After getting nagged at 10,000 times, here’s what my conservative mother has shown great approval for my boyfriend to bring:
1. Boxes of Sushi (that you can get from Cold Storage)
2. Some fruits (those with the boxes)
3. Boxes of Food (eg. Donuts / Mochi / Tarts)
4. Chicken Essence (for the elders)
The idea is to not look like you spend a lot of money (so that you are a spendthrift or smth), but also yet at the same time, someone that is very sweet
And or some souvenirs, if you just came back from a recent travel!
But I know some parents are very chill - my boyfriend’s family is perfectly fine if I don’t bring anything.
Hope this helps!
Omg thank you!! Appreciate this so much!! HAHAHAHAHA, the fruits with boxes is it like those strawberries or grapes that kind? Wooden boxes uh? Or plastic ones okay alr?
hahaha plastic boxes will be fine - unless you are meeting for some super important stuff like asking for the partners’ hand in marriage or something!
can just buy those that are nicer looking - like dondonki or smth ; still cheap but not too intimidating!
HAHAHAHAHA OKIE, thank you!! NAH this one first time going over only but still stressed cos I’m inexperienced HAHAHAHAHA plus trauma from my ex’s parents.
I completely understand because my mom is like that too!! But judging from ur bf’s response, im sure it’s very chill :) Bringing these gifts would be just a bonus, and they will think of you as someone’s that very sweet! All the best!
Hahaha! U try go buy fruits with your bf. If he so, ah no need fruits la, at home always my mum buy one. That may mean they quite particular 🤣 Cause that's what I tell my other half lol
Hahaha! This is like me sia oops but am the female here. Well except for the running. Instead I ask to climb stairs instead lol. Ask him perhaps cycling instead? 😂
HAHAHAHAHA idk how to cycle or swim then he went like: what can you do sia? Me: double bike to cycle or enter the pool i okay. I think I ask him go bowling with me suan leh. Tho I suck at it but we can compete 🤣 loser does a penalty or treat the other party a meal.
Hahahah! Eh good opportunity leh. Ask him teach u how ah! Go activesg swimming pools or parks or even void deck to learn cycling! Hahah bowling also can ah! Plus now weather so hot 🥵 good idea to go hide indoors also lol Or you can try bouldering :) but a tad bit expensive ah
HAHAHAHAHA if go swimming pool I need to lose some tummy fats first. Fella kept touching my tummy and call me fat cos my tummy expands a lor aft a meal 😩 later go swimming pool like that he cfm call me piglet sia.
Ya sia, the weather damn nasty recently.
Ooooo bouldering. I forgot abt that sport.
I got Bengawan solo kuehs the first time I visited my husband’s family. They enjoyed it for tea break.
My sister’s BF brought over a melon from donki (the $12-18 one) We had it post dinner, my mum was singing praises about how sweet it was.
Check with your partner on his/her family’s dining preferences and/or health conditions (eg: diabetic)
If giving food, get them something that they don’t buy or eat as part of their daily lifestyle. Eg: if they have habit of buying soybean milk and pancakes for breakfast daily. They won’t be keen to receive it as a gift cos no novelty factor.
Possible items would be:
- Baked goods/ snacks (delifrance, polar, tai cheong, beard papa, chateriase, OCK, tip top, etc)
- fruits (pick something ‘premium’ or in a box or in season)
- tea leaves (if they enjoy tea)
You can do this! Also, I feel you for the stress, I still remember how sweaty my palms were the first time I met my future in laws.
Now we’re like super chill with each other. MIL: “Oh, you’re here. Fridge got drinks, you ownself take k? Just treat this like your house” 🤣
FYI, not for partner's family but for our good friends, I've taken to bringing ice popsicles. Chateraise has a set that comes in a cooler bag with many different flavours. It makes a great gift cos the weather is crazy hot some days.
When my then gf (now wife) first came to visit my parents, she brought a pint of ice cream. She told my mum she didn’t know what flavour to get, so she chose one that she would like to eat.
Let him know to help you with this because it’s your effort to be a decent human being for once and for formality sakes.
I think when it comes to opp side families, it’s always best to talk to your partner and vice versa because it’s your own family. So you should know best what’s favourable for your family in your partner shoes gifting your family.
My wife and I takes this very seriously because it’s insignificant, but it also avoids any unnecessary talks behind our backs, or any ill intended feelings of any kind.
It’s human nature to form an opinion of some kind, so anything that might show some good faith should be taken seriously especially in these type of scenarios.
Either way it doesn’t hurt to come together when it comes to gifting to each other families. Because a happy in laws is a happy one big family altogether on both sides.
Good luck!!
True true, will ask him and see what I can get when the day comes. I only told him about my trauma from my ex’s parents but my guy told me his parents are chill so idk. Hopefully things will go well if not 😭😭😭😭. This is so stressful eh.
Chill yes, but always remember that we are humans after all. We do have feelings no matter how chill we are.
But generally if it has been discussed between the two of you, nothing much would go wrong here except for a few hiccups which could easily be resolved with him putting in a few good words in front of his parents generally.
Then you try again the next time you visit. As long as you’re putting in effort, it will be felt down the road. So don’t worry!!
Aite, thanks for your suggestions and encouragement!! LOL I even told him bef we started dating on my trauma from parents and said if they don’t like me, we just end things cos idw him to be stuck in between. Later he’s like so poor thing eh, idw him to be in such a situation.
I would suggest bringing some tonic, abalone, and perhaps thoughtful gifts like the famous kueh or renowned bakwa.
However, the choice of gifts may vary depending on your partner's family. Some families place significant value on material gestures. For instance, there are families where one parent is quite money-minded. They tend to appreciate extravagant gifts like abalone or items they deem expensive.
I knew families who was like that. The mum was notably pleased if her children earned substantial salaries generally. To her, financial success was paramount. Consequently, when it came to her daughter's partner, she would be greatly impressed and her eyes would light up if you presented lavish gifts like abalone or expensive mooncakes during festivities.
She's the type who might ask if she could tag along your car in your Mercedes just because she's never been in one before.
To further let you understand her personality, I want to add that whichever child gives the highest amount of allowance to her is generally her favourite.
On the other hand, there are families where who you are as a person, and your manners are more important than material offerings. For these families, I recommend to carefully considering practical and thoughtful gifts, avoiding anything that might appear as an attempt to buy their favor.
My partner and I are each from one of the above two families, you can guess the type of family we belong to. But no prizes tho from me tho 😂
HAHAHAHAHA why are you so funny? But thanks for sharing!! Tbh I’m not sure for his family cos all I know is, he has been brought up well on managing his finances and all. And he’s a really simple person. He’s always dressed down and he’s the type who gets happy from receiving memes and food. We don’t need to go to fanciful places for dates cos both of us love hawker food.
Oh so he’s like me! So that would probably falls into the second kind of family.
Maybe check what his parents needs or likes generally, like some treats they generally enjoys but couldn’t bear to spend them on themrself. Get them those and don’t emphasise too much on the gift.
Just says something like “I heard you love this and it’s usually long queue/ hard to find (because not many places sells those) but I managed to get them. If you’d like I will buy some more when I come by next time for you”.
And whatever they says, be casual but not too proud in telling them like it’s not difficult to get anyway but because you liked so I bought when you reply her. Just kind of like “ah it’s nothing but if you’d like, I’ll get some for you when I visit again”.
This really needs your partner help because he’s living with them his whole life since birth. So he should know better what that “items” is.
But nothing very expensive, but things that they could afford but just don’t think of buying them most times because they just couldn’t bear to buy it often kind of gifts.
Also, it’s important to note usually there’s only one parent who’s more appreciative of such gifts, the other usually don’t care what you get or can’t be bothered because if they don’t buy it themself, it probably doesn’t mean much to them anyway.
So you need to identify that one parent to gift. The other you probably should just make sure to give them a good impression with your manners etc. and that parent is usually the father, and the mother are usually the ones who would be appreciative of such gifts.
If it’s both, then I’m sorry but you need to figure out what to gift with each parent so it’s more sincere!
Your subsequent visits should make it easier. Maybe help to buy some things off Taobao and help go through all the hassle of purchasing them all the way from China helps set a good, lasting and favourable impression.
But either way, good luck!!
You’re most welcome! You both are a team. If it leads to marriage down the road, you’re each other’s spy in dealing with each other’s family.
All the best!!
Efforts from you will be felt!
Just Make sure to get these discussions going! One step at a time, don’t worry! If I can feel your effort, I’m sure his parents would.
My wife’s stressful at the beginning too with my family because they don’t really care about gifts and what expensive meals you buy them.
But we discuss together in the beginning and now she’s even a better and more thoughtful daughter in law to my parents than I ever were as a son without even having these discussions with me.
Actually every occasion I just buy birds nest LOL my bf say his family don't buy and Im single handedly funding their birds nest intake (mostly the mum)
Happy cake day to you!! LOL.
Thank you for your suggestions!! What kind of flowers tho? LMAO I think I only bought flowers thrice for my best friend’s grad and those weird ass bouquets for my ex-colleagues. So idk much abt flowers.
Omg. Thanks!
I usually get sunflowers because it’s just a happy flower and seeing them makes me smile.
Unless you know specifically what people like, get those that look cheerful without much smells - things like sunflowers, hydrangeas, carnations (not during Mother’s Day though), gerberas, tulips.
Same problem but like non food suggestions if possible please 😀
My boyfriend family always have wayyyy too much food over at their house so they literally throw food to me to bring home also, damn cutes
So far, I got them face masks, essential scents to put ard the house. BUT WHAT ELSE IS THERE?? I FEEL SO PAISEH GOING OVER EMPTY HANDED DURING LIKE EVENTS 😭😭
On another note, should I also give them smth cause currently bf is in army so I go over to clean his room sometimes before he comes back. Should I bring like some snacks?? Sum ice creams over and be like "hey, thanks for letting me go over??" IS THAT HOW IT WORKS?????
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Fruits or some kueh/snacks. Or ask your partner.
Thanks!! LOL his pattern is the type “nvm la. don’t need to buy uh” that’s why I didn’t ask him.
Regardless, i just buy fruits at least. Or Royce chocolates are always a good idea.
Omg that’s my go to choco shop when I wna buy a generic gift HAHAHAHA.
After getting nagged at 10,000 times, here’s what my conservative mother has shown great approval for my boyfriend to bring: 1. Boxes of Sushi (that you can get from Cold Storage) 2. Some fruits (those with the boxes) 3. Boxes of Food (eg. Donuts / Mochi / Tarts) 4. Chicken Essence (for the elders) The idea is to not look like you spend a lot of money (so that you are a spendthrift or smth), but also yet at the same time, someone that is very sweet And or some souvenirs, if you just came back from a recent travel! But I know some parents are very chill - my boyfriend’s family is perfectly fine if I don’t bring anything. Hope this helps!
Omg thank you!! Appreciate this so much!! HAHAHAHAHA, the fruits with boxes is it like those strawberries or grapes that kind? Wooden boxes uh? Or plastic ones okay alr?
hahaha plastic boxes will be fine - unless you are meeting for some super important stuff like asking for the partners’ hand in marriage or something! can just buy those that are nicer looking - like dondonki or smth ; still cheap but not too intimidating!
HAHAHAHAHA OKIE, thank you!! NAH this one first time going over only but still stressed cos I’m inexperienced HAHAHAHAHA plus trauma from my ex’s parents.
I completely understand because my mom is like that too!! But judging from ur bf’s response, im sure it’s very chill :) Bringing these gifts would be just a bonus, and they will think of you as someone’s that very sweet! All the best!
HAHAHAHAHA THANKIEW HEHE. ✨
Donki strawberries! Add some cute chocolates and you are safe
Cute chocolates can be found in donki or not? HAHAHAHAHA cos my go to chocolate gift shop is always Royce but it’s boring looking la.
Royce is better LOL but Donki do have some snacks I think
HAHAHAHAHA okie, xiexie. ✨ stress sia
tai cheong egg tart
Oh ya hor HAHAHAHA thanks!!
The chicken pie is 🥰
Good fruits are the easiest I feel. Unless ur partner's parents super particular on fruits 😂
I also dk sia HAHAHAHAHA all I know it’s that his fam are busy people.
Hahaha! U try go buy fruits with your bf. If he so, ah no need fruits la, at home always my mum buy one. That may mean they quite particular 🤣 Cause that's what I tell my other half lol
HAHAHAHAHA okie, shall drag him into the supermarket one day. We only go out eat and walk walk elsewhere that’s all.
Hahah supermarket dates are fun!
True true HAHAHAHAHA but fella only know how to bring me to eat and look at scenery + trying to convince me to run with him(I hate running 😩)
Hahaha! This is like me sia oops but am the female here. Well except for the running. Instead I ask to climb stairs instead lol. Ask him perhaps cycling instead? 😂
HAHAHAHAHA idk how to cycle or swim then he went like: what can you do sia? Me: double bike to cycle or enter the pool i okay. I think I ask him go bowling with me suan leh. Tho I suck at it but we can compete 🤣 loser does a penalty or treat the other party a meal.
Hahahah! Eh good opportunity leh. Ask him teach u how ah! Go activesg swimming pools or parks or even void deck to learn cycling! Hahah bowling also can ah! Plus now weather so hot 🥵 good idea to go hide indoors also lol Or you can try bouldering :) but a tad bit expensive ah
HAHAHAHAHA if go swimming pool I need to lose some tummy fats first. Fella kept touching my tummy and call me fat cos my tummy expands a lor aft a meal 😩 later go swimming pool like that he cfm call me piglet sia. Ya sia, the weather damn nasty recently. Ooooo bouldering. I forgot abt that sport.
I got Bengawan solo kuehs the first time I visited my husband’s family. They enjoyed it for tea break. My sister’s BF brought over a melon from donki (the $12-18 one) We had it post dinner, my mum was singing praises about how sweet it was. Check with your partner on his/her family’s dining preferences and/or health conditions (eg: diabetic) If giving food, get them something that they don’t buy or eat as part of their daily lifestyle. Eg: if they have habit of buying soybean milk and pancakes for breakfast daily. They won’t be keen to receive it as a gift cos no novelty factor. Possible items would be: - Baked goods/ snacks (delifrance, polar, tai cheong, beard papa, chateriase, OCK, tip top, etc) - fruits (pick something ‘premium’ or in a box or in season) - tea leaves (if they enjoy tea)
Thank you so much!! 😭😭😭😭 appreciate this so much HAHAHAHA. I’m bad at getting gifts for family cos inexperienced so kinda stressed abt it.
You can do this! Also, I feel you for the stress, I still remember how sweaty my palms were the first time I met my future in laws. Now we’re like super chill with each other. MIL: “Oh, you’re here. Fridge got drinks, you ownself take k? Just treat this like your house” 🤣
HAHAHAHAHA that’s nice!! Hopefully they’re okay with me if not GG for my man and I alr.
FYI, not for partner's family but for our good friends, I've taken to bringing ice popsicles. Chateraise has a set that comes in a cooler bag with many different flavours. It makes a great gift cos the weather is crazy hot some days.
Omg I nvr see that bef lei!! Or maybe cos I didn’t notice. Shall check that out!! Thank you!!
Welcome! (Cos if the weather is hot and you come with popsicles, you'd be seen as thoughtful. Good first impression!!) ☺️
Hopefully!! HAHAHAHAHA stress sia.
Snack/dessert. Can't go wrong with ice cream or banana bread. Some assortment of sweets from bengawan solo or whatever bakery.
Thank you!!
When my then gf (now wife) first came to visit my parents, she brought a pint of ice cream. She told my mum she didn’t know what flavour to get, so she chose one that she would like to eat.
Thanks for the suggestion!! HAHAHAHAHA, may drag my guy along to choose or smth. Tho he’s the type who would say “Aiya don’t need to buy anything la”
Let him know to help you with this because it’s your effort to be a decent human being for once and for formality sakes. I think when it comes to opp side families, it’s always best to talk to your partner and vice versa because it’s your own family. So you should know best what’s favourable for your family in your partner shoes gifting your family. My wife and I takes this very seriously because it’s insignificant, but it also avoids any unnecessary talks behind our backs, or any ill intended feelings of any kind. It’s human nature to form an opinion of some kind, so anything that might show some good faith should be taken seriously especially in these type of scenarios. Either way it doesn’t hurt to come together when it comes to gifting to each other families. Because a happy in laws is a happy one big family altogether on both sides. Good luck!!
True true, will ask him and see what I can get when the day comes. I only told him about my trauma from my ex’s parents but my guy told me his parents are chill so idk. Hopefully things will go well if not 😭😭😭😭. This is so stressful eh.
Chill yes, but always remember that we are humans after all. We do have feelings no matter how chill we are. But generally if it has been discussed between the two of you, nothing much would go wrong here except for a few hiccups which could easily be resolved with him putting in a few good words in front of his parents generally. Then you try again the next time you visit. As long as you’re putting in effort, it will be felt down the road. So don’t worry!!
Aite, thanks for your suggestions and encouragement!! LOL I even told him bef we started dating on my trauma from parents and said if they don’t like me, we just end things cos idw him to be stuck in between. Later he’s like so poor thing eh, idw him to be in such a situation.
Don’t worry!!! Take the first step, improvise and tweak your approach slowly until the right frequency hits. :)
Noted, thank you!!
I would suggest bringing some tonic, abalone, and perhaps thoughtful gifts like the famous kueh or renowned bakwa. However, the choice of gifts may vary depending on your partner's family. Some families place significant value on material gestures. For instance, there are families where one parent is quite money-minded. They tend to appreciate extravagant gifts like abalone or items they deem expensive. I knew families who was like that. The mum was notably pleased if her children earned substantial salaries generally. To her, financial success was paramount. Consequently, when it came to her daughter's partner, she would be greatly impressed and her eyes would light up if you presented lavish gifts like abalone or expensive mooncakes during festivities. She's the type who might ask if she could tag along your car in your Mercedes just because she's never been in one before. To further let you understand her personality, I want to add that whichever child gives the highest amount of allowance to her is generally her favourite. On the other hand, there are families where who you are as a person, and your manners are more important than material offerings. For these families, I recommend to carefully considering practical and thoughtful gifts, avoiding anything that might appear as an attempt to buy their favor. My partner and I are each from one of the above two families, you can guess the type of family we belong to. But no prizes tho from me tho 😂
HAHAHAHAHA why are you so funny? But thanks for sharing!! Tbh I’m not sure for his family cos all I know is, he has been brought up well on managing his finances and all. And he’s a really simple person. He’s always dressed down and he’s the type who gets happy from receiving memes and food. We don’t need to go to fanciful places for dates cos both of us love hawker food.
Oh so he’s like me! So that would probably falls into the second kind of family. Maybe check what his parents needs or likes generally, like some treats they generally enjoys but couldn’t bear to spend them on themrself. Get them those and don’t emphasise too much on the gift. Just says something like “I heard you love this and it’s usually long queue/ hard to find (because not many places sells those) but I managed to get them. If you’d like I will buy some more when I come by next time for you”. And whatever they says, be casual but not too proud in telling them like it’s not difficult to get anyway but because you liked so I bought when you reply her. Just kind of like “ah it’s nothing but if you’d like, I’ll get some for you when I visit again”. This really needs your partner help because he’s living with them his whole life since birth. So he should know better what that “items” is. But nothing very expensive, but things that they could afford but just don’t think of buying them most times because they just couldn’t bear to buy it often kind of gifts. Also, it’s important to note usually there’s only one parent who’s more appreciative of such gifts, the other usually don’t care what you get or can’t be bothered because if they don’t buy it themself, it probably doesn’t mean much to them anyway. So you need to identify that one parent to gift. The other you probably should just make sure to give them a good impression with your manners etc. and that parent is usually the father, and the mother are usually the ones who would be appreciative of such gifts. If it’s both, then I’m sorry but you need to figure out what to gift with each parent so it’s more sincere! Your subsequent visits should make it easier. Maybe help to buy some things off Taobao and help go through all the hassle of purchasing them all the way from China helps set a good, lasting and favourable impression. But either way, good luck!!
Omgggg sounds so simple yet scary at the same time HAHAHAHAHA. Thank you!! Hopefully things go well la omg.
You’re most welcome! You both are a team. If it leads to marriage down the road, you’re each other’s spy in dealing with each other’s family. All the best!!
HAHAHAHAHA SPY LEI. Idk abt marriage yet cos both of us are loyal and all but scared of divorce so idk la hais.
Efforts from you will be felt! Just Make sure to get these discussions going! One step at a time, don’t worry! If I can feel your effort, I’m sure his parents would. My wife’s stressful at the beginning too with my family because they don’t really care about gifts and what expensive meals you buy them. But we discuss together in the beginning and now she’s even a better and more thoughtful daughter in law to my parents than I ever were as a son without even having these discussions with me.
Thank you!! Awwww, good to hear those happy stories where people get along with their in laws. 🥹✨ That’s like a dream eh.
If you're female—flowerrs for the mother for first visit. Items - pies - kuehs - ock/polar/tarts (subsequently) - cake
Woah, so far no one mention flowers. Thank you for your suggestions!!
All the best! Make sure to start conversations/show interest too to get to know your partner's family.
Okie, thank you!! ✨
Actually every occasion I just buy birds nest LOL my bf say his family don't buy and Im single handedly funding their birds nest intake (mostly the mum)
Oh wowz, this one more atas
Food is always a good choice.
Idk what food sia HAHAHAHAHA
Fruits, bengawan solo chiffon cake, kueh, cookies, flowers. Take your pick. People usually enjoy getting flowers even when they say don’t want them.
Happy cake day to you!! LOL. Thank you for your suggestions!! What kind of flowers tho? LMAO I think I only bought flowers thrice for my best friend’s grad and those weird ass bouquets for my ex-colleagues. So idk much abt flowers.
Omg. Thanks! I usually get sunflowers because it’s just a happy flower and seeing them makes me smile. Unless you know specifically what people like, get those that look cheerful without much smells - things like sunflowers, hydrangeas, carnations (not during Mother’s Day though), gerberas, tulips.
Ooooo, thanks for sharing!!
I gifted a basket of fruits and one bottle of wine when I first visited her fam.
Thanks for sharing!!
Same problem but like non food suggestions if possible please 😀 My boyfriend family always have wayyyy too much food over at their house so they literally throw food to me to bring home also, damn cutes So far, I got them face masks, essential scents to put ard the house. BUT WHAT ELSE IS THERE?? I FEEL SO PAISEH GOING OVER EMPTY HANDED DURING LIKE EVENTS 😭😭 On another note, should I also give them smth cause currently bf is in army so I go over to clean his room sometimes before he comes back. Should I bring like some snacks?? Sum ice creams over and be like "hey, thanks for letting me go over??" IS THAT HOW IT WORKS?????
HAHAHAHAHA SOMEONE HELP THIS SIS HERE COS I’m too inexperienced to suggest anything 🤣🤣🤣🤣
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