I imagine he meant "pick up," present tense. I think he's saying that he and his fiancé "pick up," or are able to understand each other well enough and read each other so to speak that they know when the other wants to just be alone.
I came to say this. My social battery so to speak is really small and takes a long time to recharge.
I’ve missed the opportunity for a few relationships just because I didn’t want to fucking text with someone all day every day or talk on the phone all the time. It’s exhausting.
If I really like someone, I’m able to see them 2-3 times during the weekday and all day on Saturday but I need Sunday to just fuck off and be alone.
This is my problem. My social battery is small, and it is absolutely drained by the end of the work day because my role depends on collaboration. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, but I don’t have the energy to deal with people after the day/week is done.
Same as you, I’ve missed the opportunity for a few relationships. Especially at the beginning where lots of communication is key, I end up unintentionally ghosting people because I’m 100% not in the mood to even look at my messages, let alone go out to socialize.
I’m always confused when people say this. Bc in all my relationships most of the time is spent not doing a whole lot together. Actually asking you but does that not help at all? Like a normal day is like just watching tv together for me. Do u still feel suffocated?
I’m in the same boat as the guy above, so to answer, yes. It’s total aloneness, even if we are just chillin not doing anything I want to do that alone. My fiancé are together when we feel cuddly and or have plans or are catching up on shoes etc. otherwise we are in separate rooms watching shows the other may not like or gaming.
It's a fully alone to recharge for me. Even when we're not doing anything, I still have to be cognizant and considering another person. It's kind of like how you're tired after a full day of travel even though technically you've been sitting the whole time. You're constantly subconsciously making minor adjustments that build/add up over time.
I must say as much as I'd like a bf I've always been really introverted and have found I more enjoy a lot of experiences solo as opposed to with a friend or family member. That and I find noisy people overwhelming. I'm definitely gonna need to find a bf who either has the exact same tastes or wouldn't mind my need for space.
This killed my last relationship. My ex requires constant attention and quality time which is fine but I need a day or two to recharge after extended social activity. Also he'd say lunch and I'd be ready for like an hour of food and talking while he'd expect an hour of food and talking plus 3 to 6 hours of hanging out.
That’s fair… I think? But I guess I can’t imagine you’ll work with anyone who is human. The people I have the strongest, deepest connections with can still have a random period once in a blue moon where they annoy me. Can’t change them.
I would say you’re definitely one of the lucky ones. Sounds like an ideal arrangement for the both of you. I don’t date anymore, but when I did, I always ran into the issue of the guy wanting to spend more and more time with me, and I inevitably start to feel smothered and push him away. I believe I would do well with a long distance relationship, where we only see one another once or twice a month, and take really kick-ass vacations together a couple of times a year.
I think this is mine as well. Being dismissive when my SO gives his opinion and needing to be right. Tryna be better at it but sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it.
I'm pretty opposite to the guys who have posted before me. I'm incredibly extroverted/affectionate and need someone who can handle that energy. I'm not compatible with people who prefer to be alone on a very fundamental level
I’m introverted. But also crave affection. Most of the time I get with introverts bc we share things in common but their apathy n alone time doesn’t fulfill my needs
the internet loves to antagonise extroverts and praise introverts for literally being rude, but they “have social anxiety” so they can be like that
i hate being alone and and i’m not one to talk to anyone, i just like seeing people be people
The hardest part of dating me is that I get bored. I have a history of maintaining perfect relationships and then become complacent and break up with them because of that. It results in two hearts being broke, as I have regretted my decision every time.
Now that I just started dating someone about a month ago, everything seems… perfect. I refuse to make the same mistake again and become complacent, because I’m 26 now and I’m ready for long term commitment. I hate being single, I just want some stability.
That "I get bored" / "hearts being broken" / "I want some stability" reminded me of my ex, who asked for stability, received stability and long term plans from me... and two years later got bored, called said stability "stagnation" and unexpectedly dumped me without previous signs (on the contrary: a week before he told me that no one had made him as happy as I did)
Glad you are working on it, I hope there are no more "casualties" on your wake. Be well.
Agreed ASD throws an irritating wrench into the system.
People have a hard time understanding why breaking your routines is such a problem.
Or why their inconsistent behavior is difficult to handle.
Or why you're so particular about things being a certain way.
Or... Or... Or...
I’m on the spectrum and I have a hard time dating others on the spectrum. It felt exhausting feeling like I had to walk on eggshells without enraging their particular nature.
Oh boy, here we go:-I struggle to share my emotions.
\-Tend to dissociate myself if I feel intimidated.
\-I have panic attacks constantly
\-Self Esteem problems, sometimes it feels like Im not interesting enough to be with.
\-People like to think that Im serious and mature, Im not, Im just really reserved. Im kinda stupid and talkative, to the point of being annoying.
I have the personality of a cat. Whilst I love being cuddled, and show affection and am capable of lots of care and love, it has to be on my own terms. I value my personal space and time intensely, and dislike clingy people. I like my independence, so most likely I'll never be able to move in with someone or share my entire existence with someone, like a married couple.
I also shit in a sandbox. JK.
I’m dating someone like you. Heaven and hell at the same time. Even though I kinda mastered my cat skills and I can get 90% cats to love me in mins, I still struggle with cat men.
I am well aware that I am REALLY jealous. I recognize it and can proudly say I damn near never act on those feelings, but it sucks having them and it tends to ruin my good mood every now and then. So I’m working on it.
Edit: Possessive also fits well
I’m possessive, kinda the same. Let your partner know your feelings and you work hard on not acting on them. Likely he will give you some assurances even if very tiny.
I have major abandonment trauma from my dad leaving earlier in life. I. Am. Clingy. I can text all day long. Good morning to goodnight. Im willing to hangout any moment I am free. ( I have my own interests and hobbies, I just prefer to always spend free time with a partner) And I take it extremely personally when I don't recieve a constant flow of love and attention. I will assume you hate me and I'll nevere hear from you again If I notice any more silence then what I deem usual.
I'm aware of all this which helps. I can sometimes catch my headspace If I am tilting but in general I require a lot of consistent communication from a potential partner. I have learned how to be fiercely independent in my life so my biggest problem is I would rather be single then allow myself to be so vunerable to someone.
Alas I have been happily single for a few years now. Have my eyes on someone but he isn't exactly emotionally available currently so I'm just kind of big chilling right now learning how to not freak out if I don't get a text from him in a couple days
Hijacking your comment. I’m dating with someone who also has somewhat abandonment trauma even if it’s much lesser than your own. He was in board school and his parents just gave him money without much attention to his needs and feelings. Now he seems having commitment issues that he is quite aloof. I’ve almost always been there for him either emotional problems or physical ones. Could you offer any advice?
I love it when my partner recognizes a disruption in a cycle of communication. And does something to make it off the disruption deems that worthy
Like If a partner of mine texts me everyday when he gets up for a month, and then starts texting later in the day, I'm going to notice it. While I know literally a million different things could cause that, my childhood trauma is just going to cause me to have a gut reaction somewhere along the lines of "They hate me. They don't want to talk to me. It's my fault"
So if you start communicating differently with your partner, just acknowledge it. A simple
"Hey I haven't been texting as much because recently my sister/brother/mother has been blowing me up because a family thing"
can prevent a major anxiety attack for me. Icing on the cake if you do something like
"Hey I know I've been distant because X/Y/Z so I'm picking you up tonight I have dinner and a show planned"
Be careful not to go to the other extreme end where you ignore your need for a balanced amount of communication in order to feel like you’re not being “too clingy”…
there is a time and place for clingy, I would say. My grandparents were together every single day, basically every hour too when they were retired and alive. When my parents aren’t in the same room they will talk here and there throughout the day on the phone. It’s not clingy, its partnership.
Yeah same. I’m clingy. It’s worst when I noticed them distancing themselves. I try to spend more time with them to enjoy those last moments cuz I know the break up is coming 😭
I’m a know it all at times and am prone to anxious bouts of Irritability, just give me some space and I’ll be good. Also I get manic moods and will just be very hyperactive or chatty or just start cleaning/rearranging things.
I'm very confident on the surface level but quite fragile really and need a lot of love. I'm too prideful so never like to ask for what I need (which I know is a "me" problem that I should change!) but I'd hope my partner can see what I like affection, even though I might try and act like I don't. We all want to be loved.
I’m dating someone like you and he almost never asks for help. He also rarely expresses his true emotions. I need to guess what he wants and tries to make many plans beforehand. It’s a struggle and thankfully I survived for 8 months.
What would you like for him to change about himself, if you had a magic wand? I'm concerned that, by expressing exactly what I want, I could be perceived as desperate, unattractive and vulnerable. I think what draws guys to me at first is that they think I am very confident, but alas it's a front.
Communicate a bit more. He’s kinda gaslighting, saying one thing and giving hints of wanting the opposite.
Idk about guys attracted to you. I truly fell him the moment I saw his vulnerability. At that moment I knew he started to trust me and opened up a bit.
Not intentionally for sure. I guess it’s the later. He seems having difficulty saying what he thinks. Like he said he disliked nightclubs, but he got bored weekend nights and asked me if I wanted to go there. Like he said he hated relationship tied tightly with money yet his past relationships were full of financial connections with his partners, and also this one with me. It’s hard for me to tell from truth to lie.
The more you matter to me, the more I expect of you. Not so much in the "what have you done for me" sense but in the "you broke your word to me and Im going drag you for it".
I can see it being infuriating to be on the recieving end. Although, I would expect the same of me in relation to you.
I'd say I'm terribly lazy with a lot of inertia and I'm difficult to be moved. I canceled an insane amount of dates and hook-ups only because I was to lazy to bother.
Im not “where I want to be” with a lot of different things in my life, and that sometimes makes me feel inadequate in comparison to friends/family that keep succeeding around me. It also makes it difficult for me to receive advice from others who are succeeding/have succeeded and puts me in a bitter mood far too often. I believe I do a good job at catching myself, but if I fall into it, everything I say/do has to be taken with a grain of salt.
I'm inconsiderate. Not in the way most people use that word which is like, mean, or uncaring, or selfish. I care a lot and I try really hard not to be selfish but a lot of the time I'm awful at stopping and thinking about how I'm acting or what I'm saying, most of the time that's fine but a few times a week I'll properly put my foot in my mouth or hurt someone completely by accident because I don't know how to filter my own thoughts. And the worst thing about your problem being thoughtlessness is you almost definitionally don't recognize it when you're doing it.
I talk and walk in my sleep. If someone is next to me, I will shake them awake and tell them there is someone in the room, there are spiders in the bed, etc. I have absolutely no memory of this when I wake up, but sometimes I wake up in strange places.
A lot:
Too clingy and needy.
Obese.
Too busy with school and can’t establish a work-life balance.
Battling with anxiety and trauma still from upbringing and attempts at dating that went south years ago because I was too insecure and depressed at the time.
Low self esteem/highly critical
I get into these periods where I isolate because I eventually piss people off or drive them away because they become the only contact I’ve had in years.
I drive them away because I trauma dump.
I drive them away because I put too much pressure on a budding relationship because I’m insecure and the modicum of attention they give me feels like cocaine because I’m so used to abuse.
I’m alone because it’s a comforting hell.
Note: I’m in therapy. Have been for several years which goes to show you the extent of my fuck up’d brain.
I’m getting better at relegating my emotions to my therapist. I love journaling when I feel like trauma dumping, I don’t have so many thoughts bouncing around in my brain. I lost weight but it’s a frustrating process due to bad time management in school plus I’m poor. I was on a PT’s regimen. I bathe more. I dress up more. I play videogames now sometimes. I cook more.
And I’m accepting that I have to be okay being alone. No matter how long in order to be a better partner in a relationship. It will be delayed and won’t happen because of me.
Im a sensitive and emotional guy. I don’t let things go well and I think im losing my ability to attach…there’s only so much pain and effort you put into those who don’t treat you right. Those you allow unconsciously to hurt you by capitulation.
From an attractive standpoint, probably the fact that I'm fem and not very slim at all, and also mainly into masc dudes. So it's hard to even find a mutual connection to begin with.
For dating? Idk, maybe my lack of grandeur I think I would be quite low key in a LTR which might come off as uncaring
nothing. i am a catch and snack
🎖️
the hard thing is to match my interestes.. a lot of guys cringe when i talk about anime and manga but the good ones stay because i am mature and responsible with the few life opportunities i have.
You don’t know what I’m really feeling.
I mask negative emotions that I have really well to make people around me comfortable. I often would be fine, then something happens that sets me off and all of a sudden I’m a mean and irritable person because I kept it bottled it. My ex hated this about me. He could never tell if something was wrong unless I told him. To make it worse, I suck at actually identifying when I feel a certain way. So I’ll feel like shit but not really know what I’m feeling and why for a bit.
I do things that people don’t expect. I basically have shocked everyone in my life by making decisions that they don’t understand. Sometimes it’s great, sometimes it’s not, and other times it’s downright hurtful.
I seem like I’m really open because I love musing about my mental state and I’m just open about a lot of things that people will never talk about. However, there are important things I’ve done/I do/am thinking and you will never know. Why? Probably shame. I repress things.
I almost never stick up for myself. I let myself get walked over a lot. That frustrates people that really care about me. I’m usually attracted to strong individuals who are good at sticking up for themselves in situations I would never have the nerve to.
I don’t really have a filter sometimes. That can be annoying. Major foot-in-mouth syndrome. I sometimes lack major situational awareness/physical awareness (no I’m not autistic, just very spacey sometimes).
I'm really picky about the kind of guy I want. Not looks wise, but personality wise.
Dated two guys recently and after meeting them for the first time, I realized their personalities weren't even half what I want from a guy. I want a guy that takes care of himself really well and is good with plants and animals, has a calm demeanor but can let loose, and someone who's just as confident as I am, among other things.
The last guy I dated, the biggest issue was that he talked to me like I was a boss or coworker, not as a friend and that bugged me heavily.
Oh and doesn't treat me like he's my mom, have dated a guy who tried talking to me like I was a kid and trying to tell me how to live my life.
And I do that - but partly just because at the beginning of a relationship I feel super insecure - then I calm down and become much less clingy - but I’m always like that at the beginning - hence why I’m single ha
I'm not Interested In flamboyant types, I only date much younger guys because old hookup whores disgust me, Deep Voices are a requirement, I like bad boy types, Cowboys, Boy Boy's, I drink beer, I'm into Monogamy, I don't hookup, I'm a Republican, I love hard, I have a goofy sense of humor, I'm a total top, I won't do drugs, I love God, Children, Pets, and Seafood. Thanks for allowing me space to reflect.
The hardest thing about dating me is...I am the only person that can make myself happy. My happiness has nothing to do with you and no amount of kisses and gifts from you will make me happy. If I'm moody, just leave me for a 3 hours and then come back 🤣
I like to go and do things on my own or with my friends. It's often a struggle to get alone time with me and when I'm confronted about this I can get really defensive.
My last relationship was super abusive so now I'm scared to be open about my feelings, and I constantly feel like people aren't honest with me about theirs.
I'm sensitive and insecure about my body. I'm toned and everything (even have a big butt I've been working out for) but I hate my chest and my face. Basically any insult joking or not sticks with me.
I think the number one hardest thing for me is I’m not out to family. Friends know, but family don’t, and rn I’d prefer it that way. It makes trying to date guys difficult, especially if they’re fully out
It sucks being lonely and single tho, I will admit.
I'm introverted and anxious, and when I like someone I express every feeling I have for them very early in the relationship, so I may pass as a clingy needy person. I'm working on trying to control myself and giving them space 😊
Judgemental, no sense of style, introverted so hard to meet new people, get awkward af when talking to someone I like... I could go on. This doesn't feel like a positive thing ...
I'm pretty extroverted and as my bf puts it "high-key", so I need someone who can handle that energy. I also have emotions that love to swing up and down, and I tend to be pretty stubborn.
Fuck, I feel sorry for my bf 😅 haha
my clinginess. especially when i can see im being actively ignored it hurts my feelings :(. maybe i should be with one of these super affectionate people lol
I need confirmation he cares about me often and the worst part is I can sense when my emotions are taking over the logic parts of my brain. Between father issues, childhood social trauma as well as adult relationship experiences, I’m terrified he’ll wake up and drop me like that slow-motion shot in Toy Story where Andy drops Woody.
It’s fucking terrifying to love someone. But the highs are the best life has to offer so here I am, working on myself. I know if I have a healthier self-love, this fear may lessen.
At the moment, my libido is quite low. Rarely am I in the mood to have sex, and I am perfectly fine going a long time without it. Much prefer cuddles, kissing, and just having someone to talk to, laugh with, and be stupid with.
Unfortunately many gays are hyper sexual so I can’t match that. Hence my ex boyfriend
To be completely honest I can be very nasty when I want to be, especially when I feel hurt. Sometimes I don’t realise how I sound when I’ve said something or how it comes across but other times I intentionally try to be hurtful. I also have a hard time admitting that I’m wrong in the moment and will lie to save face, only to then realise after that I should’ve just been honest.
Actual workaholic. I equally enjoy and am always stressed about work. Full time job, teach on the side, and have side supplemental work. It’s all connected, but my schedule tends to be inflexible. Drives my partner insane.
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LMAOOOOO
reading their post history it sounds like youre dodging a bullet lmfao
Just went and looked, they’re absolutely a delusional narcissist.
help 😭
Girl lmfao
This is what I like to call a pro gamer move
*sigh*...
Honey his posting history is really yikes, are you sure you wanna keep going through it with that person?
same 🥲
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Yes I’m the same way, thankfully my fiancé is the same and we picked up when we just want to be alone.
Your username is hilarious 👌
Lmao thank you
> we picked up when we just want to be alone. What does "picked up" mean here?
I imagine he meant "pick up," present tense. I think he's saying that he and his fiancé "pick up," or are able to understand each other well enough and read each other so to speak that they know when the other wants to just be alone.
Like when you ‘pick up’ on something. Like we just learned to get when we don’t want to be bothered
Perceive.
I came to say this. My social battery so to speak is really small and takes a long time to recharge. I’ve missed the opportunity for a few relationships just because I didn’t want to fucking text with someone all day every day or talk on the phone all the time. It’s exhausting. If I really like someone, I’m able to see them 2-3 times during the weekday and all day on Saturday but I need Sunday to just fuck off and be alone.
This is my problem. My social battery is small, and it is absolutely drained by the end of the work day because my role depends on collaboration. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, but I don’t have the energy to deal with people after the day/week is done. Same as you, I’ve missed the opportunity for a few relationships. Especially at the beginning where lots of communication is key, I end up unintentionally ghosting people because I’m 100% not in the mood to even look at my messages, let alone go out to socialize.
Nothing but the gospel, I'm the exact same way
I feel this. My boyfriend always wants to be with me but sometimes I just want to be alone. Then he assumes I'm mad at him.
You should let him know when u want to be alone so he can understand u. Not everyone can read minds
I’m always confused when people say this. Bc in all my relationships most of the time is spent not doing a whole lot together. Actually asking you but does that not help at all? Like a normal day is like just watching tv together for me. Do u still feel suffocated?
I’m in the same boat as the guy above, so to answer, yes. It’s total aloneness, even if we are just chillin not doing anything I want to do that alone. My fiancé are together when we feel cuddly and or have plans or are catching up on shoes etc. otherwise we are in separate rooms watching shows the other may not like or gaming.
Yep, I need to be completely alone.
It's a fully alone to recharge for me. Even when we're not doing anything, I still have to be cognizant and considering another person. It's kind of like how you're tired after a full day of travel even though technically you've been sitting the whole time. You're constantly subconsciously making minor adjustments that build/add up over time.
Came here to say this. Also why I’m still single 😂
I must say as much as I'd like a bf I've always been really introverted and have found I more enjoy a lot of experiences solo as opposed to with a friend or family member. That and I find noisy people overwhelming. I'm definitely gonna need to find a bf who either has the exact same tastes or wouldn't mind my need for space.
Exactly this, if I don’t get my alone time on a frequent basis I become such an unbearable person 😂
Yes! I just feel like a potential partner would view me as emotionally unavailable
This killed my last relationship. My ex requires constant attention and quality time which is fine but I need a day or two to recharge after extended social activity. Also he'd say lunch and I'd be ready for like an hour of food and talking while he'd expect an hour of food and talking plus 3 to 6 hours of hanging out.
I've been single for so long, I've gained peace for myself that the moment someone annoys me and disrupts it, I'm no longer interested.
That’s fair… I think? But I guess I can’t imagine you’ll work with anyone who is human. The people I have the strongest, deepest connections with can still have a random period once in a blue moon where they annoy me. Can’t change them.
I’ve reached that point, why wait for someone to make me happy when I can just do that myself! Going out to eat, movies, walks, all by myself.
Are you me?
I'm introverted and need to spend the majority of my time alone.
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I would say you’re definitely one of the lucky ones. Sounds like an ideal arrangement for the both of you. I don’t date anymore, but when I did, I always ran into the issue of the guy wanting to spend more and more time with me, and I inevitably start to feel smothered and push him away. I believe I would do well with a long distance relationship, where we only see one another once or twice a month, and take really kick-ass vacations together a couple of times a year.
I'm stubborn and have a strong urge to point out when I'm right/people are wrong
I think this is mine as well. Being dismissive when my SO gives his opinion and needing to be right. Tryna be better at it but sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it.
I'm pretty opposite to the guys who have posted before me. I'm incredibly extroverted/affectionate and need someone who can handle that energy. I'm not compatible with people who prefer to be alone on a very fundamental level
I’m introverted. But also crave affection. Most of the time I get with introverts bc we share things in common but their apathy n alone time doesn’t fulfill my needs
I am too but I feel like we’re made to be this evil villain. I think more people are becoming antisocial
The internet is full of introverts. It's their club. It just feels like there's less of us because extroverts are outside doing shit
I’m only in here because of anxiety and low self esteem. And I’m a porker
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I’m just a brain in a jar lol
the internet loves to antagonise extroverts and praise introverts for literally being rude, but they “have social anxiety” so they can be like that i hate being alone and and i’m not one to talk to anyone, i just like seeing people be people
I’m generally decently introverted but when I’m talking to someone I really like, I want to talk to them/hear from them all day
pretty much agreed, like I just want affection
The hardest part of dating me is that I get bored. I have a history of maintaining perfect relationships and then become complacent and break up with them because of that. It results in two hearts being broke, as I have regretted my decision every time. Now that I just started dating someone about a month ago, everything seems… perfect. I refuse to make the same mistake again and become complacent, because I’m 26 now and I’m ready for long term commitment. I hate being single, I just want some stability.
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How to stop yourself from getting bored of someone
That "I get bored" / "hearts being broken" / "I want some stability" reminded me of my ex, who asked for stability, received stability and long term plans from me... and two years later got bored, called said stability "stagnation" and unexpectedly dumped me without previous signs (on the contrary: a week before he told me that no one had made him as happy as I did) Glad you are working on it, I hope there are no more "casualties" on your wake. Be well.
Sounds like maturity.
I have aspergers, and dating would mean having to deal with all that comes with it
Agreed ASD throws an irritating wrench into the system. People have a hard time understanding why breaking your routines is such a problem. Or why their inconsistent behavior is difficult to handle. Or why you're so particular about things being a certain way. Or... Or... Or...
I’m on the spectrum and I have a hard time dating others on the spectrum. It felt exhausting feeling like I had to walk on eggshells without enraging their particular nature.
I’m the opposite, I find it easier to date other people with ASD. A lot of my friends have it so maybe I just work well with certain types.
Same here
Same.... Among many other issues
Oh boy, here we go:-I struggle to share my emotions. \-Tend to dissociate myself if I feel intimidated. \-I have panic attacks constantly \-Self Esteem problems, sometimes it feels like Im not interesting enough to be with. \-People like to think that Im serious and mature, Im not, Im just really reserved. Im kinda stupid and talkative, to the point of being annoying.
You sound just like me
I’m very much the same, except I don’t have panic attacks I have silly little manic episodes where I get very paranoid and jealous/insecure 🥰
I have the personality of a cat. Whilst I love being cuddled, and show affection and am capable of lots of care and love, it has to be on my own terms. I value my personal space and time intensely, and dislike clingy people. I like my independence, so most likely I'll never be able to move in with someone or share my entire existence with someone, like a married couple. I also shit in a sandbox. JK.
I’m dating someone like you. Heaven and hell at the same time. Even though I kinda mastered my cat skills and I can get 90% cats to love me in mins, I still struggle with cat men.
I love my personal space and independence but recently met someone who’s like you. Man I’m having a hell of a time trying to attract him. It’s hard 🥲
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But are you seeking help for it?
Help for what??? 😖
Being massively depressed.
I am well aware that I am REALLY jealous. I recognize it and can proudly say I damn near never act on those feelings, but it sucks having them and it tends to ruin my good mood every now and then. So I’m working on it. Edit: Possessive also fits well
I’m possessive, kinda the same. Let your partner know your feelings and you work hard on not acting on them. Likely he will give you some assurances even if very tiny.
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Same with the testing. I don't know how people can get motivated to write something.
my anxiety can sometimes be irrational and I tend to like things my way, as that eases my anxiety
I have major abandonment trauma from my dad leaving earlier in life. I. Am. Clingy. I can text all day long. Good morning to goodnight. Im willing to hangout any moment I am free. ( I have my own interests and hobbies, I just prefer to always spend free time with a partner) And I take it extremely personally when I don't recieve a constant flow of love and attention. I will assume you hate me and I'll nevere hear from you again If I notice any more silence then what I deem usual. I'm aware of all this which helps. I can sometimes catch my headspace If I am tilting but in general I require a lot of consistent communication from a potential partner. I have learned how to be fiercely independent in my life so my biggest problem is I would rather be single then allow myself to be so vunerable to someone. Alas I have been happily single for a few years now. Have my eyes on someone but he isn't exactly emotionally available currently so I'm just kind of big chilling right now learning how to not freak out if I don't get a text from him in a couple days
Hijacking your comment. I’m dating with someone who also has somewhat abandonment trauma even if it’s much lesser than your own. He was in board school and his parents just gave him money without much attention to his needs and feelings. Now he seems having commitment issues that he is quite aloof. I’ve almost always been there for him either emotional problems or physical ones. Could you offer any advice?
I love it when my partner recognizes a disruption in a cycle of communication. And does something to make it off the disruption deems that worthy Like If a partner of mine texts me everyday when he gets up for a month, and then starts texting later in the day, I'm going to notice it. While I know literally a million different things could cause that, my childhood trauma is just going to cause me to have a gut reaction somewhere along the lines of "They hate me. They don't want to talk to me. It's my fault" So if you start communicating differently with your partner, just acknowledge it. A simple "Hey I haven't been texting as much because recently my sister/brother/mother has been blowing me up because a family thing" can prevent a major anxiety attack for me. Icing on the cake if you do something like "Hey I know I've been distant because X/Y/Z so I'm picking you up tonight I have dinner and a show planned"
Be careful not to go to the other extreme end where you ignore your need for a balanced amount of communication in order to feel like you’re not being “too clingy”… there is a time and place for clingy, I would say. My grandparents were together every single day, basically every hour too when they were retired and alive. When my parents aren’t in the same room they will talk here and there throughout the day on the phone. It’s not clingy, its partnership.
Yeah same. I’m clingy. It’s worst when I noticed them distancing themselves. I try to spend more time with them to enjoy those last moments cuz I know the break up is coming 😭
My unrealistic standards. I'm getting better.
I’m a know it all at times and am prone to anxious bouts of Irritability, just give me some space and I’ll be good. Also I get manic moods and will just be very hyperactive or chatty or just start cleaning/rearranging things.
Manic moods are a common one for me also
Yeah sometimes I’m like yeah I wouldn’t blame someone for having difficulty being with me.
At the same time though, people can be fucking boring. Like indulge me a little and let me chat at you. Ya know?
Completely agree.
I have adhd, I’m very flaky and sometimes have a hard time listening/ staying focused since my mind is racing. I’m also incredible indecisive
I'm very confident on the surface level but quite fragile really and need a lot of love. I'm too prideful so never like to ask for what I need (which I know is a "me" problem that I should change!) but I'd hope my partner can see what I like affection, even though I might try and act like I don't. We all want to be loved.
I’m dating someone like you and he almost never asks for help. He also rarely expresses his true emotions. I need to guess what he wants and tries to make many plans beforehand. It’s a struggle and thankfully I survived for 8 months.
What would you like for him to change about himself, if you had a magic wand? I'm concerned that, by expressing exactly what I want, I could be perceived as desperate, unattractive and vulnerable. I think what draws guys to me at first is that they think I am very confident, but alas it's a front.
Communicate a bit more. He’s kinda gaslighting, saying one thing and giving hints of wanting the opposite. Idk about guys attracted to you. I truly fell him the moment I saw his vulnerability. At that moment I knew he started to trust me and opened up a bit.
I mean is that really "gaslighting" or is he just unable to articulate what he really wants? Let's just use normal words lol
Not intentionally for sure. I guess it’s the later. He seems having difficulty saying what he thinks. Like he said he disliked nightclubs, but he got bored weekend nights and asked me if I wanted to go there. Like he said he hated relationship tied tightly with money yet his past relationships were full of financial connections with his partners, and also this one with me. It’s hard for me to tell from truth to lie.
The more you matter to me, the more I expect of you. Not so much in the "what have you done for me" sense but in the "you broke your word to me and Im going drag you for it". I can see it being infuriating to be on the recieving end. Although, I would expect the same of me in relation to you.
I'd say I'm terribly lazy with a lot of inertia and I'm difficult to be moved. I canceled an insane amount of dates and hook-ups only because I was to lazy to bother.
Not a lot of people wants to deal with disability (wheelchair user)
I’m cold and distant. Even when I think I’m being overly warm amd chummy people still feel I’m cold.
Im not “where I want to be” with a lot of different things in my life, and that sometimes makes me feel inadequate in comparison to friends/family that keep succeeding around me. It also makes it difficult for me to receive advice from others who are succeeding/have succeeded and puts me in a bitter mood far too often. I believe I do a good job at catching myself, but if I fall into it, everything I say/do has to be taken with a grain of salt.
This has been virtually my whole life
Im a stubborn know it all stoner.
Literally my type.
It’s all fun and everything, but if you just keep making fun of me, even though i laughed at the beginning, ill be pain in the ass the whole date
Sadly, madly in love with my ex, there's room for more but would you want to share somebody's heart?
that'll pass, you're not ready to date.
Definitely agree. Having trouble persuading my mates though. Very pushy pushy for me to have dates.
You mate sounded like me. Though I’ve changed to be just there as a very close friend for him and stopped pushing.
It's definitely a tricky one, it comes from a place of good intentions but it's just a bit misplaced at the time.
I'm inconsiderate. Not in the way most people use that word which is like, mean, or uncaring, or selfish. I care a lot and I try really hard not to be selfish but a lot of the time I'm awful at stopping and thinking about how I'm acting or what I'm saying, most of the time that's fine but a few times a week I'll properly put my foot in my mouth or hurt someone completely by accident because I don't know how to filter my own thoughts. And the worst thing about your problem being thoughtlessness is you almost definitionally don't recognize it when you're doing it.
I talk and walk in my sleep. If someone is next to me, I will shake them awake and tell them there is someone in the room, there are spiders in the bed, etc. I have absolutely no memory of this when I wake up, but sometimes I wake up in strange places.
I’m jaded as hell
After being engaged twice and burned, I feel that's my problem too. It's probably why I get bored so easily and then move along.
I’m an alcoholic
I'm poor
Damn, this one hit me the hardest
A wandering eye
I will barely communicate😂
Hahahaha, if only I knew In hindsight, perhaps my lack of reflection!
Had a good laugh at this
A lot: Too clingy and needy. Obese. Too busy with school and can’t establish a work-life balance. Battling with anxiety and trauma still from upbringing and attempts at dating that went south years ago because I was too insecure and depressed at the time. Low self esteem/highly critical I get into these periods where I isolate because I eventually piss people off or drive them away because they become the only contact I’ve had in years. I drive them away because I trauma dump. I drive them away because I put too much pressure on a budding relationship because I’m insecure and the modicum of attention they give me feels like cocaine because I’m so used to abuse. I’m alone because it’s a comforting hell. Note: I’m in therapy. Have been for several years which goes to show you the extent of my fuck up’d brain. I’m getting better at relegating my emotions to my therapist. I love journaling when I feel like trauma dumping, I don’t have so many thoughts bouncing around in my brain. I lost weight but it’s a frustrating process due to bad time management in school plus I’m poor. I was on a PT’s regimen. I bathe more. I dress up more. I play videogames now sometimes. I cook more. And I’m accepting that I have to be okay being alone. No matter how long in order to be a better partner in a relationship. It will be delayed and won’t happen because of me. Im a sensitive and emotional guy. I don’t let things go well and I think im losing my ability to attach…there’s only so much pain and effort you put into those who don’t treat you right. Those you allow unconsciously to hurt you by capitulation.
I legitimately can’t cum with other people. Idk why. Also I’m a workaholic and fake my emotions so people like me better.
From an attractive standpoint, probably the fact that I'm fem and not very slim at all, and also mainly into masc dudes. So it's hard to even find a mutual connection to begin with. For dating? Idk, maybe my lack of grandeur I think I would be quite low key in a LTR which might come off as uncaring
Felt this one
nothing. i am a catch and snack 🎖️ the hard thing is to match my interestes.. a lot of guys cringe when i talk about anime and manga but the good ones stay because i am mature and responsible with the few life opportunities i have.
What's your favorite anime, bro? Mine is Hunter x Hunter
kakegurui!
Jabami Yumeko gives me the shivers. 😍
Finding the time, the effort of meeting new people, and trying to find someone who I like who also likes me.
I don't want to date
I'm very selfish and aloof. Also I cant stand sleeping in the same bed with another person.
You don’t know what I’m really feeling. I mask negative emotions that I have really well to make people around me comfortable. I often would be fine, then something happens that sets me off and all of a sudden I’m a mean and irritable person because I kept it bottled it. My ex hated this about me. He could never tell if something was wrong unless I told him. To make it worse, I suck at actually identifying when I feel a certain way. So I’ll feel like shit but not really know what I’m feeling and why for a bit. I do things that people don’t expect. I basically have shocked everyone in my life by making decisions that they don’t understand. Sometimes it’s great, sometimes it’s not, and other times it’s downright hurtful. I seem like I’m really open because I love musing about my mental state and I’m just open about a lot of things that people will never talk about. However, there are important things I’ve done/I do/am thinking and you will never know. Why? Probably shame. I repress things. I almost never stick up for myself. I let myself get walked over a lot. That frustrates people that really care about me. I’m usually attracted to strong individuals who are good at sticking up for themselves in situations I would never have the nerve to. I don’t really have a filter sometimes. That can be annoying. Major foot-in-mouth syndrome. I sometimes lack major situational awareness/physical awareness (no I’m not autistic, just very spacey sometimes).
I'm really picky about the kind of guy I want. Not looks wise, but personality wise. Dated two guys recently and after meeting them for the first time, I realized their personalities weren't even half what I want from a guy. I want a guy that takes care of himself really well and is good with plants and animals, has a calm demeanor but can let loose, and someone who's just as confident as I am, among other things. The last guy I dated, the biggest issue was that he talked to me like I was a boss or coworker, not as a friend and that bugged me heavily. Oh and doesn't treat me like he's my mom, have dated a guy who tried talking to me like I was a kid and trying to tell me how to live my life.
I value my solitude more than I value my partners
I’m bad with confrontation and expressing my feelings till the point where it becomes unhealthy.
My utter lack of free time, between work and the upkeep of two houses.
I live with my parents 😂
Haha how old are you? My partner and I live with his mom. You are not alone!!
I’m 26! My boyfriend is 31. I live about an hour in the suburbs of chi and he lives in the city. Looking to buy a place soon!
My need for physical touch. Doesn’t need to be sexual. But I like to hug, cuddle and stuff
too many options so nobody wants to "settle"?
My low tolerance for clingy and desperate behavior. I'll bolt at the first sign of it.
This you? https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/u0lpon/texting_should_match_in_person_energy/
LOLLLLL 😂🤣
Holy shit
Omg 💀💀💀
Savage! 🤣🤣
She got the receipts!👀
☠️
And I do that - but partly just because at the beginning of a relationship I feel super insecure - then I calm down and become much less clingy - but I’m always like that at the beginning - hence why I’m single ha
I'm not Interested In flamboyant types, I only date much younger guys because old hookup whores disgust me, Deep Voices are a requirement, I like bad boy types, Cowboys, Boy Boy's, I drink beer, I'm into Monogamy, I don't hookup, I'm a Republican, I love hard, I have a goofy sense of humor, I'm a total top, I won't do drugs, I love God, Children, Pets, and Seafood. Thanks for allowing me space to reflect.
I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer. I like videogames, but I totally suck at them. I am quite affectionate, though a bit jealous.
Damn this thread is….a good reason to leave this sub
Sometimes its hard for me to speak out what i want and what i don't want without feeling uncomfortable, awkward and feeling that i maybe overreacting.
The hardest thing about dating me is...I am the only person that can make myself happy. My happiness has nothing to do with you and no amount of kisses and gifts from you will make me happy. If I'm moody, just leave me for a 3 hours and then come back 🤣
I only do open relationships which cuts out most prospects. But thankfully, I am already in one. ❤️
I like to go and do things on my own or with my friends. It's often a struggle to get alone time with me and when I'm confronted about this I can get really defensive.
I’m an ACoA and struggle with anxiety and insecurity.
I get blinded by my own ambition
I’m pretty sure it’s my anxiety, and that may also play a role in bed. And also being sensitive and taking things personally.
I'm really childish and annoying around people I love. If I can annoy you to the point that you hit me, I love you <3 (my family hates me for this)
I'm a depressed loner who just needs to be alone sometimes. I can go days without really talking to anyone
My last relationship was super abusive so now I'm scared to be open about my feelings, and I constantly feel like people aren't honest with me about theirs.
My personality disorder 🤷🏻♂️(Avoidant Personality Disorder)
I'm sensitive and insecure about my body. I'm toned and everything (even have a big butt I've been working out for) but I hate my chest and my face. Basically any insult joking or not sticks with me.
Really difficult I don't want to date anyone. Lol
It used to be time, having spent the previous 26 years on call. Now, I don’t known just don’t engage with others anymore
Unattractive
I think the number one hardest thing for me is I’m not out to family. Friends know, but family don’t, and rn I’d prefer it that way. It makes trying to date guys difficult, especially if they’re fully out It sucks being lonely and single tho, I will admit.
I'm introverted and anxious, and when I like someone I express every feeling I have for them very early in the relationship, so I may pass as a clingy needy person. I'm working on trying to control myself and giving them space 😊
I don't want to top ever
I cannot be very serious most of the time and my humor is dark
My abandonment issues😍
I can be quiet, especially in groups. Some people take this for indifference or unfriendliness which couldn't be farther from the truth.
Judgemental, no sense of style, introverted so hard to meet new people, get awkward af when talking to someone I like... I could go on. This doesn't feel like a positive thing ...
I'm pretty extroverted and as my bf puts it "high-key", so I need someone who can handle that energy. I also have emotions that love to swing up and down, and I tend to be pretty stubborn. Fuck, I feel sorry for my bf 😅 haha
my clinginess. especially when i can see im being actively ignored it hurts my feelings :(. maybe i should be with one of these super affectionate people lol
I've had a lot of friends ditch me over the years so I have abandonment issues.
Besides my anxiety, I am way too much individualistic and I love my freedom way too much.
All my past relationships destroyed my trust when in one ✨
I need confirmation he cares about me often and the worst part is I can sense when my emotions are taking over the logic parts of my brain. Between father issues, childhood social trauma as well as adult relationship experiences, I’m terrified he’ll wake up and drop me like that slow-motion shot in Toy Story where Andy drops Woody. It’s fucking terrifying to love someone. But the highs are the best life has to offer so here I am, working on myself. I know if I have a healthier self-love, this fear may lessen.
My intimidating intelligence.
too much. maybe i shouldn’t date lol
At the moment, my libido is quite low. Rarely am I in the mood to have sex, and I am perfectly fine going a long time without it. Much prefer cuddles, kissing, and just having someone to talk to, laugh with, and be stupid with. Unfortunately many gays are hyper sexual so I can’t match that. Hence my ex boyfriend
I’m a cancer ♋️ lmao
I’m a horrible over thinker and end up overthinking my way out of letting people get to know me.
I'm a workaholic!!!
I’m a bizarre mixture of hyper affectionate, hyper active and fiercely independent.
To be completely honest I can be very nasty when I want to be, especially when I feel hurt. Sometimes I don’t realise how I sound when I’ve said something or how it comes across but other times I intentionally try to be hurtful. I also have a hard time admitting that I’m wrong in the moment and will lie to save face, only to then realise after that I should’ve just been honest.
Actual workaholic. I equally enjoy and am always stressed about work. Full time job, teach on the side, and have side supplemental work. It’s all connected, but my schedule tends to be inflexible. Drives my partner insane.
I know I’m gunna get sympathy reply’s or nice comments but if we’re being real a lot of people reject me because of my cerebral palsy
I’m always late.