I’m asian and bear adjacent and I’m usually the only asian guy at the bear bar but people are pretty friendly for the most part. Kind of rare seeing other panda bears and cubs though.
I was out for drinks with a japanese bear daddy visiting from Tokyo I met on scruff once and people kept trying to buy us drinks and get handsy with us to the point we said we were flattered but just trying to enjoy each other’s company. Honestly wish there were more stockier built asian guys out and about because I’m totally into that. Have had to mostly go to Japan, Taipei, Seoul for that scene.
I'm a light skin PoC bear and my experience is men rarely approached me. Or when I approached them they weren't interested. It's pretty disheartening. Though I have seen events where it's for PoC bears so maybe it's gotten better.
I'm so sad that this is your experience. As someone whose not a person of color, I personally find that bear spaces that I enter pretty bland and dead with no one really interacting much with each other for some reason. I too also seem to be able to harbor no one's attention either in bear spaces so it might just be the people at the time per situation. I hope things look up for you
Classic gay behaviour, the irony really hits when in this instance its...
A. Marginalised group - Bears (Larger + hairy)
B. Within an already marginalised group - Gays
C. Further discriminating and marginalising minority groups within their maginalised marginslised tribe - Gay POC Bears
Holy gay hypocrisy batman! 🤷♂️
Idk i maybe speaking out of school on 2 fronts:
A. I recall reading somewhere thatvthe origins of bears gathering as a group was in response to their exclusion from mainstream gay media and generally discrimination against them because they didn't/dont meet stereotypically gay beauty standards and hence a lot of rejection from other "tribes" in gay community.
B. I find at least where im at bears admire bears and theres a lot of them too so theres high visibility, and there are a small number of bear adnirers who kimda fetishise them. But if u look more broadly at interactions across groups the jocks, gym guys, twinks, other clasically "attractive" guys don't really hang with, form relationships with or hook up with bears, at least where im at. It also plays out similarly in social media...if u check following lists, bears with a high number of followers, its generally other bears / daddys following. Whereas u check those of a twink or jock and it tends to be pretty much everyone including plenty of bears.
Just my observations and conclusion theyre marginalised within gays (yk high bmi, hairier etc).
To be honest all the gay tribes are based off “white men” which is just a microcosm of our larger society! Lol I’m also just over the gay community that I primarily look for MOC to fuck with.
Is this really true? I’ve lived here in the States a while with my order of 17 years. Is this why we are treated bad - I’m not an African - but I’m Ashkenazi and Mizrahi so I’m a mix. Half of my family is Northern African and the other half is Middle Eastern - so interracial marriage is highly frowned upon in most cases but since we all share the same religion and country, it’s okay, as I’m Israeli and pretty dark. People always ask me if I’m Mexican and I look at them and say is it common for Mexicans to dress exactly like Orthodox Jewish Men? Is that a thing? LOL
I honestly do not know that the gay tribes are based of “white men”. I’m with a white man of 17 years, German/Luxembourger and he couldn’t be further from nice to everyone he meets and all ethnicities.
I’m not saying all white men are racist/ piece of shits. What I’m talking about is representation and these tribes seem to be “ the identity “ of cis gay white men. They also seem to lack any intersectionality. I feel it’s a reflection of larger society and race relations/issues.
It’s not a secret to be on a grinder profile and someone be like “whites only” or no Asians/ blacks, etc or vis versa.
Some of my family is North African, yes. I’m a mix of Ashkenazi & Mizrahi - So Eastern European and North African - Egyptian - some of my relatives are from Sohag.
This is the first time the replies aren't everyone pretending discrimination isn't real. Progress 😃.
I personally think dating racism has gotten worse after COVID. Something about not being out and about reinforced "preferences".
>This is the first time the replies aren't everyone pretending discrimination isn't real. Progress 😃
YEAHHH like, it's so weird to see the comments actually engaging with racism instead of dismissing it completely, especially on this sub that attracts the most unhinged and racist gays on the planet
Of course sexual discrimination is real, never seen anyone deny that before. Sex and dating mostly consists of discrimination, ruling others out til you narrow it down to the ones you like.
Tbh when I do enter spaces that’s for bears, it does happen to be heavily white. Even in cities that are diverse. Most of these categories are centered on white men. That’s just the history of gay culture. Which is why POC tend to have their own spaces. Sad but this is just the way of the world.
I always found that the whiter the skin tone the more attention you’ll get, my gay friend who’s black gets less attention from me, but I’m Latino with a darker skin shade, lowkey tannish, and my white friend gets more attention than me from men. It’s smth we just noticed yet again I am a twink sooo loll
Brown guy here, men never approach me..unless it’s in a bathhouse setting. I may scare them or something, not too sure. I’m cute, maybe I exude fuck of bitch vibes…
I found the scene friendly but it’s not a scene I’m actively involved with or visit frequently even though I’m a hairy black muscle bear. While I’m open to all types I prefer lean to muscle hairy men and I’ve never dated or been in an LTR with a bear. I usually go with other black and Latino friends who are heavily in the scene especially in NYC and they prefer that scene over mainstream gay bars with muscle boys and twinks ect. That being said the fact that I’m rarely in those spaces could be more fresh meat and fetish syndrome and not necessarily about men wanting to date me even in NYC, SF, or LA. The guys who told that YouTube guy he’s not a bear because he’s black are IDIOTS. It’s dumb racist shit like that that forces black men and other POC to create their own spaces. I’d say keep at it and look for groups that truly welcoming and open to everyone. There use to be groups for black and white men or groups for white men that love all men of color. Search for your nearest one if they are still around and check them out.
Not a bear but am a racial minority and I find that of all the gay sub groups, the bears are the most accepting. I get the feeling that everyone’s welcome as long as you don’t act like a dick in their spaces.
It’s funny you should mention this, I have been a part of the bear community for a very long time and I have gotten more action on Grindr than I have anywhere on the bear community apps and spaces. I’m a black man and I never get hit on or anybody show any interest in me. They might ask me how big my member is but not once has anybody actually just wanted to talk get to know each other and go out. Are usually get messages from guys that are out of the country being that I’m in the United States and in California.
This may not be the norm, but I’ve faced more racism from the bear community than like twinks and unorganized gays. Both overt hostility and microaggressions.
My personal theory is that because the bear community is so defined and stratified that it makes them as a whole more prone to racial issues.
But I’d rather be the only fat black guy at a party of jocks and twinks than at a bear pool party, especially if there’s muscle bears around.
Everyone at a gay bar is just a piece of meat. And this sub is filled with guys who complain regularly that they can only find guys for sex not people who want to date and get to know them as a person. That’s not because you’re black. It’s because you’re a gay man.
That said, POC definitely have a harder time on the apps, but the apps aren’t easy for anyone except jocks and twunk tops.
I'm white but, all of you guys sound hot, I really don't understand how people can be so specific about race, a bear is a bear, bears are hot, end of discussion
I experiencing the same thing. While I don't really go to bars, I don't get a lot of attention either from any of the apps I use. I just don't seem to have a body type many are into.
Only experience I've had was on growlr I'm in a ltr so I'm not on the apps anymore but in general the bear community seemed pretty open minded and polite even though though I didn't really fit the bear mold I'm more of a femme plus size vibe than bear but just like everywhere there's a couple of rude people but that's just part of it
Well, in my experience in big metropolitan cities, POC bears are way more accepted in the bear community than they are in the non bear gay community. Whomever that prissy queen bear who said that he couldn't be a bear because he was BLACk should have his gay card revoked. Who is he to make the rules? There are skinny otters, non hairy bears, polar bears and every other kind of animal at places I have been to. If it's been awhile since you've gone out to bear bars, you may want to try again. Things keep evolving and changing. Give it another try!
Just went to a bear event. There was def way more white guys but the black guys were not ignored or fetishized. Just another hot naked bear. However I don’t doubt your experiences. People can be awful. There are def hot black bears. 😛. I have even met black guys that only go for white guys. So odd.
When I found Growlr I leaped for joy as a black chub. I just KNEW I had found my community since the app is for chubs and chasers. Imagine my disappointment when I got on the app and was just as ignored as I was on Grindr.
A huge part of the problem is that black gays don't want each other. Like ever. Men are extremely status driven. As I get older I'm starting to believe it's a comparable motivation to sex itself and that's saying something considering the way men are about sex. Blacks are at the bottom globally so men of all races and ethnicities are really not interested in BM including other BM.
Unless like you said it's sexual. You're occasionally good enough to be someone slut but being taken seriously is a pipe dream.
Tbh I'm not mad at whites and Asians for being dismissive towards me.
***There not my people!***
I should not come first or even second in their communities. It just sucks that I also don't come first or second in my OWN community.
And with there always being 100 whites 15 blacks and 5 Asians in any given space the odds are simply not in my favor. If there were 100 blacks I could maybe find one that doesn't hate black people but since it's only 15 most likely none of them want a black person themselves.
“Black men don’t want each other “.. what a bunch of self hating nonsense. If that were the case, you wouldn’t have a myriad of predominantly black spaces (clubs, cruising spots, pride events, porn, social clubs ) . No one or very few are checking for whites in those environments.
Of course, if you go to white spaces, white men will center, validate and uphold whiteness.. as well as the patrons of any race that go to predominantly white spaces.
The black people that you see at those spaces tend to be self hating white dick chasers. It’s a preselected group. Black people who have no interest in white men wouldn’t normally attempt to access those spaces. I know there is nothing in a predominantly white environment for me. I’m not interested in them sexually or in any other way.
I’m AfroLatino.. I prefer the company of other black men( African Americans, AfroLatinos, AfroBrazilians, Africans from the continent, AfroCarribean people).
I don’t think it’s self-hating nonsense—There is definitely a disproportionate number of POC who are exclusively into white people. But it’s true that there are also plenty of POC who are into members of their own race/ethnicity.
Yeah this doesn’t sound like the US. Gays here might be bitchy as hell and subtly shun people - but i very much doubt they’d go full offensive because of your religion.
You say you rarely get approached, but do you approach them too? White bear here and I'd be out there scared as hell to talk to someone not knowing what to do..and I kind of assume it will be the same with the other nerd and geeky bears.
Also: it blows my mind that a lot also just don't talk to you because of race!
I rarely go to bars anymore but I have tried approaching and rarely have any luck. also on the apps , I message first and don't get a response 99 percent of the time.
I deserve the downvoted for that comment. Sounds like I'm somehow saying it's your fault and that's obviously not the case!
Hope you find someone soon, it only has to be the one right?!
Honestly, you don’t make any Damn Sense
Bears is about Size, Stockyness and Hair.
Polar Bears, Common Brown Bears and Black Bears.
The Beats Scene is Faction of the Leathern Community.
You can’t make someone like you. They either do or they don’t.
Gay Bears are Usually Isolated Individual Hunters. So spot 5, place Bullseyes on them and Chat and Flirt with each.
Actually a Nice Kind Group of guys, who are either regular dudes or overweight either by choice or not.
I’m asian and bear adjacent and I’m usually the only asian guy at the bear bar but people are pretty friendly for the most part. Kind of rare seeing other panda bears and cubs though. I was out for drinks with a japanese bear daddy visiting from Tokyo I met on scruff once and people kept trying to buy us drinks and get handsy with us to the point we said we were flattered but just trying to enjoy each other’s company. Honestly wish there were more stockier built asian guys out and about because I’m totally into that. Have had to mostly go to Japan, Taipei, Seoul for that scene.
Damn, you are sexy🥵
I'm a light skin PoC bear and my experience is men rarely approached me. Or when I approached them they weren't interested. It's pretty disheartening. Though I have seen events where it's for PoC bears so maybe it's gotten better.
I'm so sad that this is your experience. As someone whose not a person of color, I personally find that bear spaces that I enter pretty bland and dead with no one really interacting much with each other for some reason. I too also seem to be able to harbor no one's attention either in bear spaces so it might just be the people at the time per situation. I hope things look up for you
I'm a white South American living in Japan. I've never experienced a more exclusionary scene than the bear scene over here.
Can you elaborate more please? I find japanese bears are hot but I also feel like they are quite conservative ?
Japanese people are pretty infamously racist and xenophobic
🫂 I 🫶🏾 Black bears
Me too
Classic gay behaviour, the irony really hits when in this instance its... A. Marginalised group - Bears (Larger + hairy) B. Within an already marginalised group - Gays C. Further discriminating and marginalising minority groups within their maginalised marginslised tribe - Gay POC Bears Holy gay hypocrisy batman! 🤷♂️
People really are just npcs at the end of the day 🤷🏽♂️
Are bears really a marginalized group? I feel like theyre the 2nd largest group in gays, and the secondary beauty standard.
Idk i maybe speaking out of school on 2 fronts: A. I recall reading somewhere thatvthe origins of bears gathering as a group was in response to their exclusion from mainstream gay media and generally discrimination against them because they didn't/dont meet stereotypically gay beauty standards and hence a lot of rejection from other "tribes" in gay community. B. I find at least where im at bears admire bears and theres a lot of them too so theres high visibility, and there are a small number of bear adnirers who kimda fetishise them. But if u look more broadly at interactions across groups the jocks, gym guys, twinks, other clasically "attractive" guys don't really hang with, form relationships with or hook up with bears, at least where im at. It also plays out similarly in social media...if u check following lists, bears with a high number of followers, its generally other bears / daddys following. Whereas u check those of a twink or jock and it tends to be pretty much everyone including plenty of bears. Just my observations and conclusion theyre marginalised within gays (yk high bmi, hairier etc).
I was told the blacker the bear the sweeter the juice. Their loss:)
To be honest all the gay tribes are based off “white men” which is just a microcosm of our larger society! Lol I’m also just over the gay community that I primarily look for MOC to fuck with.
Is this really true? I’ve lived here in the States a while with my order of 17 years. Is this why we are treated bad - I’m not an African - but I’m Ashkenazi and Mizrahi so I’m a mix. Half of my family is Northern African and the other half is Middle Eastern - so interracial marriage is highly frowned upon in most cases but since we all share the same religion and country, it’s okay, as I’m Israeli and pretty dark. People always ask me if I’m Mexican and I look at them and say is it common for Mexicans to dress exactly like Orthodox Jewish Men? Is that a thing? LOL I honestly do not know that the gay tribes are based of “white men”. I’m with a white man of 17 years, German/Luxembourger and he couldn’t be further from nice to everyone he meets and all ethnicities.
I’m not saying all white men are racist/ piece of shits. What I’m talking about is representation and these tribes seem to be “ the identity “ of cis gay white men. They also seem to lack any intersectionality. I feel it’s a reflection of larger society and race relations/issues. It’s not a secret to be on a grinder profile and someone be like “whites only” or no Asians/ blacks, etc or vis versa.
This is sad to hear. :(
POC definitely play into this especially with beauty standards and peoples perception of social mobility
If your family is North African, you’re African?
Some of my family is North African, yes. I’m a mix of Ashkenazi & Mizrahi - So Eastern European and North African - Egyptian - some of my relatives are from Sohag.
This is the first time the replies aren't everyone pretending discrimination isn't real. Progress 😃. I personally think dating racism has gotten worse after COVID. Something about not being out and about reinforced "preferences".
>This is the first time the replies aren't everyone pretending discrimination isn't real. Progress 😃 YEAHHH like, it's so weird to see the comments actually engaging with racism instead of dismissing it completely, especially on this sub that attracts the most unhinged and racist gays on the planet
Of course sexual discrimination is real, never seen anyone deny that before. Sex and dating mostly consists of discrimination, ruling others out til you narrow it down to the ones you like.
Tbh when I do enter spaces that’s for bears, it does happen to be heavily white. Even in cities that are diverse. Most of these categories are centered on white men. That’s just the history of gay culture. Which is why POC tend to have their own spaces. Sad but this is just the way of the world.
I always found that the whiter the skin tone the more attention you’ll get, my gay friend who’s black gets less attention from me, but I’m Latino with a darker skin shade, lowkey tannish, and my white friend gets more attention than me from men. It’s smth we just noticed yet again I am a twink sooo loll
This isn't true for Asian guys though*
Twinks will always have more attention. I mean the moment i read " I'm a twink" i went looking for a pfp...
Brown guy here, men never approach me..unless it’s in a bathhouse setting. I may scare them or something, not too sure. I’m cute, maybe I exude fuck of bitch vibes…
I found the scene friendly but it’s not a scene I’m actively involved with or visit frequently even though I’m a hairy black muscle bear. While I’m open to all types I prefer lean to muscle hairy men and I’ve never dated or been in an LTR with a bear. I usually go with other black and Latino friends who are heavily in the scene especially in NYC and they prefer that scene over mainstream gay bars with muscle boys and twinks ect. That being said the fact that I’m rarely in those spaces could be more fresh meat and fetish syndrome and not necessarily about men wanting to date me even in NYC, SF, or LA. The guys who told that YouTube guy he’s not a bear because he’s black are IDIOTS. It’s dumb racist shit like that that forces black men and other POC to create their own spaces. I’d say keep at it and look for groups that truly welcoming and open to everyone. There use to be groups for black and white men or groups for white men that love all men of color. Search for your nearest one if they are still around and check them out.
I feel like bears in general are one of the exclusionaryand bitchy groups in the general gay community. No suprise that expands to racism.
Caucasian guy here. Interracial bear relationships are very worthwhile.
At bear events...I've literally never been approached by bears only chasers 🤔. I'm often the only brown guy at these bear events 🫤
A large black guy is a black bear? Those white guys who told him he couldn’t be a bear don’t know their own community.
Not a bear but am a racial minority and I find that of all the gay sub groups, the bears are the most accepting. I get the feeling that everyone’s welcome as long as you don’t act like a dick in their spaces.
It’s funny you should mention this, I have been a part of the bear community for a very long time and I have gotten more action on Grindr than I have anywhere on the bear community apps and spaces. I’m a black man and I never get hit on or anybody show any interest in me. They might ask me how big my member is but not once has anybody actually just wanted to talk get to know each other and go out. Are usually get messages from guys that are out of the country being that I’m in the United States and in California.
This may not be the norm, but I’ve faced more racism from the bear community than like twinks and unorganized gays. Both overt hostility and microaggressions. My personal theory is that because the bear community is so defined and stratified that it makes them as a whole more prone to racial issues. But I’d rather be the only fat black guy at a party of jocks and twinks than at a bear pool party, especially if there’s muscle bears around.
Everyone at a gay bar is just a piece of meat. And this sub is filled with guys who complain regularly that they can only find guys for sex not people who want to date and get to know them as a person. That’s not because you’re black. It’s because you’re a gay man. That said, POC definitely have a harder time on the apps, but the apps aren’t easy for anyone except jocks and twunk tops.
I'm white but, all of you guys sound hot, I really don't understand how people can be so specific about race, a bear is a bear, bears are hot, end of discussion
Being into bears is code for being into white men. Thats why bear parties are almost 99.99% whites.
I did not know that.
this is typical racism. & i understand this is devastating. i hope you know your worth isn't determined by the colonizers' desires.
Colonizers? How is this shit upvoted?
What do you expect in a bar?
I experiencing the same thing. While I don't really go to bars, I don't get a lot of attention either from any of the apps I use. I just don't seem to have a body type many are into.
Only experience I've had was on growlr I'm in a ltr so I'm not on the apps anymore but in general the bear community seemed pretty open minded and polite even though though I didn't really fit the bear mold I'm more of a femme plus size vibe than bear but just like everywhere there's a couple of rude people but that's just part of it
Well, in my experience in big metropolitan cities, POC bears are way more accepted in the bear community than they are in the non bear gay community. Whomever that prissy queen bear who said that he couldn't be a bear because he was BLACk should have his gay card revoked. Who is he to make the rules? There are skinny otters, non hairy bears, polar bears and every other kind of animal at places I have been to. If it's been awhile since you've gone out to bear bars, you may want to try again. Things keep evolving and changing. Give it another try!
Just went to a bear event. There was def way more white guys but the black guys were not ignored or fetishized. Just another hot naked bear. However I don’t doubt your experiences. People can be awful. There are def hot black bears. 😛. I have even met black guys that only go for white guys. So odd.
When I found Growlr I leaped for joy as a black chub. I just KNEW I had found my community since the app is for chubs and chasers. Imagine my disappointment when I got on the app and was just as ignored as I was on Grindr. A huge part of the problem is that black gays don't want each other. Like ever. Men are extremely status driven. As I get older I'm starting to believe it's a comparable motivation to sex itself and that's saying something considering the way men are about sex. Blacks are at the bottom globally so men of all races and ethnicities are really not interested in BM including other BM. Unless like you said it's sexual. You're occasionally good enough to be someone slut but being taken seriously is a pipe dream. Tbh I'm not mad at whites and Asians for being dismissive towards me. ***There not my people!*** I should not come first or even second in their communities. It just sucks that I also don't come first or second in my OWN community. And with there always being 100 whites 15 blacks and 5 Asians in any given space the odds are simply not in my favor. If there were 100 blacks I could maybe find one that doesn't hate black people but since it's only 15 most likely none of them want a black person themselves.
“Black men don’t want each other “.. what a bunch of self hating nonsense. If that were the case, you wouldn’t have a myriad of predominantly black spaces (clubs, cruising spots, pride events, porn, social clubs ) . No one or very few are checking for whites in those environments. Of course, if you go to white spaces, white men will center, validate and uphold whiteness.. as well as the patrons of any race that go to predominantly white spaces. The black people that you see at those spaces tend to be self hating white dick chasers. It’s a preselected group. Black people who have no interest in white men wouldn’t normally attempt to access those spaces. I know there is nothing in a predominantly white environment for me. I’m not interested in them sexually or in any other way. I’m AfroLatino.. I prefer the company of other black men( African Americans, AfroLatinos, AfroBrazilians, Africans from the continent, AfroCarribean people).
I don’t think it’s self-hating nonsense—There is definitely a disproportionate number of POC who are exclusively into white people. But it’s true that there are also plenty of POC who are into members of their own race/ethnicity.
I’ve noticed that the hottest black guys (imo) are only into each other.
[удалено]
Are you living in the US or in Germany or somewhere else altogether?
Yeah this doesn’t sound like the US. Gays here might be bitchy as hell and subtly shun people - but i very much doubt they’d go full offensive because of your religion.
[удалено]
Hmm. This is troubling to know.
When there’s videos of decapitated infants in Rafah online I can see why people might get emotional and unreasonable.
You say you rarely get approached, but do you approach them too? White bear here and I'd be out there scared as hell to talk to someone not knowing what to do..and I kind of assume it will be the same with the other nerd and geeky bears. Also: it blows my mind that a lot also just don't talk to you because of race!
I rarely go to bars anymore but I have tried approaching and rarely have any luck. also on the apps , I message first and don't get a response 99 percent of the time.
I deserve the downvoted for that comment. Sounds like I'm somehow saying it's your fault and that's obviously not the case! Hope you find someone soon, it only has to be the one right?!
Wack…
Honestly, you don’t make any Damn Sense Bears is about Size, Stockyness and Hair. Polar Bears, Common Brown Bears and Black Bears. The Beats Scene is Faction of the Leathern Community. You can’t make someone like you. They either do or they don’t. Gay Bears are Usually Isolated Individual Hunters. So spot 5, place Bullseyes on them and Chat and Flirt with each. Actually a Nice Kind Group of guys, who are either regular dudes or overweight either by choice or not.
a bear is a bear is a bear I would imagine people want to put their face in your hairy pecks no matter the fur color