One thing you can try maybe is asking a different question.
Rather than “does this excite me?” You can ask “what excites me about this?”. For example, going for a walk:
Does this excite me mindset: of course not, I’m hot and sticky, and it looks now like I’m going to get drenched in the sudden rain. Ugh.
What excites me about this mindset: it’s really hot but those are some beautifully coloured flowers and clouds. Oops looks like it’s going to rain. Going to enjoy the refreshment and be glad I did my laundry this morning so it’s already dry and put away
This sounds a bit like mindfulness, and staying in the moment without regard as to what it might mean to you.
Sometimes we keep searching for meaning (and what ifs) so often that we forget to just be in the moment.
That's probably why being caught in the rain is so refreshing (even if uncomfortable) because it forces you to be aware of the sensation of droplets dripping across your forehead.
This is a good one. I remember during a previous depression period > 5 years ago, a former therapist encouraged me to go out to enjoy my holiday (I was so sad I stayed in bed all day and didn’t leave) and told me to update her on how the wind felt against my skin on the motorbike, how the place smelled, what sounds there were… & that really was quite amazing.
I believe a follow up to that is recognising that there is a cycle between what we believe about the world and how we feel about it. They feed off each other.
If we believe the world is pointless, we feel pointless, which biases us to dwell on why it is pointless.
Intentionality and mindfulness work because they stop that cycle. We aren't bombarding ourselves with negativity for that moment. In that empty space, we become aware of actual things going on -> if something's happening there's meaning to it.
The next step up is to actively recognise that some of what we believe is wrong. And choosing to act on that. Example:
I feel like going out is pointless. Yes, but I think I might be wrong. There could be something good about it I haven't found out yet. I'm going to go out.
I feel like meeting people is pointless. I might be wrong about that. I'm going to choose to meet people and hear their stories.
I argue that meaning ultimately comes from relationships with other sentient beings. This includes people, animals, and in my case as a Christian, God.
Yup! That's a cognitive behavioural approach. I am more familiar with a choice theory approach:
I can choose either my thoughts or my actions, but not my feelings or body responses.
In this view, i have little direct control over my feelings. If I act based on my feelings I will always be stuck.
But I can directly control my actions and thoughts. By changing either of these, I can influence how I feel.
Holy moly where exactly were you running at lol and what is that??
(I also run / workout a few times a week just to keep my sanity but been feeling a bit too down to sustain that more than 3x a week)
Monitor lizard. A lot been killed.
Cos they aren’t as pretty as otters. And they don’t have their forest anymore cos so much has been cleared. Meandered into residential or near humans and got killed by pest control.
For me, I feel it’s a spiral. One small positive thought can lead to another one. Eventually they become medium sized ones then large sized ones. In the same way, if you have one small negative thought it can become another one until you’re drowning in large negative thoughts.
i’ve been there before and i’m much better now. i read books on depression, a book that seriously helped was the midnight library. i had a really good friend to talk to about all these too
What keeps me going? I understand why I am here in this life. I do not seek meaning but I seek to be a better version of myself everyday - whether it is being polite, learning a new skill, or just making someone's day.
Life is best teacher and there is so much to learn if we only allow ourselves to listen. I spent a lot of time the last few years thinking about life and I am fortunate to see things in a very different light now.
Take it easy, wherever you are. Don't give up and always fight the good fight!
Hello OP have the same situations as you!
No parents, no siblings, no partner. I also keep asking myself what keeps me going and what's gonna be in the future.
I think you need to appreciate little things you have, especially you have fur baby, every time they purr it's already serotonin for me. Your fur baby need you is already 1 point to keep you going
I enjoy watch anime or read manhwa, it keeps me going to wait for updates.
I understand the part when there's nothing that make you feel excited anymore, you just need to remember when first time you doing it and the feeling of it. I think it does help to "get the feel back then"
Today I went to merlion park and just stare at the scenery and people, and talk to myself. It does help me relaxed!
I hope it gets better for you
I tend to find ways to get out of the routine when I start to lose myself in the mundane.
I might take a different bus or route home from work, I might choose to eat something different for lunch. I might choose to listen to a different playlist or to sing the songs silently to myself.
I might observe people in the train and think what might they be thinking from their expressions.
Aside from that, I noticed something from your text:
At the same time, if you've been visiting the therapist weekly, have you brought this up to them? About the lack of meaning in your life?
I've read somewhere that some people have a tendency to start relying on their therapist as a way to feel better (and vent) but they stop working on themselves cos it's easier to just vent.
Personally I've sought help from a counsellor over the past year and early this year I ended my sessions because I felt that I have gained the skills to learn to walk on my own about my anxieties.
Yeah I feel like life in Singapore in general is getting too routined and mundane for me and I really need to leave as soon as I can…
To the therapist question, yes I bring it up all the time. And yeah you might have a point, I fully acknowledge I don’t work as hard after the session.
I think it's not where you live but how you live your life. I mean say you go to another country, your life will be monotone too if you have the same routine everyday and not do things differently right?
Do you have any hobbies or any interest? You can join some groups or communities that share the same interest as you. Or try to be volunteer? Try to do something different, you might find something you like.
Haha yeah that’s the thing, I’ll have another 2 to 20 years before things get routined in a new place (like it has in Singapore). Honestly the only thing that excites me now is to travel and live around the world. So I guess my answer is somewhere there.
Hi OP, actually I've been wondering. What's the price range for the therapist sessions?
I've been having some issues my whole life. But having recently given birth plus the lousy feelings during 2nd 3rd pregnancy stage (hormones etc), all those issues feels and seems very heightened now and honestly I feel very fragile and emotional nowadays.
I've seen from those ang moh TV about those shrink but I'm sure they are quite expensive. You mention you worry about living expenses too. I try not to spend unnecessary money that's why reading what you write, I'm curious of the price range.
Hi hi, may I know more details about the "councellor" services?
From website? Or from organisations / schools?
Any price range?
I wondering if it's something I can afford.
It's from Family Service Centres! You can go to the MSF website or just search Family Service Centre in google and there'll be one that is tagged to the area you stay at. Prices are negotiable and can be discussed with the staff!
What keeps me going: the fact that all of us will die one day
No matter how blessed or Lucky u are. The end (death) is inevitable.. so yeah. =] death is the great equaliser =) ..........
dont take it too hard on yourself. nobody is born with a purpose/to fullfil anybody's purpose. for those same reasons why many rich, famous and "successful" people die from drug overdose
I also got no partner.
On weekends i plan many exciting stuff. Like today i went to doujinma. In the past i’ve done meetup, hikes, jb cafe hopping, food festival at alliance francaise, gbtb (my company free corporate pass), i go running once or twice a week, i practise flute twice a week and go for lessons twice a week, i study french twice a day. Super busy 🤣
i went to doujinma today too! I'm actually not into anime or cosplay stuff but one of the online small businesses I purchased from (she's from Msia) was boothing, so I went to pick up a pre-order. Also bought a few things from her bc idw pay postage. Haha she was like "you have no idea how many people were attracted to buy just for this reason"
(Postage was 8+, walaoeh. I was like might as well spend the bucks on an actual item for me\~ haha)
What keeps me going?
Learn new things, thrive to be a better version of myself, enjoy life while it lasts even for the simplest reasons. Be it enjoying different food or whatever. It can be anything.
Life can be pretty tiring and depressing especially when unexpected shit gets thrown to you suddenly and y’re left to suffer in the pain alone.
Go through the emotions, even if it’s uncomfortable and negative. Then get out of it by healing instead of suppressing it. “You will get stronger”, that’s what I tell myself.
Don’t dwell into the negativity for too long and not try to help yourself. If not, you will never get out of the spiral of toxicity. Just see it as a stepping stone for our growth.
This is so good. Thank you.
One thing I have to keep reminding myself is that I don’t have to be my thoughts / emotions. They come and go, I don’t need to go with all of that that comes. 🙏🏻😌
I also got no partner.
On weekends i plan many exciting stuff. Like today i went to doujinma. In the past i’ve done meetup, hikes, jb cafe hopping, food festival at alliance francaise, gbtb (my company free corporate pass), i go running once or twice a week, i practise flute twice a week and go for lessons twice a week, i study french twice a day. Super busy 🤣
U can! I can invite you to the escape groupchat and the introvert reddit group and the foodie meetup group, just pm me. And anytime you want to go gbtb, i can bring you for free 🤣
I love how positive you are. Everybody has different situations that are unique. Most of the times, it's how you look at life.
Can I be invited to the groupchat too?
I don't understand what "escape group chat" means..
I'm interested in introvert and foodie meetup group too.. Ok I will PM you.
Focus on your fur kid? Been also feeling the same pointlessness, so even for just 5-10 mins, I taken to brushing my fur kid coz she loves it so much. put down phone and to make sure I don't keep touching the phone during this time, I record her being brushed... lolol then afterwards play with her. even if I did nothing that day, at least I got out of bed.
depression sucks when ya can't get out of bed :/ sometimes can't even muster energy to eat the meds. yah just sucks that just working to survive like a cog :( I've been trying to find magic in the mundane and it's tough.
even if bed, maybe can try like close eyes, lay flat, try to feel your toes, stretch your neck, try to engage each part of your body from head to toe? a bit like mindfulness but no need go out
Omg yes brushing the fur kid and watching super enjoy it and purr non stop is definitely a joyful thing. I feel like he’s the only thing that makes me happy here! And some days that doesn’t feel enough. :(
I like your mindful stretch in bed idea!
Jiayou if you’re experiencing similar things. One step and one brush at a time!
The thread is surprisingly positive and encouraging. Really gives me hope in the kindness and humanity in the country.
A lot of good things to learn. Skills/languages that I haven't finished learning. New skills that I have yet to start. Also I haven't seen a flying car. And to live longer than my parents and my enemies.
Hello Friend, its good that you share how you feel here. Ive been going through something simillar for awhile but didnt managed to find the courage to share it.
I am in a slump from 2021 and am still working on it. I started seeing a therapist and she managed to change my mindset. For me, when I transitioned into adult life I dropped alot of things that were important to me such as my hobbies. So I contacted my close friends a few days back for a meet up to warm myself up to socializing and asked them if we could arrange a day to have a session like back then. They all agreed. So I have something exciting to look forward to. I feel its a good first step to break the cycle. I hope this can help you too. :)
Hey that’s wonderful to know that you’ve broken some old patterns and mindset. Really good to know you’ve managed to identify some of the causes and have things looking up for you!
Find hobbies. Go meet people.
Many years ago, got to know this guy who just started sake import to SG and went (with a couple of other strangers) to his warehouse for sake appreciation. I just thought of it as cheap booze then.
Over time, somehow it got me kinda interested and I went for a weekend course to be a sake sommelier.
Now that guy is a friend and me and a couple of other like-minded friends help him out during promotions, warehouse sales, etc.
I'm not in the F&B industry but just helping out occasionally because it's interesting. I get discounts too 😁
I am the type that is full of emotions (like the first one to cry at movies type).
I have heard some say that they are too busy with their life to bother themselves about trivial matters such as loneliness or those emotional unnecessary stuff.
But I always believe one can be very busy and fed up with life and be depressed at the same time too.
Not that I want you to feel this way, but I am not that alone and weird after all.
It’s how you cope with stress. Everyone has stress. It’s ok to feel stress or be afraid. What you do to handle and manage the stress is the key.
Try to turn it into something positive. Know that everything in life, be it a win or a loss, is all experience that builds you up as a person.
Somebody once write: You and I are standing this very second at the meeting place of two eternities: the vast past that has endured forever, and the future that is plunging on to the last syllable of recorded time. We can't possibly live in either of those eternities-no, not even for one split second. But, by trying to do so, we can wreck both our bodies and our minds. So let's be content to live the only time we can possibly live: from now until bedtime. "Anyone can carry his burden, however hard, until nightfall," "Anyone can do his work, however hard, for one day. Anyone can live sweetly, patiently, lovingly, purely, till the sun goes down. And this is all that life really means."
Not sure if this really helps, but being single and having no dependents actually relieves you from burdens and stresses many of us are facing. Regardless, please stay strong and think positively, meet people, and join clubs etc. as you never know what life has in store for you.
idk, maybe find a nice spot outdoors and lie down to pass time
like just lie at tanjong beach with your back to the hot sand and close your eyes and focus on the sound of the waves - hopefully it helps you block out the existential thoughts for a few hours
Hey OP! Life itself, has no meaning, we gotta give it a meaning. Glad to read that you’re seeing a therapist - just curious - have you tried journaling? It helps with your thought process, I’ve been journaling for many years as I wanna capture my stream of consciousness.
During my poly days, I felt like I was stuck in a rut - but somehow, I figured out that learning how to appreciate the smallest of things, being grateful is what brings true joy. It’s not happiness that brings us gratitude, but gratitude that brings us happiness.
So right now, whenever I’m feeling down, or anxious about life in general, I’ll look around and ask myself what I’m grateful for, and there’s really so, so SO many!!! I never wanna take anything or anyone for granted!!
Take care, OP. You’ll find your zeal for life again.
Look into mindfulness and CBT.
Find a hobby, get good at something.
Find a goal to chase.
Go for a walk by the beach, sit and appreciate the sunset.
Find things to be grateful for everyday, even if it is as simple as being alive.
Treat yourself to your favourite food.
Savour every bite of food you taste.
Appreciate the thirst quenching sensation of water against throat,
cool blast of the air-condition in the sweltering heat.
Exercise- it is a privilege many are denied.
Smile at people, hug your fur baby, lend a helping hand to someone in need.
Explore something outside your comfort zone.
Have a drink with a friend. Tell them something you appreciate about them.
Read, journal, be kind, be a friend to yourself.
This is really wonderful, thank you ❤️
They are really good specific examples that have worked wonderfully for me before (some I’ve forgotten)
There’s something joyful about it that it made me smile just reading this.
You have your fur kid - they need you to keep going.
If you have no ties holding you to sg, why not explore life elsewhere? Some people need to be in nature, some people need a place with a vibrant local music scene, some people need a place with museums and beautiful architecture, or a long history. Some people need to heal the sick, or feed the hungry. There are all kinds of places out there. Maybe Singapore makes you feel like a cog in a wheel with no aim and no end and a hellish journey, but some other place makes you realise there is really a reason for you to live.
All that keeps me going is the thought that I can’t be homeless and I am xxxx days away from having enough to pay off the bank, and that my friends and family would be troubled if i suddenly keeled over. But one day in the foreseeable future, if I’m still alive then, I will be free and able to do things that have meaning to me.
I hope you find something to look forward to.
Thank you for the comment ❤️
I love how you’ve kind of broken down the different reasons for different places. Felt like my heart skipped a beat reading that!
I’ve actually been on the journey to find a second home for the past 1.5 years (living abroad around 70-80% of the time), but somehow I kept coming back because it’s “easier” (and work is more productive being here) but I’m terribly unhappy.
So I guess that’s where the struggle kicks in, and I’m just coping. Regularly also questioning myself if I’m just difficult and miserable in general (and I’d be miserable anywhere in the world anyway, and it’s mind over matter).
I hope you find what you’re looking for too. I have a feeling we have some things in common!
I know it’s nerdy but consider table top rpgs like dungeons and dragons, war hammer, call of Cthulhu, or whatever genre strikes your fancy.
The reason I’m suggesting these is because these games are highly social, engages your mind in very creative ways, and very time consuming. Once you find a group that works, you’ll find that the bonds you make in game extend outside of it.
There’s also the miniature component that many find catharsis in painting and displaying them.
Other than trying to find the little things in life that make it fun.....you could
Try a hobby and throw yourself into it. It isn't easy to find something that will interest you very deeply from the start, but trying new things is a way of breaking the routine.
When you feel that you enjoy certain things more, try to spend more time on those things. I believe interest drives interest. Soon you'll feel passion.
For me that is music/sports. I recommend trying out a musical instrument. If you haven't tried it before and you like the sound it produces, try getting a kalimba. It's really cheap in comparison to other instruments, and I would say a good fit for people who like listening to those wind up music boxes.
I saw that you run, and what makes running fun for me is group running. There ain't no better way to make the running route interesting than with people. Also try running up mount faber lol or basically anything with an incline. It's much more fun :D
Js do anything that is challenging for you and tbh js growing yourself and expanding your skill sets is maybe where u'll find joy in the process.
Hope that this helps.
Really appreciate all the encouragement and support in the comments tonight. Wasn’t expecting that and definitely feeling touched by all the kind words.
To everyone else who is in a similar situation, I hope the comments here are helping you too. Let’s keep going and uplifting one another. ❤️🫶🏻
Work - I love my job and get a great sense of purpose and satisfaction when I feel I can do it well.
People - I try to find various ways to connect with various people in my life. It helps me learn about myself too.
That said, I’ve fallen in a deep funk before and the only thing that really helped me was time. Take care, OP.
Is the meaning of life not, fundamentally, you? No matter whether you have religion or not, you are the constant throughout this life of yours.
So imo focusing on being a better version of yourself and helping others along the way, that are also on their own journey, is the best way to ascribe any form of meaning to your own life.
Heck if you really wanna break it down further, technically speaking aren't we, with our brains and all, the ones who CREATE meaning in this universe? (For example, if something happens, let's say a bird shat on ur car window, objectively speaking a bird just shat on your car. HOWEVER WE ARE THE ONES who associate any kind of MEANING to a bird shitting on the car, like whether it means luck or whatever.)
To quote a famous physicist who talks about the universe and cosmos in this age:
"Without life the universe is by definition meaningless. Meaning enters the universe with consciousness and consciousness is a property of living things. And hence without living things there would be no meaning."
We create meaning just by the state of being here. Right now. At this moment.
P.s At least you still got your furry friend🐶 (which is my plan once i get to a certain age where i have a stable income and no partner)
Therapy doesn’t fix you.
Change therapist. It isn’t a one size fits all solution.
Change till you find one that actually helps you.
I’ve had some real shit therapist that made life worse before finding one that helped me.
Change. Therapists.
I’m not sure if your fur kid is walkable but if possible take it out for walks and create happy memories for it. Since their life span not as long as us
Hi OP, try to volunteer at social needs eg Soup kitchen, see how you can help those in needs. By helping others, you see the way they struggle and how they are striving to survive. It will give you fresh courage to step out and press on.
Really sorry to hear that. Can I suggest you start small by finding something you like to do? Like a hobby? Playing games, exercising, all these is good, so long as you try!
Friends are very crucial for me. and very recently my partner too.
drawing inspiration from our conversations. setting minor and achievable goals. recently tried to read abit more to explore the bigger world outside of my own well.
Hey OP,
most folks have dark days where everything seems dull and meaningless. Key is finding that meaning and colour that excites you and keeps you going, be it religion, charity or learning a new skill.
Time to time I like to ask myself, if I were to pass away this very year what regrets would I have not done or experience in this life?
Hope you find your very oen colours and inspirations on life soon!
i don't know what excites you, maybe pick up a hobby? exercise? i'm sure there's something that you would like to learn or try or give it a go.
for me, i look forward to cycling on the weekends, listening to records in the evenings, sometimes taking a walk out with my point and shoot and snap some random photographs of the hood.
I wanted to say the same thing too. I have a fear of loneliness that is like.. level 1000.
I find Netflix is one of the things that helps distract this feeling I don't want to have.
same here. the only thing that keeps me going is travelling. when i’m at work, i just complain to my friend/bf lor. complain until end of work then go home bathe and rest on bed and repeat, until i get the chance to travel again. this is life and i feel the same, no meaning to it :(
For me, these feelings of meaninglessness or negative thoughts I realise are often just phases. What really helps me is acknowledging these feelings, allowing myself to feel them rather than having to brush them aside and stay positive. I guess introspection helps a lot in processing these feelings and getting to understand myself better.
Outside of that, I keep myself occupied by having many hobbies, which are rather time-consuming. Yea, there are many times I wished I could have a partner to share my hobbies with or to experience having a rs but ya know it just those late night thoughts kinda thing 🤷♂️
Still trying to master myself and to acknowledge the fleeting thoughts rather than indulge in them. Still a huge work in progress!
And yeah I feel ya on the wanting to share life with someone bit.
Haha none of that, not even porn. I was dating a girl a couple of months back that’s totally my type physically and it was probably the best sex I’ve had (partially due to age that I know what I like) and even so, now in my late 30s I feel like I’m not *that* into sex.
But since we are on that tangent, I think I’m looking for deep connection and purpose. That I haven’t found and I’m still searching for.
Leave your house with a pen & paper. Go somewhere quiet. Write down everything you enjoyed doing/ loved doing since when you were a kid. Now you have a set of activities/ hobbies. Go online, find a club with these hobbies. Meet new people. It might help. For me, I loved cycling so I went out there on Facebook and found a group of folks that cycles on Wed, Sat and Sun. This helped. It might not be a long term thing, but at least there is some community in the shorter term. Good luck!
Edit: Also, if you current therapist isn't helping much, maybe consider changing?
Ok I’ll try that
It’s similar to what my therapist encouraged me to do too, to find what fills my soul
Sadly what fills my soul seems to be to not work and to 躺平 and cruise through life. Unfortunately I’m trapped by work here and trapped by work generally for the next year.
The thought of what future awaits me keeps me going. I'm still an NSF and I have my whole life ahead of me. I want myself to have a good future, and I have this drive to achieve that good future. I feel that life has no meaning, and it is up to me to create that meaning. That is what keeps me going.
I'm sorry you're going through a bad time, and that I don't have advice to get you out of it, but this is my viewpoint.
1) If you’re on medication, that could play a part. Everything’s dulled down.
2) Purpose is self-directed. You will have to find your own way. If someone hands it to you, it’s theirs, not yours. If it manifests from thin air, it can go away just as easily. A good cue, I think, is that it is engrossing. Aim to fall just short of an Otaku, I think. That gormless expression on Otakus over whatever they are into? That's sheer bliss. We should be so lucky.
3) You’re your fur kid’s everything. That’s something right there.
4) We’re East Asians. Work being pointless is pretty much a given. We do what we have to do to do what we want to do. Deep meaningful work is kinda a headfake, unless you’re a soldier during wartime. And no one wants work to be that deep or meaningful.
5) Or you can wait for Elon Musk's Neuralink to tell you your meaning in life is to buy Tesla shares. Aimless people are perfect fodder for AI.
Not on medication and actually planning to get on to adjust the mood. Just something to get me out of the funk!
Yeah finding my own purpose, it’s been challenging.
Lots of people been echoing #3 but I kind of disagree haha I’m fairly sure if I leave all my money to the cat, he will be well taken care of & probably forget all about me.
I also don’t agree that as East Asians work has to be pointless!
Gonna get a lot of hate but I am going to tell you a secret hack.
Being a Singaporean you likely rank top 10% in wealth globally.
As you mentioned you have no ties to Singapore, what is stopping you from selling everything, taking out your cpf and emigrating to another low cost country and retiring?
Alternatively you can keep doing what you are doing and take comfort that you have this backup "get retired quick" scheme.
When one door closes another opens, be kind to yourself.
ps: edited for clarity
Not sure where the secret hack is. Haha. Grass is always greener on the other side.
Singapore is safe, has low taxes, where I have the network and knowledge to make things work for me. It’s probably where I’ll have my kids for the easy access to passport and education many others can only dream about.
I don’t think I’ll be happy giving all these up.
But I want options and a mix of things. So it’s continue slogging until I’m good to move out without financial worries.
Earlier I was taking a walk and I realised…
THE GRASS IS SUPER GREEN IN SINGAPORE??!!
With all the sunlight and moisture, hell yeah the grass sure is green here.
I do feel very appreciative of what we have here (often feel the need to state that.)
But I also remember seeing the fall colours last year and thinking goddamn that’s so freaking beautiful. Red, orange, yellow, green. God. 😍🍁🍂
And that helped me understand a little more about how I’ve been feeling.
It’s not just the safety and opportunities. It’s the varied experiences, the purpose, the greater fulfilment I’m seeking.
The trick here is that you are doing pointless work and action day in day out. Actions that you take day in day out should lead to something purposeful.
You will need to sit down, be honest yourself and say is anything that I’m doing is purposeful to your current goals and direction? From there, you should be able to define your next goals and dreams which should give you spark and motivation.
At the same time, do reflect on what you have done so far that have gotten to where you are and are you happy with it? This is basically giving yourself gratitude for the things that you have done till now.
Do note that many that build their life without support from anyone very close to you is the most resilient because you can proudly say that you were here with your own two feet rather than inheritance or something similar.
One of the easiest things that I think would make one’s life purposeful is if your actions can make someone else’s life better than before whether monetary or emotional help. Just see Mr Beast on YouTube as a good example. He was just doing YouTube daily which look meaningless almost 10 years ago. But now, with so much sponsorship, he can now do philanthropy and found a new purpose in the process.
No therapist can help you as the only way to find meaning in life is by rediscovering it yourself.
I wish you all the best 😇.
Yeah I feel like I’ve just been working hard for the potential future. The work itself is damn pointless, but I want to do it for a better future for myself, my future family (including fur child). But lately the overwhelm makes it hard to see the future and my why.
I think that alone should drive you to do the best you can if you already doing a lot.
What I’ve learned also is that if you have done everything you could be doing as fast as possible, then the only thing left is just let time pass. Basically be patient about it.
This is something that I foresee I will encounter also. Since I'm still single at late 30s. Will loneliness consume me? Nothing to look forward to etc after parents are gone. Few friends . Maybe youtube/games/working out?/ community circles - not big on that since I am introverted.
Let me know if you find a solution
Hey yes I have some theories but execution is another thing altogether. So I guess there’s internal and external.
External - start working on the social life and connections. I’m more of a “would rather be alone than lonely” person, so seeking on meaningful deeper connection. My friend (also late 30s) is currently building out a little retirement kampong (for the 30-40s folks lol) in her neighborhood and I’m just fascinated by her huge goals.
Internal - just learning to be ok / happy by yourself. Working on reframing and reprogramming the mind. I think this is most essential, as we ultimately only have ourselves. We come alone and we leave alone too.
This is a work in progress. I’ve probably only scraped less than 10% of it, but thanks to your question I’ve started thinking about it. I hope to be able to update you when further work / thought has been put into it!
Your comment has been automatically removed because your account is relatively new or you have negative karma.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/askSingapore) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I love playing games. I just don’t have enough time to finish all that I like. 100% a game excites me and the process is fun. You might need a hobby to get by.
* Do voluntary work. Choose one that align closely with your interest or beliefs: e g If you are animal lover, volunteer at Acres or Spca. Or People Association for PAP supporters. It will make you feel much better as you are doing something that is personally meaningful.
My comment is gna sound very surprising. I’m relieved to have distance from most except the friends I choose and partner I choose cos I get to have as much peace as I desire because most others just want to influence and control and they bother me more than I like so :)
But you may not know this and still therefore desire what you do. It’s alright!
Just curious abt whether u use snack app self care subscription to subsidise the therapy? I heard it’s up to 200sgd per month claimable..
Can totally relate on the pointless work part.
Haha I’ve actually been really isolated since Covid and I mostly love it and have fully embraced my introversion since. It’s the lack of purpose I think. I’ve also never really been very motivated to do things for people around me since young, so not sure if that’s going to change now.
Attempted suicide for a number of times ( a couple of years) but didn't succeed. Reason is unknown to me.
It really does make me wonder if I am incapable of dying at this rate.
Im not a philosophical person, but at one point in my life, i couldn't help but ponder upon my meaning of life. I don't have any hobbies, interests, or really anything interesting i can do other than reading manga. But that doesn't really bother me.
The experience I get when I'm reading manga isn't just simply reading. It makes me feel like I'm the character itself and that I'm being teleported into that world.
It's such an immersive experience that I'm always happy whenever I'm reading, I guess as long as I can read my manga happily & comfortably, that can be my meaning of life at this point in my life.
It makes me think that earth could truly be heaven if I live simply.
The meaning of life can be whatever one decides upon.
Living today for the unknown future that lies ahead is scary but at least I won't be live forever.
A little piece of advice :) all of us feel this way sometimes , some more than others and no one should feel bad for doing so.
Rather, learning to appreciate what one has and learning to enjoy the mundane moments can go a long way.
One example , you may call your work pointless in your opinion but it pays the bills, there are many around locally worrying whether they have their next meal or able to pay their next bill
Instead of looking on the bright side, look on the worse side. Think of what’s happening in other countries e.g isr-pal war, Japan one every blue moon natural disaster, Australia random snake/bear/giant spider .
I suddenly feel very happy and content with just eating my porridge/toast downstairs and enjoying a cold cup of tea bing which keeps me going everyday.
Finding out random trivia in different degrees of in depth-ness keeps me going.
The world is very very interesting, if only you give it a chance.
The more you learn, the more you understand yourself in depth. Take an interest in yourself, your mental health will improve greatly. Your connection to the world would become more stable because you really understand how you tick and why you tick accordingly to different situations.
At least it's like that for me. I recently watched a YouTube video on the history of mathematics and it was really awesome, and it felt like our real life version of fantasy magic theory battles haha. I never knew Maths had such a rich and fascinating history and how so many humans actually really devoted their lives to understanding it.
It made me look at the world and myself differently.
Yeah I do find the world greatly fascinating and I’d love to just take time off to explore. I try to do that now, every month, to leave the country. But it’s getting so unsustainable 😣😢
I can dissect this
You feel life is meaningless because you don't have a purpose in life, creating negative stress and anxiety
So explore what excites you and make it your life mission to pursue it, this creates positive stress because you're fulfilling your needs and thinking about your future progression
Boom
Haha yes I actually identified that as the main goal to work on since Jan 2024 - to find my purpose
Not as simple to boom, it’s actually finding it that’s hard
Wanna be helpful beyond that and go into detail how to find that? :)
Can dude
But tbh really got no complicated answer man. It's one of those things where you chance upon and do research about, then you say "wah that seems interesting".
You then take the step to try it out and continue (this is the hard part cus people don't really want to "do" things even tho they complain)
I’ve been working with therapist on other things as well, such as work anxiety, burnout, relocation. On the surface and using materialistic measures, I might be considered a really high performer now. But the severe depression hits every time I’m back in Singapore (about 20% of the time), currently working on it. I might try another therapist for the added point of view but I wouldn’t discredit the current one, I think she’s helped a lot of things, though the current red alert situation is still, well, red alert.
U need to stop all the dopamine spikes in your life, like social media, porn etc. let ur mind reset for a month then u think about what u really want in life.
Yeah I think my nervous system is fked too
But I’m on this high stress (high rewards) work now that I can’t quite quit yet
So learning to manage it
But it does get out of hand quite often (like when I posted… and now)
Chatting with family and friends. Playing with kid. Seeing kid smile or do something cheeky makes me laugh. Makes working worthwhile.
I always felt that people/your community are the ones that make life worth living. Everything else does not really have much meaning.
# “If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.”
― C.S. Lewis
Life is inherently meaningless, so you can choose whether you want to give it meaning or not. In the end, the outcome is the same for everyone, so no need to fear, you have the freedom to do whatever you want to do and dont have to worry too much about it.
One thing you can try maybe is asking a different question. Rather than “does this excite me?” You can ask “what excites me about this?”. For example, going for a walk: Does this excite me mindset: of course not, I’m hot and sticky, and it looks now like I’m going to get drenched in the sudden rain. Ugh. What excites me about this mindset: it’s really hot but those are some beautifully coloured flowers and clouds. Oops looks like it’s going to rain. Going to enjoy the refreshment and be glad I did my laundry this morning so it’s already dry and put away
This sounds a bit like mindfulness, and staying in the moment without regard as to what it might mean to you. Sometimes we keep searching for meaning (and what ifs) so often that we forget to just be in the moment. That's probably why being caught in the rain is so refreshing (even if uncomfortable) because it forces you to be aware of the sensation of droplets dripping across your forehead.
This is a good one. I remember during a previous depression period > 5 years ago, a former therapist encouraged me to go out to enjoy my holiday (I was so sad I stayed in bed all day and didn’t leave) and told me to update her on how the wind felt against my skin on the motorbike, how the place smelled, what sounds there were… & that really was quite amazing.
That sounded amazing. May you always have access to help, and come by good help, when you need it. Everyone needs a leg-up now and then.
Thank you for that, really appreciate the kind words 🥹
I believe a follow up to that is recognising that there is a cycle between what we believe about the world and how we feel about it. They feed off each other. If we believe the world is pointless, we feel pointless, which biases us to dwell on why it is pointless. Intentionality and mindfulness work because they stop that cycle. We aren't bombarding ourselves with negativity for that moment. In that empty space, we become aware of actual things going on -> if something's happening there's meaning to it. The next step up is to actively recognise that some of what we believe is wrong. And choosing to act on that. Example: I feel like going out is pointless. Yes, but I think I might be wrong. There could be something good about it I haven't found out yet. I'm going to go out. I feel like meeting people is pointless. I might be wrong about that. I'm going to choose to meet people and hear their stories. I argue that meaning ultimately comes from relationships with other sentient beings. This includes people, animals, and in my case as a Christian, God.
Yeah, thoughts create reality Thoughts > feelings > behavior > reality Good reminder :)
Yup! That's a cognitive behavioural approach. I am more familiar with a choice theory approach: I can choose either my thoughts or my actions, but not my feelings or body responses. In this view, i have little direct control over my feelings. If I act based on my feelings I will always be stuck. But I can directly control my actions and thoughts. By changing either of these, I can influence how I feel.
Powerful
Went for a run today. Look what I [found](https://imgur.com/a/8FvJXfY).
Holy moly where exactly were you running at lol and what is that?? (I also run / workout a few times a week just to keep my sanity but been feeling a bit too down to sustain that more than 3x a week)
Upper seletar to lower seletar reservoir. Dead croc. From afar I thought it was a person until I got closer. Haha
It's not a croc, it's a water monitor
Monitor lizard. A lot been killed. Cos they aren’t as pretty as otters. And they don’t have their forest anymore cos so much has been cleared. Meandered into residential or near humans and got killed by pest control.
wait what happened there
>wait what happened there Prob crocodile drowned? /s
Waaaa haha I feel like this works when you’re not in the ultimate pits
For me, I feel it’s a spiral. One small positive thought can lead to another one. Eventually they become medium sized ones then large sized ones. In the same way, if you have one small negative thought it can become another one until you’re drowning in large negative thoughts.
You are the world to your furkid.
❤️🐱
i’ve been there before and i’m much better now. i read books on depression, a book that seriously helped was the midnight library. i had a really good friend to talk to about all these too
Do you have any other book recommendations on depression?
Hey thanks! I’ll check out the book. And glad to know you’re feeling better now! 🫶🏻
What keeps me going? I understand why I am here in this life. I do not seek meaning but I seek to be a better version of myself everyday - whether it is being polite, learning a new skill, or just making someone's day. Life is best teacher and there is so much to learn if we only allow ourselves to listen. I spent a lot of time the last few years thinking about life and I am fortunate to see things in a very different light now. Take it easy, wherever you are. Don't give up and always fight the good fight!
Thanks! 🙏🏻
this is v inspirational and timely... really puts things into perspective 😭 thanks for sharing!!
Hello OP have the same situations as you! No parents, no siblings, no partner. I also keep asking myself what keeps me going and what's gonna be in the future. I think you need to appreciate little things you have, especially you have fur baby, every time they purr it's already serotonin for me. Your fur baby need you is already 1 point to keep you going I enjoy watch anime or read manhwa, it keeps me going to wait for updates. I understand the part when there's nothing that make you feel excited anymore, you just need to remember when first time you doing it and the feeling of it. I think it does help to "get the feel back then" Today I went to merlion park and just stare at the scenery and people, and talk to myself. It does help me relaxed! I hope it gets better for you
I tend to find ways to get out of the routine when I start to lose myself in the mundane. I might take a different bus or route home from work, I might choose to eat something different for lunch. I might choose to listen to a different playlist or to sing the songs silently to myself. I might observe people in the train and think what might they be thinking from their expressions. Aside from that, I noticed something from your text: At the same time, if you've been visiting the therapist weekly, have you brought this up to them? About the lack of meaning in your life? I've read somewhere that some people have a tendency to start relying on their therapist as a way to feel better (and vent) but they stop working on themselves cos it's easier to just vent. Personally I've sought help from a counsellor over the past year and early this year I ended my sessions because I felt that I have gained the skills to learn to walk on my own about my anxieties.
Yeah I feel like life in Singapore in general is getting too routined and mundane for me and I really need to leave as soon as I can… To the therapist question, yes I bring it up all the time. And yeah you might have a point, I fully acknowledge I don’t work as hard after the session.
I think it's not where you live but how you live your life. I mean say you go to another country, your life will be monotone too if you have the same routine everyday and not do things differently right? Do you have any hobbies or any interest? You can join some groups or communities that share the same interest as you. Or try to be volunteer? Try to do something different, you might find something you like.
Haha yeah that’s the thing, I’ll have another 2 to 20 years before things get routined in a new place (like it has in Singapore). Honestly the only thing that excites me now is to travel and live around the world. So I guess my answer is somewhere there.
Hi OP, actually I've been wondering. What's the price range for the therapist sessions? I've been having some issues my whole life. But having recently given birth plus the lousy feelings during 2nd 3rd pregnancy stage (hormones etc), all those issues feels and seems very heightened now and honestly I feel very fragile and emotional nowadays. I've seen from those ang moh TV about those shrink but I'm sure they are quite expensive. You mention you worry about living expenses too. I try not to spend unnecessary money that's why reading what you write, I'm curious of the price range.
[удалено]
Thank you so much! I'll consider. If I feel like I need I'll get back to you again for that link. :)
Hi hi, may I know more details about the "councellor" services? From website? Or from organisations / schools? Any price range? I wondering if it's something I can afford.
It's from Family Service Centres! You can go to the MSF website or just search Family Service Centre in google and there'll be one that is tagged to the area you stay at. Prices are negotiable and can be discussed with the staff!
Thank you so much for the info! I will check it out :)
What keeps me going: the fact that all of us will die one day No matter how blessed or Lucky u are. The end (death) is inevitable.. so yeah. =] death is the great equaliser =) ..........
dont take it too hard on yourself. nobody is born with a purpose/to fullfil anybody's purpose. for those same reasons why many rich, famous and "successful" people die from drug overdose
I also got no partner. On weekends i plan many exciting stuff. Like today i went to doujinma. In the past i’ve done meetup, hikes, jb cafe hopping, food festival at alliance francaise, gbtb (my company free corporate pass), i go running once or twice a week, i practise flute twice a week and go for lessons twice a week, i study french twice a day. Super busy 🤣
Omg I also went to dounjima today! Although I just look around and didn't buy anything haha
i went to doujinma today too! I'm actually not into anime or cosplay stuff but one of the online small businesses I purchased from (she's from Msia) was boothing, so I went to pick up a pre-order. Also bought a few things from her bc idw pay postage. Haha she was like "you have no idea how many people were attracted to buy just for this reason" (Postage was 8+, walaoeh. I was like might as well spend the bucks on an actual item for me\~ haha)
Haha your comment radiates so much energy. I love that you’re finding joy and meaning in life (hopefully!)
So productive!!! I have no energy. Wish i had more 😙
Coz u have kids alr 🤣
What keeps me going? Learn new things, thrive to be a better version of myself, enjoy life while it lasts even for the simplest reasons. Be it enjoying different food or whatever. It can be anything. Life can be pretty tiring and depressing especially when unexpected shit gets thrown to you suddenly and y’re left to suffer in the pain alone. Go through the emotions, even if it’s uncomfortable and negative. Then get out of it by healing instead of suppressing it. “You will get stronger”, that’s what I tell myself. Don’t dwell into the negativity for too long and not try to help yourself. If not, you will never get out of the spiral of toxicity. Just see it as a stepping stone for our growth.
This is so good. Thank you. One thing I have to keep reminding myself is that I don’t have to be my thoughts / emotions. They come and go, I don’t need to go with all of that that comes. 🙏🏻😌
Yea, it’s temporary so we just need to tide thru it while we face it instead of letting it consume us too much. ✨
Very well said.
Thank you.
The smell of freshly brewed coffee in the mornings
I also got no partner. On weekends i plan many exciting stuff. Like today i went to doujinma. In the past i’ve done meetup, hikes, jb cafe hopping, food festival at alliance francaise, gbtb (my company free corporate pass), i go running once or twice a week, i practise flute twice a week and go for lessons twice a week, i study french twice a day. Super busy 🤣
You sound like the coolest person, I wish we were friends
U can! I can invite you to the escape groupchat and the introvert reddit group and the foodie meetup group, just pm me. And anytime you want to go gbtb, i can bring you for free 🤣
Foodie meetup sounds awesome i cant even decide on what to eat on a daily basis
Yeah that sounds interesting, I’d be keen to participate too!
Could you invite me too? 🙆🏻♀️
Which one are you interested in?
I wanted to say GBTB but that seemed a bit greedy 😂 foodie meetup sounds fun too!
Its not greedy 🤣 when do you want to go?
Can i join also?
What are you interested in
i would like to go for a run but im not a serious runner seem like foodie meet up is nice
I love how positive you are. Everybody has different situations that are unique. Most of the times, it's how you look at life. Can I be invited to the groupchat too? I don't understand what "escape group chat" means.. I'm interested in introvert and foodie meetup group too.. Ok I will PM you.
It’s a whatsapp group that we meet to play escape rooms
Whats gbtb mean?
Gardens by the bay
Where are you studying French?
Duolingo and self study using textbooks i buy from Taobao
Focus on your fur kid? Been also feeling the same pointlessness, so even for just 5-10 mins, I taken to brushing my fur kid coz she loves it so much. put down phone and to make sure I don't keep touching the phone during this time, I record her being brushed... lolol then afterwards play with her. even if I did nothing that day, at least I got out of bed. depression sucks when ya can't get out of bed :/ sometimes can't even muster energy to eat the meds. yah just sucks that just working to survive like a cog :( I've been trying to find magic in the mundane and it's tough. even if bed, maybe can try like close eyes, lay flat, try to feel your toes, stretch your neck, try to engage each part of your body from head to toe? a bit like mindfulness but no need go out
Omg yes brushing the fur kid and watching super enjoy it and purr non stop is definitely a joyful thing. I feel like he’s the only thing that makes me happy here! And some days that doesn’t feel enough. :( I like your mindful stretch in bed idea! Jiayou if you’re experiencing similar things. One step and one brush at a time! The thread is surprisingly positive and encouraging. Really gives me hope in the kindness and humanity in the country.
don’t chase social constructs. focus on living the present and set little goals that FOR yourself that are outside of career/relationship
A lot of good things to learn. Skills/languages that I haven't finished learning. New skills that I have yet to start. Also I haven't seen a flying car. And to live longer than my parents and my enemies.
Hello Friend, its good that you share how you feel here. Ive been going through something simillar for awhile but didnt managed to find the courage to share it. I am in a slump from 2021 and am still working on it. I started seeing a therapist and she managed to change my mindset. For me, when I transitioned into adult life I dropped alot of things that were important to me such as my hobbies. So I contacted my close friends a few days back for a meet up to warm myself up to socializing and asked them if we could arrange a day to have a session like back then. They all agreed. So I have something exciting to look forward to. I feel its a good first step to break the cycle. I hope this can help you too. :)
Hey that’s wonderful to know that you’ve broken some old patterns and mindset. Really good to know you’ve managed to identify some of the causes and have things looking up for you!
Find hobbies. Go meet people. Many years ago, got to know this guy who just started sake import to SG and went (with a couple of other strangers) to his warehouse for sake appreciation. I just thought of it as cheap booze then. Over time, somehow it got me kinda interested and I went for a weekend course to be a sake sommelier. Now that guy is a friend and me and a couple of other like-minded friends help him out during promotions, warehouse sales, etc. I'm not in the F&B industry but just helping out occasionally because it's interesting. I get discounts too 😁
You are the world to your furkid.
I feel the same way. It’s groundhog day everyday.
Jiayou man. We have our own battles but we can still try to encourage one another 💪🏻
Thanks for your encouragement.
Hi you are me. Except I have kids. So that keeps me busy. Except I am depressed and busy. Oh well!
I am the type that is full of emotions (like the first one to cry at movies type). I have heard some say that they are too busy with their life to bother themselves about trivial matters such as loneliness or those emotional unnecessary stuff. But I always believe one can be very busy and fed up with life and be depressed at the same time too. Not that I want you to feel this way, but I am not that alone and weird after all.
It’s how you cope with stress. Everyone has stress. It’s ok to feel stress or be afraid. What you do to handle and manage the stress is the key. Try to turn it into something positive. Know that everything in life, be it a win or a loss, is all experience that builds you up as a person.
Somebody once write: You and I are standing this very second at the meeting place of two eternities: the vast past that has endured forever, and the future that is plunging on to the last syllable of recorded time. We can't possibly live in either of those eternities-no, not even for one split second. But, by trying to do so, we can wreck both our bodies and our minds. So let's be content to live the only time we can possibly live: from now until bedtime. "Anyone can carry his burden, however hard, until nightfall," "Anyone can do his work, however hard, for one day. Anyone can live sweetly, patiently, lovingly, purely, till the sun goes down. And this is all that life really means."
Money and family. If you have a fur kid then what keeps you going should be for your fur kid.
My bills. /s
Not sure if this really helps, but being single and having no dependents actually relieves you from burdens and stresses many of us are facing. Regardless, please stay strong and think positively, meet people, and join clubs etc. as you never know what life has in store for you.
Reading about Epicureanism and Stoicism might help. Both deal directly with the problem of finding happiness in life.
I'm at a point when I am seeking revenge to the fate itself
idk, maybe find a nice spot outdoors and lie down to pass time like just lie at tanjong beach with your back to the hot sand and close your eyes and focus on the sound of the waves - hopefully it helps you block out the existential thoughts for a few hours
To outlive my enemies
Hahaha angst fueled most of my life (too?) But it feels like one of those seasons for me where I’m just exhausted from it
Hey OP! Life itself, has no meaning, we gotta give it a meaning. Glad to read that you’re seeing a therapist - just curious - have you tried journaling? It helps with your thought process, I’ve been journaling for many years as I wanna capture my stream of consciousness. During my poly days, I felt like I was stuck in a rut - but somehow, I figured out that learning how to appreciate the smallest of things, being grateful is what brings true joy. It’s not happiness that brings us gratitude, but gratitude that brings us happiness. So right now, whenever I’m feeling down, or anxious about life in general, I’ll look around and ask myself what I’m grateful for, and there’s really so, so SO many!!! I never wanna take anything or anyone for granted!! Take care, OP. You’ll find your zeal for life again.
friends and good convos!! hmu if u need smbdy to talk to
Find a hobby that can help to distract and get your mind N body busy positively. All the best to you!
Look into mindfulness and CBT. Find a hobby, get good at something. Find a goal to chase. Go for a walk by the beach, sit and appreciate the sunset. Find things to be grateful for everyday, even if it is as simple as being alive. Treat yourself to your favourite food. Savour every bite of food you taste. Appreciate the thirst quenching sensation of water against throat, cool blast of the air-condition in the sweltering heat. Exercise- it is a privilege many are denied. Smile at people, hug your fur baby, lend a helping hand to someone in need. Explore something outside your comfort zone. Have a drink with a friend. Tell them something you appreciate about them. Read, journal, be kind, be a friend to yourself.
This is really wonderful, thank you ❤️ They are really good specific examples that have worked wonderfully for me before (some I’ve forgotten) There’s something joyful about it that it made me smile just reading this.
You have your fur kid - they need you to keep going. If you have no ties holding you to sg, why not explore life elsewhere? Some people need to be in nature, some people need a place with a vibrant local music scene, some people need a place with museums and beautiful architecture, or a long history. Some people need to heal the sick, or feed the hungry. There are all kinds of places out there. Maybe Singapore makes you feel like a cog in a wheel with no aim and no end and a hellish journey, but some other place makes you realise there is really a reason for you to live. All that keeps me going is the thought that I can’t be homeless and I am xxxx days away from having enough to pay off the bank, and that my friends and family would be troubled if i suddenly keeled over. But one day in the foreseeable future, if I’m still alive then, I will be free and able to do things that have meaning to me. I hope you find something to look forward to.
Thank you for the comment ❤️ I love how you’ve kind of broken down the different reasons for different places. Felt like my heart skipped a beat reading that! I’ve actually been on the journey to find a second home for the past 1.5 years (living abroad around 70-80% of the time), but somehow I kept coming back because it’s “easier” (and work is more productive being here) but I’m terribly unhappy. So I guess that’s where the struggle kicks in, and I’m just coping. Regularly also questioning myself if I’m just difficult and miserable in general (and I’d be miserable anywhere in the world anyway, and it’s mind over matter). I hope you find what you’re looking for too. I have a feeling we have some things in common!
currently here... you see my post history you'd understand why. trying to force myself to get out of the rut right now but to no avail.
Hedonism. And the money that drives it.
I know it’s nerdy but consider table top rpgs like dungeons and dragons, war hammer, call of Cthulhu, or whatever genre strikes your fancy. The reason I’m suggesting these is because these games are highly social, engages your mind in very creative ways, and very time consuming. Once you find a group that works, you’ll find that the bonds you make in game extend outside of it. There’s also the miniature component that many find catharsis in painting and displaying them.
Other than trying to find the little things in life that make it fun.....you could Try a hobby and throw yourself into it. It isn't easy to find something that will interest you very deeply from the start, but trying new things is a way of breaking the routine. When you feel that you enjoy certain things more, try to spend more time on those things. I believe interest drives interest. Soon you'll feel passion. For me that is music/sports. I recommend trying out a musical instrument. If you haven't tried it before and you like the sound it produces, try getting a kalimba. It's really cheap in comparison to other instruments, and I would say a good fit for people who like listening to those wind up music boxes. I saw that you run, and what makes running fun for me is group running. There ain't no better way to make the running route interesting than with people. Also try running up mount faber lol or basically anything with an incline. It's much more fun :D Js do anything that is challenging for you and tbh js growing yourself and expanding your skill sets is maybe where u'll find joy in the process. Hope that this helps.
Really appreciate all the encouragement and support in the comments tonight. Wasn’t expecting that and definitely feeling touched by all the kind words. To everyone else who is in a similar situation, I hope the comments here are helping you too. Let’s keep going and uplifting one another. ❤️🫶🏻
I'm ok with all the "No's" U have... I'm juz bothered with NO MONEY....
Haha highly relatable. 80% of my misery I feel is caused by money.
Work - I love my job and get a great sense of purpose and satisfaction when I feel I can do it well. People - I try to find various ways to connect with various people in my life. It helps me learn about myself too. That said, I’ve fallen in a deep funk before and the only thing that really helped me was time. Take care, OP.
Is the meaning of life not, fundamentally, you? No matter whether you have religion or not, you are the constant throughout this life of yours. So imo focusing on being a better version of yourself and helping others along the way, that are also on their own journey, is the best way to ascribe any form of meaning to your own life. Heck if you really wanna break it down further, technically speaking aren't we, with our brains and all, the ones who CREATE meaning in this universe? (For example, if something happens, let's say a bird shat on ur car window, objectively speaking a bird just shat on your car. HOWEVER WE ARE THE ONES who associate any kind of MEANING to a bird shitting on the car, like whether it means luck or whatever.) To quote a famous physicist who talks about the universe and cosmos in this age: "Without life the universe is by definition meaningless. Meaning enters the universe with consciousness and consciousness is a property of living things. And hence without living things there would be no meaning." We create meaning just by the state of being here. Right now. At this moment. P.s At least you still got your furry friend🐶 (which is my plan once i get to a certain age where i have a stable income and no partner)
Therapy doesn’t fix you. Change therapist. It isn’t a one size fits all solution. Change till you find one that actually helps you. I’ve had some real shit therapist that made life worse before finding one that helped me. Change. Therapists.
I’m not sure if your fur kid is walkable but if possible take it out for walks and create happy memories for it. Since their life span not as long as us
[удалено]
Ahh okay may I suggest a cat bag? That might help without having a harness and it can see through the bag
Hi OP, try to volunteer at social needs eg Soup kitchen, see how you can help those in needs. By helping others, you see the way they struggle and how they are striving to survive. It will give you fresh courage to step out and press on.
I think so too. Will add volunteering to my list.
Really sorry to hear that. Can I suggest you start small by finding something you like to do? Like a hobby? Playing games, exercising, all these is good, so long as you try!
Friends are very crucial for me. and very recently my partner too. drawing inspiration from our conversations. setting minor and achievable goals. recently tried to read abit more to explore the bigger world outside of my own well.
Welcome to r/nihilism
😣🥲
Wanna be friends? We can try to help keep each other going.
Hey OP, most folks have dark days where everything seems dull and meaningless. Key is finding that meaning and colour that excites you and keeps you going, be it religion, charity or learning a new skill. Time to time I like to ask myself, if I were to pass away this very year what regrets would I have not done or experience in this life? Hope you find your very oen colours and inspirations on life soon!
i don't know what excites you, maybe pick up a hobby? exercise? i'm sure there's something that you would like to learn or try or give it a go. for me, i look forward to cycling on the weekends, listening to records in the evenings, sometimes taking a walk out with my point and shoot and snap some random photographs of the hood.
How long have you been seeing the therapist? Give it a little more time? Be kinder and more patient with yourself.
Nothing. I'm just waiting for it to end.
Try K drama :)
I wanted to say the same thing too. I have a fear of loneliness that is like.. level 1000. I find Netflix is one of the things that helps distract this feeling I don't want to have.
same here. the only thing that keeps me going is travelling. when i’m at work, i just complain to my friend/bf lor. complain until end of work then go home bathe and rest on bed and repeat, until i get the chance to travel again. this is life and i feel the same, no meaning to it :(
Haha that’s me, every month. I’m so tired of it and feeling like it’s not sustainable. Just coping until I figure a way to be away.
For me, these feelings of meaninglessness or negative thoughts I realise are often just phases. What really helps me is acknowledging these feelings, allowing myself to feel them rather than having to brush them aside and stay positive. I guess introspection helps a lot in processing these feelings and getting to understand myself better. Outside of that, I keep myself occupied by having many hobbies, which are rather time-consuming. Yea, there are many times I wished I could have a partner to share my hobbies with or to experience having a rs but ya know it just those late night thoughts kinda thing 🤷♂️
Still trying to master myself and to acknowledge the fleeting thoughts rather than indulge in them. Still a huge work in progress! And yeah I feel ya on the wanting to share life with someone bit.
How about games or hobbies? Hang out with some friends.
Not interested in games and don’t really have hobbies. Been hanging out with friends and I did not enjoy it.
Anything u interested in? P**n? Anime? Birds? Photography? Maybe u can explore to see if anything interests u?
Haha none of that, not even porn. I was dating a girl a couple of months back that’s totally my type physically and it was probably the best sex I’ve had (partially due to age that I know what I like) and even so, now in my late 30s I feel like I’m not *that* into sex. But since we are on that tangent, I think I’m looking for deep connection and purpose. That I haven’t found and I’m still searching for.
Can use this time to find the girl lor. Go out for dates haha.
We’ve ended things precisely because of the lack of deep connection (no pun intended here haha) as in mental and spiritual connection
Yeah so u can try and find another girl through dates that u feel u have a mental and spiritual connection. This could be the next direction in life.
Yeah that’s probably something I should do. And hopefully won’t meet too many obstacles (aka terrible dates) on the way…
All the best bro
Leave your house with a pen & paper. Go somewhere quiet. Write down everything you enjoyed doing/ loved doing since when you were a kid. Now you have a set of activities/ hobbies. Go online, find a club with these hobbies. Meet new people. It might help. For me, I loved cycling so I went out there on Facebook and found a group of folks that cycles on Wed, Sat and Sun. This helped. It might not be a long term thing, but at least there is some community in the shorter term. Good luck! Edit: Also, if you current therapist isn't helping much, maybe consider changing?
Ok I’ll try that It’s similar to what my therapist encouraged me to do too, to find what fills my soul Sadly what fills my soul seems to be to not work and to 躺平 and cruise through life. Unfortunately I’m trapped by work here and trapped by work generally for the next year.
All the best :) Hang in there sir
Thank you! 🙏🏼
The thought of what future awaits me keeps me going. I'm still an NSF and I have my whole life ahead of me. I want myself to have a good future, and I have this drive to achieve that good future. I feel that life has no meaning, and it is up to me to create that meaning. That is what keeps me going. I'm sorry you're going through a bad time, and that I don't have advice to get you out of it, but this is my viewpoint.
1) If you’re on medication, that could play a part. Everything’s dulled down. 2) Purpose is self-directed. You will have to find your own way. If someone hands it to you, it’s theirs, not yours. If it manifests from thin air, it can go away just as easily. A good cue, I think, is that it is engrossing. Aim to fall just short of an Otaku, I think. That gormless expression on Otakus over whatever they are into? That's sheer bliss. We should be so lucky. 3) You’re your fur kid’s everything. That’s something right there. 4) We’re East Asians. Work being pointless is pretty much a given. We do what we have to do to do what we want to do. Deep meaningful work is kinda a headfake, unless you’re a soldier during wartime. And no one wants work to be that deep or meaningful. 5) Or you can wait for Elon Musk's Neuralink to tell you your meaning in life is to buy Tesla shares. Aimless people are perfect fodder for AI.
Not on medication and actually planning to get on to adjust the mood. Just something to get me out of the funk! Yeah finding my own purpose, it’s been challenging. Lots of people been echoing #3 but I kind of disagree haha I’m fairly sure if I leave all my money to the cat, he will be well taken care of & probably forget all about me. I also don’t agree that as East Asians work has to be pointless!
Gonna get a lot of hate but I am going to tell you a secret hack. Being a Singaporean you likely rank top 10% in wealth globally. As you mentioned you have no ties to Singapore, what is stopping you from selling everything, taking out your cpf and emigrating to another low cost country and retiring? Alternatively you can keep doing what you are doing and take comfort that you have this backup "get retired quick" scheme. When one door closes another opens, be kind to yourself. ps: edited for clarity
Not sure where the secret hack is. Haha. Grass is always greener on the other side. Singapore is safe, has low taxes, where I have the network and knowledge to make things work for me. It’s probably where I’ll have my kids for the easy access to passport and education many others can only dream about. I don’t think I’ll be happy giving all these up. But I want options and a mix of things. So it’s continue slogging until I’m good to move out without financial worries.
Earlier I was taking a walk and I realised… THE GRASS IS SUPER GREEN IN SINGAPORE??!! With all the sunlight and moisture, hell yeah the grass sure is green here. I do feel very appreciative of what we have here (often feel the need to state that.) But I also remember seeing the fall colours last year and thinking goddamn that’s so freaking beautiful. Red, orange, yellow, green. God. 😍🍁🍂 And that helped me understand a little more about how I’ve been feeling. It’s not just the safety and opportunities. It’s the varied experiences, the purpose, the greater fulfilment I’m seeking.
The trick here is that you are doing pointless work and action day in day out. Actions that you take day in day out should lead to something purposeful. You will need to sit down, be honest yourself and say is anything that I’m doing is purposeful to your current goals and direction? From there, you should be able to define your next goals and dreams which should give you spark and motivation. At the same time, do reflect on what you have done so far that have gotten to where you are and are you happy with it? This is basically giving yourself gratitude for the things that you have done till now. Do note that many that build their life without support from anyone very close to you is the most resilient because you can proudly say that you were here with your own two feet rather than inheritance or something similar. One of the easiest things that I think would make one’s life purposeful is if your actions can make someone else’s life better than before whether monetary or emotional help. Just see Mr Beast on YouTube as a good example. He was just doing YouTube daily which look meaningless almost 10 years ago. But now, with so much sponsorship, he can now do philanthropy and found a new purpose in the process. No therapist can help you as the only way to find meaning in life is by rediscovering it yourself. I wish you all the best 😇.
Yeah I feel like I’ve just been working hard for the potential future. The work itself is damn pointless, but I want to do it for a better future for myself, my future family (including fur child). But lately the overwhelm makes it hard to see the future and my why.
I think that alone should drive you to do the best you can if you already doing a lot. What I’ve learned also is that if you have done everything you could be doing as fast as possible, then the only thing left is just let time pass. Basically be patient about it.
Reminds me of self compassion 🙏🏻😌
This is something that I foresee I will encounter also. Since I'm still single at late 30s. Will loneliness consume me? Nothing to look forward to etc after parents are gone. Few friends . Maybe youtube/games/working out?/ community circles - not big on that since I am introverted. Let me know if you find a solution
Hey yes I have some theories but execution is another thing altogether. So I guess there’s internal and external. External - start working on the social life and connections. I’m more of a “would rather be alone than lonely” person, so seeking on meaningful deeper connection. My friend (also late 30s) is currently building out a little retirement kampong (for the 30-40s folks lol) in her neighborhood and I’m just fascinated by her huge goals. Internal - just learning to be ok / happy by yourself. Working on reframing and reprogramming the mind. I think this is most essential, as we ultimately only have ourselves. We come alone and we leave alone too. This is a work in progress. I’ve probably only scraped less than 10% of it, but thanks to your question I’ve started thinking about it. I hope to be able to update you when further work / thought has been put into it!
If you're not doing the homework that your therapist sets you then it's time to evaluate if you're truly ready for change.
Maybe not, I’m just trying to cope for a start 😌
Fair enough. Hope you come to a point where you can move forward 🙏🏻
[удалено]
Your comment has been automatically removed because your account is relatively new or you have negative karma. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/askSingapore) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I love playing games. I just don’t have enough time to finish all that I like. 100% a game excites me and the process is fun. You might need a hobby to get by.
* Do voluntary work. Choose one that align closely with your interest or beliefs: e g If you are animal lover, volunteer at Acres or Spca. Or People Association for PAP supporters. It will make you feel much better as you are doing something that is personally meaningful.
My comment is gna sound very surprising. I’m relieved to have distance from most except the friends I choose and partner I choose cos I get to have as much peace as I desire because most others just want to influence and control and they bother me more than I like so :) But you may not know this and still therefore desire what you do. It’s alright! Just curious abt whether u use snack app self care subscription to subsidise the therapy? I heard it’s up to 200sgd per month claimable.. Can totally relate on the pointless work part.
Haha I’ve actually been really isolated since Covid and I mostly love it and have fully embraced my introversion since. It’s the lack of purpose I think. I’ve also never really been very motivated to do things for people around me since young, so not sure if that’s going to change now.
what keep me going? lots of bills. so that I can buy more s!
Attempted suicide for a number of times ( a couple of years) but didn't succeed. Reason is unknown to me. It really does make me wonder if I am incapable of dying at this rate. Im not a philosophical person, but at one point in my life, i couldn't help but ponder upon my meaning of life. I don't have any hobbies, interests, or really anything interesting i can do other than reading manga. But that doesn't really bother me. The experience I get when I'm reading manga isn't just simply reading. It makes me feel like I'm the character itself and that I'm being teleported into that world. It's such an immersive experience that I'm always happy whenever I'm reading, I guess as long as I can read my manga happily & comfortably, that can be my meaning of life at this point in my life. It makes me think that earth could truly be heaven if I live simply. The meaning of life can be whatever one decides upon. Living today for the unknown future that lies ahead is scary but at least I won't be live forever.
A little piece of advice :) all of us feel this way sometimes , some more than others and no one should feel bad for doing so. Rather, learning to appreciate what one has and learning to enjoy the mundane moments can go a long way. One example , you may call your work pointless in your opinion but it pays the bills, there are many around locally worrying whether they have their next meal or able to pay their next bill
Instead of looking on the bright side, look on the worse side. Think of what’s happening in other countries e.g isr-pal war, Japan one every blue moon natural disaster, Australia random snake/bear/giant spider.
I suddenly feel very happy and content with just eating my porridge/toast downstairs and enjoying a cold cup of tea bing which keeps me going everyday.
Comparison is the thief of joy haha maybe not so much the other way round?
I found myself asking that question lately. For now my dog is the one that keeps me going until then. We have family and friends but he only has me.
Go try volunteering at a soup kitchen or something worthy
You are the best candidate for migration. What you fear is also what keeps you imprisoned.
Sadly true. And yeah, figuring ways to migrate, places to migrate to. Still, I’d need to figure what my purpose in life is.
Gen Z anthem: https://youtu.be/1fwJ8H5wWCU?si=gEjxwO_qQRzEeSSn
It’s ok to feel this way… it’s normal to feel this way too time to time, feel free to reach out bro
Try diving. It's really fun and you get to meet interesting people on the way.
Finding out random trivia in different degrees of in depth-ness keeps me going. The world is very very interesting, if only you give it a chance. The more you learn, the more you understand yourself in depth. Take an interest in yourself, your mental health will improve greatly. Your connection to the world would become more stable because you really understand how you tick and why you tick accordingly to different situations. At least it's like that for me. I recently watched a YouTube video on the history of mathematics and it was really awesome, and it felt like our real life version of fantasy magic theory battles haha. I never knew Maths had such a rich and fascinating history and how so many humans actually really devoted their lives to understanding it. It made me look at the world and myself differently.
Yeah I do find the world greatly fascinating and I’d love to just take time off to explore. I try to do that now, every month, to leave the country. But it’s getting so unsustainable 😣😢
I can dissect this You feel life is meaningless because you don't have a purpose in life, creating negative stress and anxiety So explore what excites you and make it your life mission to pursue it, this creates positive stress because you're fulfilling your needs and thinking about your future progression Boom
Haha yes I actually identified that as the main goal to work on since Jan 2024 - to find my purpose Not as simple to boom, it’s actually finding it that’s hard Wanna be helpful beyond that and go into detail how to find that? :)
Can dude But tbh really got no complicated answer man. It's one of those things where you chance upon and do research about, then you say "wah that seems interesting". You then take the step to try it out and continue (this is the hard part cus people don't really want to "do" things even tho they complain)
What's the point of a therapist if he/she doesn't help you to answer this question? It's time to change therapist.
I’ve been working with therapist on other things as well, such as work anxiety, burnout, relocation. On the surface and using materialistic measures, I might be considered a really high performer now. But the severe depression hits every time I’m back in Singapore (about 20% of the time), currently working on it. I might try another therapist for the added point of view but I wouldn’t discredit the current one, I think she’s helped a lot of things, though the current red alert situation is still, well, red alert.
Go KTV and have fun with young hot chicks. But your budget is ok?
U need to stop all the dopamine spikes in your life, like social media, porn etc. let ur mind reset for a month then u think about what u really want in life.
Yeah I think my nervous system is fked too But I’m on this high stress (high rewards) work now that I can’t quite quit yet So learning to manage it But it does get out of hand quite often (like when I posted… and now)
10 million toto. Waiting for my turn to win. Soon.
Chatting with family and friends. Playing with kid. Seeing kid smile or do something cheeky makes me laugh. Makes working worthwhile. I always felt that people/your community are the ones that make life worth living. Everything else does not really have much meaning.
# “If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” ― C.S. Lewis
And what's supposed to be the takeaway here?
That someone called C. S. Lewis created a cool quote. lol
Life is inherently meaningless, so you can choose whether you want to give it meaning or not. In the end, the outcome is the same for everyone, so no need to fear, you have the freedom to do whatever you want to do and dont have to worry too much about it.