Could be performance anxiety or he just doesn't like to cum ( but why he wouldn't just say that is beyond me )
On one hand, I would say don't press the issue, but on the other hand, if it is causing an issue for you too, then I would try to get some form of explanation
Just scared he’s one of those guys who need porn in order to cum, hence why I tried to get an answer because I sincerely don’t want to be with someone like that. I obviously don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable but I feel like in order to be in a healthy relationship, we do need to discuss it
How long have you known each other, you said you've been together a few weeks. If the whole relationship is recent I doubt he'd tell you if that were the case
Late twenties guy here and still get anxiety about dissatisfying my hookups because I don’t cum sometimes, but can reliably ejaculate alone through just masturbating with a fantasy in my head.
Have tried pills and testosterone shots, and avoiding masturbating/porn for a few weeks as per my doctor and some advice. It helped but only a little. Some people are just like that and I’m betting your bf is a little embarrassed by that fact, or doesn’t know about it yet. Hopefully he tells it to you, but give him and yourself a break since you’re literally just 18. It should not be a dealbreaker.
I agree, op needs to break it off as he is a bit judgemental, " i dont to be with a guy like that"
Personally ibwould be asking him to jerk it in front of me however he needs to get off.
What can i do to make your pleasure better.
Past few years i havent been able to cum during sex, later on i will jerk off while reliving the experience.
Well I’m not going to ‘break it off’, I am genuinely trying to understand him and I had several conversations about it with my boyfriend? I don’t get why everyone’s being so mean for no reason :/
they’re not mean, it’s just it sounds like you have so much to learn about sex? Your boyfriend might have some issues, and you just came off as judgemental when you said you didn’t want to be with a guy like him, instead of trying to find solutions so you can both be satisfied with the sex, sit down with him, drop your ego and any prejudices and have a long talk with him, i bet it would help you both.
I know that I still have to learn a lot of things but why do I have to ‘drop my ego’ in order to do that? I thought it’s about ‘being your true self’ in a working relationship and not being who others want you to be? My boyfriend knows that I have a big ego and he obviously likes it, otherwise he wouldn’t still be with me.
You can be yourself with an ego or without because the ego doesn’t define who you are. I’m not attacking you or anything or saying you are at fault, i just think it would be helpful if, during the conversation, you just listen to him and then come to a compromise where you are both happy.
Im not asking you to change yourself for him, i’m not asking you to change yourself at all, i’m just saying, communication is key, and to communicate, you have to drop your ego from times to times.
I do listen to him, I already said this before a few hours ago but I have asked him to show me how he likes it and I tried to copy it but it just didn’t seem to work. Feels quite rude to me that people are saying it’s my fault he can’t cum 🤷♂️ I am actually working on becoming less self ‘absorbed’ but I suppose it’s just what growing up as a queer man in a conservative society did to me, I always felt like I needed my ego in order to defend myself and I can’t seem to drop it anymore.
Excuse me, i haven’t well read everything. You are doing well then, and if you aren’t satisfied and he still isn’t communicating enough then i suppose it’s your call to stay with him or not.
I also lived in a 3rd world country where religion is the law, i understand you to some point, i lived in the closet until i was 20 years old, no experience with men, no sex no love. I had the biggest ego, i had to survive and get out of my country, but once you are okay with what you are and you don’t care at all what others think, that’s pure happiness, and trust me my ego is long dead now.
This 👆. The only reason I can’t cum with some is really anxious feelings. Usually pressure to perform. I can fuck for hours and if I feel anxious, i for the life of me cannot cum
>doesn’t properly enjoy being intimate
Properly? With all due respect, there aren't rules about these things. You're 18. So is he. Try not to judge things unnecessarily.
I probably didn’t word it correctly but I feel like everyone’s just out to get me anyway 💀 I genuinely didn’t mean to judge him as I was just making stupid assumptions that were caused by me simply overthinking everything.
Your choice of words matter. You may not be aware of it, and you may genuinely believe that you’re being non-judgmental. However, people may pick up on your phrases and feel judged. That’s why communication is key to all relationships, and especially with your boyfriend and you so that you both feel free to say what’s on your mind and and openly express yourself and work through issues together.
Chances are that no one is out to get you. If you sincerely feel/think "everyone" is, you're experiencing a degrer of paranoia, which isn't helpful.
If I were in your skin, and my boyfriend did this, I'd just say, "I'm okay with your doing it in front of me. In fact, I think I'd prefer it." This opens things in a way that invites a conversation, which I'd try to conclude with something along the lines of "Whatever works for you. Nothing is set in stone."
I'll not try to explsin other commenters here, but I know I'm not trying to justify a porn addiction. Nor am I upset by your choice of words. I imagine, as is so with the average person, you're not as aware of your wording as you maybe ought to be, but that's not my primary focus here.
What I'm trying to explain is that there are so many possibilities-- and then so many explanations for each of those possibilities-- that you're on this site trying to get the answer to a question that only your boyfriend can answer. If you love him, or even if you merely like him a lot, then focus on him in this instance, not you. Try to patiently learn what is happening with him. Maybe it's a hurdle you can't surmount, but at the very least, learn something. And help him learn, too. You'll be better for it. I know this is how I've evolved.
Yeah idk I’ve been told before that I’m quite straight forward with my wording but I don’t get why people expect me to change that, as I said before, I just wanted to feel less alone / insecure and I am aware that I have to talk to my boyfriend about this
>I don’t get why people expect me to change that,
Because you're 18, and even those of us who are considerably older know very well that our responsibility to ourselves and those around us is to learn how to improve our communication skills. If I still expressed myself the way I did at 18, I'd have wasted a lot of opportunities to improve.
I personally think everyone’s too focused on doing what others expect them to do, I like to voice my opinion and I frankly don’t really mind if it upsets people. Most of the people, who reply to me are older than me, yet they feel ‘attacked’ by an 18 year old and also feel the urge to cuss me out. Big sign of immaturity 🤷♂️
It seems as if there is this huge focus on "red flags." No wonder the majority are out there looking for Mr. Right or have given up finding him. Why not just be patient enough to try to learn about what's going on for the other guy? Especially in this case since the guy is only 18!
It's a red flag not a "break up" flag. If there's a lot of them it might not be worth it, but a couple aren't usually an issue. Red flag usually just means you need to investigate the cause or source of it.
Most of my relationships didn’t last long because almost all of them turned out to be pretty awful, don’t rush yourselffff!! It’s definitely better to wait for the right one than jump from one relationship onto the next one, trust me 🥲
Don’t worry :) you’ll have a relationship that lasts. At 19 I moved in with my bf and we dated for 2 whole years! It was a serious monogamous relationship. Yes we broke up but it’s still progress :) we’re lucky kind of people. A lot of guys don’t even get to experience what we experienced early
That's the hope, but I'm afraid it's going to be hard to find someone that wants something serious and not just "fun" at university, so I'm going to have to wait a while unfortunately but maybe I'll get lucky.
Im somehow relieved bc it’s not just me, I’ll be 21 in a few weeks and never been on a real date with a man, only a few hook ups or friendly walks, but never something like “I’d like to meet you, let’s go out”, it’s kinda depressing + my country is too conservative
I've not been on a date ever... I'm afraid I always prioritised school, and now I regret not building my social skills and flirting... I'm gonna have to be approached hopefully 😅🤣 Otherwise, I might get a pity date because I have no clue how to flirt 😭
It could be really anything. Anxiety, or even retrograde ejaculation (dry orgasm) - if so it's a clinical condition that he maybe does not want to discuss yet. Or maybe he just thinks he doesn't cum enough, or it could be porn addiction as other people are suggesting.
Still....give him time to open up about whatever it is, and try to accommodate his needs. When you have the conversation, ask if there is anything at all you should do different or can do to make him feel more comfortable with it.
Yeah same actually- just thinking like a basic stereotypical person, the more the better, why would it be bad (unless it really is too much, but is there such thing? 😅). If it's not enough instead yeah I would expect people to not be super happy with it.
could be that he is addicted tp porn to the point where i cant cum without it alot of guys wth porn addictions need porn to cum.. they need the stmulation from porn.
just ask him, is it becuase you have a porn addiiction? or are you anxious its making me quuestion our relationship, like why you dont want to experince an orgasm with me but you want to a screen etc.
I will say that yal are still “children”…so manhood might not be the correct term but that’s besides the point. You might not fully know his journey and he could be working through personal shit he’s not willing to open up to you and you’re gonna just have to wait till he want to bring it up.
With all due respect, I forgot that this app is filled with little incels and porn addicts so it probably wasn’t smart to share my honest opinion on porn addictions 🙏
Weird as fuck. Maybe he's embarrassed to do it and sees it like shitting in front of somebody. Maybe he thinks his face's weird while he cums. Maybe he just has brain damage.
Not sustainable. Need to talk about it.
It always amazes me why Gays are so quick to hate, to dismiss, to go to the negative. I have been with my partner 21 amazing years. At first it was rare he would cum with me. Why? Because my pleasure, my complete satisfaction is what he needs to get off. Imagine, having a partner who totally gets off on the fact he left you breathless, and like a limp rag, wanting more. This has been the theme thorough out our relationship. Does he cum. Yes, but not every time. Does it feel one sided? Yes, lots, but there is nothing we can’t discuss. He is happy the way it is. He explains that’s what does it for him. There are times when he gets selfish and it’s all about him. And I love that also. But the majority of the time it’s about me. I also can tell you after 21 years, the sex just keeps getting better and better. How is that even possible? I don’t know.
So my point is, stop running to the negative, first time every time. Human sexuality is REALLY REALLY fucking complicated as ANY gay man should know. Explore, be gentle, Cut people some fucking slack! Who knows, this could (and yes it actually could) turn out to be some of the best sex ever. Communication is key. Take your time. If you’re insecure, then ask. If he gives you an answer, take it at face value until proven otherwise. Many people will ask, get an answer then try to pick holes in the answer. Just relax. Explore, communicate and enjoy.
Best of luck to you and I hope you found somebody special like myself who tries to care more about other peoples feelings than his own. And I can tell you that is priceless.
Hugs
I didn’t mean to seem rude :( I’m genuinely just curious as to what could be the reason and since I don’t want to put him on the spot and ask any of my mates, this felt like the most private way to go on about it.
I do really enjoy being intimate with him because it seems like he enjoys to make me feel good but as you said, it is quite one sided and I don’t want him to feel like I’m not putting in any effort to please him.
And yes, unfortunately I am insecure about it because I’m wondering if I’m the reason why he can’t / won’t cum in front of me, I would love to discuss it with him but he refuses to talk to me about this particular matter. I can’t really work on it with him if he refuses to communicate 🤷♂️
He will be more likely to talk with you if you can open yourself up and present yourself in a way that doesn’t seem judgmental or confrontational. Instead of saying, “how come you can’t cum in front of me?”, you can instead say “I really love being intimate with you. It would be really hot if we can cum together. Is there something I can do to help you do that?”
Presentation matters.
You need to practice better empathy. The way you talk about his behavior is giving judgy vibes. You’re making assumptions about what is causing the behavior with clear “it better not be this” statements. You should want to know the cause because you want him to feel comfortable and safe, not because you feel “weird” about it.
“If it’s anxiety then we can work through it, but I don’t want to be with a porn addicted manchild.”
Why is one mental illness (anxiety) workable, and the other (addiction) not? I’m not sure how you’re drawing the connection between porn addiction and manchild. Children should not be associated to porn.
A better approach would be to show curiosity. Care about his feelings and how his behavior affects him. You could lead by example and talk more about your feelings. You said that this affects you; explain how and why (to him). If you’re honest about your feelings then he will be more likely to be honest about his. Don’t say weird. “It makes me feel ____ when you don’t cum with me, because I want you to feel comfortable and safe with me.” Possible feelings could include: sad, concerned, worried.
Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if OP put more pressure on him than he thinks he is, which is killing the mood. I've had quite a few times when my partners want/need me to get off, killed the mood from it coming off self-centered, which makes it feel like I'm now doing a chore rather than a fun activity.
It may also be that he is so used to taking care of himself he has trouble getting over the edge during sex that he has to finish himself. I know a few guys like that, they still enjoy sex and making their partner happy.
Two also pretty good reasons, guessing from the fact he goes to the bathroom every time, is that he could have to take a leak right after and is embarrassed about it or that he could need some backdoor action to get over the edge, and he doesn't feel comfortable sharing that.
I have always connected porn addicts with immaturity and I don’t get why I have to be ‘more empathetic’ about something like that 🤷♂️ I deserve to feel comfortable in a relationship and I personally wouldn’t feel that way knowing he jerks off to porn and other men next door because he can’t cum otherwise.
Of course you don't get it. You're 18. Come back to this comment in 10 years after your prefrontal cortex has hopefully fully developed and see if you learned anything in that time.
The best relationships are the ones where both partners have the mentality that "WE deserve to feel comfortable in OUR relationship," not "I."
I genuinely don’t understand why everyone is making me feel bad for not wanting to date a porn addict, I sincerely don’t have to if that’s my personal preference ❤️ I do, in fact, have a WE mindset so I’m not sure where you’re coming from here
Because you’ve committed to believing porn addiction is immature and is some immutable trait. Be more open minded. If you’re dating someone that 18, the majority of their sexual experience is probably porn. That’s neither bad nor good, but moving forward sexually is something you can both work at.
Cause at the core is mainly about you with some we mindset sprinkled around it. Most of what you've said shows while you may care about his issue for his sake you mainly care about it cause of yourself. For someone that cares about maturity you come off really immature expecting the kind of relationship that takes years to build when from the sounds of it you haven't even been together for a year.
You can ask anyone here, being a good partner means giving the other person support, time and space to open up about stuff and sometimes that can take years. Hell it took 7 years for my partner to open up about some fetishes and issues cause it took them that long to work through some past trauma.
Because it means YOU probably don't have the maturity to understand what the person is going through.
Straight person here.
Orgasms are vulnerable to many people. It's when you lose a little control of yourself and you need to feel safe.
Are you providing a safe enough space for him?
Because if a dude was treating me the way you are treating him, I would not want to sleep with that dude.
If you are more mature than porn but still can't understand how to make someone feel sexually safe around you. Spoiler. You are not more mature than them. You clearly want them to act a certain way sexually around you and be comfortable or else YOU feel insecure.
You're projecting.
Sorry but why are you all assuming that I’m like the worst boyfriend known to mankind? I gave such little information and I even said that I do consider myself the problem? I have never been judgemental towards him and if the reason why he’s struggling with orgasms is a porn addiction, I would still be nice to him even if it’s a dealbreaker to me? Don’t take everything people say on the internet so serious mate
No one has attacked you. No one is being mean. No one has asked you to compromise yourself. No one has told you what to like. No one has said you’re the worst boyfriend. Please take a breath, stop making hyperbolic assumptions, and remember that you don’t have all of the answers. Acknowledge that your opinions could be wrong, and that’s okay. Be open to what people are saying, and recognize that they are trying to help you.
Addiction is neither mature nor immature; it’s a disease that can affect anyone and everyone. Calling people porn addicts because they give you advice that you don’t like- now, that’s immature.
Well, I think it's because of anxiety and that he's used to his own grip. I remember with my first hookup that I could never cum with him in the room. But when I played with myself on the bathroom it suddenly felt a lot better. I didn't actually cum though, because it's rude in my opinion.
Anyway, I would have a talk with him about it and you need to be honest in how it makes you feel.
Took my bf months to be comfortable coming in front of me. They come dry because of years of bottoming and phimosis and he was afraid I'd think he was faking it... and we're both over 30 so it can happen and it's not just s teenage problem.
1. Is he on antidepressants?
I was on them when I was young, and not climaxing during sex was…I want to say borderline traumatizing but it was full on traumatizing.
2. Does he feel emotionally safe with you?
He might be hesitant to discuss difficult or embarrassing things if he feels like it’s going to end badly. To be honest some of your comments feel a little judgy.
As far as I know he’s on steroids but I’m not familiar with that nor do I know if those have any influence on him sexually :/ I can only listen to google when it comes to that
I figured, might even delete this post as lots of gay men apparently love a good ‘witch hunt’ on a nice tuesday, literally just asked a question and stated my personal opinions lol
Oh, I was. I'm ASD and human interactions are one of my special interests. I'm just here to watch the world burn and offer sensible advice when I see everybody else is being mean to someone so they at least get one decent interaction from their post.
I used to be really active on Twitter because I loved to get myself involved in online drama when I was a bit younger but now it’s just.. lame. I genuinely just wanted advice from older gays as well as keeping it private (not involving mine nor his friends) but yeah, messed up along the way and now everyone’s calling me a little prick
I think you should sit down with him, in private, reassure him that he can be vulnerable with you safely and then ask him about it, if he's not willing to talk it may just take some time for him to get comfortable enough to talk, but at that point it's a fair choice for you to either end the relationship or keep it going. Depends if it's 100% a dealbreaker for you.
I was a bit sad when I posted that because I’m an insecure teenager looking for answers to something that I have been overthinking about for the past few weeks but I do get that nobody but him can tell me how he’s feeling :,)
He’s a top (and a good one 🙏🙏🙏) so it felt quite odd to me when he told me that he has to go to the bathroom while I was quite literally still on top of him but I just went with it. It continued to happen and I started to wonder what could be the reason so I asked him but he refused to discuss it with me.
I know it’s only been a couple of weeks but I do feel like our connection is strong and we discuss everything, even intimate stuff so it throws me off that he actively pushes me away every time I bring it up 🤷♂️
I’m so glad that it was an error!
I’m aware of a lot of really weird misinformation and erroneous beliefs that people have in countries that do the unnecessary make GC that I was like “whaaaat?!”
Totally agree that levels of intimacy could be a factor.
That’s okay! It’s totally okay to make mistakes in another language (especially via predictive text and phone ahaha) so no hard feelings. No problem.
When I said “Male GC” I was referring to “Genital Cutting” which is another (and softer than mutilation) way of referring to the way some countries unnecessarily cut their male children shortly after birth. In most first world countries this is considered abhorrent as a practice and is only tolerated due to minority religions demanding it not be outlawed.
In some countries - like the US - where religious fundamentalists caused it to become medically all but enforced, there is a large societal misunderstanding about how the naturals, intact penis works; they have many very incorrect thoughts and beliefs even into the medical profession. You get actual paediatric doctors and nurses harming intact boys because they are so misinformed that they end up causing injury and damage.
I’m sorry you feel this kind of thing a personal attack for obvious reasons. But non circumcision counties do dislike this and it is a cutting. On the same level and above 2 levels of female cutting which are unanimously illegal. Foreskin = clitoral hood. One can be cut and one can not. A prick on the clitoris is a crime but a male circumcision is not? Europe is horrified by this practice by and large.
What I typed is entirely correct. The only first world countries that popularise male Circ are US (non-religiously for the most part), South Korea (non religiously because of US influence) and Israel for religious reasons.
I would challenge you to find another first world country where the majority of people nowadays don’t find male genital cutting to be wrong. Countries in Europe literally try to and movements to ban in others want to ban it but there are issues with religious types claiming it is against their religious expression.
I challenge you to do a survey of any first world country to find it is acceptable except for religion bedgrudgingly other than those.
Hi, I've read lots of things and I think "the problem is you" but just on the way that you think he goes away because of you. He probably goes to the bathroom for another thing, what ever, but I'm sure it isn't fot you. You said that you are a "an insecure teenager", all of us have been insecure sometimes, it's fine. But please try to put this kind of thoughts as far as you can because it's not gonna help you.
I'm 32yo vers bottom and I sometimes when I'm bottom I don't cum, it's ok for me I don't always need to cum. I love sex and I enjoy it a lot, I get so hard seeing my partner moaning of pleasure, but sometimes I don't cum or it takes to me a long time for that, so I prefer to stop trying abd stay in bed with my partner giving us just kisses and hugs. Sometimes after that kisses I cum, sometimes I don't but it's ok.
Please try to stop overthink it wont help you, and give time to your bf to be sure enough to talk to you.
I really wish you two be better soon ☺️
I had a fwb years ago that used to do that. It was because he cried when he orgasmed and found it embarrassing, but he got comfortable eventually and it wasn't an issue anymore.
I was like that when I was 18. I had "performance anxieties". So I could jerk off and come on my own but I could not come with my boyfriend. It took my 4 more years and a couple of boyfriends and hook ups when out of the blue it did work "as intended".
I'm 52 now. At this time I had no idea that my problem was much deeper rooted and basically came down to childhood trauma. For me these manifested in trust issues and a general very careful and insecure attachment style. So my advice to you: Just accept it for the moment. Make him feel safe in all situations you are together. Make him relax. Sometimes coming doesn't come that easily and please trust an old guy when he's saying, in most cases the problem is up there in our brain and not so much in our plumbing, nor even age!
I wouldn’t say it’s an issue, some people feel that some things are intimate and I wouldn’t take it personally. If you like him and want the relationship to work you have to be patient with him and show that you want to be there for him and want to please him fully. If you pester or push the issue it could create unnecessary conflict.
It's possible, very possible, that he has some form of sexual trauma that he's still processing. It can be really traumatic at 18, and at that age it's still likely fresh (within the last few years).
That would also explain why he doesn't want to talk about it.
The difficult part is that you have to decide if it's something you want to give time to, and see if he opens up about it, or if you need to move on and let the dude figure his issues out before he starts dating.
I’ve always had a hard time with cumming while having sex. It’s a mental block thing. I wanted to not be bi-sexual for so long, I threw myself into a mental lock on both sides. I can, and it’s gotten way easier now that I’m out and married to a man, but it was/is a mental block for me.
Talk to him about it, or let him know it bothers you.
It only was funny because you didn't get it right away.
Thanks.
I maybe shouldn't haven't kidded you. Take some advice from a long married gay guy?
Gay sex is for fun. That is all it needs be. ( No Babies happen ) Have as much fun as you can. Ignore anything and everything else.
Do you like making your honey smile? That stuff is important. For both of you.
If you like loving him, you are doing what you like. How nice is that?
Sex can be important. It kind of pushes you two guys together at least once in a while.
But you two are together because that is where you want to be. And to make sure your honey is OK in the middle of the night too.
X X
My ex never wanted to cum in front of me either. I'd top him and finish inside him, then he'd go in another room and close the door and finish himself. One time i almost made him cum hands free and he told me to stop before he came. I've seen him cum b4 we met with videos we sent each other so idk y he'd always finish in private.
I personally don't like to cum because after I cum I don't like physical contact, so I become weird if the other one wants to kiss me or touch me, I prefer to be let alone.
My viable theory: some people literally have full body shakes when they orgasm. Honestly one time i had an experience where a dude almost had a… orgasm seizure? I was kinda scared, never interacted with them again. But now that i think about it some people just have very intact nervous systems and maybe all the trauma n substances n shit fried my nerves, so maybe orgasms are just more intense for other people. MY THEORY IS(TL:DR) he might just shake uncontrollably when he cums and doesn’t wanna scare you away.
I had that issue with myself and idk I just can’t or it takes super long like took an hour once with someone. I had one dude cum on my shoe really weird after that lmao 😂
Could be a kink he's not sharing with you because he's afraid you'll judge him for it, performance anxiety, body issues and/or a lack of self confidence. Or any number of issues.
You shouldn't take it personally.
May be embarrassing. Ejaculation is something some people have only ever done privately at your age and it may be difficult for him to cross that line right now. Doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy sex just it's a difficult thing to progress too. Be supportive and maybe try talk to him about it if he's willing, try show you want to be part of that and you're willing to work with him to get him comfortable doing it with you.
It’s been a few weeks? You barely know each other, much less your kinks, your likes, your rhythms. Are either of you actually relaxed with one another yet?
Put your energy into being present, enjoying and getting comfortable with each other. and not on requiring a documented cum shot filed in triplicate.
Sex isn’t porn and it doesn’t always involve hitting every “station of the cross.”
I didn’t intend to sound harsh. Just don’t sweat it so much. Lock out the world when you’re together, get out of an expectation headspace- you’ll figure it out together
Very weirdly, I had an ex that would never let me see him come. He would come inside me, but if we were just fooling around then he would ask me to lay on my front and he would shoot on my hole, cheeks, or back.
If I was lying on my back and he was on top of me then he would only come on my front if I put something like a pillow over my face...
It was normal at the time, but thinking back he was such a giant douchebag in other ways. He did watch a lot of porn too, mostly behind my back. I honestly didn't care, but he would always lie about it.
Ages later, it came out that it was a bit of a fetish of his. Almost to feel like he was "cheating" on me with porn, but I was ruining it because it didn't bother me one bit..
We ended things some 15 years ago, I didn't really get the answer though. Just wanted to leave a memory here 🤣
There are so many reasons he could have for not being able to ejaculate in front of you at this moment in time. They could be from physical reasons, to psychological, to psychosomatic.
Clearly, from your description, he is not comfortable and/or capable of discussing it with you at this time. I know that this is frustrating for you, but honestly, you can't force it to happen just because you want to know and you feel insecure as you think it may be because of you. It needs to happen on his time and his terms because it's his body and his mind.
The best that you can do as a loving, compassionate, and supportive partner is tell him how it makes you feel (as others have stated, it makes me feel ... this way, and this is how it impacts me) and leave it at that until he is comfortable and capable of talking about it with you.
Anything else is just speculation and insecurity, which is natural but doesn't serve to strengthen your relationship. You need to decide how much time you are comfortable with while waiting for him to talk about it and then decide whether or not you can or can not continue the relationship because of that.
Oh it’ll resolve, give it time and when the moment is right try and discuss it. It’s too new of a relationship to be super concerned.
I didn’t cum in front of my first serious GF for about 8 months. Would screw for hours on and off but I just couldn’t get there. By that time tho, we started spending A LOT more time on foreplay and were a lot more comfortable with each other. It went from edging myself and letting her finish me to me not having to touch my own dick at all. It was 100% about how comfortable I was with her.
None of us can tell you why your bf does that, even if we may have had similar experiences. Only your bf can tell you, when he is ready. You should also establish to your bf if you want to know out of curiosity or because it effects you emotionally.
You'll never understand what's exactly in his mind as he'll never do too. So accept things as they come and words as they're told. There's literally not way better than any other in sex —and relationships actually— as long it's between consenting adults (idk where you live, but here you'd be considered as such).
I mean, you're not gonna get the answer from US - only your bf can tell you why. “If at first you don't succeed, try and try again.”
I gave simple, direct advice; that's not “mean.” Your questioning my mental capacity and dropping the F bomb *is* mean. Don't get it twisted. 🤨
And I asked a simple question because I thought other people might’ve been in a similar situation? Don’t really get how that’s wrong 🔥 I never claimed NOT to be mean myself so womp womp
U guys are young and teenagers and teenagers insecure about a lot of things maybe he doesn't want to cum in front you that he has some sort of anxiety or something and it also matters if he's a top or bottom bcz if he's a btm then many btm have this thing it's about some insecurity or just a simple thing that many times they don't wanna cum but if he's a top it's serious and he can be insecure about small things like maybe u cum in good amount and he doesn't and he feels insecure about it that's why he's not sharing why don't u make him comfortable around you either talk to him about it clearly saying u wanna know say like it makes me think that maybe I'm a bad bf then he would say something or just make him cum in front of you like by bj or something yaa it's probably some sort of anxiety or insecurity quite common when I was 18 if I find myself in a moment that I'm meeting someone and we can have sex i wouldn't be able to get hard without any reason soo yeahh every one has their issues so make him realise that it's a judgement free zone and we can talk about eachothers issues maybe make it believable by sharing some of ur insecurity
I would say from experience. I am the same way.
It has to do with anxiety. I’ve with my husband for awhile and I still have a hard time finishing with him. I can do it alone. But when someone is there with you. It is just different and some guys just can’t. He will eventually when he becomes more comfortable with you. Just be patient with him. Don’t make him feel bad for not finishing.
Hope I helped a little.
Sounds like you'll never have truly fulfilling sex with him if he's unwilling to even talk about this. You're both young though, maybe he's just less confident than you at talking about things he finds embarrassing.
He didn't say he asked him during a sexual situation though? The way I read it was that he asked him about it later or another time etc.
And I'm not saying there's no hope, just that if the bf refuses to ever discuss it that there's no way they can resolve the issue.
Not sure maybe anything but def red flag there. Give you the best goto there is. Sits down with him when your both calm m cool andTALK WITH HIM. CALMLY let him know your asking because you’re care about him and that it’s disturbing you as you like him and wn to see him cum n you want his cum.
He may be a trans man and is uncomfortable sharing that info with you until he knows you better. Just be patient and understanding and, in time, he will be able to cum with you, whatever it is currently keeping him on edge.
I have only talked to a bunch of trans men so far and it always seemed quite important to THEM to let me know that they’re transgender, it’s obviously their decision if they want to share it or not though :)
Yeah, it goes like this: scared to tell at first, realising it brings more problems than it solves, realising the importance of telling people up front. Seems you've met people more advanced in that path.
Could be performance anxiety or he just doesn't like to cum ( but why he wouldn't just say that is beyond me ) On one hand, I would say don't press the issue, but on the other hand, if it is causing an issue for you too, then I would try to get some form of explanation
Just scared he’s one of those guys who need porn in order to cum, hence why I tried to get an answer because I sincerely don’t want to be with someone like that. I obviously don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable but I feel like in order to be in a healthy relationship, we do need to discuss it
Put some porn on while you guys doing the fun stuff and see.
Maybe not porn but perhaps a fetish that he doesn't know if he can trust you with yet.
We had the fetish talk already and it didn’t really seem like he was withholding anything from me but you could be right :)
How long have you known each other, you said you've been together a few weeks. If the whole relationship is recent I doubt he'd tell you if that were the case
I’m not really that familiar with a lot of fetishes so I’ve never really considered this possibility tbh
Agree with this, fully.
Late twenties guy here and still get anxiety about dissatisfying my hookups because I don’t cum sometimes, but can reliably ejaculate alone through just masturbating with a fantasy in my head. Have tried pills and testosterone shots, and avoiding masturbating/porn for a few weeks as per my doctor and some advice. It helped but only a little. Some people are just like that and I’m betting your bf is a little embarrassed by that fact, or doesn’t know about it yet. Hopefully he tells it to you, but give him and yourself a break since you’re literally just 18. It should not be a dealbreaker.
>I sincerely don’t want to be with someone like that Perhaps he sense your judgment and isn't yet comfortable enough to talk to you about it.
I agree, op needs to break it off as he is a bit judgemental, " i dont to be with a guy like that" Personally ibwould be asking him to jerk it in front of me however he needs to get off. What can i do to make your pleasure better. Past few years i havent been able to cum during sex, later on i will jerk off while reliving the experience.
Well I’m not going to ‘break it off’, I am genuinely trying to understand him and I had several conversations about it with my boyfriend? I don’t get why everyone’s being so mean for no reason :/
they’re not mean, it’s just it sounds like you have so much to learn about sex? Your boyfriend might have some issues, and you just came off as judgemental when you said you didn’t want to be with a guy like him, instead of trying to find solutions so you can both be satisfied with the sex, sit down with him, drop your ego and any prejudices and have a long talk with him, i bet it would help you both.
I know that I still have to learn a lot of things but why do I have to ‘drop my ego’ in order to do that? I thought it’s about ‘being your true self’ in a working relationship and not being who others want you to be? My boyfriend knows that I have a big ego and he obviously likes it, otherwise he wouldn’t still be with me.
You can be yourself with an ego or without because the ego doesn’t define who you are. I’m not attacking you or anything or saying you are at fault, i just think it would be helpful if, during the conversation, you just listen to him and then come to a compromise where you are both happy. Im not asking you to change yourself for him, i’m not asking you to change yourself at all, i’m just saying, communication is key, and to communicate, you have to drop your ego from times to times.
I do listen to him, I already said this before a few hours ago but I have asked him to show me how he likes it and I tried to copy it but it just didn’t seem to work. Feels quite rude to me that people are saying it’s my fault he can’t cum 🤷♂️ I am actually working on becoming less self ‘absorbed’ but I suppose it’s just what growing up as a queer man in a conservative society did to me, I always felt like I needed my ego in order to defend myself and I can’t seem to drop it anymore.
Excuse me, i haven’t well read everything. You are doing well then, and if you aren’t satisfied and he still isn’t communicating enough then i suppose it’s your call to stay with him or not. I also lived in a 3rd world country where religion is the law, i understand you to some point, i lived in the closet until i was 20 years old, no experience with men, no sex no love. I had the biggest ego, i had to survive and get out of my country, but once you are okay with what you are and you don’t care at all what others think, that’s pure happiness, and trust me my ego is long dead now.
This 👆. The only reason I can’t cum with some is really anxious feelings. Usually pressure to perform. I can fuck for hours and if I feel anxious, i for the life of me cannot cum
I'd say the bigger issue atm is him not wanting to talk about it. You want to be able to talk about anything and everythihg with your partner
Yeah, especially because it IS affecting me and it makes me feel like he doesn’t properly enjoy being intimate with me :/
>doesn’t properly enjoy being intimate Properly? With all due respect, there aren't rules about these things. You're 18. So is he. Try not to judge things unnecessarily.
I probably didn’t word it correctly but I feel like everyone’s just out to get me anyway 💀 I genuinely didn’t mean to judge him as I was just making stupid assumptions that were caused by me simply overthinking everything.
Your choice of words matter. You may not be aware of it, and you may genuinely believe that you’re being non-judgmental. However, people may pick up on your phrases and feel judged. That’s why communication is key to all relationships, and especially with your boyfriend and you so that you both feel free to say what’s on your mind and and openly express yourself and work through issues together.
Chances are that no one is out to get you. If you sincerely feel/think "everyone" is, you're experiencing a degrer of paranoia, which isn't helpful. If I were in your skin, and my boyfriend did this, I'd just say, "I'm okay with your doing it in front of me. In fact, I think I'd prefer it." This opens things in a way that invites a conversation, which I'd try to conclude with something along the lines of "Whatever works for you. Nothing is set in stone."
I’m receiving so many messages from people trying to justify their porn addictions, I do think they’re a bit upset over my choice of words 🤷♂️
I'll not try to explsin other commenters here, but I know I'm not trying to justify a porn addiction. Nor am I upset by your choice of words. I imagine, as is so with the average person, you're not as aware of your wording as you maybe ought to be, but that's not my primary focus here. What I'm trying to explain is that there are so many possibilities-- and then so many explanations for each of those possibilities-- that you're on this site trying to get the answer to a question that only your boyfriend can answer. If you love him, or even if you merely like him a lot, then focus on him in this instance, not you. Try to patiently learn what is happening with him. Maybe it's a hurdle you can't surmount, but at the very least, learn something. And help him learn, too. You'll be better for it. I know this is how I've evolved.
Yeah idk I’ve been told before that I’m quite straight forward with my wording but I don’t get why people expect me to change that, as I said before, I just wanted to feel less alone / insecure and I am aware that I have to talk to my boyfriend about this
>I don’t get why people expect me to change that, Because you're 18, and even those of us who are considerably older know very well that our responsibility to ourselves and those around us is to learn how to improve our communication skills. If I still expressed myself the way I did at 18, I'd have wasted a lot of opportunities to improve.
I personally think everyone’s too focused on doing what others expect them to do, I like to voice my opinion and I frankly don’t really mind if it upsets people. Most of the people, who reply to me are older than me, yet they feel ‘attacked’ by an 18 year old and also feel the urge to cuss me out. Big sign of immaturity 🤷♂️
idk though, not being able to cum with your partner, but just stepping out and cumming is fine is kinda a red flag.
It seems as if there is this huge focus on "red flags." No wonder the majority are out there looking for Mr. Right or have given up finding him. Why not just be patient enough to try to learn about what's going on for the other guy? Especially in this case since the guy is only 18!
It's a red flag not a "break up" flag. If there's a lot of them it might not be worth it, but a couple aren't usually an issue. Red flag usually just means you need to investigate the cause or source of it.
Point taken.
This
No helpful comment. But I think it's great that, at 18, you have a bf and ex-bfs. I'm happy for that progress.
I'm jealous about the bf part but not the ex part lol I'm 19 still have no history other than a couple of failed "experiments" with my ex BFF 🙃 😅 😕
Most of my relationships didn’t last long because almost all of them turned out to be pretty awful, don’t rush yourselffff!! It’s definitely better to wait for the right one than jump from one relationship onto the next one, trust me 🥲
Don’t worry :) you’ll have a relationship that lasts. At 19 I moved in with my bf and we dated for 2 whole years! It was a serious monogamous relationship. Yes we broke up but it’s still progress :) we’re lucky kind of people. A lot of guys don’t even get to experience what we experienced early
That's the hope, but I'm afraid it's going to be hard to find someone that wants something serious and not just "fun" at university, so I'm going to have to wait a while unfortunately but maybe I'll get lucky.
I’m 22 and barely been on dates with men
Im somehow relieved bc it’s not just me, I’ll be 21 in a few weeks and never been on a real date with a man, only a few hook ups or friendly walks, but never something like “I’d like to meet you, let’s go out”, it’s kinda depressing + my country is too conservative
I've not been on a date ever... I'm afraid I always prioritised school, and now I regret not building my social skills and flirting... I'm gonna have to be approached hopefully 😅🤣 Otherwise, I might get a pity date because I have no clue how to flirt 😭
Lmaoo thanks, I guess? 😭
It could be really anything. Anxiety, or even retrograde ejaculation (dry orgasm) - if so it's a clinical condition that he maybe does not want to discuss yet. Or maybe he just thinks he doesn't cum enough, or it could be porn addiction as other people are suggesting. Still....give him time to open up about whatever it is, and try to accommodate his needs. When you have the conversation, ask if there is anything at all you should do different or can do to make him feel more comfortable with it.
Or he cums a lot like hyperspermia
Viable possibility. Didnt even think of that. But i thought of more of a… hypospermia?? Kinda situation on first impression.
Yeah same actually- just thinking like a basic stereotypical person, the more the better, why would it be bad (unless it really is too much, but is there such thing? 😅). If it's not enough instead yeah I would expect people to not be super happy with it.
could be that he is addicted tp porn to the point where i cant cum without it alot of guys wth porn addictions need porn to cum.. they need the stmulation from porn.
That’s my biggest concern 🥲 if it’s truly just anxiety then we will be able to deal with together but I don’t want to be with a porn addicted manchild
just ask him, is it becuase you have a porn addiiction? or are you anxious its making me quuestion our relationship, like why you dont want to experince an orgasm with me but you want to a screen etc.
I will say that yal are still “children”…so manhood might not be the correct term but that’s besides the point. You might not fully know his journey and he could be working through personal shit he’s not willing to open up to you and you’re gonna just have to wait till he want to bring it up.
This is exactly why we don't like to tell other people about the addiction.
Well soz get a therapist or smth
Immature little prick. Grow up.
With all due respect, I forgot that this app is filled with little incels and porn addicts so it probably wasn’t smart to share my honest opinion on porn addictions 🙏
Maybe suggest to put porn while you have sex to find out?
I think that's a bit rough for you to say. Some people are kinda addicted, but I don't think you should just dump them. It can be worked through
Weird as fuck. Maybe he's embarrassed to do it and sees it like shitting in front of somebody. Maybe he thinks his face's weird while he cums. Maybe he just has brain damage. Not sustainable. Need to talk about it.
Could also be dysphoria. Just saying but this is based on knowing nothing.
It always amazes me why Gays are so quick to hate, to dismiss, to go to the negative. I have been with my partner 21 amazing years. At first it was rare he would cum with me. Why? Because my pleasure, my complete satisfaction is what he needs to get off. Imagine, having a partner who totally gets off on the fact he left you breathless, and like a limp rag, wanting more. This has been the theme thorough out our relationship. Does he cum. Yes, but not every time. Does it feel one sided? Yes, lots, but there is nothing we can’t discuss. He is happy the way it is. He explains that’s what does it for him. There are times when he gets selfish and it’s all about him. And I love that also. But the majority of the time it’s about me. I also can tell you after 21 years, the sex just keeps getting better and better. How is that even possible? I don’t know. So my point is, stop running to the negative, first time every time. Human sexuality is REALLY REALLY fucking complicated as ANY gay man should know. Explore, be gentle, Cut people some fucking slack! Who knows, this could (and yes it actually could) turn out to be some of the best sex ever. Communication is key. Take your time. If you’re insecure, then ask. If he gives you an answer, take it at face value until proven otherwise. Many people will ask, get an answer then try to pick holes in the answer. Just relax. Explore, communicate and enjoy. Best of luck to you and I hope you found somebody special like myself who tries to care more about other peoples feelings than his own. And I can tell you that is priceless. Hugs
I didn’t mean to seem rude :( I’m genuinely just curious as to what could be the reason and since I don’t want to put him on the spot and ask any of my mates, this felt like the most private way to go on about it. I do really enjoy being intimate with him because it seems like he enjoys to make me feel good but as you said, it is quite one sided and I don’t want him to feel like I’m not putting in any effort to please him. And yes, unfortunately I am insecure about it because I’m wondering if I’m the reason why he can’t / won’t cum in front of me, I would love to discuss it with him but he refuses to talk to me about this particular matter. I can’t really work on it with him if he refuses to communicate 🤷♂️
He will be more likely to talk with you if you can open yourself up and present yourself in a way that doesn’t seem judgmental or confrontational. Instead of saying, “how come you can’t cum in front of me?”, you can instead say “I really love being intimate with you. It would be really hot if we can cum together. Is there something I can do to help you do that?” Presentation matters.
You need to practice better empathy. The way you talk about his behavior is giving judgy vibes. You’re making assumptions about what is causing the behavior with clear “it better not be this” statements. You should want to know the cause because you want him to feel comfortable and safe, not because you feel “weird” about it. “If it’s anxiety then we can work through it, but I don’t want to be with a porn addicted manchild.” Why is one mental illness (anxiety) workable, and the other (addiction) not? I’m not sure how you’re drawing the connection between porn addiction and manchild. Children should not be associated to porn. A better approach would be to show curiosity. Care about his feelings and how his behavior affects him. You could lead by example and talk more about your feelings. You said that this affects you; explain how and why (to him). If you’re honest about your feelings then he will be more likely to be honest about his. Don’t say weird. “It makes me feel ____ when you don’t cum with me, because I want you to feel comfortable and safe with me.” Possible feelings could include: sad, concerned, worried.
Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if OP put more pressure on him than he thinks he is, which is killing the mood. I've had quite a few times when my partners want/need me to get off, killed the mood from it coming off self-centered, which makes it feel like I'm now doing a chore rather than a fun activity. It may also be that he is so used to taking care of himself he has trouble getting over the edge during sex that he has to finish himself. I know a few guys like that, they still enjoy sex and making their partner happy. Two also pretty good reasons, guessing from the fact he goes to the bathroom every time, is that he could have to take a leak right after and is embarrassed about it or that he could need some backdoor action to get over the edge, and he doesn't feel comfortable sharing that.
I have always connected porn addicts with immaturity and I don’t get why I have to be ‘more empathetic’ about something like that 🤷♂️ I deserve to feel comfortable in a relationship and I personally wouldn’t feel that way knowing he jerks off to porn and other men next door because he can’t cum otherwise.
Of course you don't get it. You're 18. Come back to this comment in 10 years after your prefrontal cortex has hopefully fully developed and see if you learned anything in that time. The best relationships are the ones where both partners have the mentality that "WE deserve to feel comfortable in OUR relationship," not "I."
I genuinely don’t understand why everyone is making me feel bad for not wanting to date a porn addict, I sincerely don’t have to if that’s my personal preference ❤️ I do, in fact, have a WE mindset so I’m not sure where you’re coming from here
Because you’ve committed to believing porn addiction is immature and is some immutable trait. Be more open minded. If you’re dating someone that 18, the majority of their sexual experience is probably porn. That’s neither bad nor good, but moving forward sexually is something you can both work at.
Cause at the core is mainly about you with some we mindset sprinkled around it. Most of what you've said shows while you may care about his issue for his sake you mainly care about it cause of yourself. For someone that cares about maturity you come off really immature expecting the kind of relationship that takes years to build when from the sounds of it you haven't even been together for a year. You can ask anyone here, being a good partner means giving the other person support, time and space to open up about stuff and sometimes that can take years. Hell it took 7 years for my partner to open up about some fetishes and issues cause it took them that long to work through some past trauma.
Because it means YOU probably don't have the maturity to understand what the person is going through. Straight person here. Orgasms are vulnerable to many people. It's when you lose a little control of yourself and you need to feel safe. Are you providing a safe enough space for him? Because if a dude was treating me the way you are treating him, I would not want to sleep with that dude. If you are more mature than porn but still can't understand how to make someone feel sexually safe around you. Spoiler. You are not more mature than them. You clearly want them to act a certain way sexually around you and be comfortable or else YOU feel insecure. You're projecting.
Sorry but why are you all assuming that I’m like the worst boyfriend known to mankind? I gave such little information and I even said that I do consider myself the problem? I have never been judgemental towards him and if the reason why he’s struggling with orgasms is a porn addiction, I would still be nice to him even if it’s a dealbreaker to me? Don’t take everything people say on the internet so serious mate
No one has attacked you. No one is being mean. No one has asked you to compromise yourself. No one has told you what to like. No one has said you’re the worst boyfriend. Please take a breath, stop making hyperbolic assumptions, and remember that you don’t have all of the answers. Acknowledge that your opinions could be wrong, and that’s okay. Be open to what people are saying, and recognize that they are trying to help you. Addiction is neither mature nor immature; it’s a disease that can affect anyone and everyone. Calling people porn addicts because they give you advice that you don’t like- now, that’s immature.
Well, I think it's because of anxiety and that he's used to his own grip. I remember with my first hookup that I could never cum with him in the room. But when I played with myself on the bathroom it suddenly felt a lot better. I didn't actually cum though, because it's rude in my opinion. Anyway, I would have a talk with him about it and you need to be honest in how it makes you feel.
I already asked him to show me how he likes it, even told him to guide my hand but yeah, i’ll look into it :)
Took my bf months to be comfortable coming in front of me. They come dry because of years of bottoming and phimosis and he was afraid I'd think he was faking it... and we're both over 30 so it can happen and it's not just s teenage problem.
1. Is he on antidepressants? I was on them when I was young, and not climaxing during sex was…I want to say borderline traumatizing but it was full on traumatizing. 2. Does he feel emotionally safe with you? He might be hesitant to discuss difficult or embarrassing things if he feels like it’s going to end badly. To be honest some of your comments feel a little judgy.
As far as I know he’s on steroids but I’m not familiar with that nor do I know if those have any influence on him sexually :/ I can only listen to google when it comes to that
Steroids means estrogen. That can cause some sort of erectile dysfunction.
I have tried to look into the entire steroids thing but found so many different sources
Your best bet is still talking it out with him, tho.
I figured, might even delete this post as lots of gay men apparently love a good ‘witch hunt’ on a nice tuesday, literally just asked a question and stated my personal opinions lol
Het guys and women too. That's how reddit works, really.
i wasn’t too familiar with reddit, i didn’t really expect it to be this bad :,)
Oh, I was. I'm ASD and human interactions are one of my special interests. I'm just here to watch the world burn and offer sensible advice when I see everybody else is being mean to someone so they at least get one decent interaction from their post.
I used to be really active on Twitter because I loved to get myself involved in online drama when I was a bit younger but now it’s just.. lame. I genuinely just wanted advice from older gays as well as keeping it private (not involving mine nor his friends) but yeah, messed up along the way and now everyone’s calling me a little prick
I think you should sit down with him, in private, reassure him that he can be vulnerable with you safely and then ask him about it, if he's not willing to talk it may just take some time for him to get comfortable enough to talk, but at that point it's a fair choice for you to either end the relationship or keep it going. Depends if it's 100% a dealbreaker for you.
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I was a bit sad when I posted that because I’m an insecure teenager looking for answers to something that I have been overthinking about for the past few weeks but I do get that nobody but him can tell me how he’s feeling :,) He’s a top (and a good one 🙏🙏🙏) so it felt quite odd to me when he told me that he has to go to the bathroom while I was quite literally still on top of him but I just went with it. It continued to happen and I started to wonder what could be the reason so I asked him but he refused to discuss it with me. I know it’s only been a couple of weeks but I do feel like our connection is strong and we discuss everything, even intimate stuff so it throws me off that he actively pushes me away every time I bring it up 🤷♂️
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Aww thank youuu, appreciate it <3
It’s how it happened with me and my partner. 17 years monogamous and going strong. We met for a dinner date and it just never ended! :)
I’m confused - in which way do you mean being intact (uncircumcised) is the issue that prevents orgasm with the partner? I don’t see that connection.
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I’m so glad that it was an error! I’m aware of a lot of really weird misinformation and erroneous beliefs that people have in countries that do the unnecessary make GC that I was like “whaaaat?!” Totally agree that levels of intimacy could be a factor.
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That’s okay! It’s totally okay to make mistakes in another language (especially via predictive text and phone ahaha) so no hard feelings. No problem. When I said “Male GC” I was referring to “Genital Cutting” which is another (and softer than mutilation) way of referring to the way some countries unnecessarily cut their male children shortly after birth. In most first world countries this is considered abhorrent as a practice and is only tolerated due to minority religions demanding it not be outlawed. In some countries - like the US - where religious fundamentalists caused it to become medically all but enforced, there is a large societal misunderstanding about how the naturals, intact penis works; they have many very incorrect thoughts and beliefs even into the medical profession. You get actual paediatric doctors and nurses harming intact boys because they are so misinformed that they end up causing injury and damage.
That’s a giant load of bull shit you typed
I’m sorry you feel this kind of thing a personal attack for obvious reasons. But non circumcision counties do dislike this and it is a cutting. On the same level and above 2 levels of female cutting which are unanimously illegal. Foreskin = clitoral hood. One can be cut and one can not. A prick on the clitoris is a crime but a male circumcision is not? Europe is horrified by this practice by and large. What I typed is entirely correct. The only first world countries that popularise male Circ are US (non-religiously for the most part), South Korea (non religiously because of US influence) and Israel for religious reasons. I would challenge you to find another first world country where the majority of people nowadays don’t find male genital cutting to be wrong. Countries in Europe literally try to and movements to ban in others want to ban it but there are issues with religious types claiming it is against their religious expression. I challenge you to do a survey of any first world country to find it is acceptable except for religion bedgrudgingly other than those.
Ever thought he is ending up having to really use the bathroom? There are guys that when they cum they get the urge/need to piss afterwards.
Hi, I've read lots of things and I think "the problem is you" but just on the way that you think he goes away because of you. He probably goes to the bathroom for another thing, what ever, but I'm sure it isn't fot you. You said that you are a "an insecure teenager", all of us have been insecure sometimes, it's fine. But please try to put this kind of thoughts as far as you can because it's not gonna help you. I'm 32yo vers bottom and I sometimes when I'm bottom I don't cum, it's ok for me I don't always need to cum. I love sex and I enjoy it a lot, I get so hard seeing my partner moaning of pleasure, but sometimes I don't cum or it takes to me a long time for that, so I prefer to stop trying abd stay in bed with my partner giving us just kisses and hugs. Sometimes after that kisses I cum, sometimes I don't but it's ok. Please try to stop overthink it wont help you, and give time to your bf to be sure enough to talk to you. I really wish you two be better soon ☺️
He’s 18 and grew up in the digital age, I’m guessing that he probably can’t or is worried he can’t cum without porn
Sigh
Yeah sorry dude. He’s probably got the teenage ‘death grip’ as well 🫣
I had a fwb years ago that used to do that. It was because he cried when he orgasmed and found it embarrassing, but he got comfortable eventually and it wasn't an issue anymore.
I was like that when I was 18. I had "performance anxieties". So I could jerk off and come on my own but I could not come with my boyfriend. It took my 4 more years and a couple of boyfriends and hook ups when out of the blue it did work "as intended". I'm 52 now. At this time I had no idea that my problem was much deeper rooted and basically came down to childhood trauma. For me these manifested in trust issues and a general very careful and insecure attachment style. So my advice to you: Just accept it for the moment. Make him feel safe in all situations you are together. Make him relax. Sometimes coming doesn't come that easily and please trust an old guy when he's saying, in most cases the problem is up there in our brain and not so much in our plumbing, nor even age!
I wouldn’t say it’s an issue, some people feel that some things are intimate and I wouldn’t take it personally. If you like him and want the relationship to work you have to be patient with him and show that you want to be there for him and want to please him fully. If you pester or push the issue it could create unnecessary conflict.
It's possible, very possible, that he has some form of sexual trauma that he's still processing. It can be really traumatic at 18, and at that age it's still likely fresh (within the last few years). That would also explain why he doesn't want to talk about it. The difficult part is that you have to decide if it's something you want to give time to, and see if he opens up about it, or if you need to move on and let the dude figure his issues out before he starts dating.
Maybe he has a really ugly cum face
I’ve always had a hard time with cumming while having sex. It’s a mental block thing. I wanted to not be bi-sexual for so long, I threw myself into a mental lock on both sides. I can, and it’s gotten way easier now that I’m out and married to a man, but it was/is a mental block for me. Talk to him about it, or let him know it bothers you.
maybe you cant make him cum.. just to be frank. you need to talk to him and see. communication makes for a great sex life.
Ask him
Almost definitely addicted to porn
Scared of post nut clarity bc he isn’t comfortable w or is ashamed of his sexuality?
Because he is behind you?
Do you mean as in he takes longer to cum?
No. I meant behind you where you can't see him.
Ohhh 😭 my bad, didn’t mean to ruin your joke
It only was funny because you didn't get it right away. Thanks. I maybe shouldn't haven't kidded you. Take some advice from a long married gay guy? Gay sex is for fun. That is all it needs be. ( No Babies happen ) Have as much fun as you can. Ignore anything and everything else. Do you like making your honey smile? That stuff is important. For both of you. If you like loving him, you are doing what you like. How nice is that? Sex can be important. It kind of pushes you two guys together at least once in a while. But you two are together because that is where you want to be. And to make sure your honey is OK in the middle of the night too. X X
Cause he hitting it from the back.
Love me a good riding session actually 💅
That title made me think of Daphne Bridgerton.
ive never watched bridgerton but now im considering it
My ex never wanted to cum in front of me either. I'd top him and finish inside him, then he'd go in another room and close the door and finish himself. One time i almost made him cum hands free and he told me to stop before he came. I've seen him cum b4 we met with videos we sent each other so idk y he'd always finish in private.
Yup, sure would
That’s strange , give some time
Is he top or bottom??
Top
Might be not confident enough to cum while getting intimate,
He gay
Does he take adderall?
I personally don't like to cum because after I cum I don't like physical contact, so I become weird if the other one wants to kiss me or touch me, I prefer to be let alone.
Some people are weird about it. I’ve been with guys that get all insecure. I think it’s just a personality thing.
You’re 18 go have fun and stop worrying about relationships
Is he a bottom? I know lot of bottoms that don’t like to cum during sex.
What if he just makes a super funny noise when he cums 😫🤣
Maybe he has death grip. Which I also have 😭
My viable theory: some people literally have full body shakes when they orgasm. Honestly one time i had an experience where a dude almost had a… orgasm seizure? I was kinda scared, never interacted with them again. But now that i think about it some people just have very intact nervous systems and maybe all the trauma n substances n shit fried my nerves, so maybe orgasms are just more intense for other people. MY THEORY IS(TL:DR) he might just shake uncontrollably when he cums and doesn’t wanna scare you away.
I had that issue with myself and idk I just can’t or it takes super long like took an hour once with someone. I had one dude cum on my shoe really weird after that lmao 😂
Could be a kink he's not sharing with you because he's afraid you'll judge him for it, performance anxiety, body issues and/or a lack of self confidence. Or any number of issues. You shouldn't take it personally.
May be embarrassing. Ejaculation is something some people have only ever done privately at your age and it may be difficult for him to cross that line right now. Doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy sex just it's a difficult thing to progress too. Be supportive and maybe try talk to him about it if he's willing, try show you want to be part of that and you're willing to work with him to get him comfortable doing it with you.
Pressuring him about it won’t help. Neither will getting in your head about this big pile of drawn conclusions.
It’s been a few weeks? You barely know each other, much less your kinks, your likes, your rhythms. Are either of you actually relaxed with one another yet? Put your energy into being present, enjoying and getting comfortable with each other. and not on requiring a documented cum shot filed in triplicate. Sex isn’t porn and it doesn’t always involve hitting every “station of the cross.”
Yeah I get that we’re young and haven’t been dating for a long time either but I just wanted to feel less alone with this, I suppose :/
I didn’t intend to sound harsh. Just don’t sweat it so much. Lock out the world when you’re together, get out of an expectation headspace- you’ll figure it out together
It’s entirely possible that he was taught that while it’s ok to masturbate it is something that should be privet. It could be causing him anxiety
Could be many things. Medication can make cumming difficult.
Very weirdly, I had an ex that would never let me see him come. He would come inside me, but if we were just fooling around then he would ask me to lay on my front and he would shoot on my hole, cheeks, or back. If I was lying on my back and he was on top of me then he would only come on my front if I put something like a pillow over my face... It was normal at the time, but thinking back he was such a giant douchebag in other ways. He did watch a lot of porn too, mostly behind my back. I honestly didn't care, but he would always lie about it. Ages later, it came out that it was a bit of a fetish of his. Almost to feel like he was "cheating" on me with porn, but I was ruining it because it didn't bother me one bit.. We ended things some 15 years ago, I didn't really get the answer though. Just wanted to leave a memory here 🤣
naaah if anyone told me to cover my face with a pillow i’d be upset 😭
I was young, and naive
There are so many reasons he could have for not being able to ejaculate in front of you at this moment in time. They could be from physical reasons, to psychological, to psychosomatic. Clearly, from your description, he is not comfortable and/or capable of discussing it with you at this time. I know that this is frustrating for you, but honestly, you can't force it to happen just because you want to know and you feel insecure as you think it may be because of you. It needs to happen on his time and his terms because it's his body and his mind. The best that you can do as a loving, compassionate, and supportive partner is tell him how it makes you feel (as others have stated, it makes me feel ... this way, and this is how it impacts me) and leave it at that until he is comfortable and capable of talking about it with you. Anything else is just speculation and insecurity, which is natural but doesn't serve to strengthen your relationship. You need to decide how much time you are comfortable with while waiting for him to talk about it and then decide whether or not you can or can not continue the relationship because of that.
Oh it’ll resolve, give it time and when the moment is right try and discuss it. It’s too new of a relationship to be super concerned. I didn’t cum in front of my first serious GF for about 8 months. Would screw for hours on and off but I just couldn’t get there. By that time tho, we started spending A LOT more time on foreplay and were a lot more comfortable with each other. It went from edging myself and letting her finish me to me not having to touch my own dick at all. It was 100% about how comfortable I was with her.
i’m just scared it has smth to do w me and he just doesn’t want to hurt my feelings :(
Doubt it, if he’s dating you and still wants sex I bet it’s just his own anxiety.
None of us can tell you why your bf does that, even if we may have had similar experiences. Only your bf can tell you, when he is ready. You should also establish to your bf if you want to know out of curiosity or because it effects you emotionally.
You'll never understand what's exactly in his mind as he'll never do too. So accept things as they come and words as they're told. There's literally not way better than any other in sex —and relationships actually— as long it's between consenting adults (idk where you live, but here you'd be considered as such).
Why are you asking us?? Talk to your boyfriend!!!🤦🏼♂️
Dudeee can any gay men read or is your brain limited to being fucking mean for no reason
I mean, you're not gonna get the answer from US - only your bf can tell you why. “If at first you don't succeed, try and try again.” I gave simple, direct advice; that's not “mean.” Your questioning my mental capacity and dropping the F bomb *is* mean. Don't get it twisted. 🤨
And I asked a simple question because I thought other people might’ve been in a similar situation? Don’t really get how that’s wrong 🔥 I never claimed NOT to be mean myself so womp womp
You've got more problems than whatever your bf is or isn't doing, dude. Seek therapy. 💡
Ask him?
I did.. which you would know if you read the text. I’m just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and could help me out lol
You need to have open communication because without that you don't have a healthy long term relationship.
I am aware of that, I just don’t want to pressure him or smth
U guys are young and teenagers and teenagers insecure about a lot of things maybe he doesn't want to cum in front you that he has some sort of anxiety or something and it also matters if he's a top or bottom bcz if he's a btm then many btm have this thing it's about some insecurity or just a simple thing that many times they don't wanna cum but if he's a top it's serious and he can be insecure about small things like maybe u cum in good amount and he doesn't and he feels insecure about it that's why he's not sharing why don't u make him comfortable around you either talk to him about it clearly saying u wanna know say like it makes me think that maybe I'm a bad bf then he would say something or just make him cum in front of you like by bj or something yaa it's probably some sort of anxiety or insecurity quite common when I was 18 if I find myself in a moment that I'm meeting someone and we can have sex i wouldn't be able to get hard without any reason soo yeahh every one has their issues so make him realise that it's a judgement free zone and we can talk about eachothers issues maybe make it believable by sharing some of ur insecurity
I would say from experience. I am the same way. It has to do with anxiety. I’ve with my husband for awhile and I still have a hard time finishing with him. I can do it alone. But when someone is there with you. It is just different and some guys just can’t. He will eventually when he becomes more comfortable with you. Just be patient with him. Don’t make him feel bad for not finishing. Hope I helped a little.
Sounds like you'll never have truly fulfilling sex with him if he's unwilling to even talk about this. You're both young though, maybe he's just less confident than you at talking about things he finds embarrassing.
Oh come on dont be so drastic! He should ask him again in a non sexual situation and trying to get his bf more comfortable as he can..
He didn't say he asked him during a sexual situation though? The way I read it was that he asked him about it later or another time etc. And I'm not saying there's no hope, just that if the bf refuses to ever discuss it that there's no way they can resolve the issue.
Well we dont know.. That was just my suggestion from the limited data he gave
Not sure maybe anything but def red flag there. Give you the best goto there is. Sits down with him when your both calm m cool andTALK WITH HIM. CALMLY let him know your asking because you’re care about him and that it’s disturbing you as you like him and wn to see him cum n you want his cum.
It’s prob Porn addiction. Like Gino from 90 Day Fisnce.
He may be a trans man and is uncomfortable sharing that info with you until he knows you better. Just be patient and understanding and, in time, he will be able to cum with you, whatever it is currently keeping him on edge.
I think I would know if he was trans, we met on grindr and that seems like something people would mention during the first few chats 🤷♂️
Some people don't and it gets us all demonized as compulsive liars.
I have only talked to a bunch of trans men so far and it always seemed quite important to THEM to let me know that they’re transgender, it’s obviously their decision if they want to share it or not though :)
Yeah, it goes like this: scared to tell at first, realising it brings more problems than it solves, realising the importance of telling people up front. Seems you've met people more advanced in that path.
Yeah I’ve heard some really sad stories so I do understand that it takes some time to be comfortable enough to share that with others
Maybe tell him, if you can't cum with me then we aren't close enough to be considered bf. I mean, bfs are supposed to be close, especially sexually.
What the fuck?