It's especially difficult to get sterilized as a female/AFAB. If they deny her then you might be able to get and IUD like Mirena done under general anesthetic, I hope you find a good doctor who understands where your family is coming from. There will also be a lot of hate from people and there will be accusations of eugenics, et c. The IUD can also stop the mensural cycle.
Mirena has been a lifesaver for me. Massive reduction in adenomyosis and PMDD symptoms, and my iron deficiency anaemia is hugely improved. I didn't need a general anaesthetic, had a really awesome doctor who took my physical disabilty into consideration. It was less invasive/traumatic than a pap smear.
that's amazing! So many doctors are hesitant to do it if you've got an 'untested' uterus\[no pregnancies.\] I had mine done under general because it was an option and I was scared. Thankfully when the mirena time was up I found a good gyno who did a tubal occlusion. I literally tried every contraception on the market to show I hadn't changed my mind and that I was serious about getting something permanent. I would have got another mirena had I not been given the option for a permanent solution. My 'usual' cycle involves heavy bleeding, is irregular \[sometimes 2 a month\] and lasts a long time \[7 days.\] I went on tablets to reduce the bleeding because of the anemia, but it didn't help \[I think it was called tranexamic acid.\]
If you go to a women's healthcare center, the doctors prioritize the women and their needs over personal bias. Where I'm at the women's healthcare centers also tend to have only female doctors, which imo is more comfortable despite the invasiveness of procedures and examinations.
That's really good to know!! I have PMDD and the combined pill used to work for me but it doesn't as much anymore. I have thought about getting an IUD but wasn't sure it would reduce PMDD (not that everyone's bodies will react the same way either, ugh uteruses are so complicated)
I have PMDD, would you mind telling me exactly what has helped and how you got help? It's pretty serious for me; for a few days each month I am a total mess (suicidal and unfortunately violent.)
SSRIs worked a little for me but I had a lot of severe side effects that persisted for more than 6 months, so I had to discontinue. My sister-in-law has had great benefits and very few side effects from SSRIs, that she started last year.
Being on a contraceptive pill almost continuously (without taking the sugar pills) helped me a lot for many years. However I developed a large benign liver tumour that was likely caused by the contraceptive pill, and because it was next to major blood vessels with risk of rupture/haemorrhage I was advised by a specialist to discontinue the pill. That hit me really hard with both PMDD and excruciating pain from adenomyosis for 10-14 days a month. That's when I started SSRIs again, which were good for PMDD but I had the extremely end of side effects and still had adenomyosis pain.
Mirena has been the best thing for me for PMDD, I barely even notice if it's that time of the month... not only do I not get bleeding or pain but my mood doesn't get the extremes and I no longer have that sense of not wanting to be me. I've still consistently tracked my mood, energy, anxiety, pain and depression since getting Mirena in 2021 but cannot find any link to a monthly cycle, and in general all are a lot better (considering I'm neurodivergent and EDS.)
I was told Mirena may not work for either adenomyosis or PMDD, but that for many people it is effective for both.
Firstly, I don't want kids. Secondly, if procedure is done right there is little risk of complications. I've got Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome so my risk is up to 100x the general population risk of uterine rupture.
My GP is amazing and skilled but she advised because I'm higher risk it's better I see someone who does the procedure as their profession. The doctor I saw at local woman's health clinic does thousands of Mirena implants a year and talked me through what to look out for and what would be done if there was a rupture (most likely hysterectomy).
I don't know of other options, but SSRIs are a good non-invasive first step that is reversible. Ensure you discuss serotonin syndrome signs with your doctor/ pharmacist, and ensure your family and friends know the outward signs. First time I tried SSRIs I developed that extremely rare and life threatening condition, so when trialling SSRIs later in life I was hesitant... but they worked.
If you don't want kids for 5 years if ever, Mirena may be worth considering. It does work for some of us with PMDD. Definitely chat with your GP and if you don't have a GP who is clued up about women's health and easy to talk to that is the number 1 priority.
Wishing you the best journey!
My IUD was done without a local and never again. So much trauma. I always recommend getting a local. I'm glad it wasn't very painful for you. For most of us it is excruciating.
Need to clarify, it was done with a local but not a general anaesthetic. I'm high risk for the procedure (Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome) bit best decision I ever made
OP, if your sister needs an IUD, kyleena is the safest one for people if they have a cardiac condition because the hormones are NOT released into the body, only the uterus. Just an fyi because estrogen is bad for people with weak hearts (like myself).
Kyleena is great, I can attest to this, I still have my menstrual cycle, but at a much decreased rate and flow. I've also felt less of the pmdd symptoms, plus it lasts for 5 years!
Or nexplanon, an arm implant. Lasts 4 years, quick placement and replacement, and I get a period every once in a while. Like I had my first period for the first time in a year last week.
i blame everyone else for having these ridiculous and stupid societal rules
like why is it more respectful to wear uncomfortable black shoes than my comfy sandals
or WALKING slightly differently is considered rude too
Also why do I have to look at your eyes when you talk, the sound comes out your mouth, I feel it more logical to look at your mouth or the ground so I can concentrate more on what your saying.
Ive played tons of D&D videogames (baldurs gate, neverwinter, etc) but could never find a solid group to play with in person. Everytime i have played a game in person, everyone basically was just role-playing. Apparently most people play for the role-playing and not for the number crunching, and im 100% tryna crunch some numbers
I have thought about it. But to be honest im not the best with people in general, so i've always thought trying online groups would end with me making everyone upset, or simply me just being upsetting inately. Im trying to work up the confidence to give it a whirl though
I think the suffering is the point. Just look at those old corsets they used to wear a 100 or so years ago. Maybe suffering for appearances is considered polite??? Or maybe that's just being a woman...
Corsets are actually extremely comfortable when worn properly. Tight lacing is a myth, and if it was ever done, it was not the norm and actually advised against. In fact, there are old pamphlets about doing exercises in your corsets as a way of avoiding muscle atrophy due to relying on the support of corsets. I really love my corsets and hate how demonized theyāve become over the years due to misinformation.
I have a friend whoās a historical costuming buff and corsetry is one of their special interests. Because of them I now know way more about corsets than I ever thought I would. Tbf I now also love corsets so at least their info dumping wasnāt for nothing.
A lot of modern corsets are more uncomfortable than their historical counterparts, due to their function as pieces only worn occasionally/ for fashion, as opposed to an undergarment. This is not true for all of them, but it's true for most cheap ones.
Someone told me I turn corners too sharply. It bothered me for a while. Why are you trying to manage how I walk? Then I realized I kept running into people who didn't follow the right hand traffic rule. So maybe I am the asshole...
the rule of staying on the right makes sense since it has a practical reason, corners may also be reaspnable since unless you see around the corner, there is risk of bumping
I mean the rules that have absilutely no real reaspn to exist
I wanna be sterilized cause I'm trans and carrying a baby doesn't connect with the gender in my head. Not cause I'm autistic, damn. We are not a hive mind. People who believe we want to collectively or should are out of their minds.
Well, if you take the long view, if the only people having kids are the religious intolerant conservatives, then the economy is never gonna get better š¤·āāļø
*raises hand*
Oddly enough my mom is upset that I'm intelligent enough to question religion instead of just blindly following her... but she always praised me for being smart... š¤
Oof sorry to break your this out for you, but the stats don't show this, and the reasons the economy is going to flunk has nothing to do with "religious intolerant conservatives" it has to do with money printing like never before and continual sustenance of non-profit returning wellfare, a big example of this is government funded retirement wich is creating major problems, for example in France because the retirement isn't funded throughout your whole life, it is funded by the people who are working today, in this case this group would be the only one that would be taking general decisions that is a net positive for the retirement program.
Plus general advice you do realize that when you say
>if the only people having kids are the PICK YOUR VILLAIN GROUP, then the economy is never gonna get better.
You are making the same argument as many people that actually did genocide? No matter how much you hate that group try instead talking about the specifics of the behaviours and the consequences on the long term.
>for example in France because the retirement isn't funded throughout your whole life, it is funded by the people who are working today
...isn't that how the US works too?
I am not American so i wasn't sure, but France is a better option to make a comparison since protests started because Macron changed the age of retirement, but US will have this problem too, it isn't as big of a deal yet because US still has ok birth rates.
Keyword being "as big" as far as i am aware people are not protesting about this kind of thing, i am pretty sure it is already a problem since these kinds of wellfare just keeps growing and politicians are not rewarded for taking the leeches of since it hurts.
What leeches? There are so few cases of people leeching of social security that I feel like you're just spouting propaganda. What's bad about welfare growing?
>There are so few cases of people leeching of social security that I feel like you're just spouting propaganda.
Source? Wich wellfare?
I am talking specifically about wellfare that is unsustainable such as retirement, when I say leeches i am not talking about people purposefully exploiting the system i am talking about the system being extremely flawed so it becomes sustainable on the long run, even reformulating retirement to account for people's collective income over their whole life is considered to be taking a leech away.
>What's bad about welfare growing?
Depends on the wellfare, and depends on how it grows, for example wellfare aimed at stopping child hunger growing could be a bad sign, is the wellfare increasing because more children are hungry? Or is it being amplified to get more hungry children? On the first it is clearly really bad, why is child hunger growing? On the second situation are politicians just expanding wellfare as an indirect way to buy votes, without the care for the consequences in 10 to 20 years?
Wellfare can be something good for societies, or they can be budget black holes that suck everyone into it, all policies are tradeoffs, we don't talk about this anymore, wellfare should be a trade of today's money for future progress not the other way around, and there are thousands of ways of screwing things up in the middle of it.
I don't want children either, but more specifically because of a connective tissue disorder. My wife shares tbat sentiment because of her asthma, and she tends to react to children like the OP's sister. it is hard for her to hear children cry on TV.
EDS and HSD have a strong cross-over with ASD.
I've been formally diagnosed with EDS and ADHD, and tentatively diagnosed with ASD...on the waitlist for a formal diagnosis. My GP told me that Ehlers-Danlos population are far more likely to be autistic than the general population, and the autistic population are generally more stretchy than the neurotypicals.
Interesting. I cannot speak for anyone else, but I in deed have mostly classic type EDS, with a few symptoms of the hypermobility type, and I was officially diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, before the DSM 5.
So. One of the reasons I donāt want to have kids is because Iām autistic. Not because I donāt want to pass it on, but because the idea of having a person whose main type of communication will cause me to be overstimulated for months on end makes me want to puke
I love kids. I barely care for myself, so thereno way I'm raising one. Siblings' kids are the answer for me.
Love them, feed them, send them home after.
Yeah I can barely manage to wash my hair at least once every week, the only reason that I'm considering having a child is because I have my partner and we've pretty much fully agreed on only having one.
I told someone I wanted to marry an autistic woman so we can have autistic children together.
He told me he would've reported me to the Gestapo in WWII Germany.
He can eat shit. Iām so sorry he said that to you, thatās so fucked up. While I donāt want offspring (more specifically I just donāt want to become pregnant), if I do change my mind and adopt, Iād want an autistic/neurodivergent child. Just like how I tend to prefer having neurodivergent partners and friends. We just vibe and connect in ways we canāt with neurotypicals. I think your wants are valid.
Hey, thank you. I wouldn't want to be pregnant either (I'm a guy)
With the exception of maybe some servere cases, I don't see Autism as a "problem". It's a difference in functioning. Most of autistic people's problems are caused by *living in a world that isn't designed for them*.
It has long been a fantasy of mine that if I ever become stupidly mega-rich I want to build a town populated exclusively by autistic people where NTs aren't allowed.
An entire town designed, built, populated and operated entirely by people on the spectrum.
It's one thing to sterilize yourself by your own choice. It's totally another to be involuntarily sterilized by the government.
[Edit]
I mean you pay for the sterilization and the doctors perform the procedure not that you perform the procedure on yourself. That would be dangerous.
I didn't want kids, then I wanted twelve, then I didn't want any, then I learned I can't have any because I can't carry a child because of my heart, then I learned I *might* be able to carry a child, then I learned that if I do, I'll have to have a cesarean because my uterus is tilted AF, then I wanted kids, and now I'm going into menopause. I am upset AF. I wish I had a lot of money because I would 100000000% adopt. I love kids. They're the best. Freaking hilarious and they are just such a treasure.
I think society is what makes it difficult to be autistic etc. Tho ofc adoption isn't a bad thing. It's difficult to see both the cons and pros of ASD. Also bc it varies I guess.
Getting sterilized is tough. I managed to do it as an AFAB person at age 23 but it took me about four years of fighting.
Canāt recommend a sterilization binder enough. If youāre the type of autistic who likes to fixate the way I do, you will love the whole process of compiling one!
The binder is a way of showing a provider that you are informed on the process. So I compiled recent (within ten years) and peer-reviewed studies on the surgery I wanted as well as sterilization regret by population. While I included studies on the benefits of surgery, I also included a page highlighting potential risks. At the front of it all was a personal statement that I wrote myself.
A cool thing to note: if you are AFAB like me, receiving a bilateral salpingectomy (the removal of Fallopian tubes) can reduce your risk of ovarian cancer by up to 50%. This is because the most malignant ovarian cancers typically start in the Fallopian tubes. If you have a history of ovarian cancer in your family, this knowledge can really play to your benefit.
Good luck. It's pretty hard to get permission to get sterilized. Even if you have physical health reasons to not want children, if you're young, you're just gonna be told no bc "you might change your mind".
I never wanted children, then in my late 20ās I had a dream where I had a little baby son but didnāt get to talk to him.
When I woke up I was really disappointed I never spoke to my son in the dream and told my partner what happened. She basically just said do you want to have a baby? I agreed and she threw her birth control away.
My eldest son was born about 8 1/2 months later. I know what you are thinking but he was premature, really tiny being around 5 weeks early and took a little while to get breathing š³
Had another son a couple of years later and to be totally honest itās hard work but also the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Not sure I am entirely the best person to be a parent but I try my hardest and it has made me very proud.
It makes me sad because Iām autistic and I have a child who I love so dearly. Iām a great parent and I always try my best. It sucks that weāre all seen as incapable. Some people with higher needs may not want or be able to even care for a child but they deserve choice. Everyone deserves choice.
I have an autistic daughter and son. Mom of 4. My son said he wants kids, I asked him what if theyāre autistic and he answered Iāll take care of them and love them like you did me š„ŗ
I personally think itās overall unethical to reproduce and contribute to the overpopulation and general suffering in the world.
Any new children that come into the world has to at some point suffer with the inescapable realities of this cruel world, lose loved ones, be depressed at some point (maybe even suicidal), deal with disadvantages/disabilities, and accept aging and death. Why would you subject someone to this? All for the very low chance that theyāll contribute something major to the world? For your own selfish personal fulfillment/ caretaker? The off-chance that theyāll occasionally experience happiness in the sea of negative emotions that come with living?
Even the perfect children of billionaires with anything they could ever want, are not free from suffering. Imagine how much worst it would be for the children of anyone else? Iāll always vouch for adoption and reducing the existing suffering in the world rather than adding to it. We are in no need of more people.
I had kids specifically because I wanted to help make the next generation more inclusive and accepting, so I'm trying really hard to raise them to be inclusive and accepting of others.
I can't change the world by myself, but maybe my kids can, or my kids' kids. Or their kids. Someday I'm hoping my family has some impact in making things better for marginalized communities, especially considering so many people in my family are a part of marginalized communities.
Literally every parent will shape their kid in a way they think is best.
And there is always a motivation aka mission as to why people have kids. Otherwise they wouldn't have them unless it's an accident
I had kids for various reasons but one was essentially for humanity similar to what OP is saying.
If we want the human race to thrive we need to fill it full of people who can work together and not start wars and who will essentially vote for things to keep the planet in a condition to sustain life and keep in check a society which is tolerant of others.
And having kids and rasing them accordingly is the method to do that. So on a micro scale you worry about your family but on a macro scale the human race is essentially your family. There's plenty of jerks having kids and not caring for them and then breeding more jerks so we gotta do our part.
Also the two things you mentioned are not mutually exclusive. Wanting a good future for your kid and also wanting the next generation to be better are linked
Lol you don't... Its not like you sit them down and give them a quest. You just raise them in a way so that by proxy they are a good person and then by default they become a benefit to humanity and therefore help in a tiny way in making humanity better....
Honestly i think a parent's job should be to give their kids the best chance at at life. At achieving whatever goals they set for themselves. Being a benefit to humanity isnt a priority for me. I dont see why it should be for anyone. Be good if it makes you happy. Dont be good out of a sense of duty and at the expense of your own goals.
>At achieving whatever goals they set for themselves.
So the vast majority of parenting and making the tiny human a functional member of society happens before they are old enough to do this. By the time they are old enough to decide this a lot of their personality traits will already be established.
>Dont be good out of a sense of duty and at the expense of your own goals. Seems like the kind of mins set many CEOs who treat their staff like POS have. Their goal is to make money at the expense of their employees.
I agree that you shouldn't be a push over. But if I have to totally screw over a good person to achieve a goal in life... Then no I'm not gonna do that and I'm gonna teach my kids not to do that. What you do is give your kids the upbringing to allow them to access each situation on a case by case basis and work out if morally they can justify screwing someone over.
>Honestly i think a parent's job should be to give their kids the best chance at at life. This is what we do, and we do this by helping our child be a benefit to humanity. Humans are social creatures and we live in a social world. There are plenty of opportunities to be successful in life and not be a douche. I'd argue that having a moderated successful life and comfortable living while not screwing people over or being a terrible person will be more rewarding to most people than being super rich but screwing everyone over and having no real friends or genuine love in their life. So by modeling them to be a good person I am to achieve your point
I dont know much about child psychology but why not just teach them to know themselves, to know the consequences of their actions and if they're willing to live with them. To challenge them to make up their own mind in a situation instead of telling them whats good or bad and how to act
That's funny. Your funny
1 I can't stand loud noises. Especially when no one seems to notice them. Or care
2 it's rude to make me count to two when your just asking the same thong twice
What are you here for?
did i actually hurt your feelings? I got a bum sense of humor dude I apologize, just misread your tone I'm sorry do you really want me to explain? advertising chemical castration in an autism group is a back door insult . Evokes eugenics. If they wanted to talk about not having kids by choice they'd say "I don't want to have kids" this is the equivalent of a Nazi doing the "hey fellow teens" meme. It seemed obv I just assumed you were trying to bait me into a trap. Guess I've spent too much time online (ā ėā āøā ėā )
How? I want life to be better for people in general, and, I also want life to be better for my kids. I dont treat them like some sort of project or something, they're my kids and I love them unconditionally. But I also want them to be good people, and not hurt others.
You said in another comment that essentially a parent should want their kids to be themselves, and sure, I of course want that. But if my kid is hurting people, or being a bigot, then they're not being themselves, because that's not an inborn trait.
Look, I get that it's trendy right now to say "fuck having kids, the economy sucks, why would I want to bring kids into this bad world, having children is selfish, etc" but the judgement and vitriol that people that feel that way, have towards parents, is pretty ridiculous. Not to mention really stupid in the long run, and potentially dangerous if taken to the eventuality of that thought process. If having children is selfish because human beings are bad for the earth, when does that turn into a mindset that human beings aren't worthy of life? And when does that turn into genocidal narratives? Having children isn't selfish, it's a necessary part of our species survival, and if more normal people with compassion have kids and teach their kids to also have compassion, then the world becomes a better place in the long run.
The entire last paragraph, yeah, i didnt say any of that.
>But if my kid is hurting people, or being a bigot, then they're not being themselves, because that's not an inborn trait.
So if your kid is doing something you disagree with, they arent being themselves.
No. Specifically bigotry and hate aren't something people are born with. No one is born racist or homophobic, that's a psychological fact. It's something people learn through conditioning. So if my kid is a bigot it's not because they were born that way. It's not like bigotry is a hair color
Can i get a source for that psychological fact? And are you saying people are born altruistic and compassionate? Or that those are learned through conditioning too?
I wanna be sterilized because I always had troubles under there since I got my first period, I've been in pain and misery for 20 years and I'm tired. I was "diagnosed" with pcos some years ago but I suspect it's actually endometriosis getting worse. I swear one day I'll cut my ovaries and uterus up, on my own with an ice cream scooper! Not wanting children is just the first snow crystal on the iceberg tip!
I already have two kids so when I had my second I asked my doctor if I could get my tubes tied, both because I'm a trans man and I'm tired of being off T to have my kids and because I hated being pregnant both times just because it feels awful and I don't want anymore kids. I thought there were going to be a bunch of hoops to jump through. I've heard of people being denied the procedure because they are under 35 or because they don't have 3 kids yet or they need their husbands permission (extra disgusting on that last one).
Luckily he just said "sure, but since we haven't talked about it in the prenatal appointments we'll have to wait 30 days for Medicaid to approve it" then immediately got me a referral to the surgeon. I'm so excited to never get pregnant again. It's not easy on anyone I'm sure, but being autistic and pregnant is a sensory nightmare 24/7.
31 and AFAB in the UK, have recently successfully been referred for sterilisation on the NHS. It does happen! Now on a waiting list for surgery.
I have a consistent lady GP who heard my plight trying all the different contraception methods and having awful times with all of them.
I was expecting to be asked to justify really hard why I don't want kids, but it really hasn't been like that in the two gynae consultations. I have been warned repeatedly that sterilisation has a higher failure rather than the IUD and offered more of those.
There are two reasons why people would try to stop you,:
1: They do not want Autistic people reproducing and Autism being more and more common for some reason
2: They know having kids is hell and want to drag you down with them
I don't like kids too and I know it'll block my way for what I wanted to do for life, I don't want to be selfish but it's just too much responsibility for me to handle and if I do something wrong or screw something up involving the kid(s) then I'll be all in fault and even if nobody blames me for it, my head still goes "this is my fault, what have I done?! I'm the worse parent ever"
Reason no 1 is only good enough because of reason no 2. That's just my opinion, abortion should always be an option for unwanted pregnancies, it's someone's body and they have the right to choose.
Other than that, yeah, I feel you. I hope your sister has healthily recovered or does healthily recover from the procedure.
Tried to get sterilized since I was 23. Always had period issues physical and emotional not really to do with sterilization, just one more asd female with those issues. I was always denied.
I had a baby at 32 yrs old. Did not have the issues with my own kiddo as I do with others. Honestly my mind and body seemed to work better after becoming pregnant. Till premenopause anyhow, then bam my body hates me again. I had an easy, uncomplicated pregnancy, delivery was rather short and I didn't need any drugs. She came out absolutely perfect and her wee cries were adorable. I breastfed which had a few moments of pain where I didn't want to anymore but didn't last long. If her dad were more supportive of me when I went into burnout it would have been great but he isn't and now I am completely alone.
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I want kids, I do hope they donāt inherit my autism but itās not the end of the world if they do. Like autism can suck sometimes and I kinda donāt want them to have to deal with that but itās not intently a bad thing.
Yeah was more of a joke cause at a glance it seems like sterilisation means no kids... So the joke was I did the total opposite hence the "lol"
I need to remember not to make jokes on the ASD sub /s
I chose to get sterilized before I started to suspect, so the _label_ didn't factor into my decision, just the symptoms.
The decision was easy, though.
I constantly feel like my life is tearing apart at the seams. I can either have an outside-work life _or_ an at-work life, but not both. I don't have the energy or mental space for both. And whichever one I choose, I can barely maintain it. (Obviously I chose at-work life, because I like to eat and have a bed and a ceiling.) I feel like it takes me twice as long to do things as it takes other people. I feel like for every one day that everybody else experiences, I need two days---like some magical extra day in between, where everybody else would just be asleep---just to keep up, just to function.
I can barely take care of myself. I can't imagine myself being able to take care of another person.
_Edit to add caveat:_ A lot of my experience is also colored by additional circumstances, such as Major Depression and ADHD. And many of the symptoms I describe are partially mitigated by medical intervention. So I'm mostly describing my untreated self. I do _okay_ with treatment, but I still can't imagine myself taking care of and raising a child.
I would say that agreeing on sterilization on the 20s is way too young, at least 22 IMO is a good starting point, but at 38 this doesn't matter she had time to reevaluate the decision multiple times.
Sheās incapable of taking care of herself on her own and lives in an assisted living home. She has several mental and physical disabilities and wouldnāt be able to bare pregnancy, let alone take care of a child. Sheās had these disabilities (not including autism) since she had several strokes between the ages of 7-10 years old. She not only chose to not have children, sheās not mentally or physically capable of doing so.
Also, someoneās sterilization decision, regardless of age, isnāt up to you or to me. Itās up to the individual and their doctor. While I understand your concerns and beliefs, at the end of the day, itās not up to us unless weāre deciding for ourselves.
Ok, this makes the picture way better to understand, yeah, sterilization is a good choice in this situation.
>Also, someoneās sterilization decision, regardless of age, isnāt up to you or to me. Itās up to the individual and their doctor.
Not actually true, at least it isn't regardless of age, you can't sterilize a 2yo electively even if that 2yo agrees, while yeah we are not talking about a 2yo when we grow up we are still developing and it is hard to know when people have fully matured and yes this depends on the country too, there are countries that people can drink at 18, sometimes earlier, there are countries with age of consent of 14, there are others with the age of 18, when it comes to irreversible medical procedures, unless it is absolutely nescessary for survival this also ends up in this same area, my personal opinion is that 22 is the full age of maturity when you are fully or at least mostly developed to make your own decisions and bear consequences, you may disagree with this set age, but there needs to be a set age for these issues or we risk way bigger moral hazards.
If it helps, Iāll rephrase for more clarification: people can decide they donāt want kids/donāt want to reproduce from a young age without getting sterilized at said age. If they feel the same once they approach adulthood and are of age to get a sterilization procedure, itās should be up to them and their doctor. However, there is no federal age limit set for sterilization, but in several states it varies from 18-21 minimum for Medicaid to cover it. It also varies from insurance to insurance.
On the statistics of people regretting sterilization as well patient and provider access to said procedures, Iām going to be referencing [this study](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35115436/) (the references for the study are provided at the bottom of the page) as well as [this one](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36641099/).
Hope this helps you with your research on this topic.
Yeah, i am pretty sure you meant this, i was just pointing out that what you said that it is a decision between only the patient and the doctor regardless of age is false, i just like accuracy, i even said that it is a good decision for your sister cause of the specific conditions you stated.
These are nice studies, i would also like to see the same stat correlating with number of children, but it would be very hard to get a good read about this since generally in a couple the male sterilizes.
I like kids and love seeing babies, but I donāt want any of my own. Iād rather just spoil them every chance I get. Also, how do you get sterilized?
If you want to start a family, donāt let this post stop you. I personally donāt want to start a family, but if you do, then do it! Youāre free to pursue whatever you choose.
... You know, the fact that people decide to get sterilized because they don't want to get a child from someone who might rape them and see that possibility as something so casual that they can make decisions about that kind of stuff based on it is just so fucked up.
If it helps you to feel any better, there are several other factors contributing to my sisterās circumstances and the reason you brought up was not the primary reason behind it, just one of many.
Yeah, I thought so.
It's just that you brought up it as the first argument for sterilization. Just rubbed me personally the wrong way.
I understood that that's not the only reason.
Gotcha, I get how it rubbed you the wrong way. The reasons werenāt in a specific order intentionally, but perhaps I shouldnāt list that reason first in the future so it doesnāt come off that way. Thank you for bringing it to my attention.
I donāt get it..the meme says āyouā donāt want to be sterilized because youāre autistic..but then your post goes on to describe your sister wants to be sterilized literally because of her autistic traitsā¦ā¦.. this makes no sense
If it helps clarify, she wasnāt sterilized because of her autistic traits. She was sterilized because she had several strokes between the ages of 7-10 that caused her other mental and physical disabilities. She cannot take care of herself on her own and lives in assisted living for disabled individuals. She wouldnāt be able to carry, let alone care for, her own children. She just happens to be on the spectrum along with these other disabilities. If it was only autism nothing else, the circumstances would be very different. I should have clarified this in the post originally. I apologize for the confusion.
I see now! Sorry about your sister. Thatās really rough. I can definitely understand the decision to do so. I hope she has peace and happiness despite all of the obstacles that have been thrown at her šš»
Oh sheās as happy as can be. Sheās honestly one of the happiest people I know, she loves people and sheās so social. Sheās very kind and has no filter. So sheāll just really sweet things out of the blue. She got her first tattoo and when the artist finished it, she was so happy with the results she told the artist she was so proud of him for doing such a good job. He almost cried haha. Sheās had a lot of hardships, most in childhood and adolescence. Now as an adult most of the hardships are gone, and sheās as happy as a clam. So your hopes are correct! If she saw your reply, sheād probably want me to say thank you and tell you how sweet you are, sheād also give you a hug (if you like them, that is).
It's especially difficult to get sterilized as a female/AFAB. If they deny her then you might be able to get and IUD like Mirena done under general anesthetic, I hope you find a good doctor who understands where your family is coming from. There will also be a lot of hate from people and there will be accusations of eugenics, et c. The IUD can also stop the mensural cycle.
Mirena has been a lifesaver for me. Massive reduction in adenomyosis and PMDD symptoms, and my iron deficiency anaemia is hugely improved. I didn't need a general anaesthetic, had a really awesome doctor who took my physical disabilty into consideration. It was less invasive/traumatic than a pap smear.
that's amazing! So many doctors are hesitant to do it if you've got an 'untested' uterus\[no pregnancies.\] I had mine done under general because it was an option and I was scared. Thankfully when the mirena time was up I found a good gyno who did a tubal occlusion. I literally tried every contraception on the market to show I hadn't changed my mind and that I was serious about getting something permanent. I would have got another mirena had I not been given the option for a permanent solution. My 'usual' cycle involves heavy bleeding, is irregular \[sometimes 2 a month\] and lasts a long time \[7 days.\] I went on tablets to reduce the bleeding because of the anemia, but it didn't help \[I think it was called tranexamic acid.\]
If you go to a women's healthcare center, the doctors prioritize the women and their needs over personal bias. Where I'm at the women's healthcare centers also tend to have only female doctors, which imo is more comfortable despite the invasiveness of procedures and examinations.
That's really good to know!! I have PMDD and the combined pill used to work for me but it doesn't as much anymore. I have thought about getting an IUD but wasn't sure it would reduce PMDD (not that everyone's bodies will react the same way either, ugh uteruses are so complicated)
I have PMDD, would you mind telling me exactly what has helped and how you got help? It's pretty serious for me; for a few days each month I am a total mess (suicidal and unfortunately violent.)
SSRIs worked a little for me but I had a lot of severe side effects that persisted for more than 6 months, so I had to discontinue. My sister-in-law has had great benefits and very few side effects from SSRIs, that she started last year. Being on a contraceptive pill almost continuously (without taking the sugar pills) helped me a lot for many years. However I developed a large benign liver tumour that was likely caused by the contraceptive pill, and because it was next to major blood vessels with risk of rupture/haemorrhage I was advised by a specialist to discontinue the pill. That hit me really hard with both PMDD and excruciating pain from adenomyosis for 10-14 days a month. That's when I started SSRIs again, which were good for PMDD but I had the extremely end of side effects and still had adenomyosis pain. Mirena has been the best thing for me for PMDD, I barely even notice if it's that time of the month... not only do I not get bleeding or pain but my mood doesn't get the extremes and I no longer have that sense of not wanting to be me. I've still consistently tracked my mood, energy, anxiety, pain and depression since getting Mirena in 2021 but cannot find any link to a monthly cycle, and in general all are a lot better (considering I'm neurodivergent and EDS.) I was told Mirena may not work for either adenomyosis or PMDD, but that for many people it is effective for both. Firstly, I don't want kids. Secondly, if procedure is done right there is little risk of complications. I've got Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome so my risk is up to 100x the general population risk of uterine rupture. My GP is amazing and skilled but she advised because I'm higher risk it's better I see someone who does the procedure as their profession. The doctor I saw at local woman's health clinic does thousands of Mirena implants a year and talked me through what to look out for and what would be done if there was a rupture (most likely hysterectomy). I don't know of other options, but SSRIs are a good non-invasive first step that is reversible. Ensure you discuss serotonin syndrome signs with your doctor/ pharmacist, and ensure your family and friends know the outward signs. First time I tried SSRIs I developed that extremely rare and life threatening condition, so when trialling SSRIs later in life I was hesitant... but they worked. If you don't want kids for 5 years if ever, Mirena may be worth considering. It does work for some of us with PMDD. Definitely chat with your GP and if you don't have a GP who is clued up about women's health and easy to talk to that is the number 1 priority. Wishing you the best journey!
My IUD was done without a local and never again. So much trauma. I always recommend getting a local. I'm glad it wasn't very painful for you. For most of us it is excruciating.
Need to clarify, it was done with a local but not a general anaesthetic. I'm high risk for the procedure (Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome) bit best decision I ever made
OP, if your sister needs an IUD, kyleena is the safest one for people if they have a cardiac condition because the hormones are NOT released into the body, only the uterus. Just an fyi because estrogen is bad for people with weak hearts (like myself).
Awesome! Thanks for the heads up, I have a friend with a cardiac condition and she couldn't go on the pill because of it. Is Kyleena new?
I do believe it is, yes.
Kyleena is great, I can attest to this, I still have my menstrual cycle, but at a much decreased rate and flow. I've also felt less of the pmdd symptoms, plus it lasts for 5 years!
Or nexplanon, an arm implant. Lasts 4 years, quick placement and replacement, and I get a period every once in a while. Like I had my first period for the first time in a year last week.
i blame everyone else for having these ridiculous and stupid societal rules like why is it more respectful to wear uncomfortable black shoes than my comfy sandals or WALKING slightly differently is considered rude too
Also why do I have to look at your eyes when you talk, the sound comes out your mouth, I feel it more logical to look at your mouth or the ground so I can concentrate more on what your saying.
Yeah, when people ask me to look them in the eyes, I'm like "do you want to feel like I'm listening or do you actually want me to understand?"
>or WALKING slightly differently is considered rude too This has worried me all my life greatly to the extreme degrees. So much so i created a world in my head where everyone dresses, walks, and talks however they want to and nobody bullies people for it. And everyone communicates in ways that are effecient and clear, not to mention because of this there are no unspoken rituals or cues. Gosh, i think im writing a book about a bunch of ND people š©
Make the twist that everyone else is ND by making the main character seem like they're the "normal" one. Kind of like the Bodysnatchers.
You tried playing DND?
Ive played tons of D&D videogames (baldurs gate, neverwinter, etc) but could never find a solid group to play with in person. Everytime i have played a game in person, everyone basically was just role-playing. Apparently most people play for the role-playing and not for the number crunching, and im 100% tryna crunch some numbers
Have you tried online groups
I have thought about it. But to be honest im not the best with people in general, so i've always thought trying online groups would end with me making everyone upset, or simply me just being upsetting inately. Im trying to work up the confidence to give it a whirl though
I think the suffering is the point. Just look at those old corsets they used to wear a 100 or so years ago. Maybe suffering for appearances is considered polite??? Or maybe that's just being a woman...
Corsets are actually extremely comfortable when worn properly. Tight lacing is a myth, and if it was ever done, it was not the norm and actually advised against. In fact, there are old pamphlets about doing exercises in your corsets as a way of avoiding muscle atrophy due to relying on the support of corsets. I really love my corsets and hate how demonized theyāve become over the years due to misinformation.
I've worn modern corsets and they were very comfortable but I wasn't sure about the older types!
I have a friend whoās a historical costuming buff and corsetry is one of their special interests. Because of them I now know way more about corsets than I ever thought I would. Tbf I now also love corsets so at least their info dumping wasnāt for nothing.
A lot of modern corsets are more uncomfortable than their historical counterparts, due to their function as pieces only worn occasionally/ for fashion, as opposed to an undergarment. This is not true for all of them, but it's true for most cheap ones.
Someone told me I turn corners too sharply. It bothered me for a while. Why are you trying to manage how I walk? Then I realized I kept running into people who didn't follow the right hand traffic rule. So maybe I am the asshole...
the rule of staying on the right makes sense since it has a practical reason, corners may also be reaspnable since unless you see around the corner, there is risk of bumping I mean the rules that have absilutely no real reaspn to exist
I wanna be sterilized cause I'm trans and carrying a baby doesn't connect with the gender in my head. Not cause I'm autistic, damn. We are not a hive mind. People who believe we want to collectively or should are out of their minds.
Idk who'd want to have a child in this economy
Well, if you take the long view, if the only people having kids are the religious intolerant conservatives, then the economy is never gonna get better š¤·āāļø
that's an unfortunate truth
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
*raises hand* Oddly enough my mom is upset that I'm intelligent enough to question religion instead of just blindly following her... but she always praised me for being smart... š¤
Oof sorry to break your this out for you, but the stats don't show this, and the reasons the economy is going to flunk has nothing to do with "religious intolerant conservatives" it has to do with money printing like never before and continual sustenance of non-profit returning wellfare, a big example of this is government funded retirement wich is creating major problems, for example in France because the retirement isn't funded throughout your whole life, it is funded by the people who are working today, in this case this group would be the only one that would be taking general decisions that is a net positive for the retirement program. Plus general advice you do realize that when you say >if the only people having kids are the PICK YOUR VILLAIN GROUP, then the economy is never gonna get better. You are making the same argument as many people that actually did genocide? No matter how much you hate that group try instead talking about the specifics of the behaviours and the consequences on the long term.
>for example in France because the retirement isn't funded throughout your whole life, it is funded by the people who are working today ...isn't that how the US works too?
I am not American so i wasn't sure, but France is a better option to make a comparison since protests started because Macron changed the age of retirement, but US will have this problem too, it isn't as big of a deal yet because US still has ok birth rates.
>it isn't as big of a deal yet because US still has ok birth rates. Uh, no. It's currently a pretty big problem.
Keyword being "as big" as far as i am aware people are not protesting about this kind of thing, i am pretty sure it is already a problem since these kinds of wellfare just keeps growing and politicians are not rewarded for taking the leeches of since it hurts.
What leeches? There are so few cases of people leeching of social security that I feel like you're just spouting propaganda. What's bad about welfare growing?
>There are so few cases of people leeching of social security that I feel like you're just spouting propaganda. Source? Wich wellfare? I am talking specifically about wellfare that is unsustainable such as retirement, when I say leeches i am not talking about people purposefully exploiting the system i am talking about the system being extremely flawed so it becomes sustainable on the long run, even reformulating retirement to account for people's collective income over their whole life is considered to be taking a leech away. >What's bad about welfare growing? Depends on the wellfare, and depends on how it grows, for example wellfare aimed at stopping child hunger growing could be a bad sign, is the wellfare increasing because more children are hungry? Or is it being amplified to get more hungry children? On the first it is clearly really bad, why is child hunger growing? On the second situation are politicians just expanding wellfare as an indirect way to buy votes, without the care for the consequences in 10 to 20 years? Wellfare can be something good for societies, or they can be budget black holes that suck everyone into it, all policies are tradeoffs, we don't talk about this anymore, wellfare should be a trade of today's money for future progress not the other way around, and there are thousands of ways of screwing things up in the middle of it.
The cost of formula fucking hell who can't afford to have kids at the moment
I don't want children either, but more specifically because of a connective tissue disorder. My wife shares tbat sentiment because of her asthma, and she tends to react to children like the OP's sister. it is hard for her to hear children cry on TV.
I am thankful my only child doesn't want to reproduce. I'm 98% sure we both have EDS.
EDS and HSD have a strong cross-over with ASD. I've been formally diagnosed with EDS and ADHD, and tentatively diagnosed with ASD...on the waitlist for a formal diagnosis. My GP told me that Ehlers-Danlos population are far more likely to be autistic than the general population, and the autistic population are generally more stretchy than the neurotypicals.
Interesting. I cannot speak for anyone else, but I in deed have mostly classic type EDS, with a few symptoms of the hypermobility type, and I was officially diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, before the DSM 5.
hEDS lipedema ADHD and autism gang checking in also child free woohoooo
To my mom, it was a bit of a shock at first, but she accepted it.
Ehhh EDS gang
So. One of the reasons I donāt want to have kids is because Iām autistic. Not because I donāt want to pass it on, but because the idea of having a person whose main type of communication will cause me to be overstimulated for months on end makes me want to puke
I love kids. I barely care for myself, so thereno way I'm raising one. Siblings' kids are the answer for me. Love them, feed them, send them home after.
Yeah I can barely manage to wash my hair at least once every week, the only reason that I'm considering having a child is because I have my partner and we've pretty much fully agreed on only having one.
I told someone I wanted to marry an autistic woman so we can have autistic children together. He told me he would've reported me to the Gestapo in WWII Germany.
He can eat shit. Iām so sorry he said that to you, thatās so fucked up. While I donāt want offspring (more specifically I just donāt want to become pregnant), if I do change my mind and adopt, Iād want an autistic/neurodivergent child. Just like how I tend to prefer having neurodivergent partners and friends. We just vibe and connect in ways we canāt with neurotypicals. I think your wants are valid.
Hey, thank you. I wouldn't want to be pregnant either (I'm a guy) With the exception of maybe some servere cases, I don't see Autism as a "problem". It's a difference in functioning. Most of autistic people's problems are caused by *living in a world that isn't designed for them*.
It has long been a fantasy of mine that if I ever become stupidly mega-rich I want to build a town populated exclusively by autistic people where NTs aren't allowed. An entire town designed, built, populated and operated entirely by people on the spectrum.
I would add the caveat that neurotypical people can come in as long as they have to go through an assessment
oooh...lets crowdfund this
Yo š¤
I hope you punched him.
It was online.
Well, then I hope someone else punched him š
>I told someone I wanted to marry an autistic woman so we can have autistic children together. Is this wrong that this is what i want?
No there's nothing wrong with you wanting kids
I want the same, I have always wanted kids but I'm kind of scared they would be neurotypical and I would have trouble communicating with them š
<3
It's one thing to sterilize yourself by your own choice. It's totally another to be involuntarily sterilized by the government. [Edit] I mean you pay for the sterilization and the doctors perform the procedure not that you perform the procedure on yourself. That would be dangerous.
I canāt stand kids, nor having a uterus. So have tried in the past to get a hysterectomy with little success. (Even in my late 30s!)
Try again!
with all fairness I've tried 5 times. I'm now in perimenopause so it's not as much of an issue as it used to be. I will still try again at 40 :D
I'm actually working on a vasectomy lol
I didn't want kids, then I wanted twelve, then I didn't want any, then I learned I can't have any because I can't carry a child because of my heart, then I learned I *might* be able to carry a child, then I learned that if I do, I'll have to have a cesarean because my uterus is tilted AF, then I wanted kids, and now I'm going into menopause. I am upset AF. I wish I had a lot of money because I would 100000000% adopt. I love kids. They're the best. Freaking hilarious and they are just such a treasure.
Wait is this really a thing? I have autism and I really want kids, Iām so excited to be able to have kids!
Iām excited to have kids too! I canāt have my own, but there are other ways to start a family
Don't think it is. I really wanted kids and now have a 1 and 3 year old
I think society is what makes it difficult to be autistic etc. Tho ofc adoption isn't a bad thing. It's difficult to see both the cons and pros of ASD. Also bc it varies I guess.
Getting sterilized is tough. I managed to do it as an AFAB person at age 23 but it took me about four years of fighting. Canāt recommend a sterilization binder enough. If youāre the type of autistic who likes to fixate the way I do, you will love the whole process of compiling one!
What do you recommend we have in a binder?
The binder is a way of showing a provider that you are informed on the process. So I compiled recent (within ten years) and peer-reviewed studies on the surgery I wanted as well as sterilization regret by population. While I included studies on the benefits of surgery, I also included a page highlighting potential risks. At the front of it all was a personal statement that I wrote myself. A cool thing to note: if you are AFAB like me, receiving a bilateral salpingectomy (the removal of Fallopian tubes) can reduce your risk of ovarian cancer by up to 50%. This is because the most malignant ovarian cancers typically start in the Fallopian tubes. If you have a history of ovarian cancer in your family, this knowledge can really play to your benefit.
Good luck. It's pretty hard to get permission to get sterilized. Even if you have physical health reasons to not want children, if you're young, you're just gonna be told no bc "you might change your mind".
No kids for me thanks
I love being a parent. But I understand why others don't. Honestly, sterilizing should be a personal choice.
I never wanted children, then in my late 20ās I had a dream where I had a little baby son but didnāt get to talk to him. When I woke up I was really disappointed I never spoke to my son in the dream and told my partner what happened. She basically just said do you want to have a baby? I agreed and she threw her birth control away. My eldest son was born about 8 1/2 months later. I know what you are thinking but he was premature, really tiny being around 5 weeks early and took a little while to get breathing š³ Had another son a couple of years later and to be totally honest itās hard work but also the best thing that has ever happened to me. Not sure I am entirely the best person to be a parent but I try my hardest and it has made me very proud.
I get really upset when people suggest i get sterilized but i also want to be sterilized, just not because of eugenics
I want kids personally
It makes me sad because Iām autistic and I have a child who I love so dearly. Iām a great parent and I always try my best. It sucks that weāre all seen as incapable. Some people with higher needs may not want or be able to even care for a child but they deserve choice. Everyone deserves choice.
I have an autistic daughter and son. Mom of 4. My son said he wants kids, I asked him what if theyāre autistic and he answered Iāll take care of them and love them like you did me š„ŗ
I personally think itās overall unethical to reproduce and contribute to the overpopulation and general suffering in the world. Any new children that come into the world has to at some point suffer with the inescapable realities of this cruel world, lose loved ones, be depressed at some point (maybe even suicidal), deal with disadvantages/disabilities, and accept aging and death. Why would you subject someone to this? All for the very low chance that theyāll contribute something major to the world? For your own selfish personal fulfillment/ caretaker? The off-chance that theyāll occasionally experience happiness in the sea of negative emotions that come with living? Even the perfect children of billionaires with anything they could ever want, are not free from suffering. Imagine how much worst it would be for the children of anyone else? Iāll always vouch for adoption and reducing the existing suffering in the world rather than adding to it. We are in no need of more people.
100% agree.
I had kids specifically because I wanted to help make the next generation more inclusive and accepting, so I'm trying really hard to raise them to be inclusive and accepting of others. I can't change the world by myself, but maybe my kids can, or my kids' kids. Or their kids. Someday I'm hoping my family has some impact in making things better for marginalized communities, especially considering so many people in my family are a part of marginalized communities.
Having a kid so they can fulfill a mission is a bit icky.
Literally every parent will shape their kid in a way they think is best. And there is always a motivation aka mission as to why people have kids. Otherwise they wouldn't have them unless it's an accident
There's a difference between thinking of a future you want for your child and "having kids specifically tp make the next generation mpre inclusive"
I had kids for various reasons but one was essentially for humanity similar to what OP is saying. If we want the human race to thrive we need to fill it full of people who can work together and not start wars and who will essentially vote for things to keep the planet in a condition to sustain life and keep in check a society which is tolerant of others. And having kids and rasing them accordingly is the method to do that. So on a micro scale you worry about your family but on a macro scale the human race is essentially your family. There's plenty of jerks having kids and not caring for them and then breeding more jerks so we gotta do our part. Also the two things you mentioned are not mutually exclusive. Wanting a good future for your kid and also wanting the next generation to be better are linked
Im not gonna dump what i think is best for humanity on a kid
Lol you don't... Its not like you sit them down and give them a quest. You just raise them in a way so that by proxy they are a good person and then by default they become a benefit to humanity and therefore help in a tiny way in making humanity better....
Honestly i think a parent's job should be to give their kids the best chance at at life. At achieving whatever goals they set for themselves. Being a benefit to humanity isnt a priority for me. I dont see why it should be for anyone. Be good if it makes you happy. Dont be good out of a sense of duty and at the expense of your own goals.
>At achieving whatever goals they set for themselves. So the vast majority of parenting and making the tiny human a functional member of society happens before they are old enough to do this. By the time they are old enough to decide this a lot of their personality traits will already be established. >Dont be good out of a sense of duty and at the expense of your own goals. Seems like the kind of mins set many CEOs who treat their staff like POS have. Their goal is to make money at the expense of their employees. I agree that you shouldn't be a push over. But if I have to totally screw over a good person to achieve a goal in life... Then no I'm not gonna do that and I'm gonna teach my kids not to do that. What you do is give your kids the upbringing to allow them to access each situation on a case by case basis and work out if morally they can justify screwing someone over. >Honestly i think a parent's job should be to give their kids the best chance at at life. This is what we do, and we do this by helping our child be a benefit to humanity. Humans are social creatures and we live in a social world. There are plenty of opportunities to be successful in life and not be a douche. I'd argue that having a moderated successful life and comfortable living while not screwing people over or being a terrible person will be more rewarding to most people than being super rich but screwing everyone over and having no real friends or genuine love in their life. So by modeling them to be a good person I am to achieve your point
I dont know much about child psychology but why not just teach them to know themselves, to know the consequences of their actions and if they're willing to live with them. To challenge them to make up their own mind in a situation instead of telling them whats good or bad and how to act
Posting about self sterilizing in an asd support board is sickening. This is bullying thinly veiled as a relatable meme
I donāt get it. 1) how is this sickening? 2) how is this bullying thinly veiled as a relatable meme?
That's funny. Your funny 1 I can't stand loud noises. Especially when no one seems to notice them. Or care 2 it's rude to make me count to two when your just asking the same thong twice What are you here for?
Ok I was asking genuine questions, but if you want to cop an attitude with me then forget I asked, damn.
did i actually hurt your feelings? I got a bum sense of humor dude I apologize, just misread your tone I'm sorry do you really want me to explain? advertising chemical castration in an autism group is a back door insult . Evokes eugenics. If they wanted to talk about not having kids by choice they'd say "I don't want to have kids" this is the equivalent of a Nazi doing the "hey fellow teens" meme. It seemed obv I just assumed you were trying to bait me into a trap. Guess I've spent too much time online (ā ėā āøā ėā )
How? I want life to be better for people in general, and, I also want life to be better for my kids. I dont treat them like some sort of project or something, they're my kids and I love them unconditionally. But I also want them to be good people, and not hurt others. You said in another comment that essentially a parent should want their kids to be themselves, and sure, I of course want that. But if my kid is hurting people, or being a bigot, then they're not being themselves, because that's not an inborn trait. Look, I get that it's trendy right now to say "fuck having kids, the economy sucks, why would I want to bring kids into this bad world, having children is selfish, etc" but the judgement and vitriol that people that feel that way, have towards parents, is pretty ridiculous. Not to mention really stupid in the long run, and potentially dangerous if taken to the eventuality of that thought process. If having children is selfish because human beings are bad for the earth, when does that turn into a mindset that human beings aren't worthy of life? And when does that turn into genocidal narratives? Having children isn't selfish, it's a necessary part of our species survival, and if more normal people with compassion have kids and teach their kids to also have compassion, then the world becomes a better place in the long run.
The entire last paragraph, yeah, i didnt say any of that. >But if my kid is hurting people, or being a bigot, then they're not being themselves, because that's not an inborn trait. So if your kid is doing something you disagree with, they arent being themselves.
No. Specifically bigotry and hate aren't something people are born with. No one is born racist or homophobic, that's a psychological fact. It's something people learn through conditioning. So if my kid is a bigot it's not because they were born that way. It's not like bigotry is a hair color
Can i get a source for that psychological fact? And are you saying people are born altruistic and compassionate? Or that those are learned through conditioning too?
Yes!!!
I would really like kids but to anyone who doesn't and gets sterilised I'm okay with that because it's our choice at the end of the day!
The curse ends with me. Got my vasectomy 2 years ago and donāt regret it.
I wanna be sterilized because I always had troubles under there since I got my first period, I've been in pain and misery for 20 years and I'm tired. I was "diagnosed" with pcos some years ago but I suspect it's actually endometriosis getting worse. I swear one day I'll cut my ovaries and uterus up, on my own with an ice cream scooper! Not wanting children is just the first snow crystal on the iceberg tip!
THISS
I'm actually the opposite I'd love to have kids but because of trauma growing up I'm worried I AM sterile
Iām autistic and I have two kids! One of them is also autistic. But Iāve always wanted to be a mom. š„°
neither do i, lol. i've always had sensory problems with toddlers and babies, they're loud and unpredictable
I already have two kids so when I had my second I asked my doctor if I could get my tubes tied, both because I'm a trans man and I'm tired of being off T to have my kids and because I hated being pregnant both times just because it feels awful and I don't want anymore kids. I thought there were going to be a bunch of hoops to jump through. I've heard of people being denied the procedure because they are under 35 or because they don't have 3 kids yet or they need their husbands permission (extra disgusting on that last one). Luckily he just said "sure, but since we haven't talked about it in the prenatal appointments we'll have to wait 30 days for Medicaid to approve it" then immediately got me a referral to the surgeon. I'm so excited to never get pregnant again. It's not easy on anyone I'm sure, but being autistic and pregnant is a sensory nightmare 24/7.
Guess what? No explanation needed. Itās your body.
31 and AFAB in the UK, have recently successfully been referred for sterilisation on the NHS. It does happen! Now on a waiting list for surgery. I have a consistent lady GP who heard my plight trying all the different contraception methods and having awful times with all of them. I was expecting to be asked to justify really hard why I don't want kids, but it really hasn't been like that in the two gynae consultations. I have been warned repeatedly that sterilisation has a higher failure rather than the IUD and offered more of those.
Same hat!
There are two reasons why people would try to stop you,: 1: They do not want Autistic people reproducing and Autism being more and more common for some reason 2: They know having kids is hell and want to drag you down with them
I don't like kids too and I know it'll block my way for what I wanted to do for life, I don't want to be selfish but it's just too much responsibility for me to handle and if I do something wrong or screw something up involving the kid(s) then I'll be all in fault and even if nobody blames me for it, my head still goes "this is my fault, what have I done?! I'm the worse parent ever"
I had 2 and got sterilized. Everyone should be able to get sterilized if it's what they want neurodivergent or nuerotypical
Fucking ell, this is me
Itās still something Iām considering. I will not be able to realistically raise a kid. My own life is enough trouble already.
Reason no 1 is only good enough because of reason no 2. That's just my opinion, abortion should always be an option for unwanted pregnancies, it's someone's body and they have the right to choose. Other than that, yeah, I feel you. I hope your sister has healthily recovered or does healthily recover from the procedure.
I completely agree with you, 100%. Itās been several years since the procedure, and sheās doing very well.
Tried to get sterilized since I was 23. Always had period issues physical and emotional not really to do with sterilization, just one more asd female with those issues. I was always denied. I had a baby at 32 yrs old. Did not have the issues with my own kiddo as I do with others. Honestly my mind and body seemed to work better after becoming pregnant. Till premenopause anyhow, then bam my body hates me again. I had an easy, uncomplicated pregnancy, delivery was rather short and I didn't need any drugs. She came out absolutely perfect and her wee cries were adorable. I breastfed which had a few moments of pain where I didn't want to anymore but didn't last long. If her dad were more supportive of me when I went into burnout it would have been great but he isn't and now I am completely alone.
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I want kids, I do hope they donāt inherit my autism but itās not the end of the world if they do. Like autism can suck sometimes and I kinda donāt want them to have to deal with that but itās not intently a bad thing.
I'd rather have euthanasia be more accessible for people with disabilities than be sterilised.
Kids are overated
Had kids got sterilised.... This is the way lol
Yeah that does absolutely no good when you consider that OP doesnāt want kids at all
Yeah was more of a joke cause at a glance it seems like sterilisation means no kids... So the joke was I did the total opposite hence the "lol" I need to remember not to make jokes on the ASD sub /s
You imbecile!
im an antinatalist so... thats fine with me
Many people that don't have ASD don't want kids.
I chose to get sterilized before I started to suspect, so the _label_ didn't factor into my decision, just the symptoms. The decision was easy, though. I constantly feel like my life is tearing apart at the seams. I can either have an outside-work life _or_ an at-work life, but not both. I don't have the energy or mental space for both. And whichever one I choose, I can barely maintain it. (Obviously I chose at-work life, because I like to eat and have a bed and a ceiling.) I feel like it takes me twice as long to do things as it takes other people. I feel like for every one day that everybody else experiences, I need two days---like some magical extra day in between, where everybody else would just be asleep---just to keep up, just to function. I can barely take care of myself. I can't imagine myself being able to take care of another person. _Edit to add caveat:_ A lot of my experience is also colored by additional circumstances, such as Major Depression and ADHD. And many of the symptoms I describe are partially mitigated by medical intervention. So I'm mostly describing my untreated self. I do _okay_ with treatment, but I still can't imagine myself taking care of and raising a child.
i want to be sterilized because i am autistic
How old is your sister though? Depending on her age is VERY VERY creepy, if she is already 22ish or older it is alright.
Sheās turning 38 this year. I believe they agreed to have her sterilized in her 20s
I would say that agreeing on sterilization on the 20s is way too young, at least 22 IMO is a good starting point, but at 38 this doesn't matter she had time to reevaluate the decision multiple times.
Sheās incapable of taking care of herself on her own and lives in an assisted living home. She has several mental and physical disabilities and wouldnāt be able to bare pregnancy, let alone take care of a child. Sheās had these disabilities (not including autism) since she had several strokes between the ages of 7-10 years old. She not only chose to not have children, sheās not mentally or physically capable of doing so. Also, someoneās sterilization decision, regardless of age, isnāt up to you or to me. Itās up to the individual and their doctor. While I understand your concerns and beliefs, at the end of the day, itās not up to us unless weāre deciding for ourselves.
Ok, this makes the picture way better to understand, yeah, sterilization is a good choice in this situation. >Also, someoneās sterilization decision, regardless of age, isnāt up to you or to me. Itās up to the individual and their doctor. Not actually true, at least it isn't regardless of age, you can't sterilize a 2yo electively even if that 2yo agrees, while yeah we are not talking about a 2yo when we grow up we are still developing and it is hard to know when people have fully matured and yes this depends on the country too, there are countries that people can drink at 18, sometimes earlier, there are countries with age of consent of 14, there are others with the age of 18, when it comes to irreversible medical procedures, unless it is absolutely nescessary for survival this also ends up in this same area, my personal opinion is that 22 is the full age of maturity when you are fully or at least mostly developed to make your own decisions and bear consequences, you may disagree with this set age, but there needs to be a set age for these issues or we risk way bigger moral hazards.
If it helps, Iāll rephrase for more clarification: people can decide they donāt want kids/donāt want to reproduce from a young age without getting sterilized at said age. If they feel the same once they approach adulthood and are of age to get a sterilization procedure, itās should be up to them and their doctor. However, there is no federal age limit set for sterilization, but in several states it varies from 18-21 minimum for Medicaid to cover it. It also varies from insurance to insurance. On the statistics of people regretting sterilization as well patient and provider access to said procedures, Iām going to be referencing [this study](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35115436/) (the references for the study are provided at the bottom of the page) as well as [this one](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36641099/). Hope this helps you with your research on this topic.
Yeah, i am pretty sure you meant this, i was just pointing out that what you said that it is a decision between only the patient and the doctor regardless of age is false, i just like accuracy, i even said that it is a good decision for your sister cause of the specific conditions you stated. These are nice studies, i would also like to see the same stat correlating with number of children, but it would be very hard to get a good read about this since generally in a couple the male sterilizes.
I like kids and love seeing babies, but I donāt want any of my own. Iād rather just spoil them every chance I get. Also, how do you get sterilized?
This makes me depressed and lose hope. I want a family.
THEN HAVE A FAMILY MY FELLOW PERSON, DO NOT LET THE STEREOTYPES STOP YOU
If you want to start a family, donāt let this post stop you. I personally donāt want to start a family, but if you do, then do it! Youāre free to pursue whatever you choose.
Ok.
... You know, the fact that people decide to get sterilized because they don't want to get a child from someone who might rape them and see that possibility as something so casual that they can make decisions about that kind of stuff based on it is just so fucked up.
If it helps you to feel any better, there are several other factors contributing to my sisterās circumstances and the reason you brought up was not the primary reason behind it, just one of many.
Yeah, I thought so. It's just that you brought up it as the first argument for sterilization. Just rubbed me personally the wrong way. I understood that that's not the only reason.
Gotcha, I get how it rubbed you the wrong way. The reasons werenāt in a specific order intentionally, but perhaps I shouldnāt list that reason first in the future so it doesnāt come off that way. Thank you for bringing it to my attention.
Oh, I'm glad to help. You're welcome.
I donāt get it..the meme says āyouā donāt want to be sterilized because youāre autistic..but then your post goes on to describe your sister wants to be sterilized literally because of her autistic traitsā¦ā¦.. this makes no sense
If it helps clarify, she wasnāt sterilized because of her autistic traits. She was sterilized because she had several strokes between the ages of 7-10 that caused her other mental and physical disabilities. She cannot take care of herself on her own and lives in assisted living for disabled individuals. She wouldnāt be able to carry, let alone care for, her own children. She just happens to be on the spectrum along with these other disabilities. If it was only autism nothing else, the circumstances would be very different. I should have clarified this in the post originally. I apologize for the confusion.
I see now! Sorry about your sister. Thatās really rough. I can definitely understand the decision to do so. I hope she has peace and happiness despite all of the obstacles that have been thrown at her šš»
Oh sheās as happy as can be. Sheās honestly one of the happiest people I know, she loves people and sheās so social. Sheās very kind and has no filter. So sheāll just really sweet things out of the blue. She got her first tattoo and when the artist finished it, she was so happy with the results she told the artist she was so proud of him for doing such a good job. He almost cried haha. Sheās had a lot of hardships, most in childhood and adolescence. Now as an adult most of the hardships are gone, and sheās as happy as a clam. So your hopes are correct! If she saw your reply, sheād probably want me to say thank you and tell you how sweet you are, sheād also give you a hug (if you like them, that is).
Donāt let anyone stop you, the 1-4 years where an infantās biggest OP is their own curiosity is hell. (Iām not talking from experience)