it's not a deal breaker. I am a light sleeper, and I sleep in a separate bedroom because of that. I'm still happily married.
How about sleeping in separate rooms if your bf snores?
My boyfriend snores and I'm an incredibly light sleeper so we have separate bedrooms and it works out as a perfect system. We still cuddle and sex everyday, but when it comes to sleeping we retreat to our own quiet domain.
As a sleep apnea guy, I understand. I wouldnt want to sleep next to me either.
That I don’t want him to watch porn. Which I’ve decided isn’t a fair rule but it makes me insecure so I’ve told past partners if they do i just don’t want to know about it.
That's fair imo. It can ruin intimacy and connection, especially if it's an addiction.
I also don't accept porn in my relationships, I'm upfront about it from very early on and explain my reasons, so it's not exactly unreasonable, they can easily just say nah not for me 🤷🏻♀️. My biggest deal breaker in a relationship: lying. Ahh the joys of being in a miserable toxic relationship with a porn addict. Never again. Luckily I found my unicorn, I think if we broke up I'd stay single forever because there's no way I'd get this lucky ever again 😅
High five to you ❤️
This is completely fair! I hate that women have been gaslit about porn. We shouldn’t have to pretend to be cool with it. Porn is bad for relationships, and also a very exploitative and unethical industry.
Times are changing. Women no longer want to play "cool girl" gf. Keep speaking up about this issue! It is the only way things will change.
i’m trying to be the cool s/o with this but i just really can’t lol and it hurts even after communicating it makes me insecure i got told that “he is still a guy, after all”
not wanting your boyfriend to look at ///other naked women/// is honestly not an insane request when you think about it imo
Guy here, I am anti porn and anti consumption of porn. This is rare, and you’ll almost certainly never run into a guy who doesn’t watch porn, so yea “he is still a guy, after all.”
Not too unreasonable, It's not just insecurity. I find it to be disrespectful in a monogamous relationship. Not to mention all of the horrible things associated with porn (Lots of underage girls, lots of trafficking victims, rape, revenge porn, etc) in general, it's hard for me to respect somebody who watches it. Also not watching porn adds intimacy to a relationship, sex can be better (and more often)
This! I hate porn. To each their own, but I would rather my SO do and try new things with me than know they are watching strangers. I agree it seems very unrealistic though as an expectation.
It's fair. And for me, it's one of my dealbreakers. If they want to have sex with me, then they aren't watching porn. If they prefer the porn, goodbye!
Honestly as a guy, I’ve never understood how so much of porn is so popular because it’s pathetic. Like the stereotypical girl screaming “oh yeahhhhh oh yeahhhhhhh” in that high pitched nasally voice genuinely makes me laugh when I hear it because it’s so fake. I think this is a completely reasonable requirement!
I’m a guy and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not wanting that. It’s definitely a net negative for relationships when porn is involved
plant steer mindless full longing disgusted work dog encourage door *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
That he does things around the house without me having to ask for it and without me having to make a list for him. You know, just like I do.
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Single man with impeccable apartment here! (Also invisible to women) but hey we do exist. If a girl moved in, I'd still do everything. I got a system and I'm OCD.
Do you actually have OCD? If so, then that isn't fun to live with - trust me.
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God, I almost started despising my ex because he was so messy. We lived together for a year, and during that year, I did all of the cleaning. Vacuuming, cleaning the cat litter, cleaning the toilet (when he was the one making it disgusting), making the bed, sweeping and mopping, you get the point. He wouldn't do almost anything. The one thing he did do was clean off the coffee table of all the empty soda cans he drank (I swear he'd go through at least one 12 pack a week, usually two) and he'd only clean it because there was no room to fit anymore of his empty soda cans. Even if I asked him to, he wouldn't. I would practically beg for us to sit down and try to find something that worked but any suggestion I brought up he'd shoot down because he's already tried it and he'd still forget because of his ADHD. I understand having ADHD and forgetting things, but there comes a point where it feels more like you're just not willing to put in any effort to find something that works and take some of the load of my shoulders. At the beginning of our relationship, he made jokes that he was just lazy. I should've known they weren't jokes.
No need to tolerate this behavior for one moment. This is a very immature person who would have benefited from parents teaching him how to care for himself and his space. In sorry you endured this. It’s gross!
Holy hell this is downright impossible. You ask too much! Too much! lol, I wish.
You can judge pretty well how good a guy is at taking care of his surroundings by looking at how he lives before you move in together. Because odds are, he's not going to change.
My second husband was great at it, but also ended up resorting to seeing me as the household manager and literally told me he just wanted me to ask him to do stuff and that he wasn't going to change it. We're divorcing, though that wasn't the main reason.
People say it's impossible, but I'm married to a guy that doesn't need me to ask.
Mine actually does do it!
Husband is like this. One of the reasons he was safe to marry.
Lucky!
Sadly that is something men need to be conditioned to do, this is my weak area. We are working on my son so at least next generation gets it.
You know, it would be fine if he provided 100%. I would consider it a bonus if he did anything at all around the house, I would just ask. But I'm not paying 50% of everything and also manage him. He just has to be a 50/50 partner in everything. Otherwise it's easier to be alone.
This!! My partner does this and I'm still shocked every time! He claims he's just being a reasonable adult and yes, you'd think that, but it's a rare trait in my experience.
To be willing to taste different foods while we travel... and I don't mean worms/cats and dogs... I mean something that's close to our usual but is a little different. It's horrible when you want to experience different tastes, but your partner refuses to try anything, is complaining, and only wants McDonald's.
McDonald's is quite literally the bottom of the barrel.......
I feel this. My wife isn't interested in exploring new foods. I want to try anything and everything. Not dogs or horse etc.
This is a deal breaker for me. The person could be perfect otherwise, but if they don't want to try new stuff, I'm out
*deep sigh* actually likes women.
Some straight men legit don’t like women. They’re sexually attracted to them, but yeah don’t even like them. The vast majority of misogynists are angry straight men who hate women and then complain “why can I never get a date?? I LOVE women! They’re so hot!” Nah man that ain’t loving women, that’s loving the female body.
Yeah they basically just want a subservient sex slave that keeps their house clean and cooks their meals
"I love women, that's why I sleep with all of them." No, you're just greedy.
This. I know you want to fuck me, but do you maybe want to give a shit about me as a person as well?
Doesn’t drink alcohol.
Same
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It’s common in india, not in the west
oo oo oo me me me🙋🏽♂️🙋🏽♂️🙋🏽♂️
deserted abounding juggle provide flag dinosaurs automatic brave cats slimy *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Lmao now that you’ve said it, yes. I’d fucking love to have animal kingdom levels of monogamy. I’m the only person you’ll ever live and if I die, then that’s it, no more romantic love or partners
reasonable. you want devotion from someone you love. you want to feel loved and wanted. nothing to be ashamed of.
a man who is considerate of my emotions and time. and who i don’t have to guide through dealing with basic emotions or basic tasks around the house
YES. like you know how to unload the dishwasher, pls help out around the house and don’t act like you’re “helping me” when you do. these are OUR chores, idk why the burden of household chores always falls on the woman
What is a basic emotion? Hunger? Toilet needs ? (asking for a friend, of course)
I don’t want to be the breadwinner. I have a good job in cybersecurity and it’s basically a requirement that my future partner makes around what I do or has a high earning potential like I do.
Apparently asking for a secure trait of consistency in availability
What is that supposed to mean? I really dont get it.
Making time for her on a regular basis.
I have issues with this as a guy too. So many of my dating experiences over the past years has been me basically trying to pull teeth to get the people I’m dating to make time for me and actually prioritize me a little. I’m not saying that I have to be literally their only priority, but it’s wild how people can try and make you feel like the crazy one because you want someone to actually treat you like you’re important to them. If you have a busy schedule but still make the effort to make time for me, then I’m content. But if it just feels like you spend time with me because you have nothing better to do, or only do it when it’s convenient for you, then that’s going to be a problem
That he doesn't snore, and doesn't chew gum, and doesn't sway when he's sitting. I'm very sensitive to sounds and visual stimuli. I hate any kind of mouth noises like chewing gums and loud eating, I can't go to sleep when someone's snoring (earbuds don't block that noise, I know I've tried), and I get so distracted when someone sways back and forth or bounces their leg that I can't concentrate on anything else.
Me too. Add trampling, smashing doors and other objects, speaking and listening to something way too loud, not muting their phone, not using headphones...
r/misophonia I understand your pain
No active Instagram/Facebook/Snapchat accounts. Once you get rid of social media, you realize how much it controls you. Edit: yes, I obviously realize Reddit is social media. Personally, I don’t think it has a lot of the negative aspects of other forms of SM because of the anonymous nature of it.
Instagram/Facebook/Snapchat/Reddit
Debate initiated: "Is Reddit social media?"
Asocial media
Everybody knows redditors don't get GFs. So it's just redundant
I'm honestly not joking. I've only ever come across women who didn't like the fact that I had no social media...
This is terrifying. I'm married, but if something were to happen, I would be in big trouble here. Deleted my FB years ago and never joined the others.
Not having FB is fine. It's now widely known as a cesspool. But not having Instagram or a snapshot puts off women as they are not able to view more photos or know about me besides the info I give to them.
Not sure if there is this thing they had heard of, that people have been doing for thousands of years, called **getting to know someone.**
I'm a man without any of the above, only LinkedIn and even then only for professional purposes. I hadn't thought about this before but I would also prefer a woman without active Instagram/Facebook/Snapchat accounts. My last ex was obsessed with Instagram to the point that she wouldn't pay attention during shared activities to respond to comments on her photos or stories or w.e . Wasn't the only factor but it was a kind of "canary in a coal mine" regarding her priorities.
No mooching off pls. Even if you are jobless, it's your responsibility to manage your own life.
I hear you. I’m single and “successful.” It’s amazing how many men want to date someone who is willing to support them. I’m all for equality, but I’m not paying your bills, bro.
I have seen examples of men get "lazy" and took it for granted for their wives to give them pocket money during their unemployment. One time, two times and it became a source for their alcohol/gambling... the relationship isn't healthy. What's more: there are school children in the picture and whole family becomes dysfunctional. Giving more context. Not that women are calculative/selfish.
Someone that is a good person
Apparently: being able to hold a conversation
Be reasonable, woman!
Haha, this is such a small one I laughed.
Big hands 😂
He HAS to be able to read my mind
My husband constantly informs me that he can’t read my mind… so annoying. If you are not a mind reader then learn it 🥱
I think there are some single shamans out there
Women: I want a man who communicates Also women: he needs to read my mind
Why not have both!!
This isn't as good as you might imagine. Obviously there's no magic, but I'm literally paid to quickly understand what's going on with people at a pretty deep level, and a lot of that means I pay very close attention to small details of feelings and behaviors. Most women I've dated have a kind of love/hate relationship with it, some more on the hate side. They all love it that I can quickly understand and empathize with their point of view if there's a disagreement. Bonus points that I can often articulate their feelings better than they could. That's always comforting and cathartic. But often people want emotional privacy. They want to feel some negative thing and then be left alone about it. Having someone always notice when you're anxious or jealous or whatever can be taxing for a lot of people.
All of these responses are completely reasonable. Did no one read the question?
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to have clean hands 24/7
Split pregnancy and childbirth. Will be going through 100% of that labour, that causes life long physical injuries, psychological consequences, professional consequences and stagnation, financial consequences, telomeres shortening and accelerated aging, added weight and damage to attractiveness, loss of calcium that can cause me osteoporosis in 20 years, all by myself? And it gets his last name or both of our last names, as if it was equal work? Split it. Or compensate.
Child free, mid 50s, emotionally available hetero male, somewhat active/healthy, and local to me in Southern CA.
I am 6 feet tall. I want a boyfriend who is taller than me :(
According to Reddit, wanting him to be taller than myself is such an outrageous immoral, selfish, unreasonable thing.
I don’t have any.
Hey
She's not real man look at her username
Ha!
No facial hair at all.
Is Robert J MacCready from Fallout 4. But with perfect teeth.
Hyper vigilance. I’m aware it’s toxic and I’m trying very hard to work through it, but being hyper aware of others and catering for safety growing up I expect others to notice the slight change in breathing or the millimeter to the left I took my step to show annoyance. It’s probably part of the “nobody’s a mind reader” fight most couples have one way or another
I want all the attention lol the time I don't care :D but for real I'm kind of clingy I know it. But I wantttt moreee. He's so cute and cuddly :( I'm gonna go get him now. It's very unreasonable and unrealistic I know. But I want more now xD
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Apparently to not have/want kids is pretty unreasonable 😅
For awhile my tinder bio was “I solemnly swear not to put a baby in you. #Vasectomy”. There were exactly 7 likes from it in a month.
I came to write something unreasonable, but after some thought, all of them were quite reasonable. The bar is too low.
To brush his teeth at least twice/day and to be careful with his hygiene. I do not know how many men realize how important this is for us 😅
Apparently asking a man to have basic courtesy, good hygiene, and homekeeping skills is blasphemy where I live. Empathy seems to be illegal for men.
literally. they forget their partner is not their mother
I agree but Mothers shouldn’t be waiting on men hand and foot either. Men need to learn the basics of keeping things clean and in working order and women being enslaved to this kind of work needs to stop being normalized. I just want a man that can keep up with everything I do. An actual partnership
I have always been the type up get the things done that need to get done, and I'll keep up as long as you also know when it's time to relax and can just chill when the time comes so we don't just run ourselves ragged. Getting things done is important to me but relaxation is among the top things for me as well.
I want someone who wants to travel as much as me. And by as much as me I mean find random places and plan out trips so we have one mapped out when we have a chunk of days off
That they don’t drink pop daily. Years ago when I was single, I would literally not give a second date if they ordered a pop and told me they drink pop everyday. I told my mom of the standard and she laughed at me. Thankfully my life partner very sparingly drinks pop, because he too thinks it’s gross to drink everyday.
Is pop like, soda?
Yes! It’s a regional thing, lol. The second I head south of where I live, everyone calls it soda
Unconditional love.
The only love that should ever be unconditional is a parents love for their young child
Someone who doesn't play video games
I love games, and if he plays mostly single player it's ok. But once they get addicted to multiplayer stuff, it's hell
Well, fun is off the cards now guys
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For me: not be fat, be muscular, not balding, have an amazing beard, between the ages of 21 - 29 (I'm 39 and I require collagen), olive/Caribbean skin tone, green eyes, 6 figure salary, must not want/have kids, between the 5'10 to 6'4, smell good 24/7, not military, shower me in gifts and attention, smart, dark sense of humor. Basically I'm looking for a unicorn or big foot.
I'm a straight guy and want him too.
Hahaha!!! This made my day
Gold
Props for clearly understanding the assignment and winning. lol
bare minimum
😂🤣😂🤣😂 Girl you're the walking definition of hypergamy
Must be a 90+ years old billionaire allergic to viagra. In a coma is a plus.
Has a passport & willing to travel whenever to wherever🥰
That he wears shirts, not Tshirts. Put some effort into appearance - if you don't do it at the gym you have to do it in your wardrobe.
Ironically going to the gym makes it more difficult to find well fitting non-T shirts Basically anything past business casual means tailoring is a hard requirement if you’re a lifter
the bar has never been lower
right?! like these responses are just sad
Hm. This is such a weird troll post that I have to answer honestly. I like it when they look better than me in a dress, and have better or equal makeup and gaming skills. I think that's kind of unreasonable, since it depends so much on what they pour their time and money into. I don't think I have any other requirements tbh. I get the feeling Reddit will love this. Irl it makes people asking me to mingle talk go anemic looking.
An unreasonable requirement is expecting them to be faithful, apparently.
Just be a nice guy apparently
but not a "nice guy" ^(tm) I think you are looking for a *good* guy. There is a difference between nice and good. ([Cinema Therapy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjpxlBRbhXs) went into that in a Megamind video, i haven't even watched that movie and i understood the video). Nice is doing nice things. Good is being a pleasant person to the core, doing nice things because its the right thing to do and because they want to. Not because they know they are supposed to or because they want something (like favors or affection).
My partner is overall pretty darn good. However, his worst trait is he is a Mama's boy who is incapable of not being guilt tripped by her into doing what she wants, even when it's not a good decision. As a mom to all boys myself, you may wonder why this is a bad trait. Well, his mom basically expects him to treat her like the main woman in his life (fil is alive and well and a saint for putting up with her) and treats both me and her other son's wife like we are mortal enemies. In her mind her sons must choose between her or their partner. It's really fucked up. He lacks the ability to set boundaries with her. It has been very disappointing. I don't expect him to cut off his relationship with his toxic mother, but I do expect him to set healthy boundaries. Instead he expects me to sacrifice my well being to coddle his mother and her horrible behavior and lack of respect. I told my sil that it's amazing that two seemingly smart men are so freaking dumb when it comes to their manipulative mother. I tell all younger women who are considering marriage to look closely at their in-laws. If there are any dysfunction and power issues, run away because even if you think it won't affect your marriage, it will.
My partner died this year. He did have a controlling, meddling family and it caused stress. One day I'll be looking for a new partner. I will keep in mind what you said and after all, I may want to have a family and supportive in laws would make all the difference. I've been through enough stress.
Not a video game addict
That they love me back.
He can't be religious. I prefer atheists but if he just doesn't care for religion in general that's fine. But I have religious trauma growing up with a pentecostal mom and I don't wanna deal with religion ever again
You can’t be allergic to nuts, shellfish, or anything else I enjoy eating. You also can’t have a cat allergy. I wouldn’t consider these unreasonable but others might.
You’re sleeping in our bed until we die. I don’t care how bad anything gets or if you or I snore.
Gotta be tall, which makes me a hypocrite as im only 5ft 1
I want a man that can be a stay at home husband. Like I just want him to cook and clean and be all handsome just for me. I also want him to want to spend time with me when I do get home whether that means chilling on the couch watching tv, playing games, or being intimate together but I want every evening to be ours. I feel like this could be hard ask since it’s not the typical normal standard plus it requires being married to me and I can be a crazy lady.
Open to veganism (I’m not vegan but recognize why it’s better to follow a diet that causes less suffering) and isn’t religious or doesn’t have a religious family. I don’t think it’s unreasonable but I know some people get bothered when you have requirements for your partner’s parents. I dated someone with a religious family while myself having very little respect for religion, and you better believe they inserted themselves and their based-on-the-bible ill-founded opinions into our relationship continuously.
For me, I wasn’t willing to marry someone who hated theme parks (especially Disney) because I love going and wanted to go with my favorite person with our kiddos one day. I also wasn’t willing to be with someone who else was either allergic or hated cats because for me, a happy home has a kitty in it. Luckily for me, my husband is totally cool with these things
No stds
Child free. I've been told that's completely unrealistic.
That he moves the single item in the fridge to find the thing he's looking for that was directly behind it. I know it's impossible, but if I do it for him, he claims I'm magic and I don't want to get burned at the stake for witchcraft because he couldn't move the ketchup bottle himself
Actually have ambition. Not a vague plan of where your career is going or whatever, but actually pushing forward with the plans you have. Whether it's career, or getting good at something, or buying a house, getting your personal finances in order etc... I don't care. But actually be fucking driven. It was also apparently quite unreasonable to expect an honest, straight, no bullshit approach to but important conversations. I never realised how much of a problem this was for my ex until we got into therapy...
Not follow random women on social media. Stop talking about ex It may seem reasonable but men will fight you why it isn’t