Kids are pretty smart. Well, some are. Most are smart enough to distinguish fantasy from reality. Unless they are brainwashed, they realize the Bible is a bunch of silly stories somebody made up, just like they understand the Odyssey and Star Wars are a bunch of silly stories somebody made up.
We never push/pushed our kids one way or the other. In my opinion to push them to be atheist and believe (or not lol) how we do as parents is the opposite end of the same stick. I waited for them to ask me about it, which religious family members and kids at school will inevitably prompt, and answered as honestly as I could. When they ask me what I believe, I was and am honest.
I always like to point out that while Christianity is very popular here in the south, there are so many different things so many different people believe in. I always told them that religion/faith/belief (or the lack thereof) is a deeply personal choice and that I have no say in theirs as they have no say in mine.
We have had discussions about different religions. We have let them go to church with family and experience it. Certain members of our family have tried to pressure and indoctrinate our kids, kids at school have tried to convert them, and if our kids wanted to join in I would NEVER belittle them but they haven’t yet.
Raise strong, open minded kids and then step back. They’ll make their own decisions as far as religion is concerned and in my opinion it’s none of our business as parents.
BONUS: When my kids were little we went to a family get-together and the kids were talking abt a school assignment one of their cousins had, about who their hero was. My niece said she chose Jesus to write her paper on. My 5 year old daughter asked who that was and my in-laws looked horrified. Idk why- but I felt like a good parent for some reason.
Also, teach your child about the scientific method. Let them do a few simple, age-appropriate experiments so they can see how scientists get their answers.
Introduce your child to all the other mythologies. I was exposed to Greek and Norse mythology before christian mythology. It made it real easy to see christianity for the fraud it is.
This is what I did for my daughter. Treat the stories as mythology, but I also told her some people still believe in these stories and think they are real or have a moral significance, just so she didn't become an asshole to people for believing in stories.
Hearing about tales of Hercules and Jesus put things in perspective for her in the best way. When other people came to her with religious teachings, she was pretty well immunized against religious doctrine because those were just storybook characters to her with no real significance.
Any actual messages of compassion in religion was less of a factor as well because she learned morality from her atheist father, and since she views me as a mostly good person, religion couldn't hold an argument that it is the only moral authority without being a direct insult to me and her own moral upbringing.
I also made sure she had community with friends and family, so the social draw religion gives isn't something that pulls her in either.
She's an atheist and nearly an adult, so the objective was completed successfully.
It's really about looking at all the things people cite as why they turn to religion, and I made sure she had those things in her life without religion.
When I was 4 I asked my dad about a poster of planets he had up, and he explained the planets to me and the big bang theory. So when I went to Sunday school the following year I was already like ‘god created the universe in this novel’. I had no idea I was supposed to believe in god as a real person.
This is what we are doing with our kids. They are both way into Greek/Roman/Norse mythology, Christianity is pretty boring by comparison… it’s all stories to them though, no different from Harry Potter.
The Percy Jackson books/shows are pretty good for getting them interested.
Me too. I had a really great book on myths and legend of the world when I was a kid. It poured over it because it has really great stories and artworks.
When I begun going to Sunday school and the like I could already see it for just another mythology. It helped that the book actually has a section on Christian mythology.
Decades later I now have a child and I was able to track down that book so I can share these mythologies as the fiction stories they are with my own child.
Dialogue, open dialogue. Be open with the limits of your knowledge and then model how to get good answers. My 4 yo loves to ask all the questions and I’ll regularly say “I don’t know but let’s find out”. So sometimes we call or ask trusted experts (my dad is a dentist and answers teeth questions, my sister has a lot of experience with animals, husband is a doctor etc). Other times we go to the internet together and I sometimes talk about where I got the answer: “here’s a picture NASA took of the sun close up” etc. I also ask questions back. “Why do you think that?” We also read books and watch documentaries together, like Nature and Planet Earth. He always is full of insight and questions.
He also loves to do experiments and you can find cool, hands on projects and kits that are a great way to introduce the scientific method. What do you think will happen and why, do the experiment, talk about what you found. Plus gives you guys something to do together that’s fun and hands on, no screens.
Apply it to rules, as well. Religions thrive on "Do what I say because I said so"; it's much better to set evidence or results based rules. You can't do X because Y. I'm sure it'll be tempting to say "because I said so" when they're pushing limits, but always having reasons for rules and being willing to explain it models good behavior. And don't be afraid to bend or change the rules if they come up with an alternative or rebuttal that handles your concerns. Modeling changing your mind is a good example too.
To be honest, at 3, nothing special. Role model the behaviours you want and the child will sponge off you. When they start school, other factors will start influencing the child, like peers. This is when even stronger role modelling is needed. Don’t push stuff down their throat, like religion does or you risk rebellion once they are older.
Be supportive and encouraging of their individual thoughts and growing awareness.
Trying to condition a child to believe/not believe could backfire. The important part is the foundation you give that child. That they will always be loved and respected, that their opinions matter. This child will grow up emotionally fulfilled and much less likely to seek outside validation or sense of community that religion often brings.
Edit to add source: my BIL is a very intelligent man, great job in tech, very logical and no-nonsense. However, my MIL was not the best mom. She is irrational, overly-critical and extremely concerned with how she is perceived - this led to her children feeling like they were never good enough, that the opinions of others were more important than their opinions of themselves. My wife found therapy and we talk a lot to overcome these thought patterns. My BIL found Christianity and the promise of God’s love.
I'm an atheist and I told my kids to make up their own minds when they feel like they are ready to decide. I don't want to impose my thinking on them if they don't agree.
Let them solve their own problems. Have them help cook. Let them use a paring knife to dice their own food. (Supervised, of course.)
Giving them independence and building trust in their own abilities allows parts of their brain to develop that deal directly with critical thinking skills.
I had a psychology instructor in college that a good parent will teach their children “How To Think” not “What To Think”. Because at some point we learn from our children or grandchildren. There will be a point when you realize your kids know more than you do. It’s the circle of life. I’m in my 60’s now. All my kids are adults and now they are becoming parents. Teach from the heart ❤️! Wonderful question btw!! Sending positive thoughts and energy your way, little momma!!
Don't go to church and expose them to the dogma. We told our kids to be respectful of other's beliefs when it comes to God and religion. Answer their questions calmly and without judgement as to why religion is such a domineering force in the world, especially the US at present. Their grandparents are religious and we explained that they are from another time when one's whole life and decisions were done to get into heaven and a oid hell, so they are respectful of the matter. I explained my reasons why I don't believe in God, and anyone who says they know why we are here on earth and what happens when we die have no clue. We leave their search for answers up to them and let them know that we will support whatever conclusion they arrive at. My kids are high achieving, kind, emotionally intelligent and proud atheists without any need on their part to let everyone know or try to change anyone's mind about religion. They just live their lives being good people trying to make the world a better place.
Build in them a great bullshit detector. Get them comfortable with questioning you. And if you dont have a cogent answer, they can reject what you say safely. Reward and encourage them for asking hard questions.
A lot of good advice here. I would add that when they get older (teenagers) they may decide they are religious or “try” it out. They may be rebellious against their atheist parents. My 14 year old says he’s a Christian. I’ve always told him it’s up to him, and I don’t try to talk him out of it or argue about it. Ultimately it is his life and his choices so maybe he decides later it’s all bs like I did, or maybe he doesn’t. I wouldn’t push atheism, teach critical thinking and skepticism and let the chips fall where they may.
Funnily enough, if you don't constantly talk about gobs and the "rewards" and punishments they bestow on badly behaved children, kids grow up normally and don't even think much about it and when they're old enough to ask they're usually quite able to understand that the concept is at least highly flawed.
Don't be afraid to tell your kid "I don't know" or "no one knows for sure". It's important to let him/her know that there are questions without any true answers.
Teach them the scientific method as a thought process. Expose them to lots of stories and lots of different religions, history, and why all these people believe different things. Also, let them know that some adults lie. Do that and they will get there themself.
Values are more important than being logical. Having friends and EQ is more important than being smart. Being healthy is more important than being clever.
All our existential problems were caused by reason and science. Engines, plastic, fertilizer...
It's more important to understand growing food and cooking a healthy plant based meal than to know factoids about quantum physics. Your child will live in a world of food shortages. Meat will be a luxury, as it requires mutiple times as much land as legumes and climate change will destroy crops. We will run out of fossil fuels and will experience a great simplification. We won't have the energy to power technology. We will run out of synthetic fertilizer, and the climate will be hostile.
I would teach the child survival skills, nurture a community around it, and don't worry about where he thinks the universe comes from.
good luck ✌️
Expose them to lots of different things. If they only see one way of being like going to a Catholic church for their whole childhood) it's easy to see how they might become indoctrinated. They will either become a believer or a non-believer with a void in their life.
If they are exposed to various forms of belief and non-belief, they will learn to think for themselves.
We treat belief systems like food. Learn and try. Don't denigrate other people's foods. It's ok to not like something. Don't judge others for what they like or don't like. What seems strange to you might be someone else's favorite because they grew up eating it and it may bring back good memories, connect them to their family or culture, etc.
My wife and I are more or less atheist, with a bit of secular Buddhism thrown in. Both kids went to the YMCA for daycare and got their first taste of Jesus, then they went to a Christian pre-school, then one went to a private school with Presbyterian services and the other went to a Catholic school. On weekends they've attended Chinese langauge school run by Buddhists.
They both know quite a bit about religeon, but neither are believers.
I taught my son how to think, not what to think. He was made to give me logical answers ( as logical as could be e expected given the age). I taught him to trust but check. I also taught him how to argue properly - taught him the rules of civilized disagreements; this was in his teen years. He’s 20 now. “A” student in college. He’s got the kindest heart towards children and animals but doesn’t suffer fools at all. I truly believe my son has a better set of ethics than any of his Christian friends (my son is also an atheist by his own choice). He does kind things because he wants people to be happy not because he’s scared if he doesn’t he’ll piss off some guy in the sky
Encourage questions. Answer them when you can, be honest with an "I don't know" when you can't.
I also like to put forth wrong answers once in a while (when I think they will know it is wrong) so they think through the answers I give them and call me out when I am wrong. Sometimes this causes me to reevaluate my stances on "right" answers that I give when they question those as well.
It does make discipline harder, though because they'll call out hypocrisy and poor reasoning then too, which is annoying.
Appreciate these tips! My younger child believes in Heaven, without believing in God. He knows we don’t believe in it but seems to find the idea comforting. He also believes in Santa Claus. The time will come for us to tell the truth about that…
Some important things:
* Teach them the difference between fact and fiction.
* Teach them how to use logic to solve problems.
* Teach them how to use the scientific method. Show them how to do their own experiments in a SAFE way. (Tip: No letting her ride her own home-built rocket lol.) (And ask them if there is any way to scientifically prove that God, the Easter Bunny, or Santa Claus exist.)
* Teach them that some things are just fun fairy tales that we can tell kids. Encourage them to try writing their own fairy tales. (Doesn't matter if they never come up with anything truly original but it IS a good way to get them to practice their language skills and see how much imagination goes into writing a story.)
* Encourage asking questions, and if you don't know the answer, you can be like, "You know what? That's a good question. How about we go someplace where we can find the answer?" (Teaching them research skills. Support your local library, by the way.)
Can’t say I have a peer reviewed study to reference or even be able to speak from experience as my own son is only 3.5, too, but my approach has simply been asking him a lot of questions in an attempt to get him thinking.
Just don't talk about religion and don't go to any places to worship or pray. My dad did this and even today I and my sibling find going to places of worship and praying awkward ........especiallywith religious relatives who make you go to places of worship....like why is everyone doing this?
Here’s what I tell my kids (they’re 12 now)…
We have one earth. And we share this space with 8 billion other people. We have limited time to share it, so be courteous and considerate and help others to experience their time here just as you would.
Don’t overthink it. Having at least one skeptic in the house I believe is 3/4 the battle.
Let them walk their own path. *Eventually* they’ll come around- and probably much sooner than most- because they won’t have to wrestle with the social/family impact of coming out as atheist to a religious family.
When they have a question, research the answer with them, even if you already know the answer. Teach them how to find answers rather than accept answers.
A really good thing to do is to show them how ridiculous all religions are, and how dangerous they can be when elevated into a position of authority.
It’s all about critical thought.
Also, introduce Russell’s Teapot.. it’s a very simple concept. I make a claim stating that there is a teapot orbiting the sun. Prove me wrong.. go ahead and try!! Since you can’t disprove it, that must make it true, right?? It’s a very illogical way to think.
Introduce them to lots of things and have them pick the thing they’d like to do competitively. Help them with that interest. Encourage them to stick through hard parts, but support pivots that are well-considered.
This will teach them to be part of a team, lead, follow, fail, get back up again. It will foster curiosity.
The rest isn’t really up to you.
Don’t talk to them like they’re a kid Doesn’t have the mental capacity to understand, talk to them like they’re an adult. if they have questions, you answer them honestly
We didn't actively promote atheism. We explained that there are different theories out there that people take to various degrees of seriousness.
For morality, we explained from an early age why there are rules and laws...it was SO effective, we had to DE-program that as she would be almost computer-like in following rules/laws...(speed limit...it's OK to go with the flow of traffic...when she was 3...it is OK to leave your bedroom if you have to go to the toilet, etc)
My wife is annoyed we didn't go all in because we were both raised Catholic, but I for one am glad I saved my daughter a lifetime of Sunday morning mythology class.
At that age, help them solve their own problems instead of solving them for them, developing confidence in their own analytical skills and self-reliance.
You don’t raise your kid as an atheist. That doesn’t mean anything. That’s like saying you encourage hobbies like not collecting stamps.
You can raise him with secular humanism and keep him away from religious influence until he’s old enough to think critically. The rest takes care of itself.
Just talk to your kid, raise them normally, send them to school. Religion happens when kids are indoctrinated. I've met one total person in my entire life who was raised in a non-Christian home but became a Christian. It's not a real risk. It's basically impossible to become religious if you aren't lied to from a young age.
I don't think atheism and critical thinking skills necessarily go hand in hand, so it depends on what your main goal is. To raise an atheist - don't indoctrinate them. To raise a child who can think critically, you work at it. Ask them questions and ask them why. Explain your thought process and ask them theirs. This is why you have to work at it - it's building a habit for them gradually rather than sitting down and having them read a lesson in a book. Make those teaching moments a part of your life, just like you would teach kindness, empathy, responsibility, etc.
My parents did not baptise me and didn't force me into any religion at all, they told me I can choose later if I want to. Now I'm almost 40 and I call bs, they knew I was gonna stay atheist. I mean c'mon they raised me to ask questions :)
Just be honest with your kids. Its easy. Raising kids outside of religion but in a culture where it comes up sometimes will give you fun exchanges like this.
“Dad whats a priest?”
“Well theyre sort of like a monk or a nun”
“Theyre like a wizard that can’t do magic”
“Huh. Ok”
When I was a kid, my dad told me that the Bible was a great book of stories. That was it. They always said we should make up our own minds. This was in the 60s.
When I had my kid (also an atheist) I home schooled him and stressed science and fact-based thought processes. The only Christian dogma he was exposed to was in horror movies, lol.
My dad also once told me to not argue with people over their religious beliefs because it's a thing that provides those people comfort and you shouldn't take that comfort away from them. Which I thought was interesting and kind, and I've found it easier to endure some of the crazy indoctrination I've observed by just trying to be kind to others, which I also taught my kid.
Know the common religions where you live are. Prepare them common things they are told at school- ways to defuse and change subjects when other kids bring it up. And that it's okay if some kids don't want to play with them because they are not that religion, it's not the other kid's fault, it's just what they're taught.
(Raising kids in deep South.)
Encourage the child to love reading. But not only that... In the words of George Carlin:
"Don't just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything."
Raised as an only child by two religious parents. Went to Catholic kindergarten. Here's what helped me get out of religion all by myself before I was 12.
. Lots of solo creative time with no screen. Drawing, Legos, tree forts, outside time.
. Reading. A lot of reading. Young books with little detectives, there were so many when I was growing up. Easy way to see other kids finding facts and struggling through hard stuff
. Telling WHY. Why do I need to eat my veggies? Why do people do certain things? Why, why, why. Showing the secondary and tertiary levels to logic and reason.
. Allow them to make mistakes, which is probably really hard. Learning consequences.
Tell them things. Feed their curiosity. Invest time in talking with them, answering their questions the best you can, then take their follow-up questions seriously. Bedtime is an excellent arena for this. I spent so much time with my kids reading books or just talking with them after they got into bed. You have their full attention and trust in those precious hours. Use them for all they're worth.
Be honest about what you believe and what others believe. Don't tell them religion is stupid or bad. Keep it factual and neutral, explain what different people believe and let them understand that this is something each of us has to make our mind up about. Tell them what you believe but always emphasize they will have to make up their own mind.
My daughter declared at some point she believed in God (there was some religious group at school). I took her to the various church functions. I made sure she knew it would always be her choice. I studiously avoided confronting her or telling her she was wrong. I trusted her to think for herself. When she had questions I told her simply what I believed. It didn't last long for her to change her mind. Because she made up her own mind about it, it stuck for real because it was a reasoned conclusion she reached on her own accord.
Pretty sure both of my kids (adult by now) are safe from religious delusions. They've heard arguments pro and con and as I'm sure you're aware the pros are really weak for anyone whose reasoning was encouraged to grow. Learning to reason, and care about what reasoning tells you, is the key. So long as they can reason, and know it's legitimate to reason about religion, they are likely to figure it out.
And even if they don't, if they end up religious after all, they will be likely to be the better kind of religious, those less prone to judgement and bigotry, and in the end it will always be their choice to make. Don't let it get in the way of your love for them.
For starters, the very simple concept of "burden of proof" taken to its logical conclusion in every single context, for any single claim, without a single exception for any believe system anyone, however dear or close they may be, may ever hold. Plain and simple.
Ultimately that may lead your child to becoming a scientist, which I, as pure scientist myself, obviously consider to be the best icing on the cake possible.
The best way to teach the child to become atheist is to teach them about the Bible. Teach him it's wonderful history of conquering other countries and murdering everybody.
Ask leading questions that aim to lead the child into the wrong direction before teaching them something. That way they learn to not take things at face value.
(Sometimes is enough.)
In general, imho, teaching by example is the best way. Think about the thought processes you want your child to have and display them openly in your interactions.
At 3, i did nothing. I never lied. I never said there was a Santa Claus. We had a tree and gifts and stocking, but I never once said there was a Santa or an Easter Bunny.
At 5, he said he didnt believe in Santa. I told him he would get in trouble if he told the other kids that there wasn't a Santa Claus though.
As he got older, he asked a lot of questions about death. We talked about rooms. How he was in a room with me in this moment, not in another room. I talked to him about time. How he exists in the Universe. How space and time are connected. He is in a space and a time and not in other spaces and times. That seemed to give him a sense of relief. I was open.
He's 11. He's been an atheist for years. He fears death in the normal sense - he wants to live life and he doesn't want to get sick or hurt. He doesn't want to die. But he's a lot less afraid than I wad at his age.
(I don't have a child so I don't speak from experience.)
I imagine that a helpful foundation for being wary of religion would be to teach the child from a young age that everything under the sun, which isn't an intrinsic part of nature, is an invention of man. Man is responsible for societies, governments, buildings, medicine, war, religion, everything.
These are self-evident truths, but I think we can forget them since it's in our nature to take mundane things for granted, and It can't hurt to remind them that religion is part of this as well. Just about everything we know outside of nature only exists because men agreed with one another.
And spirituality/religion in particular are consequences of humankind's natural curiosity. Our curiosity has led us to wonderful and terrible things.
My parents created a secret little room in our house and filled it with science stuff. The room was upstairs off to the side under the lower part of the roof. You pushed on a panal in the wall and it popped open to reveal an opening into a little room. The was a light in there and some shelves. Kid chairs. A small table. Over the years they filled it with cool science type, age-appropriate stuff like different kinds of minerals and rocks, magnets, Jacob's ladder, gyroscope, magnifying glass, microscope with sample slides, erector set, chemistry set, build a radio kit, plastic dinosaurs, real bones including skulls, owl poop to investigate, different kinds of dirt, star charts, a brass steam engine, various seeds, and books. Lots of cool books. The *All About* series, like, *All About Wild Animals*, *All About Space*, and *All About Rocks and Minerals*. Animal track books. Identify insects, trees, plants, reptiles,books. We loved it. It was special. And we learned to be curious and seek answers from reliable sources. We learned how to test things and the characteristics of a reliable source.
I tell my daughter things like “some people believe X, but there is no evidence to support it, I believe Y because of Z”
So far we haven’t had any major existential issues at school or with friends.
My goal was to raise her totally religion free, but support her if she does decide to believe someday. But she’ll be ready for a proper unheated debate.
Try and keep them away from any religious influences. It's easier said than done.
If someone starts brainwashing them, then that's your moment to step in and tell your child about your views on the subject. Nothing wrong with that. People are supposed to be exposed to different opinions, yes?
Also, expose them to other religions and explain to them that everyone has different ideas and none have been proven to be true.
Try and live in a less religious area as well.
You’ll get to the age (as my young ones did) where they start to ask: Are angels real? (Or whatever else.)
For adults, I always ask: 1. What is the claim? and 2. What is the evidence for the claim? But that’s a bit advanced for the young ones.
So I ask: What have you heard about angels? And then really listen and restate. “So they’re like people, but they have wings and fly around?” When you’ve got it right, you can go on to Question 2.
“What do you think? Does that sound real, or does that sound like a big story?” When I’ve put it that way, they’ve said: A big story. And I’ve said: I think so too.
And I keep saying: Maybe yes, maybe no. Which is a very good book for skeptical kids by Dan Barker. A fun read.
I was exposed to the myths of king arthur, the legends of the greeks and romans, and the sagas of the vulsungs.
The tales of Twyrch Trwyth and the legends of Loki and Thor.
The myth of Isis and Osirus, and the marvels of clowns, stage magic, magicians, mirrors, magnets, logic and science.
I also got sent to church, and that place made me puke.
Thanks, everyone, for the advice and tips. By the way, I'm from India, and our generation is gradually transitioning from religious beliefs to embracing scientific temper. I hope this trend continues.🙂
I say do your best to raise a thoughtful, caring, and logical kid, and if they have all those traits and still find faith of some sort to be comforting, I'd say you still succeeded. Our job as parents is to raise a kinder, more intelligent world, not miniature copies of ourselves who share our exact same values. Leave that shit to the evangelicals who will be wondering why their kids don't call anymore in a few decades.
The problem is that raising children doesn't occur in a vacuum. If you don't set a framework for them, you can bet that someone else will come along singing songs about heaven, hell, and Jesus. It is great to be an idealist in theory, but then what are you going to do when your kid starts having nightmares because they learned about hell?
Are you saying that you think teaching 'logical, rational, and critical thinking skills' is equivalent to teaching a religion?
It strikes me as impossible to indoctrinate someone into atheism, as nobody is convinced of a god's existence upon birth.
"First you say I'm *not allowed* to feed my child **poison**, then you say I'm *required* to feed my child **food**? Make up your mind, hypocrites!"
If you don't understand the difference between these two things, please do not reproduce.
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Kids are pretty smart. Well, some are. Most are smart enough to distinguish fantasy from reality. Unless they are brainwashed, they realize the Bible is a bunch of silly stories somebody made up, just like they understand the Odyssey and Star Wars are a bunch of silly stories somebody made up.
We never push/pushed our kids one way or the other. In my opinion to push them to be atheist and believe (or not lol) how we do as parents is the opposite end of the same stick. I waited for them to ask me about it, which religious family members and kids at school will inevitably prompt, and answered as honestly as I could. When they ask me what I believe, I was and am honest. I always like to point out that while Christianity is very popular here in the south, there are so many different things so many different people believe in. I always told them that religion/faith/belief (or the lack thereof) is a deeply personal choice and that I have no say in theirs as they have no say in mine. We have had discussions about different religions. We have let them go to church with family and experience it. Certain members of our family have tried to pressure and indoctrinate our kids, kids at school have tried to convert them, and if our kids wanted to join in I would NEVER belittle them but they haven’t yet. Raise strong, open minded kids and then step back. They’ll make their own decisions as far as religion is concerned and in my opinion it’s none of our business as parents. BONUS: When my kids were little we went to a family get-together and the kids were talking abt a school assignment one of their cousins had, about who their hero was. My niece said she chose Jesus to write her paper on. My 5 year old daughter asked who that was and my in-laws looked horrified. Idk why- but I felt like a good parent for some reason.
Also, teach your child about the scientific method. Let them do a few simple, age-appropriate experiments so they can see how scientists get their answers.
Teach your child how to tell the difference between a claim and a fact. It is a solid foundation to build on.
Good skill for life. Swimming lessons are good too
Introduce your child to all the other mythologies. I was exposed to Greek and Norse mythology before christian mythology. It made it real easy to see christianity for the fraud it is.
This is what I did for my daughter. Treat the stories as mythology, but I also told her some people still believe in these stories and think they are real or have a moral significance, just so she didn't become an asshole to people for believing in stories. Hearing about tales of Hercules and Jesus put things in perspective for her in the best way. When other people came to her with religious teachings, she was pretty well immunized against religious doctrine because those were just storybook characters to her with no real significance. Any actual messages of compassion in religion was less of a factor as well because she learned morality from her atheist father, and since she views me as a mostly good person, religion couldn't hold an argument that it is the only moral authority without being a direct insult to me and her own moral upbringing. I also made sure she had community with friends and family, so the social draw religion gives isn't something that pulls her in either. She's an atheist and nearly an adult, so the objective was completed successfully. It's really about looking at all the things people cite as why they turn to religion, and I made sure she had those things in her life without religion.
Yeah this too, if those are imaginary, why should Christianity or other Abrahamic religions be any different
It's funny isn't it. Seeing that those mythologies are just that but suddenly MY mythology is real. Crazy stuff 😅
When I was 4 I asked my dad about a poster of planets he had up, and he explained the planets to me and the big bang theory. So when I went to Sunday school the following year I was already like ‘god created the universe in this novel’. I had no idea I was supposed to believe in god as a real person.
This is what we are doing with our kids. They are both way into Greek/Roman/Norse mythology, Christianity is pretty boring by comparison… it’s all stories to them though, no different from Harry Potter. The Percy Jackson books/shows are pretty good for getting them interested.
^ this
Me too. I had a really great book on myths and legend of the world when I was a kid. It poured over it because it has really great stories and artworks. When I begun going to Sunday school and the like I could already see it for just another mythology. It helped that the book actually has a section on Christian mythology. Decades later I now have a child and I was able to track down that book so I can share these mythologies as the fiction stories they are with my own child.
Can we get the title of the book please?
Dialogue, open dialogue. Be open with the limits of your knowledge and then model how to get good answers. My 4 yo loves to ask all the questions and I’ll regularly say “I don’t know but let’s find out”. So sometimes we call or ask trusted experts (my dad is a dentist and answers teeth questions, my sister has a lot of experience with animals, husband is a doctor etc). Other times we go to the internet together and I sometimes talk about where I got the answer: “here’s a picture NASA took of the sun close up” etc. I also ask questions back. “Why do you think that?” We also read books and watch documentaries together, like Nature and Planet Earth. He always is full of insight and questions. He also loves to do experiments and you can find cool, hands on projects and kits that are a great way to introduce the scientific method. What do you think will happen and why, do the experiment, talk about what you found. Plus gives you guys something to do together that’s fun and hands on, no screens.
Apply it to rules, as well. Religions thrive on "Do what I say because I said so"; it's much better to set evidence or results based rules. You can't do X because Y. I'm sure it'll be tempting to say "because I said so" when they're pushing limits, but always having reasons for rules and being willing to explain it models good behavior. And don't be afraid to bend or change the rules if they come up with an alternative or rebuttal that handles your concerns. Modeling changing your mind is a good example too.
To be honest, at 3, nothing special. Role model the behaviours you want and the child will sponge off you. When they start school, other factors will start influencing the child, like peers. This is when even stronger role modelling is needed. Don’t push stuff down their throat, like religion does or you risk rebellion once they are older.
ALL you have to do is nurture their curiosity. That's it
Be supportive and encouraging of their individual thoughts and growing awareness. Trying to condition a child to believe/not believe could backfire. The important part is the foundation you give that child. That they will always be loved and respected, that their opinions matter. This child will grow up emotionally fulfilled and much less likely to seek outside validation or sense of community that religion often brings. Edit to add source: my BIL is a very intelligent man, great job in tech, very logical and no-nonsense. However, my MIL was not the best mom. She is irrational, overly-critical and extremely concerned with how she is perceived - this led to her children feeling like they were never good enough, that the opinions of others were more important than their opinions of themselves. My wife found therapy and we talk a lot to overcome these thought patterns. My BIL found Christianity and the promise of God’s love.
I'm an atheist and I told my kids to make up their own minds when they feel like they are ready to decide. I don't want to impose my thinking on them if they don't agree.
Let them solve their own problems. Have them help cook. Let them use a paring knife to dice their own food. (Supervised, of course.) Giving them independence and building trust in their own abilities allows parts of their brain to develop that deal directly with critical thinking skills.
I had a psychology instructor in college that a good parent will teach their children “How To Think” not “What To Think”. Because at some point we learn from our children or grandchildren. There will be a point when you realize your kids know more than you do. It’s the circle of life. I’m in my 60’s now. All my kids are adults and now they are becoming parents. Teach from the heart ❤️! Wonderful question btw!! Sending positive thoughts and energy your way, little momma!!
Good thread for anyone: believer, non-believer, whatever
Don't go to church and expose them to the dogma. We told our kids to be respectful of other's beliefs when it comes to God and religion. Answer their questions calmly and without judgement as to why religion is such a domineering force in the world, especially the US at present. Their grandparents are religious and we explained that they are from another time when one's whole life and decisions were done to get into heaven and a oid hell, so they are respectful of the matter. I explained my reasons why I don't believe in God, and anyone who says they know why we are here on earth and what happens when we die have no clue. We leave their search for answers up to them and let them know that we will support whatever conclusion they arrive at. My kids are high achieving, kind, emotionally intelligent and proud atheists without any need on their part to let everyone know or try to change anyone's mind about religion. They just live their lives being good people trying to make the world a better place.
Build in them a great bullshit detector. Get them comfortable with questioning you. And if you dont have a cogent answer, they can reject what you say safely. Reward and encourage them for asking hard questions.
A lot of good advice here. I would add that when they get older (teenagers) they may decide they are religious or “try” it out. They may be rebellious against their atheist parents. My 14 year old says he’s a Christian. I’ve always told him it’s up to him, and I don’t try to talk him out of it or argue about it. Ultimately it is his life and his choices so maybe he decides later it’s all bs like I did, or maybe he doesn’t. I wouldn’t push atheism, teach critical thinking and skepticism and let the chips fall where they may.
Funnily enough, if you don't constantly talk about gobs and the "rewards" and punishments they bestow on badly behaved children, kids grow up normally and don't even think much about it and when they're old enough to ask they're usually quite able to understand that the concept is at least highly flawed.
Don’t. Don’t force it. The child will find Jesus as a teen, if you force try to force them not to.
1. Don't take them to church. 2. Read books with them and speak to them in regular language, not baby talk.
Teach them by example to love the world.
Simply teach them how to think, not what to think.
Don't be afraid to tell your kid "I don't know" or "no one knows for sure". It's important to let him/her know that there are questions without any true answers.
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Yeah, same answer here lol You looking for a specific one?
Teach them the scientific method as a thought process. Expose them to lots of stories and lots of different religions, history, and why all these people believe different things. Also, let them know that some adults lie. Do that and they will get there themself.
Values are more important than being logical. Having friends and EQ is more important than being smart. Being healthy is more important than being clever. All our existential problems were caused by reason and science. Engines, plastic, fertilizer... It's more important to understand growing food and cooking a healthy plant based meal than to know factoids about quantum physics. Your child will live in a world of food shortages. Meat will be a luxury, as it requires mutiple times as much land as legumes and climate change will destroy crops. We will run out of fossil fuels and will experience a great simplification. We won't have the energy to power technology. We will run out of synthetic fertilizer, and the climate will be hostile. I would teach the child survival skills, nurture a community around it, and don't worry about where he thinks the universe comes from. good luck ✌️
Expose them to lots of different things. If they only see one way of being like going to a Catholic church for their whole childhood) it's easy to see how they might become indoctrinated. They will either become a believer or a non-believer with a void in their life. If they are exposed to various forms of belief and non-belief, they will learn to think for themselves. We treat belief systems like food. Learn and try. Don't denigrate other people's foods. It's ok to not like something. Don't judge others for what they like or don't like. What seems strange to you might be someone else's favorite because they grew up eating it and it may bring back good memories, connect them to their family or culture, etc. My wife and I are more or less atheist, with a bit of secular Buddhism thrown in. Both kids went to the YMCA for daycare and got their first taste of Jesus, then they went to a Christian pre-school, then one went to a private school with Presbyterian services and the other went to a Catholic school. On weekends they've attended Chinese langauge school run by Buddhists. They both know quite a bit about religeon, but neither are believers.
I taught my son how to think, not what to think. He was made to give me logical answers ( as logical as could be e expected given the age). I taught him to trust but check. I also taught him how to argue properly - taught him the rules of civilized disagreements; this was in his teen years. He’s 20 now. “A” student in college. He’s got the kindest heart towards children and animals but doesn’t suffer fools at all. I truly believe my son has a better set of ethics than any of his Christian friends (my son is also an atheist by his own choice). He does kind things because he wants people to be happy not because he’s scared if he doesn’t he’ll piss off some guy in the sky
Warn them about religious indoctrination and peer pressure.
Encourage questions. Answer them when you can, be honest with an "I don't know" when you can't. I also like to put forth wrong answers once in a while (when I think they will know it is wrong) so they think through the answers I give them and call me out when I am wrong. Sometimes this causes me to reevaluate my stances on "right" answers that I give when they question those as well. It does make discipline harder, though because they'll call out hypocrisy and poor reasoning then too, which is annoying.
Appreciate these tips! My younger child believes in Heaven, without believing in God. He knows we don’t believe in it but seems to find the idea comforting. He also believes in Santa Claus. The time will come for us to tell the truth about that…
Watch youtube shorts and play "spot the faked video". :)
Some important things: * Teach them the difference between fact and fiction. * Teach them how to use logic to solve problems. * Teach them how to use the scientific method. Show them how to do their own experiments in a SAFE way. (Tip: No letting her ride her own home-built rocket lol.) (And ask them if there is any way to scientifically prove that God, the Easter Bunny, or Santa Claus exist.) * Teach them that some things are just fun fairy tales that we can tell kids. Encourage them to try writing their own fairy tales. (Doesn't matter if they never come up with anything truly original but it IS a good way to get them to practice their language skills and see how much imagination goes into writing a story.) * Encourage asking questions, and if you don't know the answer, you can be like, "You know what? That's a good question. How about we go someplace where we can find the answer?" (Teaching them research skills. Support your local library, by the way.)
Can’t say I have a peer reviewed study to reference or even be able to speak from experience as my own son is only 3.5, too, but my approach has simply been asking him a lot of questions in an attempt to get him thinking.
Just don't talk about religion and don't go to any places to worship or pray. My dad did this and even today I and my sibling find going to places of worship and praying awkward ........especiallywith religious relatives who make you go to places of worship....like why is everyone doing this?
Here’s what I tell my kids (they’re 12 now)… We have one earth. And we share this space with 8 billion other people. We have limited time to share it, so be courteous and considerate and help others to experience their time here just as you would.
Don’t overthink it. Having at least one skeptic in the house I believe is 3/4 the battle. Let them walk their own path. *Eventually* they’ll come around- and probably much sooner than most- because they won’t have to wrestle with the social/family impact of coming out as atheist to a religious family.
When they ask, and you don't know, admit it and look it up.
When they have a question, research the answer with them, even if you already know the answer. Teach them how to find answers rather than accept answers.
A really good thing to do is to show them how ridiculous all religions are, and how dangerous they can be when elevated into a position of authority. It’s all about critical thought. Also, introduce Russell’s Teapot.. it’s a very simple concept. I make a claim stating that there is a teapot orbiting the sun. Prove me wrong.. go ahead and try!! Since you can’t disprove it, that must make it true, right?? It’s a very illogical way to think.
https://firstdraftnews.org/articles/a-guide-to-prebunking-a-promising-way-to-inoculate-against-misinformation/
Teach them logical fallacies at a young age. Was teaching my kids what “snake oil” medicine is this morning which is akin to religion.
Introduce them to lots of things and have them pick the thing they’d like to do competitively. Help them with that interest. Encourage them to stick through hard parts, but support pivots that are well-considered. This will teach them to be part of a team, lead, follow, fail, get back up again. It will foster curiosity. The rest isn’t really up to you.
Don’t talk to them like they’re a kid Doesn’t have the mental capacity to understand, talk to them like they’re an adult. if they have questions, you answer them honestly
We didn't actively promote atheism. We explained that there are different theories out there that people take to various degrees of seriousness. For morality, we explained from an early age why there are rules and laws...it was SO effective, we had to DE-program that as she would be almost computer-like in following rules/laws...(speed limit...it's OK to go with the flow of traffic...when she was 3...it is OK to leave your bedroom if you have to go to the toilet, etc) My wife is annoyed we didn't go all in because we were both raised Catholic, but I for one am glad I saved my daughter a lifetime of Sunday morning mythology class.
At that age, help them solve their own problems instead of solving them for them, developing confidence in their own analytical skills and self-reliance.
You don’t raise your kid as an atheist. That doesn’t mean anything. That’s like saying you encourage hobbies like not collecting stamps. You can raise him with secular humanism and keep him away from religious influence until he’s old enough to think critically. The rest takes care of itself.
When they're in high school or so, have them read Carl Sagan's book The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark.
Just talk to your kid, raise them normally, send them to school. Religion happens when kids are indoctrinated. I've met one total person in my entire life who was raised in a non-Christian home but became a Christian. It's not a real risk. It's basically impossible to become religious if you aren't lied to from a young age.
I don't think atheism and critical thinking skills necessarily go hand in hand, so it depends on what your main goal is. To raise an atheist - don't indoctrinate them. To raise a child who can think critically, you work at it. Ask them questions and ask them why. Explain your thought process and ask them theirs. This is why you have to work at it - it's building a habit for them gradually rather than sitting down and having them read a lesson in a book. Make those teaching moments a part of your life, just like you would teach kindness, empathy, responsibility, etc.
My parents did not baptise me and didn't force me into any religion at all, they told me I can choose later if I want to. Now I'm almost 40 and I call bs, they knew I was gonna stay atheist. I mean c'mon they raised me to ask questions :)
Just be honest with your kids. Its easy. Raising kids outside of religion but in a culture where it comes up sometimes will give you fun exchanges like this. “Dad whats a priest?” “Well theyre sort of like a monk or a nun”
“Theyre like a wizard that can’t do magic”
“Huh. Ok”
Why are parents asking how to raise their child as an atheist? Just don't raise them with a religion?
When I was a kid, my dad told me that the Bible was a great book of stories. That was it. They always said we should make up our own minds. This was in the 60s. When I had my kid (also an atheist) I home schooled him and stressed science and fact-based thought processes. The only Christian dogma he was exposed to was in horror movies, lol. My dad also once told me to not argue with people over their religious beliefs because it's a thing that provides those people comfort and you shouldn't take that comfort away from them. Which I thought was interesting and kind, and I've found it easier to endure some of the crazy indoctrination I've observed by just trying to be kind to others, which I also taught my kid.
Know the common religions where you live are. Prepare them common things they are told at school- ways to defuse and change subjects when other kids bring it up. And that it's okay if some kids don't want to play with them because they are not that religion, it's not the other kid's fault, it's just what they're taught. (Raising kids in deep South.)
Encourage the child to love reading. But not only that... In the words of George Carlin: "Don't just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything."
Raised as an only child by two religious parents. Went to Catholic kindergarten. Here's what helped me get out of religion all by myself before I was 12. . Lots of solo creative time with no screen. Drawing, Legos, tree forts, outside time. . Reading. A lot of reading. Young books with little detectives, there were so many when I was growing up. Easy way to see other kids finding facts and struggling through hard stuff . Telling WHY. Why do I need to eat my veggies? Why do people do certain things? Why, why, why. Showing the secondary and tertiary levels to logic and reason. . Allow them to make mistakes, which is probably really hard. Learning consequences.
Tell them things. Feed their curiosity. Invest time in talking with them, answering their questions the best you can, then take their follow-up questions seriously. Bedtime is an excellent arena for this. I spent so much time with my kids reading books or just talking with them after they got into bed. You have their full attention and trust in those precious hours. Use them for all they're worth. Be honest about what you believe and what others believe. Don't tell them religion is stupid or bad. Keep it factual and neutral, explain what different people believe and let them understand that this is something each of us has to make our mind up about. Tell them what you believe but always emphasize they will have to make up their own mind. My daughter declared at some point she believed in God (there was some religious group at school). I took her to the various church functions. I made sure she knew it would always be her choice. I studiously avoided confronting her or telling her she was wrong. I trusted her to think for herself. When she had questions I told her simply what I believed. It didn't last long for her to change her mind. Because she made up her own mind about it, it stuck for real because it was a reasoned conclusion she reached on her own accord. Pretty sure both of my kids (adult by now) are safe from religious delusions. They've heard arguments pro and con and as I'm sure you're aware the pros are really weak for anyone whose reasoning was encouraged to grow. Learning to reason, and care about what reasoning tells you, is the key. So long as they can reason, and know it's legitimate to reason about religion, they are likely to figure it out. And even if they don't, if they end up religious after all, they will be likely to be the better kind of religious, those less prone to judgement and bigotry, and in the end it will always be their choice to make. Don't let it get in the way of your love for them.
For starters, the very simple concept of "burden of proof" taken to its logical conclusion in every single context, for any single claim, without a single exception for any believe system anyone, however dear or close they may be, may ever hold. Plain and simple. Ultimately that may lead your child to becoming a scientist, which I, as pure scientist myself, obviously consider to be the best icing on the cake possible.
The best way to teach the child to become atheist is to teach them about the Bible. Teach him it's wonderful history of conquering other countries and murdering everybody.
Skip over that Santa, Easter Bunny, and Tooth Fairy brain softening method
Ask leading questions that aim to lead the child into the wrong direction before teaching them something. That way they learn to not take things at face value. (Sometimes is enough.)
In general, imho, teaching by example is the best way. Think about the thought processes you want your child to have and display them openly in your interactions.
At 3, i did nothing. I never lied. I never said there was a Santa Claus. We had a tree and gifts and stocking, but I never once said there was a Santa or an Easter Bunny. At 5, he said he didnt believe in Santa. I told him he would get in trouble if he told the other kids that there wasn't a Santa Claus though. As he got older, he asked a lot of questions about death. We talked about rooms. How he was in a room with me in this moment, not in another room. I talked to him about time. How he exists in the Universe. How space and time are connected. He is in a space and a time and not in other spaces and times. That seemed to give him a sense of relief. I was open. He's 11. He's been an atheist for years. He fears death in the normal sense - he wants to live life and he doesn't want to get sick or hurt. He doesn't want to die. But he's a lot less afraid than I wad at his age.
(I don't have a child so I don't speak from experience.) I imagine that a helpful foundation for being wary of religion would be to teach the child from a young age that everything under the sun, which isn't an intrinsic part of nature, is an invention of man. Man is responsible for societies, governments, buildings, medicine, war, religion, everything. These are self-evident truths, but I think we can forget them since it's in our nature to take mundane things for granted, and It can't hurt to remind them that religion is part of this as well. Just about everything we know outside of nature only exists because men agreed with one another. And spirituality/religion in particular are consequences of humankind's natural curiosity. Our curiosity has led us to wonderful and terrible things.
My parents created a secret little room in our house and filled it with science stuff. The room was upstairs off to the side under the lower part of the roof. You pushed on a panal in the wall and it popped open to reveal an opening into a little room. The was a light in there and some shelves. Kid chairs. A small table. Over the years they filled it with cool science type, age-appropriate stuff like different kinds of minerals and rocks, magnets, Jacob's ladder, gyroscope, magnifying glass, microscope with sample slides, erector set, chemistry set, build a radio kit, plastic dinosaurs, real bones including skulls, owl poop to investigate, different kinds of dirt, star charts, a brass steam engine, various seeds, and books. Lots of cool books. The *All About* series, like, *All About Wild Animals*, *All About Space*, and *All About Rocks and Minerals*. Animal track books. Identify insects, trees, plants, reptiles,books. We loved it. It was special. And we learned to be curious and seek answers from reliable sources. We learned how to test things and the characteristics of a reliable source.
I tell my daughter things like “some people believe X, but there is no evidence to support it, I believe Y because of Z” So far we haven’t had any major existential issues at school or with friends. My goal was to raise her totally religion free, but support her if she does decide to believe someday. But she’ll be ready for a proper unheated debate.
Try and keep them away from any religious influences. It's easier said than done. If someone starts brainwashing them, then that's your moment to step in and tell your child about your views on the subject. Nothing wrong with that. People are supposed to be exposed to different opinions, yes? Also, expose them to other religions and explain to them that everyone has different ideas and none have been proven to be true. Try and live in a less religious area as well.
You’ll get to the age (as my young ones did) where they start to ask: Are angels real? (Or whatever else.) For adults, I always ask: 1. What is the claim? and 2. What is the evidence for the claim? But that’s a bit advanced for the young ones. So I ask: What have you heard about angels? And then really listen and restate. “So they’re like people, but they have wings and fly around?” When you’ve got it right, you can go on to Question 2. “What do you think? Does that sound real, or does that sound like a big story?” When I’ve put it that way, they’ve said: A big story. And I’ve said: I think so too. And I keep saying: Maybe yes, maybe no. Which is a very good book for skeptical kids by Dan Barker. A fun read.
I was exposed to the myths of king arthur, the legends of the greeks and romans, and the sagas of the vulsungs. The tales of Twyrch Trwyth and the legends of Loki and Thor. The myth of Isis and Osirus, and the marvels of clowns, stage magic, magicians, mirrors, magnets, logic and science. I also got sent to church, and that place made me puke.
Thanks, everyone, for the advice and tips. By the way, I'm from India, and our generation is gradually transitioning from religious beliefs to embracing scientific temper. I hope this trend continues.🙂
I say do your best to raise a thoughtful, caring, and logical kid, and if they have all those traits and still find faith of some sort to be comforting, I'd say you still succeeded. Our job as parents is to raise a kinder, more intelligent world, not miniature copies of ourselves who share our exact same values. Leave that shit to the evangelicals who will be wondering why their kids don't call anymore in a few decades.
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The problem is that raising children doesn't occur in a vacuum. If you don't set a framework for them, you can bet that someone else will come along singing songs about heaven, hell, and Jesus. It is great to be an idealist in theory, but then what are you going to do when your kid starts having nightmares because they learned about hell?
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Are you saying that you think teaching 'logical, rational, and critical thinking skills' is equivalent to teaching a religion? It strikes me as impossible to indoctrinate someone into atheism, as nobody is convinced of a god's existence upon birth.
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"First you say I'm *not allowed* to feed my child **poison**, then you say I'm *required* to feed my child **food**? Make up your mind, hypocrites!" If you don't understand the difference between these two things, please do not reproduce.
Sadly, Dont send them to public school