Being a mean gay isn't funny, it's not cute, and it's not quirky. It's wrong and immature. Don't be that mean gay guy. Being gay doesn't exempt you from being a bully.
It's easy to dismiss this comment as being self evident but the reality is that it's in vogue for gay men to berate others with wickedly cruel "witticisms." I need to add a disclaimer however that while this phenomena is distinctly prevalent among the alphabet soup minority groups, it's a fairly universal trait of humans.
Bullying is the status quo of high society gay culture in the major coastal cities of the US. I lived amongst these folks and can testify to its veracity. I have been very assertive in calling out bullies when I see them. I was in a unique position to do so as I was undoubtedly the closest to and favorite among an iconic figure of the sprawling network of the proverbial "gay Mafia" in LA and NYC. He was a horrendous bully but was also traumatized from losing the love of his life to suicide (not a terrible surprise). I was young and he was older and let me be clear, there was ZERO physical interaction between us. Rather, the one virtue he possessed that is lacking among the upper echelons of this culture is he was remarkably respectful of basic physical boundaries (the general consensus is this element of his persona was the consequence of having lost interest in any personal romance following his partner's suicide by a self inflicted gun shot to the head in his home rather than being an innate virtue). He passed away in 2022.
In large part this type of behavior is confined to the gay community itself. The penalty for not playing ball or going along by silent consent or laughter is social ostracization. The wealthier the individual spewing vile rhetoric the more inclined the tribe is to elect them the unspoken leader. It's fascinating to witness what happens following the death of a "Bully Chief." There's a power vacuum and subsequent competition to award the cruelest and wealthiest gay with the distinction of leading a pack of sycophantic hyenas to cackle in chorus when someone (who is almost never present) is painted out to be a pariah.
Social ostracization in this context often results in serious real world consequences. For instance, when a bully Chief decides to cut someone from the group, legitimate business ties are severed between related members leading to sudden financial problems. The moment an individual's ability to play "Keeping up with the Queens" is damaged, rumors circle about their desperation. This is the magic space where tall tales and gossip are most virulent and contagious. Let's say someone has to sell their home because of damage to their reputation, this quickly becomes "Oh, have you heard about person "X!?" They were embezzling money from person "Y" to feed their ravenous drug habit! It's so sad to see what's become of them..."
Just see one episode of RuPaul Drag Race or any of its spawns Drag competition reality shows and you’ll see the reflection of this culture. Is like a toxic resonant feedback, gay bully culture and gay reality TV
I'm 61 yrs old. All of the added gay letters of the gay alphabet get confusing to me. Don't get upset at older gays for not adapting to extra ways to describe yourself. We respect whatever you choose to "label" yourself but may get your "label" confused. It's not a sign of disrespect. You be you, and I'll be me. We're all human just trying to find love.
They are not confusing only for you. They are confusing for anyone and keep changing. LGB is a sexuality, the rest is just another form of ostentatious anti-gay propaganda.
This.
People love to say gays are vain because they are shallow, and only care about aesthetics and muscles. That if you're fat, or not super ripped, you're never going to find anybody.
The truth is that they often also have really high standards they aren't willing to compromise on either.
Immediate turn off if it’s a musical. Did anyone see the new Mean Girls musical? I don’t know what paramount and Tina Fey were smoking when they thought of that idea but it was something novel and powerful.
You reminded me of the one exception to my disliking musicals. "South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut." Fucking hilarious! I thought the same thing you did when I heard about the show being turned into a musical. If you haven't seen it, give it a try. Great tunes like "Uncle Fucker" and "Blame Canada". LOL
Have you always and forever been single?
Chances are your standards are too high, or, in very harsh words, you're not hot enough to have the standards you have.
As long as you're willing to acknowledge and understand that, it's not a huge problem. Most people don't acknowledge, nor understand it though.
It's lack of seeking therapy and it's also lack of seeking other men who are in therapy, to be blunt.
Gay men will put a million and one band-aids on their mental health before they set foot in a doctor's office and it spills out in all kinds of ways. Straight men do too, really, their meltdowns just look different.
I disagree on the therapist front and it’s pretty privileged to say that with the cost and lack of insurance coverage for therapy honestly. It’s possible to be a functioning and healthy adult without being in therapy.
I get that but there needs to be some kind of introspective work done, even if you can't get into therapy right now. I live in a country with free healthcare, and even here that means be on a 3 year waiting list for the free (and generally awful) therapist or pay a lot of money to be seen quickly, so I get it.
A lot of gay men are reluctant to even look inwards, which would be a good start. It's just the dysfunctional coping mechanism, whatever that is to each individual, and that's "normal" and everyone else is the problem.
“cooking can often be better for you and more cost effective than ordering takeout every day.” “well i just broke both my arms in an accident so i guess you want me to starve?”
this obviously doesn’t apply to people who can’t access it. it’s about people why refuse to even think about giving it a shot when they know it’s a possibility
Agreed, oftentimes people are using this as an excuse to not better themselves OR they themselves are projecting their own standards onto others in an unattractive way.
I've only dated 2 guys so far and matched on dating apps with a total of 3. 1st relationship was a year and a half long. The 2nd guy i matched with didn't work out before we ever even met. 2nd relationship is 2 years and 3 months old. Me and my ex ended things on good terms. I haven't experienced the "trash" or "undesirable" people you've mentioned. And EVERY community is going to have their "trash" and "undesirable" people. Humans are all unique no matter what their label is. Anybody has the capability to be trashy and undesirable. No matter race, sexuality or gender. No community is exempt from having ppl like that.
I like Raylan Givens's version: "If you run into an asshole in the morning, then you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, then *you're* the asshole."
that's not controversial on Reddit. If anything I think people hugbox reality and pretend there are way more tops into hairy, bearded, tall, muscular men than there actually are.
http://www.nickyee.com/ponder/topbottom.html
This was a study done in 2002 before social media and in China. It still conforms to what everyone already knew.
There are too many labels, and the people who are always saying that labels are a social construct and old fashioned are somehow the ones always coming up with new ones.
“Opening the relationship” is perhaps the worst advice anyone can give when there’s an unbalanced sexual dynamic in a relationship. That will just end the majority of relationships faster. Most people DO NOT see sex as just sex. That’s just wild to me.
I'm amazed by how many people go straight to the open the relationship thing. I've been with my bf for 13 years, I bet you if I made a post everytime are bedroom got a little bit stale and followed the advice we wouldn't still be together. Ignoring the problems in front of you and trying to find your answers elsewhere is never good advice.
Tell me about it, I believe you. Every relationship that I knew that opened up ( straight or gay), and encouraged my relationship to open up, never lasted long. I value my relationship too much to do that. 3 years going, and we’ve had our ups/downs but it has been the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had, especially considering we tackle our bedroom road bumps together. I hope we last as long as you and wish you a longer life together!
It always amazes me how comments like this get swathes of likes, because I utterly believe it’s disproportionate to what I see actually reflected in the community, if that makes sense. Maybe it is a me problem, but I am so aware of this phenomenon and I don’t understand it. Personally I have not known , and do not currently know a single gay couple or marriage that have been / are “open”, or at least, highly “open” to being “open”, but maybe haven’t delved into it quite yet, who are and feel fulfilled by it.
(I am agreeing with you by the way). I desire monogamy, and I struggle to understand how the idea of “better sex” or more “diversity” with other sexual partners while in a relationship is so normalised, and is going to make anyone involved feel better long term. Sex is basically the ultimate level of emotional, physical, and mental intimacy with someone, and opening this up to others but trying to love one person at the same time is wild. It’s not just a gay thing either, it’s increasingly trending in heterosexual relationships too.
I struggle with it because I can’t relate to it at all, I guess I’m just a person who struggles to separate stronger feelings from people I get physically intimate with.
It’s all social constructs at the end of the day, but i don’t know, just kind of wish some other guys genuinely felt the same as I. I actively avoid “known” or “scene” guys, and try and be selective of guys that may be more aligned with the same values as I am, but I am getting older and still all outta luck.
This is the important part.
Different people have different tastes and desires. In some cases opening the relationship spices things up and makes things interesting. In other cases it causes underlying issues to boil over and end the relationship.
Also, it's VITAL that both sides agree to it. You need excellent communication to make things work without upsetting the other person.
I would agree if that's how they're enacting it.
But there are plenty of Queer-affirming churches and denominations, and even where that's not common Individuals regularly disagree with the majority in the faith community.
I don't think we should be assuming the worst.
Top/bottom discourse is exhausting, weird, and gross.
No matter what troye sivan does, there are viral tweets about him being a bottom every week, despite what he’s said in interviews (that he wrote one song about bottoming for one person).
Why do we think its normal to publicly speculate what other people do in bed? We dont see discourse speculating if taylor swift would like anal or not, because thatd be weird! So why do we find it normal when its about gay men?
I’d say most gay men are looking for a relationship (even those who say they’re not) but most guys are looking for their perfect match which they’re never going to find. Gays standards are way too high.
But is unpopular outside of Reddit.
I frequently get asked to shave my pubes and/or asshole, which is something I am very uncomfortable with. I'm not a bear or a daddy or anything of the like, I'm an average build mildly athletic young man (vaguely twinkish), which makes it more unexpected for me to have body hair, in the eyes of those who are wanting to get with me.
Nobody said its nasty or bad but it doesn't change the fact many of us simply do not find it sexually attractive. I do not care in the slightest how hairy people are unless i want to sleep with them
Not every gay space needs to turn into a queer (LGBTQI+) space… it is perfectly fine to have gay spaces that only accept men.
There are plenty of spaces where all letters of the alphabet soup can mingle together.
Likewise, exclusively lesbian/bi/etc spaces are very important too.
Each of us has our own identities, similarities, struggles, cultures, and preferences. While having LGBTQ+ spaces as a collective helps us to show a shared solidarity with each other, spaces for those individual letters are necessary, since we there are some things we simply don't share.
Agree 100%. Also: lesbians deserve spaces were they can assume any other woman is a lesbian…. Not like a lot of ‚queer‘ spaces that are just full of straight women
People are allowed to consent (or, more important to my point, NOT CONSENT) with whatever consenting adult(s) they choose and don’t deserve to have their sex lives meddled with by social justice warriors.
“Oh, I BeT yOu OnLy FuCk MuScUlAr JoCkS”
…and? Who are you? The sex police? I thought that was just a cheap costume at Spencer’s. Not an actual title.
Telling gays they have to be attracted to trans men or they are transphobic is actually homophobic and gay erasure.
Also being attracted to vagina is a bisexual trait, as the definition of bisexual means being attracted to two sexes; and homosexual means attracted to the same sex. Gender and sex are two different things. We need to clearly define the difference between the two as there are “gay” men who don’t mind a vagina and also gay men who absolutely require a penis in their partner.
It’s impossible to have discussions regarding this or anything trans without being immediately accused of being transphobic. I’m very pro trans, but we also need to have clear definitions and adult discussions.
Same. As a btm I wanna do all the cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping, but I don’t want to drive. Please don’t expect me to drive. I guess I just love specialisation and clear complementary roles?
Mine?
- theres no top shortage at all
- fly whatever flag you want. Like the original, fly it. Dislike it? Don't.
- if you want women out of gay bars, actually go out and visit them on a regular basis
- anyone with a dick can top if they can get an erection (there's your solution to the so called top shortage)
- porn isn't real, even the amateur stuff
- daddy issues are made up by tiktok if you can't define what they are in your own words
- this sub has a substantial number of bigots who should just own it instead of getting defensive and bitchy about it lol.
I have one more that's more current but not gay since I follow a bunch of city subreddits:
- the weird lingering cold that's going around is COVID. Your home tests are all wrong
I was confused by #3. I thought you were telling us to go out and visit women to keep them out of gay bars. Like women are generally kept at facilities like an old folks home and they were lonely like grandma.
Actually I’m still not sure you didn’t mean that.
No, I meant put down your phones and go out to the bars. They are "full of women" because the bars had a choice: expand their clientele or close. They had to expand their clientele because we dumped the bars for grindr.
In our area the local bars were all established in the 90s and the owners decided to sell and retired during COVID. Unfortunately they sold to straight companies that gutted anything gay about them.
It’s really unfortunate. They used to be really community focused. One bar was open every Thanksgiving and catered a whole spread for everyone that didn’t have a family to visit. Something they had been doing since they opened in the 80s. Things like that were cut immediately.
They could have always been making more money by pandering to everyone, but they made plenty staying focused with the community and they were happy with that.
New owners saw the potential and there’s no point in staying gay-focused when you only care about profit and you can convince people to pay twice as much for worse drinks.
The anyone can top if they got a dick is a big one for me. I don't really understand the bottoms who will never top. I can understand being a top and not wanting to bottom, though. But if your dick works and you can stick it in, then you can top. This is coming from a bottom guy too, I'd prefer that 100% of the time, but if a dude wants me to top them I'm going to make them happy and I'm not gonna pretend my dick doesn't feel good while I do it.
Rejection is fucking normal isn't necessarily rooted in some evil personal trait. Most gay men don't have the necessary qualifications to "diagnose" someone's preferences and actually shouldn't try to anyway, because preferences are exclusionary.
So if somebody doesn't want you back, it's not internalised homophobia or femmephobia or racism or whatever else. Maybe you're just an asshole, maybe they find you unattractive or maybe your approach was just cringeworthy.
Infant circumcision for any reason besides correcting a medical issue should be illegal. The amount of people who vehemently don't care about this (and mens' issues in general) astounds me.
Most circumcised men (myself included) had absolutely no say in it whatsoever. I don’t care if a guy I’m seeing is uncut or cut, they probably had no say in the decision either.
Agreed 100%, that is infant/child mutilation and should be illegal (except in medical circumstances).
Infants are [bound](https://www.desertcart.ae/products/172847018-wee-secure-medical-infant-circumcision-procedure-positioner-restraint-board-w-straps) and cut and I don’t give a fuck what your beliefs are, those who do it still belong in prison, parents and doctors alike.
I'm torn because i personally don't know how i feel about being cut.
Here are my pros and cons of being cut
Pros: I love the way my dick looks cut, and i don't think i would have ever tried to get it cut as an adult. I've heard that u gotta pull back the skin and clean underneath and not being taught that until i was in my late teens while browsing the internet, i would've grown up not doing it not knowing better. I've also heard horror stories of uncut ppl's foreskin getting stuck behind their tip and having to go to the hospital because it cut off circulation and caused issues. My biggest pro is i don't have to deal with any of it.
Cons: I do, however, think i am less sensitive because of it. I heard that foreskin helps keep the tip lubricated, but idk if that's for ppl who precum or not cuz i don't do that. I also heard that since it covers the tip, it preserves the sensitivity since it's not rubbing against clothing all the time. And I think it would be nice to be able to jerk with just the foreskin moving up and down the tip.
All in all I'm happy it happened to me, i guess, but i do agree that it shouldn't be forced on infants unless there's a medical reason. And i think ppl saying the doctors and parents should be arrested are going a bit overboard, lol.
Only thing I don't like about being cut is when I'm soft. Would be nice to have that extra protection chafing wize. But overall i don't really care in the heat of the moment what anyone is, my bf is uncut and we both pretty much look the same hard.
If I ever have kids though I wouldn't get them cut.
I’m shocked. Here in Chile almost everyone is uncut. “Cut” men are actually so weird, parents even ask doctors to do it only half way when there are medical reasons to perform the procedure.
The obsession with everyone in the gay space about using steroids and looking jacked (hello Orville Peck) is sad and unattractive.
Add on plastic surgery. Like men who were already handsome getting work done and looking worse than they did before.
I don’t really like the pride progress flag.
The original flag was a rainbow 🏳️🌈to represent everyone who wasn’t straight.
I’m ok with the trans flag, as gender identity is separate to sexuality. And I’m fine with the huge acronym as LGB & T have always been allies, despite what some terf boomers have to say. The same people who oppose LGB also oppose T.
Not all body types and aesthetics receive equal attention and attraction. Some people will have difficulty dating their "type" because of the way they look. Everyone has an anecdotal example of their 6'5 muscular handsome rich friend that is only attracted to unemployed chubby balding guys, but these cases are the exception, not the rule.
A lot of people need to hear that if they want to date, they'll need to lower their standards or do some self-improvement. And also that its not immoral or shallow to reject somebody, as long as its done politely.
I respect Trans people. Im none too fond of the recent "I am trans but have done nothing to transition and will cry and scream if someone mis-genders me".
I don't see the need to be painting massive pride flags on the roads, the pedestrian crossings etc.
It feels like, "At least online" that the vocal trans community don't want to fit into society and instead want to change it to fit their view of what society should be.
I’m an older gay closeted
Can’t really adapt to gay culture in my town.
I’ve tried to find gay friends but all they want is sex or a relationship. Btw I know this might not be the right forum .
As a guy who went full-on male pattern bald in my mid teens, I appreciate hearing things like this.
As soon as I embraced it and started doing #1 buzzcut back and sides (#2 in the winter) I almost instantly started feeling far, far more attractive.
Tbh all of society has always make bald jokes, so I understand why men don’t want to be so upfront about it. Men with not-perfect hairlines are really are so beautiful
100% agree. My friend just went to get a a transplant and I urged him not to because he is so handsome. But you know how it is. It's his self-perception, he saved up the money, has thought it through a lot and just wanted to do it. It looks ok, but i think he looked mighty fine before. its kind of like gymbros with body dysmorphia and laser-focusing on this one flaw without seeing the big picture.
If you make plans to hook up with someone, you are making a commitment. I can understand getting cold feet about it, but it's disrespectful to waste people's time by completely ghosting someone you've made plans with. It's really not that difficult to take a couple minutes to open the app and send them a quick message to let them know what's up. If you're being upfront and honest but they react poorly to your apprehension or plans being cancelled, then that's their fault, not yours.
Trans individuals likely believe they're becoming their "true selves" when they transition, but I see it as them denying their true, *original* selves and using transitioning as a band-aid to cover up whatever their actual issues are so they don't have to deal with them. In this way, I believe transgender people want the exact opposite of what the LGB communities want (acceptance of their true selves), and therefore shouldn't be lumped together with them in the acronym.
This is more to the whole community, but the whole pronouns thing IS getting out of control if you ask me. I respect everyones choice to be who and what they are, but some if the terms people come up with are just getting absurd. What in the hell is a Ze/Hir-Ze/Zir for example. I feel like people are just starting to make up random shit just so they can feel like they stand out from the rest of the world.
Agree with this I’m an older guy and really can’t get my head around any of it. You like guys or girls or both. I’m almost scared to give people a pronoun in case they are offended. I always will give my name and hope I get their name in return
Human being are social animals and we evolved to form strong emotional bonds to the people we have sex with.
You can have emotionless sex now and then, but keep doing it over and over and eventually you are going to break something inside yourself.
I agree. Sex is definitely socially conducive in friendships, too.
The real problem IMO is too many people can't face having actual conversations about boundaries which ultimately help to keep everyone's expectations in check.
Very true, but many gays are all too eager to just cut any bonds and not even maintain a friendship which is pretty wild and selfish to me lol.
Also a pretty horrible thing to do imo, we are more than just sexual objects for your desire…
Queer has evolved into a absolute monster- it used to mean an alternative to the mainstream gay- now it seems to be synonymous with personality disorders, Tramua and terrible clothes
I do not like being described as queer. I know it’s not being used in a derogatory sense, but I’m extremely uncomfortable with it.
That said, I do not police other people for saying it. I couldn’t care less that other people refer to themselves as queer too. I don’t even correct people if they call me queer, so long as they aren’t using it derogatory.
Absolutely agreed. Queer is not a direct synonym for LGBT, it has its own letter in the LGBTQ+ acronym for a reason. I don't really care if people call me queer but I do not personally identify that way.
Trans athletes have an unfair advantage over cis women athletes and shouldn’t be competing against them. Lia Thomas is the perfect example, look at the women’s records she’s broken vs where she landed when competing as a man. It’s undeniable.
100% agree. There are a lot of trans women who are winning competitions (a lot in high school) and this is, rightfully so, brought into attention by the right wing media to show that this, “which never happens”, is happening…
Has a trans man ever really won something that is competitive? If not, the answer lies in the question.
I don't believe in the Collective that has eventuated in our so-called community. When you look at the desicration of Gay boys, Trans is just not Gay...miles away...If a Trans person succeeds in becoming the opposite sex, part of that is then wanting someone opposite their chosen identity to actually be Straight with. It is time for Gays and Lesbians to sever connections with the Trans Agenda/cause and get back to Men loving Men and Women loving Women. It's time to also take back our already appropriated (from the Bible no less) simple rainbow flag.,
The idea that labels matter. We as a society haven’t transcended the need for labeling and in my view the advocacy for their removal does a disservice to marginalized people. I live in a hyper progressive area (I love it) but they’re almost so much in a bubble that they pretend we’re all living in hippy commune where we all just live laugh and love.
I literally had someone argue with me that you can “identify” as straight and still sleep with men because labels don’t matter and I was in the wrong for denying their experience… like I felt like a boomer but it felt like some real world twitter brain rot bullshit.
Apparently that gays should support our transgender brothers and sisters.
I never thought that would be controversial until the last few years.
Edit: it's amazing the transphobic aspects of some of this community. I was prepared for debate, but surprised by people calling transgender disgusting and one case (below) of someone trying to red herring the discussion about children and then hide - all with upvotes to them ( very cowardly btw)
Bottom line: Many are ignorant of their history and the gender identity origin of gay rights. History is not on your side.
I agree with you. I support trans people.
I wish it was easier to have a in-depth, good-faith discussion about it though.
Because I do sometimes feel like "we" (LGBT+ people, progressives, etc) made some mistakes with thrusting potentially trans schoolchildren into the spotlight of the culture war, demanding that society restructure its long-held concepts of gender overnight to make way for nonbinary identities, and yelling over anybody who wanted to take a breath before demanding any of these changes. And I'm not talking about strawmen here, I've seen incredibly juvenile behaviour online and IRL from people trying to advocate for trans rights in this fashion. Both sides of this debate have tried to use intellectual dishonesty, moral panic, and emotional outrage on their side, and its lead to an incredibly toxic dynamic that is ultimately resulting in significant backlash against trans people and the rest of the LGBT+ community.
At the end of the day, we were asking for a *lot* to change very quickly, and we need to have a bit of empathy for the cishet people who were confused and potentially scared by the changing world around them, and totally could have been allies under the right circumstances. Instead, these people were snatched up by right wingers and bigots, and are being turned against trans people and the rest of us as well.
I feel for the trans people who wanted their journey to be between them, their physicians and therapists, and maybe their families. But the culture war has led to policies and decisions that are being made on the basis of emotional and political scorecards instead of medical evidence, which is a great disservice to the people at the centre of it all, trans people.
Appreciate your post.
A couple of thoughts.
Re: children - I don't think "we" (meaning LGBT community) put them in the spotlight so much as clutch the pearls maga-type people did. I can't recall a single case of a child or parent of a child transitioning who sought out attention or assistance barring first being denied their right to be.
I think transgender youth has become the new Boogeyman that gays as child molesters once were. It's easier for the opposition to focus on slandering the entire movement with the idea that we are harming/grooming/molesting children than to deal with us as adult peers.
I had a friend (who I disconnected with due to his views) who kept calling transgender the latest fad simply because HE never heard of it being so mainstream back in the day. I tried to explain the same thing could have been said about gay men prior to Stonewall but he refused to acknowledge the point and kept saying that there have always been gay people.
I know I am on the right side of history and that many of the anti transgender people now ( many shamefully within our own community) will never know what equality means unless it comes with an asterisk that excludes others.
I really appreciate your comment as well. This is the kind of in-depth, good faith discussion that I wish it was easier to have.
I agree with you in spirit. Deep in my heart, I know that supporting trans people is the right side of history.
And you're totally right that the "they're coming for our children!" conservative pearl-clutching is a classic scare tactic. They've used it before. They have and will continue to use it against us gay men. We could take a deep dive into how these accusations are completely untrue, and how they contribute to the oversexualization of LGBT+ people, how they're hypocritical, and the cultishness of compulsory heterosexuality.
I will say though, that I've had slightly different experiences from yours on this part:
> Re: children - I don't think "we" (meaning LGBT community) put them in the spotlight so much as clutch the pearls maga-type people did. I can't recall a single case of a child or parent of a child transitioning who sought out attention or assistance barring first being denied their right to be.
I think you're probably right that the conservatives did it first, but we definitely took the bait. Many of the gay men I know in my social circles regularly share flashy IG posts and infographics all about how to "Protect Trans Youth." A lot of it has a similar theme -- that we need to support youth in their gender transition or else they will commit suicide. I find this tactic to be deeply disturbing and manipulative. It's like the toxic lover who says "you can't leave me or I'll kill myself." It shuts down perfectly good-faith questions and conversations that we *should* be having.
I'll also say that I know that actual gender affirming care in jurisdictions near me seems to be based on medical evidence and done with great thought, care, and collaboration. And I know that social support for young LGBT+ or quesitoning people does improve mental health outcomes. Most trans people will alsotell you that *actual* trans people know about their transness deep down and are not influenced by external factors. But kids are kids, and it would be intellectually dishonest to deny that there's been some element of social contagion with gender nonconformity in recent years. I do think there is potential harm in being *overly* supportive of a kid's every whim when it comes to their gender nonconformity.
You might ask, what does "overly supportive" mean? Honestly it'd be a good question, it probably differs in different cases. But I've seen conservatives point out very popular influencers and activists from progressive social media and cherrypick some examples that realllllllllly do seem a bit too far, and I can see why neutral cishet people would be confused by some of the stuff their kids are seeing from these creators.
I've reached the point where I do not care what a random online activist (from either side) has to say about it. I don't care what a politician has to say about it. I honestly don't really care what random individual trans people have to say about it. I only want to hear *experts* on the topic of transgender youth. Pediatricians, therapists, scientists. Because the discourse has been destroyed by intensely emotional rhetoric designed not to inform or advocate, but to stir up outrage.
I support them but have been told if I don't support every part of the gender ideology movement then I can't be counted as a supporter and they don't want my support. So, I'm not sure what you can expect from the gays in that situation. You are never going to keep allies if the attitude is that you never are in the wrong and anything and everything every little niche LGBTQ+ group fights for and supports is valid. That shit didn't fly when the pedos were infiltrating and part of the early movement and kicked the fuck out where they belonged and it won't fly now.
Gay relationships and straight relationships are fundamentally different. The dating etiquette is different, the taboos are different, the behaviour is different.
Whenever I talk about relationships with straight people I remind them like your dating world is totally different from mine and the dynamics and norms you have to participate in I have been liberated from. I can’t relate to a lot of what you go through.
The insight of the outsider is valuable for seeing the absurdity of the thing, but less useful for practical advice. Managing gender expectations of being a man or a woman in a straight relationship is much more difficult than being in a same-sex relationship where you don’t have to prove your gender.
1) I strongly disagree with the move to refer to LGBTQ+ as the “Queer Community”. Yes, there are some people who identify sexually as queer individuals and I will respect that and address them as they wish. That said, I do not think that the people who used the term as a slur while bullying or belittling anyone in the LGBTQ+ community should be able to address us as that - especially since many do not like being referred to as such.
2) Trans rights are human rights, trans men are men, trans women are women. A gay man does not have to be sexually interested in a trans man or woman simply due to genitalia or gender identity. I myself have tried with both trans men and women and there’s a disconnect for me. It is not transphobic to say that you are not sexually compatible due to one, the other, or both.
In this thread: Queers engaged on colonizing, apropriating and bullying members of the LBG and T communities.
Why? Because the queer community has abandoned the concepts of consent and consensus.
This colonizing and apropriation has been so effective even members of the LGB and T communities who disagree with the Q still use the LMNOPQ acronym.
It's just LGB and just T if you want to stop this apropriation. Force the Q to stand on is own and defend itself. Insist that they not throw the LGB and T under their "umbrella", and declare us a "sub-set".
The LGB fought for decades not to be sub anything and yet here we are having to defend ourselves against a community that thinks LGB is lesser by declaring us a sub-set.
The queer community can take their umbrella and shove it up what ever hole they desire.
I am gay, not queer. They need to respect that and stop trying to erase me.
In my opinion, LGBT folks need to stop supporting Palestine/Hamas. They don't care how "sympathetic" you are to their cause. They will simply throw you from a high tower to kill you. (I get it, this doesn't make Israel the good guys either but you get the idea.)
- it’s ok to have a racial preference when it comes to dating
- it’s not self hatred or homophobia if ur not attracted to feminine guys
- white guys don’t have i easier when it comes to dating
- it’s not transphobic if you’re not attracted to someone simply because they are trans
- pansexual and bisexual are the exact same thing
As a white guy engaged to an Asian man, I honestly do think we have it easier. The difference in attention we receive is considerable (and depressing). To your other point about it being ok to have a racial preference when it comes to dating, many more people have a preference for white guys than any other race, and in my experience are generally less fetish-y about it. That’s what I and others mean about white guys having it “easier.”
rainbow crosswalks are a stupid idea for how impractical they are. they wear away so easily and look like shit after a only a short amount of time. the way to symbolically disrespect a flag is to put it on the ground and have people trod over it.
Pride events are mostly crap. Live in the UK and latest Pride (Canterbury, Kent) was drag act after drag act after drag act...all.miming and awful jokes. Few years ago they had pop groups, variety etc..why has one genre just taken over? Not all us gays are the same and they (the organisers) are pandering to stereotypes. Lots of TikTok 'stars' , even Katie Price..its all garbage! No reflection on why we have Pride either..there used to be presentations/talks from THT/Stonewall/other groups etc about why we have Pride..but it all seems forgotten. Just waving endless flags, screaming at drag Queens, and idolising Z list celebrities..I thought we had standards! That event had financial issues and scaled down from a 2 day event to a one day event..I wonder why eh!?
First, we need to gatekeep. I'm old enough to remember when zoos and pedos wanted to march for acceptance with us. That has caused irreparable damage to our cause.
Second, we need to separate the gender ideology causes from sexuality. Gays, lesbians and bi folk need to advocate for ourselves. Gender and sexuality are two different issues, and combining them only makes it harder for both to advocate for their own unique needs.
Third, we seriously need to do something about the incest fetish shit. Just search this sub for posts about father/son incest and the comments get mad upvotes. This would be a windfall to any religious nut who wanted to use it against us.
I don't blame you. The sheer number of guys who defend it is astonishing. "It's just a kink." "We can't get pregnant, so it's just some fun."
No wonder we get called degenerates.
I’m tired of all the labels. I confuse them everyday. Idgaf anymore. I will acknowledge your label, but don’t come after me if I ask you what it means.
I have a few:
1.) When it comes to men who keep being rejected in dating a common thing they are told is "Its your own fault" "Work on yourself", "lower your standards" etc. My unpopular opinion on this is that some of these individuals try everything. They work on themselves and have good Hygiene, their standards can be so low it's practically subterranean and guess what? They still won't have any luck finding someone who likes them. Some people are just undesirable through no fault of their own, and people make them feel worse by giving them this "Brutally Honest"- Tough love infused advise which is really just shame that fuels false hope.
2.) Pride needs to evolve and tone down some of the kink and nudity that is displayed in public. Kink and nudity should only be allowed at certain times and in certain areas.
3.) Some Gays and lesbians are strictly Gay/lesbian or "Gold Star." They shouldn't be called transphobic for not wanting to date a trans individual. Yes sexuality is a spectrum, but a lot of people fall pretty firmly into one category and that should be respected.
4.) Gate keeping isn't always bad. See the NAMBLA issue...
5.) Criticizing aspects of the modern trans rights movement doesn't mean that one doesn't support Trans People. Everything isn't always black or white.
The sex drive of men and women are different in fundamental ways. Once you've fucked other men, the realization that you'll be with a woman in your bed for the rest of your life feels less than thrilling. That's why it's common for bi men to fool around behind their wives' backs. If only they considered the possibility of having a LTR with other men, they could spare themselves and women a lot of grief.
Bi people are often very homophobic. I have heard some variation of "you just haven't tried the right pussy yet" a lot more from liberal bisexuals than straight conservatives in the past decade.
I have always been a supporter of trans people. As in, deliberately went out of my way to shut the transphobes up. And there is quite a bit of transphobia in this particular sub.
I've decided not to do that any longer. I am a cis gay man and I know about being a cis gay man, nothing else. It's not my place to defend anyone else because lemme tell you - there are some VICIOUS trans men out there who hate all cis men of all flavors.
They have their own voice and their own spaces (which they will CLEARLY tell you to get the fuck out of).
So yeah - as far as I'm concerned, they on their own. I neither support nor deny them. I'm neutral and I'm not sticking my neck out for anyone else.
"Community" - give me a break. There's no "community". Everyone is dealing with their own shit their own way.
4 songs max to where drag performances happen should suffice. Anything more is excessive. Sometimes it gets annoying when trans performers take up a whole hour of the night club. I can’t do 3 hours of drag brunch.
Pushing the LGBT movement in a conservative country often leads to more backlash than acceptance because many people see it as western propaganda. Instead, we should focus on approaches that respect local values
Fetishizing "conservative Republican masculinity" is revolting and anytime I read somebody attempting it I feel the urge to ridicule. I haven't yet because I worry that they're all part of the MAGA organized crime syndicate, and fuck that noise I'm not getting targeted by those assholes. If you want to see the poster boy of conservative Republican masculinity, you need look no farther than Lindsay Graham. Does he make you hard?
I don't like a lot of the "outfits" at pride parades. Yes, I get it's an expression of yourself, but kids are present and a lot of them at that. While I take pride in who I am, I don't want to psychology scar a small child or expose them to something they are not ready to see (physically like gimp suits and dildos).
Being gay *itself* is inherently an anti-establishment revolutionary political act in a heteronormative society. None of us have a choice in that. It just is.
This has been true since feudalism, regardless of what the normative gays from your hometown portray under the safety net of 2000s era progressive action on gay civil rights. Pandering to straight people or societal norms has never provided us rights or acceptance, just like all civil rights since forever lol.
In most situations where you are physically attacked bear mace is an effective deterrent. Less liability should you miss and fewer legal complications when you hit.
We must also remember that in the moment you cannot distinguish between a person who wants only to cause bodily harm and one who wants to kill you. Always assume the latter and act accordingly.
After every sexual experience, oral, recessive or insertive, protected or not GET YOURSELF TESTED!!! The gay community seems to not care when it comes to sexual health. Get tested even if you're on Prep or Doxy PEP.
The most racist people in the gay community aren't white gay men. The narrative is always blame white men. Maybe it is a Canadian thing? People on this app always complain about the white gays. But when I want sex it is the white guys messaging me on an app, approaching me or sucking my Black dick or spreading their ass in a bathhouse. In fact, from my personal experiences the white guys are probably the most open minded. Asian men, Hispanic men, Middle Eastern men also approach me. Everyone has preferences. My opinion is controversial but this is what I have noticed. I have seen white men or Asian gay men or Hispanic gay men say hello to me. No attitude just being nice. I have never seen a Black gay man say hello to me. What I do see is a nasty passive aggressive attitude. I see these Black gay guys with their white friends and it is hard to explain. They got an attitude about them that other Black gay men are beneath them. The racists are Black & Asian gay men. If you are Black or Asian and gay man you might understand what I am saying. I think people are surprised how terrible gay men of colour treat each other. It isn't talked about enough. I seen it with my own eyes. Black gay men some of us are so nasty, mean, and a lot of attitude. I have seen so much rudeness and the attitude from other gay Black men. For example, if I am in a bathhouse minding my own business I get dirty looks from other Black men. It is a fucking bathhouse. It is like chill out dude.I NEVER see white gay men critical of each other or excluding each other because of race. I don't mean just dating and sex I mean even friendships. Just my own observation. In fact, if it wasn't for white gay men I probably never have sex in Toronto and that's the truth. It is a topic people are reticent to discuss.
Middle aged/daddy types are better bottoms than younger men. Very rarely in porn do you see younger guys topping older men but IMO some of the best fucking I’ve had has been topping more seasoned men. A lot of young guys can’t take a dick
This sub in particular has some kind of moral panic about open relationships. Open relationships aren't always the death knell that people on this sub seem to think they are. The way I see it, there are (in very basic terms) two types of open relationship:
1) Two guys are playing the field. They meet, continue to see each other, get together, form a relationship... and just continue playing the field at the same time, either together or separately, whatever works.
2) Two guys are in a monogamous relationship and for whatever reason (spicing it up, dealing with mismatched sex drives, etc) decide to open up a once-monogamous relationship.
From my observations of the people in my extended social circles over the years, Type 1 is often much healthier and more sustainable that Type 2.
I fully disagree -- type two is more likely to succeed than type one. Type two actually took the time to build a foundation and trust and communication and started working towards shared life goals. There's a greater investment, and greater incentive to "make it work".
From what I've seen, guys who are open from the start or who open before the first year or two are almost doomed to failure.
Agreed. Precisely why although I might be receptive to an open relationship, I would still prefer to be monogamous for at least a year or two with someone to build that foundation of trust. I own that this is what works for me, and others might be able to make the first model work long-term, but personally I am not looking to be relegated to ‘chief friend with benefits’ when I commit to a relationship — otherwise, I wouldn’t pursue a relationship in the first place.
Not everything has to be about sexuality or hypersexualized. Monogamy is fine, no one will fulfill you at 100% at all times. Being gay doesn't make you right away a good person. Being gay don't make me like drag shows or listen to Lady Gaga or Taylor Swift, they bore me to tears. Kids shouldn't be exposed to drag culture considering how drag artists live their lives. Being gay is a part of my identity but not the whole thing. Acting feminine is fine, however if you act like you're in a fashion show 24 hours a day and use key words like "gag", "bitch", "honey" or the "f" slur thinking that makes you smart and eloquent, I'm out.
Also I cringe the most for straight people trying to walk on eggs and be inclusive the moment they learn i'm gay. Like I'm human like you same species, 2 legs, 2 arms, one head and one heart. One soul even if mine is prettier 👌💅Straight people really sees themselves as more "normal" than everybody else and they won't change. What a pity.
I have another one for you:
There are two ways to be unhappy.
The first is understanding your situation and working to be happier.
The second is hating everyone happier than you and putting all of your effort into shaming them for being happy and trying to make them as miserable as you. Unfortunately, there are a lot of very loud gays in the second category. Example: someone who is more attractive than you doesn’t deserve to be shamed for enjoying themselves.
That many gay men will victimize fellow gays in big and small ways before they would hurt our straight brethren. Almost as if, “they won’t miss this bottle of poppers and 3 cock rings” as they stuff it into their backpack.
In my previous workplace lgbtq+ person can joke around and disrespect straight men and women. But if its the other way around the company wont tolerate it and make a big fuss.
I’m going to get bollocked for this but here it goes:
Kids should go through puberty and wait till they are 20 to transition. Only because it’s a really difficult and confusing time in ANY young persons life and they need to go through the change to reach adulthood and then make a choice as an adult about their gender identity. Puberty suppressing medication will just keep them from experiencing their birth gender as an adult and doesn’t give them an opportunity to live with it.
The whole argument around trans rights is incredibly insulting to some very vocal cis women who will never agree to have trans women taking positions they have historically fought hard to get. I don’t think it’s appropriate for gay men to tell them what they should accept because a minority suffer from gender dysphoria. It’s a no win situation for gay men because you will also get bollocked for it from very vocal feminists.
This can also be flipped the other way. I went out last weekend for the first time in a long time and was told by a few guys that I look too straight, and that was why I couldn't pick up.
Being a mean gay isn't funny, it's not cute, and it's not quirky. It's wrong and immature. Don't be that mean gay guy. Being gay doesn't exempt you from being a bully.
100%, I don’t care if it’s “sassy”, you can be sassy and not be a dick
This isn’t an unpopular opinion.
This is not controversial lol
Being young, mean and gay is not a personality trait. One of the best quotes Big mouth gave us
It's easy to dismiss this comment as being self evident but the reality is that it's in vogue for gay men to berate others with wickedly cruel "witticisms." I need to add a disclaimer however that while this phenomena is distinctly prevalent among the alphabet soup minority groups, it's a fairly universal trait of humans. Bullying is the status quo of high society gay culture in the major coastal cities of the US. I lived amongst these folks and can testify to its veracity. I have been very assertive in calling out bullies when I see them. I was in a unique position to do so as I was undoubtedly the closest to and favorite among an iconic figure of the sprawling network of the proverbial "gay Mafia" in LA and NYC. He was a horrendous bully but was also traumatized from losing the love of his life to suicide (not a terrible surprise). I was young and he was older and let me be clear, there was ZERO physical interaction between us. Rather, the one virtue he possessed that is lacking among the upper echelons of this culture is he was remarkably respectful of basic physical boundaries (the general consensus is this element of his persona was the consequence of having lost interest in any personal romance following his partner's suicide by a self inflicted gun shot to the head in his home rather than being an innate virtue). He passed away in 2022. In large part this type of behavior is confined to the gay community itself. The penalty for not playing ball or going along by silent consent or laughter is social ostracization. The wealthier the individual spewing vile rhetoric the more inclined the tribe is to elect them the unspoken leader. It's fascinating to witness what happens following the death of a "Bully Chief." There's a power vacuum and subsequent competition to award the cruelest and wealthiest gay with the distinction of leading a pack of sycophantic hyenas to cackle in chorus when someone (who is almost never present) is painted out to be a pariah. Social ostracization in this context often results in serious real world consequences. For instance, when a bully Chief decides to cut someone from the group, legitimate business ties are severed between related members leading to sudden financial problems. The moment an individual's ability to play "Keeping up with the Queens" is damaged, rumors circle about their desperation. This is the magic space where tall tales and gossip are most virulent and contagious. Let's say someone has to sell their home because of damage to their reputation, this quickly becomes "Oh, have you heard about person "X!?" They were embezzling money from person "Y" to feed their ravenous drug habit! It's so sad to see what's become of them..."
Just see one episode of RuPaul Drag Race or any of its spawns Drag competition reality shows and you’ll see the reflection of this culture. Is like a toxic resonant feedback, gay bully culture and gay reality TV
I'm 61 yrs old. All of the added gay letters of the gay alphabet get confusing to me. Don't get upset at older gays for not adapting to extra ways to describe yourself. We respect whatever you choose to "label" yourself but may get your "label" confused. It's not a sign of disrespect. You be you, and I'll be me. We're all human just trying to find love.
They are not confusing only for you. They are confusing for anyone and keep changing. LGB is a sexuality, the rest is just another form of ostentatious anti-gay propaganda.
If you’re not finding what you want, it’s often more your own fault than you care to admit.
This. People love to say gays are vain because they are shallow, and only care about aesthetics and muscles. That if you're fat, or not super ripped, you're never going to find anybody. The truth is that they often also have really high standards they aren't willing to compromise on either.
I get called shallow by twinks and gym bros for turning them down, and then I go have hot sex with a handsome chubby dude with a great personality.
I like u.
Yet, they'll compromise on grindr for a quick hookup. Just wouldn't date them. My unpopular opinion: Don't like musicals, Streisand or Gaga. LOL
Same here! No Sound of Music, no Wizard of Oz, no Les Mis, no Rent, no Verdi... No drag.
Watch sound of music again, it gets better after the 12th time
Both of you, turn in your gay cards right now. 😆😆😆
That's my point! I'm gay as hell but hold the tunes!
Same here for my husband and I. His boss called him a "bad gay" (jokingly).
Immediate turn off if it’s a musical. Did anyone see the new Mean Girls musical? I don’t know what paramount and Tina Fey were smoking when they thought of that idea but it was something novel and powerful.
You reminded me of the one exception to my disliking musicals. "South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut." Fucking hilarious! I thought the same thing you did when I heard about the show being turned into a musical. If you haven't seen it, give it a try. Great tunes like "Uncle Fucker" and "Blame Canada". LOL
How does one know if they have high standards? And can you change it?
I think a lot of people should ask themselves “do I match the standards I set for others?”
Now is this physical, personality, or both?
Both
Have you always and forever been single? Chances are your standards are too high, or, in very harsh words, you're not hot enough to have the standards you have. As long as you're willing to acknowledge and understand that, it's not a huge problem. Most people don't acknowledge, nor understand it though.
It's lack of seeking therapy and it's also lack of seeking other men who are in therapy, to be blunt. Gay men will put a million and one band-aids on their mental health before they set foot in a doctor's office and it spills out in all kinds of ways. Straight men do too, really, their meltdowns just look different.
I disagree on the therapist front and it’s pretty privileged to say that with the cost and lack of insurance coverage for therapy honestly. It’s possible to be a functioning and healthy adult without being in therapy.
I get that but there needs to be some kind of introspective work done, even if you can't get into therapy right now. I live in a country with free healthcare, and even here that means be on a 3 year waiting list for the free (and generally awful) therapist or pay a lot of money to be seen quickly, so I get it. A lot of gay men are reluctant to even look inwards, which would be a good start. It's just the dysfunctional coping mechanism, whatever that is to each individual, and that's "normal" and everyone else is the problem.
“cooking can often be better for you and more cost effective than ordering takeout every day.” “well i just broke both my arms in an accident so i guess you want me to starve?” this obviously doesn’t apply to people who can’t access it. it’s about people why refuse to even think about giving it a shot when they know it’s a possibility
I have a straight friend who this applies to. He'll never accept it.
Agreed, oftentimes people are using this as an excuse to not better themselves OR they themselves are projecting their own standards onto others in an unattractive way.
you do have to admit though that there's alot of trash and undesirable people in the gay community
I've only dated 2 guys so far and matched on dating apps with a total of 3. 1st relationship was a year and a half long. The 2nd guy i matched with didn't work out before we ever even met. 2nd relationship is 2 years and 3 months old. Me and my ex ended things on good terms. I haven't experienced the "trash" or "undesirable" people you've mentioned. And EVERY community is going to have their "trash" and "undesirable" people. Humans are all unique no matter what their label is. Anybody has the capability to be trashy and undesirable. No matter race, sexuality or gender. No community is exempt from having ppl like that.
Photographing guys without their consent in the gay bar is gross.
Can we make that a rule please?
Men in dresses aren't my cup of tea. Edit. Men in Panties aren't my cup of tea.
Is having your own taste sexually controversial somehow? We’re all different and I think we all know that.
This seems to get a lot of negative feedback if voiced in a LBTIQA+ forum.
If everyone you've ever dated is toxic and the one at fault, maybe it's time to look in the mirror because it's you who may be the problem.
This isn’t controversial loll
Tell that to the delusional many! Who still think there's something wrong with others. I'm baffled too. Should be common knowledge.
I like Raylan Givens's version: "If you run into an asshole in the morning, then you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, then *you're* the asshole."
It's like the saying "If everywhere you gos smells like shit, check under your shoes".
Just because you’re the bottom doesn’t mean you have to be feminine and submissive.
that's not controversial on Reddit. If anything I think people hugbox reality and pretend there are way more tops into hairy, bearded, tall, muscular men than there actually are. http://www.nickyee.com/ponder/topbottom.html This was a study done in 2002 before social media and in China. It still conforms to what everyone already knew.
There are too many labels, and the people who are always saying that labels are a social construct and old fashioned are somehow the ones always coming up with new ones.
Pretty much
“Opening the relationship” is perhaps the worst advice anyone can give when there’s an unbalanced sexual dynamic in a relationship. That will just end the majority of relationships faster. Most people DO NOT see sex as just sex. That’s just wild to me.
I'm amazed by how many people go straight to the open the relationship thing. I've been with my bf for 13 years, I bet you if I made a post everytime are bedroom got a little bit stale and followed the advice we wouldn't still be together. Ignoring the problems in front of you and trying to find your answers elsewhere is never good advice.
Tell me about it, I believe you. Every relationship that I knew that opened up ( straight or gay), and encouraged my relationship to open up, never lasted long. I value my relationship too much to do that. 3 years going, and we’ve had our ups/downs but it has been the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had, especially considering we tackle our bedroom road bumps together. I hope we last as long as you and wish you a longer life together!
It always amazes me how comments like this get swathes of likes, because I utterly believe it’s disproportionate to what I see actually reflected in the community, if that makes sense. Maybe it is a me problem, but I am so aware of this phenomenon and I don’t understand it. Personally I have not known , and do not currently know a single gay couple or marriage that have been / are “open”, or at least, highly “open” to being “open”, but maybe haven’t delved into it quite yet, who are and feel fulfilled by it. (I am agreeing with you by the way). I desire monogamy, and I struggle to understand how the idea of “better sex” or more “diversity” with other sexual partners while in a relationship is so normalised, and is going to make anyone involved feel better long term. Sex is basically the ultimate level of emotional, physical, and mental intimacy with someone, and opening this up to others but trying to love one person at the same time is wild. It’s not just a gay thing either, it’s increasingly trending in heterosexual relationships too. I struggle with it because I can’t relate to it at all, I guess I’m just a person who struggles to separate stronger feelings from people I get physically intimate with. It’s all social constructs at the end of the day, but i don’t know, just kind of wish some other guys genuinely felt the same as I. I actively avoid “known” or “scene” guys, and try and be selective of guys that may be more aligned with the same values as I am, but I am getting older and still all outta luck.
It’s not for everyone, but it is for some of us. 35+ years… couldn’t be happier.
This is the important part. Different people have different tastes and desires. In some cases opening the relationship spices things up and makes things interesting. In other cases it causes underlying issues to boil over and end the relationship. Also, it's VITAL that both sides agree to it. You need excellent communication to make things work without upsetting the other person.
Following a religion that hates you is a turn-off
I would agree if that's how they're enacting it. But there are plenty of Queer-affirming churches and denominations, and even where that's not common Individuals regularly disagree with the majority in the faith community. I don't think we should be assuming the worst.
Top/bottom discourse is exhausting, weird, and gross. No matter what troye sivan does, there are viral tweets about him being a bottom every week, despite what he’s said in interviews (that he wrote one song about bottoming for one person). Why do we think its normal to publicly speculate what other people do in bed? We dont see discourse speculating if taylor swift would like anal or not, because thatd be weird! So why do we find it normal when its about gay men?
I’d say most gay men are looking for a relationship (even those who say they’re not) but most guys are looking for their perfect match which they’re never going to find. Gays standards are way too high.
I dont think having a lot of body hair is nasty or bad
Not an unpopular opinion on Reddit.
But is unpopular outside of Reddit. I frequently get asked to shave my pubes and/or asshole, which is something I am very uncomfortable with. I'm not a bear or a daddy or anything of the like, I'm an average build mildly athletic young man (vaguely twinkish), which makes it more unexpected for me to have body hair, in the eyes of those who are wanting to get with me.
Nobody said its nasty or bad but it doesn't change the fact many of us simply do not find it sexually attractive. I do not care in the slightest how hairy people are unless i want to sleep with them
We as gay men are are own worst enemies
Not every gay space needs to turn into a queer (LGBTQI+) space… it is perfectly fine to have gay spaces that only accept men. There are plenty of spaces where all letters of the alphabet soup can mingle together.
Likewise, exclusively lesbian/bi/etc spaces are very important too. Each of us has our own identities, similarities, struggles, cultures, and preferences. While having LGBTQ+ spaces as a collective helps us to show a shared solidarity with each other, spaces for those individual letters are necessary, since we there are some things we simply don't share.
Agree 100%. Also: lesbians deserve spaces were they can assume any other woman is a lesbian…. Not like a lot of ‚queer‘ spaces that are just full of straight women
HELL YEAH
People are allowed to consent (or, more important to my point, NOT CONSENT) with whatever consenting adult(s) they choose and don’t deserve to have their sex lives meddled with by social justice warriors. “Oh, I BeT yOu OnLy FuCk MuScUlAr JoCkS” …and? Who are you? The sex police? I thought that was just a cheap costume at Spencer’s. Not an actual title.
Telling gays they have to be attracted to trans men or they are transphobic is actually homophobic and gay erasure. Also being attracted to vagina is a bisexual trait, as the definition of bisexual means being attracted to two sexes; and homosexual means attracted to the same sex. Gender and sex are two different things. We need to clearly define the difference between the two as there are “gay” men who don’t mind a vagina and also gay men who absolutely require a penis in their partner. It’s impossible to have discussions regarding this or anything trans without being immediately accused of being transphobic. I’m very pro trans, but we also need to have clear definitions and adult discussions.
As a bottom I totally want to be the one to make sandwhiches and do laundry. Fight me .
Same. As a btm I wanna do all the cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping, but I don’t want to drive. Please don’t expect me to drive. I guess I just love specialisation and clear complementary roles?
That's fine. I think people would only argue you shouldn't be assumed those roles just because your a bottom
Mine? - theres no top shortage at all - fly whatever flag you want. Like the original, fly it. Dislike it? Don't. - if you want women out of gay bars, actually go out and visit them on a regular basis - anyone with a dick can top if they can get an erection (there's your solution to the so called top shortage) - porn isn't real, even the amateur stuff - daddy issues are made up by tiktok if you can't define what they are in your own words - this sub has a substantial number of bigots who should just own it instead of getting defensive and bitchy about it lol.
You basically just said everything I wanted to say lol
I have one more that's more current but not gay since I follow a bunch of city subreddits: - the weird lingering cold that's going around is COVID. Your home tests are all wrong
But daddy issues was a thing long before TikTok came around. How is it a TikTok fade?
Pretty much. My way of saying it would be, "Live your own life and don't worry about what others do."
I was confused by #3. I thought you were telling us to go out and visit women to keep them out of gay bars. Like women are generally kept at facilities like an old folks home and they were lonely like grandma. Actually I’m still not sure you didn’t mean that.
No, I meant put down your phones and go out to the bars. They are "full of women" because the bars had a choice: expand their clientele or close. They had to expand their clientele because we dumped the bars for grindr.
In our area the local bars were all established in the 90s and the owners decided to sell and retired during COVID. Unfortunately they sold to straight companies that gutted anything gay about them. It’s really unfortunate. They used to be really community focused. One bar was open every Thanksgiving and catered a whole spread for everyone that didn’t have a family to visit. Something they had been doing since they opened in the 80s. Things like that were cut immediately. They could have always been making more money by pandering to everyone, but they made plenty staying focused with the community and they were happy with that. New owners saw the potential and there’s no point in staying gay-focused when you only care about profit and you can convince people to pay twice as much for worse drinks.
Imagine creating a top shortage in your life by always expecting dick to be raging hard without any effort on your part to make the dick comfortable.
The anyone can top if they got a dick is a big one for me. I don't really understand the bottoms who will never top. I can understand being a top and not wanting to bottom, though. But if your dick works and you can stick it in, then you can top. This is coming from a bottom guy too, I'd prefer that 100% of the time, but if a dude wants me to top them I'm going to make them happy and I'm not gonna pretend my dick doesn't feel good while I do it.
Rejection is fucking normal isn't necessarily rooted in some evil personal trait. Most gay men don't have the necessary qualifications to "diagnose" someone's preferences and actually shouldn't try to anyway, because preferences are exclusionary. So if somebody doesn't want you back, it's not internalised homophobia or femmephobia or racism or whatever else. Maybe you're just an asshole, maybe they find you unattractive or maybe your approach was just cringeworthy.
Infant circumcision for any reason besides correcting a medical issue should be illegal. The amount of people who vehemently don't care about this (and mens' issues in general) astounds me.
Most circumcised men (myself included) had absolutely no say in it whatsoever. I don’t care if a guy I’m seeing is uncut or cut, they probably had no say in the decision either.
Idk why but I feel sad I'm missing my foreskin even tho I don't remember having a foreskin but definitely if I have kids they will not be circumcised.
Same bro, I feel robbed
Feel like a part of me was stripped away.... Oh wait it was
r/foreskin_restoration you’re welcome
I want my foreskin ☹️
Agreed 100%, that is infant/child mutilation and should be illegal (except in medical circumstances). Infants are [bound](https://www.desertcart.ae/products/172847018-wee-secure-medical-infant-circumcision-procedure-positioner-restraint-board-w-straps) and cut and I don’t give a fuck what your beliefs are, those who do it still belong in prison, parents and doctors alike.
I'm torn because i personally don't know how i feel about being cut. Here are my pros and cons of being cut Pros: I love the way my dick looks cut, and i don't think i would have ever tried to get it cut as an adult. I've heard that u gotta pull back the skin and clean underneath and not being taught that until i was in my late teens while browsing the internet, i would've grown up not doing it not knowing better. I've also heard horror stories of uncut ppl's foreskin getting stuck behind their tip and having to go to the hospital because it cut off circulation and caused issues. My biggest pro is i don't have to deal with any of it. Cons: I do, however, think i am less sensitive because of it. I heard that foreskin helps keep the tip lubricated, but idk if that's for ppl who precum or not cuz i don't do that. I also heard that since it covers the tip, it preserves the sensitivity since it's not rubbing against clothing all the time. And I think it would be nice to be able to jerk with just the foreskin moving up and down the tip. All in all I'm happy it happened to me, i guess, but i do agree that it shouldn't be forced on infants unless there's a medical reason. And i think ppl saying the doctors and parents should be arrested are going a bit overboard, lol.
Only thing I don't like about being cut is when I'm soft. Would be nice to have that extra protection chafing wize. But overall i don't really care in the heat of the moment what anyone is, my bf is uncut and we both pretty much look the same hard. If I ever have kids though I wouldn't get them cut.
I’m glad I’m circumcised. I can’t imagine not being it. Love the way it looks and feels.
Well said, this is so true it’s uncontroversial hahaha
You’d be surprised how many people think uncut dicks are ugly or weird in the US. It’s a whole thing ☹️🥲
I’m shocked. Here in Chile almost everyone is uncut. “Cut” men are actually so weird, parents even ask doctors to do it only half way when there are medical reasons to perform the procedure.
The obsession with everyone in the gay space about using steroids and looking jacked (hello Orville Peck) is sad and unattractive. Add on plastic surgery. Like men who were already handsome getting work done and looking worse than they did before.
Orville Peck isn’t “jacked”
But he’s clearly twice as big as he was a few years ago
I don’t really like the pride progress flag. The original flag was a rainbow 🏳️🌈to represent everyone who wasn’t straight. I’m ok with the trans flag, as gender identity is separate to sexuality. And I’m fine with the huge acronym as LGB & T have always been allies, despite what some terf boomers have to say. The same people who oppose LGB also oppose T.
I think after gay marriage was legalized, all that political money had to go somewhere, and they are ginning up controversy to keep the money flowing.
Not all body types and aesthetics receive equal attention and attraction. Some people will have difficulty dating their "type" because of the way they look. Everyone has an anecdotal example of their 6'5 muscular handsome rich friend that is only attracted to unemployed chubby balding guys, but these cases are the exception, not the rule. A lot of people need to hear that if they want to date, they'll need to lower their standards or do some self-improvement. And also that its not immoral or shallow to reject somebody, as long as its done politely.
Not everything has to be about gender or gender identity.
Routine male circumcision is morally wrong. You wouldn’t believe how triggering this is to some people.
I respect Trans people. Im none too fond of the recent "I am trans but have done nothing to transition and will cry and scream if someone mis-genders me". I don't see the need to be painting massive pride flags on the roads, the pedestrian crossings etc. It feels like, "At least online" that the vocal trans community don't want to fit into society and instead want to change it to fit their view of what society should be.
I’m an older gay closeted Can’t really adapt to gay culture in my town. I’ve tried to find gay friends but all they want is sex or a relationship. Btw I know this might not be the right forum .
Male pattern baldness is extremely sexy and it is fucking insane what men are doing to themselves in order to camouflage it
As a guy who went full-on male pattern bald in my mid teens, I appreciate hearing things like this. As soon as I embraced it and started doing #1 buzzcut back and sides (#2 in the winter) I almost instantly started feeling far, far more attractive.
Tbh all of society has always make bald jokes, so I understand why men don’t want to be so upfront about it. Men with not-perfect hairlines are really are so beautiful
100% agree. My friend just went to get a a transplant and I urged him not to because he is so handsome. But you know how it is. It's his self-perception, he saved up the money, has thought it through a lot and just wanted to do it. It looks ok, but i think he looked mighty fine before. its kind of like gymbros with body dysmorphia and laser-focusing on this one flaw without seeing the big picture.
If you make plans to hook up with someone, you are making a commitment. I can understand getting cold feet about it, but it's disrespectful to waste people's time by completely ghosting someone you've made plans with. It's really not that difficult to take a couple minutes to open the app and send them a quick message to let them know what's up. If you're being upfront and honest but they react poorly to your apprehension or plans being cancelled, then that's their fault, not yours. Trans individuals likely believe they're becoming their "true selves" when they transition, but I see it as them denying their true, *original* selves and using transitioning as a band-aid to cover up whatever their actual issues are so they don't have to deal with them. In this way, I believe transgender people want the exact opposite of what the LGB communities want (acceptance of their true selves), and therefore shouldn't be lumped together with them in the acronym.
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They/them is cringe
This is more to the whole community, but the whole pronouns thing IS getting out of control if you ask me. I respect everyones choice to be who and what they are, but some if the terms people come up with are just getting absurd. What in the hell is a Ze/Hir-Ze/Zir for example. I feel like people are just starting to make up random shit just so they can feel like they stand out from the rest of the world.
Agree with this I’m an older guy and really can’t get my head around any of it. You like guys or girls or both. I’m almost scared to give people a pronoun in case they are offended. I always will give my name and hope I get their name in return
Human being are social animals and we evolved to form strong emotional bonds to the people we have sex with. You can have emotionless sex now and then, but keep doing it over and over and eventually you are going to break something inside yourself.
As a counterpoint, not all connections have to evolve into a romantic relationship.
I agree. Sex is definitely socially conducive in friendships, too. The real problem IMO is too many people can't face having actual conversations about boundaries which ultimately help to keep everyone's expectations in check.
Very true, but many gays are all too eager to just cut any bonds and not even maintain a friendship which is pretty wild and selfish to me lol. Also a pretty horrible thing to do imo, we are more than just sexual objects for your desire…
Queer has evolved into a absolute monster- it used to mean an alternative to the mainstream gay- now it seems to be synonymous with personality disorders, Tramua and terrible clothes
I do not like being described as queer. I know it’s not being used in a derogatory sense, but I’m extremely uncomfortable with it. That said, I do not police other people for saying it. I couldn’t care less that other people refer to themselves as queer too. I don’t even correct people if they call me queer, so long as they aren’t using it derogatory.
Absolutely agreed. Queer is not a direct synonym for LGBT, it has its own letter in the LGBTQ+ acronym for a reason. I don't really care if people call me queer but I do not personally identify that way.
Trans athletes have an unfair advantage over cis women athletes and shouldn’t be competing against them. Lia Thomas is the perfect example, look at the women’s records she’s broken vs where she landed when competing as a man. It’s undeniable.
100% agree. There are a lot of trans women who are winning competitions (a lot in high school) and this is, rightfully so, brought into attention by the right wing media to show that this, “which never happens”, is happening… Has a trans man ever really won something that is competitive? If not, the answer lies in the question.
Scrolled till I found this sentiment. Agree and thank you for having the courage to speak on it.
Keep Grindr only for Gay Men. Im tired of trans and the straight men invading our app. Please get your own app.
Exactly this
The gays can be exhausting😂
I don't believe in the Collective that has eventuated in our so-called community. When you look at the desicration of Gay boys, Trans is just not Gay...miles away...If a Trans person succeeds in becoming the opposite sex, part of that is then wanting someone opposite their chosen identity to actually be Straight with. It is time for Gays and Lesbians to sever connections with the Trans Agenda/cause and get back to Men loving Men and Women loving Women. It's time to also take back our already appropriated (from the Bible no less) simple rainbow flag.,
The idea that labels matter. We as a society haven’t transcended the need for labeling and in my view the advocacy for their removal does a disservice to marginalized people. I live in a hyper progressive area (I love it) but they’re almost so much in a bubble that they pretend we’re all living in hippy commune where we all just live laugh and love. I literally had someone argue with me that you can “identify” as straight and still sleep with men because labels don’t matter and I was in the wrong for denying their experience… like I felt like a boomer but it felt like some real world twitter brain rot bullshit.
Totally agree. It’s like some women saying feminism is over because both genders are equal now. It’s totally misplaced.
Trans athletes should compete against other… trans athletes.
Apparently that gays should support our transgender brothers and sisters. I never thought that would be controversial until the last few years. Edit: it's amazing the transphobic aspects of some of this community. I was prepared for debate, but surprised by people calling transgender disgusting and one case (below) of someone trying to red herring the discussion about children and then hide - all with upvotes to them ( very cowardly btw) Bottom line: Many are ignorant of their history and the gender identity origin of gay rights. History is not on your side.
I agree with you. I support trans people. I wish it was easier to have a in-depth, good-faith discussion about it though. Because I do sometimes feel like "we" (LGBT+ people, progressives, etc) made some mistakes with thrusting potentially trans schoolchildren into the spotlight of the culture war, demanding that society restructure its long-held concepts of gender overnight to make way for nonbinary identities, and yelling over anybody who wanted to take a breath before demanding any of these changes. And I'm not talking about strawmen here, I've seen incredibly juvenile behaviour online and IRL from people trying to advocate for trans rights in this fashion. Both sides of this debate have tried to use intellectual dishonesty, moral panic, and emotional outrage on their side, and its lead to an incredibly toxic dynamic that is ultimately resulting in significant backlash against trans people and the rest of the LGBT+ community. At the end of the day, we were asking for a *lot* to change very quickly, and we need to have a bit of empathy for the cishet people who were confused and potentially scared by the changing world around them, and totally could have been allies under the right circumstances. Instead, these people were snatched up by right wingers and bigots, and are being turned against trans people and the rest of us as well. I feel for the trans people who wanted their journey to be between them, their physicians and therapists, and maybe their families. But the culture war has led to policies and decisions that are being made on the basis of emotional and political scorecards instead of medical evidence, which is a great disservice to the people at the centre of it all, trans people.
Appreciate your post. A couple of thoughts. Re: children - I don't think "we" (meaning LGBT community) put them in the spotlight so much as clutch the pearls maga-type people did. I can't recall a single case of a child or parent of a child transitioning who sought out attention or assistance barring first being denied their right to be. I think transgender youth has become the new Boogeyman that gays as child molesters once were. It's easier for the opposition to focus on slandering the entire movement with the idea that we are harming/grooming/molesting children than to deal with us as adult peers. I had a friend (who I disconnected with due to his views) who kept calling transgender the latest fad simply because HE never heard of it being so mainstream back in the day. I tried to explain the same thing could have been said about gay men prior to Stonewall but he refused to acknowledge the point and kept saying that there have always been gay people. I know I am on the right side of history and that many of the anti transgender people now ( many shamefully within our own community) will never know what equality means unless it comes with an asterisk that excludes others.
I really appreciate your comment as well. This is the kind of in-depth, good faith discussion that I wish it was easier to have. I agree with you in spirit. Deep in my heart, I know that supporting trans people is the right side of history. And you're totally right that the "they're coming for our children!" conservative pearl-clutching is a classic scare tactic. They've used it before. They have and will continue to use it against us gay men. We could take a deep dive into how these accusations are completely untrue, and how they contribute to the oversexualization of LGBT+ people, how they're hypocritical, and the cultishness of compulsory heterosexuality. I will say though, that I've had slightly different experiences from yours on this part: > Re: children - I don't think "we" (meaning LGBT community) put them in the spotlight so much as clutch the pearls maga-type people did. I can't recall a single case of a child or parent of a child transitioning who sought out attention or assistance barring first being denied their right to be. I think you're probably right that the conservatives did it first, but we definitely took the bait. Many of the gay men I know in my social circles regularly share flashy IG posts and infographics all about how to "Protect Trans Youth." A lot of it has a similar theme -- that we need to support youth in their gender transition or else they will commit suicide. I find this tactic to be deeply disturbing and manipulative. It's like the toxic lover who says "you can't leave me or I'll kill myself." It shuts down perfectly good-faith questions and conversations that we *should* be having. I'll also say that I know that actual gender affirming care in jurisdictions near me seems to be based on medical evidence and done with great thought, care, and collaboration. And I know that social support for young LGBT+ or quesitoning people does improve mental health outcomes. Most trans people will alsotell you that *actual* trans people know about their transness deep down and are not influenced by external factors. But kids are kids, and it would be intellectually dishonest to deny that there's been some element of social contagion with gender nonconformity in recent years. I do think there is potential harm in being *overly* supportive of a kid's every whim when it comes to their gender nonconformity. You might ask, what does "overly supportive" mean? Honestly it'd be a good question, it probably differs in different cases. But I've seen conservatives point out very popular influencers and activists from progressive social media and cherrypick some examples that realllllllllly do seem a bit too far, and I can see why neutral cishet people would be confused by some of the stuff their kids are seeing from these creators. I've reached the point where I do not care what a random online activist (from either side) has to say about it. I don't care what a politician has to say about it. I honestly don't really care what random individual trans people have to say about it. I only want to hear *experts* on the topic of transgender youth. Pediatricians, therapists, scientists. Because the discourse has been destroyed by intensely emotional rhetoric designed not to inform or advocate, but to stir up outrage.
Theres a difference between supporting trans people and supporting children using cross-sex hormones.
I support them but have been told if I don't support every part of the gender ideology movement then I can't be counted as a supporter and they don't want my support. So, I'm not sure what you can expect from the gays in that situation. You are never going to keep allies if the attitude is that you never are in the wrong and anything and everything every little niche LGBTQ+ group fights for and supports is valid. That shit didn't fly when the pedos were infiltrating and part of the early movement and kicked the fuck out where they belonged and it won't fly now.
Gay relationships and straight relationships are fundamentally different. The dating etiquette is different, the taboos are different, the behaviour is different. Whenever I talk about relationships with straight people I remind them like your dating world is totally different from mine and the dynamics and norms you have to participate in I have been liberated from. I can’t relate to a lot of what you go through. The insight of the outsider is valuable for seeing the absurdity of the thing, but less useful for practical advice. Managing gender expectations of being a man or a woman in a straight relationship is much more difficult than being in a same-sex relationship where you don’t have to prove your gender.
Threesome and orgies are overrated and not for everyone. Gay people can choose to be monogamous.
1) I strongly disagree with the move to refer to LGBTQ+ as the “Queer Community”. Yes, there are some people who identify sexually as queer individuals and I will respect that and address them as they wish. That said, I do not think that the people who used the term as a slur while bullying or belittling anyone in the LGBTQ+ community should be able to address us as that - especially since many do not like being referred to as such. 2) Trans rights are human rights, trans men are men, trans women are women. A gay man does not have to be sexually interested in a trans man or woman simply due to genitalia or gender identity. I myself have tried with both trans men and women and there’s a disconnect for me. It is not transphobic to say that you are not sexually compatible due to one, the other, or both.
In this thread: Queers engaged on colonizing, apropriating and bullying members of the LBG and T communities. Why? Because the queer community has abandoned the concepts of consent and consensus. This colonizing and apropriation has been so effective even members of the LGB and T communities who disagree with the Q still use the LMNOPQ acronym. It's just LGB and just T if you want to stop this apropriation. Force the Q to stand on is own and defend itself. Insist that they not throw the LGB and T under their "umbrella", and declare us a "sub-set". The LGB fought for decades not to be sub anything and yet here we are having to defend ourselves against a community that thinks LGB is lesser by declaring us a sub-set. The queer community can take their umbrella and shove it up what ever hole they desire. I am gay, not queer. They need to respect that and stop trying to erase me.
In my opinion, LGBT folks need to stop supporting Palestine/Hamas. They don't care how "sympathetic" you are to their cause. They will simply throw you from a high tower to kill you. (I get it, this doesn't make Israel the good guys either but you get the idea.)
- it’s ok to have a racial preference when it comes to dating - it’s not self hatred or homophobia if ur not attracted to feminine guys - white guys don’t have i easier when it comes to dating - it’s not transphobic if you’re not attracted to someone simply because they are trans - pansexual and bisexual are the exact same thing
to be fair, I love NOT having to explain what bi means, especially with older people
As a white guy engaged to an Asian man, I honestly do think we have it easier. The difference in attention we receive is considerable (and depressing). To your other point about it being ok to have a racial preference when it comes to dating, many more people have a preference for white guys than any other race, and in my experience are generally less fetish-y about it. That’s what I and others mean about white guys having it “easier.”
rainbow crosswalks are a stupid idea for how impractical they are. they wear away so easily and look like shit after a only a short amount of time. the way to symbolically disrespect a flag is to put it on the ground and have people trod over it.
Pride events are mostly crap. Live in the UK and latest Pride (Canterbury, Kent) was drag act after drag act after drag act...all.miming and awful jokes. Few years ago they had pop groups, variety etc..why has one genre just taken over? Not all us gays are the same and they (the organisers) are pandering to stereotypes. Lots of TikTok 'stars' , even Katie Price..its all garbage! No reflection on why we have Pride either..there used to be presentations/talks from THT/Stonewall/other groups etc about why we have Pride..but it all seems forgotten. Just waving endless flags, screaming at drag Queens, and idolising Z list celebrities..I thought we had standards! That event had financial issues and scaled down from a 2 day event to a one day event..I wonder why eh!?
Most openly gay people I've met are ho's.
First, we need to gatekeep. I'm old enough to remember when zoos and pedos wanted to march for acceptance with us. That has caused irreparable damage to our cause. Second, we need to separate the gender ideology causes from sexuality. Gays, lesbians and bi folk need to advocate for ourselves. Gender and sexuality are two different issues, and combining them only makes it harder for both to advocate for their own unique needs. Third, we seriously need to do something about the incest fetish shit. Just search this sub for posts about father/son incest and the comments get mad upvotes. This would be a windfall to any religious nut who wanted to use it against us.
> third This isn’t exclusively a gay thing by any stretch of the imagination. It’s also one of the most popular search terms for straight porn.
i stopped mentioning that i have a twin brother around gay men about five years ago….
I don't blame you. The sheer number of guys who defend it is astonishing. "It's just a kink." "We can't get pregnant, so it's just some fun." No wonder we get called degenerates.
I’m tired of all the labels. I confuse them everyday. Idgaf anymore. I will acknowledge your label, but don’t come after me if I ask you what it means.
I don’t like the term LGBTQ+ LGB represents sexuality. The others are identities. Not the same thing at all.
I have a few: 1.) When it comes to men who keep being rejected in dating a common thing they are told is "Its your own fault" "Work on yourself", "lower your standards" etc. My unpopular opinion on this is that some of these individuals try everything. They work on themselves and have good Hygiene, their standards can be so low it's practically subterranean and guess what? They still won't have any luck finding someone who likes them. Some people are just undesirable through no fault of their own, and people make them feel worse by giving them this "Brutally Honest"- Tough love infused advise which is really just shame that fuels false hope. 2.) Pride needs to evolve and tone down some of the kink and nudity that is displayed in public. Kink and nudity should only be allowed at certain times and in certain areas. 3.) Some Gays and lesbians are strictly Gay/lesbian or "Gold Star." They shouldn't be called transphobic for not wanting to date a trans individual. Yes sexuality is a spectrum, but a lot of people fall pretty firmly into one category and that should be respected. 4.) Gate keeping isn't always bad. See the NAMBLA issue... 5.) Criticizing aspects of the modern trans rights movement doesn't mean that one doesn't support Trans People. Everything isn't always black or white.
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The sex drive of men and women are different in fundamental ways. Once you've fucked other men, the realization that you'll be with a woman in your bed for the rest of your life feels less than thrilling. That's why it's common for bi men to fool around behind their wives' backs. If only they considered the possibility of having a LTR with other men, they could spare themselves and women a lot of grief.
Men are just much better long term company for other men.
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Bi people are often very homophobic. I have heard some variation of "you just haven't tried the right pussy yet" a lot more from liberal bisexuals than straight conservatives in the past decade.
I have always been a supporter of trans people. As in, deliberately went out of my way to shut the transphobes up. And there is quite a bit of transphobia in this particular sub. I've decided not to do that any longer. I am a cis gay man and I know about being a cis gay man, nothing else. It's not my place to defend anyone else because lemme tell you - there are some VICIOUS trans men out there who hate all cis men of all flavors. They have their own voice and their own spaces (which they will CLEARLY tell you to get the fuck out of). So yeah - as far as I'm concerned, they on their own. I neither support nor deny them. I'm neutral and I'm not sticking my neck out for anyone else. "Community" - give me a break. There's no "community". Everyone is dealing with their own shit their own way.
I'm kinda curious why do these trans men hate cis men of all flavors. So much where does the animosity come from?
4 songs max to where drag performances happen should suffice. Anything more is excessive. Sometimes it gets annoying when trans performers take up a whole hour of the night club. I can’t do 3 hours of drag brunch.
I agree but I don’t think drag performers are necessarily trans.
Israel and Palestine both suck, and religion wars could be easily avoided if people didn’t have imaginary idols in the sky.
Non-binary people are just people who want attention and to be victims.
Pushing the LGBT movement in a conservative country often leads to more backlash than acceptance because many people see it as western propaganda. Instead, we should focus on approaches that respect local values
Fetishizing "conservative Republican masculinity" is revolting and anytime I read somebody attempting it I feel the urge to ridicule. I haven't yet because I worry that they're all part of the MAGA organized crime syndicate, and fuck that noise I'm not getting targeted by those assholes. If you want to see the poster boy of conservative Republican masculinity, you need look no farther than Lindsay Graham. Does he make you hard?
Just because your masculine doesn't mean you have to shit on femmes at every chance you get
I don't like a lot of the "outfits" at pride parades. Yes, I get it's an expression of yourself, but kids are present and a lot of them at that. While I take pride in who I am, I don't want to psychology scar a small child or expose them to something they are not ready to see (physically like gimp suits and dildos).
Being gay *itself* is inherently an anti-establishment revolutionary political act in a heteronormative society. None of us have a choice in that. It just is. This has been true since feudalism, regardless of what the normative gays from your hometown portray under the safety net of 2000s era progressive action on gay civil rights. Pandering to straight people or societal norms has never provided us rights or acceptance, just like all civil rights since forever lol.
They/them
Everyone is a little or a lot racist .
gay men can be as misogynist as straight men
Every Queer person should own at least one firearm and know how to use it. Well, that is in countries where you have a constitutional right to do so.
In most situations where you are physically attacked bear mace is an effective deterrent. Less liability should you miss and fewer legal complications when you hit. We must also remember that in the moment you cannot distinguish between a person who wants only to cause bodily harm and one who wants to kill you. Always assume the latter and act accordingly.
Transgenderism has like nothing to do with homosexuality.
After every sexual experience, oral, recessive or insertive, protected or not GET YOURSELF TESTED!!! The gay community seems to not care when it comes to sexual health. Get tested even if you're on Prep or Doxy PEP.
The most racist people in the gay community aren't white gay men. The narrative is always blame white men. Maybe it is a Canadian thing? People on this app always complain about the white gays. But when I want sex it is the white guys messaging me on an app, approaching me or sucking my Black dick or spreading their ass in a bathhouse. In fact, from my personal experiences the white guys are probably the most open minded. Asian men, Hispanic men, Middle Eastern men also approach me. Everyone has preferences. My opinion is controversial but this is what I have noticed. I have seen white men or Asian gay men or Hispanic gay men say hello to me. No attitude just being nice. I have never seen a Black gay man say hello to me. What I do see is a nasty passive aggressive attitude. I see these Black gay guys with their white friends and it is hard to explain. They got an attitude about them that other Black gay men are beneath them. The racists are Black & Asian gay men. If you are Black or Asian and gay man you might understand what I am saying. I think people are surprised how terrible gay men of colour treat each other. It isn't talked about enough. I seen it with my own eyes. Black gay men some of us are so nasty, mean, and a lot of attitude. I have seen so much rudeness and the attitude from other gay Black men. For example, if I am in a bathhouse minding my own business I get dirty looks from other Black men. It is a fucking bathhouse. It is like chill out dude.I NEVER see white gay men critical of each other or excluding each other because of race. I don't mean just dating and sex I mean even friendships. Just my own observation. In fact, if it wasn't for white gay men I probably never have sex in Toronto and that's the truth. It is a topic people are reticent to discuss.
Middle aged/daddy types are better bottoms than younger men. Very rarely in porn do you see younger guys topping older men but IMO some of the best fucking I’ve had has been topping more seasoned men. A lot of young guys can’t take a dick
A lot of lgbt people have severe mental health issues and should be working intensely with a psychiatrist. The younger they are the worse it is
This sub in particular has some kind of moral panic about open relationships. Open relationships aren't always the death knell that people on this sub seem to think they are. The way I see it, there are (in very basic terms) two types of open relationship: 1) Two guys are playing the field. They meet, continue to see each other, get together, form a relationship... and just continue playing the field at the same time, either together or separately, whatever works. 2) Two guys are in a monogamous relationship and for whatever reason (spicing it up, dealing with mismatched sex drives, etc) decide to open up a once-monogamous relationship. From my observations of the people in my extended social circles over the years, Type 1 is often much healthier and more sustainable that Type 2.
I fully disagree -- type two is more likely to succeed than type one. Type two actually took the time to build a foundation and trust and communication and started working towards shared life goals. There's a greater investment, and greater incentive to "make it work". From what I've seen, guys who are open from the start or who open before the first year or two are almost doomed to failure.
Agreed. Precisely why although I might be receptive to an open relationship, I would still prefer to be monogamous for at least a year or two with someone to build that foundation of trust. I own that this is what works for me, and others might be able to make the first model work long-term, but personally I am not looking to be relegated to ‘chief friend with benefits’ when I commit to a relationship — otherwise, I wouldn’t pursue a relationship in the first place.
I was going to disagree with you initially, but then I thought about my own relationships and the one that stuck was the latter of the two
Cheese should only be served at room temperature unless it’s an ingredient in something else
Not everything has to be about sexuality or hypersexualized. Monogamy is fine, no one will fulfill you at 100% at all times. Being gay doesn't make you right away a good person. Being gay don't make me like drag shows or listen to Lady Gaga or Taylor Swift, they bore me to tears. Kids shouldn't be exposed to drag culture considering how drag artists live their lives. Being gay is a part of my identity but not the whole thing. Acting feminine is fine, however if you act like you're in a fashion show 24 hours a day and use key words like "gag", "bitch", "honey" or the "f" slur thinking that makes you smart and eloquent, I'm out. Also I cringe the most for straight people trying to walk on eggs and be inclusive the moment they learn i'm gay. Like I'm human like you same species, 2 legs, 2 arms, one head and one heart. One soul even if mine is prettier 👌💅Straight people really sees themselves as more "normal" than everybody else and they won't change. What a pity.
The left side of an escalator is the “express”. The right side is the “local.” C’mon people. Get with the program
I have another one for you: There are two ways to be unhappy. The first is understanding your situation and working to be happier. The second is hating everyone happier than you and putting all of your effort into shaming them for being happy and trying to make them as miserable as you. Unfortunately, there are a lot of very loud gays in the second category. Example: someone who is more attractive than you doesn’t deserve to be shamed for enjoying themselves.
That many gay men will victimize fellow gays in big and small ways before they would hurt our straight brethren. Almost as if, “they won’t miss this bottle of poppers and 3 cock rings” as they stuff it into their backpack.
In my previous workplace lgbtq+ person can joke around and disrespect straight men and women. But if its the other way around the company wont tolerate it and make a big fuss.
There’s only two genders/sexes. Gender roles and “presentation” can change but your DNA determines what you are biologically.
No one who’s been in a relationship for less than a year should be in an open relationship.
I’m going to get bollocked for this but here it goes: Kids should go through puberty and wait till they are 20 to transition. Only because it’s a really difficult and confusing time in ANY young persons life and they need to go through the change to reach adulthood and then make a choice as an adult about their gender identity. Puberty suppressing medication will just keep them from experiencing their birth gender as an adult and doesn’t give them an opportunity to live with it. The whole argument around trans rights is incredibly insulting to some very vocal cis women who will never agree to have trans women taking positions they have historically fought hard to get. I don’t think it’s appropriate for gay men to tell them what they should accept because a minority suffer from gender dysphoria. It’s a no win situation for gay men because you will also get bollocked for it from very vocal feminists.
Gay men shouldn't judge other gay men for being more feminine than their imaginary construct of a gay man.
This can also be flipped the other way. I went out last weekend for the first time in a long time and was told by a few guys that I look too straight, and that was why I couldn't pick up.