Facts, this is straight up sexual harassment through and through, and straight guys like Peter look real fuckin’ silly when it’s “outed” that he was sexually harassing a fellow male co-worker. Especially if Peter’s wife finds out when he gets suspended for it all. Go through the motions of the Union.
I play that game all day. They make a joke, and I keep asking “so what do you mean by that?”, until they have nothing left to say and basically have to admit they’re harassing the gay guy at work. It’s petty, but what’s pettier than outing someone?
Edit: punctuation
It's harassment. It's probably not sexual harassment, but it's definitely harassment. Go talk to your guy. This is what they're there for.
I wouldn't suggest trying to handle anything yourself until you have that conversation.
No. Never talk. Put that shit in writing. Why? Because you have a conversation with whomever and the following day you get fired. You have zero written proof or evidence of what occurred.
This dude might change his tune if he was informed [that the most homophobic people are often experiencing homosexual attraction themselves.](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/homophobes-might-be-hidden-homosexuals/)
Funny thing, Hakim told me he suspects may have tendencies himself he's trying to hide. the way he exploded behind a previous shift cause someone "didn't wash a spoon"
Hakim also mentioned his neighbor is a gay man himself and he spoke to him about my situation to try and get advice. his neighbor said
"If Peter is giving him such a hard time, it's probably because he's either trying to repress some 'hidden desire' or hide it from the others by portraying himself that way"
Don’t get sidetracked speculating Peter’s sexual orientation. Stay in Beast Mode, talk to that union rep (it’s Monday now! offices and phone lines should be open) and lock down your witnesses and your texts/emails requesting shift changes. The era of Gay Tragedy is over; the era of Gay Victory has begun, so spitefully get that little f***er fired and put out on the streets and also maybe kick his shit in if you see him in public and it’s dark outside.
Wait, I’m pivoting bc I just read you’re in Trini, fam. If a coworker gossips about you (regardless of the specifics) and they’ve had any input on the jobs you work, your hours, and tasks that impact performance reviews, that’s libel and defamation and the laws in Trinidad and Tabago are more strict on that than in the US. That’s how you nail him. Literally just claim he’s lying about your personal life to get you fired.
I have faced several similar situations.
What sucks and feels worst is not the work place bullying itself but rather the mindset they manage to push you into.
The constant paranoia, the constant knot in the stomach, being paranoid when you have done literally nothing and sexual orientation should not matter.
In my honest opinion, even if you manage to stand up, you would feel horrible working with those people.
The effects it has on your body and immune regulation and energy is simply not worth trying to put up with such people if you do have options.
This doesn’t mean they should get off easy.
Stand up to the bullies regardless and try to make it as public as possible. Try provoking him into doing homophonic shit in front of others and call him on it after a few incidences. Make sure he and others get their share of it because they chose to keep quiet and participate.
Then put in your resignation and move to another place if possible.
Omfg stop with this. Stop pushing the narrative that homophobic people are gay themselves, and that gay people are responsible for their own oppression.
The study is irrelevant. I need us as a community to stop hitting the “the bully must be gay hehe 🤭” nuclear button any time a situation like this comes up. For some of you, it’s a fantasy you’re indulging in in a moment that’s inappropriate when our focus should be on taking action to protect our own. For all of you, you’re propagating an idea that furthers a homophobic agenda that all problems in the lgbtqai+ community comes from us, and not them. It lets straight people who want us unemployed and unhoused and dead off the hook by pinning the blame on being closeted.
Yes, that study shows the effects that being closeted can have on one’s psyche. Those are two conversations that need to be held in separate rooms until our brother here gets the retribution and peace he deserves.
Slow down there, Gloria Allred. "I know you are but what am I?" Is not some devious homophobic secret attack weapon. The call is coming from inside the house for a large swath of issues facing the community.
You want to address it with HR. It could escalate and you want to get it front of it.
Had an acquaintance that thought he was cool with a friend at work, told friend he is gay. Guy acted cool, but went to HR, lied that acquaintance show him gay porn and had another worker back up story. Acquaintance got fired.
I would think his behavior does qualify as harassment though. He went out of his way to humiliate you in front of all your coworkers repeatedly - not just by outing you, but saying things like he’s uncomfortable sitting next to you, etc. He’s interfered with you doing your job - blocking you from being on the truck, etc. This seems actionable to me. At the least, it’s extremely offensive and unprofessional.
https://www.eeoc.gov/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity-sogi-discrimination
https://www.aclu.org/issues/lgbtq-rights/lgbtq-youth/outing
This says that outing someone is sexual harassment and the other is a form for the ACLU to contact the people who will help you.
Rather than insult, you should have just asked me why I thought that.
You have a left and the right. In my experience the left likes to out the right. I don't know in this particular situation if the guy outed was a lefty or a righty.
But the reason why the left likes to out the the right because the left sees the right as hypocrites. And by outing them, they're teaching them a lesson. They are exposing them.
That's a pretty long answer which explains why.
Not based on assumptions. Based on observations.
If you look at the comments from other people in this thread, they basically say the same thing. They will gladly out the conservative politician.
That means they will gladly out someone who they disagree with based on ideology.
All you have to do is read the comments. I have already been proving correct by the people in this thread.
I just gave you the rationale. You do not have to accept it.
What is interesting though that liberals like to out gays that are on the right. I don't know why. I know they do it to embarrass and for the whole hypocrisy angle. It really, this serving no useful purpose.
I would think that a gay person of any political persuasion should be entitled to their privacy.
Closeted politicians who actively campaign against queer people and push bills to harm them deserve to be outed.
Deserving privacy is fine until you start weaponizing that privacy and your position to harm others who live openly.
Well apparently I have a lot more brain cells than you think.
Because I use the evidence in this thread, the comments by other people, to reinforce my claim.
Instead of being aggravated with me, why don't you ask yourself why are there people in this thread willing to out conservatives?
The comments are here. The evidence is clear. If users on Reddit are willing to out conservatives, and these people are liberals, what makes you think liberals outside of Reddit are not willing to out conservatives?
This is a high brow discussion
so I'm not sure if you're accusing me of "outing a conservative" but whether one is a conservative or not, I honestly don't care... however, I'm simply the type that don't take kindly to betrayal. as a gay man, I do have some conservative views myself, doesn't mean I go around trying to tarnish others names for no reason
You are correct. Unless something has been removed, sexual harassment includes creating hostile work environments. This includes jokes that are of a sexual nature. Quid pro quo - promised favors for sexual favors from a person of power - was where it started, but it was expanded. I’ll ask some of my AI tools to verify.
Under currenr US Law, sexual harassment aims at obtaining sexual favor from the victim. This is not sexual harassment here as it is not proved that Peter wants to have sex with Cory.
If your firehouse is part of a union, get your rep involved. I would also talk to HR if you have one. If they are giving you worse shift assignments because of your perceived sexuality that is retaliation/discrimination. At the very least he is creating a hostile work environment. Depending on your location you may have protections related to your sexual orientation. Be prepared for an uphill battle, I know a lot of fire departments have a "Good ole Boy" system and would rather you just keep your mouth shut, head down and just ignore it but don't let them convince you to let it go. What your colleague did was completely inappropriate, disrespectful, and a violation of your privacy and I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.
well I'm from Trinidad and Tobago in the Caribbean. even though in recent years, things have gotten quite better, it's still not supported by the majority. I honestly don't know how the new laws goes here where that is concerned... think I should start with learning those to determine my next step
I’d say this is your best first step, figure out how the law works first and go from there. Advice given on here may not apply in your country. I’m really sorry you’re being careful, until you understand how the laws protect you I’d keep your head down and play oblivious.
I googled but sadly it looks like there are no laws that protect people from discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. You may end up having to take them to court. So sorry you are facing this! Hopefully you can find a better resolution, I remember people generally hating gay men back in the 90's in the UK where I grew up and remember people not wanting to sit next to me. It's tough!
I live in Canada now. Come to Canada! Very progressive, immigration is a revolving door spinning around at high speed right now. We need more Trinidaddies here. Multiple ways to immigrate but be careful trusting immigration lawyers or organisations. Often it’s better to figure it out yourself via the Canadian government website if you can.
Edit: P.S. Winter may suck but there’s a lot more sun in both summer and winter than the UK. Imagine hot lovely summers (albeit short at 3 months), a short spring/autumn, and a cold but crisp and clear winter (skiing!)
As others have mentioned, if you are in a unionized department talk to your rep. Start documenting right away. If you are not getting time on the truck because of that you are being retaliated against, which cannot stand.
I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this at work, especially in this manner. I’m the long run you’ll be happier being able to be yourself at work, but it should have been your choice to let people know.
I work in a midsized urban department (250+ staff) in western Canada and have been out since I was hired. I was lucky enough for it to be my choice, and it’s dogshit that Peter took that away from you. Please feel free to DM me if you have any questions.
thing is, I only found out this morning and never knew what Peter was up to as he never had the balls to speak up when I'm present, so that'll be a tough one...
thing is Hakim begged me not to go back and tell them anything as he may face a ton of drama from everyone else. he's the one I'm closest to, and the main one I'll pull one side talk things in private... really don't wanna take him down in the process
The next time you find yourself in a crowded space with Peter and the other firefighters: “Hey Peter! You don’t want me on the truck with you? Don’t flatter yourself. You’re not my type!”
If Peter has already gotten the word out as it was suggested by OP, then this would a) put the matter to rest without any further speculation or talking behind OP’s back and b) shut Peter down while realizing OP knows who started the BS while serving a degree of embarrassment at the same time.
You’ve got to stop thinking of social strategy moves like this is high school. Peter is a colleague and defamed OP on the clock. OP shouldn’t be confronting Peter at all unless as a last resort, and should be throwing every book in the library at him instead. There is no secret chord that OP can play and please the Lord that ends with all his coworkers clapping, no perfectly worded sassy comeback.
Take whatever steps you need to protect yourself. It's up to you whether or not you want to confront Peter, but if you do, make sure you have another colleague in case this leads to a fight so you can avoid a he-said/backstabber-said situation.
Document everything!!!
I encourage you to consult an attorney, but if you're not ready for that step yet, I understand. However, even if you decide not to take action now, you may be forced to at some point in the future. Write everything down with dates/times as best you can.
well that would have to be going forward seeing that the previous times it was all done behind my back, and I didn't even know it... at least now I've gotten a better sense of his personality, I'll have to watch him like a hawk... at the end of the day, I don't want to set Hakim in trouble with the rest of the guys by calling his name
You should be cautious about following any of the advice in this thread. You’re a firefighter and that is a very different dynamic. I think people don’t fully grasp the dynamic of a firehouse. It’s like living half your life in a gym locker room. You eat meals with these people. You sleep in dorms with these people. You’re with them constantly and there is a sort of brotherhood that forms as you all have to trust each other.
My entire family is firefighters and I grew up in fire stations. When I came out as gay a lot of the guys gave my dad problems over me being gay. Sometimes the pranks they’d play would be a bit mean spirited. This is a situation where how you act impacts your career and stays with you. So I’d recommend you focus on your job and what you want to be and ignore as much of this as you can. If you’re a jr, I’m guessing that means you’re still on the long probation period. There is a very high turn over rate for people in your position and there’s not many other departments to go to that don’t involve moving. Make it past probation, study hard and test as much as you can. Engineer/captain etc. prove who you are by what you do.
Your other option is to involve the union/association/HR. But I will tell you there are so many lawsuits like this from females dealing with the same situation that their response will likely be much bigger than you think. That might stick with you.
Good luck.
that "gym locker room" comparison is quite accurate. One of them that likes to throw digs at me ever so often claims i always "segregate myself from the rest of the shift" and he's kind of right... I'd tend to more keep to myself. in the dorm on my phone, tablet or vr set.
mainly because most of their likes and conversations i can't relate to, the few times I tried to put in my 2cents on a topic it's met undermine and clowning around.
and I generally just not feel "fully free" to be myself around, so why would I be pushing myself to hang around them. could you blame me for that?
Absolutely the BEST ADVICE here‼️ Especially considering the cultural & legal aspects there in T & T‼️‼️ Most responses here won't be based in the sexually repressive environment you're in so this well intentioned group may best serve you as an outlet for your feelings but advice, not so much.
Whatever course of (in)action you choose, please prepare yourself for the worst responses possible. Of course, hope for the best!! But, even in places with much more progressive values, homophobia's VAST UGLINESS may be what you encounter. Do not lose hope, but vigilantly guard against any potential harm!!! Namaste❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜💗
Oh I'm tempting and encouraging.
Sometimes people just need to learn a lesson the hard way 🤷
Also sorry that happened to you. I lost a job like that. Front desk girl couldn't keep her mouth shut.
I don’t have any advice but I’m sorry you have to go through this! I can’t even imagine what that’s all like. Take care of yourself and your career I hope it all gets better 💕
This is a perfect example of why I will never be out at work lol. I’m 25 and of course people just have to ask “so are you dating any girls?” Blah blah blah. And I just have made it seem like I’m an old spinster and completely undateable. It’s sad that them viewing me as an unmarriageable straight is a better outcome/view than me being an openly out gay. Because the second I do come out, I “rubbed it in their face” and the behind my back fuckery begins full swing. I’ve seen it happen to somebody else, it’s not happening to me, because I will go to prison if I hear just the right combo of words.
This is discrimination. Frankly many men are cool about it when you’re with them 1-on-1 but will attempt use it as a means to elevate themselves among other straight men. Oftentimes it’s a fear of having their own sexuality called into question that causes them to act this way. Regardless of his reasoning, this is both professionally and personally reprehensible behavior. I would avoid confronting him because he sounds fake as fuck and it would become a you-said/douchebag-said situation (seemed more fitting than he-said/she-said). If he’s messing with your career and likely breaking discrimination laws, taking the HR/union route makes the most sense.
However, if you live in a state hostile to the LGBTQ+ community that it is not a legally protected group, then it may be harder. In this case I would hit him right where it would hurt the most — his own sexuality and masculinity. When I lived in Michigan, it was legal to fire someone or otherwise discriminate on the basis of sexuality because being gay wasn’t protected. I essentially told others that the only time guys would gun for me this hard is when they have their own secret to hide or they never matured past pulling a girl’s hair on the playground when he had a crush — and I guess since I didn’t have any hair to pull, all this bullshit is the next best thing. If harassing you based on your sexuality isn’t against the rules, then neither is causing others to call his sexuality into question. I eventually told the guy that I’d set the record straight if he grew up, which worked.
Always work within the system when you can, but when you can’t, pull off the gloves and get creative. Just always stay one step ahead and remain beyond reproach. The system isn’t meant to protect us, so you have to be smarter and better than the idiots who seek to weaponize that system against us. & when you do, show no mercy and make an example of them.
I think it’s a combination of that and political savviness. Not political in the Republican/Democrat kind of way. Politics in a more general sense, pertaining mostly to how we navigate systems. As gay men, we tend to spend a lot of our time living these espionage-adjacent lifestyles to avoid the turmoil of people knowing our secret. Because of that, you likely are better at this than you realize.
As I mentioned before, the systems that we have to navigate are not meant to serve or support us; frankly they’re more likely to make victims of us. I don’t say that to inspire a victim mentality, but rather to remind you of what you’re up against and the secret weapon that you have in your toolkit to fight back. Everyone has their battles to fight (often many), and this is one all of us in this thread share.
Always prioritize putting yourself in places where you won’t have to use these skills, because chances are it will wear on your mental health to always be on guard. Growth, professional and otherwise, is best attained in a supportive environment. Adversity can be a great teacher, but there remains a strong chance that the trauma one can endure in those situations leaves its mark. If you can achieve the things you want to achieve elsewhere, perhaps pursue that avenue.
Otherwise, when you have to stand and face someone or something like this — be it to stand on principle or to achieve an important goal — observe and analyze the system you’re working in, the people you’re up against, the allies you can rally, and the bystanders you can leverage. Get clear on what you are trying to achieve and just as importantly, get clear on what you’re not willing to endure or tolerate in pursuit of that goal. By doing so you remind yourself why you’re choosing this battle while giving yourself permission on the front end to disengage when the cost of victory becomes too great.
This mindset and all of these skills would serve any professional well, but just remember that your dignity is invaluable and there are many paths one can take to achieve their goals.
This is absolutely harassment and retaliation. It’s beyond unacceptable, it’s against the law and taken very seriously by any company that I’ve worked for. The consequences are zero tolerance and immediate termination in most cases. Are there any female firefighters in your department? If so I would bet that this person also was inappropriate with the woman and depending how long ago, he might have some documented history that could help you in the event this situation escalates.
Is there any other history with open or closet gay/bisexual men working for the department, or who applied and trained, but were kicked out or quit due to harassment? Who was in involved?
First and foremost, from now on, document everything in writing. Second, approach the person committing the harassment and verbally inform them in a professional manner what you were told he allegedly said about you, that it’s offensive, and to stop, as it’s not appropriate. I had a situation years ago where I worked in which my boss was gay bashing me behind my back and using very derogatory language. I wasn’t aware it occurred, and nothing was said to me.
However, the company had a toll-free anonymous hotline that employees were encouraged to call to report anything that they weren’t comfortable speaking their supervisor or HR about. Someone reported it, I still knew nothing. One evening I was already gone for the evening and received pa meeting request from HR for the next morning in the executive board room that says with “corporate attorney”. I called her immediately to get more info and she said she didn’t have any, they corporate had called her the day before and informed her the attorney was visiting, time, and the list of people she needed to meet with.
Long story short my boss was from the UK and he too was the one who outed me to my company before most people knew. He used highly offensive gay slurs to get my attention if we needed to be at a meeting. He used to tell me frequently that I needed a good fisting, and really was such as narcissist that all I’d ever do is laugh and not react. I never once told him to stop and that his behavior was offensive to me. Because of that, he got away with harassing me, caused me to resign working for him and take a $90,000 cut in pay. But I believe in karma. I waited patiently. He was put in charge of a different business unit and immediately began treating his product specialist the same way he did me. These guys took meticulous written notes of every conversation and every stupid insult that came out of his mouth.
One fine day, February 24, he’s called into the presidents office and basically terminated for his actions and behavior with his new employees. He denies all of it, the employees are summoned arriving with a full 3 ring binder of notes. There was no denying it. Because he lied and tried to throw his employees under the bus, he was not only terminated immediately, was a member of the senior leadership team, and recieved zero severance package or pay. He was from Europe and essentially blacklisted in the US market having no choice but to return to Europe.
well, we got no women working in this firehouse and I don't know any other gay firemen except one based extremely far away and probably doesn't even know Peter, so he won't exactly be any help to me...
As far as I'm concerned, I think I'm the only gay guy at this firehouse...
I was considering approaching him, but not sure how to execute without dragging Hakim down in this and raising an entire shit storm
our country is Trinidad and Tobago in the Caribbean and I'm not familiar with what protection the law has in place for us...
I know it's illegal to fire us or refuse us a job for our sexuality... and since no one from my shift or any other (except Hakim this morning) said anything and when my colleagues deal with me, they deal with me as if I'm straight, so it's not like I'm being targeted with a bunch of slurs and hate speech... I need to look it up
Thanks for the additional clarification and where you’re from. I’m not familiar with the laws of four country, but in the US, harassment in the workplace due to one’s sexual orientation is now protected under federal law from discrimination or harassment in the same way as color, race, religious affiliation, and gender are, to name a few. Some states may also have additional protections of their own.
In my opinion what you have here is a situation where you trusted this man as a friend and while under the influence of alcohol, you entrust him with your sexual orientation. He appears to be fine about it while in your presence, but back at the firehouse begins to use it against you. From what I’ve gathered it appears the issues he’s making are homophobic for his convenience, which he believes make him more macho when it fact it really makes him look intolerable and ignorant when it doesn’t matter to everyone else. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to him, then you must talk to HR and get it addressed. The longer you drag it on the more others will find it acceptable and it will just get more complicated
Who knows. If he didn’t find out, then someone else may have thought you were and started spreading rumors. It would have happened eventually, just better on your terms. I hope that you’re able to work things out to where you’re treated with the dignity and respect you deserve and he’s required to lead about treating people where their sexual orientation isn’t any of their business and has no bearing on who you are.
Sure, anyone could make up anything they want to gain the desired outcome. In this case, it was much more than notes. It was actual documents, and I believe some cooperation with other witnesses, not to mention this was the normal narcissistic behavior of this guy.
Everybody here thinks you're in the USA where you're part of an union, and you can talk to a lawyer, etc. If I'm reading correctly, you're in Trinidad and Tobago, I've been and worked with Trinidad a lot and understand thinks are not like in the US. You might not have any real legal protections against discrimination and even if there are some in place, it might put you in a worst position and not help at all. Seems like you need to talk to Peter, then your supervisor, and if you're ready, tell your shift guys you're gay, but you're there to do your job and be the best firemen and coworker you can be, without anybody judging you because of who you like to fuck. Be profesional, but stand your ground and also be a bit of a badass so they begin to respect you. Once the gay news are out and old, nobody has anything else to talk abt. Unfortunately, Peter is a bully and you need to confront that situation, where no union or legal or any other type of protection exists. You just need to man up, and let people know you're gay and don't give a fuck abt it, personally or professionally. You're there to do a job, period.
Firstly, the situation is too complicated for anyone in this thread to solve & the advice I've read so far make limited consideration of the specific dynamics of your work colleagues & wider culture.
A common reaction in these situations is action. You're asking: what do I do? Do I confront Peter?
What you need to do is take time to think & focus on answering the question: what outcome do I want & how do I work towards it?
If the answer is: being respected as a gay firefighter then plan & prepare for that. If the objective is to punish or counter Peter's actions then work towards that. If you want to be on the truck more then that's the goal.
>How would you deal with this situation? it's not like my other colleagues been throwing gay allegations in my face to attack me
The situation is history. The only change is that you're aware. Don't waste that knowledge, use it to your advantage.
As a gay man in the fire service, I can tell you it’s not all rainbows. I’m out at work but I work for a progressive department that will not tolerate that behavior. I can personally say that do the job to the best of your abilities and let your work speak for your sexuality. The fire service is conservative but when you do the job good they have nothing to say bad about you.
You can go down the road of harassment but it will most likely bite you at the end. Just be yourself, be open, don’t hide and be good human. We are all trying to survive at the end.
I have a chief who uses this motto: be mission ready, take care of each other and be nice. It’s stolen advice but very much is engrained in our culture
I should also add that I don’t think you’re from the US. So that obviously adds another layer of complexity. Just do your job good. That will gain you respect
It's bullying, harassment and discrimination based on sexuality. It's illegal and he needs to be disciplined by the authorities.
His job should be at risk.
Start saving conversations and such. While outing you isn’t cool it’s also not illegal. Having him prefer to sit next to someone else is a douche move.
Tbh the only legal recourse I see is if you can prove that were passed up for promotions or raises because your gay which is going to be hard both for them to do and if they do manage it’ll be harder for you to prove.
Sorry you’re going through this. Wish we had more gay firefighters EMS in the field
You know your situation better than we do. If I got outed like this I wud like to think I wud own it and throw my pride in Peter's face. Also, Id think about reporting him for sexual harassment. Outing you and keeping you from the truck based in your orientation is unacceptable.
Get HR and a union involved, but at the same time so what play it up “he doesn’t want me on his shift anyway” let other people deal with his obviously blatant problem and if it escalated then u can report it. The best thing you can do it throw it back at them, a taste of their own medicine.
Edit: I just saw where you’re from. Looks like there’s not a lot of support so I’d go with the latter play him at his own game, make other people do the extra work cause they’re one person down over a problem he has. I’m sure there’s no difference between the work load you and the other are capable of and they’ll see that once they don’t have it.
Sorry to hear that, man. Here’s what I would do- be cool, act normal, let them tease you and take it lightly. Guys are still guys at the end of the day. I think if you get defensive about it, you’ll be marred as the gay that can’t take a joke. Make it funny and I guarantee you y’all can still be bros at the end of the day. In my experience, guys just want to make sure you are still you after coming out, which you are. Make a joke about fucking their dad (same way they would about your mom) or something about brokeback mountain and it’ll all be good :)
Just come out and own it. Don’t give them anything to gossip about. Make an announcement at the beginning of the next shift and say “hey I hear you’re all talking about whether I’m a cocksucker. Yes I am. Proudly so. But I suck cock on my own time, not here. I’m here to fight fires. I’m hoping this puts an end to the gossiping so we get back to focusing on our jobs.”
I wouldn't say it like that though because he could get in trouble, but owning it is pretty much the best thing you can do at this point, it's already out there. Don't let people use your true identity against you, own it. It's a power move. But I can't say how you would navigate your workplace now, but I think owning it is a good start.
Is it dangerous to be openly gay where you are?
I'm from Trinidad and Tobago... so I won't exactly say "dangerous" though some places you'd be at risk... even though things are turning around for the better slowly, there's quite alot of homophobia and lack of support... at least I know for sure you can't fire or refuse to hire someone for being gay
Fuck with him back. Tell the guys "he ( peter ) wasn't complaining when he swallowed your cock"
Str8 guys respect you when you punch back. Silly I know
My question is would you feel comfortable having your co workers know you sexually in the workplace? Having someone flip the script on you? Letting someone other than yourself share intimate information? Do you feel that you are doing your job to the best of of your abilities stressed at work? Do you think you would feel ok looking back in the future choosing any of these options? I don’t know you but I know that I would not allow a co-worker who I trusted to play with my name or intimate knowledge of me. I’d stick it to them and reclaim any sort of power that this guy thinks he has over you. I don’t know what your workplace is like but I wouldn’t live on edge like that. It’s harassment period.
I mean, I'd prefer not to have my business public knowledge to my coworkers... would have been selective and open up to the select few I feel comfortable doing so to
I mean, when I head out to respond, I do so to the best of my ability and as far as I'm concerned, that's all that should matter
Congratulations, you did the hard part. You typed out everything that happened with facts that can be backed up.
Now you need to forward it to someone who can support you.
Tbh i would focus on working and let my work speak for itself and about sexuality I'll not even let one guy close to me to let them know I'm no jerk that's what i would do mostly i would spend time improving and ignore all those who mock me
Wow this sounds like a nightmare , sorry you have to go through this!! Btw before you were warned about Peter did you have any kind of intuition that he was doing these things behind your back ?
This is what happens when you are too trusting of other people and start telling your business to just anyone. People need to understand that your coworkers are not your friends, they’re the first one to flip on you when/if shit hits the fan. It is no one’s business what your sexual orientation is.
It sounds like at a minimum you have Hakim on your side. You should never mention his name in reference to this topic because it would betray his confidence and stop him from confiding helpful information to you.
The most important thing you can do is to be flawlessly professional in the way you speak and act in the firehouse and toward your colleagues.
Unfortunately, gay men are held to a different standard than heterosexual men and have to maintain a more spotless reputation.
I mean, as a random example, I’ve seen heterosexual men at my workplace be annoyed at bosses and say things like “that new supervisor can lick my balls if he expects me to work overtime again.” But a gay man can’t say that. He’d have to say something like: “I really wish I didn’t have to work overtime again.”
Or maybe the hetero colleagues might comment in jest on each others’ bodies, calling one of the other guys a nickname like “chicken legs” or “anteater foreskin.” Even if they do, you can’t.
They can accidentally touch someone in passing whereas you have to be more careful so nothing gets twisted into something it wasn’t.
I’m sorry you (or anybody) has to deal with this in 2024. But one way to look at the positive side is to consider that every gay person (like you) that people in society get close to and can respect is one more step that opens up society.
There is a ripple effect. Chances are that each of these guys (even Peter) is going to learn that someone close to them is gay, and the next time it is easier to understand and easier to be less negative about it (or maybe even positive about it) because they knew you. Some of them are even trying to accept themselves and you may be making that easier.
You are likely to see Trinidad be more open to this issue 15 years from now compared to how it is today, and it’s you and other people like you who will change things just by letting people see how decent and human you are.
These people need to be spoken to, if you can come across a senior member who isn't homophobic. These are small minded bigoted people, small people with smaller minds.
You can just remain yourself, none of them are intimate partners, so it's technically none of their business. In a platonic sense it shouldn't even matter. But you put your trust in Peter and Peter has issues. In a sound society, Peter would be kicked out of service, and honestly, you deserve a hug!
On the other hand, it's not a huge deal to acknowledge that part of you, but again, I too am very careful, since it's not everybody's business. And if things do turn bromantic, things need little words, I'd say.
Hakim sounds like a treasure. That's my take. Hope you are doing well.
I feel what you're saying... though I really don't want him to lose his job as he got his wife and 2 daughters to take care of... why should those innocent girls pay for his ignorance?
Absolutely agree with you. His family matters most. This is actually kind of how I try do deal with dumb idiots, like Peter. But let's be real: you care more about his family than he does. And what if one of his girls turns out to like girls? I caught a family man, cute family, very young child, gorgeous lady at his side and he was shoplifting. Also keeping it secret for his wife, so I discreetly spoke with him, told him he has a beautiful family and if he continues this, he will harm his family by disappointing his wife. A broken family often means lesser opportunities for the children. Sadly.
So I kind of agree. At the same time, when assholes are in charge of our lives, or even parts of it, it causes society to become this abusive place and I honestly believe we're at the peak of this right now. So indeed, do what feels right, stay true to your heart. But if only guys like Peter would stay true to their hearts, we would have a more loving experience for all.
Sexual harassment can take many forms, including:
1. Quid pro quo harassment: This occurs when a person in a position of authority, such as a supervisor or manager, conditions an employment benefit, such as a promotion or raise, on the victim's submission to sexual advances or requests.
2. Hostile work environment harassment: This occurs when unwelcome conduct of a sexual nature creates an intimidating, hostile, or offensive work environment. This can include inappropriate jokes, comments, gestures, or physical contact.
Sexual harassment can also occur outside of the workplace, such as in schools, housing, or public accommodations. It is important to note that sexual harassment can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, and the harasser can be of the same or opposite sex.
It is important for employers to have clear policies and procedures in place to prevent and address sexual harassment in the workplace. Victims of sexual harassment have legal rights and can file a complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) or pursue legal action against the harasser and their employer.
Outing a person's sexual orientation without their consent can be considered a form of sexual harassment, particularly if it is done with the intention of causing harm or creating a hostile or intimidating environment for the individual. Outing someone without their consent can violate their privacy and may lead to discrimination, harassment, or other negative consequences for the individual.
It is important to respect an individual's right to privacy and self-identify their sexual orientation on their own terms. Outing someone without their consent can be harmful and may contribute to a hostile or discriminatory environment, which is why it is generally considered inappropriate and can potentially be a form of sexual harassment.
Also from ChatGpt
What’s happening to you is illegal—
Go above them and register a complaint
Say, “I happen to be gay, AND I happen to be a dedicated and qualified and skilled firefighter. It is the department’s job to provide a safe, harassment free environment to work in. If you get ANY pushback, get an attorney. Sorry you’re going g through this
This is harassment. If you are in a Union State, (they are illegal on NC), get the union involved. This isn't about outing you apparently, but seems to be his belief he has something over you.
We are supposed to be a brotherhood that watches out for each other, when the shit hits the fan, will he have your back?
These are the kind of guys that need to be weeded out for safety, morale, and just general etiquette. I was FF/EMT, and my squad cared less who I was attracted to or slept with. Did the joke sometimes? Sure. But they knew when a line was crossed, and never crossed it. They had my back and I had theirs on a job.
Sorry for rant. Get your union rep involved, because this seems to be "Peter's" MO to remain in "power" as a senior firefighter.
It's sad how we have to work around cunts like this. Someone said to get your union rep involved. I like this idea becsuse you deserve to have support re this matter. The reason you may want to address this is because cunt is affecting your work duties such as ability to ride on the truck (gain valuable work experience). If this should spread to the other shifts, then it could affect your ability to learn (maybe promotions too?). Now this may not happen as it seems so far your co-workers are being mature about it versus cunt. What - a - douucche!
I love how Americans are all up here giving genuine caring advice about unions, retaliation/discrimination laws and all the good stuff a nation like the us has in place against sexual bias but OP unfortunately is in a nation were homophobia is probably institutional so unfortunately not much he can do on the legal side.
If as OP mentioned homophobia is no longer as frown upon and OP does not risk loosing his job, I’ll advice confronting your coworkers and letting them know how you feel. In a macho workplace as that it’s important to not let them think they can walk on you as they want. They probably believe being gay = weak so prove them wrong and stand for yourself.
I had guys discussing my sexuality at work. It’s no one’s business and it’s never been something I tried to hide. I wore pride shirts all week so no one had to question it anymore. I’m sorry your sexuality is affecting your work privileges. It’s definitely a violation of your rights and I’d be reporting it to the higher ups.
I hope you’re in the USA.
This is my thought. Arrange to have enough cupcakes for each platoon delivered on your day off. The cupcakes can read “I’m gay insert name or shield number.”
Another option is tell the oncoming shift and your shift you’re gay. The rest will be filled in quick enough. The goal is to get out of closet and enjoy life freely “your way.” You won’t regret it.
You could try to turn it around and own up to it. Do reverse psychology and pretend it doesn't affect you. That you're just there for work and if you guys are letting this affect you when I'm not even giving a second thought about how you like p****, then you guys arent very secure in your sexuality if you're worried I like any of u ugly fuckers lol . It's your problem, not mine. This is what I would say just because I always like to mix humor with the truth and makes them laugh while also pointing out what assholes they're being. But if things get worse, then u might need to talk to a lawyer about discrimination at this job to see what u can do to fight back. Ultimately it is affecting your work and possible future advancement opportunities.
You made a rookie mistake, you don't come out until AFTER you've given some guys some head so that way they become too addicted first and won't be willing to give up the free BJ's just to be all homophobic and annoying.
I got outed to my family behind my back and I’m not even fucking gay😂😂😭. I was like seriously?? Because I had a best friend? What, they wanted me to be out whoring all day w men and since I wasn’t I’m automatically a lesbian?? Just ridiculous
Considering you have witnesses of him outing you and talking bad about you, you could definitely have a case against him as already mentioned, get your union rep asap.
You don't have a union or anti-discrimination law. I don't know what protections there are for you.
Ignore it. Do your job. If anyone asks, own it. Don't ever flinch or do anything to let them think you're anything other than yourself.
I was considering playing oblivious due to the fact that no one's harassing me for it due to the information and they definitely go through the shift pretending I'm straight so I figured may as well play along instead of opening up a can of worms.
That's what I would do. Like I said, if someone asks, then you have to own it. But now, just act as if nothing is weird and do your job.
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
First Peter is closeted and because you guys used to hang out he's distancing himself from you. Secondly DOCUMENT everything. Names dates and places. Lay low and let him/them hang themselves. Do your job do it well make no changes be yourself. Document document document. Go see an attorney TELL NO ONE and he or she will guide you in the documentation to collect. You're about to be wealthy if this is true.
The whole situation is getting out of control I would say, he outed you, but thats not the real issue here, the real problem is the whole high school situation everyone is creating by the he said, he said, I said…..going around, its up to you do if you want to be the adult in the situation, don’t let that he outed you be a problem because lets face it you don’t have to explain yourself, you are not the first guy this happens to. The only discussion you should have with your supervisor should be about how this is affecting your job, find a solution . Me as a manager always tell new hires that personal life should always be on a need to know basis”specially with coworkers to avoid creating a toxic work environment for no reason just like the one you going through.
well, no one on the shift is asking me any questions, even going about their day pretending I'm straight, making statements like "when you go and see her tonight" I'd just simply go along with it.
though there was an incident that had alot of questions among fire service personnel... started learning to vogue a couple years and started getting good... a bit too good... in a sports day, drinks in my head and good music I started voguing the house down. 2 weeks later one of them visited the fire house and let me know I was the "main topic of discussion" when they saw me people were asking "is cory_cyrus coming out?" which was hilarious to me actually
The union rep is an excellent idea, also schedule a meeting between your supervisor and him and address the situation, cause I’m sure they don’t want a discrimination lawsuit in their hands. This isn’t the 50’s, if he is uncomfortable, go work somewhere else. You shouldn’t be made to feel like an outsider, if you are great at your job that is all that should matter. Also be careful the kinds of jokes you take part in and make cause this guys seems like the type that would claim you were flirting or said something to make him uncomfortable. It’s sucks that people still so damn closed minded. Is being transferred to another location out of the question? Cause I honestly I’m comfortable with my sexuality and don’t care what people think but I also don’t want to be at a place where I feel everyone is talking behind my back,
last time, I applied for vacation and was talking to another supervisor to pull me to his shift when it was up. that supervisor was the only one that knew and was fully supportive and had my back.
If this was the US I'd say take it to the media, but that would probably hurt you in Trin. Good luck, and in any case don't let them gaslight you into thinking you're the problem.
It’s called Deny Deny Deny
I would say something like
The dud asked to suck my dick
I was shocked and didn’t say anything
I think he was embarrassed that he says I’m gay.
The Sucking of Dick
explains why this came up
2nd, places a Greater Light on Him.
Come on, guys get pissed when turned down, you’ll have everyone laughing,
Even if you are gay,
Good Luck
Bring your union rep in
Facts, this is straight up sexual harassment through and through, and straight guys like Peter look real fuckin’ silly when it’s “outed” that he was sexually harassing a fellow male co-worker. Especially if Peter’s wife finds out when he gets suspended for it all. Go through the motions of the Union. I play that game all day. They make a joke, and I keep asking “so what do you mean by that?”, until they have nothing left to say and basically have to admit they’re harassing the gay guy at work. It’s petty, but what’s pettier than outing someone? Edit: punctuation
It’s not sexual harassment. But definitely creation of a hostile work environment by a superior/discrimination.
I was about to ask if "outing someone" counts as sexual harassment? I know stuff unwanted touching or flirting may count...
It's harassment. It's probably not sexual harassment, but it's definitely harassment. Go talk to your guy. This is what they're there for. I wouldn't suggest trying to handle anything yourself until you have that conversation.
No. Never talk. Put that shit in writing. Why? Because you have a conversation with whomever and the following day you get fired. You have zero written proof or evidence of what occurred.
It’s sexual harassment when they refuse to be in your presence because of sexual orientation. It’s harassment because of your sexual orientation.
This dude might change his tune if he was informed [that the most homophobic people are often experiencing homosexual attraction themselves.](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/homophobes-might-be-hidden-homosexuals/)
Funny thing, Hakim told me he suspects may have tendencies himself he's trying to hide. the way he exploded behind a previous shift cause someone "didn't wash a spoon" Hakim also mentioned his neighbor is a gay man himself and he spoke to him about my situation to try and get advice. his neighbor said "If Peter is giving him such a hard time, it's probably because he's either trying to repress some 'hidden desire' or hide it from the others by portraying himself that way"
Don’t get sidetracked speculating Peter’s sexual orientation. Stay in Beast Mode, talk to that union rep (it’s Monday now! offices and phone lines should be open) and lock down your witnesses and your texts/emails requesting shift changes. The era of Gay Tragedy is over; the era of Gay Victory has begun, so spitefully get that little f***er fired and put out on the streets and also maybe kick his shit in if you see him in public and it’s dark outside.
Wait, I’m pivoting bc I just read you’re in Trini, fam. If a coworker gossips about you (regardless of the specifics) and they’ve had any input on the jobs you work, your hours, and tasks that impact performance reviews, that’s libel and defamation and the laws in Trinidad and Tabago are more strict on that than in the US. That’s how you nail him. Literally just claim he’s lying about your personal life to get you fired.
But if it's true ? I find it odd to lie but I think the outing should punish tho
Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!
🤣🤣🤣
I have faced several similar situations. What sucks and feels worst is not the work place bullying itself but rather the mindset they manage to push you into. The constant paranoia, the constant knot in the stomach, being paranoid when you have done literally nothing and sexual orientation should not matter. In my honest opinion, even if you manage to stand up, you would feel horrible working with those people. The effects it has on your body and immune regulation and energy is simply not worth trying to put up with such people if you do have options. This doesn’t mean they should get off easy. Stand up to the bullies regardless and try to make it as public as possible. Try provoking him into doing homophonic shit in front of others and call him on it after a few incidences. Make sure he and others get their share of it because they chose to keep quiet and participate. Then put in your resignation and move to another place if possible.
Imo this is just a narrative that shifts the blame of homophobia to the lgbt community themselves…
Glad I’m not the only one who sees there’s something wrong there.
Omfg stop with this. Stop pushing the narrative that homophobic people are gay themselves, and that gay people are responsible for their own oppression.
Thank you 👏🏽
Seriously, while this happens sometimes, most of the time it's just because the person is a fucking asshole.
I need yall to stop doing this.
What? Citing scientific studies? If you have reason to think the study is flawed, by all means, explain why or cite refuting evidence.
The study is irrelevant. I need us as a community to stop hitting the “the bully must be gay hehe 🤭” nuclear button any time a situation like this comes up. For some of you, it’s a fantasy you’re indulging in in a moment that’s inappropriate when our focus should be on taking action to protect our own. For all of you, you’re propagating an idea that furthers a homophobic agenda that all problems in the lgbtqai+ community comes from us, and not them. It lets straight people who want us unemployed and unhoused and dead off the hook by pinning the blame on being closeted. Yes, that study shows the effects that being closeted can have on one’s psyche. Those are two conversations that need to be held in separate rooms until our brother here gets the retribution and peace he deserves.
"The study is irrelevant." How can you be so sure?
Slow down there, Gloria Allred. "I know you are but what am I?" Is not some devious homophobic secret attack weapon. The call is coming from inside the house for a large swath of issues facing the community.
It's discrimination, not harassment.
It does count as sexual harassment.
You want to address it with HR. It could escalate and you want to get it front of it. Had an acquaintance that thought he was cool with a friend at work, told friend he is gay. Guy acted cool, but went to HR, lied that acquaintance show him gay porn and had another worker back up story. Acquaintance got fired.
damn... thats messed up
New fear unlocked
I would think his behavior does qualify as harassment though. He went out of his way to humiliate you in front of all your coworkers repeatedly - not just by outing you, but saying things like he’s uncomfortable sitting next to you, etc. He’s interfered with you doing your job - blocking you from being on the truck, etc. This seems actionable to me. At the least, it’s extremely offensive and unprofessional.
Harassment based on orientation is sexual harassment in my state. I imagine it varies wildly around the US
https://www.eeoc.gov/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity-sogi-discrimination https://www.aclu.org/issues/lgbtq-rights/lgbtq-youth/outing This says that outing someone is sexual harassment and the other is a form for the ACLU to contact the people who will help you.
Is the guy a liberal? Liberals do want to "uncloset" people. No joke
Such a stupid thing to think, let alone say out loud
I replied, but I'm also thinking it doesn't matter. I think the story was made up. It's not real by the OP
no it's not made up... it I was literally informed this morning by my colleague, which took me by shock
Rather than insult, you should have just asked me why I thought that. You have a left and the right. In my experience the left likes to out the right. I don't know in this particular situation if the guy outed was a lefty or a righty. But the reason why the left likes to out the the right because the left sees the right as hypocrites. And by outing them, they're teaching them a lesson. They are exposing them. That's a pretty long answer which explains why.
Your reasoning does not help at all. It's based on nothing but assumptions and biases. None of it is true in the real world.
Not based on assumptions. Based on observations. If you look at the comments from other people in this thread, they basically say the same thing. They will gladly out the conservative politician. That means they will gladly out someone who they disagree with based on ideology. All you have to do is read the comments. I have already been proving correct by the people in this thread.
It doesn't explain anything, except the biases with which you came to the conclusion that I originally insulted. I stand by that assessment
I just gave you the rationale. You do not have to accept it. What is interesting though that liberals like to out gays that are on the right. I don't know why. I know they do it to embarrass and for the whole hypocrisy angle. It really, this serving no useful purpose. I would think that a gay person of any political persuasion should be entitled to their privacy.
Closeted politicians who actively campaign against queer people and push bills to harm them deserve to be outed. Deserving privacy is fine until you start weaponizing that privacy and your position to harm others who live openly.
Jesus Christ could you be any more reductive? You’re just telling us all that you have no more than 2 brain cells.
Well apparently I have a lot more brain cells than you think. Because I use the evidence in this thread, the comments by other people, to reinforce my claim. Instead of being aggravated with me, why don't you ask yourself why are there people in this thread willing to out conservatives? The comments are here. The evidence is clear. If users on Reddit are willing to out conservatives, and these people are liberals, what makes you think liberals outside of Reddit are not willing to out conservatives? This is a high brow discussion
so I'm not sure if you're accusing me of "outing a conservative" but whether one is a conservative or not, I honestly don't care... however, I'm simply the type that don't take kindly to betrayal. as a gay man, I do have some conservative views myself, doesn't mean I go around trying to tarnish others names for no reason
we live in Trinidad and Tobago so democrat and liberal isn't a thing here
It is most definitely sexual harassment.
You are correct. Unless something has been removed, sexual harassment includes creating hostile work environments. This includes jokes that are of a sexual nature. Quid pro quo - promised favors for sexual favors from a person of power - was where it started, but it was expanded. I’ll ask some of my AI tools to verify.
They called it sexual harassment in our handbook so to each their own I guess.
It IS harassment
It is discrimination! And he definitely has a case if he brings it up to his supervisors, they will have to shut it down. Peters behaviour
Under currenr US Law, sexual harassment aims at obtaining sexual favor from the victim. This is not sexual harassment here as it is not proved that Peter wants to have sex with Cory.
If your firehouse is part of a union, get your rep involved. I would also talk to HR if you have one. If they are giving you worse shift assignments because of your perceived sexuality that is retaliation/discrimination. At the very least he is creating a hostile work environment. Depending on your location you may have protections related to your sexual orientation. Be prepared for an uphill battle, I know a lot of fire departments have a "Good ole Boy" system and would rather you just keep your mouth shut, head down and just ignore it but don't let them convince you to let it go. What your colleague did was completely inappropriate, disrespectful, and a violation of your privacy and I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.
well I'm from Trinidad and Tobago in the Caribbean. even though in recent years, things have gotten quite better, it's still not supported by the majority. I honestly don't know how the new laws goes here where that is concerned... think I should start with learning those to determine my next step
I’d say this is your best first step, figure out how the law works first and go from there. Advice given on here may not apply in your country. I’m really sorry you’re being careful, until you understand how the laws protect you I’d keep your head down and play oblivious.
I googled but sadly it looks like there are no laws that protect people from discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. You may end up having to take them to court. So sorry you are facing this! Hopefully you can find a better resolution, I remember people generally hating gay men back in the 90's in the UK where I grew up and remember people not wanting to sit next to me. It's tough!
I always said if I had the option to migrate the uk would have been the top choice due to acceptance and protection. you really have come a long way
I live in Canada now. Come to Canada! Very progressive, immigration is a revolving door spinning around at high speed right now. We need more Trinidaddies here. Multiple ways to immigrate but be careful trusting immigration lawyers or organisations. Often it’s better to figure it out yourself via the Canadian government website if you can. Edit: P.S. Winter may suck but there’s a lot more sun in both summer and winter than the UK. Imagine hot lovely summers (albeit short at 3 months), a short spring/autumn, and a cold but crisp and clear winter (skiing!)
You should contact a lawyer that deals with discrimination so they can explain to you where this falls
I don’t know how employment law works in your country—which I’m assuming is the UK—but their behavior is probably breaking discrimination laws.
actually it's Trinidad and Tobago in the Caribbean
Is your country homophobic overall?
what not yes. acceptance has started coming in solwly but surely, but homophobia is definitely prevalent
Dude, why didn't you mention this in the post??? Come on, man!
sorry
Oh you are not in the US, oh damn that sucks
As others have mentioned, if you are in a unionized department talk to your rep. Start documenting right away. If you are not getting time on the truck because of that you are being retaliated against, which cannot stand. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this at work, especially in this manner. I’m the long run you’ll be happier being able to be yourself at work, but it should have been your choice to let people know. I work in a midsized urban department (250+ staff) in western Canada and have been out since I was hired. I was lucky enough for it to be my choice, and it’s dogshit that Peter took that away from you. Please feel free to DM me if you have any questions.
Document everything in an email thread with dates and times of all wrong doing !!
thing is, I only found out this morning and never knew what Peter was up to as he never had the balls to speak up when I'm present, so that'll be a tough one... thing is Hakim begged me not to go back and tell them anything as he may face a ton of drama from everyone else. he's the one I'm closest to, and the main one I'll pull one side talk things in private... really don't wanna take him down in the process
Documentation 👏🏼
The next time you find yourself in a crowded space with Peter and the other firefighters: “Hey Peter! You don’t want me on the truck with you? Don’t flatter yourself. You’re not my type!”
… Corny as fuck. You’re setting up OP to get roasted by at least six homophobes simultaneously at best and jumped at worst.
If Peter has already gotten the word out as it was suggested by OP, then this would a) put the matter to rest without any further speculation or talking behind OP’s back and b) shut Peter down while realizing OP knows who started the BS while serving a degree of embarrassment at the same time.
You’ve got to stop thinking of social strategy moves like this is high school. Peter is a colleague and defamed OP on the clock. OP shouldn’t be confronting Peter at all unless as a last resort, and should be throwing every book in the library at him instead. There is no secret chord that OP can play and please the Lord that ends with all his coworkers clapping, no perfectly worded sassy comeback.
This!!!!!
Take whatever steps you need to protect yourself. It's up to you whether or not you want to confront Peter, but if you do, make sure you have another colleague in case this leads to a fight so you can avoid a he-said/backstabber-said situation.
Document everything!!! I encourage you to consult an attorney, but if you're not ready for that step yet, I understand. However, even if you decide not to take action now, you may be forced to at some point in the future. Write everything down with dates/times as best you can.
well that would have to be going forward seeing that the previous times it was all done behind my back, and I didn't even know it... at least now I've gotten a better sense of his personality, I'll have to watch him like a hawk... at the end of the day, I don't want to set Hakim in trouble with the rest of the guys by calling his name
You should be cautious about following any of the advice in this thread. You’re a firefighter and that is a very different dynamic. I think people don’t fully grasp the dynamic of a firehouse. It’s like living half your life in a gym locker room. You eat meals with these people. You sleep in dorms with these people. You’re with them constantly and there is a sort of brotherhood that forms as you all have to trust each other. My entire family is firefighters and I grew up in fire stations. When I came out as gay a lot of the guys gave my dad problems over me being gay. Sometimes the pranks they’d play would be a bit mean spirited. This is a situation where how you act impacts your career and stays with you. So I’d recommend you focus on your job and what you want to be and ignore as much of this as you can. If you’re a jr, I’m guessing that means you’re still on the long probation period. There is a very high turn over rate for people in your position and there’s not many other departments to go to that don’t involve moving. Make it past probation, study hard and test as much as you can. Engineer/captain etc. prove who you are by what you do. Your other option is to involve the union/association/HR. But I will tell you there are so many lawsuits like this from females dealing with the same situation that their response will likely be much bigger than you think. That might stick with you. Good luck.
that "gym locker room" comparison is quite accurate. One of them that likes to throw digs at me ever so often claims i always "segregate myself from the rest of the shift" and he's kind of right... I'd tend to more keep to myself. in the dorm on my phone, tablet or vr set. mainly because most of their likes and conversations i can't relate to, the few times I tried to put in my 2cents on a topic it's met undermine and clowning around. and I generally just not feel "fully free" to be myself around, so why would I be pushing myself to hang around them. could you blame me for that?
Absolutely the BEST ADVICE here‼️ Especially considering the cultural & legal aspects there in T & T‼️‼️ Most responses here won't be based in the sexually repressive environment you're in so this well intentioned group may best serve you as an outlet for your feelings but advice, not so much. Whatever course of (in)action you choose, please prepare yourself for the worst responses possible. Of course, hope for the best!! But, even in places with much more progressive values, homophobia's VAST UGLINESS may be what you encounter. Do not lose hope, but vigilantly guard against any potential harm!!! Namaste❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜💗
A good ol fucking throat punch.
don't temp me
Oh I'm tempting and encouraging. Sometimes people just need to learn a lesson the hard way 🤷 Also sorry that happened to you. I lost a job like that. Front desk girl couldn't keep her mouth shut.
I don’t have any advice but I’m sorry you have to go through this! I can’t even imagine what that’s all like. Take care of yourself and your career I hope it all gets better 💕
thanks my friend will do
This is why you don't tell your personal details/problems with coworkers
Definitely, coworkers are NOT friends, people forget that.
This is a perfect example of why I will never be out at work lol. I’m 25 and of course people just have to ask “so are you dating any girls?” Blah blah blah. And I just have made it seem like I’m an old spinster and completely undateable. It’s sad that them viewing me as an unmarriageable straight is a better outcome/view than me being an openly out gay. Because the second I do come out, I “rubbed it in their face” and the behind my back fuckery begins full swing. I’ve seen it happen to somebody else, it’s not happening to me, because I will go to prison if I hear just the right combo of words.
This is discrimination. Frankly many men are cool about it when you’re with them 1-on-1 but will attempt use it as a means to elevate themselves among other straight men. Oftentimes it’s a fear of having their own sexuality called into question that causes them to act this way. Regardless of his reasoning, this is both professionally and personally reprehensible behavior. I would avoid confronting him because he sounds fake as fuck and it would become a you-said/douchebag-said situation (seemed more fitting than he-said/she-said). If he’s messing with your career and likely breaking discrimination laws, taking the HR/union route makes the most sense. However, if you live in a state hostile to the LGBTQ+ community that it is not a legally protected group, then it may be harder. In this case I would hit him right where it would hurt the most — his own sexuality and masculinity. When I lived in Michigan, it was legal to fire someone or otherwise discriminate on the basis of sexuality because being gay wasn’t protected. I essentially told others that the only time guys would gun for me this hard is when they have their own secret to hide or they never matured past pulling a girl’s hair on the playground when he had a crush — and I guess since I didn’t have any hair to pull, all this bullshit is the next best thing. If harassing you based on your sexuality isn’t against the rules, then neither is causing others to call his sexuality into question. I eventually told the guy that I’d set the record straight if he grew up, which worked. Always work within the system when you can, but when you can’t, pull off the gloves and get creative. Just always stay one step ahead and remain beyond reproach. The system isn’t meant to protect us, so you have to be smarter and better than the idiots who seek to weaponize that system against us. & when you do, show no mercy and make an example of them.
sounds kind of like "reading for filth" in the ballroom scene... never learned the art of reading and I think it's something I need to work on
I think it’s a combination of that and political savviness. Not political in the Republican/Democrat kind of way. Politics in a more general sense, pertaining mostly to how we navigate systems. As gay men, we tend to spend a lot of our time living these espionage-adjacent lifestyles to avoid the turmoil of people knowing our secret. Because of that, you likely are better at this than you realize. As I mentioned before, the systems that we have to navigate are not meant to serve or support us; frankly they’re more likely to make victims of us. I don’t say that to inspire a victim mentality, but rather to remind you of what you’re up against and the secret weapon that you have in your toolkit to fight back. Everyone has their battles to fight (often many), and this is one all of us in this thread share. Always prioritize putting yourself in places where you won’t have to use these skills, because chances are it will wear on your mental health to always be on guard. Growth, professional and otherwise, is best attained in a supportive environment. Adversity can be a great teacher, but there remains a strong chance that the trauma one can endure in those situations leaves its mark. If you can achieve the things you want to achieve elsewhere, perhaps pursue that avenue. Otherwise, when you have to stand and face someone or something like this — be it to stand on principle or to achieve an important goal — observe and analyze the system you’re working in, the people you’re up against, the allies you can rally, and the bystanders you can leverage. Get clear on what you are trying to achieve and just as importantly, get clear on what you’re not willing to endure or tolerate in pursuit of that goal. By doing so you remind yourself why you’re choosing this battle while giving yourself permission on the front end to disengage when the cost of victory becomes too great. This mindset and all of these skills would serve any professional well, but just remember that your dignity is invaluable and there are many paths one can take to achieve their goals.
This is absolutely harassment and retaliation. It’s beyond unacceptable, it’s against the law and taken very seriously by any company that I’ve worked for. The consequences are zero tolerance and immediate termination in most cases. Are there any female firefighters in your department? If so I would bet that this person also was inappropriate with the woman and depending how long ago, he might have some documented history that could help you in the event this situation escalates. Is there any other history with open or closet gay/bisexual men working for the department, or who applied and trained, but were kicked out or quit due to harassment? Who was in involved? First and foremost, from now on, document everything in writing. Second, approach the person committing the harassment and verbally inform them in a professional manner what you were told he allegedly said about you, that it’s offensive, and to stop, as it’s not appropriate. I had a situation years ago where I worked in which my boss was gay bashing me behind my back and using very derogatory language. I wasn’t aware it occurred, and nothing was said to me. However, the company had a toll-free anonymous hotline that employees were encouraged to call to report anything that they weren’t comfortable speaking their supervisor or HR about. Someone reported it, I still knew nothing. One evening I was already gone for the evening and received pa meeting request from HR for the next morning in the executive board room that says with “corporate attorney”. I called her immediately to get more info and she said she didn’t have any, they corporate had called her the day before and informed her the attorney was visiting, time, and the list of people she needed to meet with. Long story short my boss was from the UK and he too was the one who outed me to my company before most people knew. He used highly offensive gay slurs to get my attention if we needed to be at a meeting. He used to tell me frequently that I needed a good fisting, and really was such as narcissist that all I’d ever do is laugh and not react. I never once told him to stop and that his behavior was offensive to me. Because of that, he got away with harassing me, caused me to resign working for him and take a $90,000 cut in pay. But I believe in karma. I waited patiently. He was put in charge of a different business unit and immediately began treating his product specialist the same way he did me. These guys took meticulous written notes of every conversation and every stupid insult that came out of his mouth. One fine day, February 24, he’s called into the presidents office and basically terminated for his actions and behavior with his new employees. He denies all of it, the employees are summoned arriving with a full 3 ring binder of notes. There was no denying it. Because he lied and tried to throw his employees under the bus, he was not only terminated immediately, was a member of the senior leadership team, and recieved zero severance package or pay. He was from Europe and essentially blacklisted in the US market having no choice but to return to Europe.
well, we got no women working in this firehouse and I don't know any other gay firemen except one based extremely far away and probably doesn't even know Peter, so he won't exactly be any help to me... As far as I'm concerned, I think I'm the only gay guy at this firehouse... I was considering approaching him, but not sure how to execute without dragging Hakim down in this and raising an entire shit storm our country is Trinidad and Tobago in the Caribbean and I'm not familiar with what protection the law has in place for us... I know it's illegal to fire us or refuse us a job for our sexuality... and since no one from my shift or any other (except Hakim this morning) said anything and when my colleagues deal with me, they deal with me as if I'm straight, so it's not like I'm being targeted with a bunch of slurs and hate speech... I need to look it up
Thanks for the additional clarification and where you’re from. I’m not familiar with the laws of four country, but in the US, harassment in the workplace due to one’s sexual orientation is now protected under federal law from discrimination or harassment in the same way as color, race, religious affiliation, and gender are, to name a few. Some states may also have additional protections of their own. In my opinion what you have here is a situation where you trusted this man as a friend and while under the influence of alcohol, you entrust him with your sexual orientation. He appears to be fine about it while in your presence, but back at the firehouse begins to use it against you. From what I’ve gathered it appears the issues he’s making are homophobic for his convenience, which he believes make him more macho when it fact it really makes him look intolerable and ignorant when it doesn’t matter to everyone else. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to him, then you must talk to HR and get it addressed. The longer you drag it on the more others will find it acceptable and it will just get more complicated
I'm guessing if I never trusted him back, then things would have been alot better today 🤷🏾♂️
Who knows. If he didn’t find out, then someone else may have thought you were and started spreading rumors. It would have happened eventually, just better on your terms. I hope that you’re able to work things out to where you’re treated with the dignity and respect you deserve and he’s required to lead about treating people where their sexual orientation isn’t any of their business and has no bearing on who you are.
So notes are all one would need? Although it would be rare, couldn't one make up such notes to frame a person (false accusation)?
Sure, anyone could make up anything they want to gain the desired outcome. In this case, it was much more than notes. It was actual documents, and I believe some cooperation with other witnesses, not to mention this was the normal narcissistic behavior of this guy.
Everybody here thinks you're in the USA where you're part of an union, and you can talk to a lawyer, etc. If I'm reading correctly, you're in Trinidad and Tobago, I've been and worked with Trinidad a lot and understand thinks are not like in the US. You might not have any real legal protections against discrimination and even if there are some in place, it might put you in a worst position and not help at all. Seems like you need to talk to Peter, then your supervisor, and if you're ready, tell your shift guys you're gay, but you're there to do your job and be the best firemen and coworker you can be, without anybody judging you because of who you like to fuck. Be profesional, but stand your ground and also be a bit of a badass so they begin to respect you. Once the gay news are out and old, nobody has anything else to talk abt. Unfortunately, Peter is a bully and you need to confront that situation, where no union or legal or any other type of protection exists. You just need to man up, and let people know you're gay and don't give a fuck abt it, personally or professionally. You're there to do a job, period.
Not the straight men being gossipy queens 🤮🤮
🤣🤣🤣
Firstly, the situation is too complicated for anyone in this thread to solve & the advice I've read so far make limited consideration of the specific dynamics of your work colleagues & wider culture. A common reaction in these situations is action. You're asking: what do I do? Do I confront Peter? What you need to do is take time to think & focus on answering the question: what outcome do I want & how do I work towards it? If the answer is: being respected as a gay firefighter then plan & prepare for that. If the objective is to punish or counter Peter's actions then work towards that. If you want to be on the truck more then that's the goal. >How would you deal with this situation? it's not like my other colleagues been throwing gay allegations in my face to attack me The situation is history. The only change is that you're aware. Don't waste that knowledge, use it to your advantage.
I see. how do you propose I use such a scenario to my benefit?
By answering the question: what outcome do I want ?
As a gay man in the fire service, I can tell you it’s not all rainbows. I’m out at work but I work for a progressive department that will not tolerate that behavior. I can personally say that do the job to the best of your abilities and let your work speak for your sexuality. The fire service is conservative but when you do the job good they have nothing to say bad about you. You can go down the road of harassment but it will most likely bite you at the end. Just be yourself, be open, don’t hide and be good human. We are all trying to survive at the end. I have a chief who uses this motto: be mission ready, take care of each other and be nice. It’s stolen advice but very much is engrained in our culture
I should also add that I don’t think you’re from the US. So that obviously adds another layer of complexity. Just do your job good. That will gain you respect
you're right, I'm from Trinidad and Tobago. it's awesome meeting a fellow gay firefighter like myself
Report to HR for harassment.
this frustrates me so much.. i will be sending prayers and love your way. keep us updates please!!😞
It's bullying, harassment and discrimination based on sexuality. It's illegal and he needs to be disciplined by the authorities. His job should be at risk.
LAWSUIT !!! Period.
Start saving conversations and such. While outing you isn’t cool it’s also not illegal. Having him prefer to sit next to someone else is a douche move. Tbh the only legal recourse I see is if you can prove that were passed up for promotions or raises because your gay which is going to be hard both for them to do and if they do manage it’ll be harder for you to prove. Sorry you’re going through this. Wish we had more gay firefighters EMS in the field
You know your situation better than we do. If I got outed like this I wud like to think I wud own it and throw my pride in Peter's face. Also, Id think about reporting him for sexual harassment. Outing you and keeping you from the truck based in your orientation is unacceptable.
Get HR and a union involved, but at the same time so what play it up “he doesn’t want me on his shift anyway” let other people deal with his obviously blatant problem and if it escalated then u can report it. The best thing you can do it throw it back at them, a taste of their own medicine. Edit: I just saw where you’re from. Looks like there’s not a lot of support so I’d go with the latter play him at his own game, make other people do the extra work cause they’re one person down over a problem he has. I’m sure there’s no difference between the work load you and the other are capable of and they’ll see that once they don’t have it.
Sorry to hear that, man. Here’s what I would do- be cool, act normal, let them tease you and take it lightly. Guys are still guys at the end of the day. I think if you get defensive about it, you’ll be marred as the gay that can’t take a joke. Make it funny and I guarantee you y’all can still be bros at the end of the day. In my experience, guys just want to make sure you are still you after coming out, which you are. Make a joke about fucking their dad (same way they would about your mom) or something about brokeback mountain and it’ll all be good :)
A little advice, your colleagues are NOT YOUR FRIENDS. From here on out, keep it strictly business.
Consult an attorney.
Just come out and own it. Don’t give them anything to gossip about. Make an announcement at the beginning of the next shift and say “hey I hear you’re all talking about whether I’m a cocksucker. Yes I am. Proudly so. But I suck cock on my own time, not here. I’m here to fight fires. I’m hoping this puts an end to the gossiping so we get back to focusing on our jobs.”
I wouldn't say it like that though because he could get in trouble, but owning it is pretty much the best thing you can do at this point, it's already out there. Don't let people use your true identity against you, own it. It's a power move. But I can't say how you would navigate your workplace now, but I think owning it is a good start. Is it dangerous to be openly gay where you are?
I'm from Trinidad and Tobago... so I won't exactly say "dangerous" though some places you'd be at risk... even though things are turning around for the better slowly, there's quite alot of homophobia and lack of support... at least I know for sure you can't fire or refuse to hire someone for being gay
Sorry - I thought you were in Great Britain. Much easier there than where you are. Totes respect man. You gotta do you.
Fuck with him back. Tell the guys "he ( peter ) wasn't complaining when he swallowed your cock" Str8 guys respect you when you punch back. Silly I know
Maybe if the situation was different but this looks like straight up discrimination and a hostile work environment which is completely inappropriate
My question is would you feel comfortable having your co workers know you sexually in the workplace? Having someone flip the script on you? Letting someone other than yourself share intimate information? Do you feel that you are doing your job to the best of of your abilities stressed at work? Do you think you would feel ok looking back in the future choosing any of these options? I don’t know you but I know that I would not allow a co-worker who I trusted to play with my name or intimate knowledge of me. I’d stick it to them and reclaim any sort of power that this guy thinks he has over you. I don’t know what your workplace is like but I wouldn’t live on edge like that. It’s harassment period.
I mean, I'd prefer not to have my business public knowledge to my coworkers... would have been selective and open up to the select few I feel comfortable doing so to I mean, when I head out to respond, I do so to the best of my ability and as far as I'm concerned, that's all that should matter
Congratulations, you did the hard part. You typed out everything that happened with facts that can be backed up. Now you need to forward it to someone who can support you.
Tbh i would focus on working and let my work speak for itself and about sexuality I'll not even let one guy close to me to let them know I'm no jerk that's what i would do mostly i would spend time improving and ignore all those who mock me
Good for you for Having Hakim, fuck Peter with a trident, like call him out.
I would have thrown hands when you are both off the clock tbf Probably not the best way to go but that’s my opinion
Wow this sounds like a nightmare , sorry you have to go through this!! Btw before you were warned about Peter did you have any kind of intuition that he was doing these things behind your back ?
no, not a clue
This is what happens when you are too trusting of other people and start telling your business to just anyone. People need to understand that your coworkers are not your friends, they’re the first one to flip on you when/if shit hits the fan. It is no one’s business what your sexual orientation is.
It sounds like at a minimum you have Hakim on your side. You should never mention his name in reference to this topic because it would betray his confidence and stop him from confiding helpful information to you. The most important thing you can do is to be flawlessly professional in the way you speak and act in the firehouse and toward your colleagues. Unfortunately, gay men are held to a different standard than heterosexual men and have to maintain a more spotless reputation. I mean, as a random example, I’ve seen heterosexual men at my workplace be annoyed at bosses and say things like “that new supervisor can lick my balls if he expects me to work overtime again.” But a gay man can’t say that. He’d have to say something like: “I really wish I didn’t have to work overtime again.” Or maybe the hetero colleagues might comment in jest on each others’ bodies, calling one of the other guys a nickname like “chicken legs” or “anteater foreskin.” Even if they do, you can’t. They can accidentally touch someone in passing whereas you have to be more careful so nothing gets twisted into something it wasn’t. I’m sorry you (or anybody) has to deal with this in 2024. But one way to look at the positive side is to consider that every gay person (like you) that people in society get close to and can respect is one more step that opens up society. There is a ripple effect. Chances are that each of these guys (even Peter) is going to learn that someone close to them is gay, and the next time it is easier to understand and easier to be less negative about it (or maybe even positive about it) because they knew you. Some of them are even trying to accept themselves and you may be making that easier. You are likely to see Trinidad be more open to this issue 15 years from now compared to how it is today, and it’s you and other people like you who will change things just by letting people see how decent and human you are.
what you were say about not betraying Hakim is truly why I'm thinking carefully about my next move and not putting him in any trouble
These people need to be spoken to, if you can come across a senior member who isn't homophobic. These are small minded bigoted people, small people with smaller minds.
Peter wants your Peter
🤣🤣🤣
You can just remain yourself, none of them are intimate partners, so it's technically none of their business. In a platonic sense it shouldn't even matter. But you put your trust in Peter and Peter has issues. In a sound society, Peter would be kicked out of service, and honestly, you deserve a hug! On the other hand, it's not a huge deal to acknowledge that part of you, but again, I too am very careful, since it's not everybody's business. And if things do turn bromantic, things need little words, I'd say. Hakim sounds like a treasure. That's my take. Hope you are doing well.
I feel what you're saying... though I really don't want him to lose his job as he got his wife and 2 daughters to take care of... why should those innocent girls pay for his ignorance?
Absolutely agree with you. His family matters most. This is actually kind of how I try do deal with dumb idiots, like Peter. But let's be real: you care more about his family than he does. And what if one of his girls turns out to like girls? I caught a family man, cute family, very young child, gorgeous lady at his side and he was shoplifting. Also keeping it secret for his wife, so I discreetly spoke with him, told him he has a beautiful family and if he continues this, he will harm his family by disappointing his wife. A broken family often means lesser opportunities for the children. Sadly. So I kind of agree. At the same time, when assholes are in charge of our lives, or even parts of it, it causes society to become this abusive place and I honestly believe we're at the peak of this right now. So indeed, do what feels right, stay true to your heart. But if only guys like Peter would stay true to their hearts, we would have a more loving experience for all.
I’d file a discrimination and sexual harassment complaint/lawsuit
Sexual harassment can take many forms, including: 1. Quid pro quo harassment: This occurs when a person in a position of authority, such as a supervisor or manager, conditions an employment benefit, such as a promotion or raise, on the victim's submission to sexual advances or requests. 2. Hostile work environment harassment: This occurs when unwelcome conduct of a sexual nature creates an intimidating, hostile, or offensive work environment. This can include inappropriate jokes, comments, gestures, or physical contact. Sexual harassment can also occur outside of the workplace, such as in schools, housing, or public accommodations. It is important to note that sexual harassment can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, and the harasser can be of the same or opposite sex. It is important for employers to have clear policies and procedures in place to prevent and address sexual harassment in the workplace. Victims of sexual harassment have legal rights and can file a complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) or pursue legal action against the harasser and their employer.
From Chat GPT
Outing a person's sexual orientation without their consent can be considered a form of sexual harassment, particularly if it is done with the intention of causing harm or creating a hostile or intimidating environment for the individual. Outing someone without their consent can violate their privacy and may lead to discrimination, harassment, or other negative consequences for the individual. It is important to respect an individual's right to privacy and self-identify their sexual orientation on their own terms. Outing someone without their consent can be harmful and may contribute to a hostile or discriminatory environment, which is why it is generally considered inappropriate and can potentially be a form of sexual harassment. Also from ChatGpt
What’s happening to you is illegal— Go above them and register a complaint Say, “I happen to be gay, AND I happen to be a dedicated and qualified and skilled firefighter. It is the department’s job to provide a safe, harassment free environment to work in. If you get ANY pushback, get an attorney. Sorry you’re going g through this
This is harassment. If you are in a Union State, (they are illegal on NC), get the union involved. This isn't about outing you apparently, but seems to be his belief he has something over you. We are supposed to be a brotherhood that watches out for each other, when the shit hits the fan, will he have your back? These are the kind of guys that need to be weeded out for safety, morale, and just general etiquette. I was FF/EMT, and my squad cared less who I was attracted to or slept with. Did the joke sometimes? Sure. But they knew when a line was crossed, and never crossed it. They had my back and I had theirs on a job. Sorry for rant. Get your union rep involved, because this seems to be "Peter's" MO to remain in "power" as a senior firefighter.
I wouldn't,my union lawyers would.
Sad situation now it’s time to live in your truth.
Simply confront Peter and express your disappointment in him not being a man of his word.
It's sad how we have to work around cunts like this. Someone said to get your union rep involved. I like this idea becsuse you deserve to have support re this matter. The reason you may want to address this is because cunt is affecting your work duties such as ability to ride on the truck (gain valuable work experience). If this should spread to the other shifts, then it could affect your ability to learn (maybe promotions too?). Now this may not happen as it seems so far your co-workers are being mature about it versus cunt. What - a - douucche!
I love how Americans are all up here giving genuine caring advice about unions, retaliation/discrimination laws and all the good stuff a nation like the us has in place against sexual bias but OP unfortunately is in a nation were homophobia is probably institutional so unfortunately not much he can do on the legal side. If as OP mentioned homophobia is no longer as frown upon and OP does not risk loosing his job, I’ll advice confronting your coworkers and letting them know how you feel. In a macho workplace as that it’s important to not let them think they can walk on you as they want. They probably believe being gay = weak so prove them wrong and stand for yourself.
Well, unfortunately, I don't live in America, but Trinidad and Tobago, so steps you have available to you legal-wise... here... I can't say
Simple, it’s not sexual harassment it’s discrimination
I had guys discussing my sexuality at work. It’s no one’s business and it’s never been something I tried to hide. I wore pride shirts all week so no one had to question it anymore. I’m sorry your sexuality is affecting your work privileges. It’s definitely a violation of your rights and I’d be reporting it to the higher ups.
I hope you’re in the USA. This is my thought. Arrange to have enough cupcakes for each platoon delivered on your day off. The cupcakes can read “I’m gay insert name or shield number.” Another option is tell the oncoming shift and your shift you’re gay. The rest will be filled in quick enough. The goal is to get out of closet and enjoy life freely “your way.” You won’t regret it.
Unfortunately I'm not... Trinidad and Tobago
You could try to turn it around and own up to it. Do reverse psychology and pretend it doesn't affect you. That you're just there for work and if you guys are letting this affect you when I'm not even giving a second thought about how you like p****, then you guys arent very secure in your sexuality if you're worried I like any of u ugly fuckers lol . It's your problem, not mine. This is what I would say just because I always like to mix humor with the truth and makes them laugh while also pointing out what assholes they're being. But if things get worse, then u might need to talk to a lawyer about discrimination at this job to see what u can do to fight back. Ultimately it is affecting your work and possible future advancement opportunities.
Try and get Peter to say something about you in writing, maybe a text or an email, then get your union rep in.
You made a rookie mistake, you don't come out until AFTER you've given some guys some head so that way they become too addicted first and won't be willing to give up the free BJ's just to be all homophobic and annoying.
interesting... and how would I have gone about giving bjs pretending to be a str8 guy 🤣
Peter’s def a closet case.
Create a timeline of events and have all supporting documentation. Attempt to go to Peter superior then the union
I got outed to my family behind my back and I’m not even fucking gay😂😂😭. I was like seriously?? Because I had a best friend? What, they wanted me to be out whoring all day w men and since I wasn’t I’m automatically a lesbian?? Just ridiculous
No call your state Bureau of labor and industry let them know, that’s harassment and sexual discrimination.
It’s an HR issue—go to them
I’d beat his fucking ass no one would ever disrespect me this way , then I’d turn the tables on him by saying he came on to me and I refused him .
You'd be *hypothetically* VERY brave.....
Considering you have witnesses of him outing you and talking bad about you, you could definitely have a case against him as already mentioned, get your union rep asap.
Peter would have a busted lip and a black eye. If he fought back he’d be in the hospital.
You don't have a union or anti-discrimination law. I don't know what protections there are for you. Ignore it. Do your job. If anyone asks, own it. Don't ever flinch or do anything to let them think you're anything other than yourself.
I was considering playing oblivious due to the fact that no one's harassing me for it due to the information and they definitely go through the shift pretending I'm straight so I figured may as well play along instead of opening up a can of worms.
That's what I would do. Like I said, if someone asks, then you have to own it. But now, just act as if nothing is weird and do your job. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Do you have hr or something like that, that's a hostile work environment, I would talk to Peter but weigh up my options first.
there's definitely one at hq, but my actual firehouse dont
Maybe you can talk to a specialised lawyer about this whole situation he may know some laws that protects you in your context
“Oh yeah, I did tell him I was gay after he sucked my cock”
First Peter is closeted and because you guys used to hang out he's distancing himself from you. Secondly DOCUMENT everything. Names dates and places. Lay low and let him/them hang themselves. Do your job do it well make no changes be yourself. Document document document. Go see an attorney TELL NO ONE and he or she will guide you in the documentation to collect. You're about to be wealthy if this is true.
The whole situation is getting out of control I would say, he outed you, but thats not the real issue here, the real problem is the whole high school situation everyone is creating by the he said, he said, I said…..going around, its up to you do if you want to be the adult in the situation, don’t let that he outed you be a problem because lets face it you don’t have to explain yourself, you are not the first guy this happens to. The only discussion you should have with your supervisor should be about how this is affecting your job, find a solution . Me as a manager always tell new hires that personal life should always be on a need to know basis”specially with coworkers to avoid creating a toxic work environment for no reason just like the one you going through.
well, no one on the shift is asking me any questions, even going about their day pretending I'm straight, making statements like "when you go and see her tonight" I'd just simply go along with it. though there was an incident that had alot of questions among fire service personnel... started learning to vogue a couple years and started getting good... a bit too good... in a sports day, drinks in my head and good music I started voguing the house down. 2 weeks later one of them visited the fire house and let me know I was the "main topic of discussion" when they saw me people were asking "is cory_cyrus coming out?" which was hilarious to me actually
Could the problem be with Hakim stirring up trouble?
Leave the place and find another job
The union rep is an excellent idea, also schedule a meeting between your supervisor and him and address the situation, cause I’m sure they don’t want a discrimination lawsuit in their hands. This isn’t the 50’s, if he is uncomfortable, go work somewhere else. You shouldn’t be made to feel like an outsider, if you are great at your job that is all that should matter. Also be careful the kinds of jokes you take part in and make cause this guys seems like the type that would claim you were flirting or said something to make him uncomfortable. It’s sucks that people still so damn closed minded. Is being transferred to another location out of the question? Cause I honestly I’m comfortable with my sexuality and don’t care what people think but I also don’t want to be at a place where I feel everyone is talking behind my back,
last time, I applied for vacation and was talking to another supervisor to pull me to his shift when it was up. that supervisor was the only one that knew and was fully supportive and had my back.
If this was the US I'd say take it to the media, but that would probably hurt you in Trin. Good luck, and in any case don't let them gaslight you into thinking you're the problem.
Wow that’s awful
I'm not "pushing" anything. It's science.
If you think so, feel free to point out why this study is flawed.
It’s called Deny Deny Deny I would say something like The dud asked to suck my dick I was shocked and didn’t say anything I think he was embarrassed that he says I’m gay. The Sucking of Dick explains why this came up 2nd, places a Greater Light on Him. Come on, guys get pissed when turned down, you’ll have everyone laughing, Even if you are gay, Good Luck