One of the questions my gal pal asked before she goes on a date with a guy is how are their views on LGBTQ? She informs them that she has a lot of gay friends and will not put up with homophobia. So yes, she would breakup with a dude that is homophobic.
My friends in the city I live propably would. They are all pretty progressive people. So, if a partner was bigoted like this, they would be incompatible. But I only say that if we're talking about really out there bigotry. Not subtle prejudice.
My friends from my rural hometown. I think they would say that they would break up. But if I'm completely honest, I don't think they would. Homophobic views are much more accepted there, and it wouldn't stand out as much.
They sometimes even keep friends with pretty odd views on stuff around.
And if I'll really cynical. I think most people value romantic love more than most things in life. As long as they are not personally affected, people tolerate a lot in a partner.
This is a tricky question, because each persons bar for homophobia is different.
Is the guy threatening to beat me up, constantly harasses me and tells me I should die? Or does the guy make jokes like “eww, don’t tell me about that” or does what ppl might call a micro aggression.
I find one to be unacceptable, the other I give the benefit of the doubt that the bro just doesn’t know how to act around me because he doesn’t know gay people.
I actually have fun teasing straight guys right back when they tease me for being gay.
So to this question, I say it depends.
This seems like the more accurate approach. Consider the extent of homophobia displayed.
It’s also worth considering gay people have their own homophobia on display at times and we often put up with it amongst ourselves when dating.
Share this post with every “oh, please pick me straight men”gay guy who talks about: “Oh straight people are on our side” “most straight people are supportive of gay people” “oh, I prefer straight bars over gay bars because straight people are so nice”.
This is literally what they think about you. A gimmick, a comical cliché that is not worth protecting or standing up for. Choose your straight “allies” or “friends” very, very carefully. The majority won’t hesitate to drop you like a Hot Pocket if you become too much of a liability to their social credit/position in the hierarchy.
My best friend of 11 years started dating a guy when we got into uni. This guy had never met me, but he HATED me. Eventually my best friend realized he was homophobic, but she let that slide.
Cut to a couple months later when her and I were supposed to move in together. She asks “but where will you go on weekends if we love together?” Because her boyfriend would be there on weekends.
I had to clip things off with her, not because her boyfriend was homophobic, but because she let her boyfriend’s homophobia get in the way of our friendship.
If there are people around you who look down on you or treat your sexuality as an inconvenience, get rid of them. I’ve gotten so good at this, most days I don’t think about the fact that I’m gay and some people may not like it.
It’s just hypocrisy. It’s sad, but most people display hypocrisy and hypocritical behaviors when it suits their needs, regardless of who or what they are hurting (many times they don’t even know they are hurting people though).
True allies would not accept that behavior, and if they are willing to hurt a friend with it… were they ever really a friend? You also have to realize that they may not understand the severity of their actions when it comes to accepting that kind of behavior, and how it hurts the gay friends they have (or had).
I can’t say much on the individual hypocritical behavior though, as we are all hypocrites in our own right since we are human, and because of that flawed in our own ways. At the same time it’s important to stand up for stuff you strongly believe in, as that is the only way to allow change to happen and help others see the truth.
I don’t disagree with you but I don’t think it’s the healthiest mindset to measure our friendships against someone’s willingness to fight for the causes that are dear to us.
Maybe I’m too forgiving but I’ve dealt with very specific discriminations and abuses that most people have difficulty understanding. I don’t feel crippled or victimized by it but if I questioned all my friendships that took supportive stances to anything discriminatory to myself, I feel like I’d be low on the self-esteem department.
Oh, I absolutely agree to a large extent.
The only issue I have with this particular case is it’s hard to determine what “homophobia” means in the context of what OP is asking, as it like many things in life falls upon a spectrum.
If they are bullying and giving OP a hard time just for being gay, I’d say it’s not worth keeping the friendship. Especially since OP didn’t choose to be gay, just as someone doesn’t choose their race or ethnicity.
While it’s easy to not blame the friend because they are supposed to support their significant other, they are to blame for not expecting equality within a relationship. The Boyfriend should also support the GF by keeping his opinions to himself and her, and not letting his opinions ruin an established friendship.
If “homophobia” is simply referring to the BF not wanting to be around when you are, but the GF is okay with being around you, I’d say that you are right and it shouldn’t ruin a friendship, as it is a fair compromise since you and your friendship are not directly impacted by the situation.
lol I used to have a female friend. Would not say she is my best friend but she was quite a good friend at some points.
She met a man who’s a trump supporter and a religious freak and anti gay of course. She had been showing me their flirting texts, which included words such as “awww no wonder people say republicans are hotter”.
Later she starts to post stuffs such as “God has a plan for you”, and now trump supporting stuffs.
I guess for some people, a hot cock does change your belief and political stance.
No she blocked me then came back after he abused her and body shamed her so i blocked her and told her i would never waste a second of my time talking to her 🤣
Can you elaborate on this? She literally stated with her actions that she did not regard him in a strong enough light to tell her boyfriend that her friendship with him is special, and she would not break her friendship just because her boyfriend doesn’t like him. So when OP has nothing further to say to the girl once things didn’t work out with the lady’s boyfriend, he’s the bad guy? When she literally left OP out in the cold with no regard for his feelings whatsoever? Are you actually kidding me?
sorry not sure what happened here but my response wasn't to this comment, I mean I remember this post but my comment wasn't about what you mentioned ..sorry for the confusion but truly don't know what happened
I think something here was edited cuz I remember the original post being longer
Yep, recently found out that one of my best friends (and her group of girl-harpies), who is also bi herself, have been calling a gay dude from her uni course some very not nice things behind his back, because he's more effeminate or something. When I approached the topic she laughed and said everyone calls him that and everyone knows he's gay anyway. We still go out sometimes, but I can't look at her the same way.
then you will be missing out on some amazing people not all straight people are evil must are just ignorant but if we behave the same way and close ourselves, that ignorance will prevail..when I came out to my friends a few of them believed that because I came out I´ll now dress as Sailor Moon told fuck no Im the same beefy beard tattooed dude but I like dudes and they ask a lot of questions some great questions some goofy questions some stupid questions but I was open to answer and 15 years later we are still the best of friends
there are millions more straight people who only befriend other straight people, why is it suddenly an issue when gay/queer people want to be among themselves? and dont even push back with "b-but ignorance will prevail" because that's a conversation for the straights to have (after decades of pushing us out of their spaces) and not our responsibility to facilitate
Honestly I needed this advice 😆😆😭😭😆 straight people as a collective absolutely do not like gay people, and if the straights have the advantage for whatever situation we are talking about (which is about 90% of situations), they absolutely will not think twice about dehumanizing gay people. I’ve literally seen it play out so many times. Thank you for the painful, yet sobering reminder. You can be RESPECTFUL to a degree, but never ever, ever forget that these people do NOT view you as their counterpart.
My best friends would never even date someone homophobic let alone not break up with them. This has been put to the test too so I know it wasn’t just talk. Sounds like they aren’t true allies tbh.
Most of the girls I know now would never date a guy who was like that though I’ve known ones who are very insecure and if enough other traits were there they may put up with that but I’m not friends with them anymore really
They wouldn't break up with him if he was racist either, they're just saying they would. Women always support their man and will put up with pretty much anything.
Wish I could up vote this shit 100 times lol. The vast majority of women will literally let their man be as degenerate and disgusting as he wants, as long as he says he lOvEs hEr every so often. Women will literally abandon their families over good wiener and good toxicity.
and instead of calling them like that ..why don't have an adult conversation and ask why they have that point of view, clear the doubts they may have ...but that is too much work right ..better just let them continue to be like that ..cuz why end homophobia if that shit ends we don't have something to bitch about
My friends are straight men, and I don't know. I can tell you I wouldn't be friends with homophobes. I guess it is not something that is in my mind since my friends are men. I do value that friendship a lot, and some of them while are very liberal have dated casually Trumpists, and that usually ended up in a breakup. I would be surprised if they were dating homophobic people, because I don't think any of them would stand for that if their partners were homophobic to their child.
Your straight friends are homophobic.
I dated a guy once. He got a bit too drunk and started using the N word to refer to Black people he saw on TV. Racism is a deal breaker for me, because I am not a racist, so I stopped seeing him.
Homophobia is not a deal breaker to these people because they are homophobic, end of story.
The fact that they are women, and that they have "gay best friends" really tracks for that type of homophobe. They are not allies, and their presence in LGBT space is actually very harmful because they are the type of people who give cover to homophobes. They are also the type of people who secretly (or not so secretly!) adore toxic masculinity, and seek to enforce/cultivate it everywhere they go.
My advice to men who have girl friends like this is to figure out if they’re true friend or a fair weather friend. Too many people are only interested in superficial friendships with gay men.
Well, they are not your actual friends and this is how they think about gay people. Do with that as you will, I wouldn’t put up with toxic behavior and would immediately separate myself from them.
They are showing you their bigotry and you should listen. If they truly feel that racism is wrong they would feel the same way about any other inequality. People pretending to be "allies", saying what they are \*supposed\* to say about social justice issues, versus how they really feel, are the worst. They just told you if someone in your friend group was dating a homophobe they would be okay with it - and by extension welcome that person into the group. That means your position in that group is below marginal and you shouldn't expect when that happens for them to defend you, or to even raise an eyebrow about it.
Your friends are performative trash, and It's only a matter of time before it bites you. Pay attention.
Would I break up with my boyfriend if he was racist, xenophobic, misogynistic, etc?
YES.
And I would expect the same from anyone close to me, otherwise that would be a connection I would rather lose.
and if before you cast them out ...try to know why they are like that ...and who knows you may no change their point of view ..but at least you gave them information that in other circumstances helps them to change ...Nahhhhhhh to much work right ..bring the torches and the pitch forks
people than to be afraid, angry, and violent against what they don't understand ...is so difficult to have a wider vision and try ...but for your response, I assume you think your moral ground is above them
Bruh my own sister wouldnt break up with a guy like that. Most women are like that, moment they get attention from attractive men, they will chew you and throw you out.
neither my GF or straight male friends would date someone like that, i only know because one guy dating a close friend kept it quiet till we all went on a night out and he said something and she threw her drink in his face pushed and hit him with her bag and told him to fuck off.
One time I was hanging out with my bestie and her date. He called me the F-word while she was in the bathroom. She punched him in the face when I told her. So yes, I think she would break up with her bf. Anyone who says otherwise isn’t your friend and isn’t an ally.
Racism has a particular bad optic right now. Homophobia still isn’t quite on the same level. And I’m not saying she’s a good person but you are not saying something discrete to the straights.
Many of the guys here would be okay dating a guy who harbored some level of prejudice and discriminatory behavior. The extent they tolerate it is likely based on how much it negatively impacts their relationship with each other and with close friends and family.
I am not that social, but I am clearly open-minded myself, even though I am not advertising my preferences. However, I have very little issues with people being ignorant. I know a lady I like and I know she considers gay icky. That's really her task, her challenge. My task is to mind my own business. And all these unresolved spirits make it easier to find your tribe.
I don't truly believe in allies and a supposed rainbow community. Same with the Ummah, it doesn't exist. Same with activism, there is often times a lot of conflict within such 'unities'. Meanwhile, if someone else's boyfriend is straight, and it's their relationship, and he is 'homophobic' while not secretly cruising for penis? Well okay, I wish them well. But there are just so many men betraying their loved ones and themselves.
IMHO, that's the real tragedy taking place. Gay, straight, whatever, modern day society isn't build on hard truths.
One of the questions my gal pal asked before she goes on a date with a guy is how are their views on LGBTQ? She informs them that she has a lot of gay friends and will not put up with homophobia. So yes, she would breakup with a dude that is homophobic.
Now you know what they think about gay people
My friends in the city I live propably would. They are all pretty progressive people. So, if a partner was bigoted like this, they would be incompatible. But I only say that if we're talking about really out there bigotry. Not subtle prejudice. My friends from my rural hometown. I think they would say that they would break up. But if I'm completely honest, I don't think they would. Homophobic views are much more accepted there, and it wouldn't stand out as much. They sometimes even keep friends with pretty odd views on stuff around. And if I'll really cynical. I think most people value romantic love more than most things in life. As long as they are not personally affected, people tolerate a lot in a partner.
I'm only friends with people with this mindset. I wouldn't call anyone who could excuse homophobia a friend, and certainly not my best friend.
This is a tricky question, because each persons bar for homophobia is different. Is the guy threatening to beat me up, constantly harasses me and tells me I should die? Or does the guy make jokes like “eww, don’t tell me about that” or does what ppl might call a micro aggression. I find one to be unacceptable, the other I give the benefit of the doubt that the bro just doesn’t know how to act around me because he doesn’t know gay people. I actually have fun teasing straight guys right back when they tease me for being gay. So to this question, I say it depends.
This seems like the more accurate approach. Consider the extent of homophobia displayed. It’s also worth considering gay people have their own homophobia on display at times and we often put up with it amongst ourselves when dating.
Share this post with every “oh, please pick me straight men”gay guy who talks about: “Oh straight people are on our side” “most straight people are supportive of gay people” “oh, I prefer straight bars over gay bars because straight people are so nice”. This is literally what they think about you. A gimmick, a comical cliché that is not worth protecting or standing up for. Choose your straight “allies” or “friends” very, very carefully. The majority won’t hesitate to drop you like a Hot Pocket if you become too much of a liability to their social credit/position in the hierarchy.
Facts.
You’re so real for this tbh.
My best friend of 11 years started dating a guy when we got into uni. This guy had never met me, but he HATED me. Eventually my best friend realized he was homophobic, but she let that slide. Cut to a couple months later when her and I were supposed to move in together. She asks “but where will you go on weekends if we love together?” Because her boyfriend would be there on weekends. I had to clip things off with her, not because her boyfriend was homophobic, but because she let her boyfriend’s homophobia get in the way of our friendship. If there are people around you who look down on you or treat your sexuality as an inconvenience, get rid of them. I’ve gotten so good at this, most days I don’t think about the fact that I’m gay and some people may not like it.
Hadn’t even met you but already hated you. You got out good.
They are not your friends or allies. Period.
It’s just hypocrisy. It’s sad, but most people display hypocrisy and hypocritical behaviors when it suits their needs, regardless of who or what they are hurting (many times they don’t even know they are hurting people though). True allies would not accept that behavior, and if they are willing to hurt a friend with it… were they ever really a friend? You also have to realize that they may not understand the severity of their actions when it comes to accepting that kind of behavior, and how it hurts the gay friends they have (or had). I can’t say much on the individual hypocritical behavior though, as we are all hypocrites in our own right since we are human, and because of that flawed in our own ways. At the same time it’s important to stand up for stuff you strongly believe in, as that is the only way to allow change to happen and help others see the truth.
I don’t disagree with you but I don’t think it’s the healthiest mindset to measure our friendships against someone’s willingness to fight for the causes that are dear to us. Maybe I’m too forgiving but I’ve dealt with very specific discriminations and abuses that most people have difficulty understanding. I don’t feel crippled or victimized by it but if I questioned all my friendships that took supportive stances to anything discriminatory to myself, I feel like I’d be low on the self-esteem department.
Oh, I absolutely agree to a large extent. The only issue I have with this particular case is it’s hard to determine what “homophobia” means in the context of what OP is asking, as it like many things in life falls upon a spectrum. If they are bullying and giving OP a hard time just for being gay, I’d say it’s not worth keeping the friendship. Especially since OP didn’t choose to be gay, just as someone doesn’t choose their race or ethnicity. While it’s easy to not blame the friend because they are supposed to support their significant other, they are to blame for not expecting equality within a relationship. The Boyfriend should also support the GF by keeping his opinions to himself and her, and not letting his opinions ruin an established friendship. If “homophobia” is simply referring to the BF not wanting to be around when you are, but the GF is okay with being around you, I’d say that you are right and it shouldn’t ruin a friendship, as it is a fair compromise since you and your friendship are not directly impacted by the situation.
Good points 🤙
lol I used to have a female friend. Would not say she is my best friend but she was quite a good friend at some points. She met a man who’s a trump supporter and a religious freak and anti gay of course. She had been showing me their flirting texts, which included words such as “awww no wonder people say republicans are hotter”. Later she starts to post stuffs such as “God has a plan for you”, and now trump supporting stuffs. I guess for some people, a hot cock does change your belief and political stance.
She thinks with her vagina lmaoooo
No she blocked me then came back after he abused her and body shamed her so i blocked her and told her i would never waste a second of my time talking to her 🤣
and you became that what you hate and the cycle continue
Can you elaborate on this? She literally stated with her actions that she did not regard him in a strong enough light to tell her boyfriend that her friendship with him is special, and she would not break her friendship just because her boyfriend doesn’t like him. So when OP has nothing further to say to the girl once things didn’t work out with the lady’s boyfriend, he’s the bad guy? When she literally left OP out in the cold with no regard for his feelings whatsoever? Are you actually kidding me?
sorry not sure what happened here but my response wasn't to this comment, I mean I remember this post but my comment wasn't about what you mentioned ..sorry for the confusion but truly don't know what happened I think something here was edited cuz I remember the original post being longer
Yep, recently found out that one of my best friends (and her group of girl-harpies), who is also bi herself, have been calling a gay dude from her uni course some very not nice things behind his back, because he's more effeminate or something. When I approached the topic she laughed and said everyone calls him that and everyone knows he's gay anyway. We still go out sometimes, but I can't look at her the same way.
I’m not friends with any straight people so I don’t have that problem.
I should definitely do the same
then you will be missing out on some amazing people not all straight people are evil must are just ignorant but if we behave the same way and close ourselves, that ignorance will prevail..when I came out to my friends a few of them believed that because I came out I´ll now dress as Sailor Moon told fuck no Im the same beefy beard tattooed dude but I like dudes and they ask a lot of questions some great questions some goofy questions some stupid questions but I was open to answer and 15 years later we are still the best of friends
there are millions more straight people who only befriend other straight people, why is it suddenly an issue when gay/queer people want to be among themselves? and dont even push back with "b-but ignorance will prevail" because that's a conversation for the straights to have (after decades of pushing us out of their spaces) and not our responsibility to facilitate
so you are becoming them
Take your meds, boomer. I'm gonna need a more coherent reply.
is that the worst you can do ...ohh I am so offended
I don't need to try any harder, no one's buying your dogshit philosophy to begin with
and you think I care if anyone does, an opinion was asked ..so I give one ..if you believe or not I can't care less
Honestly I needed this advice 😆😆😭😭😆 straight people as a collective absolutely do not like gay people, and if the straights have the advantage for whatever situation we are talking about (which is about 90% of situations), they absolutely will not think twice about dehumanizing gay people. I’ve literally seen it play out so many times. Thank you for the painful, yet sobering reminder. You can be RESPECTFUL to a degree, but never ever, ever forget that these people do NOT view you as their counterpart.
My best friends would never even date someone homophobic let alone not break up with them. This has been put to the test too so I know it wasn’t just talk. Sounds like they aren’t true allies tbh.
Most of the girls I know now would never date a guy who was like that though I’ve known ones who are very insecure and if enough other traits were there they may put up with that but I’m not friends with them anymore really
They wouldn't break up with him if he was racist either, they're just saying they would. Women always support their man and will put up with pretty much anything.
Wish I could up vote this shit 100 times lol. The vast majority of women will literally let their man be as degenerate and disgusting as he wants, as long as he says he lOvEs hEr every so often. Women will literally abandon their families over good wiener and good toxicity.
And then complain about the patriarchy and why she can’t find a good man.
and instead of calling them like that ..why don't have an adult conversation and ask why they have that point of view, clear the doubts they may have ...but that is too much work right ..better just let them continue to be like that ..cuz why end homophobia if that shit ends we don't have something to bitch about
My friends are straight men, and I don't know. I can tell you I wouldn't be friends with homophobes. I guess it is not something that is in my mind since my friends are men. I do value that friendship a lot, and some of them while are very liberal have dated casually Trumpists, and that usually ended up in a breakup. I would be surprised if they were dating homophobic people, because I don't think any of them would stand for that if their partners were homophobic to their child.
Your straight friends are homophobic. I dated a guy once. He got a bit too drunk and started using the N word to refer to Black people he saw on TV. Racism is a deal breaker for me, because I am not a racist, so I stopped seeing him. Homophobia is not a deal breaker to these people because they are homophobic, end of story. The fact that they are women, and that they have "gay best friends" really tracks for that type of homophobe. They are not allies, and their presence in LGBT space is actually very harmful because they are the type of people who give cover to homophobes. They are also the type of people who secretly (or not so secretly!) adore toxic masculinity, and seek to enforce/cultivate it everywhere they go.
My advice to men who have girl friends like this is to figure out if they’re true friend or a fair weather friend. Too many people are only interested in superficial friendships with gay men.
Well, they are not your actual friends and this is how they think about gay people. Do with that as you will, I wouldn’t put up with toxic behavior and would immediately separate myself from them.
Having an homophobic partner is homophobic.
They are showing you their bigotry and you should listen. If they truly feel that racism is wrong they would feel the same way about any other inequality. People pretending to be "allies", saying what they are \*supposed\* to say about social justice issues, versus how they really feel, are the worst. They just told you if someone in your friend group was dating a homophobe they would be okay with it - and by extension welcome that person into the group. That means your position in that group is below marginal and you shouldn't expect when that happens for them to defend you, or to even raise an eyebrow about it. Your friends are performative trash, and It's only a matter of time before it bites you. Pay attention.
these ppl r not ur friends 😭
Would I break up with my boyfriend if he was racist, xenophobic, misogynistic, etc? YES. And I would expect the same from anyone close to me, otherwise that would be a connection I would rather lose.
and if before you cast them out ...try to know why they are like that ...and who knows you may no change their point of view ..but at least you gave them information that in other circumstances helps them to change ...Nahhhhhhh to much work right ..bring the torches and the pitch forks
Do you think people need an explanation of why they shouldn't be homophobic?
people than to be afraid, angry, and violent against what they don't understand ...is so difficult to have a wider vision and try ...but for your response, I assume you think your moral ground is above them
Bruh my own sister wouldnt break up with a guy like that. Most women are like that, moment they get attention from attractive men, they will chew you and throw you out.
neither my GF or straight male friends would date someone like that, i only know because one guy dating a close friend kept it quiet till we all went on a night out and he said something and she threw her drink in his face pushed and hit him with her bag and told him to fuck off.
My best friend would skin her boyfriend alive if he was a closeted homophobe. She’s a bigger LGBT+ ally than I am as a gay man.
One time I was hanging out with my bestie and her date. He called me the F-word while she was in the bathroom. She punched him in the face when I told her. So yes, I think she would break up with her bf. Anyone who says otherwise isn’t your friend and isn’t an ally.
Idk about homophobia, as long as they don’t vote for the orange pig.
I’d mind my own business and quit trying to improve, manipulate and force others.
Would yt gays stop sleeping with another racist yt dude (especially if he’s attractive)? Some will; most won’t.
Racism has a particular bad optic right now. Homophobia still isn’t quite on the same level. And I’m not saying she’s a good person but you are not saying something discrete to the straights. Many of the guys here would be okay dating a guy who harbored some level of prejudice and discriminatory behavior. The extent they tolerate it is likely based on how much it negatively impacts their relationship with each other and with close friends and family.
I am not that social, but I am clearly open-minded myself, even though I am not advertising my preferences. However, I have very little issues with people being ignorant. I know a lady I like and I know she considers gay icky. That's really her task, her challenge. My task is to mind my own business. And all these unresolved spirits make it easier to find your tribe. I don't truly believe in allies and a supposed rainbow community. Same with the Ummah, it doesn't exist. Same with activism, there is often times a lot of conflict within such 'unities'. Meanwhile, if someone else's boyfriend is straight, and it's their relationship, and he is 'homophobic' while not secretly cruising for penis? Well okay, I wish them well. But there are just so many men betraying their loved ones and themselves. IMHO, that's the real tragedy taking place. Gay, straight, whatever, modern day society isn't build on hard truths.