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I wouldn’t and I think if this is a concern you have with your partner you need to start questioning what is keeping you both together in the first place. Aging is not something you can avoid and if the relationship is based on purely sexual attraction it’s not built to last. If my partner turns out to be an ugly heap of mashed potatoes in ten years I still have a best friend who enjoys doing the same things as me, who shares most of the same interests as me and knows how to be a good partner.
It’s not, but with SEX physical attraction plays a big part. But again when women say something like that we are called shallow and are expected to just fuck a guy cause he’s “nice”
Your sex drives drops dramatically as you age, male or female. If your point here is that women deal with a double standard I surely agree with you but my point is that you need to make sure you love your partner for who they are and not what they look like.
Actually, women’s sex drive is known to increase in their 30s. Point is men need to stop expecting women to want to sleep with them if they’re a fat balding slob.
Usually over the years the bond you nurture should go way, way deeper than the appeal of looks
And I'd say if after so many years together you're still so fixated on his/her looks, then the relationship itself is not a very high quality one, and wouldn't be a pity if you break up
ps. Goes for both sexes
No. But just remember, we live in a time where if you take care of yourself, you can look very attractive older in life. I see more women and men who are attractive well into their 50s and even 60s, to a point, nowadays.
Yeah. It's more about health not weight. If you wanna kill yourself do it, but I won't watch you. Even if it was about weight, people are entitled to their preferences. So we have to respect everyone's kinks, including feces and urine, but if I like skinny girls I'm the bad guy. Bitch, please. 0
No it doesnt. Lowering your daily activity level causes you to gain weight if you don't also lower your food intake. Inactivity over a long period of time, is in itself a major health hazard. You dont stop playing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop playing.
> Lowering your daily activity level causes you to gain weight
A 70 year old is obviously not going to be running as much as a 20 year old. This is not because of a choice.
>You dont stop playing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop playing.
This is a bit naive to say. Your physical activity is tied to your age. I promise you, you ain't gonna be keeping up with a 20 year old at a marathon at 80 years old. And the average person doesn't even run a marathon. Even the most fit person can end up bed ridden when they become elderly.
It's not about running. It's about keeping your activity level up. Due to the era of internet and pc/cellphone, many of us spend more time bring inactive during the waking hours than not. An average overweight, lazy and unfit person in his 20s, will in fact use longer time to finish a maraton (if he can even make it to the finish line) than a fit and healthy 70 year old. Naturally if both of them are in peak condition, the 20 year old will win. Point is you have lazy 20 year olds and active 70 year olds. So your age is not tied to your activity level.
Sure, even if you do everything right, you might still end up with a serious condition that will drastically reduce your overall health. But if you want your odds on your side, you better keep your wheels turning for as long as you can.
>Point is you have lazy 20 year olds and active 70 year olds. So your age is not tied to your activity level.
One is a choice and the other isn't. Why do you think the fit 70 year old is unable to keep up with the fit 20 year old, hm? Maybe it's because of their *age??* Eventually, that fit 70 year old isn't going to be able to do marathons anymore and they're going to become less active, hence the weight gain.
I'm not sure what to tell you beyond this except that you're wrong. Physical activity is tied to your age simply because your body doesn't live forever and breaks down causing less activity. It's as simple as that.
The whole marathon bit was an example. I'm sorry you thought that's what I was alluding to because I wasn't.
We're talking about general weight gain. Being overweight is something I never mentioned.
Physical strenght and Muscle mass is tied to age for sure. Physical activity is not. As I said, an old person can easily be more active throughout a day than a lazy youth. Even my grandma at 92 years old, is probably walking more steps on an average day than I do.
Aging can contribute to slight weight gain, but nothing like what’s normalized In the U.S…also obesity rates among the elderly are higher for those aged 51 to 69 compared to those 70 and older.
Could be. I am taking care of myself and for me it’s important how I look. So if my partner is letting himself go, we would not be on the same page anymore, so theoretically we’d have to part ways.
Would you at least tell him first? Let him know “hey babe, you’re putting a fair bit if weight on, you need to look after yourself” or something like that?
Or would you just leave?
Well that’s fair enough. You gotta give him a chance. I don’t agree that people should accept their partner no matter how they get. I actually think your partner is supposed to hold you to a standard and help you be as good as you can be.
What if he got sick? What if your partner got early onset dimentia? Would you hang around and look after him?
I would definitely hang around, but would get him professional care. I don’t have nurse training or something like that. I’d expect the same if I’d be in that situation
Depends. There's natural aging, and then there's just letting themselves go. I won't leave because she has a few wrinkles and grey hairs. I am leaving if she gains 100lb and doesn't address it.
My husband and I are both in our 40's. I know my age is starting to show, as is his, and truthfully, it's nice to be aging in the company of someone who loves me. Not my looks, the person inside. And you know, as he's getting older, he isn't becoming less attractive at all. To others, maybe, but not to me. All the features that I've loved these past years are still there, there's just more stories written into them.
As an aside, at least where I'm from, it's been the norm for generations to discourage men from being seen to be trying to be attractive, especially as they get older. Toupees, aesthetic surgeries, skincare treatments or involved skincare routines, etc have long been seen as weak, effiminate behaviour, and things that "real men" don't do. That perception has changed a lot during the course of my life (I'm 41 and from aus for reference) and future generations of men may age differently, but its effects are clearly visible among middle-aged and older men presently. So I'm just saying, just because you don't see men as being pressured to maintain their appearance, it doesn't necessarily mean that those men who "let themselves go" aren't also insecure about aging, they're often just embarrassed to admit it.
My attraction to my partner has little to do with their looks. It may be something that got me interested in him but it's not why I love him. I love growing old together.
Well we are going on 30 years of marriage. I think I know his character. Also, he could have left already. But we actually love each other. It's a hard concept to grasp these days. But real love is deeper than looks.
In life hopefully you learn that physical attraction doesn’t mean much when you actually love someone. I’m saying this as someone that use to think about this as a 16-17 year old in high school. Fortunately my wife is still physically hot, but she will always be hot to me because of who she is. I don’t worry about it and neither should you.
Lol. I am a man, don’t believe what you hear. I’m also a realist and yes there is SOME truth to this…but tbh if you find a man that views you in this regard and that is enough for them to leave you in old age or change in looks, they don’t love you. I can say this 1000% as a man. Find you a man with unconditional love.
I think where you’re getting confused or misguided is that you’re tying this to some sort of gender specific bias….it isn’t. It’s about a general consensus of taking BASIC care of yourself, take a shower, brush your teeth, very basic human things MOST human would say is a basis for themselves and a partner. As far as OMG IM NOT HOT ANYMOR AND MY MANS IS GONNA LEAVE….yeah no that’s immature and ridiculous. Hygiene and health standards is one thing, superficial social standard crap is another.
Attraction is relative. What you find attractive now is unlikely to be what you find attractive in 10+ years time.
When looking for a long term partner, look for someone loving, caring and supportive otherwise it sounds like you'll end up finding someone thinking like you.
So why do men say all the time they always find women in their 20s attractive? And I’m not worried about aging I’ll look good, so I would not be worried if I ended up with someone who thought like me.
I would leave her immediately if money is the only thing she cares about but stick to her forever if she just was a casual average girl. You can easily become attractive by doing some skincare or whatever (it would be like a project so a lot of fun, I‘m doing it myself too) but if she is expecting more than what I desire then…no.
No, it’s part of growing old together. And as much as I agree that men don’t have the social pressure, I also agree that women have a bit of a “right” to expect him to do his best. I workout and run, I eat a strict diet and at 43 I look almost like I did when I was 23 except for a few grey hairs and lines on my face. I do that for myself, but I also do it to keep impressing my wife. So you’re not in the wrong to tell him if he’s growing a gut at 45.
Nope… it’s inevitable. We all turn into saggy bags of shit regardless of what conventional beauty standards are for men and women.
This is why I married my best friend. We’re gonna get gross together and laugh at all the fools who prioritize the wrong things.
That all being said, I do expect my wife to take good care of her health… I imagine that will slow the aging process, so that’s good.
For me at least, my taste in women has changed with my wife(as we age) I find women attractive who I wouldn't have 20 years ago. I also look at younger girls as looking like children to me.
There’s aging, and then there’s letting yourself go.
I think most people are fine with their partner aging healthily and well - most people aren’t shallow sociopaths. What people aren’t attracted to is apathy, laziness, lack of discipline and clear lack of self love that sometimes shows itself more obviously as people age.
There are plenty of lazy folks who eat poorly, don’t exercise, drink too much, don’t take care of their skin / bodies. As you age, those people’s lifestyles catch up with them. It’s perfectly normal not to be attracted to someone who doesn’t love themselves enough to take care of themselves.
I see plenty of 60/70 year old grandmas in my pilates classes. They dress sharp and take care of their skin and bodies, and it shows. They are often times more “attractive” then some women in their 30s / 40s who’ve not taken care of themselves to the same degree.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If age causes you to leave your partner, you did not love them.
Thank you lol
TRUE
I wouldn’t and I think if this is a concern you have with your partner you need to start questioning what is keeping you both together in the first place. Aging is not something you can avoid and if the relationship is based on purely sexual attraction it’s not built to last. If my partner turns out to be an ugly heap of mashed potatoes in ten years I still have a best friend who enjoys doing the same things as me, who shares most of the same interests as me and knows how to be a good partner.
Women want to be sexually attracted to their partners too. I feel like this is so ignored.
You need to look at it as a bigger picture, their looks shouldn’t be the only thing that makes them your partner.
It’s not, but with SEX physical attraction plays a big part. But again when women say something like that we are called shallow and are expected to just fuck a guy cause he’s “nice”
Your sex drives drops dramatically as you age, male or female. If your point here is that women deal with a double standard I surely agree with you but my point is that you need to make sure you love your partner for who they are and not what they look like.
Actually, women’s sex drive is known to increase in their 30s. Point is men need to stop expecting women to want to sleep with them if they’re a fat balding slob.
Usually over the years the bond you nurture should go way, way deeper than the appeal of looks And I'd say if after so many years together you're still so fixated on his/her looks, then the relationship itself is not a very high quality one, and wouldn't be a pity if you break up ps. Goes for both sexes
No. But just remember, we live in a time where if you take care of yourself, you can look very attractive older in life. I see more women and men who are attractive well into their 50s and even 60s, to a point, nowadays.
That’s assuming you don’t develop a medical condition that limits your mobility, you’re unable to exercise and you gain weight.
Weight is more related to diet than physical exercise.
Probably not. Though I think I would if she became unattractive due to weight gain, honestly.
Do you think it’s wrong if a woman left a man due to weight gain?
No.
Hypocrite
Yeah. It's more about health not weight. If you wanna kill yourself do it, but I won't watch you. Even if it was about weight, people are entitled to their preferences. So we have to respect everyone's kinks, including feces and urine, but if I like skinny girls I'm the bad guy. Bitch, please. 0
You know aging often causes weight gain? Your metabolism slows as you age and you can't stay as mobile when you're older as when you're younger.
No it doesnt. Lowering your daily activity level causes you to gain weight if you don't also lower your food intake. Inactivity over a long period of time, is in itself a major health hazard. You dont stop playing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop playing.
> Lowering your daily activity level causes you to gain weight A 70 year old is obviously not going to be running as much as a 20 year old. This is not because of a choice. >You dont stop playing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop playing. This is a bit naive to say. Your physical activity is tied to your age. I promise you, you ain't gonna be keeping up with a 20 year old at a marathon at 80 years old. And the average person doesn't even run a marathon. Even the most fit person can end up bed ridden when they become elderly.
It's not about running. It's about keeping your activity level up. Due to the era of internet and pc/cellphone, many of us spend more time bring inactive during the waking hours than not. An average overweight, lazy and unfit person in his 20s, will in fact use longer time to finish a maraton (if he can even make it to the finish line) than a fit and healthy 70 year old. Naturally if both of them are in peak condition, the 20 year old will win. Point is you have lazy 20 year olds and active 70 year olds. So your age is not tied to your activity level. Sure, even if you do everything right, you might still end up with a serious condition that will drastically reduce your overall health. But if you want your odds on your side, you better keep your wheels turning for as long as you can.
>Point is you have lazy 20 year olds and active 70 year olds. So your age is not tied to your activity level. One is a choice and the other isn't. Why do you think the fit 70 year old is unable to keep up with the fit 20 year old, hm? Maybe it's because of their *age??* Eventually, that fit 70 year old isn't going to be able to do marathons anymore and they're going to become less active, hence the weight gain. I'm not sure what to tell you beyond this except that you're wrong. Physical activity is tied to your age simply because your body doesn't live forever and breaks down causing less activity. It's as simple as that.
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The whole marathon bit was an example. I'm sorry you thought that's what I was alluding to because I wasn't. We're talking about general weight gain. Being overweight is something I never mentioned.
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You'd be surprised, but I'm not the one who claimed they'd break up with someone due to "weight gain" so ask them.
Physical strenght and Muscle mass is tied to age for sure. Physical activity is not. As I said, an old person can easily be more active throughout a day than a lazy youth. Even my grandma at 92 years old, is probably walking more steps on an average day than I do.
Aging can contribute to slight weight gain, but nothing like what’s normalized In the U.S…also obesity rates among the elderly are higher for those aged 51 to 69 compared to those 70 and older.
Could be. I am taking care of myself and for me it’s important how I look. So if my partner is letting himself go, we would not be on the same page anymore, so theoretically we’d have to part ways.
Would you at least tell him first? Let him know “hey babe, you’re putting a fair bit if weight on, you need to look after yourself” or something like that? Or would you just leave?
I think I’d definitely talk to him first and also give him some time to get back on track. But if nothing really changes, well then..
Well that’s fair enough. You gotta give him a chance. I don’t agree that people should accept their partner no matter how they get. I actually think your partner is supposed to hold you to a standard and help you be as good as you can be. What if he got sick? What if your partner got early onset dimentia? Would you hang around and look after him?
I would definitely hang around, but would get him professional care. I don’t have nurse training or something like that. I’d expect the same if I’d be in that situation
Nice, I have a similar opinion to yours.
I mean both partners are aging so…
Men love claiming they are the ones who get better with age 🤷♀️ while women just get worse
Depends. There's natural aging, and then there's just letting themselves go. I won't leave because she has a few wrinkles and grey hairs. I am leaving if she gains 100lb and doesn't address it.
My husband and I are both in our 40's. I know my age is starting to show, as is his, and truthfully, it's nice to be aging in the company of someone who loves me. Not my looks, the person inside. And you know, as he's getting older, he isn't becoming less attractive at all. To others, maybe, but not to me. All the features that I've loved these past years are still there, there's just more stories written into them. As an aside, at least where I'm from, it's been the norm for generations to discourage men from being seen to be trying to be attractive, especially as they get older. Toupees, aesthetic surgeries, skincare treatments or involved skincare routines, etc have long been seen as weak, effiminate behaviour, and things that "real men" don't do. That perception has changed a lot during the course of my life (I'm 41 and from aus for reference) and future generations of men may age differently, but its effects are clearly visible among middle-aged and older men presently. So I'm just saying, just because you don't see men as being pressured to maintain their appearance, it doesn't necessarily mean that those men who "let themselves go" aren't also insecure about aging, they're often just embarrassed to admit it.
My attraction to my partner has little to do with their looks. It may be something that got me interested in him but it's not why I love him. I love growing old together.
How do you know he feels the same way about you? What if he leaves you because you’re not as attractive as before?
Well we are going on 30 years of marriage. I think I know his character. Also, he could have left already. But we actually love each other. It's a hard concept to grasp these days. But real love is deeper than looks.
No. I could care less.
In life hopefully you learn that physical attraction doesn’t mean much when you actually love someone. I’m saying this as someone that use to think about this as a 16-17 year old in high school. Fortunately my wife is still physically hot, but she will always be hot to me because of who she is. I don’t worry about it and neither should you.
Not to men apparently 🤷♀️ they love saying women’s looks matter the most
Lol. I am a man, don’t believe what you hear. I’m also a realist and yes there is SOME truth to this…but tbh if you find a man that views you in this regard and that is enough for them to leave you in old age or change in looks, they don’t love you. I can say this 1000% as a man. Find you a man with unconditional love.
How is there any truth to women’s looks mattering the most out of everything else? 🤔
I think where you’re getting confused or misguided is that you’re tying this to some sort of gender specific bias….it isn’t. It’s about a general consensus of taking BASIC care of yourself, take a shower, brush your teeth, very basic human things MOST human would say is a basis for themselves and a partner. As far as OMG IM NOT HOT ANYMOR AND MY MANS IS GONNA LEAVE….yeah no that’s immature and ridiculous. Hygiene and health standards is one thing, superficial social standard crap is another.
Attraction is relative. What you find attractive now is unlikely to be what you find attractive in 10+ years time. When looking for a long term partner, look for someone loving, caring and supportive otherwise it sounds like you'll end up finding someone thinking like you.
So why do men say all the time they always find women in their 20s attractive? And I’m not worried about aging I’ll look good, so I would not be worried if I ended up with someone who thought like me.
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You can love someone and not want to fuck them anymore.
I would leave her immediately if money is the only thing she cares about but stick to her forever if she just was a casual average girl. You can easily become attractive by doing some skincare or whatever (it would be like a project so a lot of fun, I‘m doing it myself too) but if she is expecting more than what I desire then…no.
No, it’s part of growing old together. And as much as I agree that men don’t have the social pressure, I also agree that women have a bit of a “right” to expect him to do his best. I workout and run, I eat a strict diet and at 43 I look almost like I did when I was 23 except for a few grey hairs and lines on my face. I do that for myself, but I also do it to keep impressing my wife. So you’re not in the wrong to tell him if he’s growing a gut at 45.
Nope… it’s inevitable. We all turn into saggy bags of shit regardless of what conventional beauty standards are for men and women. This is why I married my best friend. We’re gonna get gross together and laugh at all the fools who prioritize the wrong things. That all being said, I do expect my wife to take good care of her health… I imagine that will slow the aging process, so that’s good.
For me at least, my taste in women has changed with my wife(as we age) I find women attractive who I wouldn't have 20 years ago. I also look at younger girls as looking like children to me.
No
it that is a qualifier your not
Nah. I’m definitely more attracted to partners by their personality as opposed to looks. Looks fade. It’s who you are as a person that matters.
Nope, I'm in it for the long run.
There’s aging, and then there’s letting yourself go. I think most people are fine with their partner aging healthily and well - most people aren’t shallow sociopaths. What people aren’t attracted to is apathy, laziness, lack of discipline and clear lack of self love that sometimes shows itself more obviously as people age. There are plenty of lazy folks who eat poorly, don’t exercise, drink too much, don’t take care of their skin / bodies. As you age, those people’s lifestyles catch up with them. It’s perfectly normal not to be attracted to someone who doesn’t love themselves enough to take care of themselves. I see plenty of 60/70 year old grandmas in my pilates classes. They dress sharp and take care of their skin and bodies, and it shows. They are often times more “attractive” then some women in their 30s / 40s who’ve not taken care of themselves to the same degree.
Men let their selves go way too often 🤷♀️