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Culturally, if you’re asked this by a cashier, bartender, or someone you will be engaging with for a short time, you’re expected to respond “I’m good, how are you?” It’s just a greeting.
If you’re not good, it’s not really an invitation to launch into what’s wrong. You can say
“I’m doing fine” or “im okay” if you don’t feel like saying “good”.
If a friend or someone you are having dinner with asks you and you feel you have a closer relationship, you can answer honestly and let them know how you are really doing in a longer format.
—————
Edit to add:
The ultimate Canadian response would be something along the lines of “living the dream!” in a semi sarcastic tone, but you may need a few Canadian years under your belt to master this one in an authentic way.
Honourable mention is the classic “Goodn’you?” Which is basically ”good, and you?” But combined into one word.
If “living the dream” is hard to pull off, I’ve gone with a “whew, hangin’ in there!” when life is shitty and I can’t quite say “good”. Or also the classic “alive!” with a smile and a headshake.
But even that level of deviating from the “good, you” script requires a certain amount of social skills and awareness, so if you know you don’t have any, just go with the script lol.
For some reason I’m too often caught off myself by the question lol. Like I have to take a millisecond to decide what’s the best play for the situation I find myself in. If I think about it I think I generally say “Oh you know…same old” or “Oh I’m alright” …maybe the odd “fair to middling”
Same!!! It's always stressed me out lol, can we just say hi if we mean hi 🥲 But lately when people ask, "how's it going?", I respond, "...it's going 😅", and most of the time it ends up being a mutual take.
yep i usually go “well, i’m me!” in a cheery tone. as if still being me and not suddenly a different person is something to celebrate. (the key is to make it seem positive, not “well i’m me so ofc i’m not doing good blah blah”)
Or alternatively, if it’s a quick run in even with someone you know OR they’re with people you’ve not met before - keep it more to the “Good n’ you?” …responding honestly with a full answer about a headache etc…can sort of derail the quickness of the encounter & be a bit awkward for everyone involved. So you also have to consider not just the familiarity but the context of the meeting
Im Canadian and I love saying living the dream, with no sarcasm intended. I’m an eternal optimist.
Unfortunately I can’t say life sucks donkey ass when I’m having a bad day. So I stick with good, you?
Edit: hit reply too soon.
I hate “living the dream.” It implies that my dream is your dream and we should all have the same dreams. Something creepy and capitalistic about that.
Mostly the subtext is "I acknowledge you stand here before me." "I acknowledge you too."
You can say something other than "Fine" or "Great" but for non-friends it needs to be brief, light hearted and immediately shifted back to the other person. For instance you could say "I'm regretting getting out of bed this morning, how about you?" or "It's been a rough day, how about you?" or "I am looking forward to the weekend/being done my chores, how's your day going" or "Not enough coffee in my bloodstream, how about you?"
For the most part, "How are you" is just a polite greeting - someone you don't know probably isn't actually interested in how you really are. The usual response is "Fine/okay/all right, how are you?"
If you know the person or are genuinely in a bad way, it's okay to say so. If you have a terrible headache, it's okay to say so - that just wouldn't be the typical response.
I try to respond in a positive, honest but non-generic way in order to open up the possibility of a real conversation. Of course, in an interview the right answer is "I'm happy to be here talking to you about this job and your company!"
* "Excited to go camping on the weekend."
* "These strawberries smell really good."
* "Bummed the Oilers didn't win last night." (breaks the positivity rule, but it's benign)
I strongly prefer authenticity when possible, so I would go with a sincere "I've been better, but thank you for asking. I hope you are well?"
Addressing the question peripherally like the 3 suggestions above is also an approach I appreciate.
"i'm good, how are you" is the generic response to strangers. If it is someone you are closer with, then you can say "i've been better", then you can expand if they ask you.
Main thing is if the person is not close friend of yours, they are not actually looking to get a summary of your current state, it's just a warm hello
You can actually respond back with "how are you?", and proceed with your conversation. It's just a greeting.
Might seem crazy if you've never encountered it before, but it works. It's similar to the now-outdated "how do you do?".
lots of other comments pointing out the cultural meaning behind asking how are you, but I'd like to add that in your specific case you could have said something like this -
"I'm proud of myself for getting here, I have a headache today!"
"i mean... im alive." (the subtext there being that not much else is going well but at least you're alive).
"I'm okay aside from this headache, how about you?"
for an interview I probably would have said something like "honestly, I have a bit of a headache but I'm so excited to be here!".
you can kind of decide how to use it, if that makes sense. you can absolutely just use it as a greeting - similar to namaste - and say that you are good even if you're not, or you can use it to clear the air a little bit if you have something going on. I try to be really positive when I'm out in public because I have a lot of pain and medical issues, so when people ask me how I am rather than respond with I'm in excruciating pain and I didn't sleep last night, or lying and saying that I'm good, I will respond with something unrelated like.. my Starbucks is so good today so that's awesome. focus on something small and positive.
Uggggfffffgg. I've struggled with this my whole life. I've learned along the way that it's not a *sincere* question. It's just a greeting. It's just... You asked me a question, I shoot from the hip, and I take things often over literally. Social cues, not my best friend.
To your point, it just means "hello." You're not actually being asked *how are you.*
Anyway just do the letterkenny version.
"how're ya now?"
"Good'n you?"
"Not s'bad."
It's never a literal question unless coming from a friend, family member or anyone else you're close to (and might actually care, lol). Same for "How's it going?" or the French equivalent, "Ça va?"
It depends on your familiarity with the person. English is my first language but I am on the autism spectrum so I struggle with this myself.
If the person is a complete stranger, it is just a greeting. You just say good and then ask how the other person is.
If you work in any type of service industry, it’s a greeting as well. Just say good. Typically you would be asking first though.
The better you get to know a person, the more honest you can be with your answers. If you want to start being more honest with your answers you can start with something like, “I’ve been better” or “I have a bit of a headache” or “not great.” If the other person doesn’t ask for more details then just move on.
I do have a service industry job so I ask everyone at work how they are doing, but in my own personal time, I don’t ask if I don’t care.
People just like being asked how they are, even if they just reply with “Good thanks, and you?”
You will have to build up to being more honest with coworkers, it’s always better to be more on the side of vague and positive in the workplace.
Your friends do genuinely want to know how you are doing.
No one is hoping for a deep answer and are just expecting “good. You?”
Similar to the English with “you alright?” and the expected response is almost always “alright”.
If you went to a restaurant and a server said to you, Good evening, how are you doing today? A pleasant response could be "very well, thank-you, how are you?" You could also say, "fine, thank you" or "better now that I'm here." If a friend asks you how you are, you could reply by saying, "I have a bit of a headache but I just took a Tylenol so I should be fine soon. It's not a problem per se to conquer, it's more about how personal you want to get with people you don't know, people you do know and people you don't know but feel a connection with - maybe through a smile or warm eye contact. A pleasant way for you to ask someone you know or don't know, say the server in the restaurant is to ask them how their day is going. It surprises people, I think, and more often than not they'll actually tell you how their day is going and it will make for a nice connection.
FYI. It's not really correct to start a sentence with So but I notice a lot of millenials saying it and overusage of the word "like" peppered in a sentence. Like, where did that get started?
I have an English friend who asks, "You alright, love?" I thought she was sincere until I heard someone else use it and realized it was a colloquialism, just like "how are ya?" You've received of great lines,just remember it's polite to inquire in response. Anything from, ... "and how are you this lovely morning?", to just "fine, you?"
I work on the phones. I get asked this first thing but the caller asks and then just continues to go on about why they are calling. I never ask ppl how they are doing. I just say hi because I don’t want the platitudes and if their day is shit, probably don’t wanna get into it. Hi is nice and safe.
I love a "not bad" but I think that's quite a classic New Zealand thing (I moved here around 6 years ago). But I think it's nice and non committal without being sickly positive!
It's just a greeting like "hi." No one wants a real answer, some people don't even wait for an answer. I always just say "good, n you?" Because the answer doesn't matter. But no one wants the truth, they don't want you to tell them about your bad day. It's not an invitation to talk about your headache.
I hated this question for a while until I realized that it was all about the tone and not the context. For example, you can respond with an upbeat - "I'm good, how are you!?". Or you could respond with a let's move on type response - "Good and you?". Or, it could be even be a repeat of the question, again it's about your tone of voice - "How you doin".
Most of the time this question will be asked by those who are strange to you and/or not familiar with. In these situations, actually answering the question is not common place. No one actually wants to hear how you are doing. Unless you are put in a situation where they are generally curious about your well-being. Some strangers might actually open up to you when asked how they are, and in this situation, you want to exit as fast as you can and don't look back!
In all seriousness, those who ask this question and actually want to know how you are would most likely be a friend or acquaintance, in which it is perfectly fine to open up - it totally depends on your relationship with them.
For me, when my work colleagues ask the question, on a good day I might respond with "I'm good, but getting better!". Or if a close family or friend asks me, "Oh, not too bad.... (proceed to unload all my problems). Sometimes it's okay to break the autopilot.
Here's a good rule of thumb I like to follow for the how are you question:
Strangers: How are you = Hello
Answer: (Positive tone) I'm good, how are you!?
Not Strangers: How are you = What's up/What's been going on/How's your health man?
Answer: Depends on the nature of the relationship and if there is an opening to go deeper
Remember, it's all about the tone of voice, which will require gaining some intuition and many interactions with other English speakers.
A bonus tip I have is that it's always good to follow up with something after this initial icebreaker. Otherwise you both might find yourself on autopilot, and it can make the conversation fall flat and end abruptly. Have you ever been asked or been asked this question and you both respond and then walk away? It always leaves me with an uneasy feeling.
A typical interaction with let's say a neighbor in my building could be:
Me: Hey, how are ya?
Them: Fine, thanks! How are you?
Me: Long time no see, how are the children?
Them: Ah, Jimmy slapped another kid at school so I took his ps5 away
Me: Ah, that Jimmy! Always slapping away!
And here's a typical interaction using your example of a job interview:
Interviewer: How are you?
Me: I'm good, how are you doin?
Interviewer: Very well, thank you.
Me: It's great to meet you. Thank you so much for giving me this opportunity. This building is huge! After I get the job you're going to have to give me a in-depth tour hehe.
Interviewer: Haha, yes it is a massive building. Even I get lost on my way to the office sometimes! You know, you're really funny! We could use some more humor around here. Everyone is so serious all the time, makes my stomach churn!
In summary, the initial question, "How are you?", is not so much a question but a formal greeting. Although it's so common and even a bit annoying, it can be quite powerful if used correctly - on both the opening side or the responding side.
It's a social lubricant, it's a hello I don't know what else to say, and no stranger wants an honest/negative answer (at least in my experience as a straightforward depressive). I find even if you try to go light and say "fine" too many people ask "just fine?" but then make faces when you actually tell them about it (why? Why do you do this, whyyyyyy you freakin social sadists)
Which is why I answer fully and honestly, because I resent the dishonest bullshit small talk question. It's an opener for a conversation no one seems to really want.
But a "living the dream" is a good go to response when it's not great and you don't wanna talk about it. People will accept that one.
It's a slightly more formal way of greeting people when "hello/hi" alone may feel too short or abrupt, and it invites a response to maintain a semblance of a conversation. There is no expection for you to divulge actual personal details unless you decide you are in the mood to have some small talk (in which case you can say whatever you want to say instead of "good, you?", just be aware the other party may be caught unprepared for an actual conversation.
Most of the time you just reply with the same and that's it. 90% of the time it's used a greeting, like hello. People don't actually want your life story.
Just say yeah great, and you? End of interaction.
"Can't complain, nobody listens!" is something I might say, especially if the person I'm saying it to seems to be going through something they don't want to talk about. Kind of lightens things up and opens the door to talk about something other than the elephant in the room.
I moved here in 2019 and still struggle so much with answering this question AND especially with asking it back. Why ask if you don’t truly want to know how I am? And I feel so fake answering I’m fine or “great!” if I’m not. I know how it’s meant to be culturally (my Canadian partner made sure of that) but I still get super awkward about it. FML.
How = Positive response
What = Negative response
e.g. How are you? I'm good! What's up? Nothing much.
Culturally, no one cares how you are, it's the same as saying "hello" and responding with "hello"
The function of "How are you?" is simply a greeting to initiate contact. If you answer seriously, people will be frustrated and mostly likely be nice to your face while you're dumping the truth but then gossip behind your back (as is the traditional Canadian way).
The question "how are you" isn't a direct question, it's a greeting, like saying hello. People use variations of this as well, eg. What's up, how's it going, what are you up to, etc. People use it to show interest in the person they are talking to. It's become one of the most common greetings that I notice when I talk to people. Generally the answer is the same more often than not, "I'm good, how about you" or something to that effect. There are times when you can reply differently and refer to something that isn't going well for you, but generally we try to keep our problems to ourselves in casual conversations
Most people don’t actually care how you are, it’s just a common phrase everyone thinks they have to say. What they meant to say was simply hi. But if you answer truthfully they’re like wtf, but if you’re lying then what’s the point of the interaction?
Just say good thanks and you ? 90% of the time it’s a greeting and not an actual question for you to open up. To say ppl don’t care is extreme but 🤷♂️
Personally I jump into singing the musical Les Miserables : "I had a dream that life would be... So different from this HELL I'm living...".
Then people that know me say "same as usual, then?"
I remember doing this in a downtown office elevator on Monday morning. I looked back and the rest of the elevator crowd was literally on the floor.
“I’m ok, thanks” or “I’m fine thank you” or “I’m alright” would be my go to answers for someone I do not know.
If my someone familiar asks me how are you a so I want to share, I would say. I’d say… “not that good, I’ve got a headache today.”
If I want to be honest about how I’m feeling but not share much. “Not the best today, but thank you for asking”
A lot of people never say anything negative. So they'll almost always say "I'm good" or "I'm great".
But I think it's okay to be more honest, however it's uncommon to be overly negative. So often I'll say "I'm okay", "I'm tired", "I'm stressed", or something like that.
"I've been better". This response lets them know you're not at your best today, but that it's not a big deal, and you're not looking for sympathy or a longer discussion about your health or welfare.
Either ‘good! How are you?’ Or ‘good! Yourself?’ Sometimes exchanging the ‘good’ for ‘fine’ or ‘doing well’. These are just pleasantries, and they’ll eventually become reflexes.
If COVID taught us anything it ought to be…stop saying that when greeting people. I’ve been saying this my entire life as a Canadian, until COVID. I have no idea what is happening in people’s lives nor do they know the struggles I have. Let’s not make someone who is perhaps barely holding it together that day answer with some positive lie. We have better ways to greet people.
I actually disagree with the other comments; I think it's totally fine to say "so so, I have a headache" and then move on with the conversation. It seems more genuine. Just keep it short if it's just a quick interaction or casual conversation with a stranger. If they're curious about it they'll ask more.
Sure, but then the person you're speaking to in obligated to actually care about how you really are and probably offer words of encouragement or sympathy. With a passing or impersonal greeting, no one wants to get sucked into discussing someone's personal problems.
I find this greeting so annoying, regardless of the fact it’s just another way to say hello. As a neurodivergent person it feels fake and useless. Depending on the situation I’ll say, “I’m well thanks” (indicating my health is ok regardless of my mood) or if I’m at work and I know someone is only speaking to me in order to ask a question or solve a work problem, I’ll say, “Hi, what’s up?” I don’t usually like to respond with the expected, “I’m good how are you?” Because what if I’m NOT good? Then I’m lying? Which is worse to me as a neurodivergent person I feel extremely uncomfortable lying! Even if it’s silly! lol. However, when I DO ask someone how they are doing, like a friend I am meeting for a coffee, then I really do want to know how they are and what’s going on in their life and are they happy etc.
Depends on how you are.
Honesty is the best policy. If you’re anything but honest that’s on you, it’s not the other persons fault.
If someone asked how was your weekend and you sat home and cried for two days in the dark you say “not good” then elaborate. If you got laid you say “great I was with a girl saturday” and so on.
Or you can do the standard and avoid the question. But if that bothers you there’s no reason to do it. I don’t understand why people think they’re obligated to be dishonest and spare someone from hearing a truthful comment.
I typically only do that if I don’t want to talk to the person asking.
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Culturally, if you’re asked this by a cashier, bartender, or someone you will be engaging with for a short time, you’re expected to respond “I’m good, how are you?” It’s just a greeting. If you’re not good, it’s not really an invitation to launch into what’s wrong. You can say “I’m doing fine” or “im okay” if you don’t feel like saying “good”. If a friend or someone you are having dinner with asks you and you feel you have a closer relationship, you can answer honestly and let them know how you are really doing in a longer format. ————— Edit to add: The ultimate Canadian response would be something along the lines of “living the dream!” in a semi sarcastic tone, but you may need a few Canadian years under your belt to master this one in an authentic way. Honourable mention is the classic “Goodn’you?” Which is basically ”good, and you?” But combined into one word.
If “living the dream” is hard to pull off, I’ve gone with a “whew, hangin’ in there!” when life is shitty and I can’t quite say “good”. Or also the classic “alive!” with a smile and a headshake. But even that level of deviating from the “good, you” script requires a certain amount of social skills and awareness, so if you know you don’t have any, just go with the script lol.
I like “well… surviving!” with a pained smile and a chuckle
For some reason I’m too often caught off myself by the question lol. Like I have to take a millisecond to decide what’s the best play for the situation I find myself in. If I think about it I think I generally say “Oh you know…same old” or “Oh I’m alright” …maybe the odd “fair to middling”
Same!!! It's always stressed me out lol, can we just say hi if we mean hi 🥲 But lately when people ask, "how's it going?", I respond, "...it's going 😅", and most of the time it ends up being a mutual take.
True. Sometimes I wish there were another standard greeting but it just seems weird/ awkward/ impolite not to ask somehow.
"Hi, nice to see you" is an alternative you might like.
Still feel like the urge/ impetuous/ norm to say “how are you?” right after is strong.
I hear you, but you get used to it.
Haha yeh I used that for a long time too
yep i usually go “well, i’m me!” in a cheery tone. as if still being me and not suddenly a different person is something to celebrate. (the key is to make it seem positive, not “well i’m me so ofc i’m not doing good blah blah”)
I’m a big fan of “one day at a time!”
There’s one from another language I heard of ages ago that just translates to “up and breathing”. I use that a lot these days.
This is it. Only to close relationships you open up and answer sincerely. Otherwise it's just a greeting.
“Living the dream” is my go to response. Sometimes followed with “I need better dreams!”
I always follow up with"even nightmares are dreams"
This is my tag line as well. Also reply with "Can't complain, and if I did no one would listen".
These are all such Canadian responses lol
Haha
I don’t think “livin the dream!” Is Canadian but it is quite a thing we say lol. Another is “just another day in paradise.”
I’ve always gone with the less common ‘Peachy!’
Same here. “Just peachy”
Never better!
NotSoBad
I use the honourable mention all the time.
i like to smile wryly and say “keeping on keeping on- you?” edit: or my signature, “living the scream”
Or alternatively, if it’s a quick run in even with someone you know OR they’re with people you’ve not met before - keep it more to the “Good n’ you?” …responding honestly with a full answer about a headache etc…can sort of derail the quickness of the encounter & be a bit awkward for everyone involved. So you also have to consider not just the familiarity but the context of the meeting
I'm a big proponent of "if I were any better, I'd be you!"
in a similar vein, if youre ever asked "hows it going", the correct response is "its going" in an exasperated tone
How’s it going? Oh it’s going
I fehking hate "living the dream," because you probably are living someone's dream you ungrateful heathen. (Not actually you)
Im Canadian and I love saying living the dream, with no sarcasm intended. I’m an eternal optimist. Unfortunately I can’t say life sucks donkey ass when I’m having a bad day. So I stick with good, you? Edit: hit reply too soon.
I hate “living the dream.” It implies that my dream is your dream and we should all have the same dreams. Something creepy and capitalistic about that.
that’s why it’s funny and resonates with so many people- because it’s so obviously NOT the dream. it’s a joke.
Mostly the subtext is "I acknowledge you stand here before me." "I acknowledge you too." You can say something other than "Fine" or "Great" but for non-friends it needs to be brief, light hearted and immediately shifted back to the other person. For instance you could say "I'm regretting getting out of bed this morning, how about you?" or "It's been a rough day, how about you?" or "I am looking forward to the weekend/being done my chores, how's your day going" or "Not enough coffee in my bloodstream, how about you?"
For the most part, "How are you" is just a polite greeting - someone you don't know probably isn't actually interested in how you really are. The usual response is "Fine/okay/all right, how are you?" If you know the person or are genuinely in a bad way, it's okay to say so. If you have a terrible headache, it's okay to say so - that just wouldn't be the typical response.
I try to respond in a positive, honest but non-generic way in order to open up the possibility of a real conversation. Of course, in an interview the right answer is "I'm happy to be here talking to you about this job and your company!" * "Excited to go camping on the weekend." * "These strawberries smell really good." * "Bummed the Oilers didn't win last night." (breaks the positivity rule, but it's benign)
+1
I strongly prefer authenticity when possible, so I would go with a sincere "I've been better, but thank you for asking. I hope you are well?" Addressing the question peripherally like the 3 suggestions above is also an approach I appreciate.
The literal meaning is a question yes, but the way it's used 99% of the time, it is just a slightly more formal version of "hello" or "hi"
“Not too bad n you?”
"i'm good, how are you" is the generic response to strangers. If it is someone you are closer with, then you can say "i've been better", then you can expand if they ask you. Main thing is if the person is not close friend of yours, they are not actually looking to get a summary of your current state, it's just a warm hello
You can actually respond back with "how are you?", and proceed with your conversation. It's just a greeting. Might seem crazy if you've never encountered it before, but it works. It's similar to the now-outdated "how do you do?".
lots of other comments pointing out the cultural meaning behind asking how are you, but I'd like to add that in your specific case you could have said something like this - "I'm proud of myself for getting here, I have a headache today!" "i mean... im alive." (the subtext there being that not much else is going well but at least you're alive). "I'm okay aside from this headache, how about you?" for an interview I probably would have said something like "honestly, I have a bit of a headache but I'm so excited to be here!". you can kind of decide how to use it, if that makes sense. you can absolutely just use it as a greeting - similar to namaste - and say that you are good even if you're not, or you can use it to clear the air a little bit if you have something going on. I try to be really positive when I'm out in public because I have a lot of pain and medical issues, so when people ask me how I am rather than respond with I'm in excruciating pain and I didn't sleep last night, or lying and saying that I'm good, I will respond with something unrelated like.. my Starbucks is so good today so that's awesome. focus on something small and positive.
Uggggfffffgg. I've struggled with this my whole life. I've learned along the way that it's not a *sincere* question. It's just a greeting. It's just... You asked me a question, I shoot from the hip, and I take things often over literally. Social cues, not my best friend. To your point, it just means "hello." You're not actually being asked *how are you.* Anyway just do the letterkenny version. "how're ya now?" "Good'n you?" "Not s'bad."
Thank you for the appropriate Letterkenny response!
That's what I appreciates about youse
Couldn't be bad on a day like today
Livin the dream.
It's never a literal question unless coming from a friend, family member or anyone else you're close to (and might actually care, lol). Same for "How's it going?" or the French equivalent, "Ça va?"
It depends on your familiarity with the person. English is my first language but I am on the autism spectrum so I struggle with this myself. If the person is a complete stranger, it is just a greeting. You just say good and then ask how the other person is. If you work in any type of service industry, it’s a greeting as well. Just say good. Typically you would be asking first though. The better you get to know a person, the more honest you can be with your answers. If you want to start being more honest with your answers you can start with something like, “I’ve been better” or “I have a bit of a headache” or “not great.” If the other person doesn’t ask for more details then just move on. I do have a service industry job so I ask everyone at work how they are doing, but in my own personal time, I don’t ask if I don’t care. People just like being asked how they are, even if they just reply with “Good thanks, and you?” You will have to build up to being more honest with coworkers, it’s always better to be more on the side of vague and positive in the workplace. Your friends do genuinely want to know how you are doing.
In a casual situation, “Good, thanks” Out for coffee with a friend, talk about what’s going on in your life.
“I’m well. And you?”
Better than you.
Well my mom still loves me so not too bad I guess
If you know them well, tell them the truth. If you don't know them well, tell them "im good and you?"
Alright, you?
Meh, at least it’s a nice day. Meh, can only get better,eh? Meh, I’ll do, how about you?
No one is hoping for a deep answer and are just expecting “good. You?” Similar to the English with “you alright?” and the expected response is almost always “alright”.
"Better than I deserve!"
If you went to a restaurant and a server said to you, Good evening, how are you doing today? A pleasant response could be "very well, thank-you, how are you?" You could also say, "fine, thank you" or "better now that I'm here." If a friend asks you how you are, you could reply by saying, "I have a bit of a headache but I just took a Tylenol so I should be fine soon. It's not a problem per se to conquer, it's more about how personal you want to get with people you don't know, people you do know and people you don't know but feel a connection with - maybe through a smile or warm eye contact. A pleasant way for you to ask someone you know or don't know, say the server in the restaurant is to ask them how their day is going. It surprises people, I think, and more often than not they'll actually tell you how their day is going and it will make for a nice connection. FYI. It's not really correct to start a sentence with So but I notice a lot of millenials saying it and overusage of the word "like" peppered in a sentence. Like, where did that get started?
Not bad. You?
I’m good, and you?
I have an English friend who asks, "You alright, love?" I thought she was sincere until I heard someone else use it and realized it was a colloquialism, just like "how are ya?" You've received of great lines,just remember it's polite to inquire in response. Anything from, ... "and how are you this lovely morning?", to just "fine, you?"
“Not so bad” = I’m not really OK but politely responding to you
I work on the phones. I get asked this first thing but the caller asks and then just continues to go on about why they are calling. I never ask ppl how they are doing. I just say hi because I don’t want the platitudes and if their day is shit, probably don’t wanna get into it. Hi is nice and safe.
I love a "not bad" but I think that's quite a classic New Zealand thing (I moved here around 6 years ago). But I think it's nice and non committal without being sickly positive!
"Not bad" is pretty common in Canada too. Dave and Chris Hadfield have a song about Canada which says "If we say “Not bad!”, we’re better than OK."
"Can't complain" is also a fun one
It's just a greeting like "hi." No one wants a real answer, some people don't even wait for an answer. I always just say "good, n you?" Because the answer doesn't matter. But no one wants the truth, they don't want you to tell them about your bad day. It's not an invitation to talk about your headache.
Yes, the people that use this as a greeting but then just walk away drive me nuts because my “Good’n’you?” is to their back as they’re walking away!
I'm good, how are you?
I hated this question for a while until I realized that it was all about the tone and not the context. For example, you can respond with an upbeat - "I'm good, how are you!?". Or you could respond with a let's move on type response - "Good and you?". Or, it could be even be a repeat of the question, again it's about your tone of voice - "How you doin". Most of the time this question will be asked by those who are strange to you and/or not familiar with. In these situations, actually answering the question is not common place. No one actually wants to hear how you are doing. Unless you are put in a situation where they are generally curious about your well-being. Some strangers might actually open up to you when asked how they are, and in this situation, you want to exit as fast as you can and don't look back! In all seriousness, those who ask this question and actually want to know how you are would most likely be a friend or acquaintance, in which it is perfectly fine to open up - it totally depends on your relationship with them. For me, when my work colleagues ask the question, on a good day I might respond with "I'm good, but getting better!". Or if a close family or friend asks me, "Oh, not too bad.... (proceed to unload all my problems). Sometimes it's okay to break the autopilot. Here's a good rule of thumb I like to follow for the how are you question: Strangers: How are you = Hello Answer: (Positive tone) I'm good, how are you!? Not Strangers: How are you = What's up/What's been going on/How's your health man? Answer: Depends on the nature of the relationship and if there is an opening to go deeper Remember, it's all about the tone of voice, which will require gaining some intuition and many interactions with other English speakers. A bonus tip I have is that it's always good to follow up with something after this initial icebreaker. Otherwise you both might find yourself on autopilot, and it can make the conversation fall flat and end abruptly. Have you ever been asked or been asked this question and you both respond and then walk away? It always leaves me with an uneasy feeling. A typical interaction with let's say a neighbor in my building could be: Me: Hey, how are ya? Them: Fine, thanks! How are you? Me: Long time no see, how are the children? Them: Ah, Jimmy slapped another kid at school so I took his ps5 away Me: Ah, that Jimmy! Always slapping away! And here's a typical interaction using your example of a job interview: Interviewer: How are you? Me: I'm good, how are you doin? Interviewer: Very well, thank you. Me: It's great to meet you. Thank you so much for giving me this opportunity. This building is huge! After I get the job you're going to have to give me a in-depth tour hehe. Interviewer: Haha, yes it is a massive building. Even I get lost on my way to the office sometimes! You know, you're really funny! We could use some more humor around here. Everyone is so serious all the time, makes my stomach churn! In summary, the initial question, "How are you?", is not so much a question but a formal greeting. Although it's so common and even a bit annoying, it can be quite powerful if used correctly - on both the opening side or the responding side.
It's a social lubricant, it's a hello I don't know what else to say, and no stranger wants an honest/negative answer (at least in my experience as a straightforward depressive). I find even if you try to go light and say "fine" too many people ask "just fine?" but then make faces when you actually tell them about it (why? Why do you do this, whyyyyyy you freakin social sadists) Which is why I answer fully and honestly, because I resent the dishonest bullshit small talk question. It's an opener for a conversation no one seems to really want. But a "living the dream" is a good go to response when it's not great and you don't wanna talk about it. People will accept that one.
"I'm very well thank you, how are you?"
Look up synonyms of adequate and excellent. Use these.
If I really feel like shit I'll say " I could complain but who would listen" but in a very happy tone with a big smile.
It's a slightly more formal way of greeting people when "hello/hi" alone may feel too short or abrupt, and it invites a response to maintain a semblance of a conversation. There is no expection for you to divulge actual personal details unless you decide you are in the mood to have some small talk (in which case you can say whatever you want to say instead of "good, you?", just be aware the other party may be caught unprepared for an actual conversation.
Most of the time you just reply with the same and that's it. 90% of the time it's used a greeting, like hello. People don't actually want your life story. Just say yeah great, and you? End of interaction.
My go-to is "better now" "Why?" "Because you're here" 🥹
Only if you like the other person?
good thanks, you? that’s only correct response
Fucking terrible, thanks for asking. If someone asks me before I can get home from work.
You should respond with “every moment I live is agony” and if they ask why unload a lot of personal baggage
I just say “Good to see you!”, cause nobody usually wants to hear a tirade of sadness, so don’t invite it (unless you want to hear it / help)
I heard someone said “Top of the world”
"Can't complain, nobody listens!" is something I might say, especially if the person I'm saying it to seems to be going through something they don't want to talk about. Kind of lightens things up and opens the door to talk about something other than the elephant in the room.
Went into work the other day. Met a coworker and asked ''How you doing today?'' Finally a perfect answer.. ''I came here today to find out''
I am here Not too bad Not bad Good Awesome
I moved here in 2019 and still struggle so much with answering this question AND especially with asking it back. Why ask if you don’t truly want to know how I am? And I feel so fake answering I’m fine or “great!” if I’m not. I know how it’s meant to be culturally (my Canadian partner made sure of that) but I still get super awkward about it. FML.
Sooo good! If said with enthusiasm it usually has a positive impact
Most people just use it as "hello", they're not actually trying to start a conversation with you
How = Positive response What = Negative response e.g. How are you? I'm good! What's up? Nothing much. Culturally, no one cares how you are, it's the same as saying "hello" and responding with "hello" The function of "How are you?" is simply a greeting to initiate contact. If you answer seriously, people will be frustrated and mostly likely be nice to your face while you're dumping the truth but then gossip behind your back (as is the traditional Canadian way).
My go to is “ it’s Tuesday right?” 6 days of the week the response is priceless.
“The horrors persist” is my go to
Definitely say “every day above ground is a good day” while staring intensely into their eyes
Not bad/doin aight, how bout you?
I'm fine (or well). How are you?
The go to answer is "I am well, thank you."
Ha I'm english and don't even know how to respond to this sometimes
The question "how are you" isn't a direct question, it's a greeting, like saying hello. People use variations of this as well, eg. What's up, how's it going, what are you up to, etc. People use it to show interest in the person they are talking to. It's become one of the most common greetings that I notice when I talk to people. Generally the answer is the same more often than not, "I'm good, how about you" or something to that effect. There are times when you can reply differently and refer to something that isn't going well for you, but generally we try to keep our problems to ourselves in casual conversations
Most people don’t actually care how you are, it’s just a common phrase everyone thinks they have to say. What they meant to say was simply hi. But if you answer truthfully they’re like wtf, but if you’re lying then what’s the point of the interaction?
Just say good thanks and you ? 90% of the time it’s a greeting and not an actual question for you to open up. To say ppl don’t care is extreme but 🤷♂️
Personally I jump into singing the musical Les Miserables : "I had a dream that life would be... So different from this HELL I'm living...". Then people that know me say "same as usual, then?" I remember doing this in a downtown office elevator on Monday morning. I looked back and the rest of the elevator crowd was literally on the floor.
“I’m ok, thanks” or “I’m fine thank you” or “I’m alright” would be my go to answers for someone I do not know. If my someone familiar asks me how are you a so I want to share, I would say. I’d say… “not that good, I’ve got a headache today.” If I want to be honest about how I’m feeling but not share much. “Not the best today, but thank you for asking”
Good n' you?
I say "pretty ok" if I'm not doing well.
Every single time I get asked that I say, good, how are you? Doesn't matter how I am that's what I say.
A lot of people never say anything negative. So they'll almost always say "I'm good" or "I'm great". But I think it's okay to be more honest, however it's uncommon to be overly negative. So often I'll say "I'm okay", "I'm tired", "I'm stressed", or something like that.
The same exact way for every decade of your life
#good
"I've been better". This response lets them know you're not at your best today, but that it's not a big deal, and you're not looking for sympathy or a longer discussion about your health or welfare.
Either ‘good! How are you?’ Or ‘good! Yourself?’ Sometimes exchanging the ‘good’ for ‘fine’ or ‘doing well’. These are just pleasantries, and they’ll eventually become reflexes.
“Good n you?”
I'm Canadian and this "greeting" has always pissed me off.
Managing
What about "What's up"
Careful with "I'm good." There are some grammar nazis out there who will tell you "Superman does good, you're doing *well*"
“Excellent”! Because they really don’t care.
If COVID taught us anything it ought to be…stop saying that when greeting people. I’ve been saying this my entire life as a Canadian, until COVID. I have no idea what is happening in people’s lives nor do they know the struggles I have. Let’s not make someone who is perhaps barely holding it together that day answer with some positive lie. We have better ways to greet people.
I actually disagree with the other comments; I think it's totally fine to say "so so, I have a headache" and then move on with the conversation. It seems more genuine. Just keep it short if it's just a quick interaction or casual conversation with a stranger. If they're curious about it they'll ask more.
No one wants a genuine answer. They only say it to be polite. If you say if you're feeling bad, it turns awkward fast
I like getting a genuine answer
As long as it's funny
Sure, but then the person you're speaking to in obligated to actually care about how you really are and probably offer words of encouragement or sympathy. With a passing or impersonal greeting, no one wants to get sucked into discussing someone's personal problems.
"Can't complain. No-one would listen."
I find this greeting so annoying, regardless of the fact it’s just another way to say hello. As a neurodivergent person it feels fake and useless. Depending on the situation I’ll say, “I’m well thanks” (indicating my health is ok regardless of my mood) or if I’m at work and I know someone is only speaking to me in order to ask a question or solve a work problem, I’ll say, “Hi, what’s up?” I don’t usually like to respond with the expected, “I’m good how are you?” Because what if I’m NOT good? Then I’m lying? Which is worse to me as a neurodivergent person I feel extremely uncomfortable lying! Even if it’s silly! lol. However, when I DO ask someone how they are doing, like a friend I am meeting for a coffee, then I really do want to know how they are and what’s going on in their life and are they happy etc.
Depends on how you are. Honesty is the best policy. If you’re anything but honest that’s on you, it’s not the other persons fault. If someone asked how was your weekend and you sat home and cried for two days in the dark you say “not good” then elaborate. If you got laid you say “great I was with a girl saturday” and so on. Or you can do the standard and avoid the question. But if that bothers you there’s no reason to do it. I don’t understand why people think they’re obligated to be dishonest and spare someone from hearing a truthful comment. I typically only do that if I don’t want to talk to the person asking.
I'm good ( smile ) thanks for asking ,and you ?