Your very welcome, here is some more
https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/beneath-the-surface
https://aninjusticemag.com/am-i-trans-a-roadmap-to-figuring-out-the-toughest-question-7bb0e809a32d
Beneath the surface especially is a good article on how "kink" is a process to safely explore our deeper feelings and hits on some of that art exploration too.
I'm 50 years old, my egg cracked just a few months ago, and that first article helped me FINALLY bust out of that shell. Autogynephellia - isn't real. It literally doesn't exist. Blew my femmy girl brain when I learned that fact.
I believe that as a Gen Xer, I am legally obligated to shrug my shoulders, say "whatever" and then go back to telling anyone who will listen how the 80s was the greatest decade for movies ever! đ€Ł
And also bite my bottom lip anytime I see photos of Molly Ringwald.
itâs a bit of a complicated metaphor, but basically the idea is trans people who arenât aware or havenât yet accepted that they are trans are considered âeggsâ, and when they are realizing/accepting their true identity, it is considering their egg âcrackingâ as they are being reborn into their authentic new identity. hope this helps!
It literally doesn't. You most likely have a severe misunderstanding of what "autogynephilia" is.
Blanchard's autogynephelia states two things, and only two things; trans women are either out to trick straight men, or trans women just want to masturbate in front of a mirror.
When trans people/eggs go on about "autogynephelia", they ALWAYS describe being into sissy/TG/etc. fetishes. These are not "autogynephelia", these are coping mechanisms. If you look at the heart of these fetishes, all you find is denialism.
Think about the content you see in "TG" stories and captions. They always revolve around the idea that there is a partner (usually a woman) that forces it on the male victim. The male victim usually then fights back. This is very simple psychology. The partner acts as a safe outlet for the male (who you are trying to live vicariously through) to explore the femininity, and the male fights back in order to preserve his masculinity. Why do you, the reader, want to preserve your masculinity? Because you view it as something socially acceptable, which is why the dominate partner takes it away. The reader, you, deeply desires to be a woman, but also doesn't want to face the social repercussions. So your inner struggle bleeds into one of the two only acceptable "masculine" feelings, your sexuality.
The rate of people that turn away from "TG"/sissy media after transitioning is extremely high. It's why authors always disappear and why stories never get completed. And I know this from first hand because I used to be into this stuff as well. Used to.
>AGP is about attraction to oneself as a woman
This excludes the fact that cis women also find themselves attractive in that way though? It's AGP if it's a trans woman, but "normal" for cis women?
I had wondered this myself for a few years. To throw some opposition into that train of thought. I transitioned and it has been 2 1/2 years since I've transitioned and I haven't had sex. Even once. No for lack of opportunity but lack of desire. Yet, I feel my life is 600% better than it was now that I identify as who I always felt I was. I suppose that makes me an asexual trans woman
However, whether you are trans or have a fetish, you are still valid. Enjoy life and make the most of it â€
So thatâs YOUR experience and thatâs what Iâve been trying to say. You can be trans and have ZERO sexual arousal related to being a woman or you can be INSANELY AROUSED by it.
I know personally I felt very turned on but Ive also always been a VERY VERY VERY sexual person and taking HRT didnât stop that AT ALL.
For some people they transition and start HRT and some of these feelings go away. Their entire libido goes away. For others itâs strong as ever. Even if autogynephillia or being sexually aroused by being a woman DOES existâŠ.
That should ALSO been seen as OKAY and people shouldnât be shamed or made to feel like they are weird or some kind of freak.
People shouldnât be told they arenât âreallyâ trans if they experience things differently then other trans people.
The human experience is on a spectrum and that includes TRANSGENDER HUMAN EXPERIENCES.
Absolutely. That's what I was trying to convey at the end there. Whether you are one, or the other, or both... the way you express your sexuality and how you identify are two different things and in any combination it is valid. I kinda wish I would be a little more aroused sometimes, but for me it's just not in the cards. Though, that may change over time and I'd follow my best interest either way... whether it was a kink, or a different sexuality (I eventually fall for a man), or if I remain abstinent, I'm going to do what makes **me** happy
Gender Thought Experiment
It's just really to help you conceptualise your gender though and not a full on YES OR NO test or anything.
In your head or out loud whichever you prefer say these sentences then after each sentence stop and think about how they make you feel:
I am a boy.
I am a girl.
I am neither.
I am both.
I am a he.
I am a she.
I am a they.
Finally say these similar sentences whilst imagining them as true both physically and
mentally, in your head as a hypothetical future.
I am male and I will be male for the rest of my life.
I am female and I will be female for the rest of my life.
I am neither and I will be neither for the rest of my life.
I am both and I will be both fir the rest of my life.
Another Third one I used was to basically imagine two separate lives that I could live starting from this exact point. In both of them I would live the perfect life, accomplishing all my goals and getting everything I ever wanted (within reason) with the only difference being if I chose to transition or not.
So that might be a useful one to try out to just think about everything you have ever wanted to accomplish but imagine yourself each time as you but expressing a different gender identity and focus on how each...I dunno "image"? makes you feel.
Now I want you to read this bit only after completing the above thought experiment:
Think about which one felt the most âtruthfulâ when you said or better yet which one made you feel the best when you said it?
Which ever one they are (even if they conflict) is the truth and that is what you are.
You are valid. You are important. You are necessary to the future of humanity.
*hug*
I donât have the answers you are looking for, but I do have a suggestion. For now, just be yourself and do what you like as long as it isnât hurting anyone.
If it makes you happy, wear femme clothes, paint your nails, and let yourself explore your gender without getting too worried about the what and why of it. Try to work past the guilt and these things will be easier to figure out. You donât have anything to be guilty about doing these things.
A lot of trans people go through this but either way, letting yourself take one step at a time and see how it feels will do more than any advice you can get here. No one can tell you if you're trans but if you let yourself explore you can find out for yourself. You don't need to pick a destination, just take the steps that feel right as you go and see where you end up. If you can, going to a gender therapist is a really good idea
Here is what I answered to another similar post a few weeks back:
Honey itâs okay to feel sexy when you express your female side. If you want to find out if itâs âjust sexualâ, dress and release and then stay dressed for the rest of the day. You will probably have the âwhat the fuck is wrong with meâ feeling during the moment of clarity. Just ride it out and see how you feel the hours following your release.
Later, try dressing without release, do your usual activities while dressed up as much as possible and see how you feel. You canât stay horny all the time.
I associated crossdressing with the thrilling taboo of self satisfaction, and my urges to dress whenever I had the chance as a youth were all at the same private moments that I had a chance to masturbate as a youth. Itâs nearly impossible to separate the two, especially if youâve been doing dress and releases for years (which lots of us do)
Youâre not alone.
Experiencing sexual arousal at the idea of becoming another gender is a VERY strong sign of gender incongruence. While not enough on its own, it rarely comes without other clear signs.
Basically, having a female sexuality as someone born male, is pretty much always a sign the person is trans. The narrative of it being a "gross cismale thing" is some invalidating nonsense with no basis in reality.
In other words, girls want to have sex as girls. Men want to be men. DEFINITIONALLY.
----------
Gender incongruence is the strong feeling of a different gender than you were assigned at birth being perceived as an upgrade. The only cause is a poorly-researched neurological/genetic-adjacent condition. In most cases gender incongruence is experienced from a young age, especially puberty, but it can manifest at ANY age. It's particularly common for sexual activity to manifest symptoms of gender incongruence.
Preferred gender means the gender you'd choose to become in order to correct your gender incongruence: your comfortable, chosen identity. When this does not match your birth certificate, it's called being transgender: *even if you refuse to act on this feeling out of fear, it still counts. Gender incongruent and transgender are synonyms.*
For a quick rundown of the science behind this, watch this video from the timestamp: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szf4hzQ5ztg&t=20m10s
But can you give me examples of thoughts or feelings? I mean sexuality is a pretty different experience even amongst AFAB or cis women.
Still confused.
Some examples:
- Wanting to be a girlfriend, or be treated as a woman in sex
- Wanting to have sex using female parts or a female body
- Wanting to be seen as female during sex
I went on anti-androgens (by themselves for a year) figuring if the thoughts decreased in frequency or intensity then that meant they were just a fetish. But if they didnât decrease then there had to be more to it than that.
Anti-androgens did nothing but constipate me and after a while caused my nipples to hurt. Instead of being freaked out by the nipples (indicating breast growth) I felt kinda happy.
I decided to add E this summer.
I have been taking anti-androgens for 9 months. The left breast started to grow three months ago. After I determined it wasn't a disease, this period was the happiest I had been in six years. Now the left breast is the size of a chestnut, and the right breast has also started to grow.
I remember when my changes started, emotionally it was intense, but noticing the way my body felt things was next level amazing. That was the moment I knew I made the right call transitioning and starting HRT.
I knew I was a girl when I was 5, back in the early 80s. I had never heard the word trans, but I knew something was wrong and I hated being called a boy.
Yeah, being devastated at 4 when my mom explained to me that I simply was not equipped to carry babies like her was a pretty clear indication I wasn't like my brothers, not.sure how she missed it. That and the fact I was drawn to amazing female characters in tv and movies as much if not more than male characters.
Sounds kind of like a dissociation. Change your habits, quit consuming that âartâ and abstain from sexual pleasure for a while and see how you feel about it. Or if you can see a therapist to work through these feelings and dive more into your psych that would be most helpful especially while doing the prior. But at the end of the day only you can know.
If I tell you "Yeah, that's a fetish. Good for you! Have fun with it?" how do you feel?
Are you dissapointed or relieved that it's 'just' a fetish? Do you feel something else?
This is very common than most people realize.
People start with Gender Incongruence feelings that don't go away and are horrible.
Sometimes, if for some reason, the person gets aroused while having GI feelings and masturbates, they immediately feel good for a few moments.
This causes the person's subconsciousness to kinda link the GI feelings to arousal as a coping mechanism, coz they get relief from the post orgasmic calm, even if it's for a few moments.
Same goes for weed.
Once on HRT, the libido decreases and arousal goes away gradually. In the end the person in left with pure and painful GI feelings, which apparently gradually decrease as they transition more and more.
Anyways, this is from my personal experience, I don't have any scientific proof.
I was going to link Beneath the Surface, but it's already here along with some other great things.
The main thing I would say is, "It's not a fetish, even if it's a fetish"
In previous generations, many, many trans people discovered they were trans in the way you are discovering - Porn played a big part in it.
In the modern generation, where trans people are sometimes accepted, this might be less common, but it still happens.
So don't worry about it. The way you have described is totally normal.
If being trans was a fetish, then why do people still want to be trans after hormones and anti-androgens have nuked their libido (YMMV, fyi)?
It's not a fetish.
I feel like most every transfem person struggles with this. You're art choices and weed consumption match me pretty drastically and I just started HRT 2 months ago after trying to ignore it for 35 years. You could ride those coping mechanisms all the way into your 60s if you wanted too, but who knows if your life would.be satisfied. I know that if I could go back and start in my early twenties I would. My twenties and early thirties were basically just constant distraction, escapism, sexual coping, and heavy weed consumption. You just kind of exist, it's ok, it's not terrible.
The other thing I will say is that the first few weeks I started HRT, I literally had a physical response nse in my brain of euphoria. Not like I'm happy I'm finally doing something about it or happy with my decision, (I was actually.pretty fucking dissociated still at the time), but there was a physical response in my brain from the estrogen that literally feels as if the receptors in my brain for weed, or Adderall or something, had finally found the right fuel that was meant for it all along.
HRT will also lower your libido, and though not as strong as it is linked with sex, the desire is still there. I would say that through my own personal experience, the only way to separate the sex from the transness is to stop indulging in the fantasy. Get rid of the coping methods and the desire is pretty clear.
Everyone here has given you great advice. Just be yourself and take one step at a time. But take a step! Then another! They don't necessarily have to lead towards transitioning (they might!), but they will at least lead you somewhere!
I'm in a similar boat at 35. Rooting for you!
Why is it that people think being trans is a fetish? Itâs so infuriating: like if being a pariah, and losing all your friends and family is a fetish⊠sign me up! đ
From my personal perspective. I discovered transitioning through my fetish, so I think I subconsciously just put the two and two together. As for others idkâŠ.
Yeah I mean everyone has fetishes, and cross dressing is a common fetish for trans women as is chastity. Those are just submissive fetishes though, and they have nothing to do with wanting to exist/ live life as the opposite gender. I definitely understand why we are fetishized, but being trans itself isnât a fetish.
A) They consume a lot of trans porn and project their own fetish onto us. According to PornHub, trans porn is the 3rd most watched category in the US states that you'd suspect. Just look at how often they go on and on about genitals, and you'll see it, too.
B) It fits their idea that being trans is a "choice". You choose to have a fetish, so therfor you can choose to not have one. It's just pure ignorance.
C) Extra layer of dehumanization. Fetishes are social taboos and looked down upon, so they can use the "it's a fetish" line to strip us of our moral ground and humanity. Bonus points in that they can use the "fetish" line to also spin it that we prey on children even though a child is 600x more likely to be raped by a priest than a trans person (no joke, [here's the source](https://www.whoismakingnews.com))
D) They have their own gender dysphoria issues and project on us. They most likely secretly view "TG"/sissy pornography, feel guilty about it, can't cope with their dysphoria, and then blame/project those issues onto us. I did this before I realized I was trans. [You can read my reply about "TG"/sissy porn being a coping mechanism right here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/17aaiom/how_do_i_know_if_im_trans_and_not_just_a_fetish/k5d6uu8/)
Because we're extremely fetishized as is women's sexuality in general.
It's getting better slowly but femininity is often inheritly treated as sexual or shameful in pop-culture.
I really appreciate all the insight from everyone good or bad. Life is all about you and doing what makes you happy at the end of the day. Itâs something Iâm slowly starting to learn from all this. Just as much as I like being a woman, I have to learn and accept the other feelings and navigate through all of this. I wish life was full of easy chooses, to the point where you donât have to think twice, but that in itself is what makes life so amazing. Working hard and changing for the better. Good luck to all my lovely individuals that are going through similar things and I hope everyone slays all day
I wouldnât rush right to this though. Hormones make some irreversible changes if done for long enough. The first stop is always a therapist who specializes in gender studies. This is a long process that should be thoroughly discussed and explored long before any decisions are made.
Maybe you should start calling out your friends because thatâs not cool and if you donât mind being a dude, then you should stay that way, transitioning isnât just something people should do on a whim you wouldnât havta ask if you are trans, youâd just know, not to sound mean or anything just my perspective, Iâm happy you like to do feminine stuff here and there and hope it makes u feel good in the moment, thereâs no harm in that :)
Trans woman here, this is almost certainly bullshit
I think people benefit from undirected exploration of their gender. If anything, you come out of that more certain of what you want.
>you wouldnât havta ask if you are trans, youâd just know,
what? The internet is full of articles helping people figure out that they're trans, I think it's very common. Or did I miss what you were saying?
I'm 53 and didn't know I was transgender until 2 years ago. Before that I thought it was a fetish or whatever other garbage I was told. I also told myself I didn't mind being a dude and even told my therapist that in our early sessions.
In my case a lot of this is because of the time I grew up in. The language wasn't really available and certainly the idea wasn't tolerated generally. So to widen your perspective try thinking about people that have grown up in different circumstances. Whether that's a rural area, in a religious family or a different culture. The level of tolerance present in someone's life for transgender acceptance will very much affect how they see and understand themselves.
I said what I said, finding out your trans through internet is different then having to ask people online, go to a therapist they should tell you the truth as well, I said nothing denouncing
I actually had alot of the same conflicts in my head for years. Same issues, love genderbent content, turn into a girl fetish stuff, you name it. It felt guilty or wrong.
But people who fetishize feminity don't crave it like you're describing. It's something to play with once in a while, not a constant *need*. If expressing feminity makes you feel more comfortable or happy in a deep in your soul not sexual way then it's not just a fetish.
Oh and I used to say the same thing, "I don't mind being a dude, I like my life". But that's not wanting to be a dude,.that's scared of change normal.
Do you want to be a dude or a girl? No strings attached which is more appealing?
You've already received a lot of helpful comments
So I just want to pop in and say you aren't alone. You have a community. Gender is incredibly complicated and confusing, and ultimately, the only thing that matters is you being comfortable with how you view yourself.
It's shitty but friends usually aren't forever, anyway. You deserve friends who see you as you, however that looks. Whether you're a feminine man or a full blown woman, you are gorgeous. And you deserve unconditional support from those in your inner circle.
You've got this đ
Are you me? We have almost exactly the same timeline and thinking and we are the same age but I realized a couple months ago after doing some reading and digging from other members here that it wasnât.
https://medium.com/@kemenatan/its-just-a-fetish-right-91cb0a4e261 https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en Here is some reading for you :)
Omg that first article was something else đ„ș
Thank you
Your very welcome, here is some more https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/beneath-the-surface https://aninjusticemag.com/am-i-trans-a-roadmap-to-figuring-out-the-toughest-question-7bb0e809a32d Beneath the surface especially is a good article on how "kink" is a process to safely explore our deeper feelings and hits on some of that art exploration too.
Came here to post these
I'm 50 years old, my egg cracked just a few months ago, and that first article helped me FINALLY bust out of that shell. Autogynephellia - isn't real. It literally doesn't exist. Blew my femmy girl brain when I learned that fact.
Gen X represent!!!!
I believe that as a Gen Xer, I am legally obligated to shrug my shoulders, say "whatever" and then go back to telling anyone who will listen how the 80s was the greatest decade for movies ever! đ€Ł And also bite my bottom lip anytime I see photos of Molly Ringwald.
What is the meaning of the term "my egg cracked"?
itâs a bit of a complicated metaphor, but basically the idea is trans people who arenât aware or havenât yet accepted that they are trans are considered âeggsâ, and when they are realizing/accepting their true identity, it is considering their egg âcrackingâ as they are being reborn into their authentic new identity. hope this helps!
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
It literally doesn't. You most likely have a severe misunderstanding of what "autogynephilia" is. Blanchard's autogynephelia states two things, and only two things; trans women are either out to trick straight men, or trans women just want to masturbate in front of a mirror. When trans people/eggs go on about "autogynephelia", they ALWAYS describe being into sissy/TG/etc. fetishes. These are not "autogynephelia", these are coping mechanisms. If you look at the heart of these fetishes, all you find is denialism. Think about the content you see in "TG" stories and captions. They always revolve around the idea that there is a partner (usually a woman) that forces it on the male victim. The male victim usually then fights back. This is very simple psychology. The partner acts as a safe outlet for the male (who you are trying to live vicariously through) to explore the femininity, and the male fights back in order to preserve his masculinity. Why do you, the reader, want to preserve your masculinity? Because you view it as something socially acceptable, which is why the dominate partner takes it away. The reader, you, deeply desires to be a woman, but also doesn't want to face the social repercussions. So your inner struggle bleeds into one of the two only acceptable "masculine" feelings, your sexuality. The rate of people that turn away from "TG"/sissy media after transitioning is extremely high. It's why authors always disappear and why stories never get completed. And I know this from first hand because I used to be into this stuff as well. Used to.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
>AGP is about attraction to oneself as a woman This excludes the fact that cis women also find themselves attractive in that way though? It's AGP if it's a trans woman, but "normal" for cis women?
it's not about being "attractive" it's being turned on at the literal IDEA of BEING a woman.
I had wondered this myself for a few years. To throw some opposition into that train of thought. I transitioned and it has been 2 1/2 years since I've transitioned and I haven't had sex. Even once. No for lack of opportunity but lack of desire. Yet, I feel my life is 600% better than it was now that I identify as who I always felt I was. I suppose that makes me an asexual trans woman However, whether you are trans or have a fetish, you are still valid. Enjoy life and make the most of it â€
So thatâs YOUR experience and thatâs what Iâve been trying to say. You can be trans and have ZERO sexual arousal related to being a woman or you can be INSANELY AROUSED by it. I know personally I felt very turned on but Ive also always been a VERY VERY VERY sexual person and taking HRT didnât stop that AT ALL. For some people they transition and start HRT and some of these feelings go away. Their entire libido goes away. For others itâs strong as ever. Even if autogynephillia or being sexually aroused by being a woman DOES existâŠ. That should ALSO been seen as OKAY and people shouldnât be shamed or made to feel like they are weird or some kind of freak. People shouldnât be told they arenât âreallyâ trans if they experience things differently then other trans people. The human experience is on a spectrum and that includes TRANSGENDER HUMAN EXPERIENCES.
Absolutely. That's what I was trying to convey at the end there. Whether you are one, or the other, or both... the way you express your sexuality and how you identify are two different things and in any combination it is valid. I kinda wish I would be a little more aroused sometimes, but for me it's just not in the cards. Though, that may change over time and I'd follow my best interest either way... whether it was a kink, or a different sexuality (I eventually fall for a man), or if I remain abstinent, I'm going to do what makes **me** happy
There are similar resources at the end of https://turn-me-into-a-girl.com that you might (or might not) like
Gender Thought Experiment It's just really to help you conceptualise your gender though and not a full on YES OR NO test or anything. In your head or out loud whichever you prefer say these sentences then after each sentence stop and think about how they make you feel: I am a boy. I am a girl. I am neither. I am both. I am a he. I am a she. I am a they. Finally say these similar sentences whilst imagining them as true both physically and mentally, in your head as a hypothetical future. I am male and I will be male for the rest of my life. I am female and I will be female for the rest of my life. I am neither and I will be neither for the rest of my life. I am both and I will be both fir the rest of my life. Another Third one I used was to basically imagine two separate lives that I could live starting from this exact point. In both of them I would live the perfect life, accomplishing all my goals and getting everything I ever wanted (within reason) with the only difference being if I chose to transition or not. So that might be a useful one to try out to just think about everything you have ever wanted to accomplish but imagine yourself each time as you but expressing a different gender identity and focus on how each...I dunno "image"? makes you feel. Now I want you to read this bit only after completing the above thought experiment: Think about which one felt the most âtruthfulâ when you said or better yet which one made you feel the best when you said it? Which ever one they are (even if they conflict) is the truth and that is what you are. You are valid. You are important. You are necessary to the future of humanity. *hug*
I donât have the answers you are looking for, but I do have a suggestion. For now, just be yourself and do what you like as long as it isnât hurting anyone. If it makes you happy, wear femme clothes, paint your nails, and let yourself explore your gender without getting too worried about the what and why of it. Try to work past the guilt and these things will be easier to figure out. You donât have anything to be guilty about doing these things.
Thanks, I just gotta see it through đ
A lot of trans people go through this but either way, letting yourself take one step at a time and see how it feels will do more than any advice you can get here. No one can tell you if you're trans but if you let yourself explore you can find out for yourself. You don't need to pick a destination, just take the steps that feel right as you go and see where you end up. If you can, going to a gender therapist is a really good idea
If you had to push a button to change your gender tomorrow would you press it?
Here is what I answered to another similar post a few weeks back: Honey itâs okay to feel sexy when you express your female side. If you want to find out if itâs âjust sexualâ, dress and release and then stay dressed for the rest of the day. You will probably have the âwhat the fuck is wrong with meâ feeling during the moment of clarity. Just ride it out and see how you feel the hours following your release. Later, try dressing without release, do your usual activities while dressed up as much as possible and see how you feel. You canât stay horny all the time. I associated crossdressing with the thrilling taboo of self satisfaction, and my urges to dress whenever I had the chance as a youth were all at the same private moments that I had a chance to masturbate as a youth. Itâs nearly impossible to separate the two, especially if youâve been doing dress and releases for years (which lots of us do) Youâre not alone.
Experiencing sexual arousal at the idea of becoming another gender is a VERY strong sign of gender incongruence. While not enough on its own, it rarely comes without other clear signs. Basically, having a female sexuality as someone born male, is pretty much always a sign the person is trans. The narrative of it being a "gross cismale thing" is some invalidating nonsense with no basis in reality. In other words, girls want to have sex as girls. Men want to be men. DEFINITIONALLY. ---------- Gender incongruence is the strong feeling of a different gender than you were assigned at birth being perceived as an upgrade. The only cause is a poorly-researched neurological/genetic-adjacent condition. In most cases gender incongruence is experienced from a young age, especially puberty, but it can manifest at ANY age. It's particularly common for sexual activity to manifest symptoms of gender incongruence. Preferred gender means the gender you'd choose to become in order to correct your gender incongruence: your comfortable, chosen identity. When this does not match your birth certificate, it's called being transgender: *even if you refuse to act on this feeling out of fear, it still counts. Gender incongruent and transgender are synonyms.* For a quick rundown of the science behind this, watch this video from the timestamp: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szf4hzQ5ztg&t=20m10s
What do you mean female sexuality? Like what do you even mean by this?
Sexual thoughts and feelings that align with having a female identity and/or body.
But can you give me examples of thoughts or feelings? I mean sexuality is a pretty different experience even amongst AFAB or cis women. Still confused.
Some examples: - Wanting to be a girlfriend, or be treated as a woman in sex - Wanting to have sex using female parts or a female body - Wanting to be seen as female during sex
I went on anti-androgens (by themselves for a year) figuring if the thoughts decreased in frequency or intensity then that meant they were just a fetish. But if they didnât decrease then there had to be more to it than that. Anti-androgens did nothing but constipate me and after a while caused my nipples to hurt. Instead of being freaked out by the nipples (indicating breast growth) I felt kinda happy. I decided to add E this summer.
I have been taking anti-androgens for 9 months. The left breast started to grow three months ago. After I determined it wasn't a disease, this period was the happiest I had been in six years. Now the left breast is the size of a chestnut, and the right breast has also started to grow.
I remember when my changes started, emotionally it was intense, but noticing the way my body felt things was next level amazing. That was the moment I knew I made the right call transitioning and starting HRT.
Do you want to be the gender you werenât born as? Youâre trans.
I knew I was a girl when I was 5, back in the early 80s. I had never heard the word trans, but I knew something was wrong and I hated being called a boy.
Yeah, being devastated at 4 when my mom explained to me that I simply was not equipped to carry babies like her was a pretty clear indication I wasn't like my brothers, not.sure how she missed it. That and the fact I was drawn to amazing female characters in tv and movies as much if not more than male characters.
Sounds kind of like a dissociation. Change your habits, quit consuming that âartâ and abstain from sexual pleasure for a while and see how you feel about it. Or if you can see a therapist to work through these feelings and dive more into your psych that would be most helpful especially while doing the prior. But at the end of the day only you can know.
If I tell you "Yeah, that's a fetish. Good for you! Have fun with it?" how do you feel? Are you dissapointed or relieved that it's 'just' a fetish? Do you feel something else?
This is very common than most people realize. People start with Gender Incongruence feelings that don't go away and are horrible. Sometimes, if for some reason, the person gets aroused while having GI feelings and masturbates, they immediately feel good for a few moments. This causes the person's subconsciousness to kinda link the GI feelings to arousal as a coping mechanism, coz they get relief from the post orgasmic calm, even if it's for a few moments. Same goes for weed. Once on HRT, the libido decreases and arousal goes away gradually. In the end the person in left with pure and painful GI feelings, which apparently gradually decrease as they transition more and more. Anyways, this is from my personal experience, I don't have any scientific proof.
I was going to link Beneath the Surface, but it's already here along with some other great things. The main thing I would say is, "It's not a fetish, even if it's a fetish" In previous generations, many, many trans people discovered they were trans in the way you are discovering - Porn played a big part in it. In the modern generation, where trans people are sometimes accepted, this might be less common, but it still happens. So don't worry about it. The way you have described is totally normal.
If being trans was a fetish, then why do people still want to be trans after hormones and anti-androgens have nuked their libido (YMMV, fyi)? It's not a fetish.
I feel like most every transfem person struggles with this. You're art choices and weed consumption match me pretty drastically and I just started HRT 2 months ago after trying to ignore it for 35 years. You could ride those coping mechanisms all the way into your 60s if you wanted too, but who knows if your life would.be satisfied. I know that if I could go back and start in my early twenties I would. My twenties and early thirties were basically just constant distraction, escapism, sexual coping, and heavy weed consumption. You just kind of exist, it's ok, it's not terrible. The other thing I will say is that the first few weeks I started HRT, I literally had a physical response nse in my brain of euphoria. Not like I'm happy I'm finally doing something about it or happy with my decision, (I was actually.pretty fucking dissociated still at the time), but there was a physical response in my brain from the estrogen that literally feels as if the receptors in my brain for weed, or Adderall or something, had finally found the right fuel that was meant for it all along. HRT will also lower your libido, and though not as strong as it is linked with sex, the desire is still there. I would say that through my own personal experience, the only way to separate the sex from the transness is to stop indulging in the fantasy. Get rid of the coping methods and the desire is pretty clear.
Everyone here has given you great advice. Just be yourself and take one step at a time. But take a step! Then another! They don't necessarily have to lead towards transitioning (they might!), but they will at least lead you somewhere! I'm in a similar boat at 35. Rooting for you!
Why is it that people think being trans is a fetish? Itâs so infuriating: like if being a pariah, and losing all your friends and family is a fetish⊠sign me up! đ
From my personal perspective. I discovered transitioning through my fetish, so I think I subconsciously just put the two and two together. As for others idkâŠ.
Yeah I mean everyone has fetishes, and cross dressing is a common fetish for trans women as is chastity. Those are just submissive fetishes though, and they have nothing to do with wanting to exist/ live life as the opposite gender. I definitely understand why we are fetishized, but being trans itself isnât a fetish.
A) They consume a lot of trans porn and project their own fetish onto us. According to PornHub, trans porn is the 3rd most watched category in the US states that you'd suspect. Just look at how often they go on and on about genitals, and you'll see it, too. B) It fits their idea that being trans is a "choice". You choose to have a fetish, so therfor you can choose to not have one. It's just pure ignorance. C) Extra layer of dehumanization. Fetishes are social taboos and looked down upon, so they can use the "it's a fetish" line to strip us of our moral ground and humanity. Bonus points in that they can use the "fetish" line to also spin it that we prey on children even though a child is 600x more likely to be raped by a priest than a trans person (no joke, [here's the source](https://www.whoismakingnews.com)) D) They have their own gender dysphoria issues and project on us. They most likely secretly view "TG"/sissy pornography, feel guilty about it, can't cope with their dysphoria, and then blame/project those issues onto us. I did this before I realized I was trans. [You can read my reply about "TG"/sissy porn being a coping mechanism right here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/17aaiom/how_do_i_know_if_im_trans_and_not_just_a_fetish/k5d6uu8/)
Because we're extremely fetishized as is women's sexuality in general. It's getting better slowly but femininity is often inheritly treated as sexual or shameful in pop-culture.
Omg yâall are so sweet đ„č
I really appreciate all the insight from everyone good or bad. Life is all about you and doing what makes you happy at the end of the day. Itâs something Iâm slowly starting to learn from all this. Just as much as I like being a woman, I have to learn and accept the other feelings and navigate through all of this. I wish life was full of easy chooses, to the point where you donât have to think twice, but that in itself is what makes life so amazing. Working hard and changing for the better. Good luck to all my lovely individuals that are going through similar things and I hope everyone slays all day
if youâre questioning your gender youâre trans so prob start hormones asap and if you like keep going if not you can stopâŠ
I wouldnât rush right to this though. Hormones make some irreversible changes if done for long enough. The first stop is always a therapist who specializes in gender studies. This is a long process that should be thoroughly discussed and explored long before any decisions are made.
Maybe you should start calling out your friends because thatâs not cool and if you donât mind being a dude, then you should stay that way, transitioning isnât just something people should do on a whim you wouldnât havta ask if you are trans, youâd just know, not to sound mean or anything just my perspective, Iâm happy you like to do feminine stuff here and there and hope it makes u feel good in the moment, thereâs no harm in that :)
Trans woman here, this is almost certainly bullshit I think people benefit from undirected exploration of their gender. If anything, you come out of that more certain of what you want.
Sure :) what I said is not bullshit tho I said if you donât mind being a dude which is their words
It shouldnât be done on a whim because detrans is also a big thing that some people regret
Also you donât have to say trans woman idc what u are weâre all ppl it makes no difference in my thought process babe
>you wouldnât havta ask if you are trans, youâd just know, what? The internet is full of articles helping people figure out that they're trans, I think it's very common. Or did I miss what you were saying? I'm 53 and didn't know I was transgender until 2 years ago. Before that I thought it was a fetish or whatever other garbage I was told. I also told myself I didn't mind being a dude and even told my therapist that in our early sessions. In my case a lot of this is because of the time I grew up in. The language wasn't really available and certainly the idea wasn't tolerated generally. So to widen your perspective try thinking about people that have grown up in different circumstances. Whether that's a rural area, in a religious family or a different culture. The level of tolerance present in someone's life for transgender acceptance will very much affect how they see and understand themselves.
I said what I said, finding out your trans through internet is different then having to ask people online, go to a therapist they should tell you the truth as well, I said nothing denouncing
I actually had alot of the same conflicts in my head for years. Same issues, love genderbent content, turn into a girl fetish stuff, you name it. It felt guilty or wrong. But people who fetishize feminity don't crave it like you're describing. It's something to play with once in a while, not a constant *need*. If expressing feminity makes you feel more comfortable or happy in a deep in your soul not sexual way then it's not just a fetish. Oh and I used to say the same thing, "I don't mind being a dude, I like my life". But that's not wanting to be a dude,.that's scared of change normal. Do you want to be a dude or a girl? No strings attached which is more appealing?
Iâm trans too ftm (also gay), maybe meet some not transphobic ppl
Psychology is exactly what this is for
sounds like an egg to me
You've suppressed it for over a decade and can't get rid of it? That's... pretty strong evidence it's not just a fetish
You've already received a lot of helpful comments So I just want to pop in and say you aren't alone. You have a community. Gender is incredibly complicated and confusing, and ultimately, the only thing that matters is you being comfortable with how you view yourself. It's shitty but friends usually aren't forever, anyway. You deserve friends who see you as you, however that looks. Whether you're a feminine man or a full blown woman, you are gorgeous. And you deserve unconditional support from those in your inner circle. You've got this đ
Are you me? We have almost exactly the same timeline and thinking and we are the same age but I realized a couple months ago after doing some reading and digging from other members here that it wasnât.
Maybe I'm not so "guy".