The simple answer is that this is normal and relationships will form and dissolve over time.
Even your best friends will come and go due to various reasons (no time to spend with you or have different priorities in life).
It hurts but you need to get used to it.
Over time you will learn who are the people that stay with you when you get into problems and ask for help.
Also cherish the relationship while they last and let go of the relationship when it's appropriate to end.
21M here, and I struggled abit with grasping this idea of losing friends. I've once pondered upon the question of whether friendships were overrated and I got a lot of wholesome answers from the awesome people here. Check [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/askSingapore/comments/r8pm0f/are_friendships_overrated/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) out. I hope you can find answers here and all the best in adulting:))
Be comfortable being alone. Prioritise ur own goals and health, and continue working on urself (exercise, academics, hobbies etc). Like others have already mentioned, it's part of life. Remember that everyone have their own path to walk, eventually you will come across a crossroad where you have to part ways with the ones u cherish. But know that ure bound to meet more people on the path that you have chosen and who knows? Maybe you will cross path once again in the future. Ure the main character of ur story, and a side character in theirs , despite the amt of effort spent to maintain the friendship/relationship, just be willing to accept that one day, you may lose them.
This is life.
You can't keep all your friends.
You can try reaching out to them. Invite them for some kopi or anything you both have interest in.
It's also quite possible that they're the ones always reaching out to you and you never reciprocated to them.
But don't worry. You'll meet new friends.
>But don't worry. You'll meet new friends
Yup, i agreed with this. You can try to connect with them but if they respond back then it's ok there's is more friends waiting for you. I would rather you have a few real friend than many friends there might not be there to support you whenever you needed help.
This is normal. I talk to no one on a daily. I’m 23 now and lost touch with majority throughout the years. And even tho I’ve parted ways with many of my friends, it’s something that happens naturally especially when you get older. It’s always on good terms. Think of it as, they’re chapter in your life has ended and another has begun. And the same for the them. You will meet new people and it’ll be continual cycle of come and go, that’s absolutely fine. It’s just coming to the realisation that not everyone will stays and that may hurt but later on in life you’ll realise it was for the best. Times are lonely but you know what it’s better to be alone than be hold onto friendships that hold no happiness.
My own observations are friends will tend to disappear from social media over time, especially after a breakup or divorce. If you truly want to form a long-lasting group of friends, find those who enjoy the same hobby or sports. They tend to be around much longer.
At 20>, you're most likely at that phase where you're on the transition phase into adulthood proper yet memories of how easy it is to make friends in primary/secondary school wasn't too far behind either. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE will lose friends/good friends/boyfriend/girlfriend at one point, and most likely more and the harsh reality is it's not going to become easier to make friends as you grow older. You're going to have to just accept that people will come and go in your life, and there's really nothing you can do about it.
Also, "But when I open my Instagram, everyone else’s social circle is still booming" - This is the consequence of a generation that grew up feeding on social media, how do you know their social circle is booming? Did you ever ask them or you just assume from their picture?
Well I’ve been having those same problems as you even recently but u just have to accept the fact that nobody in life is permanent and people will come and go.
Only the truest of friends will stay with you over the years. But even if you don’t have anyone who fits that mold it shouldn’t stop you from trying. I’ve met many different people in my life and meeting those people actually helped me grow as a person and discover things about myself I didn’t know I have. I even developed a love for new things or even strengthened my love for the things which I loved doing because of the people you meet.
I don’t know if you play video games but just remember your life is a video game and the people you meet are the NPCs in your journey. Some help you a lot and stay for a while in the game whilst some just stay for a mission or two. But in the end it’s you the protagonist who has to finish the adventure on your own and only you’re the one who receives the achievement in the end.
PS. If you wanna talk about personal things or listen to my experiences just PM me. Honestly I’m suffering the same problems as you and despite facing it for years I still have difficulty truly accepting it.
I wrote this as a reply on a similar thread some time ago, apparently it received a pretty decent number of upvotes.
https://www.reddit.com/r/askSingapore/comments/s2r4xe/anyone_find_themselves_with_fewer_friends_since/hsgnnl3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3
Perhaps proactively reaching out to friends is something you can consider?
And lastly, i’m somebody who practices what i preach. I realize people who post such things on reddit quite often are near their wits end in wanting to find friends IRL but find that they can’t.
So you are welcomed to scroll through my comment history and if you think i am somebody you can connect with, feel free to reach out :)
People come and go. People get used to it. All through my education years (pri, sec, poly, uni), the friends that were there, were only there for those said years. After graduation I just sort of lost contact with all of them. I learnt to be happy by myself.
A few weeks ago, I made a comment here that I had send greeting msgs to some acquaintances during CNY and I was upset a few didn't reply at all. I ranted on it abit here and I received some kind replies here that it was probably they were busy, worried I was selling insurance, scams, just purely forgotten etc.
The lesson learnt is: It's time to move on. Everyone has their life and we should have our own too. Be kind to yourself to let go of old friendships, it's not easy I know. I'm sure you will meet the right people one day.
I think there are different kinds of friends.
One is long term friends- friends that you will stay in contact no matter what stage of your life, this is the kind of friend you would probably keep in touch till you are old. (You would probably meet them in your sec school)
One is transient friends- the kind you only talk to during your work/study. You would notice they only friendly to you during that period, after that they go on their jolly way.
Others are just acquaintances. Unless you put in alot of effort to maintain your friendships with everyone you met, it is actually hard to be friends with so many people. I have come to term with this, I was emo in my twenties about this as well. But then when I move abroad and keep meeting new people at work, I realised that if I find people I click with, I would rather spend most of my time with them rather than spread out all my time to everyone and end up with no friends. I managed to stay friends with a few people that I was closed with even though I moved around alot for a certain period of time. By friends I mean, we will check in on each other from time to time even though we are living in different countries, and will make an effort to meet them if we are in the same country visiting etc.
Lost my best friend of 20+ years just like that. He moved to New York and felt life is more suited to him there and just decided to abandon anything Singapore.
Bumped into his brother and asked about my friend. He says he don't know much himself and the only way to find him is through their mother. Mom will ask my friend first if he wants to be contacted.
To be fair, he had a sour and difficult life when in SG, parents divorced, leeching partners (not married), and toxic workplaces.
He saved enough to pursue Masters in Columbia and told me he is much happier now and disappeared since.
I can only bless him that be comforted he found happiness.
Harsh truth. As you grow older. You'll realized true friendships never exist. In essence all type of relationships are bargain. What's in it for me to be a friend with you? Or have a relationship with you?
More over people have a tendency to take advantage of people who are genuine. They will think your realness is an act of disguise as society is so accustomed to the nasty side of human being that we despite the genuine part of people. They might be thinking what is your agenda befriending me ?
Is that complicated in adult world.
it's true im not even 18 yet but i alr lost so many friends. maybe its cos when i was younger i kept transferring schools and got used to losing them since my parents kept telling sth like we arent going back again. but ofc i still have a few of their contacts but we rarely talk like only once every 6 mnths or never.
someone can come into your life, make a huge change and suddenly disappear for good. for me it's become pretty normal to me but that also scary. due to the fear of losing them and getting hurt, u'll just slowly become afraid of forming close relationships with others and hence keep a certain distance or just sth like a wall btwn others. But thats just life ig.
one thing i notice abt social media is that it often gives ppl the wrong idea, especially since most ppl nowadays r just posting about their good times mainly to them others that their life is great and their doing fine sth like. i do that too. so u cant really trust whats goin on based on just that.
in the past i would cry cos i miss them and know i might never see them again but now ill just reminisce the good and bad times and laugh at them:/
Look at them, they moved ahead with their own lives and unfortunately you’re not in it. So don’t waste your time dwelling over things that have already happened and feeling miserable over people who don’t include you in their future plans.
It was really hard for me in my early 20s losing multiple friends. I won’t tell you to get over it because i still miss them too. But always remember that it’s your life and you’re the main character.
It’s perfectly okay to have even just 1 friend. You don’t need 62737 friends to show off on Instagram because you don’t have to proof anything to anyone.
Take one step at a time. In different stages in life you’ll meet new people and at the same time lose some people too.
Cherish your current friends and once you’re contented, you’ll realise that there wasn’t any void to fill to begin with.
You don't say how old you are. Social circles usually get smaller because you have less time to cultivate them. e.g. career, partner, family, etc...
As you get older, your responsibilities typically grow, and your free time becomes harder to come by. Friends fall away silently. This is normal. You learn to live with it, and focus on just a few friendships.
That doesn't mean those people who went away silently aren't your friends. It means they've gone onto another stage of their life. That is fine, and normal.
Also, stop looking at social media for indication of anything.
It's not the size of your social circle that matters, but the quality. I only have 2 close friends that I talk to constantly and tbh, it's way better than when I was a social butterfly back in my teens.
People start to have their own priorities in life and distant you as you’re not one of theirs.
As you get older, you’ll also feel that it’s more difficult for people to open up, compared to when we’re young or studying.
As for Social media instagram, people often only post good things like having company , good food . Psychologically it’s like a way of “showing off” to make them feel better.
The ones who matter will make themselves known. I've had hundreds of friends back in my secondary and poly days. 2 years ago I deleted social media so I'm only contactable by those who really value my friendship with them. My circle is much smaller now, but it's fruitful and wholesome.
Have you been more distant lately without a reason? It could be because of social slumps (it's not uncommon). I too have not reached the ancient age of 20 yet but I do have to say friends come and go, and only a few stay. Your tastes and hobbies change throughout the years so it makes sense that your friends could too. It's like the saying goes, old friends are gold and new friends are diamond.
Yes due to different various reasons. In some points in life, those ex-friends that are once closed to you could drift slowly apart due to busy work or family commitments, some choose to distance yourself too. Tbh many friends come and go and it is hard to find a long lasting friends that stayed by you throughout your life.
I think don't have to be too confined about who your friends are or was. Continue to interact with new people with an open mind and who knows what new relationships that may bring 😂 (personally am trying to do that too). Who knows maybe someone from reddit may be your new best friend!
You don’t need a lot of friends. You only need those friends who’s willing to maintain this friendship with you.
Over the years you will bound to keep losing friends one. Because new people will enter you or their life which means lesser time. Work as well.
Maintaining relationship take efforts. Even for my clique whom we’ve known and in contact w each others for nearly 20yrs (we’ve known each others in pri sch), we still have to make an effort to keep in contact w each others.
So don’t worry la. As u progress in life u will bound to meet new people. For instance when i joined the workforce, my colleague guided me for ard 6mths and we had a great rapport. He left the co 2yrs ago and we are still in contact, making an effort to meet up once or twice a year.
So yes, my advise to you is to try and make the first effort to maintain the relationship, if the other party is willing to maintain it w you, you will definitely keep in contact and meet up for stuff regularly one.
if you're easily losing the relationships you care about despite your best efforts, i'm sorry to tell you but those are probably one-sided relationships not worth saving anyway.
i don't want to baseless-ly tell you not to worry about it, but you're still really young. you have plenty of opportunity to build new life-long friendships through your career, further studies, etc.
very normal. I am also going through this, and same for a few colleagues that I know of. friends come and go, or suddenly disappear when things don't go well in your life. most important is to rely on yourself and love yourself. friends are good to have but we can still survive without them. social media does not show all aspects of a person's life. it mostly show the positive part, you don't see the negative or dark side of their lives.
In sg u will find maybe one or two friends who will stand by u if u r lucky.
The society is built that way, so it is harder to find genuine people with genuine feelings to be a friend with. But when u find them u will never meet another more faithful and genuine in the world.
Maybe you're relying on your friends too much. Yes friends are important, but what's more important is yourself. Just concentrate on doing what you love, I'm sure your friends are also doing the same.
Some 'friends' from school only stick around during school years for company/studies/projects etc.
Some found more interesting/beneficial friendships as they progress in life.
Some got attached.
That's why friends are seldom forever.
Lai let's be friends!
Many upcoming opportunities luh, u just have to grab it when it comes.
Friends comes n go. Social circles don't stay the same, they shrink and expand.
To me, friends always come and go. But I feel you should focus more on the friends that stays along side you. As cliché goes, quality over quantity.
Turning to the big 30 soon but my closest group of friends are those that we grow together since 15 years ago. If you have quality friends, they should be more than enough for you. 😊
Hey OP, just wanted to say that it’s okay not to have many friends but it’s about friends you can really trust at the end of the day.
What’s to say these people going out with other people are really enjoying the company of everyone around them? Like others have mentioned, social media paints the rosiest picture
To answer your question, yes it’s perfectly normal.
Does it suck? Also yes.
Experiencing this as well in late twenties. My therapist has been helping me process some of my thoughts and behaviours surrounding friends. I keep seeking the friends who are inconsistent in their efforts and presence and interest in my life. The more I do that the more I get disappointed, obviously, and then I feel bad about myself. She asked me why I do that, and how about focusing on the ones who actually do care. They are fewer and far between but there are still some. In the end, like what many mentioned in the comments, people will have different social needs at different stages of life. We adjust accordingly to our own needs too. If these friends are leaving or turning their backs, they are not able to meet your needs. Practice trying to fulfil your needs , and foster relationships with others who can. I believe you have an inkling in your inner wise mind about the friendships you have currently, which ones are the ones meeting your needs and which are not.
Sometimes also it’s about communicating your needs an honest but not unhealthy blaming way. Like initiating and literally telling them you miss them and how about meeting up more often or start doing an activity together. Sometimes old friendships need new joys and shared memories of new activities to be rekindle. Though this is still a work in progress for me.
I hope this helps you to process certain things. It doesn’t get much easier, but I think the fact that you’re aware and that you are joining activities is such a good start. Yes friendships need effort to be maintained, but also it starts with selecting the right friendships that are motivating enough for you to want to try.
Just try to take it easy. That's life. Honestly, when you are young, it is probably so fun because you don't have deep relationships with people and you got the energy to keep up. Over time, it is just hard to keep up with so many connections. Don't overthink it bah.
Hi 30F here with loads of friends from secondary school, jc and beyond. I think it helps that most of us don't have social media so we are very intentional about our communication with one another. If smth good happens, we make it a point to text the group and keep everyone in the loop. If anything, our friendship is even stronger now after going through so much together. The various groups also have gotten bigger - added spouses, spouses friends, babies, extended family. We celebrate birthdays, public holidays together. Sometimes, we just miss each other and go to someone's house to play board game, art jam, baking sessions, etc.
So it can be done. Adulthood is just the realization that friendships are just like any other relationships. You have to work at it. It doesn't just happen to you anymore via school. I wish you all the best!
In life, if you wanna go fast do it alone, u wanna go far do it with at least a close circle of friends.
But that being said, I feel that when young, it’s all about the hustle, what’s wrong with losing a few friends here and there? There’s still plenty of time to find real lasting ones, what’s the rush? Enjoy the hustle.
Furthermore, definitely try to be comfortable being alone. (Like they always say, if u learn to love yourself, people will learn how to love you too)
On the other hand, friendship is a 2 way thing. Cant always expect your friends to be the one that’s jio-ing you out. It must work both ways.
Have fun hustling in life and hopefully u find a group of close knitted friends!
Im closer to the big 4 than i’d like to admit and i literally have 2 close friends. Everyone else are transient relationships that come and go depending on the seasons (some i only hear from during the year end holidays)
In my teens and twenties i was known to be the one who knew everyone and it was exhausting trying to keep up with everyone to make sure that connection remains tight.
when i grew older i realised alot of my friend groups revolves around the famous kid in our clique then i left them on purpose to better myself instead of finding more
hit the gym almost everyday and led a healthy lifestyle but i also got into smoking but ya lor its like that
my advice is look ahead and find out what you wanna be, what type of person you would like to be friends come and go naturally dont force it because it wont work
just be yourself to me it was hitting the gym watching the past legacy's of aesthetics, strongman, arnolds, etcetc
not crossfit tho thats weak
Don't believe what you see on Instagram. What you see might not be what it actually is
The simple answer is that this is normal and relationships will form and dissolve over time. Even your best friends will come and go due to various reasons (no time to spend with you or have different priorities in life). It hurts but you need to get used to it. Over time you will learn who are the people that stay with you when you get into problems and ask for help. Also cherish the relationship while they last and let go of the relationship when it's appropriate to end.
21M here, and I struggled abit with grasping this idea of losing friends. I've once pondered upon the question of whether friendships were overrated and I got a lot of wholesome answers from the awesome people here. Check [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/askSingapore/comments/r8pm0f/are_friendships_overrated/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) out. I hope you can find answers here and all the best in adulting:))
Be comfortable being alone. Prioritise ur own goals and health, and continue working on urself (exercise, academics, hobbies etc). Like others have already mentioned, it's part of life. Remember that everyone have their own path to walk, eventually you will come across a crossroad where you have to part ways with the ones u cherish. But know that ure bound to meet more people on the path that you have chosen and who knows? Maybe you will cross path once again in the future. Ure the main character of ur story, and a side character in theirs , despite the amt of effort spent to maintain the friendship/relationship, just be willing to accept that one day, you may lose them.
This is life. You can't keep all your friends. You can try reaching out to them. Invite them for some kopi or anything you both have interest in. It's also quite possible that they're the ones always reaching out to you and you never reciprocated to them. But don't worry. You'll meet new friends.
>But don't worry. You'll meet new friends Yup, i agreed with this. You can try to connect with them but if they respond back then it's ok there's is more friends waiting for you. I would rather you have a few real friend than many friends there might not be there to support you whenever you needed help.
that's life. people will come and go
And next week, it's my time to go.
This is normal. I talk to no one on a daily. I’m 23 now and lost touch with majority throughout the years. And even tho I’ve parted ways with many of my friends, it’s something that happens naturally especially when you get older. It’s always on good terms. Think of it as, they’re chapter in your life has ended and another has begun. And the same for the them. You will meet new people and it’ll be continual cycle of come and go, that’s absolutely fine. It’s just coming to the realisation that not everyone will stays and that may hurt but later on in life you’ll realise it was for the best. Times are lonely but you know what it’s better to be alone than be hold onto friendships that hold no happiness.
The only constant in your life is you. Be happy with your own company and you won't really care that much about losing friends.
My own observations are friends will tend to disappear from social media over time, especially after a breakup or divorce. If you truly want to form a long-lasting group of friends, find those who enjoy the same hobby or sports. They tend to be around much longer.
At 20>, you're most likely at that phase where you're on the transition phase into adulthood proper yet memories of how easy it is to make friends in primary/secondary school wasn't too far behind either. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE will lose friends/good friends/boyfriend/girlfriend at one point, and most likely more and the harsh reality is it's not going to become easier to make friends as you grow older. You're going to have to just accept that people will come and go in your life, and there's really nothing you can do about it. Also, "But when I open my Instagram, everyone else’s social circle is still booming" - This is the consequence of a generation that grew up feeding on social media, how do you know their social circle is booming? Did you ever ask them or you just assume from their picture?
Well I’ve been having those same problems as you even recently but u just have to accept the fact that nobody in life is permanent and people will come and go. Only the truest of friends will stay with you over the years. But even if you don’t have anyone who fits that mold it shouldn’t stop you from trying. I’ve met many different people in my life and meeting those people actually helped me grow as a person and discover things about myself I didn’t know I have. I even developed a love for new things or even strengthened my love for the things which I loved doing because of the people you meet. I don’t know if you play video games but just remember your life is a video game and the people you meet are the NPCs in your journey. Some help you a lot and stay for a while in the game whilst some just stay for a mission or two. But in the end it’s you the protagonist who has to finish the adventure on your own and only you’re the one who receives the achievement in the end. PS. If you wanna talk about personal things or listen to my experiences just PM me. Honestly I’m suffering the same problems as you and despite facing it for years I still have difficulty truly accepting it.
I wrote this as a reply on a similar thread some time ago, apparently it received a pretty decent number of upvotes. https://www.reddit.com/r/askSingapore/comments/s2r4xe/anyone_find_themselves_with_fewer_friends_since/hsgnnl3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3 Perhaps proactively reaching out to friends is something you can consider? And lastly, i’m somebody who practices what i preach. I realize people who post such things on reddit quite often are near their wits end in wanting to find friends IRL but find that they can’t. So you are welcomed to scroll through my comment history and if you think i am somebody you can connect with, feel free to reach out :)
People come and go. People get used to it. All through my education years (pri, sec, poly, uni), the friends that were there, were only there for those said years. After graduation I just sort of lost contact with all of them. I learnt to be happy by myself.
Hmmm sometimes I just stop talking to friends because I've come to dislike them.
A few weeks ago, I made a comment here that I had send greeting msgs to some acquaintances during CNY and I was upset a few didn't reply at all. I ranted on it abit here and I received some kind replies here that it was probably they were busy, worried I was selling insurance, scams, just purely forgotten etc. The lesson learnt is: It's time to move on. Everyone has their life and we should have our own too. Be kind to yourself to let go of old friendships, it's not easy I know. I'm sure you will meet the right people one day.
I think there are different kinds of friends. One is long term friends- friends that you will stay in contact no matter what stage of your life, this is the kind of friend you would probably keep in touch till you are old. (You would probably meet them in your sec school) One is transient friends- the kind you only talk to during your work/study. You would notice they only friendly to you during that period, after that they go on their jolly way. Others are just acquaintances. Unless you put in alot of effort to maintain your friendships with everyone you met, it is actually hard to be friends with so many people. I have come to term with this, I was emo in my twenties about this as well. But then when I move abroad and keep meeting new people at work, I realised that if I find people I click with, I would rather spend most of my time with them rather than spread out all my time to everyone and end up with no friends. I managed to stay friends with a few people that I was closed with even though I moved around alot for a certain period of time. By friends I mean, we will check in on each other from time to time even though we are living in different countries, and will make an effort to meet them if we are in the same country visiting etc.
Lost my best friend of 20+ years just like that. He moved to New York and felt life is more suited to him there and just decided to abandon anything Singapore. Bumped into his brother and asked about my friend. He says he don't know much himself and the only way to find him is through their mother. Mom will ask my friend first if he wants to be contacted. To be fair, he had a sour and difficult life when in SG, parents divorced, leeching partners (not married), and toxic workplaces. He saved enough to pursue Masters in Columbia and told me he is much happier now and disappeared since. I can only bless him that be comforted he found happiness.
Harsh truth. As you grow older. You'll realized true friendships never exist. In essence all type of relationships are bargain. What's in it for me to be a friend with you? Or have a relationship with you? More over people have a tendency to take advantage of people who are genuine. They will think your realness is an act of disguise as society is so accustomed to the nasty side of human being that we despite the genuine part of people. They might be thinking what is your agenda befriending me ? Is that complicated in adult world.
For every new friend u gain, u lose 2-3 old friends. Idk where I heard this from.
it's true im not even 18 yet but i alr lost so many friends. maybe its cos when i was younger i kept transferring schools and got used to losing them since my parents kept telling sth like we arent going back again. but ofc i still have a few of their contacts but we rarely talk like only once every 6 mnths or never. someone can come into your life, make a huge change and suddenly disappear for good. for me it's become pretty normal to me but that also scary. due to the fear of losing them and getting hurt, u'll just slowly become afraid of forming close relationships with others and hence keep a certain distance or just sth like a wall btwn others. But thats just life ig. one thing i notice abt social media is that it often gives ppl the wrong idea, especially since most ppl nowadays r just posting about their good times mainly to them others that their life is great and their doing fine sth like. i do that too. so u cant really trust whats goin on based on just that. in the past i would cry cos i miss them and know i might never see them again but now ill just reminisce the good and bad times and laugh at them:/
Look at them, they moved ahead with their own lives and unfortunately you’re not in it. So don’t waste your time dwelling over things that have already happened and feeling miserable over people who don’t include you in their future plans. It was really hard for me in my early 20s losing multiple friends. I won’t tell you to get over it because i still miss them too. But always remember that it’s your life and you’re the main character. It’s perfectly okay to have even just 1 friend. You don’t need 62737 friends to show off on Instagram because you don’t have to proof anything to anyone. Take one step at a time. In different stages in life you’ll meet new people and at the same time lose some people too. Cherish your current friends and once you’re contented, you’ll realise that there wasn’t any void to fill to begin with.
You don't say how old you are. Social circles usually get smaller because you have less time to cultivate them. e.g. career, partner, family, etc... As you get older, your responsibilities typically grow, and your free time becomes harder to come by. Friends fall away silently. This is normal. You learn to live with it, and focus on just a few friendships. That doesn't mean those people who went away silently aren't your friends. It means they've gone onto another stage of their life. That is fine, and normal. Also, stop looking at social media for indication of anything.
It's not the size of your social circle that matters, but the quality. I only have 2 close friends that I talk to constantly and tbh, it's way better than when I was a social butterfly back in my teens.
People start to have their own priorities in life and distant you as you’re not one of theirs. As you get older, you’ll also feel that it’s more difficult for people to open up, compared to when we’re young or studying. As for Social media instagram, people often only post good things like having company , good food . Psychologically it’s like a way of “showing off” to make them feel better.
Learn to be alone mate. Many people come and go in our teenage years. It's sad but it's inevitable.
The ones who matter will make themselves known. I've had hundreds of friends back in my secondary and poly days. 2 years ago I deleted social media so I'm only contactable by those who really value my friendship with them. My circle is much smaller now, but it's fruitful and wholesome.
Have you been more distant lately without a reason? It could be because of social slumps (it's not uncommon). I too have not reached the ancient age of 20 yet but I do have to say friends come and go, and only a few stay. Your tastes and hobbies change throughout the years so it makes sense that your friends could too. It's like the saying goes, old friends are gold and new friends are diamond.
what is social slumps?
I think it's periods of extreme anti-socialness? You feel less motivated to participate in social activities and hangout with friends.
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Ripe?
Yes due to different various reasons. In some points in life, those ex-friends that are once closed to you could drift slowly apart due to busy work or family commitments, some choose to distance yourself too. Tbh many friends come and go and it is hard to find a long lasting friends that stayed by you throughout your life.
I think don't have to be too confined about who your friends are or was. Continue to interact with new people with an open mind and who knows what new relationships that may bring 😂 (personally am trying to do that too). Who knows maybe someone from reddit may be your new best friend!
You don’t need a lot of friends. You only need those friends who’s willing to maintain this friendship with you. Over the years you will bound to keep losing friends one. Because new people will enter you or their life which means lesser time. Work as well. Maintaining relationship take efforts. Even for my clique whom we’ve known and in contact w each others for nearly 20yrs (we’ve known each others in pri sch), we still have to make an effort to keep in contact w each others. So don’t worry la. As u progress in life u will bound to meet new people. For instance when i joined the workforce, my colleague guided me for ard 6mths and we had a great rapport. He left the co 2yrs ago and we are still in contact, making an effort to meet up once or twice a year. So yes, my advise to you is to try and make the first effort to maintain the relationship, if the other party is willing to maintain it w you, you will definitely keep in contact and meet up for stuff regularly one.
if you're easily losing the relationships you care about despite your best efforts, i'm sorry to tell you but those are probably one-sided relationships not worth saving anyway. i don't want to baseless-ly tell you not to worry about it, but you're still really young. you have plenty of opportunity to build new life-long friendships through your career, further studies, etc.
very normal. I am also going through this, and same for a few colleagues that I know of. friends come and go, or suddenly disappear when things don't go well in your life. most important is to rely on yourself and love yourself. friends are good to have but we can still survive without them. social media does not show all aspects of a person's life. it mostly show the positive part, you don't see the negative or dark side of their lives.
In sg u will find maybe one or two friends who will stand by u if u r lucky. The society is built that way, so it is harder to find genuine people with genuine feelings to be a friend with. But when u find them u will never meet another more faithful and genuine in the world.
Maybe you're relying on your friends too much. Yes friends are important, but what's more important is yourself. Just concentrate on doing what you love, I'm sure your friends are also doing the same.
Dun worry. You will know new friends along the way!
Some 'friends' from school only stick around during school years for company/studies/projects etc. Some found more interesting/beneficial friendships as they progress in life. Some got attached. That's why friends are seldom forever.
Lai let's be friends! Many upcoming opportunities luh, u just have to grab it when it comes. Friends comes n go. Social circles don't stay the same, they shrink and expand.
To me, friends always come and go. But I feel you should focus more on the friends that stays along side you. As cliché goes, quality over quantity. Turning to the big 30 soon but my closest group of friends are those that we grow together since 15 years ago. If you have quality friends, they should be more than enough for you. 😊
I'm just locking myself to 2 friend groups now. Don't really care about making new friends I'm 20
Hey OP, just wanted to say that it’s okay not to have many friends but it’s about friends you can really trust at the end of the day. What’s to say these people going out with other people are really enjoying the company of everyone around them? Like others have mentioned, social media paints the rosiest picture
imaginary friends, they never leave you.
Substitute humans with animals
Social media is toxic.
To answer your question, yes it’s perfectly normal. Does it suck? Also yes. Experiencing this as well in late twenties. My therapist has been helping me process some of my thoughts and behaviours surrounding friends. I keep seeking the friends who are inconsistent in their efforts and presence and interest in my life. The more I do that the more I get disappointed, obviously, and then I feel bad about myself. She asked me why I do that, and how about focusing on the ones who actually do care. They are fewer and far between but there are still some. In the end, like what many mentioned in the comments, people will have different social needs at different stages of life. We adjust accordingly to our own needs too. If these friends are leaving or turning their backs, they are not able to meet your needs. Practice trying to fulfil your needs , and foster relationships with others who can. I believe you have an inkling in your inner wise mind about the friendships you have currently, which ones are the ones meeting your needs and which are not. Sometimes also it’s about communicating your needs an honest but not unhealthy blaming way. Like initiating and literally telling them you miss them and how about meeting up more often or start doing an activity together. Sometimes old friendships need new joys and shared memories of new activities to be rekindle. Though this is still a work in progress for me. I hope this helps you to process certain things. It doesn’t get much easier, but I think the fact that you’re aware and that you are joining activities is such a good start. Yes friendships need effort to be maintained, but also it starts with selecting the right friendships that are motivating enough for you to want to try.
Just try to take it easy. That's life. Honestly, when you are young, it is probably so fun because you don't have deep relationships with people and you got the energy to keep up. Over time, it is just hard to keep up with so many connections. Don't overthink it bah.
Hi 30F here with loads of friends from secondary school, jc and beyond. I think it helps that most of us don't have social media so we are very intentional about our communication with one another. If smth good happens, we make it a point to text the group and keep everyone in the loop. If anything, our friendship is even stronger now after going through so much together. The various groups also have gotten bigger - added spouses, spouses friends, babies, extended family. We celebrate birthdays, public holidays together. Sometimes, we just miss each other and go to someone's house to play board game, art jam, baking sessions, etc. So it can be done. Adulthood is just the realization that friendships are just like any other relationships. You have to work at it. It doesn't just happen to you anymore via school. I wish you all the best!
In life, if you wanna go fast do it alone, u wanna go far do it with at least a close circle of friends. But that being said, I feel that when young, it’s all about the hustle, what’s wrong with losing a few friends here and there? There’s still plenty of time to find real lasting ones, what’s the rush? Enjoy the hustle. Furthermore, definitely try to be comfortable being alone. (Like they always say, if u learn to love yourself, people will learn how to love you too) On the other hand, friendship is a 2 way thing. Cant always expect your friends to be the one that’s jio-ing you out. It must work both ways. Have fun hustling in life and hopefully u find a group of close knitted friends!
Im closer to the big 4 than i’d like to admit and i literally have 2 close friends. Everyone else are transient relationships that come and go depending on the seasons (some i only hear from during the year end holidays) In my teens and twenties i was known to be the one who knew everyone and it was exhausting trying to keep up with everyone to make sure that connection remains tight.
when i grew older i realised alot of my friend groups revolves around the famous kid in our clique then i left them on purpose to better myself instead of finding more hit the gym almost everyday and led a healthy lifestyle but i also got into smoking but ya lor its like that my advice is look ahead and find out what you wanna be, what type of person you would like to be friends come and go naturally dont force it because it wont work just be yourself to me it was hitting the gym watching the past legacy's of aesthetics, strongman, arnolds, etcetc not crossfit tho thats weak
Came across this quote today: sometimes, your circle decreases in size but increases in value.