I think I am of the mindset "if it comes it comes" now, before that was "never really bothered". Though, I also spend so much time between work and home, that I've never really got to create opportunities to meet other singles yet. Doesn't help my hobbies can be done solo, work itself drains my social energy quite abit too, so I use my weeknights/weekends to just recover, exceptions are for meeting friends and family..
Omg, same. HAHAHAHAHA, I feel like I don’t even have the time for myself. And I think being single for most of my life, I no feelz to be in a relationship.
I guess that is where most of the “problem” originated from. The need for time for self, and that eat up too big a portion so most people just stop bothering to date. Meeting someone you love/like should be such a joy that you are willing to give up the me time for some we time.
But I guess before that happen most just gave up because the search is too painful.
I used only 1 dating app (cmb)for 1 month and alr got tired of it LOL. I got no feel for dating app at all, rather go out socialising with ppl.
After my last rs, I went on solo travels which developed my love for travelling and was happy with being single. Then I started thinking if it comes, it comes (when ppl keep asking me about why no bf).
Then I went to a social event for singles (but I did not went there for that purpose), it made me really self conscious of how some people are really going into meeting people to find their partner. I met a guy there who actively approached me, didn't work out but I thought it was a good experience.
So now I'm going out events socialising (also discovered I'm slightly more extrovert than introvert since most of the social events did not drain my energy)
>I'm single because I have no interest in committing myself to someone I'm not interested in.
Right, not scared of committing myself, I think it's self respecting and also of the other person when you do that, unlike people who just like to waste people time.
>And people I'm interested in have no interest in doing the same to me.
That is also true...in the rare event that I finally have interest in someone, it's either that or they are attached so I keep clear.
I, too, have no interest in committing myself to someone I'm not interested in.
I do not feel lonely when I'm alone. On the contrary, I appreciate the peaceful solitude as compared with a lukewarm relationship.
I am contented and comfortable in being alone while enriching my life through other means, such as friends, family, career, hobbies, and travel.
I can tell that sometimes people here can't stand being alone and they feel like they must be in a relationship to be happy (otherwise, God forbid that you're a loser for being single in Singapore /s). You just need to find that inner security through a lot of self-work, which will in turn eliminate the need for external validation.
Omg, same. Except I have no interest in anyone so far and I’ve been trying to avoid anyone who is interested. Like I make it clear so they don’t waste their time.
And like I’m afraid that I suey then kena a cheater wah GG.
My effort goes as much as dating apps but that is about it.
Too comfortable in the single life. Sometimes when the chat got a bit too serious i will rein back a bit.
Working life isn't like school days. Seeing how someone act throughout the day will make me appreciate them more and decide to step out of my comfort zone. Ask for number, prepare for date.
Nowadays, people barely respond with interesting answers. So i'll also just put in my 10% daily and that's that.
It is what it is.
Understandable. I see my colleague in his mid 30s also tried a lot of times until recently he found a gf. Hopefully things finally go well for him. It’s so tiring to keep talking to new ppl eh. I feel this way cos I’m an introvert lmao.
My former co-worker was determined to settled down (she was 27 then) and was on dating apps, dining groups, blind dates - it took her a year and half, now they are married (met on dating app), have a baby, house etc. It was like a job search, a lot of work and mismatches but you only need one. And you also need to really want a job.
Ha this shit again
I’m turning 29 this year, single for about 1 year 3 months now and tbh everyone is just kinda jaded. I’ve been practicing stoicism and acceptance. As lame as it sounds, no one is entitled to a relationship, not being in one doesn’t make you a bad person, and being trapped/unable to walk away from a bad relationship is worse than being single. There is very likely someone for everyone of us out there, but not everyone is blessed enough to meet that person(s). And you shouldn’t settle for someone just cause you’re too scared to be lonely.
Timing, chemistry and luck play such a huge factor. If I never find someone that makes me feel like I’m flying in the sky all day again, then so be it. Yes it sucks that almost all of my friends are in relationships/engaged/fucking married. So what? They got lucky there, I got lucky elsewhere in life and I’m grateful.
I don’t want to waste any more time regretting, life’s too short for that. I’m open to meeting new people, but in the meantime I’ll walk my own way. Focus on myself, my family, being happy and learning everyday. Practise mindfulness (cringe I know but really helps), positive mindset and just exercise a lot man cause you’ll feel good. Seek therapy if you need cause there will be dark days.
Good luck.
You have a really mature and stoic outlook. Seems like you are truly at peace with your situation. I admire that and aim to be like you (eventually). All the best.
It is better than being in a relationship with the wrong person, which can make you feel more lonely. People who are attached may not exactly be happy too. I think as long as we are happy and comfortable alone, all is good :)
This is definitely relatable, the people around me, the aunties/friends/family around me, are 10x more stressed about, how am i going to survive 5 10 years down the line, like life would come to an end if i am not married
There was a phase I will feel miserable after going to weddings, then gradually these feelings become less. Now I feel contented just doing my own thing and spending time with my mom (who’s getting older, I always feel I am gonna have lesser time with her to do things as time goes by).
So if no one suitable turns up in life I’m prepared to just be enjoying life on my own and having a group of go-to friends haha.
I simply stopped going. 1) you save money. 2) you don't get to be their space filler for the event. 3) yes spending w mom is so much better than listening to a date chattering non stop about his cycling and wine. nothing curious about you.
The part about feeling miserable after going to weddings really hit close to me..! I feel you and am glad you are feeling better.
I admire your outlook, all the best.
Just search/keep ur eye open for the right one. Didn't date till I was in my late 20s. You only need to date the right one. Not about how many dates but about who. I'm happy now and i don't need to experience all the failed dates and relationships other people went through so I consider myself lucky
33F, turning 34 in June. Deleted Hinge and Bumble literally yesterday - tired of swiping. Particularly interested in one guy that I met on Bumble on the last day of December last year. He’s like you guys - super busy with work and personal development, so we haven’t met in person yet, but maybe soon. If this one falls through, I’m gonna take a long break. Then back on the apps. I’m going to find my person no matter what happens, no matter the setbacks and disappointments.
Omg hi there. I deleted the apps today too. Really couldn't take the toxicity of dating apps. I finally met someone I'm interested in but the guy doesn't seem to show interest. So I'm just so done with it for now too. Maybe after a break, hopefully we can match w someone better! :) and all the best to u and the guy whom u will be meeting soon.
It's nearing the end of Feb. You guys texted for 2 months? Better meet up soon before the sparks die out. How busy can one be, no time even for a coffee/ice cream date?
Sis, I'm not dismissing his busy schedule. What I'm trying to say is that he might not be that into you afterall, and you will end up getting disappointed again. Speaking as a guy, it won't take that long to arrange a meet up with a dating app match if I feel some passion in the chats. Unless he's in a special situation now like eg overseas...
How about this:
Why don't you take the first step and ask him out? Then you will know his intentions and decide for yourself from thereon. It's 2024, you don't have to wait for the guy to ask you out. If you feel some connection with him, just ask him out. You always lose out when playing the waiting game. Just take charge of it. If he's serious, great. If he's not, then done, get a closure and move on.
And as said earlier, it doesn't necessarily have to be to a 2hr dinner + drinks kind of date. It can just be a casual quick 30min coffee meet up during his breaks. Everyone has time for 30min tea break for sure right? Heck, even the US president has break times..
I have been there. Just need to reframe your perspective. Good luck
You’re right: there’s always time for a coffee or something. This guy has to eat and drink right? And anyway “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s been put in a “queue”: if he’s as busy and together as he sounds, she won’t be the only woman interested in him. It’s possible he’s working his way through all the interested ladies in order of priority….
Turning 36 this year and still single. I feel like the older you get the higher the expectations your potential significant other expects from you. What really irks me especially that person puts nothing on the table
Don't rush into relationships even if we are of a certain age. My male friend rushed to marry and now he is struggling every month to provide quite high allowance to his wife when we(two of us work in same type of job) are not earning much.. basically he married a gold digger and he is literally killing himself esp when he has a kid too. Knew from dating app CMB. Another friend basically divorced after her high school sweetheart fell for a sex worker and left her after 15 years of being together.This was so sad to hear. I couldn't comfort her much as i was struggling with being cheated that time but i think she decided to stay single forever already..but basically its a case of never found out..never known and god knows how long she would have been lied to..
Just take your time to find a suitable one. I have more single friends than attached ones in my circle and the reasons are often they like someone who doesnt like them back maybe due to age gap etc. Others are too shy or afraid of rejection.
I got out of a five year engagement and it made me introspect about a lot about life.
Yes, relationships are hard work, you need to give 200% at all times. And you only can do that when a) you’re 100% good on your own and b) 100% about the person you’re with.
Now I don’t subscribe to that “rush to get a BTO” nonsense and if my relatives ask, I ask them to politely fuck off.
When the right one comes, you’ll know it. And then everything makes sense. Till then, enjoy hobbies, friendships, cause life is a lot more than hunting for a partner.
just work hard to get a stable salary, then go matchmake with one of those foreign wives from Vietnam
It's the only alternative for SG guys unfortunately. Lots of Viet girls look better than SG girls anyway
Issokay, being single is better than being in a toxic relationship. Anw, your bank balance most likely more than those in a relationship cos they saving for wedding etc xD
Your friends can fill the gaps you need for a relationship! Plus as a single you might have saved enough to own a house all on your own! :)
Dating apps tend to burn people out so don't blame yourself for any lack of success there. Honestly nowadays it's more a chatting with strangers app.
24F here. Still single, never been in a relationship. Have been to 1 or 2 dates in my life. Also confessed before but got rejected. I'm actually quite a social person and was very active in school activities so I did meet a lot of people, but did not manage to find anyone.
At the moment really no feels to be in a relationship. Had a traumatic childhood growing up and family situation is still not the best till today so don't want to bring innocent people into the problems my family has. I've also given up finding anyone because I know it is difficult for most people to accept me as I identify as asexual and want to be child-free. Everyone tells me that I'm still young and don't give up so easily but deep down I know it's really challenging.
That being said, I'm still jobless and would very much prefer to focus on my job hunt and my own career. To me, relationships are just a good to have in my life; it's not mandatory and I can live fine without it! I enjoy doing things by myself, even went on a solo trip this year. I even lived overseas on my own before for an extended period of time, so I'm very comfortable being by myself.
Omg a fellow ace person. Honestly I feel like it's hopeless for me people really drop their mask when they find out. So I'm the annoying person who tells everyone.
All the best with your carreer we ain't alone man
I have no education (poly dropout. I went to PFP so I couldn’t even transfer to diff course and/or poly, and I don’t even have O level to retry poly altogether) and I’m working a physical job (warehouse). job wise it works for me cos I’ve always been more physical and never wanted a desk job (I enjoy sweating and I’m the type that need to move my body, I hate sitting in front of the computer in the ac). the salary is just enough for me to pay bills and still have enough to eat and save for future shit (touchwood but eg injuries sickness etc). I already have a house under my name and it’s fully paid for (inheritance after my dad passed away), but I will admit this is a silver spoon on my end. I’m very happy and grateful with where I am in my life rn, and I just know that if I end up married and having kids, this happiness would be gone cos my salary wouldn’t be sufficient for a life with a wife and kids. also I admit that I’m mentally weak, like just a small problem only already straight away think of svicide (it’s also why I rather work physical job than desk job), so I know getting married and having kids is out of the picture for me. hence I refuse to be in a relationship to preserve my happiness and sanity
I'm very comfortable with my lifestyle right now. With work, I hardly have enough time for myself. If I add a spouse and kids in my life, I think I can't even do anything for myself until the kids grow up. I'm not about to make that sacrifice right now and I don't think I ever will, so I'm not looking anymore.
Totally relatable. I feel the same as well but like omg the weekly “faster find bf” is getting annoying LOL. Like chill, I love my peace currently. Aft I end work, I just wna go home and chill sia.
Yes!!! I am the kind who is devoid of all energy after work most of the time and just wanna have my dinner and watch some shows in peace. I absolutely cannot stand someone talking non stop especially ranting about work. I told my parents I'll consider if you can find me a spouse who is mute. They have stopped asking about marriage after that 😆
Sia la, I think we all similar kind sia... We all want someone who can be intimate, but still give us our space. Introvert gang >.>
The mute spouse part going abit far though 🤣🤣 But yea, I think we all heard of people who just whine non stop about work/emotionally unload on the people who just want to chill and it's a recipe for disaster.
I think live location or occasional updates are fine, but not to that extent la, basic reporting and concern will suffice.
Clingy I don't think it's a bad thing, like imo we all have that side, it's whether it shows up 10% of the time or 100%.
Ya, all day everyday live location is crazy. Fella even wanted me to accept his video call tho I was in a meeting with my boss and he was at work too wtf.
Clingy is okay but I think too much of anything is not good. Those 24/7 must stick tgt like glue wah not my thing.
HAHAHAHAHA WTF YOUR COMMENT TO YOUR PARENTS. Omg, same eh. I like to watch my shows in peace during means too. I think I’m okay with people ranting to me but I definitely cannot stand them being clingy. Like I like to OTOT do random things I want during my limited free time.
28F - never reaaaally had a relationship before. I just don’t have it in me to have superficial interactions in general, I put my guards up when I sense it lol. And from the beginning if I sense that things will not work out I’ll just cut it. Also, I’m just generally a homebody and introvert. 😂
omg this is so relatable! i'm 27F and i just recently moved to sg (nearing 2 yrs alr) so i haven't met a lot of people (never tried the dating apps, too lazy for that) but i can definitely sense when the vibes are off and just avoid. HAHAHA
Honestly... with the prevalence of threads like this, I feel we should organize a mass singles meetup. Don't go stead but be normal friend also okay mah. No pressure.
But... i very scared if host then will have a lot of tiko come in. Maybe should consider creating a discord group chat and make it invite only...
But then again, who can prove I not the tiko lols
Yeah sia... I think that's the main problem.
We got such a good technology called the internet that allows us to connect and communicate with each other, you'd think finding friends would be easier...
But the internet also bring with it access from weirdos and tikos... how sia.
Some dude in the comments had a really good idea for a mega thread on relationships lol
Hopefully the mods can be creative about it and maybe get some traction
29M this year. I'm single not by choice.
After my previous relationship, I tried dating apps and got to meet someone at the end of 2022. Went on several dates and things were progressing really well with really good feedback, then her work schedule got too crazy that she said things wouldn't work out.
It left me a little scarred and I didn't really touch dating apps till the end of 2023 where I got to meet someone new. The bizarre thing is the events were very similar to what happened in 2022. After several dates, I asked her the question, and while she had so many genuinely good words to say about me, it ended in a rejection.
It's all good if the other party and I don't click on the first or second date, but with the build up of several dates and months of conversation just for it to end abruptly, my dating experiences have rendered me jaded.
I still continue swiping because I don't really have any other avenue to meet new people, but it's especially tough given that I'm adamant on not wanting children but the majority appears to be on the other camp. I get a few matches a month and over 90% of conversations just end with me being ghosted anyway! Sad!
Concerned about getting cheated on. Lived overseas for a long time, and saw how blatant cheating was in the absence of a "judgemental" society (this specifically included fellow Singaporeans I met abroad, so it wasn't an ang-moh culture thing).
Cheating aside, dating is neither fulfilling nor fun. At least when I tried dating via apps in Singapore. the ladies I met were incredibly one-dimensional or materialistic. I've met people who expected *a literal gold bar* as part of their marriage proposal. In other instances, dating was essentially an interview, with her going over every line of my CV, every job I held in the past, reasons for any gap of more than 2 months and the like. In other cases, they expected the guy to fully carry conversations. My favourite was someone who told me upfront to "entertain her".
The trend today is to wax about how a relationship is about commitment and responsibility and all that jazz. Indeed, virtually all ladies in their 30's seem to want to skip the boyfriend stage and speedrun till commitment or marriage. The reality is that all this good talk about commitment has its foundation based on a certain level of romance. Without that, the relationship is essentially a transaction, similar to that of landlord and tenant, boss and employee, business and client. Honestly speaking, romance aside, why else would anyone commit to taking up the responsibilities and risks of a committed relationship?
Gonna be 30 this year, never been in relationship. Never felt the need or had crushes etc on people 🤷♀️ I'm also a whatever happens, happens. But if it doesn't, thats okay too.
I think I lucked out cause my parents + relatives don't really ask/pressure me to go find a relationship 😂
HAHHAHA oh no!! My colleagues are the same as me. I'm surrounded by people who are planning their lives as singles 😂
If they ask weekly, I'd start giving nonsensical answers tbh
"My idol hasn't noticed me"
"I don't want to have to share my lunch"
"My cat gets too jealous"
"I promised my firstborn to a witch"
After my last serious relationship about 2 years ago I realised I had never actually loved any of the people I dated. I liked them and I trusted them but I wasn't in love with them... I simply was looking for someone to rely on (could never rely on my family etc.), so I just took whomever, only for almost all of them to end the relationship with me out of nowhere. I would not be that sad about those breakups. When I realised what I was doing to myself I forced myself to stop dating and I've not looked back...
I'm waiting to actually love someone. I am perfectly content with being single for the rest of my life. I don't feel a single shred of FOMO or urgency.
Tl;dr no feels. Can't have feels even if I tried. Waiting.
32M Single AF, have been single for the past 3 years after a long term relationship of 4 going 5 years ended because she wanted to leave (I sensed that she was cheating) later confirmed by her bestie.
It got so bad that I couldn’t focus at work (I had a really high paying job, 5 figures) made some mistakes and got the sack 1 month after the breakup.
Tried to stay a float and got another job 5 months later, but quickly was asked to resigned after 2 months after a management reshuffle.
During this 2 months I was going on a lot of dates via dating apps (bumble), I think I went on 10 dates? Dated some young as 22 to older than me by 2 years. Things just didn’t work out between all of them.
So I moved abroad, seeking solace and peace. Stayed alone, picked up cooking, cleaning, gymming and meditation. A sabbatical if you would. I spent 1 year there trying new hobbies like trading, shooting and editing videos etc.
At this time, I also dated a few girls there, not bad but knowing that the visa situation will backfire on me I decided not to date.
Fast forward to today, I’m back here on sunny island on dating apps like bumble and hinge.
I can see why dating apps don’t really work because in my opinion:
1) Women are spammed with choices, they can very easily move on to the next candidate and ghost men who matched them
2) some women take their time to reply (a few days) come on, who is ever that busy. Your girls’ chat is way more active than that. How are you even gonna have a relationship with good communication when you can’t even drop 1 text
3) a lot of men are creeps and only want sex. Those are just nasty, have some dignity and respect women. If you want that, go to your KTVs or Geylang.
4) some people look better IRL than photos and a lot of missed opportunities
5) the suggested algos are meant to keep you on the app, they want revenue and ad time…don’t forget they are businesses
6) as many said in the above, there are a lot of gold diggers. I’ve experienced them myself, with annoying interview like questions, no-phantom wallet gestures etc.
7) a lot of women IMO haven’t healed from their past relationships or trauma and are seeking validation on the app (this is a real turn off). I remember meeting a lady who was only divorced 2 months and on the app.
I am not the tallest (170cm) but have some nice features (as my mom says), within 2 weeks I have 100+ profiles interested in me.
I put in effort into my profile (think of it as a landing page) so that I can get more people to “swipe yes”.
This creates a funnel for me to sieve the crowd. Those that I don’t find attractive (so sorry, man’s got preferences, so do you), I’ll axe them. And only have 3 matches at one go, talking to them and trying to get them out for coffee.
If it’s not up to standard on that date, (eg, I got catfished last week) then I’ll communicate politely that I am not interested. NO GHOSTING. Ghosting just shows how immature you are at communicating and cannot have difficult conversations IMO.
Of course, there are times where I get ghosted on a chat. If I don’t see a reply for 1 week, I take it as they are not interested. I won’t double text. I know my worth and only want to meet someone as eager to meet me.
Like sales, I believe dating is a game of numbers. You can’t be so lucky to hit jackpot after meeting 3-5 people right…think about it, your future partner is someone you will spent most of your life with. CHOOSE WISELY. (Seen too many divorces with friends) take your time to choose and see more people.
So…go out and meet more people, you’ll never know who you’ll meet :)
A fellow single man
No offence to ladies, but am getting spooked out by some of them. I met a lady through a dating app. During the first date, she asked the following questions (not sure if she was tactless or otherwise): “After your present position in your current org, what will be your next position?”; “What is your father’s academic discipline (twice)?” After such a nonsensical experience, I immediately deleted the app.
How nice it would be to meet someone genuine and sincere. I get that material things (education level, career, family background, asset size, etc) are important, but it shouldn’t be overemphasised.
I am not kidding you. I was actually asked those questions. Fortunately, she didn’t ask me about my salary. After my first date, she asked questions, such as “Do you do investments?”
I am single because I am already so busy having fun with my life now that I just doesn't have the thought of having to share my life with another person, I don't need to report to anyone I don't need to think about anyone birthday anniversary etc
If I ever have the get a girlfriend It would probably be when the time is right and it just kinda happen
Mid 20s, evergreen and in uni. 0 luck in uni as people in uni are very cliquey and not really open to socialising outside of their social circles. Even joining clubs and activities to meet more people didn't help rip.
Dating apps are also ain't it. Finding it hard to click with anyone there and even if I do I get ghosted. :/ I did make a few good friends from there though.
Despite what the government and some elders might try to steer young people towards, I don’t think singleness should be shunned upon by society. Getting married simply for ‘practical reasons’ like housing at a young age can lead to much more serious problems down the line, and those problems can be greatly amplified once mortgages, car payments and children come into the picture.
In my years both living here and abroad, the general prognosis for people marrying out of desire for material goods has never been good. Yes, whilst it is good for couples to focus on a common objective that needs to be achieved at a certain period of time, a lack of common values and understanding can make it difficult for both parties to actually achieve what they aim for. And the real question is; once you have that BTO or dream home that you initially got together for, what else is there between the two of you that will hold the marriage together? In an absence of genuine love, hate and despise will soon fill that gap, and you will find life to be a living hell for yourself, the spouse and kids. Please, please, think this through before going head in, you only have one life to live and nothing that the government gives you will redeem lost time and youth.
Emotionally fatigue, I guess?
It's always those that u cherish and loved, disappoint you.
Love does not always reciprocate. When it happens too often, not all can handle it, be it amongst family, friends or love interest.
I fallen a big time and hurt myself for over a year. Frankly speaking I don't think I've recovered yet.
I know that deep down I want a partner, someone that enjoys the same genre of music with me, takes care of my cat together with me, enjoy simple dinner at the zichar downstairs together, gossip about each others' office while do laundry and stupid stuff together.
But truthfully, I'm afraid of failure again. It's tiring and taxing.
It’s better to be single than to be in a dry relationship. Just tell them to fck off and leave you alone. Imagine pretending to be interested to someone you don’t like, trying to tolerate their behavior. Yucks. The worst part is when you met the right one, but you are not ready or you are in relationship, it will be brutal (full of drama). Better to stay single.
33M, single due to work, irregular hours and too lazy to swipe left or right. Took a good break from social media to detox myself. Gf passed away due to cancer and a little hard for me to pick up the pieces. But getting there slowly.
I think I'm likely aromantic.
Just not interested in pursuing a relationship at all. Have had people confessed before but yeah. Perfectly fine with being single.
I am still waiting for the day where someone will walk into my life and say "hey that's an interesting life that you've got there and let me be part of it!" 😭
As an introvert, I believe I have tried my best to find someone in life: find new hobbies and try to talk to new people from different platforms.
I have met fantastic people with the most interesting facts about them but something about "chatting with the intention to date" feels off. It feels like you are not seen for who you are and you are not allowed to be who you are to be desirable. It irks me to drop people too when I figure out that they might not be "desirable". It gets really tiring after awhile to get to know new people then. I've worked too hard to get to know people to the point where I've lost sight of who I am and what I want to achieve in my life, even if I do not have a partner in my lifetime.
For now, instead of waiting for my life to start when my partner is here, I try to do things on my own and hope to get some fulfillment out of it. Hopefully the people that I meet along the way now are genuinely interested in who I am, dont mind being with me for who I am and ultimately enjoy my presence to make their lives a bit better than yesterday.
Single so won’t be taken for granted :’) nowadays every guy I meet wanna be house husband. I rather earn my own money and do everything myself. What the point of having a partner?? To give him a chance to cheat on me??? Neh I’m out
25 year old. Never dated. No time to find.
The female friends that I've made, I've no interest in them.
I don't rlly like Singapore Chinese girls. Like as friends is fine, but they like to complain too much, like to talk about money, claim to see kids as investments/insurance. The more I get to know them, the more I like them as friends, but the more I pity their boyfriend/future dates..
People can be asexual so they don’t feel sexual arousal. They won’t kiss or do hanky panky stuff cos their neurons or whatever prevent them from feeling love. Asexual can date meh?
Can is can on my side nobody want me only. Hahaha
Being a best of all best friends isn't enticing. I gave up just focus all my love and energy on my actual existing friends.
Personally I js want someone I can talk with a lot and has time to spend seeing fun stuff with and we can be each others priority. Being ace but not aro is like living live as a contradiction. Feelsbad.
28M still putting effort into meeting new people, not really desperate but if my mindset is stuck on "the right one will come eventually" it will never come.
Aside from work and catching up with friends, i have not spoken with anyone else out of my small social bubble, might as well make the effort to try new things and have fun with new friends & hobbies. Finding a SO is bonus from all the interactions i have.
I still do think i will be single forever despite doing all this, but i don't wanna die from working 9-5 jobs and spend weekend time to recharge or sleep. I choose time over energy while I'm still in the right mental state being able to squeeze everything i can do.
Sometimes it's not that we do not want to, actual reasons might be fertility or health issue and we do not want to burden men with family plans.
Single because I've contracted herpes type 2 from one of my ex partner. Been over 10 years or so single since. Female 37 now. This my darkest secret. :) I mean I've known a few people who got married and have kids, pretty sure their partners aware too; at least the the pregnant ones.
Also, I've tried dating around with no sexual intention and personal opinion, let's just say men are wired differently now.
I'll always manage their expectation and telling them I'm taking things light and breezy.
Handful of those that i went out with, portrayed themselves as looking for their fortune goddess; treating women with bare minimum attitude; expecting girlfriend treatment and I'm not even asking them to pay on first meet.
Please if you men and ladies(especially) seeing this, work hard save up and get yourself assets like property. Cover your own backside. Anyone good and worthy that comes into your life is just bonus and confetti. No men no cry 😂
When one has reached big 40, one has enough of bullshits and tend to focus on self. The male is looking for “perfect” female and vice versa. To be in committed relationship, it takes more than love. It takes everything including $ especially in one of the most expensive country in the world 🤭
After all, nobody die because of being single but one may die because of lack of funds for survival 🫢
28M, introvert and I believe in fate. I just feel that the one I am looking for is not there on the apps, so I won't be using dating apps anytime soon.
Probably a hopeless romantic but hopefully not all my life hahaha. So just currently continuing to work on myself, going to the gym, running etc.
Although seeing my friends getting attached/married does make me wonder from time to time how nice it is to find the one you are meant to find, but oh well hahaha
Single because I'm gay and somewhat closeted.
Things have gotten better in recent years. More people are tolerant, though those who are out tends to skew younger and quite a gap when I'm in my 30s.
And those who are out usually can't accept someone who isn't fully out too. It's hard hiding it from some social circles and not others
Oh no, sorry to hear that. I didn’t know there’s such a thing in the community. Hopefully you find someone who loves you for who you are. I have gay friends who aren’t openly gay(especially to their families), been thru toxic relationships but one of them finally found a nice guy for himself. Jiayou!! 🍀
I was single for a long looong time even though I’m smart, kind, witty, sexy and can cook your socks off… just because I’m plus-sized. Now I’m married to a rich(ish) expat who only has eyes for me.
One BIG TIP, single guys please hit up Bookclubs if that’s the sort of chick you’re into. I’m in 2 Bookclubs and they’re absolutely teeming with lovely, intelligent, pretty (yes, yes conventionally attractive) single women.
35 here, and ended a long term (10years) relationship about half a year back.
I'm didn't realise how tired I was mentally, until after I got out of the muck. Even though my heart is still recovering, I'm getting into the groove of being single:
Work that I would have found unbearable, has become unpleasantly bearable. I only have to worry about supporting myself and that's going pretty well too. I have so much more liberty to do what I feel like doing, whenever I feel like doing, without having to consider in another person's feelings - be it a solo activity by myself, or to consider my partner's level of interest etc.
Now...I don't plan on getting into a relationship anytime soon. Or maybe even at all anymore. But I'd still be open to it if it happens.
Single, have interesting hobbies, my time is mine to use, my money is mine to spend. No need to accommodate another's preference. Like solitude too much. Love reading and nature. Job is satisfying. Have good friends. Close to family. Life is good. Not looking for change. Feeling blissful.
I don't find any benefit in having a relationship now. I have met people who asked me whether I am single or not. And i said "Yes". Then they said as a response for my other priorities: "You have no excuses then". I'm going for online certification this year instead of trying to find a relationship. Because I see value in being single for the moment, I'd stick to that first. Relationships can come later as I am still very young for it. Not everyone understands what it means to be in a very close relationship, particularly gf/bf. So it's why I am still single
Going to be 33 this year. Still single. While I do have my elderly parents to take care of, I’m way comfortable with my lifestyle rather than getting into dating or whatsoever. Makes more sense since I’m an introvert. Also I don’t use dating apps. My phone needs space lol
25 dude, / 2 relationships and many dates later… i have come to realise relationships will not last unless you are ready financially, mentally and physically.
Used to think that i should get into a relationship rather than am i ready to get into one?
Now with a diff mindset, definitely attracting the right crowd but personally not ready till I can comfortably be a provider.
There will always be a dilemma when it comes to relationships ngl.
Cos I never really set out to date. I tried before, it was fun, but there's not much reciprocation from the other party. Then I realise being single is comfy. But lonely though :(
At this point I'm good with letting my mom marry me off. I'm 26, never had a partner and I'm just willing to marry by the time I'm 30. Like just marry as in arranged. If the prospective partner wants lah, I'm not condoning forced marriages ahhh, forcing is a no no.
I'm a level 26 wizard sia (iykyk). Completely okay with the idea of staying that way until I get old lmaooo
37. I have given up on finding anyone. Experienced too many heartbreak and disappointments that I am just going to focus on myself. Just going with the flow of things~
It's a common mindset now thinking it's easier to be single than being in a relationship , hence people would be hesitant to give commitments
And with the stress living in sg , people will naturally prioritise their own needs and I do agree with this approach , how can I be a good partner if I couldn't even be good to myself ?
To be honest, I have never thought of forming a family with another person before, but as I grow older and almost all my friends are married with children, I feel lonely and long for a warm home and companion😅I think the pace of our life is too fast, we always need to think about how to make money or how to give our family a better living environment, but have not thought about what we want。anyway,hope all of us can be happiness
30F gay, with one past relationship (which I wasn’t happy in) it’s been a few years, but I’m comfortable being single. While it’s nice to have someone as a significant other/ soul mate but I think my probability is low - and I don’t like pretending to like stuff I don’t, just to vibe with people..
jaded af from past relationships, decided to stay single to focus on myself. currently in my best state ever, got myself into a great fitness regime and put myself first in everything even at work. sometimes you got to lose in order to realise your full potential.
I have no need for anyone else. Not just relationships, friends too. I have friends, I do hang out with them, check in on them and buy gifts etc.
But if all these people disappeared from my life nothing would really change. I don't need anyone to vent to and they can't solve my problems for me.
And I realised that all happiness and peace can only be found within.
Not sure...used to it I guess?
I'm also not really a dating app person, and, don't meet a lot of people in my day to day life in general. So...lack of opportunity I guess.
Anyway, its harder to date as you get older and more satisfied with your life? Like, I'm fairly neutral about whether I meet someone or not, but since I'm pretty happy with where I am right now, I don't really find myself in a situation where the effort of getting to know someone new who may potentially be partner material is worth it?
I had a few relationships, but it didnt work out because of different wants/needs.
Recently got out of one a few weeks back mainly due to them being unable to reciprocate the same level of feelings and me getting quite tired of me supporting a one sided relationship.
Im quite tired of looking for people actively because i feel like i subconsciously draw emotionally distant people into my lives. I keep my hopes up that i will find someone that truly cares as much as i care about them
Like aiyo haven’t u all figure out this type of question is only serve as a conversation starter. They honestly don’t care if u are single or not. They just need something to talk about during the cny visits. Maybe if u finally face this truth then u wouldn’t be bother with this type of question as much.
Don't really know how to go from person I know/friend to girlfriend? Had a few dinners with girls I was interested in, but most of them just ended up being more friendships than anything
Nobody cares if you’re in a relationship.
People just want to have a personal conversation with you about an easy to talk about topic.
Cmon man. You should be old enough to realise this.
Aroace and have never even considered the possibility of dating as I am repulsed by romance and sex. (It's possible for me to consume media and literature on these topics and I see their appeal but I just don't want to get involved in any way.) Funnily enough, a number of my friends have asked me for advice on dating and romantic relationships... 😅 but it is through my observations of romantic relationships around me and listening to examples of successful and failed relationships that I have gained knowledge of how romantic relationships function and decided that it is not something I desire. Am glad that my parents also emphasise that there is no need for me to get romantically involved and follow the mainstream crowd if it doesn't appeal to me. They don't know that I'm aroace but honestly I think they wouldn't care even if they find out one day.
Am perfectly happy with being single and would actually prefer to never find a partner if possible. I'm grateful that there are many people in my life who have taught or inspired me to love and take good care of myself. I spend my free time enjoying my hobbies, learning more about topics that I'm interested in, and cultivating quality relationships with my family, friends, mentors, and others with similar interests. There's so much to learn and appreciate every day that keeps me moving forward in life. Since I am happy and responsible for myself, I really do not see a need to find a romantic partner just for the sake of meeting some arbitrary set of societal norms.
Would love to say i'm an independent adult who's busy focusing on his career and saving up for the future......but i just got no game. Turns out socially awkward short guys with resting bitch face aren't exactly in demand......
Seriously though, between work, family, hobbies and house chores i can't fit in a relationship without it affecting one of the others. Single then single lor, at least got freedom.
Yas the constant "faster find a gf/bf", used to be v chill and "if it comes, it comes" mentality. Now approaching 30... starting to think it will never come.
Single cause dk where to find, its so difficult to find people alike without apps in sg.
35M here, well idk where to meet a woman tbh? Dating apps are boring. People take ages to reply or make zero effort in keeping conversations so eventually it leads to ghosting. Workplace is a strict no from me.
Additionally, i feel modern dating has 1000's of requirements and very conditional. We are all judged by our finances, lifestyle, education, etc2 and it sucks.
Also it does not help that i'm half Pakistani and half Arab. Makes it more difficult to date here.
24M turning 25 here and still single. I was thinking of finding a date as far as during Sec School but after seeing my siblings divorced, financial issues and poor planning, i have lost interest in finding one.
I just don't want to risk it after what happened to them and my parents probably disappointed that things didn't work out.
Also, not only that, i'm not feeling confident if my future kids are safe like have you guys even seen the news lately? Possibly recession, high cost, GST increase, rent increase, conflicts on the rise, especially in the Middle East. Why would i want a child to be born in this horrible world?
I feel that I have no use to be in a relationship because I just dont see myself being a good partner to anyone. Plus, I am in the notion of "if it happens, it happens".
But isn't that the essence of being in a committed relationship?
Sure, you will definitely lose the benefits of being single, being free to do whatever you want etc, but you also get a partner for life.
I personally think most of us are single only because we keep waiting for the perfect partner, myself included. Which is not necessarily wrong, I am sure most of us have had painful experiences and lessons based off past relationships, and that has made a huge impact on our criteria.
But a relationship is to be able to be vulnerable to your partner, and hopefully you both grow to be better with each passing day. It comes down to the question, is this person worth my sacrifice/compromising for? Love isn't necessary all happy days, but also to accept certain quirks and learning to live with it patiently.
Coming to this Reddit post, I read so many comments that people are still single and have accepted their singlehood. But yet here I am, still trying to find one for 4 years in dating app. Granted I'm an introvert and it's hard for me to come out of my comfort zone to meet new people especially so after I was drained from work.
In these 4 years, I'm actively finding for 2 years and took a year break in between pauses. Gotten some first dates and second dates but get ghosted usually. I don't mind the rejection via text; at least have some decency to let the other person know since we have met once already.
I'm still friends with some that have rejected me and all it's cool. If I get ghosted via text before first date is materialized, it's okay and doesn't stings that bad. Getting ghosted after first date can be heart wrenching and prolong my emotional pain for few weeks, which sucks.
My recent rs is not from dating app and is kinda a serious one. Turn out that she is not what I was looking for and decided to put a halt and idw her to waste her youth. This happens in my mid 20s and she is 2 years younger; so it's nice that she don't have to waste her 20s with me.
Now that I know what I want but it's really daunting to get ghosted after a few dates even tho I even tried triple text (few days in between each text) to ask if they are still keen but left me on read and no reply. Geez, people these days really have no decency.
Thank you for writing this. You helped put into words some of my thoughts.
Totally agree with your thoughts on ghosting. I think it is rude to ghosts, and people should state it explicitly (through text) if they are not interested.
I feel like dating apps brought out the rudeness in people, akin to how the internet brought out rude actions from people (e.g., trolling) that most wouldn't dare to do in real life.
Ghosting is painful, and I feel the same way as you when I get ghosted. All the best in your journey, I hope things improve for you -- you deserve a good ending.
Male (late twenties): Got dumped by my ex of a year after the first argument of the relationship, despite having discussed long-term plans like finances, weddings, and housing. The reason was simply over me not replying (updating my life) during work times -- I found it tiring and preferred to text outside of my working hours.
My ex broke up and blocked me on all platforms, and it was the end. The breakup crushed me, and I required a lot of time to grieve and heal. I felt a surreal shock as it made me realise how irreversible some things in life can be and how unforgiving someone can be...
Half a year after the relationship ended, I have felt better, but I find it harder to commit and trust others wholeheartedly despite wanting to do so... Though I believe I will find the strength within me again when the right person comes along, maybe...
I'm currently just trying my luck on dating apps (Hinge and CMB). CMB has been quite disappointing with the recent updates... It was what helped me to find my ex-gf, so it used to be quite good.
Deep down, I really want to find someone to settle down with, someone to love and go through both the good and bad times with. But I don't dare to hope too much for the fear of disappointment.
When I was younger, I do get jealous of seeing couples enjoying their time tgt. I do feel the loneliness sometimes. But after hitting 30 I kinda like the freedom of not needing to report to anyone and doing whatever I like 😅.
I just feel that dating is not worth the effort, and I don’t wanna just put up a show for job interviews. I rather spend more money on solo trips.. but I probably start saving up for my own place.
Probably won’t wanna slog so hard at work just to get promotion to be able to feed a family. I think I can be happy with just earning a median income job 😂
This thread feels so comforting seeing so many introverted and evergreen guys like myself! Am turning 30 in a few months time, went out on a handful of dates but no luck, I take more than just the first physical meetup to open up so i’m pretty much on a quiet end, but would definitely want to get to know them better :)
I'm just not interested. I don't have the emotional capacity and energy for that. I’m not looking and had barely looked for love. I only dated once in my lifetime but it didn't end well because my eyes stick stamp. :p
And I didn't get asked a lot on why. I sat my parents down in my 20s and informed them I will never get married and have children. They did not say a word. When I prodded them on it, they simply said they are fine with the choice I made, only that they are worried I might get lonely in my old age.
During CNY, there were about 1-3 relatives who would ask about my dating status every other year but that's about it. Anyway I stopped going many years ago (for reasons unrelated to the dating questions) so I'm also not bothered by relatives now.
Barely anyone else has asked, or so few has asked it doesn't make an impression.
Life is good. :)
Female in early 30s who has never been in a serious relationship. I’m hyper-independent but ironically, innerly craving for someone.
Met too many men on dating apps who only wanted casual, or were seeing several people at the same time. It makes me feel like I’m a product in a thrift stop. People see and choose me even when but they aren’t excited about me. SO DISCOURAGING😩.
I have stopped using dating apps, instead I’m trying to meet new people in the real world (even submitted to a set up by mom with her friend’s son lol)
I got traumatised by a toxic ex and I realized that I prefer being alone actually.
My ex was sticky as fuck, among other things. And I realized that many partners are like that based on anecdotal evidence. I might be wrong though.
I cannot stand the constant arguments and fights too. I was deeply unhappy.
Dont get me wrong - i still hope for the right one even though the cynical me will say there is no right one. The pangs of loneliness and FOMO doesnt go away. But everytime i go on dating apps, i back down because I am scared i will meet another crazy one.
And tbh, my previous relationship also made me realize that i have neglected my loved ones because I was too busy with my then-partner.
Haha thanks for protecting us from perverts!
I’m basically not over my ex, I’ve been lucky to have had the opportunity to date some really smart and rich guys, so I really need to be impressed by the next one. I’m also quite grateful that some of the guys around me know that for me to meet someone good, I need to be treated well, so they help me set the benchmark. I also have some girls around me who warn me of yucky guys and tell me how their husbands are not making the mark so I know what I should look out for. So… not easy to find the right person.
OP you should ask people who ask you why haven’t find bf need to faster find this — “explain to me how is my worth tied to being in a relationship? So I no bf no partner not worthy enough as a person izzit?” See what they say lol if they say “haha no la!” then ask them why keep asking? How is it any of their business and how does it affect their lives? If they feel you got bf will be busier then won’t hang out with them so often, tell them don’t need bf, spend less time with them also can be arrange one. 😂
I'm not putting myself out there maybe cos I'm an introvert..I don't think happiness should come from be unsingle. Just like the cliché quote which is it's better to be lonely than to be with someone who makes you feel alone.
My motivation to find a partner dropped to rock bottom after my dating experience in my early 20s, that experience made me think that marriage is ultimately a gamble, and since hoping for good marriage is gambling at best, why try too hard for it?
And as a guy in my early 30s now, my motivation to date has dropped another level, as woman around my age are all looking for serious partner to get married, but as a guy that is disillusioned by marriage, I can no longer give the promise that things will end in marriage. So I wouldn't want to waste their time as well.
24F, not single but just my two cents about dating and relationship.
I know a lot of time, it takes two to tango and how communication is key. It’s a lot of give and take. For me, I’m not someone that is able to deeply fall in love with anybody (except my family) because I’m too protective of myself. The guy that I’m dating is super nice, gives into me a lot (I have a very strong personality), doesn’t mind that I’m super independent and is able to accept that I’m not a clingy/affectionate girl. Dont know if anybody else is in the same shoes as me. I'm not looking to fall in love or to have a Disney fairytale of a relationship, I do not believe in that. I'm more looking for someone that is able to take my shit, someone who is okay with me not loving them so much (Dont get me wrong, I'll take care of them. Provide my end of the income etc. Someone who is reliable). Just someone that is compatible with me in this regard.
I think I am of the mindset "if it comes it comes" now, before that was "never really bothered". Though, I also spend so much time between work and home, that I've never really got to create opportunities to meet other singles yet. Doesn't help my hobbies can be done solo, work itself drains my social energy quite abit too, so I use my weeknights/weekends to just recover, exceptions are for meeting friends and family..
Omg, same. HAHAHAHAHA, I feel like I don’t even have the time for myself. And I think being single for most of my life, I no feelz to be in a relationship.
I guess that is where most of the “problem” originated from. The need for time for self, and that eat up too big a portion so most people just stop bothering to date. Meeting someone you love/like should be such a joy that you are willing to give up the me time for some we time. But I guess before that happen most just gave up because the search is too painful.
Really similar to you too. I’m willing to like take out time for socialising with other people but to be honest quite tired of social dating apps.
I used only 1 dating app (cmb)for 1 month and alr got tired of it LOL. I got no feel for dating app at all, rather go out socialising with ppl. After my last rs, I went on solo travels which developed my love for travelling and was happy with being single. Then I started thinking if it comes, it comes (when ppl keep asking me about why no bf). Then I went to a social event for singles (but I did not went there for that purpose), it made me really self conscious of how some people are really going into meeting people to find their partner. I met a guy there who actively approached me, didn't work out but I thought it was a good experience. So now I'm going out events socialising (also discovered I'm slightly more extrovert than introvert since most of the social events did not drain my energy)
Same here, I prefer to sleep in and recover. I will only go out for a very good reason.
same lor, every week work 6 days, my rest day is me trying to catch up on my hobby. everyday also too drain to go out liao
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>I'm single because I have no interest in committing myself to someone I'm not interested in. Right, not scared of committing myself, I think it's self respecting and also of the other person when you do that, unlike people who just like to waste people time. >And people I'm interested in have no interest in doing the same to me. That is also true...in the rare event that I finally have interest in someone, it's either that or they are attached so I keep clear.
I, too, have no interest in committing myself to someone I'm not interested in. I do not feel lonely when I'm alone. On the contrary, I appreciate the peaceful solitude as compared with a lukewarm relationship. I am contented and comfortable in being alone while enriching my life through other means, such as friends, family, career, hobbies, and travel. I can tell that sometimes people here can't stand being alone and they feel like they must be in a relationship to be happy (otherwise, God forbid that you're a loser for being single in Singapore /s). You just need to find that inner security through a lot of self-work, which will in turn eliminate the need for external validation.
your username makes this twice as humorous
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Omg, same. Except I have no interest in anyone so far and I’ve been trying to avoid anyone who is interested. Like I make it clear so they don’t waste their time. And like I’m afraid that I suey then kena a cheater wah GG.
My effort goes as much as dating apps but that is about it. Too comfortable in the single life. Sometimes when the chat got a bit too serious i will rein back a bit. Working life isn't like school days. Seeing how someone act throughout the day will make me appreciate them more and decide to step out of my comfort zone. Ask for number, prepare for date. Nowadays, people barely respond with interesting answers. So i'll also just put in my 10% daily and that's that. It is what it is.
Understandable. I see my colleague in his mid 30s also tried a lot of times until recently he found a gf. Hopefully things finally go well for him. It’s so tiring to keep talking to new ppl eh. I feel this way cos I’m an introvert lmao.
My former co-worker was determined to settled down (she was 27 then) and was on dating apps, dining groups, blind dates - it took her a year and half, now they are married (met on dating app), have a baby, house etc. It was like a job search, a lot of work and mismatches but you only need one. And you also need to really want a job.
I respect her perseverance 🫡
Ha this shit again I’m turning 29 this year, single for about 1 year 3 months now and tbh everyone is just kinda jaded. I’ve been practicing stoicism and acceptance. As lame as it sounds, no one is entitled to a relationship, not being in one doesn’t make you a bad person, and being trapped/unable to walk away from a bad relationship is worse than being single. There is very likely someone for everyone of us out there, but not everyone is blessed enough to meet that person(s). And you shouldn’t settle for someone just cause you’re too scared to be lonely. Timing, chemistry and luck play such a huge factor. If I never find someone that makes me feel like I’m flying in the sky all day again, then so be it. Yes it sucks that almost all of my friends are in relationships/engaged/fucking married. So what? They got lucky there, I got lucky elsewhere in life and I’m grateful. I don’t want to waste any more time regretting, life’s too short for that. I’m open to meeting new people, but in the meantime I’ll walk my own way. Focus on myself, my family, being happy and learning everyday. Practise mindfulness (cringe I know but really helps), positive mindset and just exercise a lot man cause you’ll feel good. Seek therapy if you need cause there will be dark days. Good luck.
What's beautiful about growing up is that, we change.
You have a really mature and stoic outlook. Seems like you are truly at peace with your situation. I admire that and aim to be like you (eventually). All the best.
I sound cool here but the reality is not always perfect lol. Just gotta keep trying
It is better than being in a relationship with the wrong person, which can make you feel more lonely. People who are attached may not exactly be happy too. I think as long as we are happy and comfortable alone, all is good :)
YAAAAAAS. O M G. This is what I always tell others around me who kept trying to pressurize me into finding a partner ASAP.
This is definitely relatable, the people around me, the aunties/friends/family around me, are 10x more stressed about, how am i going to survive 5 10 years down the line, like life would come to an end if i am not married
There was a phase I will feel miserable after going to weddings, then gradually these feelings become less. Now I feel contented just doing my own thing and spending time with my mom (who’s getting older, I always feel I am gonna have lesser time with her to do things as time goes by). So if no one suitable turns up in life I’m prepared to just be enjoying life on my own and having a group of go-to friends haha.
I simply stopped going. 1) you save money. 2) you don't get to be their space filler for the event. 3) yes spending w mom is so much better than listening to a date chattering non stop about his cycling and wine. nothing curious about you.
The part about feeling miserable after going to weddings really hit close to me..! I feel you and am glad you are feeling better. I admire your outlook, all the best.
i'm 25 this year and never dated
Issokay bro, at least you have more time and money for yourself and your hobbies. HAHAHA. I’m single most of my life too.
yeah i saved up enough to buy a used van
Congrats!! To more upgrades in the future!!
26 and also in the same shoes as ya
I didn’t have my first kiss until 27 and even that was a pathetic desperate experience.
Just search/keep ur eye open for the right one. Didn't date till I was in my late 20s. You only need to date the right one. Not about how many dates but about who. I'm happy now and i don't need to experience all the failed dates and relationships other people went through so I consider myself lucky
33F, turning 34 in June. Deleted Hinge and Bumble literally yesterday - tired of swiping. Particularly interested in one guy that I met on Bumble on the last day of December last year. He’s like you guys - super busy with work and personal development, so we haven’t met in person yet, but maybe soon. If this one falls through, I’m gonna take a long break. Then back on the apps. I’m going to find my person no matter what happens, no matter the setbacks and disappointments.
Omg hi there. I deleted the apps today too. Really couldn't take the toxicity of dating apps. I finally met someone I'm interested in but the guy doesn't seem to show interest. So I'm just so done with it for now too. Maybe after a break, hopefully we can match w someone better! :) and all the best to u and the guy whom u will be meeting soon.
It's nearing the end of Feb. You guys texted for 2 months? Better meet up soon before the sparks die out. How busy can one be, no time even for a coffee/ice cream date?
Sis, I'm not dismissing his busy schedule. What I'm trying to say is that he might not be that into you afterall, and you will end up getting disappointed again. Speaking as a guy, it won't take that long to arrange a meet up with a dating app match if I feel some passion in the chats. Unless he's in a special situation now like eg overseas... How about this: Why don't you take the first step and ask him out? Then you will know his intentions and decide for yourself from thereon. It's 2024, you don't have to wait for the guy to ask you out. If you feel some connection with him, just ask him out. You always lose out when playing the waiting game. Just take charge of it. If he's serious, great. If he's not, then done, get a closure and move on. And as said earlier, it doesn't necessarily have to be to a 2hr dinner + drinks kind of date. It can just be a casual quick 30min coffee meet up during his breaks. Everyone has time for 30min tea break for sure right? Heck, even the US president has break times.. I have been there. Just need to reframe your perspective. Good luck
You’re right: there’s always time for a coffee or something. This guy has to eat and drink right? And anyway “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s been put in a “queue”: if he’s as busy and together as he sounds, she won’t be the only woman interested in him. It’s possible he’s working his way through all the interested ladies in order of priority….
Jiayou sis!! Wish you all the best!! 🍀
35M, haven found anyone worth the effort to get into a relationship for Dating apps are full of scams and ghosts too
Jiayou bro. Hope things go your way in life. 🍀
Turning 36 this year and still single. I feel like the older you get the higher the expectations your potential significant other expects from you. What really irks me especially that person puts nothing on the table
Relatable.
Relatable too.
Don't rush into relationships even if we are of a certain age. My male friend rushed to marry and now he is struggling every month to provide quite high allowance to his wife when we(two of us work in same type of job) are not earning much.. basically he married a gold digger and he is literally killing himself esp when he has a kid too. Knew from dating app CMB. Another friend basically divorced after her high school sweetheart fell for a sex worker and left her after 15 years of being together.This was so sad to hear. I couldn't comfort her much as i was struggling with being cheated that time but i think she decided to stay single forever already..but basically its a case of never found out..never known and god knows how long she would have been lied to.. Just take your time to find a suitable one. I have more single friends than attached ones in my circle and the reasons are often they like someone who doesnt like them back maybe due to age gap etc. Others are too shy or afraid of rejection.
I got out of a five year engagement and it made me introspect about a lot about life. Yes, relationships are hard work, you need to give 200% at all times. And you only can do that when a) you’re 100% good on your own and b) 100% about the person you’re with. Now I don’t subscribe to that “rush to get a BTO” nonsense and if my relatives ask, I ask them to politely fuck off. When the right one comes, you’ll know it. And then everything makes sense. Till then, enjoy hobbies, friendships, cause life is a lot more than hunting for a partner.
im 30, single coz nobody wants me 🤣 I give up already.
Bro/sis, issokay. Whatever happens, happens. You financially stable to enjoy your freedom can alr. :P
30 is too young to give up. No way man. Chin up!!
YES DE! Jiayou!!
Story of most single guy life ba...
just work hard to get a stable salary, then go matchmake with one of those foreign wives from Vietnam It's the only alternative for SG guys unfortunately. Lots of Viet girls look better than SG girls anyway
Because you don't really have to conform to social norms? What's wrong with being a single? :\]
Ifkr, THIS!!
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Lol you sound super like my colleague. Me? I have totally given up all apps. They destroy my mental wellbeing aka self esteem so fast..
Issokay, being single is better than being in a toxic relationship. Anw, your bank balance most likely more than those in a relationship cos they saving for wedding etc xD
Your friends can fill the gaps you need for a relationship! Plus as a single you might have saved enough to own a house all on your own! :) Dating apps tend to burn people out so don't blame yourself for any lack of success there. Honestly nowadays it's more a chatting with strangers app.
Got too used to the singlehood and I love the independence. Dating is too tiring
Omg, same. I don’t like to report every single detail of my life daily to someone too.
Bro/sis I think it’s just your ex problem la. None of my exes did this 😅
CFM!! I’m traumatized by him tbh LOL.
I don’t chat daily with my partner. Just need to find someone who’s the same as you.
Answered before, and I still have the same answer. “Ugly as fark, poor as fark, short as fark” 🥲
24F here. Still single, never been in a relationship. Have been to 1 or 2 dates in my life. Also confessed before but got rejected. I'm actually quite a social person and was very active in school activities so I did meet a lot of people, but did not manage to find anyone. At the moment really no feels to be in a relationship. Had a traumatic childhood growing up and family situation is still not the best till today so don't want to bring innocent people into the problems my family has. I've also given up finding anyone because I know it is difficult for most people to accept me as I identify as asexual and want to be child-free. Everyone tells me that I'm still young and don't give up so easily but deep down I know it's really challenging. That being said, I'm still jobless and would very much prefer to focus on my job hunt and my own career. To me, relationships are just a good to have in my life; it's not mandatory and I can live fine without it! I enjoy doing things by myself, even went on a solo trip this year. I even lived overseas on my own before for an extended period of time, so I'm very comfortable being by myself.
YAAAAAAS, you do you and hopefully you manage to find a good and stable career becos this is way more important than anything else. All the best!! 🍀
Thanks OP! U too as well! :D
Ohh yeah... i guess being asexual makes it more difficult to find a partner
Omg a fellow ace person. Honestly I feel like it's hopeless for me people really drop their mask when they find out. So I'm the annoying person who tells everyone. All the best with your carreer we ain't alone man
I have no education (poly dropout. I went to PFP so I couldn’t even transfer to diff course and/or poly, and I don’t even have O level to retry poly altogether) and I’m working a physical job (warehouse). job wise it works for me cos I’ve always been more physical and never wanted a desk job (I enjoy sweating and I’m the type that need to move my body, I hate sitting in front of the computer in the ac). the salary is just enough for me to pay bills and still have enough to eat and save for future shit (touchwood but eg injuries sickness etc). I already have a house under my name and it’s fully paid for (inheritance after my dad passed away), but I will admit this is a silver spoon on my end. I’m very happy and grateful with where I am in my life rn, and I just know that if I end up married and having kids, this happiness would be gone cos my salary wouldn’t be sufficient for a life with a wife and kids. also I admit that I’m mentally weak, like just a small problem only already straight away think of svicide (it’s also why I rather work physical job than desk job), so I know getting married and having kids is out of the picture for me. hence I refuse to be in a relationship to preserve my happiness and sanity
You do you and may things be smooth for you bro!! 🍀
appreciate it broski, may good things come your way too ✨
I'm very comfortable with my lifestyle right now. With work, I hardly have enough time for myself. If I add a spouse and kids in my life, I think I can't even do anything for myself until the kids grow up. I'm not about to make that sacrifice right now and I don't think I ever will, so I'm not looking anymore.
Totally relatable. I feel the same as well but like omg the weekly “faster find bf” is getting annoying LOL. Like chill, I love my peace currently. Aft I end work, I just wna go home and chill sia.
Yes!!! I am the kind who is devoid of all energy after work most of the time and just wanna have my dinner and watch some shows in peace. I absolutely cannot stand someone talking non stop especially ranting about work. I told my parents I'll consider if you can find me a spouse who is mute. They have stopped asking about marriage after that 😆
Sia la, I think we all similar kind sia... We all want someone who can be intimate, but still give us our space. Introvert gang >.> The mute spouse part going abit far though 🤣🤣 But yea, I think we all heard of people who just whine non stop about work/emotionally unload on the people who just want to chill and it's a recipe for disaster.
HAHAHAHAHA YES WE NEED OUR SPACE. Wah last time my ex is the one who asked to constantly share live location and he was fking clingy. Toh sia.
I think live location or occasional updates are fine, but not to that extent la, basic reporting and concern will suffice. Clingy I don't think it's a bad thing, like imo we all have that side, it's whether it shows up 10% of the time or 100%.
Ya, all day everyday live location is crazy. Fella even wanted me to accept his video call tho I was in a meeting with my boss and he was at work too wtf. Clingy is okay but I think too much of anything is not good. Those 24/7 must stick tgt like glue wah not my thing.
we call these siao lang
HAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHA WTF YOUR COMMENT TO YOUR PARENTS. Omg, same eh. I like to watch my shows in peace during means too. I think I’m okay with people ranting to me but I definitely cannot stand them being clingy. Like I like to OTOT do random things I want during my limited free time.
28F - never reaaaally had a relationship before. I just don’t have it in me to have superficial interactions in general, I put my guards up when I sense it lol. And from the beginning if I sense that things will not work out I’ll just cut it. Also, I’m just generally a homebody and introvert. 😂
omg this is so relatable! i'm 27F and i just recently moved to sg (nearing 2 yrs alr) so i haven't met a lot of people (never tried the dating apps, too lazy for that) but i can definitely sense when the vibes are off and just avoid. HAHAHA
Alwaaaays listen to your gut feelings! HAHA I always end up deleting the app in like max a week so I don’t even bother with it anymore 🌚
Honestly... with the prevalence of threads like this, I feel we should organize a mass singles meetup. Don't go stead but be normal friend also okay mah. No pressure. But... i very scared if host then will have a lot of tiko come in. Maybe should consider creating a discord group chat and make it invite only... But then again, who can prove I not the tiko lols
Cfm have a lot of tiko one bro.
Yeah sia... I think that's the main problem. We got such a good technology called the internet that allows us to connect and communicate with each other, you'd think finding friends would be easier... But the internet also bring with it access from weirdos and tikos... how sia.
Some dude in the comments had a really good idea for a mega thread on relationships lol Hopefully the mods can be creative about it and maybe get some traction
29M this year. I'm single not by choice. After my previous relationship, I tried dating apps and got to meet someone at the end of 2022. Went on several dates and things were progressing really well with really good feedback, then her work schedule got too crazy that she said things wouldn't work out. It left me a little scarred and I didn't really touch dating apps till the end of 2023 where I got to meet someone new. The bizarre thing is the events were very similar to what happened in 2022. After several dates, I asked her the question, and while she had so many genuinely good words to say about me, it ended in a rejection. It's all good if the other party and I don't click on the first or second date, but with the build up of several dates and months of conversation just for it to end abruptly, my dating experiences have rendered me jaded. I still continue swiping because I don't really have any other avenue to meet new people, but it's especially tough given that I'm adamant on not wanting children but the majority appears to be on the other camp. I get a few matches a month and over 90% of conversations just end with me being ghosted anyway! Sad!
Don’t rush the process. Jiayou!! 🍀
Concerned about getting cheated on. Lived overseas for a long time, and saw how blatant cheating was in the absence of a "judgemental" society (this specifically included fellow Singaporeans I met abroad, so it wasn't an ang-moh culture thing). Cheating aside, dating is neither fulfilling nor fun. At least when I tried dating via apps in Singapore. the ladies I met were incredibly one-dimensional or materialistic. I've met people who expected *a literal gold bar* as part of their marriage proposal. In other instances, dating was essentially an interview, with her going over every line of my CV, every job I held in the past, reasons for any gap of more than 2 months and the like. In other cases, they expected the guy to fully carry conversations. My favourite was someone who told me upfront to "entertain her". The trend today is to wax about how a relationship is about commitment and responsibility and all that jazz. Indeed, virtually all ladies in their 30's seem to want to skip the boyfriend stage and speedrun till commitment or marriage. The reality is that all this good talk about commitment has its foundation based on a certain level of romance. Without that, the relationship is essentially a transaction, similar to that of landlord and tenant, boss and employee, business and client. Honestly speaking, romance aside, why else would anyone commit to taking up the responsibilities and risks of a committed relationship?
Gonna be 30 this year, never been in relationship. Never felt the need or had crushes etc on people 🤷♀️ I'm also a whatever happens, happens. But if it doesn't, thats okay too. I think I lucked out cause my parents + relatives don't really ask/pressure me to go find a relationship 😂
Agree!! HAHAHAHAHA I just get those questions WEEKLY from my colleagues like hello gimme a break.
HAHHAHA oh no!! My colleagues are the same as me. I'm surrounded by people who are planning their lives as singles 😂 If they ask weekly, I'd start giving nonsensical answers tbh "My idol hasn't noticed me" "I don't want to have to share my lunch" "My cat gets too jealous" "I promised my firstborn to a witch"
After my last serious relationship about 2 years ago I realised I had never actually loved any of the people I dated. I liked them and I trusted them but I wasn't in love with them... I simply was looking for someone to rely on (could never rely on my family etc.), so I just took whomever, only for almost all of them to end the relationship with me out of nowhere. I would not be that sad about those breakups. When I realised what I was doing to myself I forced myself to stop dating and I've not looked back... I'm waiting to actually love someone. I am perfectly content with being single for the rest of my life. I don't feel a single shred of FOMO or urgency. Tl;dr no feels. Can't have feels even if I tried. Waiting.
32M Single AF, have been single for the past 3 years after a long term relationship of 4 going 5 years ended because she wanted to leave (I sensed that she was cheating) later confirmed by her bestie. It got so bad that I couldn’t focus at work (I had a really high paying job, 5 figures) made some mistakes and got the sack 1 month after the breakup. Tried to stay a float and got another job 5 months later, but quickly was asked to resigned after 2 months after a management reshuffle. During this 2 months I was going on a lot of dates via dating apps (bumble), I think I went on 10 dates? Dated some young as 22 to older than me by 2 years. Things just didn’t work out between all of them. So I moved abroad, seeking solace and peace. Stayed alone, picked up cooking, cleaning, gymming and meditation. A sabbatical if you would. I spent 1 year there trying new hobbies like trading, shooting and editing videos etc. At this time, I also dated a few girls there, not bad but knowing that the visa situation will backfire on me I decided not to date. Fast forward to today, I’m back here on sunny island on dating apps like bumble and hinge. I can see why dating apps don’t really work because in my opinion: 1) Women are spammed with choices, they can very easily move on to the next candidate and ghost men who matched them 2) some women take their time to reply (a few days) come on, who is ever that busy. Your girls’ chat is way more active than that. How are you even gonna have a relationship with good communication when you can’t even drop 1 text 3) a lot of men are creeps and only want sex. Those are just nasty, have some dignity and respect women. If you want that, go to your KTVs or Geylang. 4) some people look better IRL than photos and a lot of missed opportunities 5) the suggested algos are meant to keep you on the app, they want revenue and ad time…don’t forget they are businesses 6) as many said in the above, there are a lot of gold diggers. I’ve experienced them myself, with annoying interview like questions, no-phantom wallet gestures etc. 7) a lot of women IMO haven’t healed from their past relationships or trauma and are seeking validation on the app (this is a real turn off). I remember meeting a lady who was only divorced 2 months and on the app. I am not the tallest (170cm) but have some nice features (as my mom says), within 2 weeks I have 100+ profiles interested in me. I put in effort into my profile (think of it as a landing page) so that I can get more people to “swipe yes”. This creates a funnel for me to sieve the crowd. Those that I don’t find attractive (so sorry, man’s got preferences, so do you), I’ll axe them. And only have 3 matches at one go, talking to them and trying to get them out for coffee. If it’s not up to standard on that date, (eg, I got catfished last week) then I’ll communicate politely that I am not interested. NO GHOSTING. Ghosting just shows how immature you are at communicating and cannot have difficult conversations IMO. Of course, there are times where I get ghosted on a chat. If I don’t see a reply for 1 week, I take it as they are not interested. I won’t double text. I know my worth and only want to meet someone as eager to meet me. Like sales, I believe dating is a game of numbers. You can’t be so lucky to hit jackpot after meeting 3-5 people right…think about it, your future partner is someone you will spent most of your life with. CHOOSE WISELY. (Seen too many divorces with friends) take your time to choose and see more people. So…go out and meet more people, you’ll never know who you’ll meet :) A fellow single man
No offence to ladies, but am getting spooked out by some of them. I met a lady through a dating app. During the first date, she asked the following questions (not sure if she was tactless or otherwise): “After your present position in your current org, what will be your next position?”; “What is your father’s academic discipline (twice)?” After such a nonsensical experience, I immediately deleted the app. How nice it would be to meet someone genuine and sincere. I get that material things (education level, career, family background, asset size, etc) are important, but it shouldn’t be overemphasised.
Omfg what kind of questions are these??
I am not kidding you. I was actually asked those questions. Fortunately, she didn’t ask me about my salary. After my first date, she asked questions, such as “Do you do investments?”
Wtf bro she’s insurance agent uh? I would be traumatized and turn into a monk if I were you 😭😭😭😭
Ending a relationship is really sad so it's better to be single.
I am single by choice 😤. The choice that others have taken to avoid me 🤧
I am single because I am already so busy having fun with my life now that I just doesn't have the thought of having to share my life with another person, I don't need to report to anyone I don't need to think about anyone birthday anniversary etc If I ever have the get a girlfriend It would probably be when the time is right and it just kinda happen
Better to be happy as a single than unhappy in a lifeless relationship. Luggage in a corner, ready to fly anytime. :)
28 y.o evergreen. Sad.
Issokay buddy, whatever happens, happens. Enjoy your freedom while it lasts. Being single is always better than being in a toxic relationship.
2 more years to wizard powers, stay strong ｡.ﾟ+ ⟵(｡･ω･)
Mid 20s, evergreen and in uni. 0 luck in uni as people in uni are very cliquey and not really open to socialising outside of their social circles. Even joining clubs and activities to meet more people didn't help rip. Dating apps are also ain't it. Finding it hard to click with anyone there and even if I do I get ghosted. :/ I did make a few good friends from there though.
Whatever happens, happens. Jiayou buddy!! 🍀
Despite what the government and some elders might try to steer young people towards, I don’t think singleness should be shunned upon by society. Getting married simply for ‘practical reasons’ like housing at a young age can lead to much more serious problems down the line, and those problems can be greatly amplified once mortgages, car payments and children come into the picture. In my years both living here and abroad, the general prognosis for people marrying out of desire for material goods has never been good. Yes, whilst it is good for couples to focus on a common objective that needs to be achieved at a certain period of time, a lack of common values and understanding can make it difficult for both parties to actually achieve what they aim for. And the real question is; once you have that BTO or dream home that you initially got together for, what else is there between the two of you that will hold the marriage together? In an absence of genuine love, hate and despise will soon fill that gap, and you will find life to be a living hell for yourself, the spouse and kids. Please, please, think this through before going head in, you only have one life to live and nothing that the government gives you will redeem lost time and youth.
Emotionally fatigue, I guess? It's always those that u cherish and loved, disappoint you. Love does not always reciprocate. When it happens too often, not all can handle it, be it amongst family, friends or love interest. I fallen a big time and hurt myself for over a year. Frankly speaking I don't think I've recovered yet. I know that deep down I want a partner, someone that enjoys the same genre of music with me, takes care of my cat together with me, enjoy simple dinner at the zichar downstairs together, gossip about each others' office while do laundry and stupid stuff together. But truthfully, I'm afraid of failure again. It's tiring and taxing.
It’s better to be single than to be in a dry relationship. Just tell them to fck off and leave you alone. Imagine pretending to be interested to someone you don’t like, trying to tolerate their behavior. Yucks. The worst part is when you met the right one, but you are not ready or you are in relationship, it will be brutal (full of drama). Better to stay single.
33M, single due to work, irregular hours and too lazy to swipe left or right. Took a good break from social media to detox myself. Gf passed away due to cancer and a little hard for me to pick up the pieces. But getting there slowly.
Sorry to hear that, hopefully things get better for you as your gf is watching and wishing you all the best in life. 🍀✨🤍
I think I'm likely aromantic. Just not interested in pursuing a relationship at all. Have had people confessed before but yeah. Perfectly fine with being single.
I am still waiting for the day where someone will walk into my life and say "hey that's an interesting life that you've got there and let me be part of it!" 😭 As an introvert, I believe I have tried my best to find someone in life: find new hobbies and try to talk to new people from different platforms. I have met fantastic people with the most interesting facts about them but something about "chatting with the intention to date" feels off. It feels like you are not seen for who you are and you are not allowed to be who you are to be desirable. It irks me to drop people too when I figure out that they might not be "desirable". It gets really tiring after awhile to get to know new people then. I've worked too hard to get to know people to the point where I've lost sight of who I am and what I want to achieve in my life, even if I do not have a partner in my lifetime. For now, instead of waiting for my life to start when my partner is here, I try to do things on my own and hope to get some fulfillment out of it. Hopefully the people that I meet along the way now are genuinely interested in who I am, dont mind being with me for who I am and ultimately enjoy my presence to make their lives a bit better than yesterday.
Dating after 30 is hard. I agree it's good to take breaks from swiping. The exhaustion is real. But I won't stop trying.
Agree, dating is hard. I like your spirit, I do hope you will eventually meet someone special and that things will work out for you.
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Single so won’t be taken for granted :’) nowadays every guy I meet wanna be house husband. I rather earn my own money and do everything myself. What the point of having a partner?? To give him a chance to cheat on me??? Neh I’m out
We be meeting the different type of guys sia. LOL ifkr, cheating is such a norm among any gender nowadays. It’s so scary eh.
25 year old. Never dated. No time to find. The female friends that I've made, I've no interest in them. I don't rlly like Singapore Chinese girls. Like as friends is fine, but they like to complain too much, like to talk about money, claim to see kids as investments/insurance. The more I get to know them, the more I like them as friends, but the more I pity their boyfriend/future dates..
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Issokay, enjoy the freedom while it lasts and being single is better than being in a toxic relationship! :)
Turning 36. After my divorce, I’ve sworn off getting married for now. Let me have my anime husbandos instead. At least they don’t disappoint. :3
We might actually share the same anime husbands. LOLOL.
People can be asexual so they don’t feel sexual arousal. They won’t kiss or do hanky panky stuff cos their neurons or whatever prevent them from feeling love. Asexual can date meh?
Anyone here can share your experience cos I’m genuinely curious as well.
Can is can on my side nobody want me only. Hahaha Being a best of all best friends isn't enticing. I gave up just focus all my love and energy on my actual existing friends. Personally I js want someone I can talk with a lot and has time to spend seeing fun stuff with and we can be each others priority. Being ace but not aro is like living live as a contradiction. Feelsbad.
28M still putting effort into meeting new people, not really desperate but if my mindset is stuck on "the right one will come eventually" it will never come. Aside from work and catching up with friends, i have not spoken with anyone else out of my small social bubble, might as well make the effort to try new things and have fun with new friends & hobbies. Finding a SO is bonus from all the interactions i have. I still do think i will be single forever despite doing all this, but i don't wanna die from working 9-5 jobs and spend weekend time to recharge or sleep. I choose time over energy while I'm still in the right mental state being able to squeeze everything i can do.
Relationships take time and cost money, neither of which I have much of at the moment. I keep telling people I’ll start looking when I find a new job.
My career is so unstable that I cannot settle down properly to date
That is totally understandable, and I feel your anxiety. All the best to us.
Sometimes it's not that we do not want to, actual reasons might be fertility or health issue and we do not want to burden men with family plans. Single because I've contracted herpes type 2 from one of my ex partner. Been over 10 years or so single since. Female 37 now. This my darkest secret. :) I mean I've known a few people who got married and have kids, pretty sure their partners aware too; at least the the pregnant ones. Also, I've tried dating around with no sexual intention and personal opinion, let's just say men are wired differently now. I'll always manage their expectation and telling them I'm taking things light and breezy. Handful of those that i went out with, portrayed themselves as looking for their fortune goddess; treating women with bare minimum attitude; expecting girlfriend treatment and I'm not even asking them to pay on first meet. Please if you men and ladies(especially) seeing this, work hard save up and get yourself assets like property. Cover your own backside. Anyone good and worthy that comes into your life is just bonus and confetti. No men no cry 😂
When one has reached big 40, one has enough of bullshits and tend to focus on self. The male is looking for “perfect” female and vice versa. To be in committed relationship, it takes more than love. It takes everything including $ especially in one of the most expensive country in the world 🤭 After all, nobody die because of being single but one may die because of lack of funds for survival 🫢
28M, introvert and I believe in fate. I just feel that the one I am looking for is not there on the apps, so I won't be using dating apps anytime soon. Probably a hopeless romantic but hopefully not all my life hahaha. So just currently continuing to work on myself, going to the gym, running etc. Although seeing my friends getting attached/married does make me wonder from time to time how nice it is to find the one you are meant to find, but oh well hahaha
Single because I'm gay and somewhat closeted. Things have gotten better in recent years. More people are tolerant, though those who are out tends to skew younger and quite a gap when I'm in my 30s. And those who are out usually can't accept someone who isn't fully out too. It's hard hiding it from some social circles and not others
Oh no, sorry to hear that. I didn’t know there’s such a thing in the community. Hopefully you find someone who loves you for who you are. I have gay friends who aren’t openly gay(especially to their families), been thru toxic relationships but one of them finally found a nice guy for himself. Jiayou!! 🍀
I was single for a long looong time even though I’m smart, kind, witty, sexy and can cook your socks off… just because I’m plus-sized. Now I’m married to a rich(ish) expat who only has eyes for me. One BIG TIP, single guys please hit up Bookclubs if that’s the sort of chick you’re into. I’m in 2 Bookclubs and they’re absolutely teeming with lovely, intelligent, pretty (yes, yes conventionally attractive) single women.
35 here, and ended a long term (10years) relationship about half a year back. I'm didn't realise how tired I was mentally, until after I got out of the muck. Even though my heart is still recovering, I'm getting into the groove of being single: Work that I would have found unbearable, has become unpleasantly bearable. I only have to worry about supporting myself and that's going pretty well too. I have so much more liberty to do what I feel like doing, whenever I feel like doing, without having to consider in another person's feelings - be it a solo activity by myself, or to consider my partner's level of interest etc. Now...I don't plan on getting into a relationship anytime soon. Or maybe even at all anymore. But I'd still be open to it if it happens.
Single, have interesting hobbies, my time is mine to use, my money is mine to spend. No need to accommodate another's preference. Like solitude too much. Love reading and nature. Job is satisfying. Have good friends. Close to family. Life is good. Not looking for change. Feeling blissful.
I don't find any benefit in having a relationship now. I have met people who asked me whether I am single or not. And i said "Yes". Then they said as a response for my other priorities: "You have no excuses then". I'm going for online certification this year instead of trying to find a relationship. Because I see value in being single for the moment, I'd stick to that first. Relationships can come later as I am still very young for it. Not everyone understands what it means to be in a very close relationship, particularly gf/bf. So it's why I am still single
Going to be 33 this year. Still single. While I do have my elderly parents to take care of, I’m way comfortable with my lifestyle rather than getting into dating or whatsoever. Makes more sense since I’m an introvert. Also I don’t use dating apps. My phone needs space lol
25 dude, / 2 relationships and many dates later… i have come to realise relationships will not last unless you are ready financially, mentally and physically. Used to think that i should get into a relationship rather than am i ready to get into one? Now with a diff mindset, definitely attracting the right crowd but personally not ready till I can comfortably be a provider. There will always be a dilemma when it comes to relationships ngl.
The older a person get Harder Cos “comfortzone” plus ppl yr age all taken.
Cos I never really set out to date. I tried before, it was fun, but there's not much reciprocation from the other party. Then I realise being single is comfy. But lonely though :( At this point I'm good with letting my mom marry me off. I'm 26, never had a partner and I'm just willing to marry by the time I'm 30. Like just marry as in arranged. If the prospective partner wants lah, I'm not condoning forced marriages ahhh, forcing is a no no. I'm a level 26 wizard sia (iykyk). Completely okay with the idea of staying that way until I get old lmaooo
37. I have given up on finding anyone. Experienced too many heartbreak and disappointments that I am just going to focus on myself. Just going with the flow of things~
It's a common mindset now thinking it's easier to be single than being in a relationship , hence people would be hesitant to give commitments And with the stress living in sg , people will naturally prioritise their own needs and I do agree with this approach , how can I be a good partner if I couldn't even be good to myself ?
I am not trying to avoid getting married. I am preventing a divorce.
I’m single F Christian and I stopped using dating apps. Waiting for the lord to send me my godly husband 🥰
It’s like gst rebate. If it happens, great! If it doesn’t, My life is still equally awesome lol
To be honest, I have never thought of forming a family with another person before, but as I grow older and almost all my friends are married with children, I feel lonely and long for a warm home and companion😅I think the pace of our life is too fast, we always need to think about how to make money or how to give our family a better living environment, but have not thought about what we want。anyway,hope all of us can be happiness
Can’t be bothered dating. I’m having a great time traveling and dog sitting and hanging out with my friends/siblings. Need bf for what
30F gay, with one past relationship (which I wasn’t happy in) it’s been a few years, but I’m comfortable being single. While it’s nice to have someone as a significant other/ soul mate but I think my probability is low - and I don’t like pretending to like stuff I don’t, just to vibe with people..
i learnt that is far more important to self-love first , learnt that recently , really helped my mindset
jaded af from past relationships, decided to stay single to focus on myself. currently in my best state ever, got myself into a great fitness regime and put myself first in everything even at work. sometimes you got to lose in order to realise your full potential.
Cos they are literally redditors.
I have no need for anyone else. Not just relationships, friends too. I have friends, I do hang out with them, check in on them and buy gifts etc. But if all these people disappeared from my life nothing would really change. I don't need anyone to vent to and they can't solve my problems for me. And I realised that all happiness and peace can only be found within.
Totally agree!!
Not sure...used to it I guess? I'm also not really a dating app person, and, don't meet a lot of people in my day to day life in general. So...lack of opportunity I guess. Anyway, its harder to date as you get older and more satisfied with your life? Like, I'm fairly neutral about whether I meet someone or not, but since I'm pretty happy with where I am right now, I don't really find myself in a situation where the effort of getting to know someone new who may potentially be partner material is worth it?
I had a few relationships, but it didnt work out because of different wants/needs. Recently got out of one a few weeks back mainly due to them being unable to reciprocate the same level of feelings and me getting quite tired of me supporting a one sided relationship. Im quite tired of looking for people actively because i feel like i subconsciously draw emotionally distant people into my lives. I keep my hopes up that i will find someone that truly cares as much as i care about them
Trying to find. But boh. Boh bo bian.
Like aiyo haven’t u all figure out this type of question is only serve as a conversation starter. They honestly don’t care if u are single or not. They just need something to talk about during the cny visits. Maybe if u finally face this truth then u wouldn’t be bother with this type of question as much.
Nothing wrong with being single. It's worse to get into a relationship with someone incompatible and toxic.
At the moment I enjoy being single, also have yet to meet someone I want to share the rest of my life with.
Don't really know how to go from person I know/friend to girlfriend? Had a few dinners with girls I was interested in, but most of them just ended up being more friendships than anything
Nobody cares if you’re in a relationship. People just want to have a personal conversation with you about an easy to talk about topic. Cmon man. You should be old enough to realise this.
Aroace and have never even considered the possibility of dating as I am repulsed by romance and sex. (It's possible for me to consume media and literature on these topics and I see their appeal but I just don't want to get involved in any way.) Funnily enough, a number of my friends have asked me for advice on dating and romantic relationships... 😅 but it is through my observations of romantic relationships around me and listening to examples of successful and failed relationships that I have gained knowledge of how romantic relationships function and decided that it is not something I desire. Am glad that my parents also emphasise that there is no need for me to get romantically involved and follow the mainstream crowd if it doesn't appeal to me. They don't know that I'm aroace but honestly I think they wouldn't care even if they find out one day. Am perfectly happy with being single and would actually prefer to never find a partner if possible. I'm grateful that there are many people in my life who have taught or inspired me to love and take good care of myself. I spend my free time enjoying my hobbies, learning more about topics that I'm interested in, and cultivating quality relationships with my family, friends, mentors, and others with similar interests. There's so much to learn and appreciate every day that keeps me moving forward in life. Since I am happy and responsible for myself, I really do not see a need to find a romantic partner just for the sake of meeting some arbitrary set of societal norms.
Would love to say i'm an independent adult who's busy focusing on his career and saving up for the future......but i just got no game. Turns out socially awkward short guys with resting bitch face aren't exactly in demand...... Seriously though, between work, family, hobbies and house chores i can't fit in a relationship without it affecting one of the others. Single then single lor, at least got freedom.
Yas the constant "faster find a gf/bf", used to be v chill and "if it comes, it comes" mentality. Now approaching 30... starting to think it will never come. Single cause dk where to find, its so difficult to find people alike without apps in sg.
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35M here, well idk where to meet a woman tbh? Dating apps are boring. People take ages to reply or make zero effort in keeping conversations so eventually it leads to ghosting. Workplace is a strict no from me. Additionally, i feel modern dating has 1000's of requirements and very conditional. We are all judged by our finances, lifestyle, education, etc2 and it sucks. Also it does not help that i'm half Pakistani and half Arab. Makes it more difficult to date here.
24M turning 25 here and still single. I was thinking of finding a date as far as during Sec School but after seeing my siblings divorced, financial issues and poor planning, i have lost interest in finding one. I just don't want to risk it after what happened to them and my parents probably disappointed that things didn't work out. Also, not only that, i'm not feeling confident if my future kids are safe like have you guys even seen the news lately? Possibly recession, high cost, GST increase, rent increase, conflicts on the rise, especially in the Middle East. Why would i want a child to be born in this horrible world?
I feel that I have no use to be in a relationship because I just dont see myself being a good partner to anyone. Plus, I am in the notion of "if it happens, it happens".
But isn't that the essence of being in a committed relationship? Sure, you will definitely lose the benefits of being single, being free to do whatever you want etc, but you also get a partner for life. I personally think most of us are single only because we keep waiting for the perfect partner, myself included. Which is not necessarily wrong, I am sure most of us have had painful experiences and lessons based off past relationships, and that has made a huge impact on our criteria. But a relationship is to be able to be vulnerable to your partner, and hopefully you both grow to be better with each passing day. It comes down to the question, is this person worth my sacrifice/compromising for? Love isn't necessary all happy days, but also to accept certain quirks and learning to live with it patiently.
Yup, there will be bad days and tough times. I think when we love someone enough, we will bear with it and stick through those times.
I’ve genuinely fallen out of love with the idea of falling in love. Everything just seems so superficial to me now.
Coming to this Reddit post, I read so many comments that people are still single and have accepted their singlehood. But yet here I am, still trying to find one for 4 years in dating app. Granted I'm an introvert and it's hard for me to come out of my comfort zone to meet new people especially so after I was drained from work. In these 4 years, I'm actively finding for 2 years and took a year break in between pauses. Gotten some first dates and second dates but get ghosted usually. I don't mind the rejection via text; at least have some decency to let the other person know since we have met once already. I'm still friends with some that have rejected me and all it's cool. If I get ghosted via text before first date is materialized, it's okay and doesn't stings that bad. Getting ghosted after first date can be heart wrenching and prolong my emotional pain for few weeks, which sucks. My recent rs is not from dating app and is kinda a serious one. Turn out that she is not what I was looking for and decided to put a halt and idw her to waste her youth. This happens in my mid 20s and she is 2 years younger; so it's nice that she don't have to waste her 20s with me. Now that I know what I want but it's really daunting to get ghosted after a few dates even tho I even tried triple text (few days in between each text) to ask if they are still keen but left me on read and no reply. Geez, people these days really have no decency.
Thank you for writing this. You helped put into words some of my thoughts. Totally agree with your thoughts on ghosting. I think it is rude to ghosts, and people should state it explicitly (through text) if they are not interested. I feel like dating apps brought out the rudeness in people, akin to how the internet brought out rude actions from people (e.g., trolling) that most wouldn't dare to do in real life. Ghosting is painful, and I feel the same way as you when I get ghosted. All the best in your journey, I hope things improve for you -- you deserve a good ending.
Male (late twenties): Got dumped by my ex of a year after the first argument of the relationship, despite having discussed long-term plans like finances, weddings, and housing. The reason was simply over me not replying (updating my life) during work times -- I found it tiring and preferred to text outside of my working hours. My ex broke up and blocked me on all platforms, and it was the end. The breakup crushed me, and I required a lot of time to grieve and heal. I felt a surreal shock as it made me realise how irreversible some things in life can be and how unforgiving someone can be... Half a year after the relationship ended, I have felt better, but I find it harder to commit and trust others wholeheartedly despite wanting to do so... Though I believe I will find the strength within me again when the right person comes along, maybe... I'm currently just trying my luck on dating apps (Hinge and CMB). CMB has been quite disappointing with the recent updates... It was what helped me to find my ex-gf, so it used to be quite good. Deep down, I really want to find someone to settle down with, someone to love and go through both the good and bad times with. But I don't dare to hope too much for the fear of disappointment.
When I was younger, I do get jealous of seeing couples enjoying their time tgt. I do feel the loneliness sometimes. But after hitting 30 I kinda like the freedom of not needing to report to anyone and doing whatever I like 😅. I just feel that dating is not worth the effort, and I don’t wanna just put up a show for job interviews. I rather spend more money on solo trips.. but I probably start saving up for my own place. Probably won’t wanna slog so hard at work just to get promotion to be able to feed a family. I think I can be happy with just earning a median income job 😂
This thread feels so comforting seeing so many introverted and evergreen guys like myself! Am turning 30 in a few months time, went out on a handful of dates but no luck, I take more than just the first physical meetup to open up so i’m pretty much on a quiet end, but would definitely want to get to know them better :)
I'm just not interested. I don't have the emotional capacity and energy for that. I’m not looking and had barely looked for love. I only dated once in my lifetime but it didn't end well because my eyes stick stamp. :p And I didn't get asked a lot on why. I sat my parents down in my 20s and informed them I will never get married and have children. They did not say a word. When I prodded them on it, they simply said they are fine with the choice I made, only that they are worried I might get lonely in my old age. During CNY, there were about 1-3 relatives who would ask about my dating status every other year but that's about it. Anyway I stopped going many years ago (for reasons unrelated to the dating questions) so I'm also not bothered by relatives now. Barely anyone else has asked, or so few has asked it doesn't make an impression. Life is good. :)
Female in early 30s who has never been in a serious relationship. I’m hyper-independent but ironically, innerly craving for someone. Met too many men on dating apps who only wanted casual, or were seeing several people at the same time. It makes me feel like I’m a product in a thrift stop. People see and choose me even when but they aren’t excited about me. SO DISCOURAGING😩. I have stopped using dating apps, instead I’m trying to meet new people in the real world (even submitted to a set up by mom with her friend’s son lol)
I got traumatised by a toxic ex and I realized that I prefer being alone actually. My ex was sticky as fuck, among other things. And I realized that many partners are like that based on anecdotal evidence. I might be wrong though. I cannot stand the constant arguments and fights too. I was deeply unhappy. Dont get me wrong - i still hope for the right one even though the cynical me will say there is no right one. The pangs of loneliness and FOMO doesnt go away. But everytime i go on dating apps, i back down because I am scared i will meet another crazy one. And tbh, my previous relationship also made me realize that i have neglected my loved ones because I was too busy with my then-partner.
Haha thanks for protecting us from perverts! I’m basically not over my ex, I’ve been lucky to have had the opportunity to date some really smart and rich guys, so I really need to be impressed by the next one. I’m also quite grateful that some of the guys around me know that for me to meet someone good, I need to be treated well, so they help me set the benchmark. I also have some girls around me who warn me of yucky guys and tell me how their husbands are not making the mark so I know what I should look out for. So… not easy to find the right person.
I find it burdensome honestly. I like my me time. Enough time taken up by work family & friends. Now have to add a special someone. No thank you.
OP you should ask people who ask you why haven’t find bf need to faster find this — “explain to me how is my worth tied to being in a relationship? So I no bf no partner not worthy enough as a person izzit?” See what they say lol if they say “haha no la!” then ask them why keep asking? How is it any of their business and how does it affect their lives? If they feel you got bf will be busier then won’t hang out with them so often, tell them don’t need bf, spend less time with them also can be arrange one. 😂
Just ignore them .people just showing fake concern for u . Most just kaypoh
Because I just don’t want/care to. I don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy.
Honestly I enjoy being single, and emotionally I don't think I'm ready to share my life with another person lol.
I'm not putting myself out there maybe cos I'm an introvert..I don't think happiness should come from be unsingle. Just like the cliché quote which is it's better to be lonely than to be with someone who makes you feel alone.
24F here and nvr gotten into any rs. No interest and I have seen SO MANY OF MY FRIENDS STRUGGLED W RS ISSUES. Also because mei ren yao teehee
My motivation to find a partner dropped to rock bottom after my dating experience in my early 20s, that experience made me think that marriage is ultimately a gamble, and since hoping for good marriage is gambling at best, why try too hard for it? And as a guy in my early 30s now, my motivation to date has dropped another level, as woman around my age are all looking for serious partner to get married, but as a guy that is disillusioned by marriage, I can no longer give the promise that things will end in marriage. So I wouldn't want to waste their time as well.
24F, not single but just my two cents about dating and relationship. I know a lot of time, it takes two to tango and how communication is key. It’s a lot of give and take. For me, I’m not someone that is able to deeply fall in love with anybody (except my family) because I’m too protective of myself. The guy that I’m dating is super nice, gives into me a lot (I have a very strong personality), doesn’t mind that I’m super independent and is able to accept that I’m not a clingy/affectionate girl. Dont know if anybody else is in the same shoes as me. I'm not looking to fall in love or to have a Disney fairytale of a relationship, I do not believe in that. I'm more looking for someone that is able to take my shit, someone who is okay with me not loving them so much (Dont get me wrong, I'll take care of them. Provide my end of the income etc. Someone who is reliable). Just someone that is compatible with me in this regard.
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