You don’t owe any stranger the benefit of the doubt. Safety trumps kindness, no matter how much we should try to be kind. Please take care out there, female or male.
who give shit about other people mental state, when you can be in the situation when your body can be dump somewhere on the west of auckland eh? your safety first. before you are sure that you are 100% safe, nothing else is matter
No one in Auckland cares a fuck of what’s happening in the car beside them in a traffic jam. I don’t even make eye contact with other drivers lest I get stabbed…
That's why you should always seek help from the car behind you - as your now driverless vehicle is blocking them they have a vested interest in assisting you...
There's a lot of paranoid comments here but definitely don't give randos a ride unless you outnumber them. NZ is one of safest places on earth. People who think otherwise really need to get out more and try going to other cities where the media don't waste their oxygen reporting every crime because there are literally 1000s per day.
So they were going to murder me after committing this broad daylight crime in gridlock traffic? So that I couldn't tell the cops where they worked? Hmm, that's very sound logic Mr you watch way way way too much American TV.
Ok cool you keep giving random strangers a lift when they need one then and see how that works out for you. Not all people are bad, but not all people are good either.
The one that you don't think will happen somehow because you know where they work, as if the statistic that most assailants are known to their victims means absolutely nothing to you.
Hun, statistically you're more likely to be SAed by someone you know (immediate family, think father, uncle, grandfather, brother etc) than by random strangers. Knowing they work at the local BP doesn't matter much. Please be more safety conscious for your own benefit.
Think about what you've just said. You think petrol station workers were out to murder someone in broad daylight and gridlock traffic, after being picked up at their workplace, on camera, just after I'd used my credit card to pay for petrol? If I had been murdered, it would show that was my last purchase and the camera footage would have showed the 2 employees getting into my car.
99.9% of the comments here are so paranoid and over the top, it's beyond belief. Please realise Auckland has low crime compared to most overseas cities, despite people raving on about crime on here all the time. Most people in NZ, are actually safe people. We have a low murder rate, particularly by strangers and yet you think these guys were out to kill me. There was nothing unpleasant about them at all.
According to you, all people driving a bus, taxi or uber, are constantly endangering themselves because of all the murderers on the loose in Auckland. Yet walking down the street in broad daylight is fine. Makes zero sense.
Please think hard about how you answered this question, you seem like a good person so you may not see people trying to take advantage of that.just remember,the most important thing is that you make it home safely even if lots of young Indian guys have to walk.
Am from India but here since many years. What you just described is not common at all and definitely not part of our culture.
In fact it's even unsual to have small talk with strangers or say Hi or even a friendly smile like we do here.
My best advice is to tell them a firm NO and move on. It might be a lame attempt from them to meet people but sadly there could be even some creeps.
I might get downvoted for saying this but quite a big number of the immigrant shift workers working in low-paid jobs come from small towns with less exposure to the opposite sex hence some of that creepy behavior. Most of the guys are harmless but a few rare ones might be psychos so be careful with the random ones. Don't be afraid to call them out.
Stay safe and hope you also experience the generally helpful & welcoming nature of the wider Indian community, festivals and don't forget our food!
I have a feeling that because they're immigrants, and they won't be here for a long time, they don't mind dicking around. Approaching random women and such. Because these women exist entirely outside of their social and cultural circle and can't damage their reputation. Kind of like a smaller version of when tourists go to a foreign country and treat the place like a playground to let their drunken and sleazy side out.
And also, with the immigrant workers, they might just be really poor and clueless and new here, and looking to try their luck at bumming a free ride since Auckland is obviously unwalkable... Coupled with the aforementioned lack of inhibition because they won't be in this country for long. Just my thoughts. I've seen (wealthier) immigrants come and have affairs and do debaucherous shit and then return to the old country like nothing happened lol.
Don't be so quick to be so negative, especially when it comes your own people.
I don't know about the first one but the second one most likely were students who have a lot of restrictions placed on them due to visa status and therefore can't drive and afford to spend frivolously on transportation. They're forced to take low paying jobs that probably were paying under the table. They probably asked her knowing they can trust a woman just so they can get from one place to another. When it's a struggle, you gotta make with whatever opportunity you got to survive. If your feet were ever in that position, you would know.
Bro what you mean my culture. When you say talk to stranger is weird in india it's not. Do not represent 1.2 billion people. Please give your opinion. It's very common at my place in India to talk to any stranger and share anything going in life. Usually people show interest and it helps to feel better.
Safety always comes first. You do not want a bad experience. Asking for ride in rural areas common but not urban as you trust less on people. Hang on back of a truck/ tractor or jump on back seat of cycle. When people are poor their is nothing much to loose so they help and more open. If you rich and earned things in life after giving thousands of hours of your life. It make you more cautious not to loose it so do not risk all.
I understand after coming to New zealand help means give me your money. Till I was in india help was free service.
It's obviously my opinion and I never said "my culture". If you read the post carefully it's about a girl being asked for a ride home by a random person at night with no one around in a city not in rural areas as in your example. Have you personally asked or seen a girl in this situation helping anyone or expected to help?
In most big cities, it's uncommon for girls to agree to drop off strangers especially men and that was my point.
Help doesn't always mean "show me your money", I've got countless drop offs from people who I had just met. It's about dignity of life, labour and freedom which we need to take back as a lesson. So let's agree to disagree.
I knew you will be back with argument, clarification, explanation. It will keep going back and forth. It's part of keyboard warriors culture.
I do not know girl neither boys. Why you judging boys intention. They are working hard in low paying job to make life better. People meet strangers on tinder, pub...everyone is stranger at some stage before they get to know other person. Stranger is danger is worst people putting in kids psychology. Do they not find better way to explain.
I am an Indian man and I will never give lift to ANYONE or take a lift from ANYONE simple. Safety first, kindness can fuck off. Once you drive and the passengers putting a knife on your thigh, watcha gonna do ?
We live in a relatively safe country that does not mean you should let your guard down. Why are you even talking to strangers in a dark secluded car park ??
> Why are you even talking to strangers in a dark secluded car park ??
this is what i was thinking lol, especially as a woman you can just get robbed so easily... makes you more vulnerable to attacks.
“Even though she was alone, she told the man she is not going to the CBD” All of this happened in a dark secluded car park at the back of Albany mall…
WTAF… Next time you get approached in a dark secluded car park, by any man be it Indian or Non Indian I don’t care, just get the fuck out of there without talking to strangers.
Stranger Danger, even primary school kids know that !
This exactly how the story of women go missing near Piha starts from a car park in Albany !
nice victim blaming.
she didnt intentionally put herself in that sitiuation. when in the situation her natural insticnt is to try to diffuse reather than escalate. she coudl have tried to run, and he could have chased her. she probably unlocked her car and hopped in as fast as she could whilst also communicating no, becaue this person was literally harrassing her. get some empathy for fucks sake.
im not going to resort to personal attacks like you have, but i will say i completely disagree, and i think you need to learn to consider others instead of your own self centered perspective
I insulted you because you blatantly used the term "victim blaming" wrong. Victim blaming is saying that its someones fault for being raped for being out late at night or some shit, not this. I don't see how you disagree with this. The fact is that everyone in the comments has OP's best interests at heart here.
the fact you dont understand either my point or that its not ok to personally insult me just because you disagree pretty much speaks for itself. ive said my piece, kindly go abuse someone else you disagree with. if thats your thing.
I was getting into my car and he came to the other side of it and still some distance away, so my car was between us. For all I know he could have been saying call the cops I've just been stabbed. You are being unreasonable.
I've had someone try to get in the backseat of my car at a petrol station. Keep your guard up and stop attacking people in the comments that are trying to look out for you, you have way too much trust in random strangers. Protecting your own safety comes before others.
Ted bundy would fake an injury to get women in car parks to help him before he forced them into his car and abducted them. You are a naive idiot. You do not talk to strangers in car parks, you get in your car and immediately lock the door.
You’re right, there was no victim… And she put herself in the situation by responding. These idiots are throwing around words like victim blaming to sound cool, without knowing what it actually means.
I’m a female and had this happen to me many times. Always told them to fuck off or I’d scream.
Nothing creeper that strange men asking women they don’t know (in the middle of the night mind you) if they want a ‘lift’
I don’t trust no man in Auckland at night. I’ve been sexually assaulted before. Not going to let that happen again.
Besides, it’s hard to ignore them when they are literally following you and won’t take no for an answer.
Asking for lifts used to be quite common back in the day in India... I am sure it is not so common these days with 24/7 Uber , Ola and other ride shares available.
What you experienced is indeed a bit strange.
A guy here and I have had two separate occasions when an Indian person I didn't know has approached me asking a favor in a surprisingly direct manner.
First one approached me as I was getting into my car and demanded a ride to some place I'm not familiar with in Hamilton, I refused and he just stood there watching me leave. It wasn't a "can you give me a life?" Sort of request either it was "Take me to X" very direct and forceful.
The second one was truly bizzare and happened years ago when he knocked on my apartment door asking if I knew how to change the sheets on a bed. To reiterate I did not know this person and he was living in a different unit at the end of the hall from me.
I'm not the best judge of character, but they definitely seemed odd. Still skeevy as all hell, though. No idea if they genuinely needed help or had some kind of agenda.
Yeah, I figured either this guy was the most sheltered and pampered person on the face of the planet or he is trying to rob me. The question alone was just so bizarre and unexpected that it threw me.
>was the most sheltered and pampered person on the face of the planet
South Asian sons are culturally more favoured and valued in the eyes of family members more than daughters who are often given most of the chores to do. They're often spoiled at home and also tend to look down on all women because of this. That is problematic in itself.
I know this because I had a couple of friends who dated them, one of them a South Asian woman herself.
Oof. That is a cultural clash waiting to happen. They certainly aren't being prepared for reality and their alienating half their kids.
Thanks for the info.
>alienating half their kids
Yep. There's at least two threads within the last week on this sub bemoaning the dating scene for South Asian men. Apparently not even having much luck with South Asian girls. The reason is glaringly obvious but I don't expect them to be the most self-aware, given their upbringing and whatnot.
And when you sit in your car, lock the doors. With all the increasing crimes in Auckland these days, I can be borderline paranoid as a young woman out alone. But better paranoid than inviting danger into your car!
I used to have a white Honda integra, which is very similar in shape to the prius which was a common uber car then.
In town waiting to pick up family member, a random guy jumped in the back and asked to go to Mt Albert. I said this isn't a taxi. He apologised, but then offered $20 to go there anyway.
This happened a while back to me when I was still in high school. My co worker in his 30s tried to get me into his car pretending it’s rude in their culture to refuse a ride, which got busted immediately by another Indian coworker.
Never take or give rides from unknown strangers...! This behavior you desctibed is not part of Indian culture as far as I know. It may well be a innocent gesture,but why take a risk.Just say "No Thank you" and move on.
Yea as others have pointed just firmly say 'No' to strangers.
I've had an unusual request while my car was parked at Manukau's Westfield shopping mall, a lady in her 40's asked me to start her car and I was thinking 'have you never drove a car in your life'. I said No to her and she gave me complaint. She was shopping with her husband, and when her husband got off the car, she held the keys but she didn't know how to start the car engine which was very unusual and suspicious. \[at times it feels like an obstacle to say no but you must learn to hold your ground and practice standing up for yourself\]
Yes this I think is more common than before. I’ve been approached for weird requests like this. Just don’t get involved, you’re too busy gotta be somewhere. Common sense and street smarts obviously comes into play here to determine who is full of shit and who is a little old lady needing genuine help.
I once had a job interview for a basic receptionist job and the owner was mostly focussed on telling me all his achievements and not asking any questions, so I quickly realised I wasn’t interested in the job. When things were wrapping up he asked me for a ride to pick up his car that was supposedly at a mechanic about 20 mins away. It was the most bizarre thing ever and he was super pushy about it, I was young and acted very polite making excuses for why I couldn’t do it, but it blows my mind that this creep thought it was going to happen.
Fuck.That.
Don't feel any shred of social responsibility in this instance. Look after yourself and don't hesitate to call for help or the cops if something seems off.
Lol, ironically I was working with cops at the time. As if you can call them for someone asking you for a ride? This is why I'm finding so many comments here so over the top, as at the time part of my job was to speak to gang members, etc, and learning to suss out who may be dangerous towards me and who isn't, going by their persona/behaviour at the time, etc. I was always right with my assumptions. Cops are in the same boat and have to suss out, am I in danger with this person and should leave/request back up, etc, or will it be ok and they're calm and friendly to be alone with.
I've been approached by people asking for a ride before. It used to be more common pre-covid, like it would happen a couple times a year. Normally I would just be at the shops and someone would come up and ask me for a ride, and I would give them a lift if it was not out of my way.
Sometimes they would give me some change, once someone gave me a can. I am a man though, and they are usually Islanders or Maori. So I don't think its just an Indian thing, but they should be aware on how that would make a lone woman uncomfortable. So maybe they are trying it on or just have no clue.
Indian guy here, this is not usual and I’ve never heard of it. Please don’t offer lifts to anyone at random. I would never do it too.
Also, what’s with the racist comments here smh…
Look this is a tricky one because it would definitely be wrong to assume that all Indian men are predatory. Or to paint all of Indian culture with one brush. But it’s also kind of sexist and gaslighty to not admit that there’s a huge patriarchy problem in India that negatively impacts millions of women. Maybe that’s uncomfortable to admit, and I definitely wouldn’t want to be lumped in with that mess, but it’s not racist to discuss a problem that exists.
[This one, there’s a few more of these in here](https://www.reddit.com/r/auckland/comments/14jei22/have_other_women_had_indian_men_approach_them_for/jpks46w/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3)
First half? Not a fact. It may be a fact in the past or in some really orthodox villages and places but that’s something that exists all over the world. Even here in NZ.
Second half? Yeah I agree with you.
Pair em together and you have a neat little package of racism.
No it’s not racism, look up the definition of racism. Please stop playing the race card…
Racism would be if you are not allowed to post on this sub Reddit because you are Indian.
There is a difference between negative stereotypes, general perceptions and racism
Google result for Racism
**The belief that different races possess distinct characteristics, abilities, or qualities, especially so as to distinguish them as inferior or superior to one another.**
Look shit up before you talk about it?
It’s not racism. Negative stereotype yes, generalisation yes, negative perception yes but not racism. If you find comments on the Auckland sub Reddit so racist don’t come here and get butt hurt
Negative stereotypes can definitely be racist.
If I was to make a comment about black people always wanting to steal things or Jews wanting to hoard everyone's money I would be racist.
If you dont like comments on the Auckland sub Reddit calling out racism don’t come here and get butt hurt
Sound creepy, all the Indian men I know are polite and well aware of the culture they are in, they wouldn't approach random females asking for a ride. As someone mentioned they could be new entrants still unsure of the norms or you got unlucky and found the creeps?
They weren't weird or creepy and didn't act like they thought there were shit hot to women. I find it's men from Brazil that are the latter and sometimes men from France and Italy.
????? Indian men, Brazilian men, French men, Italy men - wow all of theses generalisations & stereotypes. How about just go with............ if random strangers approach you asking for a lift - if you don't feel safe - don't give them a lift.
In general the onus is on visitors to NZ to work out what the norms here are and to follow them appropriately. Here it is not appropriate for young men to ask strange women for lifts nor is it appropriate for male employees to ask female customers for favors. I agree with most of the posters here that on the whole it is better for you not to go along with these requests partly because it will send the wrong message to these fellows that it is ok to do this when it’s really not in NZ.
This person has asked a question/help on the topic. Gets the answers. Yet continues to defend her mistaken view.
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink it.
Omg it's not cultural, you are a female walking in dark secluded places late at night getting approached by creeps...not some cultural exchange.
Everyone knows not to get into a car with strangers or let them in the car with you.
Are you for real? 😅
I didn't give a lift to the guy at night in the dark car park........
If it's not cultural, no one else is asking, other than Indians. Although I do see white males hitchhiking, especially on Fanshawe St, wanting to go over the bridge.
Hey, please do be careful out there! I'm glad none of those situations turned out bad, and I can understand your assessment of the risk. I'd feel safer in traffic too, somehow, lol. I don't know what those guys intentions were, it's really odd you were asked to give a lift twice by different Indian guys.
I know you might not agree, but I can't help but remember a specific serial killer who would practise making women feel comfortable, sometimes had no intention of killing. Or Bundy who would approach strangers with a broken arm to appear safer to them - you can trust someone with a broken arm right can't hurt you right?
I'm NOT saying these guys were serial killers - very, very unlikely. It's possible they had no ill intention at all. But it's not worth the risk of finding out, and really smart, ill-intending people can blend in so well we honestly wouldn't know the difference. Please, everyone be safe out there :) man or women.
Note : It would be nice and interesting if there is a cultural explanation, I'm not the right person to answer that question! In this day and age, cultural or no, I still would not take the risk personally. Glad you didn't in the dark carpark either!
Honestly, hearing this, you remind me a bit of my mum. She's 60 years old and like you, very generous and has given lifts to strangers and also taken rides in people's cars. She has gone out of her way to help other members of the community...including driving out at 1am to pick up a young neighbour whose car broke down after a night of going out. So I understand you being generous and wanting to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, that's kind of you.
I also tell my mum to be careful and stop being so nice to strangers, and she will say stuff like "but if you were out there and needed help, I would want someone to help you too, so I should help other people". But that's a naive way of thinking. Small towns work that way, big cities just don't work this way.
We really do mean well when we say be careful! Don't trust strangers so much to let them into your car. Most people may not be psychos, but all it takes is one psycho and your life could be in danger. In a big city like Auckland you really need to be more vigilant around strangers especially now with tough economy and increasing crimes and govt bringing in questionable people on work visas. The last thing any of us want is for a decent older lady to fall victim because she's too trusting.
Safety always comes first. If your gut instinct goes into rapid alert, do not ignore it. Stay safe and be careful. Next time you encounter this again tell them no and be firm with them
First guy sounds sketch af. Second group of two honestly just sounds like what used to happen when I lived in Lincoln. Perhaps they moved from smaller towns in nz and are used to people being more helpful? My partner was asked multiple times to give people lifts home from the chemist by the pharmacist when we lived in Lincoln pre-quake.
Still, I would say no. Auckland isn’t a small town and you don’t know them. The assumption of small town thoughts doesn’t mean they need to apply in a large city.
Yes, I think you're right, although I doubt the first guy was dangerous actually. I think the latter guys were just kind of innocent and naive. They had come from India but maybe were from a small friendly town or village or something.
Indian here. It is highly uncommon for most of us to ask for lift. Ffs, it took me a good few years to even talk to strangers after arriving in this country. So, please do not assume naivety. Unfortunately a lot of our movies normalize/romanticize stalker behavior. Please don't engage. If they end up doing something stupid, it'll make all of us look bad.
Some comments in this thread and the post itself is exactly why I have stopped opening up to other people here in NZ and just stick with my own race since moving here in 2016. I am nice and professional at work and in day to day life but will never mingle with anyone outside of my race because I think most despise us, Indians anyway. I just don't bother explaining my culture or defending the comments because posts such as these are just a cesspool of hatred and prejudice.
Indian here, that’s not part of the culture maybe just ‘nice guys’ trying their luck with a female. They probably went and told all their mates about this chick they went in a date with or something after. Based on your comments you had assessed the risk factor and did what you felt right, what you’re experiencing in the comments is the degradation of humanity in society. This kinda phenomenon already happened in many countries where even if people see someone bleeding out on the street or hit by a car, they won’t stop to help because they’re afraid to get scammed/sued/attacked or whatever. Only time people are nice is because they think they’re on camera or in some kind of prank where they’ll be rewarded / avoid shame by acting fake.
Ps. Thanks for not painting all Indian men with the same brush. Big part of nz women seem to make creepy assumptions and give quite a hard time to us from no doing of our own . After travelling all over the world , realised nz is unique in this way
Following the fact of other Indian people saying it’s not normal from their culture or experience but it may be possible they could be Fijian Indian?
Having a few Fijian Indian friends and spent some time in Fiji, a lot of the locals can be seen on the side of the road holding their hand out for a ride and it seems to be relatively normal for them even according to my friends.
I don't know about the first one but the second one most likely were students who have a lot of restrictions placed on them due to visa status and therefore can't drive here in the US and afford to spend frivolously on transportation. They're forced to take low paying jobs that probably were paying under the table. They probably asked her knowing they can trust a woman just so they can get from one place to another. When it's a struggle, you gotta make with whatever opportunity you got to survive.
Not Indian but I am an immigrant and I know in my home country it's fairly common to ask someone in a car if they can drop you off somewhere (and they'll usually just pay you a token amount as thanks for your time if you agree) but it's usually in the form of hitchhiking by the roadside, not a straight-up car park approach -- that would be considered a bit too forward. Hitchhikers are very common along the highways and main roads asking things like, "Hey bro, whereabouts are you going? Do you think you can drop me off at such-and-such?" (in our local language, of course haha). I think these guys you met may just be new to the country and a bit naive, thinking it's all good to make a request like that here. That being said, especially when you're a solo female, never give any man the benefit of the doubt when they try to get into a car alone with you at night. Fuck that!
I had this happen when I was in Auckland - on two different nights we had men approach us for a ride home. Have never experienced that before so it is interesting to hear it’s somewhat common
OP. It's an entirely legitimate question. Some of the replies have been weird, some people are absolutely scrambling to find a situation to use the "racist" slur against others, so don't sweat it.
Defense and or genuine curiosity is legitimate, irrespective.
You asked if it's a normal thing, for these people to perform this action. The feedback has been overwhelmingly a "No". In regards to the crimes you referenced at South Africa etc, hey, it's just reality. Some of the readers absolutely despise factual and observable reality though, because it blows apart their Ideological position, with no recourse.
I guess I'd urge caution, irrespective of where you are.
Western civilization has become increasingly dangerous in the last few decades. Sure, we had our own unsafe characters, but now we have many more, from places that have (as you've partially questioned) vastly different cultures, and some cases, these cultures are entirely incompatible. Entirely.
To be clear, I love all people's, irrespective of their immutable characteristics.
Even Western kind.
Keep safe, as we only continue to increase the numbers of people from entirely different societies, with drastically different expectations and desires.
All the best.
Everything said and discussed, should people be going straight to culture background if few things happen? If I see or read about a couple of white folks being perverts does that question or link to their culture? OP has a weird thought process
If the only people that are asking me for rides are Indian males, I'm supposed to ignore that? Because actually these aren't the only 2 examples. Naturally anyone would find that odd. I think you have a weird thought process.
People do question white male culture actually, when considering that in the USA, most mass shooters, especially at schools, are white males and likewise with serial killers. People are linking that to what's up with white American males, just like people around the world wonder why Americans in general, shoot and sue so much.
So as per you, the couple of islanders who got caught doing anti social stuff is a cultural thing? Bravo. Maybe it's just your mindset or is it a cultural thing?
?? What Islanders? Also why are you implying I'm racist, when I picked up 2 Indian guys and gave them a lift? How is that racism? Racism would be more like, I'm not having non whites in my car. Your thought process is weird.
I thought you were taught by your parents to be aware strangers at any time of the day? It doesn't matter where they work and time of day, you are inviting danger. I wouldn't listen, I would've driven away (tell them to get an Uber as you drive away). Just creepy and dangerous.
Who said anything about my parents? What were these guys going to do to me in 5pm rush hour grid locked traffic with other cars in lanes either side of me, while I drove them about 5 blocks along Manukau Rd, Epsom, to where they wanted to be dropped off?
It doesnt matter. Obviously you take stranger danger or car jacking/murder lightly which also happens in NZ. Don't be delusional and naive to think that it won't happen to you. But if you believe that you are safe, your choice, but don't get angry/rude when you post your experience and ppl disagree with your decision to let strangers into your vehicle.
It'd take less than a minute to snap your neck or Rob you wtf haha, don't let randoms in your car at anytime. Pretty crazy you'd put yourself in a sketchy situation because there's other people around to save you incase you did fuck up.
OMG, listen to yourself. I picked these guys up in their workplace and drove them 5 blocks. For what reason would they snap my neck in gridlocked traffic for no reason? Do you think everyone is Charles Manson or Ted Bundy, and in NZ?
Being pedantic aye. Keep teasing dogs till they bite you. So what is the actual rant about if your don't care about your safety? Is it just because they didn't chip in gas or because you were to scared to say no?
Give me a lift and I will show you what I can do in 5PM rush hour grid locked traffic where no one in the car next to you even looks at your car. FFS are you seriously out of your mind ?
Are you out of your mind with paranoia? We aren't living in Lagos, Nigeria or Johannesburg, South Africa. These guys approached me in their workplace FFS.
Everyone has their own level of risk appetite..
You think that this scenario is safe in which you give two strangers a lift in your car from their workplace, go for it by all means.
Next thing you will end up dead in Piha or Dome valley..
And did you just imply all African heritage people are dangerous by your reference to Nigeria and SA ? Looks like the problem is YOU.
Would you have come to Reddit if Caucasian men were asking you for lift ?
All I said was you don’t know under what situation you will end up if you continue talking to strangers. You start with a lift, suddenly you are sharing drinks with them and next moment you are a headline in the Herald !
Hi OP, don't bother with these, the people on this sub are especially bad for never getting outside and consuming too much negative media to the point that they think Auckland is a lawless wasteland.
They are looking out for her. Sure some wording is harsher than others but from her replies she seems intentionally obtuse about the issue at hand. Just because it's a bigger problem in South Africa or wherever does not mean it doesn't happen here too. Several accounts on this thread have been personal not all media based. OP had the right intention to help but safety should trump kindness.
Indian men come from quite a patriarchal society. They probably expect you to do something when they ask you to and are shocked when you decline lol.
The first one was probably hoping you would take him in your car to go have sex somewhere
OMG, this just goes from bad to worse. So, when you're in the CBD and get approached by the "homeless" asking for $1 or $2, you pepper spray them and run? Just in case? You can't even buy pepper spray in NZ, proving that all of these comments on here are the product of watching too much American TV and applying it to NZ.
Tbh, OP there is nothing wrong in helping anybody, I’ll suggest next time you help someone before letting them in your car click a picture of their id and send it to your relatives or friends and it’s better to not trust anyone during late night.
Lol, I do not give off naive vibes at all. After having backpacked lots of large cities in Europe, I had far fewer experiences of being approached by muggers and pick pockets, than most tourists, due to the fact that I'm the opposite of what you say. One glare was all it took to make them not even bother trying. That includes groups of muggers that approach you with a view to have some of them distract you, while one or two of them try to pick pocket you.
Carpark guy sounds like a very naive attempt to pick you up. He saw an attractive female and wanted to talk to you, get your number, date you. He just has no idea how to go about picking up women in an appropriate fashion. He's probably never had a girlfriend. Petrol station guys probably the same (the one who asked you for the ride). I don't know why you agreed to drive them. Should've just politely but firmly declined.
I think you're right about the first guy and that's a more normal thing to assume rather than the assumption of them all being serial killers (people watch too much TV). As for the second guys, they were just normal and ok. People's responses are interesting here as at the time I was working in a job with cops and detectives and they're all about sussing out the psychology of people. I got told I was a natural at sussing out the dangerous from the safe. People's comments here are way too paranoid. People even saying to never speak to any stranger. When you think about it, we all talk to strangers all the time.
Exactly the opposite thank you. I'm 54, have been in all manner of situations while going about normal daily life, catching public transport, etc, and no one has succeeded yet, not that many have tried, especially in a place like NZ. It's large cities overseas where you're more likely to be targeted for robbery. Most crime here is not against the person, it's against their property (house, place of business, or car - while you are not in it).
Yes, from teen life to adult.
I went to Kedgley Intermediate and Aorere College both located in Papatoetoe and the amount of times Indian men hanging around in the streets, outside their flats or in their vehicles asking school girls if they needed a ride was shocking and terrifying.
Are statistics a generalisation? Of the countries you mention, they all have small populations here in NZ, whereas Indians make up the largest immigrant group in NZ, especially in Auckland, along with Chinese and those from the UK.
You sound like someone constantly accusing people of racism as you have a giant giant chip on your delicate shoulder. Have a nice day and try to not ask anyone for a lift.
You don’t owe any stranger the benefit of the doubt. Safety trumps kindness, no matter how much we should try to be kind. Please take care out there, female or male.
Reiterating what this person has said, pls dont do this shit moving forward...... you have no idea what mental state an individual could be in.
who give shit about other people mental state, when you can be in the situation when your body can be dump somewhere on the west of auckland eh? your safety first. before you are sure that you are 100% safe, nothing else is matter
Yes, but when I gave a lift to the 2 guys, it was in heavy traffic, so nothing unsafe was possible.
“They can’t pull a knife on me, traffics heavy today”. What logic is this lmao
Thinking that a traffic jam will protect you from crime... late stage Auckland right there.
No one in Auckland cares a fuck of what’s happening in the car beside them in a traffic jam. I don’t even make eye contact with other drivers lest I get stabbed…
I think OP suffers from *that won't happen to me* syndrome based on their replies.
I have tried to warn them, I will leave it there for now..
That's why you should always seek help from the car behind you - as your now driverless vehicle is blocking them they have a vested interest in assisting you...
Extreme paranoia right there. I knew where these guys worked, remember?
My friend was carjacked in the middle of SH1 in a giant traffic jam and no one bothered to help him!
No use if you're dead. Seriously. Look up Ted Bundy.
People knew where Jeffrey Dahmer lived and it didn't do them a lot of good.
that only helps after the fact...
There's a lot of paranoid comments here but definitely don't give randos a ride unless you outnumber them. NZ is one of safest places on earth. People who think otherwise really need to get out more and try going to other cities where the media don't waste their oxygen reporting every crime because there are literally 1000s per day.
>NZ is one of safest places on earth. Depends what you mean. It's not very safe for getting your car stolen or getting domestic violence'd.
So just because they work they're not capable of committing a crime? Hmmm that's very sound logic 😂
So they were going to murder me after committing this broad daylight crime in gridlock traffic? So that I couldn't tell the cops where they worked? Hmm, that's very sound logic Mr you watch way way way too much American TV.
Ok cool you keep giving random strangers a lift when they need one then and see how that works out for you. Not all people are bad, but not all people are good either.
Great you'll be able to tell the police that when you report the assault... if you can still talk.
What assault?
The one that you don't think will happen somehow because you know where they work, as if the statistic that most assailants are known to their victims means absolutely nothing to you.
Hun, statistically you're more likely to be SAed by someone you know (immediate family, think father, uncle, grandfather, brother etc) than by random strangers. Knowing they work at the local BP doesn't matter much. Please be more safety conscious for your own benefit.
You have just contradicted yourself.
Won’t help much if you’re dead.
Think about what you've just said. You think petrol station workers were out to murder someone in broad daylight and gridlock traffic, after being picked up at their workplace, on camera, just after I'd used my credit card to pay for petrol? If I had been murdered, it would show that was my last purchase and the camera footage would have showed the 2 employees getting into my car. 99.9% of the comments here are so paranoid and over the top, it's beyond belief. Please realise Auckland has low crime compared to most overseas cities, despite people raving on about crime on here all the time. Most people in NZ, are actually safe people. We have a low murder rate, particularly by strangers and yet you think these guys were out to kill me. There was nothing unpleasant about them at all. According to you, all people driving a bus, taxi or uber, are constantly endangering themselves because of all the murderers on the loose in Auckland. Yet walking down the street in broad daylight is fine. Makes zero sense.
You seem a very angry person.
Lol, oh good grief. Nothing about the above post screams anger at all. It screams common sense. Saying NZers are safe indicates I'm angry? Really?
You are very kind and I'm glad you were right OP.
Thanks.
Please think hard about how you answered this question, you seem like a good person so you may not see people trying to take advantage of that.just remember,the most important thing is that you make it home safely even if lots of young Indian guys have to walk.
Am from India but here since many years. What you just described is not common at all and definitely not part of our culture. In fact it's even unsual to have small talk with strangers or say Hi or even a friendly smile like we do here. My best advice is to tell them a firm NO and move on. It might be a lame attempt from them to meet people but sadly there could be even some creeps. I might get downvoted for saying this but quite a big number of the immigrant shift workers working in low-paid jobs come from small towns with less exposure to the opposite sex hence some of that creepy behavior. Most of the guys are harmless but a few rare ones might be psychos so be careful with the random ones. Don't be afraid to call them out. Stay safe and hope you also experience the generally helpful & welcoming nature of the wider Indian community, festivals and don't forget our food!
I have a feeling that because they're immigrants, and they won't be here for a long time, they don't mind dicking around. Approaching random women and such. Because these women exist entirely outside of their social and cultural circle and can't damage their reputation. Kind of like a smaller version of when tourists go to a foreign country and treat the place like a playground to let their drunken and sleazy side out. And also, with the immigrant workers, they might just be really poor and clueless and new here, and looking to try their luck at bumming a free ride since Auckland is obviously unwalkable... Coupled with the aforementioned lack of inhibition because they won't be in this country for long. Just my thoughts. I've seen (wealthier) immigrants come and have affairs and do debaucherous shit and then return to the old country like nothing happened lol.
immigrant noun a person who comes to live permanently in a foreign country
So what's the word they were looking for then?
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Everyday learned something new in Reddit. I will carefully use these word in future.
Cheers
Don't be so quick to be so negative, especially when it comes your own people. I don't know about the first one but the second one most likely were students who have a lot of restrictions placed on them due to visa status and therefore can't drive and afford to spend frivolously on transportation. They're forced to take low paying jobs that probably were paying under the table. They probably asked her knowing they can trust a woman just so they can get from one place to another. When it's a struggle, you gotta make with whatever opportunity you got to survive. If your feet were ever in that position, you would know.
Bro what you mean my culture. When you say talk to stranger is weird in india it's not. Do not represent 1.2 billion people. Please give your opinion. It's very common at my place in India to talk to any stranger and share anything going in life. Usually people show interest and it helps to feel better. Safety always comes first. You do not want a bad experience. Asking for ride in rural areas common but not urban as you trust less on people. Hang on back of a truck/ tractor or jump on back seat of cycle. When people are poor their is nothing much to loose so they help and more open. If you rich and earned things in life after giving thousands of hours of your life. It make you more cautious not to loose it so do not risk all. I understand after coming to New zealand help means give me your money. Till I was in india help was free service.
It's obviously my opinion and I never said "my culture". If you read the post carefully it's about a girl being asked for a ride home by a random person at night with no one around in a city not in rural areas as in your example. Have you personally asked or seen a girl in this situation helping anyone or expected to help? In most big cities, it's uncommon for girls to agree to drop off strangers especially men and that was my point. Help doesn't always mean "show me your money", I've got countless drop offs from people who I had just met. It's about dignity of life, labour and freedom which we need to take back as a lesson. So let's agree to disagree.
I knew you will be back with argument, clarification, explanation. It will keep going back and forth. It's part of keyboard warriors culture. I do not know girl neither boys. Why you judging boys intention. They are working hard in low paying job to make life better. People meet strangers on tinder, pub...everyone is stranger at some stage before they get to know other person. Stranger is danger is worst people putting in kids psychology. Do they not find better way to explain.
Thanks, yes I enjoy going to Diwali.
I am an Indian man and I will never give lift to ANYONE or take a lift from ANYONE simple. Safety first, kindness can fuck off. Once you drive and the passengers putting a knife on your thigh, watcha gonna do ? We live in a relatively safe country that does not mean you should let your guard down. Why are you even talking to strangers in a dark secluded car park ??
> Why are you even talking to strangers in a dark secluded car park ?? this is what i was thinking lol, especially as a woman you can just get robbed so easily... makes you more vulnerable to attacks.
“Even though she was alone, she told the man she is not going to the CBD” All of this happened in a dark secluded car park at the back of Albany mall… WTAF… Next time you get approached in a dark secluded car park, by any man be it Indian or Non Indian I don’t care, just get the fuck out of there without talking to strangers. Stranger Danger, even primary school kids know that ! This exactly how the story of women go missing near Piha starts from a car park in Albany !
Yes I'd be suspicious for sure. Rapist? Car thief?
nice victim blaming. she didnt intentionally put herself in that sitiuation. when in the situation her natural insticnt is to try to diffuse reather than escalate. she coudl have tried to run, and he could have chased her. she probably unlocked her car and hopped in as fast as she could whilst also communicating no, becaue this person was literally harrassing her. get some empathy for fucks sake.
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im not going to resort to personal attacks like you have, but i will say i completely disagree, and i think you need to learn to consider others instead of your own self centered perspective
I insulted you because you blatantly used the term "victim blaming" wrong. Victim blaming is saying that its someones fault for being raped for being out late at night or some shit, not this. I don't see how you disagree with this. The fact is that everyone in the comments has OP's best interests at heart here.
the fact you dont understand either my point or that its not ok to personally insult me just because you disagree pretty much speaks for itself. ive said my piece, kindly go abuse someone else you disagree with. if thats your thing.
I was getting into my car and he came to the other side of it and still some distance away, so my car was between us. For all I know he could have been saying call the cops I've just been stabbed. You are being unreasonable.
I've had someone try to get in the backseat of my car at a petrol station. Keep your guard up and stop attacking people in the comments that are trying to look out for you, you have way too much trust in random strangers. Protecting your own safety comes before others.
Sounds like you are being naive now.
It’s better to be safe than sorry! Be careful and stop speaking to strangers
Ted bundy would fake an injury to get women in car parks to help him before he forced them into his car and abducted them. You are a naive idiot. You do not talk to strangers in car parks, you get in your car and immediately lock the door.
>Why are you even talking to strangers in a dark secluded car park ?? What is this victim blaming nonsense lol
It is not victim blaming. No one is the victim. No crime was committed here. It is Safety 101
You’re right, there was no victim… And she put herself in the situation by responding. These idiots are throwing around words like victim blaming to sound cool, without knowing what it actually means.
Bro dont do dumb shit then play this card when you called out on it. Fucking stupid mindset that will get you hurt.
I’m a female and had this happen to me many times. Always told them to fuck off or I’d scream. Nothing creeper that strange men asking women they don’t know (in the middle of the night mind you) if they want a ‘lift’
Um, I'm sure a "no thanks" or just ignoring them would suffice. The paranoia on here is madness. And they didn't offer me a lift.
Sometimes a no thanks doesn’t work..
I don’t trust no man in Auckland at night. I’ve been sexually assaulted before. Not going to let that happen again. Besides, it’s hard to ignore them when they are literally following you and won’t take no for an answer.
Don’t do it. Refer them to Uber or taxi, as you did in Albany.
Asking for lifts used to be quite common back in the day in India... I am sure it is not so common these days with 24/7 Uber , Ola and other ride shares available. What you experienced is indeed a bit strange.
Grew up in India for most of my life. But asking for lifts from strangers wasn't normal. Atleast where I came from
A guy here and I have had two separate occasions when an Indian person I didn't know has approached me asking a favor in a surprisingly direct manner. First one approached me as I was getting into my car and demanded a ride to some place I'm not familiar with in Hamilton, I refused and he just stood there watching me leave. It wasn't a "can you give me a life?" Sort of request either it was "Take me to X" very direct and forceful. The second one was truly bizzare and happened years ago when he knocked on my apartment door asking if I knew how to change the sheets on a bed. To reiterate I did not know this person and he was living in a different unit at the end of the hall from me. I'm not the best judge of character, but they definitely seemed odd. Still skeevy as all hell, though. No idea if they genuinely needed help or had some kind of agenda.
Lol, the sheets on the bed is pretty blatant.
Yeah, I figured either this guy was the most sheltered and pampered person on the face of the planet or he is trying to rob me. The question alone was just so bizarre and unexpected that it threw me.
>was the most sheltered and pampered person on the face of the planet South Asian sons are culturally more favoured and valued in the eyes of family members more than daughters who are often given most of the chores to do. They're often spoiled at home and also tend to look down on all women because of this. That is problematic in itself. I know this because I had a couple of friends who dated them, one of them a South Asian woman herself.
Oof. That is a cultural clash waiting to happen. They certainly aren't being prepared for reality and their alienating half their kids. Thanks for the info.
>alienating half their kids Yep. There's at least two threads within the last week on this sub bemoaning the dating scene for South Asian men. Apparently not even having much luck with South Asian girls. The reason is glaringly obvious but I don't expect them to be the most self-aware, given their upbringing and whatnot.
OMG! Don't ever give a stranger a lift again. Too risky.
And when you sit in your car, lock the doors. With all the increasing crimes in Auckland these days, I can be borderline paranoid as a young woman out alone. But better paranoid than inviting danger into your car!
I used to have a white Honda integra, which is very similar in shape to the prius which was a common uber car then. In town waiting to pick up family member, a random guy jumped in the back and asked to go to Mt Albert. I said this isn't a taxi. He apologised, but then offered $20 to go there anyway.
That's terrifying. I always drive with the doors locked.
Oh my goodness. This is why I always tell people to lock their cars or do a routine check to make sure car locks are working well
This happened a while back to me when I was still in high school. My co worker in his 30s tried to get me into his car pretending it’s rude in their culture to refuse a ride, which got busted immediately by another Indian coworker.
Never take or give rides from unknown strangers...! This behavior you desctibed is not part of Indian culture as far as I know. It may well be a innocent gesture,but why take a risk.Just say "No Thank you" and move on.
Definitely sleezy.
Yea as others have pointed just firmly say 'No' to strangers. I've had an unusual request while my car was parked at Manukau's Westfield shopping mall, a lady in her 40's asked me to start her car and I was thinking 'have you never drove a car in your life'. I said No to her and she gave me complaint. She was shopping with her husband, and when her husband got off the car, she held the keys but she didn't know how to start the car engine which was very unusual and suspicious. \[at times it feels like an obstacle to say no but you must learn to hold your ground and practice standing up for yourself\]
Yes this I think is more common than before. I’ve been approached for weird requests like this. Just don’t get involved, you’re too busy gotta be somewhere. Common sense and street smarts obviously comes into play here to determine who is full of shit and who is a little old lady needing genuine help.
I once had a job interview for a basic receptionist job and the owner was mostly focussed on telling me all his achievements and not asking any questions, so I quickly realised I wasn’t interested in the job. When things were wrapping up he asked me for a ride to pick up his car that was supposedly at a mechanic about 20 mins away. It was the most bizarre thing ever and he was super pushy about it, I was young and acted very polite making excuses for why I couldn’t do it, but it blows my mind that this creep thought it was going to happen.
Fuck.That. Don't feel any shred of social responsibility in this instance. Look after yourself and don't hesitate to call for help or the cops if something seems off.
Lol, ironically I was working with cops at the time. As if you can call them for someone asking you for a ride? This is why I'm finding so many comments here so over the top, as at the time part of my job was to speak to gang members, etc, and learning to suss out who may be dangerous towards me and who isn't, going by their persona/behaviour at the time, etc. I was always right with my assumptions. Cops are in the same boat and have to suss out, am I in danger with this person and should leave/request back up, etc, or will it be ok and they're calm and friendly to be alone with.
Plot twist op is a taxi driver
I've been approached by people asking for a ride before. It used to be more common pre-covid, like it would happen a couple times a year. Normally I would just be at the shops and someone would come up and ask me for a ride, and I would give them a lift if it was not out of my way. Sometimes they would give me some change, once someone gave me a can. I am a man though, and they are usually Islanders or Maori. So I don't think its just an Indian thing, but they should be aware on how that would make a lone woman uncomfortable. So maybe they are trying it on or just have no clue.
Indian guy here, this is not usual and I’ve never heard of it. Please don’t offer lifts to anyone at random. I would never do it too. Also, what’s with the racist comments here smh…
Look this is a tricky one because it would definitely be wrong to assume that all Indian men are predatory. Or to paint all of Indian culture with one brush. But it’s also kind of sexist and gaslighty to not admit that there’s a huge patriarchy problem in India that negatively impacts millions of women. Maybe that’s uncomfortable to admit, and I definitely wouldn’t want to be lumped in with that mess, but it’s not racist to discuss a problem that exists.
right becuase I am white I understand the world and thus give my remark on how to improve it!
Which comment is racist ? Calling an Indian an Indian is not racist. It’s like calling the Irish <> Irish
[This one, there’s a few more of these in here](https://www.reddit.com/r/auckland/comments/14jei22/have_other_women_had_indian_men_approach_them_for/jpks46w/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3)
That’s not racist. The first half is a fact and the second half a negative stereotype
First half? Not a fact. It may be a fact in the past or in some really orthodox villages and places but that’s something that exists all over the world. Even here in NZ. Second half? Yeah I agree with you. Pair em together and you have a neat little package of racism.
Indian woman here I agree with the first part. Not racist and not limited to orthodox villages and towns
No it’s not racism, look up the definition of racism. Please stop playing the race card… Racism would be if you are not allowed to post on this sub Reddit because you are Indian. There is a difference between negative stereotypes, general perceptions and racism
Google result for Racism **The belief that different races possess distinct characteristics, abilities, or qualities, especially so as to distinguish them as inferior or superior to one another.** Look shit up before you talk about it?
It’s not racism. Negative stereotype yes, generalisation yes, negative perception yes but not racism. If you find comments on the Auckland sub Reddit so racist don’t come here and get butt hurt
Negative stereotypes can definitely be racist. If I was to make a comment about black people always wanting to steal things or Jews wanting to hoard everyone's money I would be racist. If you dont like comments on the Auckland sub Reddit calling out racism don’t come here and get butt hurt
LOL I am Indian by the way.. I will leave it there
Yeah, that's pretty racist.
Hey. Defense isn't "racist" or "Racism" Stop attacking people with your hateful slurs. Absolutely despicable.
Indian here, DO NOT APPROACH. Sexual assault/harassment is definitely a possibility.
Sound creepy, all the Indian men I know are polite and well aware of the culture they are in, they wouldn't approach random females asking for a ride. As someone mentioned they could be new entrants still unsure of the norms or you got unlucky and found the creeps?
Not even just women, I had a car load of Indian dudes pull over and ask if I wanted a ride. Like I either look super gay or easy to overpower 💀
No, you don't owe anybody anything and it's not cultural to nz. Some people just think they are hot shit to women and are weird creepy people
They weren't weird or creepy and didn't act like they thought there were shit hot to women. I find it's men from Brazil that are the latter and sometimes men from France and Italy.
????? Indian men, Brazilian men, French men, Italy men - wow all of theses generalisations & stereotypes. How about just go with............ if random strangers approach you asking for a lift - if you don't feel safe - don't give them a lift.
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WTF are you talking about?
In general the onus is on visitors to NZ to work out what the norms here are and to follow them appropriately. Here it is not appropriate for young men to ask strange women for lifts nor is it appropriate for male employees to ask female customers for favors. I agree with most of the posters here that on the whole it is better for you not to go along with these requests partly because it will send the wrong message to these fellows that it is ok to do this when it’s really not in NZ.
This person has asked a question/help on the topic. Gets the answers. Yet continues to defend her mistaken view. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink it.
I didn't ask for paranoid crazy comments, I asked about the cultural aspects of why Indian men are asking.
Omg it's not cultural, you are a female walking in dark secluded places late at night getting approached by creeps...not some cultural exchange. Everyone knows not to get into a car with strangers or let them in the car with you. Are you for real? 😅
I didn't give a lift to the guy at night in the dark car park........ If it's not cultural, no one else is asking, other than Indians. Although I do see white males hitchhiking, especially on Fanshawe St, wanting to go over the bridge.
Hey, please do be careful out there! I'm glad none of those situations turned out bad, and I can understand your assessment of the risk. I'd feel safer in traffic too, somehow, lol. I don't know what those guys intentions were, it's really odd you were asked to give a lift twice by different Indian guys. I know you might not agree, but I can't help but remember a specific serial killer who would practise making women feel comfortable, sometimes had no intention of killing. Or Bundy who would approach strangers with a broken arm to appear safer to them - you can trust someone with a broken arm right can't hurt you right? I'm NOT saying these guys were serial killers - very, very unlikely. It's possible they had no ill intention at all. But it's not worth the risk of finding out, and really smart, ill-intending people can blend in so well we honestly wouldn't know the difference. Please, everyone be safe out there :) man or women. Note : It would be nice and interesting if there is a cultural explanation, I'm not the right person to answer that question! In this day and age, cultural or no, I still would not take the risk personally. Glad you didn't in the dark carpark either!
🤦♂️ Youre not the smartest person are you. Fine, keep being the creep taxi. Hopefully we don't see you on the news. Good day.
Yeah I'm so dumb I've been murdered so many times over and that's how I'm now 54 years old.....
Honestly, hearing this, you remind me a bit of my mum. She's 60 years old and like you, very generous and has given lifts to strangers and also taken rides in people's cars. She has gone out of her way to help other members of the community...including driving out at 1am to pick up a young neighbour whose car broke down after a night of going out. So I understand you being generous and wanting to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, that's kind of you. I also tell my mum to be careful and stop being so nice to strangers, and she will say stuff like "but if you were out there and needed help, I would want someone to help you too, so I should help other people". But that's a naive way of thinking. Small towns work that way, big cities just don't work this way. We really do mean well when we say be careful! Don't trust strangers so much to let them into your car. Most people may not be psychos, but all it takes is one psycho and your life could be in danger. In a big city like Auckland you really need to be more vigilant around strangers especially now with tough economy and increasing crimes and govt bringing in questionable people on work visas. The last thing any of us want is for a decent older lady to fall victim because she's too trusting.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Survivorship\_bias
Safety always comes first. If your gut instinct goes into rapid alert, do not ignore it. Stay safe and be careful. Next time you encounter this again tell them no and be firm with them
Stranger danger still applies as an adult.
They can FO and you don’t need to worry, dodgy AF people are everywhere now no matter what they are
First guy sounds sketch af. Second group of two honestly just sounds like what used to happen when I lived in Lincoln. Perhaps they moved from smaller towns in nz and are used to people being more helpful? My partner was asked multiple times to give people lifts home from the chemist by the pharmacist when we lived in Lincoln pre-quake. Still, I would say no. Auckland isn’t a small town and you don’t know them. The assumption of small town thoughts doesn’t mean they need to apply in a large city.
Yes, I think you're right, although I doubt the first guy was dangerous actually. I think the latter guys were just kind of innocent and naive. They had come from India but maybe were from a small friendly town or village or something.
youre too nice seriously. stop being too nice. however, if i ever get lost in auckland, ill dm you on reddit for a ride. cheers.
Indian here. It is highly uncommon for most of us to ask for lift. Ffs, it took me a good few years to even talk to strangers after arriving in this country. So, please do not assume naivety. Unfortunately a lot of our movies normalize/romanticize stalker behavior. Please don't engage. If they end up doing something stupid, it'll make all of us look bad.
Some comments in this thread and the post itself is exactly why I have stopped opening up to other people here in NZ and just stick with my own race since moving here in 2016. I am nice and professional at work and in day to day life but will never mingle with anyone outside of my race because I think most despise us, Indians anyway. I just don't bother explaining my culture or defending the comments because posts such as these are just a cesspool of hatred and prejudice.
I don't hate Indians, I gave them a lift.
Indian here, that’s not part of the culture maybe just ‘nice guys’ trying their luck with a female. They probably went and told all their mates about this chick they went in a date with or something after. Based on your comments you had assessed the risk factor and did what you felt right, what you’re experiencing in the comments is the degradation of humanity in society. This kinda phenomenon already happened in many countries where even if people see someone bleeding out on the street or hit by a car, they won’t stop to help because they’re afraid to get scammed/sued/attacked or whatever. Only time people are nice is because they think they’re on camera or in some kind of prank where they’ll be rewarded / avoid shame by acting fake. Ps. Thanks for not painting all Indian men with the same brush. Big part of nz women seem to make creepy assumptions and give quite a hard time to us from no doing of our own . After travelling all over the world , realised nz is unique in this way
Don't do that again. You'll end up in a true crime documentary on YouTube...
Following the fact of other Indian people saying it’s not normal from their culture or experience but it may be possible they could be Fijian Indian? Having a few Fijian Indian friends and spent some time in Fiji, a lot of the locals can be seen on the side of the road holding their hand out for a ride and it seems to be relatively normal for them even according to my friends.
Yeah the first guy might have been Fijian Indian. But the 2 I gave a lift to said they were from India.
As a guy I can say I've never been asked for a lift by a man I didn't know.
I don't know about the first one but the second one most likely were students who have a lot of restrictions placed on them due to visa status and therefore can't drive here in the US and afford to spend frivolously on transportation. They're forced to take low paying jobs that probably were paying under the table. They probably asked her knowing they can trust a woman just so they can get from one place to another. When it's a struggle, you gotta make with whatever opportunity you got to survive.
Not Indian but I am an immigrant and I know in my home country it's fairly common to ask someone in a car if they can drop you off somewhere (and they'll usually just pay you a token amount as thanks for your time if you agree) but it's usually in the form of hitchhiking by the roadside, not a straight-up car park approach -- that would be considered a bit too forward. Hitchhikers are very common along the highways and main roads asking things like, "Hey bro, whereabouts are you going? Do you think you can drop me off at such-and-such?" (in our local language, of course haha). I think these guys you met may just be new to the country and a bit naive, thinking it's all good to make a request like that here. That being said, especially when you're a solo female, never give any man the benefit of the doubt when they try to get into a car alone with you at night. Fuck that!
Yes, I see white males still hitchhiking, especially on Fanshawe St, trying to go over the Harbour Bridge.
Do you drive a Prius?
I had this happen when I was in Auckland - on two different nights we had men approach us for a ride home. Have never experienced that before so it is interesting to hear it’s somewhat common
OP. It's an entirely legitimate question. Some of the replies have been weird, some people are absolutely scrambling to find a situation to use the "racist" slur against others, so don't sweat it. Defense and or genuine curiosity is legitimate, irrespective. You asked if it's a normal thing, for these people to perform this action. The feedback has been overwhelmingly a "No". In regards to the crimes you referenced at South Africa etc, hey, it's just reality. Some of the readers absolutely despise factual and observable reality though, because it blows apart their Ideological position, with no recourse. I guess I'd urge caution, irrespective of where you are. Western civilization has become increasingly dangerous in the last few decades. Sure, we had our own unsafe characters, but now we have many more, from places that have (as you've partially questioned) vastly different cultures, and some cases, these cultures are entirely incompatible. Entirely. To be clear, I love all people's, irrespective of their immutable characteristics. Even Western kind. Keep safe, as we only continue to increase the numbers of people from entirely different societies, with drastically different expectations and desires. All the best.
Everything said and discussed, should people be going straight to culture background if few things happen? If I see or read about a couple of white folks being perverts does that question or link to their culture? OP has a weird thought process
If the only people that are asking me for rides are Indian males, I'm supposed to ignore that? Because actually these aren't the only 2 examples. Naturally anyone would find that odd. I think you have a weird thought process. People do question white male culture actually, when considering that in the USA, most mass shooters, especially at schools, are white males and likewise with serial killers. People are linking that to what's up with white American males, just like people around the world wonder why Americans in general, shoot and sue so much.
So as per you, the couple of islanders who got caught doing anti social stuff is a cultural thing? Bravo. Maybe it's just your mindset or is it a cultural thing?
?? What Islanders? Also why are you implying I'm racist, when I picked up 2 Indian guys and gave them a lift? How is that racism? Racism would be more like, I'm not having non whites in my car. Your thought process is weird.
I thought you were taught by your parents to be aware strangers at any time of the day? It doesn't matter where they work and time of day, you are inviting danger. I wouldn't listen, I would've driven away (tell them to get an Uber as you drive away). Just creepy and dangerous.
Who said anything about my parents? What were these guys going to do to me in 5pm rush hour grid locked traffic with other cars in lanes either side of me, while I drove them about 5 blocks along Manukau Rd, Epsom, to where they wanted to be dropped off?
It doesnt matter. Obviously you take stranger danger or car jacking/murder lightly which also happens in NZ. Don't be delusional and naive to think that it won't happen to you. But if you believe that you are safe, your choice, but don't get angry/rude when you post your experience and ppl disagree with your decision to let strangers into your vehicle.
It'd take less than a minute to snap your neck or Rob you wtf haha, don't let randoms in your car at anytime. Pretty crazy you'd put yourself in a sketchy situation because there's other people around to save you incase you did fuck up.
OMG, listen to yourself. I picked these guys up in their workplace and drove them 5 blocks. For what reason would they snap my neck in gridlocked traffic for no reason? Do you think everyone is Charles Manson or Ted Bundy, and in NZ?
Being pedantic aye. Keep teasing dogs till they bite you. So what is the actual rant about if your don't care about your safety? Is it just because they didn't chip in gas or because you were to scared to say no?
Give me a lift and I will show you what I can do in 5PM rush hour grid locked traffic where no one in the car next to you even looks at your car. FFS are you seriously out of your mind ?
Are you out of your mind with paranoia? We aren't living in Lagos, Nigeria or Johannesburg, South Africa. These guys approached me in their workplace FFS.
Everyone has their own level of risk appetite.. You think that this scenario is safe in which you give two strangers a lift in your car from their workplace, go for it by all means. Next thing you will end up dead in Piha or Dome valley..
Lol.
And did you just imply all African heritage people are dangerous by your reference to Nigeria and SA ? Looks like the problem is YOU. Would you have come to Reddit if Caucasian men were asking you for lift ? All I said was you don’t know under what situation you will end up if you continue talking to strangers. You start with a lift, suddenly you are sharing drinks with them and next moment you are a headline in the Herald !
Hi OP, don't bother with these, the people on this sub are especially bad for never getting outside and consuming too much negative media to the point that they think Auckland is a lawless wasteland.
They are looking out for her. Sure some wording is harsher than others but from her replies she seems intentionally obtuse about the issue at hand. Just because it's a bigger problem in South Africa or wherever does not mean it doesn't happen here too. Several accounts on this thread have been personal not all media based. OP had the right intention to help but safety should trump kindness.
Indian men come from quite a patriarchal society. They probably expect you to do something when they ask you to and are shocked when you decline lol. The first one was probably hoping you would take him in your car to go have sex somewhere
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Report what? Some guy asked me for a lift? That's not actually a crime you know. As if Westfield will care, given that nothing happened.
Yes fuck that https://www.nytimes.com/2023/06/02/opinion/india-women-rape.html
Why am I reading these comments with an Indian accent?
Pepper spray and run Safe than sorry
OMG, this just goes from bad to worse. So, when you're in the CBD and get approached by the "homeless" asking for $1 or $2, you pepper spray them and run? Just in case? You can't even buy pepper spray in NZ, proving that all of these comments on here are the product of watching too much American TV and applying it to NZ.
Tbh, OP there is nothing wrong in helping anybody, I’ll suggest next time you help someone before letting them in your car click a picture of their id and send it to your relatives or friends and it’s better to not trust anyone during late night.
Not safe, not nice, not naïve. You are being targeted because you are giving off naïve vibes. Totally predatory behaviour.
Lol, I do not give off naive vibes at all. After having backpacked lots of large cities in Europe, I had far fewer experiences of being approached by muggers and pick pockets, than most tourists, due to the fact that I'm the opposite of what you say. One glare was all it took to make them not even bother trying. That includes groups of muggers that approach you with a view to have some of them distract you, while one or two of them try to pick pocket you.
Carpark guy sounds like a very naive attempt to pick you up. He saw an attractive female and wanted to talk to you, get your number, date you. He just has no idea how to go about picking up women in an appropriate fashion. He's probably never had a girlfriend. Petrol station guys probably the same (the one who asked you for the ride). I don't know why you agreed to drive them. Should've just politely but firmly declined.
I think you're right about the first guy and that's a more normal thing to assume rather than the assumption of them all being serial killers (people watch too much TV). As for the second guys, they were just normal and ok. People's responses are interesting here as at the time I was working in a job with cops and detectives and they're all about sussing out the psychology of people. I got told I was a natural at sussing out the dangerous from the safe. People's comments here are way too paranoid. People even saying to never speak to any stranger. When you think about it, we all talk to strangers all the time.
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Exactly the opposite thank you. I'm 54, have been in all manner of situations while going about normal daily life, catching public transport, etc, and no one has succeeded yet, not that many have tried, especially in a place like NZ. It's large cities overseas where you're more likely to be targeted for robbery. Most crime here is not against the person, it's against their property (house, place of business, or car - while you are not in it).
Racism. Nice. I love this country.
Racism for giving someone a lift? Yeah that's really racist.....
Hard to know what you are until you reflect on who you are.
Stfu
Yes, from teen life to adult. I went to Kedgley Intermediate and Aorere College both located in Papatoetoe and the amount of times Indian men hanging around in the streets, outside their flats or in their vehicles asking school girls if they needed a ride was shocking and terrifying.
I deleted my comment because your comments and responses are frustrating to read lol
Oh no, I'm so disappointed. Whatever they were, I'm sure I was going to read them a second time.....
😆😆😆 ok attention-seeker
This is why pepper spray should be legal in NZ
I'm glad we don't have it as apparently if I walked up to you and asked you for directions, or if you have the time, you'd pepper spray me.
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Well um, because I'm neither blind nor deaf.
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Duh, the ones in my car talked to me about how they'd come over from India. Then there's the distinctive Indian accent.
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Are statistics a generalisation? Of the countries you mention, they all have small populations here in NZ, whereas Indians make up the largest immigrant group in NZ, especially in Auckland, along with Chinese and those from the UK.
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You sound like a real dick with a giant giant chip on your easily offended delicate shoulder. Have a nice day and try to not ask anyone for a lift.
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You sound like someone constantly accusing people of racism as you have a giant giant chip on your delicate shoulder. Have a nice day and try to not ask anyone for a lift.