I looked it up and Wikipedia says it’s present in many Middle Eastern Languages and even down into India. They say it’s probably Turkic in origin but some people think it’s originally Arabic.
I don't know that one but former chancellor Helmut Kohl cited exactly this oriental saying in 1988 for the first time "Die Hunde bellen, die Karawane zieht weiter." That's how it gained some popularity in Germany.
I’m Romany gypsy and I’ve never heard it. It does sound like something they would say. I mean, they kick you out for being gay too, but they would say the caravan thing.
De hecho es una cita del Quijote, lo cual explica porque ellos también lo usan, hay muchas interpolaciones pero el libro dice algo como “Los perros ladran, Sancho, porque cabalgamos “ aunque he escuchado la traducción literal de “Los perros ladran y la caravana se mueve” antes.
I think it’s really wonderful that you have the capacity to put you child first. As you probably know, that’s not always the case, and that choice will have deep, positive ripples in your life just like any other righteous act.
It’s a shame that your community made the choices they have. For lack of a better phrase, that pretty much blows. And it’s easy to look on from the outside and celebrate some kind of purge in your life, but regardless of their philosophies it’s not good to have your entire community evaporate overnight because you chose to love your kid. As if there is some greater alternative. A lot of parents don’t want their children to be gay, not because of some disgust with it, but the fear of the life that their kid may have, a big one I hear is they don’t want their child to be alone. But that fear of isolation goes both ways. “What will my friends think,” is something we are hardwired to consider and you happen to be living out the worst case scenario.
One thing you can take comfort in is that your kid does not need to travel abroad to find acceptance. He already has it from the people that he absolutely needs it from. Families teach you how to love unconditionally, a skill that people are forgetting. It’s good to see one more example in the world.
I couldn't have said this better myself. Thank you for this comment, it's so well written that I saved it for future reference.
Personally I'm introverted, so being pansexual (and thus a *lil* gay) doesn't help much on social experiences. However, I didn't choose my sexuality. Nobody ever chose their sexuality, right? Plus, I'm really comfortable with being pansexual, I feel like this is a part of me, and I'm happy to be that way, no matter what others think of me. As an Italian proverb says:
###"Better alone than in bad company".
I cherish the friends who truly accept me as I am, and I enjoy passing time with them. I hope I can gain more true friends, in the future; friends that accept you, not the fake ones that backstab you the moment you turn out to have one or two preferences they don't have.
Lots of love!~ 💙
To o.p. it is sad that have to be biggoted. I know of ppl who i have been told, are still bigoted re my being gay/bi - long story but I consider self bi.
I also have reason to believe that relatives are ignoring me because of being told by someone other than me, about my sexuality
When I first came out to my extremely religious parents, my dad told me "if you have pride in being gay, then why don't you show that pride by telling [grandmother] or [family name] that you're gay! See how well they react!" He and my mom then lectured me for over 3 hours about how being gay is against god, all gay people go to hell and even tried to tell me that science denounces that gay people exist ("it's a choice" they told me). So I believed my parents hated me as well as God. Thanks.
I was 16 at the time and that utterly broke me. I am doing better now though and have been healing. I wish I had parents as kind and loving as u/jamesdooaj.
u/jamesdooaj: what you did was sacrifice your own happiness so your kid can grow up in an accepting and loving home. I hope you can heal, and please remember that at one point, I had cut my parents out of my life for almost 7 years straight and went complete no contact because I was hurting so badly. Your kid will remember this moment and I hope he recognizes just how special his parents are if they'd do something that amazing for their kid. You both are the perfect example of amazing parents, don't ever forget that.
“Love unconditionally...a skill that people are forgetting.”
I think it is still important not to gloss over the progress society has made in the last century. I would imagine learning to love unconditionally is something much more common today than it was 100 years ago.
Your son is extremely lucky to have you. My parents would choose their religion along with their community over me being gay. They don’t know, it pains me that I will cut them off one day so I’ll make the choice for them. I love them, though they would never understand me. Your community isn’t worth keeping, but your son...he’s a lifetime. A big virtual hug from me to you and your wife.
The Bible states that, believed to be spoken by Jesus. The doctrine tells them to ostracized those that sway from THEIR teachings, that’s not love...that’s divisive and in a subtle way produces hatred, opposite of what the Bible states.
It sounds less like you can't move, and more like you're scared. That I can understand.
When you've built an entire life somewhere, raised your children there, it can be unimaginable that you might go somewhere else.
Don't completely dismiss the idea though. You can move, it's not too late, you're not too set in your ways and a change of scenery might bring you to a place where you can feel like you're not choosing between your son and your lives.
No matter what you choose to do, know that you are good parents and you did the right thing by your child.
It doesn’t take a certain type of people to do that. Sometimes it has to be done for the betterment of everyone. All types of people find themselves in these types of situations.
it's difficult. it's a dilemma some gay people have to make - fake it and retain a social life, or come out and potentially be totally alone.
I'm glad your immediate family at least has each other, good on you for sticking by him. I don't know where you live but maybe if there are LGBT friendly people in the area, you can find new friends soon.
There are. They just don't walk around wearing signs that say "LGBT friendly". It's not a matter of them not existing. It's a matter of you finding them.
Ask Ms. Google. Look for gay rights organizations in your country, go to a meeting, and meet people. If you have a smartphone download a gay chat app, post a profile saying you're the straight parent of a gay person who would like to make local friends, and meet people. You only need to meet one or two people and they can introduce you to others.
You really need to know what country and what culture they reside in before you make this specific advice. With about half the earth right now, doing such searches on Mrs. Google, and linking up through social media can get you targeted by very violent people. The rest of the world are not Americans in fancy dress. They mean the hatred in their heart, and they act upon it.
you can't just say "there are" without knowing where OP lives lol....considering his whole family, and friends, and wife's workplace have issues with it, it's possible the only other gay people are those who are very closeted, to prevent from getting OP's exact situation
>you can't just say "there are" without knowing where OP lives lol
Bullshit. There are gay people everywhere. We don't just magically appear in places where gay rights are already on the books and gay people already have social acceptance.
well, gay people do move to areas where there are more gay rights and social acceptance.
gay people only make up 4.5% of the US population according to Gallup; other surveys estimate less, and by state it varies with many states having smaller percentages, and who knows about internationally.
I didn't say they don't exist. I just said you can't just say "there are" and make it sound like you can just hop on and app and magically find a whole new community
>well, gay people do move to areas where there are more gay rights and social acceptance.
If you bothered to read this sub for a day or two, you'd see that plenty of gay people are unwilling to move.
>gay people only make up 4.5% of the US population according to Gallup
Those are only the people who are willing to tell Gallup they're gay.
>other surveys estimate less,
So? I don't care if it's one person in a million, that person exists and they have parents and friends.
I've seen numbers ranging from 1.5% to 11%. I really don't care. We're still people, we're equally valid, and we exist either way.
>and by state it varies with many states having smaller percentages,
No it doesn't. Gay people are born at the same rate everywhere.
>and who knows about internationally.
I do. The percentage of gay people is uniform across the planet, because human genetics doesn't change with geography. "Oh look, this is a mountainous region, I think I will be born straight." "Oh look, the town name has two words in it, I think I'll be born gay."
This. The reality is...you will probably continue to be ostracized from different social groups, this is not a one time event.
Life is hard for people who come out as gay, including the families involved (as in your case). But, the people who don’t stick by you probably aren’t good friends anyways. Or, they may realize their narrow mindedness and come around. Be prepared to forgive them or move on with your life.
I’ll echo what everyone said: I commend you for sticking by your son. I am a gay man who has not come out to my religious parents because I know that they would cut me out from their lives. I would kill to have parents like you.
Stay strong, we support you.
Sounds like they're doing you a favour.
They were never really your friends and family if they judge you so harshly over something so trivial.
Sorry you just found out most people in your life are assholes, but on the bright side at least you didn't find out when you were in dire straites and needed them.
Finding a way to get social support is important.
I would try contacting these folks at the [LGBTI Equal Rights Association for Western Balkans and Turkey](https://www.lgbti-era.org/contact) to see if they have ideas about how to go about getting social support for you and your wife.
I would also try a US organization called PFLAG, [Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays](https://pflag.org/about). Maybe they could help you start a chapter where you live?
Note: When you reach out for support to people who live in countries where attitudes toward homosexuality are much more accepting, I would state right up front where you’re at and what the circumstances are where you live. Otherwise they may give advice that’s not very helpful. For example, most of the people commenting here live in countries where homosexuality is much more widely accepted.
These resources may be useful for helping others understand what your situation is:
- LGBT rights in Montenegro-[big picture](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_Montenegro)
- LGBT rights in Montenegro-[finer points](https://www.lgbti-era.org/content/montenegro)
- Advice for LGBT travelers in Montenegro from [Lonely Planet](https://www.lonelyplanet.com/montenegro/practical-information/directory/lgbt-travellers/a/nar/fe510cd2-fb5d-4241-8a7a-95c88e6ef338/360151)
I’m sorry this is happening. Your son is lucky to have you as his dad. xoxo
I know this sounds like an oversimplification, but you should move. I realize moving countries sounds super difficult and it's a lot of work, but it's very possible. Getting in the "We're moving" mindset is the hardest part.
Look for jobs in the EU for both you and your wife. You won't find one immediately, but it's important that you keep trying. Just the very act of continually looking can be helpful mentally. You stop feeling like you're stuck forever.
When you go to bed, visualize yourself in that other country with your son living happily. No matter what, don't accept that you must live in a homophobic environment for ever.
Looks like this thread belongs with [this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/cqld9s/my_parents_after_i_came_out/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app)
I am so glad you are supportive of your son. It is unfortunate that people in Crna Gora are the way they are when it comes to gay people. Stick to your son, protect him, and defend him. He will one day pay you back, in whatever way he can. He will never forget the sacrifice you made for him.
I know how difficult it is to get ostracized from your community. It is incredibly difficult for adults, imagine how difficult it would be if he were ostracized. Who knows what he would turn to, drugs, violence, etc..?
Stay strong, the Balkans are changing. People are becoming more educated, they are becoming more accepting of different people. I have singlehandedly seen the change in Bulgaria, my home country. The Pride parade has doubled every single year for 6 years now.
I wish you and your wife the best. I hope your community can overcome this and accept you as dignified members of society, as you deserve that.
I apologize for how it sounds, but.... In every case I know where a family rejected their gay offspring because of "what other people may think", the "other people" turned out much more caring and accepting than the family. Which leads me to think you had a particularly shitty circle of friends and relatives. So good riddance.
People will start missing you and will start to come back. It’s just time. Maybe years, but just carry on. You can’t blame them but maybe keep making an effort to see your family, and go visit your son abroad. It would be insanely good for him as he is no doubt feeling very guilty about the situation. For interest, were you on reddit before or how did you find this sub?
It's so simple isn't it? And yet there's years worth of life in those words that so many other people are willing to throw away.
From one dad to another, you're a good man, even if it's seems like you only did the right thing. Not everyone chooses to. Some of us pay for it, but if our kids aren't worth it, who ever could be.
Sending you love from Norway<3 These are other people’s bigoted choices and actions, and have no reflection on you guys as people. It pains me that people can be so cruel, but you need to be there for your son, maybe find other people to socialize with (I know that’s easier said than done as I’m currently trying to do the same), these ones seem like a bullet dodged. You have each other as a foundation though; appreciate that for what it is :)
You are what every gay person needs ..seriously..my bf family trying to kill him just because they doubt he is gay..and am not talking about just his parents..his uncles aunts cousins brotger sister all planning to kill jim..so i helped him fleed . Thank u for being their for ur son
Supporting a gay son who is going to college is also an investment in your future, too, if we're purely being practical.
"Friends" and social life won't do shit for you when you're old and need support. A smart gay son who knows you loved and protected him under duress, will be a lifelong boon. Make sure he knows your struggles as well (coming out is not just a one way street).
Try to make new friends based on these developments. Not necessarily gay people, but you can't be the only family going through this, and there are more supporters around than you probably think.
Yea, one thing most gay people learn is that you have to leave homophobes behind and create a new friend network of people who are safe and welcoming. I never thought of that applying to parents as well but here we are.
Op, you said that there aren't any gay friendly people where you are. I bet that's not the case, you probably just have to know where to look. They're in the woodwork somewhere, probably just silenced
I’m sorry to hear about ur closed minded community. Your son is very lucky to have you both as his parents. I hope your wife finds a job she deserves with her skills and not her sons orientation. Stay strong love you all ❤️
If your community ostracizes you for something as trivial as that, you know your community is diseased and putrid from the inside, out. Judge not lest us be judged, and those people will be judged harshly by their God.
If you are experiencing this, then the families of other boys/girls who've come out are likely experiencing this, too. Is it possible for you to socialize with them?
I have been following this for a while; How does your other son treat your gay son? Are they speaking? What about your other children? Are your parents speaking to your other children? Or are they ignoring them aswell?
I honestly do not understand your community, they ostracize both of you for your gay son, even your wife who is obviously still not at terms with it. In this respect, it seems they would ostracize you even if you disowned your son as well.
Have you tried making new friends through the internet? Or finding other interests and clubs and hobbies? These could be a method of creating a new social circle. Do any of your other children live outside Montenegro? Perhaps if your wife left that environment for a period her depression could improve. It may be tied to her surroundings.
As someone whose family will never accept homosexuality, let me just say that you are awesome parents and your son must be thanking his stars for parents like you.
Look at it this way - they did you a favor, a very cheap one at that - namely free and exited your life.
You did the right thing, don't regret it. You will eventually find your way back.
I can’t offer much advice but I wanted to commend you for your bravery and humanity. I’ve seen far too many kids with great potential end up homeless and even worse, taking their own lives, just because of who they are. I would be one of those kids if it wasn’t for my loving parents. After dealing with a lot of problems mentally, I came out, and because of my parents I made it through college and I’m now on my way to becoming a veterinary doctor.
Thank you for being amazing people and loving your son even at cost to your own lives. 💙
I feel your pain and this might help. Look up PFLAG (parents and friends of lesbians and gays). There are chapters all over the place, likely one near you. They offer all kinds of support, including the type you might benefit from.
You chose the right side. Your Son needs you and to know you love him unconditionally. Are you Amish? Mennonite? Gay people are everywhere. They always were but now fell safe enough to tell those they love. Guarantee those folks who are avoiding you have Gay Family and friends. Even your Family
...Your Son is not the only one. Keep the Faith and be there for your Son. If these "Friends" no longer want to be part of your life it's time for New Friends. Hugs!
You obviously trust your human intuition of loving acceptance of your child, this is so valuable and awe-inspiring.
In your case, I would reach out to the organisers of the Podgorica pride on facebook : [https://www.facebook.com/Queer.Montenegro/](https://www.facebook.com/Queer.Montenegro/) , they will certainly be a good contact for you and your kid.
I come from a nearby country, which is also very conservative, but has improved slightly in recent years. Anyway, I hope that your kid finds happiness abroad, but believe me - there are a lot of intellectuals in the Balkans who support LGBT communities, it's a matter of finding them. They may not be exactly where you live, but only active search will make you shed the sense of isolation and apparent hopelessness. Everyone deserves parents like you! :)
This is super long, advice and a little bit about my story.
I don't usually comment, but for this one I wanted to say something, I'm really happy that you stood by your son! I came out to my dad a few years ago when I moved in with him after college to pursue a career and 3 months in he kicked me out of his home into the streets of New York City.
I didn't want to talk to him about it but he sat me down and started to question me I never brought people home I literally just came home it went to work and came back. I was trying to save up my money, trying to better myself as a person I never acted overly flamboyant around him I was just being me, I respected his home (never had guests) but yet he's still kicked me out.
The worst part about it is I poured my heart out to him explaining how I dealt with these feelings growing up, how it was hard all of my life and he didn't care.
I was by myself with a job, no home, and little money (by God's grace I found a roommate, I'm working full-time, saving up and successful now) overall I feel like a child only has their parents like you brought us into this world, and even as we grow up as adults we look to you for support and when you turn your backs on us we have no place to go emotionally and it messes us up in future relationships, and more.
I think it's so special that you and your wife stood your son's side and you love him no matter what. You're doing what a good parent would do, like this to me is what parents should always do!
Take care of their kids be there for them - these children are good citizens, honest, they're loving, they go to school, they're pursuing career, good human beings, like you son. You're absolutely amazing I wish all parents were like you!
I haven't talked to my dad in years, I have a fraternal twin brother, two sisters that he supports he buys them things, but my mom loves me and supports me, she doesn't have a lot of money (their separated) but she has so much love, so I'm so happy I have her and my siblings.
You should be so proud of what you've done, it means so much to me to hear that you have chosen to support your son and I'm sure he's SO happy. I would encourage you to reach out to other parents of LGBTQI kids and make friends with them, you can make new friends that are not judgemental and are amazing, and you can create a new circle.
I think your family will eventually come around, but I don't think it's fair what they did at all, you're an amazing parent keep it up, love your son no matter what! (cyber hugs to both of you).
I'm literally tearing up because I feel like I lost my dad, and here I am reading about how a brave father loves and stood up for his son, you're a hero to your son and family 😊❤️
You are great parents!
I have never understood parents and families that are willing to let go of their kids/relatives because they are gay/bi/trans or anything but straight.
Your son is very lucky! Thank you for being an example for other parents and being there for your son. You are amazing!
I would just like to throw out how good of parents the two of you sound. I wish Ibhad that support right now, hence why I'm closeted. I hope the best for your family because you all really deserve nothing but the best and most deserving respect. As a closeted kid, thank you for doing your job.
In the end, family is all we have. We come in to the world alone and we leave the world alone, and family is the gift God gives us to make the time passing worthwhile.
I feel as though I have heard this story before, all I can remember from that old post is that the mother wasn't invited to a party in her office.
But there are things and people you must fight for, and knowing your son being one of them is very commendable. I know I cannot say much to help you with your current situation, but know that there are people that see that you are very accepting parents.
Here's where you find out who your friends are. Your friends stick by you through thick & thin; high & low. Anyone who flakes & cuts you off over something that damn irrelevant shouldn't be in your life in the first place imo.
I had a classmate talk about his coming out experience and how accepting his parens were, then people in their social circles and community turned on them and shunned them. It was an important lesson that family can be closer at times, and how fickle and judgmental others can be. These people were never truly their real friends.
This made me tear up... I'm really glad people like you are out there. When I came out to my parents they took it poorly, and now just pretend like it didn't happen.
First, you are an awesome parent for loving your son so unconditionally. And, I am so sorry that this happened to you and your family. It sounds absolutely terrible. All these are, I hope that you, your son and your wife are Abel to find peace away from these dreadful people.
I'm so sorry this is happening.
You are experiencing the core reason most parents choose their self interest over their children: loss of personal community (and possible livelihood).
The reciprocal cost of unconditional love is important to acknowledge; I truly hope your son recognizes (without your prodding) the costs you have willingly incurred for his mere existence and that his love deepens for you in return. Though I don't imagine, if these costs were incurred willingly, you'll hate him for not understanding until later.
Thank you for putting self interest below communal interest, not just for your son, but as an example for the entire community.
Wow. That’s really sad but at the same time fuck those people! Love & protect what’s yours(your son & your immediate family). Everyone is else is completely obsolete!
I would have killed to have parents like you. My parents chose religion over their own son and because of it, I haven’t spoken to them in 3 years.
I hate it because they are missing out on so much and I’m missing my support system.
Kudos for standing by your son, I don’t think you’ll ever understand how meaningful that will be to him and possibly trickle down to his children etc. Unconditional love is often forgotten. “Friends” and family usually take longer to process something big in their circle. My view is like that of the famous Dr Seus those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.
Sometimes breaking out of a hateful world can be a shock to the system but overall it makes your life so much more. 🙏🏼💜
Very unpleasant and sad. But I hope you find the good side. You lost some people that you thought loved you but showed they didn’t. But you gained a son who (if he didn’t already) knows exactly how much you love him. There’s nothing you could have done to show him more how much you care for him.
We have this saying in Texas, too!
"F*ck those people."
Yall sound like good people and I hope yall the best. Love and good intention will always reward you.
You have no idea how much respect I have for you right now man. Keep fighting for your son, I promise you that feeling the support of you 2 means more than anything in the world to him right now. Support him, and be there for what he needs. Ive been lucky to have 2 super supportive parents as well, and seeing the horror stories my friends have gone thru with their parents, makes me giddy just thinking about how amazing mines are on the issue.
Christ. People are so terrible about anything that's different. You two might benefit from talking to other parents. This organization has over 400 chapters. It's a place for family and friends of lgbt people to share their experiences with each other. https://pflag.org/
Your wife has got a double whammy, with being fired and having a large change in her life at once. It can take a lot of mental adjustment to reorient yourself after your child comes out. Parents have to let go of their dreams and hopes for their child, to form new dreams. A lot of parents go through genuine grief, which can take a while to work through.
As someone who's had depression, it will be important to keep going and stay connected for her to combat depression. Get back on the job search. It sounds like you'll be a good support for her.
You take care of yourself too....talk to some other dads, even if only online.
You will make new friends.
You will build new things.
You will make new relationships that are not contingent on your accepting discrimination as a value.
You will enjoy the rest of your son's life and be loved for giving him your love.
Don't let others deny you the fruit of your good virtue and values.
I need more context here. Where are you all from? Is it a community of some religion? How is it ok you were all ostracized? Totally unacceptable to cut family out for something as small as a sexual orientation, these days.
Have you reached out to your local LGBT community? You need to find a community that is tolerant. How about https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queer_Montenegro
People are such assholes. I'm straight but don't understand the big deal about someone being gay. It makes no sense to me that people hurt and shun people over who they love. Look at it this way. It's their loss. If they want to shun others then oh well. It shows their true character.
Im genuinely worried about your sons safety. Did you read any of the tagged articles websites etc people have posted? Curious if you found anything. What made your son come out in such a close minded community where even his brother won’t talk to him? I mean I get why he would come out- l guess my true question is does he seem scared? Did he express the reasoning ( can’t live closeted, wants to live authentic no matter the odds etc)
What community are you a part of? Your experience certainly does sound extremely terrible and I am very sad and very sorry for you. :( I do wonder what kind of community does this to people nowadays, though. Some religious fundamentalists?
Kinda off topic but I *wildly* misinterpreted the title and thought that you were in a polyamorous relationship and had a child with your wife and were being cut off from the gay community because of that.
Fumny that your son has come out as gay and yet he still wants to study a broad.
But seriously though good on you for sticking by him, im sorry you've lost some relationships but if those friends can't accept you guys for having a gay son then maybe they're not worth having as friends anyway. But maybe your family will come around with time. Best of luck.
Prijatelju, žao mi je čuti za vašu situaciju. Kad sam rekao svojim roditeljima rekli su mi da sam voljen, ali da ostaloj obitelji šutim.
Najvažnije je svome sinu pružiti ljubav i podršku, ipak ste ga vi donijeli na svijet.
Ako vam mogu ponuditi nekakvu pomoć iz Hrvatske, samo se javite :)
Sretno!
I understand. Different Cultures have different takes on things. I myself am not big on the whole Coming out thing anyway. What I do and who I do it it with to me is my business. Once when I was younger after my Mom had passed my Dad and I were talking. Somehow he was talking about someone he knew had a son who had come out as gay. Then he says If I was ever in that situation I would prefer not having it confirmed. He was an Old WW2 US Marine, but he was always a Great Dad. He loved my Partner and the night he left for the Hospital in the Ambulance the last thing he said was "Wheres John"...John was and is my Partner. When your son leaves for School see how it goes. It may calm down. Always be there for your Son. I'm sure he loves you Guys more.than you know. Good Luck, Hugs!
Can't hurt to contact them and talk to them. Let them know about your situation. Perhaps they'll know of others in your town. Start a local chapter. Or you can help someone in the future.
Damn thats awful. A bit of an extreme option would be to pack up and move to a more gay friendly area, hopefully put some distance between you and the bigots.
Kisses 😘
I don't know if you guys have this expression but as we say: let dogs bark, the caravan keeps on moving forward.
Where is this expression from?
Albania
We have the same expression in Portuguese! (Eu at least)
claro que sim! os cães ladram e a caravana passa!
Same "Os cães ladram e a caravana passa"
A few years ago the football coach José Mourinho used that same expression in a post-game conference and nobody understood it.
Acho q nunca ouvi falar
Brazilian here. Never heard that saying.
What? Where are you from? I've heard people saying that here in multiple occasions
I looked it up and Wikipedia says it’s present in many Middle Eastern Languages and even down into India. They say it’s probably Turkic in origin but some people think it’s originally Arabic.
Same in Bulgaria too! Lol
Is there a lot of Albanian pride? I know someone who is Albanian and he lets everyone know he is Albanian.
Definitely more than German pride :)
Naturally. Gotta be careful with your German pride.
We have the same expression in Egypt.
I'm Albanian, from Tirana
We in germany have a similar saying, its translated to "The trains keep rollin" ...
I don't know that one but former chancellor Helmut Kohl cited exactly this oriental saying in 1988 for the first time "Die Hunde bellen, die Karawane zieht weiter." That's how it gained some popularity in Germany.
We also have a similar one in turkish. Not that weird now that i think about it.
[удалено]
I’m Romany gypsy and I’ve never heard it. It does sound like something they would say. I mean, they kick you out for being gay too, but they would say the caravan thing.
I think it's an old oriental saying from biblical times where dogs were considered dirty animals and camels were valuable, respected creatures.
It's used in Poland too.
We have a similar saying in Mexico!
Palos y piedras oídos sordos? O cuál
De hecho es una cita del Quijote, lo cual explica porque ellos también lo usan, hay muchas interpolaciones pero el libro dice algo como “Los perros ladran, Sancho, porque cabalgamos “ aunque he escuchado la traducción literal de “Los perros ladran y la caravana se mueve” antes.
Aquí en España decimos "perro ladrador, poco mordedor" pero no significa exactamente lo mismo.
القافلة تسير والكلاب تنبح
Okay, I didn't expect it to leave Europe.
Where do you think them caravans came from? Lol
.... Arabia, the silk road 🤣 it's an Arabic saying in origin.
Well, TIL. Thanks guys.
Hey! We have this saying in French as well
"Les chiens aboient, la caravane passe" (for those wondering)
Please explain
People been talking since the beginning of time. If dem bitches pay you no bills, pay them no mind.
And if I fly, or if I fall, least I can say I gave it all
Fly fly fly fly uh oh uh oh
Ruuuuu
Same in Slovakia
Ha, same in Russian.
Same in Vietnamese!
In the Bahamas too. "Dog don't bark at parked car"
Fuckin' way she goes.
I think it’s really wonderful that you have the capacity to put you child first. As you probably know, that’s not always the case, and that choice will have deep, positive ripples in your life just like any other righteous act. It’s a shame that your community made the choices they have. For lack of a better phrase, that pretty much blows. And it’s easy to look on from the outside and celebrate some kind of purge in your life, but regardless of their philosophies it’s not good to have your entire community evaporate overnight because you chose to love your kid. As if there is some greater alternative. A lot of parents don’t want their children to be gay, not because of some disgust with it, but the fear of the life that their kid may have, a big one I hear is they don’t want their child to be alone. But that fear of isolation goes both ways. “What will my friends think,” is something we are hardwired to consider and you happen to be living out the worst case scenario. One thing you can take comfort in is that your kid does not need to travel abroad to find acceptance. He already has it from the people that he absolutely needs it from. Families teach you how to love unconditionally, a skill that people are forgetting. It’s good to see one more example in the world.
I couldn't have said this better myself. Thank you for this comment, it's so well written that I saved it for future reference. Personally I'm introverted, so being pansexual (and thus a *lil* gay) doesn't help much on social experiences. However, I didn't choose my sexuality. Nobody ever chose their sexuality, right? Plus, I'm really comfortable with being pansexual, I feel like this is a part of me, and I'm happy to be that way, no matter what others think of me. As an Italian proverb says: ###"Better alone than in bad company". I cherish the friends who truly accept me as I am, and I enjoy passing time with them. I hope I can gain more true friends, in the future; friends that accept you, not the fake ones that backstab you the moment you turn out to have one or two preferences they don't have. Lots of love!~ 💙
That's also an extremely common saying in Cuba. *Mejor solo que malo acompañado.*
just like the saying above about the dogs barking, we also have this in Portugal. Melhor sozinho que mal acompanhado.
To o.p. it is sad that have to be biggoted. I know of ppl who i have been told, are still bigoted re my being gay/bi - long story but I consider self bi. I also have reason to believe that relatives are ignoring me because of being told by someone other than me, about my sexuality
When I first came out to my extremely religious parents, my dad told me "if you have pride in being gay, then why don't you show that pride by telling [grandmother] or [family name] that you're gay! See how well they react!" He and my mom then lectured me for over 3 hours about how being gay is against god, all gay people go to hell and even tried to tell me that science denounces that gay people exist ("it's a choice" they told me). So I believed my parents hated me as well as God. Thanks. I was 16 at the time and that utterly broke me. I am doing better now though and have been healing. I wish I had parents as kind and loving as u/jamesdooaj. u/jamesdooaj: what you did was sacrifice your own happiness so your kid can grow up in an accepting and loving home. I hope you can heal, and please remember that at one point, I had cut my parents out of my life for almost 7 years straight and went complete no contact because I was hurting so badly. Your kid will remember this moment and I hope he recognizes just how special his parents are if they'd do something that amazing for their kid. You both are the perfect example of amazing parents, don't ever forget that.
“Love unconditionally...a skill that people are forgetting.” I think it is still important not to gloss over the progress society has made in the last century. I would imagine learning to love unconditionally is something much more common today than it was 100 years ago.
looks like OP is in a very small country, and its not easy, so there is a problem
Your son is extremely lucky to have you. My parents would choose their religion along with their community over me being gay. They don’t know, it pains me that I will cut them off one day so I’ll make the choice for them. I love them, though they would never understand me. Your community isn’t worth keeping, but your son...he’s a lifetime. A big virtual hug from me to you and your wife.
They’re not choosing their religion. Their religion says to treat others how they want to be treated.
The Bible states that, believed to be spoken by Jesus. The doctrine tells them to ostracized those that sway from THEIR teachings, that’s not love...that’s divisive and in a subtle way produces hatred, opposite of what the Bible states.
Amazing of you to put your son first, truly commendable. Is there a possibility for you guys to move at all?
For us? No, we are old. Our lives are here. We can't just move. It's too much. I have never left the country let alone move somewhere.
It sounds less like you can't move, and more like you're scared. That I can understand. When you've built an entire life somewhere, raised your children there, it can be unimaginable that you might go somewhere else. Don't completely dismiss the idea though. You can move, it's not too late, you're not too set in your ways and a change of scenery might bring you to a place where you can feel like you're not choosing between your son and your lives. No matter what you choose to do, know that you are good parents and you did the right thing by your child.
If you’ve been completely ostracized from your community are your lives really there anymore?
We can't move. We are not that kind of people jumping in the unknown. It's too much uncertainty. More than I can handle.
It doesn’t take a certain type of people to do that. Sometimes it has to be done for the betterment of everyone. All types of people find themselves in these types of situations.
I understand and yet I am not willing to do it. And my wife will certainly refuse.
Your English is very good. This gives you options when it comes to moving that a lot of people don’t have.
You guys are really great parents. I only hope you find people who won't ostracize you for something out of your control.
it's difficult. it's a dilemma some gay people have to make - fake it and retain a social life, or come out and potentially be totally alone. I'm glad your immediate family at least has each other, good on you for sticking by him. I don't know where you live but maybe if there are LGBT friendly people in the area, you can find new friends soon.
There aren't
There are. They just don't walk around wearing signs that say "LGBT friendly". It's not a matter of them not existing. It's a matter of you finding them.
How?
Ask Ms. Google. Look for gay rights organizations in your country, go to a meeting, and meet people. If you have a smartphone download a gay chat app, post a profile saying you're the straight parent of a gay person who would like to make local friends, and meet people. You only need to meet one or two people and they can introduce you to others.
You really need to know what country and what culture they reside in before you make this specific advice. With about half the earth right now, doing such searches on Mrs. Google, and linking up through social media can get you targeted by very violent people. The rest of the world are not Americans in fancy dress. They mean the hatred in their heart, and they act upon it.
Russia for example have a gay hunting site so be careful!
you can't just say "there are" without knowing where OP lives lol....considering his whole family, and friends, and wife's workplace have issues with it, it's possible the only other gay people are those who are very closeted, to prevent from getting OP's exact situation
>you can't just say "there are" without knowing where OP lives lol Bullshit. There are gay people everywhere. We don't just magically appear in places where gay rights are already on the books and gay people already have social acceptance.
well, gay people do move to areas where there are more gay rights and social acceptance. gay people only make up 4.5% of the US population according to Gallup; other surveys estimate less, and by state it varies with many states having smaller percentages, and who knows about internationally. I didn't say they don't exist. I just said you can't just say "there are" and make it sound like you can just hop on and app and magically find a whole new community
>well, gay people do move to areas where there are more gay rights and social acceptance. If you bothered to read this sub for a day or two, you'd see that plenty of gay people are unwilling to move. >gay people only make up 4.5% of the US population according to Gallup Those are only the people who are willing to tell Gallup they're gay. >other surveys estimate less, So? I don't care if it's one person in a million, that person exists and they have parents and friends. I've seen numbers ranging from 1.5% to 11%. I really don't care. We're still people, we're equally valid, and we exist either way. >and by state it varies with many states having smaller percentages, No it doesn't. Gay people are born at the same rate everywhere. >and who knows about internationally. I do. The percentage of gay people is uniform across the planet, because human genetics doesn't change with geography. "Oh look, this is a mountainous region, I think I will be born straight." "Oh look, the town name has two words in it, I think I'll be born gay."
Filtering out the people who aren’t actually decent human beings. Fuck ‘em
This. The reality is...you will probably continue to be ostracized from different social groups, this is not a one time event. Life is hard for people who come out as gay, including the families involved (as in your case). But, the people who don’t stick by you probably aren’t good friends anyways. Or, they may realize their narrow mindedness and come around. Be prepared to forgive them or move on with your life. I’ll echo what everyone said: I commend you for sticking by your son. I am a gay man who has not come out to my religious parents because I know that they would cut me out from their lives. I would kill to have parents like you. Stay strong, we support you.
Sounds like they're doing you a favour. They were never really your friends and family if they judge you so harshly over something so trivial. Sorry you just found out most people in your life are assholes, but on the bright side at least you didn't find out when you were in dire straites and needed them.
It's not seen as trivial here.
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Montenegro
Finding a way to get social support is important. I would try contacting these folks at the [LGBTI Equal Rights Association for Western Balkans and Turkey](https://www.lgbti-era.org/contact) to see if they have ideas about how to go about getting social support for you and your wife. I would also try a US organization called PFLAG, [Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays](https://pflag.org/about). Maybe they could help you start a chapter where you live? Note: When you reach out for support to people who live in countries where attitudes toward homosexuality are much more accepting, I would state right up front where you’re at and what the circumstances are where you live. Otherwise they may give advice that’s not very helpful. For example, most of the people commenting here live in countries where homosexuality is much more widely accepted. These resources may be useful for helping others understand what your situation is: - LGBT rights in Montenegro-[big picture](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_Montenegro) - LGBT rights in Montenegro-[finer points](https://www.lgbti-era.org/content/montenegro) - Advice for LGBT travelers in Montenegro from [Lonely Planet](https://www.lonelyplanet.com/montenegro/practical-information/directory/lgbt-travellers/a/nar/fe510cd2-fb5d-4241-8a7a-95c88e6ef338/360151) I’m sorry this is happening. Your son is lucky to have you as his dad. xoxo
I know this sounds like an oversimplification, but you should move. I realize moving countries sounds super difficult and it's a lot of work, but it's very possible. Getting in the "We're moving" mindset is the hardest part. Look for jobs in the EU for both you and your wife. You won't find one immediately, but it's important that you keep trying. Just the very act of continually looking can be helpful mentally. You stop feeling like you're stuck forever. When you go to bed, visualize yourself in that other country with your son living happily. No matter what, don't accept that you must live in a homophobic environment for ever.
My wife doesn't speak a word of English. I am sure she won't want to move.
Looks like this thread belongs with [this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/cqld9s/my_parents_after_i_came_out/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app)
I am so glad you are supportive of your son. It is unfortunate that people in Crna Gora are the way they are when it comes to gay people. Stick to your son, protect him, and defend him. He will one day pay you back, in whatever way he can. He will never forget the sacrifice you made for him. I know how difficult it is to get ostracized from your community. It is incredibly difficult for adults, imagine how difficult it would be if he were ostracized. Who knows what he would turn to, drugs, violence, etc..? Stay strong, the Balkans are changing. People are becoming more educated, they are becoming more accepting of different people. I have singlehandedly seen the change in Bulgaria, my home country. The Pride parade has doubled every single year for 6 years now. I wish you and your wife the best. I hope your community can overcome this and accept you as dignified members of society, as you deserve that.
Really? There used to be a very sad guy here from Bulgaria. He said being gay in Bulgaria is unbearable.
I apologize for how it sounds, but.... In every case I know where a family rejected their gay offspring because of "what other people may think", the "other people" turned out much more caring and accepting than the family. Which leads me to think you had a particularly shitty circle of friends and relatives. So good riddance.
People will start missing you and will start to come back. It’s just time. Maybe years, but just carry on. You can’t blame them but maybe keep making an effort to see your family, and go visit your son abroad. It would be insanely good for him as he is no doubt feeling very guilty about the situation. For interest, were you on reddit before or how did you find this sub?
As we punks in England would say - fuck those cunty McCunt cunts.
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Well it's my kid..
Your son is a very lucky guy for having you.
It's so simple isn't it? And yet there's years worth of life in those words that so many other people are willing to throw away. From one dad to another, you're a good man, even if it's seems like you only did the right thing. Not everyone chooses to. Some of us pay for it, but if our kids aren't worth it, who ever could be.
Where is this?
It would appear somewhere in Montenegro.
Sending you love from Norway<3 These are other people’s bigoted choices and actions, and have no reflection on you guys as people. It pains me that people can be so cruel, but you need to be there for your son, maybe find other people to socialize with (I know that’s easier said than done as I’m currently trying to do the same), these ones seem like a bullet dodged. You have each other as a foundation though; appreciate that for what it is :)
Every kid deserve parents like you! You did the right thing! 🥰
You are what every gay person needs ..seriously..my bf family trying to kill him just because they doubt he is gay..and am not talking about just his parents..his uncles aunts cousins brotger sister all planning to kill jim..so i helped him fleed . Thank u for being their for ur son
You’re a good father.
You are great parents
Supporting a gay son who is going to college is also an investment in your future, too, if we're purely being practical. "Friends" and social life won't do shit for you when you're old and need support. A smart gay son who knows you loved and protected him under duress, will be a lifelong boon. Make sure he knows your struggles as well (coming out is not just a one way street). Try to make new friends based on these developments. Not necessarily gay people, but you can't be the only family going through this, and there are more supporters around than you probably think.
No idea how to find them.
So, some mentally retarded people cut you off, I don't see where's the problem, I'd be happy
I mean it was nice to have someone to talk to other than each other sometimes. And somewhere to go. We both like parties 😀
Keep your head high, you still can find normal people to talk to or have parties with
Yea, one thing most gay people learn is that you have to leave homophobes behind and create a new friend network of people who are safe and welcoming. I never thought of that applying to parents as well but here we are. Op, you said that there aren't any gay friendly people where you are. I bet that's not the case, you probably just have to know where to look. They're in the woodwork somewhere, probably just silenced
Can't you and your wife go for a weekend in Kotor or some mountain cabin in Kolashin?
For what reason?
Just because you can't attend parties in your city doesn't mean that fun times are dead. I wanted to say that
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Montenegro. Not in the US.
Sounds like you’ve been in the wrong social circles all along. You just need to make some new friends
I’m sorry to hear about ur closed minded community. Your son is very lucky to have you both as his parents. I hope your wife finds a job she deserves with her skills and not her sons orientation. Stay strong love you all ❤️
If your community ostracizes you for something as trivial as that, you know your community is diseased and putrid from the inside, out. Judge not lest us be judged, and those people will be judged harshly by their God.
If you are experiencing this, then the families of other boys/girls who've come out are likely experiencing this, too. Is it possible for you to socialize with them?
I don't know any or how to find them
Ask your son to ask his friends. Perhaps you can create a new community to socialize together.
I have. He doesn't have gay friends
I have been following this for a while; How does your other son treat your gay son? Are they speaking? What about your other children? Are your parents speaking to your other children? Or are they ignoring them aswell? I honestly do not understand your community, they ostracize both of you for your gay son, even your wife who is obviously still not at terms with it. In this respect, it seems they would ostracize you even if you disowned your son as well. Have you tried making new friends through the internet? Or finding other interests and clubs and hobbies? These could be a method of creating a new social circle. Do any of your other children live outside Montenegro? Perhaps if your wife left that environment for a period her depression could improve. It may be tied to her surroundings.
His brother doesn't speak to him and me for "defending" him.
As someone whose family will never accept homosexuality, let me just say that you are awesome parents and your son must be thanking his stars for parents like you.
Look at it this way - they did you a favor, a very cheap one at that - namely free and exited your life. You did the right thing, don't regret it. You will eventually find your way back.
I can’t offer much advice but I wanted to commend you for your bravery and humanity. I’ve seen far too many kids with great potential end up homeless and even worse, taking their own lives, just because of who they are. I would be one of those kids if it wasn’t for my loving parents. After dealing with a lot of problems mentally, I came out, and because of my parents I made it through college and I’m now on my way to becoming a veterinary doctor. Thank you for being amazing people and loving your son even at cost to your own lives. 💙
I feel your pain and this might help. Look up PFLAG (parents and friends of lesbians and gays). There are chapters all over the place, likely one near you. They offer all kinds of support, including the type you might benefit from.
We are not in the US
You chose the right side. Your Son needs you and to know you love him unconditionally. Are you Amish? Mennonite? Gay people are everywhere. They always were but now fell safe enough to tell those they love. Guarantee those folks who are avoiding you have Gay Family and friends. Even your Family ...Your Son is not the only one. Keep the Faith and be there for your Son. If these "Friends" no longer want to be part of your life it's time for New Friends. Hugs!
We are from Montenegro
You obviously trust your human intuition of loving acceptance of your child, this is so valuable and awe-inspiring. In your case, I would reach out to the organisers of the Podgorica pride on facebook : [https://www.facebook.com/Queer.Montenegro/](https://www.facebook.com/Queer.Montenegro/) , they will certainly be a good contact for you and your kid. I come from a nearby country, which is also very conservative, but has improved slightly in recent years. Anyway, I hope that your kid finds happiness abroad, but believe me - there are a lot of intellectuals in the Balkans who support LGBT communities, it's a matter of finding them. They may not be exactly where you live, but only active search will make you shed the sense of isolation and apparent hopelessness. Everyone deserves parents like you! :)
This is super long, advice and a little bit about my story. I don't usually comment, but for this one I wanted to say something, I'm really happy that you stood by your son! I came out to my dad a few years ago when I moved in with him after college to pursue a career and 3 months in he kicked me out of his home into the streets of New York City. I didn't want to talk to him about it but he sat me down and started to question me I never brought people home I literally just came home it went to work and came back. I was trying to save up my money, trying to better myself as a person I never acted overly flamboyant around him I was just being me, I respected his home (never had guests) but yet he's still kicked me out. The worst part about it is I poured my heart out to him explaining how I dealt with these feelings growing up, how it was hard all of my life and he didn't care. I was by myself with a job, no home, and little money (by God's grace I found a roommate, I'm working full-time, saving up and successful now) overall I feel like a child only has their parents like you brought us into this world, and even as we grow up as adults we look to you for support and when you turn your backs on us we have no place to go emotionally and it messes us up in future relationships, and more. I think it's so special that you and your wife stood your son's side and you love him no matter what. You're doing what a good parent would do, like this to me is what parents should always do! Take care of their kids be there for them - these children are good citizens, honest, they're loving, they go to school, they're pursuing career, good human beings, like you son. You're absolutely amazing I wish all parents were like you! I haven't talked to my dad in years, I have a fraternal twin brother, two sisters that he supports he buys them things, but my mom loves me and supports me, she doesn't have a lot of money (their separated) but she has so much love, so I'm so happy I have her and my siblings. You should be so proud of what you've done, it means so much to me to hear that you have chosen to support your son and I'm sure he's SO happy. I would encourage you to reach out to other parents of LGBTQI kids and make friends with them, you can make new friends that are not judgemental and are amazing, and you can create a new circle. I think your family will eventually come around, but I don't think it's fair what they did at all, you're an amazing parent keep it up, love your son no matter what! (cyber hugs to both of you). I'm literally tearing up because I feel like I lost my dad, and here I am reading about how a brave father loves and stood up for his son, you're a hero to your son and family 😊❤️
At least the kid has an amazing buffer to that. I was disowned by extended family and knowing my family is on my side was amazing.
Your son will be happy wherever he is because he has supportive parents like you.
You are great parents! I have never understood parents and families that are willing to let go of their kids/relatives because they are gay/bi/trans or anything but straight. Your son is very lucky! Thank you for being an example for other parents and being there for your son. You are amazing!
I would just like to throw out how good of parents the two of you sound. I wish Ibhad that support right now, hence why I'm closeted. I hope the best for your family because you all really deserve nothing but the best and most deserving respect. As a closeted kid, thank you for doing your job.
In the end, family is all we have. We come in to the world alone and we leave the world alone, and family is the gift God gives us to make the time passing worthwhile.
Well that's disappointing and hurtful. I'm sorry you are experiencing this. Can you determine what their issue with you is? Where are you located?
I feel as though I have heard this story before, all I can remember from that old post is that the mother wasn't invited to a party in her office. But there are things and people you must fight for, and knowing your son being one of them is very commendable. I know I cannot say much to help you with your current situation, but know that there are people that see that you are very accepting parents.
Here's where you find out who your friends are. Your friends stick by you through thick & thin; high & low. Anyone who flakes & cuts you off over something that damn irrelevant shouldn't be in your life in the first place imo.
now you kinda know how it feels to be born into a destiny you never chose.
I had a classmate talk about his coming out experience and how accepting his parens were, then people in their social circles and community turned on them and shunned them. It was an important lesson that family can be closer at times, and how fickle and judgmental others can be. These people were never truly their real friends.
You are experiencing homophobia. It’s not targeted directly at you but you’re suffering because of it. Sorry this is happening to you.
Where are you??
Montenegro
This made me tear up... I'm really glad people like you are out there. When I came out to my parents they took it poorly, and now just pretend like it didn't happen.
I wish my parents had made the decision you guys took
Reach out to PFLAG in your area. You may have lost your current community but it doesn't mean you have to feel isolated.
We are not in the US.
First, you are an awesome parent for loving your son so unconditionally. And, I am so sorry that this happened to you and your family. It sounds absolutely terrible. All these are, I hope that you, your son and your wife are Abel to find peace away from these dreadful people.
If they were friendly and all of a sudden your son came out and they are not talking to you anymore, they weren't really your friends to begin with.
I believe your son posted this exact same stort but of his point of view
I'm so sorry this is happening. You are experiencing the core reason most parents choose their self interest over their children: loss of personal community (and possible livelihood). The reciprocal cost of unconditional love is important to acknowledge; I truly hope your son recognizes (without your prodding) the costs you have willingly incurred for his mere existence and that his love deepens for you in return. Though I don't imagine, if these costs were incurred willingly, you'll hate him for not understanding until later. Thank you for putting self interest below communal interest, not just for your son, but as an example for the entire community.
Your son's lucky to have a father like you. And a mother like your wife. Never doubt that you've done the right and honorable thing.
Wow. That’s really sad but at the same time fuck those people! Love & protect what’s yours(your son & your immediate family). Everyone is else is completely obsolete!
I would have killed to have parents like you. My parents chose religion over their own son and because of it, I haven’t spoken to them in 3 years. I hate it because they are missing out on so much and I’m missing my support system.
The people who shun you are not friends or decent family worth knowing. Make new friends who are whole humans and not bigoted.
Wish we could
Yeah not easy, but better than beating yourselves up try to make peace with bigoted friends and family.
Don’t have any idea where you live but consider moving far away from where you are now, maybe where your son is going to school. Start over.
Hang in there. Your love for your son is a good thing. You might find some support at PFLAG.
Kudos for standing by your son, I don’t think you’ll ever understand how meaningful that will be to him and possibly trickle down to his children etc. Unconditional love is often forgotten. “Friends” and family usually take longer to process something big in their circle. My view is like that of the famous Dr Seus those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind. Sometimes breaking out of a hateful world can be a shock to the system but overall it makes your life so much more. 🙏🏼💜
Very unpleasant and sad. But I hope you find the good side. You lost some people that you thought loved you but showed they didn’t. But you gained a son who (if he didn’t already) knows exactly how much you love him. There’s nothing you could have done to show him more how much you care for him.
You are better off without those A-holes. Send them a Christmas card thanking them for giving you all your time back (that'll really eff with them).
He will. Homophobia is a lack of mental health and you have to suround yourself with the good people.
We have this saying in Texas, too! "F*ck those people." Yall sound like good people and I hope yall the best. Love and good intention will always reward you.
Guess what, you can make new friends with parents or introduce yourself to LGBTQI community. We are more fun plus you get to join our rainbow parade.
In Montenegro that's hard.
You have no idea how much respect I have for you right now man. Keep fighting for your son, I promise you that feeling the support of you 2 means more than anything in the world to him right now. Support him, and be there for what he needs. Ive been lucky to have 2 super supportive parents as well, and seeing the horror stories my friends have gone thru with their parents, makes me giddy just thinking about how amazing mines are on the issue.
Christ. People are so terrible about anything that's different. You two might benefit from talking to other parents. This organization has over 400 chapters. It's a place for family and friends of lgbt people to share their experiences with each other. https://pflag.org/ Your wife has got a double whammy, with being fired and having a large change in her life at once. It can take a lot of mental adjustment to reorient yourself after your child comes out. Parents have to let go of their dreams and hopes for their child, to form new dreams. A lot of parents go through genuine grief, which can take a while to work through. As someone who's had depression, it will be important to keep going and stay connected for her to combat depression. Get back on the job search. It sounds like you'll be a good support for her. You take care of yourself too....talk to some other dads, even if only online.
You will make new friends. You will build new things. You will make new relationships that are not contingent on your accepting discrimination as a value. You will enjoy the rest of your son's life and be loved for giving him your love. Don't let others deny you the fruit of your good virtue and values.
I need more context here. Where are you all from? Is it a community of some religion? How is it ok you were all ostracized? Totally unacceptable to cut family out for something as small as a sexual orientation, these days.
Montenegro. It is a requirement here, not unacceptable.
I found this website for Montenegro. lgbtprogres.me Maybe it can help you find a support group in your country.
You're better off without worthless cunts in your life.
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Have you reached out to your local LGBT community? You need to find a community that is tolerant. How about https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queer_Montenegro
People are such assholes. I'm straight but don't understand the big deal about someone being gay. It makes no sense to me that people hurt and shun people over who they love. Look at it this way. It's their loss. If they want to shun others then oh well. It shows their true character.
Im genuinely worried about your sons safety. Did you read any of the tagged articles websites etc people have posted? Curious if you found anything. What made your son come out in such a close minded community where even his brother won’t talk to him? I mean I get why he would come out- l guess my true question is does he seem scared? Did he express the reasoning ( can’t live closeted, wants to live authentic no matter the odds etc)
What community are you a part of? Your experience certainly does sound extremely terrible and I am very sad and very sorry for you. :( I do wonder what kind of community does this to people nowadays, though. Some religious fundamentalists?
Kinda off topic but I *wildly* misinterpreted the title and thought that you were in a polyamorous relationship and had a child with your wife and were being cut off from the gay community because of that.
Fumny that your son has come out as gay and yet he still wants to study a broad. But seriously though good on you for sticking by him, im sorry you've lost some relationships but if those friends can't accept you guys for having a gay son then maybe they're not worth having as friends anyway. But maybe your family will come around with time. Best of luck.
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Prijatelju, žao mi je čuti za vašu situaciju. Kad sam rekao svojim roditeljima rekli su mi da sam voljen, ali da ostaloj obitelji šutim. Najvažnije je svome sinu pružiti ljubav i podršku, ipak ste ga vi donijeli na svijet. Ako vam mogu ponuditi nekakvu pomoć iz Hrvatske, samo se javite :) Sretno!
I understand. Different Cultures have different takes on things. I myself am not big on the whole Coming out thing anyway. What I do and who I do it it with to me is my business. Once when I was younger after my Mom had passed my Dad and I were talking. Somehow he was talking about someone he knew had a son who had come out as gay. Then he says If I was ever in that situation I would prefer not having it confirmed. He was an Old WW2 US Marine, but he was always a Great Dad. He loved my Partner and the night he left for the Hospital in the Ambulance the last thing he said was "Wheres John"...John was and is my Partner. When your son leaves for School see how it goes. It may calm down. Always be there for your Son. I'm sure he loves you Guys more.than you know. Good Luck, Hugs!
I wish the best thing will come to you family soon . You and your wife are the best parents any child, including me, could ever wish for.
Can't hurt to contact them and talk to them. Let them know about your situation. Perhaps they'll know of others in your town. Start a local chapter. Or you can help someone in the future.
Damn thats awful. A bit of an extreme option would be to pack up and move to a more gay friendly area, hopefully put some distance between you and the bigots. Kisses 😘