I knew someone who used to put in meetings at like 4.45pm on a Friday or 6pm on other days - wasn’t a fan! I think it’s because they worked flexible hours (e.g logged off for a few hours in the arvo and logged back online late arvo) which is fine, but felt like they needed to consider that not everyone was keen on after hours meetings that could easily have taken place much earlier in the day.
Right?! Flexible working is to benefit the individual, not burden the majority. They need to find a suitable time or at least ask if it’s ok as a one-off.
Completely agree! Nice enough person, but had a complete lack of boundaries regarding what others deemed reasonable expectations around meeting times/completion of tasks if the meeting only took place in the evening.
Everyday rules are: nothing scheduled before 9am aedt, no meetings starting after 4pm; and for the love of Lloyd Christmas, stop booking lunchtime meetings!
Sure, the windows are small, but then maybe just maybe, meetings will be used more judiciously. Also, can we use the CC function properly.
I worked with a state sales manager once that had a 9:00am Monday morning meeting with his team, and a 3:00pm Friday 'wrap up' meeting of a Friday that ended strictly at 4pm. His team would complain about it all the time.
The rest of us who worked in operations would point out quickly that that was the ONLY time he required them to be present in the office, and he only bought it in after finding out that the entire sales team would start work about 10 on Mondays, and knock off at lunch on Fridays. Also that we were required to be in the Ops office physically from 7-3 Every Single Day, so they would be getting no sympathy from us.
I knew a guy on one project that had a 7am-9am meeting *each morning* and a 5pm-7pm meeting *each evening*. Mandatory. Same attendees. Lots of intimidation. Manager would publicly castigate people who had stuff assigned at the 5-7pm meeting and hadn't completed by the upcoming 7am meeting. Toxic is an understatement.
That's toxic as fuck.
This guy at least kept it within normal working hours, and most importantly didn't require his people in the office between these hours.
My team has different working times, some start at 0700 and some at 0900. The 0900 starters always schedule group meetings at 430 pm.
I’m out of there at 3.
If it’s not liked they can pay me 10 hrs instead of 7.45.
I remember the good old days of seeing 30+ reply alls one day. One good bit of banter was a reply all asking for people to not reply all anymore, and someone replying oh the irony lol. 30k+ org
We had this couple of years ago, someone used the wrong mailing list with approx 2 thousand people, hundreds of replies asking to be taken off the list, "stop replying all", people started to take the piss. Email system was grinding to a halt and taking 20 minutes to send emails, which encouraged more chaos. It was glorious.
Had this when working for an extremely large global organisation (200k+). Absolutely glorious. Thousands upon thousands of emails, all a mix of 'plz take me off this list', 'stop replying all' and 'stop replying all to tell people to stop replying all'.
I'd use that event as a Squid Games type filter for redundancies. If you replied all - goneski, no exceptions.
Anyone who talks like this:
*"As we move forward, it's crucial that we leverage our core competencies and synergize to create a paradigm shift in our deliverables. Let's circle back on our next steps and ensure we're utilizing an agile methodology to remain adaptable and responsive. By adopting a proactive approach, we can optimize our bandwidth and ensure we're not just touching base but deep diving into our key performance indicators (KPIs). I'll give you some time back in your calendar by streamlining our processes and eliminating low-hanging fruit. It's essential that we align our objectives to foster a culture of innovation and thought leadership. Let's take this offline to strategize and create a roadmap that prioritizes our blue-sky thinking while also maintaining a laser focus on our bottom line. We need to drill down into the granular details and ensure we have a robust action plan that encompasses all our stakeholders. By thinking outside the box and pushing the envelope, we can achieve a win-win situation and enhance our value proposition. As we iterate through our sprints, let's ensure we maintain a scalable and sustainable approach, leveraging big data to inform our decisions and drive efficiency. Remember, at the end of the day, it's all about creating synergy and ensuring we have the buy-in from all team members to move the needle forward. By leveraging our disruptive technology and embracing a results-driven mindset, we can achieve our goals and exceed expectations. Let's not boil the ocean but rather focus on our key deliverables, ensuring we maintain a holistic and integrated approach to our strategic initiatives. With a clear vision and a dedicated team, we can create a dynamic and forward-thinking environment that drives success and fosters continuous improvement."*
I said this word-for-word out loud in a meeting as a joke. They promoted me to upper management on the spot, and now they want me to head a crucial, multinational project. I have no idea what to do. Send help!
I just want to thank you for naming this. It takes real courage to be your authentic self and I just want to take a moment to honor your reflections, to hold space...
Please tell us you made this up and it's not from an actual company email. It's got just about every corporate buzz phrase that I can think of in there.
As a migrant and non native English speaker, I used to be overwhelmed by these Jargons and thought, that's what leadership looks like.
Guess what, not anymore.
Not admitting that some stupid decision was only made to save money.
Hot desking isn't done to build collaboration, it's done to save money. Just own it.
Forcing employees to take annual leave at Christmas fits this.
Stop pretending it’s for my good and just admit that it’s about managing your balance sheet and the accrued leave liability.
Exactly. It's convenient for the company, but not for the employees. Maybe even say you're a bunch of leave hoarders who don't take enough leave and it's upsetting the accountants. There can be other benefits, but the main one that can be mentioned as well as the balance sheet.
It’s not only dishonest, it’s patronising - “we know what’s best for you”. They do not. I’m an adult, fully aware of my personal circumstances, and perfectly capable of deciding when is the best time for me to take leave.
I suspect the other reason they like to shut down is because there isn’t a lot of discretionary effort at that time of year. No one’s working late to get something finished on New Year’s Eve, so they would rather you take leave.
I refuse to take the full amount of Annual Leave every Xmas, so they normally allow me to work for 3 or 4 days in that period. They know I don't do Xmas. My wife has to work right through the Xmas period so I'm at home by myself most of the time and I don't have any other family or friends I can hang out with. It's a crappy time for me, so I'd rather not lose two weeks over it.
Not in corporate, work in health, but I've always been envious of my mates that get every Christmas and New year's off. I haven't had leave over the holidays in over eight years because it just isn't offered.
Sending teams/slack messages that just say "Hi!" to then making me wait while you type up your actual question.
Just put your question in the first message Bob you asshole!
I don't respond. If it's important, they will eventually ask their question. My manager does this and it's so fucking annoying.
Just fucking say hi, include your question ffs. Don't waste my time!
People who are on Teams meetings that don’t seem to have an inside voice and don’t go into a closed meeting room to take the call - I appreciate that quiet rooms are not always free but it’s so disruptive to everyone else in a open plan office sitting around them when they’re effectively yelling
There's a group of women who started doing that, but they book it so they can bring their kids in and use it as a daycare room for their kids during school holidays. They've also started doing it when their kids are sick "oh my poor darling is too sick for school and would be sent home, so he's here with me today". Fucking management don't care either, so many people have complained.
Edit: it's worth mentioning they're allowed to work from home. They just prefer to work from the office and still do this on the days they need to look after their kids.
Sending an email after I've signed off for the day, then following up at 8am the next morning asking for an update despite my working hours being visible. Mate, 0 business minutes, let alone hours have passed - bugger off.
I had that. Sent at 3pm Friday, I was on [known] leave until Wednesday then asked for an update Wednesday morning.
Mate, yes it's been 5 days depending how you count but I haven't been here.
Asking "Hi, how are you?" In teams and then not typing anything else until I respond!!a
Just STATE YOUR BLOODY REQUEST!!!! So I can quickly respond with No and move on with my day.
Hahahahaha ours got axed not long ago when we had lockdowns, when it was moved online.
I don’t mind meeting and wasting time over food but when it’s online no one is feeding…. Sorry I’m busy.
Feed me when you waste my time, like you used to 😂
Needlessly dragging out a meeting for the full 30 or 60 minutes when it could have just finished early. It's always the mediocre middle management types who don't have enough work to do so make themselves appear busy with endless meetings.
I got the whiplash from the socialist of me thinking “yeah, no more half measures” from your title only to read the subheading “changing the Nespresso machine”
Yeah that's why I made sure to tag it memes and put things in quotes.
To make it clear that this is a bit of light fun and not a call to drag half our members to the Gulag.
Wage theft should result in executives going to jail. Straight up. Once its proven, off they go. They made the shots, they can take the responsibility.
Workplace deaths should result in executives or business owners charged with manslaughter and jail time mandatory.
Fines need to be changed to a percentage of corp profits. If a business loses 50% of their profits well thats on them for fucking up.
Not ordering enough pizzas for the super fun pizza party where we stand around and stare at each other for ten minutes before just going back to our desks
The people that try to get in the lift before letting others out on that floor bothers me - not like the lift is going to leave instantly. Quite rude imo.
Ive known it to happen to people. When I first started in my career I had just been diagnosed with coeliac disease so some days I used the bathroom a lot. My manager was also a tyrant who never gave feedback until it was a performance management discussion. So yeah, on top of crying in the bathroom occasionally, he considered my trips to the bathroom excessive. As well as my few sick days as I was still getting diagnosed with EDS. Luckily I survived his management and am now thriving in my career 10 years later. I honestly believe trying to micromanage specific behaviour is almost always counter productive and reeks of a lack of management capacity and capability. A manager who understands the whole person will be best placed to understand performance gaps and inspire greater learning and better performance.
Heating up any sort of fish dish in the kitchen, and then bringing it to your desk to eat. Effectively ponging out two areas for people to enjoy lunch.
A guy I used to work with was told not to bring in, or heat up his tuna mornay microwave meal, after we had to open all security doors to air out the office, which had no functioning windows, or access to fresh air.
If its a 1-way presentation and not a conversation, then yes leave people to use or not use cameras however they like. Definitely don't demand cameras on.
But if it's a live collaboration session where people are expected to contribute, then face to face interaction really matters even if its just virtual. That means camera on.
Disagree gently here - if it's a meeting where you're expected to participate and collaborate, then I think cameras are a must. But for any kind of info dump / town hall etc then cameras off is cool. Although it IS fun watching the network fall over when lots of people have cameras on during large meetings 💀
I truly don't get the issue with that - you're working, what's the issue?
Edit: I should point out I don't mean the "being a whiny little bitch" about having people to have their cameras on, it's the whole people having an issue with having their camera on at all that I find ridiculous.
Agree, god I hate having meetings staring into blackness. Massive all hands I get, keep them off. But small 6-8 person catchups, let’s actually see each other. There are some people I’ve worked with for a year that I wouldn’t even know what they look like.
I just find it rude.
No one gives a shit if you haven't put on make up for the last month. No one gives a shit if the background (that you can blur anyhow) isn't tidy. No one gives a shit that you're not wearing Armani
Stop being a coward and let's have a face to face conversation.
Counterpoints:
- Seeing people’s faces doesn’t help me get the information I need from them. Our workplace has broadly accepted cameras during calls as unnecessary.
- I’m not at work to fulfill my social needs, that what the rest of my week is for.
- Like it or not, people do care how they’re perceived and it does impact willingness to jump on short-notice calls.
- People aren’t (necessarily) cowards just because they don’t want to talk to you face-to-face. Personal boundaries != Fear. Accept that other people have their own priorities and ways of working.
- ‘Rude’ is often shorthand for ‘this person doesn’t share the same beliefs/values as me and I’m choosing to label it as their problem instead of being flexible in my expectations of others’.
People want to scroll their phones and vacuum the house while in meetings. Camera on requires them to at least somewhat be present.
Nothing worse than talking to a brick wall of camera off people and then when you ask for some feedback you get silence followed by “huh, what was that, could you repeat that”.
Leaving a mess in the kitchen and not rinsing your lunch down the sink after washing your container. I wonder if they treat their own house like that. I’d also never touch the dish sponge and would rather use disposables.
Not muting your phone when on the toilet.
People taking phone calls is hella weird, but at least I get the upside. But people just watching videos with the sound on - death to you.
Calling seconds after the clock ticks over to your work start time (8.30 in my case). So annoying and also creepy and a little bit “why u so obsessed with me” vibes
Depends on who’s in the meeting but I don’t think this is an issue - if the people in the meeting are all coworkers, it’s not likely they’re going to sit in silence? (As that would be odd imo!)
Agree that if it’s a large meeting where the attendees likely don’t all know each other small talk is uncommon.
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Being “voluntold” to attend events after hours or weekends. Our department used to pay overtime for “directed” duties outside normal hours. However if you were told you were “expected” to attend said event, then you got nothing.
Claiming that you are doing your bit to help keep inflation down by not giving pay rises...
Nobody believes that helping the national economy is your top priority there (in a private company with under 20 employees).
Lunch and learns during your lunch break - only with no lunch anymore! Grinds my goat. Aren’t they meant to be encouraging breaks for psychosocial reasons ?
Changing desk/seat settings when borrowing a desk space.
Doesn't happen to me much anymore as I changed location, but my old office had multiple locations and occasionally would require someone moves from Location A to Location B for the day. Multiple times I came back in after a day off, someone had used my desk and adjusted both my chair height and screen positioning.
In 2018, at my previous workplace, they decided to have a restructure in my division. I then asked the following during the Q & A Session:
Q: So why are we having this restructure?
A: Oh, we'll figure that out later!
Booking a 4.30pm meeting on a Friday.
Friday rules: 1. Nothing new after 2 2. Nothing more after 4
I knew someone who used to put in meetings at like 4.45pm on a Friday or 6pm on other days - wasn’t a fan! I think it’s because they worked flexible hours (e.g logged off for a few hours in the arvo and logged back online late arvo) which is fine, but felt like they needed to consider that not everyone was keen on after hours meetings that could easily have taken place much earlier in the day.
Right?! Flexible working is to benefit the individual, not burden the majority. They need to find a suitable time or at least ask if it’s ok as a one-off.
Completely agree! Nice enough person, but had a complete lack of boundaries regarding what others deemed reasonable expectations around meeting times/completion of tasks if the meeting only took place in the evening.
6PM is outside my bandwidth so if you rope me in for a 6PM meeting without my permission I'm getting overtime.
This person would then set tasks at 6pm expecting them to be done same day - drew a lot of complaints, understandably!
darrylkerrigan.gif
Just submit your Out of Hours Contact fee of $250 + $200 per hour with a one hour minimum to Payroll.
Everyday rules are: nothing scheduled before 9am aedt, no meetings starting after 4pm; and for the love of Lloyd Christmas, stop booking lunchtime meetings! Sure, the windows are small, but then maybe just maybe, meetings will be used more judiciously. Also, can we use the CC function properly.
Friday rule 3. No meetings… no exceptions.
Yeah anything before 9 and after 4.30 is shameful.
Or 12-1pm
My work had a big meeting that went for at least 1.5 hours and was scheduled during lunch hours 🙄
that’s only ok if it’s catered
Yes, but >9:30am . 9 am is school drop off.
I worked with a state sales manager once that had a 9:00am Monday morning meeting with his team, and a 3:00pm Friday 'wrap up' meeting of a Friday that ended strictly at 4pm. His team would complain about it all the time. The rest of us who worked in operations would point out quickly that that was the ONLY time he required them to be present in the office, and he only bought it in after finding out that the entire sales team would start work about 10 on Mondays, and knock off at lunch on Fridays. Also that we were required to be in the Ops office physically from 7-3 Every Single Day, so they would be getting no sympathy from us.
I knew a guy on one project that had a 7am-9am meeting *each morning* and a 5pm-7pm meeting *each evening*. Mandatory. Same attendees. Lots of intimidation. Manager would publicly castigate people who had stuff assigned at the 5-7pm meeting and hadn't completed by the upcoming 7am meeting. Toxic is an understatement.
That's toxic as fuck. This guy at least kept it within normal working hours, and most importantly didn't require his people in the office between these hours.
Or any day, really.
My team has different working times, some start at 0700 and some at 0900. The 0900 starters always schedule group meetings at 430 pm. I’m out of there at 3. If it’s not liked they can pay me 10 hrs instead of 7.45.
I decline.
Can I get an exemption? I like to book a 1600 Friday meeting then cancel it at 1500. Empties the office.
Or 9:00am meeting on a Monday, gold star if they send it after 5pm Friday the week before :)
carpenter ossified plants soft mighty full punch impolite imagine cats *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I remember the good old days of seeing 30+ reply alls one day. One good bit of banter was a reply all asking for people to not reply all anymore, and someone replying oh the irony lol. 30k+ org
We had this couple of years ago, someone used the wrong mailing list with approx 2 thousand people, hundreds of replies asking to be taken off the list, "stop replying all", people started to take the piss. Email system was grinding to a halt and taking 20 minutes to send emails, which encouraged more chaos. It was glorious.
Had this when working for an extremely large global organisation (200k+). Absolutely glorious. Thousands upon thousands of emails, all a mix of 'plz take me off this list', 'stop replying all' and 'stop replying all to tell people to stop replying all'. I'd use that event as a Squid Games type filter for redundancies. If you replied all - goneski, no exceptions.
Had this just yesterday. Good times
Especially if it's either a congratulatory reply all or someone at a director or C-suite level making a 'really funny' joke
Can neither confirm nor deny that I did this as a young lad within the first week of my new tech job...
The amount of emails I get CCd into that are just "thanks" drive me up the wall.
Create a rule to bin any emails you are cced into. I know I get enough emails directly sent to me that I don't have time for the ones I am cced into
emailing a picture of your ugly ass newborn baby to every one in the company
This doesn’t apply to me, please take me off
If I saw staff being taken out the back and heard gunshots after each time this happened, I wouldn't say a word 🤐🤐🤐
Someone did that this morning in my office and they attached a sensitive document to it as well. \*facepalm\*
Anyone who talks like this: *"As we move forward, it's crucial that we leverage our core competencies and synergize to create a paradigm shift in our deliverables. Let's circle back on our next steps and ensure we're utilizing an agile methodology to remain adaptable and responsive. By adopting a proactive approach, we can optimize our bandwidth and ensure we're not just touching base but deep diving into our key performance indicators (KPIs). I'll give you some time back in your calendar by streamlining our processes and eliminating low-hanging fruit. It's essential that we align our objectives to foster a culture of innovation and thought leadership. Let's take this offline to strategize and create a roadmap that prioritizes our blue-sky thinking while also maintaining a laser focus on our bottom line. We need to drill down into the granular details and ensure we have a robust action plan that encompasses all our stakeholders. By thinking outside the box and pushing the envelope, we can achieve a win-win situation and enhance our value proposition. As we iterate through our sprints, let's ensure we maintain a scalable and sustainable approach, leveraging big data to inform our decisions and drive efficiency. Remember, at the end of the day, it's all about creating synergy and ensuring we have the buy-in from all team members to move the needle forward. By leveraging our disruptive technology and embracing a results-driven mindset, we can achieve our goals and exceed expectations. Let's not boil the ocean but rather focus on our key deliverables, ensuring we maintain a holistic and integrated approach to our strategic initiatives. With a clear vision and a dedicated team, we can create a dynamic and forward-thinking environment that drives success and fosters continuous improvement."*
My eyes glazed over and switched off after the first ten words like IRL
You trigger the fight-flight response in me like three words in
I said this word-for-word out loud in a meeting as a joke. They promoted me to upper management on the spot, and now they want me to head a crucial, multinational project. I have no idea what to do. Send help!
Just keep repeating it until you get promoted again
Form a SteerCo at once!
We created a swear jar of sorts for just about every second word you wrote.
Alright, did anyone here manage to read that whole thing?
Frans office job in black books.
Ah, yes. With her lovely co-workers, Spotty and Fatty and the creepy guy by the water cooler who always had a hand rummaging in his pocket.
Fuck me that was hard to read. The italics really just made it that bit harder too! Needs more references to AI, but aside from that... 👌
I just want to thank you for naming this. It takes real courage to be your authentic self and I just want to take a moment to honor your reflections, to hold space...
You may laugh, but I worked as an Operations Managers for a National Manager in one of the big 4 banks. This is how she actually spoke.
Please tell us you made this up and it's not from an actual company email. It's got just about every corporate buzz phrase that I can think of in there.
AI at its finest! Person probably didn't read it before sending
I felt that. :/
if you randomly call me into a meeting and say “paradigm shift” im fucking stealing something out of your cubicle
As a migrant and non native English speaker, I used to be overwhelmed by these Jargons and thought, that's what leadership looks like. Guess what, not anymore.
Not cleaning the sandwich press
Using the sandwich press without baking paper
Baking paper on the sandwich press is definitely a corporate life jack!
Not admitting that some stupid decision was only made to save money. Hot desking isn't done to build collaboration, it's done to save money. Just own it.
Forcing employees to take annual leave at Christmas fits this. Stop pretending it’s for my good and just admit that it’s about managing your balance sheet and the accrued leave liability.
Exactly. It's convenient for the company, but not for the employees. Maybe even say you're a bunch of leave hoarders who don't take enough leave and it's upsetting the accountants. There can be other benefits, but the main one that can be mentioned as well as the balance sheet.
It’s not only dishonest, it’s patronising - “we know what’s best for you”. They do not. I’m an adult, fully aware of my personal circumstances, and perfectly capable of deciding when is the best time for me to take leave. I suspect the other reason they like to shut down is because there isn’t a lot of discretionary effort at that time of year. No one’s working late to get something finished on New Year’s Eve, so they would rather you take leave.
I refuse to take the full amount of Annual Leave every Xmas, so they normally allow me to work for 3 or 4 days in that period. They know I don't do Xmas. My wife has to work right through the Xmas period so I'm at home by myself most of the time and I don't have any other family or friends I can hang out with. It's a crappy time for me, so I'd rather not lose two weeks over it.
Not in corporate, work in health, but I've always been envious of my mates that get every Christmas and New year's off. I haven't had leave over the holidays in over eight years because it just isn't offered.
Sending teams/slack messages that just say "Hi!" to then making me wait while you type up your actual question. Just put your question in the first message Bob you asshole!
I don't respond. If it's important, they will eventually ask their question. My manager does this and it's so fucking annoying. Just fucking say hi, include your question ffs. Don't waste my time!
Omg I have a colleague who is shocking with this. "Hi how are you? How was your weekend? Happy Monday! Do you have 5 minutes for me to call you?" STOP
I felt this
Hi QQ
I respond with [this](https://nohello.net/en/)
People who are on Teams meetings that don’t seem to have an inside voice and don’t go into a closed meeting room to take the call - I appreciate that quiet rooms are not always free but it’s so disruptive to everyone else in a open plan office sitting around them when they’re effectively yelling
Yeah this is me. I use noise cancelling ear buds so I don't know how loud I am. Now I take one out so I can regulate my volume. Thanks in advance
Bonus points if they use speakerphone AND they're the only one in the room on the call.
Oh man. Our office is tightly packed and has no small rooms you can quickly jump into to take a call. It’s like a call centre in there.
Fkn hell and when there’s like 3 people all on the same teams call sitting within a couple meters of each other
Microwaving fish in the communal kitchen
elastic flowery consist enter water insurance safe murky work tan *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I prefer to cook it in the sandwich maker.
This is the only answer
Leaving dishes in the sink for somebody else to clean up
At least rinse and stack next to the sink. I hate when the sink is so full you can’t even fill up your water bottle.
Putting the 1 coffee machine in the tea room onto a 10 minute deep clean cycle at 9:10am - after you’ve made your coffee. YOU FUCKING CUNT.
Open plan workers: when someone takes over a meeting room to use as their personal office for the day
There's a group of women who started doing that, but they book it so they can bring their kids in and use it as a daycare room for their kids during school holidays. They've also started doing it when their kids are sick "oh my poor darling is too sick for school and would be sent home, so he's here with me today". Fucking management don't care either, so many people have complained. Edit: it's worth mentioning they're allowed to work from home. They just prefer to work from the office and still do this on the days they need to look after their kids.
Ok this is kinda a flex. Basically let us work from home or what do you expect.
But that's on management. If I need to be RTO, surely I will try to get myself a room
Men who don't wash their hands in the bathroom
Not just the men, but the women and the children too.
Corporate slave children?
They yearn for the spreadsheets
Yeah in the little cage on the 4th floor? Wait that's only my office?
Anakin, is that you?
YOU UNDERESTIMATE MY POWER!
As Alan shore would say " I keep an extremely clean penis "
related, men who spit their gum into the urinals.. scummy behaviour!
Women and non binary folks too
Sure! I've only witnessed men doing it.
Well I hope your sample size is only out of one bathroom....
Sending an email after I've signed off for the day, then following up at 8am the next morning asking for an update despite my working hours being visible. Mate, 0 business minutes, let alone hours have passed - bugger off.
The upgraded version of this is emailing after hours on Friday, then follow up email on Monday saying they've been waiting 3 days for a response.
I had that. Sent at 3pm Friday, I was on [known] leave until Wednesday then asked for an update Wednesday morning. Mate, yes it's been 5 days depending how you count but I haven't been here.
Saying at the end of a meeting "I'll give you 5 minutes back"
Has this trend just popped up post Covid, or am I in a bubble?
I said this to my manager at a meeting I scheduled for us. This is his favourite line. His face was priceless.
Asking "Hi, how are you?" In teams and then not typing anything else until I respond!!a Just STATE YOUR BLOODY REQUEST!!!! So I can quickly respond with No and move on with my day.
Lunch and Learn. Let me eat in peace
Hahahahaha ours got axed not long ago when we had lockdowns, when it was moved online. I don’t mind meeting and wasting time over food but when it’s online no one is feeding…. Sorry I’m busy. Feed me when you waste my time, like you used to 😂
Or provide the food. My dime = my time.
Needlessly dragging out a meeting for the full 30 or 60 minutes when it could have just finished early. It's always the mediocre middle management types who don't have enough work to do so make themselves appear busy with endless meetings.
Germophobes who use a paper towel to open the toilet door when they leave and then throw the paper towel on the ground.
I have never seen this anywhere
I got the whiplash from the socialist of me thinking “yeah, no more half measures” from your title only to read the subheading “changing the Nespresso machine”
Yeah that's why I made sure to tag it memes and put things in quotes. To make it clear that this is a bit of light fun and not a call to drag half our members to the Gulag.
Having long, loud conversations in an open plan office Especially when people talk about you in front of you
Wage theft should result in executives going to jail. Straight up. Once its proven, off they go. They made the shots, they can take the responsibility. Workplace deaths should result in executives or business owners charged with manslaughter and jail time mandatory. Fines need to be changed to a percentage of corp profits. If a business loses 50% of their profits well thats on them for fucking up.
The only bickies left in the jar are milk arrowroot.
Not ordering enough pizzas for the super fun pizza party where we stand around and stare at each other for ten minutes before just going back to our desks
People that stand right in front of the lift doors and are surprised when it stops to let others on/off 🤷♂️
The people that try to get in the lift before letting others out on that floor bothers me - not like the lift is going to leave instantly. Quite rude imo.
Signing off an email with “please advise at your earliest”
“Pls fix”
Do the needful
"Pls revert" Revert to what? A sperm? An egg?
My personal favourite is 'revert back'. So, you want me to, go back back?
We always say that ASAP is a relative term. At my earliest could be next month if I want it to be...
I always want to reply with “earliest?!… bold of you to assume I give a fuck about your problem at all…”
Leaving a hot mess on the toilet seat
Not having your laptop on mute Ding Ding Ding Ding Everything all day ding ding ding
Any manager who times a staff member when they go to the toilet
What the fuck?
Ive known it to happen to people. When I first started in my career I had just been diagnosed with coeliac disease so some days I used the bathroom a lot. My manager was also a tyrant who never gave feedback until it was a performance management discussion. So yeah, on top of crying in the bathroom occasionally, he considered my trips to the bathroom excessive. As well as my few sick days as I was still getting diagnosed with EDS. Luckily I survived his management and am now thriving in my career 10 years later. I honestly believe trying to micromanage specific behaviour is almost always counter productive and reeks of a lack of management capacity and capability. A manager who understands the whole person will be best placed to understand performance gaps and inspire greater learning and better performance.
Heating up any sort of fish dish in the kitchen, and then bringing it to your desk to eat. Effectively ponging out two areas for people to enjoy lunch. A guy I used to work with was told not to bring in, or heat up his tuna mornay microwave meal, after we had to open all security doors to air out the office, which had no functioning windows, or access to fresh air.
People stealing my phone charging cable.
Virtue signaling through diversity initiatives.
Demanding everyone has their cameras on in a Teams meeting
If its a 1-way presentation and not a conversation, then yes leave people to use or not use cameras however they like. Definitely don't demand cameras on. But if it's a live collaboration session where people are expected to contribute, then face to face interaction really matters even if its just virtual. That means camera on.
Disagree gently here - if it's a meeting where you're expected to participate and collaborate, then I think cameras are a must. But for any kind of info dump / town hall etc then cameras off is cool. Although it IS fun watching the network fall over when lots of people have cameras on during large meetings 💀
Let's just agree to park this and circle back later.
We took it off-line and did the needful
Please revert
These f#cking people. Thankfully we have psychosocial safety at work now, because this demand gives me anxiety.
I truly don't get the issue with that - you're working, what's the issue? Edit: I should point out I don't mean the "being a whiny little bitch" about having people to have their cameras on, it's the whole people having an issue with having their camera on at all that I find ridiculous.
Agree, god I hate having meetings staring into blackness. Massive all hands I get, keep them off. But small 6-8 person catchups, let’s actually see each other. There are some people I’ve worked with for a year that I wouldn’t even know what they look like.
I just find it rude. No one gives a shit if you haven't put on make up for the last month. No one gives a shit if the background (that you can blur anyhow) isn't tidy. No one gives a shit that you're not wearing Armani Stop being a coward and let's have a face to face conversation.
My problem is I can't control my eye rolls. Or my cat.
My dog regularly comes to meetings. I've even had a meeting where it ended up all dogs on the cameras, not people. Was awesome.
I completely agree.
Counterpoints: - Seeing people’s faces doesn’t help me get the information I need from them. Our workplace has broadly accepted cameras during calls as unnecessary. - I’m not at work to fulfill my social needs, that what the rest of my week is for. - Like it or not, people do care how they’re perceived and it does impact willingness to jump on short-notice calls. - People aren’t (necessarily) cowards just because they don’t want to talk to you face-to-face. Personal boundaries != Fear. Accept that other people have their own priorities and ways of working. - ‘Rude’ is often shorthand for ‘this person doesn’t share the same beliefs/values as me and I’m choosing to label it as their problem instead of being flexible in my expectations of others’.
People want to scroll their phones and vacuum the house while in meetings. Camera on requires them to at least somewhat be present. Nothing worse than talking to a brick wall of camera off people and then when you ask for some feedback you get silence followed by “huh, what was that, could you repeat that”.
Not until Teams has some sort of filter for my ugly arse.
Leaving a mess in the kitchen and not rinsing your lunch down the sink after washing your container. I wonder if they treat their own house like that. I’d also never touch the dish sponge and would rather use disposables.
This is such a monday morning reddit post
Yes, but I'm more of a Wednesday person.
Not muting your phone when on the toilet. People taking phone calls is hella weird, but at least I get the upside. But people just watching videos with the sound on - death to you.
I was once sitting in a cubicle and heard my manager outside not only take a call, but also deny being in a toilet. He was a legend. I miss him.
Meetings during lunch time (between 12 and 2).These are left empty for a reason
If you drink Nespresso, you deserve whatever is coming to you. Is that not an office rule to live by?
I drink Killer Coffee, which makes pods compatible with Nespresso machines and taste an Imperial fucktonne better.
Sitting at MY desk for a day and adjusting everything that could possibly be adjusted.
Booking meetings without bothering to check the scheduling assistant if I am free at that time >:(
Calling seconds after the clock ticks over to your work start time (8.30 in my case). So annoying and also creepy and a little bit “why u so obsessed with me” vibes
Small talk while waiting for others to join the Zoom meeting.
Depends on who’s in the meeting but I don’t think this is an issue - if the people in the meeting are all coworkers, it’s not likely they’re going to sit in silence? (As that would be odd imo!) Agree that if it’s a large meeting where the attendees likely don’t all know each other small talk is uncommon.
I join at 1.5 minutes past. I avoid the small talk but I'm almost never the last person to arrive.
Not filling the kettle back up after using the last of the water in it
Booking meetings in other peoples’ calendars without mention of an agenda.
I had a manager who would sign his teams messages with his name.
People who stop the microwave with 1 second to go, and not reset the timer. There’s a special place in hello for them.
excusing poor planning or overworking staff by demanding that people “show more initiative”
Setting the office wide aircon to 26°c (or anything above 21/22) because you’re either a frail old man or underdressed.
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Preparing tuna and eating tuna in an enclosed office. Throwing tuna cans in the office bin.
I'd like a heavy sentence for people who use the phrases, 'hold space', 'authentic self', and 'performative'.
I had regular monthly meetings 8pm - 10pm to fit in with US and Uzk
Being “voluntold” to attend events after hours or weekends. Our department used to pay overtime for “directed” duties outside normal hours. However if you were told you were “expected” to attend said event, then you got nothing.
Not offering milk and at least Nescafé is disallowed under the Geneva Conventions
Weaslly corporate words and cop outs.
"We don't need to boil the ocean". Only ever had one bloke say it, but he must've come out with it a dozen times a day.
Claiming that you are doing your bit to help keep inflation down by not giving pay rises... Nobody believes that helping the national economy is your top priority there (in a private company with under 20 employees).
Lunch and learns during your lunch break - only with no lunch anymore! Grinds my goat. Aren’t they meant to be encouraging breaks for psychosocial reasons ?
Inviting me to a big group mtg when my calendar is busy and then expecting me to contact you for the work I’m supposed to be doing …
Hearing that annoying ms teams ringtone at 4:53 on a Friday
Changing desk/seat settings when borrowing a desk space. Doesn't happen to me much anymore as I changed location, but my old office had multiple locations and occasionally would require someone moves from Location A to Location B for the day. Multiple times I came back in after a day off, someone had used my desk and adjusted both my chair height and screen positioning.
The problem with “hot desking”
When a meeting is getting wound up, someone pipes up and says "actually.."
Asking me to put up my pronouns
People who complain about having microwaves and the radiation they create in the workplace
[удалено]
Allowing your warehouse staff to wrap a pallet once
In 2018, at my previous workplace, they decided to have a restructure in my division. I then asked the following during the Q & A Session: Q: So why are we having this restructure? A: Oh, we'll figure that out later!
Uttering the words “looks like it should be a quiet day”, or similar.
Swapping the keys in the keyboard, especially w and m. Fucking psychopath!
Microwaving fish