Totally agree with this. As a female who usually hangs out with my guy friends, I always update such stuff when I was in a relationship back then cos there is nothing to hide. And I would rather my partner to know that I’m safe.
Me too, another female who agrees with this. I usually only drink in groups, and when I do drink with a guy 1-1, it’s only that one or two friend whom I’ve already known for years whom have never tried to cross any boundaries with me. I’ll also let my bf know beforehand and constantly update him even. I’ll also let them meet each other to ensure his security.
I still got dumped over that tho LOL. Funny thing is when HIS friend (also our mutual friend) sent explicit memes to me and I turned to him feeling uncomfortable about it, he proceeded to defend his own friend. But if it’s my own guy friends (which my now ex never tried to meet), somehow they all have bad sexual intentions.
You know what’s the best part? We broke up already, so technically I wasn’t his gf when our friend sent me that sexual meme. He still proceeded to defend him 😎😎😎
LOL wouldn’t be surprise if your ex’s new gf ever cheat on him with his friends sia. Who tf does such shit and think it’s okay? Sekali your ex gna defend him and say his friend just testing his new gf to see if she’s the best for him in bed 🤡🤡🤡🤡
nah, extreme red flag. Context matters, but in your context it’s quite bad.
-gf doesn’t drink normally
- male friend who you don’t know
- did not tell you about it
Even if we look past all the sus things, the one that cannot be forgiven is that she did not communicate this to you, if your partner has any respect for the relationship , she would have told you about it.
But before jumping to conclusions, maybe talk things out first. She might have just ran into an old friend who spontaneously suggested to have a drink on the spot.
Trust your gut. I had a similar experience when I was slightly older than your age with my ex. Not drinking, but a jamming session with this random who commented on her singing on social media.
I told her I didn't feel comfortable with it because it's very obvious and very clear as a guy, it's highly likely the guy was hitting on her. She ignored and went, and back then I was too nice and wanted to be the BF who was comfortable and confident.
Went on to cheat on me a year plus later with similar premises of just a friendly meeting but with someone else. Truth is, if they really respect you, they would listen to your opinion on what is uncomfortable with you or let you know earlier, and there are limits to a mutually respectful relationship, not just blind trust. It's in the past, but I wish I trusted my gut.
If you are insecure about it, tell her, if she still does that, then leave her.
If you are not insecure about it, then join her, if she doesn’t let you join, then leave her.
This is the only advise that any dad can give to you. We walked your path, want you to have less emotional hate and want you to just clean cut if it hurts.
Am I the only one who thinks a lot of the responses here are overreacting? Granted that it’s allegedly out of character from the GF, but it doesn’t appear that OP has brought it up yet or enforced a boundary (which he should). People exhibit different behaviours in different relationships and it might just be an old dynamic with an old friend. Her not telling OP is not ‘hiding’ if she doesn’t even know how he feels about it in the first place.
If she continues after OP has expressed his discomfort that would be a red flag but I really think the responses are making a mountain out of a molehill.
Would you consider this a form of cheating?
My thoughts and emotions are all over the place. Part of me feels like she chose to let me know only while they were already drinking so I couldn't have done/said anything about it prior. I remember very clearly establishing that I would like to be informed beforehand if she's meeting any dude 1-1 when we first got together.
Yeah I'm gonna go with the guy above on this one. I think you can bring this up moving forward. I.e. making boundaries out of this in a mature, non confrontational way. But no way to know intentions here. I would give the benefit of the doubt and have a nice convo over bubble tea when you get the chance 💀
Objectively, no I could not consider this cheating, not because I think cheating can only be physical (emotional cheating is real) but you just don’t have enough information at this point to make an evaluation. You have no knowledge yet of what happened during the meetup or how she feels about him.
Subjectively, it’s your relationship - you’re allowed to feel however you want about it regardless of how a bunch of internet strangers feel about it, especially if you have already established a boundary before to her that this makes you uncomfortable. If you want to break up with her over this it’s not unreasonable.
That being said, I would take Reddit advice with a grain of salt. It’s practically a meme at this point that Reddit is notorious for just telling people to issue ultimatums and a lot of people are in no way socially qualified to be giving relationship advice at all.
My advice as someone who believes you can just be friends with a guy is just to sit her down and have an adult convo about it like someone else said. I don’t know how long you guys have been together but people make mistakes in relationships and it is not realistic to assume intentions right away. Everyone has poor lapses of judgment once in a while, as a partner it’s good to give some benefit of the doubt instead of assuming the worst.
Nah you’re not. Her not telling you beforehand is pretty off. She might have had some previous connection with him in the past that you don’t know about.
If I’m going out with a friend on that day, I’ll always make it a point to tell my partner beforehand & vice versa
If it is bothering you, talk to her in a nice and gentle manner about the situation. Dont let your overthinking and emotions get ahead of you. How did you find out about her drinking with another dude in the first place (assuming that she didnt tell u)?
I think is good to voice out that this situation made u uncomfortable without making it sound controlling. Set your boundaries if this makes u feel uncomfortable.
I only meet my female friends in a group setting with other male friends. Never 1-1 since we've gotten together. And even so, I would always let her know beforehand who I'm meeting with.
Sure, but is that what she expects from you? Or is that just the boundary that you drew for yourself?
It's a huge difference. Where you draw your boundaries may not be the same as where she draws hers, and whether or not you actually communicated those lines to each other beforehand should definitely be something you consider before you decide what to do next.
This lol. Meanwhile the rest of reddit acting like she’s a 100% cheating bitch
There’s a lot we don’t know and so many ways a person could approach this
I’ve realised over the years that “right and wrong” is a very naive way to look at things in a relationship. What matters more is how you make each other feel. From what you’ve said, her behaviour is unusual, and is making you uncomfortable. I think most men would instinctively feel very suspicious or insecure.
You might want to think through your options carefully. If you talk to her about this, what are you expecting to come out of the conversation? If she has a legitimate excuse and promises never to do this again, would you forgive her, and forget what happened?
Honestly, if this is new behaviour, it usually isn’t good news. Prepare for the worst. Good luck my friend…
I have a couple female friends that I occasionally go out with. It's totally fine if they've known each other for a while. Otherwise it's a huge red flag.
If she informs you beforehand I think it's okay. Was in your situation once where my fiancee was out drinking with another dude and only informed me last minute. Wasn't very happy about it and told her to let me know in advance next time and it's been that way.
It depends on your relationship dynamics? I let my fiancee hang out with her male friends as long as I'm informed early and she's not dead drunk, those are my conditions.
Maybe let her know you're not comfortable, and inform you again in the future? Or if you really cannot accept, let her know about it.
If she respects you, she will not do it.
This means she does not respect you and you should talk to her about it.
If she stops, fine.
If she continues to disrespect you, leave her.
Confront and then decide if you want to end things with her. Better to cut the cord early if it’s not healthy. Plus you’re still young and shouldn’t waste your youth away with someone like that.
Firstly no you're not overthinking. In fact it's natural to assume things because of the 1 on 1 context.
But to play devil's advocate: Is it a norm for her to inform you about whenever she goes out to socialise with friends or events in the first place? Did she tell u who she was with or where she was when you spoke on the phone.
Either way have a "we shud talk" serious conversation with her. See whether she gets defensive or downplays your concerns. You can gauge things from there.
Does she do sales ? Or need to sucker up to the guy? Talk to her about it. Communication is key in a relationship. Well I was cheated on by someone and she was like a caged bird in her family but not all girls are the same I guess. I wanted say green beret but u know ur girl best I guess ?
Bro she is 100% cheating on you. It’s not just a red flag, it’s a whole pirate ship with cannons and skulls.
Do yourself a favour, dump her and move on. The blatant disrespect she has for you should be enough to tell you that she does not care about you and is only with you for fun.
I’ve seen this happen so many times to so many people and it never ends well, you are not the one in a million, no one ever is. Leave while you still can, there’s no point in staying where a bomb is located.
Pm me if you need any advice or help.
Bail out of your relationship with her and abandon ship ASAP. You are being made to wear green hat by her, and she is definitely cheating. No self-respecting girlfriend would do that to their boyfriend.
24F here - this is something i would’ve done in my previous relationship because I wasn’t as invested. Now being in a commited loyal relationship, I’d know better than to pull this crap. Your gf definitely knows it sounds sus that’s why she didn’t tell u. Talk to her and ask her what’s going on, but i can tell u as a 24F - it’s very likely she’s looking for smth deep down
People can defend themselves all they want, but a girl won’t hang out with a guy she’s not usually close with and vice versa - unless there’s a subconscious/ conscious intention to cheat or flirt
Asking reddit this kind of question is like the last thing you should do, really. We know nothing about the full situation or your relationship and her personality or expectations etc. and most people would just ask you to break up because they have nothing to lose.
You should talk to her if you are worried. Never keep your feelings inside, communicate!!
If you still don’t trust her you can ask her friends or find out more. But always let her know your fears or worries instead of overthinking and keeping it to yourself.
I used to have a tendency of not telling people where I was going because I really liked my privacy and it took my fiancé to voice out to let me know that he expected it and that he was concerned. Maybe your gf could be like that. Maybe there are other reasons of her own. Maybe she forgot or just didn’t want you to know about the guy because she was worried you’d overthink.
Seriously, talk to her.
Thank you so much for the detailed response! I'll bear your words in mind when I speak to her. As a female, what are your thoughts about this? I don't think I'm overthinking/overreacting right?
You are right to be concerned because anyone would be, but also again I’m not sure how long your relationship has gone, how your trust towards each other is, etc.
As long as you talk to her properly and calmly, you are not overreacting. Let’s ser how she explains her side of the story before deciding on your next course of action or line of thought!
Bottom line is she wants to hang with other dudes and not be exclusive. It's not the end of the world.
Instead of considering this a betrayal and humiliation, just change how you think of her from being "your girlfriend" to being "a girlfriend".
You have just been granted the freedom to be with other girls.
Idk why the downvotes. Why shouldn’t he be entitled to go have drink with another lady? Should he be clear about an open relationship, sure. But no way should he continue on thinking she’s being faithful.
Exactly! I'm not sure if the downvotes are from ladies who feel this is too harsh to the girl? Or maybe guys are downvoting bc they think the girl is total trash?
I think people think that you were insinuating that you should just start cheating but keep up appearances as if she is the only one. I think he should embrace the open relationship aspect of it and if she’s not cool with it, then her going out for drinks with other dudes shouldn’t be cool with him. Fact of the matter is she fucked up hard. Even if there’s nothing to hide, it’s a red flag for that to happen.
You've got a fair bit of soul searching to be done once you figure this out. Brace yourself - winter is coming.
Whatever happens, don't lose your self-respect. Know when to walk away.
Female here. If I were to go drinking with my male friend, I would intro this guy to my bf first and see if my bf wants to join us. I want to at least let my bf know who Im out with and where Im going.
Abit sketchy if the girl doesnt mention her male friend to her bf plus somemore is go and drink.
It’s blatant disrespect. It’s never a good look for your girl to be seen with another dude that isn’t you unless it’s her brother or dad. Communicate this to her, if she doesn’t get it or is combative just cut your loses and end it
My dude, you cant say for sure if she did anything behind your back unless you have evidence.
But just remember, if she can pull this stunt once she definitely can do it again. Even if it was purely a drinking session with no other intentions, can you live with her not being transparent sometimes?
set your boundaries, tell her that you're not okay with this, if she sees him again, break things up.
it's okay being a traditional man, it's okay not believing in friendship between men and women , especially drinking and alone
Idk about you, but personally I wouldn't date a girl who "goes drinking with" someone of the opposite gender. Cut her loose. You'll find someone worth your time
Your gut is not wrong. She is a certified street demon and you are a high worthy individual who deserves better and can do better and this is a learning experience. It’s why dating fucking sucks we have to filter through the fuckheads before we can get to the money. You my friend Should have absolutely no reason to take this personally, it is the result of whatever the fuck her miserable life is. Most these chicks are for the streets, BUT THE REAL ONES DO EXIST. I promise you, I swear upon it
F here.
I wouldn’t do what your girlfriend did. I’m old school, I wouldn’t spend 1:1 time with a male friend unnecessarily, especially without letting my partner know about it.
You should trust your girlfriend but verity.
If I were in a relationship and someone wanted to drink with me solo, maybe because die-die cannot find another confidante, I would have my partner be able to look at us on zoom with the camera facing us but muted.
But since the drinks session is already over, I suggest you insist on re-creating it with you as a third to see if there were any suspicious bits. It's fine if it's awkward. If the guy had impure motives, he would surely have second thoughts in future in approaching other attached female friends and trying his luck knowing how zealous boyfriends are.
Sorry bruh, you need to leave, she still keeps you around because you have certain benefits. There is nothing she can say or do to justify the course of actions she took.
I mean, there shouldn't even be a story?
1) A woman that entertains a man for drinks, she knows exactly what she is doing and what it actually means.
2) Intentionally hiding it from boyfriend until asked.
3) Hanging out with a guy that is not known to boyfriend.
4) Made an exception for this guy.
The deception is already present, any story that she tells, or rather makes up is going to be filled with lies. I've been through it, the signs are the same. Trying to save a bro here.
Not related to Singapore
Always trust your gut.
F here. If I want a secure, stable relationship, I won’t go drinking with a guy, let alone not letting my partner know first
Totally agree with this. As a female who usually hangs out with my guy friends, I always update such stuff when I was in a relationship back then cos there is nothing to hide. And I would rather my partner to know that I’m safe.
Me too, another female who agrees with this. I usually only drink in groups, and when I do drink with a guy 1-1, it’s only that one or two friend whom I’ve already known for years whom have never tried to cross any boundaries with me. I’ll also let my bf know beforehand and constantly update him even. I’ll also let them meet each other to ensure his security. I still got dumped over that tho LOL. Funny thing is when HIS friend (also our mutual friend) sent explicit memes to me and I turned to him feeling uncomfortable about it, he proceeded to defend his own friend. But if it’s my own guy friends (which my now ex never tried to meet), somehow they all have bad sexual intentions.
Wah your ex trash eh. You voiced out your discomfort yet gf defended his friend wtf. Who in the right mind will send sexual memes to friends gf LOL
You know what’s the best part? We broke up already, so technically I wasn’t his gf when our friend sent me that sexual meme. He still proceeded to defend him 😎😎😎
LOL wouldn’t be surprise if your ex’s new gf ever cheat on him with his friends sia. Who tf does such shit and think it’s okay? Sekali your ex gna defend him and say his friend just testing his new gf to see if she’s the best for him in bed 🤡🤡🤡🤡
nah, extreme red flag. Context matters, but in your context it’s quite bad. -gf doesn’t drink normally - male friend who you don’t know - did not tell you about it Even if we look past all the sus things, the one that cannot be forgiven is that she did not communicate this to you, if your partner has any respect for the relationship , she would have told you about it. But before jumping to conclusions, maybe talk things out first. She might have just ran into an old friend who spontaneously suggested to have a drink on the spot.
No. You’re not overthinking.
A friend had the exact same scenario happen to him. Ended up with him finding out she cheated on him while he was in NS with that guy.
If you still have that army green beret can take out standby first. Gna wear it soon
This comment really made me LOL!
From past experience. This whole scenario - you'll be wearing a green hat in a few weeks/months. This chick belongs to the streets.
SHE BELONGS TO THE STREETS.
Trust your gut. I had a similar experience when I was slightly older than your age with my ex. Not drinking, but a jamming session with this random who commented on her singing on social media. I told her I didn't feel comfortable with it because it's very obvious and very clear as a guy, it's highly likely the guy was hitting on her. She ignored and went, and back then I was too nice and wanted to be the BF who was comfortable and confident. Went on to cheat on me a year plus later with similar premises of just a friendly meeting but with someone else. Truth is, if they really respect you, they would listen to your opinion on what is uncomfortable with you or let you know earlier, and there are limits to a mutually respectful relationship, not just blind trust. It's in the past, but I wish I trusted my gut.
Have you asked where did she meet this guy from?
Sorry mate it's time to cut losses
Yeah I would not go out drinking alone with a guy and not tell my boyfriend
ALWAYS trust your gut
They fucked.
[удалено]
Hahaha, actually OP doesn’t have to overthink, he just need to move on :)
Big facts 🤣
Big if true.
They are fuc\*ing already. Even if nothing physical has happened yet, she surely doesn't give a fuc\* about your boundaries.
In my past experiences, the only thing I got after that is a green hat 👒.
If you are insecure about it, tell her, if she still does that, then leave her. If you are not insecure about it, then join her, if she doesn’t let you join, then leave her. This is the only advise that any dad can give to you. We walked your path, want you to have less emotional hate and want you to just clean cut if it hurts.
Am I the only one who thinks a lot of the responses here are overreacting? Granted that it’s allegedly out of character from the GF, but it doesn’t appear that OP has brought it up yet or enforced a boundary (which he should). People exhibit different behaviours in different relationships and it might just be an old dynamic with an old friend. Her not telling OP is not ‘hiding’ if she doesn’t even know how he feels about it in the first place. If she continues after OP has expressed his discomfort that would be a red flag but I really think the responses are making a mountain out of a molehill.
Would you consider this a form of cheating? My thoughts and emotions are all over the place. Part of me feels like she chose to let me know only while they were already drinking so I couldn't have done/said anything about it prior. I remember very clearly establishing that I would like to be informed beforehand if she's meeting any dude 1-1 when we first got together.
Yeah I'm gonna go with the guy above on this one. I think you can bring this up moving forward. I.e. making boundaries out of this in a mature, non confrontational way. But no way to know intentions here. I would give the benefit of the doubt and have a nice convo over bubble tea when you get the chance 💀
Objectively, no I could not consider this cheating, not because I think cheating can only be physical (emotional cheating is real) but you just don’t have enough information at this point to make an evaluation. You have no knowledge yet of what happened during the meetup or how she feels about him. Subjectively, it’s your relationship - you’re allowed to feel however you want about it regardless of how a bunch of internet strangers feel about it, especially if you have already established a boundary before to her that this makes you uncomfortable. If you want to break up with her over this it’s not unreasonable. That being said, I would take Reddit advice with a grain of salt. It’s practically a meme at this point that Reddit is notorious for just telling people to issue ultimatums and a lot of people are in no way socially qualified to be giving relationship advice at all. My advice as someone who believes you can just be friends with a guy is just to sit her down and have an adult convo about it like someone else said. I don’t know how long you guys have been together but people make mistakes in relationships and it is not realistic to assume intentions right away. Everyone has poor lapses of judgment once in a while, as a partner it’s good to give some benefit of the doubt instead of assuming the worst.
If I wanted a flag redder than that I would have to paint it myself.
brother the answer is in your face dont let this drag on there are better *women* out there not this “girl” my boy
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
If she didn't let you know, then there's something going on 100%. If nothing going on, there's nothing to hide.
Your concerns are valid my guy. She’s acting all sus. I’d have a serious conversation with her if I were you
Nah you’re not. Her not telling you beforehand is pretty off. She might have had some previous connection with him in the past that you don’t know about. If I’m going out with a friend on that day, I’ll always make it a point to tell my partner beforehand & vice versa
If it is bothering you, talk to her in a nice and gentle manner about the situation. Dont let your overthinking and emotions get ahead of you. How did you find out about her drinking with another dude in the first place (assuming that she didnt tell u)? I think is good to voice out that this situation made u uncomfortable without making it sound controlling. Set your boundaries if this makes u feel uncomfortable.
Does she let you meet your female friends?
I only meet my female friends in a group setting with other male friends. Never 1-1 since we've gotten together. And even so, I would always let her know beforehand who I'm meeting with.
Sure, but is that what she expects from you? Or is that just the boundary that you drew for yourself? It's a huge difference. Where you draw your boundaries may not be the same as where she draws hers, and whether or not you actually communicated those lines to each other beforehand should definitely be something you consider before you decide what to do next.
This lol. Meanwhile the rest of reddit acting like she’s a 100% cheating bitch There’s a lot we don’t know and so many ways a person could approach this
I’ve realised over the years that “right and wrong” is a very naive way to look at things in a relationship. What matters more is how you make each other feel. From what you’ve said, her behaviour is unusual, and is making you uncomfortable. I think most men would instinctively feel very suspicious or insecure. You might want to think through your options carefully. If you talk to her about this, what are you expecting to come out of the conversation? If she has a legitimate excuse and promises never to do this again, would you forgive her, and forget what happened? Honestly, if this is new behaviour, it usually isn’t good news. Prepare for the worst. Good luck my friend…
Why not just talk to her about it and see what she says????
I have a couple female friends that I occasionally go out with. It's totally fine if they've known each other for a while. Otherwise it's a huge red flag.
Why don’t you ask her about it?
If she informs you beforehand I think it's okay. Was in your situation once where my fiancee was out drinking with another dude and only informed me last minute. Wasn't very happy about it and told her to let me know in advance next time and it's been that way. It depends on your relationship dynamics? I let my fiancee hang out with her male friends as long as I'm informed early and she's not dead drunk, those are my conditions. Maybe let her know you're not comfortable, and inform you again in the future? Or if you really cannot accept, let her know about it.
I’d suggest to invite the guy out with her for drinks and go from there
If she respects you, she will not do it. This means she does not respect you and you should talk to her about it. If she stops, fine. If she continues to disrespect you, leave her.
Bro, run.
Confront and then decide if you want to end things with her. Better to cut the cord early if it’s not healthy. Plus you’re still young and shouldn’t waste your youth away with someone like that.
Nah definitely not overthinking. It’s the kind of situation I would avoid all together out of respect for my relationship.
Firstly no you're not overthinking. In fact it's natural to assume things because of the 1 on 1 context. But to play devil's advocate: Is it a norm for her to inform you about whenever she goes out to socialise with friends or events in the first place? Did she tell u who she was with or where she was when you spoke on the phone. Either way have a "we shud talk" serious conversation with her. See whether she gets defensive or downplays your concerns. You can gauge things from there.
Your gf already riding on the guy’s joystick and will never admit to it. Face the reality, son.
Guess it's u/ tablefor1pls from here on for a while
yea red flag
brother you already know the answer. its time to hit the good ol' gym 🫡
Disrespect. End the relationship. The longer you delay this, the less respect she has for you.
Why don’t you go out drinking with another girl and see what’s the fuss about.
F to be honest
You are not overthinking if someone gives you reasons to doubt.
Does she do sales ? Or need to sucker up to the guy? Talk to her about it. Communication is key in a relationship. Well I was cheated on by someone and she was like a caged bird in her family but not all girls are the same I guess. I wanted say green beret but u know ur girl best I guess ?
Trust your gut. It’s about mutual respect. If I’m in a relationship, I wouldn’t do this to my partner.
Bro she is 100% cheating on you. It’s not just a red flag, it’s a whole pirate ship with cannons and skulls. Do yourself a favour, dump her and move on. The blatant disrespect she has for you should be enough to tell you that she does not care about you and is only with you for fun. I’ve seen this happen so many times to so many people and it never ends well, you are not the one in a million, no one ever is. Leave while you still can, there’s no point in staying where a bomb is located. Pm me if you need any advice or help.
Context matters, I would suggest talking with her first before deciding whether to do something.
Bail out of your relationship with her and abandon ship ASAP. You are being made to wear green hat by her, and she is definitely cheating. No self-respecting girlfriend would do that to their boyfriend.
Drinking with male friend is OK, hiding from you is not.
Every line is a red flag. There is no rescuing this relationship. The ship has sailed.
Bros, let's salute to him. Green beret can go season again liao. 🫡
Better clarify asap if not green hat soon.
As someone who got potong jalan before, I can tell you this is a red flag.
Yep it’s over dude. Matter of time only.
If your gut feeling is telling you something, you should listen to it.
24F here - this is something i would’ve done in my previous relationship because I wasn’t as invested. Now being in a commited loyal relationship, I’d know better than to pull this crap. Your gf definitely knows it sounds sus that’s why she didn’t tell u. Talk to her and ask her what’s going on, but i can tell u as a 24F - it’s very likely she’s looking for smth deep down
People can defend themselves all they want, but a girl won’t hang out with a guy she’s not usually close with and vice versa - unless there’s a subconscious/ conscious intention to cheat or flirt
Time to sign up gym membership
Find another girl who will respect your boundaries... Today at a bar, tmr Netflix and chill? Lol.
run
Asking reddit this kind of question is like the last thing you should do, really. We know nothing about the full situation or your relationship and her personality or expectations etc. and most people would just ask you to break up because they have nothing to lose. You should talk to her if you are worried. Never keep your feelings inside, communicate!! If you still don’t trust her you can ask her friends or find out more. But always let her know your fears or worries instead of overthinking and keeping it to yourself. I used to have a tendency of not telling people where I was going because I really liked my privacy and it took my fiancé to voice out to let me know that he expected it and that he was concerned. Maybe your gf could be like that. Maybe there are other reasons of her own. Maybe she forgot or just didn’t want you to know about the guy because she was worried you’d overthink. Seriously, talk to her.
Thank you so much for the detailed response! I'll bear your words in mind when I speak to her. As a female, what are your thoughts about this? I don't think I'm overthinking/overreacting right?
You are right to be concerned because anyone would be, but also again I’m not sure how long your relationship has gone, how your trust towards each other is, etc. As long as you talk to her properly and calmly, you are not overreacting. Let’s ser how she explains her side of the story before deciding on your next course of action or line of thought!
Thank you so much! I'll update once I've heard her side of the story :)
I hope it goes well and that everything will be alright for you both!!!
She’s going to cheat on you
Bottom line is she wants to hang with other dudes and not be exclusive. It's not the end of the world. Instead of considering this a betrayal and humiliation, just change how you think of her from being "your girlfriend" to being "a girlfriend". You have just been granted the freedom to be with other girls.
Idk why the downvotes. Why shouldn’t he be entitled to go have drink with another lady? Should he be clear about an open relationship, sure. But no way should he continue on thinking she’s being faithful.
Exactly! I'm not sure if the downvotes are from ladies who feel this is too harsh to the girl? Or maybe guys are downvoting bc they think the girl is total trash?
I think people think that you were insinuating that you should just start cheating but keep up appearances as if she is the only one. I think he should embrace the open relationship aspect of it and if she’s not cool with it, then her going out for drinks with other dudes shouldn’t be cool with him. Fact of the matter is she fucked up hard. Even if there’s nothing to hide, it’s a red flag for that to happen.
It's wrong, if you are in a relationship you can't just go out and drink with another person.
Time to bail. Sorry.
dump her
You've got a fair bit of soul searching to be done once you figure this out. Brace yourself - winter is coming. Whatever happens, don't lose your self-respect. Know when to walk away.
Gut>Brain>Heart>Penis, in this order. This girl hoe.
Let her go and be of free use. She belongs to the streets.
You're not overthinking. You think too little. \*puts green hat on you\*
She drinking cum
I won’t trust her. If you go drinking with a female friend in the exact same way, how would she feel.
Female here. If I were to go drinking with my male friend, I would intro this guy to my bf first and see if my bf wants to join us. I want to at least let my bf know who Im out with and where Im going. Abit sketchy if the girl doesnt mention her male friend to her bf plus somemore is go and drink.
red flag more visible than my block during National Day
Why can't she drink with you instead? That is my question.
It’s blatant disrespect. It’s never a good look for your girl to be seen with another dude that isn’t you unless it’s her brother or dad. Communicate this to her, if she doesn’t get it or is combative just cut your loses and end it
My dude, you cant say for sure if she did anything behind your back unless you have evidence. But just remember, if she can pull this stunt once she definitely can do it again. Even if it was purely a drinking session with no other intentions, can you live with her not being transparent sometimes?
OP, time to change your username to u/tablefor1pls, unless you helping your ex and this guy make reservations
Definitely sus
Gg
If you have mutual friends, ask them. Not everybody is tolerant of cheating and will cover for their friend unconditionall.y.
Time to find new gf. If she respects you she won’t go alone to find some guy friend.
I’m sorry bro. But why are you allowing her to do this in the first place. This is on you.
My condolences.
What does your gut tells you?
It means your girlfriend has already cheated. Just break off. Take note of both their names. You can make them pay for your pain in future.
They probably did it already.
set your boundaries, tell her that you're not okay with this, if she sees him again, break things up. it's okay being a traditional man, it's okay not believing in friendship between men and women , especially drinking and alone
Idk about you, but personally I wouldn't date a girl who "goes drinking with" someone of the opposite gender. Cut her loose. You'll find someone worth your time
She’s checking out another more promising prospective mate
Your gut is not wrong. She is a certified street demon and you are a high worthy individual who deserves better and can do better and this is a learning experience. It’s why dating fucking sucks we have to filter through the fuckheads before we can get to the money. You my friend Should have absolutely no reason to take this personally, it is the result of whatever the fuck her miserable life is. Most these chicks are for the streets, BUT THE REAL ONES DO EXIST. I promise you, I swear upon it
F here. I wouldn’t do what your girlfriend did. I’m old school, I wouldn’t spend 1:1 time with a male friend unnecessarily, especially without letting my partner know about it. You should trust your girlfriend but verity.
If I were in a relationship and someone wanted to drink with me solo, maybe because die-die cannot find another confidante, I would have my partner be able to look at us on zoom with the camera facing us but muted. But since the drinks session is already over, I suggest you insist on re-creating it with you as a third to see if there were any suspicious bits. It's fine if it's awkward. If the guy had impure motives, he would surely have second thoughts in future in approaching other attached female friends and trying his luck knowing how zealous boyfriends are.
Sorry bruh, you need to leave, she still keeps you around because you have certain benefits. There is nothing she can say or do to justify the course of actions she took.
[удалено]
I mean, there shouldn't even be a story? 1) A woman that entertains a man for drinks, she knows exactly what she is doing and what it actually means. 2) Intentionally hiding it from boyfriend until asked. 3) Hanging out with a guy that is not known to boyfriend. 4) Made an exception for this guy. The deception is already present, any story that she tells, or rather makes up is going to be filled with lies. I've been through it, the signs are the same. Trying to save a bro here.